Human Courtship

by TopQuark

Rating: mature
Tags: DJ P0N-3, Human, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Octavia, Sex, Comedy
Length: 11304

Hard on dough and looking to get a coltfriend before Estrus, what's a pair of struggling musicians to do? Date an alien. It's really the only logical option. (RGRE)

A spacefaring Human Dominion has made contact with the ponies of Equestria, ushering in a new age of science, trade, and friendship. This does not stop Equestrian mares from lewding their new guests.

After a bad breakup, Vinyl has finally convinced Octavia to get back in the game. That was the easy part. The hard part? Convincing her that dating an alien is normal and completely justifiable. Luckily, nothing could go wrong with having a giant, bipedal, carnivorous space-ape for a coltfriend.

RGRE and Sci-Fi (though not prominantly enough to warrent the tag, imo)
Cover art by BGF

Published 2019-01-19 10:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-01-12 19:17:02 UTC

2. How much is that industrial-age steam technology in the window?

“Alright, if nopony has any more questions…”

It had taken nearly three hours, but the meeting of the Royal Canterlot Orchestra finally wound down. As she was only participating as a member of the advisory team, Octavia hadn’t much to say, and was left tapping her hooves as the coordinators quibbled over seating and schedules. Half an hour alone had been spent discussing the new ‘sound system’, the technician ponies trying to explain how the Humans’ various acoustic apparatus had to be positioned, requiring space to be allotted.

Stretching as she rose from her seat, Octavia navigated through the egressing ponies toward the coffee table, only to see a familiar stallion already pouring himself a cup.

“Hello, Noteworthy,” she greeted with an awkward smile; the two were close, though a failed romance from years long gone had left an uncomfortable air between them. “It’s been a while. How are you?”

“Octavia? Oh, well, you know — this whole concert business has had me all tied up. My ensemble and I have been practicing every day, and I have to fill out reports to the coordinators… they’re really overcomplicating this whole process. I barely have time to get dressed in the morning, do my makeup, and get the foals ready for school, before I have to catch a cart down to the campus. ”

Octavia, used to conversing with her male colleague, stood quietly and sipped her coffee as Noteworthy went on about how getting ready for the event was taking all his time and moving into a detailed tangent on how poorly his mares were looking after their home in his stead. She was just imagining how nice it would be to get home to work on her compositions when she realized she had lost track of the (rather one-sided) conversation.

“...and that’s why I think this whole thing is pointless. What do the Humans care if we like their music? The Royals are just trying to get us to play nice with them so they can get their trade deals. Have you read the Treaty? Utterly ridiculous, some of the things they’re demanding. This has nothing to do with ‘sharing our cultures’.”

She zoned back in when Note had been talking about the Humans. Her mind turned to Anon, probably still sound asleep on her couch, dreaming of hunting, or spaceships, or whatever Humans dreamt of (she would have to ask him later). The mental image brought her a ripple of happiness — the suggestion that he was just here to strengthen political bonds felt like a personal slight, though she couldn’t quite understand why. Anon was just somepony in need that she lent her home to… and was planning to seduce soon.

She swallowed the sting of shame from her plot with Vinyl. Now was not the time to consider the moral ramifications of roping Anon into her bed.

“I… I’m not really that interested in politics,” she lied. It was easier to feign ignorance than to press the issue. Stallions didn’t often pontificate on dry, political matters, but when they did, it was best to give them the last word. “I am looking forward to hearing their orchestra, though. It’ll be so nice to finally be able to hear their music instead of just reading it.”

Anything Human was the current vogue, but since the powers-that-be seemed to make it their prerogative to keep a tight grip on what alien items made it into public circulation, that fashion usually amounted to clothing style and certain alien words being adopted into academic jargon.

For her part, Octavia had intended to look into the Human sheet music that had been made available out of her own curiosity, but the need to work always took priority for her — why spend five hours practicing a piece for the fun of it, when the same work could bring in some money? Either way, she would be getting a taste of what the Humans considered good music soon enough.

“Hmm? Oh, yes, I’m sure the concert itself will be grand. I’m bringing my whole herd. Hopefully, it will give my foals an appreciation for the arts that their mothers seem to lack… So, who are you inviting? Are you still living with that unicorn disc jockey?” he said, with barely-disguised note of disdain on mention of her roommate. Few ponies in Octavia’s circle of work had any love for modern, magically-synthesized music. The fact that she spent her time with an artist of said music was most often met with questioning looks.

Honestly, Octavia had forgotten that she had free admission for herself and one other. Vinyl certainly wouldn’t be thrilled about being dragged along. Other than her, everyone else Octavia knew either lived too far out of town, or already had their own ticket.

But with Anon in the picture…

As the final note rings, a standing ovation shakes the concert hall. Anon, eyes damp with tears, clings to her foreleg. Reveling in the bliss of musical perfection, they lock eyes. After a moment of taking in his alien beauty, they come together, locking lips in a display of passion. The audience is now cheering for her, looks of jealousy from mares and adoration from stallions, as she takes Anon away to her home. He collapses on her, a spark of wild hunger in his eyes as his layers of clothing are stripped away. Vinyl is there, nuzzling his face comfortingly as he spreads his long, thick legs with her positioning herself between them. Ready to claim his erect stallionhood, she-

“Octavia, are you okay? You’re zoning out a lot.” Her eyes refocused as she realized she had gotten lost in her imaginings.

“Oh, my apologies. I-I just have a lot of work on my plate right now, and sleep is hard to come by. And yes, I’m still roommates with Vinyl.”

Octavia excused herself, Noteworthy giving her a look of understanding, and she set off for home.

Pewter Polish trotted through the fancy, carpeted halls of the hotel, his worry rapidly precipitating into panic. He feverishly knocked on the door of every room, though most were answered by a Human, none were the Human he sought.

“Oh, Anon, where are you?” he whimpered through his grimace.

Pewter had first become aware of his partner’s absence after the previous night’s tour of the city had concluded. He had noticed that Anon was no longer with them upon the group’s return to the hotel, but didn’t worry at the time, as half of the dozen or so Human-pony pairs in the group had split off during the excursion to go visit some pubs in the city. Knowing the Humans’ love of liquor, he had figured Anon had just joined up with them. However, when he had failed to materialize by morning, and none of the other Humans recalled seeing him, Pewter grew concerned.

I can’t believe I lost him! How the buck does somepony lose a giant alien in the middle of the city? As Anon’s Cultural Exchange Program partner, it was Pewter’s job to be his guide and host, to ‘facilitate mutual learning and appreciation for other ways of life’, as his professor put it.

Having checked every room on the floor, Pewter Polish found himself in the lounge area of their floor. With a defeated sigh, he plopped down on a couch, contemplating how he would break the news to the group leader.

“Hey there, Polly. How’s it going?”

Pewter looked up at the unexpected voice, seeing a Human female whom he recognized from their group approaching. Jane Doe was her name, if he remembered correctly.

“Oh. Hello, Ms. Doe. I was just… um…”

“Looking for Anon?” she finished with a smirk.

“H-How did you know? Do you know where he is? I haven’t seen him since the tour, and I’ve looked everywhere, but nopony’s seen him, and it’s my responsibility to look after him! What if he’s hurt? It’s not safe to be out alone at night… what if a gang found him and-”

“Hey, hey, don’t worry. I’m sure he’s fine.” She patted Pewter’s head. He tried to take comfort in the odd Human gesture, but he was just too distressed; if something happened to Anon, he could never forgive himself. “Anon’s smart enough not to end up face down, dead in a ditch somewhere. Probably.”

He tried not to shudder at the thought. Despite having become somewhat accustomed to the Humans’ love of the macabre over his three months of participating in the exchange program, it was still jarring to have such dark statements brought up casually, one aspect of Human culture that did not thrill him.

The head pats, on the other hoof, had managed to bring him down from the threshold of panic to something approaching calm. The way she brought her hand down, careful to not tousle his hair, running her painted claws around his ears and down his neck fur left a pleasant tingling in their wake. A few more minutes, and he thought he might even fall asleep right there on her lap.

If he considered it, he would find it odd that he was as comfortable as he was with her touching him like this. He certainly would never let a pony mare that he only knew casually to be so intimate with him, for fear of their ulterior motives, and social stigma in general. Maybe if the mare were gay…

But with Jane and the other Humans, he felt perfectly at ease accepting their headpats and scritchies. Something about their demeanour made the act less intrusive, and more kind-hearted, as if she truly had no interest in taking advantage of him. Also, he would be lying if he said he didn’t get a bit of a thrill every time mares saw him cozied up to the alien female and tried to hide their jealous glares.

That’s right, keep walking, ponyfili.

Pewter was just beginning to doze off when Human hoofsteps could be heard.

“Hello there, Polly, Jane. Funny story about last night…”

“A-Anon? I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Are you alright?” Scrambling off the couch and to Anon, he felt a wave of relief wash over him for having found his partner, though he was quite worried about what caused his twelve hour absence. Rearing up on his hind legs, he did his best to emulate a Human hug, wrapping his forelegs around Anon’s thighs.

“Well, long story short, I split off from the group to find a washroom, and couldn’t find my way back. I found a couple nice mares who let me sleep on their couch.”

He stayed with two random mares he found on the street? Pewter was about to voice his concern for his friend being taken advantage of, but Jane cut him off.

The two Humans began chattering back and forth rapidly in their own tongue. While his understanding of the Humans’ language was growing rapidly, especially with Anon’s help, he was still unable to keep up with their flow of speech. What he could understand seemed to be laden with idioms and euphemism, such that he could not parse it.

However, he could tell that Jane was gleefully mocking Anon in some way, likely about his little outing. He thought it rude of her to make fun of a stallion for being in a potentially dangerous situation, but to his surprise, Anon seemed to pay it no mind, even play along with faux indignation.

Pewter concluded that his friend had suffered no harm, he resigned to listen to the two larger creatures converse, while they began heading back to their rooms. He watched as Jane paused, as if remembering something, then pulling out a little black rectangle about the size of a postage envelope. Apparently, the rectangle pleased Anon somehow, as his face lit up like a Hearth’s Warming display.

It never ceased to amaze Pewter how alien the Humans were, and not simply in their biology — though the way that Human mares kept their… pride on displayfront and centre had him constantly blushing. The manner in which Jane and Anon interacted, with what could be described as comradery between them, he simply couldn’t imagine a pony mare and stallion behaving similarly; as equals, as friends without the influence of sex whispering in their ears. He would admit that he was jealous of the Humans’ coveted freedom that they enjoyed, so unlike the strictly defined roles that ponies were expected to fill. But it also made him hopeful that, with their help, the equality of mares and stallions could be seen in his lifetime.

“Oh, by the way, Polly…” Pewter put a pause on his grand imaginings as Anon looked down to him. “You know the restaurant I had booked for us? I invited those mares to come along as a ‘thank you’ for giving me a place to stay. Vinyl Scratch and Octavia Melody are their names.”

He resisted showing his disappointment; that dinner trip had been meant for just the two of them, Anon saying he had some good news that called for a celebration, and he had been looking forward to an opportunity to bond privately. Now, he’d have to put up with a couple mares who would probably try to hit on them and force the conversation toward ‘mare things’, like sports or…

“Uh, Anon? What date was your reservation for, again?”

“The first of next month. Why?”

“...No reason.”

Pewter shuddered. The start of Estrus.

After returning home from the orchestra meeting, Octavia was saddened to find that Anon had already left, though she had expected it. After all, what reason would he have to stay? However, a bedraggled Vinyl informed her that before he left, he had invited them to dinner as thanks for helping him, and to a rather big-ticket restaurant, no less.

This reignited her hopes of perhaps coming closer to him, but brought with it more concerns; did he feel the same way? Was his invitation an attempt on his part to start a relationship, or was it truly just a friendly thanks? How do Humans even express romantic interest in each other? Ritual combat, perhaps?

Vinyl was no help in alleviating these worries, as she had fallen back asleep immediately after relaying the news.

Now, Octavia sat in her room at her desk, scratching some perfunctory melodies onto paper, in the hopes of finding something to use in one of her overdue commissions, but her mind lay elsewhere (a condition becoming worrying common, to the chagrin of her commissioners). She increasingly considered finding a permanent matron to sponsor her work, but the idea of having to dedicate the majority of her time to a single pony’s whims never appealed to her.

But today, it was Anon consuming her concentration.

Only yesterday had she met him, but already the stallion was beginning to occupy her thoughts. Vinyl’s plan to court him was frankly ridiculous, she knew. Vinyl was never one to read the news or keep up with the current events, unlike her roommate. It was clear the Humans considered Equus to be little more than a curiosity, more concerned with their lofty dealings in the heavens (though Octavia still struggled to grasp how that worked). The Humans that did find their way to Equestria were usually lesser diplomats practicing their profession, or students of the sciences and their strange fascination with even the mundanities of magic.

And occasionally, there were rumours of ponies who had supposedly seduced a Human, usually in the form of a drunken mare boasting to anypony who would listen. The only time she had ever heard of somepony being in an actual, proper relationship with a Human was speculatory gossip about the princesses.

All in all, Octavia just didn’t think it was reasonable to assume that Anonymous could be happy to settle for a couple of boring, common ponies. Well… herself, at least.

Vinyl, on the other hoof, was a mare that could keep a stallion coming back for more. Despite her borderline chauvinism (or perhaps because of it), the unicorn still somehow managed to pick up a colt every once in a while. She could be quite charismatic when she wanted to be, and her music, though far from a gravy train, was much more popular with young, attractive colts than Octavia’s own.

Octavia knew she wasn’t very exciting. She knew she wasn’t a handsome mare, with no muscle or magnetism to speak of. Her mane and coat were completely devoid of any colour, a greyscale smudge that no stallion would ever look twice at.

Yet here she was, already plotting how to talk Anon into her bed. It made her feel dirty, ashamed. Like she was trying to steal him, and undeservedly keep him for herself. By Celestia, she couldn’t even keep a pony stallion satisfied for more than a few months! What was she supposed to offer a being from beyond the stars?

Octavia sighed and turned away from her page of musical dead-ends and disappointments to take a shower and hopefully come out with a clean head.

As she crossed through the apartment’s den to get to the bathroom, she noted that the dead had risen; Vinyl was awake, if only just, eyes squinted and mane frazzled as she scowled at a cup of coffee. Octavia knew better than to disturb the sleep-deprived mare and continued past her — irregular work hours were driving that mare to an early grave.

Once in the shower, warm water flowing through her fur, she lathered up and began brushing her mane, the bristles running down her mane and tickling her scalp.

His hand seized her by the withers, running his sharp fingers up her body and into her mane.

Octavia shivered. The specter of Anon’s touch still lingered on her body, warm patches noticeable even under the heat of the shower. The warmth gradually grew in time to pulse of her heart, oozing down her length toward her nethers.

Adrenaline coursed through her veins from the arousal setting in. She told herself herself it was just Estrus clouding her judgement, as she imagined smiling up at her while he nuzzled her chest tuft. It was natural for a mare to imagine colts planting kisses down her barrel, before submissively suckling on her nipples. So what if he outclassed her completely, and would probably laugh her out of Equestria if she asked him out? In the privacy of her own bathroom, she was safe to pretend an alien stallion was gently gliding his tongue up her slit, kissing her winking clit, and whispering in his sultry, masculine voice how she was his now, and no other pony could have her.

Vinyl focused on the tones produced by her headphones, trying to drown out the sound of her roommate jamming her clam in the shower. Octavia may have been able to put on the act of an upstanding and proper lady in public, but had all the sexual discretion of a pubescent filly.

She was about to march over there and yell something sarcastic through the door, but then she heard something. Just barely, over the sound of the shower and furious masturbation, she swore she heard Octavia moan Anon’s name.

Laughing to herself, Vinyl was making a mental note to tease her roommate over this later, when the significance of the action caught up to her.

The last time they had attempted to properly court a stallion at Vinyl’s insistence, it had not gone well. He had left due to being ‘dissatisfied with their financial situation’, to put it charitably, and had broken Octavia in the process. She assured Vinyl the she didn’t blame anypony, but ever since had refused to discuss trying again, no matter how much Vinyl tried to prove that he was just a fluke by bringing home colts from clubs.

In light of all that, Vinyl realized how significant Anon was. If Octavia was finally coming out of her shell for him, then it was Vinyl’s duty to make sure Anon fell head over hooves for them, lest her best friend give up on love completely.

Having need to do some shopping, Octavia was in the downtown market district. Only two days until her ‘date’, she brainstormed ways to get into Anon’s good graces. She was perusing the discounted breakfast cereals when the obvious, if unimaginative, answer hit her. A gift. But what to get him?

Jewelry was a no-go. She would either have to break the bank on something of quality, or risk appearing stingy by getting him a cheaper piece. Additionally, it could be seen as gaudy to spend so much on a stallion who they’d just met, and would set expectations higher than they could possibly fulfill.

Candies or flowers, while a safer bet, were somewhat lackluster, probably something he received on a daily basis. There was also the issue of toxicity; she realized she had little idea what food Humans could digest. If she accidentally poisoned one of the few stallions who’d even given her a chance, she’d never forgive herself.

Trotting up the bustling street, eyeing the storefronts for anything appropriate, she was about to give up hope, when she noticed something familiar. A toy shop, from which she had purchased a gift for her niece’s birthday a couple months ago. While the idea of getting a present from a foal store for a grown stallion whom she had romantic desire for was questionable at best, she recalled having seen a particular item for sale that caught her interest.

The doorbell chimed as Octavia entered the toy shop. She immediately felt the rush of nostalgic glee that one received when coming upon such a cornucopia of colourful trinkets and novelties, before the sad reality of adulthood came slithering back, reminding her that she had no use for anything in this store.

With a sigh, she approached the front counter, where the object of interest sat proudly under a glass display case — a strange contraption it was: two iron cylinders, one encircled with flared ridges, both with hinged shafts protruding out the ends connected to a large, decorated wheel of polished brass. Atop the display read a sign, ‘Vanderhoof Mechanism’.

The price tag attached made her cringe, but it was much less dear than even most budget jewelry, and she had a feeling the cost would be dwarfed by the bill for dinner later that week that she would no doubt be covering.

Noticing Octavia’s fixation on the display, the shopkeeper looked over to her from behind his counter. He was a middle-aged earth pony stallion, possessing twinkling eyes and a bright smile befitting of his occupation.

“Looking at the Vanderhoof engine, eh? Nifty little thing. Great for adults as well as foals. Just put a candle under it, and it’ll spin for ages. They use bigger versions in those factories out west. Best part, no magic! You won’t have to pay a hoof and a tail to have it sent back and have some shoddy, proprietary enchantment reapplied when it dissolves after a few months.”

When it came down to it, Octavia didn’t know what Anon would want. She could buy a luxurious, expertly arranged bouquet of flowers for the price of that thing; even if he couldn’t eat them, they would still be beautiful. All she knew was that Humans had an affinity for machines. He might be disappointed, or worse, offended by being given technology likely centuries obsolete to him. By Tartarus, for all she knew, this machine held some theological significance to Humans, and she was committing a sacrilege!

On the other hoof, she wanted, needed, to show him that she and Vinyl actually recognized and respected his uniqueness, and weren’t just trying to bed him for the sake of relieving their heat. Or perhaps she needed to convince herself of that...

“I’ll take it. Wrapped, if you would.” The shopkeeper nodded, reaching under the counter for a packaged one, then setting it on the counter. While he set about wrapping it in a lovely green foil, he hummed merrily.

“Present for your filly? I’m sure she’ll love it. It’s a great idea to get them interested in the sciences early, I say. Celestia knows we’ll need all the engineers we can get if we want to catch up with those Humans.”

“It’s for a colt, actually. Not mine.” She wanted to mention that he was a Human, and that they were having dinner together, but she shouldn’t get ahead of herself. It would be too awkward to explain anyway. Internally, she felt grim that ponies thought her old enough to be a mother.

“Oh...” The shopkeeper’s wrapping slowed and his smile faltered as he looked up to give her a quizzical look. “We do have an excellent selection of dolls, and if you really want to be his favourite, we’ve got a little magic-powered oven, perfect for learning to make pastries.”

Something inside Octavia was set aboil, and she glared at the stallion. After a moment, he shrugged and continued wrapping, explaining the store’s return policy as he went. Once topped off with a bow, she haphazardly rooted around her coin purse for bits required, nearly emptying it. With no more than a curt nod, took the parcel and set off, leaving the bemused shopkeeper.

Thinking about it, she wasn’t sure what made her so upset; all the shopkeeper did was imply that the machine wasn’t the best gift for a colt, which she, in theory, agreed with. It had sharp, metal parts and was powered by an open flame — not something she’d exactly feel safe leaving with any young foal, not to mention a poor colt that could get hurt. And she didn’t think she’d ever even met a colt who would even be interested enough in machines to play with it in the first place.

Perhaps it was due to her rather strict upbringing (something she shared in common with Vinyl), her parents dictated what toys she could play with, how she should act, and what career she would pursue. She recalled how she had once wanted to learn the harp to impress her crush, but her father shot that idea down, on the basis that it was a ‘colt’s instrument’. It had been a difficult and somewhat belittling upbringing, and though as an adult she could better appreciate her parents motives, she’d developed quite liberal beliefs regarding the raising of foals: as long as it’s not hurting anypony, they should be allowed to play with anything that they damn well please!

Of course, it was more likely that she was ruffled by somepony suggesting, even inadvertently, that Anon wouldn’t like the present, adding credence to her fear.

Misgivings aside, the bits were spent, and she still had much to do.

“...Game plan?”

Vinyl and Octavia had arrived at the reception area, and were currently tapping their hooves nervously as they waited for the host to see them into the restaurant proper.

“Well…” Octavia suppressed her growing urge to dash out the door by supplanting it with the thought of being moments away from seeing Anon again. “We want to ask him to… be with us… right?”

The unicorn nodded enthusiastically. “Right. But what exactly are we going to say? ‘Hey sugar-dick, we think you’re real hot, and would like you to clean our apartment for the rest of your life’,” she spoke in a stereotypical ‘marely-mare’ tone.

Seeing the other waiting matrons give them sideways glances at Vinyl’s indecent language, Octavia sighed. “Okay, first of all, let me do the talking. I think… we just ask him on a date?”

“Ooh, a date! What d’ya have in mind, Tavi? Front row seats to one of your recitals?” She laughed lightly.

“Something like that, yes.” Vinyl’s sarcastic grin fell.

“Oh. Well, I think you can count me out, then. You remember what happened last time. I’m still not allowed in that building.” Despite the memory of Vinyl arriving to a concert drunk and making a scene by loudly flirting with the lady-mayor of Canterlot’s son, the idea of going out with Anon all on her own filled her with apprehension.

“I… I suppose we could do something else. What do you think he’d like? There’s the zoo, the botanical garden… I think that new motion picture theater downtown is showing some Human films…” Octavia was racking her brain thinking of something appropriate for a first date with a Human; Vinyl just rolled her eyes.

“Tavi, my sis, nothing beats a good, hard bar-trot. Actually…” Vinyl’s eyes narrowed in concentrating, before springing open, wide as saucers, as if struck by some divine inspiration. This was never a good sign, in Octavia’s experience. “I know! You take him to your music thing, lay on the squishy, romantic stuff, or whatever colts like. Then, when you’ve got him all buttered up and emotional, I’ll be ready to show him the real Canterlot night scene, not whatever those college limp-cunts are feeding him!”

At that moment, the host finished conversing with his manager and approached the pair. Vinyl, mid-rant, at least had the decency to sheepishly clear her throat and return to a more appropriate posture under his look of thinly-veiled disapproval. Whether it was because of Vinyl’s little outburst or the fact that the unicorn hadn’t bothered to wear any clothes besides a tacky tie, Octavia was unsure. Her own attire she hoped was more fitting; a plain, black dress reaching just past her croup, polished copper shoes, and her favourite pink bow tie. She had tried to keep things simple, as this was not a date.

“Good evening, and welcome to Prancy’s. Do you have a reservation?”

“Well, we’re with somepony, Anonymous. He’s a-”

“Oh, you’re with the Human and his friend?” The server stallion’s eyes widened with surprise, not even having to check the guest chart tucked under his foreleg. Octavia didn’t doubt that if a Human was present in any building in Equestria, everypony would be very aware of it. Though, what was that he said about a friend?

The pair nodded, and the host had them follow him through the rather packed restaurant, mostly mares like themselves with one last shot at nabbing a mate for the Estrus holidays. Hardwood walls, velvet decor, and precious gas chandeliers all gave the strong sense that this was no two-bit diner. Octavia silently hoped that Vinyl had the sense to order as little as possible without being rude, as to keep the bill down.

Author's Note

I've never been good at sticking to timelines, so as much as it bothers me, updates are always going to be few and far between. The last few months I've been reorganizing my life, and mental focus is difficult to come by. But not a day goes by that I don't think about ponies and new story ideas, so I'll always be around.

As always, criticism and corrections are are appreciated.

Hotfix: Last sentence of first scene got munched.

1. A DJ, a cellist, and an alien walk into a bar...

He’ll have a beautifully styled mane, and a perfect coat. He’ll have deep, captivating eyes that match his sexy (but not slutty) outfit. With a body that would make any mare who comes across him moist. And not only will he be hot, he will have a great personality! Yes, that’s very important. A good sense of humour and a laid-back attitude. Intelligent, too. It wouldn’t do to get stuck with some featherbrained bimbo of a stallion. But that doesn’t mean he’ll be stuck up or prissy like some other stallions. This colt won’t be afraid to get down and dirty...

Visions of stunningly beautiful stallions danced through Vinyl Scratch’s imagination as she sat at the table, head propped up by one hoof as she stared blankly at a bowl of bland cereal and a cup of cheap coffee — her breakfast. Across from her sat Octavia Melody, her bespectacled eyes hidden behind a newspaper, idly scraping at the last of a salad — her dinner.

They exchanged pleasantries, discussing their plans for the day, recent goings-on in the news, and how their work was going. In a few hours, Vinyl would be heading out to a nightclub she had been contracted to cater for the next week, while Octavia had spent the day arranging and transposing sheet music for the Royal Canterlot Orchestra, that would soon be performing.

Despite the calm atmosphere, the setting sun casting its soothing light through the window of their Canterlot apartment, there was something pressing on Vinyl’s thoughts.

“So Tavi, since I’ll be working at the club for a while, I was thinking… there’ll be a lot of colts there…” Octavia looked up from her book at her roommate, eyebrow raised. Vinyl cringed; she knew Octavia’s thoughts on the matter, but the unicorn mare was getting desperate. It had been nearly a month since she had even gotten to flirt with a stallion, not to mention sleep with one.

“Vinyl, I know what your going to ask, and no, I don’t think it’s a good idea. Need I remind you of our last coltfriend?”

“Don’t tell me you’re still upset about him.”

“As a matter of fact, I am.”

Vinyl sighed. Ever since their last attempt at starting a herd had blown up in their faces, Octavia firmly rejected any suggestion of trying again.

“There are plenty of great stallions out there! You can’t go full filly-fooler just because of one bad egg…”

“Vinyl, I’m not ‘going filly-fooler’. I just need some time to myself.”

“It’s been almost a year. You can’t honestly say that you’re not itching to get some ‘D’ — Estrus season is coming up soon, and I don’t know about you, but I’d like somepony around to polish the trophies, if y’know what I’m sayin’.” Octavia scrunched her nose at her friend’s choice of words.

“Vinyl, have you ever considered perhaps you would have better luck with stallions if you didn’t make such comments? In my experience, colts don’t like to be thought of simply as a mare’s pleasure toy.” Vinyl huffed.

“I was just kidding. Of course I don’t talk like that around stallions. I have a career to maintain too, you know. Besides, I don’t see stallions lining up to get sucked off by your squeaky-clean mouth.” Octavia frowned and glanced away for a moment, contemplating.

“I will admit, I’ve been missing the… company of a stallion lately. But there is the issue of money; bits are always going to be tight, and Celestia knows how long our next jobs will be. Keeping a stallion happy takes a steady income — not exactly easy for us musicians. We’re behind as it is on our expenses. What if he wants foals? Also, I have reservations about the… quality of stallions that you seem to attract.”

“Please, Tavi, have a little faith.” Vinyl flashed her friend a smile, sensing she was making headway. “The bits will come, and there are dozens of stallions at the club every night; I’m sure at least one wouldn’t lose his horn over a little instability. As for foals… well, we can deal with that as it comes.” It wasn’t that Vinyl didn’t want foals eventually — most ponies had it drilled into them from a young age, the importance of reproducing and maintaining the nation’s population — but she just felt like she should wait for the right one (though she would never admit to holding such sappy, sentimental thoughts). Luckily for her, the stereotype of stallions pining for loads of foals didn’t always ring true, particularly in the big city.

She downed the rest of her coffee and rose from the table, the pungent drink bolstering her confidence.

“Well, I should get going now. It’s going to be a long night, and the beats aren’t going to drop themselves.”

Octavia didn’t try to hide her rolling eyes as Vinyl cantered to the door, threw on her hoodie and saddlebags, and exited their apartment with a sprightly spring in her step. This mare. She would soon be performing at a nightclub, with alcohol, attempting to ‘attract a mate’. She smiled wistfully as she gathered the dishes and started to get ready for bed.

“We’re doomed.”

The music was in full swing and the dance floor was packed. Ponies shaking, swaying, and stomping in time to the magically-synthesized beat sent vibrations throughout the room, and out into the moonlit streets beyond.

Vinyl had left her assistant in charge of the music while she took a short break at the club’s bar. She felt invigorated, as she always did when in the zone, however, she was also hampered by a twinge of frustration. Not having forgotten her talk with Octavia only hours earlier, she had been paying special attention to the stallions in the club (that is to say, more so than usual).

She found that she had not been wrong in her earlier assessment; there were, in fact, plenty of fine, reputable-looking stallions in the crowd. The only problem was that, upon closer observation, they all seemed to be accompanied by at least one mare. While theoretically this was not a problem, it would be considered extremely discourteous and insulting for a mare to attempt to court a taken stallion outside of her social circle. While Equestrians generally preferred to keep government legislation on herding to a minimum, there were many unspoken rules and traditions that had to be observed. Vinyl doubted she would be so lucky as to have a stallion’s mares simply let her make moves him.

Other than them, there were a few lone stallions either dancing or drinking, but they were either drunk or on a salt high, and Octavia would have a conniption if she brought home an intoxicated colt.

Vinyl sighed as she continued to gaze out into the crowd, muzzle halfway down a beer. So engrossed was she in scoping out ‘potential targets’ on the dancefloor, she didn’t notice a pony trot up to her spot at the bar from the washrooms.

“Hello there.” Vinyl jerked up in surprise at the unexpected greeting, and turned to find a stallion standing next to her. He had a smooth, grey coat with a breezy, blue mane. The stylish vest he wore wonderfully displayed his stallionly chest fluff. “You’re the DJ, right? Your music is really good. What’s your name, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Vinyl’s ears perked up. Beautiful, polite, good taste in music, not inebriated… he was perfect! A prime example of the fairer sex, surely one Octavia would approve of. She introduced herself, and managed to initiate a conversation. His name was Azure Tide, and had just moved to Canterlot to study aesthetics at the college. And he was single. She listened as he went on about his study and his plenteous opinions on the city, while she sipped her beer. Azure had ordered himself himself some fruity cocktail, and naturally she paid for it.

“Well, I should be getting back to work,” Vinyl said, noticing she was several minutes late. “The ol’ turntables need their mare’s touch. Will I see you after closing?” She put on her best ‘smooth colt-killer’ face, hoping he was in the mood. He assessed her with a small smile.

“Possibly. Though I imagine you’re also hoping to ‘see me’ somewhere else, right?” he asked, his voice become more sultry. Vinyl was having a hard time keeping her tail down, the smell of the colt’s expensive perfume clouding her mind more than her beer.

“Well obviously. My roommate back at the pad is gonna be totally into you, and with Estrus coming, you’ll be getting all the attention a cutie like you deserves…” As soon as it left her mouth, Vinyl cringed, realizing her blunder.

“Right… well, I should be going too. Maybe we’ll see each other again.” Azure hopped off his bar stool and slipped away to a nearby cluster of colts. Far from Vinyl’s ear, he said something to them, the group simultaneously glanced her way, then burst into laughter before merging with the greater crowd on the dance floor. She groaned and scowled at her glass.

Fuck me, am I high? she thought to herself. Why would I say that? For some inexplicable reason, stallions tended to be put off at the mention of that time of year when a mare’s urge to fuck anything dick-shaped was at its strongest. She sighed and got up herself, abandoning what remained of her drink, while the bartender colt smirked silently at her romantic folly.

Vinyl did not see Azure again at closing.

Days passed, and Vinyl had not come any closer in finding a nice, single stallion. Maybe Octavia had been right. Maybe she did attract the wrong sort: hookers, junkies, salt-heads, the Canterlot nightlife had it all, and more. And when she did manage to catch the eye of a proper-looking stallion, she always did something to send him away furious, or laughing. Vinyl longed for the days she had lived in Ponyville, where colts would yearn for the chance to be with a ‘big-shot’ city musician. But, dating country stallions had its own set of hoops to jump through. Vinyl shivered at the memory of being chased out of a colt’s bed by his mother, brandishing her old army sword.

Vinyl’s catering contract would end soon, and then she would have to start all over again at a new establishment, perhaps even in a new town, wherever she could get work. It was beginning to look like she and Octavia were going to have to satisfy themselves (and each other) again this season.

Having sent her assistant home an hour prior, leaving only herself to pack up at the end of the night, gently fitting her personal equipment and music records into her saddle bags. The bartender was finishing locking up his cabinets as well, the last patrons having left a while ago.

Vinyl did not bother looking up when she heard the front door open and somepony enter; probably just some drunkard hoping she could get one last drink. She didn’t notice the hoofsteps’ odd tempo until they had come to a halt before her.

“Excuse me, ma’am, but could you give me some directions? I appear to be lost.” Vinyl’s ears twitched at the unexpectedly deep voice, carrying some a strong accent unfamiliar to her. Looking to the source, she suddenly felt electricity run down her back and her muscles tense when she saw a tall, imposing figure looking back down at her. Her fight-or-flight reflexes had nearly engaged, when she got ahold of herself, realizing she was in no danger.

A Human!

Only from afar had Vinyl seen the aliens before, as well as in the occasional news article. But, like most ponies, when she would see one touring the streets of the city, she would keep her eyes straight and pretend the intimidating creatures didn’t exist. Not that she had anything against them, of course — she just wasn’t particularly keen on catching the attention of a large, meat-eating alien. Though, it seemed that in this moment, she no longer had a choice in the matter.

“Uh… Hello?” he spoke again. Vinyl released a breath she forgot she had taken, becoming aware of how silly she probably looked, staring up owlishly, mouth agape at the biped.

“Y-Yes, I… Hello. Sorry, it’s just I… never spoke to a Human before, Mister…” It was a male, right? It possessed many traits she would consider masculine: slender build, sharp jawbones, short mane. But, for all she knew, all Humans looked like this. Before the mare could lose herself in a fantasy about a species composed solely of attractive stallions, he responded,

“My name’s Anonymous. But most ponies just call me Anon. And it’s alright, I get that a lot. I know what it’s like seeing something unfamiliar for the first time.” He gave her a reassuring smile. “So… would you be able to give me some directions? I was separated from my tour group a few hours ago, and I’m having a hard time reading the signs.” Vinyl glanced over to the bar, but the bartender had chosen that moment to trot off somewhere. Great. It appeared as though she would be handling this on her own.

“...Sure. I’m pretty much finished here anyway. Just follow me, and we’ll see if we can get you back back home to your mares,” she said as she hoisted the bulging saddlebags over her withers. He spoke Equestrian rather well, but apparently he only learned the common tongue, which would explain why he was having trouble understanding the more traditional dialect in which all the street signs and directions were written in Canterlot.

“Oh, I’m not married, or have a marefriend. But thanks.” Anon turned and made towards the door, Vinyl following in his wake. She blushed. It was common in Equestria to assume a gentlecolt was spoken for, even if he was not, out of respect and to let him know that she would not try to take advantage of him. For him to admit to being single in such a direct way was jarring, as it could be interpreted as him displaying… interest. It was probably just a cultural difference, she concluded. Humans probably had some other way of making their stallions feel safe from lechery.

Regardless, it wasn’t like she about to try anything with him, right? He was from another world, by Celestia! Though, when she looked up at his figure, she found her eyes easily tracing the alluring form of a stallion’s rear, the curves and musculature all right where it should be. With no tail, only a layer of tight fabric was there to cover the creature’s thick assets, swaying subtly as he walked.

Logically speaking, a bipedal predator would require a more ‘developed posterior’ to chase down animals, and the evidence before her was certainly enticing her to learn more about Human anatomy. In a strictly scholarly manner, of course.

As the two made it out into the street, Vinyl banished such thoughts. Okay, maybe she did find him hot, but the Humans were guests of Equestria, and she needed to do her best to leave a good impression.

“Alright, down this street is Celestial Crescent, Canterlot’s main road. It’ll take you pretty much anywhere in the city. Where exactly are you staying? Or, you know, just the street, if you’re not comfortable telling me.” Despite what Octavia thought, Vinyl Scratch knew how to be a lady, and right now, this poor gentlecolt needed her help. Anon grinned at her, amused for some reason.

“Don’t worry, I trust you enough. My hotel is rather large, so I doubt you could rob me even if you wanted to, and if you were going to murder me, you’d do it out here in an ally or something, not in building full of security guards.”

Vinyl’s eyes widened in shock. She would barely expect such casual suggestions of violence from a hardened policemare; it coming from a stallion beggared belief. Then again, she vaguely recalled reading that Humans had a strong military heritage, having fought in wars between entire star systems, something unimaginable to ponykind until only recently. That likely had an influence on their culture and personalities. Still, she couldn’t but be a little stunned to hear a presumably innocent stallion discuss the strategy of murder without so much as lowering his voice, when most would swoon at the mere notion of a mare breaking into his home and doing Luna-knows-what.

At the same time, Vinyl found it surprisingly refreshing to speak to a stallion who wasn’t so uptight and prissy, while also not drunk off his ass. Perhaps… Perhaps Anon wouldn’t mind joining her and Octavia for a night out sometime…

Having zoned out, devising a plan to get this tasty snack into her drooling mouth, she realized that she had missed what Anon was saying.

“Sorry, could you say that again? I was… visualizing the city.”

“I said my hotel is fifty-second on the corner of Hoofington and Mane. My room has a wonderful view of the palace. I’d invite you in for tea, but let’s make sure I can actually get there first,” he said light-heartedly. Vinyl frowned. She knew the hotel he was referring to, and it was on the complete other side of the city. Public carriages didn’t connect to that area at this hour, and it would take at least a couple hours to get there on hoof, the shortest way taking them through a sketchy neighbourhood. She related this to him, and he scratched his chin thoughtfully, gazing up at the night sky.

“Although, my place is also in that direction. You could, you know… stay with my roommate and me for the night. She’s really an awesome mare! Polite as shit, and friends with a bunch of nobles. But… you probably just want to get back home and safe. My apartment has a private carriage service that you could use…” For a non-insignificant fee, that she didn’t relish the thought of paying. Vinyl, realizing she had just sworn in front of him, became very self-conscious of her words. Though, if it bothered him, he didn’t show it.

Good thing Equestrian isn’t his native language, she thought. Our swear words probably don’t mean much to him.

Most colts didn’t actually care that much about cursing, and could even be heard doing it themselves in public in this day and age, but she had lost count of how many stallions had brushed her off after accidentally uttering one expletive or another, usually the ‘noblepony wanna-be’ type that Canterlot was lousy with. Can’t have the precious princes getting their virgin ears soiled, she thought bitterly.

“No, that’s alright. If the trip is really as inconvenient as you say, I don’t mind staying with you. It’s not like I need to be anywhere.”

“A-Are you sure? I mean, we could even rent you another hotel for the night somewhere closer-by; we’ve got plenty of money,” she lied.

“Really, that won’t be necessary. Actually, this will be fun! Making friends with new ponies and staying with them is a great way to travel on the cheap. I did it all the time back home. The Human term for it directly translates as ‘couch-surfing’.” He beamed as he spoke, presumably reminiscing about his homeworld. It made her want to hold him and protect his smile, to stroke his mane all night long.

“O-Okay, just making sure. I wouldn’t want to worry your family by having you stay with two strange mares without your consent.”

“You act like you’re inviting me to some sort of orgy. I’m a grown-ass stallion, Vinyl, I can make my own decisions,” he said with a smirk. Despite the cool, refreshing night air, she suddenly found herself rather warm and short of breath as Anon gave her mane a playful tousle. “Come on then. I can’t wait to meet your friend.”

Like all good unicorns, Vinyl exclusive worshipped Alicorns as the only true gods. But at that moment, she was ready to make an exception for this he-demon of lust she found herself entangled with.

Pony and Human walked down the dark street of Canterlot City, moon, stars, and street lanterns lighting their path. Vinyl endeavoured to stay by his side and slightly ahead to watch for potential hazards in the night, though his long gait made this difficult. Anon himself was hardly paying attention to the street, instead gazing up at the sky, buildings, and the grand palace perched upon the mountain, looming in the distance. His wide eyes and vertical, swiveling neck reminded her of a lighthouse, his gaze constantly shifting target.

“Your city is even more beautiful at night. I guess getting lost wasn’t so bad, eh?” Anon said, breaking the silence.

“Yeah, I guess. So… what’s it like to live on… Eurth?” It felt awkward getting complimented on something she was in no way responsible for, so she changed the subject, trying to recall what little she knew of the Human homeworld.

“Well… It’s pretty good. There are enough cities and sights to last you a lifetime of exploring. But our sun is harsher than yours, so it can get much hotter during the summer, and in a lot of places, it gets really humid. Also, the gravity is a bit stronger, which makes life more difficult in general. So, you could say Earth is hot, thick, and heavy,” he said with a laugh.

Just like your juicy ass, you stud. Tell me you want it and I’ll make you cum so hard, you’ll-

“Sorry, what was that? You were mumbling.”

“Uh… Is that why you came to Equus? You like to travel?” Most ponies didn’t even like to venture outside of their hometowns, a good novel usually being enough to sate one’s wanderlust. But occasionally, you would meet a pony possessing the spirit of adventure, so the idea was not completely foreign.

“Actually, I came here because I don’t want to travel anymore. I’ve travelled most of my life, seen most of places worth seeing on Earth, and a few places beyond, but I just feel that it’s time for me to settle down. So, I thought I’d go out with a bang, and find somewhere truly alien to spend the rest of my life in.”

“But why Equestria, or Equus at all? Aren’t there other alien worlds you could move to?”

“Well, there are the Human colonies, but those are basically just giant, enclosed farming and mining complexes. Not very interesting, if you ask me. I could have gone to a planet of another alien race, but not all of them tolerate outsiders, and even the ones that do… well, let’s just say that politics in space is not exactly stable. Wouldn’t want the race I chose to settle with suddenly be declared an enemy of Humanity.

“That’s why I chose Equus; as a pre-spacefaring world within Human borders, you probably won’t start making enemies for a good while yet. Also, most Humans agree that Equestrians are very pleasant to be around.”

The two continued through the night, silently admiring the glow of a million lanterns illuminating the slumbering city. Vinyl found herself gravitating toward Anon, bringing herself close enough to feel the body heat radiating from his long legs. This was the closest she had been to a stallion for a long time. She smiled. It felt nice.

“Alright, Octavia is probably still asleep, so we should try to keep quiet.”

Vinyl feathered open the door to her apartment, the dimmed lights of the hall piercing into the darkness within. She gestured encouragingly for Anon to enter, and he cautiously proceeded, having to partially bend over to fit through the doorway. She tip-hoofed in after him, pausing to turn a dial on the wall, igniting the living room’s gas lighting to a dim glow. The soft light cast over the furniture and various sculptures that Tavi kept around, creating a moody atmosphere. Stars and city lights twinkled through the apartment’s large window.

Rather romantic, if she were one to judge.

Holy shit, holy shit! Vinyl could feel adrenaline pulsing through her. A stallion is in my apartment!

She felt a strange mix of excitement at having an attractive stallion in her home, and anxiety for having a Human stallion in her home. Sure he was sexy, but he was still a meat-eating creature several times her body-weight. Questions bubbled deep inside her as to precisely why she was feeling this attraction to an alien being that barely had any resemblance to a pony, but she pushed them down, opting to postpone the inevitable introspection of her own sexuality. With her luck, she'd probably find out that she had some sort of monstercolt fetish like a degenerate filly living in her parents’ basement.

Vinyl found herself so caught up in drinking in the sight of Anon’s backside as he gazed out the window, that she didn’t notice the door to Octavia’s room open.

“Vinyl, is that you? What took- Eep!” As soon as the earth pony’s gaze fell upon the Human by the window, she instinctively gave a little hop and stiffened like a frightened feline — a common pony reaction to finding an alien creature three times her height standing in her home. Vinyl rushed to her friend’s side.

“It’s alright, Tavi! This is Anonymous, a Human I met at the club. He got lost, and I suggested he could spend the night here. Couldn’t just leave him alone on the streets…”

Please be okay with him, please be okay with him, please-

“Hello, Octavia.” Anon’s greeting interrupted her internal panic. ”Please, call me Anon. Vinyl’s been telling me all about you. So you’re a cellist? I didn’t think ponies could use string instruments, with your hooves and all — I’d love to see play sometime.” Not giving Octavia a chance to bolt, Anon dropped to his knees to bring himself to eye-level with her and introduced himself, holding out his… grasper, curled into a ball to emulate a hoof. Despite his drooping eyes and raspy voice, cleary tired from his late-night adventure, he apparently still had it within himself to put on a disarming smile and cheery voice, and did sound genuinely interested in meeting the earth pony.

I wonder if he has the energy for a few other things tonight… Nope. Not the time for that, Vagina.

“Oh, um… Hello, Mister Anon…” Vinyl smiled to herself as she watched the face of the grey mare beside her, her expression of shock and fear transform into a bashful, blushing smile as the realization that she was standing face to face with an attractive, exotic stallion hit her. She tentatively shook his claw-hoof. “I… I’m more of a composer, actually. But I do occasionally play. I would be happy to show you… W-Why don’t you make yourself at home? I have to have a word with Vinyl about… your accommodations.” That’s one way to put it, the unicorn thought to herself as her roomate dragged her away into the bathroom.

“So,” Octavia exhaled as the door shut, leaving them in privacy.

“So,” Vinyl mimicked, unable to help the feeling of smug satisfaction that had taken her. She had brought home a stallion. A sexy alien stallion. A sexy alien stallion who seemed completely unconcerned with being intimately close to a mare he just met. Like something straight out of a cheesy sci-fi romance.

“So, a Human? Vinyl, this is serious. We can’t just have a fling with a Human stallion we picked up at a club; they’re our guests here! What would the princesses say? Or the Press, for that matter? Besides, they are aliens — they aren’t like pony stallions.”

“Oh, don’t worry so much. We aren’t doing anything illegal; if he decides he doesn’t like us, he’ll just leave, and that will be the end of it. And, if some of these tabloids that have been coming out recently are right, the princesses are too busy getting their own fill of Human dick to worry about us. They may be aliens, but I bet they can work those hips as good as any stallion.” Vinyl’s cocky smirk contrasted against Octavia’s pursed lips.

“Tell me, Vinyl, what do you know about Humans?”

“Um… Well they’re big, bipedal aliens, obviously. First arrived about three years ago, seem friendly enough. Love fighting and shit, though. Anon was telling me about their home planet, Earth. He said their weather is pretty wild, and everything is heavier. I’m not sure what he means by that.” Octavia sighed.

“I meant about their culture. Humans are machine-worshipers, with an extensive military history. Their society is a lot more male-inclusive than ours, and the stallions are the… sexually aggressive ones, while their mares tend to be more reserved.”

“Really? That’s kinky.”

“Did you not even read the pamphlets, Vinyl?” she groaned. The various pieces of literature regarding Humans that the Equestrian government had sent out when it was announced that the aliens would be a visiting as tourists still sat on their bookshelf, untouched. The unicorn just shrugged nonchalantly.

“Look, all I know is that there is currently a hot piece of alien ass in our living room that hasn’t accused me of sexual harassment yet. It’s an opportunity I won’t let slip. And, judging by your ‘reaction’ to him, you agree with me.” Vinyl wiggled her eyebrows, remembering how the mare had practically creamed herself when Anon shook her hoof. Octavia gasped, dropping her tail that she just realized had been flagging since meeting their guest. Her ears folded back, a look of shame cast on her face.

Vinyl immediately felt sorry for teasing her. Octavia could be a bit of a prude, but she deserved a stallion to make her happy more than anypony, and Vinyl knew Anon was the one. She went over to her, putting a hoof over her shoulder in a reassuring embrace.

“Hey, Tavi, I’m sorry. What I mean is, Anon seems like a great colt. Did you see how polite he was back there, how happy he was to meet you? He told me he came to Equestria to settle down, so I bet he wouldn't be against starting a family with us, and not just leave after he finds out we’re basically broke, like some other stallions… So don’t you think you could at least give him a chance?” She put on her best smile for her friend. Vinyl desperately wanted Anon in their life, but if Octavia didn’t approve, it would all be for naught. No stallion, however tempting, was worth losing her best friend over.

“Well… I still think you should try to be more tactful, but I admit, Anon does seem… nice.” Taking her words as her approval, Vinyl gave a little victory prance, followed by throwing her arms around Octavia’s neck and bringing her into a hug. A strictly marely hug, of course. It’s not gay unless your tits touch. Everypony knows that.

“You won’t regret this, I promise! Even if he, you know... turns out to be a total dick, I’ll make sure we get at least one night together out of him.”

“I hope you know what you’re doing…” Octavia sighed, resigning herself to following her cocksure companion’s lead. She seriously questioned the unicorn’s attitude toward stallions, and how it correlated to their marked lack of sexual encounters. But such was her lot in life, she had come to accept long ago.

Their private talk concluded, the pair opened the bathroom door and rejoined their new-found friend, only to find him soundly asleep on (or perhaps ‘across’, to be more accurate) their sofa. His head rested on one end while his feet and shins dangled over the other; the digits of his left grasper brushed the floor, the right one groping around to the sofa’s back. As he gently snored in his uncannily deep voice, his jaw fell slack — the low candle light glinted off the point of his straight, sharp canines. Octavia shivered. Even asleep, this imposing creature’s predatory presence was almost enough to make her forget he was a kind colt in need of her help. To Vinyl, though, this only made her more impatient to get him into her bed. Speaking of which...

“We can’t let him sleep like this, can we? I wouldn’t mind letting him use my bed…” Vinyl wondered aloud, trying to contrive a scenario in which they may sleep together, even if only in the literal sense.

“Unless you have any bright ideas on how to move him, I’d say just just let the poor colt rest. I can watch him in case he needs anything until I have to go to my meeting in an hour. You get your sleep,” Octavia said, nodding to the window, the orange dawn just breaking over the city skyline.

“Nonsense! My ancestors were moving stone obelisks since before earth ponies had even invented farming! I’ll just…” The unicorn ignited her horn, casting a telekinetic veil over Anon. When he didn’t immediately rise into the air, she frowned and increased her efforts.

Octavia stood and watched, eyebrow raised, as Vinyl tried for a full minute to get Anon to levitate, barely getting him a quarter-hoof off the cushions. She contemplated telling the unicorn about the Humans’ natural magic resistance. Nah.

“Shall I fetch some obelisks for you to practice on? I can use my wheelbarrow.” The earth pony mirthfully shook her head. She was honestly surprised Vinyl didn’t get in fights more often, with how casually tribalistic she could be. Probably just did it to annoy her.

With a harrumph, Vinyl turned and ambled away toward her room, muttering something about needing to work out.

The earth pony turned back to Anon, now having a chance to truly appraise him; his lengthy limbs sprawled over the whole couch like some kind of cephalopod, clothed neck to ‘hoof’ in strange fabrics certainly not from this world. Everything about him was alien, foreign to her understanding…

So why did she feel a connection with him?

Perhaps Vinyl was right: she was probably just charmed by his friendly manner earlier. Or perhaps she was just a sucker for having an exotic stallion asleep in her apartment. Unlike Vinyl, she had taken the time to familiarise herself with the advanced, space-fairing primates that had revealed themselves to Ponykind those years ago, their esoteric culture, their infatuation with war and conflict rivaling that of griffons. Though she would never admit it to her lusty roommate, she felt within herself a certain thrill when she thought about this creature, this predator, this conqueror… how he could make her his, how he could show those capricious colts how a Human stallion treats his mares…

Octavia shook herself out of her increasingly sexual visions, internally chastising herself. I am a mare! I should not be fantasising about being… dominated by a stallion…

She moved to leave before she got wet again from these unmarely thoughts (and not wanting to have it get out that she had become aroused in the presence of a sleeping stallion) with intention to get Anon some sheets, when she felt something fall on her withers.

Looking down, she tensed when she saw it was one of Anon’s graspers, lazily holding the side of her neck. His eyes had opened, a dopey smile on his face (if the mare was reading it correctly). He moved the grasper upwards, its five boney digits and their strange, flat claws gliding through her fur like razors. She shivered as she stood there, locked; alarmed, though not panicking yet. His claws reached her mane, where he began to pat her affectionately, mumbling something in his alien tongue.

“huz ə gʊd ˈpoʊˌni … ju ɑr”

Apparently satisfied, he removed his grasper from her head, but not before using a single digit to give her nose a boop. The pony’s muzzle scrunched in surprise, her body reflexively backpedaling a couple paces. Anon’s eyes shut once again as he shifted his body, pulling in his limbs to curl into a loose ball, and soon enough, his gentle snores returned.

Octavia stood there for several minutes, still processing the bizarre interaction.

This was going to be a long day.