Author's Note

This chapter contains ponies getting beat up and story development. If you want porn, skip it.

Melodramatic Mess

Melodramatic Mess.

Umbra felt the ethereal hand of reality slap her to life in the very early morning. A sudden and uncomfortable awakening in a place she didn’t quite remember, bathed in darkness and freezing cold. Under the blankets, the air smelled heavy and pungent with her own steamy fumes of sweat and mindless pleasure. An aroma she wasn’t used to, centuries having passed since she was even a normal mare and not a cloud of evil vapor.

“Typical… how disgusting.” She grumbled, lifting her head from underneath the igloo of blankets she had piled around herself. Just barely visible from the cloak of the darkness, she could make out the contours of the guest bedroom she had retreated into the night prior.

Rubber ducky patterned drapes, picture frames she had ripped the photos out of and old furniture she’d imagine only a peasant grandma would cherish. The cozy feel annoyed the Queen to no end and brought her disgust rather than comfort. Even worse, the bitter cold of the snow raining outside had dropped the temperature within Derpy and Anon’s abode. A bone chilling air descended on her, encouraging the helpless mare to hide deep in her cocoon of blankets and quilts.

Then again, she found the more she pushed back, the less comfortable her splatters of sticky fluids became. Mashing against her rump and painting her raw cunt with the quickly cooling filth, her own wet dream had come back to bite her. She snarled quietly at such defiance, wondering what she could possibly do.

A thought struck her, but a thought that instantly angered her. An idea so stupid, so ill-conceived and revolting that Umbra was ready to chide herself for imagining it. A perverted and idiotic plan that would never work and should have never been brought up in the first place.

Perhaps Anon and Derpy’s bed might have a spot for her. The words stung like bees in her mind, kicking wildly just as her legs did as they tried to get comfortable. To no avail they contorted and wiggled within the weave of blankets, each step of progress somehow letting in the biting air of the frigid room. Her patience began to wear thin and her need for rest heavier on her mind.

Maybe muscling in on Anon and Derpy’s turf wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Given how pliant and tolerant of her they had been, Umbra hardly doubted they would be so cruel as to bunt her from their bed. So, humiliated and grumbling, Umbra wrapped herself in a robe of blankets for the long journey. The wet spot quickly drew in the cold and amplified it, bringing her back a terrible chill as she waddled through the halls. Seemed the entire house was icy cold, her breaths faintly condensing before her snout.

Stealthily as a chubby mare could, Umbra nosed her way through their door and crept into the fragrant bedroom. An awful little maneuver it was to get past the ajar door. Umbra’s hips had widened beyond her memory and caught bumps from every jut and jab hiding out of her view. The cushion of her warm flesh meant she didn’t hurt in the slightest, but her pride took a severe beating when her flank clapped on not only the door, but its frame, the nearby bureau and the nightstand.

The couple’s room always smelled powerfully of Derpy, a distinctively sweet and feminine scent that laced into everything with all her shedding fur and feathers. Clothes of both man and mare littered the floor, each article carefully dodged by the graceful steps of the wrapped Queen. She came closer and closer to the bed spread, her heart pounding and her blood running cold as the air around her.

“Anonymous? Anonymous, wake.” She whispered so quietly that even her own ears struggled to pick up on the sound. No response came to her, boiling her belly with rage.

“Dim witted human! Anonymous!” She barked, still quietly as possible in the shrouded room. She leaned closer in frustration to inspect the lump she assumed was the rude human ignoring her. Instead however, all she discovered was one slumbering mare drooling on her pillow.

“Muh-muh… buh… bring me all the toast… Bubby.” Derpy cooed to herself, fluttering her wings underneath the heavy blankets piled high on her warm body.

Umbra scoffed at the ridiculous display before her. Where could Anon possibly be at this hour? It was still pitch black, severely cold and so still in the house that it seemed impossible he could be hiding somewhere she could not immediately find out. The grouchy and groggy Queen quickly snuck from the bedroom and set about her search for this source of warmth she desperately needed.

Nothing in the bathroom. No movement in the pantry. Not a breath in the kitchen. Only the living room proved fruitful in anyway, in that she learned why it had become so cold. The fireplace Anon was normally responsible for maintaining had disintegrated to embers, leaving nothing but the simpering coals. The lack of flames meant no real heat moved through the house, enraging Umbra. She righteously sought him out with even further zeal, combing through the house until she discovered a yet unseen door. A narrow piece just behind the kitchen she had failed to notice in her short time here.

Her thinning patience commanded she open the door and storm down the rocky stairs she encountered. A cellar that had been hidden from her knowledge. A cellar that stank deeply with the scent of manliness. She could smell him in the air, a sweaty and funky creep of warmth that only unwashed muscles and pumping testosterone could really produce. It both abhorred and lured her, a line hooked into her cheek that pulled the Queen deeper and deeper into this den of stink. She turned the slight corner to find Anon himself, standing there with great metal bars and masses of stone all around him. Sweat glistened in the valleys and contours of his developed muscles, painting an unreal picture for Umbra to behold.

She could not put the words to her attraction. Alien sensations cracked off in her mind like firecrackers on a far off horizon with no control. Ambient light blasted from a nearby lantern and perfectly outlined each and every little detail on him. Umbra had to stop and let her mouth open, a sudden flash of imagery blinding her rational mind.

Sharp teeth, dark skin, powerful fingers.

A quick spark that woke her from a deep trance, the Queen gathered herself quickly and huffed up the energy to speak. He hadn’t noticed her just yet, still focused on doing curls with homemade weights rather than keenly watching his back. Frankly, she was insulted by his obliviousness. To Umbra, at least, it was clear she had just come in. The clop of hooves, the rustle of blankets, her heated and heavy breaths- did he truly hear none of it? She could only imagine that he was ignoring her, angry like a bratty child over that ridiculous soup incident.

Quick to pass judgement, a weak red energy grasped onto the bar he lifted and pressed downwards with all the strength Umbra had. A weight that normally wouldn’t crush a walnut, but when applied to a bar laden with a crude and heavy load…

“C’mon! RRRG! GUH! C’mon, man! DO IT!” The veins in his neck bulged so thick and strained, it seemed the blood would burst from him any second. Zings of pain blasted through his muscles as they struggled to lift the last bit of weight holding them down until he couldn’t handle it any longer. His joints were mere moments from giving out under the strain of intense work and an intrusive unicorn.

“GUUAH!” He groaned, dropping the concrete straight on the floor with quite a racket. Umbra huffed and showed her chest indignantly.

“That will teach you to ignore your Queen, human! Now face us and be addressed!” The man jumped and whipped about in shock like someone had jabbed him in the back.

“WHOA!!! What’re you doin’ down here?!” He gasped, sucking for breath and dripping with his fatigue.

“You have let the fire go out and now, I am freezing straight into my grave upstairs!” Anon rolled his eyes at her with absolute exhaustion.

“Are you for real right now?”

“I am most certainly ‘for real’ you absolute cretin! Fix the fire and perhaps I won’t lash you with my tongue further, like you deserve!” Umbra commanded, earning little more than Anon’s absolute surrender. He groaned and pulled a rather large weight custom made from a hunk of stone.

“Umbra, I gotta ask you something.” He said, peacefully offering her another seat. She only stared at him in a mix of confusion and frustration.

“C’mon then. Have a seat.”

“Are you commanding me, human?”

“For the love of God.” He moaned, rubbing the sweat from his brow.

“Relax and just sit down. I’ll light the fire again in a minute.” Umbra only humored him to speed up the process. Truth be told, if she had to endure this maddening scent any longer the blankets wrapped about her would only be further sullied by her excitement. Her bubbly rump mushed into the hard stone beneath her, molding and squishing around the shape like melting rubber.

“Make it quick, vile human. Lest this fetid air bring up my dinner.” She scolded, naturally refusing to look him in the eye.

“Lemme just ask you. Do you think this situation is MY first choice?”

“Do I really care?”

“The answer’s no. But that doesn’t mean I’m sitting here all day and night brooding on and on about it. Okay?” He begged, his voice absolutely laden with strain from his exercise.

“I’m trying my best to work with you. I don’t want this to be any more painful than it already has to be. Don’t you feel the same way?”

“I FEEL you should be boiled alive. Along with every other child that oppos-”

“Oh my God, SHUT UP.” A sudden roar ruffled the fur on Umbra, more so than any noise she had heard in decades. Groaning glaciers and writhing magic could barely put up a match to Anon’s aggravated and echoing voice. Her jaw snapped shut and her eyes widened in the absolute shock of seeing this human lose his composure right before her.

“BE QUIET and let me talk you spoiled demon!” Standing up briskly and stiffly, the human absolutely lorded over the still and silent mare.

“I have no idea what kinda idea you got stuck in your thick skull, but I am the MAN of this house! You understand me?! You live here, you follow MY rules!” Every sentence brought him closer to her, a domineering wall of flesh and sweat crushing Umbra in until the heat from his belly warmed her snout.

“Those asinine princesses stuck you with me for God knows what reason and all I’ve done is try my best with you! I’m being nice as I can be while your fat butt just eats all my food and messes up my house! Not anymore!” Their noses genuinely touched in the suffocating proximity he pushed himself into, making his point abundantly clear when the pulsing veins in his forehead shimmered to the bewildered Queen.

“Last chance. Learn some respect, or I will destroy you. Whatever those Princesses say doesn’t matter anymore. I am DONE playing games with you, Umbra!” Moments ticked by while their eyes locked together. Like chains, Umbra could feel the pull of his links melding perfectly to her own. A gravity so severe and powerful that her mind’s eye began to flicker in and out of focus. The familiarity of his shape, his scent and his voice all brought her back to same image she had been dreaming on.

Sharp teeth, dark skin… and hypnotizing eyes. Pupils and irises that pulled her in closer and closer until she submitted to them. The vice had a hold on her heart and squeezed the fetid and old drippings of affection from her. She needed to be close, just enough to know the touch of another living body. Cold and tired and aroused, Umbra’s body surrendered to the strength in Anon and let their lips touch together. Just the slightest touch of man and mare, wet and warm and tingly. Electrically charged and powerful, the brief moment of his stolen affection relaxed her instantly.

Key word of course, being “brief.” Anon jerked backwards in surprise and confusion, his eyes fluttering with the most befuddled expression a human could make. Umbra matched his look, albeit one that was laced with far more embarrassment than his. Suddenly, she felt very naked and bare before Anon. As if the kiss were recorded before an auditorium of cackling school fillies and she were some massive joke between them all. Heat burned her cheeks and panic gripped her heart, hazing over her mind and judgement.

“Okay… uhm… this is… new information to me.” Anon said, his once stiff and grabbing fingers raising up in defense. Umbra, twitchy as she was at the moment, didn’t really realize that his open hands were retreating from her. In her state of heated humiliation, the mare could only do what came naturally. Her teeth snapped onto the nearest finger with a bear trap force, crushing the bone within and gnashing the flesh into torn ribbons.

“WHAAAAAAAA!!!” Anon’s reaction was quick and violent, heaving up the Queen and sending her flying through the basement air. Her jaws were forced to let go of his hand at the peak of her arch above him. Just a second more hang time on his crushed digit and she would’ve taken it right along with her. The wiggling mare crashed against a wall and gracelessly hit the ground with a meaty smack.

“AUGH! RRRG! You rotten little mutant!” Anon hollered, cupping his rapidly bleeding hand. Umbra meanwhile, struggled mightily to get herself back together after such a massive blow. Never in her life had she been tossed, literally head over hooves, through the air. The impact had bruised her squishy skin and beat the air out of her smooth curves.

“Anonymous- ECH! You ape! How could you-” She was silenced by his sticky hand grabbing her hind leg between crushing fingers. Poor Umbra once again found herself slung through the air and careening into a rack packed tightly with Derpy’s old records. Her thick skull kindly cracked part of the thinner wood, dazing her even worse than the previous throw.

“That’s enough out of you!” Anon huffed as rushing adrenaline dulled the throbbing sting in his hand. Umbra’s blurry vision traced up and down the cellar for a solution, a weapon to defend herself with. In her absolute panic, anything could serve as a proper defense. Her magic ceased something weakly and swung it into the cloudy view before her, hopefully striking home.

Anon was likewise beat in the mouth with a yet unseen box attacking him from the darkest corner. A box forceful enough to knock him down to the cold ground and just miss a stone weight with his head. Now bloodied in both hand and lip, Anon had been sufficiently slowed so that Umbra could stand on shaky hooves.

“Barbarous beast! Idiotic animal! H-how dare you strike me! Have you any idea what you do?!” Umbra’s great display of anger was really quite useless in the face of Anon’s own, his body lashing out with a predator’s speed the moment she came close enough. Sinewy, powerful and thick arms grasped her all around and even more monstrous muscles ripped her from her perch. All four hooves flopped through the air as Anon dragged her to his side, laying both out with an arm crushing the mare’s windpipe.

Anon’s fold of bicep and forearm was given even more leverage when his other arm pressed on the back of her head. A scissoring vice perfectly catching her meaty neck in the middle. The punishment was severe, a sincere strangling from a creature so inconsolable that Umbra found no aegis from his abuse. Her body bucked and kicked on his slick legs fruitlessly, only bruising him slightly on the rare occasions her strikes actually landed.

“Ghk! What’s the matter?! Nothin’ smart to say now?!” Anon growled into her ear, threatening to break her neck. Her hurried gasps of magic only worsened her situation, a blow to Anon’s face from any box she could get tightening the grip.

“Augh! Gimme one reason not to pop your head off! SAY IT!” Anon shouted. Umbra could barely draw breath, nonetheless speak. Her ears flicked and her eyes rolled helplessly in their sockets. Faced with imminent and a very real danger, the Queen could no longer rely on her arcane knowledge. For the first time in eons, she was utterly defenseless. No spell, nor circumstance could best this foe.

So, she broke.

Like a ship snapping in two as it sinks, Umbra’s will finally gave way. Tears rolled down her cheeks and whines of loss crept out of her throat. A high pitched whimper stopped Anon’s furthering grip, finally earning Umbra at least some reprieve. She gasped for breath and coughed raggedly, all the while curling her legs in tight against her barrel.

“What the… are you crying?” Anon asked, more than ready to resume his death grip if the pony was bluffing. He expected her to lash around and rip his throat out. He half expected for Umbra to simply explode into some mess of flailing hooves and kicking haunches that would beat further sense out of him.

But unfortunately, the signs of genuine crying were all there. Derpy had taught him what to look for in mares when their breakdowns were genuine. If his wife was pushed beyond her tolerance, her legs would pull in, her tail would tuck, breath hitch and all her muscles would tense up until she felt like a stone. Anon mindfully poked Umbra’s back, she was indeed clenching herself together as Derpy did.

“BEGONE! Lest you wish to kill me now, just leave this place!” She whined, sniffling and hiding her face under a billowing mane of black.

“I’m a ‘rotten mutant!’ A failure!” Anon rolled back from her wisely, but decided against the rest of her commands. It was times like this that the dangerous game of “comfort the mare” began.

“Why must I be so unlucky?! What terrible deity forces this fate on me?!” Umbra whimpered in her mane, blabbering helplessly on the damp floor in quivering sniffles.

“You hate me, Anonymous! As all do! It would be better if I were never created!” Anon rubbed his bruised head before quickly realizing one of his hands was now lame from a certain pony bite.

“I don’t hate you.”

“Of course you do! You would readily end me! You’re just too spineless to do it!!!” She lashed at him, but failed to disturb the human from the exhausted and motionless stance. Had it been any other mare or any other time, Anonymous would’ve quickly begone and let some other, more qualified stallion take his place.

But for now, he would have to do. The man moved in and scooped the resisting mare up, but deflected most of her expected guile.

“RRG?! Put me down! Stop your assault! Have you no shame?!” She berated, still getting hoisted up into his bare arms and smeared against his chest. The Queen soon found that the combination of fatigue, pain, blankets and human warmth melted her down into a hot slag. A motionless goo of sorts that could neither thrash nor complain. Squeezed in an all new manner and carried so effortlessly, Umbra could only relax in the luxury of it. Her voice quiet down into little more than a slight murmur as Anon carted her out of the wet cellar and into the chilling living room.

Absolute freezing temperatures couldn’t reach the reclined Queen any longer. In her cage of muscles, warmth and her own abundant fur, the mare lay completely safe from the world. She held a pout for the sake of her image, but gladly let her eyes relax in his secure arms. Incredible what such limbs could do. She saw first hand their capabilities to ruin, destroy and wreck on command with respect lacing her vision. For the first time since she had met the human, her mind could perfectly picture each potential in him. Anon’s arms were just as good for cuddling as they were for killing.

Shuffles and bumps came quickly before a sizzling, like fire belching back to life slowly but surely. Anon used his good hand to mix fresh logs back into the smoldering embers, a task he had neglected to do before descending into his routine. As bright flames began to lick up the sides of the roasting wood, the human set his nasty bundle of mare and chub onto the ground just in front of the hearth. She was dearly displeased when the floor touched on her bare rump, but made little protest. A short whine later she was laid out in the fire’s embrace as Anon went into the dark depths of the kitchen for some unknown reason.

Upon his return he brought a pair of iced coffees from the fridge, a box of bandages and shirt retrieved from the laundry basket. Each got a single coffee, the box sat between them and Anon redressed the upper half of his body. Dressed loosely in shorts and his thin shirt, the Human sat next to the mare with plenty of space to keep her comfortable.

In that moment of silence, not a word was spoken for quite some time. A time for both to readjust and simply stare into the fire before trying to unpack their outburst. Anon wrapped gauze about his mangled finger and swished the new fluids dribbling into his mouth. Umbra flexed her uncomfortably stiff muscles and new bruises, all the while creeping closer and closer to the fire for its vital warmth. Both were glad to have coffee as the weak beams of sunlight cut through the thick clouds outside.

“How could you ever agree to this?” Umbra asked, but in a way that Anon couldn’t have expected. Her royal, haughty and mighty accent had been dropped in favor of her natural speaking voice. For the very first time, he heard the sweet tune of her speech clear as it was meant to be. She spoke quietly and with much consideration under her soggy blankets.

“What kind of situation makes a human accept a monster such as myself into his home?” Anon didn’t answer immediately. The human mulled over in his mind the right words to properly reply.

“A lot of things. There were a lot of things that fooled me into thinking this was a good idea.” He replied, finishing the wrap on his hand.

“Celestia told me that if this worked out, if I could turn you around… well. She said she’d give me my marriage license.” Umbra’s ears flicked to attention at his words, turning towards him like radar dishes.

“Marriage license?”

“Right. I’m not really a ‘full citizen’ yet. Needed to do her a favor if I want all the same rights and privileges as a pony.”

“You angered her? Broke the law?”

“No, nothing like that.” He said, sipping from his cool cup in the freezing room.

“I dunno if you noticed, but I’m not exactly from around here.” He said, gesturing his bruised and sore body.

“You and the silly mare are not truly wed?” The human’s solem headshake confirmed this terrible fact.

“Right. Just a thing between us at the moment. I’m hoping one day we can make it legal but… eh. I’m having doubts these days.”

“Perhaps if you DID kill me, they’d hand it over just as fast?”

“I was strictly forbidden from killing you.” He grumbled, attempting a scratch and prodding himself in the eye with his manky finger in the process.

“So that’s why you hesitated? Hm?”

“Again. A lot of reasons. I lost my cool. We both did.” He groaned when adjusting himself, both weight lifting and pony bites taking their toll.

“Would you? If there wasn’t a treasure dangling just before your nose?”

“I don’t think so. I don’t like it when people cry. Don't like the idea of spending my life in whatever bizarre prison they have in Equestria for freaks like me.” Umbra scoffed and pawed at her tear stains self-consciously.

“T’was only a diversion… a Queen does not cry.”

“Sure. Sure…” Dismissive undertones in the human’s voice would’ve normally peeked terrible feelings of irritation in Umbra. But this was certainly no normal situation.

“Frankly though, if you bite off another one of my fingers, I WILL totally whoop you again.”

“Ugh, so be it. I will restrain myself if it prevents another encounter with your ape-like strength.”

“Do it so you don’t have to deal with Derpy. She goes straight berserk whenever she feels her ‘property’ is threatened.”

“Derpy is one I do not worry about. She is defensive but harmless.”

“I wouldn’t wanna challenge that woman. I don’t know what kinda dangerous you are, but Derpy can pull off some wild moves when she’s edgy.” Umbra giggled into her blanket pillows and turned her body towards the slouching man. A single eye opened and to match a playful smile.

“Anonymous… are you truly aware of ‘what kinda dangerous’ I am?” She asked, surprising Anon.

“Not really. I don’t read the papers.” She snickered and locked her eyes to his.

“I led an army of slaves in an attempt to overthrow the Crystal Empire so I could begin a thousand year reign of blood and despair.” Pure silence lingered between the two, shrouding Anon in both shock and disbelief. It seemed he really, really had to do more research if and when the princesses approached him again.

“Uhm… when was this?” He asked, stupidly holding his coffee in a single hand.

“Three weeks ago.” The human averted his gaze back to the fire with a pensive breath of air. Seconds ticked by in peace, allowing him to think over something smart and clever to say.

“Hm… and they didn’t just kill you for that?”

“My question exactly.”