Pinkie Pie Gives Her Friends An Existential Crisis

by Dr Sharaz Jek

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Equestria Girls, Crossover, Main 7 (EqG), Comedy
Length: 1792

Pinkie shares an uncomfortable truth with her friends...

What happens when Pinkie learns she can break the fourth wall and bend the laws of reality itself? And how will her closest pals react when she shares this truth with them?

Published 2019-01-28 00:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-01-28 00:00:01 UTC

Take The Pink Pill

Pinkie Pie had kept her secret long enough. The only other person she'd met that could remotely understand her predicament was Discord, and even then he seemed to dismiss the truth as inconsequential, figuring it didn't matter so long as he had fun. And once she would have felt exactly the same way. But hiding the horrific truth was slowly driving her mad!

Would it be cruel to share her knowledge with her friends? After all, ignorance is bliss, right? But she knew Twilight Sparkle at least would want to know whatever the consequences. Possibly Sunset Shimmer and Applejack too. She wasn't so certain about the others; it was doubtful Rainbow Dash in particular would believe such a ludicrous revelation.

She paced relentlessly, counted the occasional cloud that passed by, or tried to figure out what the shapes looked like. Whatever she felt like, she supposed. It mattered about as much as what she'd had for breakfast, really. Or the handful of cotton candy she'd seemingly pulled from thin air and was now messily munching on with audible noms.

She'd called them to the front of Canterlot High after school let out, feeling it wouldn't really matter where she told them. It was a sunny, clear day, most of the students cheerfully rushing home. Her gal-pals collected around her. “Glad you could all make it! Get ready girls, because I'm about to turn your world upside-down!” She took a deep breath, uncertain where to start. “Did-you-ever-stop-and-think-that-maybe-your-whole-life-is-a-lie-and-nothing-is-real-and-this-is-pretty-much-a-dream-”

Applejack covered her friend's mouth. “Whoa there sugarcube, slow down so we can understand you! Now say what?”

“Sounds like Pinkie's feeling philosophical,” noted Sunset who stood with her arms folded. “I've been there lots of times. Especially after you all helped me rethink my direction in life. But it's not good to overthink life.”

“Still, I am curious.” Twilight adjusted her glasses. “What's brought all this on so suddenly?”

Rainbow nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, don't you know it's better to feel, rather than think? I've always trusted my instincts and they've rarely let me down! Now what's all this nonsense about lying and dreaming?”

“Maybe it would be better if I showed you.” Pinkie decided to start small with her demonstration, which for her meant stretching out her arm like she was made of rubber, the others gasping in disbelief as they stared, until she plucked a struggling bird from the sky and gently handed it over to Fluttershy who carefully took it. “Do you see now?”

“We certainly saw,” admitted Rarity. “But I doubt any of us understood! H-how did...what did...” She raised a hand to her head, almost fainting, only to be caught by AJ. “Somehow, I think I'm the one who's dreaming!”

Dash pinched the fashionista who squealed. “Nope. Not a dream! That was awesome, though!”

Twilight had pulled out a notepad and rapidly jotted down what she'd seen with a pencil. “It defies all known laws of...well, just about everything, really! Is this some form of Equestrian magic?”

“Nah. Better. It's something Equestria's Discord sort of taps into, but he doesn't really understand it. Heck, I've been using it all the time and didn't understand it, either! But once you understand reality's just a shared delusion it starts to come easily!” She snapped her finger and the entire world, save for her circle of friends, immediately frozen in place like time had stopped.

“This is a might too freaky for me,” said AJ who studied their surroundings. “You sayin' none of this is real?”

Dash scoffed. “What, like that Matrix movie or something? Get real! Are we gonna wake up in Wonderland next?”

“That's merely fiction, dear.” However an edge of doubt in Rarity's voice betrayed her as she considered the implications. She looked to the others, AJ still slack-jawed, Flutter's eyes darting about as she stood knock-kneed, Twi furiously scribbling more notes, and Sunset repeatedly poking a thick bush like it would suddenly break apart under her touch.

Pinkie beamed. “Bingo. We're all fiction!” They stopped and stared at her. “No, really! Think about how weird our world is! We're all candy-colored, our names don't make any sense, and the lore behind this world is pretty much a house-of-cards, ready to fall apart the second you so much as breathe on it! But what do you expect when we're just a cash-in on Monster High?”

AJ cocked an eyebrow. “Monster what now? Never heard of that school.”

“That's because it's in another dimension, silly!” Pinkie dug her fingers into the air, ripping a portion of it away like the air itself was a curtain, revealing images of another high school...only this one was populated with monster boys and girls. “Cute, aren't they? In a weird sort of way! Or should I say totes creepy-cool?” She pulled a doll of Frankie Stein out of thin air.

“This is one heck of a prank,” admitted Rainbow. “I'm impressed!”

“No prank I'm afraid. We're just a rip-off. Well, more like a copy-of-a-copy. Like a beautiful picture that's been photocopied too many times! Because the truth is we're just a spin-off of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic!” She ripped out another chunk of reality, showing them Equestria, where ponies were cheerfully and obliviously going about a typical day. “Hey Sunset, did you know you didn't even make it into the main show? That's totally unfair! But at least you're not a far less developed version of your original counterpart like the rest of us, stuck in a world that doesn't make a lick of sense!”

Sunset tried to wrap her head around these revelations. “Why would somebody do this?!”

“Money. Moolah. Big bucks. What else? To sell toys and merchandise!” She giggled and snorted.

Rarity bit her lower lip to stop it from trembling. “Are you saying we're nothing more than mindless children's entertainment?!”

Pinkie shrugged. “Hey, we;re making lots of people happy! Some angry too, but that's on them! Of course Equestria Girls, that's us, pretty much split the fanbase, but you know how possessive some people can be! Can't please everyone!”

“U-um...we have...fans?” Fluttershy partially hid her face under her pink hair.

“Yeah, all kinds! Some even draw pictures and write stories about us! Oh, but I'd better not say any more.” Pinkie decided to spare her friends the more lurid details. “We're just another property of a company called Hasbro! Check these out!” She tore several more holes in the air, revealing a number of parallel dimensions, which they all locked eyes on.

In one of them two factions of transforming robots were locked in an eternal war. In another a daring, highly-trained special mission force was also trapped in an endless conflict with a terrorist organization determined to rule the world. “This one's my favorite!” Pinkie pointed to a flashy all-girl band who appeared to be forever stuck in the 80s.

Rarity almost swooned again at the fashion-disasters, the tacky colors, and the out-of-date hair. More properties flashed by, too numerous to count, her friends bewildered while they tried to take all this startling information in.

“Hey, check this out! These are the earlier incarnations of our show! Rainbow Dash, did you know you used to be fashion obsessed and would go around saying 'darling' all the time? Oh look, there you are, Rarity! And Spike, too! And me!” She squealed happily, hopping up and down. “Let's go back to the beginning! You've been there from the start, Applejack!”

AJ covered a full-face blush with her hat. “I'd rather not know, thank you very much.”

Fluttershy's eyes watered. “So...um...what now? Do we all just pretend this didn't happen and go on with our lives?”

“You kidding? This means we can do anything!” Dash ran in a circle around them repeatedly, only to find she couldn't top her previous speeds. “Hey, what gives? Why does it only work for you, Pinkie?!”

Pinkie shrugged. “You'd have to ask the writer! I'm pretty sure he just doesn't think you running in a circle super fast is particularly funny. Or maybe he thinks watching you try so hard and fail is hilarious. Writers can be sadistic like that!”

“No fair,” whined Dash who openly pouted. “I'm supposed to be the coolest!”

“Maybe we simply need to practice a ton,” suggested a hopeful Twilight who was still enthusiastically writing down all her findings. Her mind had truly been blown and she couldn't wait to explore all the potential ramifications. Granted there was no way she could know this fanfic was running on a bit long and the storyteller was starting to get bored.

“Could be,” admitted Pinkie who brushed the hair of her Frankie doll. “Hey, want to go explore one of those worlds?! Of course it could be dangerous, but we're all cartoon characters anyhow, and besides, only unpopular characters stay dead!”

“There are so many choices,” murmured Fluttershy whose eyes darted between the holes torn in reality. “Can we go somewhere peaceful?” She looked at the pony dimensions. “I'd love to see all the adorable animals there!”

“Nah, gotta be somewhere awesome!” Rainbow pointed to the transforming robots. “That one!”

“This one looks kind of like our own,” said Sunset who stared at the human soldiers. “Only less colorful and more violent.”

“I'd rather just settle here,” admitted AJ. “I'm all for adventure, but I reckon this is too much!”

Rarity bounced between curiosity and anxiety. “That world you like doesn't look too dangerous, Pinkie dear. Plus, they could all use a serious makeover. They're all so...dated. I know throwbacks are in style, but his is absolutely ridiculous!”

“If we're goin' we might as well see what our world took inspiration from,” said AJ who looked to the eccentric cast of Monster High. “They're friendly, right? I reckon we could always work our way up from there!”

Twilight nodded, drawing schematics of all these other dimensions. “Why not? It could be nice to see part of our origins! Maybe we'll even learn something!”

“I kind of like this one,” admitted Sunset who studied Ever-After High. “It's like a fairy tale!”

Tapping her cheek, Pinkie said, “Hmmm...not a bad idea. We'll put it to a vote!” At first the notion they were mere fiction depressed her. But if their lives weren't truly their own they might as well do their best to enjoy them. She beamed wide. “Don't worry, we'll visit them all eventually! We have all the time in the world! Or at least until this sentence ends!”

Author's Note

What, a non clopfic for once?! Maybe the only time! Just a random idea that struck me. Don't take any shots at Equestria Girls, MLP, Hasbro, Monster High, etc. seriously; they're all in good fun. :scootangel: