It was a particularity sunny afternoon in New York, and while most people were outside enjoying the much needed good weather Jon found himself at home preparing for future shows.
The public's desires for more Equestrian interviews was as insatiable as ever to the point where "The Daily" Show was now synonymous with "Ponies." To that end Jon was determined to make it so he could have a solid schedule of who would come on the show ahead of time instead of him having to go there in person to ask them at the last minute.
This proved to be more difficult than he thought, what with their world being so far away and Jon not knowing who any of them were or what they did till he made contact. This wasn't helped by the studio executives constantly giving him advice on who he should talk to next.
Ultimately the decision of who came on the show rested with Jon but that didn't stop his bosses from offering ideas anyway.
"Try and interview some kind of monster!"
"Why don't you have their leader on sometime?"
"Does that world have any politicians?
"You've been there before. Have you ever seen a talking dog?"
For the most past Jon ignored these suggestions and mainly focused on trying to conduct interviews that were equal parts humorous and informative. That is until one day at work when an intern approached him.
"Mr. Stewart, here’s the papers you wanted." The intern said.
"Thank you Erick," Jon replied, as he wrote something down in his notebook. "Please go to the graphics department. I hear they need some help with something."
"Sure thing Boss." He said, pausing for a moment before speaking again. "But um...before I go can I ask you something…about the Equestrian interviews?" Jon didn't particularity like talking about work even when he was at work, but if his staff needed his help understanding something he felt that it was his duty to assist them.
"Sure thing kid," Jon said. "Shoot."
"Well, t-the guests you've been getting from Equestria have all been great," Erick said. "But I'm curious...are they all ponies?"
Jon almost answered by saying "yes," but as he did he realized it was something he could not answer with 100% certainty. This question would follow him for the next 24 hours, stuck in his head like a catchy song. Whenever Jon visited Equestria on business he saw nothing but ponies. Some of them could fly or use magic while others possessed none of these abilities, but in the end they were all still ponies nonetheless.
At the same time however Jon could not deny that he had seen a non-pony citizens at one point. After all the very first guest he had on his show was Spike. A dragon.
The question continued to cling to Jon's mind, refusing to let go. So it was on this sunny afternoon, locked away in his study, that Jon decided to pick up his phone and ask the only person he knew who could help him understand.
"Hello Jon." Celestia said. "I wasn't expecting to hear from you at this hour."
"Oh sorry Celestia," He said, getting up to idly look through his bookcase. "If this is an inconvenient time I can call back later."
"It's quite alright," she responded. "I always have time for you."
"Thaaaat's great to hear," Jon said. "Just don't feel like you have to bend over backwards on my account."
"Wouldn't dream of it Jon. Now what is it that you wish to talk about?" She said.
"Well here's the thing," Jon said. "I've been racking my brain on an issue and have so far come up with nothing, so I'm just going to ask you straight up...does Equestria have other talking animals besides ponies?"
"Of course we do," Celestia said with a joyous laugh. "Or have you already forgotten about Spike."
"Forget? The kid can send mail across different planes of existence by breathing fire on it and he almost ate my assistant's necklace," Jon responded. "Trust me when I say, 'I remember spike.'"
Celestia couldn't help but giggle to herself quietly. She still had Jon's accidentally delivered notes on sex robots in her possession; she was keeping them as a souvenir.
"No, the thing is I've been to your world a few times," he continued. "And every time the people I've seen have been some variation of a pony."
"Well Jon, our world is inhabited by a multitude of different creatures but the most common are in fact ponies." Celestia said informatively. "Very similar to your world being mostly populated by different kinds of humans."
"I guess that makes sense," Jon retorted. "Though I have to admit with a name like Ponyville I wasn't sure what I was expecting."
Jon continued to browse through his book case till he finally found the book he was looking for. Tt was a fairy tale book, this one being a type of encyclopedia on mythical beasts. In no time at all he was back at his desk and opened the book to a random page.
"Now then back to what I was saying," he said, flipping through some pages. "My next question to you is this: are there anyone on the list who isnt a pony."
Celestia took a moment to think about that as she had to go over the list in her head by memory. Jon however had the luxury of having the list of names in his hand, ready to jot down some notes if need be.
"As a matter of fact there are some," she finally answered. "Would you like me to go into further detail?"
"Please do." Jon said, pen ready in hand.
"Well off the top of my head we have a young lady by the name of Gilda," she said. "She's a well known flyer from Cloudsdale and she happens to be a Griffon."
Jon repeated back what he just heard for clarification and quickly found her name on the list, writing next to it: "Good flyer. Griffon." His next step was going through the book of fairly tale creatures he had just procured. Eventually he found an entry for Griffon, complete with pictures and descriptions.
"I see," Jon responded. "She sounds majestic. What else do ya got?"
"Well this next individual isn't a resident of my kingdom." Celestia said. "He's something of a motivational speaker who goes from place to place."
"A motivational speaker, huh?" Jon said, his interest starting to decrease.
"Yes, his name is Iron Will," Celestia continued. "And he’s a Minotaur."
"A Minotaur, huh?" Jon said, his interest starting to increase.
Jon once again multitasked by looking through his book of creatures and the list of names. Almost at the same time he found an entry for Minotaurs and located Iron Will's name.
The picture provided in the book was a bull-faced subhuman wielding an axe and looking very ferocious. Jon's interest was replaced with suspicion as he wondered if this Iron Will motivated people or just simply scared them. He turned his attention to the list and wrote next to his name: "Minotaur. Possibly dangerous motivational speaker."
"Anyone else?" Jon asked. "Maybe someone a bit more local?"
"Well there is one who lives fairly close to Ponyville," she said. "An interesting character but I don't think she's what you’re looking for."
"Try me." Jon said, flipping back to the index section of his book.
"Well her name is Zecora and I'm fairly certain her species dwells within your world as well," she continued. "You see she's a zebra."
Jon didn't need the book for this one.
"A zebra?" He said. "Well yes we do have them here but they're only located in Africa. What does this zebra do for a living?" Celestia took a moment before responding.
"What she does is a little difficult to explain," Celestia said, "The best explanation I can give that would make sense to someone from your world is that she's a shaman who works with medicine."
Jon sat up in his chair looking as if he would spring to his feet at any moment.
"A shaman you say?" He said, looking for Zekora's name on the list. "That does sound interesting. Tell me does she use herbs and plants to make potions and stuff like that?"
"As a matter of fact she does. How very astute of you," Celestia said. "Do you have people like that in your world as well."
"You could say that," Jon said as he jotted down a phrase next to the zebra's name. "But never on my show...I've made my decision. I have an episode coming up and I would like to have her as my guest."
"A fine choice indeed," Celestia said. "I'll send word right away that I wish to speak with her." Jon stood up to put his book back.
"You know if you want I can go there myself and ask here." Jon said. "Going to your world every now and again have proved to be very rewarding at times. Plus I don't want you going out of your way because of me."
"Well Mr. Stewart, while I am appreciative of your looking out for me I don't think you'd enjoy the hands on approach in this particular case." Celestia said.
"Why do you say that?" Jon asked. "Is this Zecora not a fan of humans or something?"
"Oh no, no, nothing like that," she answered. "She's a very kind individual. It's just that her dwellings are on the outskirts of Ponyville located in the heart of a rich forest. She lives in a hut...adjacent to a swamp."
Jon stopped dead in his tracks as if someone just pointed a gun at him and told him to not move. Slowly he turned to his standing mirror and looked at the suit he was wearing, then imagined the same suit covered in a thick layer of mud.
"On second thought," Jon said. "Why don't you take care of this one. I'm tagging you in!"
"Of course," Celestia said with a slight laugh. "I'll have her in your studio the morning of your show. Have a nice day."
Jon said his farewells and with a tired sigh made his way back to his desk. All at once he collapsed in his chair rubbing his head to ward off any incoming headaches. After a moment of silence he looked over at the note he left beside Zecora's name.
Zecora- "Zebra Witch Doctor"
"This should be interesting." Jon thought.
Interview: Please welcome to the show Zecora
The Daily Show Interview transcript archive:
Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Zecora
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019
THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART
Heavily edited stock footage of the streets of New York appeared on screen letting both the audiences at home and in the studio know that the show was back from its commercial break.
The audience stood and cheered as the camera did a quick loop around before zooming in on Jon. The crowd continued their praise as Jon wrote furiously in his notes, so much so that some of them escaped and fell to the ground. He grabbed whatever pages still remained and looked into the camera.
"Welcome back to the show, ladies and gentleman my guest tonight!" Jon said, slamming his palm on the desk for emphasis. "She is a local medicine woman for the town of Ponyville whose skills and knowledge have made her a well respected consort. Please welcome to the show Zecora!"
As the crowd erupted with applause a figure emerged from backstage immediately waving and smiling in their direction. Jon set a course to meet her before she got to the desk and along the way noticed a few interesting characteristics about her.
By all accounts his guest certainly looked like a zebra but at the same time she had some extra features about her. The stripes she carried were a lot more detailed than just simple up and down patterns and her cutie mark was a spiral sun. She wore what looked like gold jewelry from hear ears, hooves, and even around her neck. Aand even though he was no expert Jon thought they looked African. When he finally met with her he shook her hoof and helped her onto her seat.
One last thing he noticed as the crowd calmed down was that she was wearing a bag around her waist which looked to be bursting from the seams. Jon had hoped that it was filled with potions or something that she could demonstrate for him. Later one however he would learn that Zecora had wondered around “The Daily show” building collecting roots from office plants to bring back home with her.
"Zecora welcome to 'The Daily Show' glad you could make it!" Jon said with a smile.
"Thank you Jon and may I say, I'm very happy to be here today." Zecora said with a smile of her own. At the time Jon thought it was cute even a little funny that she rhymed on accident.
"Well I think...tha- I speak for everyone when I say we're glad you you're here too." He said stopping for a moment to let the audience finish their quick cheer. "Oh and by the way I've been researching on what zebras eat, in case you were wondering why your gift basket was filled with grass."
"Well now I feel like such a fool. I already ate and my stomachs fool." Zecora said, rubbing her belly. "I must admit it was quite a sight! Next time I'm here I'll remember to eat light."
Jon's smile slowly disappeared and his eyebrow slowly lifted in confusion. He stared at his guest for a moment before turning to the audience with the same look causing them to laugh. After a few seconds of silence Zecora began to look worried.
"Dearest Jon is something wrong? That pause you gave was slightly long." She finally said. The audience began to laugh again, with a few of them clapping as well.
"Do me a favor." Jon responded. "I want you to say anything...ju-just absolutely anything that comes to mind."
"Ok Jon I will do my best, and with luck I will to pass your test." Zecora said. "Although I'm afraid I won’t say a lot, I'm not very good at being put on the spot."
Jon looked to his audience again now with a look of astonishment as he raised his hands in the air almost as if to ask them if they knew what was going on.
"Um...I'll be honest with you Zecora I don't know much about Equestrian etiquette but I'm gonna be straight with you," he said, trying to be delicate. "Why are you rhyming?"
The question seemed to confuse Zecora who, up until now, never had anyone question her speaking style.
"This is just the way I talk, much like you and how you walk." She answered. "You walk on two legs I on four. It's just the way we are, need I say more?" The audience began to applaud which only confused Zecora more. To her she hadn't done anything to earn their admiration.
"Not at all Zecora because now I know, welcome again to my show." Jon said, trying to match her rhythm. "Talking like this is harder than I thought. I really wish I had...a rhyming dictionary."
The crowd began to laugh at the defeated host while Zecora smiled at his attempt to imitate her.
"Sorry, I'm not used to speaking like that." He said with a shrug.
"It's alright Jon I understand, talking like me was not part of your plan." Zecora said patting Jon's hand with her hoof. "I must admit you had good form, for someone who rhyming is not his norm." Jon gave her a look that suggested he was impressed.
"Wow...you must have kicked some serious ass in your creative writing courses." He said nodding his head. "Look, I don't mean to beat a dead horse here but how do you do it?" Zecora gave Jon a friendly smile but at the same time had a hard time understand his fascination with her speaking pattern.
"Well rhyming can be very tricky, the thing is to try and not be picky." She said looking at Jon and then the audience. "Others think ahead and give much thought, but for me I just make them up on the spot."
Jon took a second before speaking and then turned around in the direction of the backstage.
"Hey I'm still gonna need that rhyming dictionary!" He yelled, causing both the audience and his guest to laugh.
"So I've...I've been learning a lot about pony culture. One thing I've learned about is cutie marks." Jon said trying to sound professional. "So tell us Zecora what's your special talent? I'm guessing its freestyling?"
"My special talent is not in plain sight, allow me to help and shed some light." She said. "While your talent is to interview, mine is to make a witches brew."
"That's right you primarily make things like tonics and potions for the people of Ponyville, don't you?" Jon asked, extending his hand.
"Yes Jon that his correct, and because of this I've earned their respect." She answered.
"Now what exactly to mean by that?" Jon asked, sitting up and leaning forward. "Are you saying that at one point...they didn't like you or something?"
"At one point yes this was the case, they would run and hide when I entered their place," Zecora answered. "To look upon me no pony would dare, I guess you could say I gave them all a scare."
"It almost sounds like they had some...prejudiced towards you." Jon said, wondering if racism could even exist in such a happy place like Equestria.
"I wouldn't say it went that far, they were just scared and thought I was bizarre." She continued. "It is fine now because they’ve learned, that when I am around there's no need for concern."
"Well that's great to hear," Jon said, laughing nervously on purpose. "Because I- ha ha-- I mean, someone from Africa experiencing forms of bigotry...thats...ha ha...thats never happened before."
Zecora in a state of intrigue tilted her head to the side, she once again found herself confused by something Jon had said.
"You have my attention. My interests now piqued, what is this place of which you speak?" Zecora asked. It took a second for Jon to respond to his guest's question both because he had to wait for the audience to stop laughing and because he had to briefly recall what he said to her.
"You mean Africa?" Jon responded. "It's a place here in our world far, far away. It's the natural habitat for zebras...in addition some people who have genetic ties over there have -- lets say have had similar experiences as you did."
"How fascinating this world can be, to learn that there are others just like me." Zecora said with a look of wonder in her eyes. "Back home life is of pastel-color, but here it's not. It makes me wonder."
"So...going back to your uh-- special talent," Jon said in an attempt to change the subject. "What kinds of potions do you usually make?"
"The kinds of potions that I create, are ones that can set a pony straight." She answered. "Whether it be the sniffles or the common cold, I can cure it with herbs and mold."
"So basically you are the walking Keiser Permanente of Ponyville?" Jon asked, noticing a look of uncertainly on her face as he did. "It's a place that sells medicine."
"You’re somewhat correct except I do not charge, I give them out for free by and large." She said, now looking at the audience. "I can cure your sick using herbs and spice, and I will do it free of price."
"Wow, free medicine for everyone in town? That's a really nice of you to do, Canada." Jon said, looking impressed. "You know I gotta say, as someone who is of...Hebrew decent your making it very tempting to leave my doctor for you."
The crowd laughed at Jon while Zecora contemplated asking him what "Canada" and "Hebrew" was. She decided not to and submitted to the fact that she would just have to ask some other day.
"I mean free pills! How can I say 'no?'" Jon added giving a shrug and talking in his best stereotypical Jewish woman accent. "Free meds whenever I want? What a bargain! Now if you could only do something about that drafty window I'd be sold."
Zocora didn't understand the context of his joke but nevertheless she found his impersonation funny and was laughing as a result. Jon, seeing this, decided to see how far he could go with his Jewish woman rant.
"Now if you could give me something clear this sinus that would be-- OH by the way, I have a son who isn't seeing anyone," Jon continued, raising an arm and leaning forward. "And I would love it if he married a doctor."
Zecora finished laughing just in time to respond, though in her haste she didn't realize Jon's proposal was only in jest.
"Thank you Jon for the offer, but I feel it would not be proper." She said. "I am from Eqestria and he from New York, we're too far apart it would never work."
Jon dropped his accent to give Zecora a break but at the same time still felt like teasing her a little bit more.
"Oh I see...you’re too good for my son!" Jon said sitting up in his chair. "Or maybe it’s because YOU just don't like humans or even-- dare I say it? Jews!"
"Jon please, this is not the case! I simply adore the human race." Zecora said, once again placing her hoof on his hand. "I'm too busy with work to have any fun, I'd never have time to court your son."
It was at more or less this point that Jon wondered if his stripped guest understood the subtleties of sarcasm.
"Thought if being with a human is what I had to do, I think I would rather be with someone like you." Zecora said. She began to turn red when the audience cooed at her advances.
"Someone like me?" Jon asked, adjusting his tie and sucking in his stomach. "Wha-Whatever do you mean?"
Zecora took a second to answer Jon’s question while her face continued its present shade of red.
"Even though you don't live where I do, you are very kind and quite a view." She answered. "You look really nice with your hair and suit--"
"It almost sounds like you think I'm cute." Jon interjected. Before Zecora could explain herself Jon picked up his notes and again changed his voice, this time to that of a southern belle.
"Oh well I do declare Ms. Zecora! I do believe you have me all in a fluster!" Jon said, fanning himself with his notes. "I mean good heavens my Papa would never allow the union of myself and a zebra...I suppose if do feel that strongly towards me I'll allow you to escort me to the Cotillion, but nothing more!"
Unbeknownst to Jon there was actually a kernel of truth in his jesting. For awhile now Zecora had thought the streaks of white and black in Jon's hair made him look rather handsome for a human. But in her embarrassment she decided to tell a little fib to avoid suspicion.
"Why Mr. Stewart you are quite bold...buuuut I'm afraid you’re just too old." She said, putting her hooves over her face to hide her blushing expression.
Jon wanted to take this moment to make a: "Whats black and white and red all over" joke but decided to not tease his guest any further than he already had.
"Too old?" Jon said, as he hung his head in shame. "I uh...I think I would've much rather heard 'being Jewish' as your reason."
This time Jon's humorous intent was loud and clear to Zecora. She found herself joining the crowd in laughter though she was still slightly blushing.
"So...going back to your private practice," Jon continued. "Could you explain to us exactly what...I guess what qualifies you to make these medicines? Like, how do you make them in the first place? Do you grow your own supplies or just have access to your own material, or what?"
"It's no secret to my success, allow me to explain there's no need to guess." She said, trying to her best to not sound boastful. "Being able to distribute medicine into circulation, is very easy because of my location."
"Your location?" Jon wondered aloud. "You mean you-- the fact that you live in a forest?"
"That is correct Jon for you see, it’s proved to be very helpful towards me. In the forest many ingredients can be found, a lot of which are on the ground.” Zecora answered. “There are so many things of which to use, all you need to do is pick and choose. It may be filled with untamed forces but it’s a handy place to find resources.”
“So for the most part you’re the only one who ever goes in the forest?” Jon asked
“You are right. What you say is true, ponies must be cautions when they walk through. It’s the kind of place that has very little sun, it’s definitely not for everyone.” Zecora said, sounding as if she was telling a ghost story. “You can easily get lost within its trees, you can’t just come and go as you please. The animals range from dangerous to quirky, plus the terrain can be shallow and murky.”
“Shallow and Murky huh? Sounds like my ex-girlfriend. BOOM!” Jon yelled as he violently pumped his fist. “BOOM!”
Jon waited for both the audience to stop laughing and for the pain in his shoulder to come to a stop before continuing.
“Now…location aside I understand you are also very knowledgeable and worldly,” Jon continued. “I hear the residents of Ponyville come to you quite often because you, more than anyone else, have vast amounts of knowledge when it comes to these kinds of things. Am I-- am I right?”
“Well I for one I do not like to boast, but when it comes to illnesses they come to me the most,” Zecora said as her ears drooped down in humility. “I know a lot about what makes you sick, and can provide the right medicine to do the trick.”
"Is that so? Well it sounds like Ponyville is very lucky to have someone like you." Jon said, his hand stroking his chin. "But tell me-- and I know we've already discussed this. But why not charge people for your services? You always have a steady flow of customers and resources; you could be making a lot of money."
Jon was certain that Zecora would take awhile to respond but to his surprise she answered right away.
"I've been blessed with my talent and wits, I have no desire for earthly bits. I simply wish to do good deeds, and I do so by tending to other’s needs." Zecora answered. "Helping others fills my heart with glee, and that is why I do it for free."
Jon was about to speak but could not as the crowd's cheers of approval, directed at Zecora, made it impossible for anyone to hear him.
"You know Zecora...I've been listening to you for a little while now and I gotta say the evidence is really piling up here." Jon said, hoping she would take his bait.
"I don't know this 'evidence' of which you speak, an explanation is what I now seek." Zecora said, her eyebrows slightly ruffled.
"Allow me to explain," Jon continued. "You live in a swamp, you're considered to be a very wise person, you're very kind in nature, and you talk in an interesting way...your mother fucking Yoda aren't you!"
The audience began laughing at Jon's whimsical comparison. But Zecora looked as confused as she had for a good portion of the interview. Jon noticed this and decided to go into further detail before she started asking questions.
"H-he's a little green warrior who, in many ways, is a lot like you." Jon explained. "He's also like 900 years old so he's old...oh and can like move things with his mind...so yeah he's pretty cool!" Looking back Jon sometimes wondered if he should've mentioned that he also wasn't real.
"This Yoda sounds like he's strong and great, for someone in his present state." She said, her eyes now filled with wonder. "I'm sure living that long has made him wise, I hope to meet him before he dies"
"Well I'll tell you what, if you ever see Celestia again ask her to teleport you to him.” Jon said as he wrote directions on his notes. “He's located in the Dagobah system a few lightyears away from planet Hoth...oh and if you find yourself on planet Alderaan you've gone too far."
"Thank you Jon. I'll make the request, I just hope he'll have me as his guest." Zecora said, taking Jon’s note and putting it in her bag.
"I'm...sure he will. But listen before you go could you stick around for a few more minutes and we'll throw the rest on the web?" Jon asked.
"Of course Jon I would love to stay, this certainly has been quite a day!" Zecora answered. “If you want I’ll stay for more than a ‘few,’ I find it a joy to be talking with you.”
"Excellent! Thanks again for being here today.” Jon added. "Zecora everyone! We'll be right back."
As the camera begins ascending upwards and away from the two, the crowd jumped to their feet and begin to cheer for more. The last imagery that anyone sees is Jon whispering something in Zecora's ear and afterwards Zecora doing the same to Jon. Soon the only thing visible to the viewers is the show's logo appearing suddenly and disappearing following with it another commercial break.
