The Ketchup Ascension

by Mythic Night

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, Original Character, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance
Length: 6187

Baked Bean attempts to do the impossible; turn ketchup from a horrible abomination of food into something worthy of royalty!

Any good chef will tell you that ketchup is a horrible condiment that ponies regularly use to ruin good food and hide bad flavor. Prince Baked Bean has finally had enough after watching his pregnant wife scarf down a dozen oatburgers drenched in the stuff to satisfy her cravings, and he's decided to attempt the impossible; turning ketchup into something worthy of royalty!

A what-if fic set in the Prince Beanverse!

Featured on 12/28/18 - 12/30/18! Thanks everyone!

Published 2018-12-28 18:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-12-28 18:40:01 UTC

It all started with a craving...

Deep inside Canterlot castle, sitting at the royal dining table, a very pregnant Princess Celestia smiled as she began to devour yet another oatburger. And as blissful as she felt satisfying her cravings, Baked Bean, her darling husband, was in agony. Celestia was halfway through a stack of oatburgers, about two-thirds of the way through a pile of seasoned curly fries, and Bean’s gaze was fixated on the empty bottle of ketchup sitting next to the new bottle that had just been brought in to replace it.

When she first levitated the ketchup toward her oatburger, Bean attempted to reason with her. “Celestia, dear, I’m sure that Chef Beet has seasoned those oatburgers and fries perfectly. There’s no need to ruin them with ketchup.”

Celestia snorted and rolled her eyes at her husband. “I happen to like ketchup, my dear Bean, and if I want to put it on my oatburgers, then I’m going to put it on my oatburgers, whether they’re perfectly seasoned or not.”

Bean opened his mouth to object, only to shut it immediately as Celestia’s eyes narrowed dangerously. She fixed her gaze upon him while she poured that accursed ketchup onto her oatburger, and she continued to stare at him as she devoured it. Her point was made perfectly clear without need for words; you knocked me up, I’m dealing with the consequences, and I don’t want to hear a single complaint!

And so he sat there through the meal, eating his meager (compared to her food piles) portions and twitching every time his wife used the ketchup on her oatburgers and dunked her fries in a big blob of the stuff. Why do ponies use that stuff? he wondered. It’s a food abomination! Equestria would be better off if it was gone for good.

He knew, deep down, that that was an impossible dream. No matter what he might tell his citizens about ketchup ruining good food or hiding bad flavors, they would simply shrug and continue to use it regardless. There was surely no greater scam pulled off in Equestria than the spread of ketchup throughout the kingdom. My wife deserves better than that, and so does our foal, Bean thought with a scowl at the bottles. Equestria deserves a better condiment than ketchup!

His brow furrowed as he thought more about the issue. Nopony would give up ketchup, and he couldn’t outlaw the repulsive condiment, but maybe he could improve it somehow. If he could make it something that would accentuate flavors, instead of overwhelming them… It seemed impossible, but Prince Bean was willing to give it a try, for the good of Equestria.

Celestia blinked as her husband stood up and turned toward the door. “Bean? Is everything okay?” she asked between bites of her oatburger.

“Everything’s fine,” he assured her. “I just have a project I want to work on. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.”

She perked up at that. “A project in the kitchen? Just what are you planning, my love?”

“Something to better Equestria, I hope,” he told her.

She cocked an eyebrow at his response, but shrugged. “Well, while you’re trying to improve Equestria, do you think you could make me some of that delicious whipped double-chocolate mousse of yours?”

Bean chuckled and nodded. “So long as you understand that it’s going to be a couple hours until it’s ready.”

“I’m sure I can be patient,” she replied with a grin.

He smiled and trotted around the table to give his wife a gentle nuzzle and a tender kiss. “Love you,” he whispered to her.

“And I love you,” she replied with a warm smile.

With one last kiss, and a gentle caress to his wife’s swollen belly, Baked Bean trotted off to the kitchen to put his plan into action. Well, after he made that mousse Celly wanted. Making his special mousse wouldn’t take nearly as long as he expected his impossible task would, and he knew his wife would want her treat as soon as possible.

It only took him a couple minutes to reach the kitchen, and he went to his own personal station which was kept free and clear by royal decree (Celly’s, not his). It didn’t take him too long to gather the things needed to make his special mousse, and after about twenty minutes, said treat was put in the fridge to cool.

With that done, Bean trotted up to a shelf which held many different cookbooks, which were needed to make whatever visiting ambassadors would desire. With a grimace, Bean reached for the book titled “Crafting Condiments,” and brought it back to his station. His grimace remained as he turned to the recipe for ketchup, and he glared at the page as though it said terrible things about his mother.

“Tomatoes, obvious…” he muttered, looking down the ingredient list. He snorted at the amount of sugar the recipe called for, even if it didn’t actually call for corn syrup of any kind. “Definitely have to reduce the sugar,” he decided. The same was decided for the amount of vinegar, which was a key part of the overwhelming flavor of ketchup. The seasoning list left something to be desired as well.

Bean began to work hard at his task, gathering all the basic ingredients, and several new ones, as well as an eclectic selection of seasonings. After that, he began chopping and mixing and cooking, and he slaved away at his cooking station for a couple hours to achieve his goal of banishing blandness from Equestria.

Chef Beet came by as he worked, watching him curiously. “What are you doing, Prince Bean?” she asked.

“Trying to improve ketchup,” he said as he stirred the contents of the saucepan, making sure the bag of carefully-selected seasoning he put in there was going through the whole mixture.

She snorted in response. “You know that’s impossible, right?”

He grimaced, but continued to stir. “I have to try, for the good of Equestria.”

As Bean continued with his task, more and more members of the kitchen staff came by to watch the prince work. Eventually he decided it was finished, and he felt confident with the result, though the new condiment needed to be tested. He decided the test would be using the sauce on an oatburger, perfectly seasoned, and made exactly the same as what Celestia had been eating. He made quite a few, so that Chef Beet and the rest of the crew could try his new ketchup as well.

There were murmurs of excitement around him as he spread a spoonful of his gourmet ketchup onto the patty. He replaced the bun, brought the burger up to his mouth, and took a hesitant bite. There was silence all around as he slowly chewed his food, taking in the flavors, and a smile grew on his face. The ketchup wasn’t overwhelming! It was accentuating the flavor, just as any good condiment should!

He looked to Chef Beet and nodded, and a cheer went up as the ponies around him reveled in his success. Baked Bean managed the impossible; he turned ketchup into a delectable sauce, and made it something truly special. Equestria would no longer suffer from that old condiment any longer! He had saved ponies from blandness!

Suddenly, Bean began to glow, and before anyone could wonder what was happening, he disappeared in a flash of light, leaving scorch marks on the ground.

Celestia was laying on her bed, reading a book on raising foals when she suddenly gasped and sat up as she sensed a breach in the Plane of Ascension. “Another ascension?! Who could it be? How…?” she wondered as she put the book aside and climbed off her bed. “Well, only one way to find out…” With that, her horn lit up, and she disappeared in a flash of light.

She reappeared in the Plane of Ascension, looking around for the new pony who would apparently join the ranks of royalty, and she was surprised to spot her husband standing there looking around. “Bean?

Bean turned to look at his wife. “Oh, uh, hi sweetie,” he greeted her.

“What are you doing here?” she wondered. “Last time I saw you, you told me you were going to do an experiment in the kitchen. What did you do?”

“I improved ketchup,” he told her.

Celestia could only blink at his response. “…What?”

Bean had a proud smile on his face as he explained, “I’ve changed ketchup from a horrible flavor-destroyer into something that actually improves food. When I saw you ruining all those oatburgers with ketchup, it was the last straw; you deserve a better condiment, and so does Equestria.”

“W-well…” said Celestia with a confused smile. “I suppose Equestria thanks you for your effort. And, for some reason, so does Harmony; you do realize why you’re here, don’t you?”

“Well, no,” he admitted, before he remembered his last visit there. “Wait… Does this mean I’m going to ascend?!”

“It seems so,” Celestia answered, still wearing that confused smile. “Apparently ketchup was such a threat to the world that your work has been rewarded.” She saw as a ball of light emerged from Bean’s chest, and began to circle him. “See you on the other side, my love.”

Bean couldn’t even respond before he disappeared from the Plane of Ascension to reappear in the kitchen surrounded by the staff, who gaped at the newly-transformed prince. “P-prince Bean?” asked Chef Beet, gawking at his new horn and wings.

He blinked, looking around at all the ponies gawking at him, specifically parts of him, and he reached up to feel his new horn. “That’s going to take some getting used to…” he muttered.

“Don’t worry love, I’ll be happy to teach you how to use your horn and wings,” said Celestia, trotting into the kitchen. She was somewhat amused to find that Bean’s surprise ascension was so distracting that not one of the kitchen staff turned to even look at her. She trotted up to him, and rubbed noses with her husband. “You look good as an alicorn.”

“I do?” he asked.

“You do,” she replied, turning to stand next to Bean and put her wing over him. “Come love, we must inform Luna of this transformation.” She paused at the doorway to look back at the staff. “I would appreciate if you would all keep this quiet until I make an official announcement.” At their various nods, she continued on her way.

= = = = = = = = = =

Princess Luna stood there in her sister’s bedroom, staring incredulously at Baked Bean. “Surely this is a prank,” she said, glancing at her sister. “You can’t seriously expect me to believe that your husband managed to ascend.”

“It’s not a joke, Luna,” Celestia told her. “Bean truly has ascended.”

Luna’s eyes narrowed as she gazed at her brother-in-law, and a hoof went up to prod at his wing, finding it to be very real. “But how?” she wondered.

“I improved ketchup,” he told her with that same proud smile from earlier.

Luna fixed him a deadpan stare. “…What.”

Celestia sighed and nodded. “Yes, strange as it is, Bean ascended by making ketchup good.”

The lunar diarch stared incredulously at her sister. “You cannot possibly be serious! You’re telling me that your husband managed to ascend, and gain immortality, because he made a condiment?!”

“I didn’t make one,” Bean said, “I improved it. Ketchup has been ruining food in Equestria and beyond for decades! I have saved Equestria and the world from blandness!”

“The average pony is fine with regular ketchup,” said Luna with a scowl.

Bean frowned. “The average pony was also fine with their tense peace before unification, but they learned better in time.”

Luna glared at Bean. “It’s… it’s just not fair!” she shouted. “Star Struck did great things for Equestria, and yet he didn’t ascend! If something as simple as ‘improving’ condiments could grant you ascension, then my husband should have earned his immortality by being the first stallion to impregnate an alicorn!”

Celestia and Bean both blushed at the thought, though the solar diarch had to concede the point. “I must admit, Luna, I don’t understand it either.” She noticed Bean’s look of dismay, and explained, “Don’t get me wrong, my love; I’m happy that you’ll be spending eternity with me, but I just don’t see why something like changing a sauce made you ascend when Star Struck’s work helped to make Equestria what it is.”

Suddenly, just as Bean was opening his mouth to make a retort, Discord appeared in a flash of light. “Good afternoon, everypony! Sorry for dropping in unexpectedly, but I felt this huge surge of chaos in the castle and had to investigate.” It was then that he noticed Bean and his new additions, and a grin grew on his face. “Well now, what have we here…?”

“Great,” Luna grumbled, “just what we need right now…”

Celestia tried to be a little more tactful. “Discord, now isn’t the best time.”

Discord ignored them both as he teleported next to Bean to check out his wings and horn. “Congratulations on the promotion, Bean, my boy!” said the Draconequus as he shook his hoof. “It’s so nice to know I’ll have a friend to hang around with forever and ever!”

Bean stumbled from the enthusiastic hoofshake. “Thanks, Discord. I’m sure you’ll make it an interesting eternity.”

“Indeed!” Discord said with a grin. “So, how did you manage to pull it off? Beat a giant monster, perhaps? Clean the royal barracks with your own toothbrush?” He glanced over at Celestia, and grinned as he asked, “Or perhaps you figured out a kinky new position to use in the royal bedchambers?”

“Discord!” shouted Celestia, her cheeks red from embarrassment.

“N-no, nothing like that,” Bean answered. “Discord, do you know what ketchup is?”

“Of course I do!” Discord answered. “Ketchup is the most chaotic of all condiments! Why, even I can’t tell you just how many things beings put that stuff on!”

Bean’s eye twitched as he thought about the variety of food that was ruined by beings with bad taste. “Well, I managed to improve it, and I became an alicorn because of it.”

Discord stood there, stunned, as he took in the news. Unfortunately for them, the silence was broken with a loud snort from the chaotic being. “A-are you serious? You managed to level up because you made a sauce?” With a nod from the prince, the spirit of chaos lost control and began laughing hysterically, much to Bean’s annoyance.

“It’s not that funny,” Bean grumbled.

“Are you kidding? It’s hilarious!” Discord laughed. “Oh, I can’t wait for Twilight Sparkle to hear about this!” The thought of that made him laugh even harder. “Hahahahaaaaaaa! Sh-she had to make new *snrk* new magic to earn her ascension, a-and yet… Hahaha! And yet you could became an alicorn by making a sauce!”

Bean growled and stomped a hoof on the floor, causing the other three to jump in surprise. “Okay, fine! I can see that none of you think I deserve this!”

Celestia raised a hoof toward her husband. “Bean—“

“No!” he shouted. “If nothing I say is going to convince you, then the only thing to do is to show you! Come with me, and you’ll see exactly why I was rewarded for my actions.” With that, he turned around and trotted off, forcing his wife and the others to follow along.

He led them into the dining room. “Now, I want you all to sit here and wait while I get some oatburgers made up. You’ll all see how my Royal Ketchup improves them!” He waited just long enough for them to sit before he trotted off to the kitchen.

“That could have gone better,” Celestia said after her husband left. “I didn’t mean to belittle him, but… ketchup? Really?”

Luna reached over to pat her sister’s hoof. “Don’t feel bad, for I was the one to scoff at his ascension first.”

“Yes, you should both feel ashamed of yourselves!” said Discord, ignoring the glares he received from the pair of princesses.

Meanwhile, Bean busied himself making those oatburgers, and most of the kitchen staff left him alone when they saw the irritation on his face. Chef Beet, however, trotted over to talk. “What’s the matter, Prince Bean?” she wondered.

He gave a derisive snort. “They don’t understand why I ascended. They think it’s a mistake.”

Her jaw dropped. “What? How?! Don’t they know what ketchup does to food?”

He felt some relief that somepony understood. “I told them that! But they just don’t understand…” His gaze focused on the oats he was working on. “I’m going to make them oatburgers, perfectly seasoned, and have them try one with regular ketchup, and one with my Royal Ketchup. They’ll see exactly why I deserved to ascend.”

“Want some help with that?” Chef Beet asked.

Bean smiled and nodded. “That would be great, thank you.”

And so, it wasn’t too long before Bean returned to the dining room, pushing a cart with the burgers and sauces. He explained to them how he wanted the test to go, and added, “You only need to take a bite of each burger,” knowing that his wife might not be eager to eat any more oatburgers after the stack she devoured for lunch.

Two beautiful alicorns and one ugly Draconequus each took a bite of their ketchup-ruined oatburgers. Luna was the first to speak up, telling Bean, “This tastes fine to me.”

Bean snorted. “To the average pony, perhaps. Here, have some of the lemon sorbet, and then try these burgers with my Royal Ketchup.”

“Patent pending?” Celestia asked with a smirk.

“You know it,” Bean replied with a grin.

After their palates were cleansed by the sorbet, they each tried the burgers with Bean’s new sauce, and Celestia found herself impressed. The flavor of the ketchup wasn’t overwhelming like the generic stuff; there were subtle flavors in Bean’s sauce that did in fact accentuate the existing seasoning of the oatburger. “I must say, my love, your sauce truly helps the flavor of these already delicious oatburgers,” said Celestia.

“Indeed,” Luna agreed with great reluctance. “It pains me to say this, but I can see why Harmony decided to ascend you.”

Discord scoffed. “Well I don’t like it,” he complained. “Half of the fun of ketchup is ruining perfectly good food and upsetting stuck-up chefs like yourself!”

Bean’s eye twitched as he glared at the lord of chaos. “Get out.”

The draconequus snorted in amusement. “Fine.” He grinned as he stood up, telling them, “I need to go, anyway; after all, someone has to tell Bookworm and Lovebutt that there’s a new alicorn in town!”

“Wait!” Celestia called to him, only for the lord of chaos to disappear in a flash of light. She groaned and facehoofed. “I would have preferred to tell them myself…”

“This should be fun,” Luna grumbled sarcastically.

Princess Twilight Sparkle’s eye twitched as she took in the sight of the alicorn stallion standing before her. “You’re joking.”

“Why does everyone say that?” Bean wondered with a frown.

“Because it’s crazy!” Twilight shouted. “I thought Discord was messing with me when he told me you ascended by fixing a condiment, and yet here you are telling me he was right!”

Princess Celestia stepped forward to defend her husband. “Now Twilight, I understand that this is a strange turn of events, but I can assure you that my dear Bean truly earned his ascension.”

Twilight turned to fix her former mentor with a glare. “No, I truly earned my ascension by completing Star Swirl’s spell and creating new magic!” She pointed a hoof to Bean, and said, “I know he’s your husband, Princess Celestia, but the fact that he ascended by making ketchup is simply ridiculous!”

Bean almost felt insulted by Twilight’s rant, but he knew her as a friend, and so he suspected where her anger was coming from. “Twilight, does my ascension make you feel as though yours was unimportant?"

She opened her mouth to reply, only to pause as she thought about his question. Her ears folded, and she looked away, nodding slowly. “Yes, it does… I-I learned so much about friendship, and I did so much with my friends to earn my ascension, that finding out you’ve ascended by making ketchup makes me feel… worthless,” she whispered the last part, sniffling.

“Oh, Twilight,” Celestia said as she trotted up and wrapped her former student in a hug. She wrapped her wings around the smaller alicorn as she wept, and told her, “You’re not worthless, do you hear me? You earned your ascension after learning so much about friendship, as well as saving Equestria time and again. You cannot let Bean’s surprising ascension make you think less of yourself or of your place in Equestria.”

“I honestly didn’t expect it myself,” Bean added. “I was just trying to make the world a better place by improving a terrible condiment that beings across the globe use on so many different foods.” He smiled as he added, “If you’d like, you could try my Royal Ketchup for yourself and see why I’ve earned my ascension.”

Twilight rubbed her eyes with her foreleg and nodded. “I think that would help.”

It wasn’t long before Twilight was going through the same test that Celestia and Luna did, and she had a thoughtful look on her face as she chewed on the oatburger with Bean’s Royal Ketchup. “Hmm… I must admit, you’ve certainly improved ketchup,” she told Bean. “I still don’t see why it earned you ascension, though.”

“Twilight, how many foods do you think ponies use ketchup on?” Bean asked.

She paused, stroking her chin as she thought about his question. “Well, let’s see, there’s obviously oatburgers, fries, eggs…” Her mouth moved soundlessly as she considered all the uses for ketchup, and she frowned. “It’s used on a lot of things, isn’t it?”

“Way more than it was ever meant to,” Bean answered with a scowl. “So many, in fact, that it’s Discord’s favorite condiment.” He shook his head, realizing he was getting off topic. “The point is, regular ketchup covers up flavors both good and bad, and at the least my sauce will actually help to improve good food.”

“Your point is well made,” Twilight conceded. “And knowing that beings around the world use ketchup as well, your improvement to ketchup will also help those living beyond Equestria’s borders.”

“I’m glad you agree, Twilight,” said Bean. “I just hope that your sister-in-law is half as understanding.”

When dealing with his own very pregnant princess, Bean sometimes forgot that there was another, slightly less pregnant princess living in the Crystal Empire. Princess Cadance’s eyes kept drifting between Bean’s horn and wings, as if taking her eyes off them for just a moment would make them disappear.

“I can’t believe it,” said Cadance, completely shocked by Bean’s new look.

“Neither could I, to be honest,” Bean admitted. “I just wanted to help the ponies of Equestria stop ruining their food!”

“This is ridiculous,” said Shining Armor. “Cadance earned her ascension by defeating a powerful sorceress to save her village, and here you are with wings and a horn just because you ‘improved’ a condiment!”

Cadance gently punched her husband’s shoulder. “Be nice!” she scolded him, before flashing Bean a warm smile. “I’ll admit, I’m envious that you’ve managed to ascend while my Shiny is still a normal unicorn, but I’m glad that you’ve achieved immortality.”

“You are?” Bean was confused by that, what with everyone else having less positive reactions to his change.

Cadance nodded. “After all those centuries alone, my aunt Celestia has finally found love, something she needed more than anything. The strength of your love for one another cannot be denied, but it also became her greatest weakness; the thought of losing you nearly broke aunt Celestia.”

Celestia’s eyes began to glisten as she thought about that dark time, and she pulled Bean close to hold him tight. He held her gently and whispered words of comfort to her. After a short time in which Cadance let him support his wife, Bean turned to her and asked, “Why bring that up?”

She grimaced, but responded, “Because even after you were found and brought back to Canterlot, I worried about what would happen to my aunt when you finally succumbed to old age.” Her grimace gave way to a smile as she said, “Fortunately, we’ll never have to worry about that.”

“I still don’t get it,” Shining Armor admitted. “What exactly is so bad about ketchup that ‘improving’ it made you ascend? It’s just a condiment, not a world-ending threat!”

Bean scowled. “I can’t believe I have to keep explaining this to everyone! Does nopony understand how ketchup ruins food?”

Celestia giggled softly as she nuzzled her husband, feeling better after some snuggling. “Nopony besides chefs, my love.” She looked to Cadance and Shining Armor, telling them, “You could try it for yourself, and see just why Bean earned his ascension. Luna, Twilight and I have all tried it, and we can all agree that Bean’s Royal Ketchup is a vast improvement.”

Shining simply shrugged. “Couldn’t hurt to see just why Harmony found Bean worthy of ascension, I suppose.”

“I could use a snack,” said Cadance, rubbing her swollen belly.

Shining snorted in amusement, and nuzzled his wife. “Of course you could, sweetie.”

It wasn’t long before the four of them were sitting at the dining table. Both rulers of the Crystal Empire were eating their oatburgers with Bean’s Royal Ketchup, though Cadance’s burger also had quite a few pickles. “It’s good,” Cadance said between bites.

“It’s definitely an improvement,” Shining Armor added.

Bean grinned at his fellow prince. “Totally worthy of ascension, right?”

Shining snorted, then sighed. “Yeah, I suppose it is…”

Bean looked quite pleased with himself. “It was quite difficult trying to retain the core flavor of ketchup while making it more subtle. If I made it too different, then the average pony wouldn’t try it, but if I kept it too similar then it wouldn’t really be an improvement.”

Cadance had finished her oatburger at this time, and now she and Celly were sharing the jar of pickles he’d brought out with the burgers. “I’m sure ponies across Equestria will love it,” she said. “So, when’s the coronation?”

= = = = = = = = = =

And so, the day came for Baked Bean to present himself to his subjects and accept his new crown and title. The ponies of Equestria were surprised and excited to hear that their new prince had joined the ranks of his fellow alicorns, and many showed up to witness this momentous event.

As they got ready for the coronation, Princess Celestia couldn’t help but feel like she was missing something, like she was forgetting something important. She channeled her inner Twilight Sparkle and went down her mental checklist for the day. They had all gone through a practice run before the main event, Bean was currently waiting with his procession, and she and the other princesses were standing in the throne room wearing beautiful dresses made by Rarity.

It was with some amusement that she reflected upon the maternity dresses that both she and Cadance were wearing. They found themselves in the unusual position of being in the center of a Venn diagram between “performing a coronation” and “being pregnant.” She doubted that such a unique circumstance would ever happen again, but even if it did she was certain that the royal dressmaker of the day wouldn’t even allow her to glance at this old thing—no matter how beautiful it was—because of the belief that wearing the same dress for two different coronations would be a fashion faux pas that she would never in her immortal life live down.

Celestia was pulled from her thoughts by a gentle nudge from her sister, and a motion of her head toward the crowd. She nodded to the lunar diarch, and pushed her worries aside for the moment. Whatever she was forgetting, it was probably unimportant. She smiled to the assembled crowd, and began speaking to them. “Citizens of Equestria, we are gathered here today to witness another wonderful pony rise up to take their place among the royalty of this great nation. My darling husband, Baked Bean, started life as an average pony like all of you, with no idea as to where his destiny would lead him. Ever since our unexpected marriage, Bean has worked hard to do good for Equestria, and while this ascension was equally unexpected, it was borne from that same desire to help our citizens.”

A warm smile graced her lips as she announced to the crowd. “Fillies and gentlecolts, I am proud to present Baked Bean, the Prince of Cuisine!” The doors to the throne room opened to reveal her husband trotting regally into the throne room with his procession, reminding Celestia of a surprising, yet welcome result of the ascension; his bad leg had healed.

“Prince Baked Be~an cometh, behold, beho~old!” they sang as they held up banners bearing Bean’s cutie mark. As he trotted forward towards her and the other princesses, with his head held high and looking quite regal wearing his coat, she snuck a glance at his parents to see their reaction. When Celestia saw her mother-in-law crying, she immediately had to look away for fear of bursting into tears herself.

When Bean’s parents were told the news, they rushed right over to the castle to see their son. Not only were they proud of him achieving ascension, but they were also proud of the culinary accomplishment that lead to it. As professional chefs, they knew how terrible ketchup was, and so they understood all the good that would come from Bean’s improvements.

The crowd watched as Baked Bean stood before his wife and in-laws, the stallion smiling proudly as Celestia carefully lifted his new crown from Trixie’s hooves to place it upon his head. She gave him a nose-boop and a warm smile as she told him, “That’s a good look for you.” He grinned and responded with a kiss, which she was glad to return.

With the coronation complete, Celestia and the other princesses stood aside so that Bean could go onto the balcony behind them and address the masses of ponies cheering for their new prince. He glanced back to his wife, only to receive a smile and a nod of encouragement; he’d requested that they give him space to address the nation alone, and they were kind enough to oblige. He looked down upon his subjects, who were expecting a speech, and he planned to give one straight from the heart.

“When I first bumped noses with my wife, I didn’t even think about the responsibility I would take on as a prince of Equestria,” he told the crowd. “It quickly became apparent to me that if I were to remain married to Celestia, then I would need to rule this nation alongside her, and I knew I would have to do my very best not to screw up.” The crowd laughed at that part, and he felt a bit better about his speech.

“I have tried my best to help Equestria by assisting my wife with new policies using my experiences as a regular pony. She always said that I was her equal, but to be honest, I’ve always felt like a plus-one when it comes to running this country.” Bean glanced up at his crown. “Now though, I have become a proper prince, and I truly am her equal, which means I have even more pressure on me to make the right choices as a full-fledged ruler of Equestria.”

Bean paused for a moment, reflecting on the future. “When I was still a mortal stallion, I probably would have died of old age, knowing I’d never see my long-term plans come to fruition. I would have died with only the hope that my plans and actions would help Equestria. Now though, as an immortal alicorn, I’ll be forced to live on to see the consequences of my actions, both good and ill. I promise you all, even if it takes me centuries to become half as good a ruler as my wife, I will become the prince you all deserve!”

There was a cheer from the crowd, and Bean felt relieved that he’d gotten through his speech. He knew he’d have his work cut out for him in the coming decades and centuries, but it seemed that his citizens would support him the whole way through. He began to wave to the ponies in the crowd, starting to feel like a true prince of Equestria.

The good feelings didn’t last too long, unfortunately, because flies started to swarm the sweaty prince. He frowned, but continued to wave, knowing that it wouldn’t exactly look regal for him to start swatting them away, but when one of his wings instinctively moved at the touch of a fly, he realized how he might be able to keep them at bay while maintaining appearances.

Celestia smiled proudly at her husband, pleased with his impromptu speech to their subjects, and feeling confident that he would indeed become the prince everyone expected him to be. She frowned, however, as she saw him moving his wings oddly; something about the way they moved seemed familiar, and she once again felt like she was forgetting something important.

There was a snort at one side, and a gasp at the other as she heard both her sister and niece reacting differently to the situation. She first glanced to her sister, who held her muzzle with both hooves to stifle her laughter—quite an odd reaction to Bean’s movements, Celestia thought—and then she glanced to her niece, who had a hoof over her mouth as she gawked at the newest prince. Such reactions forced Celestia to look again to her husband, trying to understand why they were acting so strangely, until her jaw dropped in realization; Baked Bean was performing an ancient pegasus mating display! Only now did she realize that the important thing she had forgotten was teaching Bean how not to move his wings!

Celestia heard a FWOMP! from nearby, and looked over to see Twilight’s wings flared up, the poor alicorn’s expression a mix of confusion and horror as her gaze snapped between Bean, her wings, and her former mentor. This finally set off Luna, who fell over laughing hysterically, and Celestia was torn between several reactions; one part of her wanted to tell Luna to stop laughing this instant, another part wanted to reassure Twilight that this was just a part of her mixed physiology that she’d get used to, and yet a third part of her wanted to perform a display of dominance to the young alicorn.

Celestia decided upon a forth option, and shouted, “Bean, put your wings down right now!”

Bean turned to look curiously at his wife. “Huh? Why, what’s wrong?” he asked.

“You’re performing a pegasus mating display!” she shouted as she galloped over to him.

Her husband’s wings immediately folded as his whole face turned red. “Th-that’s a thing?!”

Celestia looked over the balcony to see the reaction of the crowd below. The two-thirds of the crowd who weren’t pegasi just thought the new prince was flexing his wings, while the pegasus portion of the crowd knew exactly what he had been doing, and their reactions were mixed; some were horrified parents covering their foals’ eyes, some were embarrassed as they stood with stiff wings from Bean’s display, and many were laughing at the poor prince’s expense. A few, however—mostly mares, though she was somewhat bemused to find that there were a few stallions in the mix—were performing their own displays in response.

She scowled and performed a display of dominance to the crowd, which was enough to intimidate the laughing and horny pegasi into submissiveness. With that done, she turned to her husband, who was still blushing, and told him, “Yes, that’s a thing. I’m so sorry, Bean; in all the chaos, I completely forgot to tell you about pegasus displays.”

Bean covered his face with his hooves. “I… I was just trying to swat some flies away!” he explained.

Celestia winced. “And you inadvertently propositioned everyone in the crowd,” she replied, causing her poor embarrassed husband to cover himself with his wings as well. She wrapped him up in a hug, and sighed. “This is going to be an interesting eternity for the both of us.”

= = = = = = = = = =

In time, Baked Bean would become a fine prince, though it took decades for him to finally be able to laugh at his coronation alongside everyone else!