All Jokes Aside

by RustyTheBrave

Rating: teen
Tags: Fluttershy, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Main 6, Romance
Length: 12647

Twilight sparkle exercises common sense

Fluttershy and Twilight run afoul of some new breed of Poison Joke. It sends them into a nightmarish trip into a dark, terrible and beautiful land, where danger lurks around every turn, and beauty waits over every hill.

Published 2012-08-05 05:14:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-05 05:14:02 UTC

All Jokes Aside

“Thanks again for agreeing to come with me Fluttershy,” Twilight Sparkle said sincerely as she walked with her friend through the Everfree Forest, “I know you don't like to come out here, so it really means a lot that you were willing to come with me.” The forest was still bright with the light of day, but the lavender unicorn had had too many run-ins with the denizens of the woods to not be at least a little wary.

“Oh it's okay Twilight,” Fluttershy said, the yellow pegasus easily keeping pace with Twilight, “Besides, I know this forest very well, and I couldn't let you just go in alone. You could get lost, or scared and run off into a bog, or... Well, you know,” Fluttershy trailed off in mild embarrassment, breaking her eye contact by hiding behind her pink mane.

Twilight smiled though and continued, smoothly changing the subject, “Well I'm still very thankful, this could be such a wonderful discovery! Just think,” She started to speed up in her excitement, “A new breed of poison joke, something entirely unseen by science, unknown by anypony! Who knows if it has any medicinal properties, it might cure any number of illnesses, or help advance magi-botanical understanding!”

Twilight was positively brimming with excitement and eagerness, and Fluttershy had to jog to keep up with her as she asked, a shade breathlessly, “But if it's new and unknown by anypony, how did you find out about it Twilight?”

The reasonable question seemed to snap Twilight back from her eagerness to reach their destination, and her hooves slowed on the path, to Fluttershy's quiet relief. “Oh, Zecora told me, so I guess it's not unknown by anypony,” she flushed as she acknowledged that oversight, “She found it when she was out looking for ingredients with Applebloom, who told me so... Um...” Twilight hung her head a little, “Alright, definitely not unknown by anypony.”

“Oh, but you'll be the first one to record anything about it, right?” Fluttershy put in helpfully, a little distressed at Twilight's disappointment. As the purple unicorn brightened, Fluttershy shifted topics, “So where is the new species anyway, Twilight? How are we going to find it?”

“Oh!” Twilight said, blushing a little as she realized she hadn't told Fluttershy much of anything before recruiting the yellow pegasus on her little mission. “Well, Applebloom told me what it looks like and where she found it. It looks almost like Poison Joke, but its leaves are purple, larger than those of regular Poison Joke, and the stem is covered in little red bumps.” Fluttershy nodded, paying close attention to the unicorn's description as the two ponies walked up a rise. “Applebloom said she and Zecora found it in a depression near the Castle of the Pony Sisters. That should be enough for me to-” Twilight broke off with a cry as she tripped and started tumbling down a slope that had been hidden by the rising ground.

“Oh my goodness!” Fluttershy exclaimed as she dithered for a moment before starting down after Twilight, wings fluttering urgently as she pelted after the sliding unicorn, half-flying down the steep incline. Fluttershy pushed her wings to their limit as she spotted the cliff at the end of the slope, and managed to grab ahold of Twilight just as she was about to slide off. She held the unicorn in her forehooves for a mildly embarrassing moment, practically nose-to-nose, before gravity reminded her tired wing muscles that lifting bunnies was in no way similar to lifting a full-grown unicorn weighed down with saddle bags full of books and collection boxes.

Fluttershy's wings started to fail, but before the pair of them could plummet, Twilight used that moment to wrap them both in a telekinetic bubble. As a result, when Fluttershy's wings abruptly gave out, they hit the ground and bounced down the way, straight off the path and into a field of brightly colored purple flowers, screaming as they rolled through the air.

Tumbling end-over-end is hardly the most relaxing of methods of travel, so it was a slightly wobbly Twilight who staggered upright and asked, “F-Fluttershy, are you... Oh Celestia,” She closed her eyes to let the spinning wear off, and when she opened them an equally dizzy-looking Fluttershy was rising out of the foliage, her wings limp and exhausted against her back.

“I'm alright,” Fluttershy said somewhat uncertainly, her soft voice wobbling a little as she shook her head to clear it, “I'm sorry Twilight, I don't usually carry more than a bunny or two,” she looked over at her wings with a sigh and a wince as one of them resisted movement, “I think we should walk, if that's okay.”

Twilight nodded, and the injudicious movement made her head spin a little more. “Ugh... It's alright, Fluttershy, let's just... Sit down for a bit.” She lay down in the middle of the field, the purple foliage brushing across her face. “I just hope we're close to the place where the plant is, walking back up that cliff is going to take some navigating.”

“Um, Twilight,” Fluttershy said softly as she more closely examined the plants around them, to no effect as Twilight continued on, wrapped up in her thoughts.

“I mean, we'll have to go on around the hill,” Twilight said distractedly, looking up at the cliff they'd fallen down and pulling her map out of her saddle bags. She was somewhat embarrassed; it was the same cliff they had fallen down when on their journey to face Nightmare Moon. “I still can't believe I forgot about that, you'd think I'd remember almost falling to my death,”

“Twilight,” Fluttershy tried again, a little louder, “Twilight I think we're here.”

“It'll be hours, and I don't want us out here when it's night, manticores are nocturnal after all-” Twilight broke off abruptly when a yellow hoof pressed gently against her lips. Yet Fluttershy hadn't risen, and was still a little ways away. As soon as Twilight noticed that, the hoof was suddenly never there, with only the confused memory of its presence to give evidence one way or another. A little unnerved, Twilight smiled at her friend, “Yes, Fluttershy?”

“Um,” Fluttershy shrank down, a little frightened; the hoof, one that had looked very much like her own, had risen out of the foliage to shush Twilight just as she was starting to get frustrated enough to want to do the gesture herself. “Um Twilight I-I think this is the p-patch of Poison Joke, or the not-Poison-Joke, I mean, um...” She felt foolish now, she had probably just imagined the hoof against Twilight's lips, probably from the shock. To divert from this, she pointed to the foliage around her; on closer inspection, the field was not of purple flowers, but of large purple leaves.

“Oh!” Twilight exclaimed excitedly, pulling out her sample boxes and simultaneously preparing to take a cutting of one of the plants with a small knife, “Oh that's wonderful, that means we... Wait,” Twilight paused in the act of putting one of the cuttings she'd just taken into a box, “That means we're...” She looked down, then at Fluttershy as the penny dropped and operated her brain. “We're standing in it, Fluttershy.” Abruptly both mares hastened to leave the field, moving back towards the path, through the dense undergrowth. Twilight took the time to stow her knife and collection box however, even as they dashed through the bushes.

They broke out into the open space of the path where the two mares took a moment to catch their breath, “Well,” Twilight said hopefully, “Maybe this species isn't poisonous.” She took a moment to take out the cutting, which was resting peacefully in the jar she'd purchased. It was indeed larger than a leaf of Poison Joke, and very definitely purple, and what was left of the stem was indeed spotted with red bumps. It looked rather intimidating, all things considered, and Twilight privately hoped the cure Zecora had mixed last time still functioned.

“Even if it is, Twilight,” Fluttershy said after a moment, “wouldn't it not take effect until tomorrow?” She sounded so hopeful, Twilight nodded without a second thought, and the yellow pegasus visibly relaxed, “So we have plenty of time to get the cure ingredients even if we do get affected.”

“Yeah,” Twilight said, starting to perk up as well, “I think Aloe and Vera at the spa keep a supply of the cure, so it shouldn't be any problem at all. Unless you feel like singing bass again,” Twilight winked at Fluttershy who laughed even as she blushed at the embarrassing reminder. The two friends started up the long, winding path towards Ponyville. They didn't think anything of the fact that the path hadn't been there a moment before or that they both knew exactly where it led.

* * *

“Well I'm hungry,” Twilight said after an hour along the path. It had become cobbled along the way, and she wondered if it had once been an ancient road. She didn't remember this path from any of her books and maps, but it seemed remarkably intact. In fact it seemed to be getting broader and even more well-repaired as the pair of them walked along.

At the mention of food however, Fluttershy and Twilight both felt their bodies agree with the wish for sustenance. “It's a good thing we stopped by Applejack's,” Fluttershy said quietly while Twilight started to pull apple pastries out of her saddlebags, “I'd hate to have to leave the road to go try and find something to eat out here,” She gestured to the woods on either side of the cobbled road, which loomed very unpleasantly, their trunks seeming to leer at the ponies with malevolent faces.

In fact, the more Fluttershy started to think about it, the darker and denser the woods seemed to get, until the branches seemed to be reaching for her with wooden, spindly claws. Her fear started to catch in her chest, and made the darkness even deeper, if possible. Twilight felt the deepening gloom as well, and was starting to panic almost as much as Fluttershy when a sudden movement in the bushes made her freeze.

Both mares' minds filled with a million unpleasant creatures as the forest seemed to crush in around them. It was with some surprise therefore, that a small, toothless alligator leapt onto the path. “Gummy?!” Both girls exclaimed with incredulity, causing the reptile to turn and look at them. It was, indeed, Gummy, but he peered at the mares with a deeply intelligent look, rose onto his hind legs, swishing his tail for balance, and pulled a top hat out of nowhere. Gummy put the hat on and then shook his head.

“You're both terribly late you know,” the alligator said somewhat disapprovingly in a surprisingly rich baritone voice, though it was marred somewhat by the lisp from his lack of teeth. “You thouldn't keep the Printheth waiting.”

“How are you ta-” Fluttershy started curiously, only to be cut off by an excited Twilight.

“The Princess is here?!” the purple mare exclaimed, momentarily distracted from the strangeness of the situation.

The relief running through the two mares was almost palpable as the tiny alligator nodded, “Yeth, yeth,” Gummy said testily, “and thee's motht put out you haven't arrived yet, come on then.” With that the trio set off through the dense woods and the forest seemed to brighten as they relaxed, and latched onto the thought of seeing the Princess. Even Fluttershy, whose nervous heart was still a-flutter with trepidation felt the glimmering beginnings of hope.

* * *

Gummy seemed to be unwilling to answer their questions, and Twilight and Fluttershy were still in shock, so the journey through the forest was made in relative silence. As they walked along however, the dark forest gradually became bright and welcoming, with every possible sort of flower blooming by the side of the well-paved path. The trees no longer reached with claws, but stood as welcome sentinels, bearing singing birds of strange, impossible breeds that neither mare had ever seen. One bird seemed to be made of wood, with wings of leaves and eyes that sparkled with cleverness, while others seemed to be made of light, darkness, or they sported strange mutations.

Under other circumstances, Twilight would have been fascinated, but as it was she was a little unnerved. Fluttershy however seemed to be delighted, and the birds often seemed to watch her and sing to her. After an hour, the three of them came to a beautiful natural archway of trees that seemed to drink the light from the path, leading into a dark, shadowy orchard, “You must be cautiouth,” Gummy warned, “The Dragon Queen lurkth in thith dark orchard.” At the word 'dragon,' Fluttershy let out a whimper, her good humor evaporated like mist before the sun. “I will meet you on the other thide,” Gummy said seriously, “Look for a door with a crown.” And before either mare could say another word, the alligator had disappeared into the underbrush.

Fluttershy and Twilight faced the archway, which seemed a lot less friendly now, swallowed hard in unison and stepped into the dark orchard. Inside, the trees loomed like sneering, disapproving creatures with claws of wood and leaves. The sky above was dark grey, and swirled with thunder and crackles of lightning that seemed to grope around in the gloom for the mares. The path, however, was still well-paved, though it became dark basalt rather than warm granite after a few steps and wound its way through the trees like a snake.

A creaking sound behind them caused both mares to whirl, “No!” Fluttershy shouted as the archway writhed shut, lurching for the friendly, bright path from before, only to be halted in mid-flight by Twilight's magic, just as the branches that had seemed so bright and cheerful sprouted three inch long thorns all over, their needle points illuminated in a sudden crack of lightning. Both mares squealed as the thunder rolled over them, and clung to one another in mutual terror.

After a few moments however, a voice made them both freeze, “What in tarnation is going on here?” It was a dark voice, full of cruelty and malice, and both mares turned slowly to see a massive orange dragon looming over them, its green eyes narrowed, its yellow spines glowing in the darkness of the hideous orchard. Twilight and Fluttershy screamed and dashed off, off the path and deep into the shadows of the trees.

* * *

“Ah don' know,” Applejack said with some concern to a rather confused Rainbow Dash as they hurried through the apple orchards, “They just screamed an' ran off. Ah'm a sight worried about em, looked like they'd been rollin' through mud an' brambles.”

“Twilight and Fluttershy?” Rainbow Dash asked incredulously, “Rolling in brambles?” She seemed about to laugh, but the seriousness of the orange earth pony's expression gave her pause, “Wait, you're serious?”

Applejack nodded, looking worried as she followed the tracks of her friends through the trees. It was getting late in the day, but it had just stopped raining and the tracks of Twilight and Fluttershy were clearly visible in the golden-tinged light. “Consarnit,” Applejack swore softly; the trail had ended in a scorch mark, “Rainbow,” Applejack called to her friend with concern, “Can you get up and look for them? Ah reckon Twi went an' did her little disappearing trick.”

“Oh come off it Applejack,” Rainbow said dismissively, waving a hoof, “They probably just got startled or something, you know how high-strung Twilight is, and Fluttershy's even worse!”

Applejack stomped the ground impatiently, “That's just it, Rainbow, Twi wouldn't have run off like that just from bein' startled. They were runnin' from me like I was one of those hydras or somethin'. Just go see what you can see, okay Rainbow?”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, but the cyan mare nodded, and, true to her name, dashed off in a streak of prismatic light. Applejack meanwhile started off towards Ponyville, as she reasoned that Twilight would head to the library first in an emergency.

* * *

Twilight and Fluttershy ran, terrified, through a maze of leering trees and grasping claws. The dragon had given up the pursuit after Twilight had teleported the two of them to a distance away. Now that they were safely away from the immediate danger, Twilight's body reminded her sharply that she had blindly teleported two ponies on a stomach empty since lunch. As the adrenaline ebbed from her body, Twilight slowed and leaned against one of the horrid dark trees to catch her breath, while Fluttershy slumped beside her, panting, “Did-did we lose it?” Fluttershy asked breathlessly, a trace of fear still snaking through her voice.

“I think so,” Twilight said after a moment of listening to the forest. The trees made eerie howls and chattering noises that seemed to rise and fall with the beat of some terrible enormous heart, as if the orchard itself were some breathing, bleeding being. In fact, it seemed that the trees were pulsing gently, now that Twilight looked more carefully at them. They looked like apple trees, but as if somepony had made a nightmarish cartoon of the idea of an apple tree and poured in some generous dollops of evil for good measure. Fortunately they weren't bearing fruit, Twilight shuddered to think what horrible things these trees would produce.

As she was musing about the trees, Fluttershy rose before Twilight shakily. Concerned, Twilight was about to ask if she was alright, but the yellow pegasus enveloped her in a hug before she could so much as squeak. Twilight rather awkwardly wrapped her forehooves around Fluttershy, who was shaking gently with sobs of terror and relief. It was some time before the spasms eased, and when they did, Fluttershy nuzzled Twilight's cheek before backing off, blushing almost as much as Twilight found herself doing, “I-I'm sorry, Twilight,” Fluttershy said in a soft squeak of a voice, “But I... You... Um... You saved me...” The silence that followed that statement gradually lengthened until it passed the threshold of awkwardness and made the journey into the lands of uncomfortable.

Just as Twilight was about to break the silence though, a rough, abrasive voice thundered exultantly from overhead, “Hah! Found you!” With a tremendous thud and a flash of rainbow light, Twilight and Fluttershy found themselves facing another dragon, this one as blue as the sky with no eyes, only eye sockets that bled liquid rainbows and prismatic fire in place of spines. Its wings were as blue as its body, and seemed to dance with light. Twilight knew she couldn't shake this one off, somehow, and so stepped between the dragon and the now-cowering Fluttershy. Twilight readied herself for a fight.

* * *

“Whoa, uh, hey, it's me!” Rainbow Dash said as she saw Twilight's body go low into a fighting stance, bringing her horn to bear. She looked like a mess: Twilight's mane was filled with sticks, brambles and dirt, and her coat was streaked with filth from running about in the forest. The unicorn's eyes were wild and her pupils were dilated strangely. “Twilight, stop- whoa!” Rainbow fell flat with the speed of somepony who dodged lightning as part of their profession, just in time for a bolt of violet magic to part her mane and smash into a tree behind her hard enough to give the sturdy plant a noticeable tilt.

“Twilight, what gives?!” Rainbow said angrily as she dodged another bolt, “You almost hit me!” She leapt and spun in midair to avoid a quick flurry of arcane fury, each bolt only succeeding in defoliating the trees nearby, though by the way one of them caught on fire, Rainbow Dash realized her friend was playing hardball now. More furious than intimidated, Rainbow muttered, “Alright, you asked for it,” and she used the flash of Twilight's next attack spell to dodge closer, then spun over the next by such a narrow margin she felt the edge of her tail get crisped. She dodged spell after spell until she was finally close enough to tackle the unicorn to the ground.

Twilight went down like a sack of hammers. This close, Rainbow could feel and smell the fear rolling off of the lavender unicorn. “I'm not going to hurt you!” Rainbow shouted, while Twilight writhed beneath her, trying to bring her horn to bear for another shot, “I'm not! Now stop! Just-” Rainbow Dash broke off as a pair of yellow hooves connected with the side of her head, sending her tumbling off of Twilight and into a tree. Rainbow shook her head to clear her vision and goggled at the sight of Fluttershy standing over Twilight, and then the yellow pegasus' turquoise eyes filled Rainbow's vision.

Every single shameful thing that Rainbow Dash had ever done came flooding into her consciousness. It was like a paralyzing tide of unworthiness that held her limbs in stasis as the pink-maned pegasus approached. Fluttershy too looked like she'd been rolling around in the Everfree Forest: Her pink mane was a tangled mess of leaves and twigs and what looked rather unfortunately like a bird's nest had somehow gotten tangled in her tail. Her large, staring eyes held the same strange dilation that Twilight's had, but in her case it seemed only to amplify the power of her Stare.

“How dare you,” Fluttershy said coldly, her voice resonating through Rainbow's mind and body as the yellow pegasus stepped closer, “How dare you!” Rainbow would have flinched if she could from the fury in Fluttershy's voice, “You think that just because you're a big scary dragon you can just sneak up on us like that when we're already lost and frightened?” As Fluttershy approached, her voice intensified, though its volume remained constant, “What would your mother think? You're so big and powerful, what could we possibly do to you? You're just a bully,” Rainbow found herself nodding, her magenta eyes filling with tears as the yellow pegasus' judgment rolled over her, “Now,” Fluttershy said in a slightly softer tone, “Why don't you show us the way out of here to say you're sorry?”

* * *

“It's really going to help us?” Twilight asked incredulously as they followed the hulking, prismatic creature through the dark orchard.

“Oh yes,” Fluttershy said confidently, trotting beside Twilight, “It isn't really a bad creature, it just needed to know that force should only be a last resort.” Oblivious to the irony, Twilight nodded, and started to cheer up as it seemed their guide knew well where they were going. As they walked along, a path began to form beneath their hooves, the dirt and disturbing trees gave way to a stony road, and then flagstones. The trees gradually became more welcoming, and soon birdsong filled the air of all kinds and flavors, until at last they came to a breathtaking sight.

A fortified town, straight out of history, rose before the two mares as they left the woods altogether: All elegant spires and robust stone buildings, with a magnificent tree rising from the middle to shade the whole town beneath its quivering leaves. Before Twilight and Fluttershy could ask their guide where they were, the draconic creature had taken off into the sky, leaving a trail of rainbows behind it. It kind of reminded Twilight of Rainbow Dash, but the thought of her friend as a dragon made her laugh.

The sudden laughter startled Fluttershy, who then started to laugh at herself, and soon the pair of them were rolling with laughter there at the top of the hill overlooking the fortified town. Tears of laughter in her eyes, Twilight rose from the grassy hill and smiled down at the yellow pegasus, “Come on, let's see if somepony in town knows where we are. Then we can find a ride back to Equestria, or, if not, then send a message to the Princess! She'll know what to do.” Fluttershy nodded and stood up, still smiling, and Twilight felt herself flushing.

“What is it?” Fluttershy asked, always attentive to the moods of her friends, “Is something wrong?”

“N-No,” Twilight said, untruthfully, before she blurted out, “I guess we're even then,” at Fluttershy's puzzled and surprised look, “I mean, you saved me and I saved you, I mean...” Twilight felt herself uncharacteristically flustered, “M-Maybe we should just go,” Fluttershy nodded, blushing a little herself, though she understood it no better than Twilight.

They moved on towards the town, and around them the grass started to give way to flowers that bloomed in a thousand different colors. The path was neatly groomed and led straight towards the nearest gate in the wall, which was guarded by a pair of strange creatures.

The guard stallions looked like ponies, but stretched thin, far taller than even Celestia but with narrow, spindly bodies that made them look like they'd been made of sticks. Their eyes were all black, but they seemed otherwise normal, to Twilight and Fluttershy's eyes that is. They wore elaborate helmets and armor that seemed to be in the style of the ancient Germaneic ponies of the past, Twilight noticed, while Fluttershy saw they seemed to be disgruntled about something, and arguing in a most curious manner.

“It is not that it is what it was,” one guard argued in a rather shrill soprano, “It is simply that you cannot see what was for what is!” The guard had a scar across his cheek and his helmet was dented sharply in one side. He was leaning on a spear and gesticulating wildly as he spoke to the other guard, “Why can't you just look at what was and see that it's the same as what is?”

“It is you who cannot see what was,” the other guard said hotly, his deep bass voice rumbling with irritation. His armor was spotless and un-dented, but it looked as though his face had been burned by acid, “It was not that the thing that was is what is, but that it was what is then, not now!”

“Um,” Twilight interrupted somewhat timidly, which caused both guards to jump and turn to face her, spears at the ready. Twilight swallowed hard but continued, “Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt, but my friend and I are a little lost, can you tell us where we are?”

The guards raised their spears, though they still looked suspicious, “You're here,” the scar-faced guard said simply. “Now move along,” he gestured with the spear for Twilight to move through the gate and went as if to continue his argument with his fellow guard.

“Here?” Fluttershy asked, puzzled, “But... Where?”

“No,” the burned guard said testily, “Not where, Here!” He indicated his badge, which neither Twilight nor Fluttershy had noticed before. It read Here Guard Corps in large friendly letters over a large X. “Where is over the mountains,” the burned guard explained, while the scar-faced guard sighed impatiently. The burned guard smiled, “Sorry about Then, he can be a little testy, I'm Now. So, what do you want?”

“Um,” Twilight said uncertainly, very puzzled now, “We're looking for our way home, to Equestria.” To her surprise, the guards laughed.

“Equestria?” Then said, laughing, “That's just a fairy tale!” The two guards laughed for a long while, until Twilight stomped the ground impatiently.

“I'm serious!” Twilight said, “We're from Equestria and we need to go home!”

“There's no need to shout, Serious,” Now said in a conciliatory tone, “But if you really believe in Equestria, you should go talk to the Princess.”

“The Princess?” Twilight asked, “She's here?!”

“Well of course,” Then said disdainfully in his strange soprano, before he jerked his head through the gate, “She's just up the way, look for the big palace.”

“Did you hear that, Fluttershy?” Twilight smiled at her friend, who was looking visibly relieved, “The Princess is here! We can go home!” She turned back to the guards, who still looked rather amused. “Gentlecolts,” Twilight said politely, “Thank you for your help. Come on Fluttershy,” Twilight and Fluttershy nodded to the guards and started into the city.

Now looked a little uncomfortable, and as Twilight was passing him he leaned in to whisper, “Be careful when you go, Serious,” his bass voice rumbled, “Nothing is as it seems.” Somewhat disquieted, Twilight led Fluttershy into the town proper, her hooves clopping on the neat brick road.

* * *

Rarity was cleaning up her boutique for the day when she heard the shop bell ring. “We're closed,” Rarity called into the shop, poking her head in from her cluttered workspace, “But you can come back tomo- Twilight? Fluttershy?!” Rarity's voice rose sharply as she saw her friends' disheveled appearances, and the sound made Twilight's head snap around. Rarity immediately noticed something was wrong; Twilight and Fluttershy's eyes were both extremely wide and dilated, and neither of them even seemed to notice the detritus that had collected in their manes and tails. Twilight had some sort of saddlebags attached to her, but they seemed to be tattered and torn, their canvas sides ripped asunder. “Whatever happened to you?” Rarity asked with supreme concern, looking between Twilight and Fluttershy, but to her surprise, her friends bowed to her.

“Princess,” Twilight said, a note of disappointment in her voice, “I'm sorry to have bothered you, you see, we thought you were our Princess, from Equestria.”

“But,” Rarity said in puzzlement, “This is Equestria, but I'm certainly not the Princess. Are you feeling alright?” She noticed something in Fluttershy's mane was moving, and to her surprise and horror, it seemed to be a struggling squirrel. She tried to think of some polite way to bring it up, but at that moment Opalescence leapt from her hiding place, straight towards the trapped rodent, causing both Fluttershy and the squirrel to squeal in alarm.

“Assassin!” Twilight shrieked, and sent a bolt of magical energy towards the unfortunate feline, who at least had the presence of mind to twist out of the way in mid-air, landing in a basket of cloth. The bolt missed Opalescence by inches, and hit a dummy bearing a rather fine dress in the window, where it set it on fire. Rarity screamed as the fire set off the sprinklers, which doused the whole of her stock with rancid water and set the smoke alarm to beeping. Her scream seemed to set off Twilight and Fluttershy, who both panicked and started running around, screaming like fillies running from a Timber Wolf.

“This way!” Twilight shouted, rounding another corner with Fluttershy close behind. The blood raining from the ceiling stank of fear and death, while the Princess behind them screamed in distress from her far distant throne room. Twilight felt bad for not being able to help her, but she knew she had to get out of there before things went even more crazy. The castle was a maze of twisting passages, elegant galleries, and beautiful windows, all of which seemed to take on a nightmarish cast as the blood pouring from the ceiling washed over it.

Paintings of past pony rulers became pictures of tentacled monstrosities, while statues seemed to grow and reach for them with tendrils of marble and teeth of carved granite. A thundering snarl was the only warning Twilight had before a statue of the Princess they had so recently left smashed through a wall and interposed itself between Twilight, Fluttershy and the door.

The statue was hideous and beautiful all at once: An elegant marble alicorn whose brilliant eyes had become fang-toothed maws, while tentacles of stone twisted and writhed from her sides, where wings should be. Her horn was as long as a sword, and it twisted and moved like some horrible creature by itself. Her legs were like pony legs, but fractured and cracked, and the splinters ground against each other with a terrible noise of grating stone. Twilight put herself between Fluttershy and the marble monstrosity, which opened all three mouths and spoke in a voice that rumbled with fury and pain, “What is wrong with you?!”

“Stay back!” Twilight shouted, her horn glowing, “Back!” She didn't dare take her eyes off the creature, but she had already expended a lot of magic, and she doubted she could turn it aside. She backed away as the creature advanced, its marble hide bulging with hidden tentacles and cracking with the terrible groan of tortured stone. The last light of the setting sun shone painfully into Twilight's vision as she backed past a window.

The creature advanced slowly, its three gaping maws wide as its hideous voice rang out with a sneering taunt, “I'm not going to hurt you...” The unspoken 'much' rang through both Fluttershy and Twilight's minds. Twilight braced herself as the stone creature walked forward, and almost disgraced herself when Fluttershy suddenly dove beneath her.

“The window!” Fluttershy shrilled, and that was the only warning she got before Twilight felt herself lifted up and launched the both of them out the closed window, through the glass. Pain seared Twilight's hide as she felt the glass rip along her neck and back, and a change in her balance told her the contents of one of her saddlebags had spilled but that was secondary to the sudden realization that they were now falling towards the moat, which had transformed with the rest of the castle to be a lot farther away than she remembered, and full of something bright and hot.

Fluttershy tried to control the fall into a glide, but they were spiraling now, entirely too fast, and her fear was preventing her from extending her wings fully. Twilight distantly remembered this was called a 'death spiral' in between wondering whether or not she'd be re-living her lunch when she incinerated. The imminent danger had sent her mind down all the avenues it could, looking desperately for a solution. The thought that finally arose was hardly rational, but she knew it might just work. “Fluttershy!” Twilight shouted over the burning wind of their descent into brilliant, burning death, “Fluttershy I need you to shock me!”

“What?!” Fluttershy shouted back, tears running freely from her wide, terrified eyes.

“Shock me! Do something unexpected!” Twilight shouted again, “It may get me to-” She broke off as Fluttershy pulled her into a sudden, totally unexpected kiss. It was deep, it was passionate, and for a few moments all sound faded. Then everything went white.

* * *

“I don't know!” Rarity wailed to Applejack, her mane still wet and reeking of stale water. Applejack was visibly attempting to contain her amusement at the normally finicky unicorn's unkempt appearance, but listened attentively, “She just screamed when Opal leapt out, set a mannequin on fire and when I tried to comfort them, Twilight lowered her horn at me!” Applejack's amusement faded as she noticed the genuine distress in her friend's tone, “Then Fluttershy picked her up and the two of them broke through the window! By the time I'd turned the sprinklers off, a bright flash went off from outside and they were gone! Gone!” She gestured dramatically to the large, smoking divot that was missing from the turf outside Rarity's broken shop window where a flower bed had stood. “And all my stock is ruined, it'll set me back for months! Years!” Rarity pulled her fainting couch from nowhere and collapsed upon it with a squelch, which caused her to grimace, though she maintained the distressed sprawl.

Applejack frowned more deeply, “Somethin' weird's goin' on Rarity. Ah asked Rainbow to look for em an' she never came back, an' now this. It's like they've gone crazy or somethin'.”

“Who's gone crazy?” Pinkie Pie said, springing up from behind Rarity's fainting couch, which caused both Rarity and Applejack to jump.

“Don't do that!” the unicorn and earth pony said together, while Pinkie just giggled.

“Aw but it's so much fun! Anyway, who's gone crazy? Are they crazy with happiness? Crazy with work? Crazy with fun?” Pinkie started bouncing as she began to wind herself up until Applejack's sharp voice cut through her enthusiasm.

“Twilight and Fluttershy.” Applejack said sharply, the edge in her voice cleaving through the pink pony's habitual bounciness, “Somethin's happened to em, they've been actin' weird ever since they went inta' the forest lookin' for that new type of Poison Joke.”

“They what?!” Pinkie and Rarity said together, startling Applejack.

“Well yeah, Zecora an' Applebloom went an' found a new type of Poison Joke. Twilight heard an' set off to take samples or some such, said it had to be properly recorded.” She looked between the two horrified expressions of her friends, then the penny dropped and the orange earth pony's eyes widened, “Oh you don't think they... But if it's that...”

Rarity however was already planning, “Applejack, you should go to the spa and see if Aloe and Vera have any more of the cure for Poison Joke on hoof. I just hope it works.” She looked around and spotted the rather soggy remains of one of Twilight's research journals, along with what looked like a cracked specimen jar, which held a large purple leaf, “I'm going to see if I can get Spike to write a letter to Princess Celestia, she may be able to help. Pinkie,” Rarity turned to the pink earth pony, who saluted, “I need you to find them so when we get the cure we can administer it.”

“Alright!” Pinkie said seriously, “I'll find them no problem, nopony hides from Pinkie Pie for long!” And with that the pink pony bounced off, looking uncharacteristically serious. Applejack followed soon after at full tilt, straight for the spa.

Rarity sighed as she scooped up the jar and notebook, which was, unfortunately, empty. Still wet and reeking, Rarity made her way for Twilight's library, but as she came running up, she spotted Spike running the opposite direction, looking severely disturbed. When he caught sight of Rarity, he slowed and tried to gasp something out, “Twi... and... Flutter-... Fluttershy... upstairs... in... the library!” He paused to catch his breath, “I think... I think they're fighting!”

Alarmed, Rarity passed the jar and notebook to Spike, “Spike, can you send this to Princess Celestia and send her a letter? Twilight and Fluttershy have run afoul of a new type of Poison Joke. I'll go check on them, you send the Princess that letter and then go to Sugarcube Corner, alright?” Spike bit his lip but nodded and started off towards the bakery.

Rarity took a breath to steady herself and started towards the library with tentative steps. An unstable Twilight could be quite a force to be reckoned with, and she prepared herself for the worst as she moved to open the door, only to be tackled by a flying pink blur tumbling out of it, laughing.

“Pinkie Pie!” Rarity hissed, looking nervously through the doorway, which was dark and covered in dirt, “What if they heard you? Twilight could have teleported away again, or attacked you or-”

“Silly,” Pinkie Pie interrupted, still grinning with mirth and, to Rarity's surprise, blushing a fair bit, “They wouldn't have heard me if I had my one mare band and came trotting in playing the Parasprite Polka!” At Rarity's doubtful look, Pinkie just giggled and grinned at her friend, “They're kinda busy at the moment.”

* * *

Fluttershy broke the second kiss she'd shared with Twilight since teleporting with a deep blush and a soft smile. When they'd arrived, Fluttershy had broken the kiss almost immediately, afraid she'd overstepped the bounds of their friendship. For a long while, Twilight had said nothing, she just stood there, smoking gently in the aftermath of her rather impressive spell. They had arrived in some sort of bedroom with no door, which featured strong purples and yellows in its design, and were sprawled across a bed of incredible softness.

“I-I'm s-sor-sorry T-T-Twilight,” Fluttershy stammered while the lavender unicorn very gently sat down, practically nose-to-nose with Fluttershy, “W-When you said to shock you I-I-” Fluttershy cut off with a squeak as Twilight abruptly and passionately kissed her. The kiss was glorious, it was wild and unexpected, and filled with the adrenaline of the danger they had so recently avoided as well as the tingle of the residual magic from Twilight's emergency teleport. The sheer force of it pushed them both off-balance and they rolled off the bed and onto the pillow-strewn floor with a soft thump.

Twilight broke the kiss from the floor, and looked into Fluttershy's eyes, standing over the pegasus, her mane still sparking with white tendrils of power, her cheeks flushed. “Fluttershy,” she said softly, “I never... I mean that was...” Twilight blushed more deeply as she failed to articulate herself, “I-I... I hope I didn't-”

“I liked it,” Fluttershy said softly, but in that space it rang like a bell, and the two of them stared in the silence following the simple statement, their eyes locked until they both simultaneously leaned in for a third, mutual kiss. Soft music started to emanate from the very walls themselves, which began to blossom purple and yellow flowers from the very wood, and their scents mingled with those of the two mares as they held each other in one eternal tender moment.

* * *

Rainbow Dash bit her lip, sniffing back tears of shame and betrayal. She had been huddled in her cloud house, beneath her blankets for security as she recovered from the effects of her friend's most potent defense. Fluttershy's Stare had opened doors in her mind she'd closed long before, but the shame of the distant memories hurt less than the realization that Fluttershy had not only used the Stare on her, but attacked her in earnest, and called her a bully. She knew she wouldn't have done that without a good reason, and Rainbow Dash couldn't think of a single moment she'd been a bully to Fluttershy, who had always been one of her closest friends.

She rose from the bed and shrugged off the blanket, while the last of her tears dried on her cheeks. She was going to apologize, the cyan mare decided, even if she didn't know what she had done, Rainbow Dash felt it was the right thing to do. She jumped off her bed, stepped out the door, kicked it shut behind her and launched from her cloud home hard enough to cause it to drift a little.

The powerful wings of Rainbow Dash drove her through the whole of Ponyville, looking for Fluttershy as the last rays of the sun descended beneath the horizon. She searched the yellow pegasus' cottage, where Angel was tapping his foot irritably on the front step, holding an empty food dish. She spun through the town, to Rarity's boutique, which looked like it'd been attacked, and stank like a cloud that'd been standing too long. She saw Spike eating cupcakes in Sugarcube Corner through the window, reading a letter that bore the royal seal. Too impatient to inquire, Rainbow Dash was making her way all the way to Sweet Apple Acres when she caught sight of Applejack running full tilt out of the spa, bearing several large packages.

The cyan pegasus swooped down to fly alongside Applejack, who was so focused on her task she failed to notice Rainbow Dash until she shouted, “Where's Fluttershy?!”

The sudden shout made the sturdy farmer trip, which sent her packages everywhere. One broke as it impacted the cobbles, sending the scent of herbs wafting over the night air. “Consarnit Rainbow!” Applejack shouted crossly, while she tried to re-stack the packages on her back, “those are for Twi and Fluttershy's bath!”

“You've seen them?!” Rainbow exclaimed excitedly, blatantly ignoring the mayhem she'd caused, “Where?!”

“Well no, but Rarity did, they went and blew a hole in her shop, set it on fire then took out her flower garden. It's from a new kinda Poiso-” But Rainbow, true to her name, dashed off at that moment before Applejack could finish her statement. “Consarnit,” Applejack swore again, then she set about gathering all the cure she could salvage, before heading off through the town, looking for Rarity.

* * *

“Rarity, Rarity,” Rainbow Dash muttered, looking around for her friend's distinctive white coat and purple mane. “Come on Rarity, where- Aha!” Rainbow swooped down to land next to Rarity, who was standing with Pinkie Pie outside of the Ponyville Library. She jumped at the sight of Rainbow Dash, who had to bite back a gag as she caught a whiff of the stagnant water that had soaked the normally spotless unicorn's coat and mane. “Jeez Rarity, what've you been rolling in?”

Rarity shot Rainbow Dash a withering look, “Twilight set fire to my shop, Rainbow. The sprinklers. Anyway,” Rarity continued, “Where have you been? Twilight and Fluttershy have-”

“Is she in there? Fluttershy?” Rainbow Dash interrupted, jerking her head towards the library. She didn't have time to listen to Rarity, who would probably be going on and on, and Rainbow Dash knew she had to apologize to Fluttershy soon, mostly because she still had no idea what she'd done. Before Rarity could answer, Pinkie Pie nodded right as a very Fluttershy-like squeal sounded from inside the library.

Far from being alarmed, Rarity and Pinkie blushed, but Rainbow took it as a sign that her friend was in trouble and launched towards the window without a second thought. “Rainbow!” Pinkie shouted urgently, “Rainbow no! Wait!”

Rainbow Dash, oblivious, shouted as she charged, “I'm comin' Fluttershy!”

* * *

Fluttershy held Twilight in the echoes of their mutual embrace, and the pair of them trembled with residual passion, the scents of flowers winding around the mares. “Fluttershy,” Twilight said softly, “I... That was...” She hushed as she felt Fluttershy nuzzle under her chin tenderly.

Twilight's mind was a mess of thoughts and emotions. On one hoof, she had genuinely enjoyed herself, even if she had never envisioned sharing herself like that with the yellow pegasus. She cared for Fluttershy, true, and this whole crazy trip had brought the realization of just how brave and strong her timid friend could be. Still, she worried that they might have skipped a few items in the checklist of romance, and besides, she wasn't even sure if Fluttershy genuinely felt like that for her as well, or if the heat of the moment had driven them together.

Before she could vocalize her thoughts however, the whole room trembled with a dark and terrible voice that withered the flowers around the new lovers even as it shook the floor with the sheer volume of its sneering declaration, “I'm comin', Fluttershy!” Before the mares could even stand, one wall shattered into a million pieces in a trillion colors with a sound like crystal breaking. There, the rainbow bleeding dragon from before crouched snarling on the wreckage of the wall. It glared at them with its empty, weeping eye sockets and in the same voice it roared, “What the hay is this?!”

Twilight tried to rally herself, looking for an exit, but at that precise moment, a door opened in the wall, and a cloud made of something pink, the orange dragon from the orchard and the statue of the Princess from before came charging in, wailing their inequine cries. Fluttershy clung to Twilight, terrified, but just as things looked their worst, Twilight spotted a door marked with a crown where she had never noticed one before, in the middle of the wall.

Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Twilight grabbed Fluttershy and both mares dove for the door right as all four monsters leapt for them, sliding through the door, which shattered before them like glass and sent them sprawling into the street beyond.

* * *

Before their pursuers could regroup, Twilight pounded down the street for the gate, Fluttershy floating before her. The streets were deserted, and in the early evening the buildings looked grim and sinister, while the rising moon seemed to stroke their coats with revealing luminescence. Across the sky, a chariot of fire streaked straight for the town, and Twilight knew that whatever rode something like that would not be something she wanted to confront. She darted for the cover of the alleyways, still carrying Fluttershy, who was very politely attempting to ask if she could walk, as floating in Twilight's telekinetic grip was distinctly disorienting.

“Alright,” Twilight said distractedly, peering around a corner towards the gate. It was still open, strangely, and there were no guards in sight. “Now all we have to do is get through there, and find our way back to the orchard,”

“Um, Twilight,” Fluttershy said softly, “Could you, um...”

“Since the dragon's back here, we should have a straight shot back to the door with the crown, that's probably why we ended up here,” Twilight continued heedlessly, “We need to find our way back, then we can find the Princess,”

“Twilight,” Fluttershy tried, a little louder, “Twilight could you let me down?”

“She'll know what to do, she'll help us,” Twilight continued, a manic note beginning to creep into her tone, “we can get out of here, away from all the crazy monsters and-”

“Twilight!” Fluttershy interrupted sharply, only to flinch at her own voice, which echoed ominously between the buildings. Twilight looked over at Fluttershy in surprise, and noticed that Fluttershy was attempting to cringe while floating upside down. “I-I'm sorry, Twilight,” Fluttershy said in a voice barely more than a whisper, “But I'm starting to feel sick.”

Twilight let Fluttershy down gently, blushing, “Sorry,” Twilight mumbled while her friend struggled to rise, “Um...” Twilight started, more than a bit of awkwardness filling her tone, “I know we're on the run from monsters, but...” Twilight bit her lip and trailed into silence, while Fluttershy gave her a curious look. Twilight tried to articulate herself, but she had literally no experience to go off of when it came to romance, and her books on the topic had never covered other mares in their tables of contents. She wanted to tell Fluttershy that she wasn't sure how she felt, that once they were home she wanted to talk for a long while about what had happened in the library. She had never even had a kiss before that moment and her confusion demanded it be expressed, and battered against the walls of embarrassment and fear that kept such thoughts from seeing the light of day. “N-Nevermind,” Twilight finished lamely, inwardly cursing herself, “We should get going.”

Fluttershy nodded, steady on her hooves once more, just as the orange dragon burst through a building behind them, its glowing yellow spines flickering with sparks of golden lightning. “Found ya!” The creature charged, roaring, and Twilight and Fluttershy screamed and bolted for the gate, which was still invitingly open. “Come back here!” the creature snarled, smashing into a building with its enormous bulk, which sent masonry tumbling everywhere. “Ah'm not gonna hurt you,” the creature called tauntingly, in a hideous parody of Applejack's accent, “Ah just wanna help!”

Twilight and Fluttershy pounded through the gate, but before they could make a mad dash for the trees, the draconic creature with weeping rainbow eyes landed before them, its mouth open with a roar, “Why didn't you tell me you were a lesbimare?!” Fluttershy and Twilight pulled up short at the unexpected question, and stared at the strange draconic thing. The creature seemed changed now: its empty eyes still wept rainbows, and its hide was still blue, but its neck had extended and it seemed emaciated now. Its ribs clearly visible, it seemed almost pitiful even as it snarled at Fluttershy with wings spread in agitation, “I could have helped you!” The creature rose onto its hind legs, and it towered over Twilight and Fluttershy, the latter of which was frozen with a mixture of fear, pity and shame, “I thought we were friends!” For a brief moment, Fluttershy thought she saw Rainbow Dash in the place of the fell creature, but Twilight tackled the yellow pegasus to the ground just as the orange dragon leapt for her, which caused the dragon to hit the standing blue creature instead, and the two nightmarish beings went down in a tangle of fangs, legs, fire and spines.

“Come on!” Twilight shouted as the two snarling, entangled creatures fought to rise, and she practically dragged Fluttershy with her, into the dubious shelter of the dark branches. Fluttershy ran alongside Twilight through the forest, which seemed to be full of mocking, laughing faces. “Just a little farther,” Twilight said as they pushed their way along the path, which had become rocky and treacherous.

“Lesbimares,” the wind whispered as they ran, and the creaking of the trees became a twisted laughter, “Freaks,” the wind mocked, “losers, why don't you have any friends?”

“Shut up!” Twilight shouted, still running, while Fluttershy followed her closely, biting back tears. “You're just the landscape,” Twilight continued, a shade desperately, “You don't know anything, we have friends!”

“Hah,” the rocks mocked, their voices grating like the sound of teeth grinding together as they rose over the laughter of the foliage, “If you've got friends, where are they? You're alone, alone like stone.”

“We've got each other!” Twilight shouted defiantly, shouldering her way past a groping tree limb, “Fluttershy's my friend, we're together!” Fluttershy broke into silent tears at that, even as she followed, her terrified legs keeping her close to Twilight even as they ran along the increasingly difficult path.

“Is she your maaaaarefriend?” one tree asked mockingly, its face disconcertingly similar to a pony Fluttershy remembered from flight camp. Several of the faces around her were sneering at her, some were fillies and colts, and she could almost hear the 'Klutzershy' from their cruel, wooden lips.

“I-I don't know!” Twilight shouted, sounding unnerved, “Everything went kind of fast and she was kind of my first, um, everything all at once,” Twilight shot a glance back at the yellow pegasus, who was still crying silently as she ran, “But she's my friend whether she's my marefriend or not!” Twilight sounded so sure, so completely defiant of the mocking landscape, Fluttershy felt herself relaxing into a smile, just in time to trip on a stone. She squeaked in alarm as she went down, which prompted Twilight to stop and turn, just in time to see Fluttershy scream as her ankle rolled and her leg gave an audible crack as it hit a rock and snapped under the weight of her falling body.

* * *

“So Princess, the long and short of it is Twilight and Fluttershy are off running in the forest, sufferin' from whatever this new type of Poison Joke does,” Applejack said to Princess Celestia, who had arrived mere moments after Twilight and Fluttershy had run off into the Everfree Forest. Rainbow Dash had flown off before the Princess had arrived, Pinkie Pie was nowhere to be found, and Rarity had insisted she needed to shower before facing royalty, which left only Applejack to relay the situation to the Princess in Sugarcube Corner, where Spike was twiddling his thumbs nervously, whose expression was filled with deep concern after Applejack had relayed her version of events. “It was like they weren't seein' us at all, yer Highness,” Applejack continued, “Like they were in some other world.”

Princess Celestia nodded, frowning, “The sample that Spike sent back was brought in for analysis and showed the usual effects of the plant had mutated into a strange, partially magical hallucinogen.” At Applejack's blank look she added, “Basically they're stuck in a hallucination until it wears off.”

“So they really weren't seein' us then?” Applejack asked in relief, “That's a sight better, I was worried they'd gone off the deep end.” Rarity came running up at that point, her mane and tail once more perfectly coiffured and her coat no longer smelling of stagnant water. “Nice of you to join us, Rarity,” Applejack said sarcastically as Rarity bowed to the Princess.

Rarity ignored the comment, “So what are we going to do about Fluttershy and Twilight?” she asked seriously, “They're clearly not in their right minds. If it is a new version of Poison Joke doing this, will the cure work even if we can somehow get them into a bath in the first place?”

“Oh that won't be a problem!” Pinkie Pie said cheerfully as she stepped out from the kitchen, startling most of the room, “They're making straight for Sweet Apple Acres! Well, not straight for Sweet Apple Acres,” Pinkie amended in the silence following her statement, “More like bendy for Sweet Apple Acres, since they're taking the really, really, really long way around.”

“How...?” Applejack started, before Rarity cut her off.

“I asked Pinkie to keep track of them,” Rarity explained, “They might hurt themselves after all. Pinkie,” Rarity turned to the pink earth pony, who had bowed to Celestia and was now bouncing in place, “Are you sure that's where they're going?”

Pinkie nodded enthusiastically, “Yep! They're already pretty close, but they kept shouting at the trees and running around things that weren't there, so I just stopped back here to tell you all where they were.”

“Wait,” Applejack said suddenly, “You mean they might already be there?!”

* * *

Fluttershy let out a scream as Twilight's magic pushed the shattered ends of her broken front right leg bone together. “I'm sorry!” Twilight wailed, tears running freely down her face, while the woods tittered at her. The mockery from before had intensified now that the pair had stopped, and the very world around the ponies grew more sinister, with thorns and claws reaching out as if to stroke their hides in a cruel imitation of a loving touch, while the earth and wind seeded doubts through Twilight's mind and poked fun at Fluttershy's pain.

“It-it's alright,” Fluttershy said weakly, barely conscious. “Now just... Get the splint, Twilight, please?” Twilight nodded sharply, swallowing, and started ripping apart the tattered remains of her saddlebags. They had suffered a lot of unexpected trauma lately and the battered fabric only protested feebly as the lavender unicorn's magic ripped strips out of the saddlebags. She wrenched some wood from nearby that was mostly straight and sound, and set about wrapping the makeshift splint around the yellow pegasus' damaged leg. “Tighter,” Fluttershy instructed in a soft voice, “If it's not tight enough the bones won't knit right.” She whimpered as Twilight pulled the splint tighter, but nodded, “Good, now...” Fluttershy tried to rise, but Twilight pushed her back down.

“Oh no,” Twilight said firmly, “I'm not letting you walk on that just yet.” Before Fluttershy could protest, Twilight lifted her in a gentle telekinetic grip and draped the yellow unicorn across her back. Fluttershy tried to mumble that she could walk, but Twilight wouldn't hear of it, “Absolutely not, we're going to get through this, then you're going straight to the hospital. Nurse Redheart would have my horn if I let you walk on a broken leg.” Fluttershy laughed weakly at that, and for a few moments the landscape became a little more normal. “Now,” Twilight said firmly, “Let's get to that door.”

* * *

Twilight shouldered her way through the brush and the trees, careful to keep any branches from smacking Fluttershy in the face, while steadily making her way onwards. “She won't love you,” the leaves whispered, in Rarity's voice, “It takes a stallion to know what a mare wants.”

“Two mares together just ain't natural,” a creaking tree limb said in Applejack's drawl, “It goes against everythin' right; it's just not normal, ya know?”

“Yeah, it's pretty weird,” Pinkie Pie's bouncy voice mocked from the lips of a stone nearby, “Whoever heard of two mares getting together? Then there're no foals!”

“Oh there're some foals alright,” Rainbow Dash's voice said bitterly on the wind, “Two foals who don't know what they want and don't even tell their best friends.”

“I'm sorry,” Fluttershy and Twilight mumbled together, even as they tried to put the voices out of their minds. Soon it wasn't just the voices of their friends though, soon the faces of Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash were leering at them from every branch and shadow, whispering their hateful messages. From there it only got worse: other friends, relatives, everypony Fluttershy or Twilight knew all made their sneering appearances.

“I think we're almost there,” Twilight said over the mocking cacophony to Fluttershy, “I think we might–” Twilight cut off with a shriek as the blue, draconic creature from before landed before them with a snarling roar.

“What the hay is going on?!” It roared, which caused Fluttershy to panic and struggle on Twilight's back, who feinted to the right, then dashed left to pass the creature, only to be tackled from the side, with a snarled, “Oh no you don't!” The impact sent Fluttershy sprawling with a scream as her broken leg was jostled. The creature looked up at the sound, and Twilight let out a shriek as the rainbows bleeding from its eye sockets dripped across her face. Instinct and terrified strength worked together briefly in a tremendous kick that sent the huge, blue, draconic creature flying away as if it weighed almost nothing. It let out a grunt as it impacted a tree, and before it could recover, Twilight had swiftly pulled Fluttershy onto her back and dashed off up the path, towards the closed archway to the orchard. With a shout of defiance, Twilight unleashed a beam of force that blew the archway into splinters.

A roar from behind them told Fluttershy and Twilight that their pursuer had taken up the chase once more. “Come back!” It roared in frustration, “I just want to talk!”

* * *

“Oh jeez,” Applejack said in quiet frustration, peering from around a tree in the orchard, “Rainbow's gonna go and ruin everything!” She could just make out Rainbow Dash charging after the fleeing Twilight and Fluttershy, once her vision had cleared. The flash of force from Twilight's horn had disintegrated one tree into splinters. The constant displays of magic were exacting a toll from the unicorn though, if the way her body sagged beneath Fluttershy's weight was any judge.

Pinkie Pie was already in place in the barn with Rarity, where they had set up an outdoor pool inside the barn with the cure dissolved in it. She had apparently had a pool stashed in the top of the barn in case of 'pool emergencies', which, while strange, was remarkably convenient for their cause. The Princess was in the barn as well, in case Twilight turned violent again, and so it fell to Applejack to stop Rainbow Dash from ruining the hastily crafted plan.

The pegasus was flying low to the ground, dodging between trees while trying to shout to Twilight and Fluttershy, the former of which would occasionally teleport, despite her obviously flagging resources. Applejack wove through the trees, attempting to cut off the trio of the pursued and their stubborn pursuer. Rainbow Dash was faster, but Applejack knew the orchard like the back of her hoof, and just as the pegasus was about to drive their friends into the forest once more, Applejack tackled her out of the air.

Rainbow Dash fought to continue her chase, “Lemme go!” she shouted in frustration, as Applejack held the pegasus in a firm leg-lock and started dragging her off into the trees, “I've gotta find out what's going on, there's something not right here!” She managed to get a kick in at Applejack's ankle, which caused the apple farmer to yelp and loosen her grip just long enough for the wily pegasus to wiggle free. Applejack's teeth caught her tail before she could go far though, and the powerful farmer yanked Rainbow Dash back down and dove on top of her.

“Ponyfeathers, Rainbow, we know something's not right here,” Applejack hissed to the prismatic pegasus, who was struggling ineffectively against Applejack's applied weight. “That's what we're tryin' to fix. Now stop strugglin' an' I'll explain.”

* * *

Twilight panted as she leaned against one of the hideously pulsing trees for support. Running and teleporting like that with no food in her system was extremely taxing, and the edges of Twilight's vision were out of focus. Still, she felt Fluttershy breathing on her back, and the warm weight of her friend was curiously reassuring. Twilight found the strength to stand on her own four hooves, and took a moment to check on Fluttershy. The pegasus had passed out, and she was sleeping peacefully across Twilight's back, still held in place by the remains of Twilight's saddlebags. Her splint was intact, and it hadn't loosened in Fluttershy's brief introduction to the tree before, but Twilight knew they had to get moving to get her some proper medical attention soon.

She had stopped running on the edge of the orchard, and she had no idea where the path was anymore. She started walking away from the denser forest, into the throbbing, pulsing orchard of dark trees. It was night, and Twilight dared not waste her dwindling magic reserves on a light so the lavender unicorn had even less of an idea as to where she was going, but she knew she had to leave. She wandered, lost, listening to the sounds of the wind for any signs of pursuit, but it only sounded like mocking laughter in the darkness. The shadows of the trees leaned in over Twilight, and started to drip some shadowy substance that smelled like blood. Then, with rising horror Twilight felt one of the drops move across her coat. In the darkness, she could still make up the little legs and fangs of a twisted, mutant spider as it drove its incisors into her flesh. Twilight smeared it with a spell, but three more dropped onto her face, where they bit her nose and ears painfully before she was able to smash them off with a quick swipe of her hoof.

Twilight ran, screaming, through the orchard, trying to keep the dropping, liquid arachnids from biting her or Fluttershy, who was still unconscious across her back, until the orange dragon from before leapt into her path. It roared, with liquid spiders rolling all over it like ants over a corpse. Twilight changed directions sharply, still screaming, her eyes wide with terror, while from above the azure, rainbow weeping creature Twilight had thought had given up snarled its brutal threat of a roar and dove towards her. Its breath was like a charnel house: full of the stench of blood and crushed bone, and snakes now coiled from its eye sockets, that dripped with liquid rainbows and hissed hungrily for the lavender unicorn's flesh.

Twilight couldn't muster the strength to teleport anymore, even with the imminent threat of the two monsters, but ahead she could see a small ray of hope: a door, painted with a crown, set in a tall, fortified structure. It looked like a foal's design of a castle, but small enough to be a barn. Still, the shelter it promised could hardly be ignored, and Twilight bolted for the doors, hoping beyond hope that Gummy would be on the other side, with the Princess.

* * *

Twilight burst into the barn and slammed the door behind her. The only light came from the moonlight that streamed in through the crack in the door and the small windows set in either wall. Rarity and Celestia waited in the dark while the lavender unicorn set Fluttershy down, muttering softly, “I just hope Gummy was right about the Princess being through here, I don't know how much more of this I can take.” She set about tightening Fluttershy's splint, still babbling to herself, “If those creatures don't find us, maybe the Princess will, and she can make everything better. Everything, you'll see, Fluttershy,” Twilight's voice rose as if she were trying to shout over some noise, “Everything will be alright! Everything will – Shut up!” Twilight started shouting at the darkness, “Shut up shut up shut up! I don't care what you say! I don't care! I know I haven't called Mom in a while, I know! I –“

Twilight broke off with a shriek as Pinkie flicked on the lights well ahead of schedule, “Surprise!” the pink pony shouted and, to Rarity and Celestia's horror, she set off the party cannon. Streamers went everywhere, happy bunting strung itself across the interior, and Twilight went berserk.

The exhausted, panicking unicorn managed to send violet fire straight into the party cannon, which blew apart like so much paper and sent Pinkie out the back wall of the barn. Before she could do more than that however, Twilight was wrapped in a sudden golden glow. Princess Celestia stepped out of the shadows, her face grim, “Twilight Sparkle, my most faithful student,” the Princess said calmly, “Stop this.”

But for all the effect her words had, she may as well have screamed obscenities. Twilight was frozen in terror. Even in the Princess' telekinetic grip, she wasn't struggling, her whole body was rigid with the instinctive reaction that had helped the ancestors of ponykind to evade notice when in danger. As Celestia moved her over the pool though, Twilight started to scream, “No! Not the acid! No! I'll do what you want, just please no!” Celestia's expression became grimmer as she slowly lowered Twilight into the warm water, where she thrashed like a crazed, wounded deer.

* * *

The pain was unbearable, Twilight thought, as the acid seared away her flesh. She could smell the acrid tang of the acid tank as she was held in it by the burning demon's foul magic. She felt her fur and skin fall off as she lost her voice screaming, her nerves joining in the cacophony with their own signals of distress. Just as she felt herself going mad with pain, she saw the orange dragon and the blue thing from before burst in through the door. They roared with insane hunger and then... they seemed to fall apart.

Great chunks of skin fell off the monsters like stone cracking away, where they evaporated. The orange dragon lost its spines one by one, and as the creature lessened in size, a shape within started to form. It was Applejack, and she was shouting at the demon, who, now that she really looked, was no longer burning and hateful, but a tense, grim Celestia. The room was no longer a foal's caricature of a dungeon, like those she used to have nightmares about. It was a barn, a familiar barn with the familiar scent of hay and apples. She was safe, she realized, and the relief that washed over her mind pushed Twilight into unconsciousness.

* * *

“There,” Twilight said triumphantly some weeks later, as she turned the drawing of the newly named Poison Trance around to Fluttershy for her opinion. They were having tea at the yellow pegasus' cottage, just like they had every day since the incident. Princess Celestia had put out a general warning about the new variant of Poison Joke, and had tasked Twilight Sparkle with finding out as much as she could about the plant and its effects so as to better help those who happened to suffer the same fate as herself.

Fluttershy set down her teacup and peered intently at the drawing, while she discreetly shifted her cast, which was signed in particularly large letters by Rainbow Dash. The bone would heal cleanly, the doctors had said, but she would have the cast on for some more weeks yet. With so many animals to feed, Twilight had immediately offered to help with the animals, in a thinly veiled pretense to spend more time with the yellow pegasus.

They never spoke of their shared hallucination, or what they had done together, but ever since, Twilight had gone out of her way to spend more time with Fluttershy, who was still more than a little tense about her memories of their time together, and confused about her feelings for her lavender friend. Still, Twilight had been a big help, and her unspoken offer had never felt forced, she just always was there, always ready in a way that Fluttershy felt was intensely endearing.

“It looks nice,” Fluttershy said after a moment of studying the drawing, “I didn't know you could draw,” She smiled as Twilight blushed.

“Oh, well, it's not really drawing,” Twilight said a little sheepishly, “It's just representing what's there, I couldn't draw if my life depended on it.” She tucked the drawing into the fat envelope she was preparing to send to Princess Celestia, partially to cover her embarrassment, “But I think that's the last of my report to the Princess, I just hope she can find a spell to counteract the effects before somepony else falls into a patch of Poison Trance. It'd be faster than using the bath, after all.” Fluttershy nodded quietly and a silence fell between the two friends, which was broken only by Twilight taking a sip of her tea in the fading daylight.

Twilight noticed this and rose reluctantly from the table, “I should probably get this to Spike, to send to the Princess.” Fluttershy nodded, but for a moment, Twilight hesitated. “Are you... sure you'll be alright, Fluttershy?” Twilight asked, as she always did.

“I'll be fine,” Fluttershy said, even as her heart rebelled against her words. She forced a smile and started moving about cleaning up the tea service with the skill of one who has become accustomed to not moving one of their limbs. Twilight hesitated another moment, then nodded and started off, her completed report floating behind her as she trotted back towards Ponyville proper. Fluttershy watched her go and felt tears rise to her eyes. She looked down at the teacup she'd been drinking from, where the remains of the tea leaves had settled to the bottom. She saw the surface ripple gently as her breath came a shade harder, and something inside Fluttershy broke.

* * *

Twilight walked down the path, trying not to feel depressed. She had really hoped that Fluttershy had wanted to continue the relationship beyond that first ecstatic embrace, but she guessed the pegasus didn't share her wish. On the plus side, Twilight told herself, she now knew exactly what 'friend-zoned' meant. “Verb,” Twilight muttered as she walked back towards Ponyville, “to crush somepony's dreams and offer friendship as an alternative.” Twilight sighed as she opened the door to the library, “See also: disappointment.”

Twilight had Spike send off the finished report to Princess Celestia, then tucked him in to bed. She had just opened her book for some night-time studying when a knock broke her concentration. She sighed and closed the book carefully, before she started down the stairs. The knock repeated, “I'm coming,” Twilight said irritably, before she yanked open the door to find Fluttershy standing on the step. It was so unexpected, so totally and entirely surprising, Twilight just stared.

After a moment, Fluttershy scratched at her cast. The silence stretched out until the yellow pegasus cleared her throat and said, quietly but clearly, “Um... Twilight, can I...” She swallowed, blushing, but before Twilight could ask, she continued, a little louder as she forced the words out, “Can I spend the night?” Twilight blinked, stared, then her whole face lit up as she nodded quietly and shut the door behind Fluttershy.