Greetings fellow readers!
As it is indeed that time of week once more, let us travel to the East Coast of the United States, to a set of states that, despite being roughly in the geographic center, consider themselves to be ‘south’, when it comes to American cultural identity. Indeed, we are once again in the state of Virginia, home of Jamestown, John Smith, the Norfolk and Western, the Star of Virginia...wow, I am really scraping the barrel here, aren’t I?
"Why do you tell them stuff about the state? That’s, like, so boring.”
Diamond Tiara? How did you get in here?
"I am most annoyed over NOT being featured last week. Seriously, why does Silver Spoon get featured and not me?”
That’s the luck of the draw, I’m afraid.
"Oh! You mentioned me again!”
Seriously? Both of you in the room at the same time?
I think my brain will implode.
"So, who’s Jimmy gonna end up as today?”
I think you mean who are you going to end up as today, Diamond. After all, you were Jimmy once.
"I was too!”
"I was as well!”
Great. Now I’ve got Diamond, Silver Spoon AND Sweetie Belle all in my ears. Fantastic.
"When's the next chapter of The Belle Rings True appearing?”
When The Blue EM2 gives the go-ahead to resume the project. Now can you three please go back to your stories and stop shouting in my ears?
Where was I?
"Mr. author?”
What do you want Diamond?
"You still haven’t said who Jimmy will end up as.”
Can you PLEASE be patient?
We are still in Virginia, but today we roam to pastures new, namely the town of Richmond, which is the State Capitol. And it was on this most fortuitous and golden and hot and humid and marvelous days that our tale shall begin, in a hat store somewhere in the city.
For inside that hat store was none other than a certain Shapeshifting North Carolinian, a well-known member of the transformative triumvirate, a Mister James T. Hook, or Jimmy to his many friends and followers. The hot weather had caught him rather off guard, and as a result he had taken it upon himself to purchase a new baseball cap, his old one having either vanished or fallen apart; nobody was entirely sure which it was. Quite why he had felt it necessary to travel all the way to Richmond in order to buy a hat was a mystery, given that there were hat stores and other such outfitters of weather garb in Manteo, North Carolina the nearest large settlement to where he lived, but many things were mysteries with Jimmy, such as his frequent disappearances that locals had simply accepted as fact, or the bizarre circumstance where he was suddenly incapable of, like, using comparatives correctly.
GET OFF MY KEYBOARD VALLEY GLAMOUR!
Anyway, Jimmy was searching through the many, many hats that were in the store, either hanging on coat hangers, pegs, or any other such implement that may hold a hat up. There were big hats, small hats, round hats, square hats, and many, many other shapes of hats could be found there. But none of them fitted properly, which was incredibly annoying.
"This is ridiculous!” he exclaimed. "Why don’t any of these hats fit?”
"Maybe having a haircut would help you mate,” a bystander said.
Jimmy was most offended. His hair, which rivaled Brian May in its excellence, was one of his defining features, alongside the red square-rimmed glasses which occupied his face, and one that he would never get rid of unless forced to by circumstances otherworldly.
His attention was suddenly drawn to a most unusual hat sitting in one of the baskets near him. He examined it closely.
It was painted white, with a purple band around it. It was either a top hat or a stovepipe hat, and something about it seemed oddly familiar.
"I’ve seen someone wearing that hat somewhere,” he commented. "In fact, I think I mentioned it to a friend of mine from England recently.”
He picked it up. "Oh, what the hell!” he exclaimed. "Maybe it’ll fit.” He then disappeared, and went to pay for it.
After a long journey home, Jimmy sat down in his house (as there was nowhere else, indeed, he could sit) and switched the TV on, something he nearly regretted as he was bombarded with the typical rubbish that dominates most channels these days. He was of the mind to turn it off when suddenly a commercial came onto the screen.
"Don’t miss out!
For one night only, Roanoke Island will be Rocking the Night Away! With special guest stars and only limited availability, make sure to get down here as soon as you can!”
Jimmy leaped up from his couch. "Well, I’d better get down there!” he exclaimed, grabbing the hat as he did so and placing it atop his head. Why he did this we have no idea, but it will be significant in a few lines of text.
Jimmy walked down the street toward Manteo, unaware of some of the odd looks he was getting as he was heading down the sidewalk.
And these odd looks were not a response to his hat. No, for something else was happening, something that, if you knew Jimmy well enough, you knew happened from time to time.
His shirt and pants had merged into a single garment, and the lower segment gradually shrank upwards and morphed into a blue underskirt with what I can only describe as...either stars or rocket engines radiating out as spokes. It was also very tight, which Jimmy suddenly spotted.
"What the-?” he said. “Again?”
His shirt was not freed from the bizarre events occurring that day, ending up looking like it was made of sheep’s wool that had been cut imperfectly. It had a purple band running around it, cutting under the sleeves of the shirt.
His shoes then fell off as his feet shrank, the toes merging together to form hooves, and his legs shrank in length and abruptly curved over to be positioned underneath his torso, knocking Jimmy onto the floor.
His torso and chest shrank in length to about half their former size, as his arms shifted position on his body and were forced into a downward position. His fingers shrank into his hands, and his neck cracked and shifted until his head was looking directly forward.
His glasses then fell off his face as his nose and mouth merged into a muzzle, pushing outwards until it was several inches long. His hair morphed into a mane, which was a rather vulgar shade of blue, and fell on top of his new yellow eyes.
Fur erupted from his entire body, cream in color, as a blue tail suddenly burst from his backside, with such force it was actually rather painful. This pain was magnified by the loss of a pair of certain organs, followed by the gaining of two more between her legs.
Jimmy shrugged. "Better get going,” she said, now sounding like a stage diva.
As she went along, her memories got more and more muddled, as bits of another life flooded in. Just then, she reached the stage door, and was greeted by a...pony?
"Ah, Miss Shores!” he said. "You’re due on any minute now! Quickly!”
It was then she remembered who she was. She was the famous pop star, Sapphire Shores!
After getting ready for her performance, Sapphire stepped out on stage. "Good evening ponies!” she called. "Are you ready to have a good time?”
The resounding cheers told her all she needed to know.
"Get your pony on!”
