Owner of a Lonely Heart

Rainbow just stared at her curled up friend weeping her eyes out on the bed. The cries and whimpers she made shot through Rainbow’s heart like a flaming bullet. She hated it when Fluttershy cried. It just tore her apart. Somepony so innocent didn’t deserve this kind of misery. But the worst part was she was the cause of Fluttershy’s desolation. She was the cause for Pinkie’s desolation too. Rainbow was just so confused.

'I thought… they all hated me.' She thought to herself.

Minutes flew by as Fluttershy mourned on her bed, eyes closed tight, with tears streaming down rapidly. She tightly hugged a pillow with the picture in her right hoof. If you listened very closely, you could hear the word “Rainbow” being repeated in between her sobs. Rainbow couldn’t take it anymore. The anguish was becoming too much for her to handle anymore.

Rainbow slowly and gently walked out of the room and softly went down the stairs. She walked into the living room, where many of Fluttershy’s animals looked up into her eyes with faces full of sorrow and confusion. They all wanted to know what the noises coming from the bedroom were. Their faces got even sadder as they realized what it was.

Rainbow walked toward the couch, where a pillow and a blanket laid scattered across the fabric. She grabbed the blanket and laid sideways on the sofa, wrapping the covers around herself. She was careful not to touch her upper back; she didn’t want to disturb the injury. Even the slightest touch made Rainbow cringe with pain. She tried blocking out the sounds of sorrow coming from the upper room, but that only made trying to sleep harder. A single tear dropped from Rainbow’s eye. It was her fault she was making Fluttershy suffer. If only she could do something about it.

It was impossible to see in the darkness, but Rainbow felt a breeze brush against her face. She felt the hard ground press against her body. She finally rose up from the black floor, turning her head to try and catch a glimpse of anything. The dead silence and the petrifying dimness caused fear to build up inside the pegasus’ shaking body.

She heard whimpering ring loudly in her ears. Rainbow trembled and shouted at the torturous noise that was deafening her. The whimpers and screams coming from nowhere were far louder than normal.

Suddenly a light flickered in front of Rainbow’s face, nearly blinding her. It glowed pink, and as Rainbow began to open her eyes, she saw something unimaginable. Pinkie Pie was standing there, her entire body glowing. It was probably one of the coolest things Rainbow Dash had ever seen in her life, until she noticed the streaming tears rolling down Pinkie’s face. She had been the one crying, and the volume kept getting louder.

“Why Rainbow Dash!? Why did you have to go!?” Pinkie cried. Rainbow didn’t know what to say to that. She was actually a little freaked out. She started to slowly back away from the glowing Pinkie, until she bumped into something. She swerved around-

“This can’t be happening.” Rainbow Dash said aloud. Shining even brighter than Pinkie was a golden yellow figure. More sounds of gloom and pain filled the air, as what appeared to be Fluttershy broke down with a look of dismay on her face.

“I thought you loved all of us! We cared for you… I cared for you!” Fluttershy yelled in melancholy. Rainbow was breathing heavily at the sight of all of this. Fluttershy started walking up toward her, as did Pinkie.

“Well ah guess we were all wrong then.” A voice called out. Rainbow turned her head.

'Not Applejack too.' Rainbow thought. The orange pony was walking toward Rainbow, her face full of disappointment.

“Indeed we were.” Another familiar voice said.

'No! Please! Don’t be her!' Rainbow yelled in her head. A purple glow filled the air as the unicorn magically appeared just a few feet away from Rainbow. Her face was filled with rage and hate, and she was slowly creeping up on Rainbow.

“Better off dead!” yelled another voice, filling the atmosphere. Alongside Twilight, Rarity used her magic to appear close to Rainbow. She looked the angriest out of anypony in the area. Rainbow didn’t know what was going on. She thought she got her friend’s respect back as Shutter… she looked at her body. She was no longer Shutter Cloud.

“Please! I’m your friend!” Rainbow begged sorrowfully as the group came closer and closer. She dropped down on the ground and looked up at her friends.

“Friend? A friend who lies about an event as serious as what happened at Cloudsdale just to be respected? Is that really a friend!?” Rarity said,accusing Rainbow. Rainbow was speechless. Rarity was right.

“Good-bye Rainbow Dash.” Rarity said unsympathetically. She raised her front hoof and smacked Rainbow. Hard. Rainbow was tossed aside by the swipe. It actually felt like Rarity had broke her jaw, but it still didn't compare to Applejack’s buck. All of a sudden, she was being tortured by all of the friends. They were all attacking her. The blood actually felt real as it ran down to the edge of her mouth.

“PLEASE! STOP! I’M SORRY!” Rainbow Dash screamed.

Suddenly, she felt as if she had landed hard on her side. Covers engulfed her entire body, preventing her from moving very freely. She was crying now, and very heavily. She felt the force of the covers being whipped away from her by something, which caused her to land harshly on her stomach. She opened her eyes, facing to the ground. Her body was shaking like crazy from all of the fear that she sensed.

She was staring at… a wooden floor?

“What… wait… am I-”

“Oh Shutter Cloud! Are you all right!?” called out a voice. Rainbow Dash whipped onto her side. Fluttershy, with a heaving chest, was staring at Rainbow with a face full of worry.

Fluttershy looked like a train wreck. Dark black bags surrounded her eyes, her soft and flowing hair was nothing more than a pink mess, and her eyes were red and bloodshot. It looked like she hadn't gotten any sleep at all last night.

“Fluttershy!” Rainbow yelled relieved. She stood up, and ran toward her half asleep friend. She wrapped her hooves around Fluttershy’s shoulders and gripped onto her like a soft pillow, Fluttershy hugging her right back. When Rainbow Dash backed away, Fluttershy sighed and faced the ground.

“I think there’s something you should know.” Fluttershy said. “Let me make something to eat first, okay?” Rainbow nodded as she followed Fluttershy into the kitchen. The cottage wasn’t a mansion, but it was still a very beautiful place. The kitchen smelled of fresh carrots and other fruits and vegetables. Rainbow assumed this was where she cooked meals for her animals.

“That was some nightmare Shutter Cloud. Are you all right?” Fluttershy said. Rainbow took a seat at the table.

“Oh, it’s nothing. It happens sometimes.” Rainbow lied. Ever since she had turned into Shutter Cloud, every night there had been nothing but nightmares. They all had to do with past friends and enemies, which didn’t make any sense. Could speaking to an old friend bring her old body back?

Fluttershy flew next to the table and gave Rainbow what looked like carrot juice. 'Doesn’t she know I’m not a bunny?' Rainbow joked in her head.

“You like eggs?” Fluttershy asked.

“Sure.” Rainbow replied. Fluttershy then placed a plate with a mini egg and a slice of toast onto the table in front of Rainbow Dash. It wasn’t exactly gourmet, but she felt grateful to have Fluttershy do all of this for her. Fluttershy flew to her chair directly across from Rainbow and sat down. She looked into Rainbow’s eyes and gave a short sigh. A few moments passed, and she began to speak.

“She was a friend. Not just any friend, she was my best friend.” She said in a soft voice. Rainbow focused on the conversation, this would be the third perspective of her disappearance from her friends. She knew how Pinkie and Rarity reacted toward her, and now she would know what Fluttershy thought of her.

“She was the first true friend I ever had. She was the first pony to have ever stood up for me when I was being picked on by those… monsters. My parents thought I needed to become more social and make more friends, so they signed me up for this flight camp.”

A collection of memories flew into Rainbow’s head. That flight camp was the place they first met.

“I hated it. It was just cruel there. I wouldn’t consider myself a great flyer, but I was weak growing up. I could barely make it through even the easiest obstacles they had for me there, which got me a lot of attention. They started calling me names, and would sometimes even hurt me.”

Rainbow’s eyes opened wide in shock. Fluttershy never talked about flight camp with anypony, not even her, and that was where they first met. Rainbow never knew about anypony beating her while she was at flight camp. She had never even heard of Fluttershy when she rescued her from those bullies.

“But one day she saw me getting harassed,” Fluttershy said, beginning to pause, and then a small smile rose on her face, “and she helped me. It… it was one of the greatest experiences of my life. Somepony actually had the guts to stand up for me. She also helped me find my cutie mark that day, but that’s another story that I’ll share later.” Then she paused once more, the excitement on her face slowly slipping away, back to her original sad mood.

“After that day, we became the best of friends. It was weird, we had very different personalities but we still got along. She taught me how to use my wings far better than that lousy camp. She took time with me, even when she felt frustrated with me.”

'Those were the best times.' Rainbow thought to herself.

“But one day I left Cloudsdale… and it was the worst possible day of my life. I never felt as sad as I did on that day.” Fluttershy said. Rainbow Dash remembered all the times she saw her crying around that time. She remembered how worried she was for Fluttershy’s departure, if she would make it without her there.

“I was going to be losing the only friend that cared for me. I was afraid that Ponyville would be just like that camp, full of the worst ponies anypony could imagine. We moved in here. My parents worked in town, but came back here to rest. I was always asleep when they got back, and I only saw them for a few moments in the morning. It was like I was living all by myself. I felt miserable. But one day, I was in my room right next to the windowsill silently crying, and then… she came. I will never forget when she flew in through the window, giving me that big hug she always gave me.” Fluttershy said trying her best to keep the tears in. Sparkles grew in Fluttershy’s eyes, making her pause for a few more moments.

“She wasn’t allowed to be on the surface, but she came down many times and for many hours. She said she always wanted to see what life was like on the ground. We walked into town, and it was like a whole new world for her. She talked about moving here when she finished her flight training back at Cloudsdale. But for some reason, she came a year earlier than expected.” Fluttershy said. Rainbow Dash felt her stomach turn. She knew exactly what she was talking about. “She said she was too advanced for the course, so she dropped out… but that wasn’t the case.”

A jolt of anxiety went through Rainbow’s body.

“Years passed, and we met a lot of new ponies. She was becoming recognized as one of the greatest flyers in Equestria for her first place streak at all of these competitions she participated in. We became best friends with all of those ponies you saw at Pinkie’s party yesterday. We did everything together. But one day that all changed.

“She had a friend named Gilda. She was this awful griffon who picked on everypony. Gilda snapped at everypony, she and Gilda got in a very bad argument. Months passed, and Gilda came back. She was with some other pony that had this awful looking scar on his hoof.”

'So Twilight and Rarity were right. Sting did show up.' Rainbow realized.

“I only caught a glimpse of Gilda, but I saw her a few times. She was traveling around town showing everypony these pictures and that poor pony’s hoof.”

'Poor,' Rainbow thought to herself, 'you have no idea.'

“Then I noticed everypony talking about her, and saying very rude things about her. Whatever Gilda showed them, I figured it must’ve been really big. But later that day I heard about… what she did.”

'Here it comes.' Rainbow thought to herself.

“What she did was… horrifying. I tried telling myself it wasn’t true, and that it wasn’t her, but when I saw the pictures that Gilda was handing out to everypony I almost threw up. I became fearful of her, in fact I wasn’t sure to even call her a friend anymore.”

'That explains why she was so strange when she woke me up on that cloud.'

Fluttershy’s eyes began to shine once more, and Dash could see the liquid build up in them. Fluttershy was trying her best to keep tears in, but one managed to fall out. She gave out a short sniffle as Rainbow began to notice Fluttershy’s lips were shaking.

“Then… she… she…” more tears began to drip from Fluttershy’s eyes, “She left us… and she… never… came back.” Fluttershy could no longer look at Dash. She closed her eyes tightly, forcing more tears out and looked down at the table. Water began to stream from her eyes like a broken faucet.

“It was all of our faults! She must’ve felt like dirt and we didn’t do anything to help her!” Fluttershy yelled. She was blaming it all on herself, and her words became swallowed by snivels and cries. A tear began to build up in Rainbow’s eye. For all Rainbow knew, she had been alone in the world, but somepony actually cared about her all this time.

“I owe my life to her! And I didn’t even get to say goodbye!” Fluttershy screamed. She planted her face firmly on the table and covered it with her hooves. Tears began to puddle as she began to sob uncontrollably.

A part of Rainbow died. The truth was being revealed in front of her very eyes, and it was coming on too strong. She got up from the table and walked over to her sorrowful friend. She placed her hoof on Fluttershy’s back. Another tear began to drip down Rainbow’s face. Fluttershy looked to her side and into Rainbow’s eyes.

“Fluttershy, trust me. We all make mistakes that are hard to look back on. Sometimes the memories make us do things that affect everypony else’s lives, and not always in a good way. But you have to let go of what has happened, and accept the challenges of the future.” Rainbow said with difficulty. She was speaking from her own experiences, including the memories of Cloudsdale and everything she left behind. She lived by those words.

As soon as Rainbow finished her speech, Fluttershy immediately grabbed on to Rainbow’s shoulders, and wrapped herself around her. Rainbow felt the warm tears touch her neck as Fluttershy’s heaving chest pounded against her body. Rainbow couldn’t help but hug her back and let another tear down.

Rainbow never realized how important her existence was to anypony until Fluttershy’s breakdown. She never thought about what her friend’s lives would be like when she left while she was performing her Sonic Rainboom. She just assumed everypony’s lives would be better off without her. She thought everypony would think that, but what had just happened proved her dead wrong.

She knew that Rarity didn’t care about her, but with Pinkie and Fluttershy...

She became curious as to what her other two friends thought about her. She didn’t know what to expect from Applejack, but she had a pretty good guess for Twilight. She thought the way she treated her the last time they spoke, Twilight would unarguably not care for her either. She made it a mission to find out before she met up with Zecora in five days.

After the breakfast the two shared with each other, Fluttershy decided to show Rainbow Dash around the place. It was a quick tour, for Fluttershy didn’t have much to show, but hanging out with Rainbow made Fluttershy happy, and that was all Dash wanted for her now. She showed her every single space there was both inside and outside the cottage. She also told stories, including the one about her cutie mark. Even though Dash had heard these stories many times from her friend, she still found listening to them very enjoyable.

Fluttershy then stopped near the front door of the cottage.

“Well, there you go Shutter. That’s everything there is here.”

“Uh… Fluttershy?” Rainbow asked anxiously.

“Yes Shutter?” Fluttershy replied.

“I was wondering… could I possibly go into town? You know, just so I can see what goes on here?” Rainbow asked. She was thinking of excuses to go see Applejack and Twilight.

Fluttershy paused, and then went on asking, “Do you know your way around? Because I could-”

“No thanks. I’ll discover places as I go.” Rainbow stated. “No need to worry about me.” She knew all of Ponyville’s roads inside and out.

Fluttershy paused again. “Are you absolutely sure about this? I mean, you’re new here and-”

“Don’t sweat Fluttershy! Besides, you need some sleep and time alone. You look exhausted.”

“Are you sure you know your way around town?” Fluttershy asked fearfully. Again.

“It’s all right.” Dash said while smiling.

‘Ok, you can let me go now!’ Dash thought to herself.

“All right. But Shutter, please try to be back here around seven.” Fluttershy said cautiously.

“Yes! Promise! See ya!” Rainbow replied excitedly before bolting.

“Good-bye Shutter.” Fluttershy said, beginning to smile.

Rainbow Dash could have found her way to Sweet Apple Acres even if she was blindfolded, but the fact that she was grounded made things seem odd. She was just so used to flying wherever she pleased that she found walking to be boring. She could only pray that her wings recovered soon.

Rainbow had only taken one step through the apple covered gate that entered into the glorious farm and she was already spotted.

“Hey! Ah never seen you ‘round here before! Who are you?” asked the keyed up filly.

Rainbow always remembered Apple Bloom having a lot of guts, especially for her age. She was very determined when she put her mind to things, especially her craving for her cutie mark. She would never forget the day when she trained Apple Bloom through all of those events testing her capabilities. She was smiling and staring directly through Rainbow.

“Apple Bloom! Give the pony her space! Ah’m sure she doesn’t want to be badgered right now!” called out a strict voice. Rainbow Dash always liked it when Applejack got mad. Applejack had her head poking out the door. She began trotting toward the two, looking at Apple Bloom with a stern face.

“Hey Applejack! I just thought I’d drop by,” Rainbow said joyfully. Rainbow’s mind, however, was focused on something totally different: Finding the truth behind what Applejack thought of her. It was too important to miss her chance to get the information she needed.

“Well hey there Shutter! This here is Apple Bloom, who should be cleaning up the mess she and all of her crazy friends made last night!” Applejack said, focusing Apple Bloom with a look of annoyance.

“Hey, it wasn’t our fault Scootaloo wanted to mess ‘round with the chickens while they was sleepin’!” Apple Bloom said in a pleading tone.

“Don’t ask, Shutter,” Applejack said, turning her face toward Rainbow’s with a dull expression.

Apple Bloom then stomped away from the scene, knowing she had lost. She mumbled to herself as she walked off to the chicken coop.

“Her and her weird friends… oh, what do ya need Shutter?” Applejack asked contentedly.

‘Ok… work your way up. Don’t just cut to the chase.’

“I was just wondering if you could tell me a little about this place. I mean Ponyville sounds like a great place to live and all and-”

“Why sure there sugar cube! Take a seat over there and I’ll tell you everything ya have to know about this here town! I’ll be right back!” Applejack explained in delight. She went off toward the barn as Rainbow noticed the table that was to her left. She slowly walked toward the table, took a seat and began to think.

“Well she seems really happy. Maybe I didn’t affect her as much as I thought.” Rainbow said quietly. Her thoughts were interrupted by the clanging of glass against the table, as orange liquid flew up into the air and landed perfectly inside the cup.

“Home-made,” Applejack said, “Go on! Take a sip.”

Rainbow picked up the glass and pressed her lips to the edge of it. She allowed the delicious taste to wash down into her throat.

‘Apple juice. Who would’ve guessed?’ Rainbow thought to herself sarcastically.

“Well let me start off by tellin’ you how amazin’ this town is Shutter! You won’t believe what some of these ponies do here!”

Rainbow chuckled. It always felt funny knowing her friends were clueless as to who she really was.

After a good hour of talking between the two ponies, the conversation had finally died down. Rainbow actually found out new, interesting things in the brief discussion, but something that Rainbow noticed was when Applejack was discussing all of her personal friends, she didn’t even mention her. It was like she had never even existed. In fact, she didn’t mention any of her great triumphs, or how Pinkie was depressed because of her disappearance. Something was wrong, and Dash had to find out what.

“Hey Shutter Cloud, what’s the matter?” Applejack asked. Rainbow hadn’t even noticed she had begun to frown at the fact that her friend didn’t even want to speak of her.

‘Ah hell. Might as well give it a shot.’

“Um… Applejack? I have to ask you a rather serious question.” Rainbow said, adjusting her tone.

“Oh, well what is it Shutter?” Applejack said, keeping her politeness.

“Well, let me just say first of all if you don’t feel comfortable answering this, you don’t have to.” Rainbow said nervously. Applejack’s smile turned to a confused frown.

“Well am sure whatever it is you can share it with me.” Applejack said. Rainbow took a deep breath, and paused for a few moments.

“Do you know about Rainbow Dash?” Rainbow finally said. It felt weird asking the question. For one she was asking about herself while trying to be somepony else, and the answer was coming from one of her best friends, and it was very important to her.

Applejack’s joyful face completely froze in shock. It hit her so hard that her cup tipped over on the table, all the juice left in it running out. An awkward breeze blew by the two as Rainbow’s face morphed to regret.

‘This isn’t good.’ Rainbow thought to herself. Applejack began to stutter, she had no idea what to say. The stutters went on for a minute as sweat dripped down her face. Then there was a pause.

“Rainbow and ah were best friends Shutter,” Applejack finally spoke out, “you probably know about what recently happened a few weeks back, don’t ya?”

Rainbow nodded at the question. She felt bad for putting Applejack on the spot, but she had to know what was going on. Applejack’s face turned to a soft frown.

“We did everythin’ together. There were many stories ah didn’t tell you just now about her. They were some of the best times of mah life. She was even in the ‘Mare in the Moon’ group that stopped Nightmare Moon I told you about. But her life recently just… crashed.”

Rainbow knew A.J. would never shed a tear for anything, but she certainly saw her coming close.

“It’s sad how one event that happened years ago could still affect the life of one pony. Even if they learned their lesson, they still have to carry that burden on their back for the rest of their life. Especially poor Rainbow. She didn’t deserve the entire backlash from everypony. She was the sweetest and most loyal friend anypony could ask for. But when them pictures started gettin’ passed around everywhere and when gossip grew, the respect for Rainbow started to drop immensely. They didn’t ask Rainbow anythin’! They just went along believin’ whatever was thrown at their brainless ears!” Applejack’s tone began to get harsher and louder. Apple Bloom poked her head out of the chicken coop window, trying to figure out what was going on. Big Mac stopped plowing on the fields to hear more of the conversation. Applejack turned her head both ways and noticed everypony’s reactions, including the scared one on Rainbow’s face.

“Ah must’ve gotten carried away. Excuse me for mah behavior. But it just makes me angry whenever I think ‘bout it. I mean, this whole dilemma’s got me confused. I don’t know if I should hate Rainbow for what she did, or should still value her as a friend.” Applejack said, finally calming down.

“I understand you completely Applejack.” Rainbow said quietly but respectfully. “Thank you for telling me this. I just got curious about the topic. I guess I’ll see you later.” Rainbow Dash said trying to change the unhappy mood to something a little more pleasant.

“Yeah… catch ya later.” Applejack said in a less enthusiastic tone. Rainbow got up and walked toward the gate she had entered through. The conversation made Rainbow feel awkward. The fact that she was putting almost all of her friends in these situations made her feel rather guilty. But she got what she came here for, and she only had one pony left to go.

It was afternoon when Rainbow reached Ponyville. Ponies everywhere were greeting her, which was much different from what they did yesterday when she first arrived. They all stared at her like she was some kind of freak, due to the noticeable bandages she wore. News must’ve caught on about how she practically saved Pinkie’s life from the sorrowful pit she was in. She was becoming accepted again.

She slowly walked down the streets as the wind brushed against her mane. The hair flowed over her eyes; she wasn’t used to seeing black hair covering her face. Living in this new identity definitely felt weird to her. She thought about what it would be like to return to her old self.

As a shadow covered Rainbow’s head, her thoughts quickly shifted. She looked behind her, seeing if it was a cloud that had blocked the sun, but then looked at something else. A natural monument stood before her. A colossal tree that was in the dead center of town blocked the light with its leaves. Rainbow hadn’t noticed that she was where she wanted to be.

“Let’s make this one quick, Rainbow.” she whispered to herself.

She went up to the door and casually knocked. This had to be the most important point of view she was getting from her friends. She still felt guilty about what she had done last time she saw Twilight face to face, so her opinion affected Rainbow most. It was a memory that would never be erased from her mind as long as she lived.

“Coming!” Spike yelled, sounding loud and busy. Rainbow knew there was no turning back now. She just had to know what Twilight thought. The door crept open, and the face of a short, chubby dragon looked up into Rainbow’s eyes.

“Uh… do I know you?” he asked rudely, confused. Rainbow just laughed at the discourteous remark. “No seriously. Who are you?” he asked once again.

“Oh. I’m here to see Twilight Sparkle. Is she-“

“Spike,” called out a pleasant voice, “who’s at the door?”

“It looks like it’s for you, Twi,” Spike called out. Twilight poked her head out from another room, she was squinting her eyes trying to figure out who was at the door. Then her face lit up with happiness.

“Oh! Shutter Cloud! Spike, let her in,” Twilight said, walking over to the door. Spike moved aside, allowing Rainbow to walk into the amazing structure. Books filled the shelves she saw as she looked around the place. She figured she might as well start the conversation there.

“So you live in this library?” Rainbow asked. It felt stupid asking the question, she had only been here about a hundred times, not to mention she was a close friend of Twilight.

“Yes. Isn’t it neat? I mean, I’ve read all the books in here about five times cover to cover, but it’s still-“

“What!?” Rainbow remarked. Not even she knew her friend was that much of an egghead.

“Well… yes. I’m kind of a book worm. A lot of ponies call me the smartest pony here in Ponyville… which is true, but I don’t like to brag about it,” Twilight explained. And it was true. She was the best unicorn in Ponyville. Probably one of the best in all of Equestria.

But then Rainbow remembered the task she had come here to accomplish. She didn’t want to do it; she was afraid of what Twilight’s reaction might be. Rainbow couldn’t bear another breakdown from any of her friends. Her heart wouldn’t be able to take it.

“Come in to the kitchen. Spike just got some dinner ready.” Twilight said happily.

“Hey! I made that dinner for just the two of us!” Spike called out in anger.

“Well… just go make yourself a cupcake Spike. This is the first time Shutter’s been here.” Twilight said. Spike walked off into the kitchen to grab a snack. He knew he couldn't win.

“Please excuse him,” Twilight said to Shutter, “he’s a baby dragon after all.” It was ridiculous how many times Twilight had said that to Rainbow in the past as an excuse for Spike’s bad behavior.

“It’s cool Twilight.” Rainbow said, not minding Spike at all. Twilight smiled and brought Rainbow Dash farther into the kitchen. On the table were two plain hay sandwiches and some carrot soup.

‘I’d much prefer that cupcake she mentioned.’ Rainbow thought to herself. Twilight walked over to a chair and used her magic to pull it back. She did the same for Rainbow, who delightedly took a seat as soon as the chair was available. It was cool seeing Twilight use magic to pick up eating utensils and food; it sometimes made her wish that she herself was a unicorn. She actually thought about that for a moment, until Twilight interrupted her.

“So how was Fluttershy’s house last night? Get any sleep?” Twilight asked. Rainbow wanted to tell Twilight about how she couldn’t sleep, and how evil nightmares have been haunting her.

“Like a rock. Fluttershy’s animals are the best pillows anypony could ask for,” Rainbow lied.

Twilight began speaking again. She was talking about all of her friends… except Rainbow Dash. Rainbow didn’t know how to describe the feeling of Applejack and Twilight not mentioning her at all in their conversations. She felt like she deserved it for not being a good friend to them, yet she wanted to at least be remembered. It made Rainbow think she was fading away, and, sometime far in the future, she would be forgotten.

Rainbow Dash tried many times to ask the question, but she lost the nerve each time. She didn’t want to put her friend through the same thing she had made Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Applejack go through. She then pushed it to the back of her mind; she was going to save it for later. Time went on, and Twilight spoke of many different things that all somehow caught Rainbow’s attention. She was enjoying the private time she was having with Twilight; she didn’t want it to end…

“It’s six already? I guess it’s time to wrap things up. It was so nice you could drop by Shutter Cloud. We should do this again soon,” Twilight said. She walked into the other room, not noticing Rainbow, who just stood there, frozen in fear.

“It’s time I ask her.” Rainbow whispered to herself. Twilight was nearly out of the room by the time Rainbow said anything.

“Wait! Twilight, I need to ask you something.” Rainbow called out. Twilight’s head shot around toward the Pegasus. She had such a blissful look on her face. Something Rainbow didn’t want to change.

“What is it Shutter?” Twilight asked in a happy tone. Rainbow felt very nervous by this point. She couldn’t picture how Twilight might react to her question.

“Do you recall…” Rainbow Dash paused. Twilight looked at her, confused. Rainbow didn’t know how to word what she was going to say. Twilight tilted her head in puzzlement. She didn’t know what to expect from Rainbow.

“I need to know if… you know…” Rainbow kept throwing stuff out there. She wasn’t quite sure what to say. She stopped talking for a moment and then took a large breath. “Do you know who Rainbow Dash is?” Rainbow finally asked. She sounded relaxed when she said it, but she still expected the worst. Rainbow could tell Twilight was taken aback by the question. Twilight took a step back.

‘Please… by Celestia… don’t cry,’ Rainbow said to herself.

Many moments passed by before Twilight could say anything.

“I… I knew her. Very well…” Twilight said beginning to stammer. Rainbow had never witnessed Twilight hesitate like this. Twilight slowly dropped her head to look down at the ground.

“We were great friends. Better friends than you could ever imagine…” Twilight said softly. She started taking short breaths between sentences. Her eyes slowly began to well with tears as her breaths got louder and louder, turning into whimpers.

“Twilight, are you all right?” Rainbow asked in worry. It was happening; Twilight was breaking down right in front of her. Twilight raised her head to Rainbow’s.

“No… no… I… I miss her so much Shutter.” Twilight said with difficulty. Twilight’s eyes began to close, allowing the tears surrounding her eyes to fall down her cheeks. More sobs came from Twilight’s mouth as she lowered her head to the floor once more. Twilight was soon lying on the ground, curled up on the floor, crying.

Rainbow had no words to describe how she felt. She thought that this was what she deserved for making almost all of her friends suffer without her. Staring at Twilight’s misery made Rainbow realize something. She was important to her friend’s lives. No matter what she thought, her friends couldn’t live without her. She began questioning if she was actually a loyal friend. Due to her own thoughtless decisions, her friends where now mourning over her.

‘Some loyalty,’ Rainbow thought.

Twilight’s cries of suffering caused a tear to slowly crawl down Rainbow’s cheek. She didn’t want any of this to happen to her friends, but she couldn’t do anything about it. She made a quick decision to leave, and got up from her chair. Even Rainbow began to tremble with sorrow as she walked over to Twilight. A tear brought by all of the events that she caused flew down her face.

“I’m… so sorry.” Rainbow said to Twilight, who was crying with her eyes closed. This made even more tears begin to fall down Rainbow’s face. She had had enough. Rainbow went to the door and quickly ran out into the darkening sky.

She could think of only one place to go.

She had ther air route to the rainbow pond memorized she had flown it so many times. It was just one direction, no turns to throw her off, but was very far from town. Rainbow knew that it could be the only place where she could reflect on what she had just done.

She ran so fast that her tears streamed off the edge of her face and into her hair. She avoided everypony who watched her run into town, and found the familiar place where she’d usually take off. Thoughts ran through Rainbow’s broken mind as she ran through the forest.

The memories of her nightmares and today’s events rushed into her head and haunted her with each step she took. The nightmare with her friends seemed to make sense now. When she thought she had abandoned them for the better, she ended up ruining their lives. Rainbow realized she had been wrong, and nothing could change her mind about that. Her friends would probably never see her in her old form again, and that only made Rainbow feel worse about herself.

She remembered her conversation with Rarity. She knew she couldn’t regain Rarity’s trust, which made Rainbow’s heart sink even further in sadness, but what she had said about Pinkie Pie should’ve made her realize she was important to her friends all this time. Pinkie was her best friend. They had the best time together, with the funniest pranks ever attempted with hooves, and attempts to make pastries with Rainbow Dash’s “help”. With her gone, how could Pinkie have lived on without her? When she left, she took a part of Pinkie with her.

What Gilda did may have changed the way Rainbow looked at the world forever. She would always have to deal with the haunting memories, and there was nothing she could do to erase them. She also taught Rainbow an experience that she would never forget. Broken trust. Gilda’s “broken trust” spread through the town like an epidemic, and changed the way ponies looked at her. Being judged by everypony she saw wasn’t as easy as Dash thought it would be. She never knew a thing like Romeo Delight could change what everypony thought of her so quickly.

Rainbow began doubting herself, and her loyalty to everypony she knew. She was practically living a lie as she walked and talked as Shutter Cloud, lying to her friends’ faces. She felt deeply guilty about that, but more so about the other promises she didn’t keep. She didn’t even know if her mother was still alive, and she had promised she would fly to Cloudsdale and check on her. She missed home immensly.

The moon shown bright in the dark sky as Rainbow shot through the woods. She was dodging trees and other obstacles as she ran toward her destination. She was afraid that if she got lost, she wouldn’t be able to find her way home. She just needed to find the rainbow pond. She know of a trail just east of it for when she left.

Rainbow had lost all hope of finding the place… until she saw the lights.

She jumped into the field which contained the pond, just a few feet away from where she stood. With the rush of relief, Rainbow couldn’t have felt any better than she did at that moment. But when the memories started to return, Rainbow could feel the tears build up again. Rainbow slowly walked toward the rainbow colored water, looking down at her reflection.

It made Dash want to explode in frustration. Being in disguise and being loved by all her friends was amazing, but being the pony that her friends missed so much made her wish she could go back to being Rainbow Dash. Tears of both fear and sadness, accompanied by sobs, came from the pegasus.

“No feeling lasts forever,” Rainbow said softly. A tear dropped into the water. Rainbow closed her eyes and began to cry heavily. The tears dropped into the water as they left her face.

Something began to happen where the tears fell. A bright white glow slowly began to evolve around the entire pond. As the water grew brighter and brighter, it began penetrate Rainbow’s eyelids, catching her attention, and she slowly opened her eyes. It was unbelievable. Everything was becoming very bright. It hurt Rainbow’s eyes. Everything became brighter and brighter as the pond was soon consumed by this glowing liquid.

Rainbow stared at it. It brightened the night sky, as well as everything that surrounded it. But suddenly… it ended. The light faded, continuing to get darker as Rainbow's eyes adjusted. Rainbow had no idea what just happened, but she knew something caused it.

Rainbow nearly screamed as she looked back down at the pond. Her rainbow hair, her magenta eyes, her cyan coat- they were all back! She checked her hooves to make sure she wasn’t seeing anything. It was too good to be true.

Her hooves were still as brown as leather, but the reflection told a different story. Rainbow would have dismissed it as her imagination, but it was just too real.

She got up and went to the edge of the pond. She picked up her hoof, and slowly began to lower it toward the water. Her reflection was still the old Rainbow Dash, but that didn’t make any sense. She thought touching the reflection might do something, so she gave it a shot. The water felt frigid as the liquid touched Rainbow’s hoof. Nothing had happened. Maybe if she dug her hoof deeper… deeper…

SPLASH!

Rainbow lost her balance in the attempt to find another solution. She fell into the cold and colorful water with shock as the bitter cold surrounded her body. It made her wings feel weird under the bandages, which reminded Rainbow that being in water wasn’t really the safest thing to be doing with two nearly broken wings. She quickly puller herself out of the water. She was dripping wet and shaking like crazy. Her wet mane covering her face blocking her view of anything.

“Well that went well!” Rainbow yelled angrily. She violently shook her head, drying off her hair and getting it out of her eyes. She quickly brought both hooves up to her face, covering her eyes and rubbing them. That was a crazy experience that she didn’t want to live through again. She lowered her hooves and turned her head to her reflection again. She waited a while for the water to settle, but what she saw confused her even more.

It wasn’t Rainbow Dash staring back from the water anymore, but Shutter Cloud, with the black hair, silver eyes, and brown fur. Rainbow Dash looked at her hooves. They were blue as the bright summer sky.

Say you don’t want to chance it,

You’ve been hurt so before.

There’s no real reason to be lonely,

Give your free will a chance,

It will give a better start.