The tragedy of Sacanas

by Leondude

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Tragedy, My Little Pony: The Movie, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 14679

A prequel to a fanfic I wrote called "A series of unfortunate events that leads to another redeemed villain, yay!", it follows the exploits of the individual that made the Staff of Sacanas and his inevitable downfall.

Note: this story is a prequel to A series of unfortunate events that leads to another redeemed villain, yay!

Gather round, my little ponies because I'm gonna tell you the tragedy of Sacanas (well, it's more of a Tragicomedy than anything but the sentiment still remains) and how he came across his apprentice that you have seen in the previous story. It is also a story with mercenaries, psychotic jesters, and time travel (along with traveling to other worlds, of course).

PS: Yes, this story was partially (key word being partially) inspired by the Darth Plagueis novel so don't be too surprised as to how Sacanas' story ends. Also, since it's a prequel, don't be too surprised if it ain't as good as A series of unfortunate events that leads to another redeemed villain, yay! (although personally, I think it's just as good. Then again, I find Jar Jar's antics in The Phantom Menace to be amusing so what the Tartarus do I know?)

Published 2019-01-28 16:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-01-31 00:28:47 UTC

Chapter 1 - Prophetic dreams

As Sacanas slept, he was tossing and turning. Bits of magical energy spurted out of his horns as discomfort was written all over his face. He then slowly stopped moving all together as he felt like he was being frozen. In the darkness he saw a pair of green glowing eyes staring at him menacingly, and then he heard a deep but raspy laugh come from the shadows. And then......

WHAMP!

Sacanas woke up to realize he was lying down on the floor. It appeared he fell off while tossing and turning. As he was taking deep but quick breaths he looked at his hooves and relaxed when he noticed they were not frozen in any sort of way. "Oh thank Celestia" he said to himself "It must have been a nightmare". It had been three centuries since Luna became Nightmare Moon and was banished to....well...the moon. Since then, ponies and other creatures have resorted to herbal remedies (and in some cases, several pints of cider) to help them sleep in the night. But Sacanas felt that those remedies would impair his cognitive abilities (and in the cider's case, it's less of a feeling and more of a certainty). Naturally, such an occurence made him a little funny in the head, but not to the point where he would need to be institutionalized. He then decided to pour himself a glass of milk, but before he could do that, he looked into a drawer that has a big stick, lots of gemstones and crystals, some raw metals, and several tomes inside. "Good thing Celestia doesn't know about this, and with her sister's absence, she never will know about this" he whispered to himself.

Y'see, interesting fact about Sacanas is that he was born with three horns instead of one. How that happened is anyone's guess but it gave him an appearance that, coupled with his yellow eyes and dark red coat, made him look like something out of the pits of Tartarus. His condition also made his magic a little bit unstable, for lack of better words, as magic was shooting every which way when he tried to telekinetically lift something. Unfortunately, this meant that his parents abandoned him when he was only an infant. But luckily for him, he came under the care of a centaur who raised him as one of her own. And why am I telling you this now instead of saving it for a different chapter? Because I felt this chapter was short and needed some filler. But more shall be revealed in the oncoming chapters.

Author's Note

Well, were off to a quick start, aren't we? I know it's a jerk move to have filler in a chapter but what can I say? I was stuck for ideas :twilightblush:. And in case you haven't noticed, yes, it has the same Lemony Narrator style of it's.....predecessor? IDK, it's how I write.

Chapter 2 - An Insidious Meeting

It was daytime and Sacanas sent his trustworthy dragon companion Snuff to collect a crystal from the Crystal Empire. While he could have easily picked any crystal from the Crystal Empire since it's....well....the Crystal Empire, this crystal was special for it have been carved specifically to hold in as much magic as possible. Even the magic of four princesses. And why four princesses, you might ask? Just in case someone like Tirek absorbs all the magic from every other pony and the only way to beat that person, or at least call it a draw, is to have the strength of four princesses. And since there is now only one princess thanks to Celestia banishing her sister to the moon, he will need at least three princesses (or just two if Nightmare Moon actually returns).

Hours passed as Sacanas grew frustrated by his companion's tardiness. Snuff is usually known for being punctual, or at least teleporting stuff to him via dragonfire. And so Sacanas put on his night robes (especially since it came with a hood) and headed off to the Crystal Empire. From there, he pulled out a map.

"Where did I mark that blasted shopkeeper?" he said as he tried to look for a mark. He then plodded along until he found the scorched remains of a small crystal market. In spite of that scene of destruction, Sacanas can't help but chortle. Perhaps it wasn't a wise idea to give him ghost peppers hoofpicked from the Everfree Forest. Since there was no sign of Snuff anywhere, Sacanas did the sensible thing and placed his hooves on what's left of the market. Being under Celestia's tutelage has helped him control his magic to do extremely impressive feats such as psychometry. And that's when he realized Snuff wasn't responsible for the destruction facing him, but a bigger, more menacing looking dragon. He teleported to where he assumed the dragon flew off and as he trotted foreward, he heard crunching noises. And when he finshed walking, he was face-to-face with the dragon he saw in his vision, enjoying a nicely cooked bit of meat. The dragon lowered his meat and smirked at Sacanas.

"I take it you're after your pet"

Author's Note

As you can see, I'm more of a dialogue person than a describing person (if that makes sense) as evidenced by the fact that this chapter is shorter than the previous one.

Anyways, if you read A series of unfortunate events that leads to another redeemed villain, yay!, then you would know that Sanies, the primary antagonist of that story, mentioned being the apprentice to Sacanas. And, as I said in the description, this story is partially inspired by the Darth Plagueis novel so don't be surprised if this is just as much of the apprentice's story as it is the titular master's story.

RECENT EDIT BECAUSE ANGRY MARINE DIED AND GOT REPLACED WITH DESK MARINE AND I THOUGHT I MIGHT ADD THIS TIDBIT OF INFORMATION BEFORE I FORGET BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE ARE PROBABLY LAZY SWINES:

And for those that are too lazy to read the comments, why yes, there is a plot hole and yes I did fill it in with this little tidbit:

Once upon a time, Sacanas traveled to where The Crystal Empire used to be. The reason why is because, like me right now, he did not do his research (then again there weren't any books on the empire and he simply found out by playing with a crystal in Celestia's absence. All he knew was that it had crystals, and that crystals are good for magic). So he tried out a spell that will allow him to communicate with Sombra (don't ask, just bare with me) and Sombra let him in because, like Sacanas, Sombra also used to be an outcast who later gleefully embraced the role as the villain (don't believe me, read the comics) and also he wanted to see what Sacanas would do. And with that, Sacanas introduced his companion Snuff and told Sombra that Snuff was an ally of his and should be allowed passage into the Empire. And where does Sanies feature in all of this? He was there and he tried to persuade Sombra to let him in by lying to him about also being an ally of Sacanas. Sombra saw through the deception but he noticed that Sanies' heart was just as black (if not more so) as his and also let him in, which now leads to the plot of this chapter. If you don't like the explanation, feel free to tell me where I went wrong or if I just created another plot hole.

Chapter 4 - Parent's meeting

Sacanas followed Sanies to where he and his father lived, especially since it was hard to navigate the Dragon Lands when there are loads of caves, volcanoes and pointy rocks. On the journey towards where Sanies and his father lived, Sacanas decided to make small talk with his new companion in order to learn a little bit more about him.

"Sooooooo.....What made you want to eat your own kind?"
Being the eccentric individual that he is as a result of many sleepless nights, some as a result of studying late into the night, others as a result of constant nightmares, Sacanas never really was one for tact. Honestly, it's a miracle that Celestia didn't suspect him of being evil (which, in case you didn't figure it out, he clearly well is). But thankfully for Sacanas, Sanies wasn't offended at all.

"It's simple, really. Pony meat is so easy to burn, but dragon meat? Far more resilient. Tastes like cockatrice as well"

"And what does cockatrice taste like?"

Sanies just gave Sacanas a funny look before answering such a silly question.

"A combination of rocks and chicken"

"Welp, now I know why Equestria has rock farms. For when dragons can't afford gems"

As Sacanas laughed at his own stupid joke, Sanies can't help but smirk as he found that crack to be just a little bit amusing. After a long walk, or flight in Sanies' case, they finally made it to where Sanies lived. And from there, Serpentine greeted them (in a menacing way, of course).

"Saniessssss, why do you bring a pony into these landssssss?"

Sacanas looked at Serpentine, trying to wonder what he expected from a name like Serpentine. The dragon had a slender build almost equalling that of certain draconequus (or draconequi, whatever the plural is) and green eyes that were lighter than the green of his scales. Sacanas knew politicians and aspiring rulers tended to be snakes in the grass but this was ridiculous. Oh well, at least Serpentine had arms and legs so people won't confuse him for a big flying snake. Sanies then introduced Sacanas to him.

"This is Sacanas, who I believe is one of Celestia's students"

Serpentine stared at Sacanas, finding it difficult to believe the cloaked pony standing before him was ever taught by Celestia.

"Remove the cloak" Serpentine said in a very raspy voice that made Sanies sound normal in comparison. Sacanas just stared at him in confusion.

"What?"

"It issss bad luck to wear a cloak indoorsssss"

Sacanas reluctantly complied. Sanies and Sepentine can only stare in surprise at the bald, dark-red, three-horned unicorn standing before them. Now Serpentine understood why he wore that cloak. Clearly someone who looked the way Sacanas looked would very clearly be an outcast, although the black markings around Sacanas' eyes were clearly cosmetic (probably to hide the bags from his sleep deprivation). While Sacanas was previously insecure about his horns, he was more than willing to take great pride in them after becoming Celestia's pupil.

"Now you understand why I became one of Celestia's pupils, speaking of which, how did you know I was taught by Celestia, Sanies?"

Sanies just shrugged "Lucky guess"

Sacanas then stared at Serpentine, who was clearly trying not to laugh at the fact that his son brought a freak of a pony with them. If Sanies' mother was here, she would smash Sacanas into paste just for the funsies. Then Sacanas gave a smirk of his own.

"Tell me, Serpentine. How would you like to be immortalized? Being forever young and beautiful"

Serpentine stopped laughing as he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Does this pony really know the secret to eternal youth. He must know.

"Yesss! Show me now!"

Sacanas' horns glowed a red aura as he closed his eyes.

"Your wish is my command, oh great Serpentine!"

Serpentine smiled a big wide smile. His teeth all shiny and pointy as he couldn't contain his excitement. He was so excited, he could not stop smiling. In fact, he couldn't move anything. As he looked down, he realized he was being turned into stone. If it weren't for the fact that he can't move his mouth, he would be screaming. Sanies on the other hand looked on in awe and sadistic joy. As his horns stopped glowing, Sacanas then held his head down, panting from exhaustion. After a while, both Sacanas and Sanies just laughed. Serpentine got eternal youth alright, just not the way he imagined it. After they were finished laughing like two villains (which, to be fair, they are) Sanies made an unusual assumption.

"I take it your princess put you up to this, did she not?"

"Oh Sanies, why would she do that? You, my friend, are talking to the villain of this story! and we are going to rule all of Equestria and beyond! Ohohohohoho!"

Sanies was impressed by his new master's ambition. However, if Sacanas can hide his true nature from Celestia, he was certain he can hide his more treacherous traits as his understudy. Keep friends close and enemies closer as the saying goes. After Sacanas was done engaging in another round of laughter, he made an announcement to Sanies.

"NOW! Stay right here and wait for me to get the appropriate books from the Royal Library"

Author's Note

Now we're getting somewhere! Will this diabolical duo leave a lasting impact on Equestria? Probably not because Celestia is usually OP (barring getting defeated by Chrysalis that one time and when Nightmare Moon blasted her with magic in flashback) and this is a tragedy (a funny tragedy but a tragedy nonetheless).

Chapter 5 - It's Time

Sacanas teleported to the Royal Library in Canterlot in order to get some books about Mind Magic and other Tartarian spells. Problem is it's usually heavily guarded and, while Celestia trusts Sacanas, the guards do not. If he were to avoid being tackled like what happened last time, he will have to think on his hooves. Good thing he has been reading up on the various time spells Star-Swirl the Bearded has written.

"Hmmm, I wonder which one would be the most appropriate for this situation? Eeny meeny miney..."

But before he could finish his sentence, a magical hamster-ball looking portal sucked him up, something that the guards definitely noticed.

"Did I just see Sacanas get sucked up in a giant magical hamster-ball?!" asked one of the guards in shock.

"Welcome to Canterlot, kid" said another, more older guard in a tone that implies that magical mishaps like this occurs often.

At daytime, yesterday and five hours ago I might add, a hamster-ball spat out Sacanas, with Sacanas disorientingly declaring
"Sultanas! Perverting the course of pony history!" before shaking his head and cleaning himself up a bit.

"Hoho! I knew 'Moe' was a good choice!"

Since there were no guards to be found since they were all on lunch break, he casually walked into the Royal Library trying to find any books written by Grogar of Tambelon (and maybe a few books and scrolls written by Sendak the Elder while he's at it).

"Let's see, where the Tartarus are the spells involving Mind Magic and Petrification. Mind Magic being the important one while Petrification is merely for beginners".

Meanwhile, Sanies was just sitting by the statue of his father, bored out of his gourd (although still finding amusement in that that old fool actually believed Sacanas was going to give him immortality). While waiting, he just realized what would happen if someone found out about Serpentine's predicament and freed him. It would even worse if he decided to squeal on Sanies and Sacanas. He looked at his father's statue and smiled at it, having some choice words to his father before taking care of him:

"Give mother my regards"

He then grabbed Serpentine by the head and violently smashed it into the wall, laughing as he does so. And then he picked up the rest of his father's body and threw it to the floor. By the time Sacanas made it back, Sanies was covered in rubble, panting with an animalistic grin on his face. Sacanas just stared at Sanies in shock before clearing his throat.

"Oh, you're back"

"I leave for a few minutes and you waste a perfectly good statue?!"

"I was bored and if anyone were to free him, he would tell them exactly what happened"

"I suppose you have a point there. Now, enough dilly-dallying, let's get to work"

Author's Note

Don't deny that the time spell I'm describing looks like a hamster ball:

Chapter 6 - Tricky

"Now Sanies" Sacanas announced "Before I teach you magic spells written by the most diabolical sorcerers and warlocks ever to grace these lands, I must teach you a thing or you about deception".

Sanies just gave Sacanas a funny look before giving a little chuckle "Deception?" he said "My recently departed father was for all intents and purposes a politician, trust me when I say I know a thing or two about being a serpent in the grass".

"Ah, but that's where you're wrong! We both have very frightening appearances, but I act the unassuming fool and idiot savant in order to divert people away from my true nature. You, on the other hand, make no attempt to hide the fact that you are a monster!"

"Heheheh, I'm too modest to boast. So what if I make no attempt to hide who I am? Our enemies will know who we are once we destroy Celestia!"

"Perhaps you forget that Celestia has defeated many a foe before us! So if we were to survive, we have to hide in the shadows. I'll show you!"

And with that, Sacanas made an organ appear out of thin air before playing some dreary opening notes. And then he started playing a surprisingly jaunty tune.

Most people here think they're good
So if you decide to steal some food
You'll get scorned and booed
With people saying "that's not cool, dude!"

Here's a fact I will teach
about these little ponies
They never want to
practice what they preach

I will pass on to you
a little thing I do
To make people go woo-hoo
Instead of collectively shouting boo

Hopefully, this lesson will be sticky
in your little brainy
that the best thing to be in life
is to be a little tricky

Sanies just stared at Sacanas, wondering why he just suddenly broke into song.

"Tricky?"

Tricky!

A choir appeared out of thin air, all singing "Tricky" with Sacanas singing "Tricky" once again.

The best thing is life is to be tricky!

Being the serpent under the flower
Is the only way to gain power
To climb a very tall tower
Is worth every hour

Right up your sleeve
Are all sorts of cards
Including but not limited
To your enemies' peeve

Sanies just rolled his eyes, wondering when this lunatic is going to be done singing. Until finally, enough is enough.

The best thing in life is to be-TRICKY, I KNOW! JUST SHUT THE TARTARUS UP!

"Well, you just have no song in your soul, Sanies! But if you insist on rushing your lessons, so be it!"

Author's Note

I bet you weren't expecting an original villain song, were you? And for those that were expecting the song, I bet you were expecting it to be some edgy trash befitting Sacanas' appearance instead of the bizarrely cheerful nature of the song. Don't ask me how the tune goes, just imagine it being jaunty and played on an organ :twilightblush:.

See, that's the thing with Sacanas. Since that Sacanas is the plural form of the Portuguese word "Sacana", which means "rogue", "trickster" and "scoundrel", I think it's pretty obvious that Celestia and everypony else aren't the only ponies Sacanas has deceived. You expect some edgy OC given the reputation of red and black villainous OCs, but instead, you get someone that just loves what he's doing (camp laugh).

Chapter 7 - Magic Lesson #1

"Petrification magic" Sacanas announced "A very powerful type of magic used when Tartarus is a bit too much for somepony or they could just slither their way through the bars of their cages". Sanies just stared at Sacanas, something that Sacanas noticed and was slowly started to get irritated by.

"What is it, Sanies?"

"Are you going to bust out into another musical number again? Because if you are, I'm going to see if any sorcerers like Grogar and Yaksputin are still alive so I can learn from them......On second thoughts, maybe not Yaksputin. He'd probably sing about something involving stuff happening in the dark of the night"

"I'll have you know that busting out into musical numbers has been an Equestrian tradition for centuries. And even if you don't like singing, I'll have you know that fiendish individuals like us always sing the best songs"

Sanies made a mental note of the things he will not miss once he had destroyed Equestria, but not before taking care of his master. Random musical numbers just made it to the top of the list. While he was thinking to himself, Sacanas handed, or rather hoofed I should say, Sanies an obsidian (and no, it wasn't an Obsidian Orb because those haven't been invented yet) from his drawer. "As you know by now, which is probably why you eat living creatures instead of gems like most dragons do, gems, diamonds, crystals, orbs and other shiny objects can be a source of great power" Sacanas explained "The obsidian is frequently used for seeing the future and moving obstacles out of the way. One day, somepony figured out a way to turn living beings into obsidian via very complicated alchemy, mainly so he can telepathically communicate with whoever that pony petrified and use it as a living crystal ball. I wouldn't be surprised if he got thrown in Tartarus for that, but the point is I'm giving this rock to you in order to increase your magical capabilities".

"And I'm guessing obsidian has something to do with petrifying ponies" Sanies said while holding the obsidian.

"Don't be hasty, my little apprentice. It can be used for a variety of spells such as magic absorption, seeing the future, removing toxins and reading the minds of any mares that take your fancy!" Sacanas excitedly explained, before turning away for a bit with a melancholic expression on his face "Unfortunately, they think you're creepy when you try to do that".

Sanies just yawned and stretched "Yeah, real nice history lesson, but when are we actually going to turn people into stone?"

"Oh, but this spell can only turn ponies and other living creatures into obsidian! The only way you can turn someone into just generic stone with no magical properties to speak of are tricking them into a staring contest with a cockatrice or a gorgon OR using the Elements of Harmony. Tricky thing is no-one ever really knows how those blasted gems work! Believe me, I tried when Celestia was in the middle of a diplomatic meeting involving trade disputes"

"Nobody cares about trade disputes"

"And that's why very little people care about how a war gets started, especially if it's a fictitious war that leads to a dictatorship. And I should know because I read a very popular, and for good reason, work of fiction involving a band of revolutionaries taking down an evil dictatorship. Then they wrote a prequel to that story involving boring trade routes and.....This is getting out of hoof, isn't it?"

Sanies just gave Sacanas a look that says "I wonder what gave you that idea". After noticing his apprentice's growing frustration, which he kept hidden with snide remarks, sarcasm, and eye rolls, Sacanas decided to continue on with the lesson by teleporting a mouse out of thin air. Sanies just gave an exasperated look at the mouse.

"You must be joking"

"Since you are a novice, you must start small"

Sanies sighed, stretched his arms, cracked his neck a few times, breathed in deeply and focused on the mouse. And as he does so, the mouse started to slowly turn into obsidian. It tried to scurry but it found that it couldn't do to his feet slowly becoming all cold and heavy. The feeling went up all away around it's body until it was frozen in a state of terror. While Sanies was annoyed that Sacanas gave him something so small to practice on, he wouldn't deny that the mouse's fear gave him a sense of pleasure. And when he was done, he decided to crush the mouse's petrified form into dust.

"What did you do that for?!"

"What? You should have known by now I have a taste for destruction"

Author's Note

And that's how Equestria was made! Wait, wrong story :twilightblush:. But on the bright side, at least you now know how Sanies can turn people into stone and why ponies and other creatures tend to sing musical numbers out of thin air. And on another note, Hmmm.....A prequel to a work of fiction that instead of focusing on the action instead focuses on the politics behind the action. Where have we heard that one before, my little ponies? :trixieshiftright:

Chapter 9 - Life is Tragic

A few flashes of bright lights. Weird shapes that move and make noises. Then a loud piercing noise. A scream. What could it be to cause such a noise? What is happening?

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" the sound of a baby colt crying.

"Yeah, I might have traveled a bit too far into your past, let's fast forward a bit" Sanies said in the same dry but weirdly menacing tone he always has.

It was just another day at Magic Kindergarten, but that still didn't make Sacanas any happier. Every day he gets picked on by foals and fillies in his classroom for his extra horns and the fact that his mother was a centaur (despite the fact that he was adopted). And in spite of having two horns extra than everypony else, he was absolutely terrible at magic. But one day, when he was old enough to apply for Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, he finally had the chance to show everypony that laughed and mocked him that he will become the greatest unicorn Equestria has ever seen! And in that time, his adopted mother taught him how centaurs channel their magic and used that knowledge to help Sacanas combine that way of using magic with the way unicorns use magic. And with practice, he eventually managed to do even better at performing spells than even unicorns of the highest level. There was just one problem: When it came to the entrance exam, Sacanas panicked. He was focusing so hard on the dragon egg in front of him, he started getting worried. What if he wasn't strong enough to hatch the egg? What if the egg gets flown across the room and smashed into a yokey mess? What if he loses control and everything becomes a mess? That last one being the straw that broke the camel's back as he had a magical fit that caused all sorts of catastrophe. But luckily Celestia was there to calm him down, but not before a stray blast of magic hit his dear old mother.

Meanwhile, in the present, tears were streaming down Sacanas' face as he was forced to relive those times as his apprentice looked on with glee.

"Oh brilliant!" Sanies said with sadistic joy "I don't know what's funnier, the fact that you thought you could prove those bullies wrong or the fact that in doing so, you were responsible for your guardian's de..."

But before Sanies could finish his sentence, he was telekinetically pinned to a wall by Sacanas, who eventually pointed a spear near Sanies' neck. Sanies can only cough before letting out something to cool his enraged master off.

"Okay, since I had a very good life, I kind of deserve that. But don't you think we should talk about this before you cause diplomatic problems in your anger? While a war with the Dragon Lands and the rest of Equestria would be nice, I doubt any of us would benefit from it"

Sacanas then let go of Sanies and the spear. But of course, Sacanas wasn't going to let his apprentice off that easily.

"While I know you were trying to defend yourself, but if you ever delve into my past like that again, I will not hesitate next time"

"Sacanas, I didn't mean to look at your most painful memories (which happened to be half of your memories). I was just doing some 'magical teething' for lack of better words. Plus, as you said, it was self-defense"

Sacanas then pointed Sanies to the door.

"Leave! I've got planning to do. And make sure you practice everything I taught you three times a day". He then handed Sanies some books filled with spells used by Sendak the Elder "And read of things that have I not had time to teach you yet! And I will be checking because I will be testing you once a month".

"Trust me Sacanas, I'll study"

"You promise?"

"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye"

Author's Note

Ooh, now that is tragic! With all that happening, is it any wonder Sacanas is a bit messed up in the head. And the weird thing is, in spite of all that bad stuff happening to him, he's so chipper about it! I mean, it's not like no-one can be happy in spite of their sadness but since Sacanas is a villain, you'd think he'd act all edgy and use his pain as a justification. Then again, that's the point. Even though his past hurts him whenever it's brought up, he never really uses it to justify why he's so evil (even though it may have contributed to life choices).

Then again, maybe he's too insane to be edgy. :twilightsmile:

Chapter 10 - Practice makes perfect

In his cave, which is still covered in the dust and shattered remains of his father Serpentine, Sanies got out all the things he will need in order to prepare for all the magical spells Sacanas will test him on (especially mind magic and petrification).

"Let's see, a variety of gemstones? Check. Scrolls and spellbooks? Check. Test subjects? Hmmm, I think I will need to scour around the land for those"

Sanies then grabbed a rock bigger than his hand but not too big to the point that he can't hold it with one hand.

"If that don't work, I can always travel to Canterlot, knock out some poor sap who happened to be selling sleeping elixirs, steal the elixirs and seduce some dragon ladies over a nice cup of lava. Now the better question is where do dragon ladies hang out?"

Due to having an antisocial personality, Sanies was never really interested where other people tend to hang out. When they talk to him, he pretends he's listening, smiling, nodding and the occasional laugh along the way, when in actuality he could not care less about what other dragons were in to. As far as he was concerned, they were nothing more than brutes (not that he's one to talk in that regard). But luckily for him, his father knew a dragon that specializes with the ladies: Sleaze!

"Hey Sanies! Wazzup buddy? Where haza ya fatha been? He hazen returned ma mail yet!"

"Hello Uncle Sleaze, I have no idea where my father went to. He said he was going to do some practice for the Gauntlet of Fire but I haven't seen him since"

"I know-a ya fatha, heza competitive! How do you think he gotta ya mutha?"

"I honestly don't want to know"

"So, whata'yadoin'ere?"

"You make it sound like a dragon of my age can't find a date"

"A date? Well why didnt ya say so?! Com'in'ere!"

Entering the club was easier than Sanies thought, now all he needed to do is seduce a dragon, spike her drink, and choose a spell to practice on her. Simple, right?

Day 1: Subject's hands and feet were the only parts petrified.

Day 2: Lasted ten seconds in subject's head before being forced out.

Day 3: Only absorbed a portion of subject's magic (didn't even know other dragons can do magic).

Day 4: Subject's entire lower half was petrified before falling down and shattering.

Day 5: Lasted sixty seconds before subject was left a catatonic wreck.

Day 6: Got a larger portion of dragon magic.

Day 7: Finally, some improvement. Subject fully petrified before "accidentally" getting smashed to pieces.

Three weeks later and Sacanas teleported out of nowhere, with Sanies just looking at Sacanas.

"You know, most people just walk or fly in"

"1. I know how impatient you tend to be. 2. Do I look like I have wings to you?"

"You could always grow a pair, hehehe"

"Sanies, if unicorns could magically spawn wings, we will all be alicorns by now! But enough talk, IT'S TEST TIME!"

Sacanas then produced out of thin air an unconscious pony. According to Sacanas, it was a unicorn that picked on him in Magic Kindergarten and he wanted revenge. He then gave Sanies a list of spells to perform in the order he will have to perform if he wanted to pass the test: Telepathy, then Possession, Magic Absorption until finally Petrification. And when it comes to the telepathy, Sacanas will be reading the pony's mind as well in order to check to see if Sanies really is reading the pony's mind.

Author's Note

"Sanies, if unicorns could magically spawn wings, we will all be alicorns by now! But enough talk, IT'S TEST TIME!"

That quote right there, ladies and gentlemen, is why you should quit making bad alicorn OCs unless they represent something (and no, bad OCs representing bad OCs do not count). Also, if you're wondering about Sleaze's accent, I was trying to make it sound like either an Italian-American or Watto from The Phantom Menace (another prequel reference, I know) or a mix of the two.

Chapter 11 - Testing his magic

Sanies closed his eyes and focused on the unconscious pony lying before him. He could see things like cherished memories of the pony's family, his fillyfriend, even his toilet! Things that absolutely disgusted Sanies (except for the toilet, he just considered it weird).

"What do you see, Sanies?" asked Sacanas, checking to see if Sanies was seeing what he was seeing in the pony's mind. Meanwhile, the unconscious pony was slightly twitching on the floor. It's not a nice feeling having two very nasty people looking through your mind like that, I assure you.

"Love" Sanies spat out

"Ah, but what about the specifics? What does this stallion love specifically?"

"A mare, his mother, his father, his toilet for some reason"

"Good, apprentice, good! Quite honestly, I envy the pony for having those things, especially since he doesn't deserve them!
But enough sentimentality, let's see how well you fare in getting properly inside his head!"

The unconscious pony convulsed and twitched even more, especially when a dark essence exited Sanies' body and entered through the pony's horn. The pony screamed in agony before he stopped moving all together. Then he got up like a marionette being crudely manipulated. And as he did so, his head was constantly facing down, until it was forcefully lifted up as his eyes glowed a sickly green. Throughout the whole thing, the pony had a blank expression on his face. If it weren't for the fact that he felt the pony deserved it, Sacanas would be mortified by the sight.

"Good apprentice, although we will need to work on making your puppet's eyes a little less......glow in the dark"

"I wonder what would happen if I decide to use this body to travel to where he lives and..."

"I know what you're thinking and you can forget it! Besides, we still got Magic Absorption and Petrification to do"

Sanies then left the pony's body and entered back into his own, cracking his neck and stretching his arms afterwards. He then grabbed the pony by the neck and absorbed all the magic straight out of the pony's horn (don't get any funny ideas). Thing is, he absorbed way more than the unicorn's magic, as Sacanas noticed the pony stopped breathing after Sanies dropped it to the floor.

"Uh...Sanies? I think you killed him"

"Oh yes, about that, I made my own alterations to the spell"

"What alterations?"

"Rather than just absorb magic, I can use it to absorb a pony's soul as well"

What Sanies just said unnerved Sacanas to a surprising degree. He always imagined himself as a monster but even he was slowly starting to become unnerved by his apprentice's vile nature. And what's worse is that, rather than be just a beast that relies on brute strength, Sanies has the potential to be just as cunning as his master. Amusingly, despite being terrified of his apprentice, Sacanas can't help but find a kindred spirit in him. Someone whose appreciation of magic, light and dark, rivals that of his own. And that's not even getting into the fact that they percieve themselves as better than their peers. Sacanas then looked at the dead pony lying in front of him and then looked back at Sanies and laughed maniacally. He was laughing so hard he thought his sides were going to burst. While Sanies would have probably joined in, he was starting to get annoyed because he can't help but wonder what's so funny.

"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHAHAHAHAHAHAHEEEHEEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHOOHOOHOOHAHAHA!!!!! Oh Sanies, you really are a monster!"

"Really? Thank you for informing me of the obvious"

"You know what, let us skip the Petrification spell. I already know you can turn mice into stone so why not ponies" Sacanas said before laughing some more. Sanies can only just stare at his master before giving a smirk of his own. Sacanas has really gone off the deep end, hasn't he?

Author's Note

Yes, the toilet is an Invader Zim reference. Not many of you will get it unless you've seen "Gir goes crazy and stuff". Anyways, I just dropped the K-word! :rainbowderp: Now we're really going to some dark places (but not too dark because A. That would make this fic edgy trash, and B. Because I'd have to bump up the age rating otherwise).

Chapter 12 - Putting plans into motion

After a hard day of studying in the Royal Library, though taking a detour to test Sanies on his magical abilities, Sacanas was ready to hit the hay. But before he could do that, a note flamed out of thin air. It was written by Sanies.

Dear Sacanas

Since that Sleaze has noticed most of the test subjects I got from him are missing (although obviously I didn't tell him what I was doing with those ladies) I'm afraid I'm going to have to move from my humble abode to somewhere in the Everfree Forest before I get captured and executed for my crimes against dragonkind. I figured I might tell you this so you don't go wasting your time searching for where I am so we could continue with those tests. Feel free to mail me whatever nefarious schemes you've cooked up so we may crush Celestia once and for all.

Your faithful apprentice, Sanies

PS: If you have a change of heart or are interrogated by the authorites and tell the princess of my existence, I will find out and I will kill you. Trust me, I know where you live.

Sacanas chuckled at that. Why would he of all ponies want a change of heart? Though a better question is how can Sanies kill him if he is going to be travelling to other worlds? Part of his plan to take down Celestia is to use a magic mirror made by Star-Swirl the Bearded that can act as a gateway to other worlds. But of course, he cannot let Sanies know of the existence of this mirror, much less know that there are other alicorns in other universes. But he can't go in alone because a simple unicorn going up against an all powerful alicorn would result in extremely painful consequences, especially if that alicorn is far less merciful than Celestia. And so, he put on his favourite cloak and headed for the more seedier areas in the rather fittingly named Badlands. With a place named like that, he assured himself he will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy (except in Tartarus but that's more of a prison than anything). He then entered a cantina, which he found surprising because you'd think a place called the Badlands wouldn't attract any locals let alone anyone that wants to have a drink, and took a gander at the patrons. The variety of creatures and ponies present were including, but not limited, to a one-eyed unicorn weighing what appeared to be some sort of explosive while downing a bottle of cider, a balaclava-wearing changeling, and a dragon setting fire to some children's toys while childishly giggling. He then sat down at the bar and continued looking for any magic-wielding mercenaries that are tough, morally flexible, but not to the point that they would blow you up for fun. And then he noticed an explosion and an Earth Pony handing the bartender some bits while apologizing for the mess. While that would be nothing out of the ordinary, however, the skeleton that the Earth Pony left behind suddenly grew back his flesh and clothes (very quickly and painlessly I might add, otherwise I would have had to bump up the age rating). The pony in the red jumpsuit cracked his neck a few times before a unicorn wearing armour and an orange and black mask grabbed him and slapped him.

"Clearly, you need better listening skills" the amoured pony said "When I say Solo is dangerous and you shouldn't spend time talking to him, that means you should shut up and whack him"

"But I like to talk!" the red pony said "Why do you think people used to call me Mouthy Merc?"

"I'm very certain it was Mouthy Mark"

"Meh, Po-tay-to Po-tah-to"

Sacanas looked at the ponies and decided to talk to them. "Are you guys mercenaries by any chance?" he asked. The two ponies, courtesy of them wearing swords on their backs, just gave him a look that said "Really?"

"No, we're sword-swallowing court jesters" the amoured one said in a very dry tone.

Author's Note

Lo and behold, the mercs I promised all of y'all. What? Did you really expect me not to be making TF2 references (and having ponies dress up as an awesome mercenary and another one ripping him off before becoming his own thing) when there's a place in Equestria called the Badlands (which, to be fair, does look a little bit like the Badlands IRL and in TF2.

Alright, I showed up in your story, now where's my money?

Ah yes, of course Mr Name shall be revealed in the next chapter, in which you will have to wait another day for.

Am I gonna be underused? Because that's what happens to really cool characters in prequels with a red motif! Like Darth Maul!

I am not telling you that.

Chapter 13 - Mercs with mouths (and swords)

"Soooooo" Sacanas said in a very awkward manner "Care to tell me your names?"

"Oooh! Oooh! Ooooh!" the pony in red said excitedly "Mynameis DeadPoopbutthat'snotmyrealnameisWadeorwas itMouthyMercIcan'tremeberandayaksorcererexperimentedonme andmademeimmortalwhichmeansIcansurviveevengetting hurledintothesunactuallyI'mnotsureaboutthatbutworthatry andheyreadersdidyouknowthatIamaDeadpoolripoffina fanfictionwrittenbyacruddyanimatorthatthinksheisbetter thanheactuallyisbecauseI'msureasTartarusawareofthatfact!"
Sacanas can only stare at Dead Poop at how quickly he just introduced himself. Then he looked at the armoured pony.

"And what about you?"

"The name's Death Stroke" the armoured pony said "and yes, that name is fake. And no, I'm not gonna tell ya what my real name is"

"Is it something embarrassing like Fizzlepop Berrytwist?"

"Now who the Tartarus would name their kid Fizzlepop Berrytwist, apart from my rival and occasional ally Dead Poop"

"And we would be full time allies if you admit to stealing my shtick!" Dead Poop loudly announced

"Buddy, I've been in the mercenary game way before your regenerating flank ever did"

"Oh really, then tell me something I don't know about Equestrian history! And since I have been reading the MLP Wiki, believe me when I say I know a lot about Equestrian history!"

"The reason Luna became Nightmare Moon was because the people used to give Celestia milk and cookies but never left any for Luna"

"Wow, Really? I did not know that!"

"That's because I made it up"

"Aha! Knew it!"

"Then why were you prepared to go to the moon with some milk and cookies?"

Sacanas then looked at Dead Poop, who has spontaneously spawned a rocket out of thin air and a plates of cookies with a glass of milk right next to the cookies. Dead Poop then looked at Death Stroke.

"Because I'm a nice pony that likes to bring laughter and cheer wherever I go. Even if it involves killing schmucks but hey, some of my bits for a job go to the Poor Mooks and Redshirts Foundation, conveniently found by a pony called Red Shirt before he got eaten by manticore while on a trek".

If it weren't for the fact that the foundation existed (as well as him missing one of his eyes and the other one is covered up by a mask that gives him blank features) Death Stroke would be rolling his eyes at this point. Meanwhile, Sacanas kept on looking for more mercs to hire.

"Where are you going?" Death Stroke asked

"Well there's only two of you and I would need at least four more people before giving you guys a job"

"Well, luckily for us, we know two people that are very big guys"

Death Stroke then pointed to a minotaur wearing a mask and a lamia that is covered in some sort of dark magic. The minotaur was holding up a red pony with explosives strapped to him and a bowl on his head.

"You call that breaking my spine?!" the pony boasted "You ladies wouldn't know how to break a spine if it-ARRRGH MY SPINE!!!!"

"That right there is Big Guy Ben" Death Stroke said while pointing to the minotaur "Don't let the muscles fool you, he is as smart as he is savage. He also has a habit of breaking people's backs, especially camels. We were originally gonna call him The Straw but he threatened to break our backs if we did that" Death Stroke then pointed to the lamia "And that over there is Eddie. He got taken over by Nightmare Forces after being banished to the moon for making slanderous reports against Princess Celestia. Well, that's what he tells us what happened anyways. The way I see it, the truth was that he was an incompetent reporter who thought he could get in on a scoop by interviewing Nightmare Moon and figured it would be a wise idea to try and teleport to the moon"

"And how did he do that" Sacanas asked

"I don't think anypony knows that part and, to be frank with you, I don't want to know either"

"Well, now that introductions are out of the way, gather the rest of your band of mercenaries!" Sacanas ordered in the most over-the-top fashion possible "I've got a job for you little mercs! And a big guy in Ben's case".

Author's Note

AND THAT'S HOW EQUESTRIA WAS MADE!

Dead Poop, we've done that joke before.

No! You done that joke before! I didn't!

Fair enough

Oh, one more thing before you upload the next chapter

Enlighten me

Since this is a prequel, am I gonna be the Jar-Jar Binks in this story?

Not a chance because A. Jar-Jar was intended to be kid-friendly and the character you're based on is anything but. And B. The character you're based on is awesome!

Thank you! Now for another question!

Sure thing

WHY THE TARTARUS DID YOU GIVE ME AN EMBARRASING NAME LIKE DEAD POOP?!

My finger slipped and I typed in a "P" instead of an "L". I would have corrected the typo but I found it to be too hilarious to get rid of and the rest is history.

Chapter 14 - The Job

It was a very dark night at the castle, as Sacanas and the mercenaries he hired walked into a room filled with all sorts of mirrors. It was a collection of mirrors made by Star-Swirl the Bearded, who was surprisingly fond of travelling to other worlds. However, since there are some mirrors within that room that were smashed to pieces, one would assume that there were some worlds that were too dangerous for Star-Swirl's tastes. But luckily for Sacanas, he brought a bag of magical treesap with him. Perfect for fixing mirrors and maybe resurrecting petrified individuals (except for Serpentine because he is essentially dust at this point). After fixing up the mirror, they traveled to a world that basically felt like the pits of Tartarus. I mean seriously, it felt like the inside of a volcano. Naturally, this provoked everyone to take off whatever they were wearing, with everyone surprised by each-other's appearances.

"YOU'RE BALD?!" shouted Dead Poop and Sacanas at the same time. Though the weird thing (among other weird things) about Poop is that he looks like a bald, stallion version of Pinkie Pie.

"I'd be more concerned about the fact that he has three horns instead of the one, Poop" said Death Stroke, who has a short white beard and and a white mane, and an eyepatch on his face too "No offense".

"None taken" Sacanas said

Though what came as a surprise to everyone involved is that Ben had no deformities or losses to speak of. Instead, he had a very tough looking face and a buzzcut.

"Ever considered growing a ponytail?" Dead Poop asked

"I did, amigo. Everyone kept pulling on it, so I cut it short" Ben said

"You know, I was expecting you to sound like this" Dead Poop said before covering his mouth with one of his hooves and trying to sound like Darth Connery, I mean Bane from The Dark Knight Rises "Oh, you think friendship is magic. But you merely adopted friendship"

"Let us not stand on ceremony here, payaso. We got bigger fish to fry"

"Indeed, and that fish is coming down right now to fry us" Sacanas said, pointing a hoof at a flaming alicorn.

Everyone in the vicinity can only stare at the flaming alicorn flying right towards them. To say they have bitten off more than they can chew is an understatement. The alicorn landed rather forcefully, with flames circling where she landed. The alicorn had a white coat and was wearing a lot of gold and encrusted jewelry. Her eyes were slits, looking like the eyes of a serpent. She then looked at Sacanas and the mercs with disdain.

"A group of mercenaries?" the alicorn said "You're kidding, right?"

"Clearly you do not know us very well, for we are a bane to everyone that came across us" Ben boasted proudfully

The alicorn laughed "Oh, I doubt that. So have you come to destroy me?"

Naturally, her question was answered when Dead Poop teleported behind her (don't ask) and hit her over the head with a frying pan. She responded by firing a fiery blast of magic at him, but he hit it back like it was a tennis ball. Ben went on to make his move by diving on the alicorn, but she dodged swiftly and managed to singe one of Ben's pecs. Death Stroke teleported behind the alicorn and managed to force her mouth open to make her swallow an elixir of some sort. Sacanas noticed that was one of the sleeping elixirs he brought with him in case taking down the alicorn proved more difficult than planned.

"Good thinking, Mr Stroke!" Sacanas plauded

"When you've got a job like mine, you gotta think on ya hooves"

But that wasn't enough to slow down the alicorn, who proceeded to levitate Dead Pool, Death Stroke and Ben and proceed to slam them into the ground several times. She then charged her horn for an attack intended to finish them off, but Eddie managed to snuff it out with his Nightmare Magic. This enraged the alicorn, who proceeded to charge at Eddie, swinging her horn every which way and shooting several beams in an attempt to kill Eddie. That only managed to exhaust her even more and allow Eddie and Ben to pin her down. Sacanas then pulled out a silver amulet with a ruby in the middle and a design that looks somewhat like an alicorn. Sacanas then proceeded to forcefully remove the magic out of the alicorn and channel it into the amulet. Both the alicorn and Sacanas fell to the floor in exhaustion while Eddie and Ben got off of the alicorn.

"Outstanding!" Eddie exclaimed "Now, let's bite her head off and pop it in the corner!"

Sacanas just looked at Eddie in befuddlement "Why would we do that?"

Author's Note

Do not tell Swagdaddy_69--Mojowuq9 that a red and black OC just kicked the flank of an alicorn.

Why would we need to keep my achievements a secret from him?!

Not you, I'm on about Sacanas. I mean, granted Sacanas had help from you and the rest of the mercs but the fact that he also made the Alicorn Amulet (what did you expect?) and defeated Nightmare Star (no relation to Daybreaker, check the Wiki) is probably more than enough to tick the Angry Marine off! And trust me when I say I'd rather accidentally tick off literally anyone else than the Angry Marine because, well, HE'S AN APPLE-BUCKING MARINE!!!!!

Yeah, because when that happens, this will be playing:

I actually listened to that song while writing the fight between Sacanas, you and the rest of the mercs against Nightmare Star.

PS: Do NOT under any circumstances harass the users I've just mentioned! Because A. That is just not cool, and B. I have a pony with a very particular set of skills!

Skills that I've acquired over a long career. Skills that make me a NIGHTMARE for you people. If you do not love and tolerate every user on this site, I will look for you. I will find you. And I will kill you.

EDIT: Never mind, the Angry Marine just got replaced with the Desk Marine who is basically begging for the sweet release of death that his predecessor would have dealt him. I told him I'll give it to him later.

Chapter 15 - Master and apprentice reunited

After absorbing the alicorn's magic, and allowing Eddie to eat the alicorn whole, Sacanas and the band of mercenaries he hired exited the world they came in and smashed the mirror back into pieces so as not to arouse any suspicions. Though, since that it was daytime when they came back, that means the castle will be swarming with guards at this point. Eddie looked through the partially opened door and licked his lips.

"So many snacks, so little time"

But before any of them could even think of stepping out of the room, Sacanas used the time spell to plonk them back in the night when they came in.

"Ooh, magical hamster-ball!" Dead Poop said excitedly

I think you know where this is going. Anyways, after getting sucked up and spat out by the hamster ball...I mean time spell, Sacanas led his band of mercenaries to the Everfree Forest to discuss the subject of payment.

"Do you know where you're going?" Death Stroke asked

"Indeed I do!" Sacanas replied ecstatically "I just need to mail this message to a contact of mine so we can find a safe place to hand over your payment without getting eaten by manticores, bugbears and what other nasty creatures the forest has to offer". Soon enough, after an exchange of messages, the group finally reached their destination. And in doing so, they encountered an enormous dragon. Sacanas can only stare in surprise while Dead Poop.....Well....Dead Pooped.

"Sanies?"

"It's Lord Sanies now, I've taken up being a crime lord"

"Well, given how you've literally made it big, have you ever considered calling yourself a dark lord? Given your penchant for Tartarian Magic"

"I'll keep that in mind"

Sanies then stared at the mercs Sacanas has brought with him, with the one in the red jumpsuit fainting.

"I take it these are the guys that require payment"

"Yes, one billion bits! They would also accept ten thousand gems too"

Sanies then inhaled deeply before breathing fire directly at the mercenaries, with Sacanas only barely managed to teleport out of the way of. Sacanas then chuckled.

"Just as we agreed, right boys?"

Sacanas then looked at Sanies, who was given him a serious look.

"What?"

"Since I have been busy in your absence, I think now would be a good time to let me in on your plan"

"Ah yes, of course! Here it is!"

Sacanas then whipped out a piece of paper and telekinetically handed it over to Sanies. Sanies then gave a good look at the plan. It read as followed:

Four o'clock, wallow in self pity

Four-thirty, stare into the abyss

Five o'clock, solve world hunger (tell no one)

Five-thirty, jazzercize

Six-thirty, dinner with me - I can't cancel that again

Seven o'clock, wrestle with my self-loathing

"Very funny" Sanies said in a very dry tone.

"What can I say? I have issues! Sooooooo, what have you been up to in my absence?"

"It's simple really"

Author's Note

I suppose in a way, Sacanas is quite similar to Jim Carrey's version of The Grinch (to the point that a part of me can't help but wonder if Jim Carrey would be a good voice for him). RECENT EDIT DUE TO THE ANGRY MARINE'S DEATH AND THE DESK MARINE REPLACING HIM AND I FIGURED I MIGHT SAY THIS BEFORE I FORGET LIKE I DID LAST TIME: Haha! You thought the Jim Carrey references were only limited to A series of unfortunate events that leads to another redeemed villain, yay!

Ahem

What?

Aren't we gonna address the elephant in the room? You know, the one labeled "YOU JUST DID WHAT THE PHANTOM MENACE DID AND KILLED SUCH AWESOME BAD GUYS!!!!"

A. Darth Maul was brought back in The Clone Wars animated series. And B. Since that you're still here, you're not dead!

I'm not?! Sweet! Although if I'm appearing in any follow-up stories, you better pay me twice the bits you paid me for this story!

Will do

Chapter 16 - Start of darkness

It was night time and Sanies decided to wander into a garden full of statues to see how many of them were crooks and how many of them were just normal statues. And what better way of doing that than by meditating and seeing how many voices he can here. Annoyingly, he can only here one voice, with that voice coming from the draconequus statue. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that the voice is singing.

I used to wonder wonder what friendship could be,

My Little Dissy,

Until you ponies petrified me!

Sanies then crawled to the statue in order to give it some choice words.

"Can you please not sing? It makes it difficult for me to concentrate on my telepathy magic"

"Ooh, someone who could listen in on my thoughts! What do you think of my singing?"

"I'm not going to dignify that with a response"

"Could be worse, I could be singing 'The Doom Song'. Now THAT would make it difficult for you to concentrate on your magic. Speaking of which, I did not know dragons can do magic. What can you do? Make a bunny appear out of thin air by breathing fire?"

Clearly, Sanies has heard enough from the statue and decided to head off. Maybe he would have better luck finding allies in the Badlands. Would be funny if he bumped into Sacanas on the way. Then the statue spoke again, much to Sanies' growing annoyance.

"Perhaps we should introduce ourselves to one-another. After all, you're a bad guy, I'm a bad guy. We could be bad guys together"

"How do you know of my moral alignment?"

"Well, the look and voice kinda gave it away. I'll start. Hi, my name is Discord and I'm a statue. I was a draconequus that lived in a quaint little house in Chaosville, then I got bored because there was nothing to do and so I decided to visit a land filled with centaurs and gargoyles to see if I could make some friends. When I got there, I did what I did best: create some chaos"

"You mean make it rain chocolate?"

"Hey! Who's telling the story here?! It's rude to interrupt a storyteller you know"

"So is, quote on quote, creating chaos"

"Aaaaaaanyways, the ruler of the centaurs, King Vorak, found my antics to be amusing and appointed me as his court jester. But after finding out that the centaurs and gargoyles were laughing AT me rather than with me, I left Vorak's services. I mean, how am I funny?! Do I look like a clown?! Am I here to amuse you?! And when I tried telling jokes, THEY WERE STARING AT ME LIKE THEY WERE WONDERING WHAT THE TARTARUS I WAS ON ABOUT!!!! Ahem, but I digress. And so I heard of this land called Equestria, courtesy of the king's son, Tirek, trying to steal all the magic there. So I thought why not have a bit of fun there. Now the interesting thing here is that while the centaurs found my brand of chaos to be hilarious, the little ponies were screaming their heads off! Now that's funny! Who needs friendship when you can create as much chaos as you want? It's not like anyone would accept my chaotic nature!"

"You and Sacanas would make great allies one day. Well, since you introduced yourself to me (even though I never asked for your introduction) I suppose it would seem fair to introduce myself. I am Sanies, I like flying, long walks on the beach, and petrifying people then smashing the resulting statues into irrepairable pieces"

That last sentence shut Discord up as Sanies looked on with a smirk. He then decided to leave the garden to travel to the Badlands. Even if a reality-warping, chaos-loving draconequus would benefit Sanies greatly, there are two things about Discord that undermine the fact that he could be an ace in the hole. One: As the spirit of Chaos and Disharmony, he is inherently unpredictable and might betray you for nothing more than kicks and giggles. Two: He is incredibly annoying, even more so than Sacanas. But the moment Sanies left the garden, someone threw a big rock at him.

WHACK!

When he came too, he noticed he was tied up somewhere and two ponies, one a blond-maned unicorn wearing an extremely flamboyant outfit and clown make-up, and the other an Earth Pony with green hair, ruby red lips and scars on his cheeks, also wearing clown make-up. The green-haired one spoke up.

"Here's how we do this little tango, you tell us how you can talk to our lord and saviour Discord, and maybe we might think about not killing you"

"Magic" Sanies deadpanned. That earned him a hoof to the face.

"THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" the earth pony shouted "Me and my compadre here have bombs for days and we will turn you into a bomb until you tell us HOW WERE YOU TALKING TO DISCORD!!!!"

"Oh no, I'm wetting myself" Sanies said sarcastically while trying not to laugh "Okay, if you want an answer, here it is: I know telepathy and if you help me with certain errands, I might teach you how to talk to your beloved Discord". That seemed to have resonated with the clowns, who then untied him and introduced themselves.

"I'm Killing Joke" the earth pony introduced himself "And my unicorn counterpart over here is Divine Comedy". Divine Comedy then laughed a surprisingly familiar, if a bit creepy, laugh. And then Killing Joke laughed as well.

"Great, I'm stuck with a bunch of lunatics" Sanies thought to himself, wondering how in Tartarus did he get into his situation. But enough thinking about the negativity of having these clowns as minions, he had a plan to enact.

"Here's the plan" Sanies announced "You will proceed to rob every citizen in Yakyakistan. If they have gems, crystals and bits, take as much as possible and, in order to create distrust between ponies and yaks, kill as many yaks as possible"

Divine Comedy just laughed his head off at that "plan", much to Sanies' annoyance.

"What's so funny this time?"

"Kill as many yaks as we like?! HOHOHOHOOO! Have you met us?! Especially me because I LIVE for the destruction of everything in this Tartarus forsaken world!"

"In that case, you and me are going to get along swimmingly. Now, after you have done that, teleport to Canterlot and take at least one-hundred unicorns hostage and then teleport back here before Celestia and her cronies show up. So that way, I can easily absorb their magic before personally killing them myself"

Sanies then handed Killing Joke and Divine Comedy some bits

"These can be used to hire Diamond Dogs and other nasty creatures to help you take hostages so you could have more time escaping Canterlot once you are done with Yakyakistan. And if anyone you hire complains about the small amount of bits, tell them I will pay them rather handsomely for their hard work after Celestia shows up"

Author's Note

Send in the psychotic jesters! Another promise made by yours truly!

Chapter 17 - Battle for Yakyakistan

In the present day, Sanies has just finished telling Sacanas about his misadventures while waiting for Sacanas. Sacanas actually seemed amused that Sanies managed to manipulate two incredibly psychotic ponies into doing his dirty work.

"Most impressive, Sanies!" Sacanas said in a congratulatory tone "And as a reward for your excellent work in my absence, I would like you to have this!"

Sacanas then handed Sanies the amulet he used to defeat the alicorn him and the mercs he hired in that other world. Sanies just stared at it, wondering if this is another artifact that Sacanas himself has crafted as the prototype for his staff.

"This, my friend, is the Alicorn Amulet! I was going to call it the Unicharm but then I realized it looked more like an alicorn than it did a unicorn. Plus, I practiced the spell I intend to use on my staff so that I can one day have the power of FOUR ALICORNS!!!! OHOHOHOHOHOHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!"

Sanies then pooled the magic he absorbed from many ponies that were kidnapped by his cronies into the amulet, reducing him to his normal size in the process. He then demanded the attention of Killing Joke and Divine Comedy and presented them the amulet.

"Gentlemen" Sanies announced "This amulet can grant whoever wears it the power of an alicorn. I figured one of you could have the pleasure of using it to take down Celestia once and for all. And once that's done, you can then use it to free your master Discord (or you can use it to usurp him)"

Sanies then chucked the amulet to the two clowns, who then proceeded to beat each-other up in a big ball of violence. While that was going on, Sanies and Sacanas then teleported to Yakyakistan, but they noticed Celestia was there healing the wounded yaks. While Sanies knew that Celestia would be too caring to try and start a war with the yaks, he was really hoping the yaks would try to hold her responsible for the attacks led by Killing Joke and Divine Comedy and use that as an excuse to start a war with her. Oh well, beggars can't be choosers. Plus starting a war would have merely been a bonus, with the real prize being Celestia's attention. Both Sacanas and Sanies smiled at the handiwork of Sanies' goons. But one question remained on Sacanas' mind.

"Why did you hand the amulet over to those psychotics?"

"Because Sacanas, if Celestia finds out what I've done, I will be sent to Tartarus. And trust me when I say that's a fate worse than being executed"

"Yes but I put an enchantment on the amulet that makes it impossible for it to be taken off unless the user desires so!"

"I think whoever won their little scrap will probably think the amulet is nothing more than a piece of junk once Celestia defeats them"

"You count on Celestia winning?"

"Only by a hair, because once she's exhausted enough, we can then attack her in her weakest moment and take her power from her"

Sacanas can only smile at his apprentice's brilliance. He then teleported without warning to Celestia's throne room in order to do some "interior decorating". Sanies then looked a where Sacanas was standing in confusion before burping out a note written by Sacanas:

Off to do some interior decorating to Celestia's throne room

- Sacanas

"I hate whe he does that" Sanies said in an annoyed tone.

Meanwhile, as Celestia wandered around the ruins of a village that was once filled with proud yaks, he then noticed an oddly dressed unicorn in clown make-up descend from the skies. It was Divine Comedy, a former knight that got demoted to a court jester after an experiment gone horribly wrong. Divine smiled as he shot a big blast of magic directly at Celestia, but Celestia flew up and dodged it. Divine laughed at he shot lots more magic blasts at Celestia, most of which circling around her.

"Come on, let's play! Dance! Dance!"

Both Celestia and Divine were flying about shooting magic at eachother and dodging eachother's attacks. It eventually got to a point where Divine has shot so many homing blasts at Celestia that they all started to circle around her, something that Celestia noticed and teleported out of the fire of blasts.

"Huh?" Divine went "Was that it? I wanna play more!"

He then noticed Celestia has teleported behind him and proceeded to do the same and blast Celestia with a sneak attack.

"Naughty naughty, princess!"

Before Celestia can attack back, Divine telekinetically grabbed her and started slamming her into the floor several times before electrocuting her with a magical blast of lightning magic. While I could keep describing the battle, especially since that it was pretty apple-bucking awesome, I'm afraid I'm having dificuly keeping up with describing the battle so let me just say that, against all odds, Celestia managed to defeat Divine Comedy with nothing more than perseverance and then a few tricks up her sleeve. Although it wouldn't hurt to mention that she may have cheated by using dark magic, but since that she still haven't gotten over banishing her sister at this point (if anything, the problem was getting worse) she may have slipped up and given into her anger for just a small moment, much to Divine's frustration.

"The power to defeat an alicorn?! Bah! What a load of junk!" he exclaimed as he took the Alicorn Amulet off and threw it to the side. Celestia, as exhausted as she was, just gave a stern look at Divine Comedy before looking at the amulet he just tossed away. Sanies smiled in the distance at how well his plan was going, now the next thing to do was to take care of Sacanas.

Author's Note

And now you know why Yakyakistan hasn't opened it's borders in hundreds of moons by the time of the show. Anyways, the battle was suppose to take place in The Crystal Empire, but after a friend of mine pointed out a plot hole to me that I eventually filled (it ain't a retcon if nothing was there in the first place), I decided to change it to somewhere close enough to the empire (as in literally close enough).

You can probably imagine this music playing in the fight scene between Celestia and Divine Comedy (Celestia knows I did when writing the battle):

Chapter 18 - Celebration

Meanwhile, in Celestia's vacant throne room, Sacanas rolled up the carpet and chipped a little hole into the floor. After that, he proceeded to channel his magic into making a pattern into the floor that resembled a flower or a lillypad of sorts. Sacanas smiled at his handiwork, mainly because he's happy that he could easily absorb the magic of four princesses if they were ever in the same room and in the right positions. Then a guard showed up behind him.

"What are you doing?"

"Oh hey Frank, old buddy, old pal! I was just redecorating the place in order to cheer the princess up"

"Why? What happened?"

"Oh haven't you heard? Yakyakistan got attacked by a rogue knight this morning! It was so sudden and so tragic! Such a thing could have started a war with the yaks were it not for Celestia's intervention"

"Oh....I'll leave you to it, then"

After the guard has left, Sacanas then rolled down the carpet and greeted the exhausted Celestia (after making her a cup of tea, of course). Celestia welcomed his company, of course, and Sacanas began "tending" to her injuries as a sign of courtesy. In reality, he was using his magic to make her a little sleepy, so that way, he can sneak off and grab his staff and nopony would none the wiser. There's just one problem: The staff was missing and in it's place was a note written by Sanies.

Would it kill you to put your plan on hold for just one moment? The princess is weak and I doubt she would be in any condition to defend Equestria from my next attack. With Divine Comedy thrown in Tartarus for his troubles, Killing Joke and I have been planting bombs all over Canterlot and will blow the entire city sky high in approximately half an hour. I will collect you from your room so you can have a good view of the fireworks.
Your faithful apprentice

Lord Sanies

PS: Try as I might, I could not find the Alicorn Amulet after Divine Comedy's fight with Celestia. Then it turns out that one of my Diamond Dog goons picked it up and sold it to someone for ten measly bits! Needless to say, I will be having him for dinner when you arrive.

"What game are you playing, Sanies?" Sacanas thought to himself while looking at the letter inquisitively.

"I was going to ask you the same question"

Sacanas turned around and noticed a familiar dragon flying outside his window with a cider in hand and a smile on his face. "My treat" he said. After picking Sacanas up and flying him to one of the towers, although Sacanas can't help but think that Sanies could have told him which tower he was in rather than fly him there because he could have easily teleported to whatever tower he was in, they immediately settled down and began gorging on cake (or in Sanies' case, Diamond Dogs that have either failed him or betrayed him) and guzzling it down on cider. After a few drinks, there was one thing on Sacanas' mind regarding Sanies:

"Why do you want to destroy Equestria so much? I mean, you had a much happier life than I ever did, and yet you want to throw it all away for the sake of greater power! Tartarus, you don't even have the same ambition as your father to be the Dragon Lord!"

"Why not? Maybe it's because I was bored. Maybe I considered everyone that isn't me to be weak insects that need to be purged. Maybe I might do a better job a ruling it than your beloved princess ever did.....Nah, that last one's ridiculous"

"Excuse me, but I believe I can do a better job than her! If anypony is caught being a bully, they will be sent straight to Tartarus until they repent....Either that or I can execute them!"

"Oh come now, Sacanas. We both know you love destruction as much as I do, there is no need to pretend that you're doing what you're doing is for the good of Equestria. After all, you said it yourself, the best thing is life is to be tricky"

"Heh, I guess you really do know me, Sanies. So what if I'm just an angry little colt inside that hates life and society in general? AT LEAST I'M HONEST ABOUT IT!"

After an awkward silence, Sanies decided to break the ice a little bit

"I'm just going to go and get more cider to continue celebrating our impending victory over those little foals"

"Yes, this is a time for celebration! Not misery!"

"When you said we were going to rule Equestria and beyond, I thought it was a load of horseapples. The fact that you kept me in the dark for so long just added more fuel to the fire. But now, here we are, about to destroy this place and make a new world from the ashes! All thanks to you"

"You see Sanies, you can trust a sorcerer sometimes"

As Sacanas started to go on a long-winded rant, he failed to notice Sanies creeping up near him and giving him a sadistic leer. By the time Sacanas found out during the middle of the rant, it was too late for he had been cornered

"You won't give me any worthless pity, Sanies! Creatures like us... Wouldn't hesitate to KILL each other if we got in each other's way. So that's... So... that's... Why... ... ha... Ha...H-Hey, what are you doing!? B... back off!!"

Sanies wasn't listening. As bad as Sacanas is, it is clear as day that Sanies is leagues worse than him. Sacanas tried using his magic to teleporting him out of here, but he realized that, along with his hooves turning into stone, the magic from his horns were slowly being absorbed by Sanies. If it weren't for the fact that he was literally being petrified, Sacanas would probably be wetting himself at this point. And all he can see were a pair of green, glowing eyes and a sharp smiling row of teeth, realizing that his nightmare has come true.

"I... I've changed my mind about all this. This isn't a good idea anymore. Y-you should go back, Sanies. This place is fine the way it is! ... S-s-stop making that creepy face! This isn't funny! You've got a SICK sense of humor!"

Another thing Sacanas noticed. Along with slowly being turned into stone and having his magic absorbed, Sanies was also slowly killing him, since he altered the spell to absorb a pony's souls as well as a pony's magic. He'd shout for help if it weren't for the fact that he can't feel anything. He kept trying to use his magic, trying to talk to Sanies, trying anything to get him out of the situation he was in. But it was no use. He was screaming deep inside his head. But nothing was coming out. Nothing was moving. Not even the slightest twitch of an eye.

"I suppose you was hoping the last thing you would ever see in your life was the mare of your dreams. Am I pretty enough for you?" Sanies said before laughing at the last cruel joke he will ever tell Sacanas. After he has finished absorbing Sacanas' magic and his soul, Sacanas has finally petrified. Sanies then admired the statue before realizing something. Has this wily unicorn deceived him? Did he actually achieve the immortality and power Sanies so desperately craved? This provoked him to smash half of the statue's face in a paranoia-fueled rage. Only then, did the logical part of him override his thoughts. If Sacanas had planned all of this, why even bother? He could have easily killed Sanies if he wanted to rather than accept his invite. Sanies breathed a sigh of relief.

"Well, that wasn't so difficult, was it?"

He then flew off into the night, laughing all the way to the Dragon Lands for the next part of his plan. Since the Alicorn Amulet was no longer in his grasp, he had to improvise. And what better way of doing that than by finally making himself known to the enemy. Celestia won't even know what hit her!

THE END

Author's Note

In case you haven't noticed, yes, Sacanas' freaking out was most certainly a reference to the No Mercy route in Undertale, where near the end, Flowey talks about his past to the player and how he considers the player to be his only friend and the only person who understands him, only to realize that the player (or whatever's controlling Frisk at this point, possibly Chara) is sicker than he is and would have no problem killing him. Interestingly enough, both Sacanas' and Flowey's deaths were pretty terrifying, but at least Flowey went out quickly. Sanies just took his time with Sacanas because he believed he wouldn't need to move quickly to act against Celestia (because if he did, maybe he would have considered absorbing more magic and finding out where the Alicorn Amulet is before confronting Celestia).

Well, like I said, don't be too surprised as to how Sacanas' story ended. Now, if you excuse me, I need to work on other projects and a sequel to A series of unfortunate events that leads to another redeemed villain, yay!

Chapter 3 - Two Insidious Allies

Sacanas just stared at the dragon smiling at him. Since there was no sight of Snuff anywhere, plus foalnapping a local shopkeeper would arouse suspicion, he assumed that the freshly cooked meat the dragon was gorging on was Snuff. While taken aback by the horrific conclusion he made, he realized that the dragon perched before him could be a most powerful ally.

"You're Sanies, aren't you? Son of a noble dragon who holds you a grudge"

The dragon stared at the cloaked pony in front of him, how in Tartarus did he know who Sanies was? The pony chuckled.
"Oh ho ho, I know more than your name, Sanies" Sacanas said with a smile on his face "It's one of the many beauties of being taught mind-reading magic, speaking of which, you want that big blue crystal to enhance your power, don't you?"
Sanies looked at the crystal and then looked back at Sacanas. Clearly he was impressed with how accurate he was, and then he came up with a statement of his own.

"And you know that this perfectly tendered slab of meat used to be your pet, is it not?"

"I had my suspicions and I am both mortified and intrigued by the sight of someone eating their own kind"

"Better than gems, that's for sure"

Sacanas just smiled at Sanies. "I think you and I are going to do great things together". While Sanies smiled back, he then frowned.

"We would if my father allowed me"

"Ah yes, your father, an aspirational dragon I assure you (or at least that's what Snuff told me anyways)"

"Personally, I hope he chokes on those aspirations"

"Is your father a skinny green dragon by the name of Serpentine?"

"Yes and he believes he can be the new Dragon Lord through cheating. An admirable strategy, I assure you, but being Dragon Lord requires physical strength that he severely lacks"

"And yet he found love in your surprisingly butch mother"

"Up until we were practicing for the Gauntlet of Fire and she crash-landed into a volcano"

"I'm sorry for your loss"

"Don't be, I was the one who scratched one of her wings so hard it caused her to lose balance and fly into a volcano"

"And your father knew of your treachery?"

"No, but he knew my mother wouldn't have been taken from us if she wasn't so busy nurturing me and training me to be my father's successor, which was unlikely unless the both of them knew the yak sorcerer Yaksputin"

Sacanas laughed in joy, as he never expected Sanies to have knowledge about Yaksputin the Undestroyable. Legend has it that he fought a great battle with Celestia until Celestia got fed up and exiled him into the sea. There were even rumours that he survived getting burned, getting turned to stone, getting poisoned, and getting thrown about like a rag doll. I doubt even throwing him in the sea would finish him off, even if he apparently couldn't swim. And so Sacanas and Sanies headed off to see Sanies' father and try to convince him that having Sacanas teach Sanies about various forms of magic wouldn't sound like a bad idea.

Author's Note

BTW, regarding Sanies' father: Despite being described as a noble dragon, it's noble in the sense of royalty like a lord or a baron. As the next chapter will show you, he is anything but noble (kinda like Blueblood actually).

Chapter 8 - Magic Lesson #2

Sacanas surrounded him and Sanies with a variety of gemstones that help with any magic involving the mind, ranging from obsidians to moonstones. Sacanas also took the liberty of closing any curtains and blinds in order to help with the atmosphere.

"What's with the darkness?"

"The darkness is unnecessary but I feel like it would help me with our next lesson, which involves me giving a demonstration by possessing you"

"Possessing me? You're out of your mind"

"True, but if any of my knowledge lingers around inside your mind after the possession, I think it would be worth it"

"So are you going to go on one of your long winded rants about how possession magic came to be?"

"I would but I am well aware of your impatience so I decided to skip the other lessons and focus on ones that will help us in the long run, especially since we both look like monsters and I think it's important that we know how to literally get under other people's skin"

Sacanas then closed his eyes and then focused all of his energy on Sanies. Sanies just sat there looking as bored as always. When Sanies decided to get up, he noticed he can't move. He also noticed that Sacanas had a small smirk on his face. "Oh, I see what you're doing" Sanies thought to himself "Well two can play at that game". Sanies closed his eyes as well, and as he does so, Sacanas began to struggle. Sanies can see glimpses and flashes of memory. Of pain, discrimination and not being in control. Sanies smiled as he knew these were not his memories, for he had a surprisingly privileged life, but Sacanas'.

"Ah yes, I was wondering what your motivation for undermining such a benevolent ruler would be! Let's take a closer look".

Author's Note

Rule number one of possessing people: Never possess those who are just as smart if not smarter than you. Trust me, I know (although I don't think there have been any occurrences of the possessee trying to look into my mind while I'm trying to possess her).

While you already know the basics of Sacanas' past, you probably want a little bit more detail (or not, considering how some things do not need to be explained, like midi-chlorians) and for those who want to know, guess what! You're going to have to wait until tomorrow (engages in an evil laugh that sounds like this):