Author's Note

For those who aren't aware how bad I am at consistently writing, this chapter was written in about four sessions, that happened across about three weeks. I'm just one of those terrible writers that needs to have an invisible faerie tickle me to be able to make any real headway.

Drinking the Weird Away

Mack's morning was not going quite how he thought it would. The night before he had been camping out in the middle of the Montana wilderness, enjoying the lack of civilization and the abundance of stars. Today he had awoken to rolling hills and trees, reminding him of his drive across I-40. A quick check confirmed all of his gear was here, though his phone had lost connection. Not that he'd had much of one the day before, but on top of his compass acting strangely, it didn't reassure him.

After picking up camp, the man set off towards the tallest peak he could see, one which was currently wreathed by the sun and the easiest landmark to navigate by.

"Well, I did want to go on an adventure, no point bitching about the hows and whys." The man grumbled to himself as he started said adventure.

Sapphire Rose was tending to her bar, doing all the little things required to keep The Steel Mare in business, when she heard the commotion outside. Heading out on the porch, she's rewarded with the sight of a few of the guardsmares surrounding a large... Minotaur looking thing that didn't seem pleased by the mares pointing spears at it.

"And why, exactly, are you pointing spears at a weary traveler?" The creature drawled in a voice as deep as the abyss.

"Precautions. Present your identification papers for inspection." The lead mare replied.

Shrugging, the creature pulled out a wallet and handed the mare a rectangle and continued to tower over the guard that read the ID.

"Strange, this ID doesn't match any in our records, and doesn't have an Equestrian seal. How did you get into Equestria, Mr. Streider?"

"Not a damn clue, to be honest. A few nights back I was in Montana, and now I've walked here. Wherever here is."

Sapphire, having been eavesdropping like the rest of the town, was surprised to hear a stallion had survived out in the wilderness by himself for several days. The poor guy must have been scared out of his mind to be displaced like that. And overcome from shock to be standing his ground at spear-point from the rugged outlands patrol that was currently detaining him.

"This is the town of Bark Springs, near the border of the Badlands. Unfortunately, being so close to them, we're going to have to detain you until we report to the Captain for further orders. Will you come peacefully?"

The stallion seemed to think on it before replying, "Will I be treated as a guest while under your care?"

"Of course, on my honor as a Mare of the Guard." The leader pledged.

"So be it, lead on...?"

"Lieutenant Bright Spark."

"Lead the way then, lieutenant."

And with that the lieutenant led the strange stallion to the outpost, out of sight and hearing of the curious town, so Sapphire went back inside to finish her chores before the night started.

The dark green mare had me enter a cozy, if small and spartan, jail cell. One of two in the outpost.

"Relinquish your weapons, please." Bright Spark politely instructed.

Not having a reason to refuse, I handed over my knife and my pistol, which became engulfed in that weird glow coming from her horn. Turning it over, she gave me an odd look.

"You don't know what a pistol is?" I ask the confused mare.

"I can't say that I do, but I'm going to assume it's a weapon."

"Correct." I reply as I reach for it. There's a bit of resistance at first, but it only lasts a second. "Don't put your anything on the trigger, and don't point it at anything you don't want dead." With practiced ease, I remove the magazine and eject the chambered round, pocketing them and returning the unloaded weapon to the guard.

"Thank you, I'll keep what you've said in mind." With that, the mare left me to myself.

"Hell of a mess I've gotten myself in. Hopefully someone can tell me what's going on." I helpfully narrated to the ceiling.

I'm going to have to give that stallion a drink on the house, I haven't been this busy in weeks! The dark blue mare thought to herself as she busied along the bar.

Almost every pony in town had gathered tonight to trade rumors of the mysterious new stallion, with the newcomer being a stallion as the only rumor that everypony believed. How else could you explain the bass avalanche of a voice? And all that talking would make any throat dry, so another round of ale was ordered. Just as everything was settling down, Lieutenant Bright Spark walked in and shook the unseasonal chill out of her dark green coat, ruffling her regulation-length blond mane.

"Bright! How's the poor stallion doin'?" A pink mare at the other end of the bar yelled.

"He's doing alright, doesn't seem scared even though he's apparently confused to Tartarus and back. I just sent word to the Captain, so we'll keep him from wandering off and hurting himself until orders arrive." Turning her head towards me, she added. "Speaking of which, think you can have Twirl take him some food soon?"

"Not a problem LT, just let us catch up and I'll throw something together." I replied while continuing to pour drinks, making sure to pour a pint of her drink of choice.

She accepted it with a nod as she tried to satisfy the curiosity of a group of mares who hadn't seen a male in weeks.

Sitting in the cell was starting become rather boring, as there was no TV, and not even a book or newspaper to distract me. Not that the cell was dingy or bad in any sense, it just had absolutely nothing to take my mind off of the question of where I was or how I got here. I'd almost lost my cool when confronted by the talking horses, but panicking could have set them off if they are even half as skittish as the horses I'd grew up around. The ding of a bell drew my eyes to a light pink horse coming through the door, a covered tray resting across her back.

"Hello Ma'am, does that happen to be my dinner?"

"Sure is sugarcube, a little bit of everything to see what you like!" The mare happily replied as she set the food on a nearby table. "Now the Lieutenant said you can eat out here if you promise to behave yourself."

"Of course, Scout's Honor." I replied as she unlocked the door.

Sitting across from her, I pull the lid off to see a decent variety of fruits and vegetables, along with some flowers and grasses.

"Well, I can't eat the grass or flowers, but the rest looks pretty tasty."

"No worries, we figured that might happen, so she told me to take my break here and snack on whatever you didn't want!" She told me as she used a wing I hadn't noticed to swipe what appeared to be a flower sandwich.

Between bites, I sated my curiosity on where I was and what to expect of the locals, learning the town was called Bark Springs, on the outskirts of a nation called Equestria. Apparently, it was ran by Princesses Celestia and Luna, of the Day and night respectively. Though there was apparently also a Princess of Love in the frozen north and one of Friendship, of all things, that dealt with internal issues with her group of friends.

"That was a nice chat Mr... Oh, we seem to have forgotten to introduce ourselves, my name is Twirl Wind, but you can just call me Twirl."

She held a hoof out, which I shook. "Name's Mack Streider, just call me Mack."

She chuckled, "Only stuffy ponies shake, just bump it next time. Anyway, work calls and Sapphire's gonna need help keeping the tankards full with all the business you've brought in!"

"Until next time, Twirl."

Once again, I was left to my own devices, and Twirl had forgotten to lock me back up, as it were. Considering I'd been travelling on foot for the past few days, the bed was starting to look awfully tempting. Walking back over to it, I strip down to my jeans and curl up on the surprisingly soft mattress.

I awoke the next day to the sound of shuffling paper, and almost had a heart attack before remembering why I was behind bars.

"Mornin', Lieutenant."

"Good morning Mr. Streider. The letter left this morning, so we should have an answer by the day after next."

"That's good to hear, but do you happen to have a deck of cards on you?"

She stopped doing paperwork to turn and look at me. "What for?"

"Solitaire."

She turned back back to her papers, but an old deck slid out of the drawer and floated to me.

I gave the unicorn my thanks, but by that point she'd already dove back into her work. With a shrug, I started shuffling the deck. It was a weird deck, the face cards that I was familiar with had been replaced by Princesses Celestia, Luna, and Cadance, even though the suits were the same. So at least now I had some sort of idea of what the rulers of the country looked like.

Three slow games later and the sound of the door opening catches my attention. A dark blue mare walks in with some sort of carrying tray strapped to her back, on which rests two covered plates and a pair of mugs.

"Sorry for the tardiness Lieutenant."

"No worries Sapphire, I know the food portion of your place isn't the primary focus." Spark replied, setting her papers down and helping the other pony unload the food onto the central table. Once done, she floated the key over to my cell and unlocked it. "Come and eat Mr. Streider."

"Thanks for the grub," I tell both of the mares as I take the seat across from the unicorn.

"You're welcome, honey. A little bit of food after the ordeal you went through is the least I could do." The ruby maned tavern owner assured me with a wide smile. After the pleasantries, we dug into our food and continued waiting on further orders.

Around noon on the third day of my pseudo-detainment in this weird world the messenger finally arrived, much to my relief. While I enjoyed these mare's company, I was starting to chafe under the proverbial collar and if I never played another game of solitaire it'd be too soon. Which was probably why when the guard arrived I didn't even bother to finish my game, just sweeping the cards up with practiced ease.

"Mail for you, Lieutenant Spark," A light blue guard announced as she entered.

"Good to see you, Sergeant Bluebell," Spark replied, accepting the bundle. "At ease, and go get some rest and a drink. Dismissed."

"Yes Ma'am!" The mare gave a quick salute, and walked back out of the building.

"Alright, Mr. Streider, come on over and let's see what the orders from on high are," The guard instructed as she began reading the letter, barely acknowledging the human that had just sat down across from her.

"It would seem that the Princesses aren't completely surprised at your arrival, and have sent materials required to get your papers in order. Along with a small budget to help you survive until get on your feet that includes a voucher to have a small home of your own built. Which, they're saddened to add, will be required because the reason the response took so long is that a gathering of their brightest minds concluded that we would not be able to send you back to your world." She paused for a second, looking at me closely. "Does that mean you're from another world?"

"That's what I'd figured. Way too much time the last few days to think everything over, and nothing else made sense."

"And how are you taking it? Need someone to talk it out with? I'm sure there's a mare somewhere in this town qualified for the job."

"I was honestly pretty fucking angry about it when it first hit me. Then I remembered life's a bitch and you just gotta suck it up and be a man. I can't change the voodoo shit, raging against it won't help, and maybe living here won't be so bad. The daily grind back home was starting to get old."

"That's pretty terrible, nopony should think that not going home is a good thing." Spark replied solemnly.

"Oh don't get me wrong, I don't think it's a good thing, but it's an easier pill to swallow if I just think of myself as an explorer going to the final frontier."

"If that's how you want to cope, I can't stop you. All I ask is that you talk with one of the mares around here at some point to get it off your chest."

"I guess I can't really fault your logic, so we'll see when it happens," I reply with a sigh.

"You're free to go at your leisure, and you can use the bed again tonight if you need it."

"I'll probably just camp out, but thanks for the offer. I'll see you around."

"I'll see you later."

Gathering up my things, I went out to explore this brand new world, and headed straight for the bar. Or maybe it was a tavern? Possibly a pub. My bountiful strides took me straight to whatever they considered the hall of booze to be, and saw that it was called The Steel Mare.

Walking through the old fashioned saloon doors, I was greeted with the sight that fit any old western perfectly. Except it was a few of mares instead of cowboys, though one was wearing a stetson.

"Welcome to The Steel Mare Mack, how can I help you?" Sapphire called from behind the giant oak bar.

"I need a pick-me-up, whiskey or bourbon, whichever you've got." My response seemed to cause a stirring of giggles and chuckles, but I ignored the odd responses and took a seat on one of the stools.

"On the rocks or mixed with cola?"

"There's coke here? Good to know. And mix it, I'm going to be here awhile and there's no point getting wasted."

"Not a bad idea. So what's the verdict? Did the Princesses find a way to send you home?" The barkeep asked as she slid my drink over.

"Nope."

"Oh honey, that's terrible. Do you know what you're going to do?"

"Eeyup, same thing I always do, find a job and a way to entertain myself. Should be easy in a new world, plenty of crazy new shit to see and learn." I tell the mare between sips.

"That's still rough, have you figured out where you're going to stay?"

"Probably around here somewhere until I get a feel for the place. No point walking out into the wild just to die to something I've never heard of before."

"Well there's not a whole lot for a stallion to do around here. Really it's just mining and hauling."

"Well, I ain't swung a pick since my college years, but I'm sure I'll find a way to be useful."

"You can walk that sexy flank over here! I'll put it to good use!" A drunken voice yelled across the bar.

Turning towards the yell, an obviously drunken mare leers at me. "A good time? You couldn't even show me the door."

This got a few laughs as the brown pony huffed and went back to her drink.

"Sorry 'bout Dowser over there, she's new around here." Looking over at the mare in question, she adds, "Because we've got manners here, don't we sugarcube?"

Dowser grumbled an affirmative and continued drinking moodily. Apparently she was sober enough to understand the threat.

"No problem. Not like it's the first time I've had to deal with drunk people."

"If you say so, honey." She replied as calls for refills came through, causing her to return to serving her other customers.

Several hours later I went a ways outside of town and set up camp in a copse of trees outside of the town. The Steel Mare had rooms, but didn't come with peace of mind or beds that were actually sized for me. Being out in the wilderness was calming, and helped clear out the stray thoughts about such things as never returning home that was making it hard to think about anything else.

Talking a tough game to the ladies of the town was one thing, it's not like having them fuss and feel sorry for me would accomplish anything, but the reality of it all was daunting. The fact that my family would be informed of my disappearance, and probable death, was soul-crushing. Cheated out of saying good-bye when I wasn't even dead? If some greater entity was responsible for this, then it was one of the worst kinds of devious evil. Eventually the thoughts chasing around in my head ran their course, leaving me tired and hoping to sleep in the next morning.