1.I paid 69.99 dollars for that.1
Author's Note
This is not a critic, my brother and I love fallout 76 and Todd Howard.
This a proto-story for something much more bigger than this absolute garbage.
I don't regret a damn thing.
1.I paid 69.99 dollars for that.1
California, 2018, California Gaming Convention Events, 2 pm.
''Oh Boy, oh boy, oh boy! I can't believe it! We finally made it, we're gods!!!''
''Shut up, Button! I want to listen to what he got to say!''
''Sorry Spike, but I'm too freaking excited!''
''I want to see pirates, elven pirates!''
''Yeah Pip, Big ass queen elf!''
''Be polite in front of the fucking kid, Rumble!
''OMG HE'S HERE!!!''
The conference room was suddenly plunged into absolute darkness, then Celtic music was heard through the speakers hanging on the walls near a giant screen. Everybody shouted with ecstasy, then the man whom everyone had looked forward to came like a god from heaven to speak to his faithful, Ted Hiward.
''Hello everyone! Wow, many of you here have loved my last big production, you loved it so much that you begged me like the big fat virgin soulless fanboys that you are, you begged me to remastered it so you can replay it on the new expensive consoles that your mothers brought you for Christmas, due to the money from the sale of her two kidneys and her ass! You should be ashamed of yourself, you disgust me! But I did not come here to insult you and your mothers, no! I came here with the idea of leaving here even richer than before! I came here with a revival for you, the big fat caterpillars leaving in your mother's basement! I came here with Final souls scrolls of dark elders witcher of doom fantasy 76! Prepare to pay, you bitches!'' Ted dropped the mic and walked out of the room, making middle finger to everyone in the room.
The room was silent then Button rose from his seat screaming, ''SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MOTHER'S MONEY!'' After that, the whole room screamed with joy, except for Spike, who looked at the screen, pouring a manly tear.
''Rumble, what his a virgin?'' Asked Pip, who was barely five years old.
''You!'' Replied Rumble.
''Guys, we must buy it!''
''HELL YEAH!!'' Screamed Spike, raising his fist into the air.
1 year later
Canterlot Downtown, 8 am
Close-up of a man walking on the sidewalk while drinking a coffee from Joe's house, the man was wearing a blue shirt. He arrived in front of his shop when he realized that there were four big yellow caterpillars lying on the ground.
''What the!''
Suddenly, four boys came out of the Caterpillars and jumped up on the man, ''Give us Final souls scrolls of dark elders witcher of doom fantasy 76 Now!'' Yelled the four boys.
''Ok but please, don't hurt me! I have a family!'' Begged the man.
''I have 12 step-fathers, one for each month!'' Added Button.
Rumble struck Button's head''Shut up, Button!''
The seller opens his shop, and a few seconds later, Spike ran out of the shop, holding a plastic bag against his heart.
''We made it! Now to the batcave!'' Yelled Button.
''I'm a pirate!''
The seller looked at the four kids and said while scratching the back of his neck, ''The hell wrongs with those kids?''
The Batcave aka Button mom's basement
''Come on, put the lotion in the basket!'' Spike took the cd out of his box and lifted it in the air like King Arthur unsheathed Excalibur, all eyes were on the game, then Spike passed the cd to Pip who opened the Pandora Xbox and put it delicately to the inside before closing it forever.
''Our times as comes, my friends, let's say goodbye to our social lives!'' Button turned on the TV screen and suddenly appeared the sad reality, the game had to be downloaded and be updated.
The four boys looked at each other, and then they all started to cry.
2 days later
The boys were standing in front of the television screen during the whole update, forgetting to eat and to shower. They were silent when suddenly the console made a noise that sounded like the trumpets of paradise.
Button looked at the screen and saw that the game was ready to start, ''My precious!''
''First!'' Spike took the controller from Button's hands and pressed the start button, showing the main menu of the game.
''Are you ready, guys?'' Asked Spike.
''Yeah!''
''I'm so fucking ready!''
''My Tummy hurt!''
''Then let's go!'' Spike pointed the cursor to New Game and pressed A.
Once upon a time, in the lands of the devilish Pazuzuu, the second great lord of the ancient Family of the ancient one of darkness...
''This gonna awesome!''
''Pazuzuu resurrected the Ultimate Dark Knight of the shadow of death, he resurrected Sir Pickle, an ancient and powerful warrior who met his demise from the hands of the CHOSEN WARRIOR OF THE LIGHT OF THE BROTHERHOOD OF THE GREAT WHITE SWORD...BLUE EYES DRAGON!
''That the hero from the previous game, Final souls scrolls of dark elders witcher of doom fantasy 2: a warrior's end!'' Added Button.
''With this great force of nature, Pazuzzu will finally take control of the blue city of the blue warrior of the blue order of the blue god, blue the red one!''
''I like blue!''
''But something weird happened, Pazuzuu feel it! Someone special would rise from the bottom of the abyssal darkness and will collect the fragments of the seven stars of the north in order to defeat him...blue!"
''Sound good!''
''It is where your journey begins!''
''Alright, let's kick some demons buts!'' Spike pressed A and something terrible happened.
''AHAHAHHA! YOU MAY HAVE COLLECTED ALL THE FRAGMENTS OF THE SEVEN STARS OF THE NORTH...BLUE! BUT YOU JOURNEY END HERE NYAAAAAAANYAAAAAA!''
Pazuzuu Jumped over you in slow motion while laughing, press A.
''Click''
You launched the seven stars into the Pazuzuu's body who screamed in agony,
''NUUUUUUUU!'' Pazuzuu exploded into tiny pieces, and then the screen turned blue, and a text appeared; Congratulation, you have saved the blue city of the blue warriors of the blue order of the blue god, blue the red one. Now you can the DLC where you can fight against Sir Pickle but now, let's dance to your victory.
Spike and the other boys were chocked by the end of the game. Button grabbed the tv by it side and threw it on the floor.
''WhAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT! I PAID 69.99 DOLLARS FOR THAT! I MUST BE FUCKING DREAMING!'' Yelled Spike.
''NOOOOO! This can't be like this?! Please, Ted Hiward, please save my soul from your game! AHahahahaheuuuh!'' Cried Button.
''I WILL KILL ALL THE WORKERS OF DETHESDA FOR THIS...ABOMINATION!'' Shouted Rumble.
''Mister Spike,''Pip fell into Spike's arms'' I...I don't wanna go, I don' t wanna go, I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go! I...Don't feel so good!'' Due to the hunger, Pip fainted.
''Pip! No, noooooooooo! Fuck you, Ted Hiward! Fuck you and your lies! Ah, ah (deep breath)
The End
