Ye Ol' Watering Hole : Night of the Epic Adventure!

by Pnoy

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Adventure, Comedy
Length: 3485

The tavern is met by a certain unicorn.

There are all sorts of stories and adventures to be had in the lands of Equestria and beyond. The heroes of these tales often find themselves converging at single location, Ye Ol' Watering Hole, A humble tavern.

Everything was going pretty smoothly for the tavern, only a couple fights, a few bandit raids, a rogue dragon attack- But that would come to a crashing halt when Twilight Sparkle showed up.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-17 20:04:02 UTC

Night of the Epic Adventure!

Ye Ol' Watering Hole : Night of the Epic Adventure!

By: Pnoy

Deep in the heart of the Everfree Forest, alongside a narrow dirt road, an old tavern basks in the late afternoon light. Its rickety, beaten sign waves in the warm summer air, creaking noisily with every breeze. Its rustic appeal, worn wooden structure, and rugged stone foundation inviting wary travelers.

As the sun falls closer to the horizon, a dense fog slowly settles over the forest, the travelers piling into the tavern before nightfall. Little did they know of the events that tonight would bring.

~~~

The tavern keeper was busily wiping down the bar that spanned the length of the lobby. Already many seats and tables in the tavern had been occupied by the usual guests.

"...EEEREEEEee ee was!" Somepony blared out loudly in an intoxicated slur. "All fer er legshs dug into the duh-ert~" *hic* "AHHHH SAIDDD WHAR IS MA-I n-nnnOOOOOP." His head sinking slowly and suddenly hitting the table with a thunderous thunk.

His partner across the table quietly staring and casually sipping his drink. "Noop?" He asked amused after reviewing his friend's belligerently drunken state.

There was an unhindered silence between the two before the incapacitated brown stallion threw his hoof up and slammed it back on the table.

The silence continued and the incapacitated stallion laid motionless as his streaked, golden mane settled into his flask. His mouth drooped open baring his newly yellowed teeth and odor ridden breath accompanied by his tongue limply resting atop the wooden surface of the table.

Finishing his drink, the bleached yellow stallion that sat across the small rounded table subtly checked his friend's pulse. After confirming he was alive he let out a sigh while contemplating several options to moving this mass of cider and flesh to a suitable tavern room.

"Well..." The Tavern Keeper chimming in, "Whatever he had to share we'll never know now, hes out cold i betcha."

"Yep." The other replied. "Say... how things been goin' around here Rex? Its been what? A month?" The stallion turning his attention away from his defeated comrade to the keeper who'd been busily wiping down flasks.

"Things have been pretty quiet actually, other than the occasional rampant boulder." The keeper answered, chuckling to himself.

"Boulder you say?"

"Yeah!" The maroon maned, burgundy coated Rex started, "Some goon that was carting a boulder up the hill right outside- From some construction site down the road I suppose, lost it right at the top and it came-a-tumblin' down right towards the tavern!"

"Oi!"

"Tell me about it! The foal was lucky it ended up rolling off the road and getting stuck in some trees, that thing would leveled us, it couldn't of been no lighter than a train! Bout' the size of one too if you rolled the Canterlot express up in a ball."

As the burly keeper finished wiping down the flask he finished his story just in time for a couple knocks at the door. He was a little confused usually everypony knew enough to just come inside.

The keeper approached the door and peaked through the cracks in the door to make out 3 small filly figures disguised in cloaks accompanied by one larger pony carrying a box wrapped in linen.

He opened the door and greeted the mysterious figures. "Hello! Welcome come on inside make yourself at home! No need to be shy now." The Tavern keeper beckoning them inside with his forehoof.

The covered figures walk inside, occasionally the little ones would trip over each other's cloaks. They took refuge in the corner over looking the rest of the lobby murmuring and quietly squealing at each other.

After attending to everypony's needs, assuring their comfortable stay at the tavern another pony came in through the outside entrance. She was a lavender unicorn with beautiful female qualities, she seemed out of breathe as if she had just got done running and telepathically levitated a rubber ball above her head.

"May I help you miss~?" The Bartender addressing the unicorn.

"Twilight Sparkle!" She responded snappily and somewhat merrily but as if she was in a hurry and not trying to be rude. "Say... You wouldn't happen to have a hitching rail for a giant three headed dog would you?- Heh-"

Something suddenly made the keeper feel as if it was going to be a long tiresome night regarding to the unusual unicorn's request.

~~~

"Aye! Jack O'" The tired merchant shouted ahead of him.

The blue pegasus turned around to see who shouted his name.

"Rosco?!" The pegasus perked up recalling his favorite client.

"Where ya headed?" The merchant replied, catching up to the halted pegasus.

"Just headed to the tavern actually to catch up on some local gossip and to see if i can find any business actually."

"Looks like we're in the same boat partner, say you wouldn't mind helping me get this up the hill would ya?" The merchant beckoning towards his burdened carriage.

"For the right price perhaps." The blue pegasus grinned.

"Oh- Well i got some extra bits on me..." The merchant fumbled around in his pocket.

"Ah im only teasin," Jack O' chuckled, "here I need a workout anyway."

The sturdy pegasus circled around the wagon and pushed his hooves up on the back of the wagon.

"I appreciate-"

~~~

To confirm the keeper's worries there was a blood curdling scream outside heard throughout the tavern, several ponies jumped up, some more successfully than others who may have a little too much to drink.

"Oh dear.." Twilight panicked.

"It appears somepony may have encountered your pet miss Sparkle." The burly keeper throwing his small towel over his shoulder as he headed outside accompanied by a small mob of wannabe heroes and drunkards.

~~~

"WHO CARRIES GIANT COOKED RUMPS OF HAM WITH THEM ANYWAYS!?"

"Ah-I dunno! Maybe for potential business?!"

"LAST TIME I CHECKED, PO-" the pegasus was interrupted when having to fly out of the way of a giant paw that was about to step on him. "PONIES DON'T EAT MEAT."

"Ok ok! Maybe it wasn't such a GREAT choice but the competition is almost minimal! When was the last time you saw somepony trying to sell you some meat?" The merchant retaliated. "But you gotta help me get it away from my stuff before I'm ruined!"

"You owe me after this one!" The pegaus shouted before making a dash for the cart and grabbing the over-sized slab of cooked ham and flying into the woods with the giant 3 headed dog hungrily in pursuit.

"NOT THE HAM! IT WAS WORTH MORE THAN EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE CART!" The merchant cried envisioning his many potential bits becoming dog food.

"Pardon me wanderer but wou-"

"AGH!" The startled merchant jumping out of his cart's straps sending the cart rolling back down the hill.

"MY CART!" The merchant without a moments notice took off down the hill after his goods despite the sudden stranger's appearance.

After managing to catch up to his cart he jumped in front of it only to have the cart flip, ejecting the contents of his wagon like a catapult over him. Almost as if in a slow motion picture he saw his precious and frail goods fly somewhat majestically yet only to end in tragedy as they landed and spoiled by the unwelcoming surface of the hard dirt road.

"RUINED! I'M RUINED!" In denial and desperation he points out the unfamiliar equine. "YOU DID THIS TO ME!"

~~~

As Twilight rushed outside she observed the mob of ponies, some bearing torches to light there way approaching the source of the disturbance. She looked around unable to locate the massive canine.

Taking off after the crowd the lavender unicorn shouted, "Zecora! Zecora where are you?!" Despite all the commotion it wasn't long before she could make out the familiar poetic dialogue.

"...I HAVE NO SUCH FUNDS NOR MEANS OF PAYING YOU A DEBT I DO NOT OWE!" Zecora roared in the distance.

Twilight sighed to herself.

Suddenly, "Whooo!"

Twilight looked around. "What?" Confused as to why somepony might be asking such a question.

"Whooo!"

"Whose there!"

"Whooo!"

"... Really?" Then Twilight saw a bird figure descending from a tree branch above her. "Owlicious!? Am I glad too see you!"

"Whoo whooo who!" The owl hooted as if trying to relay a message.

By judging her companions behavior she made out something else was wrong...Twilight grimaced at the potential thought of more bad news. "What is it Owlicious? Take me there!"

The owl seemingly nodded and flew off into the woods, Twilight without a moment to loose took off after the nocturnal animal.

~~~

"You foal! I must find the beast or he may make a feast out of us both!" The frustrated zebra growled with the merchant pinned down.

"Whoa is me!" The merchant cried. "My career has been sabotaged and now I am being threatened with death!"

"I did not wish this upon you trave-"

"Hey you! Get off him!" Rex shouted pointing his hoof at Zecora.

"W-wait, It is not as it may seem!" The zebra hastily recognizing the misunderstanding.

"Can it bandit!" One of the ponies from the mob shouted.

"I do not mean harm, but a rather large canine might not feel the same!" Zecora pleaded.

"What is she going on about?"

"She lieing!" The crowed called out amongst themselves.

"Wait, hold on there is no reason to jump to conclusions, if she is telling the truth we could all be in danger."

"I am with the magic one you see!"

Suddenly the ground intermittently rumbled as if small earthquakes were periodically occurring. The rumbling got louder until a giant shadow was cast in the moonlight from above.

"What the?" The bewildered tavern keeper gasped as he observed a giant four legged figure flying through the sky biting at a small ball in competition with its own three heads.

The group screamed in horror and scattered with the intoxicated decorating the dirt road like speed bumps.

"MOTHER OF CELESTIA..." Rex's jaws dropping at the sight of the massive monster, his towel falling to the road.

As intimidating as a sight the dog was to most ponies it was clearly not in any kind of threatening posture as it merrily wagged its tail, munching and fighting over the ball between its three heads. It lowered its heads and started playing with the ball on the ground.

Suddenly Twilight Sparkle and a blue pegasus came dashing from the woods, Owlicious was riding on twilight's curvy, perfect, delicious... *Plump... Smo-******* rear end.

"Everyone calm down!" Twilight addressing the crowd of ponies panicking. "I've got this under control!"

AND THEN FROM THE TAVERN DOOR VINYL SCRATCH KICK DOWN THE DOOR AND WITH HER BASS CANNON ROLLING OUT SHE BLASTS: THIS SONG!

Following the DJ's entrance the 3 small hooded figures jumped out past her with their hoods down, and it was in fact, the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

"WHAT IS GOING ON?"

"THE MUSIC. IT'S- IT'S LIKE GOLD DUST!?"

"IM SO WASTED XD!" One brightly fashionable pony shouted out while sloppily jumping to the song and grabbing onto a friend.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADER, CERBERUS CATCHERS ARE A GO!" Scootaloo shouted while striking a martial stance.

"SWEETIE BELLE!"

"APPLE BLOOM!"

"SCOOTALOO!" The three fillies sounded off.

"GO!" They shouted.

The easily excitable Cerberus hopped to its feet and started running in circles around the tavern and through the woods. He was running so fast he hardly could keep his balance and smacked into the tavern with his body, ripping paneling off and putting holes in the wall.

"Hey- hey be careful!" The tavern keeper started shouting trying to get the dog to slow down. "We gotta stop that maniac dog before he tears down my whole tavern!"

Suddenly the dog slipped and slid into a tree knocking it over, the tree smacked into the tavern hard with the weight of the massive canine bearing down on it.

"NO!" Rex shouted grabbing on to his mane in agony.

"OH YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THAT ONE DOG." The bartender shaking his hoof at the giant black dog.

The dog couldn't have been more oblivious to the keeper's threats and the mayhem it was causing, it was just having too much fun with these little fillies.

"Scootaloo it's too fast! We'll never catch it like this!" Sweetie Belle shouted.

Scootaloo took a moment to think it the situation out. Her eye's widened and she turned to Sweetie Belle, "I got an idea!" She grinned.

Somehow Sweetie Belle suddenly felt as if that was necessarily a good thing.

Scootaloo stopped and the other two crusaders kept chasing the rampaging canine.

Scootaloo smirked, "Gotchya now!" She mumbled to herslef victoriously.

The giant dog rounded the tavern one more time and barrled right towards Scootaloo, it noticed her position and it lowered its head playfully as if suggesting, "Bring it on!" to the small orange pegasus.

"YAHHHHHHHHH!!" Scootaloo charged at the giant dog, Just before the made contact, Scootaloo jumped and latched on the first thing she could grab...

"EWWW- UGH YUCK!" She cried being drenched in the beast's saliva. "I grabbed on to it's tongue!"

The dog with its mouth wide open and tongue hanging out it continued to barrel its way around the tavern. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom still in hot pursuit.

Scootaloo hanging on for dear life, climbed onto the dogs muzzle, wrapping around it tightly with all four of her hooves. She inched her way up its muzzle like a Caterpillar until being met by its giant eyes staring at her.

"Heh." Scootaloo chuckled.

The dog started shaking its head furiously to eject Scootaloo. Scootaloo held on for a while but another head grabbed and threw her over the giant canine. Scootaloo grabbed the collar before flying past it.

"Wha---!" She screamed flailing around in the air at the mercy of the rampaging canine. "Whoa- ha... Hah! Apple Bloom throw me the rope!" Scootaloo shouted back.

Apple Bloom pulled her rope out of her saddle bag and while running she flicked her head and flung the rope masterfully up to Scootaloo.

Scootaloo fumbled with the rope but under the constant heaving she almost dropped the rope but managed to recover it with her rear hoof before she lost it.

She Slowly stretched her back hoof to her front and when she managed to get a hold of the rope she started tieing it around the dog's collar. Just as she finished tieing the knot in the collar the dog slammed to a halt and scootaloo lost her grip and went flying through the air.

The crowd of onlooking ponies gasped as they witness the small filly catapult off the dog.

"Fly Scootaloo Fly!" Apple Bloom shouted out to her.

"FLY FLY FLY FLY!" Scootaloo kept shouting, flapping her small wings as fast as she could manage. "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE..." She held her hooves over her eyes.

Suddenly she felt her body lift, she felt the air pick up her wings, she suddenly got a tingling sensation throughout her whole body and as she realized she was starting to fly a lightbulb went off in her head...'I think i get it now, I was doing it so wrong before! I can't believe I am act-' Her thoughts were cut off as she slammed faced first into a tree.

Everypony gasped as she plummeted to the ground unconcious.

"Scootaloo!" Apple Bloom shouted out to her friend.

Sweetie Belle grimaced at the impact, as did many of the drunken onlookers.

There was a moment of silence before somepony shouted and as Vinyl Scratch STOPPED THE MUSIC, "Is she ok?"

Zecora ran over to Scootaloo while the tavern keeper confronted the stopped beast.

"The Leash! Grab it!" Sweetie Belle shouted.

The tavern keeper noticed the rope dangling from the canine's collar. Without a moment's notice he lunged at the leash and reached out for it.

The dog read his plan and jolted out of the way before he could reach the rope. The large three headed monstrosity started running around the mob of ponies while many tried as well to grab the rope none of them were successful.

"Wait!" Twilight Sparkle shouted trying to get everypony's attention.

The chaos insued, ponies were flung every which way trying to grab the rope and some even latched on to the dogs leg only to get hurled off.

"I got it!" Jack O' declared before taking off after the leash only to fail and end up face first in the dirt.

Then suddenly... Weather Happened.

It started pouring and the sky light up with lightening, the ground and dirt road quickly became muddy slides and added to the disaster. Every step from the giant three headed dog was a violent splash of mud and water, soaking his fur and and hurling mud onto anypony in his way.

A distant, familiar scream from a certain fashonista echoed around Equestria. It was supposed to be Rarity's perfect night, she had planned an outdoor showing of her her latest tailored creations to some big name visitor's from Canterlot. Twilight could only imagine the horrific scene.

"Thats it..." Twilight mumbled to herself impatiently while being drenched in the sudden down pour.

The Lavender unicorn waited for the guardian creature to circle back around and when it was close enough she telepathically yanked the rope and held on to it with all her might. Cerberus resisted but was pulled back and hits giant paws gave way to the muddy earth and fell backwards to the ground, fortunately without landing on anypony.

With casualties laying everywhere, covered in mud, limbs protruding every which way they aren't supposed too, somepony might even think there was a war here if it weren't for the occasional drunken slur or grunt.

Scootaloo groaned in agony and sat up. "Not to quickly little one." Zecora nurturing the young pegasus.

"Ugh, what happened?" Scootaloo asked rubbing her throbbing head.

"You were flying!" Sweetie Belle cheered as she approached her friend, relieved to see shes ok.

"Really?!" The little pegasus excitedly asked jumping to her hooves despite her injuries.

"Well, until you flew into that tree." Apple Bloom added.

"Awww man I don't remember it at all!" Scootaloo flapped her wing to see if she could do it again to no avail. "Ow!" She grimmaced after feeling a sharp pain in her wing.

"Relax young Scootaloo, I have a remedy for your sores back at my hut if you wish to recover some time soon." The zebra comforting the distraught filly.

With the three headed canine under control Twilight breathed a sigh of relief and addressed the keeper. "I'm sorry sir I can help take care of the damages your cavern received." She started while a section of the tavern's roof caved in.

Rex clambered back to his hooves, covered in mud and observed the heavily inflicted structure. "How would you go about that?"

"I'm Celestia's mentor and it is my duty to return this creature back to the gates of tartarus before any of the monster's escape. The kingdom's resources are at your disposal."

The keeper nodded approvingly. "Well that'll about cover it!" Rex observed the distraught merchant still weeping over his lost goods and the mess this whole circus caused. "How about we head inside and get everypony cleaned up." The keeper beckoning everyone to head back inside.

______Notes______

**: Sorry, unnecessary plot*holes[/i, necessary.].*

(You can now exit rainymood if you haven't.)

~~~

After a while things started returning to normal at the tavern with the addition of a giant three headed guard dog tethered outside.

With the last guests put to sleep in their rooms the Tavern keeper started closing down the lobby and resigned to his own quarters.

After waking up the next morning the keeper noticed that most guests had actually already left to his surprise. Somewhat relieved that the commotion was over, he noticed something a little different about the tavern. All the furniture had been replaced and the rooms had been refurnished. the roof was repaired and the tavern was looking quite nice, the stone work had been redone, the wood work outside was much newer. *'Aw man, I was wanting to get a fountain for outside too...'*

And as if almost on request an elegant, beautiful fountain magically materialized with a note attached.

The keeper approached the fountain and read the note:

Thank you for your assistance in last night affairs, my student told me all about it!

~Princess Celestia

"Well I'll be hoofed, it isn't everyday I have the Princess's own mentor come through here!" The keeper remarked to himself grinning.

An unsettling breeze stirred and accompanied by a white frail unicorn. Unfortunately for Rex, this was only the beginning.

~~~

The End.

I hope you enjoyed! :D~