Chapter 1 – Spitfire

Spitfire took a deep swig of cider from her mug and surveyed the dingy, noisy taproom. Back when she'd been a feisty young recruit, she'd always looked forward to the Equestrian Military Appreciation Gala. Not for the gala itself, of course, which mostly consisted of formal appearances, reminders from her commanding officer to remain civil and remember her etiquette training, and a thousand different ponies trying to find ways to say 'thank you for your service' that didn't sound teeth-gratingly repetitive. The great thing about the gala was the after-party. Not everypony knew about it – certainly, the commanders pretended not to know about it – but the Wonderbolts were always invited, and the raucous party had always been the highlight of her year.

Over the years, though, the drinking, the arguing, and the casual carousing with the paltry selection of mares in the Guard had worn on her. Soon, she knew, it would probably be time for her to join the ranks of the commanders who pretended to know nothing of this party. For now, though, a nice cold mug of cider was still a welcome relief from the stuffiness of the gala.

All around her, Royal Guards, Night Guards, and even a few of her own Wonderbolts chatted it up with each other, all of them talking louder than necessary – all of them eager for the rare chance to meet ponies outside of their unit ... and then prove that they were better than ponies outside of their unit.

Obviously, her Wonderbolts were far more elite and accomplished than all but the most specialized and secretive Guard battalions – and those deadly ponies weren't the kind who'd ever be seen at a gala, much less the after-party. And, sure, that might just be her own biased opinion, but what had these Guards ever done? Stood outside a door and made sure nopony disturbed some princess or other while she took a shit? Big deal. At least half of the Guard could be replaced by a few good door locks and maybe a statue or two.

Not that she was going to waste her breath saying as much to anypony here. The Wonderbolts who'd come with her – Misty Fly, Surprise, and Fleetfoot – seemed to be doing a good enough job of that themselves. From the scowls and bellows of outrage they were getting, they must have been getting in at least a few good jabs at the more decorative elements of Equestria's military.

The Royal Guards and Night Guards weren't giving up without a fight, though. When Misty Fly challenged one of the Royal Guards to do literally anything she couldn't, she must have had a little bit too much liquid courage because she apparently didn't realize that she was challenging a unicorn guard. With a smugly superior look, he used his magic to lift up a mug, swished it around his head a couple times, then took a drink. Misty, nonplussed, picked up her own mug, and whirled it around – sloshing drink on everypony around her – then took a deep drink of her own.

On the other side of the room, a white-coated Royal Guard hoof-wrestled the big bat pony stallion from the Night Guards, with Fleetfoot and Surprise taking bets on which one would be, in their words, “The weakest of the weak.”

The only Royal Guard mare who'd come – a teal green cutie Spitfire might have been chasing after in her younger years – barked out a shout of outrage when the only bat pony mare knocked the Guard's drink over with a swish of her tail. But the Night Guard just hissed back at her, baring her fangs.

Back on the other side of the room, the huge Night Guard stallion slammed the Royal Guard's hoof down to the table hard enough to crack the wood, bringing out a cry of pain and indignation from the Guard and peals of laughter from the two Wonderbolts hovering overhead.

But the Royal Guard had numbers on their side – in just a moment, their unicorn and their mare were tugging on the big bat pony's armor, slurring something about how he was under arrest for assaulting a Guard officer. Surprise took that opportunity to steal and empty both of their drinks.

The air in the cramped taproom crackled with what Spitfire might have called an overabundance of testosterone if it weren't for the fact that more than half of them were mares. In any case, she could feel the tension building, and she'd been to enough of these parties to know how this would end. Dented armor, torn uniforms, bruises, and literally crates of paperwork and reports to explain when the on-duty Guards finally came and break up the brawl. As the senior officer here, it would all ultimately fall on her head, and never mind that she technically didn't have the authority to give orders to anypony in the Guard. That would be no excuse when she was hauled in front of some princess or other to explain what had happened to the cream of Equestria's military crop.

Thankfully, she'd also been to enough of these to know the most effective solution ... even if it was a bit degrading for someone in her position...

A moment later, and the Night Guard mare gave her the perfect opening: “Yeah, right! Just like a Wonderbolt to come in and screw everything up! Now get out of the way so I can squish this dumb Day Guard like a rotten guava! You fancy little flitter-flyers can't do anything right!”

Spitfire leapt up onto the table in front of them. The way a few half-empty mugs clattered down the floor as she did only helped attract more attention. “Oh, I know one thing that Wonderbolts do better.” She eyed everypony in the room, reveling in the way her sudden appearance had brought an attentive hush. Unless she did something drastic, though, that quiet would only be temporary. Thankfully, she knew exactly the kind of drastic thing that was needed. Slowly, she unzipped the front of her skin-tight flight suit and theatrically licked her lips. “Can any of you boys guess what that is?”

She spun around, flicking her tail up and making sure every one of them got a prime view of her flanks. She grinned at the sound of the hooting and jeering from the little crowd. One little dance, and fighting would be the last thing on their minds.

Author's Note

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