Impostor Syndrome

by saarni

Rating: teen
Tags: Fluttershy, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Sad
Length: 6141

You're supposed to be happy when a friend comes home after a long absence, aren't you? Rainbow Dash isn't.

A friend returning home after a long absence is something to be celebrated, isn't it? In other circumstances, Rainbow Dash would be delighted that Fluttershy is back after almost a year away, but all she has are questions; questions and dark, disturbing thoughts that she'd rather not delve into. The most important one being, "How could I not have known what was happening all this time?"

Published 2019-01-18 22:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-01-18 22:40:01 UTC

I. Watching You

The old oak tree was tall enough that much of Ponyville’s tranquil surroundings could comfortably be viewed from the lofty perch it provided, but one sight in particular drew its sole occupant’s cerise-eyed attention more than anything else. Fluttershy’s dainty little cottage at the edge of town.

Carefully, Rainbow Dash shifted herself into a more comfortable seated position on her haunches; the bark was tearing in many places, and she found her hindlegs were now covered in multiple small scratches from where she’d been repeatedly jabbed. Rainbow Dash stretched them out a bit, trying to shake off the pins-and-needles sensation she’d been left with having sat in the same position for so long. She’d probably startled a few of the small birds who’d made their nests in the tree’s thick branches, but she couldn’t bring herself to care too much about their plight right now.

Rainbow Dash had often been accused of having a one-track mind, and at the moment, all of her focus was directed inward; she didn’t want to call it feeling sorry for herself because that was majorly uncool – not to mention selfish – but try as she might, she didn’t have any other way of describing it.

Early evening was soon to give way to night; Selene, Luna’s Moon, took its rightful place as the ruler of the stars, and a brilliant canopy of light unfolded in the heavens, furnishing the landscape with an effervescent white glow. If circumstances had been different, Rainbow Dash knew that her own polychromatic aura would be another dab of paint on that particular canvas as she took her flight, but instead, she continued to watch the seemingly cheery little homestead below, desperate for any small sign of her friend. On edge whenever she caught sight of a leg, or withers, or a fleeting glimpse of pink trailing mane through the window. A soft gasp escaped her muzzle when she caught a brief flash of brilliant azure eyes, the breath immediately crystallising as the icy air claimed the moisture as its own plaything.

Rainbow Dash closed her eyes just as the first drops of rain began to fall, soaking her face, imagining what was going on inside the cottage right now; the plumes of smoke billowing from the chimney, filling her nostrils with a rich, woody scent, told her that Fluttershy was warming something up right now. Perhaps a late meal for herself? Or perhaps something for that wretched rabbit of hers? No matter how ridiculous or frivolous his demands, Fluttershy catered to them all the same. Nopony could ever quite figure out why either. She wasn’t as reticent as she used to be about putting her hoof down when bigger and uglier animals got out of line, but Angel, it seemed, was an exception.

The aroma of something pleasant cooking in Fluttershy’s hearth hit Rainbow Dash straight in the stomach; a growl echoed out into the empty stillness around her, and a blush tinted her cheeks. The last couple of days bled together in her mind, and it took her a long moment to recall that her most recent meal had only been a hastily-grabbed sandwich several hours earlier.

“Hi, Twilight.”

The Princess of Friendship let out a yelp of surprise, almost losing her footing on the branch she’d materialised upon at Rainbow Dash’s casual greeting. Recovering her posture, but not quite her dignity, she asked, “How the heck do you do that?”

Rainbow Dash opened her muzzle to speak, then closed it again. The senses of a pegasus operated at light-speed to keep them aware of everything at all times. A necessity in high-speed flying. To most, the rush of air molecules being rudely swept aside to make way for a teleporting pony was barely audible; to her, it was another of the many deafening assaults she had to endure on a daily basis. Finally, she settled for offering Twilight Sparkle a shrug. “I just do.”

For a long time, the only sound that penetrated the oppressive silence between them was that of Twilight’s wings rustling as she readjusted them by her side. The branches of this tree were nice and thick, but there weren’t many of them, and Rainbow Dash had hogged the best for herself. “You should go and talk to her,” Twilight finally said, inclining her head in the direction of Fluttershy’s cottage. “Right now, she’d probably appreciate your company more than anypony else’s.”

“Maybe,” Rainbow Dash said laconically, just the slightest edge of bitterness creeping into her tone. She wanted to lose herself in her thoughts again, but she knew that just wasn’t going to happen with Twilight at her side. Twilight so desperately wanted things to go back to normal; Tartarus, Rainbow Dash wanted that, too, but it wasn’t – it couldn’t – going to happen. It’s all so terribly complicated, as the overly dramatic Rarity might’ve put it if she were in the same position. Rainbow Dash allowed her attention to wander once more to the skies above. A good flight, maybe a sonic rainboom or two, is just what I need right now.

“If she’s going to recover from what happened to her,” Twilight said slowly, drawing a little closer, cutting into Rainbow Dash’s thoughts, “she’s going to need our help. All of our help. You can’t avoid her forever, nor can you stay up in this tree forever either in the hopes of preventing anything bad from happening to her again.”

I can sure as Tartarus try.

“What is it, two days now you’ve been sitting up here? You’ve been neglecting your weather duties, haven’t turned up for Wonderbolts training, you’ve barely ate or slept. You can’t go on like this, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight went on tenderly. “You can’t blame yourself. Celestia knows, we were all taken in.”

Rainbow Dash made a noise in her throat.

“Huh?”

“Nothing.” It was something that had to be said, but deep down, Rainbow Dash knew that somepony was to blame, and it might as well have been her.

“Then, what’s the problem?”

“How much has she told you?” asked Rainbow Dash quietly, bowing her head slightly.

“Only-” she chose her words with care “-the basics.” Twilight sounded unhappy, as if she’d brought a hammer to a rock and the hammerhead had broken instead. “She insisted over and over that they didn’t harm her. Not physically, at any rate. Mentally, though, she’s exhausted.”

“Not surprising.”

“No.”

“So. We should leave her be, is what you’re saying?” Rainbow Dash asked hopefully, annoyed with herself at how buoyed she felt by that idea. “Observe her from a distance, let her recover at her own pace.”

Twilight smiled sadly. “We need to remind her that we’re here for her. Pinkie Pie wanted to throw a Welcome Back party, but I managed to talk her down. You know how she is with parties at the best of times.” Employing her sister-in-law’s vaunted breathing technique, Twilight fought to keep her own emotions in check. “Fluttershy was kept in isolation for almost a year, and though she’s doing her best to put a brave face on things, you don’t need to be an expert to see that she’s hurting. She needs to be resocialised, but … slowly, gradually, carefully.”

“And you think I’m the one she trusts most, will respond to best?”

“Yes,” Twilight said flatly. “You were – are – her best friend.”

“I can’t face her. After what happened. After-” she swallowed “-what I allowed to happen.”

“It wasn’t your fault. She was … very convincing. She had to be, she had access to all of Fluttershy’s memories. We all feel violated, Rainbow, not just you.”

Bluntly, Rainbow Dash said, “You weren’t sleeping with her. It. Whatever.”

Twilight tried to maintain a stony, unreadable expression; it didn’t matter so much in the dark, and she noticed that Rainbow Dash wasn’t even really looking at her, but she fiercely hoped that she wasn’t blushing as much as she thought she was. A bright red beacon in the night sky. The subject was bound to come up eventually, but she wished it could have been handled in a slightly more … tactful manner. Rainbow Dash would be Rainbow Dash, though, no matter what the circumstances were. “Well. No,” was all Twilight could think to say.

That aspect of Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy’s relationship had only developed in the past few months, and now there stood the possibility that it was nothing more than a lie made to further the aims of an enemy. The Elements of Harmony were a source of food richer than that of even Equestria’s royal family, and the Changelings had been looking for a way to get close to them for ages. When Fluttershy had gone off to observe the Breezies with the Equestrian Society for the Preservation of Rare Creatures, it had been an easy enough matter for them to kidnap her from her lodgings and replace her with a doppelgänger. “We were all fooled,” Twilight said in what she hoped was a reassuring rather than despairing tone.

If there was a spell that could erase the last year from everypony’s minds, Twilight would’ve cast it in a heartbeat; Ponyville at large didn’t know the exact details, save that there had been a Changeling in their midst for a time. If the particulars got out, there would undoubtedly be panic, and nopony wanted that after all the commotion around the School of Friendship and Chancellor Neighsay’s attempts to turn ponies against other species. Neighbour turning on neighbour, friend turning on friend. An undermining of all that the Princess of Friendship had been sent out here to do in the first place. Those closest to Fluttershy, however, were hurting pretty badly from the knowledge that the wool was so effectively pulled over their eyes.

“You would’ve thought that I, or even Discord, would’ve noticed that something was up with her, with it,” Rainbow Dash said, barely keeping her anger in check. “The Changelings screwed us all over – me in particular – and we thought everything was fine. For. A. Whole. Year!”

Guilt made Twilight’s stomach feel queasy. “There was no way to know, Rainbow.” Was that the truth or just something she had to tell herself to stop from going crazy with guilt? Looking back, what were the signs, the little clues, that marked Doppelshy out as an impostor? None immediately sprang to mind – as Rainbow Dash had said, even Discord was fooled and he had the benefit of powerful Chaos magic – but how easily did one dismiss the behaviour of their best friends when it was slightly unusual? Pinkie Pie, so attuned to the auras of her friends, couldn’t tell the difference either. “Changelings are pretty hard to detect under the best circumstances, and with Fluttershy plugged into their Hive Mind to gain access to all of her knowledge and memories of us ...”

“Lucky for us it broke, huh?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” asked Twilight quizzically.

Rainbow Dash sighed. “Now that they know it works, what’s gonna stop them from trying this again? Next time, they’ll make sure that anypony who is connected to the Hive stays that way.”

So focused had she been on Fluttershy’s safe return, Twilight had managed to stop herself from thinking about that possibility for the most part. Celestia would have to be told eventually. Plans would have to be put in place. She’d counted herself fortunate that, ruthlessly pragmatic though this rogue band of Changelings were, they hadn’t been amongst Queen Chrysalis’ remaining zealots; when Fluttershy’s mind had finally rejected the connection to the Hive, they had simply ejected her from their colony, recalled their drone and moved deeper into the Wastes where they lived. A year in their custody, a year with the Voice of the Hive in her thoughts, Tartarus knew what that might’ve done to Fluttershy’s sanity. That was enough to worry about at the moment.

“One of us should have known,” said Rainbow Dash, her own guilt and unhappy thoughts intruding upon those of Twilight. “I should have known.”

“How were you any different to the rest of us?” Twilight asked gently, trying to assuage the hurt that Rainbow Dash felt so keenly. “We were with her, it, whatever, almost every day. If Angel Bunny didn’t see anything wrong, what chance did the rest of us have?”

At that, Rainbow Dash had to smile, though it was a miserable, dejected one.

For long moments, silence reigned. Rain continued to fall. Neither of them paid much heed to how soaked their respective coats were becoming.

A speck of moisture traced the curve of Rainbow Dash’s cheek. It took Twilight a second to realise that it was not a raindrop.

“For months, I shared a bed with that … creature … and I didn’t know it wasn’t Fluttershy. I’d-” Rainbow Dash hesitated “-I’d always secretly hoped that, one day, we’d get together, and when we finally did I was overjoyed. More overjoyed than when I first started working at the Weather Factory, more overjoyed even than joining the Wonderbolts.” She turned to face Twilight. “I know it’s selfish of me to feel this way, but how do I go on knowing that it was all just a lie?”

Twilight didn’t have an answer for that. It wasn’t a situation anypony could have predicted happening. “I honestly don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“I feel like-”

“-you’ve betrayed the real Fluttershy?”

“Yeah.”

“I mean,” Rainbow Dash said, “I know I should be angry at the Changeling who impersonated her, and I am, but mostly I just feel … ashamed.”

“You have nothing to feel ashamed about.”

This new voice, timid yet authoritative, startled both of them so much that they almost fell out of the tree. Only some instinctive wing-work saved them from a nasty spill. “I’m sorry,” Fluttershy said, “you know I’m not one for barging in on ponies’ private conversations, but uh, your voices are carrying a bit and my animals are trying to sleep.”

Rainbow Dash wanted to ask how long she’d been there, how much she’d heard, but all she ended up saying was a lame, “Sorry.”

“Are you feeling … okay?” asked Twilight. It was a stupid question, she knew, but it had to be asked.

Too quickly, Fluttershy replied, “I’m fine,” offering her a small smile. It was a sad, brittle smile, but it was a smile all the same, and Twilight was glad to see it. It was from the real Fluttershy and that was all that mattered.

A moment passed where Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy just looked at each other.

“Hey,” Twilight said awkwardly, “I should probably get going and do … something Princess of Friendship-y, shouldn’t I?”

“Have a good night, Twilight,” Fluttershy said. “If you’re not busy tomorrow, I’ll try to tell you what else I can remember about the Changelings and their colony.”

“Of course,” replied Twilight with a slight incline of her head. Not sure what else to say, she disappeared in a burst of purple light.

“I should probably go, too,” said Rainbow Dash, readying her wings for departure.

“You stay right there,” Fluttershy said in her most commanding tone of voice. The look on her face wasn’t quite a full-on Stare, but Rainbow Dash found herself oddly powerless next to that penetrating gaze all the same.

Then, she remembered that it was how Doppelshy used to look at her and she shuddered.

“We have some things to talk about, don’t we?” continued Fluttershy, fully aware of the nature of Rainbow Dash’s discomfort but choosing not to comment on it. “But let’s do it inside where we can be out of the cold.”

The words were spoken with that same quiet authority, but Rainbow Dash knew that Fluttershy was asking, not telling, her to come inside. It was an offer. One that she could refuse if she so wished, if it was too soon. Still, it was difficult to ignore that look of silent pleading, that extended foreleg being thrust in her direction. It was Fluttershy, no mistaking it.

Rainbow Dash took the proffered leg and gripped it warmly, savouring the feel of the flesh against her own; she tried to push down any lingering memories of the impostor, difficult as it was to do. She opened her muzzle to say something, but settled instead for merely offering a small smile to Fluttershy and following her lead to the cottage.

Back in flight school, her instructors had made a big deal about the fact that pegasi healed quickly from wounds; scratches, bruises, broken bones, they all faded with time. Usually not even leaving a scar in the process. For Rainbow Dash, though, this was a very different order of hurt altogether, one that she was not used to dealing with, and she wasn’t sure that it would ever heal.

It was made bearable by having someone to share it with.

II. The Talk

Gesturing toward a comfortable sofa in the living room, Fluttershy asked, “Would you like some tea? I was just about to make some for myself.”

Rainbow Dash looked around the room, a pensive expression darkening her features. She’d been in here so many times, it had almost become like a second home to her; every detail of it was as familiar to her as the back of her hoof, but now … now it felt alien and strange. It was as if she’d come back to discover that all of the furniture had been replaced by identical duplicates and moved an inch to the right. She shook her head, realising belatedly what bad taste that particular thought was in. It was a cosy, snug little place, and the muted colours of the walls were calming without being drab. The softly flickering lanterns added a soothing amber glow to the space.

No, her mood was nothing to do with the room itself. It was the things that had happened in here that were the problem. No matter where she went in the cottage, Rainbow Dash knew that she’d find reminders of the intimacy she’d shared with a Changeling impostor. She couldn’t even bring herself to sit down on the sofa, knowing that their combined smells were woven indelibly into the fabric.

“Rainbow?” Fluttershy’s voice took on a note of concern.

“Hm?”

“Tea?”

For a moment, she was tempted to play the cool and tough card, but her heart just wasn’t in it; plus, she was near-dehydrated having not had a drink in some time. Rainbow Dash nodded, and even that small action made her feel vulnerable. As if she were admitting to a weakness. “Sure, I’d love some.”

“Twilight brought back a new mint blend from Canterlot a few weeks ago and I’ve been itching to try it,” Fluttershy said. “Princess Celestia highly recommends it for coping with-” her eyes narrowed imperceptibly “-stress.”

“Great. I’ll take a gallon.”

Despite herself, Fluttershy stifled her giggle with a hoof. “I’ll be right back.”

Watching Fluttershy depart to the kitchen, a look crossed Rainbow Dash’s face; anypony who didn’t know her well enough would assume that she was fine, but she could see the darkness behind her eyes that Fluttershy was bravely trying to conceal for the sake of her friends. She wanted so much to tell her that she didn’t have to put on an act around her, but Rainbow Dash knew just how hypocritical that would sound coming from her: she wasn’t exactly Little Miss Empathy. The nearest she got to displaying any kind of sappy emotion was around her adopted little sister, Scootaloo.

Her mind was brought back to reality by something small, white and fluffy prancing around her feet; Rainbow Dash frowned at Angel Bunny, who had somehow managed to remain completely oblivious to the events of the past year. Every now and then, he took a bite from a carrot that had, judging by the sickly-sweet smell hititing her nostrils, been oven-roasted in a layer of cinnamon sugar. It was a sweet treat that he was only supposed to have on special occasions. Rainbow Dash wasn’t so sure that this qualified, but she wasn’t about to argue the point with Fluttershy. Her ears pricked up when she heard the whistling of the tinny little kettle from the kitchen.

“Just another minute or so,” said Fluttershy, her voice barely rising above its usual dulcet tone despite her being in a room on the other side of the house.

If you were taken in, Rainbow Dash thought, her eyes returning to Angel who continued to prance and scarper merrily about in-between the furniture, what chance did I and the others have? Still, it did little to assuage her feelings of guilt about the situation: Angel Bunny had been Fluttershy’s first Ponyville friend, being there to comfort her when she’d fallen from Cloudsdale all those years ago and – somehow – miraculously surviving the landing. How much time have the two of you spent in this cottage together since then, as close as any two beings could ever be, and you didn’t know? Rainbow Dash knew it should’ve made her feel better, or slightly less-worse at least, to know that nopony was really to blame, but it didn’t.

Though they were all hurting, Rainbow Dash knew that soon an entirely different set of anxieties would be pervading Fluttershy’s closest friends. Perhaps all of Equestria entirely, should the news ever make its way to the general population. Twilight would go to Princess Celestia and inform her of Fluttershy’s imprisonment, and Celestia would in turn brief her closest advisors. They would ask the question that nopony wanted to know the answer to: “How many other replicas are out there?” It made her sick just contemplating it. She didn’t want squads of guards battering down ponies’ doors looking for infiltrators, but equally she didn’t want anypony else going through what she and her other friends were suffering either.

“Rainbow Dash, you’re very quiet,” Fluttershy said, poking her head into the living room to check that all was well. Truth be told, she was afraid that Rainbow Dash might’ve taken off and was relieved to find her still there, even if she was just hovering awkwardly near the sofa.

“Sorry. Just thinking.”

“You, thinking?” Fluttershy giggled again.

Even though the joke had been made at her expense, Rainbow Dash smiled all the same; no matter how dire the situation they found themselves in, the mood always lifted when Fluttershy was there to offer her support. It was enough to break her out of the funk that pervaded her mind, though unfortunately it couldn’t last very long when she remembered that the impostor would behave in the exact same manner. It had spoken with the same voice. Had used that same laugh. Had even whimpered plaintively under its breath just as Fluttershy probably would have at the point of … she terminated that line of thinking right there, a wave of revulsion causing her to shudder.

“Thinking about it,” Fluttershy said, softly placing the mug on the table in front of Rainbow Dash, “isn’t going to help anypony, least of all yourself.” She had a sympathetic expression etched into her muzzle, understanding the deep hurt that her friend was enduring. “I know you’re driving yourself crazy, wondering what you should’ve done differently, what were the tells that made it obvious in hindsight that the Changeling was an impostor, but there were none.” Her hoof wavered gingerly in the air. She wanted to place it on Rainbow Dash’s wither, to let her know that it was going to be okay, but she wasn’t sure if she would welcome the contact right now.

Blowing out a breath, Rainbow Dash thanked Fluttershy for the tea. She knew that she should be asking how she was doing, how she was coping now that she was back home, but her mind was awash with other questions. Questions she wasn’t sure she wanted or needed the answers to.

Fluttershy sat on the ground in a meditative position on the opposite side of the table so that she could study Rainbow Dash’s features; it was obvious that her body was wrought with tension, and she recognised the signs of an animal having a classic fight-or-flight response. Rainbow Dash was gripped with the desire to lash out at something, but in the absence of her preferred target she was having to restrain her impulses. She couldn’t help smiling at that. Rainbow Dash was not a pony who could be talked down very easily out of following her passions. “Talk to me,” said Fluttershy, taking a sip of her drink and enjoying the way in which the cool mint flavour forced open her sinuses. “About anything.”

Studying her steaming drink, Rainbow Dash replied, “I don’t have much to say.” As rotten a pony as it made her feel, she wished Fluttershy was still in the kitchen. Looking at her now in the ruddy lantern light, the well-kempt pink mane, the bright blue eyes, the shiny yellow coat, all she could think about was the Changeling and how it had copied every detail of her form right now to the gentle curve of her flanks and the trio of butterflies depicted upon them. Fluttershy hadn’t done anything wrong, but she was the one paying the price for what had happened.

Putting just the tiniest edge of challenge into her voice, Fluttershy said, “You always have something to say. That’s what I like most about you, Rainbow. Even if it’s not necessarily appropriate or welcome, you’ll still make your feelings known. Why wouldn’t you do that now?” Striving for a sense of composure that was just beyond her grasp, Fluttershy took a deep breath, wishing the crushing weight would lift from her chest. She didn’t appreciate being made out to be the bad guy here, even if she understood where Rainbow Dash was coming from and that it wasn’t deliberate. It was important to get her talking about her experiences so they could move on. “You can keep it bottled up inside you for only so long. We can discuss these things now or later, but sooner or later, we’re going to have to face up to what happened to us. Why shouldn’t we face it together?”

Fiddling with her mug just so she wouldn’t have to reply right away, Rainbow Dash savoured the warmth in her hooves. It had been cold outside and she was only just realising now how chilly she felt. “I don’t want you to say that I didn’t do anything wrong,” she eventually said. “I’m sick of hearing it.”

“None of us did anything wrong, Rainbow Dash,” said Fluttershy evenly. “The Changelings were very analytical about the whole thing. They must’ve been watching me for weeks, waiting for the right time to pounce.” That thought alone made her feel quite ill, but she didn’t let on. Her cottage normally felt so safe, but knowing it had been – literally – bugged left a vile taste in the back of her throat. “When I went off with the ESPRC, I was an easy target for them.” Fluttershy didn’t remember much about the initial kidnapping, and so she assumed that the Changelings had somehow spiked her drink or food.

“Are you blaming yourself for this?” asked Rainbow Dash incredulously.

“No!” Forcing herself to be calm, Fluttershy said, “Like I said, nopony did anything wrong. The Changelings were simply far more insidious than we’d expected. Maybe we were a bit naive, but none of our encounters with them in the past suggested that they’d be capable of a deception this intricate.”

“That’s true,” said Rainbow Dash, though she didn’t sound convinced. “But it’s not going to stop me from waking up tomorrow feeling like I betrayed you.”

“Even though you didn’t?”

“Fluttershy, don’t you get it? I had sex with that thing in your house. In your bedroom. No amount of showering is going to wash that stink off.”

“You did it because you thought it was me,” Fluttershy said carefully. “If you’re worried that my feelings for you have changed, let me assure you that they haven’t, okay? If you’re upset that you were duped into a romantic relationship, then that’s perfectly understandable and … I’m sorry for what you’re going through.”

Rainbow Dash opened her muzzle, then closed it again. That was it, wasn’t it? It wasn’t just that nagging sense that she’d somehow let Fluttershy down, it was also the idea that she’d been taken advantage of. Her love used against her for another being’s gain. It wasn’t something she wanted to immediately think about, but she knew it was going to be with her for a while. Probably forever. “Did you … know what was happening?”

Not answering right away, Fluttershy took her cooling cup of tea in her hooves and placed it to her lips. Despite its tepidity, it was refreshing and helped to clear away the lump that was now forming in her throat. The pleasant spiciness of the mint felt even more invigorating now that it had gone cold. Meeting Rainbow Dash’s eyes, she inclined her head in a slight nod. “Yes, I knew.” She placed her now-empty cup back on the table.

A grim curiosity seized Rainbow Dash. Just how much had she known? How much had she felt? Had the bug relayed the sensations back to her? Her stomach knotted suddenly. No doubt, the entire Hive had been aware of what was happening. That was the purpose, after all, of the whole subterfuge in the first place: to sap the love of an Element of Harmony. Well, they’d gotten that and then some. She wanted to throw up. “What was it like?”

“For the most part, it felt like a dream,” replied Fluttershy, watching the play of emotions on Rainbow Dash’s face. “If all they’d needed was a copy of my memories, that could’ve been done easily enough, but they’d wanted to know how I’d react to certain situations so that the impostor could do a better job of blending in long-term. They, um, they would feed me different scenarios and gauge my responses.”

“One of those scenarios,” Rainbow Dash said bleakly, “was us having a physical relationship.” She stroked her chin thoughtfully. “I suppose you have to credit their ingenuity, huh?”

“It’s disgusting and invasive is what it is,” said Fluttershy with feeling. “But-”

“-But what?”

“We’re both still alive. It’s not often you get a predator-prey dynamic which ends like that.”

Rainbow Dash was horrified. “You’re not defending them, are you?”

Fluttershy shook her head. “Not in the slightest bit.”

“Good. Because Celestia as my witness, if I ever come across one of those things again, I’ll-”

“-What good will that do?” asked Fluttershy, her eyes going wide.

“Are you trying to use the Stare on me?”

“I’m not staring. I mean, I’m staring, but I’m not Staring.” Some of her old easily-flustered attitude returned and Rainbow Dash actually found herself heartened by this. “Revenge isn’t going to make you or anypony else feel better, Rainbow. Promise me you won’t go looking for it.”

Her body was so tense, her anger so raw, Rainbow Dash was amazed to find her resolve wilting all the same when she looked into Fluttershy’s imploring eyes. If she’d had the power to do so, she would’ve hunted down every last one of the Changelings. She couldn’t recall a time when she’d been so thoroughly outraged. “I can’t make that promise, Fluttershy,” she finally said, willing herself to relax. “I want to hurt them so badly for what they did to us.”

With shame in her voice, Fluttershy said, “So do I.” Her eyes sank to the carpet and her hindlegs wanted to kick out like a petulant child. She was used to being seen as weak, but this was an altogether different sort of weakness that she was admitting to. At the end of the day, Changelings were what they were through no fault of their own. If the Swarm Leader was a bad apple, then the drones could do little about it. “But it wouldn’t accomplish anything, would it? We’d still be in pain afterwards.”

“So. We just accept it? Move on with our lives?”

“Do you get angry at wolves?”

“Huh?” Rainbow Dash cocked her head, confusion evident in her expression. “What’s that-?”

“Bears? Sharks? Any predator, really. Do you hate them because they feed on the flesh of other animals?” Fluttershy asked quietly.

“Well, no,” said Rainbow Dash, frowning. “I mean, I’ve not thought about it much, I guess.”

“It repulses me, it really does. Far more than I let on to you and the others.” Fluttershy had slumped back in her chair, eyes half-closed. She was utterly exhausted both by her recent ordeal and this conversation. “But I accept it as part of their nature, and do my best to love and care for them all the same. The Changelings … they, too, evolved a system of feeding that seems reprehensible to us ponies, but it’s a part of who they are. We can be disgusted by it, we can try to protect ourselves from it, but we have to be forgiving.”

“Would you forgive a wolf for eating Angel?”

Fluttershy couldn’t meet Rainbow Dash’s penetrating gaze.

“I didn’t think so.” She shook her head. “I’m not gonna just compartmentalise all this away, Fluttershy. They kidnapped you, stole your memories, used your very feelings against me, and I’m supposed to accept that because, hey, at the end of the day they’re nothing more than a bunch of hungry animals in need of a decent meal. Sorry, but no. They acted in a ruthless, calculating manner, and they’ll very definitely do it again because they know it works. Tartarus, they’re probably doing it right now.”

On impulse, Fluttershy reached out to embrace Rainbow Dash; she recoiled at first, but soon surrendered herself to the warm embrace. Memories came unbidden of the nights she’d shared with the impostor. “You’re hurting, Dashie,” Fluttershy said in a low whisper.

“I know.” She leaned into the nape of Fluttershy’s neck and inhaled her heady aroma. Why did the copy have to be so darned perfect? It was going to be a while – if ever – before she’d be able to separate the two in her mind. “So are you. And our friends. Will it ever stop? I don’t want to feel like this any more.”

“It’ll pass, eventually,” said Fluttershy soothingly. It might not, of course, but Rainbow Dash didn’t need to hear that right now. “All wounds heal in time.”

“Fluttershy ...”

“Mm?”

Rainbow Dash backed away slightly so that she could see Fluttershy properly; she debated whether to tell her this or not, but she finally set her jaw in a look of certainty. “With you – um, the Changeling, I mean – it was my first time.” A blush rose up from her chest. She looked down at the floor, her face registered a mixture of embarrassment and shame at the admission.

“Oh, I see,” was all Fluttershy could say. Her ears flattened against the side of her head. “I’m sorry.”

“I mean, sure, I had plenty of offers,” she said with a trace of her old cocky personality returning, “but intimacy never seemed all that important to me before.” She smiled ruefully at Fluttershy. “What did sex have that I couldn’t get from flying, right?”

Fluttershy wasn’t sure what to do with this newfound information; frankly, she and her friends had always taken Rainbow Dash for one of the more experienced ponies in town. It was making more sense to her now as to why Rainbow Dash was taking this so hard. There had been the violation of trust, but also the violation of one of the most special gifts one pony could give to another. “I don’t know what to say.”

“It’s okay, really,” said Rainbow Dash. “It’s just … knowing that none of it was real is going to take some getting used to.”

“Rainbow Dash-” Fluttershy took her hooves in her own “-remember, the Changeling impersonator was being fed with information directly from my mind.”

“It wasn’t you.”

“No.” Fluttershy nodded her agreement. “But I was, in a way, in there.”

“Are you saying …? What are you saying, Fluttershy?”

“I’m saying-” she hugged Rainbow Dash tightly and kissed her on the cheek “-small steps, okay? But let’s take them together.”

Something that felt very much like hope surged in Rainbow Dash’s breast for the first time that night; without even thinking about it, or the impostor, she entwined all four of her legs around Fluttershy and held her closely, tears streaming from her eyes. “Yes. Together.”