Soldier-at-Arms

That night, my men celebrated our victory. They sang and drank merrily without a care in the world. We sat around the campfires, talking about what we’d do once we got sent home. Most of them wanted to get married, start a family, or even work on a farm. Eventually, my turn came around.

“Come on, Colonel! What’re you gonna do after the war? You’ve got a long life ahead of you!”

“Yeah, come on, tell us!”

I chuckle and take a swig of my whiskey.

“Well, I haven’t really thought about it much. But, I suppose I’d go back to my home and start a family one day.”

“Awe, come on, Colonel! You’re the highest decorated soldier in the whole military still in their teens! Ya gotta have something!”

I rub the back of my neck. “Well, I’ve actually been thinking about starting up a brewery back home.”

“Hey, if you need a worker once you’re up and running, let me know! I’ll gladly help you out, Colonel.” John says, patting my back.

“Yeah, same here!”

The other men all chime in.

“Oh, come on. You guys don’t need to help me. You’ve all got your dreams.”

“Sir, if I may…” I look over to see a young grunt girl, only a year younger than me, standing up. She was clearly drunk, judging by the blush on her face.

“Go right ahead, Miss…?”

“Hayfield. Anne Hayfield, sir.” She salutes. I chuckle.

“No need for that. The others should’ve told you I don’t want you saluting to me. I’m in the mud with you, and I intend to be your equals, law or not. And my old man can cram it in his piehole if he doesn’t like it!”

They all laugh.

Anne nods, lowering her arm. “S-Sir, what’s our plan now?”

The others murmur in agreed curiosity.

I stand up, and they all fall silent.

“Our orders are as follows: We pack up camp tomorrow at 1300 hours and we’ll go to the south beach of Alabama. From there, we’ll be sailing for three days back to Kentucky.”

Since this is a memoir, I should probably elaborate. In the year 1956, the United States had such a massive military that every country inhabitable on Earth was invaded and conquered. The President, the admirable William Choir, established that the territories all over the globe were to be renamed after the old United states. The world was split into 15 states of Terra. Kentucky took up the west coast of what was originally the united states, and the west coast of what was Canada. Alabama now was known then as Peru and Chile. We are near the south-west coast of Peru.

“Sir, is the war finally over?” Anna asks. I sit back down and shrug, taking a big swig of whiskey.

“Who knows? After today’s insurgence against those rebels, it should be. And you all should be proud of yourselves. You all ended 45 groups of Confederates, and we only lost two men.” I take my hat off and press it to my chest. The others copy me.

“They will be missed dearly. But, today is a day to celebrate. So, drink and eat to your heart’s content! We’ll leave tomorrow afternoon. Now, if you’ll excuse me. I have a gun to polish.” I get up and stagger back to my tent. Music picks up as I leave.

As I get into my tent, I stop dead in my tracks, seeing a woman sitting on my bed. She was wearing an elegant, white gown and a small tiara, and her hair was in bizarre colors, and it looked like it glistened unnaturally.

I draw my gun and aim at her.

“What the Hell are you doing in my tent!?” I yell at her. She stands up and smiles, her eyes an odd pinkish color.

“You must be James.” She says, her voice warm and motherly.

I cock back the hammer on my gun, and it makes a soft whirring sound as the lasers power up.

“Wrong answer. Now, I’ll ask again. Why. Are you. In my tent?” I growl.

She walks right up to me, her head almost a foot above mine. The barrel of my gun presses against her soft chest, as if she wasn’t afraid of being shot!

“James, calm down. I’m not going to hurt you.” Something about her tone made me believe her, and I holster my gun, making it power down.

“If you wanna talk, talk. If not, get out.” I sit down in my office chair.

The mysterious woman sits back on my bed, crossing her legs elegantly.

“James, I-” I hold up my hand, interrupting her. Her eyes widen in surprise.

“When you’re in my camp, soldier or not, I am Colonel James Davis, Colonel Davis, or sir. Don’t call me by my first name unless you’re my friend. And you, ma’am, are currently a prisoner until your innocence is proven.”

She nods understandingly. “I understand your concern, Colonel. My name is Celestia.”

I raise an eyebrow. “You from Minnesota or something?”

She giggles softly. “No no, much further than that…”

“Washington?”

“Colonel, I’m from another world.”

“Uh huh….Riiiight….JOHN!” I call out. “JOHN, GET I-” My mouth keeps moving, but my voice completely stops.

I look back at the woman, to see her hand raised at me. It was glowing a brilliant gold color.

“Colonel, you must believe me. I’m from a world called Equestria, where magic exists. That’s how I’m silencing you.”

I stare at her, thinking deeply. Magic can’t be real, can it? But, how else could she had cut off my voice? The closest thing we have to that in technology has to be touched. And she can’t be a Confederate. She’s too well dressed…

I look at her, leaning forward slightly to show I’m listening.

“Good. Thank you.” Her hand stops glowing, and I clear my throat.

“Do that again, and I don’t care if you’re the Pope. I will put a beam in your head.” I threaten calmly. She nods understandingly.

“I came from this other world to look for help. We’ve been having trouble with m-the city’s soldiers. I’ve looked through all of time and space to find the most acceptable fighter, and you’re the best.”

“Me? Hardly. I’ve known met ten times my skill in fighting. So, tell me the truth. Why did you pick me?”

She chuckles. “For just that reason. What you’ve just done.”

“Wait, what?”

“You’re an excellent fighter, and you’re humble. Every other fighter of your skill would boast about it. And, you care little about ranks. You treat your soldiers like equals. And they respect you. And I’d like you to train my soldiers. After that, you’re welcome to return here.”

I hum in thought, tapping my foot. On one hand, this could all be some strange, elaborate trap by the Confederacy...But this woman...this witch has magic. Real magic. But, the others….

“May I speak with my colleagues first?” I ask politely.

She nods. “Of course. I’ll wait here.”

I get up and go back out to the fire pit, where they were all sitting around, having a gay old time.

I clear my throat, and they all fall silent instantly. John looks up at me as I do.

“I want to make something very clear to all of you: I appreciate all of you and the dedication and respect you give me, though most of you are older than me. And I have to speak to you as if you were all my family. And you are. I have been summoned to another….state to train another cavalry equal to your joint might. And I have decided that it will be a good place for me. Truth is, I can’t see myself living the quiet life like all of you. My father engineered me from the ground up to be the excellent soldier you all see me to be. So, from this point on, John here will be your leader. Follow his order as if it were mine. And this is not goodbye. I will return to you again, though I know not when. I thank you all for the opportunity you’ve given me to fight alongside you all. I wish you the very best.”

After I finally finish my speech, they all stand at once and salute to me. I chuckle and stand at attention, saluting back. John nods to me, and I nod back.

“Alright, now enjoy your celebration. John, take care of them. And get them home safe.” I shake his hand. He takes my arm and nods.

“Send back a post once in awhile, alright?”

“Of course, old man. Just don’t end up with a cane too soon, huh?” He chuckles.

“Good luck, James.”

I hug him tightly, and he hugs back gently, patting my back.

“You’ve got this.”

I nod and let go, going back to my tent with a wave. Celestia, as she called herself, was waiting.

“That was a lovely speech, Colonel.”

“Thanks. So, where’s your horse?”

She looks at me, amused.

“We won’t be going by horse.” Her hand glows, and I leap back as a ring of golden light splits the air, humming gently.

“Come along, Colonel.” She steps through the ring and disappears.

I cautiously step closer to it, poking it with my sabre. When I pull it out and examine it, it’s perfectly fine. I slowly push my arm through. It tingles slightly, but that’s all. I step through, and feel my stomach leap to my throat as I appear somewhere else.

It was an odd-looking treeline outside of a small town. The buildings looked like old, european-style cottages. They were oddly bright colored, and looked rather small.

“Uuuh...did everything shrink?” I ask, looking around for “Celestia”, but I don’t see anything but a white horse with a long horn, wings, and flowing multi-colored hair.

“Huh...guess you’re Celestia’s horse…” I walk up to the mare, who was just looking at me calmly.

“You look like a thoroughbred, but what are these things?” I grab the wings gently, extending them to full width. The wingspan has to be 12 feet or more.

“I see you’re infatuated with my wings.” I hear Celestia say. I whip around, but I don’t see her anywhere. Just the horse.

“Huh? Thought I heard….” I look back at the horse and gently touch the horn on her head.

“What in Terra’s name are you?” I ask the horse, gently petting her mane. It felt like silk mixed with velvet.

“Wow. She really takes care of you, doesn’t she?” I look back at the horse’s flank, and I see a sun-shaped mark on both sides.

“Huh...Kinda ruined your coat with that brand….Wait a second…..What kind of horse are you? Your eyes are too big….and your muzzle looks oddly shaped…..”

“I’m not sure how to take that.” I watch the horse say in Celestia’s voice.

“Did I hit my head?” I take off my hat and rub my head.

“Surely not. I figured I would let you examine me so you wouldn’t freak out when I took my true form.”

I look dead at this horse’s eyes. They looked just like Celestia’s.

“What...the fuck…?”

“Now, Colonel. Calm down…”

“YOU’RE A TALKING HORSE?! Damn it, I shouldn’t have jumped through that damn gold hoop! Now I’m in some kind of purgatory with talking horses!”

“Firstly, I’m a pony. And secondly, you are very much alive. Now please calm down.”

I pace back and forth, swearing to myself. “This isn’t possible...I must’ve hit my head, or maybe I’m suffering from War Fatigue…Or m-” My voice gets cut off again. I look back at the h-pony, and her horn was glowing a familiar gold.

I mouth “Celestia” and point at her. She nods.

“As I said, I’m from another world. This world. And this is what I truly look like. My human form was to make you more comfortable.”

I tap my throat, and her horn stops glowing.

“So...this is real? All this...pony stuff is real?”

“Very. Do you regret helping me?”

“Well, no. You may not be….normal. But you still need my help.”

She smiles at that. It’s weird seeing a h-pony...smile.

“Well, I’m going to meet with my student and have her arrange a place for you to sleep.”

“No need, Celestia. I’m very well prepared. I brought my knapsack.” I pull out a rolled blanket and lay it on the grass.

“Um...Colonel, we could have you in a normal home here…”

“It’s alright. You go meet your student. I’ll set up camp.”

She somehow shrugs before flying off towards the town nearby.

I gather up some twigs and leaves, building a fair-sized fire pit. I grab my trench knife and a piece of flint. With a few strikes, the fire burns steadily, slowly growing until I have a fire going.

“Perfect. I should probably get some food. Glad I brought my rations for the next week. I can’t eat hay…”

I carefully take off my uniform and fold it up, leaving me in just my underwear and undershirt. I grab a pan from my knapsack and set it on the fire, then grab my rations bag. Inside was some stew meat, a few vegetables, and my canteen.

“Aah, some good stew to warm up.”

I roughly break up the vegetables and throw them in the pan with water and the meat, letting them cook while I grab my travel tent and start setting it up. It was more of a piece of canvas with two sticks so it slanted only to one side.

Finally, I have my camp set up. I lift the pan off the fire and serve myself some stew in my tin water cup. It’s good. Needs some salt...Wonder if they have any…

Just as I was getting comfortable, I hear the sounds of hooves rapidly approaching. I count six sets, and a set of wings.

I grab my gun cautiously and stand, looking over to the source.

There was Celestia again, but she had other ponies with her. Two winged ones, two...Unicorns? Huh...and two regular ones with neither.

They were each distinctly colored with different mane colors and styles. This is bizarre….

“Colonel, I see you’ve already made yourself at home. But, what’s that smell?”

“Oh, uh...Just made some beef stew for supper. Haven’t eaten tonight.”

The yellow wing horse looks frightened. “B-beef? Y-you mean c-cow?”

I holster my gun and nod. “Yup. Damn hard to come by, too. Had to make jerky out of it first. That was a pain…”

“Princess, this thing eats meat?!” The oddly multi-colored one exclaims rather rudely. Wait, Princess?

“Yes, Rainbow. He has to. His species are omnivores, and can’t survive without protein.”

“C-couldn’t you eat f-fish instead?” The yellow one asks.

“Suppose I could. Didn’t mean to offend.” I bow slightly.

“And, uh...who’s the Princess?” I ask. They all look at me dumbfoundedly, except for Celestia, who was just smiling.

“That would be me, Colonel.” Celestia says.

“Uh huh...That makes sense. But, uh...don’t go taking offence, but I’m not calling you Princess. I’m a man of my own country.”

She chuckles. “Alright. That’s fair, I suppose.”

The purple unicorn, who has been fidgeting the entire time, finally blurts out a question.

“Where are you from?!”

I laugh. “I’m from Kentucky, 13th State of the Terran States.”

“Ya sound like yer from Appaloosa.” The orange one with a hat says. She has a thick, southern accent.

“Not quite, young miss. Kentucky’s a fair bit bigger.”

“Do you like parties?!” The pink one suddenly shouts, appearing in front of me. I grab her tail, leaving her hanging upside down. She’s really light… And she was giggling.

“Does this one have some sort of devil magic or something?”

“Hardly. Colonel, please let Pinkie down.” Celestia asks politely.

I nod and set her down.

“Well, these are the Elements of Harmony Colonel. This is Twilight, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity.” Celestia says, pointing to each.

“Glad ta know ya. Ah’m Colonel James Davis of the 390th Kentucky Cavalry Battalion.” I salute, standing at attention.

“There’s no need for that. They aren’t soldiers.”

I shrug and stand at ease.

“Just so we are clear, Celestia. I will stay here and work with all of you. But, do not disrespect me. Do not touch my things. And most importantly, do as I say when we are training. I assume these...Elements of Harmony or whatever are like knights of some kind?”

“You’d be correct in assuming that.”

“Good. Then they’ll be trained too.”

“Colonel, that’s not necessary….”

I pull out my gun and aim it at Celestia’s head.

“You. Twilight. Why did you and your...Elements just fail test number one?”

She looks very disturbed by this. Good.

“T-test? There was a test?!”

I am the gun at Pinkie next.

“Failed test two.”

I aim at Applejack.

“And three! Why are none of you taking me down yet?”

“You’re just pointing that weird thing around.” Rainbow says rather dumbly.

“This is a gun. And if I was to use it, every one of you I aimed it at would be dead right now.”

They look at me, shocked.

“But, I don’t-” I aim at Twilight.

“Dead.”

“But, we-”

I am at Celestia again.

“Dead.”

Twilight grunts frustrated.

“Do I need to demonstrate why you need your knights to fight? Or do you just want to take my word for it?”

“That gun looks harmless!” Twilight exclaims.

Harmless, huh?

I cock back the hammer, and it whirrs to life. I aim behind me at a nearby tree and fire at its base. It punches straight through it, but nothing else seems to happen.

“That didn’t….” Twilight starts, but I hold up my hand, cutting her off.

The tree creaks and slowly falls over, revealing the base of the tree on the other side had been blown apart.

I holster it again.

“Any other stupid questions?”

They all shake their heads. And Celestia looks mortified.

“Sorry about aiming that at you, Celestia. But you did break into my tent.”

She just nods.

“U-um...M-Mister James?”

“Colonel.” I correct Fluttershy.

“R-right. Um, C-Colonel….why are you sleeping by the forest?”

“Because I can.”

“But there are m-monsters out here!”

“Gun.”

“A-and hydras!”

“....gun….”

“And dragons!”

I sigh. “Did you all not just see what my gun can do?”

“What if you’re not fast enough?” Rainbow says. Her tone is annoying me.

“I’m a faster shot than you think. And don’t hold that cocky tone with me or I’ll slap the smirk off your face. I may be on another planet, but I will not tolerate any bullshit from any of you, and I will strike you if I feel it is needed, Princess or not.”

“Y-you can’t hit the Prin-” Twilight starts. I slap her across the face before she finishes.

“Don’t tell me what I can’t do. You six are my soldiers from the moment we met, and you will treat me as if I am your God. Understand?”

She nods and whimpers, holding her cheek.

“Cry, and I’ll slap you again.”

I look over at Celestia, who didn’t look too happy with me.

“I’ve gotta put respect and discipline in these soldiers or your country will fall. And where I come from, it doesn’t matter who or what you are. You were a soldier first. You’re a child? I’d slap him or her if they talked back or complained. Ooh, you’re a woman? No, you’re a soldier. And a slap would be aimed her way if she needed it too. My methods may make you all want to kill me, maim me, who cares. That's good. That means I’m doing my job. By the time I leave here, all of you will be able to take me down, and that is something that no rookie has ever done.”

Rainbow huffs, trying to tackle me. I dodge out of her way, grab her tail, and fling her back into line.

“Any other futile attempts?” I ask.

“What would you do against magic?” Twilight asks, sounding upset.

“Easy. If I see one of you trying to use it on me, I’ll blow your horn off your head before you could blink.”

Twilight and the silent Rarity gasp.

I walk through the crowd to Rarity and kneel.

“You’ve been surprisingly quiet this whole time. You have a tongue in that mouth of yours?”

“I-I do! I just find you rude!”

“Good. I couldn’t care less how rude I sound. I’m here on a mission to train your Princess’ army in efficient combat, and that includes you six.”

“B-but...i-I don’t want to fight…” Fluttershy squeaks.

“What would you do if I decided to go into a field of cows and open fire? How would you stop me?”

She starts to tear up.

“Come on, grunt. Your cows are dying! Do something!”

She suddenly tackles me to the ground, making everyone gasp.

She cries, but has me pinned down.

“Good. The rest of you failed. It seems Fluttershy here has more gall than any of the rest of you.”

“What?! How did we fail?” Dash exclaims.

“YOU ARE A UNIT!” I shout, making them all jump. “If you saw me open fire on Fluttershy’s cows, you’d do nothing?”

“Well, no….”

“So you all failed for doing nothing. Fluttershy, good job. Sorry for upsetting you.” I say kindly, petting her head gently before setting her down next to me.

“As for the rest of you, go home. I want you all ready to move at 0800 hours! We'll Be marching up to...Uuh, Celestia? Where are your troops?”

She blinks a few times. Must’ve spooked her.

“Canterlot.” She points to a distant mountain.

“Good. You all will be marching with me to Canterlot! If I hear a single complaint, I will beat you within an inch of your life! Fluttershy, since you’ve gained my respect, you may lead the march tomorrow.”

“Colonel, you’re being rather stern with them. Wouldn’t kindness be a better way?”

“I will treat them with kindness and respect when they earn it. And so far, Fluttershy is ahead of all of you, since she had the guts to attack a creature much bigger than her that could’ve blown her head off in a millisecond. Now, dismissed!”

The six all run off. I sigh and sit on my blanket.

Celestia sits across from me.

“Sorry you had to see that, Princess….I really don’t want to be rude and aggressive towards them, but it’s the best way to get the point across….”

“It’s okay. I understand. Just...try to refrain from hitting them like that again.”

“I won’t. If they need it, or we’re sparring, I will treat them like any other soldier.”

She stays silent for a moment.

“You...would really strike a princess?” She asks.

“I’ve smacked my dad around a few times, and he’s the president of the planet. A bit higher up than you.”

“Why are you fighting in the war, then? If your Father rules your world?”

“Well, because that’s what I was designed to do…”

“What do y-”

“I need to get to sleep, Celestia. Long day tomorrow.” I lay on my blanket.

“Alright. Sleep well, James.”

Before I can say anything, she was gone.

You know, I think I’ll let her call me that from now on….