Getting Anon To Talk

by Treble Clefe

Rating: mature
Tags: Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Sex, Profanity, Random, Alternate Universe, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 1149

Anon is an ASSHOLLE!

Anon committed a crime. He ain't gon' admit it. For fuck's sake, Anon, you asshole! I should call your mamma! Let her ground your ass for a month!!

No sex though. The tags just there because of the language

Published 2019-01-02 03:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-01-02 03:40:01 UTC

Anon The Asshole is Assholing Badd

Anon sat at the desk, opposite an unamused Twilight Sparkle, who shot a gaze at Anon. The human didn't seem to care, as he crossed his legs and turned his body away from her direction.

"Anonymous!" she snapped. "Turn around."

"Bitch get out of my face! I didn't do shit!"

Twilight didn't reply, as she's seen this type of behaviour before. Still, She was surprised to hear this type of language from a 12 year old. She knew that he was just trying to get under her skin. So she simply sat there, staring at Anon. Anon's eyes fell upon the mare's gaze and scoffed.

"What are you looking at, Twiggily-Wiggs? Are ya just jealous of my beautiful skin? Its so sexy!" he said in a way similar to Rarity.

Jeez, she thought. He's more obnoxious than Discord. And he's... Discord? God, why is Anon such a motherbucking asshole?

Twilight cleared her throat as she began to talk.

"So, on the night of the pranking, where were you?"

"I was fucking yo mamma in the pussy," he said, his brow raised. Twilight face hoofed, as she feared that she was going to get nowhere.

"Let me ask again?" she said through gritted teeth. "Where were you on the night of the pranking?" She used her magic to shine the lamp light in his face. Anon smacked the lamp out of his face. He stood up, his face in front of hers.

"And let me tell you again. I was fucking yo mamma in the pussy! I swear, she was loving it, riding my big, long glorious dick. She was amazing, she even asked for more tonight! She's so fucking tight! Like a virgin as well! At least her vagina wasn't as saggy as I thought! Even though it needs a lot of plastic surgery. Thing looks like a old pair of lips. Also, when I plow her ass, it like I was transported into anal heaven! Not to mention, she gives amazing head. Like, she can suck the cork out of a champagne bottle it is that good. And then when I cum, whoa, she's my personal little slut! Takes all of it. And swallows it. She's such a slutty whore! I bet when you don't know it, she's standing on the corner handing out free blowjobs to anypony who will notice her!"

"Anon..." she spoke in a warning tone of voice, as she felt her blood begin to boil. "tread carefully."

"But, what the fuck's up with you weird-ass brother, Shining Armour? He's a goddamn pussy! He cries at every little thing? He makes more water than Neigh-agra Falls! Does he have a man-purse were he carried his man tampons? How does he have a fucking wife? I bet she's some dumb autistic bitch! Fucking weird!"

Twilight felt her lower eyelid twitch.

"And your dad Night Light? What the fuck kind of name is that?! Is he a fucking lightbulb that keeps little kids front getting scared in the dark?"

What happened next was something that not even Twilight expected. She lunged at the human, grabbing hold of his shirt with her magic. She pulled him up close into her face and said:

"My brother is not a fucking pussy, do you understand? He is a motherfucking sensitive pony. At least he's more manly than you for the fact of how he has some balls to actually have the courage to cry in front of the other guards! That's why he is the Captain of the Royal Guards! And Cadence is the best wife he could ever ask for! She's not autistic at all! She is normal as why the fuck do you even think Shiny has man tampons? He moment have periods! Daddy's name is perfectly fine because he fucking protects me and Shiny! He does help us not get scared in the dark! He's our parent its his job! Your one of the reasons I fucking hate going to keep knowing that I have to deal with your no good, annoying, lazy, motherfucking, shitty ass all day long! And my mommy is not a whore! Or slut! If anything you are a slut! You act like one for the fact of how you constantly crave contact with other ponies! She is married for fuck's sake! She's not like you, who would do anything to get a fucking blowjob! She loves Daddy and would never want somepony, or somehuman in your case who doesn't know when to shut. The Fuck. Up!"

Twilight panted heavily, releasing Anon from her magical grip and letting him fall down onto his chair. She slumped down in her own one. She sighed deeply before conjuring up the energy to ask him something.

"Anon, why do you have to ask like an asshole for? I asked one simple question and you couldn't even answer it. Where were you on the night of the pranking?"

"I was at Ponkers house. And we were on 4chan lookin at the porn threads. Did you know that there is so much about you? Ponies, or should I actually say bronies love to fantasise having sex with you and your friends? So much. They sometimes even talk about raping you guys. Anyway after 4Chan, we went onto Derpibooru. And, they got some hot pics of you and the princesses Twi, I swear, you could from pure titanium on my rod and it would shatter. The titanium, not my dick. And then after that and jerking off a little, I went home. That's all. Can I go home?"

Twilight blinked unmoving, staring into the space all around her body, unable to comprehend what was just said. Anon looked at her, wondering of she should just leave. He shrugged his shoulders and walked off, hoping that she won't mind, leaving a stunned mare in her chair.

As Anon walked home, she sighed to himself and whispered into the cool air:

"Oh Twilight, how I love you, you annoying, whiny, adorably cute bitch!"

Minutes later after the incident, Twilight sat in her chair, comfortably reclining back in her chair, finally able to shake off the day's stress of Anon, and relax. She levitated a book off her shelf along with a bottle of wine and a glass. She poured herself a glass before sinking in, allowing her thought run wild, her bok hovering inches away from her face.

"I don't know why I still out up with little colts like him. Fifty Shades of Hay, take me away," she mumbled, as she dug in.

Author's Note

I. Don't. Know. How.

This is stuff i overhear in my classes and I've just mashed it together over exaggerating the details and shit.

Enjoy

P.S. I just realized that there's a shit-ton of dialogue in here. My English teacher told me to work on this.