My dearly beloved.
Life is not the same. The bed I lay on is without the warmth or comfort I felt for many years. It feels cold; barren. The pillow I rest my head on has become more like a slab of concrete than the gift you bought me all that time; a heart. “Just like the one that shields us all,” you told me with your silly grin; your touch and grace filling me with happiness. I miss it. I miss it all.
I still remember our first date. Seeing you dance as we drank cider; your eyes lighting up like the night sky on New Year's Day as I giggled at your majestic movements. Never before had I seen somepony so happy. I've seen countless hearts become connected to another, but your bright eyes and smile that night ignited a fire in my heart I'd never felt before. It was… enrapturing. I knew at that moment: we were twin flames of fire, and we would light each other's path to only the greatest of things.
For all the talk Equestria about being the “Princess of Love”, I had never felt such an attraction to another pony. Yet each progressive date we had only made the fire grow. The night you proposed to me, I was certain that I was going to die. The overwhelming sense of joy inside me was too much for me to bear. Oh, how the tabloids just loved to speak of my fainting spell that day. I wish you hadn't proposed in the center of town.
My dearly beloved.
I still reminisce on our honeymoon more than I care to admit. The wedding was, wasn't the best success. In fact, I'd say it was a disaster. Never before have I felt so hopeless. Not even when Tempest and the Storm King attacked and I was turned to stone. That really sucked. Though I must say that it was sort of worth it just to see Chrysalis’ face when we kicked her flank.
Yet our honeymoon was the greatest moment of my life. Oh, the freedom I felt from being a princess. The memories, the laughter, the magic in the darkness. It was exhilarating; invigorating. I cannot fathom how you felt. Your eyes the first night were wild. It was like you were overcome by a primal animal. The ravishing events of the nights that followed couldn't compare to what I felt that first time.
And you claimed to be a good, religious boy who was raised to never sin like that.
My dearly beloved.
Even when all hope was lost when King Sombra returned, I could sense the confidence inside of you. I knew that we'd succeed. Even during our darkest hour. You knew that good would triumph over evil. It was difficult for me to believe when I saw the shadow of Sombra loom ever closer. The level of doubt in my mind weighed so heavily. I was certain this was the end.
But when Spike eviscerated Sombra and the Crystal Heart shielder us once more, I learned that the positivity I felt radiate from you was no mere mistake on your part. Deep down, you did know. I'm sure of it.
My dearly beloved.
I remember when you learned of Twilight's coronation. Oh, how you pranced, cheered, squealed, and cried. Not since I accepted your proposal had I seen you so happy. Never again did I see you like that. You lifted me up, spinning me around repeating, “Yes!” Never stopping to take a breath. It was incredible, yet terrifying. But once you calmed down, you passed out. Doctor's tried to wake you up, but I think they figured it was better to just let you sleep. Thankfully, I was able to wake you up for dinner seven hours later.
The coronation itself was truly magical though. The music, the cheers, the fireworks. All of it was… awe-inspiring; magical. Nothing could compare. The joy I felt seeing Twilight officially become a princess couldn't compare to what I saw in your eyes and felt within your heart. It was unbelievable. Days later, when we were back at the castle, I could sense the lingering joy inside of you. It was… pure.
It was comforting.
My dearly beloved.
I can remember the stress and joy of Flurry Heart's birth. While I'm more than aware you had a lot of fun that one night, your reaction to the actual event was even better. You always did have the best reactions.
Yet, through your comical facial expressions, I could see a smile. Forced or not, I didn't care. All that mattered was when you saw Flurry Heart for the first time. Oh, the excitement in your eyes. The happiness. The terror when you saw her wings. It was all precious to my delirious and exhausted mind.
Once we got Sunburst to assist with her though, you seemed to be happier. Seeing you give her rides around the castle, try to feed her, and come to me looking like you'd just been flung around by a tornado after trying to change her. I miss those days.
My dearly beloved.
I remember the letter. The one signed with various numbers: 23;1;18;0;3;18;9;13;9;14;1;12
The fury you felt when you decrypted it. Never before have I seen you lose your temper like that. The obscenities you spouted. The promises you made to have those “wretches” captured for threatening you and labeling you as such a monster. I was certain you were going to go door to door demanding that you get a writing sample from everypony in the empire. Yet, you calmed down. You merely requested extra guards. You promised me, “everything will be okay. Nopony will harm any of us.” Your smile and warm embrace gave me such comfort. I felt like nothing bad could ever happen.
My dearly beloved.
I remember the day like it was yesterday. It had been a month since the letter was sent. It had faded from my mind. Had I been asked about it, I'd say it was probably a sick prank from somepony who'd heard the wrong story of our wedding.
We sat at the table as we always did at night: eating and giggling like when we were younger. Flurry Heart was fast asleep in her bedroom. The cook brought us the finest food as always; made to perfection and delectable as ever. We discussed how we would celebrate Flurry's second birthday with Twilight and her friends. Oh, the ideas for party attractions and gifts. The joy in your voice at the idea of your little sister being able to bring together so much of Equestria just for our little girl.
Through all of the joy and all of ideas though, I noticed how your eyes had become bloodshot. You became flushed; sweat rushing down your face. Before I could so much as ask what was wrong, you were coughing. It was a horrid cough; the dryness of it sounding like the mere act was ripping apart your throat. I watched in horror as you rushed out of the dining room, pushing past the guards, and downstairs.
I tried to chase after you, but the guards barred me. They warned of a possible contagion. But I knew better. You were nothing if not careful when posted anywhere that was known to have such horrible diseases.
My dearly beloved.
My dreams ever since the fateful day have been the same. Me finally getting past the guards and following a trail of blood. Progressively, it gets brighter; oxygenated as the coroner later put it. I galloped with all of my strength, rushing down the corridor and eventually reaching the front of the castle. Each time, I arrive and hear the news that shattered my soul all that time ago.
“Shining Armor… he's dead.”
The doctor's emotionless voice and blank stare is always the same. The crowd that surrounds me is always filled with the same faces. Your covered body as it's wheeled away I never look at. I cannot bear to see what happened. What torture you endured. The hellspawns that did this are never there. I can never see them. Yet, they were there on that day. Their smirks as they watched it all from the crowd were unmistakable. They relished in my grief.
Even when they were caught and tried before Celestia and Luna themselves, I didn't feel any sense of closure or solace. They showed no remorse; only unbridled joy in what they called “justice” for the war crimes you spearheaded against the Changelings. Oh how I wished I'd asked for you to go door to door. They resided so close to us. They must've seen us every morning. Their testimonies of how they were radicalized when Sombra defeated and how they infiltrated the ranks with dark magic to banish the guards, hypnosis to allow access to closed rooms, and personally made toxins to “eliminate the devil that wears blue”. It all made the void so much worse. Even when the gavel came down and the sentence was given, I felt no better. Closure hadn't come. Peace of mind was non-existent. Even when the guillotine severed head from body, I still felt that void they created.
My dearly beloved.
You left this world too soon. The light in my heart has sputtered out. I'm nothing without you. The noble princess that I once was has withered and become nothing more than a shut-in who spends her days crying in the hopes something will bring you back.
Life is not the same. The solace I felt when you'd comfort me whenever I'd cry was like the touch of an angel. The soft nuzzle and faint “shh” that would echo in my ear filled me a sense of protection. There was no better guardian a princess could ever ask for.
My dearly beloved.
I will see you soon. I hope to kindle our fire in the starry sky once more.
Author's Note
I've had an extraordinarily stressful and difficult week. While I quit FiMFiction in August of last year, I had this idea burning inside of me thanks to the stress that's built up. Rather than crying from it all, I wrote this. It was inspired by the Two Steps From Hell song Star Sky.
