How the hay did this happen?

by kingqball

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Human, Comedy, Romance
Length: 5083

The last thing he remembers is driving across a bridge, and now he is about to smash into the ground

The last thing he remembers is driving across a bridge, and now he is about to smash into the ground

also this is kind of a side story to some one else's…but the character is mine…

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-02-21 02:42:44 UTC

a coma, this is

I feel the wind fly past my head as i plummet to the ground. The ground that seems to resemble the one of the places on a show filled with colorful...ponies? My eyes shoot wide open as I realize were I am...then it all went black.

I awake from my 'face first fall into the ground' induced stupor and looked around and saw that I was on the path the lead to zecora's. i looked down over a water puddle i saw to see that i looked just like my pony, a black Pegasus with a blue snout, and red mane and tail with black highlights. "OMYGOD i'm ah pony!" i yelled. i froze and looked around to make sure nopony heard me. 'if the fanfic's are right Princess Celestia should know about humans and help me figure out how i got here' and with that i set off towards Ponyville.

On my way to twilight's house the fourth wall breaking goddess, pinkie pie ran up and knocked me over and talked quicker than normally possible

"YOURANEWPONYANDTHATMEANSIHAVETOTHROWAPARTYFORYOUWHATSYOURNAME?"

"wha...uh...da fu...my name is Nightwing"

"ILIKEITTHEPARTYISAT8:00ATSUGERCUBECRONERSEEYOUTHEREAARON" with that she ducked out of sight and disappeared

"fweh thank god she didn't know...wait, did she just...shit"

after having my very twilighteske brain nearly having an aneurysm from tying to figure out how she just disappeared I saw a peguses with a gold eye and a red eye with a confetti cutie mark...confetti? I went up to him and asked "are you confetti?"

"yes and you are...wait your Aaron, pinkie's told me all about you" after he said that I think I saw his eye twitch

"shit"

he stuck his party cannon, that he pulled out of no were, up to my face and said "stay away from my marefreind ya got it"...it seemed he was close to snapping in to party

"okokokok just please don't kill me" and with that he flew off and my guess is to find pinkie. 'please tell Cody is not here' I thought to myself and ran as fast as I could to twilight's house

Once I got close to twilight’s house I heard some song coming out of it. As I got closer I could tell it was coming from a window that was left open. Once I looked in the window I could tell what song it was and that twilight was doing her “birthday party dance”.

i went up and knocked on the door and twi sent spike to open it after she turned the music off

"who are you i haven't seen you in ponyville before?"

"i'm nightwing and i came to talk to twilight"

"twilight somepony's here for you!"

"be down in a second" now why did she go up stairs?

i went down a sat on the couch (just like lyra) waiting for her. when see came down she was followed by a peguses stallion that looked like a cross between a zebra and a pony, and he was wearing red goggles over his eye's... is that...Girokon?

"Giro?"

"yes and how do you know my name?"

"take a guess Lance"

"hey,i was wondering were you were at"

"i was..." right then my head twitched to the right along with my nose. "were are pinkie and confetti at?"

"I don't know" they said in unison

right then pinkie and confetti jump out of my ears and yelled "THE GAME".

now,thanks to my lovelybrain i froze up and had a seizure trying figure out how the fuck they popped out of my ears, a lot like twilight and the pinkie sense. first my eyes started to twitch, then my ears and then i rambled like a schizophrenic "how the...da fuck... and the... my wah...they wah...goddam it" and with that i passed out.

i woke up to find my self in a hospital bed and feeling like i was asleep for a long ass time "thank god, that must have been a coma dream" then i passed out again.

(Author's note: this is not a trollfic i just felt like making his dream like that. if you can tell me the two fanfic references are i will give you a cupcake (no it is not made with rainbow dash). also this is my first fanfic so don't be surprised if it sucks

fluttershy's house, we go

(aouther's note: i am going to be giving you some insight in to the inner workings of my mind...i hope you like the images that i will be implanting in to your heads!...sleep deprivation, we meet again old friend )

As i was waking from my 'non-comatose sleep were my own mind trolls the buck out of me' the first thought that came to my mind was probably the worst thing to mental image to ever have. i will let you come up with one.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!MY MIND"

once i started scream nurse redheart came running in yelling "WHAT'S WRONG!?"

"I NEED SOME MIND BLEACH NOW!!"

"wah...?"

i stopped screaming remembering i'm a pony and no pony know's what i'm talking about so i sat there with my eye twitching. "never mind i'm fine".

"um...o kay?" and she backs out slowly while looking at me like i'm a crazy pony

once she left i just sat there trying to get the image out of my head.

nurse redheart came back with some food on a tray a few hours later. i was still sitting there staring at the wall while my subconscious is trying to make 'cupcakes' out of my mind. she set it down and said "if you are feeling fine you can leave"

i just sat there and nodded

she started to walk out but said "what is mind bleach any way?"

"it's just a saying from were i'm from, and mind bleach is basically like bleach but for your mind"

"o...kay" after she says that she leaves while giving me the WTF look.

i turned to see what food she brought me, it was a plate of hay fries and a daisy sandwich. 'well since i'm a pony this stuff should taste good to me...right' i thought. i took a bite the first thought to go through my head was 'WHY IS THIS SO GOOD'. after i finshed with my food i thought about what nurse red heart said and decided to leave. i rolled out of the bed to find that my whole body is sore 'how long have i been out?'. i went out of my room and saw nurse redheart up at the front desk, so i went up and sked her "how long have i been out"

"you were out for about...3 week's"

"WHAT?!"

"you were in a coma fo..."

"i heard what you said...and that explains why my how body is so sore"

"you should go to fluttershy's she can help you with that"

"will do" and with that i left and headed off twords fluttershy's house

on my walk to fluttershy's house...yeah i know i'm a peguses but like i said my whole body is sore so... no fly for me. while i was walking i started to think about what i should since i am here

"i'm in equestria...and a pony...and i have no idea weather the space time continuam will implode or something since it seems i broke the laws of pyhsics...i need to find doctor whooves" oh look a door... that now has a imprint of my face on it "motherfu..." while i sat there rubbing my head with my hoof some one started to open the door a crack. then the door was thrown wide open and fluttershy come's flying out yelling "ARE YOU OK?!" in that soft little voice of her's that nearly made me squee out of the fact that it makes her so adorable.

"you can stop i'm fine" i said while she was trying to push me inside her house, and failing miserably i might add...but, it just makes her so adorable "i've done worse" like the time i nearly broke my skull from bashing my head in to a wall out of frustration

she finally got me inside and started to look at my head "are you ok... were does it hurt?"...dat voice makes me want to squee so bad.

"i said i'm fine" i said while pushing her away form me

"sorry...i get a little carried away some times" she said as she turned her head away from me...why do have to do that, you make your self adorable i just want to walk up hug you so much.

"it's ok...i came here wondering if you would be able to help with the fact the my whole body is sore"

"i can help with that" she said while being supriseingly happy from her demeanor a second ago " just lay on your stomach over there"

"ok" i went over and belly floped on to the couch "OWFH...that still hurts even if it's soft"

fluttershy troted over to me and said "this might hurt a little" then she jabbed her hoofs in to my back

"AAAAhhhhh...hahhahhahhahhahuuuummmmm, that feels sooo good"i feel just like pinkie pie did when it rained chocolate

"i'm glad you like it" then she stuck her hoofs at the base of my wings

"ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh yes that feels sooo good" i never imagined that that could feel so good. i just layed there for the rest of the time with my mouth open and tongue sticking out.

i got up after she was done and said "my neck is still stiff and hard to move"

"i know how to fix that" she said as she walked up next to me and put her hooves on the sides of my head

crap, i know what she's going to do "um, i dont think *CRRACCK*AAAAHHH... oh look i can see the back of the couch now"

while turning my head back around she said "sorry" and she turn her head away like she always does... dam it fluttershy stop making want to hug you

"don't be, i can actually move with out it hurting now" i got up and started walking towards the door "thanks, by the way"

"your welcome...were are you going anyway"

"i was planing on going to twilight's"

"oh...okay" she looked disapointed

...why is she doing tha...oh, i think she likes me, she's not the pony i was planing on going after if i'm stuck here...screw it, this is fluttershy we're talking about. so i ran up to her and gave her bear hug and then flew out the door.

fluttershy just sat there on her haunches and staring at the door with a smile on her face and was like that for the next few hours.

as i was flying off towards twilight's i began to think about what i just did 'this is probably going to bite me in the ass later'

(authors note: sorry about the long wait, I've had to much school stuff to have time to write this... and ice if you had my English teacher you would understand...oh, this story should start to make more sense as it goes along)

seeing things, i am

(author's note: i hope you likey)

On my way to twilight's i began to wonder what i was going to do if i'm stuck here 'if i'm stuck here i might as well start a life here. i need to find were vinyl scratch is at, she would either be hear in ponyvile or canterlot... i hope she's here, i don't feel like being around all those stuck up ponies'

   as i got closer to twilight's house i thought 'why the hell hasn't pinkie pie jumped out of no were to throw me a party?...i was actually looking forward to that...:sadface:'. as i got closer to the door i was able to see through the window, and i saw rainbow dash and twilight standing around a um...Zebragus? who looked like he was about to collapse. 'that pony looks like...no, it can't be...'. then i saw twilight and the...zebragus disapear in a flash of purple and rainbow dash flying out of a window faster than i thought was possible.

"well buck me, looks like i'm going to have to find doctor whooves my self...wait a second, wheres der...py?"...oh hell yes my head, nose twitch combo you guys know what that means!!!!

right as i said her name i heard that 'that somethings is going to fall on Wile E. Coyote's head whistle that you hear'...you know what i'm talking about, right? I looked up the perfect timing to have the safe...yup, that's right a safe...and i think your mom was inside it TROLOLLOLOLOOLOLOOLO...enough trolling for now. i had the timing to have it be sitting a few inches above me...'hmm,the bottom is very shiny'...then i was a few feet underground with a safe on me. thank celestia i'm a marshmallow

after having pulled me head out from under the safe i stared at the pinkie's that were bouncing around my head. from doing that i had a revelation, i had figured out how pinkie breaks the fourth wall...and lost it when i was pulled out from under the safe, by...you guessed it...derpy.

"you ok?"

in a slurred voice i said "i see ponies" and then after shaking my head i said "yes i'm fine"

"sorry about dropping that safe on you" she said with a sheepish smile and wall-eayed...eye's. derpy why!? thats almost worse than fluttershy...almost.

"thats ok...and i was actually looking for you anyway"

"why"

"i was wondering if you would be able to help me find doctor whooves"

"i can do that!...you just need give me a muffin"

"i don't have a muffin"

"thats ok, i was just messing with you anyway's" she said as she giggled "just follow me" and she flew off in to the forest

"well i better follow" i looked around to make sure no one was watching "...fuck it...ALLONS-Y" and i flew off after her.

after following derpy for a few minutes i saw a clearing in the forest that had a blue, old, phone booth.when we landed she said "hear we are".

"if i walk in there will he come at me welding his sonic screwdriver?"

she giggled "what make you think that?"

"nothing, just a thought i had"

"well go ahead, open the door" she said while ushering me towards the door.

i opened the door and heard the sound of things falling followed by somepony shouting "who's there!?".

out from behind a mass of wires and other assorted things came doctor whooves wielding his...you guessed it...his sonic screwdriver. "who are you and why are you here" he said, getting ready to charge me

'i should...no, that might get...but i...fuck it'...i stand up on my hind legs, and beat my forelegs on chest and yell "COME AT ME BRO"

"oh i'm going to in joy this" he said then rearing up on his hind legs he yelled "LLLLLEEEEEEEEEEERRRRR..."

before he is able to finish, derpy jumps in between us and yells "STOP!!"

"aaawwww... no Leroy" the doctor said

she knew that would happend, didn't she. "derpy you troll, you knew that would happen"

she giggled and said "yes, and it turned out funnier than i though". note to self make derpy go first.

the doctor was giving me an impatient look. "your wondering why i'm here aren't you?"

"yes"

"well to start off with i'm not from this world"

the doctor didn't look surprised "i had a feeling from the moment you yelled 'come at me bro' "

"well i'm surprised the timelord knows Leroy"

"well when you...wait how do you know i'm a timelord?"

well, better him than any other pony "firstly, i am from earth. secondly, there is a TV show called doctor who which basicly shows your adventures though the big ball of wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff. also, don't forget to be careful with your time-y wimey detector around hens."

once i got to that last line he started to laugh "yea, i found that out the hard way." then he paused so he could stop laughing "now back to why your in my TARDIS"

"i came her to see if you could help me figure out how the hell i got in to equestria"

"well that depends on what you remember when you first got here"

"the only thing i remember is driving my car on a bridge and then opening my eye's to see myself falling face first in to the ground"

"i think i know what happened" he paused as he trotted towards the controls "it seems that you some how fell trough a hole in the time-y wimey...stufff". while he was fiddling with the controls "ditzy get over here, i need some help. now...wait i haven't got your name."

"well my pony name is Nightwing"

"...you have a TV show of this world to don't you?"

"eeyup"

"...you know what, i'm not going to ask. also, whats the last date you remember?"

"December 30th 2011"

"place?

"i think it was the Mackinac bridge"

after flipping some more switches he said "alright, lets go..."

"ALLONS-Y" the doc just stared at me and scowled at me as he sent us to were this whole thing began.

i opened the door to see that we were on the top of one of the supports. it was one one of those days when there wasn't that many people going across the bridge so we were probably safe from being seen.

i heard the sound of a vat hitting hooves. i reluctantly turned around to see the doc behind me some how holding a bat in one of his front hooves, and hitting it into the other. a few seocnds later he said "...thats my line..."

'i knew i shouldn't have done that...'. "NNNNOOOO, PLEASE DON'T KILL ME"

after i screamed that like a little girl he just stood there laughing at me. "i'm only messing with you" he said in between his hyena laughing fit.

once he finally stopped laughing he said "you said you were in a car right?

"yes, i did"

he then proceed to dig through a pile of crap, that i have no idea what any of it is, and pulled out a pair of binoculars. he then threw them to me while saying "these will help"

i caught them in my hands...OMG, I HAVE HANDS AGAIN...but i liked being a pony. after thinking that i had sad look on my face.

derpy, sensing something was wrong, came over and said "don't worry, it will be fixed when we get back to equestria...i think" giving me a comforting smile.

the doctor taped me on the shorlder and said "you might want to use those, or you'll miss what happend"

after he said that i looked for the first 'arrest me red' car i could see and looked at it through the binoculars. in the car i saw me driving and my find lance in the passenger seat. a few seconds later another one of my friends jump out from underneath the seats making the...i don't know, the past me? swerve and...you know what, since my memory is coming back from watching my self (that's not what i meant you prev)...i think a flash back is in order. STAR WIPE!!

me and one of my brony friends, lance were going up into the UP (upper peninsula for those who don't know) to hit the slopes. and i had some dubstep pumping through the speakers, that we were bobbing our head to.

"lance, can you reach back and grab the cheez-its"

after digging for a little bit he said "i can't find them, you sure you packed them?"

"YES, i quadruple checked" i said with a little bit of annoyance in my voice

he faceplamed "i knew i was right about you having OCD"

"just keep looking for them, i know there in here"

after searching for a few minutes more he said "dude, i still can't fin..." only to be interrupted by another one of my friends jumping out from under our broads, were even if she was skinny she shouldn't be able to fit in, while holding a box of cheez-its yelling "HERE THEY ARE!!"

"WHAT THE FUCK" me and lance yelling while i started to swerve uncontrollably.

"LOOK OUT!!" lance yelled as the car turned into oncoming traffic...of only one car...

i tried to steer out of the way but, thanks to my luck, we hit it away ways. we hit it's left side and went hurtling towards the guardrail. thanks to the fact that we weren't wearing seat belts, when we hit the guardrail we were sent flying through the windshield. i plummeting towards the water, which would feel like hitting concrete at that speed, for a few seconds...and then it went black.

well there you go...flash back over. STAR WIPE!!!

As i watched my freinds continue to fall after i just disappeared i thought, 'god damit...i just killed two of my best freinds...no wait it also her fault to...' i know, i'm moving some of the blame but hey, she did start me swerving.

i sat there with my head in my hands with tears coming out of my eye's as my friends hit the water. i started to say my thoughts out loud, in between my manly sobs "i just killed my friends...i couldn't dodge a single car...my head and ear twitched...as soon as i got in the car...why did i even come"

derpy came over and pulled me into a hug while i just sat there and cried...manly cried, i might add!

there was a sound of a door being slammed open and we both turned around. we saw the doctor come out and he had a small smile on his face.

"why are you smiling" i said

"i know what happend to your friends"

"yea, they died"

"no, the boy lived" then he frowned "but the girl didn't make it"

"how did lance survive the fall? it's immposible to live from that fall" i said confused

"well...he was holding on to the back of the girl when they hit the water...she hit first"

"why...am i not surprised...you know what, don't answer that" i then put a more serious face and said "will the time-y wime-y stuff get screwed over if i stay in equesrtia?"

"no, and why don't you want to stay here?"

"well, ever one thinks i'm dead...or will...and i love it there"

"i see...well then, let's go" he then turned around and stared me down for  a few seconds, and then said "ALLONS-Y".

we all went back in to the TARDIS and the doctor set us back to equestria

we got back and i said goodbye to them and left. i began to think of what to do now that i am staying here 'were am i going to stay...i got no job, i'm going to need bits...i think fluttershy will let sleep on her couch...i got to learn how to fly to...i got a feeling somethings going to bite me in the ass..." at with that i went off back to fluttershy's house.

(author's note: well...i wrote most of this in 3 days...why the hell couldn't i get my lazy ass to do this before? also, take a look at the names of the chapter...what do they remind you of?)

happened, it did

(Author's note: why the hell does it take me a so long to start and finish a chapter? also...FUCK YOU TF2 FUCK YOU!!...WITH A BROOM!!)

As i trotted towards Fluttershy's house i looked up into the sky to try and see what time it was. 'The sun's still got a long ways to go, so i'm gonna guess... 5 something? Damn...well might as well look around for a job (WHOO MONEY!) for a while before i see if she will let me crash on her couch.

After having looked around ponyville for a couple of hours I started to talk to my self again. "Ok , first off i need to learn how to fly, walking sucks. secondly, I'VE WALKED AROUND THE ENTIRE TOWN AND CAN'T FIND A SINGLE 'HELP WANTED' SIGN!!!".

The sun just set and i guessed it was about 9:30 so i decided to had back to fluttershy. well, that was the plan until i heard something that made my ears perk up.

"That sounds vaguely familiar..."

I followed the sound down a side street that I hadn't went down yet. As i follow it farther i came up to a building that, if I had to take a guess, was a club called "party united" and it had a help wanted sign by the front. "Finally, a place thats looking for someone...wait, souldn't i be saying some pony?".

As I got closer to the club it was getting clearer but i still wasn't sure what they were playing. So, I went in for two reasons. One, to see if i can get a job, and two, to find out what the hell they were playing.

I opened the door and i knew exactly what they were playing.

I walked in farther so i could see the stage, and wouldn't you like know what I saw up there...some pony wearing a (why am I not surprised) giant horse head, just like what you would expect deadmau5 to do if he was a pony. Everypony that I could see at the moment were jumping up and down to the music. I stood in the crowd and did the same till the song ended. Why?...BEACUSE I LOVE THE SONG!!!

After the song ended I went up to the bar so I could ask about the job. Up at the bar I saw a Pegasus stallion serving drinks. I wait up at the bar for him to come over and when he did I jumped back a little.

He laughed "It's the eyes, isn't it?"

I just sat there freaking out a little, and I think my eye twitched a little too. 'shit...red eye and gold eye, and confetti cutie mark just like in my dream...I think I may be fucked...wait a second, that was a dream why the hell am I freaking out.'

Once I got my self to stop freaking out i said "kinda...also i'm here about the help wanted sign"

"Hmmm...do you know any thing about serving drinks?"

"No, but i can learn"

"Good, you can start working tomorrow at 9"

"Thanks, also what's your name?"

"confetti, and I will be your boss. now whats yours?" ok...I need to get out of be for my mind freaks out on me again.

"It's Nightwing"

"Well then, see you at work tomorrow" and with that he went back to serving drinks.

I then left the club to head back to fluttershy's...again, while talking to myself...again...CONFOUND YOU PONIES YOU DRIVE ME TO INSANITY. 'ok...if that's confetti that means two things... either I am still in a coma, or I know someone who can break the fourth wall...and the latter is a lot more believable...which makes me scared now. I hope he isn't like the confetti I know"

After my little talk with my self i ran, instead of trotted to fluttershy's. "i need to learn to fly soon...my head twitched and... wait, did my nose twitch...no, it couldn't have. it never happens twice in one day..."

On the why to fluttershy's for the umpteenth time I decided to try and fly and it was actually quiet easy to do. Well, after falling flat on our face a few time...anyway, it's like riding a bike once you get the hang of it...although, with a few more bruises.

I flew the rest of the way and when I was about to knock on the door i noticed that it was open enough to let a sliver of light slip through along with any sound, which there was none. My brain began to work 'why id her door open?...she lives by the everfree forest...and it's the dead of night...well, i'm probably wrong but just to be safe'. I reared up on my hind legs and yelled "LLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYY" I burst through the door and looked around the room "...jenkins...".

What i saw relived me. 'Thank god i was wrong...now to get fluttershy out from under the couch'

"Fluttershy you can come out it's just me"

She crawled out and said "sorry"

"No, you shouldn't be sorry. I was the one who scared you"

There was a short pause after which she said "why did you charge in anyway?"

"Your door was open and you live by the everfree. I was checking to make sure you were ok." She blushed as I said that.

She turned her head away and said "thanks"

"Why was you door open anyway?". She turned almost as red as Vinyl Scratch's eyes and hide behind her mane. So much cuteness...you know what FUCK YOU FLUTTERSHY, THAT IS WAY TO MUCH CUTE...I need to stop this before i die of diabetus.

We stood there in an awkward silence for a little bit while tried to not HNNNG and die be fore i said " I, uh...came here to see if you would let me crash on your couch for a few day's" I finished with a sheepish smile.

She kept blushing but looked at me a said in a happy voice "Sure, i'll be right back" and she ran up off to grab stuff.

She came back a few minutes later with a pillow and some blankets. "here you go" She said while handing them to me.

"Thanks" I looked up at the clock "I think i will going sleep now"

"ok, goodnight" she said as she headed up the stairs.

"Fluttershy wait" she stopped and looked back at me "i'm working at a club and i won't be out till 5:00 AM"

"That's ok, I have a extra key in the bush next to the door" She smiled and went up the stairs.

Ok, I was right about my ass being bitten, and hopefully my dream is normal this time around.

(author notes: well fuck took me 6 hours...over 3 weeks...i am such a lazy ass. Also to reiterate FUCK YOU TF2...50 hours in a week...FUCK YOU...WITH A BROOM...SIDEWAYS!!!!!)