Luna The Rapper

by PRlNCESS CADENCE

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1398

Luna tries her hoof at a rapping career.

Luna has been Princess of the Night for far too long. She needs a change of pace, a change of scenery, a new passion that she can cling to to give her life purpose again. This reveals itself in a deep dark secret that she's held for many moons.

She secretly has an obsession with rap music.

Published 2019-01-22 07:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-01-22 07:10:01 UTC

Luna The Rapper

Summertime was always the most beautiful season of the year, filled with the most luscious flowers filling the green hilltops while baby birds emerged from their eggs, singing their first songs and filling the air with wonderful music. Despite all the earthly scenery and beautiful wildlife that emerged during the summertime, however, the most alluring quality of the season were the long days where the sun would stay up late before it finally set on Equestria.

Then, with a deep breath through her nostrils, taking in the exquisite aroma of the fresh summer air, Celestia looked out onto the horizon, her horn glowed a bright yellow, and she gently lowered the sun down beyond the mountaintops. From her Canterlot Castle above, she looked out from her balcony and began to watch as schoolponies giddily made their way back into their homes, laughing loudly as their mothers welcomed them back inside. These were the kind of days that made Celestia joyous that she had lived for as long as she had, the kind of days where she had the opportunity to see ponies waking for the day and playing in the daylight until suppertime.

“Isn’t it wonderful, Luna?” the white alicorn asked, still looking down at the enchanting scenery of her kingdom. “I never get tired of seeing the smiles on these ponies’ faces every day, although sometimes I wish that some of them would stay out and enjoying your beautiful night as well, don’t you?”

Then, turning around, she saw that she was alone, bringing down the sun with no moon to cast its light from the night sky. Had she said something wrong? Had Luna become jealous of her long summer days yet again? What if--No! She couldn’t even entertain the thought! Luna had changed! She had reformed! She wouldn’t go back to what she was, would she?

With her heart beating frantically in her chest, the alicorn princess galloped her way down the castle halls, creating a commotion as the royal guardsmen all began to stir as to what was going on. Celestia couldn’t miss a single moment, however, as if her worst fears had come true, she would not have a moment to lose. Then, barging into her sister’s room, she heaved in the doorway and shouted, “Luna! Are you alright?!”

Suddenly, the princess of the night turned around to face her sister, pulling her earphones out of her ears and bringing her attention up to her sister, who was panting frantically in the doorway. “Yes, sister? What is it?”

Celestia raised an eyebrow in confusion, still breathing heavily as she tried to understand what was going on. Luna hadn’t transformed into Nightmare Moon, nor did it look like she was in any kind of danger, but she had never once missed raising the moon before, especially when it looked like nothing in particular was keeping her from doing so.

“The moon, sister?” Celestia spoke, almost in an authoritative tone.

“Oh, dear! I’m so sorry, Celestia! I guess I became a little too sidetracked with the work I’m doing. Actually, would you mind taking care of the moon for me tonight? I would truly appreciate it!”

Celestia looked down at what she was doing--writing down in her notebook while listening to music--then back up at her sister, who looked like she didn’t have a care in the world. “Um… Luna? What kind of work is keeping you from raising the moon tonight, exactly?”

“Prepare to be dazzled, sister!” Luna exclaimed, raising her notebook. “I have decided that it is time for me to shift my career path towards a new direction!”

“Luna, I wouldn’t exactly call raising the moon a career path. It’s more just like a responsibility… You know… As princess of the night?”

“I’m afraid I am the princess of the night no longer, dear sister. You may need to find a replacement to raise the moon from now on, because from henceforth, I have decided that I will pursue a career in…”

Celestia gulped, wondering to herself what kind of career path was so vitally important that it could stop an alicorn princess from raising something as important as the moon. What could she possibly--

“...rapping!”

Celestia did not speak. For several moments, the aura of the room was filled with silence, leaving the princess of the day to gape with her mouth wide open as her younger sister smiled from ear to ear. “Umm… Rapping? I’m not so sure I understand what in Equestria you’re talking about, Luna.”

“Nay, sister. Luna was my old name. From now on, Equestria shall know me by my rapper name: Swagzilla!”

Celestia slapped her hoof to her forehead. “Oh, Luna… Ohhhhh, dear, sweet Luna…”

“N-no. Swagzilla.”

“How about this? I can raise the moon for tonight, but after that, you’ll need to take a break from your rapping career and fulfill your responsibility as princess of the night, OK?”

“Would you like to hear what I’ve written so far?”

Celestia groaned, looking back towards the horizon and wondering how long she could keep the ponies waiting before they started to notice that there was no moon. “OK, but you have to make it quick.”

“I’m afraid I have not quite reached the level where I can fast-rap yet, but I will do my best!”

Celestia then fell onto her haunches, her eyebrows furrowed as she waited for Luna to go on with her performance.

“Yo, my name’s Swagzilla like there ain’t no doubt,
Sit down, little filly, I’mma tell you about,
How a mare went from being the princess of the night,
To yeeting up the land with rhymes that are tight.”

Celestia groaned loudly. “Please, Luna! Tell me this is all just a cruel joke! Please tell me you didn’t just use the word ‘yeeting’ like you knew what it meant!”

“Hold your applause! There is still yet more to the song!”

“Whhyyyyyy???!!”

“Tis I, Swagzilla, and I’m here to say,
I’mma make your booty rock to this beat today,
Hide all of your foals so they won’t be scared,
When the OG no longer saves them from their nightmares.”

“Lunaaa!! Pleeeease! Just raise the moon already! I’m begging you!”

“I cannot, sister! The beat has taken over my body!”

“You’re a princess! Not an OG!”

“Here comes the chorus! I hope you’re ready!”

“I’m not! I’m really not!”

“Got my hat turned sideways like I just don’t care,
Bet you’ve never seen before such a hardcore mare,
All the ponies here makin’ a hysteria,
‘Cuz I’m the most dope rapper in Equestria! Word!”

Celestia then sat in silence for several moments with her mouth wide open before furrowing her brows, giving Luna the most aggravated look she had while clapping her hooves sarcastically. “I hope you’re proud of the rap you made,” she began, “but I’m afraid that the moon has been too far delayed.”

As soon as the words came out of her mouth, however, Luna quickly flapped her wings over to the elder alicorn, giving her the widest smile she had ever seen. “Huzzah, sister! You have rhymed on beat! Perhaps the two of us should join together and become the most prominent rappers that Equestria has ever--”

“Luna, am I going to have to get Twilight to raise the moon from now on?”

The deep black princess’s happy smile suddenly turned into a timid quiver, not from hearing the alternative, but from the sheer lack of appraisal she was hoping to receive from her artistic pursuits. With her head hung low, she quietly muttered, “Nay, I shall fulfill my duties. I’m sorry for my lack of foresight into the matter.”

With her spirits crushed, the alicorn princess then made her way down the castle corridor. It hurt Celestia to see her so downtrodden, but there wasn’t much she could do, especially when the thing Luna had chosen as a replacement was so… not suited for mares like her. Again, Celestia felt bad for her sister, but she knew that Equestria was better off if they never had to hear what she had just been forced to endure.

“It’s for the best…” Celestia said to herself, following behind the unhappy alicorn as the two set off to raise the moon. “Yo, my name’s Swagzilla like there ain’t no d--DARN IT, LUNA! NOW IT’S STUCK IN MY HEAD!”