Too Many Marefriends (And wives)

by ThePinkedWonder

Rating: teen
Tags: Sex, Human, Main 6, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Original Character, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Discord
Length: 4777

Ever had to deal with a bunch of overfriendly mares out of the blue? Eric Reed found out. If you're not into ponies, It's not fun.

Eric Reed was thinking about some of the girls back in his old, human world, wishing he could have a girlfriend. A human girlfriend. But before he knew it, Eric found himself having to deal with the affections of his suddenly overfriendly pony friends. Who may or may not take "no" for an answer. He's not into ponies like that, so this becomes really weird for him.

And things will only get weirder.

In the many months he's known them, none of his friends have ever once showed any real hints of a romantic interest in Eric. Why would they start doing it now...?

Like similar short stories I've wrote, and still writing, this story takes place after the events of my "A Giant Adventure to Equestria" story, but this isn't really a sequel to it. You can enjoy this story without needing to read "A Giant Adventure to Equestria, but here's the link to it if you want to read it, and to learn about Eric's backstory.
http://www.fimfiction.net./story/427481/a-giant-adventure-to-equestria

Published 2019-01-24 15:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-01-24 15:10:02 UTC

Weird Affection

Author's Note

If you're already read my "A Giant Adventure to Equestria" story, you'll already know this.

But if you haven't, "Buggie" is a nickname for Eric Reed, that's only used by Twilight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer. He also likes calling Starlight "Starie" as a nickname for her.

Weird Affection

Hey. Eric Reed here.

I was lying down in my room, thinking about some of my old crushes in my old world. I wished I could see them and try to ask one out, even though I'd probably embarrass myself while doing it. Being eighteen years old, I was prone to embarrassing myself when I tried to ask someone out.

While I'll admit some of my pony friends are cute -- Fluttershy especially is adorable as all gets out -- but they're still ponies. And being a human, while I did try to do it, but I just can't look at them like that without it feeling too weird. Especially not Twilight Sparkle or Starlight Glimmer, who are not only ponies, but I also look at them as my big sisters. So, for those two especially...no. Sure, Twilight can be pretty cute when she smiles -- and I even came close to looking at her like that after the third time she saved my life -- but even so...no.

As I left the castle, Pinkie Pie hopped up to me, holding a heart-shaped pink cake and shoved it right in my face. She was smiling at me in a way that I've never seen her do. It wasn't her usual friendly smiles, but a romantic one.

"Hey there, Eric! What'cha doing'?"

"Just going for a walk, Pinkie. Who's that cake for?"

"It's for my very special somebody!"

"Ooh!" I said in a teasing tone, and a little smirk. "So you finally landed yourself one huh, Pinkie? Who is he?"

"Yep! And he's right in front of me."

I looked around me, but saw no one nearby. "I don't see anypony, where is he?"

"Well, just look at yourself, silly-billy!"

I was confused, till it sunk in that Pinkie said she found a very special somebody, not somepony, and how she's smiling at me. She started batting her eyes.

"Wait...do you mean me, Pinkie?!"

"Well, yeah! Why did you think I came to you just now, holding this cake, my very special somebody?"

"Wait, when did I become your very special somebody?!"

"Since one hour, forty minutes, and fifteen seconds ago, silly-billy! Now, don't you wanna go on our date, and eat this cake?"

Okay. Pinkie Pie has done a lot of random things, and there's a reason why the advice of "Never question Pinkie Pie" exists. But this...this might top them all! Why does she think I'm her very special someone? And why was I even trying to question Pinkie Pie?

But whatever, I had a problem. I obviously couldn't go along with Pinkie still thinking I'm her very special somebody. But Pinkie's extremely sensitive, even more so than other sensitive ponies, like Fluttershy or Starlight, so I couldn't just say "no" and crush her. But I learned my lesson about lying, so I wasn't gonna do that! I could only think of one thing at that point: say something to buy some time, so I could think of a good way to let her down easy.

"Uh, I have an idea, Pinkie. Since you made this cake for me, let me go get you something, okay?"

"Ooh! You're gonna get me something? What's it gonna be, silly-billy?! I'm so excited! I'm even more excited than that time..."

While Pinkie was doing that, I snuck away, to try to think of how to let my friend down easy. And to find out what got into her! Even the "answer" of "She's just being Pinkie Pie" couldn't explain that!

A few minutes later, Rainbow Dash flew up to me out of nowhere. Maybe she knew what was up with Pinkie.

"Hey, Rainbow. You know if something's been wrong with Pinkie today?"

"Well, that depends, do you mean something is really wrong with her, or "wrong" as in she's being Pinkie Pie again?"

"I think this would fall under the 'really wrong'."

"Well, what is it?"

"She just hopped up to me thinking I was her very special somepony -- er -- someone, and I have no idea what made her think that all of a sudden!"

"Well, Eric, you're pretty cute. Maybe she just decided to make a move now?"

"Maybe, but I don't like her like that, and I don't want to hurt her! You know how sensitive she is."

"Well--" Rainbow rolled her eyes up, then back down to me "--I got an idea on what you can do, if you don't want to tell her that you don't like her like that."

"Really, Rainbow? What is it?"

Rainbow looked right into my eyes, with a romantic smile of her own, and batted her eyes at me. It wasn't bad, but I've seen better.

"Wait, why are you looking at me like that?" And as if I didn't already know.

'Why do you think, Eric? I said you're cute, right...?"

Great, now Rainbow Dash is hitting on me. Just great. Not.

"But you can answer that later, Eric. I got Wonderbolt warm-ups soon, so I'll be back later for our date!"

"Wait, you didn't even ask if I wanted to go on a date, Rainbow!"

Rainbow wasn't listening, as she did a Sonic Rainboom right after I got done talking. Something wasn't right here, and neither Pinkie nor Rainbow had ever shown a single sign that they might be into me like that. At least, I don't think they have. I mean, yeah, Pinkie's been really friendly to me, but she's Pinkie so if the friendliness she's shown me mean anything, then she's got a thing for all her friends!

Either way, something was badly wrong. Maybe they had too much cider or something. But before I could think too much more, I saw Applejack and Rarity walking up to me. Maybe they had an idea on what was going on.

I ran up to Applejack and Rarity. "Hey, Applejack, Rarity, have you seen Pinkie Pie or Rainbow Dash yet today?"

"Nope, I haven't seen 'em today."

"Why do you ask, Eric? Are you looking for them?"

I almost wanted to just scream "No!" when Rarity asked that! But I instead just said, "No, I just wanted to know if you two have seen them."

"Why's that? Is somethin' wrong?"

"Well, Applejack, It's just that I ran into them earlier, and they were acting weird."

"What do you mean, darling?"

"Well, Pinkie hopped up to me with a heart-shaped cake, thinking I was her special somebody for some reason, and wants to go on a date. Then Rainbow flew up to me saying we're going on a date, without asking if I want to go! I don't know what's going on!"

"Oh, I see. Are they not your type?"

"Well, no, I guess."

Applejack grinned, and asked, "Well, I think I got an idea to get them to leave ya alone."

"Really? What is it?"

"Well, ya can just date one of us, or even both of us!"

"What?!"

Yep, we're doing this again! Both Applejack and Rarity, standing right beside each other, leaned their heads closer to me, gave me their romantic smiles, and batted their eyes. Between the two, I'd say Rarity did it better, and both did it better than Rainbow.

"Well, darling, we've always thought you're really cute, so if you date one or both of us, Pinkie and Rainbow would leave you alone, you get it?"

"Yeah, Rarity, I do, but..."

"But, we don't want to force ya to choose right now. You can tell us later, all right?"

"Uh...yeah, let me think about it. All right guys?"

"Okay, darling, we'll wait for you to pick, okay?"

Well, at least unlike Rainbow, Applejack and Rarity gave me some kind of choice! But, since I didn't think Rarity's the type to try to drink too much cider, I ruled that out on possibly being a reason. Maybe they were under a spell or something?

I try my best to not fall into doing this too often like I used to, but I was just stuck on what to do. So I decided to head back to the castle and go to her. It's something a lot of others and I did, when we didn't know what to do about something. Something even the ruler of Equestria, Princess Celestia herself, has done more than once.

Run to Twilight Sparkle, and hope she'd fix everything!

Back at the castle, I was on a pink couch in the library part of it, and Twilight wasn't in the castle, so I figured I would wait for her. I'd been hit on by ponies too much already, and I didn't want to risk it happening again. While I waited, I told Spike, who had just walked in the library and was still standing, what was going on. And no, he's not there to hit on me.

"Hey Eric, you look tired. What's up?"

"Hey, Spike. I'm not really 'tired' but confused. Pinkie Pie, Rainbow, Applejack, and Rarity were flirting with me earlier!"

"Really? I didn't think they liked you...wait, did you just say Rarity did it too?"

"That's what I thought! Something gotta be up, because they're never seemed to act like they had a thing for me. And yeah, Rarity did. But don't worry, Spike, we both know she's all yours."

Heh, I had to give the poor Dragon a little bit of hope about that, you know?

"Well, yeah, of course! But maybe they're playing one of Rainbow's pranks?"

"Wait, you think this could be a prank?"

"It could be. I mean, Rainbow loves pranks, and Pinkie does, too. And maybe they got Applejack and Rarity to team up with them?"

I didn't even think about it being a prank! It could just be one of Rainbow's jokes. Pinkie likes doing pranks too, so I could easily see her wanting to be in on it. And I guess Applejack and Rarity might've wanted to do it too. It seemed odd that Applejack or Rarity would do this, but maybe it's a side of them I'd just never seen? I mean, Twilight's got a playful side to her I'd never seen on the show, so maybe she's not the only one to have sides to them I don't know?

"Oh, yeah, Spike! You're right! This just gotta be a prank! How could I not think of that before?"

"Well, I'm not called 'Spike the Brave and Glorious' for just being heroic."

"Yeah, I see. Well, guess I'll go and tell the four prank sisters that I'm onto--"

Just then, Twilight walked in the room. Without saying anything, she walked towards me, looking right at me, with a smile I'd seen four times already. She walked right by Spike without even looking at him.

"Twi? Is something wrong?"

Twilight "answered" that question, by continuing to walk towards me. She sat on the couch right beside me and wrapped a wing around me, and because of how ponies sit, my head was up at about the mid-part of Twilight's chest. She tilted her head down to look me in my eyes, made her smile even bigger, and batted her eyes at me. Twi at least did it better than Rainbow.

"Wait, what are you...oh, I get it."

"You do, Buggie?"

"Yeah, you're in on Rainbow's prank too? Nice try, but I already figured it out, so you can cut it out, Twi."

"What prank?"

"Oh, don't try that trick, I'm not gonna fall for it."

"Eric, I'm not trying to prank you. I really do want to marry you."

With my eyes and mouth wide open, with one of the most shocked looks I have ever had on my face, I threw Twilight's wing off me, jumped off the couch, and turn around to face her. "WHAT?! Marry me?! Okay, you're creeping me out with that prank, Twilight."

"Like I said, this isn't a prank. I've been waiting my whole life to get married, and I can't wait any longer!"

Oh, come on! Now I was getting the business from Twilight. Twilight! My big sister Twilight Sparkle! I mean, she's the Princess of Friendship! Or I guess she's the Princess of Forced Marriage at this moment. Who's gonna do it next? Starlight? Princess Celestia? Princess Luna? Princess Cadance? Derpy?!

"But, why? Why do you want to marry me?"

"Aw, come on, you don't want to? I thought we were really close, Buggie."

"Well, yeah, I mean, we are really close, big sis, but--"

Twilight sprung up from the couch, wrapped her forelegs around me, tight enough to squeeze (but not hurt) and with her strength, I wasn't going anywhere. Not till she wants me to get away. Then, before I could realize what she was doing, she tried to give me a kiss, on the lips! Out of pure instinct, I turned my head away just in time, so Twilight "only" got my cheek. That Alicorn kept trying, so I had my hands on her chest, pushing against her with all my might, trying to hold her back.

"What are you doing, Twilight?! Stop it! Don't we at least need to get somepony to pronounce us husband and wife first?!"

"Don't worry about that, Buggie, I'll do it myself! I'm a princess, remember? And like I said, I just can't wait any longer!"

Spike was seeing this, and while backing away he just said, "Okay...I'm gonna leave you two alone. Bye!"

"No, Spike, don't leave! Don't leave me alone with this crazy pony! Not with her like this!"

But Spike wasn't listening, and he just ran out of the room. With my strength fading, I was left all alone with Twilight, the Princess of impatience. Who seemed to have forgotten that she's been calling me her little brother for months, and was still refusing to loosen her grip or stop trying to kiss me on the lips!

Equestrian ponies don't get tired as quickly as humans, and as Twi got closer and closer to kissing me on the lips, I knew I couldn't keep holding her back much longer. In fact, I shouldn't have even been able to hold her, an Alicorn, back at all. I guess Twilight was just "playing" with me, but still, I had to think of a way out of this fast, before she landed a kiss on the lips and became Princess Twilight Reed. Or I'd become Eric Sparkle. Or would I'd been Eric Twilight or even Eric Velvet? I mean, the name of Twilight's mom is "Twilight Velvet", so...

Whatever it'd make me, I had to get out of this!

"Okay, wait, wait, wait! You said you want to marry me, right, Twilight? Aren't there any books on how to have the perfect marriage you could look into?"

That got the Princess of Passion to finally stop and take her forelegs off me! In fact, she even dropped me on the floor, since at that point I was leaning slightly back, losing my little power struggle with her. "Of course! How could I have forgotten that?! I'll be right back!"

Twilight ran out of the library to look for some books on a perfect marriage...I guess, and somehow, it was fitting that Twilight wouldn't have books about that in her library. But whatever books she's looking for, it'd kept her busy for a while, so I had some time to figure out what was going on...and to lie down for a bit.

Trust me: Even if she's holding back a lot of her strength, trying to hold back a love-struck Alicorn from kissing you will tire you out quick!

Lying on my bed, I was trying to think of how could all this happen. So much for hoping Twilight could fix this.

I was still thinking that something was just wrong with them, and It had to be because of a spell somehow. And there's only one Unicorn I know that has magic powerful enough to work on even Alicorns.

Her name: Starlight Glimmer.

I got up, ready to try to find Starlight. But I didn't have to look very far: when I opened my bedroom door, she was already standing there. I let her come in my room and asked her, "Okay, Starie, have you been practicing any "love" spells or anything like that today?"

"No, I haven't done any spells like that. Why you ask, buggie?"

"Oh. So it wasn't because of one of your spells."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack, and Twilight have been hitting on me all day."

"Wait, really?"

"Yeah! And Twilight even wants to marry me!"

Starlight jumped up in the air in surprise. "What? Really?! Twilight said she wants to marry you? Twilight?!"

"Yeah! I barely got away from that crazy Princess of Making Out! So I've been trying to figure out what's going on."

It then sunk in how Starlight was already in front of my door when I opened it. And I was kinda scared to ask this next question. I gulped and, somewhat quietly, asked, "Wait...Starie? You weren't coming to tell me you like me, right?"

Shaking her head, Starlight said, "No, I wasn't here to tell you that. No offense, but I don't like you like that."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Whew! And trust me, there is none taken! I was really worried that you might get into the act too, Starie."

"Well, don't you worry, Buggie. I don't like you like that...I love you like that!"

"Wait, WHAT?!"

I gotta hand it to Starlight, because she had me completely fooled, and she didn't even try to give me "the look". She just simply threw her forelegs around me, faster than how Princess "Kiss-a-lot" Twilight did it, though not as tightly. But, because she did it so fast, I had no time to really react. That meant she hit her mark! Looking into Starlight's blue eyes -- not because I wanted to -- she laid a big wet one on me, right on my lips, for five seconds! It. Was. The. Most. Awkward. Five. Seconds. Of. My. Life.

After she got done, she let me go, and I stepped back from her, wiping my mouth. And for the record, it's nothing against Starlight herself, and it's not like I think there's something wrong with the pony...usually. It's just...weird! This Unicorn's not just a Unicorn, she's like my big sister! Augh!

"What...what was that, Starlight?"

"That's called a 'kiss'."

"I know it's called a 'kiss', but why? And why the lips?! You didn't think to just kiss me on the cheek?"

"Aw, you should know how I don't think about things too much. I just do them. In fact, speaking of doing something..."

Starlight's lips curled into a smile I'd seen too much that day, she batted her eyes, and it was also done better than Rainbow. She motioned her head to where I was just lying, and...no. Not happening.

"You have got to be kidding, Starlight Glimmer."

"Well, how else will we have our foals?"

My eyes twitched, badly. I wrapped my arm around Starlight, gently turned her around in the direction of the open door of my room, shoved her out, and slammed the door! If I knew I'd go through that with Starlight, I would have stayed with the Princess of Affection! At least she wasn't talking about foals and...that!

"I'll be right here, waiting for you."

Yeah, unless that pony changes her mind, Starlight Glimmer's gonna be waiting a long time if she wants that from me. I'd admit, it was kinda mean of me to shove her out my room like that without warning, and slam the door as hard as I did, but...no!

Sitting on a chair, away from my bed, I had both hands on my head, trying to process what in Celestia's name just happened with Starlight.

First, how would human-pony hybrid foals look? And for that matter, would they even be "foals"? And then there's...I mean...I'm a...Starlight's a...how could we even...would it even fit correctly in her...no...just...just...NO!!

As I was thinking about that being a level of chaos even Discord could find as overkill, a thought popped in my head. I shouted, "Discord! Can you hear me?!"

A voice behind me replied, "Yep I can hear you, Eric." It was the Lord of Chaos himself, Discord, lying in a yellow hammock that he must've materialized with magic. "Ooh, nice room, Eric. A little too plain though, but with a little bit of work, we can really spice up this room."

Before Discord could "spice" up my room, I cut in and told him, "Okay, Discord, never mind my room. Something's seriously wrong with Twilight and the others. Pinkie made me a heart-shaped cake and thinks I'm her very special somepony -- er -- someone. Rainbow set up a date for us, whether I like it or not. Rarity and Applejack are waiting for me to pick one of them, or just pick both of them. Twilight, the Princess of Smooching, wants to marry me! And Starlight wants me on my bed so she can glimglam me and have my foals!!"

"Well, I don't know about the others, but, if you ask me, I think Twilight and Starlight can do better."

"You...you know what, Discord? I can't even believe I was gonna argue, so I'm just gonna agree with you. But do you have any idea on what's going on with those crazy mares?"

"They've been crazy for seasons, Eric. Why you so surprised now?"

"Well...yeah, they are. But they're not like that kind of crazy! Even Pinkie Pie has her limits!"

"Well...I think I miiiiiiight know what's going on with them."

"You do? What is it?!"

"What's the fun in just telling you, Eric?"

"Oh come on, just tell me! Having ponies looking and thinking about me like that is just too weird, especially Twilight and Starlight! Those two are like my sisters! And...oh my Celestia one of my big sisters said she wants to marry me, and the other said she wants that and my foals...Discord, I don't feel so good...!"

And at that moment, I was kinda hoping that last part was because of Thanos.

"Yeah...that's a little too weird, Eric, even for me."

"You see?! But anyway! I know I said I wished I could have a girlfriend from my world the last time we hung out with Spike and Big Mac. But after this, I just want my friends back the way they were!"

"Hmm...are you saying that you're lucky to have friends that care about you, and that you don't need a girlfriend after all?"

"Yes! I don't need no girlfriend! My friends here are more than enough!"

"Well...I guess I can squeeze you in my very busy schedule, and see what's going on with those 'crazy' mares. "

"Yes, thank you! You're the best!"

"I know."

Discord teleported away to "fix" whatever happened to our friends, leaving me alone in my room. Well, maybe not completely alone; there was a chance that Starlight was still waiting for me outside my bedroom door. I was not going to open it to see if she were still here and risk that pony coming back in my room, throw me on my bed, hop on, and try to glimglam me. I didn't even think that she could've just teleported herself in if she really wanted to.

About an hour later, I thought that Discord might have fixed what happened to my friends, so I decided to come out of my room. I slowly opened up my door, hoping I wouldn't walk into the hooves of Starlight, but she wasn't still waiting behind my door, and she was also nowhere to be seen. I breathed a sigh of relief, and it was a very good sign that Starlight was gone.

I heard some voices coming from the room with the Cutie Map, so I slowly walked toward it. I took a peek in, and Pinkie, Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow, and Twilight were all sitting there in their chairs. Pinkie was holding a blueberry cupcake. They noticed I was there, and they turned their heads in my direction. They all had embarrassed smiles on their faces, but they seemed to be back to normal.

Twilight, also back to being her usual self as the Princess of Friendship, not the Princess of Romance, was in particular extremely embarrassed. At first, she kept her head down. She didn't even want to look my face because she felt so embarrassed, and I bet it took all she had to lift her head to do it. "I am so, so sorry about earlier, Buggie. I don't know what got into me. You know that I think of you like my own little brother, and I don't even want to get married anywhere near that badly, so I don't know why I acted like that. It's like I was under a spell when I did."

"And if I really were into you, I'd baked you a much bigger cake than that!"

"Yeah...I mean you're cute, but...doing on a date with you would be weird! Er, no offense."

I laughed. "Oh, trust me Rainbow, I am not offended by that!"

"It was like I was hit on the head with the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy Six-thousand or somethin'. There's no way I'd ever try to force ya to choose between Rarity and me to go on a date like that, if I'm still right in the head. Or force ya to go on a date period."

"I wouldn't do that either, darling. I hope we didn't make you feel too uncomfortable."

"But none of us meant that stuff we said, Buggie, and I'm gonna find out what made us act that way so it doesn't happen again. Can you forgive us?"

"Yeah, I forgive you all. Let's....just not talk about this again, okay guys?"

"Consider it forgotten! I'll never talk about this again, I Pinkie Promise! Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!"

Heh, I guess Pinkie already planned to make that Pinkie Promise, since she was holding the cupcake that she stuck in her eye already, even before I got to the room.

"But after going through that, I'm hungry, so I'll gonna go find something to eat."

"You go eat, Buggie. And again, we're really sorry."

Carrying a sandwich, as I was heading to my room, I passed by Starlight. Her face was redder then I've ever seen it, and as soon as we made eye contact my face probably turned red as well, and we both looked away. She seemed like she wanted to say she's sorry too, but just couldn't look at me...and the feeling was mutual. It would be a couple of days till the awkwardness between us faded enough for us to talk again. But when we did, the first thing Starlight said to me was "Buggie, I'm so sorry."

As I was in my room, I was thinking about how Discord sounded like he wanted me to realize I didn't need to think about girlfriends from my world, and to be happy for what I have here.

In fact...could he had been behind that whole thing? To teach me a "lesson?" The ex-Princess of Proposing did say it felt like she and the others were under a spell. It would also explain why all this happened when Fluttershy was away visiting her parents, so she couldn't do it too...

I thought about telling Twilight about it probably being Discord. But if I did, she'd probably hit the roof and get furious at Discord. So just in case it wasn't him, I decided to keep it to myself.

But whether Discord was behind it or not, it'd take me some time to be able to look at my friends the same way again.

Especially Twilight, the Princess of Forced Marriage Friendship.

And even more especially, Starlight. In fact, I think I'll ask Starlight if she knows any spells to make me forget that whole thing happened.

Seriously, I'm gonna ask her if she wants to do it.

The spell, that is. And I don't care how bad it backfires in our faces.