RGRE Shorts

Chapters

Mistakes Were Made (Twi, Trix, Glim)
Gathering Seed (Zecora)
Past You is Amazing (Celestia)
Santa Mare
Eggs Sunny Side Butt (Celestia)
Do You Love Me? (Pinkie Pie)
The Chocolate Bar (Twilight) [Comf]
Special Sauce (Celestia)
Well Pact
Becoming the Mask
Anon Wants to Communicate (Fluttershy)
Kinedness and Love (MinoOC)
First Person Compliation
Trials in the Dark (Second Person) (Suggestive) (AnonxWhi
Trials in the Dark (First Person) (Suggestive) (Anon/White Mares)
Sense and Motherhood (Second Person) (Anon/Pinkie)
Sense and Motherhood (First Person) (Anon/Pinkie)
Teaching an Old Mare New Card Tricks (First Person) (Yu Gi Oh)
Cart of Pane Bianco (Second Person) (Bread)
Cart of Pane Bianco (First Person) (Bread)
Match Mistress (Second Person)
Match Mistress (First Person)
Care of the Cooper (OC)
Taking Anon Like a Real Mare (Fluttershy)
Teaching an Old Mare New Card Tricks (Second Person) (Yu Gi Oh)

Mistakes Were Made (Twi, Trix, Glim)

Be Twilight Sparkle, at your makeshift podium of books. You have gathered together the various elements of...

"It is this the part where I say my first name and what addiction I have?"

Awkwardness.

"No Anon, but you are on the right track. Welcome to the weekly ABLB meeting, where we help each other figure out how to be appropriately social."

"The Great and Sensual Trixie does not see why she is here, and she also wonders what ABLB stands for."

Patience, Sparkle. If you beat them within an inch of their life, it won't make for a good friendship letter.

"No speaking in the third person, Trixie. And as for what it stands for..."

You look at your note card. You might not have thought this through completely.

"The Association of the Blind Leading the Blind."

Starlight nods seriously.

"Fitting."

You clear your throat and address your three associates.

"So! Does anyone have a social interaction they feel could have gone better? It could be a little thing, if that makes you comfortable."

Everypony glances around, waiting. Anon sighs and raises his hand .

"Alright, I'll go first. The other day, I was patting Apple Bloom on the back as thanks for helping me pick up my groceries, and she seemed to like it. Then I went to scratch right behind her ears, and-"

You shudder and scrunch hard just imagining it. Anon smiles in relief.

"Yeah, that, you get it. What's up with that?"

You exhale slowly, trying to calm down and think.

"It's like... Anon, you are from a predator species, right? Claws and sharp teeth?"

Anon looks dubiously as his finger claws.

"Let's just say yes, and get to the point."

You don't like the way Starlight is eyeing the only stallion in the group.

"Right, so scratching is a normal part of your social behavior. But ponies don't have claws or sharp teeth, so our social behavior is more... rubbing, leaning on each other, that sort of thing."

Anon frowns, but nods slowly.

"Alright, so the patting was okay. Is there anything else I could do to show gratitude?"

Trixie waves her hoof in the air.

"The Great and Insightful Tr-"

You glare at her. She coughs, and continues.

"That is to say, I believe I have a suggestion."

You beam at her, happy at how quickly she caught on to how the meeting should go. Trixie smiles a little.

"Suck her clit."

Your heart sinks, while Anon tilts his pure, pure head.

"Trixie!"

She jolts in her seat, look at you with wide eyes.

"Oh, is Apple Bloom a stallion? I mean, you could suck his cock, and I could watch, but just getting him flowers or some other colty thing should be fine."

You grit your teeth.

"Trixie, Apple Bloom is a mare, and that would not be appropriate. She just got her cutie mark a few months ago."

The showmare stares in confusion.

"But that's the first time a stallion sucked my clit, right about then."

Normalnagsgetthehayout.neigh

As you struggle to explain why that isn't a good standard to go by, Anon makes a sigh of realization.

"I get it, I'd be the older woman sucking his dick. Um, if we were gender switched or whatever. Seems like a big favor, just for helping pick up groceries."

Oh no, Trixie the Trixie is corrupting him! Starlight hesitantly raises her hoof. You turn to her with desperate hope in your eyes. Salvage this, my apprentice. She gives you a quick smile.

"What about, promoting her within your secret organization to overthrow the status quo?"

There is no hope.

"Starlight, do you currently have, or are you preparing such a secret organization?"

She looks at you with uncertainty.

"Not counting this one?"

You sigh.

"Not counting this one."

"Then no, not anymore."

You raise an eyebrow.

"Anymore? Do I need to feed you more hayburgers to fill you with the light of Equestrian Capitalism?"

Starlight Glimmer smiles uneasily.

"No?"

Right. You turn back to Trixie and Anon, who seemed to have been whispering while you were distracted. You feel you should be worried.

You are worried.

"What did you two come up with?"

Anon smiles, innocence twinkling in his eyes.

"The proper amount of thanks is showing her a little ball cleavage. Reminds me, I'm going to have to get a ball bra sometime."

...

Does that mean he's not wearing one right now? You try not to stare at his crotch. Why are his shorts so baggy and tantalizing? Maybe if you tilt your head, you can look up his-

Trixie coughs, wearing a knowing smile. That bitch knows too much. You shake your head and smile sharp, pointy friendship knives at her.

"Moving right along then, do you have something to share? Some mistake you made?"

Trixie tosses her mane over her shoulder and sticks out her chest, prominently displaying her tuft. Trotting on thin ice, mare.

"The Great- ah, rather, I didn't make any mistakes, yet for some reason mares are unreasonably hostile towards me."

You roll your eyes. Starlight licks her lips, obviously trying to put it delicately.

"Perhaps it is because you pose like a marewhore and hit on everypony's coltfriends?"

Your apprentice lacks subtlety, yet she hasn't said anything wrong, exactly. Trixie looks startled at the implication.

"I, a marewhore? It's not as though I steal coltfriends, except that one time in Baltimare, oh, and Fillydelphia, and hmm. But I only rut the good-looking ones, so it's fine."

Anon looks around at the group, from your raised hackles, to Starlight's cold stare, to Trixie's artificially voluminous tuft. He gets this goofy smile that makes you want to hug him and push him down to your tea-

That is, it make him look cute.

"Are you serious? Little miss vainglory here is supposed to be a man-eater, or lady-killer, or whatever?"

You feel a little better at the disbelieving tone in his voice. Starlight nods.

"Trixies always get the colts, even when they are jerks."

Anon is grinning at the marewhore.

"Your name is an epithet for that sort of mare? That's amazing! Come on, seduce me, I dare you!"

You start to feel you are losing control of the meeting.

"Now, none of that, we-"

Trixie grins back at him.

"I like a stallion with spirit. Why don't we go back to my room, and I can show you how my hold on you is tight and powerful?"

Poor Anon is lost to his coltish whimsy, giggling at the vulgar pick up line.

"A stallion with spirit! Oh, my sides."

Starlight trots up to him, a hopeful expression on her face. No, don't do it.

"Hey Colt, are you a salt mine? Because I can lick your rocks all day."

You groan, scrunching hard. This was a mistake. No matter how much Anon is laughing, this was a mistake. Then you hear his voice.

"Come on, Twilight, you give it a try."

You stare at him blankly.

Is he serious?

He's smiling at you. The girls are looking at you expectantly. Oh no, you aren't prepared for this, you are a nice mare! Think, make a pun about dicks or slits! Why is it so hard? Oh, maybe that will work...

You swallow nervously.

"I always make things too hard, when I talk to stallions."

You grin uneasily. Anon rocks back in his chair, groaning.

"Oh, that was terrible,"

Your ears flatten and your heart drops like a rock.

"You win, nothing can top that."

What?

"What?"

Anon smiles at you, a healing smile.

"A pick up line's effectiveness is proportional to the terribleness of the pun. You win."

What? Really? You scramble for a quill and parchment, you need to write this down!

"Hey Twilight."

You glance up at Anon.

"Yes?"

"Thanks."

He pulls one of the legs of his shorts to the side. Your mind and magic halt, transfixed.

You have seen the Holy Grail.

Trixie nods.

"That's right Anon, just like that."

Today you have learned that sometimes, even Trixies can be a true sis.

Gathering Seed (Zecora)

Be Anon, no longer riding the elevator to work. No, instead you are standing on some stone column as a small zebra in a mask dances around a fire.

"What the fuck."

Its head whips towards you.

"Hallowed poo, a talking statue!"

You are clearly dealing with a magic zebra here. Female, by the sound of her voice. You look down at yourself. Grey slacks and jacket, black tie, normal formal wear for the company you work at. You look back at the wary zebra.

"Uh, hi. My name is Anonymous, and I am not a statue."

She bows slightly.

"I am called Zecora but could you answer me, are you truly a Lord of fertility?"

"Lord of fertility? I'm just a data entry clerk."

She takes off her mask, shaking out her mane a bit. Zecora licks her lips.

"From the tales I hear, hiyumans are fertile every season of the year."

"Well, yes that is true."

She smiles at you.

"Truthfully, I did not expect the rite to succeed, but now that it has, may I have your seed? For mares whose loins lack motion, they would drink your potion."

What words of wisdom would your father have for you?

'Is she hot?'

You eye that rump.

'Is this a scam?'

Doesn't seem like it.

'Are you gay?'

"So, am I going to be masturbating into a cup or what?"

She grins.

"So strong and hale, the heart of this male. It is as you think, let us go to the sink."

You hop off the plinth and follow her swaying hips. Aren't horse butts supposed to be weird? This one is just so.... shapely. Zecora leads you to a cozy little hut inside of a tree, reminding you of the Book of Three. Shit, now she has you rhyming. She somehow grabs a wooden cup with her hoof and sets it before you, watching with hungry eyes. Well, you've done weirder things on a dare. You unzip your pants, pulling your hard dick through the slit in your boxers. She gasps.

"Is it already December, to see such a gift of a member?"

It's not that amazing, is it? Whatever, you have a job to do. You begin fapping immediately, eyeing Zecora's rump. Hmm, not a good angle.

"Hey, could you show me you butt? That'd help with getting me going."

She blushes, her tail swishing back and forth.

"If it would help you get in the mood, I shall obey anything lewd."

She turns her backside towards you, jiggling just the slightest bit.

Goddamn.

You have to brace yourself against the table as you stroke faster and faster. Zecora bites her lip, her eyes wide and fixed on your cock. Her tail twitches up and drapes across her back. That's no moon, that's a fully operational docking station. Your hips buck, your cum splattering into the cup. At the same time, her fully exposed pussy convulses, glistening with arousal. You fire off a few more shots, then wipe the last of the cum off on the rim of the cup. It takes a few moments to get your breath back, while the zebra approaches.

"It seems like such a waste, would it be alright if I had a taste?"

Hot.

"Yeah, go for it."

She ignores the cup, her mouth closing around your dick.

"F-fuck!"

She jerks back, your cock popping out of her mouth, eyes wide in alarm.

"What is wrong, did you injure your prong?"

You shake your head ruefully.

"Sorry, I'm still a little sensitive down there, and you surprised me. You can, um, continue if you like."

Zecora tilts her head, then nods.

"If you do not object, I shall continue to inspect."

She goes more slowly this time, engulfing your member in her muzzle, her tongue languid and velvety along your length. You groan in pleasure, growing hard again. She hums happily, the vibrations doing wonders for your erection.

"Mmmm, keep going, you wonderful zebra."

Zecora smiles around your cock, then starts bobbing and sucking at it, her tongue writhing. You exhale hard, your hands going to her head, eager to keep the pleasurable mouth in motion. She's so warm and wet, sucking and slurping at you. You clutch at her mane as a wave of pleasure flows through you. You're getting pretty close, your hips bucking as you thrust into her welcoming mouth. Then she starts humming again, and it's all too much.

You groan as you cum again, twitching and thrusting against her tongue as it milks your dick. She gazes at you in wonderment, her throat greedily swallowing your seed. The stimulation on your dick is almost painful, by the time she finally stops sucking. Zecora licks her lips, wearing a smug smile.

"What greater treasure, than a colt wracked with pleasure. Like this, every day shall be, if you live with me."

Hells yes.

"I'm looking forward to it."

And that's how you became a zebra's househusband.

Past You is Amazing (Celestia)

Be Princess Celestia. However, you don't know why you are Princess Celestia in the glue fact- horsepital. And your head aches, which is no fun, you need cake. You look around your bed, and oh, hello handsome. Some slender minotaur looking stallion is reading a book in a chair by your bed. He doesn't look like a nurse, you wonder what he is doing here. Not that you're complaining. You clear your throat.

"Hello, is there something I can help you with? Although I may be indisposed at the moment."

He drops the book in shock, staring at you with wide eyes. You hope he doesn't catch a case of too formal language. He surges towards you, wrapping his arms around your neck and nuzzling just below your head. You freeze, enjoying the male attention, but desperately hoping nopony gets the wrong idea. After a few minutes, he pulls back, tears in his eyes.

"I'm glad you're alright, Sunshine. You really had me worried there."

...what? You search his face for any kind of familiarity.

"Do I know you?"

He gives you a weak smile.

"I'm your coltfriend."

What.
_________________________________________________________

The doctor mares are very patient as they explain your situation. It seems you had some sort of climatic battle with a sorcerous pod of narwhals, and got a bad case of magic dissonance when you subverted the spell they were weaving. Point is, you lost a full year's worth of memories. The doctors explain that it would be best to take some time off to recover, and linger around familiar things. Which apparently includes a hot young coltfriend. Well done, past you.

You return to your quarters to find things are not quite as you left them. Of course, you have quite a few friendship reports more than before, but that is to be expected. However, the second dresser is new, along with a kitchenette with an apron hung up nearby. One thing has your undivided attention. A delicious aroma permeates the room. Anon chuckles behind you, low and pleasant.

"I should have known you'd wake up once the cheesecake was done."

You stare at the oven and fridge in wonder. You were never able to get the hang of baking, something to do with juggling a stellar furnace and operating a small oven. But now, you can have cakes whenever you want, without the judgmental stares, ah, that is, without bothering the stallions in the castle kitchen.

"I think I'm in love."

Anon chuckles again and gives your flank a swat as he passes by you.

"That's what you said last time. Now come on, let's eat this thing."

He bends slightly to retrieve the cheesecake from the fridge, his rump jutting out impudently. You have never been so turned on.

You stare at the dark ceiling, too tense to sleep. This might have something to do with the stallion beside you under the covers. No matter what he says, you still feel weird acting...intimately with a stallion you barely know. Goodness knows you fantasized about this sort of thing enough, but Anon is so kind and real, with his own feelings. What if he figures out that you are actually a super lewd mare? Your fretting is interrupted by an arm across your neck and the firm, hot length of a stallion snuggling up against you. You let out a strangled whisper.

"Anon?"

He just murmurs sleepily and snuggles closer. Hnnngggg. You gaze down at his sleeping face, taken at how alien yet adorable it is. You smooth his hair to the side with a wisp of magic. He sighs happily. You smile gently, savoring the sweet experience. As you lay your head back on the pillow, you relax. Well done, past you.
Well done.

You wake as you often do, wet between the legs and restless. Then something pokes your hip, and you remember you aren't alone. You glance to the side, and there is Anonymous, still cute, especially with his bed head. However that doesn't answer the question of what is poking you? His arms are around your neck, his legs tangles with yours. That just leaves...

You feel very warm all of a sudden, both from blushing and -you wink- very wet. Anon stirs, gazing at you blearily. Then he sniffs and you feel deep shame. He grins.

"My, but you are having a very good morning."

You cover your face with a wing, trying to block out the embarrassment.

"It's just morning dew, it happens to all mares in the morning."

He rubs your belly, which is Not Helping. Those fingers feel sooo goooood.

"Are you saying I'm not stallion enough to get you wet?"

For added emphasis he grinds his hot length against your flank. You hold back a groan. Curse stallions and their sexiness and whimsy.

"No, you're very handsome and, oh stars and void..."

You wink again, a bonfire in your belly. But you are Princess Celestia, and you must be true to yourself.

"I just wanted our first time to be..."

Oh no, you just tipped your sunhat.

"Oh yeah, I remember that. I thought you were just trying to be romantic because I am a stallion."

Is it possible to die of embarrassment? Alas, it's probably not possible for you, alicorn that you are. He kisses your cheek.

"That's pretty cute, Sunshine. So I guess the question is, do you want breakfast, a shower, or-"

He nibbles on your ear.

"Me."

You're going to need new sheets.

Santa Mare

Be Santa Mare. You should be glad that so many ponies have been good these past years. And you are, but it also means that you have a huge stockpile of coal with nowhere to go. You stopped your parasprite minions from mining the stuff years ago. You needed the extra labor to keep up toy production.

You sigh, stretching out the ol' withers and flank. Well, it's that time of year again, better check the lists. Nice list is literally a mile long. Yeah, you're only checking it once. A parasprite bumps into you, helpfully carrying a little slip of paper. Naughty List, blanks as alw-

Hold up. Who is Anonymous?

Be Anonymous, pretending to sleep. In your time in Equestria, you've noticed ponies are unbelievably gullible. You feel a little guilty about the"gotcha nose" incident, and that time with the thumb trick. Luckily, you convinced them it was all a dream, so now it's Luna's problem. Which brings you to now, where you are lying in wait for whatever Santa equivalent little horse land has.

Stocking?

Hung like a horse.

Tree?

Twinkly and ribbonned up.

Plate of cookies and glass of milk?

The absolute best chocolate chip cookies you can make from the recipe on the chocolate chip bag. And an oatmeal raisin cookie, because you can.

Milk in a wine glass.

Bed?

You are camped out by the fireplace in a sleeping bag, with your trusty teddy bear. Time for your flawless acting.

"Honk, choo, honk, choo."

That's the sound of sleep, no mistake. After a few minutes, you hear the telltale sound of hoofsteps on the roof. Showtime.

You hear rustling from the fireplace, then a thump. A pause.

"I know you're awake."

What a nice, mature female voice. But she's bluffing.

"I'm not bluffing."

Damn, she wins this round. You make a big show of yawning and rubbing your eyes. Looks like Santa Mare is something of a silver cougar, with the toned and slender body of a Canterlot socialite, under a loose red cloak that stops just short of the curve of her flank. Nice.

"Nice to meet you, Santa. Would you like some milk and cookies?"

She smiles wryly.

"Don't mind if I do. Now let's see..."

Silvery light plucks the oatmeal raisin cookie from the plate.

"Oatmeal raisin, really?"

"Well,"

"It's nice to have some variety, but who do you think you're fooling?"

You have the distinct feeling that you may not be on the nice list anymore.

"It was worth a try. How is it, by the way?"

She takes a bite, her eyebrows rising.

"This actually pretty good. Do you have more?"

"Uh, yeah, just a moment."

You retrieve a plateful from the fridge, setting it before Santa. She eyes the glass of milk.

"I bet you even jizzed in the milk, eh?"

What? She lifts it in her magic, swirling the glass contemplatively. You feel obligated to protest you innocence in this particular case.

"Actually,"

Santa Mare tilts her head back and drinks it all in one gulp.

...

She then looks at you with half-lidded eyes, licking her lips.

"I have a proposition for you, you naughty colt."

You are standing at attention, in all sorts of ways.

"What do you have in mind?"

She takes a sinuous step towards you.

"I have a lot of coal I need to get rid of, and exactly one person on the naughty list."

Santa takes another step towards you, her flank shifting hypnotically.

"I'm going to need you to stay on that naughty list, and get coal every year."

Her cloak unfastens, slipping to the floor. She rears up, placing her hooves on your chest.

"But don't worry."

She nuzzles your neck.

"We'll be naughty together."

You grin, grabbing her by the haunches.

"You give me coal, I'll give you diamonds."

She hums sensuously, her plush rump shifting in your hands. Her eyes gaze at you with a terrifying hunger.

"It's such short notice, it's fine if you don't wrap your package."

And that's how you became Father Christmas in Equestria.

Eggs Sunny Side Butt (Celestia)

Be Celestia, living with your new husband. It's only been a month after you married Anon, an incredible month in which you explored each other to the fullest. Sharing secrets and secret places, filling the nights and dozing through lazy mornings. You grin at some of the more interesting memories. Those hands~

You shake your head, and return to your little task: making breakfast in bed for your cute husband. It may have been a few thousand years since you last had to cook for yourself, but it can't be that hard. The biscuits are baking in the oven as you start chopping peppers for the omelette. You hear footsteps down the stairs. Out of habit, you renew a certain cosmetic little glamour. Anon wanders over, dressed only in red boxers and black socks, rubbing at his sleepy eyes.

So sexy, so cute.

"Didn't know you could cook, Sunbeam. Smells tasty."

You resist the urge to smile, and lift your chin proudly.

"Although I am a mare, I still know my way around a kitchen. Now sit and wait for your food like a good little colt."

He grins, pulling up a stool across the counter from you.

"Yes mistress, I'll watch in awe at your cooking prowess, and not because I'm worried about the food being burned."

Like a mature, sensible mare, you stick your tongue out at him. He chuckles, then leans his elbows on the counter.

"Whatcha makin'?"

You glance at the hourglass over the oven. Just about done.

"Omelette and biscuits. Sound good, Green Bean?"

"Mmhmm."

You turn and open the oven, letting the heat wash over your body. The biscuits look pretty good, if you say so yourself.

"Nice."

You glance over your shoulder. Anon is looking at -

You twitch your tail aside, then let it cover your marehood again, smirking all the while. He licks his lips, his eyes filled with barely contained hunger.

Hewantsthev.tapestry

"Now now, we wouldn't want to ruin your appetite for breakfast, would we?"

You set baking sheet on the stone counter. While you are there, you set a skillet on a burner and get the flame going. After so many years as a monarch, you are finding the little domestic chores to be rather refreshing. A mere thought closes the oven door. You turn back to the cutting board and peel the skin off an onion with your magic. Anon stares at you fondly from across the cutting board. You see a twinkle in his eye, the fires of his lust banked for now.

As you chop the vegetable you have a nagging feeling that you forgot about something. You glance around, but everything seems to be fine. You blink, your eyes beginning to sting. You back away from the cutting board, wings flared and ready to...

Anon looks at you with tears in his eyes. Your body shimmers oddly, your concentration shattered.

"Why are you avoiding me?"

"What? I'm not!"

You feel your own tears forming. You never like to see a stallion cry, but this is too sudden.

"Green Bean, tell me, what's wrong?"

He opens his mouth, then pauses. You wait, goodness knows you don't want to pressure an emotionally distraught stallion.

"Sunflower, you do know cutting onions make people cry, right?"

Oh.

You scowl at him and he grins. You love him and his whimsy, you do, but...

"You scoundrel, it's been a millennia since I last cooked. And crying is playing dirty, dear."

He weaves his way around the counter, his hips shifting beguilingly. Ooh, and that bulge. That's right, come to Mama.

"One other thing, babe."

He loops his arms loosely around your withers, gazing at you in wonder.

"Have you always had those freckles?"

You instinctively try to back away, but his grip is too strong and he just ends up falling onto your tuft. You almost cast your glamour again, but the damage is done.

"...They're just sunspots."

Anon leans against you, his hands cupping your cheeks, his thumbs brushing over your cheekbones.

"Celly. Tia. Sunbeambum. Babe. You have no idea how cute you look right now."

You scrunch a little.

"You don't have to force yourself, I know what I look like."

Anon gazes deep into your eyes, your skin prickling pleasantly as his fingers trace little constellations on your face.

"Celestia Cake Solarina, if you won't believe my words, let me explain more simply."

He presses his pelvis up against you, the firm length of his stallionhood hot on your belly. Your breath hitches, and you dare to hope.

"You like my...freckles."

He bares his delectably sharp teeth, his fingers digging into your wing muscles.

U-unf.

"The one good thing about you hiding them is, "

His voice is low and growling, resonating exquisitely against you.

"now I want to knock you up even harder."

Faust, you love this stallion. With a sweep of magic and a push from your haunches, you push him gently to the cold tile floor and press down on his squirming, firm body. You pin him with marely strength, exulting in his futile struggles for dominance.

"Silly Green Bean, I'm the mare here. But I'll accept every drop you have for me."

He relaxes underneath you, melting into your pressure, all save a very key part of him.

"Fine, but next time I get to top."

Then he bites your neck, mingling pain, pleasure, and fear within you. You gasp and surge against him. It seems breakfast will just have to wait.

Do You Love Me? (Pinkie Pie)

Be Pinkie Pie, not the young filly you once were. Love does a lot of things to a mare, makes you settle down a little. Parties only once a month, playing games with just your hubba hubby. And he is the sweetest, most patient stallion a mare could ask for. The house you share is so clean, the food is delicious, the cuddles are amazing. You couldn't be happier.
You remember when you first gasped in Anon's face. It was like, the single most exciting thing in your entire life! When you saw him, his mischief, his strength, his coltish whimsy. Anonie Pie was made for you, you know it. But sometimes, you felt a little odd. Like the only person at a party for two. You didn't realize what it was until Maud married that minotaur miner.
The way her held her, the kisses they shared. It was different. Not in a "when Zecora first showed up" different. But...
As you climb the stairs of Sugarcube Corner, your heart feels heavy, like it ate too much pie. You didn't think that was possible, until the Cakes hoofed over management of the shop to you, and you tried to see just how many pies you could eat in one sitting. The answer is 613. You shake your head, feeling your curls loosen and straighten out. Enough distractions.
You open the master bedroom door, to find your beloved Anonie. He's smiling, sitting on the bed, reading the new cookbook you got him on his birthday. You want to ask him, but that precious smile makes you hesitate.
"Find something good, Anonie?"
He slips a bookmark into the book and closes it. When he sees you, you can see his smile change a little, and the concern in his eyes.
"Come here, Ponka, tell me what's wrong."
He opens his arms to you, and you can't resist. You gallop over and hop into his lap, nuzzling his chest. It feels so right, his arms are wrapped around you, full of a stallion's special warmth. You sigh, and try to hold back the tears. You have to be a mare about this. With a great effort, you pull back from his chest, his arms loosening around you. He looks you full in the eyes, and you feel it just as strong as the first time. Anonie strokes your mane just right, frowning in concern now.
"Pinkie Pie, dear, please. Tell me what's wrong."
You sniffle.
"Y-you know, Maud and Rock Out sang a song together, that day."
Anonymous strokes your mane some more.
"Was this... what, when they first met?"
You nod.
"And I was super excited, I mean not as excited as when I met you, but how could I ever be as excited as when I met you?"
He smiles at that, and nuzzles your cheek. How can one colt be so perfect? You close your eyes, trying to keep the wobbly wibblies out of your voice.
"But, I think..."
He pulls back, giving you his undivided attention.
"You weren't as excited. I thought you just were excited in your super special human way, but you didn't sing. You hummed along."
Anonie sighs.
"I think I know what you are trying to say."
You have to mare up. No more gagging on lollies.
"Anonie Mouse Pie, do you love me?"
"Pinkie, I had seen it happen before, and I talked to Twilight. I think it's amazing how ponies can recognize everything about each other, and find their special someone in a single glance."
You tremble, realization dawning on just why...
"But you can't. Or didn't. I loved you at first sight, and you just... went along with it."
He sighs again, and gives you a sweet smile.
"I did. I didn't really understand everything, but you were and are a fun, cute mare, and I decided to trust in the magic of love."
His arms tighten around you as the tears fall from your eyes. He never loved you. You lean against his chest, guilty at taking away so many years of his life when he could have been looking for-
"Pinkie, listen to me. We've been through good times and bad, we helped raise the cake twins into fine upstanding ponies, we've improved the Sugarcube Corner a lot, and played games for years. I have been to so many of your parties, and listened to all your fears, hopes, dreams, and desires. And you have done the same for me, helping me find my place is this new world."
You hear something in his voice that makes you look up at him. His eyes are full of the happy tears, the kind that make your heart want to burst with love.
"To answer your question, Pinkamena Diane Pie, I love you. I have loved you for years, and I will keep on loving you forever."
You gasp, so excited! You look into his eyes, and you still see it. More importantly, he sees it in you. Your mane inflates to full joy capacity and you burst forward, nuzzling his neck, getting your scent all over him again. He laughs, his beautiful laugh. He squeezes you so tight, rocking your back and forth. You give him a quick, shy kiss on the cheek, just like the first time. But this time, he turns his head, and kisses you right on the lips, passionately, lovingly, and with just the right amount of stallionish whimsy.
Oooohh and tongue.
When he finally breaks the kiss, both of you are breathing heavily, joyfully. You have to say it, as a mare, as his wife, as his Ponana Banana Cream Pie.
"And I love you, Anonie, from when we first met, now, and fore~ver!"
And then both of you began to sing.

The Chocolate Bar (Twilight) [Comf]

You are Anon, bartender by trade, on a slow afternoon. You serve the good stuff, hot chocolate with the tiniest marshmallows, eggnog, all kinds of milkshakes, and so on. Naturally, you hear all the sob stories. Husband ran away for five minutes. Being low horse in the herd pile. Tripped and skinned a knee. Forgot to bring food to a potluck.
You dole out pats and reassurances carefully, you are here to help them forget, not develop a dependency. Speaking of which, here comes one of your regulars. Princess Sparkle pulls up a stool, her wings drooping low.

"The usual?"

She nods. You pour a tall glass of milk and set out a plate of homemade Oreos. Pinkie Pie is a good supplier. An Oreo rises, dunks, then disappears into the little pony's mouth. You wait, idly wiping a glass with a cleaning rag. By the third cookie, her head is propped up on her hoof, and she is sighing.

"You know, they say stallions like a confident mare."

You hum an acknowledgement.

"But then there are mares that don't take no for an answer. Who don't notice when they're making the guy uncomfortable."

Lyra.

"Have to have balance. Moderation and all that."

She nods.

"See, I have seen too many mares of the second type, and I try not to be like that. I try so hard, that I just do nothing."
You're going to have to cut her off after this plate, you can tell. You set down your glass and switch to wiping the counter. Twilight laughs, a sad, bitter thing.

"I end up just helping them. Helping everypony. I like it too, but it's all I can do. Can't build on it. Can't recognize the signals."

She knocks back the rest of the milk, swaying on the stool. Probably drank some soda before she got here. You still find it kinda weird how sugars and fats affect these horses in different ways. You make your way around the counter as Twilight sets the glass down and lays her head on her crossed forehooves. Her eyes droop as the milk hits.

" 'm jus' the princess a frenship. 'sall."

You wait for her to fall completely asleep, then pick her up. She's warm in your arms as you make your way over to the nap corner. You lay her in a cot and draw the blanket up to her chin. You look around the empty bar, then pull a chair next to her and sit down. You stroke her mane, and murmur softly.

"You're a good pony. Who's a good pony? You are."

After a few repetitions, you are rewarded with a smile on her sleeping face. Your employer had been uncertain about having a male Bartender. Said the mares would try to take advantage of you, hit on you. Admittedly, some did. More often though, they just needed someone to talk to, who wouldn't tell them they were weak.

Times like these, you're glad you can be there for them. The bar is silent and warm, no street sounds, no yelling. Just two lonely souls, breathing deep and slow.

Special Sauce (Celestia)

The restaurant you work at is pretty average, a step or two above what is essentially pony-subway. Since you were hired, there have been some changes to the clientele. A lot more unicorns, and mayonnaise has become a heavily requested topping. As you bring yet another sandwich to a table, you do your best to ignore all the attention you are getting. Did you mention the unicorns?

Because the main thing you are ignoring is at least five different magical touches stroking your dick, inside your pants. Lyra accepts the sub with a shy thank you, and the touch that feels like velvet falters in its light attention. In such a manner, you have narrowed down who is doing what. For instance, the touch that is cupping your sack is Rarity. She winks at you, and extends a long hindleg to the side. You don't quite roll your eyes; she tips well, and has helped you quite a bit with clothes. The next sandwich goes to Twilight, who is nearly hiding in the corner. You set it before her, and she says,

"An- uh, I mean waiter?"

"Yes?"

It feels like a tongue licking your shaft, such that you almost feel the damp warmth of the thing. She glances down at the plate.

"Do you like it? Working here?"

You smile, and pat her shoulder.

"All things considered, it's a good fit."

The sub lifts, held by her magic.

"I'm glad. I should let you get back to work, then."

She glances at you out of the corner of her eye as she slowly pushes the sub into her mouth, mayonnaise leaking out as she bites down. You give her a friendly nod and move on. As you pass Vinyl's table, you feel a slight probe at your rear entrance. You almost stumble, and she smirks behind a hoof. You glare at her.

"How'd you like that if I did it to you?"

If anything, her smirk gets broader.

"Is that a promise?"

Reaching out, you flick her horn. She winces; it is a sensitive thing on ponies, and her smile turns rueful.

"That was a low blow, Anon. You'll never get a mare if you handle a compliment like that!"

"I prefer mares who like to be penetrated, not the other way around."

The DJ grins.

"You might like it."

You shake your head and walk away. At a lighter prodding at the same spot, you promise death with your eyes. She holds up her hooves in surrender, and you let it go.

There is only one touch you haven't identified, but by the size of the simulated hoof kneading your buttcheeks, the suspect list is pretty small. Returning to the kitchen, you nod at the stallion preparing the next sandwich. He's a pretty chill boss, and takes good care of you.

"If they cross the line, just let me know alright? I know how intimidating it can be, being surrounded by slobbering mares."

"Thanks, Home Slice. I don't mind it too much, but I do feel better knowing you've got my back."

He gives you a warm smile, the returns to chopping vegetables. As you pass by the spice closet, a strong scent of vanilla wafts from beneath the door. Guess the extract bottle fell and broke.

"Hey, looks like we'll have to get some more vanilla. Do we have a mop?"

Home Slice gestures to a corner by the sinks, the bucket already half-full of soapy water.

"Thanks."

You open the closet door and- Sweet Celestia, you found the booty molester. Which is to say, you find sweet Celestia, leaning against the shelves, a hoof between her nethers, and her horn glowing faintly. Her breathing is shallow, and her eyes are clenched shut, and you have no idea what to do in this situation. Your professional reflexes take over.

"Welcome to the Sub Mission Diner. May I take your order?"

Her eyes snap open, and her cheeks gradually redden as she removes her hoof slowly. She glances down at her glistening hoof, and you feel the grasp on your butt fall away.

"I- I apologize, Anon. You are supposed to be safe here, but I-"

You interrupt her.

"It's fine, really. Would you like a sandwich?"

She looks at you, confusion clouding her face. It's kinda cute.

"You... don't mind?"

The feeling of a large hoof gently comes to rest against your rear. You smile.

"Just stay out of the butthole, and it's fine. So how about that sandwich?"

Celestia smiles hesitantly.

"In that case, I would like a Romaine Black Bean on asiago bread."

"And how much mayonnaise would you like on that?"

"How much? I don't think mayonnaise is the right topping for that at all!"

Come to think of it, it's not part of the original build.

"Oh yeah, sorry. It's just a habit from the mares always asking for it."

She nods in understanding.

"Who wouldn't want your mayo in their sandwich?"

The fun thing about innuendo, is that you can take it half-way, and it's still innuendo.

"So you would like it, if I jizzed on your sandwich?"

And the blush is back in full force.

"I-if you want to?"

"Sure, I'll be back in a moment with your order."

Home Slice is pretty quick; less than five minutes later, you return with the sandwich open on the plate. The princess gives you a questioning look.

"Thought I'd give you a dinner and a show."

With that, you unzip your pants and pull out your cock. Celestia's face is now beet red, and she is mesmerized by the swing of your sausage. Then she notices the several magic auras molesting you, and frowns.

"That is truly ungentlemarely. Let me help you with that."

It feels like your dick is plunged into liquid sunlight, and all the other sensations fall away. You actually moan a little; it feels amazing. Celestia's eyes widen.

"I apologize, I didn't mean to-"

You start thrusting into the golden aura around your manhood, retaining just enough sense to aim at the sandwich. The princess stops, forgetting her words entirely. The sleeve of sunlight starts stroking you, acquiring enough firmness to feel like a mouth, or maybe a certain marehood. It feels like you are having sweet, sweet consensual sex with the sun, perhaps for procreative purposes. Celestia licks her lips, a wet spot spreading from where she is sitting. As you approach the climax, you add your hand to the mix, both to aim and to stimulate. Your breath hitches as she squeezes your cock, and you let your seed fly, splattering on the sandwich and the plate. You jerk out a few more ropes, and shakily wipe off your dick on the bread of the sub. You close the sandwich, and offer it to her.

"Boner appétit, Princess."

She smiles a little at the wordplay, and takes a bite. Celestia hums in enjoyment as she chews. She swallows, and says,

"Thank you, Anon. It adds just the right touch."

"You are quite welcome, it was my pleasure."

You stick around; no customers come in, so you end up watching the entire foot long sub slowly make its way past her dainty lips and down her elegant throat. Even returned to the confines of your pants, your dick twitches every time she swallows. Crumbs still on her lips, she lowers her head and licks the plate, maintaining eye contact while she laps at your cum. You are now diamonds. She levitates the plate to you, and you reluctantly return to the main kitchen and ring up the sandwich. As you hand her the bill on a small tray, you lean in extra close and whisper in her ear,

"I get off at 5, if you are interested."

She shudders, a hot breath grazing your shoulder.

"I am. Oh, but how I am."

You collect the bits, and saunter off, swaying your hips for the fun of it. You are rewarded with a firm squeeze, and you return to your normal duties, happily anticipating the evening.

Author's Note

Fun fact: This is the first RGRE story I every wrote.

Well Pact

You are Sotharia, third circle descendant. Not for the first time, you wish you had manifested as an incubus, they get summoned all the time. But no, you are a pony succubus for a world that is 80% mares. The chances of you-

Whoa!

You feel a tug on your spine, and you follow it gladly. You rise from a circle, red smoke billowing around you. You strike a seductive pose for your summoner, who is a...

"Huh, it actually worked."

Minotaur? Thing? You don't see any teats, so today is your lucky eon.

"Yessssssss, I have answered your call. What is your name, succulent morsel?"

He flips through a book with his delicate fingers.

"Hold on, there's a bit before that. Ah, here it is. By the tree and stone, I abjure thee to bind thyself with thy name."

Drat, first time summoners are usually too flustered to get it right.

"Very well, I bind myself to your will in the name Sotharia."

He smiles at you.

"That's a pretty name."

"Th-thanks."

What is with this colt?

"Okay, next is, By my will and might, I bind you in my name, Anonymous. But you can call me Anon."

Well, so much for running rampant this time around. Still, you have a job to do.

"You have done well in binding me, master Anon. What do you say we enjoy the fruits of your competence?"

He sits down on a couch, grinning.

"Yeah, do what you like. I want to see what succubi do for foreplay."

You walk towards him, your hips swaying, your eyes and smile sultry. You hop up onto the couch and lean against his shoulder. Sulfur and Stars, this colt is tall. And deliciously warm. You slide a hoof down his arm, until you are holding his hand. You gaze up at his no doubt flustered fa-

He tilts his head.

"Was that supposed to be lewd?"

He gives your hoof a squeeze. Your legs buckle beneath you as a wave of heat crashes inside you.

"B-buck yeah, you lewd colt, squeeze my hoof again!"

Master Anon is frowning now.

"Is that all?"

You nuzzle his shoulder, mind fuzzy from all the energy you are drinking up.

"Mmmm, if you want more..."

You lift your muzzle...

And give him a peck on the cheek! The few stallions you've had all crumpled at this stage, but this colt, this colt,

"Looks like I'll have to do things myself."

What does he mean by th-

His lips meet yours, pressing and parting. A hot, greedy tongue invades your mouth. His desire pours into you, hotter than the fires of Tartarus. You moan weakly, returning the kiss as best you can. Then a hand slides over your hip, grasping at your flank, and you can think no more.

Be Anon, poking an unconscious demon. This succubus thing is kinda disappointing, a little frenching and an assgrab, and she's out cold. At least she's got a cute smile. Still, you'd feel weird about sexing up a sleeping girl, or uh, mare. Time to talk to the manager.

And thus Anon fed the entire succubus population.

Becoming the Mask

You are Anon, drawing hurriedly on a paper plate. Why does Nightmare Night fall on September 31? Why does September have 31 days? You thought it was a joke, but noooo. So here you are, making the absolute worst costume ever. Some quick knot work with some string, and you put your mask on. You look in the mirror and sigh. You were so looking forward to spooking the ponies. At least with a bad drawing of Sombrero's face on your mask, you might startle a few.

You step out into the night, following the sounds of laughter and games. As you enter the festival grounds, all the little horses go quiet, staring at you. A few pegasi's wings extend, probably getting ready to fly away.

"The face isn't very good, is it? Perhaps I should take it off."

Maybe there's some sort of uncanny valley thing going on. You begin to lift your mask, but a full third of the ponies faint. You freeze. Hoofsteps sound behind you.

"Anonymous, aren't you wearing anything? It is Nightmare Night after a-"

Twilight trots around to face you, dressed up as some Gandalf knockoff. Her eyes go wide when she looks at your face.

"What have you done?"

It starts as a whisper.

"What did you do to Anonymous?"

"Um, Twilight, that's a bit-"

She glares at you, horn blazing with a baleful purple light.

"Sombra! Anonymous had better be safe and sound, or else Tartarus will seem like magical kindergarten when I'm done with you!"

What the hell.

is wrong with this mare. You pull off your mask, ignoring the horrified screams of the populous. Twilight's jaw drops.

"It's just a mask. Honestly, what is with you guys?"

She collects herself with some effort.

"Anonymous, I know you didn't have a lot of time to prepare, but summoning the spirits of dead tyrants is not a good idea for a costume. Even if Sombra was a stallion."

There's some nervous chuckling among some of the mares. You roll you eyes.

"I did no such thing. Come on, I'll show you."

You turn back to your house, ignoring her vague warnings about arcane forces and soul chastity.

Twilight stands by your table as you grab a paper plate.

"See? Perfectly normal plate."

"Is there a hidden magic circle? That would explain the immense power of your mask summoning."

You hand her the plate.

"Check for one if you like, but I got it from a Manehattan convenience store."

After a few spells, she floats it back, frowning.

"It's as you say, a normal paper circle."

"Right. So now I draw on it..."

It's not your best drawing, but you think it's recognizably Sunbutt. Just to make sure she gets it, you draw a little speech bubble saying, "I wanna rut Twilight Sparkle."

Okay, maybe you wrote that just for fun. Twilight rolls her eyes at your little joke, but watches closely as you finish making the mask. At last you put it on, and turn to her. Her face immediately turns bright red.

"I-I don't know, Princess, it's so sudden...please be gentle."

You turn away.

"A-Anonymous? Where's Princess Celestia? We were right in the middle of an...important conversation."

"You just- Really? Am I alone in a world full of goldfish?"

You take off the mask and set it on the table. Then you turn towards book horse and point at it.

"I wrote it right there! You watched me!"

Twilight looks at you with wondering eyes.

"You...can see the future. This is amazing! We must tell Celestia at once! And maybe continue our conversation..."

She giggles to herself, cheeks still flushed.

Be Anon, attending a private royal audience. Twilight nods to you, and you sigh. You slip the mask over your face, turning expectantly towards Celestia. She surges to her hooves, exuding an incredible aura of power and danger.

"Impostor! I would never say such things! Twilight, be careful, she'll try to fool you!"

You hang your head. You have stumbled upon immense power in the form of paper plate masks. You remove the one you are wearing and toss it away.

"See? No impostor, just me."

As the two princesses settle down, you start to wonder if Grandpa's stories about his conflicts with the red menace were true. It might be worthwhile to spend some time to search Equestrian history for that sort of thing. You poke a palace guard with an orange coat and blue mane to get his attention. Twilight's head whips around.

"Spy's tapping my Sentry!"

Anon Wants to Communicate (Fluttershy)

Ponyville has a new god. Well, technically he's a human, But clearly, Anon is a heavenly being sent to bless the lives of ponies. He's so elegant and demure. Communicating effortlessly and without words. Baby foals smile as he walks by. Even the cattiest of stallions is in awe of Anon. Mares swear secret oaths in service to him.

You thought it would be different here, but no. You are still too shy to talk to anyone outside of faintly mumbled pleasantries. Luckily you can usually get by with gestures, so it's not like you are helpless. You just wish you could makes some friends for once. The ponies here are really skittish, and are always watching you and muttering among themselves. It makes it kind of difficult to approach anyone.

You stand outside Sugarcube Corner, wavering. You really do want something sweet, but it's so full of ponies, and Pinkie Pie always makes a scene when she sees you around. Just the thought walking into that den of overstimulation makes you shudder. You feel a pony tap your arm with a wing. You look down to see a yellow mare you think is Fluttershy.

"Um, Anonymous? Can I buy you something from the sugarcube Corner?"

She understands! You feel a thrill of hope, and try to compose a suitable reply.

...

Thanks for- no,

A bavarian cr- wait, do they even have Bavaria here? For that matter, where is Bavaria in the first place? Oh no, you got lost in your thoughts, no doubt this mare is getting impatient with you, you should apologize. You glance at her face, but she actually seems content to wait. She just gives you a small, encouraging smile. Okay, keep it simple.

"Yes."

Nailed it! The mare nods pleasantly.

"What should I get for you?"

...how do you say this?

"A don-"

Wait,

"Like pudding, but-"

You are bad at this.

"With chocolate frosting."

You bury your face in your hands. This is why you don't talk to people.

"I understand. I'll just be back in a little bit with your bovarian creme."

You watch the pegasus trot into the bakery, and feel a little better about things.

You are now Fluttershy. You knew the town beauty was quiet, but it wasn't until you gathered up the courage to talk to him that you realized why. He reminds you a lot of how you were when you were younger. At once, all the little things like avoiding crowds, or why he just stares at mares who try to hit on him, it all makes sense. You resolve to help him make friends, and to help him grow like you did.

You are Pinkie Pie, feeling something in your tuft as you get Fluttershy's bovarian creme. This isn't like her, she usually buys blueberry glazed donuts. Nevertheless, you are a professional.

"Here you go! Bovarian creme for the team!"

Fluttershy smiles and hoofs over the bits. You watch her as she goes to a tab-

No, she's going outside. But she always eats her donuts at a table?! You put a cardboard cutout of yourself behind the counter and sneak off to see what's up. You peek out from behind the doorframe to see Fluttershy waltz right up to Adonymous. He smiles at her and takes the bovarian cream with a dignified nod.

Lucky mare.

Then he starts nibbling on it, licking the creamy filling from time to time. You blush, unable to look away from the lewd sight. Poor Fluttershy is getting a huge wingboner right there in the street.

Be Anon, licking the last remnants of the donut from your fingers. Abruptly you realize that Fluttershy has been waiting this entire time, watching you eat. Her face is red, probably from being out in the summer sun for so long. You have to help her! Not to mention paying her back for the donut.

You look around, seeing only busy shops . Well, your house isn't far from here, you can get her some water there. You take a deep breath.

"Let's, out of sun, um."

Come on Anon, you can do it!

"My home. Enter."

You gaze at her face, silently willing her to do the impossible. Fluttershy blinks, then smiles at you.

"It is a little hot out, I would love to go to your home."

Is she a genius? How can she understand you so perfectly? With a burgeoning hope rising in your heart, you lead her to your house.

Be Fluttershy, sitting in Anonymous' living room. It's very neat, if a little larger than you are used to. Even if you tried, you don't think you could take up more than two cushions of his couch. He strides back into the room with a tall glass of water, his natural grace keeping the water from even rippling. It's a little mesmerizing watching those long legs move. Anonymous sets the glass on the coffee table in front of you, and retreats to the recliner opposite you. You nod pleasantly at him.

"Thank you."

He nods back, a bit jerkily. Is he nervous? You take a deep drought of the water, savoring the way the coolness spreads throughout your body. Then you set the glass on the coffee table, and tilt your head at him.

"You don't have to wait for me, you should get a drink too."

He shakes his head.

"M'fine."

His lips compress, then part ever so slightly, then close tightly again.

"Kitchen, before."

He must have had a quick drink then, you suppose. You aren't really sure how to continue, but sometimes you just have to say things.

"Do you...find it scary, talking to ponies?"

You smile at him encouragingly. He looks down at his hands.

"Yes, its-"

He starts breathing deeply, lips twisting and trembling. Your heart sinks, if only you could wrap him in your wings and take away his troubles, but that might just make things worse.

"If it's too hard to say, maybe you could write it down?"

He looks you in the eyes, startled. Then he rushes off up the stairs .

...

Hopefully he's just getting some paper, and not hiding from you. You wait on the couch, each minute passing by making you wonder if you should leave so he can come back down. Then he comes down the stairs with an armful of loose paper, and hands one to you.

[I've never been good at making friends, and it only got worse as I got older. I don't know how to meet people, or how to make conversations. I just stand on the edge of the crowd, afraid. What if they think I'm rude? I know I look weird, and I don't want to make people uncomfortable by trying to make them interact with me. I don't want to make people talk with me while they want me to leave. I know they say things about me, I can see them whisper while they look at me. So I try to stay inside as much as possible, which just makes it harder to go outside and face people.]

[I just want to have some friends, but I think it's impossible for me, now.]

You blink rapidly, to keep from crying. This poor colt. This poor, poor colt. You notice a pen on the table, and pick it up. You suppose you could just say this, but you think he would accept it better as words on a page. You write your message below his.

[I can be your friend, and help you make more friends.]

You push the paper towards him. He picks it up and reads, his eyes widening. Anonymous looks at you, then the paper, then you again. You smile and nod encouragingly. He sets the paper down with shaking hands and writes back.

[Thank you, thank you so much!]

Warmth blooms in your chest, and you start to compose your next message.

Be Anon, leaning against your front door. It's late in the afternoon, the orange light of the sunset filtering in through the windows. Your new friend...! Your new friend Fluttershy is walking home now, after hours of passing notes. The coffee table is littered with pages of small talk, of likes and dislikes, of hobbies and doodles. You collect them in a rough chronological order, and sit in your chair. You look down at the first page.

[I can be your friend, and help you make more friends.]

You read that sentence again and again until everything becomes blurry. You lean back, letting the tears fall down your face. You won't always be alone. You clutch the papers to your chest.

You finally have a friend.

Author's Note

Inb4 sequel pls:
https://mangarock.com/manga/mrs-serie-140355

Kinedness and Love (MinoOC)

You are Anon, creeping towards your beautiful, sleeping wife, wearing nothing but some lacy gloves and a pair of white silky socks. Hell if you know why it gets Stormy Billows hot and bothered, but you aren't complaining. Your Minoan wife breathes deeply, the sheets concealing the details of her peaks, but as snow cannot conceal the immensity of a mountain, so too does the cloth not hide how fucking huge her tits are. You smile mischievously to yourself as you straddle her waist. Gently, you cup the cheeks of her face and peck her on the lips. Stormy blinks as she wakens, a smile slowly forming on her face. She crushes you in a warm embrace, humming contentedly. Her lips brush your ear as she whispers in a husky voice.

"Wear those sexy little gloves tonight, and I'll rut you so hard the bed breaks."

You barely have time to yelp before Stormy rolls over and plunders your mouth with her skilled tongue. Her hand grips your dick with a gentle firmness, her movements smooth and skillful. Her breasts lay heavy on your chest, and you lose yourself to her warmth and pressure. You return the kiss as best you can, but Stormy's tongue is far stronger and larger than yours. You can feel her fond amusement as you struggle against its movements. Your hands sink into her tits, hefting and kneading. She hums in approval, pumping you faster and faster. You squirm under her, bucking your hips against the movements of her hand.

You are so close. It seems she feels it too, because she breaks the kiss and crawls back between your legs. Stormy gives you a wink before enveloping your length in her warm, wet muzzle. You almost cum right then and there, but you hold back. She smiles around your dick, then gets down to sucking and licking with brutal efficiency. You groan as any semblance of self control evaporates and you fire into her mouth. Stormy hums in contentment, suckling on your cock until the last drop is spent. She finally swallows, letting your manhood fall from her mouth. You lay on the bed, sweaty, spent, and flush with pleasure. She leans down and kisses you on the cheek.

"Good morning to you too, darling. I'll see you after work, and remember..."

She pats your hip.

"Wear the gloves."

You kiss her on the snout.

"As you wish."

Stormy gives your hip a playful grope, then leaves to get ready for work. You take a moment to collect yourself. By the gods, you love your wife.

Another day, you stare in the mirror. Your beard has been getting kinda wild, and the Labyrinthian summer is sweltering. An hour of trimming later, and you still aren't satisfied. It's short enough, but you feel like experimenting. Perhaps a goatee and side burns? You grin to yourself, imagining Stormy's reaction.

"Oh, new style of beard? It suits your handsome face."

Totally worth it.

You pace in front of the door, waiting for your wife to get home. You can't stop rubbing the clean-shaven parts of your jaw. It feels kinda weird, after having a full beard for so long. The door creaks open, and you whirl to face it.

"Welcome home dear, how was your day?"

Stormy hangs her shield and sword on the rack by the door.

"Uneventful, but that's the best kin-"

She freezes as she sees your face. Her eyes go wide, pupils dilating. You grin uneasily.

"Thought I'd try something different. Do you like it?"

Stormy slams the door behind her and rushes at you. You manage one panicked step back before your face is in her hands, turning your head this way and that.

"We'll have to have a portrait done, maybe five?"

You feel yourself start to blush.

"We don't need to go that far..."

Stormy nods seriously, letting go of your face.

"You're right, we need to preserve this in sculpture."

You spend the next several hours serving as her model, blushing at the constant stream of compliments she mutters as she chips away at the stone.

The Autumn leaves are beautiful as the two of you walk in the public gardens. Other couples seem to agree, sitting on picnic blankets and fondly watching over their wandering calves. Stormy holds your hand, fingers interlaced, and gives it a squeeze.

"What are you thinking about, my love?"

You look up at her and smile, cheeks reddening a little.

"I was thinking it would be nice to have a calf of our own, someday."

She blinks. Then scoops you up in her arms and starts trotting towards home.

"Uh, Stormy?"

She smiles fondly at your reddening face.

"Yes, my treasure?"

"We don't have to start trying right now."

Your wife nods.

"We don't have to, but there is no way I can resist when my adorable husband tells me he wants calves. So please be patient with me, while I make sure every drop of your seed ends up inside me."

You cover your face.

"I can't believe you said that in public!"

Stormy shrugs.

"Let them hear. I will never hide my love for you."

You bury your face into her tit, hiding your goofy grin. You mumble,

"I love you too, Stormy."

The next morning, Stormy chops down a tree for yet another bedframe.

First Person Compliation

RGRE Shorts

Care of the Cooper (OC)

It's not so bad, being a working member of the Coopers' Guild. My actual occupation... well, the saying goes, "if you want a band around your barrel, see a cooper."
I'm a hugwhore. It's a fairly comfy job even without the compensated cuddling. The room I use has a bed, a couch, love-seat, recliner, and a rocking chair, tons of pillows, soft blankets, a good fireplace for the colder months, hot cocoa supplies, and so on. And so I wait for my next Jane, content in my place in the world.
The door opens, revealing a slightly pudgy orange unicorn mare, with dark circles under her eyes. Her short navy mane lies tousled at ear-length. I welcome her with a warm smile.
"Come in, come in. How can I make your day today?"
She closes the door behind her with a flick of magic, and looks at me with haunted, empty eyes.
"Don't. Don't say what you don't mean. I know I'm not beautiful, or cute, and the only reason why this is happening is because I paid for it."
I hesitate. There are mares that like when I talk down to them, that enjoy a stallion pretending to be disgusted about having to cuddle with them. However, I can feel a difference here.
"Alright. Hop on up, and tell me what you want."
The mare climbs up onto the couch next to me, staring at me with a certain wariness that makes my heart break a little. She lays her head on my lap, and I start petting her automatically. She sighs, closing her eyes.
"Tell me what you really think about me."
I consider the matter, her slightly coarse mane sliding under my fingers.
"You need to get more sleep, for one."
She nods, breathing deeply. I think I know what she needs.
"And you would look better if you lost some weight."
She sniffles at that, but I pretend not to hear.
"I get the feeling that you have a hard time reaching out to others, and don't have many friends. Certainly not any close ones."
A spot of dampness hits my thigh, and now I look down. The poor mare is thoroughly scrunched, tears leaking from her closed eyes. I shake my head quietly, and wipe her tears away. She looks at me, vulnerable and hollowed out by life. I smile kindly, and gently lift her head.
"And you are my favorite kind of customer."
She stares at me with wide eyes.
"I-I am?"
I hum an affirmative.
"You are. For some ponies, they come to me because I'm convenient, and discreet."
I gently tug her up into my lap, and lay her head on my shoulder. She nuzzles my neck instinctively.
"They're just satisfying their animal appetite. But ponies like you, well."
I draw her into a tight hug, breathing in her slightly soapy scent. She shudders in my arms, wrapping her forelegs around me.
"You just want to feel like a pony again, to remember what affection feels like."
She nods, her hot tears falling on my shoulder. I stroke her back comfortingly, syncing my breathing up with hers.
"You aren't using me, you're asking for my help, when no one else will answer."
I turn in my seat, leaning back against the armrest of the couch. The mare melts, her weight and warmth falling on me like a heavy blanket. She stares at me with wondering eyes, hoping desperately.
"And I love being there for you. I love healing your heart, even if it is just a little bit."
I peck her cheek, and draw her back into my embrace.
"So cuddle with me, and forget about the world for a while."
She timidly kisses my cheek, before turning her head away. I chuckle, and stroke her mane.
After a few long minutes pass, she swallows.
"I think I love you."
Oh, this poor dear.
"I care about you, my little mare."
She starts to shake.
"I- I shouldn't have said that, just for-"
I shush her gently, patting her withers.
"It happens. It's hard to receive affection and not return it. All that I ask is that you leave room in your heart for other ponies you may meet."
I can feel the motion of her throat as she swallows.
"Alright. I promise."
She relaxes, almost completely limp on top of me. I wait, patiently and comfortably. Her breathing deepens, sleep having finally claimed her emotionally overwhelmed body. I let myself drift off, content in a job well done.

Mistakes Were Made (Twi, Trix, Glim)

This will be a good trial run before opening a school of friendship. I have gathered together the various elements of...
"It is this the part where I say my first name and what addiction I have?"
Awkwardness.
"No Anon, but you are on the right track. Welcome to the weekly ABLB meeting, where we help each other figure out how to be appropriately social."
"The Great and Sensual Trixie does not see why she is here, and she also wonders what ABLB stands for."
Patience, Sparkle. If I beat them within an inch of their life, it won't make for a good friendship letter.
"No speaking in the third person, Trixie. And as for what it stands for..."
I look at my note card. I might not have thought this through completely.
"The Association of the Blind Leading the Blind."
Starlight nods seriously.
"Fitting."
I clear my throat and address my three associates.
"So! Does anyone have a social interaction they feel could have gone better? It could be a little thing, if that makes you comfortable."
Everypony glances around, waiting. Anon sighs and raises his hand .
"Alright, I'll go first. The other day, I was patting Apple Bloom on the back as thanks for helping me pick up my groceries, and she seemed to like it. Then I went to scratch right behind her ears, and-"
I shudder and scrunch hard just imagining it. Anon smiles in relief.
"Yeah, that, you get it. What's up with that?"
I exhale slowly, trying to calm down and think.
"It's like... Anon, you are from a predator species, right? Claws and sharp teeth?"
Anon looks dubiously as his finger claws.
"Let's just say yes, and get to the point."
I don't like the way Starlight is eyeing the only stallion in the group.
"Right, so scratching is a normal part of your social behavior. But ponies don't have claws or sharp teeth, so our social behavior is more... rubbing, leaning on each other, that sort of thing."
Anon frowns, but nods slowly.
"Alright, so the patting was okay. Is there anything else I could do to show gratitude?"
Trixie waves her hoof in the air.
"The Great and Insightful Tr-"
I glare at her. She coughs, and continues.
"That is to say, I believe I have a suggestion."
I beam at her, happy at how quickly she caught on to how the meeting should go. Trixie smiles a little.
"Suck her clit."
My heart sinks, while Anon tilts his pure, pure head.
"Trixie!"
She jolts in her seat, look at me with wide eyes.
"Oh, is Apple Bloom a stallion? I mean, you could suck his cock, and I could watch, but just getting him flowers or some other colty thing should be fine."
I grit my teeth.
"Trixie, Apple Bloom is a mare, and that would not be appropriate. She just got her cutie mark a few months ago."
The showmare stares in confusion.
"But that's the first time a stallion sucked my clit, right about then."
Normalnagsgetthehayout.neigh
As I struggle to explain why that isn't a good standard to go by, Anon makes a sigh of realization.
"I get it, I'd be the older woman sucking his dick. Um, if we were gender switched or whatever. Seems like a big favor, just for helping pick up groceries."
Oh no, Trixie the Trixie is corrupting him! Starlight hesitantly raises her hoof. I turn to her with desperate hope in my eyes. Salvage this, my apprentice. She gives me a quick smile.
"What about, promoting her within your secret organization to overthrow the status quo?"
There is no hope.
"Starlight, do you currently have, or are you preparing such a secret organization?"
She looks at me with uncertainty.
"Not counting this one?"
I sigh.
"Not counting this one."
"Then no, not anymore."
I raise an eyebrow.
"Anymore? Do I need to feed you more hayburgers to fill you with the light of Equestrian Capitalism?"
Starlight Glimmer smiles uneasily.
"No?"
Right. I turn back to Trixie and Anon, who seemed to have been whispering while I was distracted. I feel I should be worried.
I am worried.
"What did you two come up with?"
Anon smiles, innocence twinkling in his eyes.
"The proper amount of thanks is showing her a little ball cleavage. Reminds me, I'm going to have to get a ball bra sometime."
...
Does that mean he's not wearing one right now? I try not to stare at his crotch. Why are his shorts so baggy and tantalizing? Maybe if I tilt my head, I can look up his-
Trixie coughs, wearing a knowing smile. That bitch knows too much. I shake my head and smile sharp, pointy friendship knives at her.
"Moving right along then, do you have something to share? Some mistake you made?"
Trixie tosses her mane over her shoulder and sticks out her chest, prominently displaying her tuft. Trotting on thin ice, mare.
"The Great- ah, rather, I didn't make any mistakes, yet for some reason mares are unreasonably hostile towards me."
I roll my eyes. Starlight licks her lips, obviously trying to put it delicately.
"Perhaps it is because you pose like a marewhore and hit on everypony's coltfriends?"
My apprentice lacks subtlety, yet she hasn't said anything wrong, exactly. Trixie looks startled at the implication.
"I, a marewhore? It's not as though I steal coltfriends, except that one time in Baltimare, oh, and Fillydelphia, and hmm. But I only rut the good-looking ones, so it's fine."
Anon looks around at the group, from my raised hackles, to Starlight's cold stare, to Trixie's artificially voluminous tuft. He gets this goofy smile that makes me want to hug him and push him down to my tea-
That is, it make him look cute.
"Are you serious? Little miss vainglory here is supposed to be a man-eater, or lady-killer, or whatever?"
I feel a little better at the disbelieving tone in his voice. Starlight nods.
"Trixies always get the colts, even when they are jerks."
Anon is grinning at the marewhore.
"Your name is an epithet for that sort of mare? That's amazing! Come on, seduce me, I dare you!"
I start to feel like I am losing control of the meeting.
"Now, none of that, we-"
Trixie grins back at him.
"I like a stallion with spirit. Why don't we go back to my room, and I can show you how my hold on you is tight and powerful?"
Poor Anon is lost to his coltish whimsy, giggling at the vulgar pick up line.
"A stallion with spirit! Oh, my sides."
Starlight trots up to him, a hopeful expression on her face. No, don't do it.
"Hey Colt, are you a salt mine? Because I can lick your rocks all day."
I groan, scrunching hard. This was a mistake. No matter how much Anon is laughing, this was a mistake. Then I hear his voice.
"Come on, Twilight, you give it a try."
I stare at him blankly.
Is he serious?
He's smiling at me. The girls are looking at me expectantly. Oh no, I'm not prepared for this, I am a nice mare! Think, make a pun about dicks or slits! Why is it so hard? Oh, maybe that will work...
I swallow nervously.
"I always make things too hard, when I talk to stallions."
I grin uneasily. Anon rocks back in his chair, groaning.
"Oh, that was terrible,"
My ears flatten and my heart drops like a rock.
"You win, nothing can top that."
What?
"What?"
Anon smiles at me, a healing smile.
"A pick up line's effectiveness is proportional to the terribleness of the pun. You win."
What? Really? I scramble for a quill and parchment, I need to write this down!
"Hey Twilight."
I glance up at Anon.
"Yes?"
"Thanks."
He pulls one of the legs of his shorts to the side. My mind and magic halt, transfixed.
I have seen the Holy Grail.
Trixie nods.
"That's right Anon, just like that."
Today I have learned that sometimes, even Trixies can be a true sis.

Gathering Seed (Zecora)

I am no longer riding the elevator to work. No, instead I am standing on some stone column as a small zebra in a mask dances around a fire.
"What the fuck."
Its head whips towards me.
"Hallowed poo, a talking statue!"
I am clearly dealing with a magic zebra here. Female, by the sound of her voice. I look down at myself. Grey slacks and jacket, black tie, normal formal wear for the company I work at. I look back at the wary zebra.
"Uh, hi. My name is Anonymous, and I am not a statue."
She bows slightly.
"I am called Zecora but could you answer me, are you truly a Lord of fertility?"
"Lord of fertility? I'm just a data entry clerk."
She takes off her mask, shaking out her mane a bit. Zecora licks her lips.
"From the tales I hear, hiyumans are fertile every season of the year."
"Well, yes that is true."
She smiles at me.
"Truthfully, I did not expect the rite to succeed, but now that it has, may I have your seed? For mares whose loins lack motion, they would drink your potion."
What words of wisdom would my father have for me?
'Is she hot?'
I eye that rump.
'Is this a scam?'
Doesn't seem like it.
'Are you gay?'
"So, am I going to be masturbating into a cup or what?"
She grins.
"So strong and hale, the heart of this male. It is as you think, let us go to the sink."
I hop off the plinth and follow her swaying hips. Aren't horse butts supposed to be weird? This one is just so.... shapely. Zecora leads me to a cozy little hut inside of a tree, reminding me of the Book of Three. Shit, now she has me rhyming. She somehow grabs a wooden cup with her hoof and sets it before me, watching with hungry eyes. Well, I've done weirder things on a dare. I unzip my pants, pulling my hard dick through the slit in my boxers. She gasps.
"Is it already December, to see such a gift of a member?"
It's not that amazing, is it? Whatever, I have a job to do. I begin fapping immediately, eyeing Zecora's rump. Hmm, not a good angle.
"Hey, could you show me you butt? That'd help with getting me going."
She blushes, her tail swishing back and forth.
"If it would help you get in the mood, I shall obey anything lewd."
She turns her backside towards me, jiggling just the slightest bit.
Goddamn.
I have to brace myself against the table as I stroke faster and faster. Zecora bites her lip, her eyes wide and fixed on my cock. Her tail twitches up and drapes across her back. That's no moon, that's a fully operational docking station. My hips buck, my cum splattering into the cup. At the same time, her fully exposed pussy convulses, glistening with arousal. I fire off a few more shots, then wipe the last of the cum off on the rim of the cup. It takes a few moments to get my breath back, while the zebra approaches.
"It seems like such a waste, would it be alright if I had a taste?"
Hot.
"Yeah, go for it."
She ignores the cup, her mouth closing around my dick.
"F-fuck!"
She jerks back, my cock popping out of her mouth, eyes wide in alarm.
"What is wrong, did you injure your prong?"
I shake my head ruefully.
"Sorry, I'm still a little sensitive down there, and you surprised me. You can, um, continue if you like."
Zecora tilts her head, then nods.
"If you do not object, I shall continue to inspect."
She goes more slowly this time, engulfing my member in her muzzle, her tongue languid and velvety along my length. I groan in pleasure, growing hard again. She hums happily, the vibrations doing wonders for my erection.
"Mmmm, keep going, you wonderful zebra."
Zecora smiles around my cock, then starts bobbing and sucking at it, her tongue writhing. I exhale hard, my hands going to her head, eager to keep the pleasurable mouth in motion. She's so warm and wet, sucking and slurping at me. I clutch at her mane as a wave of pleasure flows through me. I'm getting pretty close, my hips bucking as I thrust into her welcoming mouth. Then she starts humming again, and it's all too much.
I groan as I cum again, twitching and thrusting against her tongue as it milks my dick. She gazes at me in wonderment, her throat greedily swallowing my seed. The stimulation on my dick is almost painful, by the time she finally stops sucking. Zecora licks her lips, wearing a smug smile.
"What greater treasure, than a colt wracked with pleasure. Like this, every day shall be, if you live with me."
Hells yes.
"I'm looking forward to it."
And that's how I became a zebra's househusband.

Past Me is Amazing (Celestia)

I wake up slowly, faintly grateful Luna raised the sun for me and let me sleep in. I blink, taking in the surroundings. I don't know why I'm in the glue fact- horsepital. And my head aches, which is no fun, I need cake. I look around my bed, and oh, hello handsome. Some slender minotaur looking stallion is reading a book in a chair by my bed. He doesn't look like a nurse, I wonder what he is doing here. Not that I'm complaining. I clear my throat.
"Hello, is there something I can help you with? Although I may be indisposed at the moment."
He drops the book in shock, staring at me with wide eyes. I hope he doesn't catch a case of too formal language. He surges towards me, wrapping his arms around my neck and nuzzling just below my head. I freeze, enjoying the male attention, but desperately hoping nopony gets the wrong idea. After a few minutes, he pulls back, tears in his eyes.
"I'm glad you're alright, Sunshine. You really had me worried there."
...what? I search his face for any kind of familiarity.
"Do I know you?"
He gives me a weak smile.
"I'm your coltfriend."
What.
_________________________________________________________
The doctor mares are very patient as they explain my situation. It seems I had some sort of climatic battle with a sorcerous pod of narwhals, and got a bad case of magic dissonance when I subverted the spell they were weaving. Point is, I lost a full year's worth of memories. The doctors explain that it would be best to take some time off to recover, and linger around familiar things. Which apparently includes a hot young coltfriend. Well done, past me.

I return to my quarters to find things are not quite as I left them. Of course, I have quite a few friendship reports more than before, but that is to be expected. However, the second dresser is new, along with a kitchenette with an apron hung up nearby. One thing has my undivided attention. A delicious aroma permeates the room. Anon chuckles behind me, low and pleasant.
"I should have known you'd wake up once the cheesecake was done."
I stare at the oven and fridge in wonder. I was never able to get the hang of baking, something to do with juggling a stellar furnace and operating a small oven. But now, I can have cakes whenever I want, without the judgmental stares, ah, that is, without bothering the stallions in the castle kitchen.
"I think I'm in love."
Anon chuckles again and gives my flank a swat as he passes by me.
"That's what you said last time. Now come on, let's eat this thing."
He bends slightly to retrieve the cheesecake from the fridge, his rump jutting out impudently. I have never been so turned on.

I stare at the dark ceiling, too tense to sleep. This might have something to do with the stallion beside me under the covers. No matter what he says, I still feel weird acting...intimately with a stallion I barely know. Goodness knows I fantasized about this sort of thing enough, but Anon is so kind and real, with his own feelings. What if he figures out that I am actually a super lewd mare? My fretting is interrupted by an arm across my neck and the firm, hot length of a stallion snuggling up against me. I let out a strangled whisper.
"Anon?"
He just murmurs sleepily and snuggles closer. Hnnngggg. I gaze down at his sleeping face, taken at how alien yet adorable it is. I smooth his hair to the side with a wisp of magic. He sighs happily. I smile gently, savoring the sweet experience. As I lay my head back on the pillow, I relax. Well done, past me.
Well done.

I wake as I often do, wet between the legs and restless. Then something pokes my hip, and I remember I'm not alone. I glance to the side, and there is Anonymous, still cute, especially with his bed head. Still, what is poking me? His arms are around my neck, his legs tangles with mine. That just leaves...
I feel very warm all of a sudden, both from blushing and -I wink- very wet. Anon stirs, gazing at me blearily. Then he sniffs and I feel deep shame. He grins.
"My, but you are having a very good morning."
I cover my face with a wing, trying to block out the embarrassment.
"It's just morning dew, it happens to all mares in the morning."
He rubs my belly, which is Not Helping. Those fingers feel sooo goooood.
"Are you saying I'm not stallion enough to get you wet?"
For added emphasis he grinds his hot length against my flank. I hold back a groan. Curse stallions and their sexiness and whimsy.
"No, you're very handsome and, oh stars and void..."
I wink again, a bonfire in my belly. But I am Princess Celestia, and I must be true to myself.
"I just wanted our first time to be..."
Oh no, I just tipped my sunhat.
"Oh yeah, I remember that. I thought you were just trying to be romantic because I am a stallion."
Is it possible to die of embarrassment? Alas, it's probably not possible for me, alicorn that I am. He kisses my cheek.
"That's pretty cute, Sunshine. So I guess the question is, do you want breakfast, a shower, or-"
He nibbles on my ear.
"Me."
I'm going to need new sheets.

Santa Mare

I should be glad that so many ponies have been good these past years. And I am, but it also means that I have a huge stockpile of coal with nowhere to go. I stopped my parasprite minions from mining the stuff years ago. I needed the extra labor to keep up toy production.
I sigh, stretching out the ol' withers and flank. Well, it's that time of year again, better check the lists. Nice list is literally a mile long. Yeah, I'm only checking it once. A parasprite bumps into me, helpfully carrying a little slip of paper. Naughty List, blanks as alw-
Hold up. Who is Anonymous?

I am pretending to sleep. In my time in Equestria, I've noticed ponies are unbelievably gullible. I feel a little guilty about the"gotcha nose" incident, and that time with the thumb trick. Luckily, I convinced them it was all a dream, so now it's Luna's problem. Which brings me to now, where I am lying in wait for whatever Santa equivalent little horse land has.
Stocking?
Hung like a horse.
Tree?
Twinkly and ribboned up.
Plate of cookies and glass of milk?
The absolute best chocolate chip cookies I can make from the recipe on the chocolate chip bag. And an oatmeal raisin cookie, because I can.
Milk in a wine glass.
Bed?
I am camped out by the fireplace in a sleeping bag, with my trusty teddy bear. Time for my flawless acting.
"Honk, choo, honk, choo."
That's the sound of sleep, no mistake. After a few minutes, I hear the telltale sound of hoofsteps on the roof. Showtime.
I hear rustling from the fireplace, then a thump. A pause.
"I know you're awake."
What a nice, mature female voice. But she's bluffing.
"I'm not bluffing."
Damn, she wins this round. I make a big show of yawning and rubbing my eyes. Looks like Santa Mare is something of a silver cougar, with the toned and slender body of a Canterlot socialite, under a loose red cloak that stops just short of the curve of her flank. Nice.
"Nice to meet you, Santa. Would you like some milk and cookies?"
She smiles wryly.
"Don't mind if I do. Now let's see..."
Silvery light plucks the oatmeal raisin cookie from the plate.
"Oatmeal raisin, really?"
"Well,"
"It's nice to have some variety, but who do you think you're fooling?"
I have the distinct feeling that I may not be on the nice list anymore.
"It was worth a try. How is it, by the way?"
She takes a bite, her eyebrows rising.
"This actually pretty good. Do you have more?"
"Uh, yeah, just a moment."
I retrieve a plateful from the fridge, setting it before Santa. She eyes the glass of milk.
"I bet you even jizzed in the milk, eh?"
What? She lifts it in her magic, swirling the glass contemplatively. I feel obligated to protest my innocence in this particular case.
"Actually,"
Santa Mare tilts her head back and drinks it all in one gulp.
...
She then looks at me with half-lidded eyes, licking her lips.
"I have a proposition for you, you naughty colt."
I am standing at attention, in all sorts of ways.
"What do you have in mind?"
She takes a sinuous step towards me.
"I have a lot of coal I need to get rid of, and exactly one person on the naughty list."
Santa takes another step towards me, her flank shifting hypnotically.
"I'm going to need you to stay on that naughty list, and get coal every year."
Her cloak unfastens, slipping to the floor. She rears up, placing her hooves on my chest.
"But don't worry."
She nuzzles my neck.
"We'll be naughty together."
I grin, grabbing her by the haunches.
"You give me coal, I'll give you diamonds."
She hums sensuously, her plush rump shifting in my hands. Her eyes gaze at me with a terrifying hunger.
"It's such short notice, it's fine if you don't wrap your package."
And that's how I became Father Christmas in Equestria.

Eggs Sunny Side Butt (Celestia)

I am living with my new husband. It's only been a month after I married Anon, an incredible month in which we explored each other to the fullest. Sharing secrets and secret places, filling the nights and dozing through lazy mornings. I grin at some of the more interesting memories. Those hands~
I shake my head, and return to my little task: making breakfast in bed for my cute husband. It may have been a few thousand years since I last had to cook for myself, but it can't be that hard. The biscuits are baking in the oven as I start chopping peppers for the omelette. I hear footsteps down the stairs. Out of habit, I renew a certain cosmetic little glamour. Anon wanders over, dressed only in red boxers and black socks, rubbing at his sleepy eyes.
So sexy, so cute.
"Didn't know you could cook, Sunbeam. Smells tasty."
I resist the urge to smile, and lift my chin proudly.
"Although I am a mare, I still know my way around a kitchen. Now sit and wait for your food like a good little colt."
He grins, pulling up a stool across the counter from me.
"Yes mistress, I'll watch in awe at your cooking prowess, and not because I'm worried about the food being burned."
Like a mature, sensible mare, I stick my tongue out at him. He chuckles, then leans his elbows on the counter.
"Whatcha makin'?"
I glance at the hourglass over the oven. Just about done.
"Omelette and biscuits. Sound good, Green Bean?"
"Mmhmm."
I turn and open the oven, letting the heat wash over my body. The biscuits look pretty good, if I say so myself.
"Nice."
I glance over my shoulder. Anon is looking at -
I twitch my tail aside, then let it cover my marehood again, smirking all the while. He licks his lips, his eyes filled with barely contained hunger.
Hewantsthev.tapestry
"Now now, we wouldn't want to ruin your appetite for breakfast, would we?"
I set baking sheet on the stone counter. While I am there, I set a skillet on a burner and get the flame going. After so many years as a monarch, I am finding the little domestic chores to be rather refreshing. A mere thought closes the oven door. I turn back to the cutting board and peel the skin off an onion with my magic. Anon stares at me fondly from across the cutting board. I see a twinkle in his eye, the fires of his lust banked for now.
As I chop the vegetable I have a nagging feeling that I forgot about something. I glance around, but everything seems to be fine. I blink, my eyes beginning to sting. I back away from the cutting board, wings flared and ready to...
Anon looks at me with tears in his eyes. my body shimmers oddly, my concentration shattered. He pouts.
"Why are you avoiding me?"
"What? I'm not!"
I feel my own tears forming. I never like to see a stallion cry, but this is too sudden.
"Green Bean, tell me, what's wrong?"
He opens his mouth, then pauses. I wait, goodness knows I don't want to pressure an emotionally distraught stallion.
"Sunflower, you do know cutting onions make people cry, right?"
Oh.
I scowl at him and he grins. I love him and his whimsy, I do, but...
"You scoundrel, it's been a millennia since I last cooked. And crying is playing dirty, dear."
He weaves his way around the counter, his hips shifting beguilingly. Ooh, and that bulge. That's right, come to Mama.
"One other thing, babe."
He loops his arms loosely around my withers, gazing at me in wonder.
"Have you always had those freckles?"
I instinctively try to back away, but his grip is too strong and he just ends up falling onto my tuft. I almost cast my glamour again, but the damage is done.
"...They're just sunspots."
Anon leans against me, his hands cupping my cheeks, his thumbs brushing over my cheekbones.
"Celly. Tia. Sunbeambum. Babe. You have no idea how cute you look right now."
I scrunch a little.
"You don't have to force yourself, I know what I look like."
Anon gazes deep into my eyes, my skin prickling pleasantly as his fingers trace little constellations on my face.
"Celestia Cake Solarina, if you won't believe my words, let me explain more simply."
He presses his pelvis up against me, the firm length of his stallionhood hot on my belly. My breath hitches, and I dare to hope.
"You like my...freckles."
He bares his delectably sharp teeth, his fingers digging into my wing muscles.
U-unf.
"The one good thing about you hiding them is, "
His voice is low and growling, resonating exquisitely against me.
"now I want to knock you up even harder."
Faust, I love this stallion. With a sweep of magic and a push from my haunches, I push him gently to the cold tile floor and press down on his squirming, firm body. I pin him with marely strength, exulting in his futile struggles for dominance.
"Silly Green Bean, I'm the mare here. But I'll accept every drop you have for me."
He relaxes underneath me, melting into my pressure, all save a very key part of him.
"Fine, but next time I get to top."
Then he bites my neck, mingling pain, pleasure, and fear within me. I gasp and surge against him. It seems breakfast will just have to wait.

Do You Love Me? (Pinkie Pie)

I am not the young filly I once was. Love does a lot of things to a mare, makes me settle down a little. Parties only once a month, playing games with just my hubba hubby. And he is the sweetest, most patient stallion a mare could ask for. The house we share is so clean, the food is delicious, the cuddles are amazing. I couldn't be happier.
I remember when I first gasped in Anon's face. It was like, the single most exciting thing in my entire life! When I saw him, his mischief, his strength, his coltish whimsy. Anonie Pie was made for me, I know it. But sometimes, I felt a little odd. Like the only person at a party for two. I didn't realize what it was until Maud married that minotaur miner.
The way her held her, the kisses they shared. It was different. Not in a "when Zecora first showed up" different. But...
As I climb the stairs of Sugarcube Corner, my heart feels heavy, like it ate too much pie. I didn't think that was possible, until the Cakes hoofed over management of the shop to me, and I tried to see just how many pies I could eat in one sitting. The answer is 613. I shake my head, feeling my curls loosen and straighten out. Enough distractions.
I open the master bedroom door, to find my beloved Anonie. He's smiling, sitting on the bed, reading the new cookbook I got him on his birthday. I want to ask him, but that precious smile makes me hesitate.
"Find something good, Anonie?"
He slips a bookmark into the book and closes it. When he sees me, I can see his smile change a little, and the concern in his eyes.
"Come here, Ponka, tell me what's wrong."
He opens his arms to me, and I can't resist. I gallop over and hop into his lap, nuzzling his chest. It feels so right, his arms are wrapped around me, full of a stallion's special warmth. I sigh, and try to hold back the tears. I have to be a mare about this. With a great effort, I pull back from his chest, his arms loosening around me. He looks me full in the eyes, and I feel it just as strong as the first time. Anonie strokes my mane just right, frowning in concern now.
"Pinkie Pie, dear, please. Tell me what's wrong."
I sniffle.
"Y-you know, Maud and Rock Out sang a song together, that day."
Anonymous strokes my mane some more.
"Was this... what, when they first met?"
I nod.
"And I was super excited, I mean not as excited as when I met you, but how could I ever be as excited as when I met you?"
He smiles at that, and nuzzles my cheek. How can one colt be so perfect? I close my eyes, trying to keep the wobbly wibblies out of my voice.
"But, I think..."
He pulls back, giving me his undivided attention.
"You weren't as excited. I thought you just were excited in your super special human way, but you didn't sing. You hummed along."
Anonie sighs.
"I think I know what you are trying to say."
I have to mare up. No more gagging on lollies.
"Anonie Mouse Pie, do you love me?"
"Pinkie, I had seen it happen before, and I talked to Twilight. I think it's amazing how ponies can recognize everything about each other, and find their special someone in a single glance."
I tremble, realization dawning on just why...
"But you can't. Or didn't. I loved you at first sight, and you just... went along with it."
He sighs again, and gives me a sweet smile.
"I did. I didn't really understand everything, but you were and are a fun, cute mare, and I decided to trust in the magic of love."
His arms tighten around me as the tears fall from my eyes. He never loved me. I lean against his chest, guilty at taking away so many years of his life when he could have been looking for-
"Pinkie, listen to me. We've been through good times and bad, we helped raise the cake twins into fine upstanding ponies, we've improved the Sugarcube Corner a lot, and played games for years. I have been to so many of your parties, and listened to all your fears, hopes, dreams, and desires. And you have done the same for me, helping me find my place is this new world."
I hear something in his voice that makes me look up at him. His eyes are full of the happy tears, the kind that make my heart want to burst with love.
"To answer your question, Pinkamena Diane Pie, I love you. I have loved you for years, and I will keep on loving you forever."
I gasp, so excited! I look into his eyes, and I still see it. More importantly, he sees it in me. My mane inflates to full joy capacity and I burst forward, nuzzling his neck, getting my scent all over him again. He laughs, his beautiful laugh. He squeezes me so tight, rocking me back and forth. I give him a quick, shy kiss on the cheek, just like the first time. But this time, he turns his head, and kisses me right on the lips, passionately, lovingly, and with just the right amount of stallionish whimsy.
Oooohh and tongue.
When he finally breaks the kiss, both of us are breathing heavily, joyfully. I have to say it, as a mare, as his wife, as his Ponana Banana Cream Pie.
"And I love you, Anonie, from when we first met, now, and fore~ver!"
And then we began to sing.

The Chocolate Bar (Twilight) [Comf]

I am a bartender by trade, during this slow afternoon. I serve the good stuff, hot chocolate with the tiniest marshmallows, eggnog, all kinds of milkshakes, and so on. Naturally, I hear all the sob stories. Husband ran away for five minutes. Being low horse in the herd pile. Tripped and skinned a knee. Forgot to bring food to a potluck.
I dole out pats and reassurances carefully, I am here to help them forget, not develop a dependency. Speaking of which, here comes one of my regulars. Princess Sparkle pulls up a stool, her wings drooping low.
"The usual?"
She nods. I pour a tall glass of milk and set out a plate of homemade Oreos. Pinkie Pie is a good supplier. An Oreo rises, dunks, then disappears into the little pony's mouth. I wait, idly wiping a glass with a cleaning rag. By the third cookie, her head is propped up on her hoof, and she is sighing.
"You know, they say stallions like a confident mare."
I hum an acknowledgement.
"But then there are mares that don't take no for an answer. Who don't notice when they're making the guy uncomfortable."
Lyra.
"Have to have balance. Moderation and all that."
She nods.
"See, I have seen too many mares of the second type, and I try not to be like that. I try so hard, that I just do nothing."
I'm going to have to cut her off after this plate, I can tell. I set down my glass and switch to wiping the counter.
Twilight laughs, a sad, bitter thing.
"I end up just helping them. Helping everypony. I like it too, but it's all I can do. Can't build on it. Can't recognize the signals."
She knocks back the rest of the milk, swaying on the stool. Probably drank some soda before she got here. I still find it kinda weird how sugars and fats affect these horses in different ways. I make my way around the counter as Twilight sets the glass down and lays her head on her crossed forehooves. Her eyes droop as the milk hits.
" 'm jus' the princess a frenship. 'sall."
I wait for her to fall completely asleep, then pick her up. She's warm in my arms as I make my way over to the nap corner. I lay her in a cot and draw the blanket up to her chin. I look around the empty bar, then pull a chair next to her and sit down. I stroke her mane, and murmur softly.
"You're a good pony. Who's a good pony? You are."
After a few repetitions, I am rewarded with a smile on her sleeping face. My employer had been uncertain about having a male Bartender. Said the mares would try to take advantage of me, hit on me. Admittedly, some did. More often though, they just needed someone to talk to, who wouldn't tell them they were weak.
Times like these, I'm glad I can be there for them. The bar is silent and warm, no street sounds, no yelling. Just two lonely souls, breathing deep and slow.

Special Sauce (Celestia)

The restaurant I work at is pretty average, a step or two above what is essentially pony-subway. Since I was hired, there have been some changes to the clientele. A lot more unicorns, and mayonnaise has become a heavily requested topping. As I bring yet another sandwich to a table, I do my best to ignore all the attention I am getting. Did I mention the unicorns?
Because the main thing I am ignoring is at least five different magical touches stroking my dick, inside my pants. Lyra accepts the sub with a shy 'thank you', and the touch that feels like velvet falters in its light attention. In such a manner, I have narrowed down who is doing what. For instance, the touch that is cupping my sack is Rarity. She winks at me, and extends a long hindleg to the side. I don't quite roll my eyes; she tips well, and has helped me quite a bit with clothes. The next sandwich goes to Twilight, who is nearly hiding in the corner. I set it before her, and she says,
"An- uh, I mean waiter?"
"Yes?"
It feels like a tongue licking my shaft, such that I almost feel the damp warmth of the thing. She glances down at the plate.
"Do you like it? Working here?"
I smile, and pat her shoulder.
"All things considered, it's a good fit."
The sub lifts, held by her magic.
"I'm glad. I should let you get back to work, then."
She glances at me out of the corner of her eye as she slowly pushes the sub into her mouth, mayonnaise leaking out as she bites down. I give her a friendly nod and move on. As I pass Vinyl's table, I feel a slight probe at my rear entrance. I almost stumble, and she smirks behind a hoof. I glare at her.
"How'd you like that if I did it to you?"
If anything, her smirk gets broader.
"Is that a promise?"
Reaching out, I flick her horn. She winces; it is a sensitive thing on ponies, and her smile turns rueful.
"That was a low blow, Anon. You'll never get a mare if you handle a compliment like that!"
"I prefer mares who like to be penetrated, not the other way around."
The DJ grins.
"You might like it."
I shake my head and walk away. At a lighter prodding at the same spot, I promise death with my eyes. She holds up her hooves in surrender, and I let it go.
There is only one touch I haven't identified, but by the size of the simulated hoof kneading my buttcheeks, the suspect list is pretty small. Returning to the kitchen, I nod at the stallion preparing the next sandwich. He's a pretty chill boss, and takes good care of me.
"If they cross the line, just let me know alright? I know how intimidating it can be, being surrounded by slobbering mares."
"Thanks, Home Slice. I don't mind it too much, but I do feel better knowing you've got my back."
He gives me a warm smile, then returns to chopping vegetables. As I pass by the spice closet, a strong scent of vanilla wafts from beneath the door. Guess the extract bottle fell and broke.
"Hey, looks like we'll have to get some more vanilla. Do we have a mop?"
Home Slice gestures to a corner by the sinks, the bucket already half-full of soapy water.
"Thanks."
I open the closet door and- Sweet Celestia, I found the booty molester. Which is to say, I find sweet Celestia, leaning against the shelves, a hoof between her nethers, and her horn glowing faintly. Her breathing is shallow, and her eyes are clenched shut, and I have no idea what to do in this situation. My professional reflexes take over.
"Welcome to the Sub Mission Diner. May I take your order?"
Her eyes snap open, and her cheeks gradually redden as she removes her hoof slowly. She glances down at her glistening hoof, and I feel the grasp on my butt fall away.
"I- I apologize, Anon. You are supposed to be safe here, but I-"
I interrupt her.
"It's fine, really. Would you like a sandwich?"
She looks at me, confusion clouding her face. It's kinda cute.
"You... don't mind?"
The feeling of a large hoof gently comes to rest against my rear. I smile.
"Just stay out of the butthole, and it's fine. So how about that sandwich?"
Celestia smiles hesitantly.
"In that case, I would like a Romaine Black Bean on asiago bread."
"And how much mayonnaise would you like on that?"
"How much? I don't think mayonnaise is the right topping for that at all!"
Come to think of it, it's not part of the original build.
"Oh yeah, sorry. It's just a habit from the mares always asking for it."
She nods in understanding.
"Who wouldn't want your mayo in their sandwich?"
I like the sly smile on her face. Besides, this is Celestia, who am I to deny her?
"So you would like it, if I jizzed on your sandwich?"
And the blush is back in full force.
"I-if you want to?"
"Sure, I'll be back in a moment with your order."
Home Slice is pretty quick; less than five minutes later, I return with the sandwich open on the plate. The princess gives me a questioning look.
"Thought I'd give you a dinner and a show."
With that, I unzip my pants and pull out my cock. Celestia's face is now beet red, and she is mesmerized by the swing of my sausage. Then she notices the several magic auras molesting me, and frowns.
"That is truly ungentlemarely. Let me help you with that."
It feels like my dick is plunged into liquid sunlight, and all the other sensations fall away. I actually moan a little; it feels amazing. Celestia's eyes widen.
"I apologize, I didn't mean to-"
I start thrusting into the golden aura around my manhood, retaining just enough sense to aim at the sandwich. The princess stops, forgetting her words entirely. The sleeve of sunlight starts stroking me, acquiring enough firmness to feel like a mouth, or maybe a certain marehood. It feels like I am having sweet, sweet consensual sex with the sun, perhaps for procreative purposes. Celestia licks her lips, a wet spot spreading from where she is sitting. As I approach the climax, I add my hand to the mix, both to aim and to stimulate. My breath hitches as she squeezes my cock, and I let my seed fly, splattering on the sandwich and the plate. I jerk out a few more ropes, and shakily wipe off my dick on the bread of the sub. I close the sandwich, and offer it to her.
"Boner appétit, Princess."
She smiles a little at the wordplay, and takes a bite. Celestia hums in enjoyment as she chews. She swallows, and says,
"Thank you, Anon. It adds just the right touch."
"You are quite welcome, it was my pleasure."
I stick around; no customers come in, so I end up watching the entire foot long sub slowly make its way past her dainty lips and down her elegant throat. Even returned to the confines of my pants, my dick twitches every time she swallows. Crumbs still on her lips, she lowers her head and licks the plate, maintaining eye contact while she laps at my cum. I am now diamonds. She levitates the plate to me, and I reluctantly return to the main kitchen and ring up the sandwich. As I hand her the bill on a small tray, I lean in extra close and whisper in her ear,
"I get off at 5, if you are interested."
She shudders, a hot breath grazing my shoulder.
"I am. Oh, but how I am."
I collect the bits, and saunter off, swaying my hips for the fun of it. I am rewarded with a firm squeeze, and I return to my normal duties, happily anticipating the evening.

Taking Anon Like a Real Mare (Fluttershy)

I am tired after a long day feeding and helping my critters. Most of the time, I don't mind taking care of others, I am a mare, after all. All that's left is my... guest. I feel a little guilty about not telling my friends about him, but...
I open the door to my cottage, and the aroma of lavender tea wafts by. Anon turns at the sound and gives me a warm smile.
"Welcome home. How were the bears?"
I smile back and clamber onto my divan, sinking into its cushions.
"Oh, they are just fine. A little trouble with their beds, but I had some extra down. Baby bear is sleeping better now."
"I'll bet."
Anon brings me a cup and settles beside me, sipping at his tea. I sidle up beside his leg, basking in his stallionish warmth. The tea helps as well, and I feel all the tenseness of the day flow out of me. I sigh happily. Anon chuckles in his deep, velvety voice. His fingers burrow through my mane and scratch at my scalp. It's official, I am in Elysium. Feeling a little bold, I lay my head on Anon's thigh.
He just continues scritching my head like nothing happened. Any sleepiness I felt evaporates from the heat blooming from my loins. I take deep breaths through my nose, savoring his musky scent. Maybe it was the tea, or his smell, or the way he smiled at me. Whatever it was, I stroke his thigh with my forehoof, blushing all the while.
"Fluttershy?"
I gaze on his patient, trusting face. Such a pure colt.
"Anon, you have such good foal-chasing legs. I bet you could keep up all day."
"Foal-chasing? I suppose so. Are you hinting at the crusaders coming tomorrow or something?"
I do like seeing a stallion manage the little ones so well. It makes me warm in all sorts of ways, like winking in my heart.
"No, I was just thinking..."
Okay, I can do this, I practiced with Rarity for hours, um. N-no homo. I give Anon my best smoldering look.
"How about we make some f-foals for you to chase? If that's okay with you?"
So.
Assertive.
I am really proud of myself! Anon pauses in scritching my scalp.
"Are you propositioning me, Flutterbutterbutt?"
Oh no! He totally thinks I think he is easy!
"Um, maybe, if you think we have been together long enough, and you keep wearing socks around me, so I thought-"
He boops my nose. It's hard not to scrunch, and I can tell I scrunched a little. Anon chuckles, but his eyes look different. Bright, excited, hungry. Oh mare, I better not mess this up.
"You'll have to lead me through it, I'm not sure how to pleasure a birdhorse."
I don't really know about monkeytaurs either, but I absolutely can't tell him that.
"Oh, you don't have to worry about that. It's a mare's job to make sure the stallion has a good time."
He shrugs and leans against the divan's back, still scritching my mane. I hesitantly nuzzle his inner thigh, my nostrils flaring at his scent. Anon licks his lips.
Oh mare.
I bring a hoof over to unbutton his pants, but it's not like I practiced. This button is so small, and-
Anon chuckles, his slender fingers brushing my hoof to the side. He nimbly undoes the fastening, and unzips. Oh, shorts beneath his pants? Lewd, I approve. He lifts his hips, his bulge pressing against the thin fabric of his boxers. I breathe heavily through my nose, my mind getting hot and fuzzy and insistent. I bite the waist of his boxers and pull. His stallionhood rises like a monolith, at once imposing and inviting. I worship at its base, kissing and nuzzling, exulting in its firmness and warmth. Anon lets out a low groan, the thoroughly male sound wetting my lower lips.
Um, what did Rarity say was next? I gaze up at his eyes closed in bliss. Oh yes, now I remember.
"Does that feel good, you dirty colt? Not that you are dirty, just um. Naughty. Bad colt?"
My eyes widen as I realize how terribly I insulted him. He lifts my head with gentle hands, bringing his mouth low to whisper into my ear.
"What are you going to do with this bad colt? I'm hot and ready for either of your mouths."
I shiver in pleasure, tingling from hoof to pinion to snoot. Such a lewd stallion, my mind fills with half-remembered fantasies. I gaze up into his hungry eyes, and I can't help myself. I surge up onto his lap, my wings flapping for balance . Anon falls back and I set my forehooves on his shoulders.
"Open your mouth, you frisky human."
My breathing deepens as he obediently parts his lips. Bidden by his inviting, stallionish passiveness, I kiss him, my tongue meeting his, the taste indescribable. It's so different from all the times Rarity and I-
No homo!
I feel a hand come to rest on my haunch, squeezing and kneading. My hindlegs buckle at the stimulation, my marehood dipping and grazing his firmness. I moan into his mouth, my body hot and tingling with arousal and pleasure. Anon bucks at the graze, his grasp on my rear tightening almost painfully. I pull back from the kiss, panting heavily. He gives me a lazy grin.
"Not bad at all, birdhorse."
My chest swells at the praise, confidence rising.
"Tell me, Anon, have you ever tried anal?"
I'm feeling pretty tufty. Anon yanks lightly at my tail.
"No, but I'm about to."
I cup his cheek with my hoof.
"Not quite yet, gotta get you ready."
He quirks an eyebrow at me, and I lower myself carefully. My glistening marehood rests at the base of his rod, and I rock my hips back. His length slides between my lips, getting slathered with my juices. Anon gasps, gripping my back just under my flight muscles with both hands. I grin at the colt, backing up until I feel his erection prodding my belly. With a careful lift and flex of my hips, his cock falls onto his belly. I crouch low and slide up his length, winking uncontrollably. Anon hisses slowly, his hips pressing up against mine. I love seeing a happy stallion. I stretch my neck up and nibble on his ear.
"F-fuck!"
He stuttered! So cute. I let my warm breath wash over his sensitive ear.
"Anon, be a good little colt and poke my ponut."
All that dirty talk practice is really paying off. I feel like a real, full grown mare with this panting stallion beneath me. His hands fall from my back, one resting at the base of my tail, the other? He presses down and oh WOW. My anus spasms around the head of his dick, my breath catching at the wave of pleasure.
"Mmmmyay!"
I close my eyes, savoring the sensation. It's so much better than a horn-
"No homo!"
Anon chuckles.
"Thinking of another mare?"
I look at his face, and he doesn't seem jealous. But my tuft is feeling distinctly flat right now, and my face is burning in embarrassment.
"N-no, just, um."
He boops my snoot, and I smell some of my marecum? That must have been on his finger from when... I am scrunching super hard right now.
"Was it Twilight?"
I try to glare at him, but then he shifts his hips, his stallionhood sliding a fraction of an inch up my butt. I whimper.
"N-no."
Anon licks my cum off his fingers, maintaining eye contact.
"Then who?"
I are winking so hard right now.
"R-rarity."
"Hot."
His now clean hand digs into my tuft, combing deep furrows in its fluff. This colt is too lewd. I cannot take anymore of this. I lower myself on his rock hard stallionhood, shuddering and moaning at the stimulation. He groans, his back arching as he crushes me against his chest.
Such strength!
I wrap my forelegs around his neck, my body automatically pumping up and down his throbbing length. I am filled with a surging ocean of pleasure, cresting and crashing with every motion. Anon is moaning incoherently in my ear, his thighs slamming against my rump.
"I'm going to take your seed Anon!"
He growls, a new thrill roiling in my gut. My mind blanks as my orgasm crescendos, every nerve in my body singing in ecstasy. Anon shouts wordlessly, his precious semen blasting inside me. As my pleasure slowly ebbs away, I feel him still twitching inside me, a slick, radiant warmth. I gaze upon his face, taking great satisfaction as he slowly recovers his senses.
"Looks like I did my duty."
Anon grins at me
"That you did."
I rest contentedly on his chest, my mind lingering on what just happened. He strokes my mane fondly, his strength spent.
Wait.
I frown.
"How do you know Rarity? And Twilight?"
Anon raises an eyebrow.
"I followed you into town one day. Funny how they didn't know I was staying with you until I told them."
Oh no.
"Well, um, there's a good reason for that. They, uh,"
He gazes at me patiently. I press my face into his chest to avoid his gaze.
"I just wanted you for myself."
Anon pats me on the withers.
"Don't worry, you got me. I'm not going anywhere."
I look up at his smiling face, and smile back shyly.
"Yay."

Well Pact

I am Sotharia, third circle descendant. Not for the first time, I wish I had manifested as an incubus, they get summoned all the time. But no, I am a pony succubus for a world that is 80% mares. The chances of me-
Whoa!
I feel a tug on my spine, and I follow it gladly. I rise from a circle, red smoke billowing around me. I strike a seductive pose for my summoner, who is a...
"Huh, it actually worked."
Minotaur? Thing? I don't see any teats, so today is my lucky eon.
"Yessssssss, I have answered your call. What is your name, succulent morsel?"
He flips through a book with his delicate fingers.
"Hold on, there's a bit before that. Ah, here it is. By the tree and stone, I abjure thee to bind thyself with thy name."
Drat, first time summoners are usually too flustered to get it right.
"Very well, I bind myself to your will in the name Sotharia."
He smiles at me.
"That's a pretty name."
"Th-thanks."
What is with this colt?
"Okay, next is, By my will and might, I bind you in my name, Anonymous. But you can call me Anon."
Well, so much for running rampant this time around. Still, I have a job to do.
"You have done well in binding me, master Anon. What do you say we enjoy the fruits of your competence?"
He sits down on a couch, grinning.
"Yeah, do what you like. I want to see what succubi do for foreplay."
I walk towards him, my hips swaying, my eyes and smile sultry. I hop up onto the couch and lean against his shoulder. Sulfur and Stars, this colt is tall. And deliciously warm. I slide a hoof down his arm, until I am holding his hand. I gaze up at his no doubt flustered fa-
He tilts his head.
"Was that supposed to be lewd?"
He gives my hoof a squeeze. My legs buckle beneath me as a wave of heat crashes inside me.
"B-buck yeah, you lewd colt, squeeze my hoof again!"
Master Anon is frowning now.
"Is that all?"
I nuzzle his shoulder, mind fuzzy from all the energy I am drinking up.
"Mmmm, if you want more..."
I lift my muzzle...
And give him a peck on the cheek! The few stallions I've had all crumpled at this stage, but this colt, this colt,
"Looks like I'll have to do things myself."
What does he mean by th-
His lips meet mine, pressing and parting. A hot, greedy tongue invades my mouth. His desire pours into me, hotter than the fires of Tartarus. I moan weakly, returning the kiss as best I can. Then a hand slides over my hip, grasping at my flank, and I can think no more.

I poke the unconscious demon. This succubus thing is kinda disappointing, a little frenching and an assgrab, and she's out cold. At least she's got a cute smile. Still, I'd feel weird about sexing up a sleeping girl, or uh, mare. Time to talk to the manager.

And thus Anon fed the entire succubus population.

Becoming the Mask

I am drawing hurriedly on a paper plate. Why does Nightmare Night fall on September 31? Why does September have 31 days? I thought it was a joke, but noooo. So here I am, making the absolute worst costume ever. Some quick knot work with some string, and I put my mask on. I look in the mirror and sigh. I was so looking forward to spooking the ponies. At least with a bad drawing of Sombrero's face on my mask, I might startle a few.
I step out into the night, following the sounds of laughter and games. As I enter the festival grounds, all the little horses go quiet, staring at me. A few pegasi's wings extend, probably getting ready to fly away.
"The face isn't very good, is it? Perhaps I should take it off."
Maybe there's some sort of uncanny valley thing going on. I begin to lift my mask, but a full third of the ponies faint. I freeze. Hoofsteps sound behind me.
"Anonymous, aren't you wearing anything? It is Nightmare Night after a-"
Twilight trots around to face me, dressed up as some Gandalf knockoff. Her eyes go wide when she looks at my face.
"What have you done?"
It starts as a whisper.
"What did you do to Anonymous?"
"Um, Twilight, that's a bit-"
She glares at me, horn blazing with a baleful purple light.
"Sombra! Anonymous had better be safe and sound, or else Tartarus will seem like magical kindergarten when I'm done with you!"
What the hell.
Is wrong with this mare. I pull off my mask, ignoring the horrified screams of the populous. Twilight's jaw drops.
"It's just a mask. Honestly, what is with you guys?"
She collects herself with some effort.
"Anonymous, I know you didn't have a lot of time to prepare, but summoning the spirits of dead tyrants is not a good idea for a costume. Even if Sombra was a stallion."
There's some nervous chuckling among some of the mares. I roll my eyes.
"I did no such thing. Come on, I'll show you."
I turn back to my house, ignoring her vague warnings about arcane forces and soul chastity.

Twilight stands by my table as I grab a paper plate.
"See? Perfectly normal plate."
"Is there a hidden magic circle? That would explain the immense power of your mask summoning."
I hand her the plate.
"Check for one if you like, but I got it from a Manehattan convenience store."
After a few spells, she floats it back, frowning.
"It's as you say, a normal paper circle."
"Right. So now I draw on it..."
It's not my best drawing, but I think it's recognizably Sunbutt. Just to make sure she gets it, I draw a little speech bubble saying, "I wanna rut Twilight Sparkle."
Okay, maybe I wrote that just for fun. Twilight rolls her eyes at my little joke, but watches closely as I finish making the mask. At last I put it on, and turn to her. Her face immediately turns bright red.
"I-I don't know, Princess, it's so sudden...please be gentle."
I turn away.
"A-Anonymous? Where's Princess Celestia? We were right in the middle of an...important conversation."
"You just- Really? Am I alone in a world full of goldfish?"
I take off the mask and set it on the table. Then I turn towards book horse and point at it.
"I wrote it right there! You watched me!"
Twilight looks at me with wondering eyes.
"You...can see the future. This is amazing! We must tell Celestia at once! And maybe continue our conversation..."
She giggles to herself, cheeks still flushed.

I am now attending a private royal audience. Twilight nods to me, and I sigh. I slip the mask over my face, turning expectantly towards Celestia. She surges to her hooves, exuding an incredible aura of power and danger.
"Impostor! I would never say such things! Twilight, be careful, she'll try to fool you!"
I hang my head. I have stumbled upon immense power in the form of paper plate masks. I remove the one I am wearing and toss it away.
"See? No impostor, just me."
As the two princesses settle down, I start to wonder if Grandpa's stories about his conflicts with the red menace were true. It might be worthwhile to spend some time to search Equestrian history for that sort of thing. I poke a palace guard with an orange coat and blue mane to get his attention. Twilight's head whips around.
"Spy's tapping my Sentry!"

Anon Wants to Communicate (Fluttershy)

I thought it would be different here, but no. I am still too shy to talk to anyone outside of faintly mumbled pleasantries. Luckily I can usually get by with gestures, so it's not like I am helpless. I just wish I could makes some friends for once. The ponies here are really skittish, and are always watching me and muttering among themselves. It makes it kind of difficult to approach anyone.
I stand outside Sugarcube Corner, wavering. I really do want something sweet, but it's so full of ponies, and Pinkie Pie always makes a scene when she sees me around. Just the thought walking into that den of overstimulation makes me shudder. I feel a pony tap my arm with a wing. I look down to see a yellow mare I think is Fluttershy.
"Um, Anonymous? Can I buy you something from the sugarcube Corner?"
She understands! I feel a thrill of hope, and try to compose a suitable reply.
...
Thanks for- no,
A bavarian cr- wait, do they even have Bavaria here? For that matter, where is Bavaria in the first place? Oh no, I got lost in my thoughts, no doubt this mare is getting impatient with me, I should apologize. I glance at her face, but she actually seems content to wait. She just gives me a small, encouraging smile. Okay, keep it simple.
"Yes."
Nailed it! The mare nods pleasantly.
"What should I get for you?"
...how do I say this?
"A don-"
Wait,
"Like pudding, but-"
I am bad at this.
"With chocolate frosting."
I bury my face in my hands. This is why I don't talk to people.
"I understand. I'll just be back in a little bit with your bovarian creme."
I watch the pegasus trot into the bakery, and feel a little better about things.

I knew the town beauty was quiet, but it wasn't until I gathered up the courage to talk to him that I realized why. He reminds me a lot of how I was when I were younger. At once, all the little things like avoiding crowds, or why he just stares at mares who try to hit on him, it all makes sense. I resolve to help him make friends, and to help him grow like I did.

I feel something funky punky in my tuft as I get Fluttershy's bovarian creme. This isn't like her, she usually buys blueberry glazed donuts. Nevertheless, I am a professional.
"Here you go! Bovarian creme for the team!"
Fluttershy smiles and hoofs over the bits. I watch her as she goes to a tab-
No, she's going outside. But she always eats her donuts at a table?! I put a cardboard cutout of myself behind the counter and sneak off to see what's up. I peek out from behind the doorframe to see Fluttershy waltz right up to Anonymous. He smiles at her and takes the bovarian cream with a dignified nod.
Lucky mare.
Then he starts nibbling on it, licking the creamy filling from time to time. I blush, unable to look away from the lewd sight. Poor Fluttershy is getting a huge wingboner right there in the street.

I lick the last remnants of the donut from my fingers. Abruptly I realize that Fluttershy has been waiting this entire time, watching me eat. Her face is red, probably from being out in the summer sun for so long. I have to help her! Not to mention paying her back for the donut.
I look around, seeing only busy shops . Well, my house isn't far from here, I can get her some water there. I take a deep breath.
"Let's, out of sun, um."
Come on Anon, you can do it!
"My home. Enter."
I gaze at her face, silently willing her to do the impossible. Fluttershy blinks, then smiles at me.
"It is a little hot out, I would love to go to your home."
Is she a genius? How can she understand me so perfectly? With a burgeoning hope rising in my heart, I lead her to my house.

I sit in Anonymous' living room. It's very neat, if a little larger than I am used to. Even if I tried, I don't think I could take up more than two cushions of his couch. He strides back into the room with a tall glass of water, his natural grace keeping the water from even rippling. It's a little mesmerizing watching those long legs move. Anonymous sets the glass on the coffee table in front of me, and retreats to the recliner opposite me. I nod pleasantly at him.
"Thank you."
He nods back, a bit jerkily. Is he nervous? I take a deep drought of the water, savoring the way the coolness spreads throughout my body. Then I set the glass on the coffee table, and tilt my head at him.
"You don't have to wait for me, you should get a drink too."
He shakes his head.
"M'fine."
His lips compress, then part ever so slightly, then close tightly again.
"Kitchen, before."
He must have had a quick drink then, I suppose. I'm not really sure how to continue, but sometimes it helps just to say anything.
"Do you...find it scary, talking to ponies?"
I smile at him encouragingly. He looks down at his hands.
"Yes, its-"
He starts breathing deeply, lips twisting and trembling. My heart sinks, if only I could wrap him in my wings and take away his troubles, but that might just make things worse.
"If it's too hard to say, maybe you could write it down?"
He looks me in the eyes, startled. Then he rushes off up the stairs .
...
Hopefully he's just getting some paper, and not hiding from me. I wait on the couch, each minute passing by making me wonder if I should leave so he can come back down. Then he comes down the stairs with an armful of loose paper, and hands one to me.
[I've never been good at making friends, and it only got worse as I got older. I don't know how to meet people, or how to make conversations. I just stand on the edge of the crowd, afraid. What if they think I'm rude? I know I look weird, and I don't want to make people uncomfortable by trying to make them interact with me. I don't want to make people talk with me while they want me to leave. I know they say things about me, I can see them whisper while they look at me. So I try to stay inside as much as possible, which just makes it harder to go outside and face people.]

[I just want to have some friends, but I think it's impossible for me, now.]
I blink rapidly, to keep from crying. This poor colt. This poor, poor colt. I notice a pen on the table, and pick it up. I suppose I could just say this, but I think he would accept it better as words on a page. I write my message below his.
[I can be your friend, and help you make more friends.]
I push the paper towards him. He picks it up and reads, his eyes widening. Anonymous looks at me, then the paper, then me again. I smile and nod encouragingly. He sets the paper down with shaking hands and writes back.
[Thank you, thank you so much!]
Warmth blooms in my chest, and I start to compose my next message.

I lean against my front door. It's late in the afternoon, the orange light of the sunset filtering in through the windows. My new friend...! My new friend Fluttershy is walking home now, after hours of passing notes. The coffee table is littered with pages of small talk, of likes and dislikes, of hobbies and doodles. I collect them in a rough chronological order, and sit in my chair. I look down at the first page.
[I can be your friend, and help you make more friends.]
I read that sentence again and again until everything becomes blurry. I lean back, letting the tears fall down my face. I won't always be alone. I clutch the papers to my chest.
I finally have a friend.

Kinedness and Love (MinoOC)

I am creeping towards my beautiful, sleeping wife, wearing nothing but some lacy gloves and a pair of white silky socks. Hell if I know why it gets Stormy Billows hot and bothered, but I'm not complaining. My Minoan wife breathes deeply, the sheets concealing the details of her peaks, but as snow cannot conceal the immensity of a mountain, so too does the cloth not hide how fucking huge her tits are. I smile mischievously to myself as I straddle her waist. Gently, I cup the cheeks of her face and peck her on the lips. Stormy blinks as she wakens, a smile slowly forming on her face. She crushes me in a warm embrace, humming contentedly. Her lips brush my ear as she whispers in a husky voice.
"Wear those sexy little gloves tonight, and I'll rut you so hard the bed breaks."
I barely have time to yelp before Stormy rolls over and plunders my mouth with her skilled tongue. Her hand grips my dick with a gentle firmness, her movements smooth and skillful. Her breasts lay heavy on my chest, and I lose myself to her warmth and pressure. I return the kiss as best I can, but Stormy's tongue is far stronger and larger than mine. I can feel her fond amusement as I struggle against its movements. My hands sink into her tits, hefting and kneading. She hums in approval, pumping me faster and faster. I squirm under her, bucking my hips against the movements of her hand.
I am so close. It seems she feels it too, because she breaks the kiss and crawls back between my legs. Stormy gives me a wink before enveloping my length in her warm, wet muzzle. I almost cum right then and there, but I hold back. She smiles around my dick, then gets down to sucking and licking with brutal efficiency. I groan as any semblance of self control evaporates and I fire into her mouth. Stormy hums in contentment, suckling on my cock until the last drop is spent. She finally swallows, letting my manhood fall from her mouth. I lay on the bed, sweaty, spent, and flush with pleasure. She leans down and kisses me on the cheek.
"Good morning to you too, darling. I'll see you after work, and remember..."
She pats my hip.
"Wear the gloves."
I kiss her on the snout.
"As you wish."
Stormy gives my hip a playful grope, then leaves to get ready for work. I take a moment to collect myself. By the gods, I love my wife.

Another day, I stare in the mirror. My beard has been getting kinda wild, and the Labyrinthian summer is sweltering. An hour of trimming later, and I'm still not satisfied. It's short enough, but I feel like experimenting. Perhaps a goatee and side burns? I grin to myself, imagining Stormy's reaction.
"Oh, new style of beard? It suits your handsome face."
Totally worth it.

I pace in front of the door, waiting for my wife to get home. I can't stop rubbing the clean-shaven parts of my jaw. It feels kinda weird, after having a full beard for so long. The door creaks open, and I whirl to face it.
"Welcome home dear, how was your day?"
Stormy hangs her shield and sword on the rack by the door.
"Uneventful, but that's the best kin-"
She freezes as she sees my face. Her eyes go wide, pupils dilating. I grin uneasily.
"Thought I'd try something different. Do you like it?"
Stormy slams the door behind her and rushes at me. I manage one panicked step back before my face is in her hands, turning my head this way and that.
"We'll have to have a portrait done, maybe five?"
I feel myself start to blush.
"We don't need to go that far..."
Stormy nods seriously, letting go of my face.
"You're right, we need to preserve this in sculpture."
I spend the next several hours serving as her model, blushing at the constant stream of compliments she mutters as she chips away at the stone.

The Autumn leaves are beautiful as the two of us walk in the public gardens. Other couples seem to agree, sitting on picnic blankets and fondly watching over their wandering calves. Stormy holds my hand, fingers interlaced, and gives it a squeeze.
"What are you thinking about, my love?"
I look up at her and smile, cheeks reddening a little.
"I was thinking it would be nice to have a calf of our own, someday."
She blinks. Then scoops me up in her arms and starts trotting towards home.
"Uh, Stormy?"
She smiles fondly at my reddening face.
"Yes, my treasure?"
"We don't have to start trying right now."
My wife nods.
"We don't have to, but there is no way I can resist when my adorable husband tells me he wants calves. So please be patient with me, while I make sure every drop of your seed ends up inside me."
I cover my face.
"I can't believe you said that in public!"
Stormy shrugs.
"Let them hear. I will never hide my love for you."
I bury my face into her tit, hiding my goofy grin. I mumble,
"I love you too, Stormy."

The next morning, Stormy chops down a tree for yet another bedframe.

Trials in the Dark (Second Person) (Suggestive) (AnonxWhi

Author's Note

A quick shout out to T.S. and D.S., who were kind enough to donate to me. If either of you wish to have your fimfic username or whatever instead of your initials in this note, please PM me.
For those who missed it, this is My PayPal, and while anything you are willing to give helps, don't feel pressured to donate. I'll be posting stories regardless.
Without further ado, some horsewords:

Trials in the Dark (Second Person) (Suggestive) (AnonxWhi

You are Rarity, hiding in absolute darkness. Your ears strain, swiveling back and forth. There! You hear nearly silent footfalls, your predator prowls among the lightless cages. You keep your breathing shallow and slow.
"Hon"

His voice is low and seductive, a velvet glove over an iron hoof.
"Hon"

He will abide by his rules, but that does not mean he can't be creative.

"Baguette"

You pity Fleur, the first target for his taunting.

"Escargot"

Prench is a delight on his silver tongue, but you know what comes next.

"Hot Cotter"

You shudder. Still, you can endure far more of this than she can.

"Boon Ape Teat"

In retrospect, teaching him Prench was a mistake.

"Cham pag nay"

You grimace. Was that a southern accent? Still, Fleur is lasting longer than before. You are proud of her, for all that you wish she would break under the torture. Silences stretches into eternity, with no way of keeping track of time in this abyssal prison.

"Prench bread"

Fleur de Lis lets out a bark of laughter.

"Pas plus! Je me rends!"

It's a relief, hearing her speak proper Prench after all of Anon's butchery. One mare down, and only one more stands between you and your goal.

"Oh, Rarity~"

You feel your face warm at his sweet voice speaking your name. Your mind knows it's a trap, but your heart cares nothing for such technicalities.

"Would you like to know what I'm wearing right now?"

Curse him and his sultry tone.

"It's that nice pinstripe button down shirt you like so much."

It looks really good on him, and he knows it. You almost regret making it for him.

"Do you know what else I'm wearing?"

If you are very, very lucky, he is just trying to blue bean you.

"Some nice, plaid,"

Oh no Darling, please, have mercy!

"Cargo shorts. They're comfy and easy to wear!"

You ruthlessly strangle the whimper that tries to escape your throat. You would burn the abomination if he wasn't so attached to it and good at hiding it.

"Aaaaand those pink and white polka dot thigh highs. Gotta cover my long, toned foal-chasing legs."

The fashionista in you has died, but the vulgar mare within is only partially deterred by the atrocious image he paints with honeyed words. You wink and hate yourself for it.

"Does that excite you, dear?"

No stallion's voice should be that breathy and alluring. This had better not awaken something within you.

"No? Oh, I forgot, I'm also wearing sandals over my socks."

Not even your basest facet can stomach the revelation. You grit your teeth, fighting your every instinct to destroy the fashion abomination. You wait it out, letting your rage simmer down to a low boil.

"Hey, Sunny Buns, you know that last piece of your birthday cheesecake?"

You sag in relief, the trial has passed. You will have to get your revenge, though, next time.

"The one with caramel drizzled on top? Well, haha, funny story..."

Oh no.

"I was over in the cloud district, shopping for some jewelry, and there was this stallion merchant who sneered at me, and said, well, I won't repeat what he said,"

You scrunch. Probably just some jealous minor noble… but you begin to have doubts about the story. Anon shopping for jewelry? When you are right here, perfectly willing to make whatever his whimsical heart desires?

"But when I got home, I was so upset I just had to have a little pick-me-up. The cheesecake was so rich and creamy, and the caramel sauce gave it the perfect sweetness to compliment the tang."

Perhaps you should drop by a bakery tomorrow, to purchase a replacement. Purely to keep harmony within the herd, not at all because you are craving some cheesecake right now.

"It made me forget all about being called a gold-digger and a furless...well, you know. So, uh, I hope you're not mad at me? I'm really sorry about it..."

His tone shifts from pleading to sultry.

"If there is anything I can do to make it up to you... Like having you sit on my face for a couple hours, until you're sweaty and moaning and my face is covered in your juices..."

You bite your lip at the imagery. You hear the sound of ripping cardboard. Not for the first time, you realize you are lucky you are but a unicorn. You don't have to worry about wingboners. Anon chuckles.

"Looks like Rarity won this one. Come on out, girls."

You pop out of the box, savoring the slightly cooler air outside. To your relief, Anon is actually dressed in grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt.

"You are a cruel colt, Darling. Lying to and torturing us like that."

He just grins and pats a pouting Celestia's head.

"You know you love it. Speaking of lying, Sunbutt, your cheesecake is still in the fridge."

Celestia brightens up immediately.

"If you will excuse me, then..."

Fleur giggles, and you can't help but smile. You can hardly blame Celestia, after that scare. You step delicately out of your “minesweeper” box. For all that he was excited to recreate the game with the herd, he was the first to start cheating, and now you aren’t entirely sure what to call the game you were playing. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter, what matters is that you won. As you all start to fold up the boxes, Anon looks at you.

"So, what are we watching, my movie night alpha mare?"

You trot over to the collection, humming in thought. Your ears absently register the sound of popcorn popping from the kitchen. Seen that one, didn't like the other, watches that one last week...

Well, it is a classic.

"We shall be watching the Titanic, tonight."

You crack the case and insert the disk into the player. Anon grunts, sounding amused.

"Again?"

You turn to find him sprawled in the center of the couch, practically presenting himself to you with his widely spread legs. You approach him with a sway in your hips that you know he appreciates.

"Of course, true art can only be properly appreciated with repeated exposure."

You climb into his lap and lay your back against his chest.

"Uh-huh. I just think you like looking at human tits."

You wriggle a little to get comfortable, and are rewarded with a hot length between your flanks, constrained by a mere few layers of fabric. You smile mysteriously.

"I am quite sure I have no idea what you are talking about. I merely find it refreshing to see an artistic colt flustered by a mare confidently displaying her assets."

Fleur sits beside Anon, leaning against him.

"Oh? Is that why you started sucking on his nipples after seeing the movie for the first time?"

You lift your chin primly.

"I am quite sure that is entirely unrelated."

Celestia returns from the kitchen, already halfway through her slice of cake and floating a large bowl of popcorn beside her.

"Really? It's why I started."

You are beset on all sides by traitors.

"Anonymous, Darling? Would you please start the movie before I am utterly drowned in blatant falsehoods?"

He chuckles and grabs the remote.

"As you wish, my movie alpha."

Celestia curls up on the remaining seat of the couch, letting the bowl of popcorn settle on your lap. As the movie begins with some fanfare, you levitate a cluster of popped kernels into your mouth, savoring the buttery saltiness. Truth be told, you do rather like the portraiture scene, and the…aesthetics play a part in why you choose the movie so often. However, the main reason is-

Fleur lifts her muzzle to Anon's ear

"Draw me like one of your Prench mares~"

You feel him twitch beneath you. He's always so frisky afterwards, and you are perfectly positioned to enjoy his every throb of arousal. It's good to be the alpha, even if it is only for tonight.

Trials in the Dark (First Person) (Suggestive) (Anon/White Mares)

Author's Note

For those reading through the archive, this is a grammatically distinct copy of the previous chapter, for those who dislike second person.

Trials in the Dark (First Person) (Suggestive) (Anon/White Mares)

I am Rarity, hiding in absolute darkness. My ears strain, swiveling back and forth. There! I hear nearly silent footfalls, my predator prowls among the lightless cages. I keep my breathing shallow and slow.
"Hon"

His voice is low and seductive, a velvet glove over an iron hoof.
"Hon"

He will abide by his rules, but that does not mean he can't be creative.

"Baguette"

I pity Fleur, the first target for his taunting.

"Escargot"

Prench is a delight on his silver tongue, but I know what comes next.

"Hot Cotter"

I shudder. Still, I can endure far more of this than she can.

"Boon Ape Teat"

In retrospect, teaching him Prench was a mistake.

"Cham pag nay"

I grimace. Was that a southern accent? Still, Fleur is lasting longer than before. I am proud of her, for all that I wish she would break under the torture. Silences stretches into eternity, with no way of keeping track of time in this abyssal prison.

"Prench bread"

Fleur de Lis lets out a bark of laughter.

"Pas plus! Je me rends!"

It's a relief, hearing her speak proper Prench after all of Anon's butchery. One mare down, and only one more stands between me and my goal.

"Oh, Rarity~"

I feel my face warm at his sweet voice speaking my name. My mind knows it's a trap, but my heart cares nothing for such technicalities.

"Would you like to know what I'm wearing right now?"

Curse him and his sultry tone.

"It's that nice pinstripe button down shirt you like so much."

It looks really good on him, and he knows it. I almost regret making it for him.

"Do you know what else I'm wearing?"

If I am very, very lucky, he is just trying to blue bean me.

"Some nice, plaid,"

Oh no Darling, please, have mercy!

"Cargo shorts. They're comfy and easy to wear!"

I ruthlessly strangle the whimper that tries to escape my throat. I would burn the abomination if he wasn't so attached to it and good at hiding it.

"Aaaaand those pink and white polka dot thigh highs. Gotta cover my long, toned foal-chasing legs."

The fashionista in me has died, but the vulgar mare within is only partially deterred by the atrocious image he paints with honeyed words. I wink and hate myself for it.

"Does that excite you, dear?"

No stallion's voice should be that breathy and alluring. This had better not awaken something within me.

"No? Oh, I forgot, I'm also wearing sandals over my socks."

Not even my basest facet can stomach the revelation. I grit my teeth, fighting my every instinct to destroy the fashion abomination. I wait it out, letting my rage simmer down to a low boil.

"Hey, Sunny Buns, you know that last piece of your birthday cheesecake?"

I sag in relief, the trial has passed. I will have to get my revenge, though, next time.

"The one with caramel drizzled on top? Well, haha, funny story..."

Oh no.

"I was over in the cloud district, shopping for some jewelry, and there was this stallion merchant who sneered at me, and said, well, I won't repeat what he said,"

I scrunch. Probably just some jealous minor noble… but I begin to have doubts about the story. Anon shopping for jewelry? When I am right here, perfectly willing to make whatever his whimsical heart desires?

"But when I got home, I was so upset I just had to have a little pick-me-up. The cheesecake was so rich and creamy, and the caramel sauce gave it the perfect sweetness to compliment the tang."

Perhaps I should drop by a bakery tomorrow, to purchase a replacement. Purely to keep harmony within the herd, not at all because I am craving some cheesecake right now.

"It made me forget all about being called a gold-digger and a furless...well, you know. So, uh, I hope you're not mad at me? I'm really sorry about it..."

His tone shifts from pleading to sultry.

"If there is anything I can do to make it up to you... Like having you sit on my face for a couple hours, until you're sweaty and moaning and my face is covered in your juices..."

I bite my lip at the imagery. I hear the sound of ripping cardboard. Not for the first time, I realize I am lucky I am but a unicorn. I don't have to worry about wingboners. Anon chuckles.

"Looks like Rarity won this one. Come on out, girls."

I pop out of the box, savoring the slightly cooler air outside. To my relief, Anon is actually dressed in grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt.

"You are a cruel colt, Darling. Lying to and torturing us like that."

He just grins and pats a pouting Celestia's head.

"You know you love it. Speaking of lying, Sunbutt, your cheesecake is still in the fridge."

Celestia brightens up immediately.

"If you will excuse me, then..."

Fleur giggles, and I can't help but smile. I can hardly blame Celestia, after that scare. I step delicately out of my “minesweeper” box. For all that he was excited to recreate the game with the herd, he was the first to start cheating, and now I’m not entirely sure what to call the game we were playing. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter, what matters is that I won. As we all start to fold up the boxes, Anon looks at me.

"So, what are we watching, my movie night alpha mare?"

I trot over to the collection, humming in thought. My ears absently register the sound of popcorn popping from the kitchen. Seen that one, didn't like the other, watches that one last week...

Well, it is a classic.

"We shall be watching the Titanic, tonight."

I crack the case and insert the disk into the player. Anon grunts, sounding amused.

"Again?"

I turn to find him sprawled in the center of the couch, practically presenting himself to me with his widely spread legs. I approach him with a sway in my hips that I know he appreciates.

"Of course, true art can only be properly appreciated with repeated exposure."

I climb into his lap and lay my back against his chest.

"Uh-huh. I just think you like looking at human tits."

I wriggle a little to get comfortable, and are rewarded with a hot length between my flanks, constrained by a mere few layers of fabric. I smile mysteriously.

"I am quite sure I have no idea what you are talking about. I merely find it refreshing to see an artistic colt flustered by a mare confidently displaying her assets."

Fleur sits beside Anon, leaning against him.

"Oh? Is that why you started sucking on his nipples after seeing the movie for the first time?"

I lift my chin primly.

"I am quite sure that is entirely unrelated."

Celestia returns from the kitchen, already halfway through her slice of cake and floating a large bowl of popcorn beside her.

"Really? It's why I started."

I am beset on all sides by traitors.

"Anonymous, Darling? Would you please start the movie before I am utterly drowned in blatant falsehoods?"

He chuckles and grabs the remote.

"As you wish, my movie alpha."

Celestia curls up on the remaining seat of the couch, letting the bowl of popcorn settle on my lap. As the movie begins with some fanfare, I levitate a cluster of popped kernels into my mouth, savoring the buttery saltiness. Truth be told, I do rather like the portraiture scene, and the…aesthetics play a part in why I choose the movie so often. However, the main reason is-

Fleur lifts her muzzle to Anon's ear

"Draw me like one of your Prench mares~"

I feel him twitch beneath me. He's always so frisky afterwards, and I am perfectly positioned to enjoy his every throb of arousal. It's good to be the alpha, even if it is only for tonight.

Sense and Motherhood (Second Person) (Anon/Pinkie)

You are Pinkie Pie, laying in bed, waiting for the other horseshoe to drop. You're forgetting something, and you never forget ANYTHING, not like... whatever you are forgetting. Worse, your Pinkie sense is caput, nada, in a word, quiet.

Too quiet.

You really ought to be zipping around town, making sure the world isn't ending or something, but Anonie Pie has his arms around you, and that cuddlebug ain't letting go. Which is weird, normally he gets up at the same time you do and starts making breakfast while you shower. And when he does want to sleep in, he makes a breakfast for Cue Tea Pie the night before. But he didn't do that last night, he was too busy burying his face in your tuft so that he didn't wake your daughter when you gave him the ol' hinkie pinkie hanky panky.

Is your daughter starving right now? Just because your husband got so caught up in performing his husbandly duties on short notice? Though it breaks your heart, you try to escape Anonie's cuddle fu grip. You wiggle, your butt accidentally brushing Anonie's baby batter buster. Your morning dew goes from light condensate to Neighagra Falls. Now's not the time, puss, you had plenty of that last night. Even though you could definitely go for another cream filling...No! Focus, your daughter needs you!

"Let go, 'Nonie. Gotta make breaky fasty."

Your husband nuzzles against the back of your neck, which is just unfairly cutie patootie.

"Not today, love. Just stay with me and it will all work out."

You scrunch.

"What about Cue Tea?"

"I've been teaching her. Trust me, it'll be fine."

You blink. Maybe there'll be another baker in the family? That would be nice, something to share with your adorable little filly. Just then, your bedroom door creaks open. Cue Tea enters, carrying a serving tray in her mouth, piled high with lumpy pancakes covered in syrup and a big glass of orange juice. Anonie releases his hold on you, and you both sit up in bed. He ruffles her mane.

"Mornin' kiddo."

You smile as Cue sets the tray on your lap.

"All this for me?"

Your daughter beams.

"Uh-huh! Happy Mother's Day!"

You gasp, and all at once your pinkie sense returns, your ear twitchy-flopping, telling you what you already know. Cue Tea Pie is being a very good girl. You pat her head proudly.

"Thank you so much, Cue. This is very thoughtful of you."

She giggles happily.

"You're welcome! Lemme go get the rest."

With that, she scampers off back towards the kitchen. You share a smile with Anonie and start to dig in. As expected from someone who learned from your talented and lovely husband, it's delicious and packed with fruit. Speaking of which, Cue Tea comes back with two more trays, one balanced precariously on her back. It seems she got her sense of balance from you, since she didn't drop a single thing. You thank her again, feeling all sorts of comfy with this family breakfast-in-bed. After that, you just sort of stay in bed, in a big happy cuddle pile. It's the perfect opportunity to take a late morning nap.

You wake up about an hour later, with Anonie sleepily grinding on your rump. Neighagra Falls has officially upgraded to Diluvian II, No Survivors. At the foot of the bed, Cue Tea wakes up, her mane going from bed-head to straight as an arrow, pointing at the bedroom door.

"Huh? Gotta go, Mom. Cutie Sense is acting up."

Your blood runs cold.

"Take care, sweetie."

After all these years, you finally figured out what the mane-compass pinkie sign meant. Anonie yawns behind you.

"Oh, did Cue leave? Perfect timing."

Under the covers, one of his hands goes to your teat and gives it a good squeeze.

"Why don't we try to give her a brother?"

Your dawning horror is promptly derailed into kinky lust, and you turn to give him such a smooch, with lots of tongue. By the end, he's flustered and panting, aching with need. Just how you like him.

"Do you have a Mother's Day present for your Mommy, Colt?"

He licks his lips.

"I didn't have time to wrap it, but I think you'll like the special surprise inside."

You push him onto his back, straddling his waist.

"I loooooove surprises. Give it to me."

It is good to be a mom.

Author's Note

Wrote it on Mother's day, but forgot to post it here in time. Oh well.

Sense and Motherhood (First Person) (Anon/Pinkie)

I am Pinkie Pie, laying in bed, waiting for the other horseshoe to drop. I’m forgetting something, and I never forget ANYTHING, not like... whatever I’m forgetting. Worse, my Pinkie sense is caput, nada, in a word, quiet.

Too quiet.

I really ought to be zipping around town, making sure the world isn't ending or something, but Anonie Pie has his arms around me, and that cuddlebug ain't letting go. Which is weird, normally he gets up at the same time I do and starts making breakfast while I shower. And when he does want to sleep in, he makes a breakfast for Cue Tea Pie the night before. But he didn't do that last night, he was too busy burying his face in my tuft so that he didn't wake my daughter when I gave him the ol' hinkie pinkie hanky panky.

Is my daughter starving right now? Just because my husband got so caught up in performing his husbandly duties on short notice? Though it breaks my heart, I try to escape Anonie's cuddle fu grip. I wiggle, my butt accidentally brushing Anonie's baby batter buster. My morning dew goes from light condensate to Neighagra Falls. Now's not the time, puss, I had plenty of that last night. Even though I could definitely go for another cream filling...No! Focus, my daughter needs me!

"Let go, 'Nonie. Gotta make breaky fasty."

My husband nuzzles against the back of my neck, which is just unfairly cutie patootie.

"Not today, love. Just stay with me and it will all work out."

I scrunch.

"What about Cue Tea?"

"I've been teaching her. Trust me, it'll be fine."

I blink. Maybe there'll be another baker in the family? That would be nice, something to share with my adorable little filly. Just then, my bedroom door creaks open. Cue Tea enters, carrying a serving tray in her mouth, piled high with lumpy pancakes covered in syrup and a big glass of orange juice. Anonie releases his hold on me, and we both sit up in bed. He ruffles her mane.

"Mornin' kiddo."

I smile as Cue sets the tray on my lap.

"All this for me?"

My daughter beams.

"Uh-huh! Happy Mother’s Day!"

I gasp, and all at once my pinkie sense returns, my ear twitchy-flopping, telling me what I already know. Cue Tea Pie is being a very good girl. I pat her head proudly.

"Thank you so much, Cue. This is very thoughtful of you."

She giggles happily.

"You're welcome! Lemme go get the rest."

With that, she scampers off back towards the kitchen. I share a smile with Anonie and start to dig in. As expected from someone who learned from my talented and lovely husband, it's delicious and packed with fruit. Speaking of which, Cue Tea comes back with two more trays, one balanced precariously on her back. It seems she got her sense of balance from me, since she didn't drop a single thing. I thank her again, feeling all sorts of comfy with this family breakfast-in-bed. After that, I just sort of stay in bed, in a big happy cuddle pile. It's the perfect opportunity to take a late morning nap.

I wake up about an hour later, with Anonie sleepily grinding on my rump. Neighagra Falls has officially upgraded to Diluvian II, No Survivors. At the foot of the bed, Cue Tea wakes up, her mane going from bed-head to straight as an arrow, pointing at the bedroom door.

"Huh? Gotta go, Mom. Cutie Sense is acting up."

My blood runs cold.

"Take care, sweetie."

After all these years, I finally figured out what the mane-compass pinkie sign meant. Anonie yawns behind me.

"Oh, did Cue leave? Perfect timing."

Under the covers, one of his hands goes to my teat and gives it a good squeeze.

"Why don't we try to give her a brother?"

My dawning horror is promptly derailed into kinky lust, and I turn to give him such a smooch, with lots of tongue. By the end, he's flustered and panting, aching with need. Just how I like him.

"Do you have a Mother’s Day present for your Mommy, Colt?"

He licks his lips.

"I didn't have time to wrap it, but I think you'll like the special surprise inside."

I push him onto his back, straddling his waist.

"I loooooove surprises. Give it to me."

It is good to be a mom.

Author's Note

Wrote it on Mother's day, but forgot to post it here in time. Oh well.

Teaching an Old Mare New Card Tricks (First Person) (Yu Gi Oh)

I am Eye Sis, a betrayed Pharaoh of ancient times. The day has finally arrived for my final battle against the reincarnation of my traitorous high priestess. Set of Five sneers at my stallion host, slapping her deck into the duel disk.

"Go first, Anonymous, it will be your last!"

Anon slips his deck into the duel disk, and I take possession of his body. I stand a little taller, and our shared chest tuft increases dramatically in volume.

"You have set yourself up for defeat, Set of Five!"

I draw my hand and-

Hold on, this isn't the Dark Magician deck. Super-heavy Samurai? Tuner? Curse Anon and his whimsy. I can feel his amusement in the back of my mind.

[Need some help, Eye Sis?]

I frown.

{No, I'm sure I can figure out what to do...}

Let's see, special summon blah blah, equip... Why would I even want something that only gives 1200 defense? Set of Five glares at me.

"Admit it! Nothing you have can defeat my deck!"

I scowl

{Alright, tell me what to do.}

[How about I take over and-]

I mentally sigh.

{Monster duels are too dangerous for stallions. Besides, I can't mind crush her if you're in control.}

[Hmm. Good point. Alright, so all you do this turn is set Superheavy Samurai Soulpiercer face down.]

...

{It has zero defense, it will die if anything battles it.}

[That's the point. Just do it.]

{Fine.}

"I set my monster face down and pass the turn."

Set of Five cackles.

"That's all? Prepare yourself for unstoppable power!"

She draws a card.

"I summon Lady of D!"

[She wants the D so bad!]

{Shut up}

"And use the Flute of Summoning Dragon to special summon my Blue Eyes White Dragon!"

[If you played my flute, it would sure special summon a white dragon of something~]

{Shut Up!}

"Blue Eyes! Destroy his monster!"

I scowl, placing my monster in the graveyard.

{Now what?}

[It's ability activates. Search your deck for Superheavy Samurai Big Waraji.]

"Not so fast! My monster's ability activates and I take..."

[Superheavy Samurai Big Waraji.]

"Superheavy Samurai Big Waraji from my deck and add it to my hand!"

Set of Five sneers.

"A mere 1800 defense is nothing before my Blue Eyes! Lady of D, attack his life points directly!"

I stagger back, shaken by the loss but not discouraged.

[Hey, can we do the heart of the cards thing now?]

I frown.

{That requires a depth of trust in your cards that-}

[Come on, I totally trust my extra-thicc fighty lads enough for magic cheating!]

[It's not cheating! It's friendship!]

Set of Five smirks.

"Your turn, Anonymous. Take your time, there isn't much left for you."

I growl.

Her arrogance is no less grating than it was a millennia ago. Let's just get this over with.

"I know my monsters have my back! Come to me, extra thick samurai!"

[Superheavy Samurai]

{SHUT UP! THAT WAS YOUR FAULT!}

I draw a card, ignoring Anon's snickering in the background. It's... another 1200 defense thingy. Did the heart of the cards fail me? Or maybe I didn't trust in the supethick samurai enough?

[Nah, we got this. Special summon Waluigi and the trumpeter. We're about to lay down some sick doots.]

This is all too confusing. Back in my day, I had normal monsters, a few spells, a few traps, and maybe field spell, if I was lucky. Now...

"I special summon Superthick Samurai Waluigi and Trumpter!"

I place the two monsters on the field.

{Now what?}

[Synchro summon Superheavy Samurai Stealth Ninja from our extra deck in defense mode.]

...

{Extra deck?}

[Yeah, that little pile of cards on the end there.]

...

Now, a colt has to hold me by the hoof to handle some superthick lads.

"I synchro summon Superthick Samurai Stealth Ninja in defense mode!"

[Activate both Superheavy Samurai Soulshield Walls and equip them to the ninja.]

"I activate two Soulshield Walls! My Ninja's defense is now 5200!"

[Hey, we're pretty safe now. Nice job, Anon.]

He chuckles.

[The Ninja can attack while in defense mode, using his defense instead of his attack. Did you even read the card?]

...

{I skimmed it.}

[Uh-huh. Just attack the Lady of D and win already.]

This feels like cheating.

"Superthick Ninja! -"

I am disoriented as Anon forcibly takes control.

"-attack the Lady of D with your secret butt fun attack!"

Thankfully, he cedes control back to me once he's had his say. Set of Five falls to her knees.

"This is impossible! Nothing can be stronger than the Blue Eyes White Dragon!"

I scoff.

"You lost because you only trusted in your dragon. If you cared about your Lady of D as much as I care about my superthick lads, it would not have been over so quickly."

[That's bullshit, her deck just can't win as quickly as mine.]

{And the heart of the cards has nothing to do with that?}

[...Okay, that might help. A little. Still magic cheating.]

{It's not- ugh. Not the time.}

"Mind crush!"

I walk away from the crumpled mare. I’m getting too old for this.

Cart of Pane Bianco (Second Person) (Bread)

You are Green Peace, environmental activist, professional soy mare. By chance, you have gotten involved with Anon, the heir to Bee Light Industrial, the leading supplier of wax for all sorts of other industries. He is a sweet stallion, but his mental faculties...

Suffice it to say, you are the brains in the relationship. You are also a starving college student, and Anon insists on picking out all the groceries. You feel your soul die a little every time you go grocery shopping with him. Anon takes the shopping cart out of the corral, and you continue your crusade to get some sort of environmental conscientiousness into his pretty little head.

"Wax pollution makes up a rising amount of ocean floating pollution, collecting microplastics and-"

He just put three loaves of wonder bread in the cart.

"Babe, we don't need that much bread."

He smiles and shakes his head.

"You can't ever have enough wonder bread. It's good for grilled cheese sandwiches, frying, PB&J,"

With each word he puts another loaf in the cart. It's not even the store's cheaper, generic version of the bread. No, for some reason Anon insists on getting brand name Wonder Bread.

"Egg salad sandwiches, mayo sandwiches, toast,"

The cart is already half-full of the stuff, and Anon pauses, looking at the shelves he's emptied. Then he sighs and starts taking down the Cereal Lee white bread too. You tune him out and focus on the one saving grace in this situation. The tight pants you got him, that show off his massive danglers. You come to the end of the bread aisle, and his cart is already full. He turns to look at you, that sweet, innocent smile on his face.

"Honey, could you get another cart for the rest of the groceries?"

You force a smile.

"Of course. I'll be right back."

You pass by one of the stockstallions, and he giggles at you.

"Your coltfriend is a real character."

You let out a dry "Ha" and move on. When you return with the cart, Anon is browsing the cheeses. Not the wheels of artisan cheese, or the blocks of good cheese for bulk savings, no. He perks up at your approach and dumps an armful of individually wrapped sliced cheese. You've seen the ingredient list, you're pretty sure his wax company supplies at least half of what's listed. It's like it was custom made to poison your environmentalist soul. You only keep from hollowing out by focusing on the bulge of your coltfriend's crotch.

When you come to, Anon is unloading the bags of groceries into the house. How long were you out? Still, you have some pride as a mare, and put as many bags as you can on your saddlebag harness. You focus on keeping your balance as you walk down the stairs to the basement pantry. Anon grins when he sees you with the rest of the groceries.

"That's my mare. Oh, and I got a present for you, it just came in the mail!"

He holds out a hemp Hearthswarming hat, with a little bell at the tip. You smile.

"That's sweet, babe. I'm glad you finally listened to me about the benefits of hemp!"

He chuckles.

"You talk about it often enough, it's not like I could forget. Come on, get those groceries to the back and I'll put it on you."

You plod deeper into the basement, huffing and puffing. Finally, you sit down at the end, and just pant as Anon unhooks the bags from your harness. You blink as Anon pushes your hooves through the rings of a plastic six-pack holder and uses a grocery bag to tie it to one of the shelf units.

"Babe, what are you doing?"

He says, "Do you remember the day I met you?"

You frown.

"It was after the workers' strike I helped organize, at the drydock."

He nods.

"Between the pay raise for the workers, and the hull coating regulations you lobbied for, you have cost me over five million bits."

Your blood runs cold. You try to get your hooves out of the rings, but they're wedged tight. Anon puts the hemp hat on your head. Methodically, he takes out a loaf of wonder bread, puts it on the floor, then unwraps a slice of cheese and puts it on top. As you struggle with your bonds, the bell on your hat jingles and the wall of low-quality food grows higher, cheese wrappers scattered across the floor of the basement around you. You start to laugh hysterically.

"Ha ha, what a funny joke! You wouldn't really waste all of this, all we had together!"

He doesn't say anything, just slapping down processed cheese and loaves of bread. You tremble.

"Please, just let me go, I won't bother you or your company!"

The wall grows higher, nearly reaching the ceiling. In the dim alcove you see the silhouette of his head.

"For the love of Faust, Anon!"

You swallow, the bell on your hat jingling faintly from the slight shift.

"Yes, for the love of Faust."

The last loaf slots into place, leaving you in darkness and plastic.

Cart of Pane Bianco (First Person) (Bread)

I am Green Peace, environmental activist, professional soy mare. By chance, I have gotten involved with Anon, the heir to Bee Light Industrial, the leading supplier of wax for all sorts of other industries. He is a sweet stallion, but his mental faculties...

Suffice it to say, I am the brains in the relationship. I am also a starving college student, and Anon insists on picking out all the groceries. I feel my soul die a little every time I go grocery shopping with him. Anon takes the shopping cart out of the corral, and I continue my crusade to get some sort of environmental conscientiousness into his pretty little head.

"Wax pollution makes up a rising amount of ocean floating pollution, collecting microplastics and-"

He just put three loaves of wonder bread in the cart.

"Babe, we don't need that much bread."

He smiles and shakes his head.

"You can't ever have enough wonder bread. It's good for grilled cheese sandwiches, frying, PB&J,"

With each word he puts another loaf in the cart. It's not even the store's cheaper, generic version of the bread. No, for some reason Anon insists on getting brand name Wonder Bread.

"Egg salad sandwiches, mayo sandwiches, toast,"

The cart is already half-full of the stuff, and Anon pauses, looking at the shelves he's emptied. Then he sighs and starts taking down the Cereal Lee white bread too. I tune him out and focus on the one saving grace in this situation. The tight pants I got him, that show off his massive danglers. I come to the end of the bread aisle, and his cart is already full. He turns to look at me, that sweet, innocent smile on his face.

"Honey, could you get another cart for the rest of the groceries?"

I force a smile.

"Of course. I'll be right back."

I pass by one of the stockstallions, and he giggles at me.

"Your coltfriend is a real character."

I let out a dry "Ha" and move on. When I return with the cart, Anon is browsing the cheeses. Not the wheels of artisan cheese, or the blocks of good cheese for bulk savings, no. He perks up at my approach and dumps an armful of individually wrapped sliced cheese. I've seen the ingredient list, I’m pretty sure his wax company supplies at least half of what's listed. It's like it was custom made to poison my environmentalist soul. I only keep from hollowing out by focusing on the bulge of my coltfriend's crotch.

When I come to, Anon is unloading the bags of groceries into the house. How long was I out? Still, I have some pride as a mare, and put as many bags as I can on my saddlebag harness. I focus on keeping my balance as I walk down the stairs to the basement pantry. Anon grins when he sees me with the rest of the groceries.

"That's my mare. Oh, and I got a present for you, it just came in the mail!"

He holds out a hemp Hearthswarming hat, with a little bell at the tip. I smile.

"That's sweet, babe. I'm glad you finally listened to me about the benefits of hemp!"

He chuckles.

"You talk about it often enough, it's not like I could forget. Come on, get those groceries to the back and I'll put it on you."

I plod deeper into the basement, huffing and puffing. Finally, I sit down at the end, and just pant as Anon unhooks the bags from my harness. I blink as Anon pushes my hooves through the rings of a plastic six-pack holder and uses a grocery bag to tie it to one of the shelf units.

"Babe, what are you doing?"

He says, "Do you remember the day I met you?"

I frown.

"It was after the workers' strike I helped organize, at the drydock."

He nods.

"Between the pay raise for the workers, and the hull coating regulations you lobbied for, you have cost me over five million bits."

My blood runs cold. I try to get my hooves out of the rings, but they're wedged tight. Anon puts the hemp hat on my head. Methodically, he takes out a loaf of wonder bread, puts it on the floor, then unwraps a slice of cheese and puts it on top. As I struggle with my bonds, the bell on my hat jingles and the wall of low-quality food grows higher, cheese wrappers scattered across the floor of the basement around me. I start to laugh hysterically.

"Ha ha, what a funny joke! You wouldn't really waste all of this, all we had together!"

He doesn't say anything, just slapping down processed cheese and loaves of bread. I tremble.

"Please, just let me go, I won't bother you or your company!"

The wall grows higher, nearly reaching the ceiling. In the dim alcove I see the silhouette of his head.

"For the love of Faust, Anon!"

I swallow, the bell on my hat jingling faintly from the slight shift.

"Yes, for the love of Faust."

The last loaf slots into place, leaving me in darkness and plastic.

Match Mistress (Second Person)

"And that's when my tuft will get HUGE and my wings will finally be wider than Flurry's, and I solve all the unrequited love problems in Equestria!"

Shining sighs.

"That's a nice fantasy, dear. I'll prepare the beanbag by the voyeurscope, like we did last year."

You try to frown but Shining knows you too well.

"And I'll get two feedbags of those stale heart-shaped candies!"

Shining kisses you on the cheek.

"That's my mare."

As you make a withdrawal from the strategic candy reserves, you muse about how lucky you are. You've always been rather colty for a mare, even before becoming the embodiment of the magic of love. And yet, here you are with a loving janefilly husband who has given you a beautiful daughter. All those mares who whispered behind your back about being a foalsitter can suck your clit, you hit the jackpot with that gig. You pull a pot of tea out of stasis and two cups and return to the living room. Shining perks up at the smell.

"Is that Anon's tea?"

You smile at him.

"I had him make it yesterday and put it into stasis. Happy Hearts and Hooves day, babe."

He accepts his cup with grin and a peck on your cheek.

"You too. Now get over here and let's see the fruits of your labor."

You belly flop onto the beanbag and loop the feedbag strap behind your head. Shining leans against your side as he puts his own on. You send a spark of magic to the voyeurscope, the crystal ball shimmering to show the first of many couples awkwardly meeting for their date. Technically, the voyeurscope is an illegal artifact, grandmothered in due to its use as a historical tool of government security. But that doesn't matter, you have been preparing for this day for months. Countless letters of introduction sent (1337 according to Twilight), each with a list of suggested topics, activities, and gifts. Notices sent to the various restaurants and gift shops about what to stock up on and expect. Contracting with a sympathetic Great One to provide portals between distant lovers. All for this one day of celebration and romance.

You flick from couple to couple to herd, smiling in satisfaction as their relationships deepen before you. Hours pass, consumed in stale candy, delicious tea, cuddling, and observing your matchmaking results. You can't help but notice how Shining has been nuzzling your neck, nosing closer and closer to your tuft. You flick the scope to one last couple. Anon, your ever vigilant, ever diligent foalsitter, keeping an eye on Flurry while scratching and petting Raven Inkwell. The poor, overworked mare practically melts on his lap, a blissful expression on her face. Perfect.

You deactivate the scope and roll Shining onto his back. He stares up at you with a cute blush on his face. You climb on top of him, shoving his snout into your tuft and straddling his hips.

"You've been so patient with me, my love. It's time for your reward."

He makes a muffled whimper, and you can feel his need, hot and rising between your legs. You may be one of the luckiest mares in Equestria, time to prove it.

Author's Note

In other news, I have discovered that I need glasses, which are surprisingly expensive. It would really help me out if you were to commission a story from me, and to make that easier, I have lowered the price to $10 per 1000 word count minimum. For more details, check out the blog post: https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/934039

I know these are trying times, so don't feel obligated, and definitely don't spend money on me if you don't have much to spare.

Match Mistress (First Person)

"And that's when my tuft will get HUGE and my wings will finally be wider than Flurry's, and I solve all the unrequited love problems in Equestria!"

Shining sighs.

"That's a nice fantasy, dear. I'll prepare the beanbag by the voyeurscope, like we did last year."

I try to frown but Shining knows me too well.

"And I'll get two feedbags of those stale heart-shaped candies!"

Shining kisses me on the cheek.

"That's my mare."

As I make a withdrawal from the strategic candy reserves, I muse about how lucky I am. I've always been rather colty for a mare, even before becoming the embodiment of the magic of love. And yet, here I am with a loving janefilly husband who has given me a beautiful daughter. All those mares who whispered behind my back about being a foalsitter can suck my clit, I hit the jackpot with that gig. I pull a pot of tea out of stasis and two cups and return to the living room. Shining perks up at the smell.

"Is that Anon's tea?"

I smile at him.

"I had him make it yesterday and put it into stasis. Happy Hearts and Hooves day, babe."

He accepts his cup with grin and a peck on my cheek.

"You too. Now get over here and let's see the fruits of your labor."

I belly flop onto the beanbag and loop the feedbag strap behind my head. Shining leans against my side as he puts his own on. I send a spark of magic to the voyeurscope, the crystal ball shimmering to show the first of many couples awkwardly meeting for their date. Technically, the voyeurscope is an illegal artifact, grandmothered in due to its use as a historical tool of government security. But that doesn't matter, I have been preparing for this day for months. Countless letters of introduction sent (1337 according to Twilight), each with a list of suggested topics, activities, and gifts. Notices sent to the various restaurants and gift shops about what to stock up on and expect. Contracting with a sympathetic Great One to provide portals between distant lovers. All for this one day of celebration and romance.

I flick from couple to couple to herd, smiling in satisfaction as their relationships deepen before me. Hours pass, consumed in stale candy, delicious tea, cuddling, and observing my matchmaking results. I can't help but notice how Shining has been nuzzling my neck, nosing closer and closer to my tuft. I flick the scope to one last couple. Anon, our ever vigilant, ever diligent foalsitter, keeping an eye on Flurry while scratching and petting Raven Inkwell. The poor, overworked mare practically melts on his lap, a blissful expression on her face. Perfect.

I deactivate the scope and roll Shining onto his back. He stares up at me with a cute blush on his face. I climb on top of him, shoving his snout into my tuft and straddling his hips.

"You've been so patient with me, my love. It's time for your reward."

He makes a muffled whimper, and I can feel his need, hot and rising between my legs. I may be one of the luckiest mares in Equestria, time to prove it.

Author's Note

I know these are trying times, so don't feel obligated, and definitely don't spend money on me if you don't have much to spare.

Care of the Cooper (OC)

Be Anon, working member of the Coopers' Guild. Your actual occupation... well, the saying goes, "if you want a band around your barrel, see a cooper."

You're a hugwhore. It's a fairly comfy job even without the compensated cuddling. The room you use has a bed, a couch, love-seat, recliner, and a rocking chair, tons of pillows, soft blankets, a good fireplace for the colder months, hot cocoa supplies, and so on. And so you wait for your next Jane, content in your place in the world.

The door opens, revealing a slightly pudgy orange unicorn mare, with dark circles under her eyes. Her short navy mane lies tousled at ear-length. You welcome her with a warm smile.

"Come in, come in. How can I make your day today?"

She closes the door behind her with a flick of magic, and looks at you with haunted, empty eyes.

"Don't. Don't say what you don't mean. I know I'm not beautiful, or cute, and the only reason why this is happening is because I paid for it."

You hesitate. There are mares that like when you talk down to them, that enjoy a stallion pretending to be disgusted about having to cuddle with them. However, you can feel a difference here.

"Alright. Hop on up, and tell me what you want."

The mare climbs up onto the couch next to you, staring at you with a certain wariness that makes your heart break a little. She lays her head on your lap, and you start petting her automatically. She sighs, closing her eyes.

"Tell me what you really think about me."

You consider the matter, her slightly coarse mane sliding under your fingers.

"You need to get more sleep, for one."

She nods, breathing deeply. You think you know what she needs.

"And you would look better if you lost some weight."

She sniffles at that, but you pretend not to hear.

"I get the feeling that you have a hard time reaching out to others, and don't have many friends. Certainly not any close ones."

A spot of dampness hits your thigh, and now you look down. The poor mare is thoroughly scrunched, tears leaking from her closed eyes. You shake your head quietly, and wipe her tears away. She looks at you, vulnerable and hollowed out by life. You smile kindly, and gently lift her head.

"And you are my favorite kind of customer."

She stares at you with wide eyes.

"I-I am?"

You hum an affirmative.

"You are. For some ponies, they come to me because I'm convenient, and discreet."

You gently tug her up into your lap, and lay her head on your shoulder. She nuzzles your neck instinctively.

"They're just satisfying their animal appetite. But ponies like you, well."

You draw her into a tight hug, breathing in her slightly soapy scent. She shudders in your arms, wrapping her forelegs around you.

"You just want to feel like a pony again, to remember what affection feels like."

She nods, her hot tears falling on your shoulder. You stroke her back comfortingly, syncing your breathing up with hers.

"You aren't using me, you're asking for my help, when no one else will answer."

You turn in your seat, leaning back against the armrest of the couch. The mare melts, her weight and warmth falling on your like a heavy blanket. She stares at you with wondering eyes, hoping desperately.

"And I love being there for you. I love healing your heart, even if it is just a little bit."

You peck her cheek, and draw her back into your embrace.

"So cuddle with me, and forget about the world for a while."

She timidly kisses your cheek, before turning her head away. You chuckle, and stroke her mane.

After a few long minutes pass, she swallows.

"I think I love you."

Oh, this poor dear.

"I care about you, my little mare."

She starts to shake.

"I- I shouldn't have said that, just for-"

You shush her gently, patting her withers.

"It happens. It's hard to receive affection and not return it. All that I ask is that you leave room in your heart for other ponies you may meet."

You can feel the motion of her throat as she swallows.

"Alright. I promise."

She relaxes, almost completely limp on top of you. You wait, patiently and comfortably. Her breathing deepens, sleep having finally claimed her emotionally overwhelmed body. You let yourself drift off, content in a job well done.

Taking Anon Like a Real Mare (Fluttershy)

Be Fluttershy, tired after a long day feeding and helping your critters. Most of the time, you don't mind taking care of others, you are a mare, after all. All that's left is your... guest. You feel a little guilty about not telling your friends about him, but...

You open the door to your cottage, and the aroma of lavender tea wafts by. Anon turns at the sound and gives you a warm smile.

"Welcome home. How were the bears?"

You smile back and clamber onto your divan, sinking into its cushions.

"Oh, they are just fine. A little trouble with their beds, but I had some extra down. Baby bear is sleeping better now."

"I'll bet."

Anon brings you a cup and settles beside you, sipping at his tea. You sidle up beside his leg, basking in his stallionish warmth. The tea helps as well, and you feel all the tenseness of the day flow out of you. You sigh happily. Anon chuckles in his deep, velvety voice. His fingers burrow through your mane and scratch at your scalp. It's official, you are in Elysium. Feeling a little bold, you lay your head on Anon's thigh.

He just continues scritching your head like nothing happened. Any sleepiness you felt evaporates from the heat blooming from your loins. You take deep breaths through your nose, savoring his musky scent. Maybe it was the tea, or his smell, or the way he smiled at you. Whatever it was, you stroke his thigh with your forehoof, blushing all the while.

"Fluttershy?"

You gaze on his patient, trusting face. Such a pure colt.

"Anon, you have such good foal-chasing legs. I bet you could keep up all day."

"Foal-chasing? I suppose so. Are you hinting at the crusaders coming tomorrow or something?"

You do like seeing a stallion manage the little ones so well. It makes you warm in all sorts of ways, like winking in your heart.

"No, I was just thinking..."

Okay, you can do this, you practiced with Rarity for hours, um. N-no homo. You give Anon your best smoldering look.

"How about we make some f-foals for you to chase? If that's okay with you?"

So.

Assertive.

You are really proud of yourself! Anon pauses in scritching your scalp.

"Are you propositioning me, Flutterbutterbutt?"

Oh no! He totally thinks you think he is easy!

"Um, maybe, if you think we have been together long enough, and you keep wearing socks around me, so I thought-"

He boops your nose. It's hard not to scrunch, and you can tell you scrunched a little. Anon chuckles, but his eyes look different. Bright, excited, hungry. Oh mare, you better not mess this up.

"You'll have to lead me through it, I'm not sure how to pleasure a birdhorse."

You don't really know about monkeytaurs either, but you absolutely can't tell him that.

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that. It's a mare's job to make sure the stallion has a good time."

He shrugs and leans against the divan's back, still scritching your mane. You hesitantly nuzzle his inner thigh, your nostrils flaring at his scent. Anon licks his lips.

Oh mare.

You bring a hoof over to unbutton his pants, but it's not like you practiced. This button is so small, and-

Anon chuckles, his slender fingers brushing your hoof to the side. He nimbly undoes the fastening, and unzips. Oh, shorts beneath his pants? Lewd, you approve. He lifts his hips, his bulge pressing against the thin fabric of his boxers. You breathe heavily through your nose, your mind getting hot and fuzzy and insistent. You bite the waist of his boxers and pull. His stallionhood rises like a monolith, at once imposing and inviting. You worship at its base, kissing and nuzzling, exulting in its firmness and warmth. Anon lets out a low groan, the thoroughly male sound wetting your lower lips.

Um, what did Rarity say was next? You gaze up at his eyes closed in bliss. Oh yes, now you remember.

"Does that feel good, you dirty colt? Not that you are dirty, just um. Naughty. Bad colt?"

Your eyes widen as you realize how terribly you insulted him. He lifts your head with gentle hands, bringing his mouth low to whisper into your ear.

"What are you going to do with this bad colt? I'm hot and ready for either of your mouths."

You shiver in pleasure, tingling from hoof to pinion to snoot. Such a lewd stallion, your mind fills with half-remembered fantasies. You gaze up into his hungry eyes, and you can't help yourself. You surge up onto his lap, your wings flapping for balance . Anon falls back and you set your forehooves on his shoulders.

"Open your mouth, you frisky human."

Your breathing deepens as he obediently parts his lips. Bidden by his inviting, stallionish passiveness, you kiss him, your tongue meeting his, the taste indescribable. It's so different from all the times you and Rarity-

No homo!

You feel a hand come to rest on your haunch, squeezing and kneading. Your hindlegs buckle at the stimulation, your marehood dipping and grazing his firmness. You moan into his mouth, your body hot and tingling with arousal and pleasure. Anon bucks at the graze, his grasp on your rear tightening almost painfully. You pull back from the kiss, panting heavily. He gives you a lazy grin.

"Not bad at all, birdhorse."

Your chest swells at the praise, confidence rising.

"Tell me, Anon, have you ever tried anal?"

You're feeling pretty tufty. Anon yanks lightly at your tail.

"No, but I'm about to."

You cup his cheek with your hoof.

"Not quite yet, gotta get you ready."

He quirks an eyebrow at you, and you lower yourself carefully. Your glistening marehood rests at the base of his rod, and you rock your hips back. His length slides between your lips, getting slathered with your juices. Anon gasps, gripping your back just under your flight muscles with both hands. You grin at the colt, backing up until you feel his erection prodding your belly. With a careful lift and flex of your hips, his cock falls onto his belly. You crouch low and slide up his length, winking uncontrollably. Anon hisses slowly, his hips pressing up against yours. You love seeing a happy stallion. You stretch your neck up and nibble on his ear.

"F-fuck!"

He stuttered! So cute. You let your warm breath wash over his sensitive ear.

"Anon, be a good little colt and poke my ponut."

All that dirty talk practice is really paying off. You feel like a real, full grown mare with this panting stallion beneath you. His hands fall from your back, one resting at the base of your tail, the other? He presses down and oh WOW. Your anus spasms around the head of his dick, your breath catching at the wave of pleasure.

"Mmmmyay!"

You close your eyes, savoring the sensation. It's so much better than a horn-

"No homo!"

Anon chuckles.

"Thinking of another mare?"

You look at his face, and he doesn't seem jealous. But your tuft is feeling distinctly flat right now, and your face is burning in embarrassment.

"N-no, just, um."

He boops your snoot, and you smell some of your marecum? That must have been on his finger from when... You are scrunching super hard right now.

"Was it Twilight?"

You try to glare at him, but then he shifts his hips, his stallionhood sliding a fraction of an inch up your butt. You whimper.

"N-no."

Anon licks your cum off his fingers, maintaining eye contact.

"Then who?"

You are winking so hard right now.

"R-rarity."

"Hot."

His now clean hand digs into your tuft, combing deep furrows in its fluff. This colt is too lewd. You cannot take anymore of this. You lower yourself on his rock hard stallionhood, shuddering and moaning at the stimulation. He groans, his back arching as he crushes you against his chest.

Such strength!

You wrap your forelegs around his neck, your body automatically pumping up and down his throbbing length. You are filled with a surging ocean of pleasure, cresting and crashing with every motion. Anon is moaning incoherently in your ear, his thighs slamming against your rump.

"I'm going to take your seed Anon!"

He growls, a new thrill roiling in your gut. Your mind blanks as your orgasm crescendos, every nerve in your body singing in ecstacy. Anon shouts wordlessly, his precious semen blasting inside you. As your pleasure slowly ebbs away, you feel him still twitching inside you, a slick, radiant warmth. You gaze upon his face, taking great satisfaction as he slowly recovers his senses.

"Looks like I did my duty."

Anon grins at you

"That you did."

You rest contentedly on his chest, your mind lingering on what just happened. He strokes your mane fondly, his strength spent.

Wait.

You frown.

"How do you know Rarity? And Twilight?"

Anon raises an eyebrow.

"I followed you into town one day. Funny how they didn't know I was staying with you until I told them."

Oh no.

"Well, um, there's a good reason for that. They, uh,"

He gazes at you patiently. You press your face into his chest to avoid his gaze.

"I just wanted you for myself."

Anon pats you on the withers.

"Don't worry, you got me. I'm not going anywhere."

You look up at his smiling face, and smile back shyly.

"Yay."

Teaching an Old Mare New Card Tricks (Second Person) (Yu Gi Oh)

You are Eye Sis, a betrayed Pharaoh of ancient times. The day has finally arrived for your final battle against the reincarnation of your traitorous high priestess. Set of Five sneers at your stallion host, slapping her deck into the duel disk.

"Go first, Anonymous, it will be your last!"

Anon slips his deck into the duel disk, and you take possession of his body. You stand a little taller, and your shared chest tuft increases dramatically in volume.

"You have set yourself up for defeat, Set of Five!"

You draw your hand and-

Hold on, this isn't the Dark Magician deck. Super-heavy Samurai? Tuner? Curse Anon and his whimsy. You can feel his amusement in the back of your mind.

[Need some help, Eye Sis?]

You frown.

{No, I'm sure I can figure out what to do...}

Let's see, special summon blah blah, equip... Why would you even want something that only gives 1200 defense? Set of Five glares at you.

"Admit it! Nothing you have can defeat my deck!"

You scowl

{Alright, tell me what to do.}

[How about I take over and-]

You mentally sigh.

{Monster duels are too dangerous for stallions. Besides, I can't mind crush her if you're in control.}

[Hmm. Good point. Alright, so all you do this turn is set Superheavy Samurai Soulpiercer face down.]

...

{It has zero defense, it will die if anything battles it.}

[That's the point. Just do it.]

{Fine.}

"I set my monster face down and pass the turn."

Set of Five cackles.

"That's all? Prepare yourself for unstoppable power!"

She draws a card.

"I summon Lady of D!"

[She wants the D so bad!]

{Shut up}

"And use the Flute of Summoning Dragon to special summon my Blue Eyes White Dragon!"

[If you played my flute, it would sure special summon a white dragon of something~]

{Shut Up}

"Blue Eyes! Destroy his monster!"

You scowl, placing your monster in the graveyard.

{Now what?}

[It's ability activates. Search your deck for Superheavy Samurai Big Waraji.]

"Not so fast! My monster's ability activates and I take..."

[Superheavy Samurai Big Waraji.]

"Superheavy Samurai Big Waraji from my deck and add it to my hand!"

Set of Five sneers.

"A mere 1800 defense is nothing before my Blue Eyes! Lady of D, attack his life points directly!"

You stagger back, shaken by the loss but not discouraged.

[Hey, can we do the heart of the cards thing now?]

You frown.

{That requires a depth of trust in your cards that-}

[Come on, I totally trust my extra-thicc fighty lads enough for magic cheating!]

[It's not cheating! It's friendship!]

Set of Five smirks.

"Your turn, Anonymous. Take your time, there isn't much left for you."

You growl.

Her arrogance is no less grating than it was a millennia ago. Let's just get this over with.

"I know my monsters have my back! Come to me, extra thick samurai!"

[Superheavy Samurai]

{SHUT UP! THAT WAS YOUR FAULT!}

You draw a card, ignoring Anon's snickering in the background. It's... another 1200 defense thingy. Did the heart of the cards fail you? Or maybe you didn't trust in the supethick samurai enough?

[Nah, we got this. Special summon Waluigi and the trumpeter. We're about to lay down some sick doots.]

This is all too confusing. Back in your day, you had normal monsters, a few spells, a few traps, and maybe field spell, if you were lucky. Now...

"I special summon Superthick Samurai Waluigi and Trumpter!"

You place the two monsters on the field.

{Now what?}

[Synchro summon Superheavy Samurai Stealth Ninja from our extra deck in defense mode.]

...

{Extra deck?}

[Yeah, that little pile of cards on the end there.]

...

Now, a colt has to hold you by the hoof to handle some superthick lads.

"I synchro summon Superthick Samurai Stealth Ninja in defense mode!"

[Activate both Superheavy Samurai Soulshield Walls and equip them to the ninja.]

"I activate two Soulshield Walls! My Ninja's defense is now 5200!"

[Hey, we're pretty safe now. Nice job, Anon.]

He chuckles.

[The Ninja can attack while in defense mode, using his defense instead of his attack. Did you even read the card?]

...

{I skimmed it.}

[Uh-huh. Just attack the Lady of D and win already.]

This feels like cheating.

"Superthick Ninja! -"

You are disoriented as Anon forcibly takes control.

"-attack the Lady of D with your secret butt fun attack!"

Thankfully, he cedes control back to you once he's had his say. Set of Five falls to her knees.

"This is impossible! Nothing can be stronger than the Blue Eyes White Dragon!"

You scoff.

"You lost because you only trusted in your dragon. If you cared about your Lady of D as much as I care about my superthick lads, it would not have been over so quickly."

[That's bullshit, her deck just can't win as quickly as mine.]

{And the heart of the cards has nothing to do with that?}

[...Okay, that might help. A little. Still magic cheating.]

{It's not- ugh. Not the time.}

"Mind crush!"

You walk away from the crumpled mare. You're getting too old for this.