Author's Note

THE MESMA CHAPTER IS FINALLY HERE AND IT WENT WAY BETTER THAN I IMAGINED.

I am so happy with this. I enjoyed it.

I hope you all do too!

Confessions

After the momentary shock wore off, Spitfire stepped up. “Thunderlane?”

The pegasus in question turned to look at her for a minute, then went back to playing.

Spitfire stepped in further. “Thunderlane, it’s us. Are you okay?”

She got a glance, but that was it, and her frustration was mounting. “Thunderlane!” It wasn’t a shout, but it was angry.

Thunderlane stopped playing, and looked at her, eyes wide and lip trembling. Spitfire caught herself. “Thunderlane, I-“

But it was too late. He burst into tears. Suddenly, a mare was blocking Spitfire’s view of the regressed stallion.

“Back away from my little colty.” It was Mesma. But instead of the smiling, happy mare that Thunderlane had drawn, this one was angry. Her mouth was drawn in a scowl and her eyes raged with anger. “How dare you come into my house without permission and upset my baby?” She hissed.

Spitfire was so angry she didn’t know where to begin picking that apart. “How dare I? How dare you regress a stallion without his consent, and foalnap him!”

Mesma growled. “I didn’t foalnap anyone. I made this place for him, took him here to play, and he wanted to stay!”

“That doesn’t make what you’ve done any better! He wouldn’t have even wanted to stay here if you hadn’t brainwashed him!”

“And how do you know what he wants!” She shot back. “You don’t care! None of you do! Not enough to give him all of this!”

“I wouldn’t give him what he didn’t want in the first place!”

“You don’t know anything about him or about me! You have no idea how much I didn’t want to do this, but I didn’t have a choice! And now that it’s done I am not letting anypony take him away!”

“There’s always a choice!” Spitfire raged.

“Not for me!” Her voice broke. “I never got a choice.” She put a hoof over her mouth to cover it.

“That’s a lie!”

“No, it isn’t.” Her voice was much calmer as she tried to restrain her sobs. “I have a story for you. Maybe it will make you understand this better.” She said.

“I don’t want to hear it.” Spitfire crossed her hooves.

“Well you need to. Because this isn’t as black and white as you want to believe.”

Spitfire just huffed. Mesma took that as her cue to begin.

“I grew up in Canterlot. My parents were nobles and I often went to social gatherings with them. I even met the princesses a few times. When I found my special talent, I used it to put on shows for my friends. I became a traveling showpony, doing shows around Equestria. One night in Las Pegasus a stallion came up to me after my show, and asked me out for a drink. I said okay. A few drinks later, the night was a blur. But I woke up the next morning in his bed. And a few weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. I was excited. I had always wanted to have kids, and for me, it was the best time of my life. But one day, I realized I was bleeding. I was having a miscarriage.

The pain was so intense that I couldn’t leave my home. So I ended up delivering that baby alone. And when it came out, I held it. It was so small. So helpless. And it was dead in my arms. I think I cried enough tears that day to flood Equestria. And for a long time, I stayed in my sadness. Then one day, I found out about the Adult Foal lifestyle from a newspaper clipping, and I thought that maybe that was what I was missing. So I gathered my bits and opened Forever Foal to help ponies who had this side of them or were discovering it. But it still wasn’t enough to make that void go away.

I realized what I wanted was another child. A foal of my own. So I went to the doctor. But he told me that if I tried to get pregnant again, the baby would die because my body couldn’t handle it. So I tried different things. I Tried a surrogate mother- my eggs didn’t take. I tried to adopt, but they said that because I travel, I wasn’t fit to be a mother. I tried getting some unicorns to do magic on my body so that I could concieve, and that failed. I tried natural herbal remedies to help me, but that didn’t work either. So I tried to fill that void with something else. I read to kids, I volunteered at hospitals, I did free shows at orphanages, but it just wasn’t enough. And I realized that the only way I was going to become a mother was to make a foal of my own.

I did shows all over, looking for the right one. And then one day, at a show in Ponyville, I saw him. Thunderlane. I invited him to the stage, and he took to my commands remarkably well. And I knew in that moment it had to be him. So I invited him backstage, slipped in a few commands, and I waited. I waited for them to take hold. I felt bad about what I was doing, I really did. I still do to a degree. But no one would help me. I begged, I pleaded, and no one did anything for me. So I had to do this myself.”

“You could have asked the princesses for help.”

“I DID!” Mesma raged. “I begged them to overturn the adoption verdict, but they said that they couldn’t. I asked them for help in finding a child, and they turned me away. So don’t you dare talk to me about them! I tried! I tried everything, and it wasn’t ever enough! And now all that’s left is an empty shell of who I used to be… Who I wished I could be.” She ended with a whisper and hung her head.

She left a speechless Spitfire and wordless Wonderbolts lost in her words.