Archibald "Crazy 8" Hearts: The Extreme Missions.

by TheMultiBrony21

Rating: mature
Tags: Original Character, Porn, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Adventure, Sex, Profanity, Alternate Universe
Length: 2158

A collection of Missions that Captain Archibald "Crazy 8" Hearts undertook.

Captain Archibald "Crazy 8" Hearts, January 24th 1918 - 2018, served in the United States Air force during World War 2 and the Cold War.

These are missions he undertook in the Second World War (Might add Cold War events if enough people like it).

He specialized in the ridiculous and over the top operations.

These are the most ridiculous and over the top.

Warning: First-person point of view. While this is WW2, it won't contain gore. But it does include:

Crossdressing, Male/Male Sex, Stupidity, whatever else. Basically, expect the unexpected.

Published 2019-01-11 23:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-01-11 23:50:01 UTC

How I Lost My Eye.

Author's Note

This one is a interesting fanfic I came up with, as it's the first, but not the last, to be centered on a OC.

I really hope you guys like it. Enjoy. ^_^

How I Lost My Eye.

Classified Date and Time.

Before I begin, everyone in my squadron was a Earth pony. We flew in flying machines specifically designed for ponies. Meaning they were steered with hooves. We were known as "The Flying Earth Ponies".

I remember that day like any other. I had just signed up to the Air Force and was tasked with bomber escort over North Africa.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love flying, but escorting a group of bombers is not my speciality.

The bomber target was a Italian outpost that served as a training post for locals who wanted to join the Axis Powers.

The mission was supposed to be smooth... Supposed to being the keywords.

The moment we were above land...

"Captain Hearts! We have incoming fighters! 10 o clock high!" One of the bombers radioed me.

"Alright. Squadron, maintain formation! We need to make sure the bombers get to their targets on time!" I ordered my squadron to keep them from doing anything stupid...

That was my job.

Not long after, a squadron of German Stuka's started opening fire on our bombers.

"We're taking fire! Get those damn Stuka's off our asses!" One of the bombers ordered.

I immediately broke formation and began attacking the fighters.

I took twelve fighters down, I would've got 13 but the last one got away before I could get him in my line of sight.

"Damn it! Got away!" I swore as the fighter got away.

We eventually reached our target and the bombers began their bombing run.

"Wahooo!!! Look at those explosions! Nothing like the smell of explosives in the morning!" I exclaimed over the radio as the bombers obliterated the outpost.

"Yeah. But we lost Matchstick, Hawkeye, Lucky, and Silverbolt. Two bombers were also shot down." Mike "Techhead" Dixon, my wing pony, said over the radio.

"Damn it... Let's go- STUKA'S!!!" I exclaimed as I spotted another squadron of Stuka's approaching our position.

I immediately recognized the markings on the lead Stuka as the one I didn't shoot down. This time, he was going down hard.

"Alright. Techhead, Tagz, you take the ones on the left. Fuse, Fixer, you take the ones on the right. Rook, you're with me." I order my squadron to take new formations.

"I'm with you, Crazy 8." Rook said.

Eddie "Rook" (Short for Rookie) Gears had just joined the other day, but he could fly a airplane better than a Pegasus can fly regularly.

"Alright Rook, you're my wingpony on this. I'm trusting you to keep us both alive." I explained.

We began opening fire on the incoming fighters, taking down a large portion of them.

Rook kept me covered like I told him to. We made a great team.

"Alright Rook. Just one left. He's mine!" I ordered as I spotted the same Stuka from before and began attacking it.

The stuka returned fire and we engaged in a fierce one-on-one dogfight to the death.

Bullets punctured our fighters until, finally, both our fighters were flaming wrecks.

Both I and the German ejected from our airplanes and continued our fight on the ground.

"Ah. American Mudpony! Now we face each other like warriors!" The German taunted.

"Yeah, and only one of us will be going home!" I exclaimed as I began punching the pilot.

We exchanged blows for what seemed like forever, until the bastard pulled out a knife and started swinging it at me.

One blow slashed me across the left side of my face, permanently blinding me in my left eye and forcing me to wear a eyepatch for the rest of my life.

"Ow!!! Son of a bitch!" I swore as I grabbed my bleeding face with my hooves.

"American coward!" The German said as he dropped his knife and began beating me to a pulp.

It felt like a eternity before he finally stopped.

I was half dead and leaking blood all over the place, the German stood over me and pulled out his pistol, using his hoof to hold it at my head.

"I'm sorry, American. But, as you said, only one of us will be going home." The German said.

I closed my eye, expecting to be shot, and just relaxed.

Just as I did, I heard a gunshot and opened my eyes. The German fell to the ground with a bullet hole in his head, and behind him was Rook.

Rook helped me to my hooves and helped me stand up.

"Crazy 8, I'm glad you're alive! When you got shot down, the others thought you were dead. But I knew you survived, I remembered what you told us: Always expect the unexpected. So I landed as close to here as I could without being spotted.

The moment I saw the kraut about to kill you, I shot him first." Rook explained as he carried me away to his plane.

I don't remember much after that because I blacked out from blood loss.

I woke up the next morning in a medical tent.

"Good morning, Captain Hearts. Nice to see you're still alive." The medic said as he trotted over to my bed.

"Ugh... What happened? Last thing I remember was being taken to Rook's airplane." I said as I sat up.

"Yes, Private Gears explained the situation to me yesterday when he brought you in." The medic explains.

After a few days, I was cleared for duty because even without my left eye, I'm a dead shot.

After being cleared, I prepared for my next mission when I received news that haunts me to this day...

Eddie "Rook" Gears, age 19, was killed by a scorpion sting.... He was a good soldier, pilot, and friend.

He should have died in the sky against the enemy, not from a poisoned stinger.

Turns out, the scorpion was planted in our camp by locals working with the Axis.

One thing is certain about the entirety of this event...

I have not been the same since. It was here that my callsign became a fitting name...

Archibald "Crazy 8" Hearts, the nutcase of The Flying Earth Ponies.

Italy, Smitaly. (Dressed For Sex)

Sometime Prior to The Invasion of Italy

This mission was the first undercover operation I under took.

I was parachuted into Italy as part of a pre-invasion strategy.

The plan? Gain information on the Italian and German forces in the area in preparation for the invasion.

I was supposed to assume the identity of Ben Diago, a Spanish Socialist allied with the Nazis.

Needless to say, that is not what happened.

Turns out, Ben Diago, real name Klaus Sauerkraut, was a Nazi Spy sent in to assassinate resistance members.

He was killed in public by a Italian Resistance Fighter, meaning he was definitely not a suitable cover.

I decided to do the next best thing, I asked for a dress, a blonde wig, some make-up, and lingerie from a female resistance member.

"You... Need my what?" The resistance member asked.

"I said I need your dress and underwear. Any you're not wearing." I repeated my question

"Why do you need that?!" She screamed at me in that very strong Italian accent of hers.

"For my disguise. The Nazis don't know my face, I'd blend in and use my feminine charm to get the information we need to win this war." I explained.

She looked at me as if I had a knife sticking out of my head.

I, eventually, managed to get the items I needed and began piecing my cover together.

I adopted the identity of Belladonna, a Italian companion. I then began working my charm on the German and Italian Soldiers.

"Teehee! You soldiers are sooo funny!" I said under the guise of Belladonna.

"Well, Miss Belladonna, we try to be. And might I add how beautiful and attractive you are." A German Officer says, now all I had to do was get information.

Which, unfortunately, never happened... The only thing they talked about was pretty much how they wanted to know me better.

After awhile of no intel, I snuck out and returned to the Italian Resistance.

They were... Less than thrilled.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T GET THE INFORMATION?!?!" The Resistance Leader yells.

"Look, the only thing those stallions know is where they want to stick it. They never mentioned anything about any military strategies." I explained.

"Then you are looking in the wrong place! There is a gala tonight. Go there, get information, and do not come back without anything!" The Resistance Leader Exclaimed.

"Yes Sir!" I said with a salute, though inside I wanted to shoot the prick.

Later that night, I got dressed and went to the gala. I wore a red dress that complimented my fur.

The Gala was packed with rich civilians, German and Italian officers and officials, and guarded by the Waffen-SS.

If I was going to get intel, I had to the unthinkable, the ridiculous, and the insane.

I picked my target carefully, Commandant Krieger. Unicorn. Age 20. He was in charge of troop rotation in the area. And it was up to me to get that info.

"Excuse me? Are you Commandant Krieger?" I asked.

"Yes I am! You must be Belladonna. What can I do for you?" Krieger asked casually.

"Teehee! That's a dangerous question to ask a woman." I responded

"Agreed. But that doesn't answer my question." Krieger retorted.

"Oh, it's not what you can do for me. But what I can do for you." I said seductively.

"And what is that, my dear?" Krieger asked, sounding intrigued.

I leaned in and whispered into his ear exactly what I, well Belladonna, wanted to do.

"Well, shall we then? My office is this way." Krieger said as he lead me to his office.

His office was located on the second floor of the building the gala was held at.

In contrast to the rest of the building, the office lacked any Nazi imagery outside of the swastika on the desk.

He sat down at the desk and motioned for me to approach.

"While I would love to experience all you have to offer. I'm afraid that I only have enough time for whatever your quickest service is." Krieger said.

This was good for me because it meant my identity was safe.

I smiled and moved behind the desk. I placed my muzzle in between Krieger's hindlegs, giving him a good hint as to what I wanted to do.

"Ah. Of course!" Krieger said, using his magic to unzip his pants.

He was already hard, and I wasn't even acting sexy.

I placed my lips on the tip of his cock and slowly moved my head along it.

"Mmm.... Mein gott.... You're wünderbar." Krieger moaned as I sucked his cock.

I continued, as ponies say these days, sucking him off. I felt like I was getting addicted to it.

I took his cock as deep in my mouth as I could, I gagged a little as it went down my throat.

After awhile, his cock started throbbing and I knew what that meant before he could verbalize it.

"Ah... Belladonna, I'm going to cum!" Krieger exclaimed as he released his cum down my throat.

I drank every ounce of his sperm as it poured down my throat.

He stopped cumming and motioned for me to remove my head from his cock.

"Mein gott.... You were wünderbar, Archibald Hearts." Krieger said.

I nearly chocked on the remainder of cum that was in my mouth.

"How do you know my name?" I asked.

"Well, you are here to get the intel I have, correct? You realize what's at stake?" Krieger asked.

"I don't understand. I wasn't told of any contact." I explained.

"Well... That explains.... Ehem... Let's move along." Krieger said, brushing off the recent incident as a big mistake.

"Here is everything the Allies need to win the war. All kept in this folder." Krieger said as he levitated the folder into my saddlebag.

"I hope that helps. Now, get out before anyone gets suspicious." Krieger added.

"Alright, thanks." I said as I left his office.

It was really dark outside by the time I headed back.

Author's Note

This one is a little... Out there.

Originally, there was going to be a part where, after leaving the Gala, Archibald gets stopped by a German soldier and a Italian soldier who discover that "Belladonna" is a stallion and gives him the option of either reporting him to the Nazi Authorities, or have sex with him in exchange for letting him walk.

I decided not to add that, but if enough people want it added in. I will add it.