A Man and His Bar

by Buckwood

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Sex, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Original Character
Length: 6076

The tale of an American man trying to live peacefully in RGRE.

Mack was a normal American, who magically wound up in a world of brightly colored horses with out even a hint of what was to come. And for some reason the mares all treat him like he's a porcelain doll, much to his chagrin.

*

Just a little bit of noodling with no real narrative structure, and marked mature for innuendo and crass language. This pile of words is going to be self edited, updated at the speed of atoms at 0 Kelvin, and likely to be a mess of time skips. But hopefully it'll be a fun little ride that amuses the masses.

* The cover picture has nothing to do with anything, I just find it adorable.

*Well this exploded beyond all reasonable expectation, hopefully the rest of it will actually be as good as I want it to be. 1-28-19

*After thinking on it, I'm 92% certain that my choice of picture is part of the reason this is going so well compared to my other stories.

Published 2019-01-28 06:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-07-13 10:58:25 UTC

Drinking the Weird Away

Author's Note

For those who aren't aware how bad I am at consistently writing, this chapter was written in about four sessions, that happened across about three weeks. I'm just one of those terrible writers that needs to have an invisible faerie tickle me to be able to make any real headway.

Drinking the Weird Away

Mack's morning was not going quite how he thought it would. The night before he had been camping out in the middle of the Montana wilderness, enjoying the lack of civilization and the abundance of stars. Today he had awoken to rolling hills and trees, reminding him of his drive across I-40. A quick check confirmed all of his gear was here, though his phone had lost connection. Not that he'd had much of one the day before, but on top of his compass acting strangely, it didn't reassure him.

After picking up camp, the man set off towards the tallest peak he could see, one which was currently wreathed by the sun and the easiest landmark to navigate by.

"Well, I did want to go on an adventure, no point bitching about the hows and whys." The man grumbled to himself as he started said adventure.

Sapphire Rose was tending to her bar, doing all the little things required to keep The Steel Mare in business, when she heard the commotion outside. Heading out on the porch, she's rewarded with the sight of a few of the guardsmares surrounding a large... Minotaur looking thing that didn't seem pleased by the mares pointing spears at it.

"And why, exactly, are you pointing spears at a weary traveler?" The creature drawled in a voice as deep as the abyss.

"Precautions. Present your identification papers for inspection." The lead mare replied.

Shrugging, the creature pulled out a wallet and handed the mare a rectangle and continued to tower over the guard that read the ID.

"Strange, this ID doesn't match any in our records, and doesn't have an Equestrian seal. How did you get into Equestria, Mr. Streider?"

"Not a damn clue, to be honest. A few nights back I was in Montana, and now I've walked here. Wherever here is."

Sapphire, having been eavesdropping like the rest of the town, was surprised to hear a stallion had survived out in the wilderness by himself for several days. The poor guy must have been scared out of his mind to be displaced like that. And overcome from shock to be standing his ground at spear-point from the rugged outlands patrol that was currently detaining him.

"This is the town of Bark Springs, near the border of the Badlands. Unfortunately, being so close to them, we're going to have to detain you until we report to the Captain for further orders. Will you come peacefully?"

The stallion seemed to think on it before replying, "Will I be treated as a guest while under your care?"

"Of course, on my honor as a Mare of the Guard." The leader pledged.

"So be it, lead on...?"

"Lieutenant Bright Spark."

"Lead the way then, lieutenant."

And with that the lieutenant led the strange stallion to the outpost, out of sight and hearing of the curious town, so Sapphire went back inside to finish her chores before the night started.

The dark green mare had me enter a cozy, if small and spartan, jail cell. One of two in the outpost.

"Relinquish your weapons, please." Bright Spark politely instructed.

Not having a reason to refuse, I handed over my knife and my pistol, which became engulfed in that weird glow coming from her horn. Turning it over, she gave me an odd look.

"You don't know what a pistol is?" I ask the confused mare.

"I can't say that I do, but I'm going to assume it's a weapon."

"Correct." I reply as I reach for it. There's a bit of resistance at first, but it only lasts a second. "Don't put your anything on the trigger, and don't point it at anything you don't want dead." With practiced ease, I remove the magazine and eject the chambered round, pocketing them and returning the unloaded weapon to the guard.

"Thank you, I'll keep what you've said in mind." With that, the mare left me to myself.

"Hell of a mess I've gotten myself in. Hopefully someone can tell me what's going on." I helpfully narrated to the ceiling.

I'm going to have to give that stallion a drink on the house, I haven't been this busy in weeks! The dark blue mare thought to herself as she busied along the bar.

Almost every pony in town had gathered tonight to trade rumors of the mysterious new stallion, with the newcomer being a stallion as the only rumor that everypony believed. How else could you explain the bass avalanche of a voice? And all that talking would make any throat dry, so another round of ale was ordered. Just as everything was settling down, Lieutenant Bright Spark walked in and shook the unseasonal chill out of her dark green coat, ruffling her regulation-length blond mane.

"Bright! How's the poor stallion doin'?" A pink mare at the other end of the bar yelled.

"He's doing alright, doesn't seem scared even though he's apparently confused to Tartarus and back. I just sent word to the Captain, so we'll keep him from wandering off and hurting himself until orders arrive." Turning her head towards me, she added. "Speaking of which, think you can have Twirl take him some food soon?"

"Not a problem LT, just let us catch up and I'll throw something together." I replied while continuing to pour drinks, making sure to pour a pint of her drink of choice.

She accepted it with a nod as she tried to satisfy the curiosity of a group of mares who hadn't seen a male in weeks.

Sitting in the cell was starting become rather boring, as there was no TV, and not even a book or newspaper to distract me. Not that the cell was dingy or bad in any sense, it just had absolutely nothing to take my mind off of the question of where I was or how I got here. I'd almost lost my cool when confronted by the talking horses, but panicking could have set them off if they are even half as skittish as the horses I'd grew up around. The ding of a bell drew my eyes to a light pink horse coming through the door, a covered tray resting across her back.

"Hello Ma'am, does that happen to be my dinner?"

"Sure is sugarcube, a little bit of everything to see what you like!" The mare happily replied as she set the food on a nearby table. "Now the Lieutenant said you can eat out here if you promise to behave yourself."

"Of course, Scout's Honor." I replied as she unlocked the door.

Sitting across from her, I pull the lid off to see a decent variety of fruits and vegetables, along with some flowers and grasses.

"Well, I can't eat the grass or flowers, but the rest looks pretty tasty."

"No worries, we figured that might happen, so she told me to take my break here and snack on whatever you didn't want!" She told me as she used a wing I hadn't noticed to swipe what appeared to be a flower sandwich.

Between bites, I sated my curiosity on where I was and what to expect of the locals, learning the town was called Bark Springs, on the outskirts of a nation called Equestria. Apparently, it was ran by Princesses Celestia and Luna, of the Day and night respectively. Though there was apparently also a Princess of Love in the frozen north and one of Friendship, of all things, that dealt with internal issues with her group of friends.

"That was a nice chat Mr... Oh, we seem to have forgotten to introduce ourselves, my name is Twirl Wind, but you can just call me Twirl."

She held a hoof out, which I shook. "Name's Mack Streider, just call me Mack."

She chuckled, "Only stuffy ponies shake, just bump it next time. Anyway, work calls and Sapphire's gonna need help keeping the tankards full with all the business you've brought in!"

"Until next time, Twirl."

Once again, I was left to my own devices, and Twirl had forgotten to lock me back up, as it were. Considering I'd been travelling on foot for the past few days, the bed was starting to look awfully tempting. Walking back over to it, I strip down to my jeans and curl up on the surprisingly soft mattress.

I awoke the next day to the sound of shuffling paper, and almost had a heart attack before remembering why I was behind bars.

"Mornin', Lieutenant."

"Good morning Mr. Streider. The letter left this morning, so we should have an answer by the day after next."

"That's good to hear, but do you happen to have a deck of cards on you?"

She stopped doing paperwork to turn and look at me. "What for?"

"Solitaire."

She turned back back to her papers, but an old deck slid out of the drawer and floated to me.

I gave the unicorn my thanks, but by that point she'd already dove back into her work. With a shrug, I started shuffling the deck. It was a weird deck, the face cards that I was familiar with had been replaced by Princesses Celestia, Luna, and Cadance, even though the suits were the same. So at least now I had some sort of idea of what the rulers of the country looked like.

Three slow games later and the sound of the door opening catches my attention. A dark blue mare walks in with some sort of carrying tray strapped to her back, on which rests two covered plates and a pair of mugs.

"Sorry for the tardiness Lieutenant."

"No worries Sapphire, I know the food portion of your place isn't the primary focus." Spark replied, setting her papers down and helping the other pony unload the food onto the central table. Once done, she floated the key over to my cell and unlocked it. "Come and eat Mr. Streider."

"Thanks for the grub," I tell both of the mares as I take the seat across from the unicorn.

"You're welcome, honey. A little bit of food after the ordeal you went through is the least I could do." The ruby maned tavern owner assured me with a wide smile. After the pleasantries, we dug into our food and continued waiting on further orders.

Around noon on the third day of my pseudo-detainment in this weird world the messenger finally arrived, much to my relief. While I enjoyed these mare's company, I was starting to chafe under the proverbial collar and if I never played another game of solitaire it'd be too soon. Which was probably why when the guard arrived I didn't even bother to finish my game, just sweeping the cards up with practiced ease.

"Mail for you, Lieutenant Spark," A light blue guard announced as she entered.

"Good to see you, Sergeant Bluebell," Spark replied, accepting the bundle. "At ease, and go get some rest and a drink. Dismissed."

"Yes Ma'am!" The mare gave a quick salute, and walked back out of the building.

"Alright, Mr. Streider, come on over and let's see what the orders from on high are," The guard instructed as she began reading the letter, barely acknowledging the human that had just sat down across from her.

"It would seem that the Princesses aren't completely surprised at your arrival, and have sent materials required to get your papers in order. Along with a small budget to help you survive until get on your feet that includes a voucher to have a small home of your own built. Which, they're saddened to add, will be required because the reason the response took so long is that a gathering of their brightest minds concluded that we would not be able to send you back to your world." She paused for a second, looking at me closely. "Does that mean you're from another world?"

"That's what I'd figured. Way too much time the last few days to think everything over, and nothing else made sense."

"And how are you taking it? Need someone to talk it out with? I'm sure there's a mare somewhere in this town qualified for the job."

"I was honestly pretty fucking angry about it when it first hit me. Then I remembered life's a bitch and you just gotta suck it up and be a man. I can't change the voodoo shit, raging against it won't help, and maybe living here won't be so bad. The daily grind back home was starting to get old."

"That's pretty terrible, nopony should think that not going home is a good thing." Spark replied solemnly.

"Oh don't get me wrong, I don't think it's a good thing, but it's an easier pill to swallow if I just think of myself as an explorer going to the final frontier."

"If that's how you want to cope, I can't stop you. All I ask is that you talk with one of the mares around here at some point to get it off your chest."

"I guess I can't really fault your logic, so we'll see when it happens," I reply with a sigh.

"You're free to go at your leisure, and you can use the bed again tonight if you need it."

"I'll probably just camp out, but thanks for the offer. I'll see you around."

"I'll see you later."

Gathering up my things, I went out to explore this brand new world, and headed straight for the bar. Or maybe it was a tavern? Possibly a pub. My bountiful strides took me straight to whatever they considered the hall of booze to be, and saw that it was called The Steel Mare.

Walking through the old fashioned saloon doors, I was greeted with the sight that fit any old western perfectly. Except it was a few of mares instead of cowboys, though one was wearing a stetson.

"Welcome to The Steel Mare Mack, how can I help you?" Sapphire called from behind the giant oak bar.

"I need a pick-me-up, whiskey or bourbon, whichever you've got." My response seemed to cause a stirring of giggles and chuckles, but I ignored the odd responses and took a seat on one of the stools.

"On the rocks or mixed with cola?"

"There's coke here? Good to know. And mix it, I'm going to be here awhile and there's no point getting wasted."

"Not a bad idea. So what's the verdict? Did the Princesses find a way to send you home?" The barkeep asked as she slid my drink over.

"Nope."

"Oh honey, that's terrible. Do you know what you're going to do?"

"Eeyup, same thing I always do, find a job and a way to entertain myself. Should be easy in a new world, plenty of crazy new shit to see and learn." I tell the mare between sips.

"That's still rough, have you figured out where you're going to stay?"

"Probably around here somewhere until I get a feel for the place. No point walking out into the wild just to die to something I've never heard of before."

"Well there's not a whole lot for a stallion to do around here. Really it's just mining and hauling."

"Well, I ain't swung a pick since my college years, but I'm sure I'll find a way to be useful."

"You can walk that sexy flank over here! I'll put it to good use!" A drunken voice yelled across the bar.

Turning towards the yell, an obviously drunken mare leers at me. "A good time? You couldn't even show me the door."

This got a few laughs as the brown pony huffed and went back to her drink.

"Sorry 'bout Dowser over there, she's new around here." Looking over at the mare in question, she adds, "Because we've got manners here, don't we sugarcube?"

Dowser grumbled an affirmative and continued drinking moodily. Apparently she was sober enough to understand the threat.

"No problem. Not like it's the first time I've had to deal with drunk people."

"If you say so, honey." She replied as calls for refills came through, causing her to return to serving her other customers.

Several hours later I went a ways outside of town and set up camp in a copse of trees outside of the town. The Steel Mare had rooms, but didn't come with peace of mind or beds that were actually sized for me. Being out in the wilderness was calming, and helped clear out the stray thoughts about such things as never returning home that was making it hard to think about anything else.

Talking a tough game to the ladies of the town was one thing, it's not like having them fuss and feel sorry for me would accomplish anything, but the reality of it all was daunting. The fact that my family would be informed of my disappearance, and probable death, was soul-crushing. Cheated out of saying good-bye when I wasn't even dead? If some greater entity was responsible for this, then it was one of the worst kinds of devious evil. Eventually the thoughts chasing around in my head ran their course, leaving me tired and hoping to sleep in the next morning.

Manly Man

The next morning came before too long and the local wildlife created a natural alarm clock. The creaks and cracks as I stood up attested to the fact that the jail provided a better bed, even if the thought of being stuck in there once again was revolting. With no excuse to put off the inevitable, I made my way back to town to find a job. Which meant it was time to have a real conversation with Ms. Rose.

Once again walking through the saloon doors, I was heralded by a shout from somewhere in the back.

"We're not open! Come back after noon for your drinks!" The voice of Sapphire Rose commanded.

"And what if I'm looking for a job instead?" I yelled back as I snagged one of the barstools to sit on.

"Mack? One moment and I'll be right with you honey."

I relaxed as ten or so minutes later the mare made her way to the front.

"Good Mornin', how can I help you today?"

"Mornin', I figured you were the mare to see in town if someone needed a job," I reply with a winning smile.

Her nose scrunched up as she thought on it. "Well, I don't need the help here, and I don't think you're asking to become a working stallion."

"I'm pretty sure you just politely asked me if I wanted to be this establishment's prostitute." I replied, trying to keep my temper at such an insinuation. And why is this pissing me off as much as it is...

Looking only mildly uncomfortable, the pony replied. "I didn't mean to offend, but that's what most stallions do out on the frontier. It's relatively safe and pays more than what most ponies make."

"I'm going to need a shot. I know you ain't open, but I really need it right now." I begged the mare. The reality of the situation finally penetrating through the subconscious wall that had kept me from truly believing this was real.

Giving me a good look in the eyes, she pulled a bottle out and poured a double shot, sliding it to me afterwards. With a slightly shakey hand, I down it in one go and feel the potent brew working its way through my system.

"Thanks, I really needed that."

"Not a problem, just tell me what's going on." She replied encouragingly.

Not seeing a reason not to, and with what might have actually been a degreaser in my empty stomach, I opened up.

"I think this all might be more than I can handle. Pulled away from my home, my planet, and being dumped in a land of colorful talking ponies is bad enough. But add in magic and the complete destruction of everything I thought as true? I didn't think about it until just now, but where are the guys at? I've only seen mares for my entire stay. Are they rare, kept as sex slaves and trophies? Dying from some crazy plague that targets males? Am I in danger, and not even able to recognize it!?"

By the end of the rant, the mare had walked around the bar and hugged me.

"There there, it'll be okay honey. There's nothing wrong with the stallions here. The gender ratio is about three to one, and they tend to be a little on the fragile side." She giggled a little, before adding, "And we tend to be a little over protective of them, smarter ponies than me think it's an instinctive thing from when we roamed the world in herds."

I gratefully wrapped my free arm around her before replying. "Thanks, again."

"Not a problem, this is a test that would shatter most stallions, but it took almost four days before you even bent a little."

"Still, now that I've got all of that off my chest, how bout I help you get this place ready for the day?" I ask her with a small smile.

"A good businessmare never declines free help from an honest gentlestallion," She said in answer. "You can start by wiping everything down."

"Yes Ma'am."

"Anything else on the to-do list?" I ask the barmare.

"Nope, we should be good until later tonight. Want to go get something to eat?"

"Sure, not like I've got anything better to do."

"Then let's go down to Merry's, she's probably the best cook in town." She replied as she started towards the door.

"Sounds good to me." I say as I follow her out of the bar. "So did you have any ideas where I could get a job? Because while I'm currently living on the Princess's money, I'd like to be on my feet sooner than later."

"I'm honestly not sure if anypony here would hire a stallion, since the work around here tends to be hard and dangerous." Shaking her head sadly, she added, "It's not going to be easy convincing any mare here to hire you on, for one reason or another."

"And where does that leave you?" I ask curiously.

"In the camp of not having the need for another employee."

"Fair enough, can't blame you for that."

We made it to the little diner and I opened the door for her out of habit. Which got me a raised eyebrow, but no verbal response. The inside was nice and cozy, with a handful of tables and stools along the counter that ran across the back side of the room. Sapphire went straight towards a table near the kitchen, sitting down before making her presence known.

"Hey Merry! You've got some hungry customers!" She yelled at the kitchen.

"And they'll stay hungry if they make me fuck up this pie!" A lower and scratchy, yet still female voice barked back.

"Well when you get done, come take the new stallion's order, poor guy's nothing but skin and bone!"

"Of course he is, that daft guard forced your food down him, it'd be enough to turn a beggar's stomach." The voice snapped back.

With slightly widened eyes, I looked at my companion. "Damn, that was pretty brutal."

"Yeah, she can be a bit of a bitch, but the food's good and you need to be a little rough out in these parts anyway."

The mare in question finally came out of the kitchen, holding a menu that she set in front of me.

Now, Sapphire wasn't a small mare compared to the rest of the town, but this grey mare was built like a brick shithouse. Both her yellow mane and tail were braided in a way that seemed familiar, maybe like something I'd seen about vikings, and she carried herself with supreme confidence while also managing not to shatter everything she touched.

"Good afternoon, I'm Mack Streider," I tell her, holding a fist up. "But just call me Mack."

"Just call me Merry," she replied, giving my fist a bump.

Deciding not to question the introduction, I start looking at the menu in front of me. "I'm going to need a moment, you can start on her order while I figure out what I can actually eat on here."

"Was that a dig at my cooking?" She asked in a cold voice.

"Hell no!" I assure her hastily, ignoring the laugh from beside me. "I'm just not built for grass and flowers."

"If you say so... The usual, you fucking hyena?" She asks the mare besides me.

"Yes please, don't mind the laugh, you just don't get many ponies that'd even hint at not liking your food. It's usually the attitude!"

"Yeah, yeah. Keep laughing and I'll hide some dandelions in your omelette." She told the blue mare with an evil grin.

"You wouldn't dare?!" The quickly paling mare responded, "You know what those do to me!"

"Exactly, so don't give me a reason to do it." She then turned to me, "Just yell what you want when you figure it out."

"Fine, you're just no fun." Sapphire pouted as she replied to the cook's back.

Stifling a laugh at their antics, and from the fear of what that tank of a pony might do to me, I start looking over the menu in front of me. The fact that this was a coney-style dive became obvious immediately as I perused it, and the fact they served eggs was a godsend. And, like any good dive, they had chili dogs.

"So, uh, how do you guys make chili here? Can't say I've ever seen a chili recipe without meat in it."

The mare looked at me like I'd grown a second head. "Why would chili have meat in it?"

I'm sure I was giving her a funny look at this point as well. "How else would you make it thick and hearty?"

"Beans, if you know what chili is then you should know that."

"It's not my fault you've never had a proper chili in your life." I retort.

"Better hope Merry didn't hear that, she'd throw you out. If I'm lucky you'll land on The Mare's porch and not in the wall."

"Good point, and I'm curious as to what this'll taste like." Turning to the kitchen, I yell out, "Hey boss! Gimme a chili omelette with extra cheese!"

"Easily done, it'll be out soon!"

"Thanks boss." Turning back to companion, I add, "So, to sadly get back to important matters, you were saying that it was basically going to be impossible for me to get a job here?"

"Probably, but it won't hurt to ask around."

"You're not wrong there." I reply as we settle into a companionable silence as we waited on our food.

It wasn't long before Merry came back with our food, and a third plate that she'd brought out for herself.

"So what's the news Rose?" She asked as she took a seat.

"Nothing much, everypony's on schedule and Mack here is on a royal stipend until he gets on his hooves."

"Though that might be a little harder than I thought." I add between bites.

"Why's that? You're exotic." The cook asked.

"Because apparently all my life's work has been in mare's jobs."

"I never did ask you what you did for a living, so what was it?" Sapphire asked curiously.

"Nowadays I'm a foreman for a contractor that does the shutdown repairs and maintenance on the major pump stations across the country. Though I've done my fair share of the grunt work. I mostly helped build houses when I was younger."

"Not much construction going on around here, so I can see how that puts you in a bind. You could always go and see if Amethyst needs another miner." Merry told me.

"Do you think she'd hire him? She's got pretty strong opinions on where a stallion should be." Rose asked her friend.

"Maybe. It's not like he has anything to lose. Just make sure to tell me if she gets grabby, damn mare doesn't know how to keep her hooves to herself."

"Oh don't worry about me, I can take care of myself. Just tell me where to find the mare."

"She's probably out in the mines, but try her office first. Want me to take you there?" The blue mare questioned.

"Na, I got it. I saw it on the way in, it wasn't hard to guess what it was for. Thanks though, and give me a slip with my total on it Merry."

"I don't do IOU's, ya know." She replied grumpily.

"It's more of a royal reimbursement, so add that 20 percent tax for being a pain in the ass." I reply.

"Just this once. Next time bring some bits or your ass is mine." She growls back as she writes a total on a piece of paper

"Not a problem. Thanks again, both of you." I say as a farewell, standing up to make my way to the exit with a final wave to acknowledge their own farewells before adding one more thing before I made it out the door, "And that vegetarian chili tasted a hell of a lot better than I thought it would!"

There may or may not have been an inarticulate growl coming from the shop I was hastily retreating from. Hopefully she would take it as a joke and compliment.

There were a few ponies out and about, but most of them seemed to be at work, though I still got a few friendly waves on my way to the little outpost the miners had in town. It was an unremarkable building made of brick and stone, probably from the mine itself. Upon entering, a bell attached to the door announced my presence.

"You better not be coming to tell me those imbeciles managed to flood the tunnels again!" A harsh voice yelled from somewhere in the back.

"Nope, can't say that I know anything about that. Just came in to see if you needed an extra set of hands." I replied in the general direction of the voice.

"The fuck are hands?" A brown mare asked as she walked out of a small office in the back.

I waggled my fingers at her in response.

"Ah, the stallion that's got everypony riled up. Ain't got no use for wimpy stallions here."

"How about one that's a veteran construction worker?"

"Don't need those daft mares to mess up more shit because they want to impress the new 'stud'."

"Well that's a damn shame. Have a nice day ma'am." I told her as I turned around. Her only response was to return to her office with a flick of her orange tail.

With that turning out to be a total bust, I made my way back to the guard outpost to retrieve the rest of my gear.

To my surprise, Bright Spark was still there when I arrived.

"Good afternoon Lieutenant."

"Good afternoon Mr. Streider," she replied. "How can I assist you today?"

"I just wanted to get the paperwork done sooner than later and to get the rest of my gear back." I told the guard as I pulled the papers from my pocket."

"I appreciate it. Shouldn't take too long, and I'll put your gear on the table." The mare told me as she turned towards what I assume was an evidence locker.

"Thanks."

Turning my attention to the wonderful world of paperwork, I begin actually filling everything in. Whole lot of basic stuff, such as date of birth, hometown, country of origin, and physical attributes. At the very end, it asked for a description of my cutie mark. The thud of my gun and knife being set on the table interrupted my musing on the subject.

"Hey LT, what's a cutie mark?"

She looks at me like I'd grown an extra head, but answers the question. "The picture on our flanks. It symbolizes what our special talent is. I got mine when I helped lead a group of my friends when we got lost on a cave tour."

"Huh, well that's a thing. So what do I put since I'm not a magic pony with a mark?" I didn't really understand what a stylized burst of radiance had to do with anything, but I chalked it up to magic.

"Just write your race down, that's what the gryphons and minotaurs do."

"In that case I'm done." I tell her as I sit my pen down. "So do I get another little card or something waterproof?"

"I'll just cast a duplicate and preservation enchantment on it. The enchantment will draw power from you to fuel itself, but the amount magic needed is absolutely miniscule, so you don't have to worry about it ever exhausting you." She answered matter-of-factly.

"You do realize I don't have magic, right?" I respond with a raised eyebrow.

"How can you not have magic, everything has magic." Her eyebrow raised to match me.

"Everything on this world. Magic doesn't exist where I'm from." I tell her levelly.

"But how?" She blanches at the thought. "Nothing can live without magic."

"Nothing in this world," I correct her, "But fairly easily on mine, even if I don't know the science behind it."

"We'll just keep both copies here until we figure something out. The idea of not having magic of any kind is unsettling." The guard replied with a sigh.

"Sounds good to me, though I don't know how long I'll stay here if I can't find a job."

"That is a problem out here, isn't it? Maybe you should go to Canterlot. I'm sure you can find something there, and the Princesses would probably like to meet you."

"But not enough to visit the ass end of nowhere?" I ask with a smirk.

"Nope. You'd have to fuck up something fierce for that to happen." She replied with a straight face.

"Good to know, and I'll think on going to Canterlot." Looking at the clock, I noticed it was starting to get close to dinner. "It's been pleasant, but I think it's time I head off. I'll see you later."

"I'm sure I'll be seeing more of you as well. Be safe." The mare told me as a farewell.

"Thanks, I'll try." I reply as I stand up, attaching the reclaimed gear to my belt. As I got to the door, I had a final thought, and figured I might as well put say it out loud. "It was also nice seeing you be a little less stoic. I know you're a professional, but a man needs some social cues to work with."

My statement was met with a snort and nothing more, so I figured it was in my best interests to retreat. With that in mind, I debated on where to go from here. Merry might let me work for food, at the very least, but if I went to The Steel Mare I could use my tab and keep an ear open for someone who was looking to hire someone new. So the decision was great food with a chance of dismemberment, or alcohol and a chance at getting a job. Reaching into my wallet, I pulled out an old half-dollar coin my grandpa gave me, distant memories coming to mind at the sight. Figuring fate, or destiny, or whatever the hell they called it here had a plan for me, I gave it a flip.

Author's Note

So this took forever, and I'm sorry. Unfortunately, guilt-tripping doesn't work on me or all of this would likely be easier. Oh, and cliff hanger! Woo! If anyone has a particularly strong opinion, reply and there's a 50% chance I go your way.

As usual, this is self edited, so point out any fuck ups and I'll fix them at my earliest convenience.

Chapter the third

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