But First!! Here are Some Doubts....

**Jeez this is late huh? Well guys I’ve been doing a lot of stuff lately. Life stuff. But also some pony stuff—I’ve been getting involved in the musical side of the Brony community. I wrote a track about Sparity shipping in general, focusing on an internal monologue I imagined Spike having:

https://pony.fm/tracks/295-fashionista-paleowriter-version

The track uses a reading from a simply breathtaking fiction from our own paleowriter which you can find here (used with permission of course!):

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/6810/how-to-woo-your-lady-in-nine-easy-steps

So there ya go! A fansong written about a fanfiction. Damn I’m good. Oh and if you haven’t read paleowriter’s fanfiction……WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?? GO READ IT!! It’s probably the best Sparity fiction in existence. READ IT. NOW.

But if you already have, give me a listen on Pony.fm! And of course read on dear Bronies!!

****

Rarity cleared her throat and sipped down a bit of her wine, effectively stifling a cough tickling her throat. She had felt very self-conscious for the last fifteen minutes in the restaurant.

Not because she wasn’t dressed for the occasion, good heavens no! (can’t go wrong with a daring dash of red now can you?)

No, the reason she felt self-conscious was the colt in front of her. He had been rubbing a hoof down the side of her leg and giving her little smirks that she caught even in the dim light of the candle on the table. Normally such a casual display of affection might have offended her in public, but well…..that tuxedo did look rather dashing on him.

She giggled as his hoof gently hooked and lifted up her skirt, feeling it travel along her inner thigh. The fashionista allowed herself a second to wonder exactly how the night would end, a blush spreading lightly on her cheeks before a waiter set her dinner in front of her. She pushed Thunderlane’s hoof away despite the long tablecloth covering their play and thanked the waiter, who bowed and turned to another table.

“You really must stop doing that in public dear,” Rarity smiled as she cut a dainty portion of her cake.

“You know I can’t help it, your dresses just make you so pretty….and they’re easy to get into,” Thunderlane added with a waggle of his brow. Rarity gave a mock-irritated look and lightly kicked his hoof with hers under the table before stifling a laugh behind her front hoof.

“Anyway,” Rarity began, fighting back laughter so she could take another bite, “How was work today?”

Thunderlane gave an exaggerated moan and rolled his eyes.

“Rainbow Dash was being a royal pain to everyone today, I mean it’s not bad enough she has us doing mandatory flight exercises but now she scheduled a storm for two days in a row? It’s like she gets off on running us raw,” Thunderlane rested his head on his hoof and fiddled with a cherry on his plate.

Rarity huffed and looked back down at her dinner.

“I don’t think she realizes that not everyone is a perfectionist…,” the fashionista said while she poked at a corner of frosting on the cake. She waited for Thunderlane to say something but she was met with only silence. Looking up she found him staring at him with a smile on his lips, threatening to tear open into a laugh.

“What?” Rarity cocked her head to the side, feeling her earrings jingle a bit.

“Oh nothing,” Thunderlane smiled wider and averted his gaze back to his own plate, laughing internally at the irony.

The two passed an hour making more small talk,  talking about work, chatting about their hobbies, and of course gossiping about their irks. But not once did Rarity bring up her friends, and neither did Thunderlane. The night was as it every other night: romantic, intimate, and cheery. And Rarity believed it would carry the two back to her home, back to her bed where her silk sheets and pillows waited for the two. Unfortunately for her, a certain pink blur raced across Ponyville’s outskirts just as she and Thunderlane were receiving their bill. The blur in question was none other than Pinkie Pie, a pony currently being fueled by the intricate magic only she could understand: the life-binding force of a Pinkie Pie Swear.

“Oh my gosh you gotta be kidding me!!” Pinkie Pie shouted out loud, turning a few heads in the crowded bakery. Cloudchaser waved the frenzied pink mare down before anyone heard their conversation.

“It’s the truth! Feathermay says she saw him walking Blossomforth home the other night, and she totally kissed him,” Cloudchaser stifled a giggle behind her hoof, and peered about to make sure nobody was listening into the foursome’s conversation.

The pink mare charged onward, skillfully dodging past another mare she knew as Carrot Top carrying a paper lantern in her mouth.

“Yeah and the same night he apparently stopped by Rarity’s house for a little somethin-somethin,” Flitter wiggled her eyebrows at Pinkie, who gasped and covered her mouth with her hooves. Thunderlane was always buying Rarity cupcakes! This couldn’t be the same colt!

‘Oh but it was’, a voice in her head whispered. The evidence was clear.

“She saw his cutie mark plain as day, face it: that Thunderlane is playing your friend. Been doing it for a few months now, huh girls?” Flitter turned to her friends Flitter and Cloudkicker for support.

“He’s always sitting by her during the weather team briefings. Honestly I’m kind of surprised Rainbow Dash hasn’t noticed anything yet, the way they’re always touching each other. Talk about PDA!” Cloudkicker crossed her hooves and wrinkled her nose.

‘Maybe there was some mistake. I could just turn around, go back to the bakery, get some sleep, and—‘, Pinkie had nearly convinced herself to stop when she remembered that there could be no mistake.

“And you’re absolutely-positively sure it was him?” Pinkie wrung her hooves together, desperately searching for a way to avoid telling Rarity such horrible horrible news. Pinkie’s jaw slowly dropped as Cloudchaser mimed her signature “Pinkie Pie Swear”, knowing the sheer amount of honesty one must possess in order to perform the moves correctly.

Pinkie Pie stopped just at the end of the road, where La Jument Facile loomed overhead. Miles from Ponyville and nestled in the cliffs leading to the path to Canterlot. Definitely a place to woo a mare into bed.

Pinkie swallowed roughly, the cold night air harsh on her throat but not on her sugar and magic from the couples making their way down in their carts.

“Oh-haha-stop it! That tickles!” Rarity squealed as she pushed the colt back into his own seat. Both had a fine buzz from the red wine they had drank over their little date, and the mare was honestly every bit as giddy as the colt to get back home and into bed. Not that they particularly made a habit of making love often, just every now and again when the mare felt particularly energetic. And of course each time she happened to enjoy herself immensely.

“You sshtop it,” Thunerlane slurred out, giggling a bit before diving back at the lovely white mare and peppering her with kisses on the neck. The colt barely registered the knock on the door from the colts pulling the coach, and only on the second knock did he open the door.

Said colt pulled the cap from his head and looked politely away as the door was swung open.

“Sorry sir, I just needed to know if you are ready to leave back for Ponyville?” The colt kept his eyes averted as the stallion in front of his laced his legs about the mare in the seat with him.

“Oh yes, I do apologize dear, we are ready to depart now,” Rarity smiled at the colt, shoving Thunderlane’s face behind her in an effort to preserve dignity. The alcohol, albeit light, had done nothing to slow his “enthusiasm”.

As the door closed Rarity reached behind her and pulled Thunderlane back on top of her.

“Now where were we?” she asked with a half lidded gaze, her lower leg trailing lightly up the stallion’s flank to his back.

The stallion smirked in response and lowered his head back down to Rarity’s neck, where he resumed trailing kisses down her throat. The unicorn moaned softly, trying to keep the stallions pulling their coach from hearing anything too degrading. But dignity aside, there was nothing stopping her instincts now from hazing over her mind. The bed was just too far away at the moment.

*BANG*

Thunderlane stopped abruptly and squinted at the door that had just nearly caved in. Rarity held loosely to the back of his neck, praying the noise wasn’t a disgruntled coach puller ready to kick them out onto the road. The silence continued until Thunderlane shrugged and lowered his head again—

*Knock-Knock*

“Rarity are you in there!? I think I put a dent into the door!”

“Ugh, Pinkie what on earth are you doing here!?” Rarity called out from behind the door and she pushed Thunderlane back into his chair. The unicorn reached over and brushed the door handle open, revealing a winded pink mare.

Pinkie nearly blurted out her reasons for nearly knocking the cart off the road with her head, until her eyes landed on the colt opposite her friend. She felt a wave of fear wash over her, knowing full well her next words could drive him to attack her.

“Um…..Rarity could you come out here for a minute? It’s really really important!!”

“Dear its freezing outside, come in here and sit down,” Rarity offered the seat next to her, not catching the huff that had passed Thunderlane’s lops.

“No please Rarity, it’s really…..really important,” Pinkie Pie’s eyes welled up, feeling the magic of the Pinkie Pie Swear shove words out of her throat. Words that she knew were about to hurt her friend greatly.

Rarity blinked and got to her hooves, stepping daintily out onto path below. Smoothing down her skirt first, she reached behind her to close the door before Thunderlane poked his nose out.

“Hey what’s so important I can’t hea-“

“IT’STHATTIMEOFTHEMONTH!!” Pinkie screamed out. Thunderlane barely managed to utter a grunt of disgust before Pinkie slammed the door closed in his face.

The pink mare held her hooves against the door, trying desperately to stall the truth for as long as she could. She breathed in slowly with her head lowered and her eyes closed. Ten seconds of silence passed before she whirled around and grabbed Rarity by the hoof, pulling her off the path and into the grass.

“Honestly Pinkie, what could be so important that it just has to get my dress dirty,” the fashionista busied herself with the hem of her skirt that had caught onto a prickly weed. She pulled but for a second the dress before the pink mare lifted her face to meet hers.

“Rarity, Thunderlane is cheating on you.”

For a few seconds Rarity simply blinked back at the pink mare. The claim had been so bold that she had barely registered it as anything more important that the party pony’s usual outbursts. But slowly the weight of the words sunk in and her eyes narrowed along with them.

“That’s preposterous!” Rarity roughly shoved the mare’s hooves from her face. “Thunderlane is a gentlecolt and he would never leave me for anypony!”

“Rarity I’m not playing around, he-“

“You don’t even know him Pinkamina Diane Pie! He is an upstanding colt even by Canterlot standards and a respectful bachelor in Cloudsdale-“

“He’s seeing another pegasus in Cloudsdale Rarity,” Pinkie sat back on her haunches, knowing what she was going to have to do.

“Utter lies Pinkie. I understand you girls don’t approve but he didn’t—“ Rarity’s voice caught in her throat as she watched Pinkie’s hoof move. Those movements spelled only one thing, the truth. Whatever magic was at work with them, or wherever Pinkie had learned them, she knew the incantation was a dreadfully powerful truth spell.

“Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”

Pinkie Pie’s hoof lightly touched her eye, her open one watching Rarity’s brow rise and her mouth drop open. She let her hoof settle back down into the dirt and looked away, hearing Rarity’s breath quicken.

“Her name is Blossomforth,” Pinkie Pie bit her lip and forced herself to look back up at the unicorn who’s eyes were welling up into confused tears. “Don’t go home with him Rarity.”

With that the pink mare backed away from the unicorn, signaling that she had said everything she needed to say. Said unicorn remained silent and turned back to her carriage, her eyes never leaving the ground.

“So why did the baker need ‘monthly’ advice?” Thunderlane asked as Rarity slowly climbed back into the carriage. He raised a brow as she sat down, keeping her eyes low.

“Hey, you ok? I was just asking,” Thunderlane sat down beside her, brushing a hoof over her thigh. He was about to run a hoof along the inside of her thigh when she pushed it away with hers.

“Pregnancy scare, nothing to worry about,” the fashionista said in what she hoped was a convincing voice. Thunderlane groaned, knowing full well the effects such scare tactics had on mares and sat back in his own seat.

The rest of the trip back Rarity feigned drowsiness, keeping her head low to keep her eyes hidden in her hair. She prayed for the trip to quicken its pace, feeling her despair grow by the minute. Not once did she remove her hooves from between her legs.