Chaos. That is what I'm known for. Randomness. Where everything is unpredictable and different.
I used to love fiddling with the concept. I used to disprove of order, thinking it was a pure waste of time and thinking how stupid ponies are for following it. Schedules, time, seasons, perspective- a boring endless cycle that never changes. For example, first comes Spring then after is Summer then after is Fall then after is Winter and so on and so forth.
Imagine this: seasons would change every day. Imagine a day of fun under the sun and the next day you gotta wear at least five layers of blankets to keep yourself warm. Imagine if snow were warm and when it's sunny, you'd feel as if you're freezing instead. Imagine if it was the moon that would make up 'day' and the sun by 'night'. Imagine if all of this doesn't matter since everything would change every week. Imagine a new season named Hejdhsjdjd and everyone knows the correct way to pronounce it.
This is Chaos. True randomness. Weird, strange abnormalities. Unpredictable futures. I strived for a world in where order doesn't matter as long as peace lives on, just the more chaotic way. I fought centuries over centuries for this, just to be stoned and even then I plotted. I plotted and plotted and plotted. Eventually I escaped. I had a plan. But a few badda bings and a few badda booms and I ended up trapped in concrete again.
It gets challenging by then- you'll need to plot your escape, your hideout AND your ploy to take charge of the land. Really, it's just a big bother.
But I went with it. After seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years (okay I didn't count but it felt like years), I had a well thought out plan that I was sure want going to fail another time! It was so thought out that even Twilight would like a read of it! But then it dawned on me: since when did I have a plan? And at that same moment I realised:....wait what was the plan again?
For Celestia's sake! You know, the least she could do is leave me a notepad and a pencil in that concrete case.
...
I never really admitted this but, when they decided to free and 'reform' me, I was honestly scared. I didn't know what Celestia really had in mind. I had doubts that the situation wasn't just about reforming me. So I stalled time, playing around with Fluttershy and worrying her friends. Because in my head I thought that the more I oblige to submit, the more they'll think of me as petty. That I could be toyed around like one of Fluttershy's furry little rodents or slaved like Spike with Twilight. Although she would take offence to that statement, I highly disagree that she takes him as merely an assistant and a good friend. Spike didn't agree with me either- but what does he know, he's just a kid.
...
Fluttershy really did changed me. Or maybe I was just falling into some sort of obedience spell Twilight had casted on me, I didn't know really. I...... was more into the little 'friendship' business than I thought I would be. Her friends were actually quite decent ponies.
...d-doesn't mean I liked them still, just means that I found them decent. Yes, just. Uh. Business buddies.
Pinkie was my top four fave pony. Because, you know, Fluttershy has to be number one, Celestia has to be second since it was because of her that I was able to be free, thank you......or screw you since you put me in that mess in the first place. Lulu, ah. My favourite of the dynamic duo.....she still doesn't deserve second after the 'pie war' we had in the castle. Poor Celly didn't know what she got into when she walked in o-
...
Continuing from before, Pinkie is fun to hang around with. We would often bake together, making all the weird goodies we could think of. Personally my favourite was the marshmallow spice, sweet with a little kick to it. Fluttershy disproves of that statement however. We would also go around pranking others from time to time. We did the classic flower with sneezing powder on Twilight, it was....
Let's not talk of her yet.
Next pony I would like to commemorate would be Rainbow Dash. We're okay, I suppose. We don't do much together unless it's watching some weird...what was it? Winterbolts? Whatever. It's Fluttershy who makes me watch the shows with her, saying that I should spend more time with Rainbow instead of her. Although Rainbow's brash with me, she's....what Rainbow would say, 'cool and breezy'.....I think. Ugh, that doesn't roll off the tongue right. Rainbow would be most disappointed. Fluttershy would be proud, at least.
I still have Rarity's scarf. It's still soft and comfy and not dirty since Fluttershy told me to keep it that way, saying that it's a gift and that gifts should be kept in mint condition. So I did. And she's happy for me. I would occasionally stop by and try to give her some of my own ideas for outfits, although she doesn't seem to fond of them. But she commends me feel my creativity though.
Applejack is nice. She's kinda a stick in the mud like Rainbow, but she does it in a zany western way. I would usually help around the farm due to Fluttershy's pestering, although I wasn't able to help much since Applejack doesn't trust me with real responsibility. She trusts me with the chores of polishing apples so that they're clean and petting all the trees one by one so that they'll all grow big and strong. I have a feeling that Applejack's not actually giving me real chores, but she's the element of Honesty- she would never lie! At the end of the day, I would always get rewarded with some sweet goodies in a baggy to take away with me. I would always bring them to the cottage and share some with Fluttershy. She likes the tarts, so I would usually ask for mostly tarts.
...
I have been mentioning Fluttershy alot. I can't help myself, she is all I ever think about. I miss her smile. How she would always hug me whenever I feel down and need uplifting or whenever I feel positively miserable. I'd have my breakdowns every once in a while, or else I'll explode. Who knows what I'll do if that happens.
I miss her weird face. How she pouts whenever I say something obscene. Whenever I threatened to do something silly. I would always do that, her faces are priceless. I miss her stare. The eyes that would make even Spike's puppy eyes look bad. She had beautiful eyes that shimmer in the dark, the enchanting colour of teal ties the feeling altogether. I miss her silly humour, well, her version of humour in a way. I would laugh at her jokes, but only because I wouldn't like to look like I don't appreciate her. I miss her soft gestures, her laughs, her tea times, her quirks, her selflessness, her kindness, her voice....
...I miss her. So, so much. I can't remember the last time I had even slept without her in my mind. How she's doing, if she's alright, if she was treated correctly, if...
If she ever forgave me.
She never did, did she?
I'm....I'm sorry. Fluttershy, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what you had to see. I'm sorry for the guilt and pain you must've felt. I'm sorry for what you had to do to be rid of me in your mind, in your heart, because now you probably wouldn't even want to remember a friend like me- I'm not a true friend, I broke my promise, I hurt your dear friend, I'll beg for your forgiveness but I know that you won't forgive me. But I'm.....
....still not sorry for what I've done. And I hope you can live with that.
I regret my actions, however. I just.....I don't regret my intention. I regret my hesitation. I regret- I regret not ripping her head clean off, I regret not tearing her wings off, to not gauge her eyes out, to not break all her bones, to not- to not tear her face off-to.......to.......
....to not care for what I've done. I can't erase the past. I can't undo what I've done. I can't change the looks you and your friends had given me after the whole mess. I can't take away the burning hate and disgust in their eyes, I can't....I can't....
I just can't.
In this void, I am a mess. I try to move on, like Celestia had said. I tried to create a new perspective, a new environment. I tried to create another town. With marshmallow flowers...and...puffy pink clouds that rain lemonade- do...
Do you remember, Fluttershy?
The clouds?
You suggested them.
Fluttershy?
Fluttershy, are you there?
...
I've gone insane. Here I am having a pep talk with myself in my own thoughts. In this empty void that could never ever be filled with the love you once spread here. I am alone now. I am.......I am here. I'm......I'm..........
...
I've been crying...hehe......I'm...pathetic. Maybe Celestia could help me......I could ask for a hug......she never hesitates when I do....maybe I.....I..I....
..she's not the same.
...
..I'm not the same.
...
I need to move on. To start over. I need to be rid of this emptiness. But my thoughts won't agree on an opinion. My magic doesn't know what to create yet. What would you like? A forest of candy cane trees or a garden of marshmallow flowers? Should I put it next to or away from the fountain? Should I make the roads out of gumdrops or chocolate? Fluttershy I need your opinion. I need your opinion, Fluttershy.
Fluttershy?
Why won't you hug me?
Where are you?
I need you, Fluttershy.
...
Fluttershy?
"Discord?" said a voice, which echoed through the void.
He perked up, as his tears-filled eyes looked around. "Fluttershy? Are you here?! Where are you?! I....I...." he started breaking down again, this time covering his face as he sobbed.
"For Heavens sake, Discord...." said the voice again as he suddenly felt something rubbing against him.
"..f...fluttershy...f..."
"Shh......it's just me, Discord. It's Celestia, Discord. Shhhh....." she said in a soothing soft voice as she slowly started hugging him.
He trembled as she said her own name. It was Celestia. Celestia. Celestia.
She's hugging him. She's comforting him. She's making sure he's alright. She's....
She's his friend. His only friend.
...Celestia.
"...Celestia." he said with a croaked voice.
"Hm?" she said as she leaned her head towards him.
Her touch was soft, almost motherly. Fluttershy's was softer however. But....Celestia' voice was calmer. It wasn't too mellow nor too stern. It was....perfect.
She smiled a little as she saw his hands move towards her, aiming to hug her back. But her smile dropped to confusion as he hesitated back.
He wanted to move on. Everything was changing drastically. For once in his life, he didn't want the change. He didn't like the fact that everything was changing. He didn't like that....that Celestia was worried for him.
Celestia. Celestia. All he needed now was Celestia.
She's his friend now. She was always his friend. She had always cared for him. She was never hesitant to see him. She was never hesitant the first time she'd seen him. He wasn't a monster to her. He was never a monster. He was never....
He finally hugged her back. She smiled as her own tears began streaming. She was saddened by his own despair. Saddened that he went through what he did. Saddened that....she didn't do anything sooner.
The hug....it actually did make him calmer. He felt warmer. He loved affection, he never admitted it but he did. Celestia knew that aspect of him well enough though.
"...Celestia?" he said.
"Hm?"
"Celestia. Celestia, Celestia, Celestia." he started smiling himself through his own tears. "Celestia."
".......Discord? Are you alright?" she said worriedly.
"I like your voice. You have a nice name. Celestia. Ce-les-tia." he sounded it out.
Celestia giggled a little as her tears brimmed. She hugged him tighter. "Oh, silly!"
He smiled as he knew that he had cheered her up for now. From now on, it's Celestia. Celestia. She's the friend. The friend. Celestia. Ce-les-tia
Author's Note
I'm personally proud of this, I don't know why. I feel like I like this story more than the others. I'm happy.
