My Little Pony Friendship is Magic What If?: Volume 8

Chapters

S6 E17: The Times They Are a Changeling (What If?)
S7 E12: Discordant Harmony (What If?) (Bonus Chapter)
S8 E4: Fake It 'Til You Make It (What If?) (Bonus Chapter)
S8 E8: The Parent Tracks, Part 1 (The Parent Map What If?)
S8 E9: The Parent Tracks, Part 2 (The Parent Map What If?)
S8 E11: Molt Down (What If?)
S8 E12: Marks for Effort (What If?)
S8 E14: A Matter of Principals (What If?)
S8 E16: Friendship University (What If?)
S8 E18: Yakity-Sax (What If?)
S8 E20: The Washouts (What If?)
S8 E24: Mother Knows Least? (Father Knows Beast What If?)
S5 E4: Bloom and Gloom (What If?)
S8 E21: A Rockhoof and a Hard Place (What If?)

S6 E17: The Times They Are a Changeling (What If?)

It had all started with a trip to the Crystal Empire, a train ride that had seemed not at all out of the ordinary. For it only carried three occupants: Twilight Sparkle, her adopted son Spike, and her pupil (and Spike's unofficial big sister) Starlight Glimmer.

Starlight looked across to her teacher from inside their train car. "Thanks again for letting me come along on this trip. I know I should be getting back into my friendship lessons."

Twilight simply smiled in reply. "Everypony needs a break every now and then. Besides, I figured you'd appreciate the chance to get to know Flurry Heart. You two barely met last time," Then she giggled. "They say alicorns mature pretty fast compared to normal foals. Flurry's sure to have grown so much already, I wonder if I'll even recognize my niece now."

Starlight giggled back. "She's the only baby alicorn in existence, Twilight. And the only baby Shining Armor and Cadence have. I don't think you'll be able to mistake her even if you wanted to." Twilight said nothing more, for she realized how silly she had been in bringing up the question.

Meanwhile, Spike snuck in a tease to Starlight. "Are you sure you only came along on this trip to get a break from your studies? Or maybe you just wanted to see your boyfriend again."

"For the last time, Spike, Sunburst is not my boyfriend!" Starlight roared with a raging blush. "We're just friends and that's it. I'm not looking for romance right now, and neither is he. And if you're going to keep teasing me about our non-existent relationship then I'm invoking big sister privileges to tease you about your crush on Rarity. Everyone knows about it."

"Alright you two, that's quite enough of that," Twilight quickly intervened to dismiss the brewing argument. "This trip to the Crystal Empire is purely for rest and relaxation, and to give me a chance to visit my favorite niece."

"Rest and relaxation? That's a laugh!" Spike remarked, sounding noticeably unhappy.

Starlight raised an eyebrow. "What makes you say that? The Crystal Empire's a pretty remote place."

Spike shook his head. "Doesn't matter. I'm a big hero there, and the crystal ponies won't ever let me forget it. Even last time, with the new little one and the empire almost being lost to the Frozen North, I still got mobbed in the streets! If not for the fact that both you and Mom are going on this trip, I'd have stayed home and caught up on my comics," He began to pour over the two suitcases he had packed for himself. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to see if I can't find the proper disguise until we get to the castle. It'd be nice to have a trip to the Crystal Empire where I wasn't the center of attention."

Unfortunately for Spike his wish was not going to be granted. But not even he could've expected what was going to lie in store for him on this particular trip to the Crystal Empire.

When the train pulled into the station and its occupants left their car, they soon took notice of just how deserted everything seemed to be. There wasn't a pony in sight as far as the eye could see.

"I don't think you'll need to worry about being mobbed this time, Spike," Starlight nervously commented. "Seems like everypony's staying indoors for some reason."

"Odd, Cadence's letter didn't mention anything was going on. And it's not like the whole empire knew we were coming either." Twilight commented.

Spike gulped. "Something must be wrong if there's nopony here. Are you sure we're in the right place?"

"Looks like it to me, the Crystal Empire's the only place around these parts where the trains ever stop," Twilight remarked. "Guess we'll just head for the castle. Maybe we'll bump into some ponies along the way."

Starlight couldn't help but comment. "Let's hope so, because I've got a bad feeling about all of this."

"You mean, like we're being watched or something?" Spike suggested.

"More like a gut feeling that something's out there, and we're the only ones who don't know about it," Starlight explained as the trio left the train station. "But I hope I'm wrong. I hope it's just me being crazy."

The three made their way through the very center of the empire, but found not a single crystal pony anywhere in sight. The streets were completely empty, void of all life. All that was missing was a perfectly timed tumbleweed, and it would've looked like a scene right out of an old western movie. The kinds that were always being shot in Applewood these days.

"Either my brother has the strangest sense of humor, or something's scared these crystal ponies into not coming out," Twilight commented with worry. "This is really starting to freak me out. This doesn't feel like an empire, it feels like a ghost town."

"I'm getting the same feeling," Starlight nodded. "Maybe we should just turn back and return to Ponyville? Maybe we've come at a bad time?"

"Well, one thing's for sure," Spike commented as he removed a pair of sunglasses and took off a thick trench coat he'd been wearing. "I won't be needing these anymore. Or this wig, boy was it itchy."

Immediately after removing a bright orange colored wig, Spike suddenly found himself surrounded by a mob of crystal ponies that all seemed to materialized from out of nowhere! "Gah! What's the big idea?! What's going on here?!" He screamed as he was lifted up.

One crystal mare proudly proclaimed! "Oh thank goodness, our wishes have been granted! It's Spike the Brave and Glorious, here to save us once again!"

"All hail Spike the Brave and Glorious!" Several crystal ponies all chanted at once.

"Please help us, oh Brave and Glorious!" Another crystal pony pleaded. "You're our last hope!"

Twilight coughed into a hoof, hoping to attract some attention. "'Hope'? What are you talking about? What's all the commotion about, and what's it got to do with my son?"

"Are you sure it's nothing Twilight and I can't help you with?" Starlight spoke up.

Two crystal mares turned and glared at the teacher and student, eyeing them rather suspiciously for some reason. "Huh. It sure does look like the Princess of Friendship and her student." One mare commented.

"Yeah, but looks can be deceiving," The other mare replied with concern. "How do we know it's really them?"

A crystal stallion gulped as he started chewing on his hooves. "We...we can't," He stuttered as a cold sweat worked its way down his body. "Either one of them could be the... the..."

"The what?!" Twilight demanded. "You're not making any sense!"

But just then one of the mares screamed! "Eegads! One of them might be an imposter! The rumors are true, they're here!" And without warning the mob of crystal ponies all stampeded away in fright, leaving poor Spike to fall to the ground.

"Just what was that all about?" Spike groaned as he stood up. "Those crystal ponies looked like they'd seen a ghost. Maybe it's that shadow pony Applejack was talking about?"

Twilight shook her head. "Don't be ridiculous, Spike. We both know there's no such thing as a pony of shadows, and there's no such thing as ghosts either. If there were I'm pretty sure we would've seen one by now."

"But something's definitely not right. Last time I was here this empire was as lively as can be," Starlight commented. "What have we gotten ourselves into this time? So much for a relaxing vacation."

"Now now, let's not be hasty," Twilight cautioned. "I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation for all of this. Let's just go to the castle and talk to my brother. Not a thing happens in the empire that he doesn't know about."

A short time later, Twilight, Starlight, and Spike all approached the front gate of the royal crystal palace. But they had barely taken five steps forward when they were halted at spear point by two guards! Both were stallions, but one had a purple coat and the other a yellow coat.

"Not another step!" The purple coated stallion declared with a glare. "Identify yourselves, now!"

"What do you mean 'identify yourselves'? I'm Twilight Sparkle, and this is Starlight Glimmer my student," Twilight commented to the guards. "Not to mention my son, Spike. Or as you call him: Spike the Brave and Glorious. Now please, let us through."

But the yellow coated stallion just shook his head. "Sorry, no can do. All visitors must be cleared by us before they can enter the castle. Nothing personal, it's just a security measure. Can't be too careful."

"What are you on about?" Starlight snorted. "We don't need any identification! Don't the names 'Twilight Sparkle' and 'Starlight Glimmer' ring any bells?! We just wanted to see Shining Armor and Princess Cadence, we mean you no harm."

"We'll be the judges of that," The purple coated stallion snorted. "How do we know you're the real Twilight, Starlight, and Spike?"

"What?!" Twilight, Starlight, and Spike all angrily remarked at once.

Fortunately for the trio, at that very moment Shining Armor and Princess Cadence came out to see what was the matter (Shining clad in his captain's attire, helmet and all). And Sunburst was not far behind, carrying Flurry Heart in a cradle held by his magic. "What seems to be the problem, men?" Shining Armor asked the guards.

The yellow coated stallion turned to face the prince. "Nothing, Captain Armor. Just a couple of potential intruders who refuse to identify themselves. You told us to question anyone and everyone, no exceptions. So we're just following orders."

Twilight, meanwhile, looked at Cadence and shot her a pleading look that seemed to ask. "You trust us, don't you?"

Cadence reluctantly trotted forward, nervously she began to chant. "Sunshine, sunshine, lady bugs awake?"

Twilight happily replied. "Clap your hooves and do a little shake!" As she spoke she repeated the motions in unison with Cadence, the two alicorns giggling and laughing as they embraced one another in a hug.

Shining Armor smiled. "It's okay, everypony. It's her, the real deal."

"What about the other two, sir?" The purple coated stallion asked. "How are we gonna determine if they're the real Starlight and Spike?"

"If I wasn't me, would I know about the village I used to run? About ponies like Double Diamond and Party Favor who used to serve me?" Starlight questioned.

And Spike proudly proclaimed. "And only the real me could spit fire like this!" He belched up a small flame! "Good enough for you?"

Shining Armor and Cadence nodded, and Shining Armor instructed. "Lower your spears, men. They are who they say they are. We'll take it from here. Dismissed."

Cadence then apologized to Twilight. "Sorry about the guards, they can get a bit pushy sometimes. They're just trying to do their job."

"They sure have a funny way of going about it," Starlight remarked as she arched an eyebrow upward. "I don't remember there being anywhere near this many guards the last time I visited. Did we come at a bad time?"

Shining let out a sigh. "Guess you didn't get the message," Clearing his throat he informed the group. "A few weeks ago a crystal pony claimed she spotted a changeling lurking just outside the empire. The next day, another crystal pony claimed to have seen a changeling as well, this time within the outer boundaries of the empire. As a result we've had to increase security around here."

"That explains the guards and the empty streets," Spike realized. "No wonder this place looked so deserted."

Cadence sighed as well. "It's probably nothing, these crystal ponies can get spooked pretty easily. But Shining isn't willing to take any chances."

"We both agreed it was better to be safe than to be sorry. If the reports are real and there really is a changeling on the loose, we can't allow it to get close to our only daughter." Shining declared as he stomped a hoof down.

"Why would a changeling want Flurry Heart?" Starlight questioned. "Wouldn't it make more sense to go after one of you?"

Sunburst adjusted his glasses. "It's a side effect of the Crystalling. For a long time afterwards the empire is flooded with the love everypony feels for the new baby. To a changeling that love is like an all-you-can-eat buffet. And with Flurry Heart being the daughter of the Princess of Love, and love being a part of what keeps this empire from succumbing to the harsh blizzards of the Frozen North, this whole place has become a giant magnet for any changelings. It could sustain an entire army!"

"And I've got news for any would be kidnappers," Shining declared with a growl. "My daughter is NOT on the lunch menu! Not now and not ever!"

"Oh, but they wouldn't dare lay a hoof on my favorite niece now would they?" Twilight cooed as she trotted up to Flurry Heart. "It would take a special kind of evil to want to abduct a baby or feed off her love. I can't believe any creature would ever be as cruel as that."

"I know one creature who might," Shining commented as his tone of voice took on a subtle hint of anger. "Queen Chrysalis. She has a heart as black as night, and she rules with an iron hoof. I wouldn't put it past her to try and kidnap Flurry Heart. So until I know for sure there aren't any changelings lurking, I've increased the patrols and even got the guards checking up on each other. I'll have no more mistakes like the one at my wedding!"

Cadence reached out a hoof to her husband, lightly stroking his back. "Shiny, you really shouldn't get yourself so worked up. It's not good for you," And then she apologized to her guests. "Sorry about his behavior, but as you can clearly see he's taking this very seriously. He's even stayed up until the wee hours of morning sometimes. Luckily for me, the patrols only last for another week."

"And if the patrols still haven't turned anything up I'm calling up the royal guard from Canterlot," Shining explained. "I'll sleep a lot better once they've done a clean sweep of the empire. And while I'm not naming names, I heard a rumor that some of the guards left their posts for a chocolate cake a while back. So hopefully they haven't been slacking off in my absence."

"Well then, I guess we really did come at a bad time," Starlight realized and hung her head. "Guess it's better for everypony if we just go back to Ponyville and call this whole trip off. And I was looking forward to taking it easy too."

But Starlight's teacher had other ideas in mind. "We've come all this way. It'd be a shame to turn back now just because of something that might not even be out there."

"Yeah!" Spike happily declared. "I've been looking forward to this vacation for ages now. Seems like every other week there's something happening in Ponyville, but even a dragon needs a break every now and then."

Cadence flashed a warm smile. "You're welcome to stay here for as long as you'd like. It'll also help to put the crystal ponies at ease knowing Spike the Brave and Glorious is here. And I think Sunburst could use a break from foalsitting Flurry Heart all the time."

"No kidding," The former crystaller exclaimed with a weary sigh. "I read up on every foal care book I could find, but nothing could prepare me for the challenges of taking care of an alicorn foal. She's caused me quite a few sleepless nights."

"Don't look at me!" Starlight protested. "I only foalsat once, and once was enough for me. I swear, Pinkie Pie made foalsitting the Cake Twins look so easy. But that tiny duo seemed intent on driving me crazy, I don't know how I survived!"

Twilight just smiled as she approached Flurry Heart's cradle. "No need to worry yourself, Starlight. I'll be more than happy to spend some quality one on one time with my favorite niece," And then she glanced down to Flurry Heart. "You won't give your Auntie Twily a hard time, will you? You'll be a good little pony, right?" Flurry Heart just babbled and cooed.

"Great! She's all yours!" Sunburst declared as he allowed Twilight to take hold of the cradle with her magic. "If you need me, I'm going to get caught up on some important research involving foal proofing spells."

Starlight trotted up to the stallion. "You're going to need my help, Sunburst. We both know you could barely find your way around a library if not for the dewy decimal system."

"I don't need help!" The former magic student remarked as he let out a faint whinny. "But I'll gladly accept your company all the same... for research purposes only of course." If anyone had been looking closely they might have seen him briefly blush. Then he and Starlight trotted away, as did Twilight with Flurry Heart safely in tow in her cradle.

Cadence left not long afterward, though not before giving her husband a quick peck on the cheek. "Changeling or no changeling, I still have to hold court. Try not to stay up so late this time, okay?"

"No promises." The captain somberly replied, his voice devoid of any hint of joking or sarcasm.

The princess of love just sighed and shrugged her shoulders, but said nothing in reply.

Once everypony else had left, Spike started to grin from ear to ear. "Alone at last!" He declared with childish joy and then he turned to Shining Armor. "So how about it, Uncle Shiny? You up for a session of Ogres and Oubliettes? Not that I mean to brag but my character's got some cool new tricks, and I've been itching to try them out."

Shining shook his head, shooting Spike a straight face. "I don't have time for fun and games, Spike. This is serious."

"Oh." Spike began to lower his head ever so slightly.

But then the prince got an idea. "Actually, Spike, how about you take my place on the next patrol? The guards will be heading out in just a few minutes, and I'm sure they'd love having Spike the Brave and Glorious by their side."

The little dragon cheered in delight! "That sounds wonderful!" But then a thought of concern struck him. "But shouldn't you ask my mom first? I wouldn't want to give her a heart attack."

Shining's face seemed to contort itself ever so slightly into a smile as he said with a wink. "What Twily doesn't know won't hurt her. Besides, you're not exactly a baby dragon anymore. Not in my book anyway."

"Hey! Exnay on the 'baby', pal!" Spike growled.

The prince just continued to wear that partial smile as he added. "Then you don't need my sister's permission to do things. The patrol will only be to just the immediate outside of the empire, and it's just a quick security sweep. You'll be there and back before anyone even notices you're gone. And now you won't be able to say your Uncle Shiny never does anything nice for you."

"Well I guess when you put it like that, it doesn't sound like a bad idea," The little dragon realized and gave a small salute! "I won't let you down, Shining! If there are any changelings out there, they'd better run home to their mommy before they have to come face to face with me, Spike the Brave and Glorious!"

"Just be careful out there, Spike. Don't wander away from the guards for anything, and I do mean anything," Shining instructed. "Oh, and one more thing. If you do see a changeling for any reason, don't engage it. The last thing we need is an international incident. Just report it to me and let me handle it, okay?"

Spike nodded. "Got it. So when do I leave?"

"Actually, right now!" Shining told him as he gave a whistle. "Guards, you'll be traveling with Spike the Brave and Glorious today. Treat my nephew well and keep him safe. Otherwise you'll answer to me. Do I make myself clear?"

"Sir, yes sir!" The guards saluted as one of them allowed Spike to climb onto his back. It wasn't long before they were on their way, Shining watching them as they disappeared into the distance. Yet even as he watched them go a nagging part of the captain's mind was thinking. "I hope nothing happens to Spike out there. If it does, Twily's sure to rip me a new one."

Spike rode on the back of the purple coated guard all the way to the outskirts of the empire, then he slid down and planted his claws firmly in the thick snow. He shivered a little bit, but tried not to let it show. "Should've asked for a spare coat or something. Thick dragon scales only hold so much heat." He thought to himself. Good thing he wasn't going to be out here for very long.

"Alright, men," The purple coated guard instructed to the other guards. "You all know the rules. Inspect every nook and cranny within a five mile radius. And whatever you do don't separate. If you spot a changeling, remember the location and inform your nearest superior so he can tell Captain Armor."

"And don't forget, a changeling can change. That means it can be anyone or anything." The yellow coated guard from earlier declared.

The purple coated guard gave a firm nod. "Exactly. So leave no stone unturned, and make sure to watch your back. Now let's move out! Each of you check your assigned quadrant, and make sure you double check to be safe."

The guards split off two by two, each checking a different section of the seemingly endless tundra that surrounded them. All the while Spike couldn't shake the feeling that he was being watched somehow, but every time the little dragon would turn to look he would see nothing. "Come on, Spike. Get a hold of yourself!" He mentally pep talked himself even as he huddled close to the two guards he was with. "Everypony's just letting their imaginations get the best of them. A changeling wouldn't come all the way out here. Or would it?"

At last, after what seemed like an eternity all the guards returned from their inspection. Each gave the same answer. "Nothing to report. No sign of a changeling anywhere and no signs of suspicious activity."

"Okay, men," The purple coated guard instructed. "That's it for now. Let's report back to Captain Armor and tell him the good news. Double time!"

"Sir, yes sir!" The other guards all saluted.

"You too, Spike the Brave and Glorious!" The purple coated guard called. "Come on. I'm not taking no for an answer."

The little dragon had been resting atop a nearby rock, having grown bored of waiting around. "Coming, coming." He answered as he hoped down from the rock. Unfortunately, he misjudged his landing and fell backward. He expected to hit the ground, but instead he fell through a small hole that he hadn't noticed!

"Spike!" The purple coated guard shouted as he rushed toward the rock, only to find the hole was too small for him to fit down!

Everything seemed to happen in the blink of an eye for Spike, who screamed as he slid down a slope with no way to slow his descent!

At last the slope ended, Spike stopping just short of a huge ravine that greeted his eyes. The little dragon breathed a small sigh of relief. "That was a close one." He declared, wiping the sweat from his brows. Now he just needed to find a way to get back up to the surface.

Just then, Spike turned around and happened to glance at what looked to him like his reflection. When he waved, so did the other version of him that he could see between some rocks.

But then suddenly the reflection sneezed quite audibly! In a puff of sickly green magic, the other Spike faded away. In its place stood a strange looking pony/insect hybrid creature with holes in its legs, and light blue eyes. The creature let out a hiss!

"A changeling!" Spike screamed at the top of his lungs as he jumped back in surprise! He quickly began scanning his surroundings for anything that he could use to defend himself. "D-don't come any closer! I've got claws!" He threatened as he tried to keep his teeth from chattering.

The changeling seemed to obey the warning, it just stood there and blinked at Spike in what appeared to be confusion. "What are you?" It asked. "I've never seen the likes of you before."

"I'm not telling you anything, changeling!" Spike hissed! "I won't let you use me to get close to Flurry Heart so you can steal her! Her love isn't for you and your buddies to snack on!"

"Oh, is that what you think I'm here for?" The changeling stepped back in surprise and blinked. "I mean, I guess I kind of am here for the love. But I wasn't planning to steal anypony."

Spike rolled his eyebrows. "Likely story, pal. I wasn't born yesterday."

But the changeling insisted as he stepped forward. "Please, I mean you no harm. My name's Thorax, I just wanna be your friend."

"Friend? Why would you want to be my friend? Don't you have any other changelings to hang out with?" The little dragon questioned the creature.

Thorax shook his head. "I don't. I haven't had any friends for as long as I can remember. Unlike the other changelings, I never felt comfortable with the idea that we were supposed to feed on love," And then he whimpered as he confessed. "You probably already know about the attack on Canterlot. So before you ask, yes, I was part of that. But I couldn't bring myself to hurt anypony, not after I saw the ponies we were fighting against come together in the name of friendship to protect their city. After that, I knew I couldn't go back to the hive. I had to get away! Away from the hive, away from Queen Chrysalis, away from everything!

"Wait a minute. Weren't you that changeling I saw at Cranky and Matilda's wedding?" Spike questioned, faintly recalling a memory from that chaotic day.

Thorax confirmed the suspicion with a nod. "Yeah, briefly. Though I'm ashamed to admit that involved a bit of manipulation on my part. I had to make Cranky think I was an old friend of his. And I was so ashamed of it that I slipped away as soon as the vows were exchanged. I actually can't believe nopony noticed me besides those foals."

"Have you been on the run all this time?" Spike asked Thorax.

Thorax nodded. "Unfortunately, yes. There's really no place in Equestria where I could stay without a risk of being caught. And there's another problem."

"I'm guessing it's got something to do with the Crystal Empire," Spike pondered, and his suspicion was confirmed with another nod from Thorax. The little dragon slouched his shoulders. "I was afraid of that." He glumly admitted.

Thorax looked away in shame. "I can't help it! I'm starving! I haven't had any love to even snack on for months! But there's just so much love all around here, it's driving me crazy!"

"Of course, the Crystalling!" Spike realized at once. "Now it all makes sense! Thorax must've been the changeling that spooked the crystal ponies." "Well if that's the case, why not just show up as you are now and plead your case? I'm sure the crystal ponies would understand."

The changeling shook his head and whimpered. "If I did that what's the first thing you think they would do to me? Ponies are afraid of me and I don't blame them! We changelings did terrible things, things our leader has never apologized for. Even if I promised not to feed on too much love, they wouldn't trust me for a second. After all, how can you trust ponies who look like this..." He briefly morphed into a crystal pony. "To trust something that looks like this?" Then he morphed back into his changeling appearance. "I thought if I just hid down here long enough these ponies would settle down, and I could slip in unnoticed," Sighing, Thorax hung his head and kicked at the ground. "But who am I kidding, that'll never happen now. Thorax, wake up and smell the coffee!"

Looking at the clearly distraught changeling, something inside Spike snapped. Before he had a chance to think about it the little dragon declared. "Don't count your chickens before they've hatched, Thorax! Today's your lucky day!"

"Oh really? I don't feel very lucky." Thorax glumly remarked, not bothering to look up.

Spike just grinned. "Well you will soon. You probably didn't know this, but I'm a pretty big hero around these parts. They call me Spike the Brave and Glorious! And it's a hero's job to stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves. I'm sure I can convince these crystal ponies that you mean them no harm, and that you're not here to kidnap Flurry Heart and feed off of her love."

"You really think you can just convince them?" Thorax questioned. "I mean, if you can that would be great! But I don't wanna get my hopes up for something that may not even happen."

"You've gotta learn to look on the bright side, Thorax," The little dragon declared as he wrapped a claw around his new friend. "Just tell me how I can get out of here, and then leave the rest to me."

"Oh, you need directions? Why didn't you just say that in the first place?" Thorax remarked with a giggle. "Follow me, Spike the Brave and Glorious."

Spike giggled back. "Just Spike will do, thank you."

"Spike?! Spike!" The purple coated guard called as he eyed the hole. "If you can hear me, shout something! I'm gonna lower a rope to you, but I need to know where you are!"

"Actually, I'm right here." Spike told the guard as he tapped a claw on the guard's chest armor.

The guard jumped and spun around! "Gah! Kid, don't you know better than to sneak up on ponies when there's a possible changeling on the prowl? If this is how you get your kicks, you have the strangest sense of humor!"

"Guess Discord's started to rub off on me a little." The little dragon thought but didn't dare to say it out loud. Instead he simply apologized. "Sorry, didn't mean to frighten you. I just found a way back out by myself. Took me a while to find it though."

"It's really you, right?" The guard questioned the little dragon. "You're not secretly the changeling trying to pass himself off as Spike, are you?"

Spike responded by breathing fire into the guard's face, covering him with soot. "That proof enough for you?" He asked as he tried to hold back a giggle.

"Real cute kid, real cute," The guard snorted as he brushed the soot from his face. "Come on, let's get you back to the castle before Captain Armor realizes we haven't returned."

Spike climbed onto the guard's back and said nothing for the entire ride back to the castle. Once he was back inside the castle safe and sound though, he clambered though. "Thanks for the ride."

"Any time, Spike the Brave and Glorious." The purple coated guard bowed.

Meanwhile, the yellow coated guard commented. "It's about time you guys got here. I was beginning to think you'd gotten lost, and I for one did not wanna be the unlucky so and so who had to explain it to the captain."

"Lost? Me? Never!" Spike remarked as he waved a claw. "Honestly, you guys are getting yourselves all worked up over nothing."

"What are you talking about? We're dealing with a potential changeling on the loose in case you haven't noticed," The yellow coated guard frowned. "Did you hit your head on an icicle or something?"

"No, what would give you that idea?" The little dragon protested and then he asked. "I'm just saying, maybe the changeling is just misunderstood. Maybe it doesn't want to drain love and all it really wants is a friend? You never know."

The two guards looked at each other for a moment, exchanging glances that were impossible to read. Then they burst into fits of laughter. "Oh man! Not only are you Spike the Brave and Glorious, you're also Spike the Hilarious!" The purple coated chuckled.

The yellow coated guard laughed too. "Maybe you should be the court jester. Your jokes are a riot!"

But a moment later a very familiar stern sounding voice broke up the laughter. "What's this I'm hearing? Making jokes are we?" And who should come trotting into the room but Shining Armor himself, looking quite peeved if the slant in his eyebrows was any indication.

The guards gulped as the purple coated one apologized. "C-captain Armor, sir, we were just..."

Shining threw up a hoof to silence the guard. "-This is not a joking matter, men! This is serious, and I expect you to treat it as such! Instead I find you laughing like a bunch of school colts. But I suppose if you have time to be doing that, you've surely already completed your patrols for the day."

The yellow coated guard gulped anew. "We were just getting to that, captain. We swear."

Shining only shook his head and stomped his hoof down. "I don't want hear another word! Get back out there right now, or I'm placing you both on probation! I think Sunburst would welcome the extra set of hooves looking after Flurry Heart."

"No! Anything but that!" The purple coated guard exclaimed in horror! "I don't wanna become a rocking horse!"

"Then you know what I expect," Shining declared as he gestured a hoof. "Go on, get!" And he watched as the two guards bolted without another word. Only once they had left did his expression at all change. "I'm sorry you had to see that, Spike," He apologized. "Sometimes I don't know what gets into those two. I've had new cadets compose themselves better."

"But I wasn't joking," Spike insisted to Shining. "I was being serious," Nervously, he looked up at the stallion he considered an uncle and asked him. "You probably don't believe a changeling could ever be nice though, do you?"

The prince didn't flinch or seem to outwardly react to the unexpected question. But a trained eye would've noticed a subtle but meaningful change in his overall posture. He seemed to tense up ever so slightly. "Why would you ask that, Spike? Are you trying to keep something from me?"

The little dragon tried his hardest to keep a straight face. If he didn't he was sure Shining would suspect something. "Not at all, what would I possibly hope to keep hidden from you? It was just a hypothetical."

The prince, after a moment of silence, remarked in a straight tone of voice. "Assuming such a hypothetical changeling exists, I haven't met it. If you want my personal opinion, I have a hard time believing any changeling could ever be nice. If Chrysalis is their leader, that doesn't exactly inspire confidence in their overall taste in leadership. And from the changelings I encountered during my wedding to Cadence, all of them followed Chrysalis' orders without question."

"So you really don't believe a nice changeling could exist?" Spike remarked as his face seemed to morph into one of anger.

"I wouldn't go that far, Spike. Part of me would love to be proven wrong," Shining confessed. "But this isn't about what I think or what you think. As Prince of the Crystal Empire and Captain of the Royal Guard, my responsibilities are first and foremost to the citizens of Equestria. So I have to take any threats seriously, and I would consider any changeling foolish enough to show its face in my presence a threat. If one exists, a whole army could be not far away. But there's currently no changeling in sight, is there?"

Spike swallowed a lump in his throat. "N-no sir. I was with the guards the whole time, we didn't see anything."

"Good," Shining smiled. "That's just what I wanted to hear. And in a couple of days, I'll know I'm getting all worked up over nothing." And with that he turned and trotted away, whistling a cheerful little tune to himself.

"Well that could've gone better," Spike muttered to himself as he walked away. "How am I gonna explain this to Thorax?"

"Explain what?" Thorax inquired as he suddenly appeared beside Spike.

Spike almost screamed in surprise! "Thorax?! What are you doing here?! It's not safe for you!"

"I know, I know! But I couldn't help it! I'm so close to the love I can almost taste it!" Thorax complained! "I can barely think straight, and if I don't get some love inside me soon I don't know what I'm gonna do!"

"But you can't stay here! Everypony's too hostile to changelings right now!" Spike staunchly protested. "Please, just lay low for a little while longer and give me some time. I promise I'll work all this out."

But just then the familiar cheerful voice of Twilight called out. "Spike, is that you talking to yourself again?"

Both dragon and changeling flinched, frozen in horror! The little dragon was certain that if Shining still nursed a grudge for the invasion of Canterlot, Twilight would probably be just as hostile to any changeling. But there wasn't enough time to get Thorax out and not get caught.

"What are we gonna do?! What are we gonna do?!" Thorax nervously quivered, his legs shaking like jelly.

"I... I... don't-" Spike began before an idea suddenly struck him. Sure, it was a risky one but it was the only idea he could think of on such short notice. "-Thorax, I need you to transform into somepony specific!" He instructed and proceeded to whisper the details into the changeling's ear.

Upon hearing the details, Thorax quickly transformed! In the blink of an eye he became a crystal earth pony about the same size as Spike. His coat was an aqua colored bluish-green which matched his eyes, his mane and tail were dark cobalt blue with a lighter cobalt streak in the middle, all tied together with a green head band. And his cutie mark was a dark blue vase with three horseshoe prints in the center. "You sure this'll work? I look ridiculous." The disguised Thorax whimpered in protest.

Spike threw up a claw to shush his disguised friend. "Don't say a word! Let me do the talking, okay? I've got this," And then he called. "I'm right here, Twilight."

Twilight came upon the scene a moment later, quickly noticing the crystal pony standing to Spike's left. "Oh, who is this? A friend of yours, Spike?"

The crystal pony didn't say a word, he just stood there and tried not to look intimidated. Just as he'd promised, Spike did all the talking. "Yeah. This is my penpal I told you about after the Equestria Games. Crystal Hoof."

Twilight extended a hoof. "Well it's nice to meet you, Crystal Hoof. Any friend of Spike's is a friend of mine."

Crystal Hoof didn't reply. In fact he didn't even offer his hoof to Twilight to shake, a detail that did not go unnoticed by the young alicorn.

Spike quickly intervened to defuse any suspicion. "Sorry, he's kind of shy around strangers. And this whole changeling scare has him on edge," Then he ushered Crystal Hoof forward. "There's no need to be nervous, Crystal Hoof. This is Twilight Sparkle, the pony who hatched me."

"O-oh, y-yes," Crystal Hoof stuttered. "A... p-pleasure to meet you, princess. You've certainly raised a fine dragon."

Twilight beamed with pride. "Well, I do my best. Of course I didn't teach him everything, Princess Celestia is the one who taught him how to send letters and how to conduct himself around ponies. Did I ever tell you about the time I tried to raise Spike all by myself, while also trying to juggle my studies as Celestia's student?"

"Mom!" Spike whined in protest. "Not in front of my friend!"

"Sorry, old habits die hard," Twilight apologized. "I hope you enjoy Spike's company, Crystal Hoof. Sorry I can't stay but Flurry Heart's probably wondering where her favorite aunt disappeared to. Hope I'll see you around." And then she trotted away.

"I can't believe that worked!" The disguised Thorax commented as he breathed a much needed sigh of relief. "I thought my cover was blown for sure."

The little dragon grinned. "That's 'cause there's an actual Crystal Hoof I'm penpals with. But I've never actually met the guy. Fortunately, neither has anypony else from what I know."

Thorax sighed in relief again. "Excellent. Now I've got a convincing disguise," But his happy mood faded just seconds later. "But I can't keep pretending to be someone I'm not. If I so much as sneeze my disguise will drop, and we'll both be in trouble."

"Just relax, Thorax," Spike whispered. "All I need is more time to convince everypony, and then they won't care that you're a changeling. Just don't do anything crazy and we'll be fine."

However, at that very moment the familiar voice of Princess Cadence called. "Spike? There's something we need to discuss."

Spike and Thorax exchanged worried glances. Was it possible Cadence was already onto them? No, that couldn't be true. Cadence was smart but she wasn't a mind reader. If even Twilight and Shining Armor didn't suspect anything then there was no reason for Cadence to think differently.

As long as they played it cool everything would be just fine. So the two friends made their way to the throne room. Princess Cadence sat upon her crystal throne, while off to her left side stood Shining Armor, and off to her right side stood Twilight, Flurry Heart, and even Starlight and Sunburst.

The Princess of Love appeared to be smiling as she looked down at the approaching duo. "Twilight just told me you were off with a friend. Crystal Hoof, was it?"

"Yes?" Spike and Thorax both said at once.

"And any friend of Spike the Brave and Glorious is a friend of mine," Cadence smiled as she levitated Flurry's crib over to Thorax. "This is my daughter, Flurry Heart. She loves making new friends. Don't be shy, introduce yourself."

Thorax reluctantly approached the infant alicorn, trying desperately to suppress his changeling instincts. If he growled or hissed now his cover would be blown.

Flurry Heart, for her part, suspected nothing. She just happily cooed and threw up her hooves at the newcomer.

"Oh, she's so beautiful!" Thorax exclaimed as his eyes grew wide! Then he stumbled back as he began to feel ill at ease. "There's... so much... love and light surrounding her... I... I..."

"Th-er Crystal Hoof, don't!" Spike shouted as he realized what was going to happen!

It was too late! Thorax dropped his disguise, unable to control himself when he was so close to the love he so desperately craved! He began to growl and hiss as if he had no mind of his own. Everyone in the room gasped!

Before Spike had a chance to react he suddenly found himself being yanked away by Twilight's magic, while several guards pointed spears at the changeling now in their midst! "Hey, what are you doing?!" He asked. "Don't hurt him!"

"I'm sorry, my son, but I have no other choice. That changeling is dangerous, and I won't let it hurt you. Not on my watch!" Twilight firmly vowed.

"But... but..." Spike wanted to speak up and tell everyone it was all just a big misunderstanding, but the words wouldn't come out. And even if he could've said what he wanted to say he wasn't sure if anyone would believe him.

Sunburst adjusted his glasses as he somberly declared. "This changeling must've replaced your friend in order to get close to the baby. What other explanation could there be?"

"I..." The little dragon froze. "...Don't know."

At that Thorax felt his heart sink! The one creature he thought he could trust had betrayed him! Struggling to hold back the tears, he ran off without a word!

"After it, men! Don't let it get away!" Shining firmly demanded as the guards leaped to their hooves and gave chase!

Spike didn't move an inch as the guards pursued Thorax, barking out orders as they tailed the fleeing changeling. All the dragon could think about was one thing. "I should've stood up for him, not left him at the mercy of those guards! Some hero I turned out to be." He glumly thought.

Sunburst reached out a hoof to console the little dragon. "It's okay, Spike, you couldn't have known. That changeling had us all fooled. Lucky for us, Cadence suspected something and decided not to take chances," Then he turned to the princess. "How did you know Flurry Heart would expose the changeling and get it to drop its disguise?"

"I didn't. I just speculated that if Crystal Hoof was a changeling, being so close to the source of all the love would be enough to drive it crazy." Cadence explained.

Meanwhile, Starlight noticed some of the guards running past and asked Cadence. "Is all of this really necessary though? It's just one changeling."

"That's what they always want you to think," Shining angrily retorted. "But I've come to learn that wherever there's one changeling, there's usually an entire army on the way. And an invasion is the last thing this empire needs."

"But you don't really think Queen Chrysalis would try to launch an invasion here of all places, would you? This empire sits in the middle of nowhere. If not for the Crystal Heart nopony could even live here." Twilight commented.

Cadence let out a sigh. "Maybe you have a point, Twilight, but I just don't know what else to do. It's not just my well being I have to think about."

"Exactly, honey. Which is why we can leave nothing to chance!" Shining firmly declared. "Once the guards have captured that changeling, I'm going to find out what it knows one way or another!"

Just then, the guards from earlier came trotting into the throne room and one bowed its head. "Captain Armor, Princess Cadence, we got it."

"Well done, men. I knew I could count on you to get the job done," Shining encouraged and waved a hoof. "Bring it in. I have a few choice words for that sneaky shapeshifter."

Mere seconds later, Thorax was brought in with massive chains tied to all four of his legs. He was no longer growling and hissing though, now he just looked downtrodden and forlorn.

Shining approached the changeling with a glare in his eyes. "Okay, agent of Chrysalis. Talk! You came here for a reason!"

Thorax didn't say anything, he just looked down at the ground.

"Oh I see, playing the silent game are we?" The prince scoffed. "Well it won't work! We have ways of making you talk! So I'd speak up right now if I were you, unless you wanna be thrown into the dungeon right now."

Thorax still refused to say a word.

Shining just shook his head. "I gave you a chance to speak but I see you'd rather stay quiet. You leave me no choice. Okay men, take it away! We're not going to get anything out of this changeling now."

The guards raised their spears and prepared to escort their prisoner out of the throne room. But before they could do so, Spike suddenly rushed forward and stood in front of the imprisoned changeling. "Stop! I won't let you hurt him!" He protested. "He's done nothing to you to deserve this!"

Everyone gasped, except for Shining who just glared at the dragon! "Spike, what do you think you're doing?! Get away from that changeling, it's dangerous!"

"No I won't!" Spike protested. "He's not dangerous and he has a name. He's Thorax, and he's my friend!"

Now even Shining gasped! "Spike, you're not thinking clearly! That changeling must have you under some sort of mind control! Do you even realize what you're saying?!"

The dragon protested with a firm shake of his head. "I do! Don't treat me like I'm some kid who doesn't know what he's doing! Thorax has been my friend ever since he helped save me when I fell down a hole while out on patrol."

"What was that about a patrol?!" Twilight gasped before turning her attention to her brother. "Shining!"

"I swear, I don't know what he's talking about!" The prince responded, briefly changing the subject.

Princess Cadence now stepped forward. "Spike. You know that Thorax is a changeling, you know they feed on love. He may have just been using you to get close to Flurry Heart."

"T...that's not true! I never wanted to hurt your daughter, I swear!" Thorax pleaded. "Please, just let me go and I promise I won't go anywhere near her or you or anypony else ever again. All I wanted was to get a little love to sustain me, but I see now I was wrong to come here. Nopony trusts me. There's nowhere a changeling like me can go where he'll be safe."

"You expect us to believe that? What was with all that growling and hissing earlier?!" Shining glared at Thorax. "If you really meant no harm, you wouldn't have reacted the way you did around Flurry!"

"I couldn't help myself! There was so much love, I couldn't think straight!" Thorax protested. "Whatever you think I am, I assure you I'm not! All I want to is to be let go, so I can leave in peace."

Spike then issued a final vow. "I'm standing by my friend's side. If you want to hurt him or do something horrible to him... you're going to have go through me!"

Much to Spike's surprise, Starlight spoke up. "You know, I think I'm siding with Spike on this issue. From what I've seen, Thorax here doesn't pose much of a threat to anyone. Yet you're all acting like you're scared out of your wits."

"It's not like that and you know it!" Shining snarled. "We're talking about the security of an entire empire here."

"Yeah? Well if you're really gonna talk about security, I'm much more of a threat than any changeling!" Starlight protested as she trotted over to Spike and Thorax. "I did terrible things in the past, far worse than anything this lone changeling might have done. I even tried to rewrite history just because I was mad about being exposed as a fraud. I was willing to doom all of Equestria to a terrible fate just to get my revenge. And you wanna know what Twilight did? Instead of destroying me or throwing me in jail, she took me under her wing as her student. Offered me a chance to atone for my mistakes."

Twilight found herself suddenly stricken with a sense of guilt. How could she have forgotten that so easily?

"Yet for all you know, I could be faking it," Starlight pointed a hoof at Shining Armor. "But I don't see you ordering your guards to have me arrested. I don't see you threatening me. So why is Thorax any different? Is it because he's a changeling and you just don't like him?"

"Don't go putting words in my mouth, I never said it had anything to do with him being a changeling! I'm just doing the job I was instructed to do when I became Captain, protect Equestria from threats like him!" Shining coldly retorted. "I don't like it any more than you do, but sometimes you gotta do things you don't like doing. If you were in my situation right now, with my past, you'd be making the same decisions."

"Would I?" Starlight questioned as she arched an eyebrow upward. "By your logic, I should be branded a criminal and rotting in a dungeon somewhere right now. Yet here I am, walking around as the student of Equestria's newest princess," She finished by declaring. "If you wanna do something to Thorax because you claim it's a security matter or whatever, fine. Just be ready to inflict the same punishment on me. Because if past misdeeds are enough to warrant this kind of treatment, then I'm long overdo for it!"

Spike then pleaded. "You all see Thorax as a threat just because he's a changeling, and another changeling he didn't even like working for carried out an attack on Canterlot. Now you're about to punish him for something he didn't have a say in, something he clearly regrets. We all know ponies can change, so why can't we assume the same for changelings? They're just as unique as ponies are, or dragons for that matter. If a dragon like me can live among ponies in peace despite what other dragons have done, why can't the same be true of changelings? Isn't it better to have this one as an ally and not an enemy?"

Several minutes of tense and uncomfortable silence hung in the air after that. No one said a word, no one moved at all. Heck no one so much as coughed, sneezed, or seemed to blink. All the while Spike and Starlight stood next to Thorax, refusing to move an inch.

At last it was Twilight who opted to break up the tensions. She moved from her spot and trotted in front of both Spike and Starlight, shielding them with her wings. "As the Princess of Friendship, I try to set an example for everypony to follow," She began with what appeared to be a smile. "But today, it seems that I'm the one who was taught a lesson. Not only by the very pony I took on as my student, but by my own son. For Starlight and Spike have shown me that it's wrong to judge an entire group for the actions of an individual. And that it's wrong to make assumptions about others before you have the whole story," She giggled a bit as she recalled a memory from a couple of years ago. "It's funny, this reminds me of the time Apple Bloom and her friends believed a zebra named Zecora was actually an evil enchantress that was going to make a stew out of them. They turned out to be wrong and learned the same lesson I think we've all learned."

Cadence seemed to nod in agreement. "It seems you're right, Twilight. We all let the invasion of Canterlot cloud our judgement. We never stopped to think if Thorax was ever really a danger to any of us."

"But you have to admit he didn't do the best job of making himself look like a fine, upstanding changeling," Shining protested with a faint growl. "Even if we were wrong to single him out for who he was, he still chose to disguise himself as someone he wasn't and hoped we wouldn't notice. If he was truly innocent, why didn't he come us to from the start?"

"Probably because we wouldn't have believed him," Cadence glumly admitted. "Or at least, you wouldn't have. Shining, I know you blame yourself for falling victim to Chrysalis' ruse at our wedding, but you couldn't have known. I should've seen her coming and stopped her before she had a chance to kidnap me."

"You were taken by surprise, there were no threats made until Chrysalis had already replaced you," Shining protested with a shake of his head. "As Captain of the Royal Guard and your soon to be husband, I should've been more alert. But because I was so distracted with the wedding I allowed for the invasion to happen. I wanted to make sure that never happened again!"

Cadence just sighed. "And because of that you almost made an even bigger mistake. You need to understand that you're just a pony, you're going to suffer a lapse in judgement every now and then. What's important is that you learn from your mistakes the right way, so you don't repeat them."

Shining hung his head in shame. "I'm sorry, Cadence. I told myself I was doing this for you and for Flurry Heart. And maybe at first that was true. But at some point I started letting my personal experiences take over," And then he turned to Thorax. "No hard feelings about all of this, right? I know you probably aren't going to forgive me anytime soon, but I hope we can maybe someday put this all behind us and be friends."

But to the prince's great surprise, Thorax replied by saying. "You were pretty harsh, but you were only doing what you thought you had to do to protect the ones you cared about. Like you said, I didn't exactly make myself look innocent. And when I lost control of myself and started growling and hissing, what else were you supposed to think? Even if I didn't think you'd believe me, I should've just come before you, your wife, and your daughter from the beginning. And all of this could've been avoided."

"I guess this was a perfect storm of mistakes on both our parts," The prince realized as he raised a hoof. "Guards, release the prisoner at once. He means us no harm," Once Thorax was freed from his shackles, Shining approached the changeling and offered a hoof. "It's not too late for us to start over, right? I'm sure we can work out some kind of agreement, so as long as you promise not to growl and hiss like that again."

"If I can just get some love into me, I should be okay," Thorax explained as he shook Shining's hoof. "But are you sure you want me near your daughter so soon? I could still be faking this just to get you to lower your guard."

Shining grinned. "I've been on the receiving end of a changeling brainwashing before, I know what it looks like. It would take everything you had and then some to be able to control my wife, my nephew, my sister, and her student," With a chuckle, he allowed Thorax to approach Flurry Heart. "Don't worry, she doesn't bite. She really does like to make new friends."

Nervously, Thorax trotted up to the infant princess a second time. This time however, he was able to control his instincts enough to keep from growling and hissing. It helped that the love was flowing freely to him, whereas before he'd been trying not to feed on it. "H-hello, F-Flurry Heart. I'm Thorax." He greeted.

Flurry Heart peered up at the changeling from her cradle. Then she flew out of it and booped him gently on the nose with a hoof, giggling, babbling, and cooing the whole time.

Cadence gave a warm smile to Thorax. "I think Flurry Heart's already accepted you. Don't worry, there's plenty of love from her to go around. Just make sure not to take it all."

"Thanks. But I'm actually not that hungry anymore. It feels like something else is keeping me full," Thorax admitted. "It feels pretty nice."

And then Shining gave a whistle to the guards. "Three cheers for Spike the Brave and Glorious! Once again he has proven himself to be a true hero!"

The guards approached Spike and began to gentle toss him into the air, all the while chanting. "Hip hip hooray!"

Twilight and Starlight watched the whole scene from afar with bright smiles on their faces. "You raised a pretty good son, Twilight." Starlight commented.

"Yeah, I suppose I did," Twilight blushed and then added. "I'm so proud of him. It took a lot of guts for him to put his title on the line like that. Though I think I need to have a little talk with my brother about letting him go out on guard patrols. Spike may be getting older, but I don't think he's quite old enough to be getting involved in guard duty."

Starlight chuckled. "You worry too much, Twilight. I think Spike's proven he can take care of himself. After all, he managed to make a friend all by himself today. And teach you a lesson in the process," Then she commented. "In fact, you may have been more right than you originally thought about one thing?"

"What's that?" Twilight inquired of her student.

"Friendship lessons can happen just about anywhere," Starlight smiled. "Heck, even I learned something and I only came here because I thought I'd be getting a break from friendship lessons. Should've known it wouldn't be that easy. Funny how life works sometimes."

Now it was Twilight's turn to chuckle. "Don't I know it."

Author's Note

I suppose I should clarify a few things here for all those who are no doubt curious. First and foremost, the idea of Spike being Twilight's son has been a thing in my rewrites ever since Owl's Well That Ends Well, with it being made official at the end of my rewrite of Spike at Your Service.

Second, the thing about Zecora towards the end of this chapter refers to my rewrite of Bridle Gossip to be a CMC episode instead of a mane six episode.

And on the subject of "Bridle Gossip" this episode was basically an attempt to revisit the moral of racism and prejudice, of judging others based solely on appearance or outward features. And while the episode as originally written did convey a slightly stronger message about racism (about as well as it could considering it's still a kid's show) it did make quite a few mistakes.

The biggest complaint everyone has is the sudden Spike song that is used to resolve the entire conflict revolving around Thorax, and while it is nice we got a Spike song six seasons in it does still end up being a huge tone shift during what should be the emotional heart of the episode. So it was removed.

There's also Shining Armor making an outright racist statement when he says "There's no such thing as a nice changeling." (that is a textbook definition of racism, stereotyping an entire group based solely on the actions of one individual), and I feel like that's something the episode didn't want to convey. They wanted to potray Shining as suspicious of changelings from the perspective of a security head responding to an unknown threat. Which is what I tried to potray here.

And then there's the fact that Starlight (and to a lesser extent Twilight) is just there in the original episode. She doesn't do anything relevant to the plot, you could remove her and nothing would change. And I feel like the episode missed a chance to tie Thorax's dilemma to hers, to make a point about how Starlight got off easy for far worse than what Thorax did. So I added it in.

There's no denying that racism is still a controversial subject to talk about (I suspect it always will be even in the best of societies), so please be civil in the comments section. And as always, feel free to suggest ideas for rewrites for future volumes. I'm thinking that if Season 9 turns out to be the last season of the show, in two or three volumes I may have to start dipping into the comics if I decide to keep this series going.

Episodes to be rewritten:
~~Bloom and Gloom~~
~~The Times They Are a Changeling~~
Discordant Harmony (Bonus Chapter)
Fake It 'Til You Make It (Bonus Chapter)
The Parent Tracks Parts 1 and 2 (Two parter of the Parent Map)
Molt Down
Marks for Effort
A Matter of Principals
Friendship University
Yakity-Sax
The Washouts
A Rockhoof and a Hard Place
Mother Knows Least? (Father Knows Beast)

S7 E12: Discordant Harmony (What If?) (Bonus Chapter)

Author's Note

As usual, I feel like these bonus chapters warrant an explanation from the start. This one especially since "Discordant Harmony" was one of the best episodes of Season 7 in my book and I pretty much enjoyed it as it was. So why would I be rewriting it?

Well that's because for this bonus chapter, instead of Discord hosting Fluttershy at this place he's hosting Twilight. Basically, as great as "Discordant Harmony" already was, in the grand scheme of things it's unnecessary. Fluttershy is the one pony who has continuously accepted Discord for who he is, time after time. Sure she scolds him when he steps out of line, but she has never once found him annoying or been uncomfortable hanging around him. So Discord would have no need to change who he is to impress Fluttershy or think that she wouldn't want to be his friend anymore. Fluttershy has accepted Discord for who he is.

Now, if you changed it to someone like Twilight or Princess Celestia, I feel like that would give Discord a bit more motivation to do some cleaning up. I went with Twilight since Season 7 already placed a greater focus on Princess Celestia with "Celestial Advice" and "A Royal Problem" (and even to an extent the beginning and end of "Shadow Play") and considering I expanded both episodes into two parters in my last rewrite volume I felt it would be best to give Princess Celestia a break (especially since she would go on to get her own focus episode a season later in "Horse Play").

And with Twilight, we've seen Discord constantly mess with her, constantly delight in getting under her skin. And while I've rewritten two of the most infamous episodes revolving around that ("Three's A Crowd" and "What About Discord?"), I feel like this episode could also address more in depth something the show never tackled, Discord betraying the mane six in "Twilight's Kingdom" and siding with Tirek.

Adding all of that gives Discord a greater motivation to change, and allows Twilight to show that she's coming to accept Discord for who he is despite her suspicions.

And in case you're wondering, the bit about Princess Luna is a reference to Friends Forever #20.

Episodes to be rewritten:
~~Bloom and Gloom~~
~~The Times They Are a Changeling~~
~~Discordant Harmony (Bonus Chapter)~~
Fake It 'Til You Make It (Bonus Chapter)
The Parent Tracks Parts 1 and 2 (Two parter of the Parent Map)
Molt Down
Marks for Effort
A Matter of Principals
Friendship University
Yakity-Sax
The Washouts
A Rockhoof and a Hard Place
Mother Knows Least? (Father Knows Beast)

S7 E12: Discordant Harmony (What If?) (Bonus Chapter)

Discord always looked forward to his annual Tuesday Teas with Fluttershy. It gave him a chance to truly unwind and just enjoy the company of his first (and closest) friend. Fluttershy always made him want to be a better draconequus.

As always happened during these friendly little get togethers, the spirit livened things up by telling jokes. It helped that Fluttershy had a terrific sense of humor.

"Oh, but I haven't even told you the best part yet," Discord said to Fluttershy in between fits of laughter. "So I noticed my some of my limbs were missing, but they weren't anywhere I could see. When I went to look for them again though, they were on the ceiling. Can you believe it?! Of all the places they could've ended up, it had to be there."

Fluttershy giggled while making sure not to drop the tea cup she was holding. "That's a new one, Discord. I swear, I've never met anyone as funny as you are," Snickering a little she added. "I still remember the joke you told about the time you tried to train your right leg, to fetch your left paw."

The spirit laughed anew. "Well what I can say? I'm a walking, talking, joke machine. And that's not all I can do."

The pegasus mare with a coat of butter yellow smiled as she sipped down the last of her tea. "You're making such great progress, Discord. You've come a long way since my friends and I first freed you from stone a few years ago. Time sure has flown."

"Indeed it has, and it's been a ride I wouldn't have missed out on for the world," Discord declared. "Had I known friendship came with so many benefits, I'd have made the switch a lot sooner. Oh well, at least I'm enjoying it now," And then he eyed the cucumber sandwiches. "You always make the best finger foods, Fluttershy. You know me too well." As he spoke the tips of his fingers came to life, taking on the form of mini Discords.

One of the mini Discords burped and coughed out bubbles after it had eaten. Discord eyed the mini version of himself and scolded. "Now what do you say?"

"Excuse me." The mini Discord commented in a high pitched voice as it blushed bright red.

Discord put his paw down, calling back the miniature versions of himself. "So ill behaved, I really can't take them anywhere. Perhaps I should sign them up for those etiquette lessons I hear Scootaloo's Aunt Holiday always offers. Come to think of it, I don't believe I've met her or Auntie Lofty. I hope they don't have the wrong idea about the times I've hung out with the CMC."

"Oh don't worry, everypony knows you've come a long way from the spirit you used to be." Fluttershy reassured her friend.

"Oh you're just saying that." Discord commented as he waved a paw.

Fluttershy shook her head. "I'm not, Discord. Even Princess Celestia says she couldn't have imagined a better scenario for you now. Part of her feared that reforming you wouldn't work, and that she'd have to keep having you turned back to stone every time the Elements of Harmony picked new bearers."

"That's a nightmare I wouldn't wish on even my most hated of enemies. Well, aside from Lord Tirek but we both know we deserves far worse," The spirit teased. "Maybe I should send him a post card to let him know what he's missing out on while he's stuck in Tartarus."

But just then, another version of Discord tapped his counterpart on the shoulder. "Not that I mean to interrupt this 'wonderful' conversation you're having, but aren't you forgetting something?" He asked as he eyed a watch mounted on his right wrist.

The original Discord shook his head. "I couldn't possibly be forgetting anything really important. I always write down the really important stuff on my calendar," With a snap of his talons he produced it. "See? It says right here that the only thing on the schedule for today, is Tuesday Tea with Fluttershy."

"Well that's funny," The other Discord replied as he produced his own calendar. "Because according to my handy-dandy always up to date notebook, it says here that you're slated to host Twilight Sparkle for tea at this very time. Exactly one week from today I might add."

"What?! Let me see that notebook!" The original Discord demanded and snatched it away. He scanned it once, then twice, then three times. It was right there, written for all to see. In large letters that read: URGENT: DO NOT FORGET!, beneath it was written the time 3:00 P.M. and the words "Tea with Twilight".

The other Discord smirked. "See? I told you you were forgetting something. Honestly, what would you do without me to remind you?"

The original Discord responded by producing a hole beneath his counterpart's mismatched legs.

"Why I didn't see that coming? I hate you so much." The other Discord declared, before he let out a scream and plunged into the hole.

The original Discord then sealed up the hole and punched a hole in it with one of his claws, causing it to fly away.

Fluttershy took the news of Discord's surprise other engagement quite well. "You scheduled a Tuesday Tea with Twilight?"

"It's not a Tuesday Tea," Discord retorted with a wave of his paw. "It's a tea with Twilight, it just... happens to fall on a Tuesday is all. Just a happy coincidence if you know what I'm saying. Happens all the time."

"Really, Discord?" Fluttershy questioned. "Seems like a very unusual coincidence to me. I don't mind sharing our Tuesday Teas with others if that's what you're thinking about. It'd be wonderful to have Rarity or Rainbow Dash join in."

The spirit rolled his eyes, eye balls and all. "Fluttershy, I assure you that there is no friend greater than you that I would like to spend time with. These Tuesday Teas have always been special and always will be. But it seems I'll have to take a rain check or whatever you call it on the next one."

The pegasus with a coat of butter yellow wasn't satisfied by the elusive answers Discord was giving, so she turned up the third degree. "Is there something you want to tell me, Discord? Something important that I should know?"

"Well, let me wash my paws first and I'll tell you all about it," Discord replied as he snapped his paws and produced a faucet from out of nowhere. Once he was satisfied with the scrubbing and rinsing, he turned back to his friend and told her with a sigh. "I've been... thinking about things lately."

"You mean, like Tirek things?" Fluttershy reluctantly asked. "I'm sure Twilight has long forgiven you for that. Especially after Princess Luna helped you overcome the nightmares you kept having related to them."

Discord shook his head, twisting it back into place when he accidentally shook it too hard and made it crocked. "It's not that, Fluttershy. Tirek is but a symptom of the bigger problem," He snapped his talons again, conjuring up a big red couch not unlike the one you'd see in a psychiatrist's office which he promptly lay down on. "I'm not sure when exactly this started, but I started doing some thinking. About me, about Twilight, about our association ever since I became reformed and she became a princess. I started to realize I didn't have the best track record, both as a reformed spirit and as a friend."

Fluttershy fluttered over, sitting next to Discord so that she could make eye contact with him. "Don't say such things, Discord! You know that's not true!"

"Oh Fluttershy, we both know it is. You lie almost as badly as Applejack does," Discord glumly retorted. "First there was the plunder seeds that I deliberately didn't tell Twilight about."

"To teach her a lesson. Besides, if you had told her the girls would've turned you back to stone and we'd have been stuck with no way to get the princesses back," Fluttershy protested. "And with Tirek, you were tricked. And let's not forget that by siding with him, you unintentionally got him to give you the final key to the chest."

But then Discord sighed again. "And what do you have to say about the Grand Galloping Gala incident? Even though I wasn't trying to cause trouble for Twilight, I still did. I made myself look like a selfish jerk. Then what was the next big thing I did in front of Twilight? I tried to rope her friends into keeping a secret from her and if she weren't so nosy it probably would've worked. More recently, I went around talking up the big news she was going to give regarding Starlight. And I feel like maybe I enjoyed messing with her a little too much. Face it, Fluttershy. When it comes to ponies other than you, and when it comes to creatures other than Spike, I can never do anything right! I've been a terrible friend! It's high time I did something about it!"

"And a Tuesday Tea in your dimension was your answer?" Fluttershy questioned.

"I panicked, I didn't know what else to do! But Spike's already put the date on Twilight's calendar and it'd be rude to just back out like this," The spirit confessed. "All I can hope for is that despite my inexperience with hosting any kind of parties, I can throw a nice enough tea party for Twilight so then I can finally say I didn't mess things up with her for once. Is that too much to hope for: Maybe. Am I gonna try anyway because I'm just that kind of guy: Probably. Will I succeed: Well that's the fun part. And fun by I mean terrifying!"

Despite the serious concerns her friend was voicing, the pegasus couldn't help but giggle. "It's only a tea party, Discord. It's not the end of the world. I've hosted worse tea parties and I haven't lost a friend," Once she had gotten her giggling around control she made an offer. "I could give you some pointers on how to host a tea party if you really want. For instance, it helps to know what kind of tea your friend wants. Everypony has different tastes."

"No thank you, Fluttershy. You're always the one sticking up for me and bailing me out when I get into trouble. But this is one time where I gotta do things by myself," Discord firmly declared as he rose and the couch disappeared. "I'd say to wish me luck but let's be real, I'm gonna need much more than luck to pull this off."

"Discord, wait!" Fluttershy called but to no avail, her friend was gone. She turned around, noticing that he had accidentally left the faucet from earlier running. "Maybe you could help me clean up?" A second later, there was a brilliant flash and everything was as it was when Discord had arrived.

Leaving Fluttershy's cottage, Discord teleported himself to a spot in the middle of Ponyville's park, a place where he could be alone with his thoughts. He sat on a stump and started tapping his paw against his head. "Come on, Discord. Think, think, think. Wait, hold on..." He paused for a moment, convinced an idea was about to come to him. But whatever it might have been slipped his mind. "Oh poo, I've got nothing!" He complained. "Of all the things to mess up, why does it have to be the one thing that actually matters?! I'm supposed to be the one who makes chaos happen, it's not supposed to happen to me!"

"Having trouble are we?" The other Discord from before questioned. "I'm not surprised. I knew something like this would happen."

"I'm sorry, did I place an order for your commentary?" Discord remarked as he turned to face his other self. "Look here, pal. When I feel like I'm in need of comments from some 'peanut gallery' I'll gladly fill out a purchase order. So if you're just here to rub it in you can go."

The other Discord shook a finger. "My my, you've really gotta work on that temper. You'll never impress the princess like that."

Discord sighed, reluctantly sensing his other self wasn't going to take no for an answer. "Fine, fine. But you know how important this is, don't you? Only got one shot at it."

The other Discord nodded. "Agreed. We've got to really knock this one out of the park!" As he spoke he hit a baseball with a baseball bat he'd produced out of nowhere. "This could make or break our future. And by our future, I mean yours."

"Right, right, right. Got only a week to get everything settled," Discord commented. "Now let's see, if we're going to have a tea party we need tea, obviously. And the princess deserves only the best. Ooh, and then we'll need the best kettle they've got!"

"So let's stop talking and start doing! When the going gets tough, that's when the tough go shopping!" The other Discord declared. "No expense to be spared, everything must be just right!"

"Exactly! I'm so glad you finally understand!" Discord smiled. "Sure is great talking to you."

An elderly earth pony mare turned her head. "What was that? Were you talking to me? I'm sorry, my hearing ain't what it used to be."

"No, I was clearly talking to my other self in case you couldn't tell," Discord retorted. "There's a clear difference. But I can't waste time on idle chit chat. That tea party's not gonna throw itself you know. Tata!"

Discord teleported himself to the only tea shop he knew of in Ponyville. Since his guest was from Ponyville it only made sense to get her tea from a store in Ponyville.

The mare at the counter was an earth pony mare with a dark purple coat, a lavender-pink mane and tail with bangs beside the right eye, eyes a sparkling blue in color, and a cutie mark depicting a coffee mug and three tea leaves. "May I help you, good sir?" She asked.

Discord cleared his throat. "As a matter of fact, yes. I mean that's what you're here for isn't it? I'm here to pick up some tea for a very important occasion. I'll be having tea with Princess Twilight."

The mare raised an eyebrow. "You're having tea with Princess Twilight?"

"Yes, I'm having tea with Princess Twilight. Is there an echo in here or something?" The spirit remarked. "I don't have much time, only a week to get everything just right! So tell me, what's the kind of tea to get if one wants to impress a princess?"

The mare just chuckled. "Oh we have a fine selection. I have a feeling Princess Twilight would really love our ginseng tea, it's the finest in the land."

"Really? And what sort of song does it sing? Is it a big orchestral piece or more of a jazzy tune? I'm bit of a jazz fan myself if you hadn't noticed." As he spoke, the spirit briefly donned an attire he'd worn once before when he had been trying to show Spike and Big Mac what a "real" guy's night looked like.

The mare only shook her head. "Oh it doesn't sing anything, it's just tea. Are you sure you should be hosting the princess for tea? Seems like you two could hardly be friends."

"Shows what you know. I happen to be very good friends with all the princesses!" Discord boasted. "But non-singing ginseng tea is boring, and I hate boring. Luckily, I know just how to 'spice' it up!" With a snap of his talons he brought the bags of ginseng to life and they started to sing a merry little tune. "Ooh, I'm liking this song already! I'll take the whole box. Thank you for your service, goodbye!" He disappeared with a snap of his talons, only to reappear a moment later. "Oopsie, forgot to pay. Here," He deposited a huge pile of bits onto the counter. "Keep the change, I don't need it." Then he disappeared again.

The next spot to receive a visit from Discord was a store that specialized in tea sets. In the back of the shop, an earth pony mare with a dull yellow coat, a dull reddish-pink mane and tail, brown eyes, and a cutie mark depicting a jug and a bowl, was perched on a ladder. She was trying to put a green colored tea kettle back on the shelf, when Discord teleported in and startled her!

Fortunately, Discord caught her with a snap of his talons. "Hello there, splendid to see a fellow pony," He greeted warmly. "Hope I didn't spook you too much. No need to hog all the fun."

The mare just glanced at Discord and asked him. "W-what do you want? Make it quick, please. I don't need my whole store turned upside down again."

"Oh relax, I'm not here for you! You must think I'm the grim reaper or something!" Discord teased. "What is with you ponies? Do you always get so freaked out when I enter a room?" Then he cleared his throat. "Anyway, I need a tea kettle for a very important tea party with Princess Twilight."

"You and Princess Twilight, having tea together? That doesn't even begin to make sense," The mare questioned. "How can you guys be friends after all you've done?"

"I'm here to buy a tea kettle, not have ponies comment on my taste in friends," The spirit retorted. "So tell me, what sort of tea kettles do you sell here? I need something with as much style and grace as I have in my daily life." He briefly dawned a peacock suit and fluffed out his feathers.

The mare just nervously replied. "Take anything you want from the kettle section, e-except the green one. That's a one of a kind one, irreplaceable."

"Is it green because it's jealous of the other kettles? Does it do anything special maybe?" Discord asked.

"No, it just pours tea. That's what all our kettles do around here." The mare answered.

The spirit snorted. "Oh come on! Does everything you ponies work with have to so boring?! Where's the chaos?! Oh well, I guess I have to do everything around here," Snapping his talons, he made one of the tea kettles sprout wings. It landed on the tip of his right finger. "Ooh, I think it likes me. I'll take it. And don't worry about the wrapping, I'll walk it home myself. Here's your payment, you're welcome!" He departed after snapping his talons, raining down a huge pile of bits on the mare.

With the proper tea and kettle taken care of, Discord's next destination was a party store that had been mentioned to him by Pinkie Pie. He quickly procured a cart and wheeled it down the isles in search of the perfect party supplies. "If it's for Princess Twilight it has to be the best. I'll spare no expense on the decorations!"

The spirit soon picked up a pinata and placed it in his cart. It didn't move or blink once. "Good... but not nearly good enough," He snapped his talons, watching as the pinata came to laugh and let out a sneeze. Confetti shot out of its nose. "Ah yes, much better! This is one pinata nopony's gonna wack. Now what else? Oh of course, napkins! Fluttershy says they're always important, can't forget those."

Discord eyed the colored napkins, but he didn't like how plain they looked to him. "Maybe I'll simply make them... ah, well, I could... or... No. I've got nothing. Can't work with napkins," He let out a sigh. "How do I make these better? What should I do? Come on, think!"

Then an idea came to him. "Aha! What if I make them... make them glow?! No, that's not enough! I need to show Twilight I take this seriously! So what would show that this tea party means something? Something you won't get anywhere else?" He pondered as the glowing napkins stared back at him, as if daring him to do something. "Should I make them fly?" He contemplated as he did just that. "Yes, that'll work. But what else? Glow, fly, and..." Then he chuckled. "And fold! Yeah, perfect! Glow, fly, fold into fun shapes, perhaps? Oh I've got so many ideas, so little time."

Just then a very familiar bubbly voice called out. "Uh, Discord? You okay? You're talking to yourself, like literally talking to yourself if you know what I mean."

"Ah, Pinkie Pie! How funny to see you here!" Discord commented in surprise as he spun around and found himself face to face with the party pony.

"What are you talking about, Discord? I always come here," Pinkie replied with a confused look before she giggled. "This is the only place in Ponyville where I can stock up on supplies. Parties don't plan themselves you know."

Discord giggled back. "Of course I know, I've heard about your party planning cave. Your secret's safe with me by the way," Then he changed the subject after giving a knowing wink. "As the party pony and the first friend Princess Twilight ever made here in Ponyville, you're just the sort of pony I needed to run into. I need your advice. I'm hosting a tea party for Twilight, and it has to be perfect. No! It has to be even better than perfect!"

"Well that's funny!" Pinkie commented. "Twilight told me this morning that the tea party was tomorrow. Said she was really looking forward to it even if it was in your dimension."

Discord gasped! "Tomorrow?! Oh my gosh, I must've gotten the dates mixed up! Quick, tell me I've got everything I need for the party! Tell me I'm not forgetting anything!"

The pink party pony just waved a hoof. "Oh, Discord. You're waaaaaay overthinking things. You just need to make Twilight comfortable. It should be pretty easy for you though. Sorry I can't help, but I've got lots of other parties to shop for. Such is the life of a party pony."

The spirit breathed a small sigh of relief. "Thanks for the heads up, Pinkie. I would've hated to have come home and not set things up properly for Twilight's visit. You really know how to cheer me up."

"Eh, it's what I do," Pinkie declared and bounced away. "Now where can I find the glowing, flying, self-folding napkins?"

Discord returned to his dimension, thinking over and over again about the advice Pinkie had given him. "Make Twilight feel comfortable, make Twilight feel comfortable, comfortable, comfortable... Well, I mean, that shouldn't be a problem. This is me we're talking about here."

But when Discord opened the door to his house he found himself suddenly stricken with a sense of dread. The sentient pinata from earlier was sneezing, bouncing up and down before it jumped into the nearby portal. A miniature volcano bubbled, spewing tiny bits of lava from its top. The flying teapot bumped into everything in its path. And the singing ginseng floated around.

"Oh dear. This... might be a problem," Discord thought out loud. Then he shook his head. "No, I can't think like that now! Maybe it's not as bad as I think it is? Maybe I just... need to get a second opinion on this? Yeah, that's it. A second opinion!"

Unfortunately, when the other Discord was brought in and observed the state of the house, he let out a gasp as his eyes widened with horror! He picked up the newspaper he'd been reading and hit his other self over the head with it. "What were you thinking?! Twilight would never be comfortable in a place like this! What do you have to say for yourself?! Can't you do anything right?!"

"I was just trying to make the tea party different and special like me. But all I did was make it chaotic and weird... like me," The original Discord explained. "Oh, what if those ponies at the tea shop and the china shop were right? If Twilight sees this she'll be weirded out and probably won't wanna be friends anymore! Why did I think I could do this?!" He began to breath rapidly into a paper bag his other self had provided for him.

The other Discord spoke in a much calmer tone of voice. "Relax! We can fix this but we'll have to be fast. This job's too big for one draconequus to do alone though. Time to call in the team." He opened the door and several other Discords dressed in hard hats came walking in.

"Okay, chief. So what's the plan?" One of the hard hatted Discords asked.

"Good question, actually," The original Discord pondered as he walked around and his other selves followed him. "What to do, what to do, what to do... Oh! I've got it!" After his other selves had finished bumping into him with a series of loud bonks, he instructed. "It's simple, we know Twilight and we know what she likes. Since she's our guest we need to make her feel at home. So first of all, we need to get rid of all the new stuff."

The second Discord barked out to the others. "You heard him, men! Strike the new stuff, pronto!"

The Discords quickly went to work, removing anything and everything chaotic that had been added just this past day. The glowing, flying, self-folding napkins were sucked up and stored away. The singing ginseng was boxed up when it flew past. And the pinata was chased away when one Discord summoned a bunch of bats to chase it.

"Pinatas hate bats." The Discord had explained.

Meanwhile, another Discord finished stamping the package with the singing ginseng inside it. "Enjoy your all-expense-paid trip around Equestria! Don't forget to write!"

Then the worker Discords sat on one of the sofas, some pulling out lunchboxes. The original Discord approached them all. "Well done, everybody, but there's still more work to do. No time for breaks."

The Discords all groaned and one complained. "We haven't eaten all day! We're not paid to work like this!'

"We're not paid, period," Another Discord remarked. "We don't even work for peanuts. If the boss says to work, we work. What next, chief?"

The original Discord just answered. "Well, we need to start making this place feel more like Twilight and less like me. So we gotta start thinking about what the princess would want," He eyed some floating furniture and remarked. "For example, Twilight just loves comfy chairs but not on the ceiling," With a snap of his talons he brought the chairs down to the ground. "I'm also quite certain she prefers stairs that actually go somewhere," He stretched out a nearby staircase, turning it into a rug. "And although we never actually discussed it, I'm pretty sure the princess likes gravity." With another snap of his fingers, he made everything that had been suspended or floating in the air plant itself rightside up on the ground.

The process repeated itself for several minutes, with Discord walking around the entire house and making everything less and less chaotic. As he did so his paws became red hot and began to steam. By the time it was done he had to blow on them with a fan to cool them off. As he did so, he swore he could feel something changing inside of him. But he dismissed it. "It'll pass with time, I'm sure." He thought.

Meanwhile, his entire house had become almost like any house you might have seen in Ponyville. There wasn't a trace of chaos anywhere to be found.

"Bah! How, boring. Er I mean, normal." The second Discord corrected himself.

Discord nodded to his other self. "Why thank you!"

The second Discord went on to say. "The window treatments are perfectly unexceptional. I daresay you can't get any more normal than this."

Discord just smiled. "Oh but we're not done yet, folks! There's still one thing we need to do."

The second Discord seemed to gulp. "You don't mean..."

Discord nodded. "Mm-hmm."

And the Discords all said at once! "Makeover time!"

Discord proceeded to pose in a variety of outfits. He first tried on a long, flowing, scarlet robe with a dark brown wig.

The other Discords served as judges and the first among them brushed him off. "Hating it. Try again."

Discord next tried to wear sunglasses, a baseball cap, and a golden chain. But the pants he wore with it fell down.

"Wait... nevermind, still hating it." The Discord declared.

A few more outfits flew by with only a response of "Hating it.", but then Discord posed in a lovely red sweater with glasses on his face. There was a pause before the other Discord declared. "Hating... how much I love it!"

After that, Discord got a hair cut. He tried all sorts of styles but none were to his liking. In fact, one came with a swarm of angry bees that chased out of the chair he'd been sitting in.

The last thing Discord needed to prepare himself, was a quick trial run. Another Discord was currently posing as a stuffed plushie version of Twilight. "Okay, let's give these conversation cards a whirl," And he cleared his throat. "'It is very nice to see you today.' 'Have you read any good books lately?' 'Your garden looks positively lovely.'"

The Discords all cheered, everything was ready!

Discord looked around as his other selves vanished. "Hm, strange .For the first time in my life, I don't feel quite strange. In fact, I feel... completely normal," He commented. "Feels like something is off. like there's that tingling sensation inside that won't go away. Oh well, it can't be helped. What matters is that everything is as it should be for the princess," He put on his glasses, just as the clock chimed three times. "And just in time! Twilight will be here any minute. Hope she likes the new me."

The door opened as Discord held it out for his guest. Twilight smiled. "Hello, Discord. I'm so excited to finally see where you live! I never even knew you had a place to call your own."

Discord smiled. "Please do come in," He bowed. "And don't mind the view, I've just done a little bit of cleaning up in here. All necessary and proper to accommodate you, you understand."

"Cleaning up?" Twilight questioned. "Discord, what is going on..." But as she stepped inside the young alicorn was taken aback at how... normal everything seemed to be. She had expected almost anything, except for this. Normal was the last thing she would've ever imagined to see in Discord's house.

"Is something amiss, princess?" Discord asked his guest. "If there is, I can change it."

Twilight shook her head. "Oh uh, no, no, not at all. It's just not what I expected. But it's quite... lovely I suppose."

The spirit nodded. "Knew you'd see it my way. Please have a seat, the tea will be ready shortly."

"A seat, huh? Where is it? Do I have to look for it?" Twilight pondered.

"No, it's right here on the floor. Where it should be." Discord instructed.

"Oh, right. I see how it is." Twilight blushed but still sat in the comfortable armchair provided.

Discord emerged a second later with a plain white tea kettle and some plain white tea cups. In a plain tone of voice he continued to drone on. "I think you'll be quite pleased with the green tea I've selected for us today. I had planned on ginseng but it's currently 'out of stock' shall we say."

"Green tea, huh?" Twilight questioned as she eyed the beverage. "Does it do anything like maybe turn us green? Or is it really jealous of the other teas? Maybe it's green because it's new?"

"No no, none of those things. It just tastes very delicious from what I've been told," Discord explained, pouring some into a cup before he sat down on a nearby sofa. The spirit was silent but for a moment before he started to make small talk. "What particularly nice weather we're having today."

In between idle sips of her tea, Twilight nervously replied. "I suppose that's true, haven't really noticed. Guess I need to get out a bit more often."

The princess expected some kind of teasing remark from Discord about her studying habits and bookworm tendencies, but he said nothing on the matter. He just replied with. "It did rain the other day, however. What a terrible thing that was."

"Uh-huh..." Twilight answered and trailed off. She couldn't shake the feeling that something was off, Discord had never acted this normal before. And to tell the truth it made her very uncomfortable. This had to be some kind of elaborate joke or something. There's no other reason why Discord would be normal, right?

The spirit only continued with his current line of topic. "But the weather today is particularly nice. ...As I previously mentioned. Would you care for some milk toast, my friend?"

Twilight eyed the spirit. "Um, Discord, are you... feeling okay? Are you perhaps sick or something?"

"Sick? Me? I don't think so," Discord answered. "Is something the matter?"

Twilight tried not to gulp. "It's just... what you're wearing. And also what you're saying. And also the way you're saying it. And, um, pretty much everything else. You're not acting like yourself. And I wanna know why."

"What is there to know, Twilight? I'm simply normal today and that's all there is to it," Discord flatly answered. "Now, let me top you off," He moved to grab the tea kettle, only to somehow have it slip from his grasp. "Oops! Butterfingers! How embarrassing." He tried to pick up the fallen kettle but to his surprise his paw went right through it, as if it didn't even exist in the first place.

A fact that did not go unnoticed by the worried Twilight. "Discord, what's going on? This isn't like you."

"I have... no idea. This has never happened before." The spirit replied. As he spoke he seemed to be unaware that he was slowly becoming more and more transparent.

But Twilight did and she became alarmed! "Discord! You're starting to fade away! If this keeps up you'll cease to exist entirely, there won't even be a ghost!"

If Discord was concerned by that troubling fact he didn't appear to acknowledge it with his reply. "Oh, you don't say... Have you read any good books lately? Or maybe tried the scones? They're positively delectable. The secret is in the extra butter."

"Discord, do you even hear yourself right now?! Do you even realize what you're saying?!" Twilight demanded. "This isn't you! Snap out of it, already! Get a hold of yourself! You're starting to make me worry, and we both know what happens when I start to worry."

"Princess, I assure you that everything is just fine. This is just a passing thing. It will stop in time, I'm sure," Discord flatly answered. "This is just me being me. Acting normal for once."

"Except it's not you! It's you acting like everyone else, like someone took the Discord out of you!" Twilight protested. "If your goal was to make me worry you've succeeded, so drop the act and start acting like the Discord I know. The Discord who's always ready with a snappy remark. The Discord who pops up when you least expect him to."

The spirit let out a gulp. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm just being normal because that's what you'd want, what everyone except Fluttershy wants. But she's only one friend, and she likes me no matter what I do." As he spoke he became more and more transparent.

Twilight let out a nervous squeak. "The more you do it, the more you fade away! Of course! You're a creature of pure chaos! Being normal is destroying you from within!"

Discord's response was to laugh. But it didn't sound like his usual, cheerful kind of laugh. It sounded like the kind of polite but fake laugh you put on when you wanted to pretend to be nice. "How interesting. You know, that reminds me of something I heard at the market today."

"Stop it, okay?! Are you trying to freak me out?!" Twilight pleaded with the spirit. "Come on, Discord! Think about yourself! This can't be what you want. You need to go back to being your not-normal normal self! Quick, Discord! Uh, do something chaotic before it's too late! Please! If not for my sake than surely for yours."

Despite his transparent state, Discord rose from the couch he'd been sitting on and he nervously answered the request. "Do something chaotic? I'll try..." He moved to snap his talons but nothing happened. A faint squeak was heard but it was so soft you could barely hear it. "Ohhhh, that's not good..." He trailed off in anxiety.

Twilight started to whimper. "Well then, I guess it's up to me. Alright, think, what would be chaotic?" She eyed her tea cup and got an idea. "Well, what if I..." She lifted up a hoof and knocked the tea cup on its side (it was empty). She tried her best to sound worried. "Oh, no! I tipped over that cup! That's pretty chaotic, right? I mean, it was empty this time but we could just pretend it wasn't. There'd be a huge spill for us to clean up."

Discord yawned and faded away some more.

"Not enough, huh? Okay, how about I..." Twilight eyed the sandwich platter, rotated it, and bit into every sandwich. With her mouth still full of crumbs she commented. "Oh, my! Talking with food in my mouth after taking a bite from every sandwich!" Then she swallowed them all and stuck out her tongue. "How wacky is that?! Doing anything for ya, Discord? Come on, it has to count for something."

The only response was a yawn from Discord, still fading away.

The young alicorn quickly realized that her methods weren't working. Discord would need much more chaos than random, isolated acts to return to normal. "Still not working. Hmm. Maybe I need to start thinking like you. Ohhh... What would Discord do?" It took her but a moment to come up with the answer. "Well, I guess he'd probably make another version of himself to bounce ideas off of. Like this," She tipped over the sandwich platter, gazing into her reflection from its shiny surface. "But one wouldn't be enough. He'd need more! Way more!" She began to fly all around the room, scooping up any reflective objects she could find. And then she put them all together on the table, surrounding herself with her reflection.

She proceeded to speak to them as if they were exact copies of herself. "Hello there, Twilights! Got any ideas on how we can Discord up this tea party?" She giggled as she gave her reflections a higher pitched, bubbly voice not unlike what Pinkie Pie would sound like. "Hello, Twilight! Thanks for asking. First of all, you gotta redecorate this place. I mean, this is where Discord lives! And you're telling me there aren't any stairs that lead to nowhere?"

"I'm on it!" Twilight declared and zoomed away. She began to push a whole bunch of objects close together, sorting them so you could climb on top of each one to reach the next. "Well that's a start... but it still needs something," Her eyes fell upon the rug that looked like stairs. She quickly draped it over the objects. "That's more like it!"

The princess spun around and happened to notice a shimmer on Discord. "Great, it's working! Okay, what else?" She looked back at her reflections. "Furniture on the ground? So predictable! So let's put them where they don't belong!" And she did just that, hammering several chairs and even the couch to the ceiling and leaving them suspended like that. Her efforts were rewarded with a much brighter shimmer on Discord.

Twilight then turned her attention to the lounge chair resting all alone in the corner of the room. "And he'd have a chaise lounge that would actually chase you! Because he's funny like that!" She trotted up to it and poked it like it was an actual animal, proceeding to taunt it. "Bet you can't catch me!" She ran away even though she knew it couldn't really chase her.

Discord observed the whole scene with a smile on his face, all the while eyeing his fingertips. At last he was able to snap his paws again and let he out a triumphant laugh! "Yes! I'm back to my old chaotic self!" He proceeded to make the chaise lounge come to life and actually chase after Twilight, said lounge panting like an eager dog.

"You'd have a special kind of tea too, wouldn't you?" Twilight asked the spirit. "Like a ginseng that could really sing!"

The spirit laughed in his throat as he proudly declared! "I would. I-I would! One order of singing ginseng coming right up!" With another snap of his paws he brought back the box containing the ginseng, watching as it floated out of the box covered with stamps and postmarks from all over Equestria.

The ginseng started to sing and float around the room. Twilight just smiled. "And knowing you, you'd serve it on a floating, upside down table! Although we've never talked about it, I'm pretty sure Discord hates gravity!"

"Oh I do! After all, who wants to be tethered to the ground when you can do this?" Discord asked as he snapped his talons, returning things to their previous state of no gravity at all.

Twilight let out a laugh. "Ah, now that's the Discord I know! You had me really worried there for a bit."

"You? Worried about me? Since when?" Discord questioned. "After all the things I've done, after the number of times I've caused trouble for you and your friends, you still worry about me?"

"Look, Discord, I may not always understand or appreciate what you do for fun. But we are still friends," Twilight told him. "I can't expect you to completely change who you are for my sake, any more than you could expect me to change for your sake. No one ever said friendships were perfect, no one ever said friends can't get on each others' nerves. In every case where you've caused trouble, nothing's gone wrong that couldn't be undone. Tree Hugger was spared, the Smooze was tamed, you opened up about your feelings, and everything was fine," Then she added. "Besides, you already went without chaos once before to save me and my friends. That, to me, is the hallmark of a good friend. Why would you ever think that we couldn't get along?"

Discord sighed. "I've seen the way other ponies look at me. The way they always question everything I say and do. You and I, we must not make sense to any of them."

"So who cares if they don't think it make sense. We make sense, and that's good enough for me," Twilight proudly declared! "It's nice that you wanted to change and clean up. It's fine to want to be a better you. But it shouldn't come at the expense of sacrificing what makes you who you are. Chaos is your bread and butter. If you asked me to give up books for a living, do you think I could do it?"

"Well, no, but..." Discord began.

"Exactly!" Twilight declared. "So why should you have to give up chaos just because you think that's what I'd want? What I'm trying to say is that I like you because you're so different from me. You're like Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash, only twenty times more wacky and unpredictable. Besides, what's Discord without a little chaos?"

"Well in that case, I won't be needing this anymore!" Discord eagerly replied as he yanked off the sweater. To his surprise he found himself in the stuffed Twilight plushie costume. "Oops! I forgot I still had this on! Why did I forget to take it off?"

Twilight just giggled as Discord made the suit vanish with a poof. "Now then, about that tea party... It's not too late to still have it, right?"

"You know we'll have to catch the sandwiches ourselves," Discord explained. "And there's going to be some other guests, including a sneezing pinata."

Twilight smiled. "For you, Discord, that's more than anything I could hope for!"

S8 E4: Fake It 'Til You Make It (What If?) (Bonus Chapter)

Author's Note

This one's probably a little easier to justify, but nevertheless I'm still going to explain it. "Fake It 'Til You Make It" was just another Fluttershy learns to stand up for herself episode that tried to disguise itself as something else entirely. What few good moments there might have been were overshadowed by how paper thin the plot was (after Fluttershy helps that first customer it feels like the episode could've ended there if not for the run time).

Meanwhile, Coco Pommel is completely absent for unexplained reasons, Sassy Saddles is reduced to a mute, and we get the first hint of how restrictive the school is to plots with the whole "I can't do this because of the school" (in this case Rarity has already asked everyone else and they're all unavailable, with Twilight in particular being absent because of the school). Yet we never get any clarification how Rarity can leave her classes with no specified replacement.

So instead, I decided to shift the focus to Sassy Saddles who got bumped into the intro in Season 8. It feels ridiculous to have added her only to not do anything with her (same goes for Shining Armor, who Season 8 seemed to pretend didn't exist). And also give the student six more episodes considering they were sorely lack all season (only a total of seven episodes focused directly or indirectly on them, with only two more having them along for the ride and two unrelated ones involving just Smolder).

Episodes to be rewritten:
~~Bloom and Gloom~~
~~The Times They Are a Changeling~~
~~Discordant Harmony (Bonus Chapter)~~
~~Fake It 'Til You Make It (Bonus Chapter)~~
The Parent Tracks Parts 1 and 2 (Two parter of the Parent Map)
Molt Down
Marks for Effort
A Matter of Principals
Friendship University
Yakity-Sax
The Washouts
A Rockhoof and a Hard Place
Mother Knows Least? (Father Knows Beast)

S8 E4: Fake It 'Til You Make It (What If?) (Bonus Chapter)

Sassy Saddles could hardly believe the turn of events that transpired when her boss, Rarity, came bursting through the doors of Canterlot Carousel. The fashionista looked quite out of breath if the heavy panting was any indication. "Sassy! Oh thank goodness you're still here!" She exclaimed with relief. "I was worried you might have already closed up shop for the day!"

"Of course I'm still here, Rarity. Why would I be anywhere else?" Sassy Saddles innocently replied. "Whatever is the matter?"

"No time to explain, I need to get you on the next train to Ponyville!" Rarity answered. "You're my last hope! I've already asked everypony I can think of, not one of them can cover for me."

Sassy arched an eyebrow upward. "Do you mean your classes at that new school Twilight established? I've been meaning to go see it myself but have sadly never found the time."

Rarity nodded as she trotted up to Sassy and took her by the hoof. "Of all the days for that big fashion expo to fall on, it had to be a day when everypony else is double booked! But I didn't have the heart to tell Twilight to cancel my generosity classes, especially not when she's neck deep in planning the school year and schedule."

"But why do you need me? I've never been in a classroom before!" Sassy protested quite firmly. "Besides, who's going to watch Canterlot Carousel in my absence? You can't possibly expect a boutique like this to run itself."

"Not to worry, Coco Pommel will do your work," Rarity explained. "She's already got other sales associates to cover for her at Rarity For You. Now hurry, we're wasting time! That train will leave soon!" And she yanked Sassy away before the mare could utter a single syllable of protest.

Sassy let out a sigh. "How do I get into these kinds of situations?" She thought to herself. "Me? Setting hoof inside a school of friendship? I don't even know my way around Ponyville, let alone this school. I can't possibly be a substitute teacher even just for a day, can I?" The unicorn was about to find out.

Despite a relatively relaxing train ride to Ponyville, Sassy's nerves were still anything but calmed by the time she set hoof in the town proper. Especially since this was her first time ever being in it. At best prior to this she had heard it.

The same went for the School of Friendship, though the mare had to admit it was a gorgeous construction for a place like Ponyville. Almost too good for it you might say, almost being the key word.

Even so the unicorn knew better than to comment on building design. She was not an expert on that at all. So she just allowed herself to be led along by her boss, straight through the front doors of the school.

It wasn't long before Sassy had been brought into the headmare's office, and in this case the headmare was Twilight.

Twilight was (needless to say) a bit surprised to see Sassy Saddles of all ponies. "Oh, Sassy. What brings you to Ponyville? Here for a fashion show or something?"

Rarity stepped forward, clearing her throat. "Actually, Twilight, Sassy is here for a non fashioned related emergency. I daresay it's the first such emergency she's ever had to deal with."

"Oh, so you mean you're going to have her be a substitute teacher for your classes tomorrow?" Twilight deduced Rarity's logic. "Rarity, are you sure that's a good idea? I could easily get Cheerilee to fill the spot, or even cancel your classes and just give the students a paper assignment. Sassy hasn't been in a school environment at all."

"Neither have I, darling. Yet that didn't stop you from making me a teacher," Rarity explained. "I've had the honor to work with Sassy for a very long time now. I wouldn't ask her to do something if I had any doubts that she could pull it off. She was the best option available to me on short notice."

Sassy tried not to stammer. "What Rarity said. I'm... willing to be teacher for a day. It can't be any harder than managing a boutique all by myself, right?"

"Sassy are you sure you're up for it?" Twilight asked the unicorn. "This isn't a traditional school. Here at the School of Friendship we teach to ponies and non-ponies alike, and we teach them about the importance of virtues like generosity and loyalty."

Sassy waved a hoof. "Oh satin and silk, Twilight. You make it sound like I couldn't tell a blanket stitch from a machine stitch, or tell the difference between a cherry colored and a cinnamon colored ribbon. Compared to those things, being a substitute teacher will be easy enough."

Rarity beamed. "That's the spirit, Sassy! I knew you'd come around to my way of thinking! I guess it's all settled then."

"I guess it is," Twilight nodded. "Congratulations, Sassy. You're officially Rarity's substitute! I expect you here bright and early tomorrow. And don't worry, everything you need will be provided for you," Then she breathed a sigh of relief. "For a moment there, I was really afraid I'd have to postpone the lesson planning and figure out how to handle the first ever cancelled class."

Sassy laughed a bit. "Thank goodness that didn't happen." But on the inside she felt dreadfully nervous. "I can't believe I'm going through with this! I don't even know what came over me!" She thought. "I sincerely hope I haven't bitten off more than I could chew."

The next day came sooner than anyone would've expected. Sassy's worries kept her awake for most of the night and it was a miracle to her that she had ever managed to fall asleep. All the same when her alarm clock went off at the hotel room she was staying in, she was wide awake and ready to go.

The mare with a light blue coat trotted over to the school (she was never big on teleportation, took too much out of her) and found Twilight was already there, waiting for her with a big smile on her face! "Great, you're here! Right this way, please! And thanks again for agreeing to this, you're a life saver, Sassy! I mean it!"

"Bells and buttons, Twilight. You don't need to make such a big deal out of it!" Sassy protested. "I'm already quite jittery as it is. Do you think the students will accept me the way they've accepted Rarity?"

Twilight nodded. "They're a very understanding bunch, most of them are anyway," She led Sassy through the school, eventually stopping at a rather large classroom on the second floor. "Oh, by the way, Rarity wanted me to apologize in advance to you."

"Apologize? For what?" Sassy wondered even though she was certain she would regret asking.

"Because she had to catch the earliest possible train to that fashion expo, she didn't have time to set up a lesson plan for you," Twilight explained. "I'm afraid you'll have to wing it as best you can. Remember, you're teaching about generosity. The lesson needs to be something involving generosity."

Sassy gulped. "And I have to do that for every class?"

"Yes. Luckily, the biggest class is the first one of the day," Twilight replied to the frightened mare. "And most of the students aren't fully awake yet. Just do the best you can and don't hesitate to call me if you need help. My office is down the stairs and off to the left hoof side. You can't miss it. Best of luck, Sassy." And she departed with a waving hoof.

"Well, no turning back now. Nothing left to do but get out there and try to 'teach' the students!" Sassy thought to herself as she trotted into the classroom! "Time to buck up, Sassy! Remember the first rule they taught you in fashion pony school: Never let them see you tremble! If you show weakness the students will take advantage of it."

But just after Sassy had entered the classroom the bell rang to signal the start of the school day. Within mere moments the hallway was full of students all running, flying, or doing whatever kind of travel they preferred. The noise was deafening.

And then a sizeable portion of the crowd broke off and entered her classroom, taking their seats wherever they were available. What struck the mare as odd, was the fact that the lone griffon, dragon, changeling, yak, and hippogriff all sat next to each other in the front of the classroom. As did an unfamiliar earth pony colt with a coat that looked like sand you'd find on the beach.

The classroom was deathly silent for a moment as all the students eyed the stranger in their midst with varying looks of worry, hope, and most of all confusion.

At last, the blue feathered griffon broke the silence. "A substitute teacher, huh? Let me tell you how things work around here. We get lectures but no homework. And don't be alarmed if some of us slip out early or do other things."

The earth pony colt shot back a glare. "Gallus, don't be trying to take advantage of the substitute! That's not very generous of you," And then to Sassy he apologized. "Sorry about Gallus, he just likes to mess with others. It's a griffon thing I guess. By the way, name's Sandbar."

"Who are you, teacher?" The lone changeling asked. "I don't believe Professor Rarity's ever mentioned you before."

"Really?" Sassy responded. "She has never once mentioned her esteemed business partners? Not even off hoofedly? Well we shall soon correct that!" She picked up some chalk with her magic, writing her name on the board. "I am Sassy Saddles, and I shall be filling in for Professor Rarity today as she is attending an important fashion expo."

A pink feathered hippogriff cheerfully declared in a bubbly voice. "Ooh! I'm liking the sound of your voice! It's so... so... well I don't know what it is but it's nothing I've ever heard before! Even Professor Rarity doesn't talk like that!"

"Yona not care what pony sound like," The yak burst out. "Yona just here to learn about generosity, whatever generosity means. Professor Sassy Saddles going to teach us about generosity?"

Sassy tried not to blush. "Bless my buttons, you don't need to call me Professor Sassy Saddles! Just Sassy will do."

"You're our substitute teacher though, aren't you?" The orange scaled dragon questioned. "So that makes you a professor too, right? Not that I care, you ponies all have weird sounding names anyway."

"Well before I can teach you anything," Sassy declared as she picked up a clipboard. "There is the matter of attendance. After all, I need to know your names don't I?"

Sassy soon learned the names of the students. What struck her as most odd was that Sandbar, Gallus (the griffon), Smolder (the dragon), Yona (the yak), Ocellus (the changeling), and Silverstream (the hippogriff) seemed to be attached to each other. Perhaps they were friends, or maybe they were just really good classmates. The mare didn't really know either way.

But now there was the subject of teaching. Sassy would've been at a loss in just a regular classroom, but in one that was supposed to be about generosity she was beyond stumped. How did one teach generosity? How did one provide an example of it for the classroom?

The solution would come in the most unexpected of ways. Smolder looked at the substitute and without even waiting to be called on she blurted out. "So, what's with that long black dress you're wearing? Hardly anyone at this school wears any kind of clothing, aside from that hat Professor Applejack likes to wear for some reason."

The mare eyed the dress. "Oh, this little thing?" All of a sudden, an idea came to her. The answer to all her problems for the time being. "Well actually, there's a very fascinating story behind it. One that has to do with the very nature of generosity itself."

"Does it have a sappy ending where everything works out okay in the end? Seems like that's how most pony stories end," Smolder commented with a gag. "If I'd known this is what I was gonna get out of class today I'd have skipped it."

"And then you'd miss out on this awesome story that's about to be told!" Silverstream protested. "Come on, Professor Sassy! You gotta tell us!"

Yona pounded her desk in excitement! "Yes! Pony tell us how story behind dress is related to generosity and how we can learn about it. Yona ready to learn!"

All the other students leaned forward in their seats as well, their eyes all glued to Sassy now that she had captivated their attention.

The unicorn mare smiled. "Alright, I'll tell you. It all started back when yours truly was just starting out in the fashion world. Back when I was but a humble, low level intern for none other than Hoity Toity."

"Who?" Gallus asked.

"None other than one of the most magnificent fashion hot shots in the entire history of fashion hot shots!" Sandbar explained. "Now be quiet so I can hear the story!"

Sassy cleared her throat. "As I was saying. I was an intern for Hoity Toity, working at one of his boutiques in Canterlot." The memory started to come flooding back to her, as if it had all happened just yesterday.

Back when it had happened, Sassy was only slightly different from how she was now. While her mane and tail were still shaded, the style was not the same. Sassy had styled it so that it went into a bit of a bang over her left eye, while the right side hung like a ponytail. She was also a tad bit smaller in stature.

On most days she would be behind the counter, ringing up orders for whatever customers came in. Occasionally she might say something besides the usual "Thank you" or "Here's your change", but not often. Fresh out of fashion school (where she'd graduated in the middle of her class), the unicorn lacked the confidence (or mannerisms for that matter) that would later be associated with her. She also didn't yet wear that dress which nowadays she could never see herself parting with.

However, this was the day that would all change. And it had started out simple enough.

Hoity Toity clapped his hooves. "Sassy? Sassy Saddles? Would you come here for a bit, please?"

Sassy reluctantly trotted out from behind the counter. Very rarely did her boss call out to her like this and the few times he had it hadn't been for good reasons. So she was more than a little anxious as she approached the stallion for whom she currently worked. "Yes, boss? Did I do something wrong?"

Hoity Toity shook his head. "Absolutely not, Sassy. You've been a fine intern these past few weeks here at Fashion Is Us and I'm quite pleased with your work so far," With a smile on his face he lifted up his sunglasses and added. "Now you must learn how to manage the boutique itself. In particular, you'll need to learn how to deal with customers in a timely manner. No two customers are exactly the same, but our policy here at Fashion Is Us is always the same: 'The customer is always right.'"

"Always, sir?" Sassy questioned. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I've seen ponies come in here with barely an idea as to what they want. How can they always be right?"

Hoity simply smiled. "It can be so easy for those of us who've been around the block to assume we know what's best for our customers. That we're better than them. By focusing on the customers, by telling ourselves that they're always right, it keeps us humble. Humility is just as important as self-confidence, which is something you could stand to work on. You can't allow yourself to be so easily intimidated if you want to make a big splash in the fashion world some day."

The young intern tried to nod in sincerity, Hoity Toity had been telling her this for quite a while now but the lesson just didn't seem to be sticking. It's not that Sassy lacked confidence. But for some reason, all the knowledge and confidence left her the moment she was face to face with a customer. And it was always Hoity Toity or somepony else who was coming to her rescue.

Just then, there came the familiar jingling of the bell. An earth pony mare with a bright pink (and glittering) purse came trotting in.

Hoity Toity nudged Sassy forward. "Go on, my dear. The only way you'll learn is through experience. Give it a try."

Sassy tried her best to keep a straight face as she politely greeted the potential customer. "H-hello and welcome to Hoity Toity's Fashion Is Us, where we breath, sleep, and think fashion all day every day. M-my name is... S-Sassy Saddles. How can I... um, help you?"

"Yes," The mare replied. "I need something that's classic but can pass for modern. Something with drama but also understated if you know what I mean."

"Wait? Aren't those completely opposite of each other?" Sassy questioned. "I don't think you know what you want."

The mare simply snorted. "Excuse me, but who's the customer here? I know what I want, or was I speaking a foreign language somehow? Don't tell me that you're asking me how to do your job."

Hoity Toity stepped forward. "My apologies, madam. Sassy here is still learning the ropes. I think I have what you're looking for though. I'm thinking noir-esque minimalist but with a twist. Perhaps a tapered hem."

"No way!" The earth pony exclaimed! "That's exactly what I need! It's like you read my mind! Are you a mind reader?"

Hoity Toity just laughed. "Oh no, I'm no mind reader. I just have a knack for these sort of things. Now, step right this way and I'll ring it up."

Sassy watched the whole scene unfold, her eyes unable to focus on anything else. "Hoity Toity makes it look so easy! Why doesn't that mojo ever transfer to me when I need it most?" She thought.

After the customer had left, Hoity Toity trotted back over to Sassy. "I apologize for that, Sassy. That was a tough one for a pony like yourself to start out on."

"Oh Hoity, I just can't seem to keep my confidence when I'm talking to any of the customers," Sassy glumly remarked as she hung her head in sorrow. "What's wrong with me?"

Hoity put a hoof around his intern and reassured her. "Nothing's wrong with you, Sassy. You just need to find a way to bring out your inner strength," Then he eyed a long, black dress that was hung lonely in one of the dressing rooms, and an idea came to him. "Why not try a new outfit? Think of it as the costume for your role as... Shop Pony!" He exclaimed with realization. "You know what they say - 'clothes make the pony'. Put on that dress and style your mane some, you'll feel like a whole new pony."

"And you think that will work?" Sassy questioned. "I don't see how a change in outfit will make me any less nervous."

Hoity Toity grinned. "Oh you'll find out soon enough. Let's just say that you'll be surprised at how different you'll feel afterward."

"I'm... not sure. I kind of like who I am now." Sassy nervously declared.

But just then the door opened, and into the boutique trotted a dull brown coated unicorn stallion whose deep purple eyes seemed to reflect a look of impatience behind the red glasses on his snout. He was wearing a dark gray suit with a grayish-purple collar and a purple bow tie. And had a light-brown mane and tail as well as a cutie mark of scissors cutting through fabric. "Excuse me but what's the thread count of this shirt? I can't be seen in anything less than a thousand." He declared as he held up the left sleeve of his suit.

Hoity looked across to Sassy and gave her a knowing wink that seemed to convey "Get changed, I'll keep him busy."

Reluctantly, Sassy made her way to the dressing room where the black dress still hung. She took it off the hanger and put it on. Taking her boss' advice, she adjusted her mane so that it no longer fell into a bang or a curl. It was perfectly balanced on either side. She cleared her throat. "Severe but not unapproachable. Acceptable business attire," As she spoke she looked at herself in the mirror. "Hm, I... guess that's what a shop pony sounds like. I'll try it!" And then she approached the stallion Hoity had been idly conversing with earlier. "So sorry for the wait. The shop has some... staffing issues today." She apologized.

The stallion nodded. "Yes, well, I still haven't had an answer on this thread count. It's at least a thousand though, right?"

Sassy replied with bold confidence. "Here at Fashion Is Us you'll find that our merchandise defies any typical attempts to quantify its quality, but rest assured, it will make you the envy of all who see it."

The stallion smiled, satisfied with the answer. "Then in that case, I'll take three just like this one!" And he did just that, departing as soon as his purchase was rung up and he had payed for it.

Hoity Toity had to blink and rub his eyes to make sure he wasn't seeing things. This wasn't the same Sassy Saddles who had before been so easily intimidated by customers. But it didn't look like she had completely changed, on the outside she seemed to still be the same pony.

Sassy seemed to know what her boss was thinking, for she was quick to declare. "I can't believe that worked! You were right, boss. Clothes really do make the pony." Hoity Toity seemed to nod in agreement.

"Wait, is that it? That's the whole reason you wear that dress?" Silverstream questioned, snapping Sassy out of her memories. "I thought you were building to something much grander."

Smolder groaned. "I should've known you'd end it with one of those sappy pony story endings. I can't believe I actually fell for it this time."

"Now hold on, hold on! You're being much too hasty!" Sassy protested. "It wouldn't be much of a story if it just ended there. And there's still so much I have yet to tell. In fact, I'm just getting to the good part."

The students' ears all picked up. "Good part?" Gallus asked. "What do you mean by 'good part'?"

"Sassy obviously means to tell more of story! Professor must tell us what happened next!" Yona pleaded! "Yak love an exciting story like that."

Sandbar nodded and made a shushing motion with his hooves. "Quiet, everyone. Some of us are trying to listen. This story beats anything I could ever tell."

Sassy smiled. "Thank you, Sandbar. Now as I was saying, I'm just getting to the good part. At least, it's the good part in retrospect. At the time, I don't think Hoity Toity thought it was so good."

"Well, Sassy, I think we've finally found the answer to your problem!" Hoity Toity declared. "I knew I made the right call in bringing you on as an intern."

Sassy giggled. "Being a shop pony is great fun, and it's so easy. Don't know why I ever struggled with it before."

"We all have to begin somewhere, darling," Hoity advised. "But if you keep this up I see good things in your future. For now though, we'll alternate between customers. One success is fine but you can't let it convince you that suddenly you know everything."

"Actually, why don't you let me manage the boutique for a while? I want to know what I'm truly capeable of," Sassy pleaded with Hoity. "Please? This is my chance to put this internship to good use, and with it I feel I could go places!"

"I don't know, Sassy," Hoity pondered as he put a hoof to his chin. "I'd be taking a huge risk leaving the entirety of Fashion Is Us in your hooves. I'm not sure you're up to it just yet."

Undeterred, Sassy turned up the charm and the cajoling. "Please, sir. It'll only be for a few hours. After all, the day is already half over. And didn't you tell me that you expected great things out of me when you hired me?"

"Well, I did, but..." Hoity Toity began only to trail off.

Sassy pressed further. "So let me manage the boutique, just this once. And if it doesn't work out I promise I won't ask again, I'll wait until you think I'm ready."

Hoity tried his best, but he found himself unable to resist the pleading look Sassy was giving him. He always was a sucker for such pouty faces. "Oh, very well, Sassy. You've convinced me."

Sassy practically leaped for joy at that statement, pulling her boss close and giving him a bone crushing hug! "Oh! Thank you, sir! Thank you SO much! I won't let you down, I promise!"

Hoity nodded. "See that you don't. This actually works out for the better anyway, I had some errands I needed to get done but I was going to wait another day to do them. However, I shall do them now and return before the day is over." And with that, as if to make himself heard he departed the boutique.

Not long after Hoity had left, a rather plump unicorn mare with a dull purple coat came trotting in. She wore a sea green jacket, a light purple and white mane and tail, eyes a faint sea green, and jewelry on her ears, the hem of her jacket, and her legs.

"May I help you?" Sassy asked the unicorn.

The unicorn bluntly nodded. "Yes. I've got a bit of an accessory problem. As you can plainly see I like my accessories to be bold and shiny, and I'm just not seeing anything nearly bold and shiny enough."

Sassy only shook her head and told her fellow unicorn. "Well I'm afraid that bold and shiny won't work with your whole... modelle," She paused for a moment, then thought. "Perhaps... pointy."

"Pointy? Yes! I must have pointy!" The unicorn demanded and was soon "rewarded" by having a jewelry display placed atop her forehead, balancing very poorly on her horn.

But Sassy just held up a mirror with her magic and said. "Not everypony can pull off a found object, but you... nearly get there."

"Thank you! You've made my day!" The unicorn nodded and trotted away, appearing to ignore the wobbling display adorned atop her head.

Moments later, a pegasus mare roughly the same age and size as Sassy flew into the boutique. Her purple eyes reflected a look of impatience, which complimented her brownish-red mane and tail (the same color as the shirt she was currently wearing). She wore dark blue pants with a lighter blue scarf like appearance to the upper part, and had a grayish-green coat. "Hey, you there!" She demanded of Sassy. "I need, like, a red carpet glitz-and-glamour gown that's also casual, but, like, still artsy and a total head-turner. You know what I mean?"

With her usual confidence Sassy replied. "Yes. Casual chic prêt-à-porter is very branché this season as you will soon see."

The pegasus just waved a hoof, brushing aside the comments as if they meant nothing. "Like, I don't understand any of that stuff, so, like... I don't care about it? Now you gonna, like, help me out? Or do I, like, have to get the manager?"

"O-oh, no need for that!" Sassy pleaded as all of a sudden her newfound confidence seemed to leave her. "Uh, just a moment, please! I'll... I'll get right on it!" And she retreated to the safety of the back dressing room, panting and wiping the sweat from her brows. "Okay, Sassy, calm down. You can do this!" Then she noticed an old outfit out of the corner of her eye. "Although, a change of attire probably wouldn't hurt. If you want to think like the customer, you must first dress like the customer!"

And dress she did, the mare took off the black dress that had inspired her confidence just a short time ago and replaced it with a purple bowler hat with white trim, a matching jacket, and purplish-pink glasses. Then she came back out of the dressing room with a similar outfit for the pegasus. "Sorry to keep you waiting," She apologized. "Okay, listen. I've got, like, this high-key savage look for you, okay? It's a totally live ensemble with little, like, thingies that sparkle and will make the whole squad go, 'Whoa! That pony is 'woke'! Know what I mean?"

The pegasus mare nodded, scooping up the dress as she declared. "I do! That is, like, exactly what I need!"

But almost as soon as the pegasus mare had departed, an earth pony stallion dressed in nothing but a blackish-blue jacket (he'd even dyed his mane and tail black) looked around with his grayish-blue eyes reflecting a sense of not really caring about anything. In a gravely voice he demanded. "Ugh, this store is just a desperate wasteland of nothingness. Do you have anything in black?"

Like with the previous customer, Sassy found herself unable to feel confident with what she was currently dressed in. But that could easily be fixed. "Can you, like, chill for one sec? BRB," She declared and zipped away. She came back out a short time later with a plain black dress, and her eye lids painted black. "It's not like the futility of shopping can actually be made better with black leather and metal studs, but they help." She told the stallion in a voice equally as raspy as his.

The stallion hesitated for a moment, but then he took the jacket offered to him. "That jacket completes me. I guess I'm supposed to thank you."

"Hey, why'd you stop?" Ocellus questioned Sassy. "You just left off after you helped that pony find a black jacket. There's gotta be more to the story than that, right?"

Silverstream was leaning forward in her seat! "I never knew clothes could make a pony turn into entirely different personas! I wonder what would happen if I started dressing up?"

Sandbar only laughed. "Clothes don't make you transform. It's not the clothes that make the pony, it's the pony that makes the clothes. Whatever that's supposed to mean."

"This is something I didn't learn until it was almost too late," Sassy Saddles informed the class. "And the reason why I stopped is because... what happens next is something I'm not proud of. Something I consider perhaps my greatest failure in life, along with almost running Canterlot Carousel right into the ground."

Smolder wasn't deterred. "Hey, you came this far and class isn't letting out yet. So come on, Professor Sassy! Tell us what happened next! We're all ears!"

"Yona want more! Tell Yona more!" Yona eagerly demanded. "Ponies always stop stories in the middle of something interesting."

"You're sure you want to know? Like one hundred percent sure?" Sassy asked the students. "I assure you, it's not pretty. Not at all."

"Try us!" Gallus demanded. "Nothing phases us. Or at least, nothing phases me. I've heard just about everything in my life."

A quick glance around the classroom revealed to Sassy that she was outnumbered and likely outvoted on this decision. "Might as well give them what they want." She thought and cleared her throat. "All right. Just remember, you all asked for this. And I did warn you." And this is how the rest of her story unfolded:

Between the three roles she had created for herself, Sassy had no trouble changing back and forth between them in order to deal with the various customers that came in. "I should convince Hoity Toity to let me run things more often. I'm doing a bang up job!" She thought to herself.

Unfortunately, because it was so easy for the young mare to slip into the roles it was just as easy for the persona of the roles to overtake her. Soon she had forgotten all about trying to help the customers, each of her personas felt they knew far more than the customers.

Her "woke" persona started telling customers things like "Whoa, that color is, like, almost too lit for you? Don't you think?", and "I would srsly help you right now, but, like, I don't wanna, you know? You gotta, like, help yourself."

Her snobby persona began to make rude remarks such as "This here hemline is nothing short of an inspiration of fine craftsponyship. Are you really sure you deserve it?", and "I wouldn't think that it was actually possible to make something so dowdy even more matronly, but here you are, wasting everypony's time."

And her "flat" persona expressed such things as "The blackness of this vest is a reflection of your soul. Don't waste your time on it." and "It's like a scream in the void, empty and ultimately meaningless. So why even bother?"

This went on and on for quite some time, with aliennated customers piling up by the wayside. At last, just when it seemed like there was no end, who should come back into the boutique but Hoity Toity himself?

"What is going on here?!" The fashion expert demanded. "Sassy Saddles, what in the name of Celestia is the meaning of all this?!"

If Sassy Saddles was at all intimidated she didn't show it, for she just trotted up to Hoity Toity and kissed him lightly on the cheek while declaring in her snobbish voice. "Hoity Toity, I'm glad you're here. You are a pony who should understand that the couture in this shop is far too brilliant to even consider selling! Especially not to these ponies who clearly don't know what they want," Then she started to change to her "woke" persona. "You, like, totally get how lame these customers are? Ugh!" And then she adopted her "flat" persona. "Watching them all leave has filled me with a sweet sadness that will never be replaced."

Hoity Toity was silent for but a moment before something inside him snapped! He didn't usually raise his voice, so the fact that he did was an indication as to just how mad he was. "That does it! Sassy Saddles, you have forced my hoof on this matter! You leave me little choice," Looking her square in the eyes he gestured a hoof. "You are terminated! Now get out of my boutique!"

The snobbish Sassy Saddles (she had changed back while Hoity Toity was grumbling about "something") just declared. "Well, good luck trying to replace me! Humph, of all the nerve!"

"Well, thankfully I— " Hoity Toity began before he let out a squeak as the "meh" Sassy appeared before him.

"Thanks for getting rid of her," The "meh" Sassy flatly answered. "I always thought she was way too controlling."

Hoity Toity struggled not to rub his eyes. "You— you— you are terminated, too! Get out!"

The "meh" Sassy obeyed. "Whatever. Nothing lasts forever."

Hoity Toity breathed a sigh of relief, only to shriek again when the third and finally Sassy presented herself. "H-how?!"

The "woke" Sassy just giggled. "I know, right? I mean, uh, ugh? Whatever?"

"Well actually, you're, like, totally terminated as well! So, like, leave!" Hoity demanded.

"Like, okay. If you, like, insist." The "woke" Sassy replied and that was that.

Or at least, that's how it seemed to Hoity. But he was surprised when he saw Sassy return, still wearing the dress and the mane cut he'd last seen her in before leaving her to run the boutique. However, she seemed to have the persona of her pre-mane cut state considering what she next said. "I guess I owe everypony an apology, especially you, boss. I really wanted to prove I could make it here in the fashion big leagues, and I wanted so desperately to impress you. But it seems I might have taken my shop pony characters a little too far."

Hoity sighed. However, this time the sigh was one of compassion. "Sassy, this isn't what I meant when I said a new outfit could make you a whole new pony. I most certainly didn't want you to forsake the golden rule of my boutique: The customer is always right."

Sassy just hung her head in shame. "I'm really, truly sorry, sir. It just became so easy to lose myself in the roles I assigned to those costumes. It helped me to feel more confident and in control. But what I didn't realize was that I was losing control. The more I did it, the more I lost part of who I was until I became just another face, another character."

"You had the right idea originally, Sassy. Allowing yourself to adopt a new outlook and a new 'can do' attitude was fine," Hoity explained. "Of course you weren't going to automatically learn how to handle every single type of customer you'd meet. That's something you learn as you go along. By the time you get to my level of success, that's when you can safely say you know how the customer thinks. And even then, there's always a chance to learn something new. New types of customers come in all the time because fashion is always changing, just as we are always changing. Do you understand?"

"I... think I do," Sassy admitted even as she was scratching her head with a hoof. "I'm still terminated though, aren't I?"

Hoity nodded ever so reluctantly. "I'm afraid so. It's going to take a lot to lure back all the customers you drove away with your behavior, and while I believe in second chances what you did is not something I can just overlook."

"I understand, sir," Sassy reluctantly responded. "Wish me luck in my future career endeavors, wherever they may lead me."

"I'll do more than that, Sassy," Hoity smiled. "Despite what happened here today, you were a fine intern. I'll put in a good word for you if you wish to put me down as a contact, though if asked I won't deny this incident. Feel free to keep that dress, though. I've been trying and trying but I haven't found anypony who will take it. Perhaps it was meant to worn by you."

"And ever since that day, I have always worn this dress. It serves as a reminder to me that I am just a pony, and in my line of work the customer is always right." Sassy Saddles concluded.

Gallus raised a claw very reluctantly. "Not that that wasn't a 'compelling' story, but what does any of what you just told us have to do with generosity? Sounds more like a lesson in kindness, or honesty, or maybe even loyalty or laughter."

"That's... actually a valid point," Sandbar realized. "Why did you tell us this story, Professor Sassy?"

"Are you sure all of that really happened? Sounds like those 'tall tales' ponies like to tell." Ocellus commented.

Sassy nodded. "I assure you, it was as real as real can be. Just ask Hoity Toity, he still likes to talk about it from time to time. Never in public, you understand. Bad things always happen to ponies who gossip."

"But what about the generosity lesson?" Smolder asked. "We're supposed to be learning about it in this class. But class time's almost up and I don't think we've learned anything at all, let lone anything having to do with generosity?"

The unicorn mare just grinned. "Well, think about it, young ones. How would you define Hoity Toity's decision to not only let me run his boutique for a few hours, but also allow me to keep the dress I wear now?"

"This a pop quiz?" Yona inquired of Sassy. "Yak not good at pop quizzes."

"Oh seaquins and satin, of course it's not a pop quiz," Sassy chuckled. "I'm not one of those substitutes. Just think about the question I asked. The answer should be pretty obvious."

"Ooh! I'm not too good at thinking! My mind's always buzzing with ideas!" Silverstream complained. "So many things to study! Come on, brain! I need you to pull through for me on this one!"

To the surprise of everyone in the room it was Ocellus who got it first! "Of course! Now it all makes sense! That was generosity that Hoity Toity displayed in your story! And that's why you told it to us."

"Hey, Ocellus is right!" Sandbar realized and then with a grin he teased. "Pretty clever of you, Professor Sassy. You got to us learn without us ever knowing we were learning."

"That was my intention. Not bad for a first time substitute, wouldn't you agree?" Sassy Saddles asked the classroom with a wink.

"Wait! All this time you were a green horn?!" Gallus exclaimed! "You seemed so sure of yourself when you were teaching us."

Sassy winked again. "That's a testament to how great I am at getting into character without losing control of myself," Just then, the bell rang to signal the end of class. "Well, that's all for now. I assure you that this time tomorrow, I will not be here and Professor Rarity will be here. But if any of you are ever in Canterlot and should happen to stop at Canterlot Carousel, you'll probably see me."

"You mean, you're not going to be a substitute again? Even though you're good at it?" Silverstream asked as the students began to rise from their desks.

"Well... maybe I'll come back once or twice if there's a vacancy," Sassy decided. "It'll be unannounced in advance of course, no need to spoil the surprise." Yet in the back of her mind she was thinking. "Why did I just say that?!"

Sandbar chuckled slightly. "Well for what it's worth, you were an excellent substitute! We'll be sure to tell Professor Rarity how well you did! See you again soon, hopefully."

S8 E8: The Parent Tracks, Part 1 (The Parent Map What If?)

Author's Note

This was a suggestion from Comickook, who proposed the idea of making the rewrite of "The Parent Map" a two parter and splitting the focus. One part on Starlight and Firelight, the other part on Sunburst and Stellar Flare. In this case, the episodes being treated as a two parter would be done in the show's perspective to ensure the episodes were billed together and not broken apart if production order did not match episode order.

I once again borrow inspiration from milesprower06's fic "A Glimmer of the Past: Daddy Issues" which presented the headcanon that Starlight's mom died in childbirth. However, due to the nature of the fic and the content within in it, I will not link to it here.

I'll cover more of the problems plaguing the original "The Parent Map" in part two, but some of the biggest issues right off the bat are that it is a map mission that has no business being one (Sunburst has no ties to Ponyville besides Starlight, which is a distant connection at best) and the original plot involving whether to preserve the town's past or set up new shops for the future is resolved and discarded by the end of the first act and it isn't until the last few minutes that the real conflict is even revealed (Starlight and Sunburst's relationship with their parents).

And yes, there is the detail of Starlight being a latch key kid as was mentioned by Josh Haber (he said he planned to include parents for Starlight in flashbacks in both "The Cutie Re-Mark" and "The Crystalling" but they were cut).

Episodes to be rewritten:
~~Bloom and Gloom~~
~~The Times They Are a Changeling~~
~~Discordant Harmony (Bonus Chapter)~~
~~Fake It 'Til You Make It (Bonus Chapter)~~
The Parent Tracks Parts 1 and 2 (Two parter of The Parent Map)
Molt Down
Marks for Effort
A Matter of Principals
Friendship University
Yakity-Sax
The Washouts
A Rockhoof and a Hard Place
Mother Knows Least? (Father Knows Beast)

S8 E8: The Parent Tracks, Part 1 (The Parent Map What If?)

Whenever he wasn't busy serving as Flurry Heart's foalsitter (which was quite often), Sunburst liked to spend his days in his house with his nose stuck in a book. There were so many fascinating things to learn about. The Crystal Empire's library contained many ancient tomes and spell books that no one else had ever heard of before.

But today the crystaller's reading was interrupted by a knock on the door. With a light sigh the stallion rose from his comfortable reading position and went to answer the door.

On the other side stood a mail pony holding out a letter with a familiar red ribbon seal to it. Sunburst took the letter into his magic and thanked the mail pony for the delivery. But once safely back in the comfort of his own home and away from judging eyes, the stallion tossed the letter into a nearby wastebasket where several letters with a similar seal had already begun to pile up. The reasons for said pile up were known only to Sunburst himself and he was going to keep it that way. "I should probably tell the mail pony to stop delivering those letters to me, though. But you think by now the sender would've gotten the message, I don't want to come back home and I don't need to come back home," He thought quite firmly. "I'm perfectly fine where I am and nothing is going to change that!"

Just then, however, there was another knock at the door. Groaning a bit, Sunburst again rose to answer it. Despite the interruption he tried his best to put a smile on his face. "Yes?" He greeted, expecting a visitor.

Instead, it was the same mail pony as before. And this time he held out a letter that had no seal to it. "Just got this a short while ago. Express delivery." He informed Sunburst.

Sunburst accepted the letter without hesitation even as he wondered who it might be from or what it might say. He certainly hoped it wasn't a trick though.

Opening the letter, Sunburst's eyes scanned the letter from top to bottom. And when he had finished he nearly gasped in shock and surprise! "No, it can't be!"

The letter simply read:

Sunburst,

Come to Ponyville right away! There are some ponies here who'd like to meet us, and I think you know who I'm talking about.

Sincerely,

Starlight Glimmer

Fearing the worst, Sunburst immediately rushed out of his home and headed for the train station! If Starlight was calling him to Ponyville at a time like this, it could only mean one thing and he didn't like it at all.

One nagging thought lingered in his mind as the crystaller boarded the train for Ponyville a short time later. "Why'd it have to be them?"

The entire train ride to Ponyville lasted much shorter than Sunburst would've liked. Before he knew it he was stepping onto the platform, taking in the sights and sounds of Ponyville.

Of course the stallion with a coat of orange knew there was only one place where he had to go. Twilight's castle (which was now adjacent to the recently constructed School of Friendship). He sprinted away as fast as his legs would let him, even though another part of him told him he should take his time.

When at last Sunburst reached the castle, he was sweaty and out of breath. "It seemed like such a short distance from the station," He panted. "How does Starlight never tire out from constantly going back and forth all day?"

After taking a moment to catch his breath, Sunburst reluctantly lifted up a hoof and knocked on the castle doors. They swung open a moment later, as Spike was there to greet him. "Hey, Sunburst. Good to see you again." The little dragon spoke with a bright smile.

"Good to see you too, Spike. Now where's Starlight?" Sunburst asked.

"In the library of course," Spike replied. "Need me to show you the way? It's easy to get lost around here."

Sunburst shook his head in protest. "No thanks, Spike. I've been here before and I'm pretty sure I still know the way. The library is all the way down the hall and then the third door on the right, right?"

"Yup." Spike declared.

"Good, just making sure. Though to be honest, getting lost might actually be a good idea this time," The crystaller nervously admitted. "I mean, I know that'd be rude and everything, but considering who I'm about to meet I think you'd forgive me for thinking that way."

After only a little bit of searching Sunburst reached the throne room. The moment he'd been dreading ever since he'd gotten that letter from Starlight had finally arrived.

Pushing open the throne room doors, Sunburst's eyes immediately fell upon two very familiar ponies. The one on the left was a unicorn stallion with a grayish-purple coat considerably darker than Starlight's, a two tone sea green mane and tail that looked like toothpaste, brown eyes, and a cutie mark depicting a flickering flame. He wore a red buttoned jacket with a yellow necktie.

But it was the mare on the right who attracted Sunburst's attention more. She was a unicorn with a brilliant orange coat, except for the very pale apple green splotches on the bottom of her hooves. She had very brilliant (and light) green eyes, a curly mane and tail three shades of moderate scarlet, and a cutie mark depicting an orange swirl with a sun in it. She currently had a blue necktie and a pearl necklace on. Sunburst recognized her at once, she was his mother: Stellar Flare. And the stallion accompanying her could only be Firelight, Starlight's father.

"Ah, there you are, Sunburst," Stellar Flare happily declared. "We've been waiting for almost half an hour now. You know it's very rude to keep guests waiting."

"Good to see you too, Mom." Sunburst grumbled under his breath, and a quick glance across to Starlight revealed that he was not the only one not exactly thrilled to see one of his parents again.

Firelight was too busy pinching Starlight's cheeks to take any notice of Sunburst's gloomy behavior. "Oh my gosh, you are just as cutsie-wootsie as ever, sugar plum!" Then he laughed. "Gosh, it has really been so long since your old stallion's seen you? I can't be that old, can I?"

Starlight groaned. "Dad, please, not in front of Sunburst! I'm going to die of embarrassment!"

"Oh, but if you did that you'd miss the chance to see your foalhood home of Sire's Hollow. I've been working extra hard to preserve our town's rich history for my little pumpky-wumpkin." Firelight cooed.

Starlight narrowed her eyebrows. "Dad, I thought you promised not to say anymore pumpky-wumpkins in public!" As she spoke she swore she could hear a muffled laugh from Sunburst.

Firelight just whispered. "Sorry, chipmunks cheeks." And he was only stopped by a hoof from his daughter.

"What part of don't do that don't you understand?" Starlight growled in protest. "This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you where I went after I left Sire's Hollow all those years ago."

"And whyever not? You seem to be doing quite well for yourself," Firelight cooed. "The first student of the Princess of Friendship, and a guidance counselor at her school."

"If only you knew the rest of my past, I wonder if you'd be so proud of me." Starlight thought but didn't say anything.

"You've really gotta come back home, silly filly," Firelight went on. "There's so much you've missed out on since you've been away. But don't worry, I formed the Sire's Hollow Preservation Society for just such a reason."

Stellar Flare snorted. "Firelight, you know we talked about this. You can't preserve everything in that town. I've got plans to bring the town into the future, and your little society is a problem."

Firelight angrily replied. "I thought we had a deal. You get your half to do whatever you want, make it a discount Las Pegasus. But the most important parts of town belong to me so that I can preserve them."

Stellar Flare blushed. "Oh, right. Silly me. We worked out that deal in the first month after you formed that preservation society. As you put it 'It'll be a way for our children and their children to remember their roots'."

Firelight added with a wink. "And let's not forget that we came all this way here to reconnect with our children, not drag them into silly disputes."

"But... how did you know to look for me here, or that I'd be able to reach Sunburst?" Starlight questioned.

"Sweetie, you should know the answer to that by now," Firelight chuckled. "You're in all the papers. Tracking you down was easy enough. And I figured that wherever you might be, Sunburst wouldn't be too far away. You were both inseparable when you were foals, it's like you never wanted to grow up."

Stellar Flare even teased. "I can't believe you two aren't already married. I would've expected grandfoals by now."

Now it was Sunburst's turn to blush. "Mom!" He whined.

Stellar chuckled as she apologized. "Just kidding, Sunburst. Don't tell me you've lost your sense of humor. When you were my little colt you'd laugh at just about anything."

"Because I had a terrible sense of humor back then." Sunburst thought to himself but didn't dare to say it outloud.

"All jokes aside, Stellar Flare and I were hoping you two wouldn't mind a trip back to Sire's Hollow," Firelight spoke up. "We both agreed it'd be the best way to reconnect."

"Why not do it here in Ponyville? We're both here, and I know my way around," Starlight suggested. "I could show you all the sights and sounds, and Sunburst could tell you all about his life in the Crystal Empire."

"You live in the Crystal Empire now, Sunburst?!" Stellar Flare exclaimed! "No wonder none of my letters have reached you! I hope you've got a plan if you're going to live in a remote place like that."

Sunburst growled. "I don't need a plan, Mom."

"Oh of course you do. Plans are always important," Stellar Flare explained. "This whole trip back to Sire's Hollow was a plan that I thought of. And this way your father will also get a chance to see what's become of his little wizard."

Firelight was quick to add. "Sweetie, haven't you wished you could get away from all the stresses of life? Go back to a place where everything made sense and would never change no matter what? If you come back to Sire's Hollow, you'll get just that. You won't be the princess' student, or a guidance counselor. You'll be just like the little filly I knew. Heck, you can even stay in your old room, Punky Wunk. It's exactly like you left it!"

Starlight gulped! If her dad was being serious then she already had a really good idea of what her room would look like. The drapes pulled shut as not to let any natural light in, various skull themes, bat pony plushies, and even the stray guitar or two. "Why would he keep all the things from that phase I was going through?!" She thought with dread.

Sunburst opened his mouth to protest. "Um... as much as I would like to do that I don't think that would be a very good idea. I'm... pretty busy right now."

However, Twilight (who had overheard the conversations up to this point) suggested. "I think that's a fantastic idea! A getaway might be just what you all need to reconnect."

"Twilight, I appreciate the gesture but you really don't know what my relationship with my father was like," Starlight protested. "Remember how I told you I was a latch key kid? It's partially because of what my dad was like. Sunburst's parents were always around for me more than my dad was."

"All the more reason why you two could probably benefit from some one on one quality time. And if you're here in Ponyville, you'd be too close to me. I wouldn't want to feel like I'm intruding." Twilight encouraged.

"But Twilight, what if we don't want to go back to Sire's Hollow? What if there's a very good reason why we've been avoiding it?" Sunburst protested.

At that moment, Spike came walking in. "Sounds like the time I accidentally arranged for Thorax and Ember to be in Ponyville on the same day at the same time. I spent all my time trying to keep the two from meeting, only to make things ten times worse when they did anyway. Take it from a dragon who's been around this block, the more you try to ignore something or put it off, the worse it becomes when it finally catches up to you," And then he added. "Besides, it could be just like that zeppelin cruise Twilight and I went on with the whole Sparkle family last year. Now that's what I call a vacation! And Starlight, Celestia knows how much you could use one with how hard you've been working."

"It'd only be for this weekend," Firelight added. "I wouldn't want to keep my precious little filly from her grown-up responsibilities."

Stellar was all too keen to add. "And we can discuss the plans for your future while we're there, Sunburst. Maybe we could set up some interviews so you can stay and work in Sire's Hollow."

"I already have a job, Mom!" Sunburst protested. "And if I come with you back to Sire's Hollow, will you stop breathing down my neck about it, please?"

"And if I go back to Sire's Hollow, do you promise not to go so overboard on the whole 'treating me like a filly'?" Starlight pleaded with her dad.

Firelight nodded. "Of course, pu... I mean, Starlight. Now come on, we're going to miss the train!"

The entrance to Sire's Hollow was marked by a large gate that neither Starlight or Sunburst could remember being there before.

"Like it? It was Stellar Flare's idea," Firelight explained with a smile. "It used to also say 'Welcome to Sire's Hollow!' every time you opened it but we had to remove it. The recording kept getting stuck."

"That's what the welcoming committee is for and you know it!" Stellar Flare said with a grin. "And just look at all they have to be proud of. A smoothie shop where ponies can drink their fruits, an essence stand for the latest perfumes, what more could a pony need?"

"And you can't forget the old library and bakery," Firelight declared. "They sure don't build them like they used to."

"It sure feels weird to be back in town again after all this time," Starlight commented to Sunburst. "This is gonna be a long weekend, I just know it."

Sunburst nodded. "Yeah, but we already agreed to it. The best we can try to do is grin and bare it. If we haven't died of embarrassment come Monday, we can just put this all behind us."

Firelight started to grin from ear to ear. "Come on, sweetie," He cooed to Starlight. "It's time Daddy took you home. I'm sure you must be tired after that long train ride here."

"I am not tired, Dad!" Starlight protested.

Firelight just laughed. "Come on, you don't have to lie to me. I know all your secrets. Like the fact that you're a loud snorer, or that you used to sleepwalk. Honestly, it got so bad I thought I was gonna have to put a bell around you."

Stellar Flare laughed too. "Don't forget about how you and Sunburst liked to play Dragon Pit all the time. It was a struggle to get either of you to want to do anything else. By the way, Sunburst, do you have better control over your horn now?"

Sunburst growled. "Yes, Mother! If I didn't, could I have been admitted to Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns?"

"How was it over there? Starlight used to write letters to you all the time, but you never answered any of them," Firelight inquired. "It really tore her up inside. I never thought the day would come when I'd see her back here all grown up and happy," He then turned to Stellar Flare. "You and Sunburst go ahead and have a look about the town. My precious little pony and I have a lot to catch up on. And there are some things I want to show her!"

Firelight led a reluctant Starlight to the house she had spent her childhood in. It was indeed just like she had left it. "At least that hasn't changed. I'm surprised my dad seems to have taken this so well up to this point." She thought to herself as she trotted inside and set her saddle bags down.

"See, I told you everything would be just as you left it, honey bun," Firelight continued to cue. "It's like you never left at all."

"But I did!" Starlight protested. "I ran away from home. And I didn't automatically move in with the princess either."

Firelight simply smiled. "I'm just glad my little pumpky wumpkin is finally back where she belongs, back where her old stallion can keep her safe and sound. Now how's about a little nap? I want you well rested when I take you out to see the town later."

"I already said I'm not tired!" Starlight growled at her dad. "I appreciate the gesture but I've long since outgrown the need for naps, especially since I kicked my sleepwalking habit."

Firelight grinned. "I'll bet you still snore like an Ursa Major though. Celestia knows you gave me more than a few sleepless nights with your snoring," Then he held out an old, worn, and dusty piece of cloth. "Not to worry though, I made sure to hold onto everything you cherished. Maybe you'll feel better about taking a nap if you got to hold onto your bwanky?" He proceeded to tie it into a bonnet around Starlight's head.

The mare groaned. "I'm not a foal, Dad! You don't need to keep babying me all the time, I'm perfectly capeable of taking care of myself," She sniffed a bit. "Ugh! And this blanket is so old, when's the last time it was washed?"

"Never," Her father answered. "Too many memories associated with it. Now that you're here though, it probably could use a wash. I can throw it in and have it dried in time for bed time tonight, but that means you won't have it for nap time."

"I don't want a nap, Dad! Please, can we just go take a look around town for the day?" Starlight pleaded.

"You sure you don't at least want some milk and cookies? It was your favorite snack you know." Firelight held out the objects in the brilliant gamboge glow of his horn.

Starlight was going to protest but a loud rumble from her stomach silenced her will to do so. Come to think of it she hadn't really eaten anything at all since this morning. "Fine, I guess a quick snack won't hurt. But that's it."

Firelight just smiled. "There's that sweet little filly I used to love coming home to every day. It's like she's barely changed at all," He thought. "Whatever hardships she's faced in the past, I'll make sure she doesn't have to be reminded of them now."

After an admittedly hearty and fulfilling snack, Starlight allowed herself to accept her father's hoof. Though not before she used her magic to undo the blanket tied to her head and set it aside. She didn't want to be seen in such an embarrassing state.

Meanwhile, Firelight was eagerly absorbing all the little details he'd learned about his daughter. "You mean to tell me you actually turned yourself and Sunburst into foals at one point? I knew you didn't really wanna grow up, sweet pea. But that's why you have me. Dad doesn't care how big or little you feel on the inside, you'll always be his little pumpky wumpkin."

"Dad, again, you promised to cut down on the baby talk," Starlight reminded him. "So please knock it off. I am this close to regretting my decision to come here. I appreciate the kind gesture but I'm a full grown pony and wish to be treated as such. I don't need blankets and I don't need to take naps."

Her dad seemed to agree. "Fair point, sweetie. Although I get the feeling that there are still some things you're not telling me about your past."

"Like what?" Starlight nervously asked. "What else is there to tell?"

"Where did you end up before you became Princess Twilight's student?" The elder unicorn asked his daughter, his tone of voice indicating more of a curious intent than anything else. "Come on, you can tell me. What are parents for?"

Starlight gulped. "Can I really tell him about my past? About what I did while I was on my own? What if he thinks I'm some kind of freak because of all that?" She thought to herself. "If it could reduce Sunburst to silence, I can't begin to imagine what it'd do to my dad. Especially because of how mad I still am at him." She was quick to respond. "You don't need to know every little detail about me, Dad. Wouldn't you rather hear what I've been getting up to now, as a guidance counselor? I mean, so far things have been pretty quiet at the school but I'm sure that before long I'll be up to my neck in students. Did I also tell you about the time I foalsat the princess' niece? Or the time I visited the changeling hive?"

"Wow! Never a dull moment in your life, huh, honey bun?" Firelight commented. "If not for the fact that I'm so attached to this town I'd move to Ponyville in a heartbeat, just so I could be with you. And it'd be a great way to get to know any potential son-in-laws."

"Seriously? What is it with you and Sunburst's mom? Why are you too so eager for us to have families of our own?" Starlight complained. "I'm perfectly happy being single right now, and I'm sure Sunburst feels the same way. We'll start families whenever we feel we're ready. Considering how I managed foalsitting a princess, I'm perfectly okay with waiting before I have any foals of my own. They're so much of a hoofful, it's like they never run out of energy!"

Firelight giggled. "That's funny, Stellar Flare told me how much you and Sunburst used to run her ragged when you were foals," Then he fondly sighed. "I can still remember how much Stellar Flare and her husband imprinted on you, Stellar Flare especially considering you grew up without a mom," A lone tear came into his eye. "I often wonder what would've happened had she been around to see the beautiful little filly she gave birth to grow up. Maybe I wouldn't have been away so much and you never would've run off."

"Great! Now I'm starting to feel guilty about not keeping in touch with him!" Starlight groaned in her mind. "It's not like I hated him, I just wasn't ready to make him a part of my life again. What was wrong with waiting until I was ready to see him again?" But she didn't dare to say it out loud.

"Ah, here we are!" Firelight declared as he proudly gestured a hoof. "The first and only library our town's ever had! Perfectly preserved for all to see. Come on, let's go inside. I have some ponies who'll be very interested to see what's become of the little filly that used to play stacking games with the books after hours."

Stepping inside, Starlight was surprised to see Sunburst and Stellar Flare were already at the library. Specifically at the librarian's desk.

"Firelight! My my, how funny to see you and Starlight here," Stellar Flare commented. "Why I was just talking to the librarian here about possibly letting Sunburst take her place. Sunburst always did like books."

Sunburst put a hoof to his forehead. "For the last time, Mom. I already have a job."

"A job you won't tell me about," Stellar replied. "Besides, wouldn't you want a job that makes good money and lets you make something of yourself? Plus, this way I can see you every day, and so can your father. Oh, how I wish he were back from his vacation to Las Pegasus so he could see this!"

"Well I know a certain silly filly who'd probably love to have her childhood friend working here," Firelight encouraged. "Sunburst would make an excellent librarian. Isn't that right, honey bun?"

"Sure, if he actually wanted or needed the job, which he doesn't," Starlight protested. "And before you ask, no, I'm not giving up my position as guidance counselor and acting headmare should Twilight have to leave. After everything Twilight's done for me, I owe it to her to help oversee her school and make it a dream come true. I'm starting to think I should hire Sunburst to come be my assistant there, just so he has a reason not to have his mom breathing down his neck the way you are with me."

Firelight only shook his head. "Oh, do I sense my little filly is acting up? I would hate to have you pay a visit to the time out corner, honey bun."

"Again, Dad, I'm not a little filly," Starlight sighed and groaned. "This is exactly why I've been avoiding coming back here to see you. Because I knew you'd treat me this way!"

"Honey bun-" Firelight began.

Starlight threw up a hoof. "I'm not done! You show up in my life after all these years and you seem to act like nothing's changed, like everything's still good. But we both know that's a lie. Things change, I've changed! The sweet and innocent little filly you once knew is gone! I've done things... terrible things! Things I wish more than anything I could take back, but I can't!"

"Sweetie, it can't be that bad. If you were truly some kind of horrible monster, which you aren't, you wouldn't be such a successful pony right now," Firelight sweetly replied. "Please, whatever your past is, it doesn't have to haunt you here. I'm your father, a father's job is to listen and to understand."

"You say that, and yet if you knew the truth about what I did you'd be scared out of your wits and want nothing to do with me!" Starlight protested as tears welled up inside her. "I'm a terrible daughter! It was so easy for me to blame you for not being around because of work, when in fact I was the one who ran away the moment my friend got his cutie mark before me! I tried to take cutie marks away from other ponies and tried to alter the past so I could come out on top! Is that really a pony you think you could understand?!"

Firelight's mouth dropped open in shock! The stallion found himself at a loss for words. "S...Starlight, I..."

The mare just sobbed and turned around. "No, don't look at me! Coming back here was a mistake! I can't relive the past, because I'm not the pony you think I am!" And she ran off without another word.

"Starlight, wait!" Firelight pleaded but it was no use, his daughter ran off and disappeared.

Starlight was still sobbing to herself by the fountain in the middle of town when she received a visit sometime later from Sunburst of all ponies. "Hey, Starlight," He greeted, his tone of voice sounding noticeably somber. "Looks like you had quite the break down back there."

"I'll say," Starlight sighed as her sobs died down a little. Her voice became raspy and her eyes were stained red. "It's just, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. On the one hoof I don't want my dad treating me like a little filly because I'm all grown up, but on the other hoof I'm terrified of what'll happen when he finds out what a horrible pony I was. And I can't blame him for the decisions I made myself."

"Hey, you're not the only one whose parent has been driving them crazy since before we even got here," Sunburst replied as he gestured a hoof to hold Starlight's neck. "I think my mom took the news of me flunking out of Celestia's school really hard, she's been trying to come up with 'plans' for my future. But I've already picked out one, I'm happy with the pony I am now."

"That's easy for you to say, Sunburst. The worst you ever did was shut yourself off from the world for a while," Starlight responded in her raspy voice. "You can still come back to your parents and say you're a good pony."

Sunburst adjusted his glasses. "Well you are too. Look at all the wonderful things you've accomplished in the past two years."

"But does any of that compare to almost destroying Equestria to get what I wanted?" Starlight nervously asked. "Your parents were always around growing up, your parents could be there for you no matter what. You're not the one who was a latch key filly that stayed up at night, waiting for her dad to come home. You're not the one who ran away without even telling said dad where she was going. And for him to just act like it's all okay, that it's like it never even happened, it just doesn't feel right to me. And what's even worse is that he seems intent to treat me like I'm his little filly, like it was only yesterday I ran away."

"And you haven't told him any of this?" Sunburst asked to which Starlight shook her head. "Well then, you know that's what you need to do. Regardless of what may happen, your father has a right to know. And if you don't tell him how you feel, how he's going to know he's not treating you right?"

Starlight looked up at Sunburst. "And what if I tell him, and he wants nothing to do with me? What if I tell him and he disowns me on the spot? What then?"

"Well, you'll still have me to support you. I'm one pony that knows you're a good pony inside, flaws and everything," Sunburst reassured his troubled friend. "I can go with you if you'd like."

But Starlight leaped to her hooves. "No, Sunburst! This is something I have to do on my own! If not, how can I call myself a good guidance counselor? I just hope that when it's over, I won't have destroyed the relationship with my father forever."

Starlight raced back to the library only to find no trace of her father anywhere. "Excuse me? Do you know where Firelight went?" She asked the librarian.

"Went back home. Said he wanted to be alone to do some thinking." The librarian answered without looking up from her desk.

Starlight raced out of the library a second later, though not without saying "Thank you" to the librarian. Despite her growing anxiety, nothing could stop her head long rush back to her home.

She found her dad in the first floor study, idly scribbling and then erasing some things on a blackboard. He appeared to be deep in thought about something.

Firelight was only alerted to the presence of his daughter when she cleared her throat. He was slow to turn around and face her. "Oh... honey bun... er I mean, Starlight," He quickly corrected himself. "What a... surprise to see you back here. Don't mind your old stallion, just wondering about silly things you wouldn't care about."

Starlight took a deep breath. She knew that this was the part of her visit back to Sire's Hollow that she'd been most dreading. But in her mind the unicorn knew she needed to do this. She'd been putting it off for far too long. "Dad, I think it's time you knew the truth. The truth about what happened to me when I ran away."

"And before you were found by Princess Twilight and became her student, right?" Firelight asked.

Starlight nodded. "I still don't like talking about it, because I know I did a lot of terrible things in that time. But you have a right to know, because I think it explains a lot about me," Sighing and taking a deep breath she confessed. "I... started my own village devoted to a world without cutie marks. It was basically a cult. I imposed my will on the villagers, making them think cutie marks were evil even though I didn't give mine up myself. And such was how I met Princess Twilight. She and her friends came to my village, or rather a table map led them. It didn't take long for them to expose me."

"Is that all, sweetie? Sounds like a childish idea taken a little too far," Firelight commented. "I always found it odd you were so against cutie marks even after you got yours. I tried to get you into kite flying and that seemed to help a little. Apparently I needed to do more to keep you from running away."

Starlight shook her head. "You didn't know what I was going through, I internalized it all. And my story doesn't end there, much as I wish it did. I ran away again and swore revenge. And by revenge I mean I actually tried to go back time and rewrite history so Twilight and her friends would never get their cutie marks. Except I got roped into fixing what I broke, and then the princess offered me compassion and forgiveness in the face of my error. Yet even after that I made mistakes. Then there was the whole changeling invasion and my graduation."

"Ah, so that's why you never thought to write to me." Firelight realized.

"I thought about it... briefly," Starlight confessed. "After my graduation, when I wondered where I was going to go and what I was going to do. I thought of you, how you'd long for the chance to see your little filly all grown up. I cried myself to sleep that night, because I couldn't bring myself to do it. Even after all I'd been through, I still didn't have the courage to face my own father. If you hadn't shown up at the castle, I probably would've still kept avoiding you."

"Well at least you don't have to do so anymore," Firelight spoke after a moment of silence. "It was very brave of you to come forward and admit to all of that."

"You don't hate me for what I've done?" Starlight asked. "You don't think I'm some kind of monster?"

Firelight firmly shook his head. "Perish the thought, honey bun. A father's love for his child is unconditional, almost nothing can break it," Then he somberly added. "I know I probably haven't shown it in the best way since bringing you here. I guess I was just so eager to see my little filly again, I ignored the fact that you weren't that little filly anymore. You've grown up and become a splendid young mare. I dare say you're almost too good for your old stallion."

But Starlight turned around and embraced her father in a hug! "Dad, don't say such things like that! You're my dad, you could never be too good or too bad for me. Even if you can make that love hard sometimes, I would never want to not associate myself with you," By now the tears were freely streaming down her face. "I promise, from now on I'll visit more often! There's so much I'm sure you've longed to tell me, so much you'd love for me to see."

"Well you know, honey bun, I'm not just your dad. I'm also your friend. And if I promise to treat you less like a filly and more like a friend, do you promise that you'll keep in touch while you're managing your adult responsibilities?" Firelight asked in a hopeful tone of voice.

"Of course, Dad!" Starlight nodded. "Thanks for being so understanding! To think I ever got mad about the fact that you weren't around all the time."

Firelight smiled. "It wasn't easy to be away from you all the time. But seeing your smiling face when I came home made it all worth while."

The weekend flew by in a flash for both Starlight and Sunburst. Sooner than either of them would've liked the weekend came to a close and they had to leave Sire's Hollow.

Firelight and Stellar Flare stood on the platform of the train station, waving until the train carrying their children was out of sight.

Meanwhile, inside the train car, Sunburst and Starlight exchanged all their news. "That was quite a weekend, wasn't it?" Sunburst commented to Starlight. "I guess we both learned that it's important to stay in touch with our families, even if they may drive us crazy sometimes."

"And that family can be like friends, a source of support for you when you need it most," Starlight added. "If only I'd thought to come back to my dad sooner. Maybe I wouldn't have turned out so horribly and all those terrible things I did could've been avoided."

Sunburst stroked his goatee with a hoof. "Maybe, but we both know it's pointless to speculate on the 'What might have been'. Time travel is forbidden for a very good reason, after all."

"Right," Starlight said with a blush, remembering her own experience. And then she coughed into a hoof and changed the subject. "By the way, Sunburst. It seemed like you were having some problems with your mother."

Sunburst sighed. "I'm really sorry you had to see that. Like I said, you're not the only one whose parent has been driving them crazy."

"Can't be any worse than what my dad was doing. He actually gave me my old blanket and offered me milk and cookies," Starlight admitted with a laugh. "Meanwhile, your mom was just trying to get you a job here in Sire's Hollow."

"That was part of it," Sunburst admitted. "It's actually a pretty long story."

Starlight simply scooted closer. "Well, it's a long train ride back to Ponyville so I'm all ears."

The once proud magic student quickly glanced all around the train car to make sure he and his friend were alone. When he was certain that he was he cleared his throat. "Well, if you really want to know I suppose I'll tell you. It all started after we went our separate ways for the first time this weekend."

S8 E9: The Parent Tracks, Part 2 (The Parent Map What If?)

Starlight and Sunburst were on their way back to Ponyville after having spent a weekend back in Sire's Hollow, the town in which they were born and had spent their childhood in.

Sunburst was about to tell Starlight all about what had transpired between him and his mother, Stellar Flare, during the weekend while Starlight had been working out issues with her father, Firelight.

It had all started for the two unicorns when Sunburst got a letter in the mail at his home in the Crystal Empire. Said letter had been from Starlight and had read:

Sunburst,

Come to Ponyville right away! There are some ponies here who'd like to meet us, and I think you know who I'm talking about.

Sincerely,

Starlight Glimmer

Upon arriving in Ponyville, Sunburst had gone straight to Twilight's castle, where he found Stellar Flare and Firelight already waiting for him. "Ah, there you are, Sunburst," Stellar Flare had happily declared. "We've been waiting for almost half an hour now. You know it's very rude to keep guests waiting."

"Oh my gosh, you are just as cutsie-wootsie as ever, sugar plum!" Firelight had cooed at Starlight and had proceeded to call his daughter all sorts of embarrassing nicknames, much to the chagrin of his daughter.

"Let's not forget that we came all this way here to reconnect with our children." Firelight had spoken a short time later.

Both Starlight and Sunburst protested, only for Twilight and Spike to encourage the two to go. "A getaway might be just what you all need to reconnect." Twilight had suggested.

And Spike had added. "Take it from a dragon who's been around this block, the more you try to ignore something or put it off, the worse it becomes when it finally catches up to you."

So reluctantly, the two unicorns accompanied their parents back home to Sire's Hollow. "You and Sunburst go ahead and have a look about the town. My precious little pony and I have a lot to catch up on. And there are some things I want to show her!" Firelight had instructed, and Stellar Flare and Sunburst had split off.

When they met back up at the library later that day, Starlight had run off when the subject of her past and what she'd done prior to becoming Twilight's student came up.

It was Sunburst of all ponies who came to the rescue, comforting a crying Starlight at the fountain in the center of town. "You're not the only one whose parent has been driving them crazy since before we even got here." Sunburst had gently spoken while gesturing a hoof to hold Starlight's neck.

"You're not the one who ran away without even telling said dad where she was going. And for him to just act like it's all okay, that it's like it never even happened, it just doesn't feel right to me." Starlight had complained, revealing why she was so uncomfortable talking about her past with her father.

Fortunately, Sunburst had encouraged his friend. "If you don't tell him how you feel, how he's going to know he's not treating you right?"

Starlight then leaped to her hooves, realizing what she had to do! "This is something I have to do on my own! If not, how can I call myself a good guidance counselor? I just hope that when it's over, I won't have destroyed the relationship with my father forever."

And indeed she hadn't, Firelight proved to be very understanding. "I know I probably haven't shown it in the best way since bringing you here. I guess I was just so eager to see my little filly again, I ignored the fact that you weren't that little filly anymore. You've grown up and become a splendid young mare. I dare say you're almost too good for your old stallion."

But Starlight had turned around and embraced her father in a hug! "Dad, don't say such things like that! You're my dad, you could never be too good or too bad for me. Even if you can make that love hard sometimes, I would never want to not associate myself with you."

Firelight had then proposed. "If I promise to treat you less like a filly and more like a friend, do you promise that you'll keep in touch while you're managing your adult responsibilities?" To which Starlight happily told him yes.

Yet on the train ride back home Starlight had asked. "By the way, Sunburst. It seemed like you were having some problems with your mother."

After a bit of reluctance, Sunburst had agreed to tell the long story. "It all started after we went our separate ways for the first time this weekend." He had begun, and such is how his story unfolded. All the while Starlight listened carefully, hanging on every word.

While Sunburst's experiences with his mother hadn't been as dramatic as the experiences Starlight had had with her father, they were still experiences he was unlikely to forget anytime soon. And they were still fresh in his mind as he recalled them now for his audience of one.

Sunburst's story began right at the part where Firelight and Starlight had parted ways to go back to their home. Stellar Flare smiled as she turned to her son. "You probably can't wait to see all the things I added to the town. I've added so many things you may not even know where you are. And while we're at it, we can see about getting you a job at one of the locations."

"I told you I already have a job, Mom!" Sunburst growled in protest. "I'm a crystaller now, a very big responsibility."

But Stellar Flare shot back a look of confusion. "What's a crystaller? I've never heard of such a position before," Sunburst opened his mouth to explain, but Stellar simply giggled in reply. "Doesn't matter. I can get you a better job, one that'll let you stay here and be close to Starlight, as well as your father and I."

"Where is Dad anyway?" Sunburst asked. "Kind of thought he'd be here by now."

Stellar smiled. "You know your father, probably off having the time of his life in Las Pegasus. Won't he be surprised when he comes home and learns his son's got a job and is moving back here?"

The currently on leave crystaller just sighed. If only news from the Crystal Empire traveled the same ways news from the rest of Equestria did. His mom would know he was already highly successful in his line of work and wasn't interested in getting a job elsewhere.

Unfortunately, he was stuck with that very prospect for the weekend and with no way out of it. "I hope Starlight's having a better time with her parent than I am with mine." Sunburst thought to himself.

"Now then," Stellar declared. "I know exactly what you need to do, Sunburst."

"Let me guess, make a plan." Sunburst quipped.

But Stellar proudly held up a scroll in the pale, light grayish-emerald green aura of her magic and declared in a singsong tone. "Already got one! I always come prepared."

"Just my luck!" Sunburst thought to himself.

"Step one: Get interviews with all the biggest job providers in town," Stellar read aloud from the scroll. "Step two: Pick the job that you like best. Step three: Be sure to thank me for helping you land whatever job you choose."

Sunburst again put a hoof to his forehead. "Mom, I told you that I already have a job. It's a good paying job in the Crystal Empire, I don't need another one."

"I appreciate you trying not to hurt my feelings, Sunburst. But I've already arranged everything," Stellar Flare said with a smile. "Everything's going to be a-okay. Aren't you glad you have me to help you stay on task?"

"Not really," Sunburst frowned. "But you're not going to take no for an answer, are you?"

Stellar proudly replied with a shake of her head. "Nope," And she was all too happy to add. "I've set up interviews for you at all the biggest employers in this town. There's got to be something here you'll like. Something you'll enjoy more than being a crystaller."

"This is all your way of trying to get me to move back here and be with you and Dad, isn't it?" Sunburst questioned. "I appreciate the gesture but I'm perfectly fine on my own. I don't need to come back here."

"You say that, yet I know what happens to those who leave the nest before they're ready," Stellar replied more seriously. "A mother's job is to do her best to provide for her children, give them the tools they need to grow up right. That's what I'm doing now. You agreed to spend the weekend with me, didn't you?"

Sunburst stammered. "W-well yes, I did... b-but..." He tried to think up a good counter-argument but nothing would come to him.

Stellar clapped her hooves together. "Excellent! Now come on, you don't wanna be late for your first interview do you? In fact, here." She took out a bottle of some kind filled with an unknown purple substance, and sprayed its contents towards Sunburst's face.

Sunburst choked and his eyes watered at the super strong scent of whatever it was he'd just been sprayed with. He even had to take off his glasses and rub his eyes, as a strong fruity smell filled the air. "What the heck was that, Mom?!"

His mom happily told him. "It's essence. It's from a stand in the town."

"That was essence?! That was way too strong to qualify as that!" Sunburst thought to himself. "Is that what replaced the fruit stand that used to be here? What's wrong with actual fruit?"

Reluctantly, Sunburst followed his mother through town before she stopped at a small, light pink colored stand outside a store that had a similar colored roof over it. An earth pony mare with a fuchsia coat, purple eyes, a sleek dark blue mane and tail, and a dark-gray jacket with a blueish-green tie symbol on the collar stood in front of it. And was currently eyeing two other mares: One was an earth pony with a brown coat, sea green eyes, a three shades of green mane and tail that hung in curls on the side, and a light yellow jacket with lots of fuzz on it. And the other was a unicorn with a light blue coat, a pinkish-purple mane and tail, blue eyes hidden behind purple glasses, a purple bead of some kind that hung on her left side, and a pink scarf with two dots.

The fuchsia coated earth pony turned to Sunburst as Stellar Flare seemed to give an encouraging nod. The mare cleared her throat. "Oh, Sunburst, thank goodness you are here," She spoke in a noticeably stilted tone of voice. "I could most certainly use your help. These two ponies here refuse to buy any of my essences."

The other earth pony simply growled. "Maybe because we don't like to cover up our natural scent, know what I'm saying?!" She proceeded to lift a hoof and the fuchsia coated earth pony had to struggle not to gag at the incredibly powerful stench that was coming from the other mare.

Stellar Flare cleared her throat quite audibly, and all three mares sighed in unison with each other. The unicorn spoke in a just as stilted tone of voice. "And she refuses to take out any of our books. If only there was somepony skilled at books and getting along with others. Wherever could that pony be?"

Sunburst turned to his mother. "Mom, you don't need to 'create' problems for me to solve at these job interviews. Can you stop doing this?" Then he stormed up to the stand, giving two bottles to the two mares. "Here, use these and maybe take a shower or something. I've smelt worse but that's not a compliment," And then he turned to the essence sales pony and told her. "And you don't need to make your scents so strong. Essence should cover up the smell with something pleasant, not make everypony gag." In his mind he was thinking. "Given the choice I'd rather be back in the Crystal Empire, foalsitting Flurry Heart. At least she doesn't intentionally create problems for me to solve."

Both the fuchsia coated mare and Stellar Flare were impressed by Sunburst's performance. "Nice job, Sunburst. And I mean that for real," The fuchsia coated mare told him. "I've been trying to make that sales pitch to those librarians for months now. In fact, that's the first sale I've had in a long time."

Stellar then encouraged. "So what do you think, Sunburst? Maybe you'd like to consider working at this essence stand? It's right next to the smoothie shop, so you'll never go thirsty. And you'll see lots of ponies every day."

"Not interested, Mom," Sunburst growled. "I don't do essences. Especially not when they smell so strong they're worse than the stench they're trying to cover up! And you can't just make up problems for me to solve and think I'll be okay with that." He stormed away.

"Sunburst, wait!" Stellar called but to no avail. She then turned back to the trio of ponies and told them. "See?! This is what happens when we don't rehearse!" Then she too stormed away.

The next stop on Stellar's "job hunt" was the town bakery. "You can thank Firelight for this still being around," She told her son. "They make the bread just as it used to be. But that's exactly what the problem is."

"What do you mean?" Sunburst nervously asked.

Stellar didn't answer, she just offered her son a roll of bread. It looked perfectly fine to him and it smelled pretty good too. The stallion bit into it. A big mistake on his part! Immediately, a sharp jolt of pain registered in his mouth and he struggled to spit the huge roll back out!

When he finally did, Sunburst's eyes were watering again. "Mother, what the hay?! I almost chipped a tooth!"

Stellar apologized. "Sorry, Sunburst. This is exactly why I think you'll be great here. Apparently, when Firelight told the bakers to make it just like they used to make it, he didn't realize they'd take it so literally," She gestured a hoof to pictures taken years ago, and they depicted numerous ponies with several teeth missing. "The bread used to be so hard you could barely bite into it without a tooth or two going missing."

"On the bright side, they make very fine bricks once they cool," The baker stallion declared before he sighed and hung his head. "I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. I try to follow the original recipe as close as I can, but I don't mean to make it so hard."

"Are you using the right kind of flour?" Sunburst suggested. "I remember when I first tried my hoof at baking, and everything turned harder than concrete. If you don't use the right kind of flour or prepare it properly, you're going to have super hard dough."

"Well, I keep my dough stored in the back. You're welcome to come take a look with me if you'd like." The baker stallion offered.

Sunburst rose to his hooves. "I think I'd better." So he followed the baker stallion to the back. The back of the bakery turned out to be an almost frigid freezer like storage area.

"See?" The baker stallion commented as he adjusted his signature mustache. "I keep the dough stored where it's supposed to be stored, and I always make sure to thaw it out before I use it. It always seems soft enough when thawed, but whenever I use in it bread and put it in the oven it always turns rock hard. What am I doing wrong?"

Sunburst adjusted his glasses and gazed around the walk in freezer. He was used to the cold weather of the Crystal Empire and the surrounding tundra of the Frozen North, so this kind of cold didn't phase him the way it would others. And having foalsat Flurry Heart on so many occasions he had long ago learned how to pick up on even the faintest of sounds (helpful for the many times his young charge loved to disappear on him). His trained ears picked up what sounded like tiny droplets of water. Looking up, he noticed a small hole near the roof, below which the flour sacks were resting.

"I think I know what the problem is," He told the baker at last. "There's a small hole, so small you probably didn't even know it was there. But it's small enough for water to seep in and get into the sacks, hydrating them. And because it's so cold in here, the water freezes. When you take the dough out of here, is it colder in certain spots?"

"Now that you mention it, it always does feel a bit icy to the touch. But I just assumed that was a side effect of being stored in the freezer for so long." The baker stallion replied.

Sunburst shook his head. "Your dough is getting frozen solid because of the leak. It doesn't matter how much you thaw it out. Because it's so cold your oven has to cook the dough for a longer period of time than normal. If you fix the leak, your bread won't be so hard and you won't have all your customers losing their teeth."

The stallion smiled. "Oh thank you, Sunburst! You're a true lifesaver! You should seriously consider working here in this bakery. It seems like you've got a talent for noticing things nopony else would. But then, you always did have a keen eye."

"Thanks, but I'm not very skilled at baking I'm afraid," The once proud magic student politely replied as he adjusted his glasses. "Still, I'm happy I could help."

"Sunburst, how come you don't seem to want a job in this town?" Stellar Flare asked her son as they left the bakery. "You've managed to solve problems even I could never figure out. And I'm the one trying to make Sire's Hollow more modern, it's what I founded the Sire's Hollow Development Society in the first place."

"And you and Firelight seem to be trying to take the town in different directions. Maybe if you and Firelight would work together more often and took a more active role in managing Sire's Hollow, you wouldn't have so many problems." Sunburst suggested and in his mind he thought. "And maybe you wouldn't be breathing down my neck so much about getting a job here."

Stellar appeared to take notice of her son's suggestion. "I might have to come up with a few plans for that. Firelight and I have mostly been staying out of each other's way up to this point, but I suppose we could do more if we worked together," With a chuckle she added. "How come you're not working as a problem solver in some big city or something? Ponies should be trotting to you from miles around."

"Because I'm perfectly fine with my life as it is, Mom," Sunburst declared. "Now can we please stop with all the job interviews? I don't need them!"

"Oh but Sunburst, sweetie," Stellar spoke in a sweet, maternalistic tone. "I've saved the very best for last. I've got a job I think you'd be very interested in. I know how much you love books."

Sunburst deduced what his mother was about to suggest ."You're going to get me a job at the town library?" His suspicions were confirmed when his mom nodded. "And you promise it's the last interview you've got lined up for me this whole weekend?" His mom nodded again. "Fine, I suppose I can give it a fair shot. But if I say no to it then that's it, you have to stop breathing down my neck about getting a job like you promised to do before we came here."

"Fair enough, Sunburst, you've got a deal," Stellar proudly declared. "But once you see how glamorous the life of a librarian can be, you'll dump your old job and move back to Sire's Hollow in an instant!"

Stellar brought Sunburst to the library and right to the front desk, quickly striking up a conversation with the current librarian (it was the earth pony mare Sunburst had given the essence to earlier).

But just as Stellar was about to ask the librarian if she'd be willing to let Sunburst fill her spot for a while, who should come trotting into the library but Firelight and Starlight?

Stellar turned to greet her guests with a smile. "Firelight! My my, how funny to see you and Starlight here," She commented. "Why I was just talking to the librarian here about possibly letting Sunburst take her place. Sunburst always did like books."

Sunburst put a hoof to his forehead. "For the last time, Mom. I already have a job."

"Well I know a certain silly filly who'd probably love to have her childhood friend working here," Firelight encouraged. "Sunburst would make an excellent librarian. Isn't that right, honey bun?"

Firelight only shook his head. "Oh, do I sense my little filly is acting up? I would hate to have you pay a visit to the time out corner, honey bun."

"Again, Dad, I'm not a little filly," Starlight sighed and groaned. "This is exactly why I've been avoiding coming back here to see you. Because I knew you'd treat me this way!"

"Honey bun-" Firelight began.

Firelight's mouth dropped open in shock! The stallion found himself at a loss for words. "S...Starlight, I..."

The mare just sobbed and turned around. "No, don't look at me! Coming back here was a mistake! I can't relive the past, because I'm not the pony you think I am!" And she ran off without another word.

"Starlight, wait!" Firelight pleaded but it was no use, his daughter ran off and disappeared.

Sunburst adjusted his glasses. "Well you are too. Look at all the wonderful things you've accomplished in the past two years."

Starlight looked up at Sunburst. "And what if I tell him, and he wants nothing to do with me? What if I tell him and he disowns me on the spot? What then?"

"Well, you'll still have me to support you. I'm one pony that knows you're a good pony inside, flaws and everything," Sunburst reassured his troubled friend. "I can go with you if you'd like."

Sunburst watched as Starlight dashed off back to the library, leaving him on his own once again. And it was then that he knew what he had to do. Much like Starlight the time had come for him to confront his parent over the way she was treating him. And hopefully, like Starlight, when it was over he would not have irrevocably destroyed the relationship or otherwise damaged it.

Sunburst found his mother not at the library, but back at home (which coincidentally was not far from Starlight's home. Sunburst could well remember how often he would invite Starlight over to his house when they were little ponies. It helped that doing so allowed Stellar Flare to keep a closer eye on the filly she was entrusted with watching).

He found Stellar Flare inside, looking over a discarded pile of various scrolls. No doubt they were all plans for Sunburst, because it wasn't like her to discard plans if she thought they could still be of some use.

"Mom?" Sunburst called as he cleared his throat, hoping to draw attention to himself.

It worked, Stellar turned around slowly and locked eyes with her son. "Oh, it's you. Look, I know why you're here. You've come to tell me that you're going back to Ponyville or wherever it is you currently live, and you're not coming back here ever again," She let out a long sigh. "I don't blame you. I was so eager to have you back with me that I didn't stop to think about what you might want to do."

Sunburst shook his head. "No, Mom, it's nothing like that. You're my mom, I could never hate you no matter how hard you may try to make that so. I just don't always need you to come up with plans for me. I'm a full grown stallion, I'm perfectly capeble of taking care of myself. And as I told you multiple times, I already have a job. I'm a Crystaller. Not just any Crystaller though, I'm officially the Royal Crystaller for Princess Flurry Heart who's the heir to the crystal throne. Though right now she's still just a baby."

"I see. So basically you've become a glorified foalsitter," Stellar commented and couldn't help but snicker. "I guess that means you get paid to change diapers."

"Among other things," Sunburst corrected. "But I think I know why it is that you're coming up with so many plans for me. Why you're so intent on trying to find things for me to do," Now it was his turn to sigh. "It's because I flunked out of Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, isn't it?"

"Well... yes," Stellar confessed. "I still remember when you wrote to me, telling me that you were going to drop out because you couldn't keep up with the lessons. You could talk the talk but you couldn't walk the walk so to speak. You were so eager to go to the school once you got your cutie mark, kept talking about how you'd be that big, important wizard you always dreamed of becoming. I started to wonder if maybe your father and I were too quick to send you off. You never even got a chance to say goodbye to Starlight, your closest friend. And I watched her struggle every day that you were away, hoping you'd come back or respond to her letters."

"That was really more my fault," Sunburst replied to his mom. "I got so excited when I got my cutie mark after all that waiting! I thought I could do everything and anything I set my mind to. But even when Princess Celestia herself took me under her wing for a brief period of time, i started to realize the limits of my abilities. I could read and understand even the most complicated of magical spells, but actually putting them into practice took more than what I had. After that, I was too ashamed to ever show my face in Sire's Hollow again. After all the expectations I'd placed on myself, to come home a failure was more than I could bare."

"Sunburst... I had no idea you felt that way!" Stellar realized as she stumbled back. "No wonder you were avoiding this town for so long."

Sunburst glumly admitted. "Yes, as much I'm ashamed to it that's why I never responded to any of your letters. Especially once I became that Crystaller, I thought I'd finally buried my past. That I'd never have to give it another thought ever again. I should've known you can't bury the past so easily, it always comes back to haunt you eventually."

Stellar was silent for a moment, before she asked her son. "Why didn't you ever tell me this? Even just one letter would've been a major help."

"Would you have believed me though?" Sunburst inquired with a glare. "Be honest."

"W...well, I want to say yes..." Stellar began before she then gulped. "But another part of me knows that probably isn't true. I'd have probably assumed you just needed one of my plans."

"But don't you see? Not everything in life can be planned," Sunburst protested. "Do you think I planned to end up as a crystaller who also doubles as Flurry Heart's foalsitter? Do you think I planned to tell Starlight or you what became of me after magic school?"

Stellar Flare said nothing, and her silence spoke volumes.

"It's all okay though, Mom. In the end, everything worked out for the better," Sunburst added. "I appreciate that you want to be there for me, but you can't. You have to be willing to let me live my own life. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Stellar nodded her head in agreement. "For the first time all weekend, Sunburst, I do," Then she grinned. "You know, maybe I oughta take a break from all this planning and come see you? I'm not sure what exactly this Crystal Empire is that you live in, but it sounds lovely. Tell me, is it nice this time of year?"

"So long as you don't mind the cold it's lovely all year round," Sunburst happily declared. "It's like a little slice of heaven."

"Well then, if you promise to visit more often, I promise I'll come and see you in the Crystal Empire someday," Stellar Flare proudly declared. "And when I do, you can be the one to come up with a plan. A plan for where you'll take me and what you'll show me."

"A-actually, I much prefer to go with the flow," Sunburst nervously chuckled. "And if you start to drive me crazy, I'll let you know instead of... never talking to you or writing to you," Then he adjusted his glasses. "I hope there's still time to show me what else has changed here since I left. Maybe I could even take another look at that gate and figure out why that recording kept getting stuck."

Stellar shook her head. "It sounded like a good idea, but obviously not all good ideas turn out that way when you put them into practice. You can take a look at it if you want to, but I think the citizens of this town will sleep better without it."

"And that's my story, Starlight. The whole thing," Sunburst finished. "Including the parts I... didn't want you to know about."

"Well, I told you all about my past even when I didn't want to," Starlight admitted as she snuggled up closer to the stallion. "Did you really think I wouldn't be curious about yours? I always wondered what happened to you in the time between going off to Celestia's school, and becoming Flurry Heart's crystaller. What, did you think if I found out I wouldn't want to be your friend anymore?"

Sunburst nervously replied. "K-kind of. You're a hard book to read, Starlight."

Starlight chuckled. "Not anymore, I'm not! Now I'm an open book, and so are you. We both have parts of our past we thought we could keep hidden. But in fact, trying to keep them hidden is what things that much harder when they were exposed."

"Huh, never really thought about it like that." Sunburst realized.

"By the way," Starlight went on. "Did you ever get a look at the gate? And did you actually fix it?"

Sunburst shook his head. "Even if I could've it would've just kept saying 'Welcome to Sire's Hollow!' every single time it was pushed open. I figured the whole town was better off without it."

"Yeah, good point," Starlight realized with a chuckle. "So, I guess it's back to staying in touch via letters? After all, you're busy as Flurry Heart's foalsitter and I've got the position as guidance counselor and acting headmare at Twilight's school. Plus, Trixie still sometimes need my help with her magic show. Though she is getting better from what she tells me."

"One of these days you two should think about taking your magic show on the road," Sunburst suggested. "If it ever came to the Crystal Empire, I'd be sure to get a front row seat. And if you needed a volunteer, I could fill that role in a heartbeat."

Starlight giggled. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Sunburst. For now, I'm pretty comfortable living in Ponyville and working with Twilight. And Trixie seems perfectly content perfecting her magical tricks in the peace and quiet of Ponyville. It helps that all the students at the school are so easily entertained."

"Seems like you're doing pretty well for yourself, Starlight," Sunburst smiled. "Maybe I'll talk to Cadence about taking some time off in the near future to come and see you, how's that?"

Starlight let out a yawn. "Sounds great, Sunburst. Now, I think I'm gonna take a bit of a nap. It's still a long train ride back to Ponyville and I wanna feel refreshed. Especially since Twilight and Spike will wanna know how the trip went." And she departed the train car for another, leaving Sunburst alone.

Unknown to Starlight, Sunburst had a letter similar to the ones he'd always been getting from his mother. But only he knew what it meant. There was nothing really written in the letter, but he was still going to frame the envelope up on a wall in his house when he got back to the Crystal Empire. That way he'd always remember where he'd come from, and that he had loving parents ready to support him no matter what.

S8 E11: Molt Down (What If?)

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

S8 E12: Marks for Effort (What If?)

It seemed like a day just like every other day at the School of Friendship. But unknown to the occupants, three fillies were currently on the premise. They weren't supposed to be there, but ever since word had reached their ears about this new school and the creatures that frequented it, they'd become determined to see it for themselves. And that was just what the Cutie Mark Crusaders were currently doing.

The trio of fillies poked their way out from a nearby bush, forming a make-shift stack with Scootaloo on the top, Sweetie Belle in the middle, and Apple Bloom on the bottom. It wasn't a very strong formation, it wobbled easily. Scootaloo in particular struggled not to fall off. Even with her wings to potentially keep her afloat for a second or two, a fall from this high a height would hurt.

"Careful now!" Apple Bloom grunted. "You know we're not supposed to be here, right? If we get caught, we're in big trouble."

"Oh relax, Apple Bloom. We all agreed to this," Scootaloo replied without concern. "Don't tell me you're not the least bit curious about this school. It's all anyone in our school ever talks about these days."

Sweetie Belle, meanwhile, was trying to encourage Scootaloo. "Less talking, more looking. Rarity says there's never been a school quite like this one!"

As Scootaloo grunted and tried to hoist herself up to a window to peer into, she whispered back. "I heard the students get to do tons of awesome stuff! Can't believe we're not allowed to attend. No offense to Miss. Cheerilee, but a school like this blows any of her lesson plans right out of the water!"

"Quiet, Scootaloo, you're gonna give us away!" Sweetie Belle shushed.

Meanwhile, Apple Bloom asked her pegasus friend. "Do ya see anythin' yet?"

Scootaloo's light purple eyes peered into the room she was currently facing. "Uh, yeah. Hold on. It looks like a broom! And I think a dustpan and some buckets."

Sweetie Belle wanted to shake her head but she didn't dare in case doing so would disrupt the make-shift totem pole. "Sounds like a broom closet."

"Try another window! There's gotta be some classrooms around here somewhere!" Apple Bloom encouraged.

The fillies moved around with a great deal of wobbling, but Scootaloo managed to pull herself up to a ledge and look in through another window. "Here we go! This looks like a classroom!" She called down to her friends.

And indeed it was. In fact, it was the classroom Pinkie Pie was using. She bounced into the room with a tray of delicious looking cupcakes in a variety of different frostings. "Whooooo's ready for cupcakes?!" She called in a singsong tone of voice.

Gallus licked his lips as he eyed the cupcakes. Treats like cupcakes were a rarity back in Griffonstone (and Gilda's scones were a poor substitute). He picked one up and slurped it down, hoping no one noticed the frosting that got on his face.

Pinkie giggled. "Oh Gallus, you silly griffon. They're not for you. They're for sharing!" When the students all looked at her she explained. "It's simple, if you want a treat you have to say something nice about someone else first. It's what friendship is all about. Here, Ocellus, we'll start with you. Ocellus, you are a great listener!" She tossed a cupcake with green frosting towards the changeling. "Now you get to keep one cupcake and share one with another creature of your choosing. And we'll do this until all the cupcakes are gone."

Ocellus turned to Yona, tossing a cupcake at the yak. "Yona, you're really strong! I wish I was as strong as you!"

Yona snatched up the cupcake and then tackled Pinkie Pie, giggling. "Yona put strength to good use! Free cupcakes for everyone!"

"H-hey!" Pinkie giggled back. "That's not how the lesson's supposed to work." But she was pinned down by Yona and couldn't get up.

Scootaloo let out a gasp, forgetting for a moment that she was still on a window ledge. Her fellow Crusaders barely had time to react before they ended up falling down and into a heap. Fortunately, it didn't seem like anyone had heard them.

Sweetie Belle took advantage of the opportunity to gaze into one of the other classroom windows. This classroom was being used by Fluttershy, who had brought some animals from her sanctuary. Silverstream and Smolder were among the attending students. "All right, students! It's time to meet some new friends!" She instructed as she allowed for various exotic birds to fly out and interact with the students.

Meanwhile, Apple Bloom's attention was drawn to a window that seemed to be part of what looked like a gym. Applejack was there, clad in her green buckball jacket, surrounded by several bouncing balls. "Incomin' y'all!" She shouted as she gave some of the balls a swift kick!

Sandbar kicked the ball right back. "How's that, Professor Applejack?" But as he spoke several more balls came whizzing past, one of them striking the colt at the knees.

Applejack just laughed. "Lesson number one, students, keep your eye on the ball at all times. And lesson number two, don't get cocky. There's always somethin' new to learn." Several of the other students joined in as Sandbar recovered, shaking himself off.

"Now that's friendship in action, y'all!" Applejack smiled. "Always remember that friendship and teamwork go hoof in hoof, or claw in claw as the case may be."

"Wow! And I thought our school was fun!" Sweetie Belle commented. "Even with the new playground equipment Diamond got her dad to donate, school was never this much fun."

Scootaloo nodded. "Yeah! Miss Cheerilee never lets us play buckball in class. I know. I've tried. 'Too dangerous' she says. Why's she always gotta be such a wet blanket? Seems like the only really fun thing she let us do was the Applewood Derby."

"Yeah, and that was a lot of fun aside from the part where Diamond Tiara's mother kept tryin' to sabotage the other racers," Apple Bloom recalled. "Can't believe Princess Twilight won't let even Diamond attend here. Would certainly get her away from her mother, and probably get us away from her as well."

"But we already asked, Apple Bloom," Sweetie Belle shook her head. "She said no. And I don't think she's ever gonna change her mind."

At that very moment, however, who should appear in the CMC's vision but Twilight herself? She didn't seem to be at all troubled or annoyed by the fact that they were on the grounds of her school. She just looked them firmly in the eyes and told them. "Girls, I'd like to see you all in my office."

"Now?" All three Crusaders asked at once.

"Yes," Twilight nodded. "I have something very important I need to discuss with you."

The Crusaders collectively gulped, each wondering what they could've possibly done to get on Twilight's bad side.

As they were led through the winding hallways of the School of Friendship and down to Twilight's office, all three fillies spoke not a word. They were too afraid to say anything out of fear of what Twilight might say to them in reply.

At last they were led into Twilight's office and the door was closed behind them. It was only then that they saw several familiar faces were already in the office as well. They recognized all of them: Starlight Glimmer, Spike (who had recently undergone a noticeable change in height and appearance), and Diamond Tiara. They even recognized a pegasus filly that only a few ponies had seen before. Said filly had a pinkish gray coat, eyes an moderate scarlet in color, a beautifully curly mane and tail that was a pale, light grayish arctic blue and light arctic bluish gray in color, and a cutie mark depicting a rook (though she had refused to elaborate on what her cutie mark meant, giving only the vague answer of "convincing").

They could remember said filly had come to them a few weeks ago for help but at the time they'd thought nothing of her. All they'd gotten from her was a name: Cozy Glow. Had they somehow done something wrong by helping her? Was she all part of some secret "test" organized by Twilight to catch them in the act of something?

Twilight's expression wasn't giving them any clues either, it was incredibly hard to judge. It didn't look like the face of disapproval but at the same time it didn't seem like the kind of face one would give to convey satisfaction.

Sweetie Belle was the first member of the trio to speak up. "Twilight, whatever it is we did wrong, we're sorry! We didn't mean to cause any trouble, honest!"

"Please," Apple Bloom gulped. "We know we're not allowed to attend this school, and we didn't mean to take your place as a teacher at it. It's just that Cozy Glow came to us for help and we couldn't say no."

Scootaloo was the last one to speak up. "Just don't tell our families about this, okay? We promise we won't ever cause you or your new students any trouble ever again. We'll go back to the regular school and we won't give this one another thought as long as we live. Crusaders' honor!"

But to the surprise of the CMC, Twilight's response was to break into laughter. Laughter that only stopped once she had pressed a hoof up to her snout. And it seemed like everyone else in the room was laughing too.

"What? What's so funny?" Apple Bloom asked. "Is it somethin' we said?"

Diamond Tiara spoke up in response. "Boy are you girls slow up on the uptake today. Don't you get it yet? You're in not any trouble at all."

"We're not?!" All three Crusaders gasped all at once!

Diamond nodded. "Duh, of course you're not. Why would you be after you once again succeeded in helping a pony your age understand friendship?"

"It's true, Cozy Glow here made a surprising turn around," Spike explained to the fillies. "Her grades were sliding downhill fast and it seemed like she was going to flunk out. Then all of a sudden she started doing better and better, and now she's at the top of her class. Twilight's even entrusting her with helping out in the school library, which is not a responsibility she gives away lightly."

"When I asked her how she got so good at friendship in such a short span of time, she mentioned that it was you girls who helped to teach her," Twilight added. "So that got me thinking. I already told you girls that you couldn't attend my school. Not because you were too old, but because you already knew just about everything there was to know about the basics of friendship. There was little I could teach you that you wouldn't already know. So I started thinking 'If I can't enroll them here at my school. What can I do for them?' Then it came to me!"

Starlight spoke next, and she spoke with a bright grin on her face. "Currently I don't have much to do besides adjust the plague on my desk, warm up empathy coco, or read books on guidance counseling. So this is a welcome change," Lighting up her horn, she declared. "So on behalf of Princess and Headmare Twilight, I'm proud to present you all with honorary friendship diplomas!" She proceeded to give each of them a small scroll, as well as put them into the caps and gowns you'd traditionally see on graduating students.

"Uh, this is great and all. But why exactly did you have to call us into your office to do this, Twilight?" Scootaloo questioned. "This all seems a little much for helping one filly. After all, helping others is what we Crusaders do best!"

Diamond Tiara smiled. "I know. I still haven't forgotten that I owe my new outlook on life to you three! And that's why I suggested Princess Twilight should hire you all as friendship counselors here at the school, on a part time basis of course."

"Us?! Friendship counselors?! Somepony pinch me, this has to be a dream!" Sweetie Belle commented as all three Crusaders' mouths dropped open in collective shock.

"Oh it's no dream," Twilight laughed a little bit more. "I've already made all the arrangements necessary, but I wanted to run this by you three first. Wouldn't be right to give you the job if you didn't want it," Scootaloo looked like she was about to say something in protest, so the princess added. "And before you ask, Scootaloo, yes. I talked to your parents and your aunts. They all said they were fine with it just as long as it doesn't interfere with your curfew or your grades at school. The same is true for Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle too."

Cozy Glow (who had been silent up to this point) finally spoke up. "Golly, you three are the luckiest fillies in the whole entire world of Equestria! Maybe even beyond! Bet you all can't wait to start serving as friendship counselors here, I know you'll all do a fantastic job. Probably even better than Counselor Starlight."

Starlight gave a nervous laugh. "L-let's not get ahead of ourselves there, Cozy. They haven't even given a response yet."

"You three should totally say yes!" Spike encouraged. "Having you here will improve the staff to student ratio, which'll go a long way towards convincing Chancellor Neighsay that he's wrong about this school."

"Not to mention I'll get to see you three here as well as at school!" Diamond declared. "I'm thinking I might even try to plead with Father to let me become a friendship counselor too."

Cozy Glow added with a bright smile. "What are you all waiting for?! This is practically gift wrapped for the three of you! Take it already!"

But Twilight gestured a hoof to Cozy. "Now now, Cozy. Even when you're doing something nice for somepony else, you always have to give them the final say in the matter. Because sometimes they may not want what you're offering them," She then told the CMC. "Your honorary friendship diplomas will hold regardless of what you choose, so don't feel like you're being pressured to decide one way or the other."

The Crusaders promptly huddled together for a bit, discussing the incredible and unprecedented offer they'd just been given! All the while, everyone else in the room fell silent and waited for an answer.

At last, the fillies broke off the huddle and Apple Bloom told Twilight. "We... need some time to think about this. There's a lot of things we need to consider."

Cozy Glow could hardly believe her ears! "What?! Are you crazy?! After all you've done the only answer should be yes!"

However, Twilight calmly replied. "We can't force them to choose one way or the other," And to the Crusaders she told them. "Take as much time as you need to to think about my offer. But if possible, I would like an answer by the end of the day today."

"Thanks, Twilight. You'll definitely know by sundown how we feel," Scootaloo declared. "Now we should probably get out of here. I'm sure you've already got lots of students with lots of other problems to worry about."

The Crusaders departed without fanfare, though Diamond couldn't help but notice how beyond shocked Cozy Glow seemed to be at seeing the three fillies go. "I know we weren't expecting things to turn out that way, but she's acting like her dreams were just crushed to bits," The pink coated filly thought to herself. "Something doesn't feel quite right about Cozy." But she didn't dare to express such thoughts out loud. That's what the old her would've done. The new Diamond Tiara knew better than to throw random speculations out there for all to hear.

Since today wasn't a school day, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo didn't need to worry about being late for class. Which meant they'd have plenty of time to discuss the proposal that none of them had been expecting when they'd decided to sneak onto the grounds of Twilight's school.

And they already knew the perfect place to go whenever they needed to think. The clubhouse at Sweet Apple Acres that also doubled as their headquarters. Even though there hadn't been as many clients as of lately (cutie mark or otherwise) the clubhouse itself had been kept in tip top shape, making it the perfect retreat for the Crusaders as they pondered the important decision they were now faced with.

"It's funny how much things have changed," Apple Bloom commented as the fillies entered the clubhouse. "If ya'd told me when we started this here club that we'd one day be offered a job as friendship counselors at an actual school, I'd have thought you were crazy!"

"Yeah, and to think it all started just because we wanted to do something nice for one of Twilight's students," Scootaloo commented. "Although at one point I think we were kind of her students."

Sweetie Belle nodded. "Those 'Twilight Time' sessions were a lot of fun and we really learned a lot. It's just too bad that after Starlight moved in, Twilight had to devote all her time to Starlight's lessons and ours kind of fell by the wayside."

"Hey now, we all agreed it was for the best," Apple Bloom declared. "If Diamond Tiara was any indication, we'd learned far more than anypony might have ever suspected."

"Yeah, and now we can add Cozy Glow to the long list of ponies and other creatures that we've helped," Sweetie Belle added as she hung up a framed picture of the filly. "Seems like only yesterday we'd just met her and agreed to help her." But in fact it had been almost a month since that fateful meeting. Yet the vivid details of that first encounter were still fresh in the minds of all three of the Crusaders.

Twilight's School of Friendship had been open for the better half of almost four months, but it was already the talk of town throughout Ponyville. Nowhere was this more true than the only "competition" Twilight's school had, the lone schoolhouse that Cheerilee oversaw (alongside the school board members who rotated out. Even Spoiled Rich no longer served with them, having been forced to resign due to "irreconcilable differences" after the new playground equipment was installed).

And often ponies were asking the CMC in no uncertain terms. "How come you're not attending Princess Twilight's school? Weren't you friends with her?"

The CMC knew the answer. They had tried to get into the school on the very first day, but Twilight had told them no. "You make better friendship teachers then you do students." Was the answer she had given.

So it was that on this particular day, the young trio were sitting in their clubhouse and mulling over what they should do. Their most recent adventure had been when they'd tagged along with Silverstream when she went back to Mount Aris. And there they'd learned about her family being half hippogriff/half seapony and had helped Terramar (Silverstream's brother) sort out his problem of deciding who to stay with.

Twilight hadn't exactly been thrilled to learn about the fillies' stowing away, and neither had their families who all made it clear in no uncertain terms that "travelling outside the boundries of Equestria is too dangerous for fillies like yourself" or something to that regard. Without an adult accompanying them, they wouldn't be able to do such a thing again (unless they wanted to be severely punished).

All of a sudden, the fillies heard crying coming from outside. The crying didn't sound like it was coming from anyone they knew but they were still determined to at least understand a potential problem, and see if there was anything they could do to help.

The crying was coming from a pegasus filly that none of them had ever seen before. Said filly had a pinkish gray coat, eyes an moderate scarlet in color, a beautifully curly mane and tail that was a pale, light grayish arctic blue and light arctic bluish gray in color, and a cutie mark depicting a rook.

"Hey. You okay?" Apple Bloom spoke up, the first one of the trio to say a word to the stranger.

The pegasus filly paused briefly in her crying to respond. "Oh. Thank you for asking. But no. I'm having real trouble with..." She sniffled a bit before choking out. "...the School of Friendship."

"You mean Twilight won't let you attend either, huh?" Scootaloo remarked. "We get that a lot. Seems like nopony we know is allowed to go there."

The filly shook her head. "Oh, no, it's not like that at all. I attend the school. In fact I'm in her class, but..." She sniffled again. "It's too hard! I don't know anything about friendship, and I'm too ashamed to tell Headmare Twilight that."

"Really? How could you not know anything about friendship?" Sweetie Belle questioned. "Even the worst of ponies know something about it."

The filly sighed and hung her head. "I guess I'm worse than the worse then. I just moved here to go to school, but everything's so new and different compared to my old school. I don't know anypony at all."

"Well, now you do," Apple Bloom proudly declared as she gestured a hoof to herself and then to her friends. "I'm Apple Bloom. This is Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. And together, we're the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Maybe you've heard of us?"

The filly shook her head again. "Can't I say have. Are you famous or something?"

"Sort of," Scootaloo answered. "Though we didn't start this club to become famous, it's actually a long story. We're here to help you though, whoever you are."

The filly momentarily stopped crying, blushing as she realized she'd forgotten to introduce herself. "Oh, I'm sorry. The name's Cozy Glow. It's very nice to meet you all, but I don't know if I'll stay long. I'll probably flunk out and have to move somewhere else. I'm having so much trouble with my friendship lessons, and my grades are about to fall right into the toilet with no way out."

All three Crusaders collectively gasped all at once! It wasn't something they did often (though the last time they'd done it had actually been while they were at Mt. Aris with Terramar and Silverstream). And it was Sweetie Belle who told Cozy. "We can you help with those lessons!"

"Yeah! We know all about friendship!" Scootaloo boasted. "We even had one on one sessions with Princess Twilight years before she ever started her own school!"

"And studyin' with you would be almost as good as bein' in friendship class ourselves!" Apple Bloom added. "It's a win win!"

Cozy seemed to be skeptical of the Crusaders' offer, her light grayish arctic blue looked at the three fillies as if they were about to add in some sort of catch. "But why would you all help me? What's in it for you?"

"Nothing. And that's how friendship works," Sweetie Belle explained, adopting the best teaching voice she could conjure up on short notice. "When you give from your heart, you don't expect anything back. Unless you count that warm, fuzzy feeling inside. That costs you nothing, yet it's worth everything. Trust us on that."

"Well, golly, if you really mean it..." Cozy began as she adopted the most innocent face anyone had ever seen on a filly.

The Crusaders all nodded together. "Uh-huh!"

Cozy Glow proceeded to dig into her saddle bag as she explained. "Well then, I could use some help on my friendship homework," She laid out pictures depicting three ponies the CMC recognized as Bon-Bon, Mrs. Cake, and Big Macintosh. Cozy pointed to each of them in order and told the Crusaders. "For my homework, Headmare Twilight says I have to do something nice for each of these three ponies. But I don't know anything about them. And it's so hard to talk to ponies you've never met. I feel like they're always judging me."

Apple Bloom smiled at Cozy. "Well, you're in luck, 'cause we know all of those ponies! One of 'em even happens to be my big brother, but we'll get to him a little later."

"Cozy Glow," Scootaloo firmly added. "Get ready for a friendship A-plus!"

Bon-Bon was first. Scootaloo oversaw this leg of Cozy Glow's homework assignment. She took Cozy into town on her scooter, then hid with the filly as they watched the cream colored earth pony mare from afar. "Bon-Bon runs a sweet shop here in town, whenever she's not away on 'top secret business'. She's also really close to a mare named Lyra, but that's not important. What is important is figuring out what she needs. Once you know that, you'll know what the nice thing is you'll have to do for her."

"And how am I supposed to do that from here?" Cozy questioned. "This doesn't seem like it helps."

Scootaloo simply replied. "Patience, Cozy. Friendship is about listening to others and observing them. Look, here she comes now! Watch her closely!"

Bon-Bon had picked up a cactus to take home with her. But unfortunately it was not stored properly and had ripped in a hole in the blue bag it had come in. The spines weren't very sharp but they still hurt as they poked at the mare's sides. Every step she took was punctuated with a wince and a cry of "Ow."

"See the problem yet?" Scootaloo told Cozy. "That cactus keeps pricking her with every step she takes. Hmm, if only there was something to protect her from those spines. I don't think she'll want to come home with cuts all over her body." But when she turned to look Cozy had already taken off.

Cozy zoomed up to Bon-Bon, holding the same helmet Scootaloo had been wearing earlier. She offered it to Bon-Bon. "It looks like you need help carrying your cactus, so here's a safe way to take it home, Miss. Bon Bon." As she spoke a nervous laugh creeped into her tone of voice.

Bon Bon smiled as she placed the helmet over the top of the cactus. "Why thank you! That's so thoughtful of you, young filly." And then she trotted off, feeling much better without the constant prodding and pricking of the cactus' spines.

Cozy rushed back to Scootaloo, her voice swelled with pride! "I did it! That was easy."

"Great job, Cozy!" Scootaloo encouraged before she adopted a slightly more stern look and eyed her fellow pegasus. "But, uh, next time, maybe don't give away my helmet. I actually need it, it's not just a fashion statement."

"Oh, oopsie." Cozy sheepishly apologized.

Scootaloo just sighed. "It's alright, I'll get it back later. Next time though, don't take things that aren't yours without asking. Didn't you learn that in Fluttershy's kindness classes?"

"Guess I sort of forgot." Cozy admitted.

A short time later, Cozy met Sweetie Belle at Sugarcube Corner. Cozy already knew that this is where Professor Pinkie Pie lived (and worked when school wasn't in session and there were no parties that needed to be thrown). Still, she seemed to be surprised to learn that was where Mrs. Cake and her husband lived, alongside their two children. "They all live in the same place that they work?"

"Well, the twins don't work here yet, they're not old enough," Sweetie Belle explained. "But we're not here to foalsit them. We're here to help sort out Mrs. Cake's sprinkle shakers, they tend to get all mixed up."

To that end the two fillies worked for several minutes, emptying out the different sprinkle shakers and putting the individual sprinklers back into their respective containers one by one based on color. At long last the work was done, and Sweetie Belle breathed a sigh of relief. "Whew. Sorting all those took longer than I thought. Guess maybe this wasn't the best example of a nice thing to do. But I figured it'd be easier than watching Pound and Pumpkin Cake, they're a slippery little duo."

"You really think Mrs. Cake will like the new sprinkle shakers I made?" Cozy asked Sweetie.

"We both made them, Cozy," Sweetie Belle corrected. "And I'm sure she will. Now she won't have to use rainbow sprinkles all the time. She can just pick the color that she wants!"

Just then, the bell above the front door rang and Mrs. Cake came rushing in. "Ooh! I'm sorry, I was out to lunch," The plump baker apologized as she resumed her usual position behind the counter. "Were you fillies waiting for me long?"

"O-oh, no," Cozy quickly answered and presented the new shakers to Mrs. Cake. "Um, these are for you! Hope you like 'em!"

Mrs. Cake smiled as she observed the brand new sprinkle shakers. Her old ones were starting to show their age. "Oh, well, what a lovely surprise! I can't wait to try them out! In fact, how about I do that right now?!" She turned her back to the fillies and shook the shakers, then presented a small cupcake to them filled with sprinkles from the new shakers! "Look! I made rainbow sprinkles!" She excitedly told the two. "Aren't they wonderful?" Then she trotted away.

A flabbergasted Cozy found herself at a loss for words! "Seriously?! After all that?! But... she... I..." She let out a groan, unable to think of anything else to say.

"W-well, at least she likes her present?" Sweetie commented. "They say it's the thought that counts."

In her mind, however, Cozy was thinking to herself. "That makes no sense! They never told me friendship could be so complicated!"

Big Macintosh proved to be the easiest to do something nice for. At least, that's what Apple Bloom had told Cozy Glow when she brought the filly to Sweet Apple Acres. "I've got a plan," She whispered to Cozy. "Here's what we're gonna do."

Sometime later, when Big Macintosh came out to buck the trees and collect the apples he found that the trees didn't respond to any of his kicks. Only when he looked up into the trees did he see why. The trees had already been stripped clean of their apples, said apples resting in buckets at the edge of the orchard.

Apple Bloom gave a whistle to let her brother know.

Big Macintosh was overjoyed! With his heart all a flutter he ran off, soon disappearing from view! If he noticed Cozy Glow at all he didn't acknowledge it, he was in too much of a hurry.

Cozy Glow was both impressed and confused. "Golly, Apple Bloom. Just how did you know that would make him so happy, even if he is your brother?"

Apple Bloom gladly explained. "Simple, friendship means pitchin' in to help others' chores go faster," With a cheeky grin on her face she then added. "'Specially when their special somepony's waitin' for 'em. But don't tell Big Mac I told you, he still likes to act like it's a big secret even though everypony knows about it."

"I guess love can make you predictable. Good to know." Cozy thought to herself. Had anyone been watching, they might have seen her face briefly contort itself into something akin to a sinister grin.

"Ding dong!" Rang the school bell, singling the end of another day of class for the students.

Cheerilee smiled. "Alright, everypony, that's it for today. The school board will be here soon for their weekly meeting." In her mind she thought. "Meetings are so much more enjoyable now that Spoiled Rich isn't there to yack my ear off about her daughter's behavior. You'd think she would want her daughter to be nice instead of nasty."

Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo were the last ones to leave the school. As soon as they did, they heard a familiar buzzing sound. And before they had a chance to react they were knocked into a tackle by none other than Cozy Glow!

"Guess what, Crusaders! I got an A on my homework!" Cozy proudly boasted.

Scootaloo cheered, and Apple Bloom smiled. "Nice goin', Cozy!"

"Well, I couldn't have done it without your help! So thank you so much!" Cozy exclaimed as she hugged all three Crusaders.

Sweetie Belle smiled. "It was nothing, really. Helping others is what we Crusaders do best, our cutie marks say so."

Cozy eyed the marks with noticeable suspicion. "But they all look the same, aside from the little things inside the shields. How can they mean helping others?"

"Cutie marks are always open to interpretation. We got ours when we realized getting our cutie marks wasn't as important as helping others find the true meaning of their cutie marks," Scootaloo told Cozy. "By the way, you never told us what your cutie mark means. Are you just really good at chess?"

Cozy quickly covered up her cutie mark with her tail and sheepishly answered. "No, that'd be silly. I actually don't like telling others what my cutie mark means, it's not important. I mean, I suppose it has to do with 'convincing' but that's all you need to know."

"If you're havin' cutie mark problems, we'd be glad to help ya with 'em," Apple Bloom offered. "That's why we have our little club."

But Cozy shook her head. "I'm not having problems with my cutie mark. Besides, I could use your help on something much more important," And she cleared her throat, quickly changing the subject. "Headmare Twilight is giving us a big test at the end of the week, and I could really use your help studying."

"We'd be happy to help, Cozy!" Apple Bloom quickly replied. "We've wanted to go to Twilight's school more than anythin'. But helpin' you has been even more fun! You can count on us!"

"Great! Let's get to studying!" Cozy encouraged and sped away, though not before shouting. "I'll meet you at your clubhouse!"

"Never met such an eager pony before. You think maybe we could make her an honorary member of our club?" Scootaloo suggested to the others.

Sweetie Belle shook her head. "We can worry about that later, like once Twilight's school gets done and Cozy needs something else to do. For now though, we're gonna help her study. She's gonna ace that test if it's the last thing we do!"

The Crusaders spent all of their free time over the next several days teaching Cozy all the ins and outs of friendship, and the six "values" (it was the best way to describe the Elements of Harmony) associated with it.

Whenever they demonstrated an example of a particular value, the Crusaders would hold up a card that depicted the cutie mark of the pony attached to the element that had just been displayed. For example, when Apple Bloom offered Cozy Glow an extra apple during a picnic, Sweetie Belle held up the card depicting Rarity's cutie mark.

Cozy appeared stumped though. "Um... intelligence?"

It took a few tries before Cozy could recite the names of the different Elements of Harmony without difficulty. Though there was one moment that the Crusaders found odd. During an initial run through of the different elements, when Sweetie Belle had pointed to the Element of Magic, Cozy had answered. "Is it... control?"

"Friendship may be magic, but to have magic is not to have control. Try again!" Sweetie scolded with a shake of her head.

And thus a pattern was established for those several days. When it came to teaching sometimes it was done through a quick lecture, but more often it was done through in the field examples. These included things like cleaning Fluttershy's cottage, or giving a balloon to a little colt who seemed unhappy.

Finally, on the day before the test, Cozy was able to name all of the Elements of Harmony on her first try. One by one, as each element was pointed to, she called out. "Kindness! Loyalty! Honesty! Generosity! Laughter! Magic!"

Cozy met up with the Crusaders again just before classes began on the day of the test. "I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate all you've done for me. I'm gonna ace that test, all thanks to you three!"

"It's what friends do, Cozy. And you're our friend now." Sweetie Belle smiled.

Buzzing her wings in excitement, Scootaloo encouraged. "You've totally got this!"

Apple Bloom, however, added. "Just one thing before ya go, Cozy. Don't mention what we've done for you to Twilight. And I mean it."

Cozy stopped in her tracks. "Whyever not?" The pegasus filly asked. "You taught me that honesty is a big part of friendship."

"Well yes, but sometimes it's good not to tell the whole truth right away," Apple Bloom explained. "If Twilight finds out we've been helpin' ya study, she might get the wrong idea."

Sweetie nervously nodded. "Yeah, she might think we're doing it so she'll let us join her school or something like that."

Scootaloo also nodded. "It might be seen as some kind of reverse psychology or something. Like what the grown-ups like to do all the time."

Sweetie eyed Scootaloo. "Actually, I think it's just your aunts that like to do that," And then she turned back to Cozy Glow. "We don't want Twilight to think badly of us. If she asks how you got so good, just say you had help. And if she asks for more details, tell her you promised not to tell. She knows all about promises and why you can't just break them."

"If you say so. But it just doesn't seem right to not tell her." Cozy shrugged, and then entered the School of Friendship with the most confused look on her face.

"Alright, Crusaders, let's get out of here before anyone sees us!" Scootaloo encouraged. "Besides, if we're late to class again Miss. Cheerilee's gonna make us stay after to clean all the chalkboard erasers." And the trio left the school grounds without fanfare.

The flashbacks ended as Sweetie Belle came to a sudden realization! "Cozy Glow must've told Twilight about us anyway, even after we told her not to!"

"Well, at least Twilight proved to be understanding about it." Scootaloo replied.

"Probably because we have such a good track record of helping others just out of the kindness of our hearts," Apple Bloom boasted as they looked around the clubhouse. "Babs Seed, Troubleshoes, Diamond Tiara, Tender Taps, Petunia, Gabby, Chip Cutter, Zipporwhill, Rumble, and Terramar. And those are just the ones we've helped individually. There's probably at least twice as many we've helped through helpin' all of those individuals."

Sweetie smiled. "Not bad for a couple of fillies who were just trying to find their cutie marks. Heck, we even fixed up this clubhouse specifically so we could use it as our headquarters. And the skills we learned there came in handy when we helped Fluttershy build her sanctuary."

"And now, we might have to leave it all behind." The farm filly glumly noted.

Sweetie and Scootaloo both turned to Apple Bloom. "What do you mean?" They both asked at the same time.

"It's simple. We can't really keep this club goin' while at the same time servin' as friendship counselors at Twilight's school," Apple Bloom explained to the others. "Even if it's only a part time thing, we'd have to juggle our new responsibilities alongside this club, school, and our friends and families. We may have some honorary members here and there, but they're not gonna be enough to pick up the slack for us. So we're gonna need to choose, girls. Do we take up Twilight's offer and leave our Crusadin' days behind us for the time bein'? Or do we turn her down and keep runnin' this here club like we always have?"

But before any of them could stop to think about the situation, a familiar voice could be heard laughing. "You're seriously going to choose one over the other? You can still do both you know." At that moment, who should enter the clubhouse but Diamond Tiara herself?

Despite the rich filly being an honorary member, the CMC were still more than a little surprised to see her. "What the hay are you talkin' about, Diamond Tiara?" Apple Bloom questioned the headgear wearing filly. "If we become friendship counselors that'll be a huge undertakin'."

"We can't keep the club running while we're at Twilight's school," Scootaloo added in a rather glum tone. "Even you have to know that, Diamond. It's not like we're coming to this decision lightly. This club means everything to us, but perhaps it wasn't meant to last forever? Maybe the time has come for us to move on from being just 'The Cutie Mark Crusaders'."

"I really wish we could do both, but the fact is that we can't," Sweetie Belle was the last to speak. "We wanted to go to Twilight's school more than anything and now we finally have the chance to do that in a way. It's not like we'd be closing our club down forever, it'd still be open whenever Twilight's school isn't in session. It can't operate year round."

But Diamond shook her head in protest. "You three can't close up shop! Not after all the lives you've changed, all the creatures you've helped! I won't let it end like this!"

Apple Bloom eyed the filly with an odd mix of surprise and confusion. "Are you suggestin' you'll take over while we're at the school?"

Tiara grinned as she boasted. "Did you forget who you're talking to? It was practically my idea for you girls to turn your club into a business to help others. And my family's all about business. Besides, it'll give me another reason to not be home all the time. Mother hasn't been in the best mood since she got kicked off the school boar and Father just seems to be giving her a wide berth, so I'm going to do the same."

"But you're just one pony. You can't run a business all by yourself!" Sweetie protested.

Diamond grinned again. "Good thing I won't be running it all by myself then. Let's just say I've learned how to make the right connections," And with that she gave a whistle. "Okay, everypony, that's your cue!"

The Crusaders happened to look out the window, and almost immediately they could not believe what they were seeing! Cheerilee, Thunderlane, Gabby, Silver Spoon, Pipsqueak, Rumble, and Featherweight had all gathered outside.

"You're welcome, by the way." Diamond told the Crusaders as she led them outside.

"When Di told us about the offer Princess Twilight made you, we all signed on to help her take over your business while you're away," Silver Spoon explained. "You've really gotta hoof it to Diamond Tiara! When she gets a good idea, she really gets a good idea!"

"You'd really be okay with this, all of you?" Scootaloo asked, and the assembled group members nodded their heads.

Cheerilee spoke up. "While I am a bit dismayed to see some of my brightest students go to the competition, I understand that this is a big step forward for you all. And the goal of any teacher is first and foremost to help her students become masters in their own right," And she then added. "At the same time, your club has done wonders for so many of my students. I daresay, Ponyville wouldn't be the same without it. And since it's not a school club, there are no rules that keep me from being just a limited overseer with emergency powers as the situation calls for it."

"But Diamond Tiara's going to be the one leading us," Rumble was quick to point out. "Never imagined a day would come when I'd be able to say that with a smile and mean it."

"So you all go ahead and tell Princess Twilight you'll be glad to serve as friendship counselors at her school!" Cheerilee encouraged. "We'll keep things running smoothly here while you're away. We'll also report to you often, so it'll be like you've never left."

After several minutes of silence needed to compose themselves, the CMC rushed up and hugged all their friends! "Thank you all so much!" Apple Bloom happily replied! "How can we ever repay you?!"

"Nonsense, this is just friends doing a favor for other friends. It won't cost you a thing." Pipsqueak responded.

"And we know you'll be the best friendship counselors Twilight's school has ever had!" Thunderlane added. "The students will be lucky to have ponies like you to talk to!"

When Twilight learned that the Cutie Mark Crusaders had accepted her offer to be friendship counselors, she was practically beside herself with joy!

A huge ceremony was held to make the appointment official, and everyone at the school showed up to it. Twilight took the podium. "Fillies and gentlecolts, creatures of all ages. It gives me great pleasure to introduce to you your new friendship counselors: Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo!"

"Oh my gosh!" Silverstream excitedly exclaimed! "Friendship counselors! This school has everything! And I thought it couldn't get any better than when it had stairs!"

Smolder was a bit more skeptical. "How can they be 'counselors' when they're our age? I mean, that's like if we decided to become our own teachers, isn't it?"

Sandbar laughed. "Well you never know, Smolder. Someday soon we might become the big hotshots at this school."

Gallus sarcastically replied. "Good one, Sandbar. I'm sure that'll totally happen someday. Like when pigs fly!"

Rarity (who was standing alongside Rainbow Dash and Applejack) just happily commented while wiping a tear from her eyes. "Oh, they grow up so fast! Seems like only yesterday Mother and Father were bringing Sweetie Belle home from the hospital. Now look at her, old enough to take on big pony responsibilities."

"Hey, quit making me feel old, Rarity!" Rainbow Dash protested. "That's supposed to be my job!" Then on a more sentimental note the brash speedster added. "Still, if you'd told me that this is what would become of Scoot after I took her under my wing all those years ago, I wouldn't have believed it myself."

"Look on the bright side, y'all," Applejack chuckled. "Now they won't be naggin' us about why they can't go to this school even though their big sisters teach there."

All the while, Cozy Glow was observing the whole thing silently from afar. "They don't even know that I was the one who suggested the idea of friendship counselors," She thought with a snicker. "I'll bet they all believe my cutie mark just means 'convincing' and nothing more. Well I intend to keep it that way, for now."

But later that night, long after the celebration had ended and everyone else had gone home (or back to their dorm rooms in the case of the students), Cozy Glow was still wide awake. The pegasus filly was scanning the hallways to make sure no one else was around.

There wasn't a waking soul anywhere in sight, the cost was clear. "Good," Cozy commented as her voice seemed to fade away from a cute, bubbly, innocent tone. In its place, a much more sinister and echoy tone could be heard. A faint, sickly green glow could be seen in the filly's eyes as she chuckled to herself. "The pieces are slowly falling into place. I've already infiltrated the school and gained the trust of those pathetic ponies. And the best part is, everyone still thinks I'm just a sweet, innocent little filly from far away," Then she growled. "But just you wait, ponies. Especially you, Starlight Glimmer. When you least expect it, Chrysalis will strike!" And then she cleared her throat, returning her voice to its original, bubbly state. "Until then, Cozy Glow will keep you all in the dark."

Author's Note

Right off the bat, the big problem everyone has with this episode is the climax in which Twilight accuses the CMC of sabotaging Cozy Glow, refuses to give them a chance to explain their side of the story, and bans them from ever going near her school again. Then we find out in the next scene that Cozy Glow sabotaged herself in the hopes that Twilight would think they were bad at friendship, and it's only then that we learn through Starlight why the CMC can't attend the School of Friendship. Yet we never see Twilight apologize for falsely accusing the CMC. So I knew I wanted to take that out and rework the episode so that it never occurs.

Others mention that not a lot really happens up until that climax, we go from the CMC trying to get into Twilight's school, to the CMC helping Cozy Glow, to the CMC being accused only for Twilight to learn that she made the wrong assumptions. So I tried to rework the episode and give it some more meat. And yes, Cozy Glow as Chrysalis will play into the eventual rewrites of "School Daze" and "School Raze".

I should also mention that I included some foreshadowing to a rewrite of "Surf and/or Turf" that could be done as early as the next volume (but don't quote me on that). Whenever that rewrite occurs I'll explain my reasons for its reworking more in depth (it'll still be a CMC episode though).

Also, you may have noticed I didn't include Sugar Belle here in the scene where Big Macintosh is the one helped. I have yet to decide whether I'm going to pair her and Big Macintosh up like the show did, or if I'll keep Cheerilee and Big Macintosh like the show seemed to tease in the background for several seasons. What stopping me from shipping SugarMac was the distance, as I couldn't see either Big Mac or Sugar Belle willing to invest in a long-distance relationship. But with "The Break Up Break Down" having Sugar Belle in Ponyville (temporarily, mind you), that removed the only thing I felt prevented the ship from working. Maybe I'll decide on that in the next rewrite volume, and maybe I won't.

Episodes to be rewritten:
~~Bloom and Gloom~~
~~The Times They Are a Changeling~~
~~Discordant Harmony (Bonus Chapter)~~
~~Fake It 'Til You Make It (Bonus Chapter)~~
~~The Parent Tracks Parts 1 and 2 (Two parter of the Parent Map)~~
~~Molt Down~~
~~Marks for Effort~~
A Matter of Principals
Friendship University
Yakity-Sax
The Washouts
A Rockhoof and a Hard Place
Mother Knows Least? (Father Knows Beast)

S8 E14: A Matter of Principals (What If?)

In the classroom she often used for her lectures, Twilight had called all the students together for an important announcement as she opened up a treasure chest. "Alright, students. Can anyone tell me what these are?" She asked, as she floated out six objects that no one had ever seen before.

"Shiny!" Yona commented. "Yak love shiny things!"

"They must be valuable treasures!" Smolder declared. "How much do you think they're worth, Sandbar?"

Sandbar shot back a confused look. "Don't look at me, I've never seen them before in my life. Have any of you?"

Ocellus shot up a leg as she answered. "I have!" When Twilight looked at her she answered. "They're all legendary magical artifacts!"

Gallus turned to the changeling. "Hey, how did you know that? I mean... I was gonna say the same thing but I just wanted to see if anyone else knew what they were."

Ocellus blushed and gave a nervous laugh. "W-well, let's just say I read ahead in Equestrian Cultures and Camaraderie: Volume Seven. Couldn't help myself, it was a real page turner."

Twilight smiled. "You're right about these objects, Ocellus. They are indeed magical artifacts! Not just any artifacts though, these artifacts are some of the rarest in all the world," She floated each object in front of the students one by one. "This is the Amulet of Aurora, the Talisman of Mirage, the Helm of Yksler, the Crown of Grover, Knuckerbocker's Shell, and Clover the Clever's Cloak."

Spike declared. "And the amulet's made of real gems from old times. Even dragon teeth won't put a dent in them. I should know, I've got the dental bill to prove it. So no, Smolder, it's not your next meal."

Smolder snorted and breathed smoke. "I only took a bite of Twilight's castle one time. I said I was sorry."

Twilight coughed into a hoof, eager to change the subject. "If I could get back to where I left off: Princess Celestia gifted these to our school from the Canterlot Archives, since they each represent one of the cultures our students come from. And we'll all learn more about the individual artifacts during our upcoming scavenger hunt! Or as I like to call it 'The Great Spellvenger Hunt'!"

"Is that a pony thing?" Smolder asked Sandbar. "Adding pony prefixes to stuff?"

Sandbar shrugged his hooves. "Search me. Just because I'm a pony doesn't mean I know everything about our customs. I still have trouble finding my way around Ponyville."

"To answer your question, Smolder," Twilight spoke up. "'Spellvenger Hunt' is a term I made up to describe the nature of your scavenger hunt. It's not an ordinary scavenger hunt, it's a magical scavenger hunt. Spike and I will hide these artifacts somewhere within the school. Each of you will then work in pairs to try to find where in the school said artifacts are hidden. Fair warning, it will be difficult."

"To help you out, each group will get clues. But you'll have to figure out what they mean on your own," Spike added. "And the team that finds the most artifacts wins a private tour of the Canterlot Archives with Princess Celestia, as well as five extra credit points for each member. So do your best!"

Silverstream could hardly contain her excitement! "Oh goody! My very first scavenger hunt on land! Terramar and I used to do scavenger hunts underwater, but all we ever found was shells and the occasional starfish," Then she let out an excited squeal! "Learning and fun?! Does it get any better than that?!"

Gallus ribbed the hippogriff as he teased. "Easy there, Silverstream. You've been underwater a long time, haven't you?"

"Congratulations, Gallus!" Twilight declared as she eyed the griffon. "It sounds like you and Silverstream will be our first pair!"

"What?! You've gotta be kidding me! I get stuck with her?!" Gallus protested.

Silverstream only squealed again and nuzzled close to the griffon. "Oh come on, you big silly goose. You were hoping we'd get paired up, because you like me."

"I do not!" Gallus protested as he waved a claw. "I mean, I do as a friend. But I like all my friends equally."

"Hey, as long as I'm not paired up with her, I'm not complaining," Smolder commented. "Honestly, I'll probably carry whoever my partner is. I'm cool like that."

Spike grinned. "Then you won't object to Ocellus being your partner. Between her book smarts and your field smarts, the two of you will make quite a pair," Then he added. "And Yona and Sandbar, the two of you will be Team Number Three."

Yona rushed over and hugged Sandbar tightly! "Yona thrilled to be working with pony! Sandbar so nice to her."

"Yona! Can't breath!" Sandbar squeaked out. Yona blushed as she ended the hug, the yak still didn't quite know her own strength.

"I've got a full list of all the pairs for the hunt in my office," Twilight spoke up as she drew attention back to herself. "If you have any questions or concerns, come and see me after class," Just then, everyone in the room gasped! "What?" The young alicorn asked as the students all seemed to stare at her.

"Um, why headmare glowing?" Yona innocently inquired.

Smolder gasped! "It must be the call of the dragon lord! Dragon Lord Ember and Headmare Twilight are best buds!"

Spike shook his head. "It's not that, Smolder. Twilight, would you care to explain?" But when the dragon turned back to look, he noticed that Twilight had already left the room. "Twilight?" He called in concern even though he knew where she was going.

Twilight teleported right to the throne room and was surprised to see Rarity already there, her cutie mark glowing as well.

"Oh, Twilight, thank goodness you're here!" Rarity exclaimed! "I was starting to worry that I might have to go on the friendship mission without you!"

"Rarity, don't be silly, you know how these things work! It's like I told Fluttershy 'Flanks don't lie.'," Twilight scolded with a shake of her head. "So where are we going?"

Rarity smiled. "Well, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is, the map is calling us to Canterlot!"

"And the bad news?" Twilight pondered.

Rarity held up a flyer depicting a building Twilight didn't recognize. "It's to a recently established rival to your school," The fashionista explained. "Hope you've got someone to take your place, we're probably going to be gone for quite a while."

As it turned out, Twilight did indeed have a plan in place for if she was ever to be called away by the map. She immediately teleported into Starlight's office, catching her former student by surprise as the unicorn was in the middle of reorganizing her shelf!

"Twilight, don't scare me like that!" Starlight protested, before her wandering moderate persian blue eyes noticed the glowing cutie mark of her former mentor. It didn't take a genius to figure out what that meant. "The map's calling, huh? Sure picked a heck of a time to do it."

"Well I can't control how the map works," Twilight gave a nervous laugh. "But I can control who I leave in charge of the school. I know we never really finalized it, but you said you were looking for something to do since there didn't seem to be much of a need for a guidance counselor."

Starlight gulped and seemed to sweat a little bit. "Y-yeah, when I said I wanted something to do, I obviously didn't mean being put in charge of an entire school while you were away. Remember what happened the last time you left me to my own devices?"

Twilight nodded. "I remember that. And I also seem to remember you leading a rescue operation into the changeling hive, without the aid of your magic I might add. If you still doubt yourself, you really shouldn't," And she then pleaded. "Please, Starlight! I'm desperate! I can't leave just anyone in charge, I don't need Chancellor Neighsay gaining another 'excuse' to go after my school! You're a good leader and an expert in friendship. I trust you to run this school exactly as I would. So that makes you the perfect choice!"

"Not sure if I'd say 'perfect'." Starlight nervously answered.

"Relax, all the files you'll need are in my office," Twilight explained to Starlight. "I've even planned out things 'til the end of this semester, and the end of next semester."

The unicorn became alarmed! "You're not gonna be gone that long, are you?! The school won't be the same without you!"

The alicorn replied with a smile. "I'm sure I won't be gone anywhere close to a month, probably won't even take a day. But I'm not taking any chances. Something else could come up," She whispered under her breath. "Don't tell any of the students about this, but apparently there's a new school that just opened up. It claims it can teach friendship in the half time as 'unspecified competitors'. It'll probably require a thorough investigation on top of whatever the friendship problem is," And then in a normal tone of voice she concluded. "Besides, I always like to be prepared."

"I don't know about this, Twilight. Seems like an awfully big responsibility you're entrusting to me." Starlight gulped again.

"Good thing you won't have to do it alone," Twilight added. "I almost forgot to mention Spike! Anything that isn't covered in my files, he'll be able to help you with. Just try not to get into your usual 'sibling squabbles'."

Starlight groaned. "Spike knows you better than I do, why not put him in charge? I'm sure he'd love it!"

"I offered the post first, he said he didn't want it," Twilight explained. "I think he got his fill of leadership filling in for me at the royal summit a few years back. It was before you became my student."

Starlight remarked. "As I was about to say 'I'm gonna pretend that made sense.'," Then she replied to Twilight. "Well, I guess if you're sure it's what you really want, I promise I won't let you down."

"Excellent! I knew I could count on you." Twilight told Starlight and then departed from the office with another flick of her horn.

It didn't take long for Starlight to regret her decision. "What have I gotten myself into?" She thought out loud, before she sighed. "I just can't say no to Twilight, can I? Well, might as well find Spike and pick up where Twilight left off." All the while she was thinking in her mind. "I hope Twilight solves that friendship problem and comes back soon. I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle the students and do the scavenger hunt the way you want it."

Starlight found Spike in the classroom Twilight usually occupied, it had long since become void of students. The dragon rushed up to Starlight with a smile. "I knew Twilight would have everything covered," He eagerly commented. "Don't worry, I promise I'll keep the jokes to a minimum. I know you'll be needing my help."

"Last chance to change your mind. The job's all yours if you want it," Starlight offered. "You're a big boy now."

"Yeah, but you're an adult and I'm still a child," Spike replied with a grin. "Besides, I always work best when I'm playing the assistant. Who do you think kept Twilight from going off the deep end every time she had one of her freak outs?"

Starlight simply sighed. "Figured you'd say no. Still, can't blame a mare for trying."

Spike smiled as he put a claw around Starlight. "Hey, cheer up. Between the two of us we've got everything covered. And when's the last time we got to do something together without Twilight around?"

Starlight shuddered with fright. "If memory serves, last time that happened I was this 'Princess Shamarity' character and was all tied up by some paper squid wizard."

"Squizard," The dragon corrected. "And I was referring to Flurry Heart's crystalling. I thought we made a pretty good team back there, you and I."

"All thanks to you. I kept trying to back out," The unicorn mare with a light grayish-purple coat admitted. "This time though, I couldn't even if I wanted to. Someone's got to do the job while Twilight's away, and if no one else qualified is willing to take it then it might as well be me."

But just then a rather wacky yet serious tone of voice commented. "Really? Twilight put you in charge? Surely she jests. I'm the one who makes jokes around here."

Suddenly, who should appear in the classroom (and in front of the eyes of both Starlight and Spike) but a creature with all sorts of mismatched limbs?

"Discord?!" Spike and Starlight both exclaimed at the same time.

Discord grinned, bowing his head. "Speak and I shall appear." He appeared to "accidentally" bow his head too low and cause it to pop off. Then he quickly put it back on as if nothing had happened.

Starlight tried to keep her composure. Even though she'd met Discord before his antics and unpredictable nature made her uneasy. "Hello, Discord! What a... heh... nice surprise! This is your first time at our new school, isn't it?"

Discord split into three different versions of himself, all of which spoke separately. "Oh really? Was I not invited to the grand opening?" The first Discord spoke.

"Or to Friends and Family Day?" The second Discord added.

"Or Baccalaureate?" The third Discord finished.

All three Discords then said at the same time. "Gee, I hadn't noticed. Guess my invitations got lost in the mail or something."

"It's not like we meant to exclude you from anything, Discord," Starlight apologized. "We were just really busy getting the school up and running, and then finding students, and then having to rescue them when they went missing, and a whole bunch of other things."

"Did I mention I've got wings now?!" Spike boasted as he showed them off. "Long story."

Discord appeared to be amazed. "Ah yes, the little hatchling's finally decided to put on his big boy pants. Definitely impressive, though I don't see why you couldn't have saved it for the next Guys' Night. We're still on for that next weekend, right?"

"If Twilight gets back from her friendship quest before then, yes," Spike nodded. "Otherwise, I'm gonna be busy helping Starlight run the school. She's acting headmare while Twilight's away."

But the spirit seemed to stumble back in surprise. "I'm sorry, Spike. I must still have wax in my ears or something," He shook his head as giant balls of ear wax tumbled out. "Now would you care repeating that? Because I could've sworn you said Starlight's acting headmare, but that can't be right."

The dragon narrowed his eyes. "That old 'Hard of hearing' joke isn't fooling me, Discord. You heard what I said, Starlight's acting headmare while Twilight's away."

The spirit's eyes narrowed in response. "Funny, I was under the impression that I would be in charge when Twilight was away."

"And what makes you say that?" Spike questioned Discord. "If this is another one of your games, Discord, we're not interested! This is serious!"

Discord made a gag face. "Honestly, Spike, you always have to spoil the fun," Then he explained. "But if you want an actual reason then's how this: I seem to recall a whole song about how this school is where you make your own rules. Now, who better at that than me, the master of chaos?"

"Pretty sure that's not what Twilight meant," Starlight nervously answered. "In fact, I'm pretty sure this is all just a misunderstanding. Knowing Twilight, she has a document stored somewhere that will clearly indicate she meant to put me in charge and not you."

"Hold on, I think I have the scroll you're looking for right here. Mom always says 'Save the document!', and now I can see why," Spike declared as he dug into a pile of scrolls and pulled one out. He unfurled it and examined it carefully, his moderate green eyes scanning every inch of it from top to bottom. But when he had scrolled all the way down the dragon felt a knot form in his stomach. "Uh-oh! Seems like Twilight actually didn't specify who she wanted to put in charge."

Starlight and Discord both turned toward Spike! "What do you mean?!"

With a gulp, the dragon nervously explained. "See for yourselves, there's nothing anywhere on this scroll about who takes over when the headmare is absent."

Starlight and Discord both read the scroll for themselves, checking for anything that Spike might have missed. But even they could find nothing that outright stated or even implied what was to be done if Twilight had to leave the school. That part hadn't been written down.

"Well, what do you know about that?" Discord commented. "When Twilight sang that song about making your own rules, I didn't think she meant it quite like this."

Meanwhile, Starlight was starting to grow anxious! "But that can't be! There's got to be some sort of mistake! I know Twilight well enough to know she plans for any emergency! How could she have forgotten to write something down about the headmare being absent?!"

Discord grinned, sensing an opportunity. "Well, seeing as there's nothing that says I can't be acting headmare or in this case head-draconequus, I officially nominate myself to that post!" He declared and with a snap of his talons he made himself appear on the podium, his paw placed over the school's yearbook as another version of himself held the yearbook. "I promise to serve with honor and uphold all the teachings of friendship as Twilight would see fit! It is my duty to serve for as long as need be," Then the original Discord raised his paws into the air as he declared. "Now that I'm in charge, I'm sure Twilight won't mind if I make a few teensy-weensy adjustments."

"Discord, you can't just-" Starlight began, only to be silenced by a paw from the other Discord.

With a snap of his talons, Discord started writing down his own rules on a piece of parchment. "Item one – Gravity is now optional." Another snap of his talons caused Starlight, Spike, and all the scrolls in the classroom to start floating up towards the ceiling.

"I don't need flying lessons, Discord!" Spike growled.

Discord didn't reply, he just continued writing. "Item two – The school's mascot is now an ambidextrous marmoset," Another snap of his talons brought the fury creature he'd just mentioned into the classroom. "And finally, item three-"

"Isn't happening, Discord!" Starlight firmly protested as she hovered close to the spirit's snout and snatched the parchment from his paws. "As your friend and guidance counselor, as well as the rightful acting headmare, I'm telling you to stop of all this right now. I promised Twilight I'd handle this her way. So thanks, but no thanks. I can manage just fine on my own. And if I need help, I can ask Spike."

The spirit sighed. "Fine, have it your way I guess. But if you should change your mind, well... I like the sound of calling my name three times." Snapping his talons, he returned everything to normal and disappeared.

"You know, that was actually kind of rude the way you handled things with Discord back there," Spike commented to Starlight. "I'm fine with setting boundaries but you didn't have to tell him you didn't want his help. It might not be a bad idea to have him onboard, especially since he doesn't tend to take being told off very well."

Starlight waved a hoof and brushed aside Spike's concerns. "Relax, Spike. Everything's under control. Discord and I are old 'saving Equestria' buddies, like Trixie and Thorax. He'll be just fine. It's probably for the best he's not in charge anyway, he might not give up his position if Twilight comes back soon," Then she started to walk out of the room. "Now, what's up first on Twilight's list? Besides the scavenger hunt, obviously."

A short time later, Starlight and Spike were preparing to enter the headmare's office. All the while Spike was talking to Starlight. "Okay, I made sure to hide the artifacts for the scavenger hunt and I've ordered school supplies for the whole week. All you have to worry about is teaching class, oh and finding a substitute for Rarity's class. But I can help with that."

"Thanks for the help, Spike," Starlight sighed in relief. "Don't know what I'd do without you."

Spike grinned. "Like I said, I'm good at playing the assistant."

But when the two stepped through the door a moment later, they were surprised to find Discord seated at the headmare's desk while furiously typing away on a typewriter. "Well well well, if it isn't my old pals Starlight and Spike. Come in, come in. And be quick about it, you'll let the twittermites out."

"Twittermites?" Spike questioned, before the aforementioned bugs flew past and zapped him! "Yow!"

Discord wasn't worried though, he merely snapped his talons and produced a vacuum and a pest pony mask. He sucked the twittermites in and stored them in a jar. "There we go, instant lava lamp. Or in this case, a twittermite lamp. I should totally market this!"

Starlight growled, looking at the spirit. "Discord, just what do you think you're doing here?! I told you I had everything under control!"

"And yet you left the headmare's desk completely unattended," Discord scolded with a shake of his paw. "How very irresponsible of you, Starlight. What would Twilight say if she were here right now?"

"Discord, look, I'm not in the mood for your games," Starlight retorted. "I'm just trying to do my job, and I can do that just fine without you constantly lingering over me. I promise you, once this is over we can hang out to your heart's content. I'll just hang a 'Out to lunch' sign on my office or something. Until then, Twilight's entrusted me with this job and I have no intention of failing her."

The spirit simply smiled. "This isn't a game, Starlight. I can be professional too you know," He snapped his talons and reappeared in a business suit and tie. "See? I'm already dressed for the part. And as Rarity would say 'The best way to feel the part, is to dress the part'," Then he put his claws behind his back, producing a small card. "I've even made business cards, though there's only one at the moment. We got off on the wrong hoof earlier, but I was thinking maybe we could work something out. You take care of all the important headmare stuff, and I'll keep the desk nice and warm till Twilight gets back. Or if you like, I could take full charge and you can just go back to being your old guidance counselor self."

"So this is just your attempt to get me to give up the position I'm rightfully entitled to?!" Starlight realized and glared at Discord. "Well I'm not falling for it! Spike and I will take it from here, Discord. So thanks for your 'help' but we've got everything covered. Go relax. Have a cup of tea. At home. Or something."

"Is this the thanks I get for trying to do you a favor?" The spirit bitterly remarked as he slumped forward on the desk. "Here am I trying to be a team player, and you just tell me 'This job ain't big enough for the two of us!'. Well if that's how you wanna play, so be it. Two can play at this solo game."

Spike moved to try and defuse the tensions. He could remember from experience that things didn't tend to go well when Discord felt like he was being provoked. "Hold it, hold it!" He protested as the dragon flew between the two of them. "You're both acting a bunch of kids. I shouldn't have to be playing babysitter here, I'm younger than the both of you for crying out loud. This doesn't have to be a contest, you could work together you know."

"Sorry, Spike, but I'm afraid that ship has sailed!" Discord retorted. Snapping his talons, a model ocean liner appeared and started to sail along despite there being no water anywhere. "But if Starlight really thinks she's so cut out for the job, I should like to see her try. And if she decides she doesn't want it after all, then I'll be glad to take over."

The unicorn flicked her mane and laughed. "Then you'd better be ready to be disappointed, Discord. Because I'm going to be acting headmare whether you like it or not. And I don't back down easily."

"Suit yourself!" The witty spirit remarked. "But don't act surprised if I decide to stick around in case something happens," Then he rose from the desk. "No need for goodbyes, I'll see myself out, thank you very much." And he departed without another word, slamming the door on his way out.

Spike turned back to Starlight. "You're going to regret this, you know. Discord can really hold onto a grudge."

Starlight simply lit up her horn, dispelling all the chaos Discord had created and then blowing the smoke from the tip of her horn when she was done. "He doesn't seem to get how serious this is, Spike. Can you imagine how freaked out everyone would be if they learned he in charge?"

"Even so, you had a chance to work with him," The dragon replied as he adjusted his wings. "Maybe I should have taken the position of acting headmare after all."

"No, Spike, I need your help as you are now," Starlight commented while sitting down in the headmare's desk chair. "The scavenger hunt isn't until this afternoon. So in the mean time we need to determine who's covering Rarity's generosity classes."

"Don't suppose I could fill that role?" Spike suggested.

Starlight shook her head. "Not a chance, Spike. Fortunately, I have just the pony in mind. Be back soon!" And with the soft glow of her horn she disappeared.

Returning shortly, Starlight was accompanied by a very familiar persian bluish gray coated earth pony, a grayish-green tunic with a dark brown strap over the side, a grayish blue violet mane and tail that hung flat, and light turquoise eyes. Spike recognized the mare at once. "Maud!"

"Hello, Spike," Maud commented in her usual dry tone. "It's good to see you again. Have you gotten taller?"

Spike nodded. "Yup, and I've got a sweet new pair of wings too!"

"I can see. They look good on you," Maud seemed to smile ever so faintly, before turning to Starlight. "You want me to teach generosity?"

"Just until Rarity comes back, which shouldn't be very long," Starlight nervously replied. "You went to college and have a degree, so you're the most qualified pony I could think of who'd be available on short notice. I would ask Cheerilee, but she's got her hooves full as it is."

"No problem. I can teach." Maud dryly answered.

A sigh of relief left Starlight's lips. "Good," Just then there came the familiar sound of the ringing bell. "Class is about to start, Maud! Better get on in there."

"And keep your eyes peeled for anything suspicious." Spike warned.

But Maud didn't hear Spike's warning. Or if she did she didn't acknowledge it. She simply trotted through the school until she found the classroom she was certain belonged to Rarity. She was just in time, the students filed in mere seconds later.

"Another substitute teacher, huh?" A blue feathered griffon commented. "Why does this one like Professor Pinkie Pie on a bad mane day?"

"Think she mentioned something about a sister." An earth pony colt with a coat the same color as sand replied with a shrug.

Maud was about to introduce herself and ask for the names of the students, when a very familiar mismatched creature came into the dress. He sported sunglasses, a blue beach hat, and was carrying a surfboard. "Yo! Greetings, fellow creatures!" He proudly declared, before with a snap of his talons the surfing gear disappeared. "Hey, is this seat taken?" He asked, sitting down next to a changeling.

Maud eyed the spirit and dryly commented. "Discord, what are you doing here?"

"What's it look like I'm doing here? I'm a student." Discord replied as he stuck out his tongue.

Maud didn't say anything, but she did seem to keep one eye on Discord for quite a while. Then she cleared her throat. "Welcome, students. I am Maud Pie. I will be filling in for Professor Rarity today. Now, let us begin the lesson," She began to draw a few shapes on a nearby chalkboard. "Now, rocks come in every size and color imaginable, just like ponies. And like diamonds they can-"

But just then a loud ringing sound broke out and it seemed to be coming from Discord (more specifically the lunchbox he'd brought as part of his "student" disguise). "Oh, I should probably take this," He apologized. "Forgot to turn it off."

"No fruit calls in class, Discord." Maud appeared to scold. But Discord was too engrossed in what appeared to be some kind of banana shaped listening device to notice.

"Hello?" Discord called into the banana. All the other students could hear was muffled gibberish. "Oh, he did not! And what did you say?" More muffled gibberish followed and Discord seemed to gasp! "You did not!"

Seconds later, the banana object was snatched out of Discord's paws by Maud. "I said no fruit calls in class, Discord. If you're not here to learn, then at least don't disrupt the students who are here to learn," And then she marched back to the center of the room, her expression appearing to change ever so slightly to one of annoyance. "One more disruption, Discord, and you will stay after class."

That seemed to get the spirit to clam up, at least for the duration of Maud's class.

But Maud wasn't the only substitute at the school that day. When the students filed out onto the field for gym class, they were surprised to be met by a pegasus mare with a brilliant gold coat, a firey orange mane and tail that were styled to look like flames, strong orange eyes, and a cutie mark that depicted what could best be described as a phoenix. She was wearing dark purple sunglasses and a navy blue jacket with a whistle hanging around her neck.

The mare blew the whistle. "All right, students! I'm here to whip you into shape!"

"Hey, I know you!" Sandbar fondly exclaimed as his eyes filled with wonder. "You're Captain Spitfire, head of the Wonderbolts! I've always wanted to go to your shows!"

Spitfire smiled. "Always nice to meet a fan, kid. Even so, I can't go easy on you. That's not how I roll."

"But where's Professor Egghead?" Smolder questioned. "I thought she was gonna be coaching us today."

"Figured Dash could use a break, especially since her flying routine's getting kind of sloppy," Spitfire explained and blew her whistle again. "Now come on! I wanna see you all do at least ten laps around this track! Run or fly like your life depends on it!"

The students reluctantly did so even though most of them were not used to such high amounts of physical exercise. Even those who could fly found ten laps to be rather taxing. By the time it was over, every student had collapsed on the track or was panting heavily.

Spitfire seemed to laugh. "Nothing like a good workout. You all did well for first timers, I've had recruits give up on the first lap," In a slightly gentler tone of voice she added. "But you all need to work on your pacing, you're running too far too fast and burning yourselves out."

"I'll say. My wings are killing me!" Smolder groaned. Then suddenly, she felt an ever so faint twitch on the tip of her nose. She reached up a claw to pinch her nose shut, realizing what was about to happen.

"Something wrong, Smolder?" Gallus asked the dragon.

"Ooh! Ooh! I know! I know!" Silverstream shouted. "You're making funny faces! I can do them too! See?!" She tried to mimic Smolder's current expression, putting her claws to her beak.

The twitching continued, and poor Smolder could hold it back no longer. "Achoo!" She sneezed! A shower of smoke and flames shot out from her nostrils, terrifying the students immediately surrounding her who all ran for cover!

"Smolder, watch it! You almost singed my tail feathers!" Gallus shouted at the dragon. "Why would you do that?!"

Smolder appeared to sniffle and her eyes seemed to become runny. "Sorry, I think it's something in the air. My nose feels all itchy and twitchy. I'm gonna go get some fresh air or something." She ran off, still pinching her nose shut with her claws to try and keep from sneezing again.

Starlight arrived on the scene a moment later, having heard the whole commotion. "What's going on here? I heard screaming."

Everyone pointed to a noticeable singe mark in the ground. Details also starting pouring out about Smolder's sneezing, including the twitching and the runny eyes.

Starlight started to scan the surroundings, and saw out of the corner of her eye what looked like some kind of tree. She never remembered seeing such a tree there before. Her eyebrows narrowed. Any other day such a thing might have been a mild annoyance, but this was not any other day. The acting headmare trotted up to the tree and gave a whistle. "I know it's you, Discord. Your little sneezing prank has gone too far!"

Discord emerged from the tree, a bottle of sneezing powder held in his paws. "Well if I can't have a little fun, I might as well leave. This way I'm not disrupting class or interfering with your job as acting headmare. But if bothers you so much I won't do it again."

"It's not that you sprayed sneezing powder towards Smolder that bothers me. It's the fact that you're doing this just because I'm acting headmare and you're not." Starlight remarked with a shake of her head.

"I figured if you wouldn't welcome me as a staff member, you'd treat me better as one of the students," Discord replied to Starlight. "I'm simply buzzing with ideas. ideas that could really spruce things up around this school! But you won't let me do any of them!"

Starlight growled. "Because the school isn't your playground, Discord. I'm just trying to do my job and yet here you are, causing all this chaos!"

Discord snapped back. "What did you expect? I'm the master of chaos!"

"Then go take your chaos somewhere where it's wanted, and leave me alone!" Starlight demanded. "I was managing just fine before you showed up, and I'll continue to manage just fine after you leave! Got that?!"

"Are you looking to start something here, Miss. Glimmer?" Discord not so subtly taunted. "Because you know I'll finish it."

Spike quickly stepped between the two, hoping to once again break up the tensions. "Stop this, both of you! You're not supposed to fight in front of the students! You're both friends for crying out loud!"

Spike's words appeared to resonate with Starlight, who blinked for a moment but said nothing. Then she let out a deep breath and told the dragon. "You're right, Spike. This isn't the time to be fighting."

"Ah yes, listen to Spike," The spirit commented as Starlight began to walk away. "Besides, we both who would win if we went head to head so to speak. Spoiler alert: It'd be me!"

At that, Starlight felt something inside her snap! She turned around very slowly, eyeing Discord with a look that could cut through glass if such a thing were possible. "Students... please leave. The scavenger hunt will commence shortly," She instructed in a slow sounding tone of voice. When the students obeyed and the field was deserted, Starlight turned back to the chaos maker. Her look hadn't changed and more troubling was the fact that her horn was ominously sparking. "You're just trying to make me angry, aren't you, Discord?"

Suddenly, all the bravado he'd once had vanished. And Discord felt himself experiencing something he'd rarely experienced before: fear. "Um... well, I should... probably say 'No', right?"

"Well you've succeeded!" Starlight bellowed at the top of her lungs! And before anyone could stop her she fired off a tremendous blast of magic from her horn! The blast struck Discord head on, pushing the spirit back a considerable distance as a blinding flash forced Spike to shut his eyes!

When Spike was finally able to open his eyes again, he observed a huge crater that started near the benches and stretched on for a considerable distance. And at the end of it stood Discord who looked quite shocked to say the least.

Discord looked at himself. The words were slow to leave his mouth as he looked at Starlight. "You... you hurt me... You've... actually hurt me."

The mare herself seemed to be quite shocked herself. "Discord... I..." She began.

"-No no, I can take a hint," The chaotic spirit insisted as he raised up a paw. "I know where I'm not wanted. I'll let you get back to your important job as acting headmare now. Sorry to bother you."

"Discord, wait!" Spike pleaded but it was no use, with a snap of his talons Discord had vanished. He turned to Starlight with a clearly visible look of disapproval. "What were you thinking?! That probably made things worse. Why didn't you just talk to Discord?"

Starlight hung her head in shame. "Because he's right about one thing. I've been doing a terrible job as acting headmare. I'm making the same mistakes I made the last time I got put in charge. I keep making these rash decisions and expect everything to just work out. That's probably why Twilight didn't want to put me in charge, why she originally wanted you to do it, Spike."

"Starlight, you can't be thinking like that!" Spike protested as he saw her walk away. "You can't quit the job now! What about the scavenger hunt?!"

"You can host it, Spike," Starlight weakly replied. "You hid the artifacts and you know how Twilight wanted it to be carried out. I know you don't like being in charge because of what happened last time, but better you than me."

Starlight retreated to her guidance counselor's office a short time later and locked the door tight behind her, though not without hanging a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the front.

Spike kept pounding on Starlight's office door over and over again. "Starlight, please, you've gotta come out! I can't manage the entire school by myself! And I can't ask any of our other friends, they're all busy with their own classes."

"Go away, Spike! You know what Twilight would want," Starlight insisted as she called from the other side of the office door. "I imagine she's already on her way back as we speak, completely unaware of everything that's happened. I just hope she can forgive me for making a mess of things again."

With a reluctant sigh, the dragon realized that he lacked the means to get the mare he saw as a big sister to come out. Like it or not, he would have to take over the scavenger hunt and try his best to run the school until Twilight got back. "Hopefully it'll be soon. I could barely handle angry delegates, I'm not sure how well I'll manage with an entire school full of students." He thought to himself.

And so it was that the dragon stood in the main hallway of the school, passing out magical shields to each of the assigned pairs. "Welcome, one and all, to the scavenger hunt. Or as Headmare Twilight would call it 'The Great Spellvenger Hunt'." He spoke in a plain tone of voice.

"Where's acting headmare Starlight?" Sandbar asked as he raised a hoof. "Shouldn't she be in charge of this?"

"Starlight is currently... indisposed," Spike coughed into a claw. "She asked me to take over for her, so I'm acting headmare now. Or I guess you can call me 'Headdragon' if you want."

The students all nervously chattered among themselves. Unknown to all of them, a familiar figure was watching them from above. "I didn't think she'd take it nearly this hard," The figure thought to itself. "There's got to be some way to make it up to her. But how?"

Spike went on, explaining the rules of the hunt. "There are six artifacts hidden throughout the school. You'll work with your partner to find them using the clues provided to you by Headmare Twilight. They're all history related, so I hope you've been paying attention in class. When you find an artifact, mark it with the shield on your wrist. Whoever finds all six artifacts first wins," Then he approached a massive gong. "Ready, set, hunt!" He rang the gong, the vibrations of it echoing through the hallway.

The students fanned out seconds later. They forgot all about Starlight, their minds filled solely with trying to make sense of the clues.

"Good!" The figure thought to itself. "Now's my chance!"

Starlight was still moping around in her office, unaware of anything that might be unfolding elsewhere in the school. She never imagined there would come a time when she would actually look forward to not having anything to do within the school. But now, to her, that meant there was nothing for her to mess up.

However, the peace and quiet of her office was suddenly interrupted by a frantic knock! "Counselor Starlight! Counselor Starlight! You've gotta come see this, it's unbelievable!" The familiar voice of Sandbar called from the other side of the door.

"Didn't you read the sign?" Starlight remarked in a low tone of voice. "Unless Twilight's come back from her trip, I'm not here."

"Counselor Starlight, please!" Sandbar pleaded. "This is something you really must see! It takes a lot for a pony like me to get scared, so the fact that I'm talking to you like this should mean something."

"You need advice? Like actual advice?" Starlight questioned as she got up from her desk. "You're barking up the wrong tree, Sandbar. I'm not even sure I can call myself a good guidance counselor after what I did."

But Sandbar shouted! "But the artifacts have come to life! Someone's even conjured up projections of who they originally belonged to! At first I thought maybe I was just imaging things like I sometimes do, but it's totally real. You're the only one I could think of who might know how to stop this! Please, you have to come and help!"

Those words somehow touched something deep inside Starlight, for the mare at once rushed to the door and opened it with a frantic look on her face! "Why didn't you just say so earlier, Sandbar?! You've gotta lead the way, we've got no time to waste!"

"Follow me!" Sandbar instructed as he motioned a hoof. Then he took off down the hall, running faster and faster! Starlight followed, all the while dreading what sort of disaster she was about to face.

But when Starlight reached the main hallway of the school she was surprised to find that things weren't as bad as she had expected them to be.

None of the students were panicking and running, like Starlight had feared. They were in fact standing at attention, as six different figures in a ghostly white stood before them. Each figure held one of the different artifacts and was talking about each one more in depth.

Most surprising though was the familiar figure of Discord, who stood beside Spike as the dragon spoke. "Congratulations to Gallus and Silverstream, our scavenger hunting champions!"

Silverstream was hugging Gallus tightly. "Ooh, I knew we'd win! You've been paying attention in class and haven't been telling me."

Gallus struggled not to blush. "N-no, don't be ridiculous. I just saw Spike hide one of the artifacts and the rest were all just hunches."

"Well hunch or no hunch, I'm glad I got to work with you!" The hippogriff eagerly replied. "And I can't wait to go on that tour of the Canterlot Archives with you next week."

"Hey, at least that means I can skip a day of class and I don't get any homework. Works for me." Gallus remarked as he tried to play it cool.

Starlight had to blink and rub her eyes just to be sure she wasn't seeing things. It didn't take a genius to figure out who had created the ghostly figures that were currently entertaining the students.

Sandbar tried not to look guilty. "Sorry I lied to you, Counselor Starlight. It was the only way I could think to get you to come out," Then he turned to the spirit as he explained. "Discord has something he wants to say to you."

Discord nodded. "I do," And he looked at Starlight as he adopted the most sincere tone he could muster up. "I haven't been the best friend to you today, Starlight. I tried to take advantage of something just because I thought I deserved it."

"And yet I was the one who treated you as a threat to my temporary title, instead of the old friend you already were," Starlight protested. "I was the one who took things too far when you were having fun. I let you get under my fur."

"Well, from the way I acted, I probably should've seen it coming," Discord continued with his apology. "I too got swept up in the spirit of competition. I thought if that I could make you slip up somehow, you might give up your claim and I could become Twilight's stand-in. I think we both lost sight of what should've been important, what should've been our top priority."

Starlight nodded, extending a hoof. "Well, for however long it may last, I'd be more than happy to let you be Vice Headmare. Those projections you conjured up were really cool!"

The spirit smiled. "Thank you. I figured they'd make a nice apology present. What better way to get students interested in history, than by bringing it to life?"

"See, you two?" Spike couldn't help but tease. "Isn't it better to work together instead of against each other?"

"Okay, okay, you've made your point, Spike," Starlight struggled not to groan. "No need to rub it in."

Mere moments later the school doors flung open, and Twilight and Rarity came trotting back in. "Sorry for leaving on such short notice, everyone." Twilight apologized.

"Oh but look, Twilight. It seems they all managed just fine in your absence," Rarity commented as she pointed a hoof. "They even seem to be right in the middle of a history lesson."

Twilight breathed a sigh of relief. "Good, that means my Spellvenger Hunt went out without a hitch."

Starlight approached Twilight. "Yup, and we have two very eager winners looking forward to that tour with Celestia. Gallus and Silverstream."

"Good, I always knew they'd work well together," Twilight smiled in reply. "It sure is nice to know that if I ever need to leave the school again for any reason, it'll be in your capeable hooves, Starlight."

Discord just groaned. "Oh poo, you're back. And I was just about to start printing business cards again," He proceeded to dump the unused ones from before on the ground. "Oh well, so much for that."

"So, how were things in Canterlot, Mom?" Spike asked as he flew up to Twilight's location. "I mean, obviously you wouldn't come back without completing the assignment, but I still wanna know."

"All in good time, Spike, all in good time," Twilight declared as she stroked his scales. "For now, I need to start setting up a mail box here at the school. Let's just say I'll be getting a lot more letters from a very important wizard from now on."

Author's Note

The original version of this episode is pretty notorious for Discord's potrayal in it. In it he acts selfish and self-entitled, messes with Starlight when she shoots him down, and then continues to mess with the students even after Starlight supposedly banishes him from the school forever. Yet in the end, it is Starlight who has to apologize even though she did nothing wrong.

The original version also indicates that Twilight somehow never planned for her and her friends to all be called away by the map (though we later learn it was all a hoax organized by Discord specifically so he could take over), which considering the map had already done so twice in show it seems irresponsible and contrived for Twilight to not consider that.

To fix the problems, I went with something a lot of people speculated on when this episode was first announced alongside "The Hearth's Warming Club" and "Friendship University", that Twilight and Rarity would be called by the map to Canterlot and that would be when Discord would show up and try to take over. I also wanted to show that Twilight actually did have provisions in place for such an event, she just never got around to writing them down.

There's also the bit where Starlight looked like she'd killed Discord (obviously she didn't given the nature of the show), which I removed since not only does Starlight having that kind of power raise a lot of questions but it also feels very out of place since she does it right in front of the students.

Speaking of which, I tried to give Sandbar a little bit more personality and more of a role here. In the show, Gallus got the last few minutes of "The Hearth's Warming Club" to himself, Yona got parts of "A Rockhoof and a Hard Place" to herself, Smolder got two episodes where she interacted with Spike, and Silverstream sort of attracted attention when her fears were revealed in "What Lies Beneath". Sandbar's biggest moment to shine before the finale, was solely when he was there to pick up cupcakes for the other students (since he was the only one who could do so without attracting suspicion).

Episodes to be rewritten:
~~Bloom and Gloom~~
~~The Times They Are a Changeling~~
~~Discordant Harmony (Bonus Chapter)~~
~~Fake It 'Til You Make It (Bonus Chapter)~~
~~The Parent Tracks Parts 1 and 2 (Two parter of the Parent Map)~~
~~Molt Down~~
~~Marks for Effort~~
~~A Matter of Principals~~
Friendship University
Yakity-Sax
The Washouts
A Rockhoof and a Hard Place
Mother Knows Least? (Father Knows Beast)

S8 E16: Friendship University (What If?)

Author's Note

Since this rewrite is making this episode into a companion episode for "A Matter of Principals" , in the parallel universe in which this episode exists that would make this the 15th episode of the season (swapping places with "The Hearth's Warming Club" which became the 16th episode).

As for the episode itself, most of its problems can be summed up as the failings of a typical Flim Flam Brothers episode. They use the same routine they've used in all their other money making schemes yet claim that they're running a legitimate business, and somehow aside from the mane six member we follow everyone seems to believe that.

There's also matters such as Starswirl just being there for the sake of being used by Flim and Flam, Neighsay only being there to reinforce his character's bigoted world view, and Rarity's "disguises" being stupid and pointless since Flim and Flam don't know her (thus she has no need to wear a disguise) and all she gives Twilight is an eyepatch and a sticky note to cover up her cutie mark without any attempt to conceal more revealing features (like Twilight's wings and horn).

Special thanks once again to Comickook, who suggested the idea of using Gladmane in this particular rewrite. And yes, I have previously rewritten the brothers' other appearances in the show up to this point, which you can find in several previous rewrite volumes (though I have yet to rewrite "Grannies Gone Wild").

Also, I'm eluding to a likely rewrite of "Sounds of Silence" which would be a PinkieShy map episode, and an as of yet unnamed AppleDash map episode, both of which would be earlier in the season. Those rewrites could come as early as Volume 9, and when I get around to them I'll explain why I added them to the mix.

Episodes to be rewritten:
~~Bloom and Gloom~~
~~The Times They Are a Changeling~~
~~Discordant Harmony (Bonus Chapter)~~
~~Fake It 'Til You Make It (Bonus Chapter)~~
~~The Parent Tracks Parts 1 and 2 (Two parter of the Parent Map)~~
~~Molt Down~~
~~Marks for Effort~~
~~A Matter of Principals~~
~~Friendship University~~
Yakity-Sax
The Washouts
A Rockhoof and a Hard Place
Mother Knows Least? (Father Knows Beast)

S8 E16: Friendship University (What If?)

When Twilight and Rarity had been called by the map to Canterlot, neither of them could've imagined what they were in for by investigating the so called "Friendship University".

Of course, before that could happen Twilight needed to make arrangements so the School of Friendship could continue to operate in her absence. And to that end she sought out Starlight. It had taken quite a bit of convincing, but Starlight ultimately said yes.

With that out of the way it was on to Canterlot for Twilight and Rarity. The last time the two had shared a meaningful interaction had come back when Rarity had ended up kidnapped by a roc, a creature that up to that fateful day neither she or Twilight had ever heard of before.

Yet now the two were on a train, bound for Canterlot. And Twilight couldn't stop herself from pacing the floor. "How could I have not known about a rival school being established? Have I really been so bad at running my own school that somepony else thinks they can do it better?"

"Twilight, darling, you mustn't worry yourself so much," Rarity spoke up. "We don't even know if this 'Friendship University' is really a rival school to yours. It could've come about not knowing you already planned to open your own."

"Rarity, I made no efforts to hide the fact that I was building such a school!" Twilight protested as she shook her head. "Only Chancellor Neighsay wasn't convinced it would work. And I'm still convinced he's secretly plotting to bring down my school somehow."

Rarity couldn't help but roll her eyes. "Twilight, don't be ridiculous. Neighsay doesn't strike me as the type to do something so reckless. Much like certain ponies I've dealt with," She coughed into a hoof. "Whose names I shan't mention, Neighsay strikes me as a pony concerned with his own reputation. He wouldn't do something even he knows would get him into trouble."

Twilight shook her head again. "Neighsay's not like Diamond Tiara's mother though, Rarity. He's actually done something to get up to the position he's in. And with that position comes the power to do as he sees fit. It wouldn't surprise me if he knew about this school specifically because it would oppose my school."

"Well whoever is behind this 'Friendship University' I'm certain they don't intend to challenge you, Twilight. For all we know the friendship problem might not even be at the school itself, it might be somewhere else in the city." The fashionista suggested.

"But it might be the best place to look for the friendship problem," Twilight suggested. "The map seemed to be pointing us directly to the school's location, and the map has never been wrong before. Not even when it sent Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy to the land of the kirins, or Applejack and Rainbow Dash to Las Pegasus."

Rarity sighed. "We'll worry about the friendship problem when we come to it. And as for this school, I have a feeling that whatever the friendship problem may be will also help us learn more about the school. Perhaps the problem is even related to whoever built 'Friendship University'."

And in a way, Rarity was going to be proven right. But not in the way the young fashionista was expecting.

When the train arrived in Canterlot, the two friends quickly departed. Directions to the school were easy to obtain when the building stood out for its rather "drab" outward appearance to say the least.

Because of the design, Rarity was far from impressed. And her face registered her disapproval. "I don't like to judge solely on appearances. But... what kind of friendship school is this? Your school looks so much better than this cheap imitator, Twilight."

"Looks can be deceiving, unfortunately," Twilight sighed. "And seems like it's drawn quite a crowd of students. For a competitor it seems to have plenty of ponies."

"But not any other creatures, it would seem," Rarity commented. "Think that was intentional?"

Twilight uncertainly replied. "I sure hope not. Friendship shouldn't be restricted only to us ponies, so many other creatures could learn a lot about friendship. And I always believed most ponies knew that."

The two made their way inside, overhearing chatter from some of the potential students. "This has to be the best friendship school in the west... and maybe all of Equestria! I'm so glad it's so easy to get into! If only more schools in Equestria were this accessible."

"Whoever's in charge here clearly isn't worried about money, at least up front," Rarity whispered to Twilight. "Think that's a good sign?"

"I'm more worried about the student count," Twilight whispered back. "Look around, Rarity! There's more ponies in here than at our whole school. Who is running this place?"

Just then a microphone crackled to life and a voice echoed. "Welcome, friends! You are all about to embark on a journey of amazing magnitude! One that we promise will completely change your lives forever!"

And another voice added. "Prepare yourselves to embrace a new path and become students of..."

Bursting onto the stage from a paper backdrop were two very familiar unicorn stallions with light yellow coats and red manes and tails. The one on the right had a mustache, whereas the one on the left did not. But both wore matching yellow hats. "-Friendship U!"

"The Flim Flam Brothers," Twilight commented in realization. "Should've figured. Only they could afford to be so cheap on the tuition fee."

"But what are they doing here?" Rarity whispered to Twilight. "Applejack and Rainbow Dash mentioned that they run a resort in Las Pegasus, a pretty successful one at that. How and why would they want to open up a school here in Canterlot of all places?"

Twilight whispered back. "I don't know. Given their 'complicated' track record though, it wouldn't surprise me if they had some kind of ulterior motive to all of this."

Meanwhile, Flam was proudly boasting! "That's right, folks! We, the world famous Flim Flam Brothers have opened up this university to all of you!"

"At no little effort and great expense, we might add," Flim added. "In fact, our school is due to be EEA accredited very shortly."

Upon hearing those words, Twilight stumbled back. "Accredited? By who?"

"Why, the EEA of course." A snooty sounding voice called from behind Twilight. And the crowds parted ways to make room for a tall, lanky unicorn stallion clad in a dark red robe that had a golden amulet in the center of it. He had a very light grayish-white coat, a dark gray mane and tail, and stern moderate turquoise eyes.

"Chancellor Neighsay!" Twilight gasped in surprise.

Neighsay didn't appear to be concerned by the gasp, or the glare he started to get from Twilight (and Rarity). He simply replied. "Ah yes, Princess Twilight. So we meet again. Wish I could say it was a pleasure, but that would make me a liar."

"Feeling's mutual, Neighsay," Twilight commented in a tone of voice that only barely sounded like a hiss. "Let me guess, you're here because this school appeals to your idea of a 'pony first' environment."

But Neighsay retorted. "Why, Princess, I am shocked you would ever think that of me! Surely you didn't think your school has a monopoly on the concept of teaching friendship, did you?"

"Well, she did write the book on it if I recall. That has to count for something, right?" Rarity suggested.

Neighsay coldly replied. "Oh, I remember that well. That was the first time anyone had the nerve to talk back to me and say I was in the wrong. This university, however, appears to be a promising option for those who'd prefer to stick to the EEA book on the subject. As opposed to sharing our greatest secrets with other creatures so they might one day use it as a weapon against us?"

"How could they use friendship as a weapon?! Have you lost your marbles or something?!" Twilight remarked in a hurt tone of voice.

Neighsay was quick to answer. "You tell me. It's your book. By the way, your highness, I do hope you didn't up and drop everything just to come and spy on a competitor. If you're here then who did you leave in charge of the school back in Ponyville?"

"I left it in capeable hooves, Neighsay. But I suppose you won't be visiting my school anytime soon," Twilight commented. "I'm surprised you still have your job. If I recall, your comments almost sparked an international incident. Twice, I might add."

The chancellor only shook his head. "And I said I regretted the harshness of them. It doesn't mean I'm wrong though, and any other EEA member in my position would think the same way. I've kept my title because ponies seem willing to trust me despite a well intentioned mistake. The question is, do you? Surely, the Princess of Friendship would be friendly even to those who have wronged her in the past. I thought that was what you did best."

"W-why you!" Twilight snorted.

Fortunately, Rarity quickly moved to intervene. "Don't argue with him, Twilight. Regardless of your past difficulties, he is still head of the EEA for now and should be treated with respect," But she was quick to add. "And Chancellor, if you came here solely to belittle my friend over an old grudge, then shame on you. If you're here because your job says so, then kindly get on with it."

Neighsay nodded and smiled at Rarity. "Finally, a pony who understands the way I work," Then he turned to Flim and Flam. "Now you understand that EEA accreditation can't simply be 'given' to any school that wants it. You have to 'earn' it. And for that to happen I'll need to observe some classes."

"Then by all means, Chancellor, why don't I show you around?" Flim offered.

Flim led Neighsay, along with Twilight and Rarity, through the school. The interior was at least a little bit less drab, the hallways were lined with lush blue carpeting.

Twilight still had her doubts and she had no problem expressing them. "Don't take this personally, Flim, but given the track record between you and your brother approval from the EEA won't magically convince me that this school is what you promise."

"And what, pray tell, would it take to convince you, Princess?" Flim asked as he stopped in his tracks.

"Well, somepony whose opinion I respect, for one," Twilight answered. "And Neighsay's doesn't count. We have our 'differences' so to speak."

Flim just grinned. "Figured you might say something like. Fortunately, I have just the pony in mind who should convince you." He lit up his horn and opened the door to a small classroom.

Sitting at one of the desks was a unicorn stallion that both Twilight and Rarity instantly recognized! He sported brilliant gold eyes, a blueish-gray coat, and a very recognizable hat and cape with yellow moons and stars all over it. Most telling of all about the stallion's identity though, were the jingling bells around his hat and cape. It was none other than Starswirl the Bearded, one of the pillars that Twilight and her friends had freed from limbo!

Starswirl turned to the source of the gasp. And when his eyes fell upon Twilight he seemed to be most surprised. "Twilight?"

"Uh-oh." Was all Rarity could bring herself to say.

Twilight was still trying to process this sudden new piece of information. "Starswirl? What are you doing here?"

"Why, studying friendship at Flim and Flam's wonderful new school of course!" Starswirl declared.

Rarity wasn't convinced. She approached the wizard as she remarked. "Oh, please. I think I know a disguise when I see one. So take off that ridiculous beard... Flam!" She used her magic to pull on what she believed was a fake beard, all the while Starswirl screamed!

At that moment, who should come trotting in but Flam himself? "How's it going in here? Everything okay?"

"Wait, but I thought..." Rarity began, before she realized her mistake. "Oh dear. Not my finest moment," She snapped the beard back into place as she apologized. "I am so sorry, Starswirl."

Starswirl groaned as his beard returned to normal. "It-It's really me, I assure you."

Neighsay smiled. "Ah, so you've returned. I'd heard rumors of course but I didn't believe them until now. A pony of your stature studying here is a promising sign," Turning to Flim and Flam he added. "I'll need to observe a few more classrooms. But from what I've seen so far I can all but guarantee complete and unreserved EEA accreditation! I think I'll take my leave before the princess and her friend here make even greater fools of themselves. A pity how easily those we put on a pedestal can fall from the light." And with that the chancellor left.

Twilight, meanwhile, was trying to understand why a pony she'd admired so much could end up at a school intended to compete with her own. To say it was a sense of betrayal would be an understatement. "I... I don't understand, Starswirl. Why would you come here and not my school? I kept you up to date on it through our letters."

Starswirl sighed. "I can't tell her the real reason why I'm here, not while Flim and Flam are around. I'm under strict orders to tell as few ponies as possible." He mentally recalled and then out loud he answered. "My travels brought me to Las Pegasus. I didn't come for the school, but Flim and Flam convinced me to try it out. Imagine my surprise when I learned they had based it in Canterlot and thus I had to move here. Or I should say, move back here. For this was the city I called home prior to my disappearance."

"But you don't know the brothers the way I do," Twilight protested. "They always have a crafty reputation about them. The first time they showed up, they challenged the Apples to a cider making contest for the farm and nearly won. The second time they were around, they knowingly sold a fake curative 'tonic' that somepony else had already made. And I hear they have a resort in Las Pegasus that became theirs only by forcing the previous owner to leave."

"Gladmane was just as corrupt as you say we are, if not more. He even pitted us against each other." Flim coldly hissed.

"Besides, technically our resort is a legitimate business," Flam added. "Just ask the Golden Horseshoe Gals or any of our other high profile clients."

Starswirl then turned to Twilight. "Don't forget that I spent a thousand years thinking the worst of a 'bad' pony. You and your student taught me to look for the best in him. Whatever Flim and Flam's past may be, starting this school shows to me that they want to change for the better. Besides, what's untrustworthy about opening another school of friendship? They don't even charge for classes. They're paying for this whole thing out of their own pockets."

"I wish I could believe that's because they're so noble," Twilight commented to Starswirl. "But something about this place doesn't feel right. Its claims feel exaggerated and its foundations don't seem all that admirable. If it were ponies with reputations not as sketchy as the brothers, I'd have an easier time believing this is a selfless goal for them."

The wizard simply sighed, stroking his beard. "Twilight, I promise I'll visit your school soon enough. For right now, I owe it to Flim and Flam to give their school a fair chance. I suggest you either do the same, or return to your school."

The two mares left the classroom and trotted back out into the hallway. By now the crowds from earlier had thinned and thus there were no ponies around. That left the two to discuss what their next best option would be.

"We still haven't found or solved the friendship problem, Rarity. But I just know it's got to be related to this school somehow!" Twilight firmly insisted. "You don't think a plain old friendship school is what Flim and Flam are actually running, do you?"

Rarity gladly shook her head. "Darling, of course not. Which is why we have to investigate!" She happily squealed. "Ooh, I always did want to be the star of my own Shadow Spade adventure! Did I ever tell you about the time I helped clear Rainbow Dash's name of a crime she didn't commit?"

"Focus, Rarity!" Twilight spoke up, drawing her friend back to reality. "We can't just go poking around the school like this. Not only will Flim and Flam catch on, but everypony'll just think I'm 'threatened by the competition' as Neighsay would put it."

Rarity grinned. "Which is why we'll need to go undercover. It's a pity I didn't bring my make-up kit or my emergency sewing supplies," Then she eyed a nearby closest. "Fortunately, I think we can make do with lesser materials," She led Twilight into the closet and shut the door. A short time later, Rarity emerged from the closet. She had let her mane go rough and unkempt and had fitted a light blue baseball cap on top of it. She wore baggy yellow shorts and had some packs of bubblegum. "Perfect! In these disguises, we could probably pass as students at our own school."

From the other side of the closet door Twilight called out in a muffled tone of voice. "I don't know about this, Rarity."

The fashionista raised a hoof to shush Twilight. "Ah-ah. What did I tell you about using our real names? Do you want to blow our cover?"

A reluctant Twilight trotted out of the closet a short time later wearing only an eye patch over her left eye, and a plain black jacket that only barely concealed her wings and her cutie mark. "Sorry, 'Plainity'. But I'm pretty sure this isn't enough of a disguise. I look ridiculous. Something like this is so obvious!"

Rarity winked. "That's exactly the point. It's so obvious Flim and Flam will never suspect it, they'll think a smart pony like you would go for something a lot more complicated and subtle. Plus, they'll be so distracted by what they think is an obvious disguise that they won't even notice me. And with this disguise, I can blend in with the other students and talk to them normally."

"I get it!" Twilight commented. "And since only Flim and Flam know what I look like, everypony else will think I'm one of the students. So I'll be able to get close to them without them even knowing, finding the friendship problem will be much easier!"

The fashionista smiled. "Now you're starting to get it! Just remember, we need to have our backstories down pat. I can't tell you the number of times in Shadow Spade where that's been what allows her to crack the case. A great detective knows how to blend in," She cleared her throat, adopting what she considered to be a "plain" way of speaking. "I'm Plainity and I just love bland old normal stuff. No frills for me."

The disguised princess groaned. "My name's Eyepatch. I have an eye patch. No, I don't wanna talk about it, thank you."

The disguised fashionista clapped her hooves in applause. "Perfect! Okay, we've got that down pat. So, should we start our investigation?"

"Flim and Flam don't know who you are, so you should enroll in their classes and see what they're actually teaching," Twilight instructed to Rarity. "I'll look around and see what I can find, assuming I'm not recognized."

"Twilight, are you sure that's wise? From what I hear, your last sneaking attempt didn't go so smoothly." Rarity commented with concern.

"I was stressed out and not thinking clearly. This time will be different," Twilight firmly insisted. "After all, you're looking at the mare who as a filly used to sneak cookies from the cookie jar when her parents were asleep."

Rarity reluctantly nodded. "Suit yourself, but be careful. If either of us gets caught, we'll never find the friendship problem or what Flim and Flam are hiding!" And then the two disguised friends split up to do their own investigations.

Twilight hadn't been wandering on her own for very long when she suddenly bumped into somepony else. "Oh my gosh, I'm sorry!" She apologized and quickly spun around. When she did she got a good look at who it was that she'd just collided with, and she could hardly believe her eyes! "Starswirl?!" She gasped.

Starswirl took one look at Twilight's disguise and in an instant he recognized her. "Twilight Sparkle! Did you really think an eye patch and that old gown were enough of a disguise?"

Twilight shook her head. "No, but Rarity told me it'd be so obvious nopony would ever suspect it," Then she hung her head. "You must think I'm an awful pony for doing this. Sneaking around in disguise because I don't trust Flim and Flam, and don't wanna risk my reputation if it turns out I'm wrong."

But Starswirl was quick to reply. "You've done nothing wrong yet, Twilight," Then he quickly looked around and whispered. "Let's continue this discussion somewhere more secluded."

"Somewhere more secluded" turned out to be the same closet Twilight and Rarity had gotten their disguises from just a short while ago. Once the wizard was certain that he and Twilight were alone and that no one would come barging in and see them, he cleared his throat. "You can keep a secret, right?"

"As long as it's not a 'Pinkie Promise'," Twilight nodded her head. "What's your secret, Starswirl? Are you really not bearded after all?"

Starswirl laughed. "Of course I'm bearded. How could I be Starswirl the Bearded without a beard," Then he adopted a more serious tone of voice as he explained. "I couldn't tell you this with Flim and Flam around, but I'm actually here undercover."

The princess felt a huge smile creep upon her face! "Oh, I should've known there was no way you'd willing come to this school before mine! Were you called by the map too? Can it really call ponies from outside of Ponyville?"

"No no no, I assure you that map of yours has nothing to do with the reasons for my being here," Starswirl laughed again. "You're right to be suspicious of this school, Twilight. Flim and Flam are clearly being bankrolled by someone, but they refuse to say who it is. Even the paperwork lists an unknown alias. So that's why they're not concerned about charging for tuition. Someone or something else is in charge, and I suspect that they aren't doing it just for the sake of spreading friendship. Princess Celestia needed somepony to serve as her eyes and ears, somepony that nopony would ever suspect of being a double agent. And as it happens, I got volunteered for the part. I obviously couldn't write my letters to you from the school. Even if I didn't tell you what I was really doing here, if they got intercepted ponies might start to become suspicious."

Twilight smiled. "Don't worry, Starswirl. We'll get to the bottom of things. I'm just so glad you haven't been lured to the competition," Then she gasped. "Oh no, I really am starting to fear having to compete with another school no matter what!"

"Twilight, if I were to establish my own school of friendship, would you still be jealous?" Starswirl questioned.

"W-well, maybe a little at first," Twilight confessed. "But I'd trust you to know how to truly teach friendship. Flim and Flam just don't have that kind of trust for me."

Starswirl nodded. "Then perhaps it's best if I take point and you follow. At the least if I'm caught, your mission won't be compromised as well," Then he poked his head out of the closet. He saw nopony. "Looks like the coast is clear. Let's go before anypony starts to notice I'm gone." He instructed.

Meanwhile, Rarity had enrolled in one of the first classes being offered by the school. Flam was the teacher. "Welcome, newest students!" He proudly declared. "Let's dive right in, shall we? Here's a pop quiz for you all: One of the most important elements of friendship is being thoughtful. True or false?"

Rarity raised her hoof and answered. " If by 'thoughtful' you mean 'generous', I'd say true."

Flam smiled. "Correct!" Then he seemed to laugh. "Though actually it was a trick question. Thoughtful can mean generous though. Very impressive thinking on your part, Miss...?"

Rarity cleared her throat. "Plainity. My name is Plainity."

Flam simply clapped his hooves together in approval. "Well, well, well, Miss Plainity, keep it up and you'll be ready for the next level in no time!" The other students all gave various awes. "Now then, how about a demonstration? A practical example if you will. Plainity, what is something generous that you can do for this class?"

The disguised fashionista put a hoof to her chin, deep in thought. "Hm, I could maybe... let you all borrow my notes after class, free of charge of course. We'd all benefit from that."

"Splendid, splendid!" Flam encouraged. "Go on! Maybe there's something generous you could do for me?"

"Perhaps I could, invite you to have lunch with me and share my lunch with you," Rarity suggested. "That would be pretty generous. And an act of kindness too."

"Ah yes, I hadn't even thought of that!" Flam realized. "Two lessons at once. I like your style of thinking, Plainity," And then he twirled his mustache as he added. "Class, Plainity here is now my star pupil. So if any of you want to have a chance at studying at the advanced level with Starswirl, I'd take notes on her every action. In the classroom of course."

Rarity looked around as the students started to write all sorts of notes on their sheets of paper. "Maybe I could use this new status to get them to open up," She thought. "One of them's bound to know something."

While Rarity was impressing Flam in the generosity class, the disguised Twilight was tailing Starswirl the Bearded as the two surveyed the school more in depth. "Everything seems legit so far," Twilight commented to Starswirl. "I'm starting to wonder if the map sent me here just so I could learn not to be jealous."

"The pillars and I believed the map was directing us to the Hollow Shade simply to protect the realm. But it was so that we could save Stygian from his inner darkness," Starswirl replied to Twilight. "The map has never steered you wrong before. If it says there's a friendship problem here, then there must be a friendship problem somewhere. Perhaps it has to do with the Flim Flam brothers and whoever their mysterious supporter is."

Suddenly, up ahead Twilight saw an open door. On it read the label: "Teachers' Offices"

Starswirl looked across to Twilight. "I suppose it wouldn't hurt to have a quick look around. This might be the lead we've been looking for."

Twilight followed Starswirl into the offices, which consisted of two desks on opposite sides of a room currently darkened by window blinds pulled down. Strangely though, two large paintings hung in the center of the room that depicted the same stallion and the same mustache.

Starswirl's wandering bright gold eyes fell upon what appeared to be a journal resting on the left sided desk. "I'll bet this'll shed light on the brothers true intentions!" He declared.

However, Twilight teleported over to Starswirl's location and raised up a hoof to stop him. "Wait a minute, Starswirl! It could be a trap! Flim and Flam are many things, but careless isn't one of them! There's no way they'd just leave their private journal out where anyone could come in and read it. At least, that's probably what they'd expect me to do. If they could catch me in the act, they could easily turn it against me and destroy my reputation."

"Fair point," Starswirl considered. Just then he heard what sounded like hoofsteps. "Somepony's coming!" And lighting up his horn, he cast an invisibility spell on himself and Twilight, concealing them from view.

Mere seconds later, Flim entered the office looking as if he'd seen a ghost. He appeared to be double checking his surroundings with every step he took, as though afraid he might be spotted. Only when he had shut the office door behind did the stallion allow himself to breath. "Hope I remember this right." He told himself as he trotted up to the paintings. Carefully, he moved the mustaches so that both were facing sideways. There was a click, and a hidden door swung open. Flim trotted through it, not aware that Starswirl and Twilight were following him from a distance.

The door led to a secret room that resembled a vault. Huge piles of bits lay all around, while a large table display of Las Pegasus stood near the center. Next to the table was a chair, which swung round to reveal an earth pony stallion of medium build. He had a grayish-persian blue coat, grayish-green eyes, a white mane and tail that had some streaks of a blueish-gray shine to it, and a cutie mark depicting three golden bits surrounded by sparkles. He wore a dark blue business suit with a white collar, a blueish-green cape with diamonds in various colors of blue and white, and an orange polka doted bow tie. "Ah, Flim, nice of you to finally join me." The stallion commented in a noticeable country drawl.

"Sorry, Mr. Gladmane, sir," Flim apologized as he appeared to sweat. "There's been an unexpected complication. Princess Twilight Sparkle was here alongside one of her friends. I think she suspects something, and I can't keep Chancellor Neighsay in the dark much longer. If he finds out it's just my brother and I teaching classes, he's sure to be furious."

Gladmane simply smirked. "Don't you worry about the chancellor. What matters is that you've got all of Canterlot flocking to ya, paying money for a chance to learn about friendship. We just need to hold on a little bit longer, then we can quietly wrap up operations here and take everything back to Las Pegasus, uh huh huh huh," And then he instructed to Flim. "You tell your brother to get his hide in here as soon as possible, we've got a few things we need to discuss. Don't forget, I provide the bits and you boys provide the cover. So don't be getting cold hooves on me now, ya hear?"

Flim gulped and saluted. "N-no sir, Mr. Gladmane, sir. I-I'll get r-right on it, sir!"

"Excellent! That's just the kind of talk I like to hear. So don't keep me waiting, boy!" Gladmane firmly demanded.

"I won't, sir. You can count on it!" Flim saluted again and then departed the secret room as fast as he could.

Having overheard everything, Starswirl and Twilight quickly left the secret room as well and then left the office. They retreated to the safety of the closet to plan their next move!

"So Gladmane's the backer!" Starswirl commented with shock. "Now it all makes sense. I thought there was something off about how much the lesson plans resembled your own."

"Applejack and Fluttershy told me that Gladmane considered himself a friendship connoisseur. He must blame me for them pulling the plug on his schemes to keep everypony working for him at his resort!" Twilight realized.

Starswirl glumly added. "But how are we going to prove that? Even if their intention is to spite you, nothing Gladmane or Flim and Flam have done is illegal."

Just then, there came a knock from the other side of the closet door. Both ponies froze, terrified of being caught! But they couldn't bring themselves to move.

The closet door swung open, and the disguised Rarity trotted in. She promptly shut the door behind her. "Twilight! Starswirl! Thank goodness I have a chance to talk to you!"

"Same here, Rarity!" Twilight replied. "Turns out, Starswirl's undercover too! He was investigating Flim and Flam's mysterious backer, and it turns out it's Gladmane. And Gladmane's somehow managed to copy my lesson plans."

"Oh dear, that makes what I have to say look even worse," Rarity glumly remarked. "The tuition really doesn't cost you more than a bit or two. But if you want to advance the lesson plans are anything but cheap. I literally just saw a pony sell the shirt off his back just so he could have a chance to study with Starswirl."

Twilight smacked her hooves together! "This madness has to end! Even Chancellor Neighsay can't possibly condone this at an official EEA accredited school."

"But Twilight, think of your reputation," Rarity cautioned. "There's no way Flim, Flam, or Gladmane will confess. And they could easily rat you out for spying. With your reputation in ruins your school would have to close."

Twilight shook her head. "My reputation isn't worth much if I won't risk it for what I think is right. Besides, I have a plan. It's risky, but if it works everypony will come out of this better off. Except for Gladmane of course."

A little later, Flam accompanied Flim to the secret vault room behind the paintings in their offices. And just like before, Gladmane was there to greet them. "You've done well so far, boys. And the good news is, we've already almost reached our goal to not only keep the resorting running but also expand it. Just another stack or two of lesson plans and we'll be there!"

"That's... great, sir," Flam replied in a noticeably distraught tone. "Then I assume we'll go our separate ways and never speak of this again, right?"

Gladmane smirked anew. "Now son, you know that's not how these things work. I was kind enough to bail you boys out when you got in a jam, so know you owe me."

"We don't owe you anything once the resort's expanded!" Flim boldly asserted. "If we weren't so desperate we would've never taken you up on your offer after everything you did!"

The stallion simply adjusted his mane. "Boys, boys, let's not point hooves. We've all done things we regret, and we all agreed to let bygones be bygones," He spoke the whole time in a calm tone of voice, as if nothing phased him at all. "Besides, if not for me this school wouldn't even been given the EEA accreditation it needed for this to work."

"What are you talking about?!" Flam demanded.

Gladmane laughed. "Oh come now. Surely you don't think it's coincidence that Chancellor Neighsay came here to survey this school, do you? A small school like this wouldn't even gotten a passing notice if I hadn't tipped him off about it."

Flim and Flam were deeply shocked and their mouths almost dropped open! "So you bribed the chancellor to give our school EEA accreditation? At the least my brother and I thought that could help us salvage something from the school when this was all over." Flim remarked.

"Bribed is such an ugly word," Gladmane innocently replied. "Persuaded was more like it. I can't take all the credit though, Neighsay had to take the bait. And I knew a school like this would be just the sort of school he'd like to see. Now you boys just relax, and let old Gladmane sort out your problems. Since this scheme was my idea, I think it's only fair that I get to decide how we'll spend the money. I'm think that for upgrades, we add an extreme pool slide. And the pipes for the musical chocolate factory can go where the Wild Blue Yonder used to take on passengers."

"But shouldn't it go closer to the pudding hot tub?" Twilight suggested.

Gladmane smiled. "Fair point, but—" Then suddenly he realized who had just spoken up. "What?!"

Twilight (who had now shed her disguise) appeared before the trio of earth ponies. And accompanying her was Starswirl the Bearded. "You can destroy my reputation if you want, but using your students' bits to expand a resort is wrong, even if the lessons you teach are good ones."

Flim and Flam gulped, and Flim protested. "It's not like that, Princess, really! It's just... things have been slow since we had to close the Wild Blue Yonder. We were about to go under and our resort was going to close."

"We had no other options, we had to make a deal!" Flam added. "Gladmane was the only one willing to make such a deal. Let's just say he made us an offer we couldn't refuse."

Gladmane smiled. "I got to take back control of my resort, and the boys got a chance to play the heroes for once. And you really should be grateful, Princess. The lessons here are so good because they were copied from your book. We just skipped every other page. So we can teach all the lessons in half the time!"

"You stole my lesson plans?!" Twilight gasped.

Gladmane shook his head. "I didn't steal 'em, someone else was just kind enough to give me a copy of them. Never met 'em face to face though, and even if I did I wouldn't talk. It ain't polite to snitch."

Starswirl (who had been silent up to this point) simply sighed. "It's really a pity you got involved in this, Flim and Flam. But it's not too late. If you give back the bits and apologize, then you can teach as much as you want. You can let Gladmane keep his resort for all the good it'll do him."

"But we can't!" Flam protested. "Gladmane holds all the bits. If we break off the deal, he'll just take everything for himself and rat us out."

"I wouldn't be so sure! I brought somepony who can change of all that!" A familiar voice declared, and a moment later the disguised Rarity entered the room.

Flam gasped! "Plainity?! My star pupil?!"

Rarity smirked as she shed her disguise. "I'm not Plainity, Flam. My name is Rarity, and I've been on Twilight's side all along."

"B-but..." Flim protested, only to find the words he wanted to use wouldn't come out.

"It's no use denying it," Rarity added. "Because somepony else has been listening in on this whole conversation. And he's anything but happy about it."

"Indeed I am not. I'm actually quite furious!" The familiar voice of Chancellor Neighsay declared as he stepped forward. "I thought something was up when all the classrooms I examined were taught by the same two instructors. But an anonymous source told me this school was worth checking out," He turned to Gladmane. "Now I see my judgement was clouded, much as I am ashamed to admit it. I should feel impressed that somepony could manipulate me without my knowledge, but right now all I feel is disgusted!"

Gladmane started to break out in a nervous sweat. "N-now Neighsay, I'm sure we can work something out here."

Neighsay's eyes narrowed in fury. "No we can't! I may not care much for my own reputation but the EEA's reputation is quite another! If word of this gets out, the EEA will be finished! I can't allow that to happen," And then he declared. "By the power invested in me, EEA accreditation is hereby revoked! Shudder this school at once and repay all the bits you wrongfully collected. Flim and Flam, if you do that you may return to your resort business with no further penalties so long as you promise never to set hoof in a learning environment again," But to Gladmane he declared. "You won't be so lucky, Gladmane. Your actions are inexcuseable! I hope you know a good lawyer, because you'll certainly need one."

Just like that, Friendship U was closed down. Starswirl took charge of giving back the bits to all who payed into it. "Thanks for your help, Twilight Sparkle," He told the alicorn. "Without your help, I might have easily been caught in the act when Flim showed up. And I never would've suspected that the brothers' benefactor would be a pony like Gladmane, or that they copied your lesson plans word for word."

Twilight tried not to smile too brightly. "It was nothing, Starswirl. I'm glad I got the chance to work alongside you again."

Rarity added. "Will you be coming to Twilight's school now? It's really a lovely place, much better than this drab location that called itself a school."

"Perhaps I will, someday soon," Starswirl replied to the two mares. "For now though, I must inform Celestia of my mission's success. And then I'll probably get back to my travels. If there's one thing I've come to discover, it's that even for a pony as old as myself there is still much to learn," Then he noticed something on the flanks of both mares. "And it seems your work here is done too."

Twilight and Rarity eyed their flanks, seeing their cutie marks glowing. That was a sign that the mission was a success. They high hooved each other.

Chancellor Neighsay happened to be observing the scene, and he couldn't help but comment. "Do your marks glow like that every time you are called by that 'map' of yours?"

"Only when we're first embarking on an assignment and then again when it's complete," Twilight explained. "In this case, the entire school was the friendship problem."

Neighsay seemed to groan. "Yes, a fact I am now painfully aware of. I can only imagine how much Princess Celestia will chew me out for this when Starswirl informs her."

Rarity piped up. "I suppose that means you'll give Twilight's school a break now, and stop being so hard on Twilight because of it?"

But Neighsay coldly replied. "Absolutely not. Mark my words, Princess. You may have won this round, but you can be assured that there will be another. I still stand by what I said about your school. We will meet again, and hopefully it will not be I who is humiliated." Then he trotted away without saying another word.

Twilight shook her head. "It's really a shame he has to be like that. But I guess some creatures just never learn."

Rarity put a hoof around Twilight. "Don't bother with him, Twilight. Ponies like Neighsay come and go, but you can't let get under your fur. In time, I'm sure even he will come around," Then she suggested. "But for now, perhaps we should return to your school."

Twilight gasped! "You're right, Rarity! If we hurry, maybe I can make it back in time to see how my scavenger hunt is doing! I just hope Starlight and Spike have managed alright in my absence."

"I'm sure they're doing just fine, darling," Rarity replied. "I'd like to take this opportunity to check up on Sassy and Canterlot Boutique. I still haven't properly thanked her for filling in for me all those weeks back."

S8 E18: Yakity-Sax (What If?)

Always one to be known for her ability to do things that no one else thought possible, not very many things ever truly phased Pinkie Pie. This was the very same pony who giggled at the ghostly and found even Discord's chaos to be amusing at first (her mood had quickly changed).

So it was something to be said when the pink party pony was surprised one day to see Yona dragging a huge instrument the likes of which Pinkie had never seen before. It seemed to take all the strength the little yak had just to carry the instrument without dropping it. But what was probably most surprising was the huge number of pipes the instrument had. It was far more than seemed suitable for such an instrument.

But although music wasn't her calling in life, Pinkie still prided herself on being able to play just about any musical instrument. And in less time than it seemed to take those who were musicians to learn their craft. So the party pony approached Yona, innocently tapping her on the hoof. "Hey there, Yona! Whatcha got there?!"

Yona groaned as she continued to lug the heavy instrument along. "Sorry, Professor Pinkie. Yona not in mood to talk. Yona need to find place to practice yovidaphone. Yovidaphone is gift from yak parents so Yona not feel homesick."

"Oh, a yovidaphone? That's cool!" Pinkie declared. "Sounds like it'd be fun to say!"

Yona just replied while lugging the yoviadphone behind her. "Not fun to carry yovidaphone around. Too heavy even for yak. And Yona not know where Yona can practice."

"Well as Twilight would probably say 'We should take it outside.'," The pink party pony declared. "I know the perfect spot to practice. I go there all the time when I want to play something. Did I mention I can play ten instruments all at once? I'm a one pony band!"

Yona became amazed, stopping in her tracks as she turned to face Pinkie Pie. "Professor play instruments and play them good?"

"Yesarooni!" Pinkie proudly proclaimed.

The young yak smiled. "Then professor should play yoviadphone! That way professor can give Yona lessons and Yona can impress friends!"

"Wait, you've never played the yoviadphone before?" Pinkie inquired of Yona.

Yona answered her professor's question with a nod. "Yona not get chance to learn back in Yakyakistan. Yona only glimpse at yoviadphone players in music hut, want to play just like them," She then shot the unsuspecting party pony the most convincing pair of pleading, puppy dog eyes she could muster up. "Professor will learn how to play and then teach yak, right? Professor good with all instruments."

Despite having some experience with the pleading eyes due to foalsitting the Cake Twins, the usually strong willed pink party pony found herself unable to resist the look Yona was giving her. It was the kind of face you just couldn't say no to if you had a heart. "Well, I wouldn't say all instruments. But I can still play anything decently enough with practice. Once I'm comfortable with it we can start working on lessons together after school."

Yona set the yoviadphone down and ran up and tackled Pinkie into a hug! "Professor Pinkie Pie is best professor! Professor do a huge favor for yak! Yona look forward to lessons!"

"All in good time, Yona. I haven't even started playing it yet. It may take some time before I'm ready to give you lessons." Pinkie cautioned to the young yak. She couldn't have known at that the time she was making a promise that was going to place a huge burden, not only upon herself but upon her friends as well. And when it was all over, she was going to learn just how far her skills with musical instruments really went.

Pinkie was soon left alone with the yoviadphone in all its massiveness. Small wonder why this was the instrument of choice for yaks. It seemed like one would need the strength of a yak to stand any chance of holding it and playing it for any period of time without tiring yourself out.

Still, a promise was a promise. Just because it wasn't a 'Pinkie Promise' didn't mean it was a promise Pinkie would be okay with breaking.

Taking advantage of the fact that she currently had no classes to teach, Pinkie Pie grabbed the yoviadphone as best one could. "It's like a portable organ, except even heavier!" She thought to herself. Still, she somehow found the strength to haul the heavy instrument out of the school.

The party pony took it to the spot where she usually went when she wanted to be alone and practice whatever musical instrument currently captivated her interest. A secluded spot not far from the entrance to the Everfree Forest. Aside from the occasional visit from Fluttershy, no one ever visited this location. Which made it the perfect practice spot. You could play to your heart's content no matter how bad you were and no one would ever have to know. Then once you were good enough at the instrument, you could start playing in town and in buildings (so long as ponies didn't complain about the noise).

Clutching the yoviadphone, Pinkie examined the instrument from top to bottom to try and determine how it was to be played. It didn't come with any sort of instruction manuel but that never stopped Pinkie. She always figured it out eventually.

"Ah, here we go!" The pink coated earth pony declared at last. She held the pump part of the instrument with her hooves so that it was just above the ground, and had the mouth piece close to her snout. The pipes were pointed upward. "Okie dokie. And one, and a two, and a 'I know what to do'!" And with that she proceeded to blow into the instrument as hard as she could.

What had originally been a peaceful, uneventful day in Ponyville soon turned into a frantic commotion as a low, rumbling sound suddenly came echoing in from out of nowhere! The sound waves generating vibrations that could be felt for miles and miles.

Some ponies just plugged their ears by whatever means they could manage: Be it hay, cotton balls, or if they were lucky ear plugs. Others had more "interesting" reactions to the disturbance.

In the house shared by Octavia Melody and Vinyl Scratch, Octavia was just about to start practicing her set piece for a gig she was slated to perform in Canterlot next week. Suddenly, the rumbling shook the house, knocking Octavia's notes on the floor! "Ugh!" She groaned as she moved to pick them up. "How many times do I have tell Vinyl not to play her wubs so loudly?! I swear, I have half a mind to rip those stupid headphones off her ears and make her listen to the music she bombards me with!" The earth pony trotted into the next room, determined to give her roommate a piece of her mind.

But to Octavia's surprise, Vinyl wasn't at her turntable and neither was the massive device turned on. Vinyl was sound asleep on the couch, an empty pizza box lay on the floor alongside a bottle of sarsaparilla. The DJ actually didn't have her headphones on, nor her signature purple shades that covered up her violet-red eyes. Somehow, the unicorn was able to sleep right through the noise.

Octavia sighed. "That Vinyl. I could practically sit on her and she wouldn't wake up. Guess you can't help who you move in with."

Meanwhile, the noise and vibrations had reached the School of Friendship, startling teacher and student alike. But nowhere was it felt more than in Twilight's office. All the pictures and trophies that were on the walls shook, threatening to fall and break!

"T-T-Twilight!" Spike yelled amidst the rumbling. "What's h-h-happening?! Is it an earthquake?!"

"I... don't... know!" Twilight yelled back. "It doesn't... feel... like... an earthquake!"

"W-w-what are we g-g-going to do?!" Spike shouted.

Twilight shouted back at him. "Wait for the rumbling... to stop! Then we'll... figure out what's causing this... and stop it!"

The rumbling and shaking seemed to go on forever. And if the noise wasn't bothering ponies the vibrations from the soundwaves definitely were.

But then, just as mysteriously as the noise and its effects had arrived they vanished. Everypony in Ponyville and everyone at the School of Friendship breathed a much needed sigh of relief. The town hadn't been destroyed, nothing had been broken.

"Finally!" Spike declared as he emerged from beneath Twilight's desk. "I thought I was going to go deaf for a moment there."

"Well, it looks like we're all okay," Twilight commented as she pulled her wings out of her ears (she had used her wings as makeshift ear plugs and had also used them as a shield in case anything might fall on her). "We should probably go check on the students though, and make sure they're okay."

But there was no need for that. At that very moment the door to Twilight's office burst open and numerous students started talking (or rather shouting) all at once.

"I thought the Storm King had come back!" Silverstream exclaimed with worry. "I got so scared I had to turn into a seapony to hide!"

"Ah, so that's what you were doing in the shower earlier!" Smolder realized. "I just thought you were practicing your whale singing."

Silverstream shook her head. "You don't understand, a noise like that could've only been a warning. In Seaquestria, we had an early warning system in case the Storm King ever showed up again while we were on the surface."

Sandbar was quick to reply. "Well it wasn't a warning, I can tell you that much. Whatever it was though, it sounded really bad."

"It's bad enough my grades aren't where they should be, now I can't even study without some kind of annoying interruption!" Gallus complained. "Is a little peace and quiet too much to ask for around here?"

"It doesn't sound like anything I read about. And it wasn't anything I could transform into either," Ocellus added. "It sounded like a creature was in distress though."

Silverstream gasped! "Oh dear! I sure hope that poor creature isn't hurt! We should tell Professor Fluttershy so she can take it to her sanctuary to get better."

While the other students were all talking and debating what to do about the noise, Yona remained silent. She had a pretty good hunch as to what the noise had been. "Could that have been Professor Pinkie Pie? Is that what yovidaphone sound like?" The yak thought to herself.

Fluttershy poked her head into the room. "What's this I hear about a hurt creature?"

"Oh, Professor Fluttershy, thank goodness you're here!" Gallus exclaimed as the griffon flew up to him. "Ocellus thinks some random creature's been hurt, and that's what caused that awful noise we just heard. Can you go calm it down so the rest of us can get back to studying?"

"I don't think that sounded like a creature. Not one that I've heard, anyway." Fluttershy pondered.

Twilight simply rose from her desk. "Well whatever or whoever it is, we can't allow anything to interfere with the functions of this school and put our students in danger," She firmly declared. "Fluttershy, round up the girls. We're going to investigate the source of that noise!"

But Fluttershy gulped. "Um, there's just one problem with that, Twilight. Pinkie Pie's missing, I haven't seen her anywhere in the school since I got here."

"Odd. Even when she's not teaching class, Pinkie usually stays at the school all day." The alicorn pondered.

"Think that's related to whatever was making that awful sound?" Spike suggested. "Because I'll bet you anything it's not a coincidence."

"I don't know if it is or isn't, Spike. But we're going to find out!" Twilight responded. Then she told the students. "Everyone, please return to your dormitories. Your professors and I will investigate the source of the noise."

A short time later, Twilight and the rest of her friends (minus Starlight who had stayed behind with Spike to keep the school running) were rushing towards the Everfree Forest. Everypony they'd talked to had said that the noise had originated from there.

As they entered the forest, the awful noise was heard once again. It didn't seem to be nearly as loud or as powerful as what had come before it. But that didn't mean it was any more tolerable, because it wasn't.

"Goodness, if that's an animal I sure hope it's not suffering too much." Fluttershy nervously commented.

"It feels like listening to one of Spitfire's third degree lectures," Rainbow complained. "My ears are still ringing from the last one. I don't think they can take much more."

"Hold on, everypony! I see the clearing up ahead! Whoever or whatever's behind this disturbance has to be there!" Twilight instructed.

The five mares all rushed into the clearing and to their surprise they saw... Pinkie Pie? And was it their imaginations, or was she awkwardly holding some kind of weird instrument that looked like a sack had been fused with a bunch of flutes?

Pinkie turned to greet her friends with her usual, cheerful smile. "Hello, girls. I'm so glad you could make it!"

"Pinkie Pie, what in the world is that?!" Rarity demanded.

Pinkie smiled. "Oh, this? It's a yovidaphone, the traditional instrument of choice for the yaks. Yona gave it to me this morning."

Applejack shot back a look of confusion. "A what now?"

"A yovidaphone, silly," Pinkie answered with a giggle. "I've been practicing for over an hour now."

"Wait, that was you who was making that awful commotion?!" Rainbow realized.

The pink party pony blushed. "Oh, sorry about that. But as you can clearly see, I'm still very rusty with this new instrument. I think I'm getting better though, that second practice session wasn't anywhere near as bad as the first one. I was just about to start another practice session, wanna hear?"

Rainbow immediately threw her hooves down at Pinkie's feet and pleaded. "Please, don't! I'm serious!"

Rarity was quick to add. "Pinkie, what you choose to do on your time is your business. But don't you have better things to do than to play some random instrument all day?"

"But I have to get better at it! I just have to!" The party pony protested. "I promised Yona that as soon as I got the hang of the yovidaphone, I'd give her lessons! I can't go back on that promise!"

Twilight spoke up. "Well you'll just have to wait and practice later, Pinkie. Preferably somewhere where you won't cause a disturbance. For right now though, you have classes to teach. And if I have to take that... whatever it is you just called it away, I will."

"No need for that, Twilight," Pinkie replied as she eyed the instrument. "I'll just go put this away somewhere. I can practice more once school's done for the day. And once I master it, I'll give you all front row seats to a yovidaphone concert! You're gonna love it!" She tried to bounce away but the heavy weight of the yovidaphone slowed her down and prevented her from doing so. So she just carried the instrument and walked.

Once Pinkie was out of range, Applejack couldn't help but comment. "Not sure about the rest of y'all but anypony else think that sounded like an apple core caught up in a pulp grinder?"

"Applesolutely... er, eh... absolutely," Rarity replied. "That yovidaphone's so loud I could barely hear myself think while Pinkie was practicing it. Even Scootaloo's singing wasn't as bad before Sweetie Belle started giving her lessons on the side. And dear Celestia did Scootaloo have quite the set of pipes!"

"Yeah. Don't tell the kid I said this, but her singing used to be so loud it could wake the dead." Rainbow commented as she nervously massaged the back of her neck with a hoof.

Fluttershy was quick to change the topic back to Pinkie Pie. "But Pinkie Pie clearly enjoys playing the yovidaphone, and she did seem to get a little bit better. It's not right to tell her to stop playing just because she's not good at it."

"We just need to try and be supportive of her in this new hobby," Twilight instructed to the others. "I'm sure she'll either get the hang of it or grow tired of it soon, and then this will all be a fond memory. Though I think we need to make it perfectly clear to Pinkie, no yovidaphone playing in class. We don't need to frighten our students again."

Although the yovidaphone lingered at the back of her mind all day, Pinkie managed to put it aside in order to teach class. She was glad that Yona didn't ask her how the yovidaphone sessions were coming along or when they could start lessons.

When class was over and the school finished for the day, the party pony could barely contain her excitement as she retrieved the yovidaphone from a broom closet. "Sorry I had to stuff you in there like that. From now on I'll probably just leave you in a more comfortable location," She said to the instrument. "But for now, I think it's time I took you home with me. Maybe get one more practice session in before then."

Said practice session came and went without fanfare. Pinkie made some progress on the yovidaphone, far more than she was certain anyone would've expected of her in the span of a single day. But as Celestia's sun began to set in the west, bathing all of Ponyville in the soft, orange glow of evening, Pinkie knew it was time to go home. Sugarcube Corner would be a much better place to store a yovidaphone than some dusty old broom closet at Twilight's school.

When Pinkie lugged the heavy instrument in through the front door, it wasn't long before Mr. and Mrs. Cake took notice of it. Mrs. Cake in particular seemed quite concerned. "Pinkie, what is that thing and where did you get it?"

"Oh, this? It's a yovidaphone. I'm learning how to play it so I can give Yona lessons," Pinkie answered. "I've been practicing quite a lot. I think I'm starting to get the hang of it already."

"That's fine, Pinkie, dear. Just please don't play it indoors," Mrs. Cake instructed the mare. "Carrot Cake and I don't want you scaring away customers, or waking the twins. You know how hard it is to put them down for bed."

Pinkie gave a firm salute. "No worries, Mrs. Cake. I already have the perfect practice spot I can go to at any time."

Mr. Cake breathed a sigh of relief. "Then you can just go there whenever you find the time. Starting tomorrow of course. Once you've gotten good at playing that yoviwhatever it was you said though, I hope you'll allow Cup Cake, the twins, and I the chance to hear you play it."

"Got it, I'll be sure to save you seats to my yovidaphone concert!" Pinkie eagerly replied. "Better start planning now because I have a feeling I'm gonna be a master of this sweet new instrument by the end of the week!"

Several days passed with Pinkie increasingly spending what time she could spare playing the yovidaphone. Whether it was before classes started for the day, between classes when possible, or after classes had finished for the day. And each time the awful noise would be heard again.

Sure, as the week progressed it grew softer and softer. Soon, nopony in town could ever tell you that Pinkie had been playing the yovidaphone at all.

But to those who knew the party pony best, they could tell that something was not right. It was subtle changes in her behavior and appearance that clued them in. Changes that other ponies (and even most of the students) dismissed without fanfare.

Pinkie's friends, however (as well as the Cakes) saw her mane and tail become ever so slightly disshelved as the days went by. Almost as if Pinkie had stopped grooming them. Her eyes would twitch on occasion when they should've always been blinking. And she continued to talk about the yovidaphone as if that was all that mattered.

Eventually, the concerned friends all gathered at Sugarcube Corner to discuss what to do. All agreed that their party planning friend's new found hobby had now become an obsession, but they were at a loss as to how to break the news to her and what she needed.

"Maybe there's still a way she can practice the yovidaphone without bothering anyone?" Fluttershy suggested.

Twilight seemed to nod her head. "I could always try to cast a sound proofing bubble or something, and she could keep playing to her heart's content."

"So we just hope she wears herself out eventually?" Applejack remarked with a raised eyebrow. "Sugarcube, you've been down that road before. Remember when you were too scared to tell Princess Celestia the truth about her siblin' squabble with Princess Luna? 'Bout the nightmare you told us about when you came back from Canterlot?"

Twilight let out a reluctant sigh. "Unfortunately, I do. I guess just ignoring the problem and pushing it off isn't going to work this time."

"We could always make her take some actual lessons," Rarity suggested to the others. "There must be somepony who's at least somewhat skilled in the yovidaphone, or knows what it sounds like. Or we could arrange for her to travel to Yakyakistan and watch how the yaks do it."

"That could take a long time to pull off, Rarity. And in the mean time, Pinkie's gonna keep on playing until she collapses!" Rainbow protested. "I say it's time we rip the bandage off. She's not getting any better at the yovidaphone, and she needs to stop obsessing over it! If she can't do that, then maybe we need to take it away from her until she comes to her senses!"

Fluttershy gulped. "That seems kind of extreme, Rainbow Dash. We shouldn't force her to give up on something just because she's not instantly good at it."

"But she can't keep goin' on like this," Applejack firmly insisted. "There's plenty of other things she can already do and do better than anyone. Bakin', throwin' parties, and spreadin' laughter all come to mind."

"She's not gonna be happy when we tell her the news," Twilight nervously commented. "We all know what happened the last time we broke bad news to her. She took it pretty harshly."

Rainbow just retorted. "Yet she bounced back with no problem just a short time later. If we just remind her of what she's already good at it, she'll forget all about her new obsession and then we can slowly ease her into lessons later if she feels up for it."

"Sounds like a plan to me," Applejack declared. "Any objections?"

A quick look around revealed that only Twilight still had any. "I just wish there was a better way to do this. It doesn't seem right."

"None of us like being the bearer of bad news, Twilight. But we all agree this is for the best," Rainbow declared. "The more of us that tell it to her, the better off she'll be." And with that it was settled, though poor Twilight wished more than anything it wasn't.

The next day, Twilight and the others were waiting for Pinkie when she left Sugarcube Corner with her yovidaphone. It didn't take a genius to figure out where she was going to go with it.

"Girls. My my, it sure is funny how we keep meeting like this," Pinkie chuckled. "I'd like to stay and chat, but I don't wanna waste a second practicing my yovidaphone. I think I'm finally getting the hang of it! Just a few more sessions and I'll be ready to giving Yona lessons! I haven't met an instrument yet that I couldn't play."

But the five gathered mares didn't reply. They all just looked at Pinkie with varying looks of concern and sadness.

"Hey, what's with the long faces?" The pink party pony questioned. "I haven't forgotten about that private concert for you girls. You'll all get front row seats too, and so will Starlight and Spike."

Applejack looked across to Twilight, as if she was asking the alicorn to do something. Twilight seemed to respond to the non-verbal cue as she stepped forward ever so reluctantly. "Pinkie..." She began but then hesitated, either unable or unwilling to bring herself to say anymore.

Fortunately, Applejack stepped forward to continue. "Listen, sugarcube. You've been playin' away on that yovidaphone for about a week now, I reckon. You don't seem to be gettin' any better."

"What are you talking about? My yovidaphone playing's gotten much better since I started practicing," Pinkie nervously laughed as her right eye twitched a bit. "If you don't believe you, you can come watch and listen for yourself."

"Pinkie, please!" Rainbow pleaded. "That yovidaphone is consuming you. It's no longer a hobby, it's an obsession. And if you don't stop it soon, that yovidaphone's going to be the only thing you ever think about! We'll sign you and Yona up for lessons as soon as we can, but in the mean time you need to stop playing so much! You barely even eat or sleep anymore."

Pinkie stumbled back. "What?! Who told you?!"

"The Cakes did, Pinkie," Twilight replied with a sigh. "And remember what I told you when you first began to play the yovidaphone? I warned you that I would take it away if I had to. As your friend, I hate to do this. And as founder and headmare of the school you teach at, I'm removing you from a distraction that's interfering with your teaching."

Rarity added. "Darling, you can already play so many other instruments. But no one can do everything, you're just one pony. And one pony, no matter how talented, can't master all the instruments in the world."

"I know that promise you made to Yona means a lot to you, but you had to know it was a promise you couldn't have kept," Fluttershy reluctantly chimed in. "Even if you could get a handle on the yovidaphone, how were you going to teach Yona? You only have one."

Pinkie began to tremble, her lips quivering. "But... but..."

"Please, Pinkie, think about all the ponies who are worried about you," Twilight pleaded. "For now at least, you need to lay off the yovidaphone. It's not healthy to devote so much time to that instrument, especially when you're not really getting better so much as you're not getting any worse," She began to light up her horn. "Now, I'm going to take your yovidaphone and put it someplace where you can't access it. I promise I'll talk to Prince Rutherford as soon as I can about yovidaphone lessons, and you and Yona can both learn from watching the experts. Until then, you can't play the yovidaphone anymore. You can play any other instruments you want, but the yovidaphone is off limits."

"But it makes me happy to be able to play it!" Pinkie protested as she clutched the yovidaphone tightly. "Don't make me have to give it up, Twilight!"

Twilight only shook her head, her tone of voice reflecting how hurt she was by this decision. "Your happiness shouldn't depend on how well you can play an instrument, Pinkie. You of all ponies should know that happiness can come from a variety of things. That's one of the first lessons you taught me. Now please, don't make this any more difficult than it has to be."

The pink party pony was slow to relinquish her grasp on the yovidaphone. But somehow she willed herself to do it. And it was by doing so that she came to a realization. "Twilight and my friends are right. I have become obsessed with that yovidaphone! Can't believe I never noticed!" She thought to herself.

"There," Twilight said at last, as the yovidaphone was firmly within the hold of her magic. "I'm sorry it had to come to this, Pinkie. But you'll thank me for this later."

"I already am, Twilight," Pinkie sorrowfully commented. "Thank you for helping me to break free of the yovidaphone's hold over me," Then she let out a sigh. "Guess I'll have to explain to Yona that her lessons won't be coming anytime soon. Probably not ever." And she trotted away without another word.

Unfortunately, even after the yovidaphone was put away things did not go back to normal. Most ponies didn't take notice, but those who were close to Pinkie noticed how her movements lacked the usual spring to their step.

Even the Cakes started to become worried and they had seen Pinkie at her worst far more than anyone else. Especially since they considered her family.

At first, everyone was certain that Pinkie's mood would return to normal eventually. It was natural that she'd have a hard time getting over the fact that she'd met an instrument that she couldn't master.

But as days passed, the party pony's behavior not only didn't improve but seemed to get worse. She still managed to force a smile when she was teaching class or working at Sugarcube Corner, but her actions seemed void of their usual passion. Even party planning and throwing didn't seem to have that usual Pinkie Pie flare.

So it was that another emergency friendship meeting was held. This time it took place at the School of Friendship itself, and Spike and Starlight were on it. The Cakes had come too for they had become increasingly troubled by what they'd been witnessing.

"This is serious. I haven't seen Pinkie Pie this upset since the time she was homesick back when Carrot and I first took her in," Mrs. Cake commented. "I hate seeing the poor dear all upset."

"I've tried to get her to talk about her feelings, but she keeps avoiding me," Starlight replied with a sigh. "My first break as a guidance counselor all semester, and I completely failed."

Spike put a claw around the unicorn. "Cheer up, Starlight. Pinkie Pie's a tough nut to crack anyways. I'm sure you did your best," Then he looked towards the others. "There's gotta be someway we can cheer Pinkie up. Someway to show her how much she really means to all of us, and that we don't care if she can play one hundred instruments or just one."

"The question is, how do we do it?" Rainbow Dash wondered.

"Well, what would Pinkie Pie do in a situation like this?" Rarity pondered. "If she was trying to cheer one of us up, what's the first thing she'd suggest?"

"A party!" Fluttershy realized. "But we tried to plan our own party before, and it didn't go so well. Not to mention what happened the time we threw Pinkie a surprise party."

Rainbow frowned. "Darn it, you're right! There's no way we can throw a party for Pinkie Pie and have it work! It'll look slapped together."

"It's the thought that counts though, right?" Applejack questioned.

Twilight nodded her head. "Even so, I think we need to pull out all the stops for this. Pinkie would do the same for us, so we should do the same for her."

Just then, Mr. Cake's eyes lit up. "I just thought of something! There is one pony who could help us. He's a party pony himself."

Mrs. Cake seemed to clue into what her husband was suggesting. "Honey bun, are you really sure we can get him? We don't even know how to contact him, let alone if he'll be available."

"If it's for Pinkie Pie, I'm sure he'll say yes," Mr. Cake replied. "And as for how we'll contact him, the answer is simple. If we start to plan the party, his 'Cheesie Sense' will tell him to come here. Then we can explain everything to him."

Twilight smiled as she nodded. "And while you do that, I'll talk with Mayor Mare about declaring the day of the party 'Pinkie Pie Appreciation Day'! It'll be just what the doctor ordered!"

"But how will we get Pinkie to come out and be part of the party?" Fluttershy questioned. "She's started to hole herself up inside her room, only coming out to teach."

Rainbow stood up and boldly declared. "Leave that to me! I know how to get through to her!"

A few days later, everything was ready. All the balloons had been set up and tied together (Twisty Pop had even made balloon animals for many of the party attendants), streamers hung from every rooftop and stand, two party cannons stood ready to fire off confetti at a moment's notice, there were sweets of all sorts, and above it all hung a massive banner that read: "Pinkie Pie Appreciation Day Party" (or P.P.A.D.P for short).

All that was missing was the guest of honor herself. Fortunately, Rainbow Dash was already on it. It had taken quite a lot of convincing, but she'd managed to get Pinkie Pie to leave her room. "You've really gotta come see this, Pinkie! It's gonna totally 'freak your frizz!' as you would say."

The pink party pony looked down at the ground as if it were much more interesting. "Whatever you say, Rainbow Dash." She commented in a flat tone of voice, her mane and tail having deflated ever so slightly.

"Just a little bit more, Pinkie. We're almost there!" Rainbow encouraged as they approached the center of Ponyville. Pinkie continued to look down at the ground even as she reached her destination.

"Hey, Pinkie, get your eyes up off the ground!" Spike commanded.

Reluctantly, Pinkie did so. When she did, her blue eyes could hardly believe the sight that greeted her!

The party cannons fired off as a chorus of voices shouted! "Happy Pinkie Pie Appreciation Day!" And then Pinkie's friends all rushed over to her before the mare had a chance to react.

Pinkie was rendered speechless! "Wowie!... You all did this for me?! Declaring a holiday in my honor?!"

"It was the least we could do to show how much you mean to us, all of us," Twilight declared. "Though if you really wanna thank somepony, thank the Cakes."

"Was the party their idea?" Pinkie questioned.

"Not really, but they played a big role in making it happen!" Twilight eagerly declared. "In fact, it was Mr. Cake's suggestion to get a certain somepony involved with the planning!"

Pinkie's eyes lit up like stars in the night sky! "You mean..."

Mr. Cake nodded as he trotted forward. "I do," He presented Pinkie with a letter. "Here, he wanted me to give you this. He regrets that he couldn't stay for the party itself, but his 'Cheesie Sense' called him elsewhere."

Pinkie snatched up the letter and her eyes scanned it. The letter read as follows:

Dear Pinkie Pie,

Heard you've been feeling down in the dumps lately, and that's a major bummer in the summer. I hope my helping your friends and your second family will ensure it's a success, and gets you to realize how special you already are.

There are many instruments you can play that I can't, and I'm perfectly okay with. Give me an accordion and I'll sing and dance like nopony's business!

We party ponies are jacks of many trades, but masters of only a few. That's just how it is in life. You can have multiple talents, but no one can do everything all by themselves.

If ever you should doubt yourself though, hopefully this party will remind you that you've got so many wonderful friends, and family. All of whom care about you, and couldn't care less if you're a master at the yovidaphone or not.

Your best friend (and fellow Super Duper Party Pony),

Cheese Alfred Sandwich

By the time Pinkie had finished reading the notes, tears were starting to well up in her eyes. "Oh, you girls are the best! And thank you so much, Mr. and Mrs. Cake!" She rushed over to the group, hugging each individual one by one. "I'm sorry I made you all worry. I can't believe I let myself get attached to that stupid yovidaphone."

"Sugarcube, we never said the yovidaphone was stupid," Applejack protested with a shake of her head. "And we didn't want ya to stop practicin' all together. We just figured you needed to take a little break from it."

"Yeah, and clear your head!" Rainbow added.

Rarity then grinned. "But if you still want to learn how to play that instrument and teach Yona, we have somepony who could give you some pointers."

"Indeed I can. Though mind you, I've only seen yovidaphone players once or twice in my life." A polished, elegant voice called out. The owner of the voice soon revealed itself as a goldish gray coated earth pony mare with a dark gray mane and tail that bordered on black, and grayish purple eyes. She had a cutie mark depicting a treble clef, and wore a pink bow around her neck.

Pinkie realized who that mare was at once! "You're that cello player from the Grand Galloping Gala! Octavia Melody, right?"

Octavia nodded as she bowed her head. "Correct, I am honored that you remember my name."

Pinkie gulped. "You're not still mad about what happened at the gala all those years ago, right?"

Octavia just replied. "While I certainly didn't appreciate the way you hijacked my band and forced us to play 'The Pony Pokey', the Grand Galloping Gala is but one of many gigs I've played. My career was doing just fine before it and has continued to do just fine after it. Besides, I'm not one to hold a grudge."

Pinkie wiped the sweat from her brows. "Oh, thank goodness," Then she added. "Say, would it be okay if I brought a guest along to our practice sessions? I kind of promised her I'd give her lessons, though I'm thinking maybe you could help teach her more about pony music."

Octavia smiled. "You refer to Yona Yak. Your friends already informed me of everything when they approached me. You can practice at my place to your heart's content. I've long since learned how to deal with loud noises, and Vinyl. Well, she can sleep through anything, with or without her headphones," Then she added. "But if you're willing to learn, don't expect me to be easy on you. I will give you lessons on the level of that of a professional. It will be difficult."

"That's alright," Pinkie declared. "I've got plenty of friends to relay on for support."

"Good," Octavia declared. "Then I expect you at my place tomorrow afternoon at three thirty sharp. And fair warning, I keep to a very strict schedule. So you'd best be there at the designated time."

The pink party pony smiled. "That won't be a problem, Octavia. I look forward to learning from you. And hopefully, Yona will learn something too."

Author's Note

The original version of this episode had Pinkie Pie at her most selfish potrayal of all time. She bases her happiness solely around the yovidaphone (even though we're never told anything about why she's so attached to it), and when she's told she can't play it anymore she becomes depressed to the point where she decides to leave Ponyville. Not only is such a move done solely to ramp up tensions for the climax (we all know Pinkie would never leave Ponyville for good, the show wouldn't let it), but by Season 8 Pinkie had been shown to be crucial to Ponyville's happiness.

The rest of the mane six don't escape without blame though, because they make no effort to help Pinkie at all. They don't think to sign her up for lessons, they just straight up tell her she's bad and should stop playing. Then in the end, the moral suggests you should keep doing something even if you're no good at it and regardless of whether others don't want you to. But the way it's executed ends up making it one of those morals that feels like it's done to block out criticism rather than address it.

Given the title of the episode, it didn't feel right not to include Yona. And considering the Cakes were completely absent from the original episode, it only felt right to bring them into a story that really called for them to be there at least a little. As for Cheese Sandwich, the letter would be a way for Weird Al to reprise the role without needing to come to Vancouver to record. They could just send some of the DHX recording staff to LA (Weird Al voices one of the characters in "Milo Murphy's Law"), have Weird Al record his lines there, and then take the audio back to Vancouver.

Episodes to be rewritten:
~~Bloom and Gloom~~
~~The Times They Are a Changeling~~
~~Discordant Harmony (Bonus Chapter)~~
~~Fake It 'Til You Make It (Bonus Chapter)~~
~~The Parent Tracks Parts 1 and 2 (Two parter of the Parent Map)~~
~~Molt Down~~
~~Marks for Effort~~
~~A Matter of Principals~~
~~Friendship University~~
~~Yakity-Sax~~
The Washouts
A Rockhoof and a Hard Place
Mother Knows Least? (Father Knows Beast)

S8 E20: The Washouts (What If?)

Inside the clubhouse at Sweet Apple Acres, another Cutie Mark Crusaders meeting was drawing to a close. Since Twilight's School of Friendship was currently on break, the founding members had been freed from their duties as friendship counselors and had temporarily taken back control.

Lately though, it seemed like Scootaloo was eager for the meetings to end as soon as possible. "Okay, so in conclusion we currently don't have any cutie mark or friendship problems that need dealing with, right?"

"Uh... I guess." Apple Bloom commented.

Sweetie Belle reluctantly nodded. "Yeah, business has been kind of slow."

"Good!" Scootaloo eagerly declared. "Meeting adjourned! And I volunteer to stay behind to clean up! So you girls go ahead and have a good time, I'll catch up with you later!" And before either Apple Bloom or Sweetie Belle could utter a syllable of protest they were ushered out the door by Scootaloo.

Shutting the clubhouse door behind her, the pegasus filly grinned. "They're gone. Now I can get on with the real reason I came here," She giggled. "Gosh, it kind of feels nice to keep a secret from everypony. Even if this probably wouldn't be much of a secret." The filly proceeded to zip all around the clubhouse, hanging up various posters and flyers depicting ponies clad in black flight suits with green stripes. They seemed to resemble the kind of posters the Wonderbolts often used, but if one looked closely they would see one pony in particular stood out in the ones Scootaloo was hanging up. Though who that pony was no one knew.

When all the posters and flyers had been hung, the tomboyish pegasus proudly put a hoof to the podium as she declared! "Hear ye, hear ye! I'd like to call to order the first ever meeting of the newest and most exciting club – of which I am the president, founding, and only member – the Washouts Fan Club!"

Unknown to Scootaloo, somepony had been watching her from afar. Somepony who was most surprised to learn that her number one fan not only had a secret, but also an entire fan club that she had never talked about before. Although she didn't know it yet, the existence of this new interest for her honorary little sister was going to strain their relationship in a way neither would've expected.

Scootaloo was not alone in the clubhouse for very long. Without even knocking, Rainbow Dash trotted in and pretended she had no clue what lay in store for her. "Oh, hey, Scootaloo. I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd—" She began and then promptly gasped when she saw the posters and flyers. "Oh! What's this? Did I interrupt your little fan club meeting?"

Scootaloo gasped in reply! "Rainbow Dash?! What a... nice surprise," She nervously laughed. "I know what you're thinking but I promise you this is not what it looks like! Nothing to see here! Just a bunch of random flyers and posters. Definitely not a new fan club or anything. Nope, not in a million years."

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Nice try, kid. Do you think I'm stupid? I saw everything!" In what sounded like a hurt tone of voice she added. "The Washouts, huh? When were you gonna tell me about this new 'interest' of yours? You didn't really think I wouldn't find out, did you?"

"Um, if I say yes, would you not be as mad at me?" Scootaloo innocently questioned.

The brash speedster shook her head. "Kid, what did I just get through telling you? You can't lie to me! We both know you're not good at it."

The tomboyish filly sighed. "Okay, fine, you caught me! Yes, I'm a fan of the Washouts. Yes, I'm their only fan at the moment. No, I haven't told anypony else about this. That answer your questions?"

"Sort of," Rainbow commented. "Why are you starting a new fan club? Am I not good enough for you anymore?"

"Don't be silly, you're still plenty good enough for me," Scootaloo protested. "I just think that maybe it's time for me to explore other fan clubs. Know what I'm saying?"

Rainbow gasped. "So you really are replacing me! Just who are 'the Washouts' and what do they have that I don't?"

Scootaloo grinned. "The Washouts are only the newest, and greatest, and only stunt troupe in all of Equestria!"

"Stunt troupe? I don't like the sound of that." Rainbow nervously remarked.

"It's totally awesome!" The eager filly declared. "How can I explain it in a way you'll understand? The Washouts are like the Wonderbolts, just twenty bajillion percent cooler!"

Rainbow gasped anew! "What?! 'Twenty bajillion'?! Now you're even stealing my catchphrases?!"

Scootaloo put her hooves up toward the sky and struck a pose as she boldly finished. "And they do all sorts of extreme stunts that focus on daredevilry and sheer guts rather than boring old flight and formation junk."

A knot formed in the cyan coated mare's stomach upon hearing that, especially since she was a Wonderbolt herself. "'Boring old flight and formation junk'?!"

The tomboyish pegasus turned to face her honorary big sister and seemed to frown. "Are you seriously just repeating everything I say?"

"Only because my brain feels like it's strapped to one of those rockets about to explode." Rainbow muttered.

Scootaloo smiled. "So you do get it! I knew you would! Are they awesome or what?! You should totally go see their show. They're performing in Ponyville tomorrow, and I just happen to have saved up my allowance for some front row seats and a backstage pass after the show. If you ask nicely, I might just let you have them."

"You sure that's a wise choice?" Rainbow asked her number one fan. "What would your aunts say if they found out?"

"Hey, I make a pretty good amount of money just doing my chores. And I've been getting more since I became a friendship counselor," Scootaloo eagerly declared. "I can make back that money in a week. And in this case, it's money well spent. Besides, what my aunts don't know won't hurt 'em. You wouldn't tell them, would you?"

Rainbow gulped. She always hated being put on the spot like this. "I... guess not. It's your money after all. But I'm still not sure what to make of all this. This is all too much too soon!"

"Don't worry. When you see the Washouts in show tomorrow, everything will all make sense!" Scootaloo proudly proclaimed!

Rainbow still couldn't help but feel a sense of betrayal at the revelation, and she did the only thing she could think of short of angrily kicking some clouds. She talked to her friends. "Can you believe it?! After everything I did?! I practically took her under my wing both figuratively and literally, taught her so much and shared so many things with her, and this is how she repays me?!"

"You know she's not a miniature version of you," Pinkie pointed out. "And eavesdropping on meetings is kind of weird."

"Pinkie's right, you know," Twilight was quick to add. "Scootaloo can have multiple hobbies and interests, and they don't all have to be shared by you. There's room for you and the Washouts in her heart."

Starlight remarked. "Just why are you so upset about the Washouts anyways? So they're a traveling stunt pony trope, big deal."

Rainbow groaned. "All their posters and flyers were total ripoffs of the Wonderbolts, like they're trying to compete directly with them. And the way Scootaloo made it sound, she basically said that the Wonderbolts aren't cool! And... And it kinda sounded like she didn't think I was cool either. But, peh, we all know that's crazy!"

Applejack nodded. "Of course we do, because we know Scootaloo well enough to know she ain't gonna start thinkin' less of ya just 'cause she adores a stunt pony troupe now. I'm sure she didn't mean it the way you think she did," And then she added. "It'd be like if Apple Bloom started likin' bananas more than apples. I'd be pretty mad at first, but ever since findin' out my mother was a Pear I'm come to realize the other fruits ain't all bad. They have their uses."

"But don't you get it? If she doesn't think highly of the Wonderbolts even though I'm part of them, then what does that say about what she really thinks of me?" The currently off-duty Wonderbolt complained. "Seriously, what could the Washouts possibly have that I don't?!"

Pinkie grinned. "Well, why don't you find out? You said Scootaloo mentioned they'll be doing a show in Ponyville tomorrow?"

"Yeah. And she wanted to invite me to go backstage with her after the show." Rainbow commented.

"Then why not take her up on the offer? See for yourself what the Washouts are all about," Twilight suggested. "But I'm sure you're making a big deal out of nothing. You can't control everything Scootaloo does, she was bound to develop a hobby you didn't care for sooner or later. And this may not be the last one."

The brash speedster reluctantly sighed. "Fine, I guess I can go to the show with her and see the Washouts in their element. But I won't like it."

The next day came all too soon for poor Rainbow Dash, who took her place next to Scootaloo. As the mare suspected, no family members were accompanying the tomboyish filly who was so excited she could barely sit still.

Meanwhile, Twilight was surprised to see several of her students in attendance. "What are you all doing here?" She innocently inquired.

"Oh, Headmare Twilight," Silverstream greeted. "We're here to watch the show. I've never seen a live stunt show before! It's gonna be so exciting!"

Smolder, meanwhile, shrugged her claws. "Silverstream really wanted to go, and Sandbar mentioned how funny it was that these 'Washouts' look like the Wonderbolts, whatever those are. As for the rest of us, with school out for the next couple of days we've got nothing better to do."

"Yeah, but you gotta admit this is entertainment you don't get in places like Griffonstone," Gallus ribbed Smolder. "Now be quiet, the show's about to start!" And no sooner had the griffon spoken those words then the loudspeakers in the stands crackled to life. Music flooded the entire arena.

Scootaloo buzzed her wings, her excitement mounting by the minute! "Yeeeeeeeaaaahhh! It's happening!"

An energetic voice shouted over the loudspeakers. "This is the time! This is the place! And this is the team! Mares and gentle stallions, colts and fillies of all ages, this is... the Washouts!" The crowd erupted into thunderous applause as a loud boom shook the ground and the Washouts emerged in a shower of confetti!

Pinkie Pie was easily won over by the display. "Mmmm! Quality confetti cannon work. Clearly the work of professionals."

"Whatever. They can look cool all they want, skill is all that really matters." Rainbow remarked under her breath, while Scootaloo continued to cheer alongside the rest of the audience.

The announcer was quick to shout out to the crowd through the loudspeakers. "Say it with me now, folks the Washouts' official motto..."

The audience members who knew the chant all said it at once. "Leap before you look!"

"And remember, ponies," The announcer warned. "While they're amazingly awesome, the Washouts are highly trained professionals in protective fire-proof flight suits! So do NOT try any of what you'll see here at home!"

Almost as if on cue, several massive machines sprang to life! Including one that looked like it could easily crush a pony if they didn't time their flight through it just right! And there were several flaming rings in the arena as well, with what looked like only a small amount of water on hoof to put out any fires if they erupted.

Rainbow became quite concerned as she watched one of the Washouts, a light violet coated one, get dangerously close to the machine that looked like it was about to close shut! They wouldn't actually let one of their own get hurt, would they? The Washouts had to be concerned for their own safety. Who in their right mind wouldn't be? "Come on, come on! Pull out! She's not gonna make it!" The speedster commented in worry, preparing to look away if it all went wrong.

There was a clang as the mare zipped into the machine! The audience gasped in horror for a second, before they saw the mare emerge unharmed. Their gasps were soon replaced by cheers!

Rainbow could hardly believe her eyes. "You don't do just do that! That takes training and guts!" She thought, but out loud she declared. "That... was... insane! Woo-hoo!"

Scootaloo grinned. "See? I told you! You don't see that in the Wonderbolts' shows!"

"W-well yeah, but there's a very good reason for that," Rainbow protested. "And don't go getting any ideas, those are trained professionals. I'm sure they'll tell you the secret when we go backstage later."

After the show had ended, Scootaloo made use of her backstage pass to gain access to the resting area for the Washouts. But all the confidence and bravado she'd had before had vanished. Now she was as anxious as ever. "I can't just go up and talk to them."

"Why not? You're their number one fan and all," Rainbow ribbed Scootaloo. "Besides, one of the reasons there's a Rainbow Dash fan club is because I'm fearless. Observe," She trotted up to the light indigo coated mare who had now taken off her flight suit to reveal a sort of poofy light cornflower blueish-gray and light arctic blueish-gray mane and tail, and eyes the same light cyan shade as Rainbow's coat. Said mare was currently bandaging her leg while drinking water from a bottle. "Hey there," Rainbow greeted, expecting an immediate response. Her reputation as a Wonderbolt was expected to precede her. But when she didn't get a reply right away she nervously added. "Uh, listen. So as a fellow aerobatic professional, I really enjoyed your show. Heh. Actually, you might recognize me since I'm a... pause for dramatic effect... Wonderbolt."

But the mare only laughed, as did a small, stubby, dark orange coated pegasus stallion. Said stallion had a brilliant gold and pale, light grayish-amber coated mane and tail, and light green eyes.

"Ha! Join the club, mate." The light indigo coated pegasus mare spoke up.

"O... kay... Not the reaction I expected." Rainbow nervously commented as Scootaloo let out an excited squee.

The pegasus mare simply replied. "No. I mean, literally. Join the club. You know the reason why we call ourselves 'the Washouts'? It's 'cause we all used to be Wonderbolts just like you. Heh. Until we, you know... 'washed out'."

Rainbow gasped. "No way!"

The pegasus mare sighed. "Yes way, mate. Name's Rolling Thunder. I got booted out of the Wonderbolt Academy because of my 'flagrant disregard for hazardous weather.'," Rolling Thunder scoffed. "But you know what I say? If doing barrel rolls through nine hundred million volts of electricity in a raging thunderstorm is wrong, then I don't wanna be right. The flight suit protected me well enough, got singed on the outside but that's what the tailors are for," Then she turned to the short, stubby pegasus that stood near her. "Oh, and this 'ere's Short Fuse."

Short Fuse smiled. "Ah, nice to meet you."

"So what's your story?" Rainbow asked the stallion. "I think I saw you at the academy about two years back, but you seemed fine to me. Why'd they kick you out?"

Short Fuse loudly shouted! "Anger issues, okay?! Now get off my back!"

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry," Rainbow apologized, before a nagging thought struck her. "So, who's the leader?"

Rolling Thunder smirked. "Who do you think? Only the most reckless ex-Wonderbolt of all time. Ah, 'ere she comes now, mate."

Rainbow gulped. "Y-you don't mean..." But she needn't have asked. For she and Scootaloo both turned around in time to see the only unknown group member land in front of them. The apparent leader took off her helmet, revealing a pegasus mare instantly recognizable to Rainbow Dash! The mare had a light turquoise coat, a brilliant amber mane with brilliant gold stripes, and orangeish-yellow eyes that looked quite bitter and resentful. Rainbow gasped yet again! "Lightning Dust!"

Lightning Dust coldly replied. "Rainbow Dash!"

The two one time partners snarled and glared at each other, appearing to become locked in an artificial staring contest. That was, until Scootaloo innocently broke it up by declaring. "Scootaloo. I'm Scootaloo. Hi."

But Rainbow quickly remarked. "Lightning Dust, I should've known! Of course you'd be the mastermind behind something as crazy as 'the Washouts'. Only your devious brain could've schemed up such a thing. Or should I say 'lack of a brain'?"

Lightning only snarled again. "I still haven't forgotten our last encounter. Thank you ever so much by the way for once again ruining my life."

"Uh, not that I mean to interrupt," Scootaloo commented as she waved a hoof. "But you two actually know each other?! Oh my gosh! This is so cool! I must be dreaming!"

"Hate to break it to you, kid, but your 'friend' over here got me kicked out of the Wonderbolts," Lightning bitterly remarked. "Then because she happened to be pals with the Wonderbolts, she got me disqualified from representing Cloudsdale at the Equestria Games."

Scootaloo's happy mood faded. "Oh. That's... um... not as cool I suppose."

Rainbow remarked with narrowed eyes. "You left out some key details there, Lightning Dust. Like the fact that I saved you from a crash landing at Rainbow Falls. Only now I wish I'd have left you to crash and burn, might have knocked some sense into you!"

"Yeah, I remember how you humiliated me by doing so," Lightning growled. "At least a crash landing would've meant I went out in a blaze of glory. But you know what? Despite all of that, despite the fact that you've twice crushed my dreams, you getting me booted from the Wonderbolts was the best thing that ever happened to me!"

"Oh, is that so? Well I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, but-" The brash speedster began, before she realized what Lightning Dust was saying. "-Wait, what?! Are you for real?!"

Lightning nodded. "Yup. Sure is great to see you again, wingpony! I heard you're a full-fledged Bolt now. Congratulations, and I mean that sincerely."

Rainbow was puzzled by her former wingpony and one time rival's apparent hospitality. Had Lightning really changed for the better? Had she finally turned over a new leaf? Or was she just pretending to act nice like Wind Ryder had, so as to lure her into a false sense of confidence? And any moment now, Lightning was going to try and undermine her former partner. Right? "Yeah, well, I'm still—" Rainbow began.

Lightning simply replied with a smile. "Mad at me? Like I said, despite you twice ruining my dreams of glory, everything's still worked out for the better. Was it wrong of me to endanger the lives of your friends? Yeah. But, hey, now I only get to endanger these two knuckleheads."

Rolling Thunder and Short Fused laughed as Short Fuse was massaging his teammate's back. All the while, Short Fuse gritted his teeth as he muttered. "Don't call me 'Knucklehead'!"

"Working alongside Jet Stream and Alberta Clipper gave me the chance to see that there are plenty of ponies who tried out for the Wonderbolts, only to get kicked out or left off the team," Lightning Dust explained. "So I founded the Washouts as a way to give those unfortunate so and sos a chance to prove all the naysayers wrong," Then she adopted a more friendly tone as she said to Rainbow. "C'mon, you know you miss me. You and I, we blew everypony out of the sky back at the academy. We could've had it made."

"Really? You two were the top of your class? Rainbow never mentioned that before," Scootaloo commented and then turned to Rainbow Dash. "Is there anything else you've been keeping secret from me?"

"You didn't ask for specifics, squirt." Rainbow defended.

Meanwhile, Lightning was fondly recalling her time at the academy. "Those academy days sure were something, weren't they? All that wind was totally dangerous, but we still had fun, right? Two fastest times on the Dizzitron!"

Rainbow couldn't resist a chance to gloat. "If I remember correctly, I had you beat by half a second."

Lightning was quick to gloat back. "Only because when I went, I cranked up the dizziness factor. Spitfire said she admired a pony who likes to push herself."

"She also said there's a difference between pushing yourself to improve and pushing yourself just to show off, or something like that," Rainbow declared. "All the same, I'm glad you at least seem to be doing okay now. I gotta hoof it to you, your show was pretty dynamite. Scootaloo here was especially impressed."

Lightning smiled. "Always nice to meet a new fan," And then she whispered to the filly. "Wanna know the secret to our success? We basically ignore everything the Wonderbolts ever taught us about safety."

Rainbow narrowed her eyes. "Well, we do have safety rules for a reason, you know. It's not because we're buzzkills, though I doubt a pony like you would understand, Lightning Dust."

Lightning scoffed at Rainbow's remark. "Oh please, spare me your 'goodie goodie two horseshoes' nonsense. It never did me any good," And she told Scootaloo. "Don't listen to her, kid. All their 'rules' were really just ways of keeping their little club exclusive so they could feel good about themselves. They like to act all important, but the truth is they're little more than fully grown adults playing filly guides. Sometimes, following the rules means you finish last."

Rainbow pulled Scootaloo closer to her. "You're the one who doesn't get it, Lightning. It's not about making anypony feel bad. It's about finding the best flyers. The best of the best."

"Oh yeah? Well the reason I started the Washouts is because I believe anypony can be the best of the best no matter what. Something the Wonderbolts would consider alien," Lightning retorted to her former wingpony. Then she smirked as an idea came to her mind. "You know, Rolling Thunder is gonna be out for a while. Nothing serious but she's not gonna in performing condition anytime soon."

Rolling Thunder sighed as she went back to bandaging her leg. "Ah, it's true. I'm afraid that during the finale, I caught the old hind leg in the Crushinator Jaws of Smashalot! Patent pending. Hurt like you wouldn't believe."

"There's now a spot on the team if you wanna join up." Lightning suggested.

Rainbow quickly answered. "I appreciate the offer, but I'm already a Wonderbolt. So thanks but no thanks."

However, Scootaloo started jumping up and down as she shouted! "Ooh! Ooh! I'll do it! Can I do it?!"

Rainbow glanced down at her number one fan and quickly told her. "Uh, lemme think. No!"

"I wasn't talking to you!" Lightning snapped.

"Doesn't matter, you're not recruiting the kid into your little stunt pony troupe!" Rainbow firmly protested. "She's too young, and I'm pretty sure her folks wouldn't want her doing dangerous stunts she's never even practiced before."

Scootaloo was quick to add. "I don't need your permission, Rainbow Dash! I can make my own decisions!"

Lightning seemed to coo in reply. "Awww, you're cute. I'd love to let you join, really. But technically, you haven't washed out of or flunked out of the Bolts yet, which is kinda our thing."

"Well, what if I joined them and then dropped out really quick?" Scootaloo suggested. "Could I have a spot on the team then?"

Lightning grinned. "You bet! But be quick about it. I've got another show to perform today and we'll need time to go over your routine."

At that, the brash speedster quickly rushed in and scooped up the tomboyish filly. "That does it! You're coming with me, kid!"

"Where are we going?" The filly asked.

Rainbow sternly answered. "To hear what the actual Wonderbolts think about you joining just to drop out for the Washouts! If you won't listen to me, maybe you'll at least listen to them!"

Lightning watched as the two flew off. Just as she'd planned, the spark of an idea was already in Scootaloo's head. Now it just needed time to linger and grow, until it was all she could think about. Of course, all she said out loud was a call to Rainbow Dash. "Say hi to Spitfire for me!"

The two pegasi flew right up to the Wonderbolts Academy grounds. As was always the case, several of the bolts were practicing their routines. Rainbow was quite intrigued by the performance as she always was, but Scootaloo seemed rather bored. She even yawned.

"Hey, come on! You love watching these guys!" Rainbow retorted and gestured a hoof. "Ever seen two simultaneous inverse displacement rolls before? Betcha you haven't."

Scootaloo rolled her eyes and scoffed. "Would've been a lot cooler if you had the Crushinator Jaws of Smashalot, patent pending. Can we go now? I just wanted to join so I could drop out."

Rainbow found herself speechless once again. "You... What?! Have you lost your mind?!" And then turned to Spitfire. "See, Captain? It's just like I told you. The kid's obsessed with the Washouts, like somehow they're better than the Wonderbolts."

Spitfire adjusted her sunglasses. "I've seen this happen too many times. Kid gets a new hobby and suddenly the old one looks like trash. No worries though, I'll straighten her out for you," And she approached Scootaloo. "So, kid. Heard you're looking to join the Washouts."

Scootaloo nodded. "Yes, Spitfire. But first I need to wash out of the Wonderbolts, can you help with me that?"

Spitfire glared. "I can help you with a lot more than that. Brace yourself, kid. You're about to get some sense knocked into you," She cleared her throat. "Let me ask you something: You wanna know what happens whenever something goes wrong with the Crushinator Jaws of Smashalot?"

"Don't forget the patent pending part." Rainbow whispered.

"You end up in a full body wing-and-hoof cast drinkin' through a straw!" Spitfire bellowed. "I've seen it happen to so many kids your age who were so full of potential."

Scootaloo gulped. "But with enough practice—"

The captain just retorted. "Practice?! Well, la-dee-doodle-dah! Let me make one thing perfectly clear, you're not joining the Wonderbolts just so you can wash out of 'em and join the Washouts! You're too young to be anything other than a mascot, and if the Washouts care about their reputation they'll know better than to recruit a filly," Then she cleared her throat. "But maybe you'll get in anyway. After all, I'm not your mother. So let me give you a different scenario. See if that scares you. Right now you're properly thinking to yourself 'I'm young. I'm strong. I'm gonna go out there and stunt some tricks with my new friend Lightning Dust!' Well, I'm here to tell ya that if ya play that game, you're gonna find out that it's pretty hard to 'stunt tricks' when you're in a FULL BODY WING-AND-HOOF CAST DRINKIN' THROUGH A STRAW!"

Rainbow, sensing Spitfire was getting into another one of her infamous third degree lectures, tried to intervene. "Okay, Captain. I think she gets the poi—"

But Spitfire only interrupted. "I'M NOT FINISHED! SO DON'T INTERRUPT ME!" And then she turned back to Scootaloo. "Listen and listen good. I get it, kid. I used to be just like you, tellin' myself, 'I'm gonna touch the sky!'"

Scootaloo gulped. "But I don't-"

Spitfire cut the filly off, glaring at her. "Well, whoop-dee-DOODLE-DOO! You think you got it made in the shade?" She briefly took off her sunglasses as she picked up the filly and lifted her into the air. "Well, things are gonna be pretty shady indeed when you can't go out in the sun, 'cause you're in a FULL BODY WING-AND-HOOF CAST DRINKIN' THROUGH A STRAW! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!"

All Scootaloo could do was shake her head and reply. "Uh-huh..."

"Excellent," Spitfire smiled as she gently lowered Scootaloo to the ground. "Glad we understand each other. Here, have a hat, kid. And the next time you see Lightning Dust, tell her she needs to look before she leaps. One of these days, she's gonna get herself hurt, and that's if she's lucky."

Spitfire wasn't the only Wonderbolt who happened to be around when Rainbow Dash explained what Scootaloo was trying to do. Soarin also happened to be on the academy grounds, and he watched as Spitfire placed a Wonderbolts hat on Scootaloo's forehead.

The Wonderbolts co-captain came upon the scene a moment later, chuckling a little. "Looks like Spitfire really chewed you out, huh?"

"Let me guess, you're gonna lecture me about how wrong it is to join the Washouts too," Scootaloo rolled her eyes. "My ears are still ringing from Spitfire's lecture."

"Me? Lecture? Oh no no no, that's not my style," Soarin lightly retorted. "Still, Spitfire has a point. What the Washouts do is very dangerous, even moreso than what we Wonderbolts do."

"So what? Nopony ever really gets hurt. Well, except for Rolling Thunder but the worst she did was sprain a leg." Scootaloo somewhat nervously replied.

Soarin only shook his head. "Trust me. Even the pros mess up sometimes, and when we mess up we're lucky if the worst that happens is a hard landing and a few bruises. Rolling Thunder's lucky to be alive if you ask me."

Rainbow snickered. "And she's also lucky she didn't end up in a full body wing and hoof cast drinkin' through a straw."

"Yeah, I was just about to say that," Soarin snickered in reply and then he turned back to Scootaloo. "Listen, I know I'm not any sort of parent or guardian to you, so I can't decide what you choose to do with your life. But even with practice, even with proper training, accidents can still happen. And for a group like the Washouts that don't care about their own safety, if something goes wrong it really goes wrong. So think long and hard before you decide to join the Washouts. I'd hate to see one of our most promising fans have her potential ended in a freak accident."

Rainbow nodded. "Couldn't have put it better myself, Soarin. Thank you."

Soarin gave a salute. "Anytime. Now I'd better get back to practicing before Spitfire gives me a lecture." And with a flap of his wings he took off.

"So do you understand now, Scootaloo?" Rainbow asked her honorary little sister. "I just wanna make sure you don't get hurt. That way, you can follow in my hoofsteps."

Scootaloo mumbled. "More like 'follow your wingflaps'."

"Same difference," Rainbow replied. "Besides, if you joined the Washouts anyway your folks and your aunts would chew me out for letting it happen. It took a lot to earn their trust, and I'd hate for them to think it was misplaced.

The tomboyish filly just groaned. "Gee, thanks a lot for caring about me."

"Hey, it's just like when I found out you'd stayed out all night at the park," Rainbow retorted. "After that incident, I knew I had to start taking a more active role in your well being. It's what big sisters do," Setting the filly down on the ground she replied. "Now, I'll leave you to think about what you were just told. And then when you've come to your senses, we can get rid of all your Washouts stuff and throw it off a cliff."

Scootaloo didn't answer. Her honorary big sister took that as a sign that all was well.

Sometime later, Rainbow Dash came back expecting to see Scootaloo waiting outside, with all her Washouts merchandise ready to be thrown out and discarded. However, there was not a trace of the filly anywhere. She'd already vanished.

"Oh no, she better not have!" Rainbow firmly declared and took off. "Anypony seen Scootalo—" She called out. But she forgot to watch where she was going and bumped straight into Twilight. "My fault! My fault!" She apologized, before she noticed Twilight holding what appeared to be a Washouts poster. "Twilight?"

Twilight blushed, opting to quickly hide the poster behind her back. "Sorry. I was just... um..."

The cyan coated speedster pleaded. "Please tell me you got that stuff so you could rip it up and throw it off a cliff."

But Twilight shook her head. "I'm sorry. They were doing an autograph session before practice. I couldn't resist."

"Seriously?! You've gotta be kidding me!" The brash speedster complained and groaned, before she sighed. "Whatever, I can worry about that later. You haven't seen Scoot, have you? Please tell me she's with you."

The alicorn gulped. "She isn't. And... while I don't know where she is, there's somepony who does. And said somepony happens to be with me."

Trotting out from behind Twilight's wings was a familiar pink coated filly with an easily recognizable, distinctive headgear. "If you're looking for Scootaloo, I saw her heading towards the arena a short while ago," Diamond Tiara answered. "Said something about the Washouts. Not really sure why she's so in love with them at the moment, she already does a lot of crazy stunts as it is. I should know, I've got the bruises from her scooter camp to prove it."

Rainbow gulped. "That's what I was afraid of!" And she took off with a flap of her wings.

Twilight followed, but not before smiling at Diamond Tiara. "Thank you, you've been a big help."

"Just doing my job as a friend. Sometimes it pays to know the right things." Diamond answered, then watched as Twilight flapped her wings and flew off to join Rainbow Dash.

As Rainbow and Twilight flew above the skies and headed towards the track to find Scootaloo, Rainbow was still fuming. "I can't believe Scootaloo actually ditched me to go watch them practice! Why can't she see how dangerous they are?! Why can't she realize she could get hurt?!"

"She's still young, she doesn't always have the kind of hindsight we have as adults," Twilight explained. "Besides, to her I think that danger is part of the appeal. It's exciting."

"That's not the point, Twilight!" Rainbow complained. "I did a lot of dumb and dangerous things when I was Scoot's age, many of them I regret. I don't want her to make the same mistakes if I can help it. But it feels like the harder I try to convince Scoot they're dangerous, the more she seems to likes them and the less she seems to like me!"

Twilight sagely replied. "But you can't control her actions. Only yours. All you can do is teach her what's safe and what isn't, like a good role model should. Then you just have to hope she makes the right decisions."

The brash speedster groaned. "But what if she chooses them over me? She's gonna get hurt!"

Twilight couldn't help but comment. "Yeah? Well I think I know somepony else who might get hurt if that happens."

Rainbow paused briefly, considering what Twilight had mentioned. "Maybe you're right, maybe I'm making such a big deal out of this because I'm the one she used to look up so much," After a moment's contemplation she replied. "But this isn't about me anymore! I'm just worried about Scoot."

"Well, there's not much you can do." Twilight protested.

"Maybe not," Rainbow realized. "But I know someponies who at least deserve to know about this. If Scootaloo won't listen to me, or the Wonderbolts, then maybe she'll listen to them!"

Sometime later, Rainbow Dash and Twilight arrived at the arena the Washouts were currently using to practice for their next show. Rolling Thunder still had a gauze wrapped around her back right leg, while Short Fuse was about to enjoy a sandwich.

Lightning Dust, meanwhile, was hard at work on a new stunt for the next show. Short Fuse seemed to be impressed. "Wow. You're really workin' hard on this new stunt, boss," He commented and then bit into his sandwich. He spat it out a moment later and bellowed! "What kind of sorry excuse for a tomato sandwich is this?! I deserve better!" And he threw it on the ground in dramatic fanfare.

Lightning Dust seemed to smirk as she saw Rainbow Dash slowly approaching. "Hey, ex-wingpony. How's it going? Here for autographs? Sorry to break it to you, but the autograph session's over. Unless you wanna buy Short Fuse's limited edition half-eaten tomato sandwich."

Short Fuse was quick to shout. "I'm not signing that thing! Sign it yourself!"

Rolling Thunder giggled. "Easy on the temper there, Short Fuse. You're gonna scare our newest member away before she's had a chance to show off her skills."

Rainbow just sighed. "Lightning Dust, I need your help. You haven't seen Scootaloo anywhere around here, have you?"

Lightning smirked anew. "Ohhhh, isn't she that little pony that used to respect you? Used to consider you her big sister?"

Rainbow growled. "Lightning Dust..." She struggled to regain her composure. "Look, I'd really appreciate you helping me find her so I could apologize for trying to make her quit liking you. You can rub it in all you want later."

Lightning only laughed. "Oh, not to worry. The kid's fine. And I'm pretty sure she still likes us. See for yourself!" She and the other Washouts parted ways, revealing Scootaloo clad in the black flight suit with green stripes and matching helmet that belonged to the Washouts.

Rainbow gasped! "Scootaloo, how could you?!" Then she turned to Lightning Dust. "Lightning Dust, I know we go way back, but I can't let her do this! Leave the kid out of your silly grudge! If you've got a problem with me, say it to my face!"

Lightning only flipped her mane with a hoof. "Honestly, Dash, why do you assume everything has to be a contest between us? And then you wonder why the kid's not so fond of you anymore."

Scootaloo retorted to Rainbow Dash. "I don't need you standing up for me, you know! So stay out of this!"

The elder pegasus was quick to reply. "You're in over your head, kid! You can't seem to see how dangerous this stuff is! Do you not remember what Spitfire said?"

Scootaloo rolled her eyes. "Ugh. Lemme guess," And she threw her voice to sound like Spitfire. "You'll be in a full-body wing-and-hoof cast DRINKIN' THROUGH A STRAW! Sound about right?"

"Not even close, that didn't even sound like Spitfire," Rainbow remarked as Scootaloo only laughed. "That's it! We're leaving! This madness ends now!"

"Sorry, but I'm not going anywhere!" Scootaloo retorted as she swatted away Rainbow's hoof. "I can't believe Diamond Tiara told you about what I was doing! Some friend she turned out to be!"

Diamond Tiara (who'd accompanied Twilight and Rainbow Dash but had so far stayed out of sight) stepped forward and growled. "So I'm a bad friend because I don't wanna see you get so badly hurt I won't even recognize you?! You've had some crazy ideas in the past, Scootaloo, but this time you've really done it! Do you honestly think this is what you wanna do with your life?! Throw it all away doing reckless stunts for a few seconds of glory?! Some life!"

"You should listen to your friend, squirt," Rainbow pleaded. "Don't you want to someday be an awesome flyer like me?"

Scootaloo shook her head. "You know, just because I may look up to you doesn't mean that I have to be you! But based on your definition of what makes somepony great, I have bad news for you," With tears welling up in her eyes she confessed. "I'll never be the best of the best or a Wonderbolt! Because I! Can't! Fly! Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Rainbow, Twilight, and Diamond all gasped at the same time! The news came as quite a shock to them!

"Scootaloo, you know we already talked about this with your mom," Rainbow protested. "There's nothing wrong with your wings. Maybe you'll fly someday, and maybe you won't. You're awesome either way."

But the tomboyish filly protested. "I let myself believe that. But now I see I was just blind to what was right in front of me! Diamond Tiara was right, I should've been flying long ago! But my wings can barely even keep me afloat! If I haven't been able to fly by now, what hope is there that I'll ever manage to pull it off?! And don't tell me that I could look into magic spells, transplants, or artificial wings. None of those options will work. And it won't mean the same if I have to use something else to pull off what should be natural for a pegasus like me! Besides, all the grown-ups say that transplant surgery or artificial wings are too expensive, and magic spells are too risky."

"So, maybe you're just a late bloomer," Rainbow insisted. "Fluttershy could barely fly at all when she was at flight camp, and she was one of the oldest pegasi there. Yet look how well she flies now."

"Her problem was that she was too shy to fly without the proper motivation! I've got all the motivation I could ever need and it's still not enough!" Scootaloo remarked, by now the tears were flowing without end. "All my life I've been living a lie, and everypony was in on it! Now, for the first time, I'm beginning to see clearly! Not being able to fly doesn't mean I can't still do something awesome though! Like strapping my scooter to a multi-stage liquid-fueled rocket and jumping twenty-two wagons lined up in front of a roaring crowd!"

Twilight nervously commented. "That was awfully specific."

Lightning Dust grinned. "Because that's what she's going to be doing in the show tonight. Yes, that's right, you're looking at the newest and youngest member of the Washouts," Then she used her wing to offer some tickets. "We're having a sale, half off for all princesses! Be sure to bring your friends and students! I want a packed stadium when Scootaloo makes her debut."

Twilight glanced at the pegasus mare. "Are you trying to pay me so I'll look the other way? You do know Scootaloo hasn't any had stunt training at all, right?"

"What do you think she's been doing since she came here?" Lightning replied with a smirk. "I even gave her the chance to back out and she already said no."

"Really?" Twilight questioned as she turned to Scootaloo. "Scootaloo, are you sure that's what you really wanna do with your life?"

Scootaloo nodded. "Absolutely," And she turned to Rainbow Dash. "And there's nothing you can do to stop me!"

Rainbow was silent but for a moment, before her face seemed to morph into something of a smile as she declared. "You're right, Scoot. I can't... but I know someponies who can. Someponies who I bet you didn't even consult before you decided to join this stunt pony troupe."

All the confidence and resentment Scootaloo had previously had faded. A nervous gulp could be heard as the filly questioned. "Y-you don't mean..."

"-I do," Rainbow declared with a grin. "They'll be here any minute."

As if on cue, two very recognizable mares came trotting up on the scene. One was an earth pony mare of medium build, her coat was a beautiful green in color and it neatly complimented her blonde mane and tail that had been styled up all nice and pretty. Her red eyes matched her cutie mark of a red ribbon perfectly, and she wore a lovely orange scarf around her neck. The other was a sturdy pegasus mare. Her coat was a lovely cream yellow, not unlike Bon-Bon's. She had a wavy mane and tail in alternate shades of pink and purple, purple eyes, and a cutie mark depicting two purple puffs and two pink balls of yarn. She wore a lovely purple scarf.

"Aunt Holiday?! Auntie Lofty?!" Scootaloo gasped.

The earth pony mare nodded, commenting in a chipper tone of voice. "Indeed it is. Now what's all this we're hearing about our favorite niece joining a group of stunt ponies?"

"It's not your business, Aunt Holiday," Scootaloo retorted. "My decision's been made."

Aunt Holiday just shook her head. "Oh dear, Lofty. It seems our niece is in worse shape than we thought."

Auntie Lofty grinned. "Well, dear, that's why we're here isn't it? To try and talk some sense into her?"

Holiday nodded. "I should say so," Then she turned to Scootaloo. "If this is about your wings, we never wanted you to think that the alternatives wouldn't work. We could easily talk with your parents and arrange for wing transplant surgery, or we could find a worthy pony to build you some artificial wings. But they'll come with drawbacks, as would any magic spell."

Lofty added. "And there's more to pegasi than flying. Haven't I taught you that over a dozen times already, slugger?"

Scootaloo gulped as a wave of guilt washed over her. "You did," She tried to save face by retorting. "It's just, I really want to do something that defines me as something other than Rainbow Dash's honorary little sister. Being a Wonderbolt meant everything to me, but when I started thinking I couldn't fly I realized that dream might not happen."

"Whoever says you have to fly to be a Wonderbolt?" Lofty retorted. "There are plenty of positions that don't involving any kind of flying. And by the time you're old enough to try out for the Wonderbolts it wouldn't surprise me if Rainbow Dash ends up being their next captain. You know she would move mountains for you if she had to. I could easily see her pulling some strings and getting you a job where you can work alongside her everyday, and you won't have to worry about flying at all."

Holiday chimed in. "And you already do so many things that Rainbow Dash never did when she was your age. You're a Cutie Mark Crusader, and a darn good one at that! You've been on so many adventures and seen so many places that nopony your age has ever seen before. And don't forget about carrying the flag for Ponyville at the Equestria Games."

Lofty smiled. "Now, if you really want to join the Washouts, maybe we can work something out with Captain Lightning Dust. But you're not getting in until you've had the same level of training as the professionals."

"You took the words right out of my mouth, my darling Lofty," Holiday declared. "We'll still support you no matter what you decide, Scootaloo. But that doesn't mean we'll just let you do something reckless. Celestia knows the things you do give your Auntie Lofty and I reason to worry as it is."

"And no matter what, you need to understand that just because somepony close to you is hard on you, doesn't mean they don't care about," Lofty concluded. "It's because we love you that we do the things we do. Do you understand?"

Scootaloo reluctantly sighed. "Yes, I do," The tears started to trickle down her face once again. "Thanks Aunt Holiday and Auntie Lofty. I don't know what I'd do without you!"

"Hey, don't mention it, slugger." Auntie Lofty smiled.

Aunt Holiday, meanwhile, cleared her throat. "Now, I believe you have something you need to tell Lightning Dust."

Lightning Dust didn't take the news of Scootaloo's decision to back out and drop out of the Washouts very well. "I can't believe this! After everything I did for you! I even tricked out your scooter specifically for your stunt," She complained. "But if I'd known you were gonna bail on me, then I would've done the trick myself!"

Rainbow Dash couldn't help but smirk as she noticed something Lightning Dust wasn't aware of just yet. "Good. Then you probably won't mind how that rope's about to coil around your hoof. Or how it's attached to that scooter strapped to that rocket, which is about to propel said scooter down the ramp and over the flaming wagons."

"What are you talking abou-" Lightning Dust commented, before looking down at her hooves. She was just in time to see the rope tighten. The scooter took off with a roar, dragging Lightning Dust along for its journey! The last thing the mare could be heard shouting was. "RIVALS FOR LIIIIIFE!" A few seconds later, the scooter crashed and Short Fuse rushed to put out the flaming wreckage. As for Lightning Dust, she'd managed to free herself from the rope but the momentum was too great for her and she was launched into the air, disappearing with a twinkle.

Rainbow simply laughed. "Wouldn't have it any other way, Lightning Dust. 'Leap before you look' indeed."

"Bet you're glad you didn't go through with that stunt after all. Huh, slugger?" Auntie Lofty commented. "That could've been you that went flying into the air just then."

"And something tells me that's not how you'd want to achieve your dream of flying." Aunt Holiday added.

Scootaloo blushed, massaging the back of her neck with a hoof. "Y-yeah, guess I was lucky to have two awesome aunts and an awesome big sister watching out for me," Then she turned to Rainbow Dash. "I'm sorry for joining the Washouts. Lightning Dust wasn't who I thought she was. She didn't care about me being scared or putting me in danger. She only wanted a good show, even if it meant I got hurt. And I think she also wanted to use me to hurt you. That's not the kind of pony I wanna look up to."

Rainbow simply replied. "I'm the one who should be apologizing, Scootaloo. I wasn't acting like somepony who deserves to have a fan club. I've been lucky enough to have somepony who thinks I'm the coolest there is. But there's nothing cool about making you feel like you'll never be as awesome as me, because you should never feel like you have to live in my shadow. You're you, not me. And you should be free to live your life that way," Then with a smile she suggested. "You know, I think we should cancel the Washouts Fan Club. Something tells me they're not going to be around for much longer after words get out their captain tried to recruit an inexperienced filly. Besides, I know a fan club that could use some new members."

"You're talking about the Rainbow Dash fan club, right?!" Scootaloo eagerly asked.

Rainbow shook her head. "Not quite. It's a club that hasn't existed before but should've long ago. A club for the most awesome little filly I've ever met! And I'll give you three guesses as to who it is."

"I don't suppose there's any chance we could join that new fanclub, could we?" A familiar female voice called out. And then who should come trotting up on the scene but a familiar pegasus mare with an amber coat? She sported a loosely curly pink mane, and a tail that was just as curly and was pink with pale raspberry highlights. She had amber eyes and a cutie mark depicting three tornadoes. Accompanying her was a stallion who looked almost completely identical to Scootaloo, except his eyes and coat were a slightly darker color compared to her eyes and coat. His cutie mark was a hockey puck surrounded by a flaming wing.

Scootaloo spun around! Could it really be?! She blinked and rubbed her eyes. No, she wasn't seeing things. It was her parents: Her mom, Dizzy Twister, and her father, Quick Shot. "Mom?! Dad?! What are you two doing here?! I thought you were away at work?"

Dizzy Twister smiled. "Oh we were, but since everypony was so eager to see the Washouts here in Ponyville, the weather factory manager closed up shop early. Sorry we couldn't be here earlier."

"But it looks like your aunts had everything under control," Quick Shot added and looked across to Aunt Holiday. "Thanks for keeping an eye on her, sis. Looks like I owe you once again."

Holiday blushed and waved a hoof. "Oh it was nothing, really. Looking after this sweet little angel is reward enough."

Meanwhile, Lofty suggested. "But if there's going to be a fanclub for our favorite niece, you can count us in!"

Rainbow Dash smiled. "Excellent! The more the merrier!"

A short time later, as Scootaloo was looking on from outside, Rainbow Dash had decorated the clubhouse at Sweet Apple Acres. And several ponies big and small had gathered inside it, including not only Scootaloo parents and aunts, but also Rainbow Dash's parents: Bow Hothoof and Windy Whistles (who of course longed for a chance to show their support for the filly had become like a second daughter to them). Not to mention her fellow Cutie Mark Crusaders, Diamond Tiara, and even Cheerilee.

Rainbow Dash cleared her throat, calling the meeting to order. "Welcome one and all to the first ever meeting of the newest fan club for the awesomest, previously under-appreciated pony in Ponyville! With founding member and president Rainbow Dash presiding, it's the... Scootaloo Fan Club!" She pointed to a poster of Scootaloo that hung above the podium.

The gathered fan ponies all clapped and cheered.

"Yeah! I knew you'd say that," Rainbow eagerly declared. "Now let's start discussing just what it is about Scootaloo that makes her so awesome and unique."

Meanwhile, Scootaloo (who was being held by Twilight) just commented. "You know, Rainbow Dash was right. Eavesdropping on your own fan club isn't all that weird. Thanks for helping me to see it, Twilight."

Twilight just smiled. "It's my pleasure, Scootaloo. And I hope now you understand that you are appreciated. So whenever you feel lost and alone, just think of all the ponies who know you and care about you, and you won't feel so lost and alone anymore."

"Believe me, Twilight. I know that now more than I ever did before." Scootaloo declared.

Author's Note

First and foremost, for those who've just joined in this volume, I had already previously included Lightning Dust in my rewrite of "Rainbow Falls" which can be found here. In fact it was because of that rewrite that I knew I had to cover this episode in this rewrite volume.

A lot of people complain about how Lightning Dust is revealed as the villain late into the episode, whereas up to that point it was more ambigious. And they say it was done solely to make Rainbow Dash right. I'll admit that prior to "The Washouts" I was willing to play devil's advocate for Lightning Dust, and I still believe that what I said of her behavior in "Wonderbolts Academy" rings true and that she deserved another chance.

But those who complain about her being the villain in this episode ignore the fact that she wasn't exactly being subtle in her motivations. She made it clear from the get go that she blames Rainbow Dash for getting her kicked out of the Wonderbolts, meaning Lightning Dust thinks she did nothing wrong even after she endangered civilian lives because she wanted to show off. She also recruits Scootaloo into the Washouts knowing full well the filly hasn't had any stunt training, arguably tries to bribe Twilight with tickets (since Twilight could rat Lightning Dust out for child endangerment), and clearly delights in driving a wedge between Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash. If anything, Scootaloo should be blamed for not noticing the obvious warning signs. Especially when Lightning Dust admits she disregards all the safety rules the Wonderbolts follow and thinks that they're just there so the bolts can control who gets in and stays in.

Admittedly, parts of the episode at the beginning and the middle are spent on Rainbow Dash being self-centered and egotistical. And while they're trying to play it up for the sake of comedy and drama, it can make it hard to sympathize with her.

And while the episode doesn't outright say Scootaloo will never fly, it seems to more or less confirm her disability that Lauren Faust said she wanted Scootaloo to have. Whereas in "Flight to the Finish" they left it vague as to whether that was the case. Though as you can see from this rewrite and some of my other Scootaloo works, I still think they have ways of making Scootaloo fly if they really want to.

On the subject of Aunt Holiday and Auntie Lofty, they are from the Ponyville Mysteries chapter books (first introduced in book three: Riddle of the Rusty Horseshoe) and were given show canon designs in the third IDW comic of the same name (though the comics have no actual connections to the books). Their designs can be seen here:

And yes, when they are introduced Holiday is shown to kiss Lofty on the forehead and call her "dear". However, I do not wanna get into the subject of homosexual couples in children's media, and I encourage you all to be civil about it regardless of whether you support it or not. I already included them in a previous rewrite (more specifically my rewrite of "Secrets and Pies"), so it's not rewriting canon to promote an agenda.

As for Dizzy Twister and Quick Shot, they are my headcanon Scootaparents. Dizzy Twister is a somewhat popular background pegasus, and Quick Shot is technically an earth pony we see briefly at the end of "Tanks for the Memories" but since we never see pegasus hockey players I like to imagine that they would keep their wings tucked into their jackets. Both to protect their wings from the extreme cold and so as to not have an unfair advantage (wings could be used to block shots you couldn't block with hooves, wings being outward could also leave them vulnerable to injury from hockey sticks, hockey pucks, and collisions with other players).

Episodes to be rewritten:
~~Bloom and Gloom~~
~~The Times They Are a Changeling~~
~~Discordant Harmony (Bonus Chapter)~~
~~Fake It 'Til You Make It (Bonus Chapter)~~
~~The Parent Tracks Parts 1 and 2 (Two parter of the Parent Map)~~
~~Molt Down~~
~~Marks for Effort~~
~~A Matter of Principals~~
~~Friendship University~~
~~Yakity-Sax~~
~~The Washouts~~
A Rockhoof and a Hard Place
Mother Knows Least? (Father Knows Beast)

S8 E24: Mother Knows Least? (Father Knows Beast What If?)

Although it had been several weeks since Spike had gotten his wings (and grown in size), Twilight still decided that now was as good a time as any to teach him about flying. After all, he'd managed pretty well with Rainbow Dash's lessons, and Rainbow Dash was the one who had taught Twilight everything there was to know about flying.

Twilight was currently cheering Spike on, encouraging him! "Woo-hoo-hoo! That's the spirit!"

Spike struggled to land in the same fashion Twilight had just done, but somehow he managed even though his wings worked against him. "Whoa! Ta-da! Nothing to it!" He boasted.

Twilight clapped her hooves together. "Your flying skills are coming along nicely. So I think you're ready for some of the heavier stuff."

"Lay it on me, I'm ready!" Spike proudly declared.

Twilight smiled. "Okay, Spike. Now let's try a flip. Remember – two flaps, then straight up!"

Spike nodded. "Got it! Now watch this!" He did just as Twilight had instructed, he flapped his wings twice and then flew straight upwards. But that was when the trouble began. His wings didn't seem to want to work properly. He veered off course and crash landed in a nearby pond. He sighed, glad to be unharmed.

"Okay. You had a slight setback, but that's okay. Let's try again." Twilight encouraged the dragon.

Spike did his best. But it seemed like no matter what he did or how much he tried to follow Twilight's instructions, his wings refused to obey. He constantly either veered off course, flipped upside down, or thudded onto the ground. And each time he would pick himself up and dust himself off, groaning the whole time.

Twilight, of course, remained optimistic the entire time. "You're doing great, Spike. Now let's see the big finish! You can do it, my son! I believe in you!"

The dragon gulped and then sighed. "O-okay, here goes," He took to the skies with a flap of his wings. It didn't take long for them to act up again. "Oh no! Whoa-oa-oa-oa!" He screamed and plummeted to the ground, creating a massive tunnel. It took him a while to stand up after that. "I'm gonna feel that in the morning," He groaned. "I don't know about 'big', but I am definitely finished. Stupid wings."

"It's not your fault, Spike. You'll get the hang of it eventually," Twilight encouraged. "Although, perhaps I should ask Rainbow Dash for help? Maybe I'm doing something wrong."

Spike shook his head. "No way! I've had enough of flying boot camp for one life time, thank you very much!"

"Oh come on, I took the classes with you!" Twilight protested.

Spike only remarked. "Doesn't mean I appreciated being worked so hard it felt like my wings were gonna fall off. Maybe that's how it worked for you when you were learning how to fly, but I prefer a calmer approach," Then he added. "Besides, if I'm gonna mess up, I'd rather do it in front of you. I know you won't laugh too hard, you're my mother after all," A sigh then escaped his lips. "I just don't understand why none of your advice is helping anymore."

Smolder (who'd been observing the whole thing from afar) commented to Spike. "Because she's teaching you to fly like a pony instead of a dragon."

"What's the difference?" Spike asked.

"Well, we don't have feathers, for starters," Smolder explained. "I think it's best if I took over the lessons from here."

Spike shot his fellow dragon a confused look. "I thought you told Twilight you didn't remember your flight lessons."

Smolder nodded her head. "I didn't. So I wrote to Princess Ember for advice. And since she's not here, I'm the next best example. Come on! I'll show you how dragons are supposed to fly!"

Spike followed Smolder as the orange scaled dragon flapped her wings. It took him a while, but soon he was able to imitate her flying methods and was soaring with the greatest of ease. "Ye-he-he-hes! Now this is more like it!" He landed a short time later, giving Smolder a claw bump as a gesture of thanks. "Wow! Thank you so much, Smolder!"

Smolder shrugged her claws. "Honestly, this is Dragon 101. Usually, dragon parents teach this stuff. It's only natural Headmare Twilight would think pony wings and dragon wings work the same way though. On the surface that would be the case, but if you look closely you find there's a few key differences."

Twilight seemed to take that off the cuff remark to heart, for sometime later she was checking up on Spike in his bedroom. She knocked on his bedroom door and when she didn't get an answer, she decided to enter anyways. "Spike, I've been thinking about our flying lessons." She commented.

Spike appeared to be too absorbed in whatever he was currently doing to take any notice, so he just commented. "Uh-huh..."

Twilight then added in what could've sounded like a guilty plea. "I can't believe that I overlooked something as simple as feathers. It's no wonder you were having trouble. Oh, I wish I had more 'dragonish' knowledge to give you, my son," Then an awful thought struck her and she asked. "Do you think that being raised by a pony has affected you in other ways? Ways I maybe didn't consider?"

"What are you talking about, Mom? That's crazy talk!" Spike protested as he turned around. "You hatched me and took me in even though you never planned for such a thing. You adopted me and taught me right from wrong. So if you have affected me at all, you've affected me in the ways any mother should. By making a difference in the life of her child."

However, Twilight commented. "But what if I told you, I wasn't your mother?"

"Well, yeah. Obviously you didn't lay the egg I hatched out of," Spike rolled his eyes, before he giggled. "Though I seem to remember thinking you were my birth mom when I was really little and didn't know better. Why would you even bring something like this up?"

Twilight gulped. "Well, there's... something that just came in the mail a short while ago. I looked over it briefly, but when I saw who it was from I figured it would best if you got to read it." She levitated over a slightly opened envelope.

Spike grabbed the envelope and finished what Twilight had started. Soon he was holding a letter in his claws. And when he had read it all the way down, he could not believe what he had seen!

The letter read as follows:

Dear Spike,

How are you, my precious little hatchling?

By now I'm sure you've grown into a fine young drake, but I want to see for myself just what's become of you.

Could you please come to Canterlot right away? There are some things I think you'll want to hear, and things we'll need to discuss.

Sincerely,

Your mother, Singe

"M-M-Mother?!" Spike gasped as though the words were alien to him! "But... that can't be!" But the dragon was about to find out that it wasn't. The dragon he was soon to meet was indeed his mother. And at long last all the questions he'd had about his origins were finally going to be answered. Though not necessarily in the way he would've liked.

As soon as Spike had finished reading the letter, it dropped from his claws. He glared at Twilight! "All this time, you knew! You knew and you didn't say anything!"

But Twilight quickly shut down the accusations. "Spike, in all the years we've known each other I've never kept the truth about where you came from a secret. It's like I told you when you first started wondering: You were given to me as an egg. No one knew where you'd come from or who had given you up. Even Princess Celestia wouldn't tell me. The news that your birth mother is alive and well came as just as much a shock to me as it did you."

"Then Princess Celestia had to know!" Spike growled. "Why didn't she ever tell me?!"

"I'm sure the princess had a very good reason," Twilight nervously insisted. "Perhaps she made a promise not to tell. Perhaps she swore to secrecy."

Spike let out an unhappy sigh. "Then I guess I have to go to Canterlot, if only so I can find out why I'm only now learning about all of this. Even if my mother wasn't a good dragon, wouldn't I have had a right to know?"

"I can't answer that, Spike. That's something you'll have to discover for yourself," Twilight answered. "I'll write to Princess Celestia right away to tell her we'll be in Canterlot soon," Then she asked him. "Obviously, I'm going with you since you're my son now. But do you think we should bring our friends along too? And perhaps Smolder as well in case we run into something we need her help with?"

Spike shook his head and firmly insisted. "Smolder's gonna tag along even if I tell her no, she's stubborn like that. Besides, I owe her for teaching me not only about the molt but how to fly like a dragon. And since Starlight's pretty much family ever since she started living here, she deserves to come along too. But aside from that I want no one to tag along! They don't need to know about this, it doesn't concern them! I don't pry into their family issues, so they shouldn't with mine."

"Very well, Spike, if that's what you truly wish," Twilight reluctantly replied to him. "Should they ask I'll tell them that we're leaving for Canterlot because of a 'personal issue'. However, I'll need to make arrangements for the school in case we're gone for an extended period of time."

Spike sighed. "Whatever. I'm gonna go get Smolder, now, and make sure she doesn't blab to anyone else about where we're going. I just hope that my birth mother's ready to accept the fact that I already have a real mother. One who hasn't been hiding from her son all his life."

Smolder and Starlight quickly accepted when they learned what the reason was behind the surprise trip to Canterlot. Even the train ride to the city itself was a tense and anxious affair.

"Do you even know what you're going to say to your mother when you meet her?" Starlight asked Spike within the privacy of the train car they were in. "You must have quite a lot of things you'll want to get off your chest."

Spike commented in a low, hurt tone of voice. "I think the first thing I'm going to ask her is 'Why?', that's what I really want to know. Why would she wait until now to contact me? I went through my entire life up to this point believing both my parents were dead, or at least had disappeared somewhere and forgotten all about me."

Starlight adopted a perplexed look. "Do you think maybe that's the case? Do you think maybe they went missing and presumed dead? And maybe your mother escaped whatever terrible fate awaited her but lost her memories?"

Spike shook his head. "You've been reading too many comics, Starlight."

"Well you read them too!" Starlight protested.

Spike sighed and commented. "I did, once upon a time. But things change. I've changed. And sadly I've come to learn that real life doesn't work out like the comic books. There's not always a happy ending for the good guys. Not everything neatly wraps up at the end of an issue or arc."

Starlight couldn't help but comment. "Well, they say real life is often stranger than fiction."

Smolder grumbled. "Only you ponies say that! We dragons told stories all the time, but we never outright made up tales. They all ended the same way, there's no happy endings in life unless you're willing to make them happen for yourself," Then she looked at Spike. "Honestly, I don't see why you're making so much of a big deal out of this. You should be thankful your birth mother even wants anything to do with you. My parents stopped caring about me once I hit my molt phase. They took one whiff of me and it was 'Bye Bye, Smolder' no questions asked. Having Ember care about me is nice, but even she can't replace my parents."

"I actually wish my parents had kicked me out of the nest or done something along those lines," Spike grumbled back. "At least then I'd have some idea of what they were like. And for the record, if my birth mother has any plans to lure me back to the dragon lands or wherever she lives now, she can forget it!"

Meanwhile, Starlight noticed that Twilight wasn't saying anything. The princess was just staring out the window, appearing to gaze at her reflection. Starlight knew from personal experience that that wasn't a good sign. She wasn't a guidance counselor for nothing, after all. So the mare trotted up to her former teacher and lightly tapped her on the hoof. "Hey, you holding up okay? You're being awfully quiet."

"I'm just trying to think how I should conduct myself," Twilight let out a sigh and confessed. "On the one hoof, Spike is my son! We may not be related by blood but that doesn't matter. We've been through thick and thin together, and what we have is a bond that can't be broken. On the other hoof though, I don't want Singe to think I've been trying to replace her. If the roles were reversed, I wouldn't want to be denied a chance to be with my son just because someone else had bonded with him. I'm wondering if there's a way we can work something out, a way for her to be a part of Spike's life even just a little."

Starlight was quick to reply. "That's not up to you to decide, that's all on Spike. You do know that, don't you?"

The princess confirmed with a nod. "Of course I do. Spike's not the little dragon I hatched during my entrance exam. He's a big boy with big boy responsibilities. I've trusted him to make his own decisions before, and this is no exception. Whatever he decides to do, I'll support him. But I want to believe that Singe has a good reason for not keeping in touch. Because I don't want to imagine the alternative, that she cared so little about her son she gave him up without even a second thought. I would hope no creature is as heartless as that."

The train soon pulled into the station in Canterlot and slowed to a halt. The four occupants in the car furthest from the train departed without fanfare. Their quick jaunt to the castle seemed to take ages, even though it was over sooner than any of them would've liked. Heck, Spike would've liked nothing more than for it to constantly be out of reach. But he knew that was wishful thinking. Try as he might, he could not avoid the reality he was about to face.

When the four approached the castle, the guards parted ways without fanfare and spoke not a word. From there it was a simple stroll down the hallways and into the throne room.

When the throne room doors were flung open, the familiar forms of both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna stood at attention to greet their visitors. Luna in particular adopted a bright smile on her face as she flew up to Spike, for this was the first time she had seen him since his transformation. "If isn't my favorite dragon," She cooed. "My oh my, just look how big you've gotten! You're most definitely not the little dragon I used to dragonsit for on so many occasions."

Spike blushed a little even as he hugged Luna. "It's good to see you again too, Luna. And to be honest I'm not that old. I'm still living with Twilight."

Luna nodded and smiled as she ended the hug. "Even so, it seems you won't have much use for a dragonsitter anymore. Though perhaps we could hang out together sometime, sort of like those not so secret 'Guy's Nights' you have with Big Mac and Discord."

Princess Celestia quickly broke up the discussion by coughing into a hoof. "While it's great to see you in your new state of appearance, Spike. That is not the reason why you are here."

Spike sighed. "Yeah, yeah, I know. So, where's Singe?"

Just then there was a tremendous roar, and then who should come swooping down from above but a dragon that looked only slightly smaller than Celestia and Luna? It appeared to be female from the appearance, sporting pinkish-purple scales with light amber spines all the way down the back. The tip of the dragon's wings were quite massive, about as big as Torch's, and they were light purple on the inside. Her eyes were a dark amber in color but they seemed to look rather gentle. "Hello, Spike," The dragon spoke as she locked eyes with him. "That's right. It's me, Singe, your mother."

The throne room quickly fell into a deathly silence. No one dared to speak a word, either because they couldn't think of anything fitting to say or because they were too on edge to dwell upon anything else.

Eventually, however, Spike broke the silence as he looked deep into Singe's eyes. "It looks like you, and of course you'd say that it's you. But I don't believe you're my mother."

Singe sighed and blew some smoke out of her nostrils. "Spike, you know it to be true. So why do you deny your senses?"

"Because I already have a mother!" Spike growled in a low tone of voice. "Her name's Twilight Sparkle. You may also know her as The Princess of Friendship, or as the head of her own School of Friendship. But to me, she's been my mother for years and years, even before I ever started calling her that or she started calling me her son. And she's been far more of a parent than you."

Singe shook her head. "Spike, I know you must have a lot of questions on your mind. I assure you, there's a very good reason why I had your egg delivered to Princess Celestia."

Princess Celestia commented in reply. "The most I got from you, Singe, was a note instructing me to take good care of your child. You hadn't settled on a name at the time. Heck, you hadn't even determined if it was a boy or a girl yet. I sent some of my finest royal guards to track you down, but you'd already disappeared without a trace. Whatever your intentions were, I had no clue what they were," She turned towards the dragon. "I was most surprised when you showed up in my courtyard this morning, ranting on and on about how you had to see your son. If not for the DNA test I conducted on you with my magic, I'd never have guessed you were one of Spike's parents."

Smolder glared at Singe. "Maybe you're just 'pretending' to be related to Spike so you can take advantage of his hospitality. That's what most dragons would do."

Singe quickly protested. "I assure you, I have no ill intentions. I simply wanted to see what became of my only child," Then she adopted a smile as she looked at Spike. "I hear you're quite the hero in the Crystal Empire, and that you've been on so many adventures. Both on your own and with friends."

Spike puffed out his chest. "Yeah! I've even been to the dragon lands at least twice! And one time, I actually trespassed on a dragon colony in Equestria and made friends with its ruler. But of course, you would know all about my exploits. My reputation does precede me in many places," And he went back to glaring at Singe. "Smolder brings up a good point, though. How do I even know you're actually who you say you are? This could all be an elaborate set-up just so you can come into my life and live off of me. There was a dragon a while back that tried to do just that."

Smolder added. "Yeah. His name was Sludge, and he was just a fat, lazy slob! Twilight thought there was something fishy when he mentioned places no dragon had ever been to before. It soon turned out that Sludge was lying through his teeth when he claimed to be Spike's long lost uncle. And when Spike found out, Sludge learned the hard way what a peeved off young dragon can really do!"

Spike giggled. "That was nothing! Twilight was the one who really made him regret ever coming to Ponyville," The memory was still fresh in his mind. "She actually got so mad she sent him flying into the sky! Heard he crashed in Canterlot, and Princess Celestia had to make arrangements with Ember to have him banished from Equestria forever."

Singe groaned. "I should've known a dragon like Sludge would muck things up! Even among dragons he was a disgrace, Torch booted him out long ago. The saddest thing is, at one point I actually almost fell in love with him. But I'm glad I didn't, he could never keep his stories straight," She made a gag face and stuck out her tongue for a moment, then she regained her composure. "But I assure you, I'm nothing like him. I would never tell a lie like that! Any creature that ever did that is quite frankly without a heart in my book!"

"Yeah? I imagine Sludge would've said the same thing if I'd pressed him on that," Spike bitterly commented. "Even Princess Celestia seemed surprised by your arrival. So how do I know you are in fact my birth mother? You got some way to prove it?"

"There is one way that should satisfy you. One way that should hopefully clear up any lingering doubts, my son," Singe declared as she stepped forward, facing Twilight. "Princess, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like you to cast a memory scanning spell. Everyone in the room would see them play out. My memories can't be altered, so I'd have nothing I could hope to hide."

Twilight eyed Singe with a nervous expression. "Mrs. Singe..." She began.

"Please, just Singe will do," Singe politely insisted to the princess. "Don't worry, I promise I'll hold still. You couldn't hurt me even if you wanted to."

"I'm not worried about that," Twilight admitted. "I'm just not sure if I can properly bring your memories out for all to see, or if I even should. What if there are things in there you want to keep to yourself?"

Singe giggled. "Oh, don't worry about that, princess. My story isn't exceptionally grim or violent. And I promise you, it's true as can be. I wouldn't harbor any dreams of lying to my son," She then adopted a more serious and somber look as she turned to Spike. "Spike. What are you about see, will not be pleasant. To this day it still tears at my very soul to know that it happened the way it did. But the time has come for you to learn the truth. No matter what you might see or hear though, promise me that you won't look away. Can you do that for me? For your mother?"

"I'll be the judge of whether your story checks out," Spike firmly declared to Singe. "And for the record, you're not my mother. You ceased to be my mother when you left my egg with Celestia without such much as a note."

The elder dragon appeared to sigh. "Hopefully, what you're about to see and hear will clear things up," Then she turned her attention to Twilight and told the alicorn. "Whenever you're ready."

"Okay. You may feel a slight tingling sensation on your forehead, Singe." Twilight cautiously advised. Then the room fell silent as her horn sparked to life with its familiar violet-red glow. All eyes turned to the young alicorn as she slowly lowered her glowing horn to the tip of Singe's forehead.

Suddenly, the entire room went dark as a fuzzy projection of what appeared to be memories started to play out for all to see. Spike especially watched with interest, even though he was convinced nothing could possibly change the way he currently felt.

A much younger Singe appeared in the projection, flying around what seemed to loosely resemble the dragon lands judging by the jagged, rocky texture and the haze of smoke and ash from the many volcanoes. Compared to her present state she seemed lively and full of life.

A male dragon with a coat as black as soot appeared in Singe's vision, standing outside a small cave as he waved a claw. The dragon had scales the same color as Spike, as well as eyes the same shade of green as Spike's. Clearly, if this was Spike's father it was obvious whose looks he had mostly inherited.

Singe landed in front of the dragon a short time later and gave him a kiss and a hug. "Oh Charcoal, my dear, I have the most excellent news to share with you!" She eagerly told him!

"And I have equally excellent news to share with you, my precious little gem." Charcoal teased.

Singe blushed a bright red, something rare for dragons. "Oh stop it, you! Must you always tease me like this?"

Charcoal only laughed. "You know you don't mind it, my dear Singe," Then he cleared his throat. "You'll be happy to know that I've accepted the offer from his majesty, Dragon Lord Torch. I shall scout out the path for the next great dragon migration, much like my brother Daniel before me."

"Ah yes, I here he's done quite well for himself. Even established a small, independent colony that he considers a kingdom," Singe briefly commented in a warm tone of voice, before her tone changed to a more serious one. "But must it come now? Wouldn't you want to be here to see our first born hatch from his or her egg?"

"I wish I had learned of this before I said yes to Torch," Charcoal replied as the enthusiasm in his voice faded away. "You know that when you accept an offer from the Dragon Lord, you don't back out," But then he boldly asserted. "Fear not, my dear. The scouting party leaves this very night, and it shan't take more than two to three days to plan out the route and return. When is the egg expected to hatch?"

Singe commented. "Not for another week at the earliest. I have yet to see the egg wiggle."

Charcoal roared and laughed. "Then I'll be back in plenty of time to see the tough little dragon we'll have brought into this world together. If it's a boy, we'll name him Spike."

"And what if it's a girl?" Singe questioned her husband. "What shall we do then?"

"I'm thinking Barbra, or Barb for short," Charcoal declared and gave his wife another kiss. "Now I'd best be going. But I'll see you tonight when all dragons will gather to see off the scouting party!"

The memory soon changed to Singe waving goodbye to her husband, as he and an entire flock of dragons (all of whom were male) flew off into the sky with a flap of their wings.

The cheerful, excited nature of the dragons in the memory was a stark contrast to what happened next. A glum, somber looking Torch stood atop the mountain that served as his throne. In his deep, booming voice he spoke to all the dragons. "I bring bad news to you all. Our scouting party has been abducted by scale traders," The dragons gathered all gasped in horror, some even fainted! "Silence! I did not order you to be frightened!" Torch commanded. "It is the official policy of the dragon lands not to negotiate with scale traders. I shall be asking for volunteers to join a rescue party. Only the strongest and bravest of dragons need volunteer for this assignment."

Without even thinking, Singe threw up her claw and declared! "I will do it! I'll go! Those scale traders kidnapped my husband! And they're gonna be sorry!"

Singe was quickly seen standing amidst a group of various dragons in all sorts of darkened colors of blue, green, and red. Some were taller than Singe and others were smaller. But none had what she had, tucked into a small pouch around her lower stomach was an egg. Not just any egg, but the very egg that Twilight (and Celestia) distinctly remembered being the one Spike had hatched from. "Don't you worry, my little dragon," Singe spoke briefly to the egg. "Torch has assembled only the best to help rescue your daddy. Those scale traders will be sorry they ever decided to mess with the dragon migration!"

But to the horror of everyone watching, the next scene that played out showed Singe alongside the other dragons as they were ambushed by a group of shadowy figures that could not be properly made out! They did, however, bare a striking resemblance to the guards that had worked for the Storm King. The dragons (including Singe) fought bravely and boldly, clawing, punching, and breathing fire as necessary. And they brought down scores of the shadowy figures. But it was to no avail as more replaced the ones that fallen. One by one, the exhausted dragons were overwhelmed, defeated, and imprisoned! Even Singe could not escape this fate.

A now tearful Singe could be seen resting uncomfortably with her egg inside a cage. Said cage was but one of many cages that in a cave in the interior of a mountain. Where exactly this was, no one could say.

The shadowy figures laughed and cackled with fiendish glee. "His excellency, the Storm King, will be greatly pleased by this," One commented. "The scales of these dragons will fetch a lovely price on the market."

"Forget the market!" Another trader remarked. "I say we keep them for ourselves. Those scales will make fine outfits. We'll be the envy of all the world!"

Singe was stricken with fright and roared as she shook the bars of her cage! "You monsters! We dragons have done nothing to you!" She took in a deep breath to try and breathe fire.

"Don't even think about it, dragon!" A fur trader hissed. "Those cages are fireproof, and this entire mountain is filled with gems powerful enough to weaken even the toughest of dragons. How do you think we captured your little raiding party so easily?"

"Even if you could escape, our armies are highly trained and equipped with the toughest armor known!" Another trader declared. "Your dragon lord should've been so smart, he should've negotiated with us. But instead he sent you all out unprotected. Oh well. His loss, our gain."

Scenes flashed by in the blink of an eye. Singe's fire breath did indeed have no effect on the bars of her cage, and neither did her claws. She tried time and time again to no avail, all the while she slowly became worn down and exhausted. Bags formed under her eyes. Her constant fire breathing soon took its toll. Her flames gradually reduced to embers and then she could no longer even blow smoke.

The scene that came next was a surprise to everyone. The familiar figure of Charcoal showed itself, as he appeared to be fighting the shadowy figures while opening the various cages (including the one Singe was in). He was quickly barking out orders to them. "Go! Go! Leave here and save yourselves! I can't hold these scale traders off for long!"

Singe seemed reluctant to leave. "Charcoal! Let me stay and fight with you! We can take them!"

Charcoal swung his tail, knocking several scale traders to the ground. But they were quickly replaced. "No, my dear!" He told Singe. "You must leave, now! Think of our child! We mustn't allow the scale traders to get to him or her!"

Singe reluctantly fled with tears in her eyes. "I'm coming back for you, Charcoal!" She vowed even though in her mind she knew coming back would be pointless, she would just be captured again. With her egg safely in tow, she rushed to the top of the mountain and held the egg close as she flew away!

Only once she was certain that she was out of range of the scale traders did Singe stop, finally allowing herself to catch her breath. She landed in a forest of some kind and rested on a ledge, carefully setting her egg down. Just then, a phoenix came swooping past with its sharp cry! Except for Singe (and Smolder) all watching the memory recognized the phoenix as Philomena, Princess Celestia's pet.

Singe gave a whistle, calling Philomena to her. "Take this egg to your master!" She instructed. "Do not come back for me, I won't be here!"

Philomena gave a sharp cry, before dropping a small piece of parchment and shedding one of her wings. Singe then quickly scribbled something down on the parchment:

To whoever receives this letter,

Take good care of my only child, and protect the dragon inside it from all who would wish to do it harm.

Her claw writing was barely legible but Singe didn't care. She had no idea where this phoenix's master was or who she would deliver the egg and the note to, but anything was better than continuing to carry it with her. In her current condition she was in no shape to care for a child.

Philomena accepted the letter and the make-shift basket the egg was in. She then flapped her wings and flew away.

Several more memories flashed by, showing an exhausted Singe collapsing and shutting her eyes! She seemed to open them back up in an instant, flying out of the forest she was in and flying all the way back to the mountains she had once been imprisoned in. But the interior was empty now, the scale traders had left. There were traces of magic blasts, indicting a great skirmish that had unfolded long ago.

Perhaps realizing what this meant, Singe was seen flying towards Equestria. Upon seeing a phoenix soaring through the skies, Singe followed it not realizing it was the same phoenix to whom she had gifted her egg to long ago. Suddenly, she lost control and plummeted into the ground near the castle in Canterlot! The last thing that could be seen in her memories, was her frantically shouting! "Where's my child?!" Over and over again.

The memory playback ended a moment later and the room fell deathly silent once again. This time it was Singe who broke it. "I spent years on the run from the scale traders, until one day all that running caught up with me and I fell into a deep sleep," She somberly explained. "When I woke up, the scale traders had been evicted from their hideout. But by that point you had already hatched. I didn't even know your name until I arrived here and was informed by Princess Celestia that your egg had ended up in her care."

Spike seemed to be shocked by the revelation. "So, all this time... you not only abandoned me but didn't even know where I was? All this time, all I would've had to do to track you down was to ask Philomena and follow the trail from there?"

Smolder, meanwhile, shuddered with fright. "I always thought the scale traders were just a myth, especially when that Sludge guy mentioned them. I can't believe they were actually real! But what happened to them? I can't believe they'd just abandon their hideout like that."

Twilight gasped in realization! "Tempest must've caught up with them after the demise of the Storm King! She probably made it clear to them that with their boss no longer around, there was no need for them to continue their operations. And when they refused she probably took them down personally."

Starlight commented. "Seems like she's doing pretty well for herself, broken horn and all," And she turned to Twilight. "How come you haven't contacted her about the school yet?"

"Because she still needs time to spread the magic of friendship. And it seems she's still searching for the purpose in her life now that the Storm King is gone," Twilight replied to Starlight. "If Singe's memories are accurate though, she's already done not only Equestria but the entire world a favor by riding it of a network of heartless scale traders. Who knows how many innocent dragons they had locked up?"

Spike just looked down at the ground, clutching his claws. "I still can't believe it! All this time, my birth mother was hiding right under my very nose and I didn't even know it!" He growled, gritting his teeth. "And she couldn't even write her name on a note, or give me some kind of letter so I'd have some way to remember her by!"

"I couldn't risk the letter being intercepted! If the scale traders discovered it they would've tried to track you down to hurt you, just to get to me," Singe explained to Spike. "I had to go into hiding, spent years on the run. I gave you up because I thought that wasn't a life you deserved. It wasn't fair that you should have to be on the run with me, you deserved to be free to live your own life."

"Yeah, and that was the wisest decision you ever!" Spike retorted with a snort. "Look at me now! There's so much you've missed out on! So many years that have passed. And yet you seem to expect me to just accept all of that."

"My son..." Singe began.

But Spike cut her off. "Save it! You're not my mother! You gave me away while I was still just an egg! All my life I've been raised by ponies, including one who never planned to become my mother but did anyway! Twilight has been more of a mother to me than you ever will be." He stormed out of the throne room a moment later, much to the shock of everyone.

Being a dragon herself, Smolder felt she was the one who might best be able to get through to Spike. So she was the one who followed after him. She found him out in the castle courtyard where the crater left by Singe was still there, it had not yet been filled in and covered up.

But Spike wasn't looking at that. He was looking at his own reflection in the nearby fountain, angrily striking at the surface with his claws!

Smolder was a little bit intimidated by this display but she still crept forward anyhow. "Hey, Spike," She tried to politely greet him. "Figured you'd like a fellow dragon to talk to about things."

"Smolder, if Twilight or Singe have put you up to this you might as well forget it!" Spike protested without even turning around to look at her. "I've already made up my mind about who my real family is. I know Singe thinks she gave me up out of love, and maybe she did."

"What else would you call it? She didn't want you to live a life on the run with her, trying to get away from those scale traders," Smolder commented. "And I'm not here for anyone else, I'm here for you."

Spike appeared to be taken back by that statement. "Me?!"

Smolder nodded, slowly flying next to him. "You should be lucky, you know. Most dragons only get one mother, you get two."

"But Singe isn't my mother, not anymore. When she gave up my egg, she stopped being my mother as far as I'm concerned," Spike declared. "I don't hate her for doing that, but was it really too much to ask for some kind of letter explaining her decision? Some final words of farewell I could remember her by? She never even would've had to give me up if she hadn't gone off with those other dragons to try and rescue my father. I can only assume he's dead, unless maybe like Singe he's been in a deep sleep all this time and doesn't know I exist."

The orange scaled dragon just replied. "At least you know what your parents are like. And at least for your birth mother I got the sense she loved you. Do you know how many dragons would love to have even a little bit of that, well, love? I might as well be an orphan like Gallus."

"You have Ember looking out for you though, She could teach you about how to be a dragon," Spike bitterly commented. "Me? I spent years wondering if I was really a dragon, or just a pony in a dragon costume. And now out of nowhere, just as I've finally made peace with not knowing about my birth parents and being perfectly content with Twilight as my mother, along comes Singe to upend it all. And all these feelings I thought I was over all come back to haunt me in an instant!"

"That's not what you're really worried though, is it?" Smolder questioned Spike. "You're worried that if you open up your heart to her, it'll be just like when Sludge came along and pretended he was your long lost uncle."

Spike reluctantly nodded. "Her story seems a lot more believable than Sludge's, but deep down what if she's just using that so like Sludge she can take advantage of me? Most dragons I've met have been selfish brutes who cared only about themselves, it's part of the reason why I entered that Gauntlet of Fire to replace Torch. I couldn't let another dragon like Garble take the throne for himself, and keep giving dragons a bad name. But it seems like dragons like you, I, and Ember, are a very small percentage of all dragons. Part of me wants to believe Singe could be part of that percentage too, but another part of me thinks that's ridiculous."

Smolder was quick to reply. "I was afraid to let myself be open and accepting of other creatures when I first came here. I didn't think I'd ever have a need for friendship, that it was just something other creatures would use to make me vulnerable. But I quickly learned that you can't keep yourself sealed off and isolated, no one's an island. Opening up your heart does inevitably mean you're gonna get hurt, but it's a risk you to take if you want to experience true friendship and truly feel loved," Then she put a claw around Spike. "And you're the dragon who taught me that where you're from isn't as important as who you are. That family is what you make of it, and family is family no matter what. Maybe you can't help what kind of family you're born into, but you're not shackled by what your family is. You can control how your family defines you, and you can control who you make part of your own family."

Spike stood up as Smolder's words slowly sank in. "You're right, Smolder! Even if Singe is my birth mother, she's not my only mother! She doesn't have to define who I am. What matters is what's on the inside. And I can't let a bad experience keep me from ever being willing to consider someone else's offer to be a part of my family," Then he commented. "You're actually not half bad at those little friendship speeches."

"Probably because I hang out with you, and you spend so much time with Headmare Twilight," Smolder suggested. "Besides, in a way, I like to think we're family. We've shared a lot with each other, and I've even taught you how to fly."

"You were family before even then, Smolder!" Spike proudly declared. "Far as I'm concerned you were family the day you told me about the molt and invited me to hang out with you. Now come on, let's go find Singe!"

Singe was still in the throne room with Twilight, Starlight, and the princesses. She apparently hadn't left yet, but her eyes reflected a look of one deep in sorrow. Even so, she noticed when Spike (along with Smolder) entered. "Oh, it's you," She commented. "Spike. What a fitting name for you."

"Twilight chose it, actually," Spike admitted with a blush. "She says she doesn't know why but it just came to her."

But Twilight massaged the back of her neck with a hoof. "Well actually, it's because you were trying to pronounce Smarty Pants' name, after I sort of blew up on you for things you couldn't control. Prior to that you didn't have a name. It kind of runs in the Sparkle family though. My parents had a hard time coming up with a name for me."

Singe simply commented. "It's funny, actually. Spike was the name I agreed on for if my first born was a son. But then you already knew that from the memory spell."

Spike coughed into a claw. "Yeah, we all saw. No need to remind us," He looked deep into Singe's eyes. "I needed some time alone to think. Some time to be alone with my thoughts."

The elder dragon somberly interrupted. "-I know what you must think of me, Spike. I really don't deserve to call you my son anymore. At the time, all I could think about was getting away from those vile scale traders and ensuring they could never get to you. I considered you a burden, though not intentionally."

But Spike shook his head. "You did what you thought was best for the both of us at the time. I actually thought about doing the same for my mom when I started molting, especially after I caused her and some of my friends to be attacked by a vicious roc. Long story, actually."

Smolder added. "You kind of had to be there. You would've been so proud to see how Spike handled it though. I know my parents were pretty impressed the first time I breathed fire," She proceeded to mutter. "It's about the only time I can ever remember them even remotely being interested in what I did."

"And deep down, a part of me could never hate you no matter what," Spike went on as he looked at Smolder. "Probably because I've seen for myself what hate can do to other creatures."

"But do you forgive me? Or do you still want nothing to do with me at all?" Singe questioned as she looked at Spike. "I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to go on pretending I don't exist. Twilight has been an excellent mother, raised you far better than I could've ever done on my own. You belong with someone who understands you, someone who's been there for you and provided for you."

Spike nodded. "Yeah, I do. And that's what Twilight has been. But I'd be lying if I said I wanted nothing to do with you even after all of this. There are still so many things about being a dragon that I don't know about it. So many things that even Smolder and Ember can't teach me."

Singe suddenly found herself struggling not to stutter. "Spike... are you saying that, you want to learn from me about being a dragon?"

Spike nodded again. "Yes. And I want to show how dragons can live with ponies, because if you're gonna go back to the dragon lands you need to know that ponies and dragons are friends now. Most of them, anyway."

Smolder added with a chuckle. "Yeah. Unfortunately, there's always a few black sheep in every species. Can't help that though, you know. Everyone's responsible for their own actions."

"Well, I reckon I'll probably be staying in Canterlot for the foreseeable future," Singe replied to Spike as she gestured to her wings. "That crash landing took a lot out of me and I'll need a few days at least to recover. Your heart clearly belongs in Ponyville though, with Twilight and all the friends you've made. But if there's anything dragonish you're stumped on, you can write to me."

Twilight's eyes lit up! "You can arrange it through me, and we can be pen pals! Gosh, between you, Ember, and Starswirl, I'm gonna have to get a bigger mailbox."

"Especially with all that important mail Cozy Glow keeps getting," Starlight commented. "Apparently, her parents have very important, top secret jobs. So secret that even she doesn't know what they are."

Smolder shuddered. "That filly gives me the creeps. I don't know why, she just does."

Spike chuckled as he ribbed Smolder a little. "She's just a filly, not some diabolical mastermind. And certainly nothing like that scheming Sludge."

Celestia grinned. "It's funny you should mention Sludge, because not long after Luna payed him a visit in his dreams, I had the 'luck' to bump into that freeloader myself," She barely managed to hold back a giggle. "Let's just say I gave him more than a sunburn."

Luna chuckled back. "Since when did you get so devious, sister? I only wish you had been that way with me."

Celestia shook her head. "Sister, you know that what you did was on a level different from Sludge's. Though honestly, of all the evil scum I've encountered in my many years, Sludge has to take the cake for most pitiful. Even Sombra posed more of a threat, and we had no trouble taking him down in one blast."

Singe laughed. "I'd say Sludge got off lucky. If I'd gotten my claws on him, I'd give him the verbal beatdown of a life time. No one, and I mean no one messes with my son!"

"Feeling's mutual, Singe," Twilight responded. "It seems that as mothers we would both do anything to protect the little dragon in our care," And then she commented. "Congratulations, Spike. Now you have two mothers! You lucky son of a filly!"

"Don't I know it?" Spike chuckled and grinned. "What more could one dragon need?"

Twilight then coughed into a hoof. "Well, not that this hasn't been a touching reunion, but we really should get going. It's almost the end of the first year of my School of Friendship, and that means finals and lots of 'em!"

Author's Note

And so yet another volume of rewrites comes to a close, and once again it's with an obvious target. "Father Knows Beast" isn't really so much bad as it is disappointing. After almost eight seasons the writers finally bring up the issue of Spike's family, and they go for the cheap cop out and reveal nothing. Instead we have Sludge, who for those who've seen my blogs will know I consider him by far the worst character in the entire show. I won't repeat myself on why I don't like him, because just about everyone can already point to the problem. Even the show itself points out that what he did is considered too low even for the dragons.

On top of that, it's another Spike episode where Spike is a complete idiot and his stupidity seems to infect the mane six, since all it takes for them to accept Sludge is for Spike to believe his lies even though the mane six were already poking holes in his story.

To change it all up, I took the suggestion of yodajax10 (which is where the idea of Luna as Spike's dragon sitter comes from. We've in fact collabed on several fics for the idea), who proposed the idea several months back of making the episode about Spike's mother and not his father. Considering I already have within this series made Twilight's Spike mom (and the show seems to have more or less confirmed it), I felt that was an idea worth exploring. He also suggested the idea if the episode did exist in real life it could've been the final role of the late, great, June Foray who died in 2017 at the age of 99. However, I would assume that by the time this could've been turned into an episode June would've already died or at least been close to death.

So instead, my voice for Singe would be Tress MacNeille. Tress has done voice work for a variety of cartoons, including many characters on The Simpsons. Though you may best remember her as Dot Warner in Animaniacs (which is where Maurice LaMarche originated his perhaps best known role: Brain). I feel like she could pull off an aged female voice in a way that would be a good imitation of June.

Also, the bit about Barb and Daniel is a reference to my rewrite of Dragon Quest all the way back in Volume Two, which can be found here. I wrote it before I had any knowledge of what was to come for Spike and dragons in Season 6 and "Gauntlet of Fire". So this is my belated attempt to try and clear up that plot hole.

Lastly, yes, I did include references to some of the fanfics I wrote last year starring Spike, as well as one that yodajax10 wrote in the aftermath of "Father Knows Beast". And of course, since the focus is on Spike's potential birth mother instead of his father, the title had to be changed. There probably will be a Volume Nine later this year, and I have a feeling that there will need to be at least a Volume Ten to cover Season 9. After that though, depending on fandom activity I may stop there since the alternative would be to delve into the IDW comics, which don't seem likely to stop even after the show stops.

Episodes to be rewritten:
~~Bloom and Gloom~~
~~The Times They Are a Changeling~~
~~Discordant Harmony (Bonus Chapter)~~
~~Fake It 'Til You Make It (Bonus Chapter)~~
~~The Parent Tracks Parts 1 and 2 (Two parter of the Parent Map)~~
~~Molt Down~~
~~Marks for Effort~~
~~A Matter of Principals~~
~~Friendship University~~
~~Yakity-Sax~~
~~The Washouts~~
~~A Rockhoof and a Hard Place~~
~~Mother Knows Least? (Father Knows Beast)~~

S5 E4: Bloom and Gloom (What If?)

For Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle it seemed like it was going to be a day just like every other day. A day spent on various activities in the hopes of getting their cutie marks. They were about to find out that today was not going to be like every other day, today would be different.

"So, Apple Bloom, why did you call this special Cutie Mark Crusaders meeting?" Sweetie Belle asked.

Apple Bloom slyly grinned. "Oh it's nothin'... except this here letter from Babs Seed sayin' she got her cutie mark! Look!" She held up an envelope that depicted a picture of what appeared to be scissors of some kind, with the handles looking not unlike apple cores.

Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle gasped!

Once the shock of the news wore off, Sweetie Belle was the first to comment. "Of course, a pair of scissors for a cutie mark! It all makes sense. She was always fussing with her bangs, even after she stopped being so shy. I'll bet she grows up to be a celebrity mane stylist or something!"

"But did we have to come all the way here just to be told this?" Scootaloo questioned Apple Bloom. "Couldn't you have just brought it up at the next regular meeting? I can't always drop everything I'm doing to come over here."

Apple Bloom just held up the letter. "Just listen," And she proceeded to read it aloud. "Dear Cutie Mark Crusaders: Babs Seed here, hope this letter finds you well. Guess what, I finally got my cutie mark! I was just fiddling with my mane the other day, and thought I'd try cutting off a few hairs to style it into somethin' else! Ended up making quite a mess, but when my got my cutie mark my folks didn't seem to mind. Anyways, I'm going to be enrolling in barber shop classes in the near future, so I won't have as much time to devote to the Manehattan branch of the CMC. So I'm effectively stepping down as of today, leaving the branch in capeable hooves. Don't worry, I'll still check it on it from time to time. But if I'm going to be a mane stylist someday, I can't always split my time between it and running a club."

"Well that totally stinks," Scootaloo grumbled. "But I guess she makes a good point. Once you get your cutie mark, you're not really gonna have time to be a Cutie Mark Crusader anymore. I mean, we started this club just for the three of us and Babs was our only other member."

Sweetie Belle then added. "I'm happy for her, but at the same time I'm not sure if I'd want to be up to my flank in mane hair all day. Could you imagine getting stuck with a cutie mark you didn't like or didn't want? You don't suppose that'll ever happen to us, do you?"

Apple Bloom gulped. "I sure hope not. I actually never really stopped to think about what would happen after we got our cutie marks."

Sweetie Belle smiled. "Well you're the easiest to pin down, Apple Bloom. Even Babs Seed's cutie mark was apple themed. So whatever your cutie mark ends up being it'll probably be apple related."

"And I'll probably have a cutie mark related to flying, maybe even related to the Wonderbolts!" Scootaloo boasted! "Or I'll bet my cutie mark will be in something related to extreme stunts! Not that I mean to brag, but I have been trying out some sick new tricks on my scooter."

"Even so, what if I grow sick of apples?" Apple Bloom questioned. "What if it's something related to apples that I don't like?"

"Oh come now, what's not to like about apples?" Sweetie innocently questioned.

As if she'd been questioned, Scootaloo started listing off a couple of things. "Well there's sour apples, and wormy apples, and bruised apples, and rotten apples, and..."

Sweetie glared at her pegasus friend as Scootaloo responded. "What? I'm just saying. I doubt there's cutie marks related to any of those things. Right, Apple Bloom?"

Apple Bloom didn't reply, she was too deep in thought about what Scootaloo had just said. As well as some other things that she had never considered before. All of them related to the inevitably of her getting her cutie mark.

These lingering thoughts still plagued Apple Bloom as she lay in bed that night, unable to go to sleep. "I guess I just spent so much time worryin' about how to get a cutie mark, I never even thought about what would happen after. There's just so many things I never considered before," She complained to Applejack. "Everythin' seemed so much simpler when I started that club."

Applejack just sighed. "Don't go gettin' yourself worked up, Apple Bloom. Worryin' 'bout all these things ain't gonna do ya a lick of good. Just get some rest, and if you're still worried about it we can discuss it more in the mornin'."

But Apple Bloom wouldn't go to sleep, she just started to list off worries. "What if I finally get my cutie mark and I don't like it? What if I get my cutie mark and nopony likes me?"

"Well, that's just ridicu—" Applejack began only to be cut off.

"What if the Crusaders drift apart? I mean, we won't really be the Cutie Mark Crusaders anymore, will we?!" Apple Bloom pondered. And then she gasped as an awful thought struck her! "What if it's not an apple after all?! Will I have to move out?! Where will I live?! I'm too young to be thrown out!"

Applejack stomped a hoof down and looked Apple Bloom square in the eyes. "That's enough of that, sugarcube. I've seen the friendship you, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo share. A cutie mark or a lack of one ain't gonna be enough to undo it. And just because you may stop bein' a crusader full time doesn't mean you'll have to stop bein' one on the inside."

"You really think so?" Apple Bloom wondered. "I thought Twist and I were gonna be friends even after she got her cutie mark. Then she and her parents moved to Fillydelphia and I never saw her again. Wonder if she even recognizes me?"

"Don't be blaimin' a cutie mark for that, Apple Bloom," Applejack replied with a shake of her head. "You can always stay in touch through letters. Sometimes friends move away through no fault of their own, it can't be helped," Then she added in a sweet tone of voice. "And I promise you, nopony's gonna make ya move out. If they try they'll have to get by me first!"

While not normally one to question her big sister, the farm filly still couldn't help but ask all the same. "Are you sure about all of that, Applejack?"

The older earth pony nodded. "'Course I'm sure. Now get some sleep. You'll see. Everythin' will be better in the mornin'." And then she began to sing, and it went something like this:

Hush now, little sister

You're loved by all you know.

And you'll never lose their friendship

No matter where you go.

There ain't no call to worry

So don't you cry or fret.

'Cause a cutie mark won't change you

No matter what you get.

Applejack then trotted to the door, flicking off the light as she bid her sister goodnight.

Apple Bloom yawned and drifted off to sleep, though not before thinking out loud to herself. "No matter what I get."

Next morning, Apple Bloom awoke as usual to the crowing of the rooster. She yawned and rolled out of bed. "Nothin' like a good night's sleep!" She proudly declared. "Don't know what I was so worried about before. Today's a new day and I ain't gonna waste it worryin' about silly things. I'll get my cutie mark whenever it's time, and everythin' will be just fine. Hey, that rhymed." The filly giggled to herself about that.

Just then, Applejack called up from below. "Breakfast! Come and get it, everypony!"

"Oh boy, breakfast!" Apple Bloom cheered and rushed downstairs. Had she bothered to glance her head out the window though, perhaps she would've seen the rooster fly away in a most unusual way and realized that not everything was right.

The filly came trotting down the stairs, feeling quite pleased with herself. "Applejack, you were right all along," She declared as she entered the kitchen where her sister was making flapjacks. "A good night's sleep was all I needed."

"See, what I tell ya?" Applejack smiled as she turned her attention towards her little sister. "A good night's sleep'll fix just about an— " But then she let out a gasp as something caught her eye! "Well as I live and breath! No wonder you were so worked up the night before!"

"What?" Apple Bloom questioned. "I have somethin' stuck in my teeth?"

Applejack shook her head and pointed to Apple Bloom's flank. "Looks like somepony finally got her cutie mark!"

Apple Bloom took one glance at her flank, and she saw that it was blank no longer! Depicted on it was an apple being sprayed by some kind of gas that was coming out of a nozzle, said nozzle being attached to a tank. The filly blinked and rubbed her eyes. No, her eyes weren't playing tricks on her. She had indeed gotten her cutie mark, all unbeknownst up to this point! "Oh my gosh! I can't believe it! I got my cutie mark! I got my cutie mark!" She proudly proclaimed, her voice becoming loud enough to echo across the farm and out into the fields! "Just wait 'til I tell everypony that my cutie mark is a... a..." She then trailed off as she realized that she had no clue what her cutie mark was. "Wait, what is it?"

Applejack gulped. "Well, I don't know. But I think I know somepony who does." She gestured a hoof out towards the door as it swung open.

Into the room trotted a tall and slender earth pony stallion dressed from heads to hooves in a gas mask and a bright yellow haz-mat suit. He took one look at Apple Bloom's cutie mark, all the while the only sound that could be heard was the breathing from his mask. "Ain't no mistakin' it," He commented in a deep voice. "It's the mark of a pest control pony. Which means, I can finally retire! Oh happy day!"

"Wait, who are you? I don't remember ever seein' the likes of you before." Apple Bloom questioned the strange stallion.

The stallion lifted up his gas mask. "Of course you ain't seen me, nopony ever does. We pest control ponies are up before the crack of dawn every day to spray the fields. We never get any recognition until there's trouble. And we have other responsibilities too. Like say, infestation management," With a smile, he added. "Follow me. It's my duty as a pest control pony to train my successor. Then I'm off to live out my golden years, Las Pegasus here I come!"

Apple Bloom followed the stallion out the door and into the fields, taking notice of the fact that he had a light brown coat, faded green eyes, a white mane and tail with a few bangs, and a cutie mark depicting a container similar to the one Apple Bloom now had on her flank.

The farm filly was still confused. "So, by infestations do you mean parasprites?" She could faintly recall the time Fluttershy had accidentally brought one home from the Everfree Forest, and they had multiplied out of control. Had it not been for some clever thinking on Pinkie's part, Ponyville would've been left in ruins forever.

The pest control stallion just snorted. "Please. Anypony with a trombone can get rid of parasprites. I'm talking about the serious stuff! You ever hear of... twittermites?"

Apple Bloom gulped a bit. She was equally scared and confused. "Twittermites?"

The stallion nodded. "That's what I said. Pest ponies like you and I are the only things keeping these here live wires from destroying half of Equestria!"

"Pest pony?" Apple Bloom questioned. Was that her calling in life was? She couldn't remember ever having previously been interested in such a profession. Had she?

The pest control stallion simply glared back at Apple Bloom and told her. "It's no easy trade, I tell ya! But you're gonna have to stop repeating everything I say if you want to learn anything! So please pay attention, I ain't keen on repeating myself!"

"I'm sorry, Mister... whatever your name is," Apple Bloom profusely apologized. "I guess this just wasn't what I was expectin' to do with my life is all."

"Name's Green Horn," The stallion responded. "And don't worry. I can't retire till I've made sure you know how to handle yourself. With a cutie mark like that though, I reckon you've got the touch," He then trotted over to a jar holding a bunch of insects that appeared to occasionally sparkle and crackle like electricity. "Now, you're gonna need to be quick. Once these here things get out, it can get pretty shocking." He warned as he unscrewed the lid on the jar.

The twittermites flew out of their jar. Before Apple Bloom had a chance to realize what was going on, she felt a small jolt on her tail! "Youch!" She cried in pain.

Green Horn giggled a little. "See what I mean? And the farther apart they get, the more powerful their shocks become. Let 'em get too far apart and they can fry just about anything they set their sights on. If only they weren't so uncontrollable, they'd make a great energy source."

"Okay... so what do I do exactly?" Apple Bloom asked Green Horn. "And why'd you give me this here vacuum?"

Green Horn smiled and instructed. "Call 'em back, of course. Suck 'em all in and make sure you keep a tight lid on 'em. Those jars are very fragile, so store 'em somewhere safe and don't let 'em break whatever ya do!"

The farm filly gave a whistle, shouting out for the twittermites before she began to suck them all in with her vacuum and store them in several jars. "How was that?"

Green Horn smiled again. "Great! In fact, that was perfect! Reckon you're all set. Drop me a note sometime at the Piney Shade Retirement Community. I'm always keen to pass on my knowledge to the next generation." Then all of a sudden he seemed to disappear.

Apple Bloom looked all around but she didn't see any traces of Green Horn's location. "Hey, where he'd go?" She asked out loud. "Mr Green Horn?! Ya sure you should be leavin' me like this?! Feels like I just got to know you."

But then a pair of familiar, snooty voices filled the air with their giggles. Apple Bloom shuddered. There was no mistaking the identity of their owners.

"Well well well, look at the new bug pony!" Diamond Tiara teased in that trademark condescending tone of voice. It seemed to be extremely malicious today for some reason.

Apple Bloom growled back. "It's pest pony for your information. As in it's my job to take care of pests like you!"

Silver Spoon let out a fake gasp of worry. "Oh no, I'm so scared! What are you gonna do to me, Apple Bloom? Suck me into a jar? Fat chance!"

"Don't you two have better things to be doin' with your lives?" Apple Bloom questioned.

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon just laughed, and Diamond Tiara added. "Oh we do, but we just wanted to see how our former rival has turned out. I might have known you'd end up with the worst cutie mark ever!"

"Funny, can't remember the last time I ever heard you talk about your cutie mark." Apple Bloom muttered.

Diamond happened to pick up on the remark as she spun around and taunted. "What is it with you Apples? Are you all this dense, or is it just you? If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred thousand times, my cutie mark means leadership! Something far more important than just collecting bugs for a living."

"Oh but look on the bright side," Silver Spoon teased. "Now whenever you need a friend, you can just go out and catch one. Maybe even trade some to other ponies." She and Diamond promptly laughed at the joke.

"That's not funny," The farm filly growled. "Can't you just leave me alone?"

Oblivious to the remark, Diamond went on taunting Apple Bloom. In the same tone of voice one might call a pet, she cried out. "Heeere, friendfriendfriendfriendfrieeend!"

Silver Spoon added. "Here, bug! Here, bug! Will you be my friend, bug? Because nopony else will! Sure stinks to be me right now!"

With the laughter of the two rich fillies ringing in her ears, Apple Bloom stood up and declared. "I thought you two had changed! Guess I was wrong! My cutie mark isn't the worst, you two are!" And she threw down her vacuum and ran off. "The next time you need a pest pony, don't come cryin' to me!"

The filly kept on running with no real destination in mind. But once she was alone she sighed and started to talk to herself. "I really hate to think that Diamond Tiara is right, but she kind of is... this cutie mark sure isn't what I was hopin' for."

All of a sudden a mysterious voice called out from the dark. "Why should you have to keep it, then? You're not bound to a cutie mark you didn't want."

"And you can just take it away like that? Thought it didn't work that way," Apple Bloom questioned. "Who are you and what are you really tryin' to do?"

The mysterious voice simply replied. "I am a friend and I just want to help. If your cutie mark really bothers you so much, get rid of it! And I can help you with that if you just let me."

In a huff, Apple Bloom declared. "Oh yeah?! Well, if you know how to wave a hoof and erase a terrible cutie mark, you go right ahead!"

Apple Bloom expected for nothing to happen. But then to her surprise the mysterious voice replied. "As easily said as done. Your wish is my command."

There came a sudden gust of wind and Apple Bloom felt something whistle past her. Then she looked at her flank and saw that it was once again blank. "Uh, thank you... whoever you are." She called out but there was no reply. The filly couldn't help but feel a bit unnerved. "Something's not right about all of this. Maybe Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo will know what to do!" She thought to herself.

All of a sudden, Apple Bloom found herself in front of the clubhouse door. She blinked. "Wait, when did I get here? I thought I was somewhere else?" She thought to herself. "Somepony wanna tell me what the hay's goin' on and why nothing's making sense?"

Still, it would be rude to keep guests waiting. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were surely on the other side of the door, expecting Apple Bloom to come in at any moment. A full day of Cutie Mark Crusaders activities would be just the thing for Apple Bloom to take her mind off her troubles.

Expecting nothing the farm filly pushed open the clubhouse door and trotted inside. "Hey girls!" She proudly declared with a broad smile plastered on her face. "Boy, I tell ya I had the weirdest dream last night about cutie marks!"

Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo nodded but said nothing, and they seemed to be covering their flanks for some odd reason. That definitely caught the attention of Apple Bloom. "Girls, what's goin' on? Are we playin' some kind of game?"

Scootaloo stood up, as did Sweetie Belle. But it was Scootaloo who looked the blank flanked earth pony square in the face and told her. "We're not playing, Apple Bloom. In fact we're not going to have time for games anymore. Isn't that right, Sweetie Belle?"

In a noticeably serious tone, Sweetie Belle nodded her head and declared. "Yeah. Our days as Cutie Mark Crusaders are officially over."

"What do you mean?!" Apple Bloom questioned with a gulp. "You can't possibly mean-"

But her friends simply removed their hoofs from their flanks, revealing a pair of cutie marks! On Scootaloo's flank was a lightning bolt similar to the Wonderbolts logo. And on Sweetie Belle's flank was a black musical note. Apple Bloom found herself rendered speechless and a knot grew in her stomach! What she'd feared the most had happened, both of her friends had gotten her cutie mark and she had missed it.

"Do you see now, Apple Bloom?" Scootaloo went on. "We got our cutie marks this morning. There's no time for childish games anymore, it's time to get serious!"

"Scootaloo's right! A cutie mark is a very important responsibility," Sweetie Belle nodded. "I won't have time to help you get your cutie mark, Apple Bloom. Rarity's signing me up for singing lessons even as we speak."

"And if I'm going to make it into the next Wonderbolts' Summer Camp, I need to start training now!" Scootaloo boasted. "Sorry, Apple Bloom, but you'll just have to figure out what your cutie mark is all by yourself. As of today the Cutie Mark Crusaders as you knew them are nomore!"

"Sorry, Apple Bloom, but Scootaloo's right," Sweetie Belle apologized. "No hard feelings though, right? We'll still be friends, won't we?"

Apple Bloom swallowed a huge lump in her throat and forced herself to say. "Yeah, we will be. Silly of me to think otherwise. You two go ahead and enjoy your new lives with your new cutie marks. I'm sure I'll find my special talent someday."

Scootaloo smiled. "Okay then. See you in class next week, Apple Bloom. And who knows, someday soon you might see me flying with the Wonderbolts!"

"Or see me on stage, touring Equestria!" Sweetie Belle beamed. And then she and Scootaloo left the clubhouse without another word.

It wasn't until her friends were nearly out of sight that Apple Bloom was able to will herself to react. Up to that point she had just stood there with a cold, numb feeling. But now she was running to the door, trying desperately to keep her friends in her sight for what might be the last time. "Please, don't go! I'm beggin' ya!" She pleaded! "I don't wanna be the only blank flank in class again!" But her pleas were carried off by the same sudden gust of wind as before.

And just like before, the filly's surroundings seemed to suddenly change as a shadowy figure in an echoing voice spoke up. "What's the matter, Apple Bloom? Aren't you happy to be a blank flank again and be rid of that awful cutie mark?"

Apple Bloom turned and growled at the figure. "You tricked me! You knew my friends had already gotten their cutie marks, and you didn't tell me!"

The figure simply retorted. "Oh come now, don't blame me. I simply did what you asked of me. You didn't want to catch bugs for a living, so I helped. You wanted to see your friends again, so I helped. If there are other cutie mark problems, be with it friends, family, or yourself, I can help you with that."

"The only 'help' I need from you, is to never see the likes of you again!" The farm filly shouted! "Everythin' was just fine until you showed up!"

"You think I had anything to do with your cutie mark appearing? Nopony can do such a thing, you know that." The figure slyly replied.

The farm filly just growled anew. "I don't care! There's somethin' you ain't tellin' me! You're in control of all of this, aren't you?! You haven't even told me who you are or what you want from me!"

"It is as I told you, I only want to help you." The figure answered.

"Then go away, and make everythin' the way it used to be!" Apple Bloom demanded! "Make things the way they were before Babs sent that letter and upended everythin'! I wish I'd never even got that letter!"

"I can't do that. I am here to stay. I live to serve you," The figure replied as it crept closer. "Please, tell me what I have to do to help you."

"I said go away!" Apple Bloom roared and pounced on the figure only for it to suddenly disappear, and then reappear behind her! "What's goin' on?! How'd you do that?!"

But just then, a gentle yet somber tone of voice called out amidst the darkness. "Oh Apple Bloom, you can't escape from your own shadow." A moment later, a brilliant flash of light revealed that the figure Apple Bloom had been conversing with was indeed made of shadow. The more light that shone, the smaller the shadow became.

The farm filly then looked up, and all of a sudden everything made sense to her! For hovering above her, was the familiar form of Princess Luna in all her glory. That meant that this was all a dream!

"Princess Luna! Am I glad to see you!" Apple Bloom happily exclaimed as she rushed up to the majestic alicorn. But then a thought struck her. "If that... whatever it was was my shadow, why were all of these other things happenin'?"

"This dream is a nightmare, composed of what you fear the most," Princess Luna explained. "And right now, cutie marks are what you fear most. Because you fear what may happen when you get one."

"But if this is a dream, why does it feel so real?" Apple Bloom pondered. "How am I even supposed to snap out of it?"

Princess Luna moved her wings over her face as she told her young charge. "Well... sometimes we can worry about a thing so much, that the fear can make us feel like we're trapped in a nightmare. That's exactly what's happening to you right now."

The farm filly hung her head in shame. "I guess I just assumed we'd all get our cutie marks at the same time, and that they'd be what we'd always dreamed of. Guess it was silly of me never to consider what would happen if neither one came true. I must be the only pony in the entire world of Equestria who's freaked out about cutie marks."

But Luna shook her head. "I wouldn't say that. There are lots of ponies who have fears similar to the ones you're having. And not all of them are without cutie marks as you and your friends are at the moment," Then with a glow of her horn the surrounding landscape changed. Instead of a dark and empty field, everywhere it was lined with stars and on either side stood a series of doors. Each strangely colored to resemble various ponies Apple Bloom knew. "Tonight is your lucky night, Apple Bloom. I've helped you as much as I can already, now you must help others."

"Help 'em with what?" Apple Bloom questioned.

"Why, with cutie mark problems of course. One in particular will be very happy to see you." The night princess explained with a smile.

The young earth pony looked all around. The color of the doors gave a few vague hints as to whose dream they represented. She recognized the doors of ponies like her teacher Cheerilee, or her big sister Applejack, and some of the various colts and fillies she occasionally interacted with in school. Was one of them harboring the problem she needed to solve?

Still smiling, Luna lit up her horn and presented a door to Apple Bloom with a brilliant gamboge coat of paint. It didn't take a genius to figure out whose dream was behind that door. "Babs Seed is havin' nightmares too, huh?" Apple Bloom realized, to which Luna nodded. "But why? She's already got her cutie mark."

"And with it comes a whole new set of worries." The alicorn somberly replied as she opened the door. There was a brilliant flash of light and Apple Bloom shut her eyes!

When at last the flash faded, Apple Bloom's eyes beheld a sight she would've never expected to see even in a dream by her favorite cousin.

There was Babs Seed, the filly's new cutie mark clearly visible from afar. Her brownish-green eyes, however, reflected not a look of happiness at no longer being a blank flank, but rather one of horror.

And soon Apple Bloom knew why. For without warning, Babs Seed suddenly found herself facing a huge stack of light and brilliant amaranth mane hair! She took out a pair of scissors similar to those depicted on her cutie mark and tried to cut the stack down. But every time she cut even one small chunk of mane hair, it just split into more stacks that grew taller and taller!

Babs kept on cutting, and cutting, and cutting, but it was all in vain! No matter what she did and no matter how hard she cut the stack of mane hair did not decrease! Before long it had piled up to where it was flank high, the filly struggling not to be overcome by the steadily growing pile! "Wowsa! This is unbelievable!" She exclaimed with worry! "Oh, I wish my cousin Apple Bloom and her friends were here! They'd know what to do! They're not afraid of anything."

"Babs!" Apple Bloom shouted in horror, watching from afar.

Princess Luna nudged the filly forward. "You have the power to act, Apple Bloom! This is why I brought you here. You must be the one to help Babs."

Realizing what she had to do, the farm filly rushed forward to help her city cousin. She could only hope she wasn't too late. "Babs!" She shouted again, this time to draw attention to herself.

Babs Seed spun around, shocked to see her favorite cousin come charging through the huge stack of mane hair as if it meant nothing! "Apple Bloom?! Is it really you?!"

Apple Bloom nodded. "It's okay, cousin, I'm here to help you."

"You are?" Babs questioned as her cousin nodded. "Well, maybe you can start by telling me why all this mane hair keeps growing and growing. This is a future mane stylist's worst nightmare!"

"Don't you see, Babs," Apple Bloom spoke up. "This is a nightmare. It's what you fear the most!"

"I don't get it. I'm afraid I'm gonna get swamped by killer mane hair?" Babs shot a puzzled look at her cousin.

The farm filly shook her head in protest. "No, Babs. You ain't worried about the mane hair, you can style anything if you set your mind to it. Somethin' else is botherin' you, ain't it?"

"How would you know?" Babs questioned. "You still ain't got your cutie mark yet, no offense."

"None taken, Babs," Apple Bloom apologized and then she explained. "Your cutie mark is what's botherin' ya. You're afraid your mark is gonna come to control your life, define who you are. But you don't wanna be stuck as a mane stylist for the rest of your life, do you?"

Now it was Babs' turn to shake her head. "Of course not! I wanna open my own barber shop in Manehattan, and travel to Canterlot, and maybe even have a family someday. I can't do all of that with my cutie mark though, Mom and Pop are already signing me up for the next mane styling camp when it rolls around."

Apple Bloom threw back her head and laughed. "Oh Babs, you're worryin' over nothin'. I was havin' the same kind of fears you're havin' now, afraid that my cutie mark was gonna hold me back and ruin my life. But you know what I've come to learn since I founded the Cutie Mark Crusaders?"

"What's that?" Babs nervously asked.

"It's that a cutie mark is what you make of it. It doesn't have to control you," Apple Bloom explained to her cousin. "If you wanna open your own barbershop, nothin's stoppin' ya! Not your cutie mark, and certainly not your folks! Ponies don't have to do things just 'cause it's what their cutie mark tells 'em they're meant to do. If that was the case, my teacher would be a gardener 'cause her cutie mark is a trio of flowers. Does that sound like the kind of cutie mark you'd expect a teacher to have?"

"Well, I guess not, but..." Babs trailed off as her lip trembled ever so slightly.

"-But nothin', cousin!" Apple Bloom firmly declared as she stomped a hoof down. To Babs' surprise it did not sink into the mane hair. "So maybe you won't be able to do everythin' you used to do, that doesn't mean you can't still do things outside your cutie mark. Ponies do it all the time. And whatever you wanna do with all this mane hair and those scissors, that's up to you. And if you ask me, that mark indicates a pony who can tackle anythin' life might throw at her! Not just a pony who's gonna be workin' with mane hairs all day!"

It took a moment for the words of her country cousin to sink in. But once they did, a look of fiery determination shone in Babs' eyes and a renewed sense of vigor and passion could be heard in her tone of voice. "You're right, cousin! After all, mane hair ain't the only thing scissors can cut!" She trotted over to some nearby fabrics that had not been consumed by the rising mane hairs. She quickly cut them into various shapes resembling all sorts of activities she liked to do. And as she cut and folded the mane hairs began to recede. Before long they had disappeared completely.

"Thanks for the help, cousin!" Babs Seed smiled as she embraced her fellow earth pony in a hug.

"Think nothin' of it, Babs. I'm just happy to help," Apple Bloom replied. "Looks like my work is here done. Better go find Princess Luna."

"Princess Luna? What's she got to do with all of this?" Babs wondered aloud only to turn around and see that her cousin had somehow vanished.

Apple Bloom returned to Princess Luna to see the night princess smiling. "You've done well, Apple Bloom. Not only have you conquered your own worst fear, but in doing so have helped another overcome theirs."

"I just can't believe I've spent all this time worryin' about nothin'," Apple Bloom commented with a chuckle. "Now I know how silly I've been. Lots of ponies get these worries for no good reason."

But at that, Princess Luna frowned and her posture became noticeably more serious. "I wouldn't be saying that, Apple Bloom. Sometimes ponies have very good reasons to worry about their cutie mark and what it means to them. You just told Babs Seed that a cutie mark is what you make of it, didn't you?"

"Well, yeah, I did. But where exactly are ya goin' with this?" The farm filly inquired of the princess.

Luna responded simply by gesturing to another door, this one a familiar magenta in color.

The door opened the same way the ones to Babs Seed's dream had opened, with a brilliant (and blinding) flash of light. The dream occupant was easy to determine, for she sported an easily identifiable headgear that matched what was reflected in her cutie mark. In short, it was Diamond Tiara.

"Why have you brought me here, Luna? Diamond Tiara doesn't have any problems with her cutie mark." Apple Bloom questioned.

"It's not the mark that's the problem, it's the expectations that come with it. Observe." Luna simply explained as she gestured a hoof.

Diamond Tiara stood before a massive piano and although there didn't seem to be anyone in sight she was still nervous. As if she'd rather be anywhere else.

Apple Bloom and Princess Luna watched silently as the pink coated filly trotted up to the piano, clambered onto the stool, and after positioning her hooves started to play a song on the keys. Her cornflower blue eyes glancing up only on occasion to the musical notes printed on the sheet. "I have to do it by heart." She told herself.

"No talking!" A stern but unrecognizable voice bellowed out from the darkness. "The only sound I wanna hear is the sound of those hooves pounding those keys!"

Diamond gulped but said not a word, she just continued to play the song. However, towards the end of it her hooves slipped and pressed the wrong key. Compared to the right keys, this one rang out quite audibly as though the surrounding environment suddenly echoed. The filly seemed to shudder almost on instinct.

And the same stern voice from before bitterly remarked! "Idiot! Do it again, and do it right this time!"

"I'm trying to! Can't I please take a break?" Tiara pleaded with the voice. "I promise I'm not trying to slack off."

But the voice only answered. "No excuses, no exceptions! As a rich pony, perfection is the one thing always expected. Anything less is not tolerable! Now go again! You're not getting up from this stool until every single key has been played exactly right! Do I make myself clear?!"

Weakly, Diamond answered the voice. "Yes." And went back to playing from the beginning without a word.

As Apple Bloom watched the whole scene from afar, she felt something inside her snap. "This ain't right! Poor Diamond's bein' tortured!" And acting on instinct she charged into the dreamscape, penetrating the darkness that surrounded her on again/off again rival.

Tiara barely noticed the unexpected visitor. Or if she did she paid no attention, she just continued to pound out the keys to the best of her ability.

It wasn't until Apple Bloom cried out "Diamond Tiara!" that the rich filly finally took notice of her unexpected visitor. "This is all a dream!"

But Diamond shushed her guest. "Apple Bloom, not so loud. Can't you see I'm in the middle of something important?"

"What? Bein' forced into somethin' you clearly don't wanna do?" Apple Bloom questioned. "I thought you said your cutie mark meant leadership."

Tiara rolled her eyes. "Of course it does. But that leadership comes with expectations, expectations that must be met no matter what! So go away, blank flank. Why do you care what happens to me?"

"Because cutie mark or not, nopony should be forced to do somethin' they don't wanna do!" Apple Bloom boldly declared as she stood up. "So whoever you are out there, you ain't controllin' Diamond Tiara anymore tonight! She's free to do whatever she wants, she ain't bound by what you may think of her cutie mark or the ability that comes with it!"

"You dare to snap at me?!" The voiced angrily roared. "Insolent brat! You'll pay for your disrespect! Diamond Tiara, kindly show this 'pest' the door! And then I expect you to return to your piano lessons."

But Tiara, feeling a sudden surge of confidence, stood up and roared back. "I won't! You can't make me do what you want anymore! If this is a dream then that means I'm free to do what I want! I'm not your little puppet, at least not in here! And you know what I've always wanted to do?"

"What?!" The voice questioned.

With a grin, the pink coated filly giggled. "This!" She leaped onto the piano and started to slide along the massive keys with no rhyme or reason to her rhythm. In fact, she was having so much fun that she didn't even notice when Apple Bloom slipped away, back through the darkness.

When Apple Bloom returned to Princess Luna, she was surprised to see the princess not frowning but instead smiling. "You've been a bigger help than I ever imagined, Apple Bloom. I have been trying for ages to assist Diamond Tiara in her dreams, but always I have fallen short. You, however, seemed to have figured out a way to break through to her."

"Just who was that shadowy figure she was takin' orders from? And why did they sound so cruel?" Apple Bloom questioned. "I never could make out a face."

"If I had to harbor a guess, I would say that was her mother: Spoiled Rich," Princess Luna explained. "I have heard... things about her. Things I dare not repeat in the company of a filly like yourself. But heed my warning, stay away from her at all costs. Spoiled Rich is not a pony you should ever get on the bad side of."

"Spoiled Rich, I think I've heard that name before somewhere." Apple Bloom realized.

Luna nodded, before she conjured up another door. "It's been a busy night for us all, but I think it's finally time to bring it to a close."

A moment later, the door swung open. On the other side of it was the familiar interior of the clubhouse the Cutie Mark Crusaders frequently occupied. And inside it already were Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Babs Seed. All of them at once realized their visitor. "Princess Luna!" They all exclaimed!

Luna smiled. "Yes, it is I. Fear not, for I have brought Apple Bloom. All of you have been suffering from very similar fears this very night."

"Wait, we're still asleep?" Sweetie Belle questioned.

Scootaloo, however, took advantage of the opportunity to fly around the clubhouse. "Cool! So this is what flying feels like! Can't wait 'til I can do it in the waking world one day!"

"Hold on a minute," Babs Seed questioned. "What am I doing here? And what's this got to do with all of us?"

Luna gestured to the podium. "I think Apple Bloom has something she'd like to share before you wake."

Apple Bloom stepped up to the podium. "Well, reckon I oughta call this dream meetin' of the Cutie Mark Crusaders to order!" She pressed her hoof down, causing the podium to let out a honk. Princess Luna suppressed a giggle. "I know we all got pretty anxious when we found out Babs got her cutie mark, but I for one don't want to have nightmares every night from now until we three get ours! Or in Babs' case, forever!"

"Not anymore, cousin! Thanks to you, I don't think I'll be having any more nightmares about out of control mane hair!" Babs declared.

Scootaloo smiled. "This isn't the first time I've had nightmares over something silly. If you could overcome yours, Babs, I'm sure the rest of us will do the same."

"It's lucky we're all scared of the same things. That way we can help and remind each other to just be who we are!" Sweetie Belle added.

Princess Luna then added. "And when the day comes that you all finally get your cutie marks, you can be sure they'll fit you to a T."

"Most importantly though," Apple Bloom declared. "Tonight I think I need to make somethin' clear. Just because somepony gets their cutie mark, doesn't mean they have to stop bein' a Cutie Mark Crusader. Once a Crusader, always a Crusader!" And a short time later, the dream clubhouse faded away as the fillies were all led away.

When morning came for real, Apple Bloom awoke feeling refreshed and cheerful. It was a new day, and she knew that any worries she might have previously had were long gone. So as she made her way downstairs for breakfast, she found herself singing:

There ain't no call to worry

So don't you cry or fret.

'Cause a cutie mark won't change me

No matter what I get!

Applejack smiled, overhearing the lullaby she had sang the night before. "Well, sure looks like somepony's feelin' better. Sleep well last night, sis?"

"Oh believe me, you wouldn't believe the kind of sleep I had!" Apple Bloom proudly declared. "Though, I do have one question."

Applejack turned. "Oh, and what would that be?"

"Is there an actual Mr. Green Horn around these parts?" Apple Bloom questioned.

Applejack nodded. "The pest control pony? Yeah, he's been here since before you were born. Why'd you ask, sis?"

"Well, let's just say I suddenly have a newfound appreciation for the work he does." Was all Apple Bloom responded with, leaving her family quite puzzled. Breakfast was certainly going to be interesting for the Apple Family today.

Author's Note

Here we go again, another round of rewrites. Even though most will be from Season 8, I wanted to include some from other seasons as not to make it seem like I'm singling out Season 8.

This episode has been on the backburner for a while in terms of rewritting, only now have I gotten around to it. The two biggest problems are that: It is the dream episode that takes the longest to reveal itself as one (the other two LunaxCMC episodes revealed the dream twist a lot sooner), and even though it's a dream there are so many things that just seem odd. Like the addition of the pest control pony that we never see again.

The episode also stumbles when from the beginning it reveals that Babs Seed has gotten her cutie mark, and then it says she's not a Cutie Mark Crusader anymore. It raises a whole bunch of questions that the episode clearly isn't prepared to answer. And it ends up making the founding members of the CMC look attached at the hip, like they're the only ones who matter. Considering that with the exception of a couple of episodes, the CMC have become defined solely as a group in recent seasons, it sort of seems like this episode started a trend of shying away from their individual pursuits.

So to fix all of that, I wanted to better address Babs' Seed cutie mark, foreshadow Diamond Tiara's redemption that they (the show staff) had to know was coming later in the season, and get to the dream twist much sooner.

By the time this rewrite volume is published, there'll probably be about three episodes rewritten. And like always, assuming Season 9 starts airing before this volume is completed, there will not be any Season 9 episodes in this volume. You can check previous volumes for already rewritten episodes, because to list them all here would make these authors notes even longer than they already are.

Episodes to be rewritten:
~~Bloom and Gloom~~
The Times They Are a Changeling
Discordant Harmony (Bonus Chapter)
Fake It 'Til You Make It (Bonus Chapter)
The Parent Tracks Parts 1 and 2 (Two parter of the Parent Map)
Molt Down
Marks for Effort
A Matter of Principals
Friendship University
Yakity-Sax
The Washouts
A Rockhoof and a Hard Place
Mother Knows Least? (Father Knows Beast)

S8 E21: A Rockhoof and a Hard Place (What If?)

The beautiful crystal like structure of the school could be seen from the hilltop on which a stallion was observing the surrounding landscape. "So the stories are true. 'Tis a thing of beauty to behold!" The stallion thought to himself. "Which makes it the ideal place for a fellow like me to go."

The stallion (armed only with an old, worn shovel) rushed down the hill in a mad sprint to the school! Of course, he was polite about it the whole way. "Excuse me! Pardon me! Coming through! So sorry, miss!" He apologized.

Twilight was in the middle of organizing her lesson plans and storing them in a secure cabinet, protected by a magical look. After the incident with Friendship U, she was taking no chances. No one else was going to gain access to her lesson plans and copy them if she could help it.

So focused was the headmare on this task, that she almost didn't notice when the door to her office swung wide open! Luckily, she was quick to snatch up her lesson plans with her magic before they could scatter onto the floor! "What is it?!" She cried out. "Haven't you heard of knocking?!"

"Sorry to frighten ya, Princess, but I needed to talk to ya as soon as possible." A familiar, sturdy voice called out.

Twilight looked up, quickly locking eyes with none other than the legend himself: Rockhoof! "Oh, it's just you, Rockhoof. I'm sorry, where are my manners?"

"It's alright, didn't mean to cause a commotion," Rockhoof apologized. "But I've got a proposition for ya. One that I think you'll be very interested in hearing."

"Yes?" Twilight innocently asked the pillar.

Rockhoof cleared his throat. "Seeing as you're the headmare of this establishment, I figured you were the pony to talk to see about getting a job at this school. I want to lend my services to you and the students, and make myself useful."

Twilight smiled. "I'd be honored, Rockhoof. But may I ask what brings you here? Didn't you want to see what became of your village?"

At that, Rockhoof's mood changed and became sorrowful. "I did. It was the first thing I did after being set free from limbo and helping to rescue Stygian, who I hear has become a fine author," Then he cleared his throat. "Anyway, to get back to the subject at hoof, I paid a visit to my old village. But nothing is as I remember it. Everyone I knew and loved either moved away long ago, or has passed on. And sadly, now my village is little more than an archaeological dig sight. Not much use for a fossil like me in a place like that."

The alicorn let out a gasp! "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry to hear that, Rockhoof!"

Rockhoof shook his head. "Don't be, you couldn't have known. I guess I should've expected it, being gone for over a thousand years and all," Then he added. "The other pillars have all moved on with their lives and found work elsewhere. So I figured it's time I did the same. Professor Fossil, the head archaeologist at the dig sight, suggested I try my luck here at this school. And when I heard you were looking for a more long term gym teacher, I figured I'd found my calling in the world as I now know it."

Spike (who had been silently listening to everything up to this point, he'd been busying helping Twilight re-organize some of the higher shelves that she couldn't access without a ladder) flew down and commented. "We could certainly use a permanent gym teacher, Rockhoof. Right now, gym only gets taught whenever Rainbow Dash or Applejack can find time in their busy schedules to hold it. It's always on the chopping block, because Rainbow's a Wonderbolt and Applejack has to tend the fields while her brother goes to see his special somepony. To say nothing of the times the map calls them away."

"Then I hereby submit myself as a candidate for the office!" Rockhoof firmly declared.

Twilight pulled out some files from her desk. "Very well then," She placed the appropriate documents on top of her desk and offered Rockhoof a quill. "Read the documents carefully and then sign your name. It'll be an honor to have you on the staff, Rockhoof!" And the princess would turn out to be right in more ways than she could've imagined.

The hiring process didn't take long. Soon, Rockhoof was officially brought on as the new gym teacher. "Hope ya don't mind me carrying me trusty shovel with me," Rockhoof said to Twilight. "We ain't ever parted ways since getting back from limbo. And we make a fine pair."

Twilight nodded. "You're welcome to hold onto that shovel since it means so much to you. Just be careful not to hit anypony with it."

"Not a problem. Now, I'd best be getting to the gym so I can get all set up. Can't wait to meet all the wee ones and tell 'em my stories." Rockhoof declared to Twilight and then departed her office without another word.

The very next day, word had already gotten out that there was a new gym teacher at the school. But no one knew who it was just yet. That detail had been kept a secret. But it wouldn't be a secret for much longer.

Sandbar (who always got good grades in gym) was leading the pack that consisted of his friends as they exited Fluttershy's class involving rare and exotic animals currently residing at her sanctuary. "Come on, guys!" He encouraged. "They're finally holding gym class again! Headmare Twilight says she's finally somepony who can teach it all semester long!"

"Does that mean nomore substitutes?" Gallus questioned. "My wings are still sore from the last substitute. I gotta say, I take back all the jokes I made about Professor Egghead. If she can endure a workout like that on a daily basis, she must be tougher than she looks."

"I give the new guy or gal three weeks tops!" Smolder declared. "Gym class has always been taught by either Professor Rainbow Dash or Professor Applejack. And usually it means helping them work on their buckball game. The new teacher's gonna have their work cut out for them trying to teach so many students all at once."

Silverstream just grinned. "Ooh! Maybe we'll get to play some other sports! There's so many I haven't gotten to try yet. Like baseball, and soccer, and hoofball!"

Sandbar grinned at the hippogriff. "Well you'll never find out if you don't pick up the slack! Come on, slow pokes! Professor Pinkie Pie always says it's important to make a good first impression when meeting someone new. So let's try to do that for the new gym teacher."

The students all filed into the gym a short time later. They were surprised to be greeted by a lumbering earth pony stallion who was a pale, light cyanish gray in color. He had a mane, tail, and beard that was a moderate orange in color with a light gold stripe down the center, grayish blue eyes, and a cutie mark depicting a strange symbol no one had ever seen before (it looked to be three triangles overlapping with one another). Most unusual of all though, was the huge shovel that currently lay across his shoulders.

"Greetings to ya all, lads and lassies," The stallion spoke in a thick accent. "The name's Rockhoof, proud member of the Mighty Helm. And I'm gonna be your gym teacher."

Sandbar and Ocellus were immediately filled with admiration, they knew who Rockhoof was! "You're one of the pillars of old! You're a legend and a hero!" Ocellus gushed.

Rockhoof laughed. "Oh, I don't know about that hero bit, lassie. I like to think I've done some pretty heroic things in my time, but that does not automatically make one a hero in my book. A hero has to be full of virtue, wisdom, and most of all a sense to do the right thing no matter what the cost may be. And being a hero is not a full time job, you never wake up or go to bed a hero. Heroes come and go as they are needed."

"But you're still famous! I used to hear stories about you and the Mighty Helm all the time!" Sandbar happily exclaimed as he offered a hoof. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Rockhoof! I'm Sandbar!" He proceeded to introduce his friends one by one. "And this is Ocellus, Gallus, Smolder, Silverstream, and Yona. They're my friends."

"Ah, it's good to see a young lad like you making friends at such an age," Rockhoof commented as he returned the hoofshake. "My teammates in the Mighty Helm weren't really my friends until long after I grew this beard and beefed myself up. And it took me even longer than that to realize just how much of a difference friendship can make in an individual's life. But I'm getting ahead of myself, that's a story for another time. Right now, I'm got a gym class to teach, and plenty of students to learn the names of," He blew the whistle he'd been given as part of his gym teacher responsibilities. "Alright now, first order of business is role call. When I call your name please raise a hoof, or claw, or whatever extremitie you've got. And once role call's done, we're gonna play some dodge ball. It's a great way to learn about teamwork and trust."

In no time at all, Rockhoof had learned the names of each of the students in his care, and watched them as they were pitted against one another in a game of dodge ball. The two team captains were Sandbar on the red team and Yona on the blue team.

During a lull in the activity, Yona took the opportunity to start gushing about her new found fascination for the mighty Rockhoof. "He is just like yak!" Yona proudly declared to all who would listen. "He is strong, like yak. Brave, like yak. And like yak he loves to make new friends. Rockhoof is now best gym teacher!"

"He sure is fond of those stories," Smolder commented. "I'm not sure what this 'Mighty Helm' is he keeps talking about though."

Sandbar grinned. "They're probably like the royal guards or the Wonderbolts. I hear Headmare Twilight's brother serves as Captain of the Royal Guard."

"Isn't he also the one who's married to that princess and lives in that empire made of crystal?" Smolder questioned. "One of these days we should totally go see it. I hear Spike's a big hero there for some reason."

Meanwhile, Yona was insisting. "Yak going to base her paper on Rockhoof. Yona get A plus for sure! Day cannot possibly get better!"

Just then there came the sharp cry of an alarm. The students knew what that meant, it was time for a fire drill. Many of them groaned, the drills were always so boring.

But Rockhoof seemed to be treating the whole thing as if it were real. "Alright, lads and lassies, I'm to take you all outside and call roll. Let's move it, double time!"

"Actually," Gallus commented in reply. "Some of us were thinking of just staying here 'til the drill is over. It's just a drill, we get these all the time."

Rockhoof wouldn't take no for an answer though. "Doesn't matter. We in the Mighty Helm were trained to take any and all drills seriously. I'm getting you all out of here one way or another, now come on!" He proceed to unholster his shovel and use it to pick up Yona.

Yona beamed with pride! "Day just got better!" She happily exclaimed.

Using his shovel and his strength, Rockhoof quickly opened the doors and tossed all the students out on the lawn one by one. Then he rushed out behind them and called out their names to make sure he hadn't left anyone behind. He hadn't. "Good thing you wee ones had me around. If that had been a real emergency and you wanted to stay, you'd have probably burnt to a crisp," And he was quick to advise. "You may find these drills silly and a waste of time. But if it ever became real, you'd be thankful we practiced so often. That way you'd know by heart what to do and where to go. Because I won't always be there to carry you out," Then he set his trusty shovel back on his shoulders. "Though you're lucky the worst you have to worry about is fire. In my village, we lived in constant fear that the volcano would erupt and wipe us all out. We had to constantly dig trenches at the slightest hint that it might blow its top. 'Better safe than sorry', my captain always said."

Yona found herself amazed! Rockhoof was fast becoming her new hero and idol.

The next day, Yona was the one most looking forward to gym class. In fact it was all she thought about all day, until at last it arrived.

"I've never seen Yona this excited before," SIlverstream commented to the others. "Usually that's my department."

Sandbar chuckled. "She's just excited because she's got someone at this school she can relate to. Not to mention somepony she can base that paper on."

"The one about a pony who inspires us and why that is so? That's one difficult because there's so many ponies to choose from." Ocellus commented.

"Well at least the paper isn't due for another week or so," Gallus remarked. "I'll probably just pick a random pony from the history books and hope for a passing grade."

All the while, Yona was eagerly rushing down the halls to the gymnasium. "Yona can't wait to hear more of Rockhoof's stories! Stories make for good paper! And Yona show paper to Rockhoof when finished."

The students all filed into the gymnasium a moment later, and Rockhoof was there to greet them. "Splendid to see all you young ones on time again. Punctuality is an important value to develop," Then he smiled. "I took the liberty of setting up an obstacle course just like the one used to train members of the Mighty Helm. Of course, I had to improvise none of you wee ones are looking to join the helm and the helm's course was much harder. Even yours truly struggled with it. So I scaled back on some of the tougher stuff. Other than that though, it's a spot on replica. A splendid if I do say so myself."

Gallus groaned. "Great, it's back to boot camp." He sarcastically remarked, looking around at the rope walls, nets, and hurdles. It all seemed like overkill to him.

Sandbar quickly explained to Rockhoof. "Our last substitute was Captain Spitfire of the Wonderbolts. She made us do laps around the track until some of us were ready to collapse. And some of us still have lingering wounds from that time."

Rockhoof nodded. "I understand how that feels. The first workout's always the toughest, especially when you don't expect it. Not to worry, though. I ain't one of those 'Work ya 'til you drop' kind of coaches. Still, what good is gym class if you're not getting a good workout out of it? Now you all line up in single file. When one of you completes the course, the next in line goes. And we'll keep going until each of you's taken a turn. If any of you get stuck, just give a holler and I'll come running," Then he asked. "So, do we have any volunteers?"

Yona shot up a hoof. "I'll do it! Yona do anything for best teacher!"

"Very well then, Yona," Rockhoof smiled as he blew his whistle. "Everyone line up behind Yona in alphabetical order! Remember, one at a time. The course ain't meant for more than one. And this ain't a contest, just do your best," Then he instructed. "Go, Yona!"

The young yak took off with a sprint! She seemed to be almost on autopilot for the whole length of the obstacle course, nothing slowed her down even the slightest. It wasn't long before she had scaled the rope wall, climbed down the other side, and shouted. "Yona done!"

The massive stallion smiled anew. "And in record time too. Now that's just the kind of motivation I like to see, you wee ones could learn a lot from Yona. All in good time of course," And he blew his whistle again. "Next!"

As the next student in line started running through the course, Yona made her way back to where Rockhoof stood at attention. She was really curious about the massive stallion. From what little she remembered of what Sandbar and Ocellus had mentioned, Rockhoof was a legend of old that had once protected Equestria. And he was also the Pillar of Strength, whatever that meant. But what was a pony with those kinds of titles doing at Twilight's school? That was what she was hoping to find out.

Yona made eye contact with the stallion. "Professor Rockhoof?"

"Just Rockhoof will do, thank you. I like to think of myself as your pal first and your teacher second," Rockhoof declared with a light laugh. "What can I do for you, Yona?"

The yak innocently inquired. "Rockhoof not from Ponyville, right? Rockhoof from somewhere else."

Rockhoof nodded. "Aye, I am. Though to be fair, this ain't my first job in Ponyville. After I got out of limbo, the first thing I did was go back to my village. But when I saw what was left of it, I figured there wasn't much of a need for a shovel pony like myself anymore."

"What is limbo?" Yona asked. "Sandbar and Ocellus mention limbo and pillars when talking about Rockhoof, but Yona not know what they mean."

The mighty stallion gave a hearty laugh. "I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around all of that myself, lassie. Pillars are what they called ponies like myself and Starswirl to describe our greatest virtues. They're what eventually became the Elements of Harmony. Strength was my virtue, my element you could say. And as for limbo, it's a gateway between worlds. Least, that's how Starswirl put it."

"What did pony do after getting out of limbo?" Yona questioned Rockhoof.

Rockhoof put a hoof to his chin, stroking his beard. "Like I said, the first thing I did was go back to my village. Didn't stay long though, wasn't much left of it. And what little there was was being dug up and inspected by all these archaeologists. So I came here, hoping to find work somewhere. Tried a couple of different professions, but none worked out."

"When was all this? Yak not remember seeing Rockhoof around before." Yona questioned.

The stallion chuckled. "It was before this school ever got started. Tried being a mail pony first, but I didn't know my way around time. Got all the letters and packages sent to the wrong addresses, including something that was supposed to go to a Mr. Cranky Doodle Donkey. So next I tried the spa. Thought maybe I could try my luck at being a spa masseuse." He started to flash back to that day.

Rockhoof had only just started work, the spa outfit he was wearing was still fresh. The first customer that came up to his station, was a buff pegasus stallion with a snow white coat and red eyes. "So, what's your name, lad?" Rockhoof asked.

"Bulk Biceps!" Bulk Biceps shouted. "Hope you can help me. My back's a bit stiff."

Rockhoof grinned. "Well, laddie, we'll soon fix that up. You just lay down on the mat and let me handle the rest. Okay?"

"Yeah!" Bulk Biceps roared as he did just that.

Rockhoof carefully warmed up his hooves, hovering them over his customer's back. "Ready?" Bulk Biceps gave a nod. "Alright. Now just let me know if this is too much pressure!"

There was a sharp crunching sound, and Bulk Biceps let out an incredibly high-pitched scream.

"Turns out Bulk Biceps was the one who gave killer massages so to speak," Rockhoof finished his story to Yona. "The spa told me they didn't need another. Guess sometimes I really don't know my own strength, feel just like a bull in a china shop."

"So Rockhoof is clumsy too, just like yak," Yona thought to herself. "We have more in common than Yona thought!"

"I also tried my hoof at helpin' out a Miss. Zecora with carrying her stuff. But I brought her a lot more than she needed," Rockhoof admitted with a blush. "Once, I brought her a whole tree not realizing it had a bee's nest in it. After she chased off the bees she had to whip up something to treat the stings. Both on her and on myself."

Yona giggled. "Bees no bother Yona. Yak fur is too thick for silly bees to penetrate."

"Well I hope you don't intentionally make bees angry, Yona," Rockhoof commented in reply. "Anyway, I tried a couple more jobs in and around Ponyville. Dug ditches, worked in a saw mill, anything that I thought I might be good at. Some of the jobs were nice but none of them were a permanent replacement for what I'd lost. So eventually I decided to go on the road, see if my talents were needed elsewhere."

"And Rockhoof stay on road until school need gym?" Yona concluded.

Rockhoof nervously answered. "Well, sort of. There's actually a whole 'nother story about that," Just then, the bell rang to signal the end of class. "But it looks our time together is up. You've got classes elsewhere and I wouldn't wanna make you wait," He ushered Yona to the door. "Go on, go be with your friends."

"But... but..." Yona didn't want to leave just yet. She still needed some more details before she could write that paper. Plus, she was very intrigued by what Rockhoof had to say.

Rockhoof just gave a wink. "If you wanna hear the rest of my story, you come 'round here after school's done for the day and I'll tell it to you. How's that sound?"

"It is deal! Yona come back after class to hear story! Yona can't wait!" Yona proudly declared. "Rockhoof is more than best teacher, Rockhoof is fast becoming Yona's friend!"

Rockhoof smiled again. "Well as your friend, I wouldn't want to make you late. So get going, lassie!" And he watched as Yona trotted away with the five other creatures she considered her friends. "Always warms my heart to see the next generation interested in what the previous generation has to say," He thought to himself. "A shame there aren't more like Yona who are eager to listen. Oh well. An audience is an audience, no matter how small."

With the promise to Rockhoof at the very forefront of her mind, Yona found it difficult to concentrate on anything or anyone else. It didn't help that the day seemed to tick by agonizingly slowly for her.

But at long last her patience was rewarded when the bell rang one final time, and classes were done for the day. "Goodbye, everyone," Twilight called as she waved a hoof. "Remember, your papers on a pony who inspires you are due at the end of the week. It'll be here before you know it."

"Hey, Yona," Sandbar called. "We're gonna go to Sugarcube Corner for milkshakes. Wanna join us?"

Yona shook her head. "Can't. Yak has somewhere important she needs to be. Go on without yak!" And she ran off without waiting for a reply.

Rushing down the halls of the school at a tremendous rate, Yona's destination was clear in mind. It didn't take her long to reach the now empty gymnasium. Bursting through the doors, she saw Rockhoof hard at work taking down the obstacle course so it could be stored away. Still, he had promised her. And Yona wasn't about to let him back out of such a promise. "Rockhoof!" She called in excitement, informing him of her arrival.

Rockhoof briefly appeared to be startled, before his eyes locked onto the familiar figure of Yona and he breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, it's just you, Yona. You're lucky I recognized you, or I might have given ya a taste of me trusty shovel. Packs quite the wallop it does," He trotted over to her. "I suppose you're here to learn about the rest of my story. About what I did after I left Ponyville and before I came back to serve as the gym teacher at this school."

Yona eagerly nodded. "Yak ready to learn! Tell yak everything!"

"Alright, Yona. But fair warning, it gets pretty heavy towards the end." Rockhoof advised. And then he began to tell the rest of his story to his audience of one.

Rockhoof had left Ponyville with directions from Twilight on where he could find his fellow pillars. Flash Magnus had taken up residency in Canterlot.

Despite having only briefly seen the city twice before, the high ranking member of the Mighty Helm was still both amazed and saddened by what he saw. "Even Canterlot looks different from the old days. Guess it's to be expected, though. Should've figured this'd be the place where Flash Magnus would reside."

Just then, Flash Magnus came trotting down the street with several members of the royal guard. Accompanying him was Shining Armor, who was joining Flash Magnus in barking out orders. "Trot, two, three, four! Trot, two, three, four! Keep it lively, rookies! Visitors on site!"

Flash Magnus gave the order. "Company, halt!" He smiled as he extended a hoof to Rockhoof. "Rockhoof, you old ditch-digger you! So nice to see you again, old pal."

Rockhoof returned the hoofshake. "Flash Magnus, as I live and breathe! Is this your new squadron?"

"Nah, it belongs to Captain Armor over here," Flash Magnus gestured a wing to Shining Armor. "He's just letting me borrow them for a while. These recruits are always eager to learn from the master, and I'm happy to teach 'em," Then he told Rockhoof. "After we got out of limbo, I went looking for work for a pony with experience in the Royal Legion. Once a soldier, always a soldier."

Shining Armor smiled. "Princess Celestia was happy to find a new drill sergeant for her guard! Flash Magnus hasn't been with us for too long but already our morale is through the roof! The next time some evil force rears its ugly head, we'll be ready for it! You can be sure of that."

Rockhoof's mouth dropped open in shock! "She really put you in a job that big so soon?" He asked Flash Magnus.

"Well, considering she let my great grand-nephew get a high ranking position as a guard in the Crystal Empire, of course the princess was all too happy to have me join," Flash Magnus replied. "Sorry we don't have any openings for you at the moment though. If you're looking for something to do, you should go see what Mistmane is up to."

As it turned out, Mistmane was working in the Crystal Empire. More specifically in the palace gardens. Princess Cadence and Flurry Heart were watching her silently doing her work.

And when Rockhoof showed up to see his old friend even he was impressed by how well she seemed to be fitting in. "They made you the royal landscape artist for the Crystal Empire, huh, Mistmane?"

Mistmane nodded. "I've never worked with crystal before, but in my heart, I know I'm where I belong. Plus, it gives me a chance to make some new friends. Everypony in my village that's still there today doesn't know who I am, they all think I'm a ghost."

"Honestly, I wish I was a ghost right about now. Might be better off as one," Rockhoof glumly admitted. "You always could find the beauty in things. But there's not much demand for shovel ponies like me nowadays. And it doesn't seem like I've got a whole lot of other options."

"You're welcome to stay here for a while if you need to figure out your path in life," Cadence offered. "Perhaps you could use your skills with a shovel to help Mistmane plant new seedlings that'll one day grow into fine flowers."

Rockhoof shook his head. "Don't know the first thing about flowers or crystals, I'm afraid I won't be of much help on that."

Mistmane simply smiled, pulling Rockhoof close. "I know what you're going through, Rockhoof. Adjusting to this modern world was difficult for many of us. Perhaps you just haven't met the right pony yet. But don't give up hope. You should see Somnambula. I'm sure she'll help you find your purpose."

Somnambula still lived in her village and seemed to have adapted well to the changes that had occurred in her absence. "The descendants of Prince Hisan were kind enough to take me in," Somnambula explained to Rockhoof. "And I have discovered that my positive outlook can be quite helpful to many others. I am now a motivational speaker."

"Interesting, but we never had a need for them back in my village I'm afraid," Rockhoof admitted. "Ponies knew what to do with their lives."

But Somnambula was quick to suggest. "At the least you should give one of my sessions a try. It may be just the thing to take your mind off your troubles before you journey again."

"Alright, anything for a friend, I suppose," Rockhoof commented. "So, how does this work?"

"Assume the meditative position and close your eyes," Somnambula instructed and waited until Rockhoof had done so. "Splendid. Now then, focus on my voice and feel yourself unlock your potential. Breath in, breath out," She promptly inhaled deeply and then exhaled slowly. "Rockhoof, imagine everything that currently troubles you as one big cloud. Now simply let it float away. You are relaxed. Free to do anything you wish."

When Somnambula opened her eyes, however, she found that Rockhoof had fallen asleep. "I guess he wished he could take a nap," She thought to herself. "Well, when he is rested perhaps I shall direct him to Meadowbrook and she will be help to him. After all she knew him better than anyone else."

But that could wait. For the time being she simply carried (with the greatest of effort) the slumbering Rockhoof to the Get On Inn.

Somnambula did just as she thought she would. Though Rockhoof really wouldn't have needed help to find Meadowbrook, Hayseed Swamp wasn't a very populated area to begin with.

The stallion found himself envious of the fact that Meadowbrook's home looked just as she'd left it. Why couldn't that sort of luck happened to him?

Meadowbrook smiled innocently when she saw Rockhoof. "Ah, Rockhoof. It's been too long, hasn't it? Come on in, have a look around. Wish I could introduce ya to Cattail, but he's out collectin' ingredients for my many potions. They don't fill themselves you know."

Rockhoof let out a sigh. "Meadowbrook, your home looks just the same as the old days. Wish I could say the same for mine."

"Mistmane and Somnambula felt the same way when they saw their villages. Time unfortunately doesn't stand still," Meadowbrook commented. "Besides, my home's not exactly how I left it. I've had to expand my clinic a bit. Many creatures need healin' in this modern world," She put a hoof to Rockhoof's forehead. "Aww. Looks like you could use some healin' too. What's got you heartsick, Rockhoof? I may know somethin' that'll ease the pain."

But Rockhoof took one look at the bottles and immediately knew none of them would be of any help to him. "Thing is, Meadowbrook, it's me who's the problem. I can't do my old job in a new way like Flash Magnus. Or adapt my skills like Mistmane. Or succeed at something new like Somnambula. Or go home, like you."

"Give it time. Even Star Swirl's still learnin' about friendship," Meadowbrook sweetly replied. "Last I heard, he's been travelin' all around Equestria and learnin' somethin' new every day."

"What about Stygian? Haven't heard a peep out of him since he got out of limbo and we freed him." Rockhoof questioned, hoping that maybe the two of them could work something out.

Now it was Meadowbrook's turn to look unhappy, as she produced a book that depicted Stygian and the Pony of Shadows. It read: Before The Darkness. "He said he wanted to be a writer, and it looks like he's found inspiration. I'm sorry you had to find out about this now."

Rockhoof shook his head. "It's alright, I couldn't ask ya to lie to me. Thanks any, Meadowbrook. But I need to get going. Tell Cattail I said 'Hello' though."

"So just like that, I realized I was on my own again. All my friends had moved on and found a new calling for themselves," Rockhoof explained to Yona. "Meanwhile, the most I had were stories and tales of the pony I used to be. But they did me no good in a village where nopony remembered me. Yet it seemed like that was the only place that was left for me, archaeological sight or not."

"So, what Rockhoof do when Rockhoof return to village?" Yona asked.

But Rockhoof glanced out the window, noticing the changing reflecting glow of the sun. "I'd love to tell you, lassie. But I've kept you here longer than necessary as it is. I'm sure you've got friends waiting on ya, so don't be keeping them waiting. Me and my stories aren't going anywhere."

"But-" Yona protested as she ushered to the back door.

Rockhoof just gave a hearty laugh. "Go on, Yona. Go out and have fun. I'll be glad to tell ya the rest of the story tomorrow before class," He lightly shooed her away while he chuckled to himself. "She sure is a curious one. Reminds me of myself when I was a wee lad."

The next day, Yona came to the School of Friendship bright and early and made an immediate beeline for the gymnasium to talk to Rockhoof! But when she burst open the doors to the gym, she found the whole place deserted. The obstacle course had been taken down and had yet to be put back up. And there was not a sign of Rockhoof anywhere.

"Hey, Yona." Spike called, attracting the young yak's attention.

Yona immediately turned to face the dragon. "Where Professor Rockhoof? He supposed to teach gym class."

Spike commented. "I'm afraid Rockhoof's not gonna be teaching for a while now. Last night there was a small fire near the school. Rockhoof jumped in to help out, but he got a twisted leg for his troubles."

"No!" Yona exclaimed in horror.

"Relax, it'll heal in time," Spike reassured Yona. "Rockhoof's a fighter through and through. In the meantime, we're going to see if Rainbow Dash can take over gym class until Rockhoof's back on his hooves."

Yona rushed up and tackled Spike, demanding of the dragon! "Where is Rockhoof?! Yona must see him!"

"He's at Twilight's castle, recovering in the guest bedroom!" Spike answered. "Now please, get off of me! You're crushing my wings!"

Yona obliged and ran off, though not before shouting. "Sorry, Spike!"

Spike just stood up and dusted himself off. "Thank you, dragon scales. You've saved my skin yet again!"

While it took her a while to find the guest bedroom Spike had mentioned, Yona still reached her destination before long. "Professor Rockhoof!" She happily exclaimed!

Rockhoof turned his head, his back left leg wrapped up in a cast. "Yona! Guess you've come to hear the end of my story about how I came to teach at your school. Sorry about my current state, but no one ever said doing the right thing didn't hurt."

However, Yona shook her head. "Yak no need to hear rest of story, yak know it have happy ending. Pony eventually come to terms and decide to try his luck at teaching," Then she cleared her throat. "Yona have story she wish to share. Story about how pony at school inspire her: 'When Yona come to pony school, Yona not fit in at all. Pony ways strange and confusing. But Yona not give up! Yona find friends! Yona meet Professor Rockhoof! Pony brave and strong like yak! Not afraid! Hero! When Yona grow up, Yona want to be just like Professor Rockhoof!' That is end of yak's story!"

"You put all that together just on the spot, Yona?" Rockhoof asked. "You might be a fine storyteller when you grow up."

Yona massaged the back of her neck. "Yona not make up story. Story is assignment from different class. Yona need to pick pony or other creature that inspire her, and write paper explaining why. Yona just thought it best if Professor Rockhoof hear it as story. That way, Yona give something back to him."

"Very impressive, Yona. If that's what your report is like, I'll have no trouble giving it an A plus," The familiar voice of Twilight called, clapping her hooves. "It always warms my heart to see a student take an assignment and personalize it. That's the best way to learn about friendship," Then she turned to Rockhoof. "You know how at one point you told me there wasn't anything in this time you were good at?"

Rockhoof nodded. "Aye. But now it seems I'm good for something besides spinning tall tales and tales of glory in the old days."

Twilight nodded back. "You are a living record of our history. Your stories can inspire and teach generations to come. And it seems you've really made a difference in the life of at least one student. Keep this up and I think you'll be a candidate for teacher of the month."

Yona, meanwhile, hugged Rockhoof and told him. "Rockhoof Yona's friend. So Rockhoof belongs!"

Rockhoof chuckled. "You know... That reminds me of another story. Once, there was a small yak that knew more than a great hero. I'll tell to you once I'm back on my hooves though. Because for right now, Yona, you should probably be in school."

Twilight smiled. "My thoughts exactly. Come along, Yona. No need to make everyone worry," But as she departed the guest bedroom she briefly turned to Rockhoof. "Not bad for a pony who used to wonder what his purpose was. It seems Yona taught you just as much as you taught her."

Author's Note

This episode suffers a lot for the same reason "Trade Ya!" suffered, it adds in something for the climax that ends up raising a lot of unfortunate implications. In the original episode's case, Rockhoof wanting to be turned to stone has been linked to a metaphor for someone wanting to commit suicide. With some even complaining that it cheapens the resolution since in real life it's not so easy to resolve such an issue.

While that is a big problem in the episode, it's not the only problem the original one suffers from in my opinion. Throughout the entire episode, Rockhoof never tries to fit in, never tries to adapt to the modern world, never once considers that his way of doing things may not work anymore. And neither does anyone actually bother to help him or tell him what not to do. They all just pawn him off onto others, treating him like a problem rather than an individual. And once again, it's only through a member of the student/young six that the problem is solved, after showing the mane six to be utterly ineffective.

There's also the fact that Yona only really connects to Rockhoof in the original episode because he's just like a yak in her mind. But they never go any deeper with that comparison, and only Sandbar and Ocellus know he's one of the pillars. So when rewriting this episode, I wanted to put Yona into the spotlight more and flesh out her bond with Rockhoof. As well as give Rockhoof more of a chance to shine, rather than constantly treating him as a joke (I can only assume they wrote many of them because they thought Rockhoof's Scottish accent would make them funny).

Episodes to be rewritten:
~~Bloom and Gloom~~
~~The Times They Are a Changeling~~
~~Discordant Harmony (Bonus Chapter)~~
~~Fake It 'Til You Make It (Bonus Chapter)~~
~~The Parent Tracks Parts 1 and 2 (Two parter of the Parent Map)~~
~~Molt Down~~
~~Marks for Effort~~
~~A Matter of Principals~~
~~Friendship University~~
~~Yakity-Sax~~
~~The Washouts~~
~~A Rockhoof and a Hard Place~~
Mother Knows Least? (Father Knows Beast)