How To Suck and Fuck: Sibling Style
"Rainbow, you're fidgeting."
That made Rainbow Dash's ears twitch—much like the rest of her body as she tried to hold her cup of tea in place. "So? What's your point? I always fidget. Nothing new. Let’s see you try to contain so much awesome!"
"The point is that you're making the table shake," Twilight responded, eyebrow raised.
"Oh."
"And you're not even touching the table."
Rainbow looked at the table that sat between them, which was spasming like Pinkie Pie after having snorted an ounce of sugar. "...oh. Sorry." Rainbow tried and failed to keep the shakes away, but they were persistent, nonstop. "Is it really that big of a deal? Just trying to get comfy."
"Rainbow, we've been sitting here for about ten minutes. You've barely spoken, and your drink's completely full." Twilight rolled her eyes. "I wasn't born yesterday. Tell me what's wrong."
"Was that another age dig?" Rainbow grumbled, finally setting her drink down, almost knocking it over in the process. She already knew she couldn't stomach it, but she'd probably try anyways.
"Nopony makes age digs at you, Rainbow." Twilight reminded her friend for what must have been the millionth time in the last two years.
"Applejack does!" Rainbow scowled. She flicked out a wing, beginning to count on her primaries. "She must've made like..." she soon gave up counting, "a billion digs at me for being younger than the rest of you girls. I hate it!"
"First of all, you and Applejack make fun of each other for everything." Twilight half-smirked for precisely an instant before forcing the joviality from her face. "Second, I very much doubt that's what got you so jittery. Why don't you tell me what's going on? It can't be that terrible, or you wouldn't have made it here for our tea."
"It's nothing! Leave it." Rainbow replied in the flippant tone that made it very clear it was something, and she knew it.
Twilight said nothing, just smirked at the reaction.
"What? Stop looking at me like that!" Rainbow wasn't very good at sounding angry at her friends when she wasn't. She knew this. That's why her grumbling came out in the form of a cute little voice crack and a gradually reddening face. Finally, when Twilight's grin didn't waver, she shoved her hooves into her own face, puffing her cheeks and giving her most petulant look. "I don't wanna tell you. This isn't exactly something you come to your friends with."
"Why not?" Twilight asked, tilting her head between sips of her own lukewarm drink. "You're not usually embarrassed about things, Rainbow Dash. It isn't like you."
"Neither's not being able to do things on my own!" she said with a huff, throwing her bangs as she smushed her face into her hooves. She removed them with a sigh, giving her friend a tired look. "Listen: I've been up for like... twenty hours now. My body's basically living on caffeine, and I'm too freaking buzzed to go to sleep. I keep trying to figure out what to do, but I..." She shook her head. "You know what? Forget it. I'm fine, Twilight."
"You're obviously not fine," Twilight replied, using her magic to take the tea away, likely afraid Rainbow would try to down it on a whim. "Last time I saw you so hyped up on energy drinks was when you were trying to study for your Wonderbolts test." Rainbow tapped out a rhythm on the table as Twilight mulled her words over. "And... when you were practising for the Best Young Flyer's competition, come to think of it. And in preparation for your first Wonderbolts show..." It must've clicked in Twilight's head then, as her next words were very direct. "You're scared you're not going to be able to pull something off, aren't you?"
She'd hit the nail on the head, and it only made Rainbow squirm in place, trying not to meet her eyes. Twilight just waited patiently for her to answer, unblinking. Damn, she was persistent! "Look, it's not worth talking about. You'd laugh at me. You'd laugh at me, call me immature, and then try to treat me like some kinda kid. I don't want that. I'll just go... read a book about it or something."
If Twilight had been interested before, her eyes were doubly wide now. "Rainbow, you don't read books." She paused. "Well, not for learning, anyways. I've seen you try to study before, and we both know that isn't your approach. What could be so important that you won't tell me about it, yet you'd try to sit down and nose through a book just to figure it out?"
"Look, it's personal, okay?!" Rainbow was gesticulating wildly with her hooves all of a sudden, and somewhere in the back of her mind, she was thankful that Twilight had moved her tea away. "I don't want to talk about it, just like how you didn't want to talk about the unsent letters to Celestia I found in your room that one time!"
It didn't take long for Twilight to turn into a beetroot. "Alright, alright. I get it. Personal." She stopped for a moment, lip bitten, then gave Rainbow her most sheepish look, hoof running small circles in the library's oaken table. "You... you didn't tell anypony about those, right?"
"Of course not, Twilight!" Rainbow was incredulous. How could she imply that?! "Like I'd ever go blabbing my mouth after you'd asked me not to. I didn't even read them, for Pete's sake!"
"Good," Twilight sighed with an audible breath of relief. "I knew I could trust you."
"Always. Obviously." Rainbow hazarded a smile at the sight of her all too nervous friend. Silly question, really.
"But you can't trust me?"
Oof. She'd hit her with her best shot that time. "Twi, I..." And now she was the nervous one again. But Twilight had trusted her to keep to her word, and Rainbow did need help... "It's too weird. Weird and embarrassing."
"Rainbow, you have met me, right?" Twilight answered with a giggle.
Rainbow Dash grimaced at that. "Not egghead weird."
"Pinkie weird?"
"Whole 'nother level."
"Wow. It's serious, then." Twilight lowered her voice, almost conspiratorially, then narrowed her eyes at Rainbow. "You've not... you've not been looking at mares, have you? Cause if you're gay, that's totally—"
"What?! No! It's the total opposite issue! I'm so sick of ponies assuming I'm a lesbian. I'm like... twenty percent lesbian, at best." When in doubt, arbitrary percentages kept Rainbow Dash level.
"Oh, then the problem's with stallions?" Twilight blinked. She gave herself a little mental nod at the fact. "Do tell."
"Okay, how did you do that? Is that like, some kind of weird, nerdy mind trick?"
"I just know you hate ponies assuming you're gay," Twilight snickered, levitating the dishes away and walking over to the sofa, motioning for Rainbow to sit down. "Ponies are more open when they're slighted, and you just told me it's a stallion problem you're having and saved us both a bunch of time. So... wanna get into it?"
"Not really," Rainbow huffed. She knew she was going to by now, but had no clue how to approach it. Twilight sat and waited, eyes trained on her as Rainbow shuffled through her mind for words. "Alright. So... yeah, fine, it's a stallion problem."
Twilight gave a nod. "What kind of stallion problem?"
"Look, don't laugh, but..." Rainbow could feel her cheeks beginning to heat up. This was really hard to even think about, let alone discuss. "I... don't really know what I'm doing. With a stallion, I mean. Like, I know how to talk to them! Just, when it comes to anything past talking, my mind freezes. My confidence folds up like a freaking deck chair." Rainbow was quiet for a few moments, contemplating her words, and was thankful Twilight didn't try to interrupt. "I didn't think it was much of an issue at first, thought I could just, y'know, power through—but it didn't work. Hell, I think I scared the last dude off with how overzealous I was acting to compensate. Truth is, I'm totally clueless..."
"Awh, Rainbow!" Twilight smiled in the most horribly condescending manner possible, even if that wasn't how she'd meant it whatsoever. "It's so wonderful to see you growing up and starting to try things with stallions! I was nervous my first couple of times too."
"I am grown up!" Rainbow spat, sitting up straighter and flaring her fluffy chest. "You're only five years older than me, Twilight, quit acting like you've got sooo much more experience!"
"I know, I know you are..." Twilight giggled, much to Rainbow's growing chagrin. "It's just... this is so—"
"I swear to Celestia, if you call me cute, I'm marching right out of here."
Twilight caught herself at the last second, muzzle scrunching, words forcing their way past her lips regardless of any futile attempt at mitigation. "...adorable?"
"Guhhhh..." came the vocal accompaniment of Rainbow slamming her head into the arm of the sofa. "Thanks, Twilight. You've somehow managed to make me feel even stupider than I already did. Guess that's just a side-effect of hanging around with someone who went to Princess College."
"Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns," Twilight automatically corrected, but Rainbow waved a hoof.
"Yeah, yeah... it's not the point." Rainbow Dash sighed. "Look, I'll be honest, I tried talking to Fluttershy about this already, and..."
"And?" Twilight leaned in—even she wasn't immune to gossip.
"And she didn't really get it, if you know what I mean." Rainbow shrugged her withers from where she sat. "It's weird, Twi. Like yeah, I get all scared and lose my confidence when I'm even touching a stallion, but it's not because I'm scared of intimacy, or anything. Sex sounds awesome. I'd love to actually have sex." There was a little squeak to Rainbow's voice as she spoke, embarrassment and red-faced admission combined. "In fact, I've been thinking about it for a couple of years, but..."
Twilight gave a confused blink. "Then what's the problem? It sounds like you have the confidence already, so what's causing the nerves?"
"Right, so... I didn't attend flight school too much in my later years. Didn't need to, cause I was already ahead in everything." A weak-spirited chuckle, and Rainbow continued, wings twitching. "Turns out that I miiight have missed like... every sex-ed class. Every single one of them."
"Oh. Wow." Twilight looked halfway between shock and amusement, with perhaps a hint of concern. "Gosh, Rainbow, do I have to explain the birds and the bees to you?"
"N-no!" Rainbow pouted with a shake of her head, hair getting all frizzed up. "I know the basics, Twilight. I know what sex is about, I just..." She bit her lip, trying to think of the right way to put it. "Say you're me for a sec. Famous superstar. Confidence is sky high. I can talk to anyone, and do anything. But then, when I'm in even the slightest intimate setting with another stallion... I've got no clue what to do. I don't know if I'm gonna turn him off, or if I'll hurt him, or..."
"Basically, you've got performance anxiety," Twilight commented, and it helped Rainbow to further liken it to every other time she'd felt the same way in the past.
"Yeah! Just that! I remember one time about six months ago, there was a stallion I met after a show in Cloudsdale. Real cute guy, late twenties, wanted to take me out on his airship. Get that, Twilight!" she said with a little buzz of her wings and a grin. "He had an airship. How awesome is that?!"
"Pretty awesome," Twilight conceded, and Rainbow couldn't tell if she was humouring her, nor did she care. "So, what happened?"
The smile was a ghost on Rainbow's face now. "Uhh, we'd met up a couple of times... I was pretty into him, and he liked me too, and then? Well, he kissed me, and I..." Rainbow looked stuck, as if she'd not worked out how to finish her sentence, or the words had physically locked themselves from coming out of her mouth. Eventually, she defeated her gripping need to protect her image. "I basically slobbered all over his face, Twi. It was bad, like when I looked in his eyes again, I'd just seen a very small but very real part of him die forever. I tried biting his lip, because Rarity once told me stallions like that, and I think I might have made it swell. Also, our teeth clacked together a bunch of times and..."
Twilight looked as if she was trying very hard not to grimace at this retelling of events, and Rainbow was grateful. This was about as exposed as she could get, and she was one joke or insult away from clamming up and leaving. "What did he do after all that, then?"
"He was polite about it, and I think that's the worst part," Rainbow had her eyes shut, as if she was trying to channel the strength to carry on with this story. "Tried acting like it wasn't as big of a deal as it was, like I hadn't just totally turned him off or ruined our evening. He probably would've seen me again afterwards, too, but with the age gap and how immature I felt after that... I just couldn't face him again." Rainbow's eyes hit the floor as she spoke. Her face was set in a heavy frown, and her eyes scanned the marble over and over.
“I totally understand where you're coming from, Rainbow.” Twilight placed a hoof on Rainbow’s withers, pulling her out of introspective hell before she could take the plunge.
“You do?” Her voice was hesitant, but she wanted to believe her friend wasn’t just trying to fill her head with empty reassurances.
“You didn’t understand what you were doing. You knew what you wanted to do. You were excited about what you wanted to do, but you just didn’t know how to do it properly.” Twilight hissed in air through her teeth. “I’m sure it must have been mortifying.”
“Gee, understatement of the century,” Rainbow tittered, shrugging Twilight’s hoof off but giving her a smile all the same. “Guess that doesn’t really explain why I’ve been so jittery today though, huh? Considering this was all months ago, and everything.”
“Well…” Twilight adopted a rather erudite expression—the arched brow and expectant eyes of someone who was quite used to knowing everything. “If I had to guess… you’ve met another stallion, or at least been thinking about meeting one, and memories of the last time you so monumentally ruined things—”
She was cut off by Rainbow’s glare, sudden and cutting.
“Heh, I should learn some tact,” Twilight said with a blush about her. “Okay, memories of before are racing through your mind, and you’re totally worried that if you go meet this mystery, hypothetical stallion without any prior preparation, you’ll… what was it? ‘Slobber all over his face’? Does that sound about right?”
Rainbow Dash merely squeaked.
“Yeah, I thought so. So…” Twilight inclined her head. “You need to learn to kiss? I take it that’s not… all you need to figure out, either. You thought you were going to read about this stuff? No offense, Rainbow, but this isn’t really something a book can teach you.” Twilight cut herself off with a lick around her lips, as if she was checking they’d just been possessed. “Whoa. Never thought I’d be the one to say that.” She shook her head. “But it’s the truth. Heck, whole reason that I know that is because I tried to learn from books, same as you, when I was about your age, maybe a little younger. Didn’t work.”
Rainbow slowly blinked as she took everything Twilight said in. “So… how did you learn in the end?” She paused, squinting at her. “I mean, you did learn eventually, right?”
“Of course I did,” Twilight growled, tutting at her friend. “And the way I did learn was through practical, applicable experience. There’s no better solution to grasping physical situations involving multiple ponies than to, well, physically grasp multiple ponies.” They shared a giggle.
But all too soon, Rainbow was back to sporting a sour look and a defeatist sigh. “I tried that, Twi. Didn’t you hear the whole story about me going all Winona on the poor dude’s face?!”
Twilight didn’t manage to suppress a cringe that time. Rainbow could hardly blame her. She did, however, follow up with a good question. “Did you actually admit to said ‘victim’ that this was your first time, and you’d never done anything like it before?”
Rainbow Dash became inert. “Pfft. What do you think I was trying to do, commit sexual suicide? ‘Here comes Rainbow Dash, sexy celebrity, doesn’t know how to kiss a pony.’ How do you think that would’ve gone down?”
“Probably better than him expecting you to be experienced and getting that,” Twilight mused. “Then again, I can’t guarantee it would’ve been much less awkward.”
“Exactly!” Rainbow Dash clung to that with rapid nods, it made her feel less bad about having been dishonest in the first place. “It would’ve gone terribly either way, and that’s the point! I can’t go through this again, Twilight. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make sure I have a good time with the next stallion I see. Even if it means reading a bunch of stupid books that I don’t understand, or having you give me uncomfortable lectures about sex.”
“You want me to teach you?” Twilight asked, seeming slightly taken aback. “Wouldn’t Rarity be a bit of a better choice?”
“Rarity would be too judgmental. She’d try and get me to be all ladylike ‘n’ stuff, and I bet she’d let it slip to other ponies, even if she didn’t mean to. Nah, if I’m…” she sighed. “If I’m gonna admit that I’ve got a problem, and that it is something you can help with because you’re older, I’m gonna come to you.” Rainbow cleared her throat then, though it didn’t stop her next chuckle from being dry. “So… how about it? Think you’d be willing to help me out somehow? Maybe tell me what to do so I’m not a total klutz the next time I’m with a guy?”
Twilight was quiet for a little while. Rainbow couldn’t tell if she was mulling it over, or simply offended that Rainbow had insinuated Twilight would be happy to talk to her about sex in the first place. Was this too much to ask? Was it some kind of proverbial step over the line of what was acceptable to ask in a friendship? Did Twilight have to take so dang long to answer?
Finally, she broke her Monastic silence, shattering the rapidly building tension and fear in Rainbow’s mind. “I mean… I don’t know just how much I can teach from just lecturing you, but…” she paused again, shaking her head, as if to herself. “I’m having an idea. It might be a bit much for you, but I promise it’d be in a controlled environment if it happens, and you’d be perfectly willing to leave if you didn’t like it.”
Rainbow jumped at her response like a cat having spotted a ball of yarn. “So, you’re gonna help me?! Thanks, Twi. Thanks a lot, should’ve known I could count on you. What’s the idea?”
“I’m not going to tell you yet,” Twilight smirked, more to herself than anything, and it only made Rainbow’s curiosity grow. “I wanna make sure that it’s all possible before I say anything, so you’ll likely find out on the day. Just so long as you’re happy to do anything to make sure that you’re on the right path, that is.”
Rainbow could feel her heart pumping. This was weird, but exciting all the same. She couldn’t believe Twilight was so willing to help her out! She took to the air, wings flitting erratically as she began to zip around the room. “Thanks, Twilight! Nah, I’ll do basically anything to sort this crap out, and if you mean what I think you mean, then I’m totally up for it. Just…”
“Just?”
“...no homo, right?”
“You’re serious right now, aren’t you?”
Rainbow Dash sported a very serious look.
“That’s… that’s not even the right term. ‘No sapphic’ would make more sense, and—”
“I don’t know what that word means.”
“Right.” Twilight rolled her eyes. Rolled her eyes and smiled. “Right. Of course you don’t. No homo, Rainbow.”
“Woo!” Rainbow zoomed straight over to Twilight and gave her a completely heterosexual and in no way overly affectionate nuzzle, muzzle to muzzle, their snouts bumping together and Twilight’s fur tickling Rainbow’s nose at one degree below sneeze-inducing. “Thanks so much for this, Twilight. I promise to help you if you have a sex disaster in future! When should I come by again?”
Okay, so Rainbow didn’t exactly expect to repay this favour, but she still more than meant the offer. Twilight ‘hmm’d to herself for a second, then said: “Go and get some sleep. You need to actually recuperate a little. Relax, this is all gonna be taken care of. Come back over tomorrow evening, I’ll have everything set up by then.”
Rainbow couldn’t help but find herself more than excited at the prospect of Twilight taking the time to prepare a sex lesson for her. If she didn’t know better, she’d say the idea even turned her on a little. “So you’re not even gonna give me a hint of what you’ve got in mind?”
“Not even one,” Twilight assured, giving her a boop with her forehoof and then leaning back in her chair. “Now go on, go get some rest.”
“Alright! I’ll see you soon!” Rainbow grabbed the tea from the side and began to fly out of the room, waving behind her with a single hoof. “Thanks again!”
“Rainbow!” Twilight called after her, though the happy pegasus was hardly listening. “That’s just gonna keep you awa—oh, forget it.”
With the buzz of cooling but still tasty tea in her belly, Rainbow rushed home, eager to get some sleep and see what would be waiting for her the next day. Didn’t help that she still could barely sleep—Celestia damned tea, keeping her up.
Maybe she’d do a few laps of the town first, just to cool off. Then, when she was all hot and sweaty, she’d have an appointment with her favourite, most versatile appliance: the shower nozzle. Not whilst thinking about Twilight, though. Don’t be silly.
Oh, she couldn’t wait for tomorrow.
Twilight could feel a familiar sensation in her stomach following the tea she’d shared with Rainbow Dash, and it had stayed with her for the entire day. ...was it the excitement she received that came with the prospect teaching, or was it knowing that she was about to surprise her friend with hot, educational sex?
Honestly, she couldn’t differentiate the two. Maybe teaching made her just as horny as sex did.
Okay, best she never said that one aloud.
Either way, she was damn excited, mainly for the portion of the lessons that Rainbow would never expect. That was the one that involved her bringing a certain ‘teaching aid’ to the bedroom, one that was twice her size, white as snow, and definitely experienced when it came to matters of sex.
And all she had to do is send a simple letter to her BBBFF, explaining everything. Luckily, Spike didn’t insist on reading it first. That would’ve taken some explaining.
She could only hope that Cadance would read it first, she’d probably help convince him, if he even needed convincing.
In the meantime, it was time to start fishing through her wardrobe and seeing what outfits and toys she had readily available. That and finding somewhere convenient to send Spike for the night. Gosh, she couldn’t wait for tomorrow.
