Much Ado About Something That's Really Not That Interesting, Seriously, What Is Wrong With These Ponies

by Uh-hmmm

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Anon, Porn, Second Person, Comedy
Length: 8267

Anon is not that remarkable. In fact, he is below average compared to some. It's just that he wears pants all the time, so they can't help but wonder.

Anon is not that remarkable. In fact, he is below average compared to some. It's just that he wears pants all the time, so they can't help but wonder.
(Smut)
(Technically Casual Sex Equestria? pretty close anyways.)

Published 2019-01-26 19:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-01-30 16:21:32 UTC

Chapter 1 (Rarity and Fluttershy)

Rarity hums in contentment, utterly relaxed under your hands.

"Oh darling, be careful or I might lock you up and keep you for myself~."

This is a favor for a friend, nothing more. This is your mantra. You are not aroused by-

"Harder, Anonymous! Oh!"

You pop a boner, massaging your number one clothes supplier and roommate. She chooses this moment to adjust her position, and you can only stare in horror and desire as her flank presses against your crotch. She freezes. You blush furiously.

"Sorry, it just sorta-"

She laughs.

"Oh, Anonymous, it is entirely understandable. To tell the truth, I had been wondering when something like this would happen."

You lean back onto your haunches.

"Y-you have?"

Rarity draws her legs up underneath herself, and turns around.

"Of course! My friends and I couldn't help but notice your insistence on being clothed. But now, I think you are suitably inclined to removing them. Am I wrong?"

Has she talked about this to her friends? It still baffles you how casual ponies can be about these things. If she wants to see it, though...

"You ponies are lucky you are so cute."

Rarity smiles in satisfaction as you pull down your pants. You pause at your boxers; this is a bigger step for you than you'd like to admit. Rarity stops staring at your crotch and glances up at you.

"Darling, I was rather hoping to see more than your legs bared."

That does it. You are fully erect as you slide off your boxers. You look up to see an odd smile on Rarity's face. As you straighten, her lips twitch, and she covers her mouth with a hoof.

"Rarity?"

She fails to stifle a giggle.

"Oh Anon, it's so cute! Tell me you named it, you absolutely have to have named it."

Your cheeks redden, but you respond.

"I call it Anon Jr."

"Junior!"

She dissolves into a fit of giggles. You angrily pull up your underwear and pants.

"Very funny. I might talk to you again next week. Good bye."

You stalk off, only to find the door locked with magic. Damn unicorns.

"Now, don't be like that, I'm very sorry I laughed at your tiny stallionhood."

You turn around and scowl at her.

"Tiny? And you are trying to apologize?"

She draws herself up proudly.

"Well, I can hardly call it large, now can I? We've both seen Big Mac at the market."

That sobers you up, somewhat. Earth ponies are intimidating. You shake your head.

"That's not the point, Rarity. You laughed at me, then insulted me as part of your apology. I don't appreciate that. You can find me at Fluttershy's, once you've learned to apologize properly."

She seems honestly taken aback at how upset you are. This time, the door opens, and you stride off angrily.

You feel yourself calming down in Fluttershy's parlor.

"You can keep petting my mane. Um. If you want to."

She's laying on her side, her head in your lap. You're not sure when this started, but it helps to pet her like this. Goodness knows you've had more than your fair share of frustrations since coming to live in pony land. And more, living with that mare. Your fingers card through her silky hair, and you feel another little bit of your anger whittled away. You sigh.

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Fluttershy."

She smiles a little at that. Then she pauses.

"Anonymous? If you don't mind me asking, what was it?"

You run your hand down her neck, drawing comfort from her soft warmth.

"Rarity, again. For a cultured mare, she can be awfully rude."

Fluttershy glances at you, then away.

"I wouldn't say that's the real Rarity, but that she shows that side to you... Doesn't that make you better friends than if she always was careful to respect your feelings?"

You lean back an sigh again.

"You're probably right. Still, I don't think I can just forgive her right away."

She nods.

"That's okay. Um. If it doesn't upset you too much, what was the fight about?"

You stare at her, unable to even lie, hesitant to tell the truth. She looks away, saddened.

"It's okay, you don't have to tell me."

Damn cute ponies. You rake a hand through your hair, thinking quickly.

"She... saw something of mine, and laughed at it. I got upset, and she accidentally insulted me while apologizing."

Fluttershy looks up at you.

"What was it?"

...

"My manhood."

She's confused.

"Do you, maybe, have it with you? If I could see it, then I might understand."

There's no easy way of saying this.

"It's my cock."

She sits up straight.

"Rarity got see it? Before m-, I mean, I would like to see it too, if that's alright."

You stare at her for a bit.

"Are all of you so curious?"

Fluttershy won't meet your eyes.

"We might talk about it, every once in a while. Idly. Without charts."

You suddenly have a bad feeling about Twilight.

"If it means so much to you..."

Fluttershy nods intently. You do it all at once, revealing your half-flaccid dick. Okay, you did not think this through. She looks at you in concern.

"Is it okay?"

You grunt in frustration.

"Just a moment."

You give yourself a few pumps, aided by the intense look of concentration on yellowquiet's face. You let go, Anon Jr. at full mast. Fluttershy glances up at you, then back at your dick.

"Can I... Can I touch it?"

Now this is what you are talking about. You nod with a smile. She tentatively stretches out a hoof, barely brushing your shaft.

"So smooth." She murmurs.

She strokes it with the soft part of her hoof, constantly looking to you for approval.

"You can taste it, if you want."

Fluttershy frowns.

"I don't think that will help. We just need to keep touching it, so it can grow to a normal size."

That sounds great, but this is one of your best friends. You have to be honest.

"This is about as big as it gets. Touching it was just sexual stimulation."

Understanding dawns. She looks at her hoof, then at your face.

"Oh."

Fluttershy pats you on the shoulder.

"I'm sure somewhere, you'll find a mare that is happy with you."

It's not much better than Rarity's try, but you can't get mad at Fluttershy. Just then, there is a knocking at the door. Yellowquiet pats you again, then flutters over to the door. She opens it, and you suddenly realize that you are exposed. You cover your crotch and try to edge away inconspicuously. Fluttershy steps aside, revealing Rarity. You stop your efforts, and just resign yourself to your fate. Rarity actually looks contrite, and the bags next to her might contain a clothing bribe.

"I really do apologize for my utterly dreadful comments this morning. I now realize that stallionhoods are a very sensitive subject, and need to be handled delicately."

This apology? You can accept. The accidental innuendo certainly helps.

"I accept your apology. As long as you keep that in mind, I think we'll be fine."

Fluttershy claps in muted joy.

"I'm just so glad you two could make up."

Rarity smiles.

"Me too. Anonymous, I made some clothes for you, would you like to try them on?"

This is often how you two make up. You love getting flattering items to wear, and she loves seeing how they look on an unusual form. You get up from your seat, ready to step into some new threads. Then she levitates a few pieces into view, and you sit right back down.

"I figured Anon Jr. could use a little flair, if you know what I mean."

It's a beret, a scarf, and a jacket, all doll-sized.

"You want to dress up my penis."

Fluttershy misses your flat tone completely, and claps some more.

"Oh, that is a great idea, Rarity! I'm sure Anon will be much more confident showing his stallionhood off, if it's well dressed!"

No ladies, you are having the opposite effect. Whatever. You officially do not care at this point.

"I'm glad you agree, Fluttershy. I have several outfits I'd like to try, and-"

She sees you in your apathetic state.

"Oh, this will not do at all! We must have Anon Jr. at his finest!"

What. You look down. Looks like you aren't the only one who doesn't care anymore. Fluttershy smiles.

"Don't worry, Anon showed me the trick to helping out the little guy! You take your hoof and-"

Damn it, Fluttershy. Rarity interrupts.

"But we can't do that, we need to put clothes on it too. No, I'm afraid we must do something else."

Should you be worried? Fluttershy droops.

"Oh."

Rarity hops up onto the couch next to you, and lays down with her hooves on your leg.

"Anonymous, darling, do you remember what started all of this?"

You stare at her quizzically.

"Massaging you, but I don't see-"

She wiggles her hindquarters and gazes at you with half-lidded eyes.

"You may remember a certain part of me got a special massage at that time. Would you like to use your clever, wonderful hands, and try again?"

Oh my.

"You mean it?"

Rarity nods.

"My flank is yours for the taking."

Things are definitely looking up. Fluttershy settles down on your other side.

"Oh, little anon is looking much happier!"

Without a second thought, you reach out your right hand and grab a hand full of choice white rump.

"Mmmm, I knew you would see it my way, darling."

Can't argue with that. You look at Fluttershy. Her eyes are open wide, taking in your erection, and the way you are squeezing that ass. You bring your left hand up and stroke her mane.

"Would you like that too, Fluttershy?"

She squeaks in surprise, and lowers her head, hiding behind her mane.

"...If it's alright with, um, you?"

Ohbaby.png

You bring your left hand down on her soft posterior, gently cupping the golden booty. Rarity brings the first outfit over, and is happily trying different scarf styles just below your lower head. Fluttershy is blushing.

"Um, harder, please."

Oh hell yes. You sink your fingers into her soft plot, grasping and pinching. You may be in heaven, but you are not about to stop and ask the locals. You finally pay attention to what's happening with your dick. The second outfit is on, a veritable three piece suit, albeit a tube instead of pants. Rarity gently sets a top hat on your glans to complete the ensemble. You are pleased to note a mild blush on her face as you grope her ass for all you are worth. Fluttershy groans, and lays her head down in your lap, sniffing at your sack. As Rarity removes the tiny clothing carefully, she asks,

"Fluttershy, are you quite alright?"

The pegasus nods slightly.

"Just, ah, fine, Rarity. I thought I might take Anon up on his, mmmmm, previous offer."

With that, she licks your balls.

"Musky."

Rarity pauses in bringing the next outfit up.

"Do you plan on tasting the rest of it? I have a few more outfits to try, and-"

Fluttershy suckles on a testicle, moaning happily. You bring your hand from her flank to the valley in between, dipping into her moist pussy. Fluttershy moans even more desperately, her mouth moving up to your shaft. Rarity glances at you, then at her friend.

"My, but she is enjoying herself..."

Your right hand drifts a little closer to Rarity's valley.

"Would you like to join her?"

She's fully flustered now.

"Well, it would be rude of me to decline such a kind invitation."

Your fingers dip into her waiting flower, slick with nectar. Rarity lets out a high pitched gasp. As you plunge into her depths, she joins Fluttershy at your cock, licking and sucking at the shaft. From time to time, their tongues meet around your dick, and they make a brief, heated eye contact. Forget what you said earlier, now you are in heaven. You bring your left hand to Rarity's mouth, and she eagerly sucks Fluttershy's juices off your fingers. The pegasus whimpers, and you quickly return to her quivering nethers. Rarity takes your length into her mouth, her tongue writhing around it. Then she pulls back, only for Fluttershy to pounce, sucking greedily at your member.

You don't know how much more of this you can take. The switch a few more times, their entwined manes resting in your lap, getting dripped on by their mingled saliva running down Anon Jr. Finally you feel yourself stiffen in Fluttershy's mouth, and you hold her head down with your cum-soaked right hand, fresh from Rarity's vagina. Her eyes widen as you pump into her mouth, groaning in release. Rarity pouts.

"Do you mind? I was almost there."

You return your hand to its labor, and she nuzzles your chest. Fluttershy swallows, then paws at your leg.

"Um, me too. I'm pretty close."

You redouble your efforts, earning grateful moans from both mares. Fluttershy rubs her head against your chest, her eyes closed in rapture. Two sets of hips start bucking at your hands, and their breaths come in shallow gasps. Rarity clenches around your hand, her neck arched in pleasure.

"By the diamonds and stars!"

Your hand is awash in marecum, and she rests her head on your shoulder, panting heavily. A few more seconds, and Fluttershy orgasms, a high pitched keening accompanying her shuddering pussy. As the mares lean against you in sleepy euphoria, you pet their manes fondly.

"That was quite nice, don't you agree?"

Rarity hums contentedly. Fluttershy brings her lips up to your ear, and whispers,

"Yay."

Chapter 2 (Applejack)

The next day, you make a house call. You knock on the door to the Apple family barn.

"That you, Anon? Come in!"

You open the door to find Applejack curled up, clutching her hind legs.

"Thank goodness, ah was worried ah'd be here all day."

You crouch down beside her, careful to stay out of the range of her bucking legs.

"Pulled a muscle or two, I see."

She smiles wryly.

"Guess ah bucked one tree too many."

You trail your fingers across the underside of her thigh, saying,

"Just tell me where it hurts."

You are a little past the middle of her thigh when her breath hitches.

"Right there?"

She closes her eyes and nods. You gently press your knuckles into her taut muscle, keeping it light and working the leg. A few times, she twitches, and you pause before continuing. After the initial pass, you dig a little deeper, and she stifles a moan. You knead her thigh, trying not to think about yesterday's events, just losing yourself in the work. Finally, you finish with the leg, and she gingerly extends it. She sighs in relief, and presents you with the other leg.

This one goes a bit easier, but you still get turned on by the sounds she makes. It's one of the odd perks of being a masseuse, but it's a little awkward getting boners around your friends. Once you're done, Applejack gets up on her shaky legs.

"Thank you kindly for comin' out for me. Big Mac will be along later today to drop off your payment of apples."

You shake her hoof pleasantly.
"I'm always glad to help a friend in need. I'll check up on you in about two days. Until then, be sure to take it easy. We don't want this getting worse."

She chuckles.

"Don't worry, ah learned that lesson long ago."

You know, you saw the episode.

"Alright, see you later."

You are about to open the door, when she clears her throat.

"Anonymous, ah hear Rarity and Fluttershy saw your plow."

Your plow? Wait. You turn around.

"Who all did they tell?"

Applejack shrugs.

"You know, me, Rainbow, Pinkie, and Twi."

This is going to be a long day. She looks you straight in the eye.

"Mind if ah take a look?"

Let's just get this over with.

"Alright."

You drop your pants, and leave it hanging in the air. Applejack nods.

"Thank you kindly."

You hesitantly put your pants back on.

"That's it?"

"Mmhmm. No offense, but ah live with Big Mac, so that's mah reaction to most stallionhoods."

You chuckle weakly.

"Yeah, that thing is pretty huge."

She adjusts her hat.

"Ah think about it, sometimes, to be honest."

You get the feeling you have stepped off the path of normal conversation.

"The size of it, or... doing it with him?"

Applejack watches you carefully.

"It doesn't have to be him, sometimes ah imagine other stallions, just, bigger. You know, Anonymous..."

"Yes?"

Her cheeks color.

"Your forearm is about the right size."

"Nope."

That's a good way to lose an arm, you're pretty sure. The farm pony backs up towards you, presenting her glistening snatch.

"Come on, Big Mac, it don't mean nothing between kin."

For her to slip that quickly into roleplay, she's thought about this a lot. You have to admit, she is an attractive mare, and it's not like you aren't interested in these sorts of things. You play along, deepening your voice.

"It's because ah'm your brother that makes this wrong."

Applejack's voice is husky with desire.

"Just this once, don't be mah brother. Be the stallion who looks when you think ah'm not watchin'."

Looks like things are more complicated than you anticipated. You step forward, resting your closed fist against her winking opening. She starts breathing more shallowly.

"Just this once, Applejack."

Your press inward, and she gasps. You are up to your wrist in pulsing wet mare, and there is no turning back. No seriously, you aren't sure you can pull back out. You sink your arm in deeper, halfway to your elbow.

"Deeper, br- Big Mac! Plow me like your field!"

You shove, reaching the end of her tunnel, embedded up to the thickest part of your forearm. She clenches around you, then releases, shaking a little. You take the chance to withdraw your arm, leaving your fist in. She groans and bites down on her hat. You start thrusting your arm in and out, straining against her strong pull. Marecum drips down onto the straw in a steady rhythm. She spits out her hat.

"Make me your broodmare!"

You speed up a little, and catch her mane with your other hand. You pull gently, tugging her head back. Her face is flushed, her eyes rolled up and her tongue lolling out the side. Her walls spasm and constrict, flooding with juices. Even so, you are officially stuck.

"Plant your seed, farm pony. Mah earth is fertile."

Thinking quickly, you open your fist slightly, then close it quickly, squirting some of her cum from near your thumb. You repeat this five times before she releases your arm. You sit down heavily on the hay, your newly freed arm shaking and chilling in the air. Applejack collapses on her side, a dreamy smile on her face. Fucking ponies. Then her eyes snap open, and she stares at your face in horror.

"Ah'm so sorry, ah don't know what came over me, ah-"

You start laughing, tickled by the absurdity of it all. She still looks distressed.

"Don't tell no pony, y'hear? Ah don't know what ah'd do if this got out."

You sober up a little.

"I solemnly swear I won't reveal your secret."

Applejack sighs in relief. When she next meets your eyes, she's more bashful than ashamed.

"Ah'm sorry, that all musta seemed mighty strange to you."

You shrug.

"Rarity put little clothes on my dick. This is practically normal."

She chuckles at that.

"Good ol' Rarity. Ah swear, she'd fancy up the wind if it'd hold still."

After a few moments of easy conversation, you take your leave. It may be a long day, but it won't be entirely unpleasant.

Chapter 3 (Pinkie Pie)

You return to the spa, and wash off your arm in the bathroom sink. On your way to your usual massage room, you are yanked into the supply closet. You turn on the lights to find the shelves draped with streamers, a cake on one of the shelves, several cups of punch, and Pinkie Pie under a banner that reads, "Welcome to Ponyville Anon Jr.!"

"Surprise! Oooh, I'm just so happy that I can welcome a new friend to Ponyville!"

...

"You do know that Anon Jr. is my dick, right?"

"Well, duh~, that's why it's just you and me and lil' anon in a closet!"

She probably isn't implying what you think she is implying.

"Wow, what a great party! I'd sure love to stay and have fun, but I have to work, so-"

"Silly Nonykins, I got the okay from your boss for the whooole thing! Like I would let something like a job stop ponies from partying."

"Oh. Right then."

Pinkie makes a show of looking around, but the closet is barely big enough for two ponies.

"But where is the guest of honor? I don't see him anywhere, and we can hardly start without Anon Jr.!"

You aren't sure if that was clever or stupid.

"Give it up, Pinkie. You just want to see my dick."

She shakes her head in a blur of pink.

"Nuh-uh, I want to throw a party for your dick!"

What little resistance you had crumples. Pinkie is pretty good at throwing parties, and you find yourself curious about what she has planned. You drop your pants for the second time today. Anon Jr. bounces up to attention, still hard from your session with Applejack.

"Oh there you are, Anon Jr.! First, everyone needs a hat."

She works quickly, donning hers, then putting one on your head, and attaching a small hat to your cock.

"Did Rarity supply you with that?"

She giggles.

"Of course not, that's from my personal supply. Now, it's time for the cake!"

She lights the single candle, and tugs the cake a little closer to the edge of the shelf.

"Alright, Anon Jr. Make a wish!"

You wish for a kiss from Celestia. Like that'd happen. You inhale, ready to blow out the candle. Pinkie puts a hoof on your mouth.

"Hold it right there, mister! This is Anon Jr.'s cake, and he's going to blow out the candle."

You try to reply, but it's muffled by her hoof. What are you supposed to do, pee on the candle?

...

Oh. You begin stroking yourself, and Pinkie turns her manic attention to your efforts. You are helped along by the fact that Pinkie is almost pressed up against you in a small closet, looking at your cock. You pick up the pace, your other hand on Pinkie Pie's shoulder to steady yourself. Soon enough, you climax, splattering the candle and some of the cake with your spunk. The flame fizzles out, and Pinkie takes her hoof off your mouth.

"I'm not going to eat those parts."

Pinkie grins.

"More for me!"

She plucks the cum-coated candle with her teeth, and flings it into a corner somewhere. You feel vaguely sorry for whoever is going to clean up in here later. Pinkie cuts two slices of the unsullied parts of the cake, and sets them on little plates. She then gobbles up the rest of the cake, cum and all. You eat your slice, bemused by the odd eroticism of it all. It really is some good cake, sweet and creamy, with a banana undertone. When you're finished, Pinkie taps you on the arm.

"Anon Jr. hasn't had any cake. Won't you give him some?"

"Uh, like this?"

You prod the unfrosted side of the cake, and your dick comes away with some crumbs stuck to it.

"Silly, that's not how cocks eat cake! Let me show you, it's easy!"

She takes your manhood and presses it into the frosting on top, then through the moist body of the cake. You have to admit, it feels kinda nice, if messy. She pulls it back out, then puts it through another part of the slice. When your cock is returned to you, it's covered in frosting and cake crumbs, and is fully recovered from "blowing" out the candle.

"I think Anon Jr. is full, now."

Pinkie nods happily.

"Me too! I hope you don't mind, Anonynohnymoanymoose, but I combined the presents and the games! Dicks are hard to shop for."

"Sure? What do you have in mind?"

She turns her back to you, and sets her forehooves high up on the wall. The party pony looks over her shoulder at you with a grin.

"Pin the mare to the wall!"

Her tail twitches out of the way, and your heart beats much faster.

"First, let me clean off Anon Jr., he's a little messy to be playing that game."

Pinkie shakes her head vigorously.

"He's just messy enough to play, I think!"

Kinky damn horses. You swipe a dollop of frosting in your hand, and step up behind her. You smear it onto her lower lips, and some of it is carried away by a drip from her folds.

"It looks so tasty, I'm already drooling, heehee!"

You bring your frosting coated fingers to her mouth, as you position yourself at her entrance with your other hand. She sucks on your fingers greedily, humming in appreciation of the taste. You thrust your hips, your cake-coated cock sliding into her well lubricated pussy. She pushes your fingers out of her mouth with her tongue, then says,

"Enjoy yourself, Nonykins! This is your present to play with however you want!"

You weren't aware you could get harder, but here you are, like a metaphoric rock from her home farm. She suckles at your fingers some more as you pound her, and you are happy to let her. You reach up your other hand and plunge even more fingers into her mouth. Frosting mingles with marecum and falls to the ground, dislodged by your lustful pumping. Pinkie's mouth is wedged open as you grip her lower jaw and cheeks in your hands, using your hold for an extra bit of leverage. Drool falls from her mouth onto her heaving chest, and she tries to giggle, but it comes out as a lower, more sensual series of grunts. Her tongue passionately laps at your fingers, twisting and stretching to taste it all. You feel yourself nearing your edge, and lean in close to her ear.

"I'm going to spill my batter deep inside your oven."

That does it. Pinkie moans, her hips bucking instinctively as her walls close around you. You manage a few more pumps, followed by a deep thrust. Your sperm pours out deep inside, mixed with frosting, cake, and marecum. You release your hold on her mouth, and pull out of her. The four-fold mixture spills from her pussy, puddling between her legs. She giggles and snorts as she works her jaw to get some feeling back.

"Batter in my oven, that's a good one, Nonykins! So, did you and junior have fun?"

You slap her ass playfully.

"Of course we did. We played the best game known to ponykind with the best party pony."

Pinkie turns to you and nuzzles your neck.

"That's so sweet! I had a lot of fun too, maybe we can do this again next year! A Juniorversary!"

You squeeze her up in a quick hug.

"Sounds like a plan."

After a bit, she sends you back to work, so that she can clean up the mess you two made. As you close the door, you catch a glimpse of her licking up the puddle of cum and frosting. Damn kinky, mare.

Chapter 4 (Rainbow Dash)

Somehow, Lotus is under the impression that today is your half-birthday, or some such, and clocks you out early. It's rare that you get to enjoy the walk home in the late afternoon, and you savor it. When you finally arrive, it's clear Rainbow Dash has been waiting for some time. You wonder what shoddy reasoning she'll concoct to see your package. It gets you kinda hard thinking about it. You step up onto your porch, and she huffs.

"It's about time. Tell me, what's going on? The other girls won't say much other than that they've seen it."

That's more discreet than you realized.

"Maybe they are respecting my privacy?"

You open up your door and walk in, Rainbow following soon after. She scoffs.

"Four mares weaseled their way into looking at your junk in two days. It's not about respecting your privacy."

She shuts the door hesitantly.

"Is it huge or something?"

You sorta understand that train of thought.

"Hardly. I take it you'd like a look too?"

She shrugs.

"I might be a little curious."

Fair enough. You wonder if you are developing into an exhibitionist as you remove your pants. Rainbow gives you a disbelieving look.

"This is what the fuss is all about? It doesn't look that impressive."

You shrug.

"It's you ponies who have been clamoring for it."

Rainbow tilts her head to the side, staring at your hardening penis.

"Is it the smell?"

She saunters over and takes a whiff. Her head jerks back in surprise.

"Bananas? No way your cock naturally smells like bananas."

"Um."

She takes a second, longer sniff.

"Like I thought, it only smells kinda like bananas at first. There's no foolin' this nose."

She nods to herself. You raise an eyebrow.

"So you figured out all the elements of the smell? I can tell you, there's more than banana."

Rainbow gives you an odd look.

"What, you rutted a banana and another fruit?"

You shrug.

"Something like that. That's probably all you'll ever figure out, but I'm sure you're fine with that."

She looks you square in the eye.

"I know what you're doing. You're trying to get me to sniff your erection for some weird fetish of yours."

Well, that was unexpected.

"So what do you want to do?"

"Oh, I'm still going to sniff your dick, I just didn't want you to think you could trick me like that."

Mares. Who knows what they're thinking. The pegasus brings her nose in real close and inhales and exhales steadily.

"I think I smell cake. Was there a banana cake of some sort?"

You nod.

"There was indeed, a banana cake."

She goes back to sniffing.

"The other smell, it's familiar, but I can't place it."

She glances at you, and takes a lick. Your toes curl at the stimulation. She hums indecisively and takes a longer lick. You ruffle her mane with one hand, barely resisting the urge to shove yourself into her mouth. She smirks up at you.

"You like that, huh? Well too bad, I figured it out. The other smell is marecum."

You let your hand fall from her head.

"You figured that out by taste?"

Rainbow chuckles ruefully.

"Looks like I'm not the only sleuth here."

"Who's the lucky mare?"

She gazes at you seriously, but there are hints of excitement.

"What I'm about to tell you, you tell nopony."

"Understood."

Then she smiles, a tad anxiously.

"Alright, so I was crashing at AJ's place one night, and I got thirsty. On the way to the kitchen, I saw her splayed out on the couch."

You like where this is going. Your hand absently brushes against your erection, which does not escape Dash's notice. She continues, smirking slightly.

"I became thirsty for something else, if you know what I mean. I was as quiet as a mouse, but it didn't matter. AJ sleeps like a log."

Rainbow chuckles.

"I had no idea. First, I poked her shoulder, then tapped her chest. No response. Well, then I got a little daring."

She blushes a little at the memory, and you cup your manhood in your hand.

"I kissed her. On the lips. Nothing. I slipped a little tongue in. Still nothing. That's when I knew I could do anything I wanted."

That got you stroking, and Rainbow lays back on a nearby recliner, stroking her own marehood.

"I sucked on her teats for a little, mostly to see if I was right. The nipples got hard, and Applejack didn't make a sound. I moved on to the main course."

Dash breathes a bit more shallowly, but continues her story.

"I kept it light at first, playing with her pussylips and getting used to the taste. Then I went a little deeper, and she started to get wet."

The two of you are stroking firmly, and it sounds like Rainbow is a little wet herself.

"I even tried licking her butthole, but it tasted terrible. I actually got a drink, and when I came back, she was just as I had left her."

She shakes her head.

"That mare is amazing. I didn't waste any more time. I put my hooves on her hips and lapped deeply at her pussy. I could feel her insides squirming, and I got a little worried she'd wake up. Nothing. She just opened her mouth to breathe easier."

Rainbow grinds up against her hoof, her hips putting on a hell of a show.

"I drank it in, her nectar. My nose was filled with her scent, that sensual farm pony musk. Her hips were gently bucking against my face, and I kept on eating her out. Finally, her legs pinned by head to her crotch, and she arched her back. I drank as much as I could, but some poured out onto the couch. When she released me, I cleaned her up as best I could, then flipped the couch cushion over."

Speaking of which, pretty soon you are going to need a new chair cushion. You fetch a fresh sock for something to cum into, and resume your masturbation. Dash was pretty close, you could tell.

"I rubbed one out back ", gasp, "in the bathroom, then went", pant, " back to bed. You know what was", moan, "the best part?"

She stares at your erection pressed into the cloth of your sock, a knowing smile on her face.

"The next morning", schlick, " she said that was the best night's sleep", hnnnn, "she'd had in a while. Wanted me to come over again."

Rainbow Dash loses herself in bucking her hoof, marecum gushing out onto your chair. You let yourself go, hot semen soaking into your clenched footwear. She sits there for a moment, recovering.

"That was a pretty good story, Dash. Didn't know you had it in you."

"Pretty good? I think we both know it was a great story, maybe the greatest story ever!"

"Alright, I admit, that was a great story. I especially liked the visuals."

The pegasus gets up and preens a little, before noticing what she left behind.

"Hehe, sorry about the chair."

You wave a hand dismissively.

"It's a low price to pay for the show."

She nods.

"I think I get it now. It's not about your dick. You are just a cool guy to hang out with when you let some of your inhibitions go."

You ruffle her mane fondly.

"That means a lot, coming from you. I have to say, I'm pretty lucky to hang out with a bunch of mares like you gals."

Rainbow bats your hand away playfully.

"Yeah, we know. Hey, I'm going to get going before it gets any sappier, but let's hang out again sometime."

You grin at her.

"Looking forward to it. See ya."

She leaves, and you settle in for the night, shaking your head at the kinkiness of mares.

Chapter 5 (Twilight and Celestia)

The next morning, you hear a knocking at the door. It's Spike, to your surprise.

"Good morning, Spike, how can I help you?"

He yawns.

"Mornin'. You got a letter from Celestia. Mind if I crash on your couch?"

You take the scroll with a certain amount of apprehension.

"Yeah, go for it dude."

He staggers off, and you lean against the outside of your house, reading by the morning light.

~
To Anonymous, my little human.
Meet me outside the library when you get this.
From,
Princess Celestia of Equestria

~

worry.png

You run inside, grabbing your deodorant and applying in the way to the bathroom. A quick comb through your hair, and you are ready as you will ever be. You set off at a jog, not wanting to build up to much sweat. The morning is cool, and you make good time. Celestia waits by the door, and smiles when she sees you. You walk to her and perform a short bow.

"Good morning, Princess. How can I help you?"

She glances at the sun.

"It is rather nice, isn't it? Anonymous, I have asked you here in regards to some letters I have received over the past two days."

Uh oh. She levitates two scrolls in front of you.

"Once you read them, I think your purpose here will become clear."

With no little apprehension you pick up the first one.

~
Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that sometimes, it takes kindness and generosity to help a friend open up about themselves. Even if you do start off on the wrong hoof, if you apologize with sincerity, your feelings will get through, and you will get to see the hot monkey dick.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle.

~

You look up at Celestia in confusion.

"Does this really qualify as a friendship report?"

She nods pleasantly.

"Are you not friends with Fluttershy and Rarity?"

"Fair enough. Let's see the next one."

You swap scrolls, and brace yourself.

~
Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that my friends are sneaky, clever, and hormonal mares. I'm not entirely sure what went on, but now my other three best friends smell strongly of Anonymous. I learned that sometimes, research isn't enough. You have to go out and seduce the human.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle.

~

You hand the scroll back with shaking hands.

"She's gone a little crazy, hasn't she?"

Celestia nods.

"Just a bit. Xenobiology has been one of her favored subjects in the past, admittedly, one of thousands, but now it is a large focus of her studies."

You can guess why.

"So... I take I'm here to satisfy her curiosity?"

After she hesitates, you add,

"Among other things?"

Celestia tucks the scrolls away in some magic space.

"That is the idea, yes. Don't worry, I'll be here to make sure she doesn't go too far."

You wonder what will qualify as too far. Only one way to find out.

"Let's get this trainwreck started."

You knock on the door to the treebrary. A muffled voice calls out,

"Coming!"

Celestia murmurs behind you,

"She will be."

...

Did you hear that right? Buckle down, Anon, it's going to be a wild ride. Twilight opens the door, mane frazzled and a pencil tucked behind her ear.

"Good morning, Anonymous, Celestia. ..."

The door slams, and you hear her run off. Celestia pushes the door open with her magic.

"I'm sure she'll be back in a bit. Why don't we make ourselves comfortable?"

You end up opposite Celestia at a small table. She smiles graciously.

"And how have you been?"

You shrug, put off balance by this new facet of her.

"Pretty good, especially lately. Work is nice, I'm making all sorts of friends."

She smiles.

"That's what I like to hear."

Twilight comes clattering down the stairs, her mane tied into a ponytail with blue ribbon. She stumbles a bit when she sees you two at the table already, then reorients herself.

"Good morning, Celestia, Anonymous. Oh, I said that already, didn't I? It doesn't matter, what matters is that you are here, and why are you here?"

Celestia smiles serenely.

"Tell her, Anonymous."

"I am here to aid you in your xenobiological studies,"

You glance at Celestia, and finish with,

"...among other things."

Twilight glances between the two of you uncertainly.

"Celestia, you're here to..."

"Observe, and assist if necessary."

"Right. Let me just get some note taking supplies and set the testing area..."

The books on the floor rise up and file away in a haphazard fashion, while reams of paper coil and fold down to reasonable stacks. About twenty inkwells and even more quills scatter about the room, and a bed floats down from Twilight's bedroom to settle down in the middle of the cleared area. Not for the first time, you find yourself in awe of the might of unicorn magic. Twilight steps into a white lab coat, and clears her throat.

"Let us begin. Please state your name, sex, and age, for the record."

Looks like this might be a little more professional than you expected.

"Anonymous R. Le'Jion, male, and twenty five."

After some quill scratching, she speaks again.

"Thank you. Now, if you would disrobe, so that we can record your anatomy."

The gleam in her eyes is anything but scientific. For that matter, Celestia is reminding you of the Cheshire cat a bit much for your comfort. It doesn't matter, this was inevitable. You take off your clothes without ceremony. Twilight pauses in the middle of her diagramming.

"B-but my charts... the average human penis should be nearly the same size as the insertable portion of a stallion's phallus!"

You shrug.

"I'm below average in that department."

You have more or less come to terms with that over the past two days. Twilight resumes her sketch work, her gaze lingering on your crotch perhaps a bit more than is absolutely necessary. A few moments later, she sets down the quill and levitates a tape measure over.

"Um, Celestia? Would you mind taking his measurements?"

"I'd be glad to."

She's practically purring, the metered tape surrounded in a golden glow. Most of the measurements are normal, height, shoulder span, arm length, etc. Then there's the other ones.

"Penis length, flaccid."

Celestia looks down at your erection.

"Not possible at this time. Shall I give you the measurement for erect?"

Twilight looks up from her paper, and takes in the situation.

"R-right, let's get it while we have it."

Celestia presses the tape to your cock, and calls out the number. She then slowly drags the tape along your shaft until the metered length falls off, maintaining eye contact the entire time. The rest of the measurements pass a like manner, boredom interspersed with erotic tension. Twilight frowns.

"I would really like to get that flaccid measurement, for a complete data set."

Celestia chuckles.

"I can think of a way to achieve that state. Perhaps if one of us were to give him sufficient stimulation, the refractory period would provide a window of opportunity."

"S-sufficient stimulation?"

Twilight rifles through her plans, and plucks out a page.

"Phallic stimulation... yes, we can combine that with the xenophilic compatibility test."

You think you know what that will entail. Twilight gets up onto the bed, then pauses.

"Celestia, would you mind taking down my observations? I'm not sure I will be able to operate the quill while in mid experiment."

"Of course. Anonymous, please get into position."

You stand behind Purplesmart. She closes her eyes, and takes a steadying breath.

"Anonymous, i-insert your genitalia into the r-research mare's. For science."

You are going to do so much science, you can tell. You prod her entrance with your cock, her soft warmth a comfort after standing around naked for all that time. You turn your head to see Celestia standing by, eyes wide to better take in the show. You slowly press inward, Twilight taking shuddering breaths as you delve into her. You come to a stop, fully sheathed, and the faithful student speaks.

"As previously observed, deviation in size is observed, yet not unpleasant. The phallus shape is within acceptable bounds for providing mutual stimulation."

Twilight shifts her weight.

"P-proceed with species specific c-copulation behavior."

You slide your hands across her flanks and get a firm grasp of her hips. You can feel her trembling, and it's kinda cute. You begin thrusting, keeping it gentle. She feels amazing, wet, hot, and silky. The observations resume.

"It is uncertain if a pony could break free of the human's grasp." Hnnn," Repeated pelvic thrusting seems to be the," haaaa, "main form of sexual expression."

You pick up the pace, slipping a hand from her hip down to fondle her hanging teats. She gasps at the contact.

"Is this sta-ah~ standard in intercourse with hu, human females?"

You slide your other hand up to her upper chest, leaning on her back to keep your balance.

"Normally the mammaries would be up here-"

You gently squeeze her dirty pillows.

"-but the pony analog is sufficiently close for transference of erotic associations."

She orgasms abruptly, walls milking your dick for all they are worth, but you aren't there yet. Guess she likes scientific discussion. She collapses, sliding off your cock. You hold her limp body for a moment, then gently deposit her on the bed. Is that all? Twilight gives you a tired smile.

"Well, the primary objective is still unfulfilled, but it is safe to say that humans can be very compatible with ponies."

She slowly climbs off the bed. Wait, she's giving up? You honestly don't know how you feel about that. Celestia seems to share your reaction.

"Rather than leave the test incomplete, perhaps I could collect the other half of the data?"

Twilight perks up at this.

"You would? I had thought that... well, if you are willing, by all means, let us continue. For science!"

Celestia joins you in the cleared area, her eyes half-lidded.

"For science."

You are confronted with the royal plot, whose gravity is irresistible. Your hands grab a hold, kneading and spreading her cheeks.

"The human seems to have erotic associations with the gluteal area, resulting in grasping and lifting manipulations."

You press up against her, running your hands up her back and caressing her neck. Celestia arches her neck, and you whisper,

"I bet you love that I'm still coated in your precious student's juices."

She whispers back,

"You catch on quickly. I might make you my next student."

Your hands snarl in her silky, flowing mane.

"I'll hold you to that."

Celestia speaks in a normal tone,

"He enjoys dominance plays, controlling movement through mane-pulling."

You let go with one hand, lining up your weapon with her pussy. She sense what you are up to and backs up, impaling herself on your rod. She smirks at you over her shoulder. You let go of her mane and seize her tail at its base, using it to lend extra force to your thrusts. Celestia laughs, low and sensual. Her wings are steadily stiffening, but have yet to fully unfurl. You slap that ass, memorizing the jiggling for future solo performances.

"A slight tendency for sadism is observed."

Her vaginal muscles massage your dick with the expertise of a thousand years of experience. If this keeps up, it will end in her victory. You have to tilt the odds back in your favor, somehow. You listen to your instincts, and push her forward with your whole being. The princess's front legs fold beneath her, and she gasps in surprise. This angle is much better, with her rump in the air, and you pump her with renewed enthusiasm. Twilight stops taking notes.

"Celestia, are you alright?"

The alicorn lays her head down sideways on the cool wooden floor, jostling with each of your thrusts.

"I'm fine, he's just asserting himself, that's all."

"O-okay, carry on."

Meanwhile Celestia's wings are fully extended, and she is losing control of her inner efforts. You hook your arms under her hips and raise her up an inch or two, pounding her relentlessly. Her mouth opens, and her tongue lolls out, leaving a wet spot in the light dust on the floor. You can't keep it up any longer. You put your all into a final thrust, raising her back end another inch into the air as you fill her with your seed. The uncoordinated movement of her sheath falls away, and she clenches around your member, milking it for every drop of conquest.

You fall to your knees, slipping out of her spasming hole. Celestia lets herself fall to the side, panting heavily. Twilight trots over, and you glimpse an odd blue glow on her tongue. She sits down between the two of you, and brings a hoof down to her nethers, then back to her mouth. That blue tongue laps up her nectar, and she swallows. She then takes your softening cock into her mouth, sucking off the accumulated juices. Lastly, she laps at her teacher's leaking flower.

"What was all that about?"

Twilight swallows again.

"Chemical analysis, of course. Pardon me, I have to get this all down before I forget it."

You stare after her in bemusement. Celestia stirs.

"Always the scientist, that one. That's why she is my most favored student."

"I can see why."

After a few moments of silence, Twilight returns.

"And now for the flaccid reading!"

The research session ends an hour later, with a few more clinical gropings. As you schedule a time for the next session, you thank the powers that be for the mystery of pants in a pony world.