A Twist of Fate

by Slireon

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Drama, Spike, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Adventure, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Profanity
Length: 127088

After befriending five peculiar stallions while saving the world, Twilight Sparkle now faces a serious crisis that threatens to wreak havoc on Equestria and spell doom on all of Ponykind: they're all assholes. R63!Mane 6, non-harem.

Twilight Sparkle has never needed much to be happy: a book to enjoy, a research to carry out, and a Spike by her side. But after teaming up with and befriending five stallions to save the world in her first, fateful night in Ponyville, her life has been thrown upside down.

For she is now the Bearer of the Element of Magic, and ever since, trouble is knocking at her door seemingly every week: be it a monster attack, friendship drama, or the fact that Equestria seems to be sleepwalking from crisis to crisis, Twilight’s life will never be the same again.

The Word of God Imaginary VoicecastTM, if you so desire (by order of appearance):

» Spike: Pony.MOV's Spike.
» Phil Pie: Miles Luna.
» Applejack: Geoff Ramsey.
» Rainbow Blitz: Chris Pratt.
» Elusive: James Arnold Taylor.
» Butterscotch: Matt Bragg.
» The Night King: Sam Witwer.
» Prince Artemis: Tom Hiddleston.
» Shining Armor: Matt Lanter

FAQ
Q: If it’s not a harem romance, then why are the mane six and Luna genderswapped?

A: Because while it started as a deconstructive, character-driven take on one, we’ve realised that this character arrangement grants us far more creative freedom than what we would have using their canon incarnations.  Having M!Applejack, Rainbow Blitz, Elusive, Butterscotch and Phil Pie allows us to, essentially, make their characters our own, take them to uncharted waters, and introduce new plotlines and situations that haven’t been done previously and that just wouldn’t have worked if applied to the girls we all know and love. It’s, in a way, what keeps this story fresh, even when retelling the series for the umpteenth time. It mixes up their dynamics with other ponies and with each other in new, unseen ways, and makes it all the more interesting to explore.

Adding to this is the fact that Twilight, at the beginning of the series, is something of a blank slate, whose character development is informed by the quirks and personalities of her friends. Therefore, she functions both as her own, recognisable character and as an audience surrogate, who’s getting to know these guys at the same pace as the audience itself.

Funnily enough, Luna’s genderswap was never intended to have any relation whatsoever to the harem trope; Artemis was never supposed to be a Love Interest. Instead, well, let’s just say it fills in a certain, unaddressed headscratcher in the original series.

Q: Will there be shipping?

Yes, there will be romance. However, not only it will be what most people like to call a 'slow burn', but it's most definitely not the main focus of the story. If you're looking for a ship fic, you'll be disappointed.

Q: Is [character] genderswapped too?

No.

The only characters who are genderswapped are Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Luna. Everyone else is their canon gender. Trixie is female. Starlight Glimmer is female. Should she appear, Sunset Shimmer will be female.

Discord, on the other hand, is something of a grey area, as they're a literal God of Chaos. Therefore, just as they can do pretty much whatever they damn well please, they can also change genders at a whim. However, should Discord adopt a female gender, her name would still be Discord, rather than the fanon Eris, as the word 'Discord' is genderless.

Q: Why is male!Pinkie's name not the fanon Bubble Berry?

There's multiple reasons, all of which are stated point blank by the character himself during his introduction in chapter one. It's mostly for meta reasons, but there's some plot there, too.

Q: Will you do [episode]?

There is an overarching plot, and the selection of episodes that get adapted and the way they do heavily depends on how they contribute to set up or advance said plot, or how plausible they are given the differences between the canon characters and their genderswapped incarnations.

Therefore, many of your favourite episodes may end up happening in entirely different ways as they did in canon, be mixed up with another episode, be relegated to a mere mention, or maybe just not at all. It all depends on how they fit the bigger picture.

TUESDAY, APRIL 21 of 2020.
I may or may not have just broken my hand against my desk when I jumped in surprise when William Grey told me this story was on featured, literally MINUTES within uploading chapter 9.
I'm sorry, just...
What?!
Mind-blowing, man. I have no idea how the algorithms work, nor how long it will last, but we're very happy about it.
Seriously, we wish to thank wholeheartedly to anyone who has read it, who has liked it, who has commented. This is our first published story, among myriad we have written yet never had the courage to put them out there. It really means a lot to us that people are responding positively.
Plus, that means I can claim moral victory, because I absolutely spent my whole weekend writing this instead of preparing the ppt for my monograph's thesis proposal for tomorrow.
So, yeah.
Thank you <3

Credits:
Beta Reader, Editor, (basically) co-writer and elder brother who keeps stealing my drinks: William A. Grey
Male Mane Six vectors by Trotsworth.
Twilight Sparkle vector.
Cutie Mark vectors by Adam L. Humphreys
Image done by myself and my non-existent paint skills.

Published 2019-01-30 07:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2021-02-14 00:18:15 UTC

Chapter 1: Fading Light

“Come on, Twilight, it’s not that bad.”

While it was true that Spike was trying his best to cheer up his despondent big sorta-sister, he might as well have doused a house on fire with gasoline. Twilight stopped staring at Canterlot, fading into the distance, and sharply turned to glare murderously at him.

“Not that bad?” Twilight hissed. “Not that bad?! NOT THAT BAD?!” Her voice grew louder in utter outrage with each repetition.

The dragon sighed in exasperation, bravely bracing himself to endure the oncoming storm.

“Spike, I had it all worked out!” she began ranting, growing more and more irate and unhinged by the second. “I spent weeks poring over books, translating ancient scrolls in dead languages, reading between the lines of every single document I could possibly find regarding the topic, regardless of how nonsensical or silly they might be, and contrasting them to infer what themes and topics echo each other across the hundreds of accounts so I could discern what’s feasible and what is a pure flight of fancy! It was not a ‘pet project’, but rather a full blown factual paradigm-shattering academic research! And not one done just for science, mind you, but instead a very urgent research for a trascendental contemporary matter that must be adressed ASAP, and the Princess just told me to fuck off!” Twilight shrieked, panting for air.

“She told you to take a break and oversee the Summer Sun Celebration’s preparations in Ponyville,” Spike interjected the moment Twilight paused to breathe, rolling his eyes. He shot an apologetic look to the bemused Royal Guards driving the carriage. “And very kindly, might I add.”

“Same thing!” Twilight hung her head, defeated. “Besides, why does she even need me to go to Ponyville?”

“Well, Ponyville is the location chosen for this year’s Summer Sun Celebration, after all. And since it’s part of Princess Celestia’s personal domains, she sent you, her personal protégé, to oversee the preparations in her place because she’s busy in Canterlot.” Spike recited, annoyance on his face. “Hell, I don’t even know why I’m telling you this, you should already know it. Unless, of course, you’re too busy feeling sorry for yourself to realise what’s going on,” he added with a little smirk.

“Yes, I know that, but why couldn’t she send somepony else? I was busy trying to help her protect Equestria! How could she not see that?” Twilight moaned in self-misery. “Unless...” she paused, then gasped as her pupils turned into pinpricks. “Unless I made a mistake in my calculations!” She started pacing unconsciously around the confined limits of the carriage. “I hoofed in a flawed report! And Princess Celestia thinks I made a poor research based on half-plotted assumptions and filly tales! Oh my gosh, Spike, what if the Princess now hates me and thinks I’m dumb and unworthy of being her student anymore and this is her way of punishing me?!” Twilight wailed, hyperventilating.

Spike blinked tiredly.

“Or maybe she thinks you should get out more, socialise, make some friends, that sort of thing? Y’know, like she said in her letter?”

“But why send me to Ponyville for that? If she wanted me to hang out with friends, she could have just ordered me to attend Moondancer’s party back in Canterlot.”

“Friends you’ve constantly ignored in favour of being a shut-in nerd, and a party you completely blew off for the same reason listed above,” Spike deadpanned.

“Hey, I totally wanted to go, but I was very busy researching this 'Horse in the Moon' affair, which I’m pretty sure I told you was of paramount importance.”

Spike arched his eyebrow.

“... And now, besides being Equestria’s only hope of survival,” Spike’s eyebrow went higher, “I’m also in charge of the organisation of the Summer Sun Celebration. Couldn’t Moondancer just move her birthday to, I don’t know, a day the world isn’t ending?”

Spike’s eyebrow went even higher than the unicorn would have thought physically possible. Should I research into it? she mused fleetingly before returning to the matter at hoof. What were they talking about? Oh, right, Fax Machine was being an annoying prick. And the worst part was, he was right.

“... Okay, they would’ve had to drag me bucking and screaming for me to attend that shitshow,” Twilight admitted begrudgingly, looking away.

“That’s exactly the point, Twilight! That’s what Princess Celestia wants you to stop doing! I swear, if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have anypony to talk to.”

“Hey, that’s not true!” Spike just stared at Twilight. “I’d have Shining and Cadence,” she added after a beat.

“Your big brother and his fillyfriend. You’re not exactly helping yourself there.”

“Spike, come on, they’re just friends.”

“Right, and I’m not a dragon.”

“Exactly. You need wings to be a dragon. You’re an overgrown lizard at best,” Twilight replied, exasperated.

“Wow, rude.”

“Bite me.”

“You know I could, right?” Spike pointed out. “I have fangs for a reason.”

“And I could push you out of the carriage right now. See if you survive the fall.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“It would be so easy, too.” It really would. A tiny magical push would be all that it took.

“Mum would be pissed.”

“She’d understand.”

“Shining would be pissed.”

“Not my problem.”

“... Dad?”

“... Dad.”

Night Light was widely known across Canterlot as the nicest unicorn in the city, and thought to be physically unable of being mean, nevermind angry. Worst case scenario, he would be mildly disappointed, and politely ask his fratricidal daughter to apologise to her victim.

“Touché,” Spike grumbled. “Well, guess I’m fucked.”

“Language,” Twilight admonished him automatically.

“Or what, you’ll yeet me out of the carriage? You’re already going to do that anyway, so why bother?”

Well, damn, can’t argue with that. Twilight couldn’t help but smile despite her despondence. Of course, she didn’t mean any of her insults; just friendly rapid-fire banter, as always.

I have Spike. Do I really need anypony else? she thought as she shifted her look towards their destination.

“That’s what I thought,” she heard Spike claim victory behind her, but her mind was elsewhere.

Ponyville was fairly close to Canterlot, located at the feet of Mount Canterhorn. That being said, the little hamlet was radically different to Equestria’s capital: where there were pristine marble spires and towers, were instead timber frames and thatch ceilings. The quaint town reminded Twilight of how smaller and older settlements in Trottingham and Prance were depicted in her history books: narrow streets, overhanging upper floors, round town squares, and a steady supply of fresh water in the form of a river crossing the town.

“Hey, Twilight?” Spike called her attention. “Does it at least make you feel any better the fact that we’ll be staying in the town’s library?”

Her ears perked up at the information.

“Really?”

“Yep. Ponyville’s Golden Oak Library.”

The name had a nice ring to it. “Was that the Princess’s idea, too?”

“Uhh, yeah?” Spike frowned, unsure as to what Twilight was getting to.

Twilight felt herself light up. The Princess wants me to read! She doesn’t hate me! She believes me!

She paused. I mean, kinda? She seems to want me to continue my research, but… Perhaps there are some texts here that Canterlot’s Royal Library doesn’t have?

The whole idea sounded preposterous, and Twilight almost scoffed if it weren’t for what she’d learned during her research into the 'Horse in the Moon' myth.

According to legend, Canterlot had been founded after the downfall of the previous royal seat during the Bleeding Years. Said castle was said to be located somewhere in what is now the Everfree Forest, in whose proximity Ponyville was located. However, historical records about the Early Dark Ages were scarce, if not downright non-existent.

That being said, given the advances in archeology during recent decades, it was perfectly possible for the quaint little hamlet to have far more information about what she needed than Canterlot did; or at the very least, indications that would further her research.

That’s it. I’ll check the preparations, then I’m off to the library to continue my research, prove once and for all that the Night King is real and coming, and help the Princess save Equestria! Twilight decided. She wouldn’t tell Spike; he would just continue to poke holes into her plans and be flat out annoying.

Ponyville did have a certain provincial charm to it, Twilight supposed as they hopped off the carriage near the market. The guards nodded at her, and promptly took to the air, leaving her stranded in Middle-of-Nowhere-Ville.

Unicorn and dragon stood in silence.

A colourful variety of ponies moved around, minding their own businesses. The town’s market square seemed positively bustling, belying its tranquil appearance. A stand selling candy over here, an apple stand over there, some vegetables that way… It was nothing like Canterlot, filled to the brim with pretentious highborns and arriviste bourgeois who talked in polite and prim low voices. Here, ponies shouted, screamed and laughed with a bafflingly carefree abandon, loudly and shamelessly. Twilight was struck. Ponyville seemed so… genuine.

Spike was just wondering exactly how the Avengers were going to defeat Thaynos, divided and halved as they were.

“So… now what?” asked Twilight after a few moments of staring.

“Huh? Oh, right!” the baby drake jumped out of his trance, taking out his checklist. “So, number one, banquet preparations: Sweet Apple Acres.”

“Great!”

They stood in silence.

“So… where’s Sweet Apple Acres?”

“I dunno. Go ask somepony. Maybe make new friends while you’re at it,” Spike answered cheekily.

Twilight felt sorely tempted to press the issue, but quite frankly, she was rapidly nearing her daily dose of Spike’s cheekiness.

As Fate would have it, standing by a puddle near the market was a garishly pink stallion all by himself. He seemed to be deep in thought as he attentively watched his reflection in the calm water. Or perhaps he just liked puddles. His extremely puffy pink mane obscured most of his face, so Twilight couldn’t really tell exactly what he was doing.

“Excuse me?” Twilight asked.

The stallion didn’t answer, completely lost in whatever the hoof he was doing.

“Can I ask you a question?”

Silence.

“Do you know where Sweet Apple Acres is?”

Nothing.

Oookay… Twilight was weirded out. Perhaps I should ask somepony else?

Just as Twilight started to back away, the pink stallion turned slowly to look at her. The purple unicorn had to stifle a gasp when his face came into view.

He looked utterly awful, pink mane disheveled beyond reason, eyes haggard and sunken. He reminded Twilight of those ruined drug-addicted ponies whose sob stories sporadically appeared on the press.

Slowly, haltingly, he raised his hoof and pointed west.

“Uhhh… thank you?” she said.

Silence.

“Are… Are you okay?” Twilight asked, concerned.

Silence.

“I… I think I need to be alone for a while,” eventually answered the stallion. His voice was low, fumbling over his words and dripping uncertainty. “I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“... No.”

As silence descended once again, Twilight thought that this was officially the most awkward interaction she had ever had with another pony, and that was saying a lot.

“... Please leave,” he pleaded.

“... Okay,” she said softly.

As she walked back to Spike, he raised an eyebrow.

“So what was that about?”

“I… I have no idea. He seemed pretty shaken, though. Hopefully he’ll get better soon”. Twilight sighed profoundly, before returning to the matter at hoof. “He did say Sweet Apple Acres is to the west, by the way.”

“Yep,” Spike said nonchalantly.

Twilight’s eyes narrowed. “You knew it all along, didn’t you.”

“Yep,” now he was being cheeky.

Again.

“I hate you so much.”

“No you don’t,” he said with what could only be described as a shit-eating grin.

“No I don’t,” Twilight agreed tiredly. “Let’s go and get this over with, Spike.”

Sweet Apple Acres, despite being Ponyville’s largest farm and home to the town’s founding family, was, all in all, a rather unremarkable farmhouse in Twilight’s eyes. A blood red barn, a stone well, a few pigpens, some hay and bale over there, and its orchards extended over the nearby hills. All it lacked was live music being played in the background by a bunch of cousins and their string instruments.

“Let us pause in life’s pleasures and count its many tears~”

Nope, there it was.

Twilight fought the urge to roll her eyes as they neared the farm’s gates. Can they be any more stereotypical?

“Yee-haw!” yee-hawed a bright orange stallion with a stetson and a work collar as he bucked a nearby apple tree with a mighty kick. All the apples fell from the tree to the buckets placed at its feet but one, which bounced off and came to rest right by Twilight’s hooves.

The stallion reincorporated himself, glanced with satisfaction at a job well done, then turned to the newcomer.

“Well, howdy there missy! Name’s Applejack. What can Ah do fer ya on this fine day?” He tipped the stetson over his uncombed blond mane, flashing her a warm smile.

Yes. Yes they can.

“Hi, my name is Twilight Sparkle, and I’m here to supervise the preparations for this year’s Summer Sun Celebration. According to my checklist, you and your family are in charge of the food. Am I correct?” she said politely.

“We sure are! Come right in, Ah’ll show ya what we’ve got.”

“Oh, uh, it’s not necessary,” Twilight stammered, caught off-hoofed. She had not a single minute to spare for food! She needed to get to the library, ASAP! “I’m sure you’ve got everything under control and everything is going to be delicious and, uh…”

Spike snickered at his sorta-sister’s plight, the stray apple half-eaten in his claws.

“Nonsense! Ya just got here! And ya gotta see it fer yerself. Ah know we’ve got a good reputation behind us and all, but ya can’t judge a book just by its delicious apple-flavoured cover, right? Come along now, missy,” Applejack said good-naturedly.

Twilight and Spike glanced at each other.

Well, he has a point, they thought at the same time. Plus, he used a book reference. He seems all right, Twilight mused as she followed the farm stallion. Books aren’t really edible, though...

The farmyard was filled to the brim with all sorts of colourful ponies wearing hats and bandannas going one way or another with plates, trays and pans. A little to the side, eight ponies were playing various string instruments with their hooves.

“‘Tis the song, the sigh of the weary, hard times, hard times, come again no more!~”, they sang.

Twilight was tempted to inquire on just how exactly they managed to play with their hooves, but then her host started talking.

“So, miss Twilight, it’s a pleasure to meet ya and yer overgrown lizard. Let me tell ya, things sure have been hectic around the farm these days! We’ve got Baked Apples, Apple Strudel, Apple Pie, Red Delicious, Apple Dumpling, Apple Slice, Golden Delicious, Goldie Delicious, Apple Rose, Applesauce, Apple Fritter, Apple Bumpkin, Red Gala, Apple Tart, Apple Brioche, Braeburn Apple, Caramel Apple, Apple Brown Betty, Apple Honey, Apple Cinnamon Crisp, Apple Cider, Apple Cobbler, Apple Munchies, Gala Appleby, Apple Kuchen, Apple Salad, Apple Juice, Apple Apple...”

“Are you kidding me? That’s insane!” Twilight exclaimed, dizzied by her host’s rambling.

“Did he seriously just call me an overgrown lizard?” Spike questioned, but no one paid him any mind.

“That’s mah family,” Applejack clarified bluntly, “and they’ve all offered to help up with the banquet.”

“O-oh. I thought you were talking about the food...” she admitted sheepishly.

“Well, Ah mean, Ah’ve been told we’re a mighty delicious bunch.” Applejack winked. Spike burst out laughing at how cheesy that pass was, and Twilight flusteredly fought to contain a blush. The stallion chuckled, amused at the reception of his deliberately lame joke. “Ah’m just messin’ with ya, missy. Now to the food: we’ve got Baked Apples, Apple Strudel, Apple Pie, Red Delicious, Apple Dumpl—”

“Wait, seriously?” interrupted Twilight.

“Eeyup. Ah mean, a pony named Baked Apples who can’t bake apples? The buck outta here,” Applejack snarked, then flinched. “Uh… pardon mah Prench. So! We’ve all gone and done our own specialty fer the banquet to ensure we have a bit of everythin’ the Apple family can offer!”

“And what is your specialty?” Twilight found herself oddly curious to know. For science, of course.

“Oh, mah big brother Big Macintosh and me are just the farm’s applebuckers” – Spike, mind always in the gutter, chortled, but a glare by the unicorn silenced him. Applejack didn’t seem to notice – “but mah Granny Smith can make a mean apple pie. Want some?”

“Er… It was a pleasure, but I really have to get going. Besides, I don’t want to intrude.”

“Nah, it’s no biggie. We Apples love makin’ new friends, and what better way to do so than with food in our bellies and ale in our mugs?”

Friends? No, nononononono. There is no time for friendship! “I’m not hungry,” Twilight lied blatantly. Just on cue, her stomach rumbled as loud as a Ponish cavalry charge. Applejack raised his eyebrow in amusement.

“Ya sure about that?”

“Uhhh…” She needed to find a way out of this! Equestria depended on her research getting into the Princess’s hooves, she couldn’t just waste her time eating an obscene amount of apple-related cuisine! No matter how much her mouth watered at its divine scent, she just couldn’t!

And then, a small yellow filly with a ribbon on her red mane showed up and snuffed Equestria’s only sliver of hope with just one sentence and a pair of eyes.

“Aren’t ya gonna stay fer lunch?” she asked softly, with the cutest eyes Twilight had ever seen. They were so wide, so bright, so heart-wrenching, like the ones a small klutzy kitten would have, the sort that would cause your heart to explode with just how utterly adorable they were.

The unicorn found herself bewitched by the filly’s gaze. Reality slipping through, tunnel vision setting in, darkness fogging her senses. There was nothing but The Eyes. Through them, Twilight stared at The Abyss—and It was staring back at her. A deaf pain started to take hold of her chest, as her breath caught in her throat.

Come on Twilight, just say ‘no’! Do it for the Princess! Do it for all of Equestria! The fate of the entire world depends on you! You can do it! Just say ‘no’!

“... Fine.”

That’s an odd way to say ‘no’, but you go, girl, Twilight rued as her brain decided to leave town. Sight, sound and smell came back to her as the filly broke her gaze with an ecstatic smile, her heart resuming its normal functions as well.

As the near-infinite Apple family members crowded Twilight, trying to get to know her and force-feed her (oh, and Spike too, I guess) their products, Applejack was approached by his enormous, red-coated elder brother.

“Li’l Apple Bloom is gonna kill somepony with those eyes one day,” chuckled the orange stallion.

“Eeyup.”

“Gotta say, she sure is a cutie,” he added after a beat.

Big Macintosh raised an eyebrow. “Apple Bloom?”

Applejack smirked.

“Nnope.”

“I regret everything,” Twilight whined as she rolled down the path back to town.

“I never want to touch an apple again,” Spike agreed, about to burst from the obscene amount of apple products they had been fed against their will.

“Next thing is weather…” Twilight mumbled as she levitated the checklist in front of her.

‘Weather: completely clear skies. Pony in charge: Rainbow Blitz.’

Twilight glanced up to see the sky half-covered in clouds. “Seems about right. Next.”

“I don’t know, Twilight,” said Spike as he grabbed the checklist and read it. “The list says the sky has to be completely clear. Emphasis on the ‘completely’.”

“It’s not that important, really.”

“Twilight, the word’s underlined.”

Twilight facehoofed. “Spike, how many times do I have to say it? Equestria depends on us! We lost over a full hour back at the farm, and that was just item number one in the list! We need to speed it up! I doubt a cloud or two are going to make that much of a difference when the Night King returns from his thousand-year banishment, kills millions of ponies, enslaves the rest and plunges our world into eternal, never-ending darkness!”

“You know, you make your silly delusion sound awesome,” said Spike with his arms crossed, amused by Twilight’s fantasies.

“Well, it’s not! It quite literally means the end of the world!”

“Just for the record, I agree with the overgrown lizard. That sounds totally fucking rad,” came a lax male voice from above, scaring the cutie mark (and scales) out of them.

If they were expecting to see some sort of god when they gazed upwards, they were sorely disappointed, because relaxing on a small cloud directly above them was only a cyan pegasus stallion with a short and spiky rainbow coloured mane. He seemed positively amused by the newcomers.

Regaining her composure, Twilight asked, as politely as she had dealt with the farmponies earlier, “And you are Rainbow Blitz, I presume?” Spike just glared at him for the ‘overgrown lizard’ jab.

“Yep! The legend in the flesh!” he said inflating his chest, clearly proud of himself. Whatever reason he might have to be so, Twilight could not fathom.

“Legend in… what, exactly? Slacking off?” she asked sarcastically.

Rainbow Blitz’s gaze went as hard as a guardspony who’d caught a glimpse of Celestia’s divine plot.

“Excuse me?!” he growled, taken aback as if he had been slapped across the face.

“You’re supposed to keep the sky completely clear,” Twilight scolded him, “and yet you’re up there, doing… whatever it is you were doing. What were you doing?”

“Taking a nap. Your rant woke me up. But what do you care?” Blitz asked, obviously aggravated. “You just said a cloud or two are irrelevant since we’re all gonna die anyway!”

“If the Night King returns after a thousand-year banishment and brings the end of the world with him,” interjected Spike, not without sarcasm. “Awesome as it might be, we both know that it’s just a filly tale. Only a foal would believe it’s true,” he added, looking at Twilight with yet another one of his trademark cheeky smirks.

“Regardless,” forcefully cut in Twilight, giving Spike the stink eye for his previous jab. The dragon’s smirk just grew larger, “you’re still not doing a very good job of keeping the skies clear.” She looked up at the sky. “As a matter of fact, you’re not doing a job at all!”

Rainbow scoffed. “And who are you to tell me how to do my job?”

“I happen to be Princess Celestia’s personal protégé, and I’ve been sent here to supervise this year’s Summer Sun Celebration’s preparations.” She sighed tiredly. “Look, I’ve had a very long day, and it’s far from over, so if you could just please, please, work with me here—”

“Wait, wait, wait. You know Princess Celestia?” Blitz questioned, immediately perking up.

“... Yes…?”

“Then you must know the Wonderbolts in person!” he exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear.

“... Really? That’s... That’s what you’re picking up from this?” asked Twilight incredulously.

“Well, don’t get me wrong, the Princess is cool and all that, but come on, she doesn’t hold up a candle to the Wonderbolts!”

Twilight reeled at Rainbow Blitz’s claim. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. The Princess doesn’t… doesn’t “hold a candle”… to the Wonderbolts? She controls the sun at will! What the hay is wrong with you?! “That’s just… so wrong, on so many levels.”

He didn’t relent. “Do you know Spitfire? Are you friends? What’s she like? Is she even hotter up close?” He badgered.

“What does it matter?!” Twilight cried, her patience wearing thin. “What does it have to do with ANYTHING?! You’re not going to get to meet Spitfire, especially if you keep napping instead of actually doing your freaking job!”

“Pffft. Whatever, what would you know?” he said, resettling in his cloud with the intention of resuming his nap. “I have an entire afternoon to do it. Far more time than I need, anyway. I can afford a nap. Or two. Or ten.”

Twilight groaned, her exasperation reaching limits she didn’t even know were there. “So you admit that you’re nothing more than a legendary slacker and Wonderbolt wannabe?”

If looks could kill, the stare Blitz gave Twilight after that remark would’ve made her burst into flames on the spot. He stood up furiously, flaring his wings. “Hey! I’m not slacking, and I can totally get into the Wonderbolts!”

“You were napping instead of doing your job. Sure looks like slacking to me,” answered Twilight, impatient to get this over with. Spike closed his eyes and nodded his head.

“Listen here, you little…” Rainbow raged incoherently for a brief moment, before groaning furiously. He sat back in his cloud. “You know what? Fine! I was slacking off, but it’s only because I can clear up the whole sky in ten seconds flat! Heck, even less than that!”

Twilight rolled her eyes, unamused. “Sure you can.”

“Oh, you wanna bet, prissy pants? All right, let’s bet!”

Twilight smirked. Ah, the folly of a stallion’s pride. The colourful pegasus was so woefully behind in his job that there was absolutely no way he could win the bet, no matter how fast he fancied himself to be.

“As you wish,” she conceded. “If you win, I’ll get you a good word with Spitfire. But when I win, you’ll have to join me in the rest of my duties.”

“Whaaat,” he teased her with a cocky smirk, “are you growing fond of me, Twinkle?”

“Misery loves company, and seeing you suffer will make me feel a lot better,” she said with a shrug. “And the name’s Twilight. Twilight Sparkle.”

“Well then, Twilight Sparkle, you’ve got yourself a deal!” He proclaimed, standing up in his cloud and stretching his wings, full of swagger. “Whenever you’re ready.”

At the unicorn’s signal, Spike pulled out a stopwatch. Twilight fought to contain a squeal, already revelling on the obnoxious pegasus’s incoming suffering when he invariably failed to uphold his part of the bargain.

“Okay,” said Twilight. “Clear the entire sky in ten seconds or less. Are you ready?”

“Heck yeah.”

“All right. Ready… Set… Go!”

Rainbow Blitz shot up to the skies before Twilight could even blink.

Now, Twilight was the very model of a modern magic prodigy. She had information pegasus, unicorn and earth pony. She knew the Kings of Trottingham and could quote the fights historical, from Mareathon to Breitenpferd, in order categorical. She was very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical; she understood equations, both the simple and quadratical. In magic spells and theory, she was teeming with a lot of news, with many cheerful facts to help prevent thaumaturgic abuse. She was very good at integral and differential calculus; had learned many phenomena, no matter how anomalous. In short, in matters pegasus, unicorn and earth pony, she was the very model of a modern magic prodigy.

And despite being the very model of a modern magic prodigy in matters pegasus, she felt every single neuronal conexion in her brain snap at the same time by simply trying to understand… whatever the hay was going on up in the sky at that moment.

Before Twilight’s brain had even begun to process what was happening, the sky was completely clear (emphasis on the “completely”), and a very satisfied Rainbow Blitz dropped back in his cloud with a very smug smile. “Done, and with three seconds to spare! How do you like them apples?” He hadn’t even broken a sweat.

“Not so much anymore, to be honest…” Spike muttered under his breath, diverting his astonished gaze between the stopwatch (which, indeed, had been stopped at seven seconds flat) and the awesome pegasus sitting atop his cloud.

Twilight’s brain refused to work. Suffice to say, she was completely at a loss for words. Emphasis on the “completely”.

“Duuuuuuude, I wish I had a camera around. You should really see the look on your faces!” snickered Blitz.

Twilight’s brain was just starting to reboot, which allowed her to register something wet dripping down through her chin. Suddenly aware that her mouth was wide open, that she had forgotten even to swallow, that she was drooling like an open water tap, and that she was making a complete foal of herself in front of this stallion, she immediately latched at the first thing her reigniting mind could think of.

“‘Apples’? Do you know Applejack?”

If Blitz was just as confused as Spike was by that question, he didn’t show it at all. “We’re drinking buddies,” he said nonchalantly, before grinning devilishly. “So! Spitfire.”

Twilight’s mind finally caught up with her. She sighed.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“Sweet! Y’know, you seem all right,” he said, approvingly. With a smile, he finished, “See you around, Twinkle Sprinkle!”

“My name is… Oh, never mind,” she grumbled softly, as the stallion returned to his professional slacking.

'Decorations. Pony in charge: Elusive.'

Fortunately for them, the only thing elusive about the decorator was his name. A marble white unicorn was standing in the centre of the town hall’s atrium, using his magic to raise Celestia’s banners, tie ribbons here and there, and look good while doing so, wearing a black beret on top of his curly lavender mane and a pair of stylish glasses.

“Hello? Are you Elusive?” Twilight asked as she entered the atrium.

“Just a second!” he replied, absent-mindedly waving a hoof at them as he continued engrossed in his task.

Twilight and Spike glanced at each other.

“Well, he seems to know what he’s doing,” Spike shrugged.

Twilight had to agree. “The décor is coming along quite nicely, yes,” she said, turning her gaze to the multiple decorations. It did look quite nice.

“Aaaaand done!” exclaimed the stallion. Then he turned back and cantered towards the duo. “So, what can I do for you, my dear?”

“My name is Twilight Sparkle, and I’m in charge of overseeing this year’s Summer Sun Celebration. I just wanted to know how you were handling the decorations,” she said, for the third time that day. She was quickly growing sick of that introduction.

“Oh, it’s been no problem at all! Why, I think it’s all gone swimmingly,” he said with a vague hint of a posh Trottish accent… A bit too posh to be entirely natural, in fact. “Say, whatever happened to Amethyst Star?”

“Amethyst who now?” Twilight asked, tilting her head in confusion.

“Amethyst Star. She was the town’s designated event organiser. Had a thing for me, too, but sadly, I’m married to the job,” Elusive chuckled lightly.

“Oh, uh… I have no idea, to be honest,“ she said, scratching her head. “Princess Celestia just heaped this duty on me and I complied.”

“Princess Celestia?” Elusive’s brow furrowed. Suddenly, he gasped, eyes widening. “Wait, you said your name was Twilight Sparkle? The Twilight Sparkle?”

His face was a little too close to Twilight’s for her comfort.

“... Yes?” Twilight answered in an uncertain voice.

“Oh, you simply must allow me to invite you for a cup of tea!” he exclaimed, with all the enthusiasm and admiration of a five-year old meeting Captain Equestria in the flesh.

That would not do. “I’m sorry, but I don’t have time for that,” she tried, but her words fell into deaf ears.

“Oh, but I insist! You are a scholar, not a bureaucrat. You’re not used to this sort of duties, and I know our quaint little village can be quite maddening,” You have no idea. “A cup of tea is the least I can do for you, after having to endure, uh…” He glimpsed at Spike’s checklist. The blood drained from his face upon reading the name of their most recent, uhm, acquaintance. “Oh. Oh. I can also afford a bottle of moonshine or seven, if it helps.”

What’s with these Celestia-forsaken stallions and using up my time?! I have things to do! Places to be! Worlds to save! But to be quite honest, she felt herself caring less and less with each passing minute. At this point, I think I’d welcome oblivion…

“Tea it is, then,” Twilight sighed with all the happiness of someone undergoing a prostate exam.

“The worst part about that braggart is that he always lives up to it,” Elusive said as he lowered his cup.

“Always?!” Spike asked, impressed. Twilight was too busy drinking her cup of coffee and feeling sorry for herself to react beyond raising both eyebrows in mild surprise.

“Oh, well, not always, but…” Elusive started answering, but then stopped himself as he noticed something for the first time. Or rather, someone. He turned to Spike with a grimace. “Oh! Terribly sorry, my dear, I was so caught up with all that’s going on that I forgot to ask you your name!”

“Name’s Spike! I’m Twilight’s dragon sorta-brother and number one assistant!”

“Oh, you’re a dragon!” he exclaimed, surprised, then chuckled nervously as his eyes darted all over.

“Well…” said Spike, confused, “yeah, what else would I be?”

“My apologies, mister Spike, but I… uh… I actually thought you were an overgrown lizard,” Elusive admitted, embarrassed.

“WHY DOES EVERYPONY KEEP THINKING I’M AN OVERGROWN LIZARD?!” Spike yelled, raising his arms to the sky. “COME OOON!!!”

Twilight scoffed. “Told ya’ Shining and Cadence were just friends.”

“It was an honest mistake, it won’t happen again,” promised Elusive honestly and quickly. Then his mood shifted immediately as he turned to Twilight. “But enough about good ol’ Ponyville. You’re from Canterlot! You pretty much grew up in the Royal Court itself!” he gushed. “If it’s not that much of a problem, could you please tell me EVERYTHING?!” he suddenly roared desperately, slamming his hooves on the table, veins bulging out in his neck and forehead, drawing looks from every single pony sitting in the coffee shop’s courtyard, plus every single passerby, aside from one white unicorn mare who was too busy bobbing her head at her gigantic headphones’ beat.

“Uh… Why?” asked Twilight, wary of her host. Don’t tell me he’s one of those… she thought cautiously.

“Why? WHY?!” Elusive’s eyes turned into pinpricks. Spike sighed and braced himself, recognising the signs of an incoming, unhinged rant. “Underneath the gilded façade of Canterlot’s Royal Palace lie the intrigue, the schemes, the politics! Why, they’re the corridors of power itself! Everything interesting that happens in Equestria happens over there, and just a single word, whispered in the wrong ear, can affect and alter the fate of all ponykind! It’s so positively fascinating!”

Twilight’s eyes were as wide as Celestia’s plot. She blinked.

“That was not what I was expecting.”

Elusive raised an eyebrow, suddenly entirely composed once again. “And what exactly were you expecting?”

“I don’t know,” said Twilight. “The courtesy? The chivalry? The great dances, the feasts? The romanticism? That sort of thing?”

“Oh, well, yeah, there’s also that,” said Elusive nonchalantly, “but it’s not the most important thing. To be fair, I think I’ve read far too much Groom Q. Q. Martingale for my own good,” he admitted sheepishly.

“You are aware that’s a work of fiction, right?”

“Please, Twilight, I’m a fan, not a twat. Of course I do. But as always, reality trounces fiction. If only the press talked about how volatile things are up in Russaria, or Austrot, or everywhere, really, instead of the generic tabloid fodder of who is dating who and all that…” he mused, taking a sip of his tea.

Twilight had to admit, she was rather impressed. Perhaps her first impression of Elusive as a shallow, social-climbing dandy had been misguided. “Huh. I imagined you would be interested in that sort of thing.”

“My dear, I’m a fashion designer,” stated Elusive matter-of-factly. “Of course I’m going to be interested if, I don’t know, the Duchess of Buckingham suddenly introduces a new dress style at her court; and I’d be thrilled if she asked me to design a dress for her! Alas, what good is all that if a war breaks out?” He sipped his coffee, before muttering, “Well, at least we’ll all look fabulous while we bleed out in the mud…”

“War? W-why would there be a war?” Twilight asked, confused. What are you even talking about?

“Please, let’s not pretend everything is fine in Equestria, because it’s not,” sighed the white unicorn, “no matter how much we’d like it to be. That much is obvious even to my little sister.” He straightened in his seat and continued: “Case in point: Russaria is ridden with corruption, abuse, poverty and growing inequality. And while the same can be argued about most of the other kingdoms, Tsar Nikonlái is definitely not the pony for the hour. He’s manipulated by everypony around him. Who knows what might happen when the Russarians decide they won’t tolerate this anymore? And furthermore, what would the other constituent kingdoms do about it? There are already worker strikes by the dozens in the big cities. I doubt they would be too enthused about the idea of said workers taking over Equestria’s largest kingdom...”

To be honest, Twilight had barely any idea of that. Granted, perhaps she’d been a bit too engrossed in her magic studies to pay attention to what was happening outside the Royal Library. But, if Elusive was telling the truth...

How? Twilight thought with despair. How could this happen under the Princess’s watch? Princess Celestia is good, she’s smart, she’s kind. How could she let this happen? Why didn’t she stop it before it came to this?

“But… Princess Celestia…” she mumbled weakly.

“The Princess is an indisputable genius, and she’s doing all she can do, of that I am absolutely sure,” Elusive said in what he hoped was a comforting tone. “But I don’t think even she would be able to soothe these tensions. They’re run far too deep for a single pony to defuse. And she can’t really do much outside of her personal domains, I’m afraid,” he said with a sigh.

“Is it really that bad?” asked Spike, deep concern in his voice.

“So it seems, my dears, so it seems. Hopefully it’s just the press fearmongering and exaggerating for a quick bit, as they always do. We’ll just have to wait and see, and hope for the best,” he concluded kindly.

So even if Celestia manages to stop the Night King, Equestria is going to end up destroying itself? Twilight felt herself deflating. Why do I even try?

Elusive had commendably tried to cheer them up afterwards with a degree of success, but the somber mood hadn’t been vanquished entirely. Unicorn and dragon walked slowly towards their final destination.

Spike glanced at the checklist in his claws. “It’s okay, Twilight,” he said, shifting his gaze towards his downcast sorta-sister. “The only thing left now is music, in charge of, uh… ‘Butterscotch’.”

Twilight sighed. “Let’s just get this over with, Spike,” she said, exhausted. “This day has been awful.”

“Hard? Sure,” he said softly. “Tiresome? Oh yeah. But awful? That’s a bit too much, isn’t it? I mean, I wouldn’t call it awful.”

“Then you clearly haven’t been paying attention,” Twilight snarked sharply with the enthusiasm of an eight-year old doing his math homework. Wait, no, she actually loved doing that. With the enthusiasm of... someone having a stroke. Yeah. That’s better.

She was being a bit unfair, though, and she knew it. Applejack and Elusive had both been most kind with her, if a tad time-consuming, and she had found herself liking both of them. Rainbow Blitz had been an arse, but he certainly was an impressive fellow nonetheless. It simply had all happened at the worst possible date ever. Perhaps, any other day (when she wasn’t busy trying to find concrete, hard evidence about the Night King to help the Princess prepare for his incoming return) she would have liked hanging out with them, but not today. Not right now.

Twilight sighed.

“I’m sorry, Spike. But I’m really, really tired. Do we know where to find Butterscotch?”

“You mean the pony with the bird orchestra?” Spike asked bluntly. He pointed his claw down the path. “He’s right there.”

“Wha—”

“Hey, uh… Please, if you don’t mind, could you stop for a moment?” asked the butter yellow pegasus to his birds in a soft, deep voice with a northern accent. Twilight would have thought him clinically insane, but indeed, the birds obeyed his command and stopped their singing immediately. “Yes, uh, Mr. Andronikos? Your pitch is slightly too high. Could you please try to lower it a bit?” the bird nodded and saluted with one of his wings. The pegasus smiled. “Good. Now, let’s rehearse once again; and a one, and a two, and a one, two— oh.” he froze suddenly when he caught eye of Twilight staring at him.

“Oh! Don’t mind me, I’m just checking out the musical preparations for the celebration. You are Butterscotch, am I right?”

“... Yes.” He answered softly, completely still, as if Twilight was a predator that would pounce the instant he moved.

“I see everything is going fine! I won’t bother you anymore.”

“... Okay.”

Spike turned to Twilight. “Well, that was easy.”

“WAIT IS THAT A BABY DRAGON?!” Butterscotch suddenly shouted at full voice. Now that they could appreciate his voice on the rough, stripped from the soft, soothing cadence he previously had, they realised it was such a deep baritone that the world must have certainly trembled when the pegasus’s balls dropped.

“FINALLY!!!” Spike punched the air as Twilight sighed with dread. Too good to be true. “Someone who can recognise a dragon! Oh, Butterscotch, it’s been terrible! Everypony has been calling me an overgrown lizard today!” he told Butterscotch, who was cantering towards them.

“Oh, you poor thing. You see, overgrown lizards are a common concern in Ponyville, and they look a lot like baby dragons such as yourself,” he answered good-naturedly, his previous timidness all but forgotten.

The definitely-not-overgrown lizard blinked. “Wait, they actually exist?”

“Yep. They live somewhere in the Everfree Forest, so from time to time they come to Ponyville looking for some food. Most ponies have never seen a baby dragon, so of course they mistook you for one,” he said, then his blue eyes lightened up considerably. “Oh, this is amazing! How old are you? Did you ever meet your parents? What do you usually eat? How much do you sleep? What are your hobbies? Do you know the square root of Pi?”

Twilight coughed, trying to take back control of the conversation and of her number one assistant. The sun was starting to set!

“Yes, I’m sure you have much to talk about, but it’s getting very late. Butterscotch, do you mind if we leave? Spike is still very young and needs his sleep.”

“I’m not tired!” Spike protested.

“Of course you are!” Twilight proclaimed, using a jelly legs jinx on Spike and causing him to tumble down to the ground. “Look, you can’t even keep your balance!”

“Oh… Uh… I-I guess...” Butterscotch wavered, all his bright, lively curiosity gone and his shyness back to the forefront. Twilight frowned. What, can’t talk with mares? Well, at least this means he isn’t going to distract me for long.

“Sorry, gotta go! Take care of yourself!” she said as she quickly turned around and galloped to the library.

“... Okay…”

“He seemed nice.”

“Just because he didn’t call you an overgrown lizard?”

“Well, yeah, that helps. You were pretty rude, though.”

“I’ll apologise later, but right now we’re running out of time! The Night King is coming back tomorrow morning, the thousandth year of the Summer Sun Celebration, and will plunge our world into eternal darkness, unless I manage to find any indisputable evidence of his return and inform the Princess so she can prepare in time! Now, if I can just get a few hours to myself instead of being interrupted by every crazy pony in this town…”

Of course, that was exactly what happened when she opened the Golden Oak Library’s door.

“SURPRISE!”

MOTHERFUCKER!

Almost every single pony in Ponyville was crammed in the Library’s main chamber, wearing party hats and kazoos. At the central desk, there was punch and fritters cluttering what should be a place for studying. A banner reading "WELCOME TWINKLE SPRINKLE" was hanging in the back wall leading to the stairs. She could recognise Applejack, Rainbow Blitz and Elusive among the attending ponies.

Twilight wasn’t really sure what angered her the most: the home invasion, the heretical desecration of a solemn place of scholarship and knowledge, the fact that every hope of studying tonight had just been snuffed like the hopes and dreams of everypony living in Pompequo on that fateful day, or the deliberate misspelling of her name. The only thing she was sure about is that she was absolutely livid.

And the main culprit was bouncing towards her. It was the same pink stallion who seemed to be having an existential crisis when they arrived, but now he was sporting the biggest grin they had ever seen on anypony’s face.

“Hi! My name’s Phil Pie, and this is your surprise party! Were you surprised? Were ya? Were ya?”

“I…” Twilight’s confusion was so great that most of her rage dissipated in a jiffy. How are you smiling? Weren’t you having some sort of existential crisis just a few hours ago? What kind of name is "Phil"? What the hay is happening?! “You… What?!”

“Oh, you’re referring to our meeting early? Silly me, I was just having a mental breakdown!” he cheerfully replied. “I had just woken up and I suddenly had a wee-wee and my voice was all deep and manly and stuff, so of course I had a panic attack and I had no idea what to do with myself so I ran away and I didn’t know if I even wanted to live like this, but then I met you and thought, ‘well, Pinkie you silly filly, things that never happened before are happening so you might as well see what the dreamworld has in store for you before you wake up!’’, and that helped me get over it! But then I realised, oh my gosh I have no name! I mean, I thought about Bubble Berry or Berry Bubble, but I still remember Maud and Marble and Limestone, and Pie is a family name, and it’s not like just because I woke up with a lil’ fella’ down below their names will suddenly change overnight, and I couldn’t be the odd one out without ‘Pie’ in my name, but I couldn’t just keep being Pinkie because I’m a dude now, so I thought, ‘hey, I’ll just be ‘Philippos Demian Pie’', because Philippos is a Hayzantine name that means ‘lover of horses’, and I’m a horse and I love other horses and I love seeing ponies smile and being happy, so I thought it was a very fitting name! A bit foreign, sure, but if there’s a mare named Derpy Hooves – she's over there, by the way. Hi, Derpy! –, then everything flies! Except earth ponies and unicorns, of course, because they don’t have any wings, duh. Oh, and Demian sounded like Diane, anyways, so there’s also that. Afterwards I met up with Dashie – or Blitzie, I guess? – and we threw up together this party to welcome you to Ponyville because you’re new to town and oh gosh wow you’re drinking the vodka straight from the bottle and you’ve already downed over half of it! Wow, that’s amazing, but also a bit bad for your health, isn’t it? But who am I to interrupt you and your fancy Canterlot style? So—”

“Oh, for the love of Celestia, just shut the fuck up, Phil,” Rainbow Blitz muttered with a mirthful smile, rolling his eyes.

“Okey-dokey-lokey!” Phil smiled widely. Then he noticed Spike. “Oh, hey, dragon dude! How ya’ doin’?”

“How can you say that much without even stopping to breathe?!” Spike questioned, completely befuddled.

“Oh, it’s super easy! All you have to do is...”

You know, on second thought, perhaps suffering genocide was the most desirable solution.

Twilight moped on her bed as the world spinned around her due to the vodka, and spinned without her right outside her closed bedroom door as the rest of the ponies revelled in Phil’s party.

So much for helping save the world tonight… she thought ruefully.

Suddenly the door opened. “Yo, Twilight!” shouted Spike, wearing a lampshade on his head. After the initial shock had passed, the dragon had gotten along rather well with Phil and the rest of the guys they’d met along the day. “AJ and Blitz are about to engage in a drinking contest! Wanna watch?”

“Wanna die,” she moaned, not even bothering to raise her head.

“Well, one of them is probably going to, they’re drinking almost pure, undiluted alcohol!”

Twilight closed her eyes and groaned. “What are they even doing up awake? It’s like two in the morning!”

“Come on, Twi, you know we’ve got to stay awake for a few more hours until the Princess raises the sun! Otherwise we’re going to miss it.”

“Not gonna stay awake much longer if they’re drinking pure, undiluted alcohol, they won’t,” Twilight snarked, then muttered to herself, “or alive, for that matter.” Then she deflated with a sigh, and her voice softened. “Besides, the sun won’t rise ever again. We’re doomed, and it’s all because of me.”

“Don’t be like that, Twi.”

“But it’s true!” she wailed as she covered herself with the bedspread. “The Princess trusted me to study how to defeat the Night King, and I’ve gone and lost the whole day in lunches and shenanigans.”

She looked out of the window, contemplating the night sky. She had always found it quite beautiful, often staying awake for hours just to gaze at the stars. Of course, she also spent quite some time studying it, because studying was what Twilight did best: the stars, the constellations, the moon, the sheer enormity of the sky, wondering about its many mysteries, hoping to one day be able to solve them herself. However, even when she was not in the mood for studying, she could always find solace in the nocturnal sky, beautiful, soothing and relaxing.

Not this time, however. Her gaze shifted towards the moon, big and bright as always, a pattern of dark blemishes forming the silhouette of a stallion’s head. The Horse in the Moon. Marks that have decorated the moon for a thousand years, ever since the day the Night King had been imprisoned, if the legend was to be believed. And in only a few hours, said legend continued, “the stars would aid in his escape”, whatever that means, and all of Equestria would be doomed.

And all because of her.

And those stallions stealing her time.

And the party outside.

But mostly her.

She sighed again, hope abandoning her with each breath.

Sensing the need to comfort her sorta-sister, Spike walked up to her bed and sat down beside her. “Twi,” he said, putting a claw on her back, “if I know anything about you, is that you never give up. Why do it now? So there’s the wildest party in recent memory right outside your door. So what? The Twilight I know would never let that put her down, and would never, ever, let somepony stand in the way of her studying. And there’s still a few hours left ‘til sunrise!”

Twilight kept staring at the moon, contemplating his words. What am I even supposed to do? It’s too late to do anything…

… Except it wasn’t. Spike was right. She still had a few hours left to find some information regarding the Night King’s return before, you know, he actually came back. Even if she had to study with a wild party raging right outside her bedroom door. And what difference did that make, in any case? She had made it through Shining’s punk-rock phase unscathed. She was used to loud noises while studying.

She turned to Spike and smiled softly. “You’re right.”

“I’m always right.”

“No, you’re not,” she said affectionately. “Just this time.”

“That’s good enough for me!” shrugged Spike as he jumped back to his feet, grinning. “I’m heading back to the party! You go, pick up whatever books you need, and help the Princess save Equestria!”

“Yeah!” she yelled energetically while Spike closed the door behind him. With renewed spirits and energies, Twilight stood up… only to immediately stumble back onto her bed, the world spinning around her twice as fast as before. “On second thought, maybe when the alcohol subsides a bit…”

Checking her notes, there was not much more hard evidence regarding the Night King’s return from the moon, but there was a small part that she had overlooked in her panicked and apocalyptic first draft. A small detail called ‘Hope’:

The Elements of Harmony.

According to some tales, an unspecified long time ago, the White Sister had used these so-called “Elements of Harmony” to defeat her Black Brother once his heart’s envy had festered into conflict, returning Harmony to Equestria and taking over their previous shared duties of raising the sun and the moon. Today, Princess Celestia was the pony in charge of said duties.

If the tales were true, and the Night King’s imminent return led her to believe that both stories were connected, then the Princess was either the White Sister’s current successor or, most likely, the White Sister herself; she would certainly know what to do. At least that’s what Twilight hoped, because she didn’t have even the faintest idea about where were the Elements of Harmony, or even worse, what the heck they were.

Fortunately, now Twilight had a vague idea of how they could defeat the Night King when he returned.

Unfortunately, that would be in about ten minutes, give or take, so…

“We’re screwed.”

Spike, who had just entered the bedroom to tell her that it was time for the ceremony, sighed. “Don’t be like that, Twilight. Tell me, if there really was any danger of the Night King returning, you do think the Princess wouldn’t do anything about it? Wouldn’t she deploy the Royal Guard? Maybe even order general mobilisation if it really was that bad? Take care of the situation herself?”

Twilight pondered on it. “Well…”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Now, come on, let’s watch the sunrise!”

Twilight gazed at the moon for a few moments, then sighed, defeated. “Yeah, okay, whatever, I did my best. Slavery and/or death, here we go,” she muttered underneath her breath as she stood up from her desk. Spike looked at her askance, so she plastered on her face the fakest smile she could manage. He just rolled his eyes and walked out of the room, the purple unicorn following.

After a few minutes, they arrived at Town’s Square, lined with tables filled to the brim with apple products, a choir of birds harmonising a soft tune. Celestia’s royal banners waved pleasantly and the night sky could be appreciated in its majestic totality, for not even a cloud was in sight.

Which allowed Twilight to watch the exact moment the 'Horse in the Moon' suddenly vanished from the Moon’s surface, while four stars quickly circled the orb.

Okay, we’re fucked. Deep inside of her, she felt a grim vindication.

The town’s Mayor, a mayor mare with a pale brown coat and grey mane, stood on a podium in Town Hall’s porch and addressed the congregation of ponies.

“Fillies and gentlecolts! As incumbent mayor of Ponyville, it is my great, great honour to welcome you to our town for this year’s Summer Sun Celebration! Many of you have traveled from all over Equestria just to celebrate today, the longest day of the year!” Ponies cheered and applauded her words. “Now, in just a few moments, our town will witness the magical raising of the sun! And who better to do it than the great, the kind, the wise, the keeper of harmony and Princess Sovereign of the Equestrian Empire herself…”

Here we go.

“Princess Celestia!” she exclaimed, leaving the podium empty. Now, the Princess would walk over the stage and raise the sun with her magic.

...

…

…

Any second now.

…

…

…

Ponies were starting to get confused, talking in hushed tones with their companions, wondering what just happened. Had the Princess just gone and done a No-Show? Scandalous! And where was the sunrise? Wherever she was, it was still her duty to raise the sun at this exact hour, every single day. It’s not like she could have just forgotten about that.

“Uhh… Twilight? What’s going on?” Spike asked confused.

She couldn’t bring herself to lie, to try to comfort him. She just felt… Tired. Hollow. She had tried to warn him, to warn them, and they hadn’t listened. And now, it was too late. “The end of the world,” she sentenced grimly.

The Mayor looked just as flustered and confused as the rest of the audience, but she did her duty, walking back to the podium. “Keep calm, everypony, please keep calm. I’m sure there must be a reasonable explanation for thi—!”

“Kneel.”

The single sentence suppressed any noise from the complete congregation instantly, a deathly silence blanketing the town. All eyes were fixed on the stage.

Under the light of the moon, an eldritch, dark mist materialised from thin air. Violently twisting and turning like a gross cluster of snakes all moving in different directions, the fog grew to define the shape of a large, slender, four-legged creature. With a final flash of light, the mist disappeared just as quickly as it had appeared.

In its place, a heavily armoured stallion stood. Instead of a normal mane and tail, his were like nebulas connected to his body, waving and fluctuating on their own accord, studded with a star pattern. Plates of enameled silver steel covered large portions of his pitch black body, the moonlight reflecting off his greaves and sabatons. He wore an intricately designed peytral and a criniere connecting with the chanfron, a dark and edged piece of metal that covered his whole face but his unnaturally bright and mismatched eyes, his right iris a deep, ice-cold blue and his left a piercing, flaming blood-red; blades rose from his brow towards the sky, surrounding a long black horn. On both the croupiere and peytral, was engraved a single, pearlescent moon with a crown on top. His wings were extended, looking like they were made out of swords instead of feathers.

The Night King.

“Oh, my beloved subjects,” he talked with a low growl, yet his tone was soft and husky like a lover’s. “It has been far too long since I have seen your faces. Your Sun-loving faces. And yet, the Usurper could not hold onto her stolen throne forever, for your Rightful King has returned from his unjust exile. Now...” his voice lost whatever softness it could have had, “I ordered you to kneel.”

Silence. Everypony was too terrified to move a muscle. Well, except for one.

“What did you do to the Princess?!” screamed a stallion. Twilight turned to see Rainbow Blitz flapping his wings furiously. Either he was the bravest pony alive, or the drunkest. She would have thought him to be in an ethylic coma by now, but he seemed steady on his wings. Probably he just was too dumb to live.

The Night King stared Blitz back into submission. “I paid unto her the same currency she used on me.”

“Did you KILL her?!” a mare wailed.

“No. Death is far too kind to that Usurper. She always loved the warmth of the sun; may she revell on it as it kisses her pristine coat with tongues of fire and sheds her skin from the bone for the rest of eternity.”

“Who are you?!” somepony yelled.

“Did you not recall the legends? Have you not seen the signs? Have you forgotten your own history? Or has the Royal Bitch lied to you for ages?” the Night King closed his eyes and hummed. “You don’t even know who I am, don’t you?”

“I do.”

Twilight opened her eyes in shock. That had sounded a lot like her voice. But she didn’t remember having opened her mouth!

“Oh?” the Night King looked at the audience with amusement.

No, not at the audience.

At her.

Oh. It was my voice. Twilight gulped. She was not easily scared, but the Night King’s lifeless, mismatched gaze was… terrifying. She felt as his red eye bore deep into her soul.

“Then, please, tell the rest of your companions: who am I, my dear?”

She forced herself to speak under his penetrant gaze. “You are the Horse in the Moon,” she breathed out. “The Terror of the Night.” She gulped. “The Night King.”

His smile didn’t reach his eyes. “So they call me.” He chuckled darkly, then faced the audience once again. “Remember this day, my little ponies. For it was the last Day. From now on, the Night will last FOREVER!” he proclaimed.

Murmurs and cries rippled across the desolated audience.

“Seize him! Only he knows how to bring the Princess back!” yelled desperately Mayor Mare, gesturing wildly at their new monarch, yet nopony dared obey her. The Night King looked utterly unimpressed at her display.

“Be grateful, mare, that I am a merciful God: I will pardon your outburst, for I do not desire to inaugurate my reign with unnecessary bloodshed. But should your insolence continue beyond twenty four hours, I will personally ensure that your head is the first to adorn Canterlot’s gates,” he growled at her, who blanched and fainted. “Now, there is much to do. Edicts to be proclaimed. Oaths of fealty I have to receive. Sycophants whose heads must be lopped off.”

And with a flash of light, he was gone.

Author's Note

And here we go.
I'm well aware Twilight may come across a bit too mean and sarcastic for her; that's deliberate. She's friendless, and doesn't really care about making friends or even being liked; Spike is her sorta-brother, so they can snark at their heart's content without any major problems.
Her character will develop from here. More on that soon.
The name comes from a song by indie musician Aviators. Expect more chapter titles to be named after his songs, they're pretty amazing.
So...
Yeah.
Hope you liked it.

Chapter 2: Incandescent

Author's Note

Okay, I'm not one for spoilers and warnings and all that stuff, but:
This chapter's climax might be slightly distressful to read. After all, the idea of stories is to convey emotions through them.

The title comes, like in the previous chapter, from an Aviators song. This one, while not a personal favourite, wins the title due to the chorus's lyrics.
Praise the sun! [T]/

Chapter 2: Incandescent

The spell of the Night King’s presence broken, Ponyville exploded like a burst dam. Panic took hold of everypony’s heart, and the town descended into chaos. Ponies ran in every direction, screaming for their lives. Others hugged and cried. Others simply sat there staring at the stand, a hollow expression on their faces.

Twilight held Spike close to her. The baby dragon was beyond terrified, tears welling in his eyes. He tried to be brave, he tried, but… She felt her heart break for him. She felt her heart break for everypony.

And yet, she couldn’t stifle the dark sense of vindication that festered in her insides, and she hated herself for it.

Crops would never grow, trees would wither, and ponies would never feel the warmth of the sun again. Generations would live and die waiting, hoping, praying for a new sunrise, for daybreak to come and liberate them from the slavery of darkness.

And she, Twilight Sparkle, felt glad inside because she had been right. What kind of pony did that make her? Did she truly care more for her own bruised ego, for being right, than she did for the livelihood of the rest of ponykind? Was she really any different from the Night King, then?

She gazed over the panicked ponies. She could pick apart many parents holding their fillies in arms, whispering sweet promises that everything would be right; sweet, sweet lies to calm them. Elusive was holding a wailing white unicorn filly with lavender and pink curls that she guessed was the little sister he had referred to earlier. Apple Bloom, Applejack’s heart-wrenchingly adorable little sister, was just staring ahead, utter emptiness in her eyes.

If only she could have stopped this…

If only…

Wait.

The Elements of Harmony.

If Princess Celestia was imprisoned in the sun… If ponykind was sentenced to never see another day, living in everlasting night… If no one else could stop the Night King…

Then she would have to do it herself.

Not to be a hero; if this was how it felt to be right, then she’d rather never be so again. Her ego be damned, this was for the fillies and colts. They deserved a better life than this. They deserved to play and laugh underneath the sun, to grow and live without fear.

And if she had to light the fires of a new dawn with her own bones, then so be it.

Back in the main chamber of the Golden Oak Library, and after putting Spike to sleep, Twilight was frantically looking for information regarding the Elements of Harmony. So far, however, it was proving to be a fruitless task.

“Elements, elements, elements… Gah! How can I stop the Night King without the Elements of Harmony?”

“And just what are the Elements of Harmony?” came a growl from behind her. She jumped in fright and quickly turned around to find herself face-to-face with Rainbow Blitz blocking her sight. He looked quite angry, crouched like a feline ready to pounce on his prey. “And how do we know that’s what you want, huh? Are you a spy?!”

“What?!” asked Twilight, shocked by his accusation. “Why in Equestria would I be a spy?!”

“We’ve never seen you before! Yet, you arrive one day, talking about the Night King and the end of the world, and then that same night, he turns out to be real and overthrows Celestia!”

“That was because I was trying to warn everypony, but you didn’t listen!”

“And how did you even know it was going to happen?! The guy said it himself, no one remembered the tales nor the legends nor the whatever-the-fuck-else! How come you knew about him, if you’re not part of a cult trying to bring him back?! Heck, I’m sure you used your position as Princess Celestia’s protégé to backstab her!”

“I didn’t!” screamed Twilight, enraged by the mere suggestion that she might have ever wanted to backstab Princess Celestia. “I was doing a historical paper on the thousand years of the Summer Sun Celebration as a gift to the Princess, then one thing led to another and I ended up discovering that we were in imminent danger! I tried telling the Princess, but she didn’t listen! I tried telling you lot, and you didn’t listen! I never wanted it to come true!”

“Bull-fucking-shit! I’m onto you! If you weren’t a spy, how did you know exactly who I am?!”

“YOUR MANE IS LITERALLY RAINBOW-COLOURED!!! IT WAS A VERY OBVIOUS GUESS!!!” Twilight yelled at the top of her lungs.

Blitz crossed his forehooves, and grunted. “Well, there is that...”

“Easy there, Blitz.” interjected Applejack. It wasn’t until that moment that Twilight realised Elusive, Phil and Butterscotch were also in the library, if keeping a bit of a distance. “Ah’m sure Miss Twilight is bein’ honest, she ain’t no spy and she sure seems to know what she’s doin’, so let’s hear it.”

“And what would you know, eh, Applejack? You can’t lie even to save your own hide!”

“Well, I can,” Elusive huffed, stepping forward, “and I can tell when somepony is lying. Twilight here clearly isn’t. She’s obviously as shaken from this whole ordeal as we are, but at least she’s trying to do something about it, instead of throwing senseless accusations left and right. So, Rainbow Blitz, do Equestria a favour and shut up,” the unicorn snapped harshly.

Blitz turned towards the unicorn, ready to tackle him. “Make me, you pus—”

“Guys, enough!” Twilight screamed, interrupting them and holding Blitz in place with her magic; tempers were running extremely high, which, considering the situation they were in, Twilight felt like she understood all too well.

She turned towards Applejack, took a deep breath, and let it out with a sigh. “I read all about the predictions of the Night King’s return. But I also read about his initial banishment. He was defeated by the use of a mysterious magical tool called ‘The Elements of Harmony’, but that was a thousand years ago! I don’t know where they are, how to use them, what they are, or even what they do! I haven’t been able to find anything about them!” Twilight lowered her gaze, and sighed again.

“Don’t worry, Twilight. We’re here to help,” said Butterscotch kindly. Twilight almost did a double take, but then shrugged mentally. Guess he can talk to mares.

The rest of the stallions nodded in agreement, even Rainbow Blitz, although he still looked somewhat pissed. Twilight raised her head to meet their gaze.

“What d’ya need?” asked the orange stallion.

“We need to look for anything related to the Elements of Har—” with a tremendous thud, a stack of about seven large books dropped in place in the desk right in front of her. “—mony... What the hay?!”

“‘Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide’, ‘Elements of Harmony: Historical Evidence’, ‘Elements of Harmony for Dummies’, and much more!” Phil cheerfully explained.

“Phil, you’re a genius! How did you find this?!”

“Oh, please, it’s a library! It was under ‘E’, you silly filly!”, he said, bouncing.

Twilight felt like facehoofing.

“... Oh.”

Of course it would be under ‘E’. But they hadn’t much time to lose. She opened the book and skimmed over the pages, looking for answers.

“All right, guys. According to ‘Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide’, there are Six Elements of Harmony, but only five are known: Honesty, Loyalty, Generosity, Kindness and Laughter. The Sixth, however, is a complete mystery. Hmmm,” she thought for a while, before turning to the shy pegasus. “Butterscotch, what does it say in ‘Historical Evidence’?”

“Oh, uh…” he flinched slightly. “Not so much, unfortunately. But it does mention that the castle on the Everfree Forest and King Solaris’ capital are one and the same...” Butterscotch tilted his head. “That’s Princess Celestia’s father, right?”

“Yep,” Twilight nodded. “Anything else?”

“No, sorry. Just that the historical records about the move to Canterlot are very vague, and that if the Elements of Harmony did indeed exist, according to legend that would have been around the same time period, and given its importance, perhaps were stored in the same castle,” he paraphrased from the book, before raising his eyes to meet Twilight’s. “Does it help?”

“Quite! Thank you so much!” she said earnestly before turning her attention to another of the books, missing Butterscotch’s faint blush at her praise. Blitz did, however, and snickered softly.

“Oh! Oh! Oh! I think I found something!” Phil jumped up and down. “Look, in ‘Elements of Harmony for Dummies’ it says, regarding Old King Solaris’ capital: ‘it’s a gods-forsaken ruin nowadays, located deep in the entrails of what is now…’”

“... The Everfree Forest!” Phil exclaimed as the six ponies stood at the entrance to the creepiest woods any of them had ever seen.

“Oh, good, you hadn’t said a word for like half an hour, you just made us follow you without any explanation whatsoever; I was starting to get worried,” said Elusive. He then turned to Butterscotch, raised one of his forelegs up to the side of his head, and made a few circling motions while mouthing ‘cuckoo’. The butter pegasus chuckled in response.

Twilight walked a few steps and turned to face her companions. Taking a deep breath, she spoke.

“Guys, I’m very, very grateful for your help, but I think it’s better I take it from here.”

“Ain’t happenin’,” Applejack sentenced without missing a beat. “We’re comin’ with ya.”

“Guys… I don’t want any harm befalling you. This was all my fault, and it’s my responsibility to fix it.”

“Your fault, huh? Did you force Princess Celestia to ignore your warnings? Did you also make her lose against Badguy McEvilton?” Blitz asked skeptically. “Unless you actually are a spy and trying to reunite with your boss, sounds like bullshit to me. We’re going in, and that’s final! We’re not letting you face certain death alone… or betray us, for that matter.”

“Friends stick together,” Butterscotch agreed.

Twilight’s heart skipped a beat.

“F-friends?” Twilight asked softly. “That’s… That’s what you think of me?”

They all nodded in unison.

“Yep.”

“Well, of course.”

“Yes.”

“So far, yeah.”

“Ah mean, why not?”

“But… I’ve spent all day moping and being mean to all of you! Why would you consider me your friend?”

“Hey, Blitz ‘ere is an arse 24/7, but he’s still mah friend,” Applejack said. To Twilight’s surprise, the rainbow pegasus didn’t complain or shot up to the sky to defend his honour; instead, he just nodded, conceding the point. “Ya were havin’ a nasty day, that’s all, missy, an’ we didn’t really make it any easier. For what is worth, we’re mighty sorry about that.”

“I… I…” She was at a loss for words. A knot was forming in her throat, a warm feeling expanding in her chest. It was… actually nice, to know somepony considered her their friend, even if she felt it was a bit too soon for her to reciprocate. She’d reserve her right to decide that later, once they could all hang out without the threat of danger looming over them. She smiled tenuously. “Is there anything I can say to persuade you otherwise?”

The stallions looked at each other for an instant. When Applejack spoke, he spoke for everypony:

“Nnope.”

“So… has any of you ever come into this forest before?” Twilight asked her companions while they walked through the darkness. They were near a cliffside, a forested valley down below.

“I have, from time to time,” said Butterscotch. “Somepony has to help all the animals and critters who live here, after all.” He gulped. “But I’ve never gone so… deep.”

Elusive shifted, clearly uncomfortable. “I don’t know how you can like it, Butterscotch. This place just feels so… wrong.”

Butterscotch shivered. “Who said anything about liking it? I endure it for the animals' sake, but… it’s so scary in here. And some of the creatures that live here…”

“This place ain’t natural. There’s a nip in the air that gives me a bad feelin’ about this whole thing,” Applejack muttered.

“‘A nip in the air’. Classical farmer.” Blitz rolled his eyes, but he too advanced warily. Phil, for his part, just continued to bounce cheerfully, covering the rear.

“Hey! Ah take offense to that!”

“What? It’s true! You guys get bad feelings about everything.”

"No we don't!"

"Uh, yeah, you do. You act like the ground under your hooves is about to cave in or someth—"

Exactly on cue, the ground at their hooves caved in. The earthbound ponies screamed in surprise as the earth beneath their feet collapsed into a slide of rock and gravel.

Rainbow Blitz shot up immediately and tackled Applejack, the stallion nearest to him, out of the growing landslide, muttering “Me and my big fucking mouth…” He turned to Butterscotch. “Butters! Help Elusive! Applejack, get Twilight!”

“Oh-oh my! Yes, of course!”

Butterscotch swiftly managed to pick Elusive up by his tail, while Phil bounced backwards; having been the rearmost of the group, he avoided the cave in. Twilight, however, was not so fortunate. She screamed as she slided down the newly-formed slope, desperately trying to grab onto something with her hooves. Moving quickly, Applejack managed to grab her forehooves just as the unicorn reached the cliff, leaving most of her body dangling.

“Applejack, help me!” Twilight wailed, holding on to the farmpony’s hooves for dear life. “What do I do? What do I do?!” she screamed in panic as her hind hooves flailed wildly.

Applejack looked wildly around, calculating every possible option. After a moment, he took a deep breath and looked Twilight straight in the eyes.

“You let go.”

“Are you insane?! That sounds like a terrible idea!”

“Because it is,” the farmpony agreed. “But it’s the only way out of this.”

“Are you sure you’re not still drunk?!” He had been drinking pure, undiluted alcohol after all...

“Vinyl cast a soberin’ spell on us all after the party, we’ll talk about that later!” Applejack said quickly. “Now, Ah need ya to let go!”

“But I’ll die!”

“No, ya won’t. Ah promise ya, ya’ll be completely safe, but ya’ll gonna need to trust me on this.”

Twilight stared at Applejack’s green eyes. He was undoubtedly worried, but he managed to give a reassuring smile.

She wanted to tell him to buck off, to scream for help; something… but right then, she remembered Rainbow Blitz’s words back in the library: ‘you can’t lie even to save your own hide’, he had told Applejack.

Twilight didn’t have Elusive’s ability to tell when someone was lying, but something in her gut told her that Applejack, in that moment, was being completely, openly honest with her. Twilight knew, deep inside, that the farmpony would never want her to suffer any harm, nor would he let her run the risk of danger. Hadn’t he followed her into this place out of his own accord, after all?

Twilight closed her eyes and sighed.

And took her leap of faith.

She let go of Applejack’s hooves, shutting her eyes with all her might and immediately regretting all of her life choices as she plummeted towards her death.

Except she wasn’t falling.

She opened a single eye tentatively.

Holding her with their forehooves were Blitz and Butterscotch, both flapping their wings furiously as they descended with her.

“Oh my gosh thank you so much!” she yelled as they lowered her to the ground. Once her hooves touched the floor, she started kissing it before flinching. Yuck.

“Don’t mention it,” Blitz said confidently, crossing his forehooves.

“Glad to be of service. I-I’ve never carried anything heavier than a bunny or two before, though…” Butterscotch mumbled.

The rainbow pegasus looked scandalised by Butterscotch’s admission. “You’re kidding me, right?”

“Uhm… no?”

“That’s it, Butters, we’re hitting the gym after this.”

“... I’d rather not, if that’s okay with you.”

“So… a sobering-up spell?” Twilight asked to break the oppressive silence of the forest.

“Eeyup. Vinyl, the DJ pony, always casts it on everypony after a party; that way we don’t have to endure hangovers.”

“She’s a proper saint, that pony,” Elusive agreed.

“Really?”

“Well, of course not. She parties all night, every night, and does every drug under Celestia’s heaven, but she’s a life saver in that sense,” the white unicorn explained, before grimacing. “Some of us have little sisters prone to squealing at unsightly hours in the morning…”

“And her wubs! She makes very nice wubs!” Phil piped in.

“Yes, she does make nice wubs,” Elusive rolled his eyes, “whatever that means.”

Twilight frowned. Is that supposed to be an euphemism for something? She opened her mouth to ask for clarification.

But the sound that came out was not her voice, but rather a bloodcurling roar. All six ponies blanched at the sight in front of them, too distracted had they been talking idly that they hadn’t noticed the enormous, ponycidal Manticore that growled at them furiously with murder in its eyes.

“Woah, nelly!” Applejack exclaimed, backtracking into Phil.

“How come we didn’t see that?!” asked Elusive.

Phil smiled without a hint of sarcasm. “Because we’re the dumbest ponies alive!”

“Well, we won’t be alive for much longer if we don’t do something!” Twilight yelled.

“I’m on it!” Blitz zoomed up to the sky. “Want some? Get some!” And promptly shot towards the Manticore’s face, bucking it with all his might.

“Wait,” Butterscotch said. Nopony paid him any mind.

The Manticore staggered, growling with hatred. Blitz prepared to charge again, but this time, the Manticore was ready. It jumped sideways and grabbed the dashing pegasus by his tail.

His eyes widened.

“Oh, fu—”

The Manticore proceeded to slam Blitz repeatedly against the ground, dazing and injuring him out of commission as he wailed in agony. Before it could go for the kill, however, a rock bounced against its head. The Manticore turned towards the culprit.

“Hey, meany pants! Look at me, I’m a target! An edible and sugary target!” Phil screamed, before scampering away. The Manticore, enraged, pounced towards the pink stallion.

“Wait,” Butterscotch said.

Nope, try again later; the gang was far too occupied with survival to pay him any attention. Elusive and Twilight were helping Blitz up. Applejack raced up a ledge and jumped to land on top of the Manticore, stunning it and allowing Phil to get away.

“Yee-haw! Giddy up, partner!” He wrestled the Manticore forcefully, trying to make it submit.

However, instead of submitting, it spread its wings and started rising up into the air. Applejack’s eyes widened as he realised what was happening.

“Oh-uh.”

And with a single barrel roll, the Manticore was freed from its rider.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH” he flailed as he fell towards the ground, but a lavender magical aura took hold of him and stopped him before he became red mush.

He had previously saved Twilight from certain death; now it was her turn to save him. As his hooves touched ground once more, he smiled abashedly at her, who nodded kindly.

“Any ideas?” Elusive asked her.

“Well… we could try to charge it and spear it with our horns on its soft underbelly,” Twilight said, remembering the tactics of the Prench cavalry of old. However, they always wore heavy plate armour, and had long metal lances; all they had were their horns.

There was a beat.

“Anypony else have a real idea?” Elusive asked drily.

“Wait,” Butterscotch tried again.

“Not now, Butters,” Blitz wheezed, still in pain. “We’re trying to kill this darned thing, if you haven’t noticed.” He coughed and twisted his face in anguish, “oh-hohoho, that’s a broken rib for sure…”

Butterscotch stared scornfully at Blitz.

“Scatter!” Phil yelled suddenly. Turning their gazes towards the Manticore, the group noticed three things.

First, it was still in the air.

Second, it was diving towards them, bloody murder in its eyes.

Third, it was really fast. Really, really fast. So fast that it would certainly kill them if they lost any more time noticing irrelevant things instead of actinOHSHI—

They immediately jumped into the bushes, all but Phil’s tail (“OUCH! HEY! BRING THAT BACK!”) just barely managing to evade the Manticore’s attack. It rose again towards the air, preparing for another charge.

Elusive glanced towards Twilight, and sighed.

“Suicidal Prench cavalry charge it is, then,” he muttered with resignation. He turned to Applejack. “Get some sticks and branches!”

The farmpony nodded, and promptly bucked the tree next to him. The trunk was rotten and brittle, so it came crashing down immediately. Most of the branches, however, were jagged and petrified, so any of them could do the trick.

If they managed to survive long enough to drive it into its heart, that is.

“All right, Elusive, let’s do this! Missy, stay back!” Applejack said, hooking his makeshift lance in his work collar.

“What?! Of course not!” Twilight protested, but the farmpony wasn’t having it.

“Look, ya’re the only one who knows how to stop the Night King! Ya ain’t dyin’ against this ‘ere Manticore, and that’s final!”

“And you are?!” She wailed. Why are stallions so stupid?!

“Just for the record, I rather like living, but I agree with Applejack here. We’ll hold the Manticore off,” Elusive interjected grimly, raising his own branch with his magic. “You go ahead and do what needs to be done. We’ll do our part.”

And without any further ado, both stallions jumped back into the open, brandishing their spears. The Manticore was still in the air, waiting for its prey to appear once again, puffy pink tail skewered in its scorpion tail.

“Hey! Over here!” Applejack yelled.

The Manticore didn’t need an invitation. At the stallions’ sight, it dived once more, scorpion tail at the ready. Both stallions steeled and braced themselves as their gallop started to pick up the pace.

Twilight despaired, thinking hard, thinking fast for something, anything, that she might do to save the charging idiots. Perhaps, she could try a spell to keep the Manticore in place, but… what if she couldn’t do it? What if her spell failed? What if Applejack and Elusive died because of her?

It can’t end like this...

It did not, in fact, end like this, for everything went deathly quiet and still when an unearthly roar shaked the ground.

“WAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!”

Even the Manticore froze in place, paralysed with fear, only a few steps from the two stallions. A butter yellow pegasus walked in front of it. And talked.

“Shhhh, shhh… It’ll all be okay, don’t worry,” Butterscotch said soothingly.

“Butterscotch, watch out!” Twilight screamed.

“Are ya outta yer darn mind?!” yelled Applejack.

But the Manticore didn’t attack him. In fact, it looked abashed.

“Oh, so that’s what this is about? Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.” A pause. “This might hurt a tiny little bit.”

*prick*

ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRprrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Is it… purring?! Twilight was flummoxed.

Indeed, the Manticore had melted into Butterscotch’s hooves, basking in his attention like a soft, warm, happy, enormous, potentially-ponycidal kitty. The pegasus was laughing softly as it licked his pink Beatle bowl cut mane into a rad fauxhawk.

“Oh, you’re just a big ball of fur, aren’t you? Aww, you’re so sweet!” Butterscotch cooed. “Yes you are, yes you are!”

“Butters…” Blitz began, then paused for a beat. “What the fuck?”

“She had a thorn in her paw, and before that, was attacked by a shadow. She was scared, and afraid we were going to hurt her too,” he explained. “Then you charged at her. She was just defending herself.”

“She?” Applejack blinked, lowering his branch.

“Butterscotch, that was amazing! How did you know it—err, she, was scared?” Twilight said.

“I didn’t. But manticores are rarely aggressive without a good cause, so it was a lucky guess. Besides, just because she looks so mean and scary and murderous doesn’t mean she actually is! We just have to be kind,” Butterscotch proclaimed confidently.

Is this really the same stallion that was too timid to talk to me beyond mono-syllabics? Twilight wondered, looking at him.

At the very least, she now had one certainty about Butterscotch.

The world definitely trembled when the pegasus’s balls dropped. In fact, assuming that he was a couple years older than Twilight (which, she noted, seemed to be the case with every stallion in the group), that would definitely explain the earthquake of 1605, eight years ago.

“Sooo…” asked Phil, “do I get my tail back, or what?”

“With every passing second, I think I hate this place even more…” Elusive grumbled. He held his jagged branch aloft, at the ready. Applejack, walking behind them, still held his own hooked in his collar.

Twilight had to agree. When they had entered the forest, it hadn’t been so bad. Sure, it was creepy, uninviting and unnerving, but the Everfree wasn’t really anything out of the ordinary.

But now, they were in what seemed to be another world completely, a world forsaken by gods and nature. Twisted and dark, eldritch and forgotten. They could barely see beyond their own noses, pitch black as it was.

“I can’t see anything…”

“Well, that just makes it more fun!” Phil chimed in. “Ooh, we can play Marco Polo! Marco!”

*squish*

“Ugh. Ah think Ah just stepped on poo.”

“You have to say ‘Polo’, not ‘poo’, silly!”

“No, seriously, this doesn’t smell good at all.”

Twilight grunted, before trying a light spell with her horn. The oppressive atmosphere of the forest made it hard for her to concentrate and cast the spell, but after a few failed sparkles, an orb of hard light shot from her horn to rest above her.

And she found herself staring right into a face contorted in an horrible, anguished grimace.

“AAAHHHHHH!”

“OH, SWEET CELESTIA’S STEAMING CLIT!” Blitz screamed.

“WHAT IS THAT?!”

As light filled the clearing, they found themselves surrounded by what looked like the petrified corpses of ponies and other creatures; all with the same twisted grimace of fear, hate and pain that must have surely reflected the agony they felt when unwillingly turned into stone by whatever creature had preyed upon them.

“IDON’TWANNABEINHERE!” Butterscotch shrieked.

“THEY’RE EVERYWHERE!”

“AH REGRET EVERYTHIN’!”

“HAHAHAHAHAHA YOU LOOK SO GOOFY!”

WHAT?!

Instead of screaming for sweet Celestia’s steaming clit (Twilight made a mental note to buck Blitz in the face for that as soon as she could), Phil was laughing.

Twilight knew the pink pony was an oddity, but now she was positively sure he was a complete psycho. He was doing a stare contest with one of the many petrified corpses, sticking his tongue at the dead pony’s face, trying to get a reaction out of it. He didn’t succeed, obviously.

“Phil, what are you doing?! RUN! Whatever petrified these ponies might still be around!”

“And run where, exactly?” he asked, before giggling a gloriously girly giggle. “Don’t you see? We’re completely surrounded! It’s too late to run!”

“AND WHY DO YOU SAY THAT LIKE IT’S A GOOD THING?!”

“It’s not! But it’s also not what is happening! Don’t you see?” he started bobbing his head at a non-existent rhythm.

And then he began to sing.

“When I was a little filly and the sun was going do~own!”

His voice was accompanied by a soft, catchy tune, but for the life of her, Twilight couldn’t begin to fathom where it was coming from.

“Are you actually—?”

“The darkness and the shadows, they would always make me fro~own!”

“He is,” Elusive answered with a ‘seen-it-all’ tone, his bemusement far exceeding his fright.

“I’d hide under my pillow

From what I thought I saw

But Granny Pie said that wasn’t the way

To deal with fears at all!”

“Oh?” said Butterscotch.

“She said, ‘Pinkie, you gotta stand up tall!’”

Blitz blinked. “Wait, who’s ‘Pinkie’?”

With a screech, the music stopped immediately. Phil, who was mid-bounce, halted in mid air. Slowly, with an unnatural creaking sound, he turned his face towards Blitz, his cheerful, toothy grin still plastered in his face.

It didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“DON’T. INTERRUPT.” he growled murderously. Then took a deep breath, and resumed the happy little song right where he had left it.

“Learn to face your fears

You’ll see that they can’t hurt you

Just laugh to make them disappear!”

He stopped in front of one of the petrified ponies, and stared right at its horrible face.

“Ha! Ha! Ha!”

And just like a spell being broken, the petrified pony turned into a rather large and jagged rock. As it had always been.

“So…!

Giggle at the ghostly

Guffaw at the grossly

Crack up at the creepy

Whoop it up with the weepy

Chortle at the kooky

Snortle at the spooky!

And tell that big dumb scary face to take a hike and leave you alone

And if he thinks he can scare you then he's got another thing coming and the very idea of such a thing just makes you wanna... hahahaha... heh…

Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuugh!”

When all was sung and done, the six were laughing on the ground, surrounded by the nastiest looking rocks that had ever existed… But rocks, nonetheless.

As they stood up to continue their journey, Twilight walked towards Rainbow Blitz.

“Hey, Blitz?” she said softly.

“Yeah, Twilight?”

*BUCK*

“OUCH! WHYYYYYYYYYYY?!” he wailed.

“Blasphemy, you heretic,” she sentenced coldly before walking away without looking back.

“So, does anypony have an idea?” Twilight asked.

A wide, rapid running river blocked their way. There was no bridge in sight, nor any way to ford it without being dragged by the current.

“Oh! Oh! Pick me! Pick me!” Phil jumped excitably.

She was tempted to ask somepony else, but he did get them through their previous trial, so she gave him the benefit of the doubt.

“Yes, Phil?”

“Blitz can ferry us one by one across the river!” he proposed. Twilight blinked. That was actually a sensible, legitimate idea.

“Yeah, ain’t happening,” grumbled the cyan pegasus, nursing a black eye. “That manticore really battered me up. I don’t think I can carry that much weight.”

“And you, Butterscotch?” Twilight asked.

“Oh, uh, I barely managed to carry you back there, and Blitz was doing the lion’s share of the job… Sorry. Please don’t be mad,” he hurriedly added.

“See?” Blitz snarked. “We wouldn’t be in this problem if you went to the gym.”

Twilight sat down and scrunched her face while she tried to come up with a solution. Surely, there was a way out of this… If only that damned crying would stop!

Wait.

Crying?

“Do you guys hear that?” Twilight asked.

Elusive pointed towards the river. “My word!”

Indeed, in the middle of the rapids, an enormous purple sea serpent wailed, tossed and turned like a filly that had been sent to her room without any ice-cream.

“Oh, what a world, what a world!” he cried desperately. “What a cruel, cruel world we must live in, that crimes against fabulosity can go unpunished!”

“All right,” Rainbow Blitz began muttering conspiratorially, “Phil, Butters, you guys distract him; I’ll flank him by the right while Applejack spears him by the left. Twilight, you use your fancy magic to blind him, while Elusive—hey, why did you cut off your tail? Eh, never mind, you can use it like a garrote to strangle him… Or, you know, replace his cut-off moustache. Whatever.”

“You know, my dear,” the white unicorn began airily, “while I agree that murder is usually the best solution” – Twilight did a double take. Celestia, that got dark quickly – “it’s not the only solution. Diplomacy can often achieve the same goals.”

“Whooo! Tailless twins!” Phil cheered, wagging his newly-shortened tail happily at Elusive. The white unicorn promptly ignored him.

“Oh, thank you so much, thank you, thank you, thank you!” squealed the sea serpent, twirling his new purple moustache with delight. “Why, you have restored Steven Magnet’s honour, my good sir! Is there anything I can do for you?”

“My good, err, sea serpent, you could perhaps help us cross these rapids? We’re on a quest, you see.”

“Oh! I loooove adventures! Oh, if only I could join you,” Steven Magnet sighed with a flourish. “Alas, I’ll do everything in my power to aid you. Hop on in!” he said, diving into the water and forming a makeshift bridge with his body.

“See?” Elusive waggled his eyebrows at them. “Let’s not waste any more time, my dears,” and moved aside to let the rest go before him.

Once they had crossed the river, however, Steven Magnet raised his head and addressed Elusive.

“This is for you.” He handed him a small piece of water-resistant paper.

“Oh? What’s this?” Elusive asked.

“My number,” Magnet winked flirtily.

“... Oh.”

“Elusive and the gay sea serpent, riding down a river, K-I-S-S-I-N-G~!” Phil happily sang as he bounced.

“My dear, I thought we agreed to never speak of this again,” Elusive answered flustered.

“I agreed to nothing! Not this, nor the play park rules, nor the Canterlot Conventions! Rules are for sissies!” Phil replied in his sing song voice.

“My barn door doesn’t even swing that way!”

“Are you sure?”

Elusive rolled his eyes. “Yes.”

“Okay.”

A beat.

“But are you really, really, really sure?”

“Yes!”

“Okay, okay, dude, take a chill pill.”

A beat.

“But are you super duper undeniably completely positively undoubtedly irrevocably sure?”

“Phil, I will strangle you in your sleep.”

“I’d like to see you try~!” he said in a sing-song voice, smiling mirthfully.

“Guys! Look!” Twilight interrupted them. “There it is! King Solaris’ Castle!”

What once was a proud castle was no more. Towers and turrets had fallen apart into mountains of rubble, and what stone still stood was rotten and covered with moss. The gates had crumbled, as well as most of the vaulted ceiling it had once had. Still, the vague outline of the building could still be seen.

“Or what’s left of it, anyway,” she added.

“Drawbridge is gone, though,” Applejack muttered, walking towards the castle and noticing the steep ravine between them and the ruins.

“You don’t think Elusive’s boyfriend can help us again?” Blitz mused.

“I hate you guys so much.”

“Rainbow, perhaps there might be some sort of rope bridge on the other side?” Butterscotch suggested.

“That would be awfully convenient,” Phil said.

Applejack rolled his eyes. “Got any better ideas, Phil?”

“Well, besides running towards the ravine and hoping we grow wings instead of dying gruesomely when we hit the bottom, I’ve got nothing,” he shrugged.

“Rope bridge it is, then,” Twilight decided hurriedly, before the pink weirdo actually tried it.

“You guys wait here,” said Blitz. “I’ll go check it out.”

Flaring his wings, he shot across the ravine.

Then, nothing happened.

“... So now what?” Twilight asked.

“Now, we wait.” Applejack sat down.

Rainbow Blitz landed with a groan.

Make that two broken ribs, all right. He subconsciously caressed his black eye. Two broken ribs and a black eye. Crazy unicorn. And I thought Gilda liked it rough…

He shrugged off the pain, and looked around.

Indeed, as the gates had collapsed, there was no longer anything remotely resembling its prior drawbridge. However, two large monoliths standing near the cliff’s edge had a rope tied around it. He glanced, and noticed that, indeed, there was a rope bridge hanging down his side of the cliff. He’d just have to dive to grab the other end and tie it up at the other side, where his friends awaited. Easy peasy.

Awfully convenient, as well.

Really? He raised his eyebrow, before shrugging. Eh, you don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. He suddenly stopped. I’m pretty sure that’d be slavery, though. What's up with that saying?

“Rainbow Blitz…” a mare’s voice came from behind him.

He turned sharply.

“Who’s there?!”

Only silence answered.

“Show yourself!”

The fog hid the speaker.

“I ain’t afraid!” he exclaimed defiantly, and he was only 10% lying. That was a good enough stat, he reasoned.

“We have been waiting for you, Rainbow Blitz.” Out of the fog, three pegasus ponies galloped towards him. Wearing black and purple spandex like a uniform, they reminded Blitz of the Wonderbolts.

“Really?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, yes. Your fame precedes you, Rainbow Blitz. You truly are a prod—”

“No, I meant, have you really been sitting here in the middle of nowhere, right in front of the creepiest ruins in the whole continent, just waiting for me to appear, for days and days on end, instead of training and performing and whatnot? If you wanted to recruit me, you could have just sent me a letter.”

The front mare blinked.

“Just sayin’.”

With a shake of her head, the mare recovered her composure. “Be as it may, we are the Shadowbolts. We are the greatest racing team in the Everfree area, and soon, we’ll be the greatest of all of Equestria. Not even the Wonderbolts will be able to hold a candle to us. But for that, we’ll need a captain. And who better than the greatest, most magnificent, swiftest and bravest flyer of all the land?”

Rainbow Blitz stared at them.

“... That’s you.”

He just kept staring at them.

“... If we hadn’t been clear, I mean.”

For a long, long time.

“... Sooo… do you accept, or… or what?”

No sell.

The mare fidgeted uncomfortably.

And then, Rainbow Blitz took a deep breath and finally spoke.

“Look, no offense if you’re the real deal… But let’s lay down the facts: First, you said you’ve been waiting for me here, yet that is impractical beyond reason as I have already pointed out. Second: literally nopony lives in the Everfree forest. So, when you call yourselves ‘the best in the Everfree area’ that means that either A) there’s no competition whatsoever, so it’s meaningless, or B) you’re bullshitting. Third: yes, I’m awesome. I’m the best flyer to ever grace the lands of Equestria, I know. BUT, and this is a BIG BUT! I’m twenty. I mean, Spitfire is a flying prodigy too, and she made her first show at twenty three, and I was barely getting into puberty by then. So, for now, I’d rather just practice and practice so I can get the best I can before I go into the stage. And last, but not least: you sound like an edgy thirteen year old’s Wonderbolts rip-off. So, yeah, try again, Night King.”

The mare stared at him with a detached expression. And when she spoke, what came out of her mouth was the low, masculine growl of the usurper.

“I wonder if your blood is also rainbow coloured,” and bared her teeth. “I’ll delight in shedding it.”

Rainbow Blitz smirked.

“We’ll see about that, bitch.”

And with a gust of wind, the ‘Shadowbolts’ disappeared from existence.

Yeah, that’s what I thought, you pussy.

“You’ve got a seven?” asked Butterscotch.

Applejack yawned. “Go fish.”

“Are you guys not worried about Rainbow Blitz?” Twilight asked, before turning towards the chasm with apprehension. What if something happened to him? Or… Or perhaps he abandoned us? A feeling of dread grew in her gut.

“Missy, Rainbow may be an obnoxious fella, all right… But he never leaves anypony hangin’,” Applejack said kindly. Then he turned towards Elusive. “Ya got a nine?”

“I’ve got a bridge!” Rainbow Blitz called as he pierced the fog, holding one end of the rope bridge in his mouth.

“Rainbow Blitz!” Twilight exclaimed, relieved.

“Sorry for the tardiness, guys!” He said, landing and starting to tie up the rope bridge to this side’s stone monoliths.

“And not a moment too soon, my dear,” Elusive said, “I was losing, anyway.”

“What took ya so long?” Applejack asked Blitz.

“The Night King? More like the Wimp Bitch. He tried to deceive me and win me over to leave you guys behind, but I’d never leave my friends hanging!”

The rest of the gang, with Blitz leading the way, started crossing the newly-repaired bridge. Applejack walked next to Twilight, and whispered in her ear.

“Told ya.”

Twilight couldn’t contain a gasp when they entered what had once been the castle’s great hall.

Half of its vaulted roof had collapsed, its banners were tattered, its pillars cracked and the floor mossy; overgrown bushes adorned the hall, filling it with a scent of dirt and wet earth. And still it was one of the most magnificent buildings she had ever set hoof on.

Perhaps its own ruined state contributed to the atmosphere of reverence it caused. Once, this was the capital of all ponykind. A thousand years later, and it’s a broken ruin. Time is truly inexorable, she reflected with a hint of melancholy. But even then… There was so much to see! This place was a live museum! She felt giddy at just the thought.

“This place is amazing,” muttered Elusive, eyeing the banners in particular, trying to discern the designs they once so proudly sported. “Perhaps I could try this pattern of stitching…?”

“It’s a mix of different pony architecture styles!” exclaimed Twilight with sparkles in her eyes. “The pillars are clearly Ancient Unicornian, the ribbed vault style is from Prance, the stained glass windows are from Herdmany, the silk of the tapestries is from Hayzantium...!” she gushed, jumping from place to place all across the hall. “There’s so much to see! So much to learn! Oh, I wonder if this place’s library is still usable…”

“Yeah, that’s cool and all, but aren’t those the Elements of Harmony?” Phil pointed out towards the centrepiece of the room.

“What?”

Among the debris, growing like a stone tree, rose an elaborate pedestal which held five perfect spheres.

“One, two, three, four, five…” Phil counted, then frowned. “Uh, Houstomp? We’ve got a problem. There’s only five here.”

“The Reference Guide said that when the five elements are present, ‘a spark will cause the sixth element to be revealed’... Whatever the hay that’s supposed to mean.” Twilight deflated. So close... yet so far.

“What are you going to do, Twilight?” asked Butterscotch, always so quiet.

“I was thinking of poking the rocks with my horn. Y’know, see what happens,” she snarked sarcastically, then promptly felt awful after he flinched. “I’m sorry, Butterscotch… it’s just… It’s so frustrating to be here, after all we’ve endured, with the Elements right in front of us… And I don’t know what to do. I know just as much as I did when we left the library.” She looked down to the floor. Was it all just a wild goose chase?

“Don’t worry, Missy. Ya’ll find a way,” Applejack said, then looked at the rest. “All right, fellas, let’s give the missy some space! She’s the smart one, after all. We’ll guard the entrances. If what Blitz said was true, the Night King is lurkin’ around ‘ere, so be ready fer a fight.”

The plan was tactically sound, and Twilight was sure that, had the Night King charged into the hall, her companions would have managed to stop him, or at least they would have held him off for long enough for her to find out what they needed to defeat him once and for all.

Yet, the plan depended on the Night King entering through one of the doors.

He didn’t.

One instant, Twilight was carefully analyzing the Elements of Harmony. The next second, a fog of darkness slammed on her like a stalker on its prey.

She could discern out the faint yells of the other guys before everything went black.

Sound was the first sense that came back to her, a soft, low hum cutting through the dark.

Am I dead? She felt like she was floating in a vast ocean of darkness.

Next came smell. Rain, wet earth, trees, dirt and dust.

No, I’m not dead. I’m… Where am I? Am I still at the castle? She tried to move, but found out she couldn’t.

Then, touch came. The dark started constricting her, turning and revolving on itself like slithering snakes. She tried to gasp for air, but the pressure was so oppressive she couldn’t breathe; she tried screaming, but it was in vain, for she couldn’t even open her mouth. She was encased in darkness, and was completely helpless against it.

And then, with a flash of light, sight came to her.

Twilight then noticed four things:

First, she was bound and gagged by the fog that had heralded the Night King’s arrival back at Ponyville, wrapped from the tip of her hooves to the tip of her nose.

Second, her horn was also wrapped in the dark fog, preventing her from using magic.

Third, she was still somewhere in the ruined castle.

And fourth, the Night King was standing right in front of her, looking at his prisoner with an amused expression, his mismatched eyes boring into her.

“I thought you were a smart pony. Smart ponies don’t try to overthrow their rulers.”

“Mmphh!”

“Come again?” he mocked her, before shrugging almost imperceptibly. Like snakes, the darkness that constricted her loosened up and retracted, freeing her mouth. Twilight gasped for air, shakily. “Tell me, my little pony, who are you?”

To say that Twilight was terrified would be an understatement. But regardless, swallowing her fear, she pressed on. For the Princess. For Equestria.

“I– I’m Twi– Twilight Sparkle. I’m the Princess’s– Princess Celestia’s personal protégé.”

The Night King snorted contemptuously. “‘Personal protégé’? Is that what she calls it, now?”

“W-what do you mean?”

“She always had a thing for young fillies such as you. She tried to explain it away, to make up excuses, create fake titles and roles to post her favourites. They invariably gave themselves up to use her for power and profit, and drove the realm to ruin… But it was always the same. Tell me, then. Are you her favourite?”

“I… I…”

“You really have no idea what I mean, do you?”

“I– I don’t know…”

“Then let me be blunt. Are you her whore?”

“W-what?! No!”

“Did she force herself unto you?” he spat at her. “Tie you down to the bed while she fucked you with her horn?”

“W-what?! What are you talking about?!”

He rolled his eyes. “An unorthodox act, to be sure… But one she always enjoyed. Perhaps she found pleasure in the pain of others. Or perhaps she just wanted to have a cock. Maybe she envied me.”

“Y-you envied her.”

The Night King’s gaze was inscrutable, but his red eye flashed dangerously. “Really, now?”

“You envied her!” Twilight repeated forcefully. “You envied how much ponies adored her and her sun, while your nighttime was ignored and unappreciated!”

He chuckled softly, shaking his head. “And who, exactly, told you that? From whom did you listen to that version of the story?”

“I… I read it in a book…” she muttered, suddenly painfully aware of how pathetic she sounded.

“A book!” he barked a scornful laugh. “What are books but written words, and ones that can lie just as easily as their author? Pity, I thought you were smart. I thought you could see through the veil of deceit that is the so-called knowledge. Damned lies, the lot of them,” he snorted. “Princess Celestia! What a joke of a monarch. A simpering fool, a weak-willed filly who had far more power on her hooves that she could ever pretend to wield, who had more power on her blood than she was worthy of. We were Gods, born to rule, and yet she gave herself up to petty tyranny and despicable pleasures. She was nothing but a misbehaved brat, whose misrule threatened to topple what our father, great King Solaris, had built from scratch. She had swiftly turned into the worst ruler this land had ever seen, sycophants and crooks whispering in her ears for their own personal gain. And she never stopped them. And why would she? They were enabling her. Feeding her vanity. Telling her how great and powerful she was. And, stupid as she was, she actually believed them. And Equestria bled for it.”

The Night King sneered, looking down at her. He was growing more and more irate with each word that left his mouth.

“Tell me, Twilight Sparkle, during your history lessons, did she ever mention the countless serfs’ revolts against her tyranny? The palatial intrigue that furthered her own despotism, removing any and every check her power had? The feudal anarchy she fostered to grow her own personal power base, turning our generals against each other and weakening Equestria for generations? The genocidal war against Griffonia because they called her fat? Tell me, how many ponies have suffered because of her pettiness and short-sightedness? How many have died because of her pride and her vanity? How many ponies were lost forever in the Crystal Empire because she couldn’t be bothered to stop fucking her little whores to honour her oaths and help those in need?! Tell me, do you think she fucking cared about any of that?! Do you think she cared about the countless lives she destroyed!? Do you think she lost any sleep over the consequences of her actions?! Does she, even now?! NO! SHE NEVER DID! SHE NEVER WILL! SHE’S NEVER CARED ABOUT ANYTHING BUT HERSELF!”

After a few deep breaths, the Night King sighed, recovering his composure. When he spoke again, his voice sounded shaken.

“No. Of course she didn’t care. And no amount of innocent blood could ever change that. It all depended on me. Equestria itself, peace, stability and harmony, they all depended on me. I was Equestria’s only hope… War was my only hope... and the Bitch defeated me.”

Twilight was at a complete loss of words. She was reeling at what he had just said.

Revolts? Anarchy? War?

All Celestia’s fault?

He was lying. He had to be lying! Not a single word of what he had said made any sense to her. Princess Celestia, the Princess Celestia she knew, that had fostered her, taught her everything Twilight knew, was a kind, caring pony. She valued every life as precious, no matter how unimportant it might be. How could she ever let ponies die, whatever the reason? How could she ever be so malicious to seek their deaths? How could she ever be so callous to do so without the blink of an eye?

She couldn’t, Twilight knew deep inside her. He is lying. That is NOT Princess Celestia.

She forced herself to speak, to stand up for her mentor. “But… But you want the night to last forever. You said it yourself!”

“It was a metaphor, you mewling imbecile," he said, staring at her with contempt. "A statement of a new era, ruled by the King of the Night rather than the Bitch of the Sun."

"Then... why did you rise against her, if not for envy?"

The Night King sighed, still shaking slightly from his earlier outburst. "Envy is a great motivation... That much is true. But so is desperation. The desperation of seeing how everything and everypony you’ve known and loved are falling apart, attacked, destroyed and killed, and you’re helpless to do anything to stop it. Why? Because your bitch sister has sidelined you into irrelevance and couldn’t be bothered to help. That is why I rose up against her: a monarch who doesn’t stand up for the people is no monarch at all. I sacrificed everything I had left to free Equestria from her tyranny, to save it from the terrible evils she had released. What do I care about ponies liking the sun more than the night sky?” he snarled. “What would I even win if the night lasted forever, other than famine and a harsh, eternal winter? What sort of a vain, egomaniacal moron would do such a thing, or even care about such trivial things?” The Night King rolled his eyes acidly. “Hmm, write what you know, Celestia, write what you know; you always treasured how ponies loooooved your sun. I care not for the adoration of the sheep. I care for stability and justice. True harmony.” He closed his eyes, then adopted a silly, mocking voice: “Oh, but I’m sad, and jealous of my pretty sister and how much everypony loved her and how much better she is than me, so I turned evil to become the sole subject of the people’s love!” His tone darkened again. “Oh, how simple you make it sound.”

He closed in on Twilight, before snarling on her face.

“Open your eyes, girl. Your entire life is a lie. This is not a filly’s tale. This is real life. You’re nothing but a foolish, misguided little girl way over her own head, playing a game whose rules you can’t even begin to fathom. And you’ve lost.”

Not… Not yet. She struggled against her binds unsuccessfully. She could still snatch a victory from the jaws of defeat. There was still hope. Lying on the floor behind the Night King...

“The Elements of Harmony…” she couldn’t help herself from muttering.

He heard her.

“What, you mean these rocks?” he rolled his eyes. “Useless, the lot of them. They’re better off as gravel,” he sentenced, powering up his horn and blasting the Elements into oblivion with a beam of raw power.

“NO!” Twilight screamed helplessly. And yet, she could have tried drying up the seas with a towel for all the good it did her. Bitter tears of defeat started swelling in her eyes.

Her last chance, destroyed.

I failed.

Everypony, I failed you.

“Tears? No, there’s no need for tears,” the Night King muttered, all the acid hatred washed away and replaced by a venomously paternalistic tone as he walked towards her. “This is for the best, you’ll see. Despite everything, you’re a smart girl. I can see as much. Your fanaticism for your princess has blinded you, that’s all. But it’s of no matter. You’re young. You can still learn. You will learn.”

His face was far too close to Twilight’s own, his red eye wild as fire and his blue one cold as ice, both of them screaming danger.

“I will make sure about that.”

*thud*

“Hello there.”

The Night King turned on his heel. Standing in an attack position stood Applejack, Phil Pie, Butterscotch, Elusive and Rainbow Blitz.

Applejack spoke.

“Now, Ah’ll only say this once, so ya better listen up! Step away from the missy, now.”

The Night King rolled his eyes.

“Fucking peasants. They never quite know their place.”

“Guys! The elements! He destro—mmphh!” The shadows gagged her again, interrupting her.

“Then we’ll stop him the old-fashioned way, even if it’s the last thing we do,” growled Blitz.

The Night King smirked.

“We’ll see about that, bitch,” he echoed.

The dark stallion flared his wings. Tendrils of dark magic shot out from them like tentacles, frantically turning and twisting, in the stallions’ directions.

“Scatter!” ordered Phil, as he dived out of the tendrils’ way. The rest of the stallions got away just in time, shadow tendrils following and harassing them.

Butterscotch wasn’t so lucky.

The butter yellow pegasus was thrown back against the stone wall, smashing through it and knocking him out cold.

Applejack charged at the knight, spear at the ready, evading the shadow tentacles. Once he had almost reached him, however, the Night King vanished with a flash of light.

The farmpony stopped in his tracks, confused.

“What the—AGH!” he screamed in pain as a tendril smashed itself against his back, making his legs buckle underneath him and throwing him against the stone floor.

Applejack hadn’t managed to reincorporate himself before a tendril wrapped around one of his backhooves and lifted him easily, like he was just a feather.

“Woah! Help!”

“I got you!” shouted Rainbow Blitz, zooming swiftly and tackling Applejack out of the tendril’s grip. However, given his previous injures, Blitz lost control with the impact and fell to the floor with a yelp.

The Night King capitalised on his enemy’s injury, enveloping him with his magic and lifting him high in the air before slamming him against the stone floor, over and over again. Rainbow shrieked in agony as more and more of his ribs cracked.

“Could you please stop that?” Phil asked the Night King, popping right in front of him.

“What the—” he swiped at him with his forehooves.

“You’re being a meany pants!” he added, now standing in the knight’s back.

“Stop that!”

“Make me,” Phil grinned, before starting to tinker on the Night King’s back armour, loosening plates and straps. With an enraged roar, the usurper took to the skies, attempting to get rid of his hijacker with a barrel roll, but only pieces of his criniere fell; the pink menace was no longer on top of him.

A spell hit him in the side; turning, he saw the white unicorn staring at him, a pathetic petrified stick held aloft.

“Over here!”

The Night King didn’t reply. He didn’t need to. He dived towards the foolish stallion with all his might.

To Elusive’s credit, he held his ground bravely as a veritable tank of edged plate armour sped towards him. He took a deep breath, and braced for impact.

Time slowed down for the white unicorn.

*snap*

The branch broke instantly when it made contact with the Night King’s armour.

Elusive felt his stomach drop.

“Oh dear.”

And just as suddenly, the instant was gone, and Elusive was swept off his feet by the usurper’s charge with a yell of agony.

He rolled across the floor, before coming to rest face up. Dazed, he opened his eyes.

The Night King was right on top of him, armoured forehooves ready to stomp down on his face.

“Not the face!” he shrieked, preparing for his demise.

Fortunately for him, Butterscotch had come back into the fray, tackling the Night King with all his might and throwing him off Elusive.

The shy, mild mannered butter pegasus then proceeded to wail on savagely on the usurper’s face, roaring a primal war-cry as his punches dented inwards the alicorn’s chanfron.

“Quick! Before he gets up!” Elusive screamed at his companions.

Applejack didn’t need to be told twice; after being sidelined by Rainbow’s tackle, he had been busy fending off the dark tendrils with his spear. He jumped against the Night King’s body, but despite being held down by a savage pegasus, he was not defenseless. A shadow tentacle slammed against Applejack’s face, knocking him down to the floor.

With a roar, the Night King grabbed Butterscotch out of him with his magic, before throwing him against Elusive. Both ponies smashed with each other and fell to the ground.

“Mphh! Mmphh!” Twilight tried to call out to Phil and Blitz, but the former was keeping watch over the latter.

“Come on, Blitzie! How many fingers do I have here?” he waved his pink hoof in front of the cyan pegasus’s face.

“What are fingers…?” Blitz coughed up blood. “Ohh, that’s not good…”

“Mmphhhh!”

“Huh?” Phil turned towards Twilight. “Oh, right!” He galloped towards her, trying to untie her, but a tendril snatched him just before he managed to reach her, pulling him back towards the fray.

Elusive, Butterscotch, Applejack and Phil were held in the air by the Night King’s shadow tentacles. The only pony left free was Rainbow Blitz, and he was in no form to stand up and fight.

And yet, he stumbled back onto his hooves, red, bright blood dripping out of his mouth.

“Not rainbow coloured. How dull,” the Night King mused. “Yield, moron, and I promise I will make this painless.”

“It’s… It’s just a flesh wound…” Rainbow wheezed.

“Yield, for your friends’ sake,” he sentenced, his tendrils fully wrapping each of the stallions, ready to asphyxiate them at will.

“I fight for my friends’ sake. What do you fight for?” he coughed up.

“I fight for Equestria. I fight for justice. I fight for everlasting peace. If thousands have to die today so millions do not have to die tomorrow, it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”

A shadow tendril shot towards the cyan pegasus. He couldn’t even put up a struggle as it enveloped him with ease.

And then, they started to constrict.

This was not a battle: it was nothing but a drawn-out execution, a petty game to amuse the Night King, Twilight realised with dread. She did the only thing she could do, given her state.

She started to cry.

Tears for Equestria, which would never know harmony and peace ever again, despite what lies the Night King proclaimed.

Tears for Celestia, trapped to burn forever in the sun, with no stars to aid her escape.

Tears for all the fillies and colts, who would live fearful lives, oppressed under the hoof of tyranny.

Tears for herself, who had been trusted by the Princess to rise to the occasion, only to fail so miserably.

But most importantly, tears for the five squirming stallions whose lives were held in the Night King’s grasp. The five foolish stallions who had, against all reason, decided to follow her down this dangerous path, and would now pay with their lives.

They had families, Twilight realised. Apple Bloom. The white little filly that Elusive had comforted after the alicorn’s arrival. Phil apparently had sisters, too, for what little she understood at his rant in the library. Her folly had led to their brothers’ demise. How could they ever forgive her? How could she ever forgive herself?

I didn’t want this to happen. She cried bitterly. I don’t want my friends to die because of me. I don’t want this, I don’t want this, I don’t—

Something clicked in her brain.

And then, it all made sense.

The spark lit up in her heart.

The Night King must have surely felt it too, as he turned his gaze away from the cocooned and slowly dying stallions to look at her.

“What are you doing?”

“You think you can destroy the Elements of Harmony just like that?” Twilight asked, a newfound confidence in her voice. She barely even noticed how the shadows had retracted from her mouth. “Well, you’re wrong. The Elements are not some old rocks in the middle of nowhere. They’re magical entities. And they’ve been right here all along.”

The Night King raised an eyebrow.

“What?” he asked threateningly.

“Applejack, who reassured me when I was in mortal danger and in doubt, is the Element of Honesty!” and, right on cue, one of the cocoons of darkness lightened up with an orange hue from within. The Night King turned towards it, taken by surprise. Twilight allowed herself to smile softly. “Butterscotch, who showed us that compassion and kindness achieve far more than violence, is the Element of Kindness!” His cocoon lightened up in yellow. Yes! It’s working! “Phil Pie, who laughed in the face of adversity and horror, is the Element of Laughter!” a small squeal came from what Twilight presumed was Phil’s cocoon, along with a bright pink light. “Elusive, who calmed the sorrowful sea serpent by giving him a part of himself, is the Element of Generosity! And Rainbow Blitz, who scorned your offers of fame and glory, no matter how much he did desire them, just to stick with us, is the Element of Loyalty!” All five cocoons were now held aloft by themselves, shining like beacons of hope in the darkest night. “It was these stallions’ spirit that allowed us to traverse whatever obstacle you threw at us!”

The Night King was clearly unsettled, his eyes darting from cocoon to cocoon, each of them shining an ardent radiance. Yet somehow, he still managed to keep a detached expression.

“And the Sixth Element? You don’t have it. A nice speech, but your words were wasted. There was no spark.”

Twilight allowed herself to smirk, satisfaction overflowing her as she proved her captor wrong. “There was. A different kind of spark, however. I felt it repeatedly throughout tonight, when you guys showed me time and time again how much you appreciated me despite my nastiness and aloofness. I felt it when you came to rescue me. And I felt it when my heart broke at the idea of losing you guys forever… Because you are my friends. And you see, Night King,” she said with scorn, “when those elements are ignited by that spark, the spark that resides in all of our hearts, the spark of friendship, the sixth element is revealed: the Element… of Magic!”

And then, she started to glow.

The flashes of light intensified, glimmering under the night like a midnight sun.

The Night King opened his mouth to scream, but not a single sound came out, his silhouette slowly disappearing against the ever growing light.

And Twilight, too, felt herself fade away into the blinding white.

Ugghhh… My head…

“Yo, Twilight!” came a deep male voice from somewhere above her.

Huh…?

“You alright?”

Twilight slowly opened her eyes, and couldn’t help but smile at the sight that greeted her.

All five of her friends were standing around her, looking down at the mare lying flat on her back.

“... G-guys? Did… did we win?”

“Ah sure hope so, because Granny is gonna kill me if we died,” Applejack said darkly.

“How would that even be possible?” asked Butterscotch softly.

“That pony has her ways, Ah tell ya,” the farmpony shuddered.

Twilight looked at each of her friends, one by one. Applejack looked tired, but alright. Rainbow Blitz looked none the worse to wear, his grimace of pain replaced by a look of utter satisfaction. Phil was grinning widely as always, while Elusive smiled reassuringly at her. Butterscotch was fidgeting slightly, but he too seemed happy. All of the wounds they had suffered were gone.

“Rainbow, your wounds…”

“Gone. Dunno how, but I ain’t complaining.” He shrugged. Even his black eye was missing. “I was not looking forward to Nurse Redheart’s nagging.”

“What happened?” Twilight asked, rubbing her head as she sat up.

“I’m not sure,” Butterscotch tried to answer. “One instant, we were being asphyxiated by the Night King’s darkness, and the next… we were laying on the floor.”

“And wearing these interesting pieces of jewelry, too,” Elusive added. “Your tiara is lovely, by the way.”

Tiara? Twilight raised her hooves towards her head, and sure enough, a soft, warm metal received her touch.

“It looks just like your cutie mark, too!” piped in Phil. Twilight gazed at his necklace.

“And your necklace too!”

“And my necklace too!” he agreed without missing a beat.

“But… how?” Twilight asked after a moment’s consideration.

“How, indeed,” a soft porcelain voice interjected. With a start, they all turned to gaze at its source.

Standing at the entrance of the hall, wings flaring, ethereal mane moving as if touched by an invisible breeze, stood Princess Celestia herself. The marble white alicorn exuded elegance and dignity, even if her coat was singed and her countenance haggard.

The five stallions instantly bowed.

“Princess Celestia!” Twilight ran towards her, hugging her fiercely.

“Twilight Sparkle, my faithful student,” said the Princess, returning the hug. “I knew my faith in you was not misplaced.”

They broke the embrace. Twilight took a step back, tears pricking her eyes. “But… but you told me off. To stop worrying about a silly tale. I don’t understand.”

“Did you really think so low of me to believe I wouldn’t take into consideration your advice?” Celestia laughed with a heavenly, motherly voice. “I told you to make some friends, and indeed, you did. I knew you were the chosen one to reveal the Elements of Harmony, but all that potential could not be unleashed and become a power of good if you didn’t open your heart to the magic of friendship. For, despite everything, this particular mission was out of my reach. But I knew you could do it. Even as I endured the torture of the sun, I believed in you. And I was not mistaken,” she said, looking at the five grinning stallions in the room.

After a few moments, she sighed, the smile finally leaving her face, sorrow and grief taking their place. “Now, if only another will open his heart as well. Prince Artemis.”

She turned towards the lone, unnoticed alicorn stallion sitting by the window.

Slowly, he turned towards them, gaunt and with his mismatched eyes sunken and stripped of their menace. His dark blue coat was unkempt, and his nebulous sapphire star-studded mane was matted and limp.

“Sister,” he said simply, his expression indecipherable.

“Brother. It’s been far too long.”

“A thousand years, if my calculations do serve me well.”

“It is time to put aside our differences. We were made to rule together, brother. Will you accept my olive branch of friendship?”

A deaf silence took hold of the ruined hall. Nopony dared move a muscle.

Then, with a crack, Prince Artemis sobbed.

“I am sorry. I am so, so sorry,” he said to nopony in particular and everypony in general, tears running down his face. “But I was so, so angry… I felt helpless, useless, powerless… If I could not protect her, then what good was I?” he cried. “The Abyss… It offered me vengeance. It offered me power. I… I could not resist.”

Princess Celestia hugged her twin lovingly. The dam broken, Artemis started crying openly.

“I know. I know,” she cooed him.

“I have missed thee so much, sister,” he wept into his sister’s embrace.

“I’ve missed you too, brother,” she said softly, a single tear streaking down her face.

“Praise the Sun!” Phil screamed at the top of his lungs, standing in his hind hooves and raising his forehooves in a V position.

The return of sunlight was just cause for celebration, and the pink party pony had not spared any time in jumping straight into it.

Twilight couldn’t help but feel her heart warm at the sight of the same ponies who just hours ago were panicking and shivering in terror, laugh and play with no fear at all. Little Apple Bloom was playing catch with a few other fillies and colts, while Blitz and Applejack were drinking cider and chatting happily. Spike was pouring himself a soda; Butterscotch was sitting idly on a bench, just enjoying the party while accompanied by his white pet rabbit, and Elusive indulged his little sister and was dancing with her.

By all rights, she should feel just as elated as they did, but…

“Something on your mind, my faithful student?”

The Princess approached her, a soft smile on her lips.

“W-what? Why would you ask? I’m doing great!” the unicorn replied, with her best fake smile on her face.

“You look very glum. I would be a poor ruler, indeed, if I couldn’t tell how my little ponies are feeling.”

Twilight kept the fake smile a few more seconds, then sighed. “That’s the thing, Princess…” Twilight began to say, reluctant.

“Oh?”

“The Night King. He… he told me many terrible things about you. He told me that you used to be a terrible ruler. That you were vain. That you were a tyrant. That you didn’t care about your subjects’ lives...” she trailed off.

“And you’re wondering if there was any truth to his claims, are you not?” Celestia’s voice was inescrutable.

Ashamed, Twilight only nodded.

She feared the answer, and her anxiousness wasn’t helped by the flicker of red she thought she saw on the Princess’ right eye, even if she knew that it was just her mind playing tricks on her. After all he had told her, it was all too easy for Twilight to project the Night King’s cruel visage on Celestia, and the mere thought of it terrified her beyond words.

Celestia sighed.

“The Abyss makes a pony believe what they believe. It corrupted him, twisting his rage and grief until he could not tell the truth apart from his own consuming hatred.” Her voice was full of regret.

“What exactly is The Abyss?” Twilight asked, confused.

“Something I hope you never, ever, find out, my dearest Twilight.”

The unicorn turned her gaze towards the party, reflecting quietly, before softly asking one last thing.

“But… was there any truth to what he told me?”

The Princess paused for a moment, mulling on her answer.

“I’m not a perfect pony, Twilight, and I have never pretended to be. We all make mistakes. Some light. Some severe. We’re only equine. But the trick is to learn from your mistakes, atone for them, and strive to better yourself. I know I have.”

He was lying. I know it.

And I will prove it.

Twilight turned her gaze towards the town, still glum. For the most part, her concerns had been pacified… But there was still one thing that bothered her.

Five things, actually.

And the five were walking towards her, smiles in their faces, accompanied by Spike.

Celestia seemed to notice Twilight’s concern as well, because she softly asked her, “is there anything else in your mind?”

Twilight sighed, saddened.

“It’s just that… Do I have to go back to Canterlot, now?”

“Isn’t that what you wanted? To complete your quest so you can return to your studies in Canterlot?”

“I did; it’s just that... I… I never wanted any friends. I never thought I would need them. But…” she raised her head and gazed at the other five stallions, who were standing a few feet away from her. She smiled sadly. “But now I have five wonderful friends. And I don’t want to leave them.”

Celestia looked at Twilight, then at her friends. She smiled.

“In that case… Spike,” she called over to the baby dragon, “take a note.” At his ruler’s beckoning, the baby dragon stepped forward, parchment and quill on his claws. “I, Princess Sovereign Celestia of Equestria, hereby decree that the unicorn Twilight Sparkle shall now dedicate herself to the study of the magic of friendship. For this purpose, she will take up residence in the Golden Oak Library, in the town of Ponyville. She must report back to me her findings whenever possible.”

Twilight smiled widely as her friends cheered and surrounded her.

Yet, she still had one, single doubt.

“Princess… Is that even a legitimate field of scholarship?”

“Oh, my dear Twilight,” Celestia laughed, a heavenly and wonderful sound. “You should have realised by now that I can do whatever I please.”

Chapter 3: Magnet

Twilight had to admit it: Ponyville was, indeed, a very pleasant town. She hadn’t really noticed it the first day she’d been there, busy as she had been with the Night King’s imminent return, the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration, and viscerally hating every pony that got in her way. However, once free of the looming threat of everlasting doom, the quaint little hamlet had a rather halcyon, almost idyllic, atmosphere.

Ponies went on and about their lives, walking down the cobbled streets of the town. Some set up their stalls in the nearby market square for today’s sales, while others looked for groceries to buy. Others yet just sat on the benches, basking in the peaceful, calm ambient.

A wall-eyed grey pegasus mare was flying above, a mailmare’s bag across her torso. A white female unicorn bobbed her head at her giant headphones’ beat. A green mint unicorn with a lyre cutie mark was literally resting on her flank in a bench, comically contrasting with the tan, curly-maned earth pony next to her.

Twilight did a double take. Wait, is that Lyra? she wondered. Huh, guess Ponyville is a magnet for weirdos.

Like me.

Or these guys.

For, indeed, “weirdos” was the perfect word to describe her current company, her co-Bearers of the Elements of Harmony, and her very first friends.

And despite all that, she felt like she was right where she belonged hanging out with them.

Shining is sooo going to kill them, though. The overprotective brother by excellence, he’d buck anypony who he deemed was getting a bit too cozy with his baby sister straight into next month.

And that’s without bringing up the fact that they were all over at least two years older than her. But, then again, as the academic prodigy she was, Twilight was more than used to being the youngest of virtually every bunch she had ever been a part of. Even Moondancer, who, out of her acquaintances at the Academy, was the closest to her age, was two full years her senior. Twilight herself was entirely unbothered by their age gap, but Shining would probably have a fit.

He’d probably kill Butterscotch just with his glare, too, she thought, glancing at the timid butter pegasus, who was enjoying an iced tea.

About a week after that fateful night, the six were now having brunch, sitting in a round table at the Clover Café. It was one of the first times since then that all six of them could hang out together at the same time, what with Applejack’s farm work, Elusive’s fashion store, Rainbow Blitz weather patrol (and practice, and naps), Butterscotch’s animal care, and Phil’s whatever-he-felt-like-doing (mainly helping out at Sugarcube Corner, though he lacked any kind of schedule so it was highly irregular). For her part, Twilight, having taken residence at the town’s library, was now in charge of its upkeep and administration.

Which would be great if anypony actually bothered to go to the library, Twilight rolled her eyes internally as she sipped her cherry soda.

“How have you been adjusting to Ponyville, Twilight?” Butterscotch asked softly.

“It’s certainly different from Canterlot, but in a good way,” she smiled. “Canterlot always seemed a bit claustrophobic to me.”

Elusive frowned. “Claustrophobic? Why would you say that?”

“The spires, the towers, the apartments everywhere… I don’t know, it’s a bit dizzying. You can never see more than two blocks away before a building blocks your sight. And it’s always bustling with far more ponies that you can count.”

“But it’s a wonderful city! It’s the capital of Equestria itself! I doubt I could ever get tired of it,” the white unicorn said.

“You should see Cloudsdale!” interjected Blitz, before taking a sip of his cider. “Now that’s a city.”

“Let me grow wings and I’ll give you a call,” Twilight snarked good-naturedly.

Butterscotch mulled for an instant. “Well, there’s always alternatives for the non-pegasi. Balloon rides, carriages…”

“Oh! How about helicopters?” Phil chimed in. “I love helicopters!”

“I… don’t think so?” Butterscotch blinked. “Uhm… what’s a helicopter?”

“Eh, never mind, you guys aren’t ready for it yet,” the pink menace hoof-waved the question.

A pale yellow mare with a raspberry mane and a rose cutie mark walked past them, a spring in her canter and a blissful smile on her face. However, this particular pony’s passing did not go unnoticed by the stallions, who eyed her with suspicion. Twilight, confused, was about to ask them what was the matter, but Applejack spoke up first.

“That’s new,” he muttered.

“Yeah,” Blitz said with a confused frown. “What’s got her so happy?”

Elusive smirked with the face of somepony who knew exactly how the world was going to end. “Didn’t you hear? Rose seems to have a coltfriend now.”

Phil gasped in an extremely over the top way, eyes wide as saucers and jumping up from his seat. “No way!”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Is that… weird?”

“Well, Rose can be a… how to say it… difficult pony to deal with,” Elusive explained diplomatically.

“Yeah!” Phil agreed. “She’s no fun, always panicking and fretting and worrying about the silliest things!” Then he added quietly, muttering mostly for himself, “she does make pretty good flowers, tho.”

“An’ she’s rarely, if ever, seen without Lily and Daisy. Heck, for a time Ah thought they were in some sorta threeway relationship,” said Applejack with disapproval.

“And she can be very judgmental about things she doesn’t understand,” Butterscotch added softly.

“Which is pretty much everything,” Rainbow interjected nonchalantly, taking a sip of his cider.

Twilight turned her gaze towards the blissful mare as she put up her flower stand, a soft smile on her face. The unicorn frowned. “You guys make her sound like she’s a terrible pony.”

“Oh, my dear, of course she’s not,“ said Elusive. “She has some very redeeming qualities, for sur—”

“It’s just that we have never seen them,” Blitz interrupted yet again. Elusive rolled his eyes.

Twilight again turned her gaze at the earth pony. But she seems so happy… she reflected, then voiced her thoughts to her friends.

Elusive hummed. “Twilight, forgive me if I’m intruding, but have you ever had a special somepony?” He didn’t wait for an answer, though Twilight had none to give him. “That pony, right there, she’s in love. At this point, nothing can bother her, nor shake her out of her daze. You could tell her the universe is about to be destroyed unless she pays full attention to each and every single one of your words, and she would just smile at you and nod absentmindedly. You surely know what I’m referring to?”

“Uhhh…” Twilight was embarrased to admit that no, she didn’t. Or at least, she had never felt that way about a pony. Books, on the other hoof…

“Lay off the missy, Elusive. If she doesn’t wanna talk about it, then why should she?” Applejack interjected, not unkindly. Elusive shrugged, and took another sip of his tea.

“Gee, white-knighting much?” Rainbow rolled his eyes.

“No, Ah’m just sayin’ that we shouldn’t put her in the spot, that’s all,” the farmpony said nonchalantly. “How’d ya feel if we started askin’ about yer griffon girl?”

The pegasus nodded after a beat. “Point taken.”

“‘Griffon girl’?” Twilight asked, curious.

Blitz’s eyes widened, then glared at Applejack, who was smirking mischievously.

“Well played, Apple. Well played,” he muttered, then turned towards Twilight with a sigh. “Her name’s Gilda; she’s an old friend from Flight School, and we still keep in touch from time to time.”

“Yes, you certainly keep touching each other when you meet up,” Elusive hummed.

Rainbow, startled, got oddly defensive. “That’s not what I mean, and you know it! Butters, give me a helping hoof here!”

The butter pegasus gulped.

“Why, you know her?” Twilight inquired, her curiosity peaking. The plot thickens!

The speedster nodded. “Yeah, we were all together in Flight School!”

“Well, I… I always kinda thought you two were a thing. Sorry,” Butterscotch said with a flinch.

Phil smiled widely. “Aww, Rainbow Blitz has a griffon girlfriend! That’s so sweet! And weird. But sweet!”

“We’re not dating!”

“Sure thing, partner.”

“We’re just friends!” Rainbow paused for a beat. “With benefits.”

The whole table (minus Phil) groaned in unison.

“We didn’t need to know that!” Twilight facehoofed, uncomfortable with the openly sexual turn the conversation was taking.

“That’s unnatural!” Applejack frowned.

In contrast, Phil cheerfully exclaimed, “Sounds like fun! First Elusive and the gay sea serpent, and now you and a griffon! Love truly knows no boundaries!" he wiped a tear from his eye.

"You'll never let it go, won't you..." Elusive muttered glumly.

"Nope!" After a beat, Phil looked quizzically at Blitz. "How do you get around the beak, though, when it comes to—”

Applejack interrupted him forcefully. “Ah’m gonna stop ya right there. No. We don’t care, an’ neither do we wanna know.” The rest of the gang nodded, including a very flustered Rainbow Blitz. Applejack took a deep chug of his cider, then stood up. “Well, fellas, it’s been nice, but Ah’ve gotta go.”

“Do you really have to? It’s still very early,” Twilight observed, her ears dropping slightly.

“Ah’d love to stay, missy, but today’s Apple Bloom’s ninth birthday and Ah promised her Ah’d pick her up from school today,” he paused, then turned to Elusive. “Come to think of it, shouldn’t you go pick Sweetie Belle up, too?”

The white unicorn shrugged. “She went to Fillydelphia with my parents for the weekend and they’re due to arrive in about two days, so no.”

“Fair enough. See y’all later!” he waved his stetson at them, then turned and left towards the school.

Knowing his little sister, Applejack was expecting a bouncing, squealing, giggling filly, cheering that it was her birthday and the best day ever and all that.

He did not, however, expect to find a despondent, downcast Apple Bloom.

“What’s the matter, Apple Bloom?” Applejack asked, after a few minutes of awkward silence.

“Nothin’”, she answered laconically.

“Apple Bloom…”

“What?”

“Ya know Ah can tell when ya’re lyin’, right?”

“Ah’m not lyin’,” she lied blatantly.

Applejack sighed, then stopped to face his little sister. Lower lip quivering, eyes looking at the ground, ears drooped... heck, even her ribbon looked sad!

“Yes, ya are. Now, tell yer big brother what’s happenin’ before Ah tell Big Mac ya’re sad.”

Apple Bloom gulped. Big Mac, despite being a quiet, humble, and gentle pony, was a fearsome force to be reckoned when something, anything, upset his family.

“It’s just that…” she began, then trailed off.

“It’s just that...?” Applejack prodded.

“Miss Cheerilee taught us about cutie marks durin’ class today, an’ Diamond Tiara started makin’ fun of me for bein’ a blank flank...”

“Diamond Tiara? That’s Filthy Rich’s daughter, ain’t she?”

“Yeah, an’ she’s a mean bully!” Apple Bloom blurted out. And the dam came crashing down. “An’ she’s always braggin’ about how cool an’ special her cutie mark makes her but she’s the same mean pony she was back when she was still a blank flank an’ yet she’s actin’ so high an’ mighty like we’re all beneath her just because she’s got her cutie mark an’ it’s just not fair! It’s not fair!” she screamed, jumping up and down in frustration.

“Ya want me to talk with Mr. Rich or with Miss Cheerilee?” he offered.

“NO!” Applejack raised his eyebrow at his sister’s outburst. “Ah mean, it’s not that bad… An’ Ah can deal with it on mah own. There’s no, uh, need to get the grown-ups involved.”

“Ya sure?”

“Uh-huh,” the filly nodded.

Applejack wasn’t happy at all that they were makin’ fun of his little sister, but he trusted her, and there were fights she had to wage on her own. Doesn’t mean Ah’m happy about it… but she’s growin’, and she's gotta do this on her own.

But if Ah ever see her cryin’, Ah’ll start buckin’.

They continued their way towards the farm, the cobbled path turning into dirt under their hooves.

“Hey, Applejack…”

“Yeah, sis?”

“How old were ya when ya got yer cutie mark?”

“Older than ya, that’s fer sure.”

“Really?”

“Eeyup. It was eleven years ago, when Ah was eleven…”

Big Mac, with fifteen, was already a big mastodon of a stallion, but Ah was still scrawny and useless aroun’ the farm. Ya weren’t even born by then. And Ah was wonderin’, what exactly was my special talent? Ah couldn’t buck very well, cookin’ was as dull as a blunt axe, and Ah nearly burnt down the barn when Ah tried to help Pops when we remodeled it.

So Ah thought that maybe, mah future wasn’t on the farm. Crazy, right? Big Mac was gonna inherit the farm one day, and we didn’t really get along at all by then, so Ah didn’t really have that much of a place at Sweet Apple Acres.

So Ah asked Pops if Ah could go and try mah luck down in the big city, Manehattan, with our Uncle Orange. He wasn’t happy at first but he eventually relented, after Ah mentioned him that both of his brothers left the farm to make their own fortunes, while he, as the eldest, kept Sweet Apple Acres after Grandpa passed. So he gave me his hat as a keepsake, and off Ah went to Manehattan.

Ah won’t lie, sis. Manehattan was awful. Uncle and Aunt Orange were nice and acommodatin’ and all, but they’re city ponies. They tried to make me behave like a fancy schmancy Manehattanite, and boy did Ah hate every second of it.

Then Ah realised Ah wasn’t cut out for that life. Ah missed the farm, Ah missed Pops and Ma, Ah missed Granny, and yeah, Ah even missed Big Mac, though we hated each other’s apples by then. And as daybreak came, Ah saw a rainbow pointin’ towards Ponyville’s direction! An’ then Ah knew.

Ah knew Ah belonged on the farm, and Ah knew that mah destiny was there, no matter if Ah never actually owned the thing. Ah just needed mah family, an’ they needed me.

And when Ma and Pops hugged me back, bam! These three bad boys appeared on mah flank! Pops told me to keep the hat then, and Ah’ve been happily workin’ in the farm ever since, doin’ whatever needs to be done to help the family!

“So, ya see, Apple Bloom, cutie marks appear when they’re supposed to! They won’t appear before their time, but neither will ya be a blank flank forever. Ya’ll just have to wait and let life take its course,” Applejack concluded with a wise smirk.

“But Ah don’t want to wait! Ah want mah cutie mark now!”

“Ya didn’t listen to anythin’ of what Ah just said, did ya.” It wasn’t a question.

“Somethin’ about ya not havin’ yer cutie mark until ya were eleven! How could ya bear it? That sounds awful!”

Applejack facehoofed.

“Ah was just a late bloomer, that’s all! It’s nothin’ to be ashamed of; Big Mac got his when he was thirteen!”

“Why do ya say that like it’s meant to make me feel better?” Apple Bloom whined, “If anythin’, it just means Ah’ll be stuck as a blank flank for ages!”

“So what? What got yer jimmies all rustled today?”

“It’s mah birthday!” Apple Bloom said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

It wasn’t.

“... And?”

“An’ Ah want mah cutie mark!”

“... AND?”

“AN’ AH WANT IT NOW!” Apple Bloom pouted heart-wrenchingly at him, but after nine full years living with her, he had grown immune to her adorableness.

Applejack sighed.

“Look, if ya really want yer cutie mark, why not accompany me to sell apples tomorrow at the market square and—”

“THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!” Apple Bloom cheered.

“BUT! Ya’ll get yer mind outta cutie marks fer the rest of the day, and ya’ll enjoy yer birthday! Do Ah make mahself clear?”

“Sir, yes sir!” the filly saluted.

Next morning, brother and sister were installed with their cart displaying all sort of apple delicacies: homemade pies, some bottles of cider, and baskets upon baskets of apples.

“Now, listen here, Apple Bloom. We gotta sell at least two thirds of what we’ve got here. Think ya can do it?”

“Do ya doubt me?” Apple Bloom asked, full of swagger. Ah’m so gonna get mah cutie mark!

Applejack blinked with an unamused stare. “Yes,” he said flatly.

Apple Bloom blushed. “Well, don’t! Ah can do this, easy peasy lemon squeezy!”

“Don’t say that ever again, ya’re embarrasin’ the family,” Applejack winced at the lemon mention. After a beat, he added “well, at least it ain’t pears.” He shuddered.

However, as the hours passed, Apple Bloom didn’t feel any closer to getting her cutie mark. Sure, she had managed to sell some apples, but she had also blundered many, many other sales, and Applejack was looking at her with disapproval after coming to her rescue in her latest bungle as Bon Bon left with her bags full of apples and without paying a single bit for them.

Ah have to prove mahself! she thought with urgency. The next sell is a must!

She looked around the crowd, trying to pick up a pony to try a direct sales pitch.

“You, sir!” she yelled at a dark brown stallion with a closely cropped mane and a short, dark tail, an hourglass cutie mark, the largest ears Apple Bloom had ever seen, and a black, worn leather jacket. “Wanna buy some apples?”

The stallion looked at her askance. “No, thanks,” he said in a deep voice with a northern Trottish accent.

“Are ya sure?”

“Very sure.”

“But are ya really, really sure?”

“Yes,” he deadpanned.

“But why not? Ya know what they say, ‘an apple a day keeps the doctor away’!”

He blinked. “Are you trying to be funny?” he asked, raising one his eyebrows.

“Ah… no?” Apple Bloom answered taken aback.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me…” and he turned to leave.

Think, Apple Bloom, think! Ya gotta sell some darn apples to get yer cutie mark!

So she unleashed her secret weapon.

She dropped her ears, opened her eyes wide, and pouted at the stallion, trying to look as sad as she physically could.

“But are ya completely super duper absolutely fantastically sure?”

“Look,” he said, exasperated, turning around to face her. “I already told you tha—”

As soon as they made visual contact, the stallion was immediately paralysed; his eyes wide and unblinking as he stared at the filly’s own depths. No words left his mouth. No further steps were taken. They were hunter and prey, and he was completely at Apple Bloom’s mercy.

S-so… adorable... his agonizing voice resounded inside Apple Bloom’s mind.

Good. The nexus had been established successfully.

Buy some apples.

W-what?

Buy some apples!

N-n-nnno…

Buy. Some. Apples.

W-what are you?!He was terrified. Good. Good... She relished in his crippling fear, like a cat with a mouse in its claws.

Ah’m yer God now.

BUY.

SOME.

APPLES.

The stallion continued to resist futilely, his mind squirming, desperately trying to find a way out, but Apple Bloom knew he was a goner. His vital signs were going haywire.

He’d break.

Sooner or later.

Still, she stepped up her game.

After all, she didn’t have all day.

A single tear rolled down her left cheek.

*SPLAT!*

“AAAARGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH” The stallion howled in agony as one of his forehooves shot towards his chest, the rest of his legs buckling underneath him. His eyes widened and darted around in panic, as his breathing accelerated.

A strange golden aura started emanating from his hooves. The stallion, horrified, stumbled at full gallop towards an odd wooden blue box, the weirdest barn Apple Bloom had ever seen. He entered, shut the doors with all his might, and a few seconds later, the barn started fading from existence with a wheezing sound.

*Vwoorp! Vwoorp!*

And then it disappeared.

Apple Bloom blinked.

“What a strange stallion!” she remarked casually at her stunned brother, before returning to her job. “Apples! Come an’ buy some apples!”

In the end it seemed, however, that selling apples was not fated to be Apple Bloom’s special talent.

Applejack was staring at her with the most bemused face she had ever seen him wear.

“We’re never doin’ that again. Sorry sis, but apple sellin’ is not yer future.”

“But… How then am I supposed to get mah cutie mark?”

“Are ya seriously goin’ to keep up with that?”

“AH WANT MAH CUTIE MARK!” Apple Bloom pouted adorably.

Once again, no sell. “Try helpin’ Granny with the pies? Ah don’t know.”

“Sounds borin’. Oh! Ah could try helpin’ ya an’ Big Mac with the applebuckin’!” She cheerfully proposed.

“Sis, at this point the trees are more liable to buck the apples outta ya than ya at them,” Applejack rolled his eyes. “Go on, try the cookin’ with Granny. What’s the worst that can happen?”

As Apple Bloom sat in silence, fidgeting in the hospital’s waiting room, she found her answer.

Big Mac was stoically positioned in the seat right next to her.

“... So… Is Applejack goin’ to be alright?” Apple Bloom asked softly.

“Eeyup.”

“An’ Rainbow Blitz?”

“Eeyup.”

“An’ Caramel?”

“Nnope.”

“Why not?”

Big Mac stared at her blankly.

“He’s dead.”

“Oh.”

“Ya killed ‘im.”

“Right.”

“Ain’t like anypony’s gonna miss ‘im,” Big Mac said.

They never really liked him, anyway.

“But still. Cookin’ ain’t yer thin’, an’ that’s the most important part,” her elder brother sentenced.

“Ah know,” Apple Bloom sighed sadly.

*SLAM!*

“Is Rainbow Blitz going to be alright?!” wailed a high-pitched female voice.

The receptionist, a brown pegasus mare with a red mane, raised her sight from her trashy magazine to meet the intruder: a small, orange pegasus filly with a purple faux hawk mane and tail.

“And you are…?”

“I’m Scootaloo!” she yelled, like it actually meant something. Since it obviously didn’t, after a brief, awkward moment, the mare tried again.

“Are you related to Mr. Blitz?”

“I’m his number one fan!”

“... Right,” she said flatly.

“I heard he had been poisoned! I need to know how he’s doing! Is he awake? Will he be fine? Will he ever be awesome again?!” she shrieked like a madmare.

The receptionist blinked.

“Why don’t you take a seat?” she said politely, before returning her gaze to her Sheepony Daily. “They don’t pay me enough for this sh…” she grumbled under her breath.

The filly opened her mouth to protest, but after a second, just looked down sadly and walked over to the nearest seat.

Fate is inexorable.

Yet, despite everything, you cannot say that Fate doesn’t have a sense of humour.

One day, you’re sad because you don’t know what your special talent is, and you live in an over judgmental society in which free will amounts to utterly nothing, and therefore, your value is wholly decided by a magical drawing on your butt that is meant to represent said special talent.

The next evening, trying to find out what is your special talent, you poison your brother, his friend, and some other irrelevant dude who apparently died or something, and end up in the hospital, waiting for news about their state.

And, it turns out, there’s another pony of your same age worried about your brother’s friend for her own reasons, unknown to you. And she’s walking towards the nearest seat.

And said seat was the one immediately next to Apple Bloom.

The downcast pegasus filly sat, then dropped her head into her forehooves in an adorably sad manner.

Something clicked in Apple Bloom’s head.

“Wait, Ah know ya! Ya’re in miss Cheerilee’s class!” she greeted the newcomer with a grin.

Scootaloo looked at her quizzically, before her eyes lightened up in recognition.

“Oh, yeah! You’re the filly they were calling ‘blank flank’ yesterday, right?”

Apple Bloom’s expression immediately soured.

To her credit, Scootaloo had the decency to be abashed.

“Heheh. Sorry. But look! I’m a blank flank too!” she exclaimed, showing Apple Bloom her butt.

Indeed, no cutie mark had found its place to the pegasus’s flank yet.

Apple Bloom’s eyes lightened, as an idea came to her mind.

“Hey! Ya wanna join me in tryin’ to get mah cutie mark?” she asked.

Scootaloo seemed to be seriously considering it, carefully mulling over the possible consequences of this possible new friendship. Was this stranger the pony she’d want to befriend? Would they truly have anything in common besides their blank flanks? And weren’t the circumstances of their meeting awfully strange and contrived? Scootaloo reflected on it all before making such a momentous, life-altering decision.

For all of half a second.

“YEAH!”

Big Mac snorted.

“So, what have you been doing so far?”

“Ah tried sellin’ apples with mah brother, but Ah didn’t do so good. Then Ah tried cookin’ with mah granny…” She trailed off.

“And how did that one go?” Scootaloo asked curiously.

“Well…” Apple Bloom glanced towards the interior of the hospital. The pegasus followed her sight, then scowled at her.

Apple Bloom grinned awkwardly.

“... You’re off the hook, but only because we’re friends now,” Scootaloo grumbled. “Otherwise, I’d totally buck you in the face right now.”

“So… remin' me how is this goin’ to get us our cutie marks?”

“Well, clearly apples are not your special talent, and there’s no way in hell I’m going to be a farmer, so I’ll just pass on trying what you’ve already done.”

“Hey!”

“No offense. But I’m no Apple. Isn’t that, like, required by law for being a farmer?”

“... Y’know, Ah think it might actually be,” Apple Bloom thought. “B’sides, ya’re not even an earth pony!”

“My point exactly. So we’ll just have to try other things!”

“Still, isn’t this a bit… too much?” Apple Bloom raised an eyebrow.

“Well, before you poisoned him, I asked Rainbow Blitz for advice on getting my cutie mark, and he told me to just try everything! Something out there is bound to be your special talent!”

“What’s exactly with ya an’ Rainbow Blitz?”

“He’s the coolest, most awesome pony to ever exist!”

“Uh-huh.” Apple Bloom was not impressed.

“He is!”

“Ah’m not sayin’ otherwise.”

“But you’re not believing me!”

“Well, Ah just think Applejack is cooler,” Apple Bloom shrugged.

Scootaloo gasped like her new friend had just uttered an unforgivable blasphemy.

“You take that back!”

“But Ah…”

“TAKE IT BACK!”

“But—”

“TAKE. IT. BACK.”

Scootaloo had her own brand of cuteness: unlike Apple Bloom, she didn’t need to make a sad face and establish visual contact to submit her prey to her will, but rather, she got flustered, flared her little wings, and looked at you like she wanted to gut you like a fish and jump rope with your intestines still attached to your living, thrashing body.

Given that she was a cute little filly, it was far more adorable than menacing, but the sheer amount of confidence she oozed was so endearing you ended up obeying her anyways.

Apple Bloom’s depths squirmed, uncomfortable at the sight in front of her. Though Scootaloo was nothing out of the ordinary, her angry cuteness had an eldritch nature to it.

Have Ah just met mah match? she thought warily, looking at the obscenely adorably murderous filly. Then perhaps we are better off as friends, she thought with an evil smile.

This was a friendship worth keeping, the farmfilly decided.

“Okay, okay, Ah take it back…” she muttered.

Scootaloo looked so satisfied with herself afterwards that Apple Bloom found her thoughts to be vindicated.

Ponyville won’t stand a chance against us.

The matter settled, Apple Bloom’s thoughts turned back at the matter at hoof.

“Still, Ah don’t rightly see how bungee jumpin’ can be mah special talent…”

Scootaloo rolled her eyes. “Well, look at it this way: if it is, you get your cutie mark! If it’s not, at least you had fun! Besides, how else do the professional killers get their cutie marks, if not by tryin’?”

Apple Bloom considered it thoroughly, looking down the steep ravine she was about to jump down, simple farm ropes tied around her and Scootaloo’s waists.

“Yeah!”

Apple Bloom wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed.

Neither was Scootaloo, for that matter.

Twisted it might be, but a sense of humour nonetheless.

“Alright!” Scootaloo cheered. “You jump, and I’ll hold the rope! Ready?”

“Ready!”

“Three! Two! One! Jump!”

Apple Bloom jumped down.

And promptly brought Scootaloo down with her.

The poor orange filly was too light to actually serve as an efficient counterweight to the farmfilly, and the instant the rope ran out, Scootaloo was sent tumbling down with Apple Bloom.

“WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” Apple Bloom screamed at the top of her lungs, pure adrenaline running through her veins, time dilating, every second stretching into hours.

The floor was coming up to meet her, but she wasn’t afraid. She knew Scootaloo had her safe and sound.

The rope would tense up, and she would bounce, as she was meant to.

Any second now.

Boy, the floor is gettin’ awfully close.

Was the rope really that long?

“Oh my goodness!” a deep male voice shot through the air, and a yellow blur picked up the rope, yanking Apple Bloom roughly as her descent was suddenly stopped.

“HEY!” she yelled. “What gives?!”

“Yeah! We had everything under control!” Scootaloo complained.

Wait, Scootaloo? Apple Bloom turned her gaze, and sure enough, right next to her, rope tied around her body, hung Scootaloo. Apple Bloom scowled at the pegasus filly, who just grinned abashedly.

They landed soon enough, and their rescuer scowled, a stern look in his eyes.

Apple Bloom had literally no idea that the shy pegasus was able of doing such a thing.

“Girls, what you were doing is very, very dangerous. It requires very specific materials and responsible adult supervision,” Butterscotch scolded them. “I dread to think what would have happened had I not been nearby…”

“We would have gotten our cutie marks!”

“Your cutie…? Oh. Oh,” Butterscotch realised with a start. He frowned. “Applejack told me you wanted to get your cutie mark, but I thought you’d learned after poisoning him and Rainbow Blitz.”

“An’ killin’ Caramel.”

“Who?” The male pegasus blinked, confusion clear in his face. A few seconds later, he shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. Still, my point stands.”

“Ah learned! Ah learned that farmin’ is not mah special talent, so Ah’ve gotta try other thangs!” Apple Bloom said innocently.

“Apple Bloom, you can’t force your cutie mark to appear,” he said kindly.

“That’s easy for you to say! You already got your cutie mark!” Scootaloo pointed out.

“How did ya get ya cutie mark anyway, Butterscotch?” Apple Bloom inquired, her attention in the three butterflies in his flank.

“Oh, well, you see…”

When I was young, I was a very, very weak flyer. Why, I could barely hold my own weight with my wings! You see, while my dad has a job in the Cloud Factory, my family is from Hovslo, up in Norhest, where flying isn’t all that important. I never really practiced flying, because I didn’t really need it.

I never felt much at home in Cloudsdale, to be honest. Thing is, to live there you have to be a very strong flyer. I wasn’t.

The other ponies used to pick up on me at the Flight School in Cloudsdale. They called me ‘Klutzscotch’, because I always ended up hitting the other ponies by accident, and they mocked my northern accent, too, calling me ‘barbarian’ and other mean names.

All but one underdog: Rainbow Blitz.

“Wait! You’re telling me that Rainbow Blitz wasn’t born being already awesome?” Scootaloo asked, shocked.

“Uhh… yes?” Butterscotch blinked.

“That. Is so. AWESOME!”

“How is that awesome?” Apple Bloom questioned sceptically.

“It means he became awesome by sheer force of will! If he could, then I can, too!” Scootaloo replied excitedly, stars in her eyes.

Well, back then, Rainbow Blitz was also a blank flank like me. He was nine years old, and I was eleven.

And he challenged the bullies that were making fun of me to a race. I don’t really know how it ended, though, because they shot out so fast from the start line I stumbled and fell from the clouds, straight down into a forest.

At first I was scared, alone in a strange new land. I couldn’t fly back to Cloudsdale because my wings were very weak, but I also had no idea where I was. I was about to begin crying when I saw them.

The animals of the forest were staring at me.

I had never seen such wonderful animals in my whole life.

Cloudsdale is far too high in the sky for butterflies to reach it, nor is it suitable for other types of animals. Not even birds usually go up there. And up in Hovslo, all we had were fish and maybe a few birds, because the land is so cold all year round!

But down here, in the flatlands, there were butterflies, and bunnies, and squirrels, and racoons, and bees, and dogs, and bears and… Well, you get the idea.

It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

And then, a very scary explosion terrified them. It almost scared the feathers off my wings, too! But I was so entranced by the animals, by how much I wanted to get to know them, that I tried to calm them down. At first I thought it was useless, but they actually listened to me!

And I learned I had the ability to communicate with animals on another level, as easily as I can talk with you two right now!

I realised right then and there that that was what I wanted to keep doing for the rest of my life.

“Next thing I knew, I had my cutie mark,” Butterscotch concluded. “You see, at times you never quite know what your special talent is, and you might feel a bit lost and scared. But that’s okay. When you find what you’re good at, you’ll know it inside your heart.”

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo glanced at each other for a moment.

“So… Ya’re sayin’ that Blitz was still a blank at nine an’ ya got yer cutie mark AT ELEVEN?!”

“And that we need to try new things with explosions?” Scootaloo added with a wicked grin.

Butterscotch did the only reasonable thing he could do.

He facehoofed, turned tail and fled.

“I’m sorry, but I’ve got to go now. Just… just stay out of danger, please?” he kindly asked the two fillies. “Think of how angry Applejack would be.”

Apple Bloom looked down to the ground sadly. “Ah promise Ah’ll stay out of danger.”

With a smile, Butterscotch took flight and left the two fillies where they were.

After a moment of silence, Scootaloo spoke up.

“So… How do we untie ourselves?”

The next day at school was more bearable for Apple Bloom, since now, she was no longer alone (or with Twist, which, now that she had gotten her cutie mark, pretty much amounted to the same thing to be honest...). Now, Scootaloo chatted with her during the break, and during class they goofed constantly, to Miss Cheerilee’s chagrin.

But the best part was, they both despised Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon’s guts, and now, they had each other to back them up whenever those two started mocking them for the whole “blank flank” thing.

And as the stuck-up fillies made a show of inviting them to Diamond Tiara’s Cuteceañera, both girls didn’t need to try to escape anymore.

They could just go, hide under a table, and raid the food tables for something to eat while they chatted the hours away.

Which was exactly what they were doing right now.

“You should try the cupcakes,” Scootaloo said between munches. “They’re delicious!”

“Well, duh, Phil made them. If he wasn’t the best pink party pony alive, Ah reckon he’d have a cupcake cutie mark!” Apple Bloom agreed, taking one of Scootaloo’s looted cupcakes and eating them.

“D’you think it’s possible for a pony to have two different cutie marks?”

Apple Bloom scratched her chin in thought. “An interestin’ idea. Why do ya ask?”

“Well, you just said that Phil’s great at both parties and cupcakes. But there are someponies who don’t really like their special talents, they’re just good at it. My mum, for example. Her cutie mark is a shovel, because she’s great at gardening, but she doesn’t actually like it.”

“No? Then what does she do?” Apple Bloom frowned.

“She’s a private investigator, always going from one town to the other and searching up the truth. You think she could get another cutie mark related to that? She’s really good at it, too,” Scootaloo explained, her chest swelling with pride. However, Apple Bloom could also pick up a hint of sadness underneath. She never sees her, she realised.

“An’ yer dad?”

“I don’t have a dad,” Scootaloo said sadly, her ears drooped. “I live with my Aunt Holiday and my Auntie Lofty.”

“Oh.”

After an awkward silence, Apple Bloom spoke up.

“Ah don’t have parents either.”

Scootaloo looked at her with surprise.

“Really? What happened to them?”

Apple Bloom tried to reply, but she realised a knot had formed in her throat, and felt the sting of tears in her eyes.

“Ah… Ah don’t wanna talk about it,” she croaked. Ah thought Ah’d gotten over it… she thought sadly.

Scootaloo smiled softly, trying to cheer her up.

“Hey, you’d like me to get some more cupcakes?”

Apple Bloom nodded.

Scootaloo peeked out of the tablecloth that hid them, but instead of shooting for food, the filly stood rooted in her place.

Apple Bloom frowned. Is somethin’ off? So she peeked as well.

In the center of the room, a white unicorn filly with pink and lavender curls was lying in the floor, her beautiful silk dress torn after being caught by an inconveniently placed metal corner, leaving her flank clearly exposed to everypony’s sight.

A flank as blank as the day it was born.

And everypony was staring at her.

Silver Spoon snorted.

“Wow, that is, like, an amazing cutie mark.”

Diamond Tiara smirked smugly. “Nice try…”

“BLANK FLANK!” they said in unison, and ponies began to laugh. The little unicorn began tearing up.

It was the most disgusting spectacle they had ever seen.

Already upset from reminiscing about her parents, Apple Bloom felt her blood boil in rage, and she only wanted to buck those two stuck-up fillies straight in their ugly faces.

Scootaloo must have surely felt the same, for she suddenly called out, with all the anger and bravado she could muster:

“You’ve got a problem with blank flanks?!”

Silence descended on the room, as the many fillies and colts turned to look at them.

Scootaloo had walked out from below the table, and Apple Bloom decided to follow suit, giving a small wink towards Scoots’s direction. It’s us against them.

The stuck-up fillies didn’t deign to answer. So Apple Bloom decided it was her turn.

“She made ya a question. Ya got a problem with blank flanks?” she snarled.

“The problem is that she’s like, not special,” Silver Spoon said with the most buck-able voice ever.

“My brother says that if everypony is special, nopony is special…” the white unicorn muttered softly.

Diamond Tiara’s eyes widened in shock. Then, she snorted. “Wow. So you’re not only a blank flank, you’re also stupid.”

The unicorn flinched, starting to cry openly. Apple Bloom’s scowl was turning murderous.

“Yer the stupid one! Don’t ya see? She doesn’t have her cutie mark!”

Diamond Tiara blinked, unimpressed.

“We’ve noticed.”

Apple Bloom ignored her. “It means she’s full of potential! She can become so much! Her talent lies hidden in her future! She could be a scientist! Or an arcane mage! Or even Mayor of Ponyville!”

“Yeah! What sort of lame special talent is… is... “ Scootaloo frowned. “What even are your cutie marks?”

“Ah can’t see ‘em with those ugly dresses,” Apple Bloom pointed out.

Diamond Tiara scowled angrily. “We decided to wear them so you blank flanks wouldn’t feel so left out.”

“A bit too late for that, isn’t it?” Scootaloo snarked. “Come on, show us. It’s your cuteceañera, so let’s all see what we’re celebrating.”

Both stuck-up ponies glanced at each other, before huffing.

“If you insist.”

Both earth ponies, as gracefully as they could, undid the straps of their… uhm, “dresses”, and let them fall off to the floor, showing off their adorned flanks.

Silver Spoon had a silver spoon.

Diamond Tiara had a diamond tiara.

Truly, shaped like itself.

“Aren’t they wonderful?” Silver Spoon smiled smugly.

“Are. You. KIDDING ME? They’re the lamest cutie marks I’ve ever seen! A fancy spoon and a shiny tiara. What even are they supposed to stand for?” Scootaloo frowned mockingly. “Being useless, stuck-up cunts?”

Everypony gasped so hard, Apple Bloom felt like all the air in the room had been sucked. But she wasn’t shocked. On the contrary, she felt the glorious savour of victory bubbling inside of her.

Silver Spoon jaw was hanging open, paralysed in shock. On the other hoof, Diamond Tiara was trembling in barely contained fury.

“You… You little…” She gasped, then shrieked with all her might. “OUT! THE THREE OF YOU, OUT! YOU’RE RUINING MY CUTECEAÑERA!”

“An’ we couldn’t be happier about it,” Apple Bloom smirked.

“GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!”

“Have fun being useless and unable to do anything about it!” Scootaloo cheerfully said goodbye, already halfway out of the door.

“Buh-bye!” Apple Bloom laughed, skipping behind her friend. The unicorn promptly followed them, scurrying out of the Sugarcube Corner, tattered dress in tow.

Once outside, the white filly jumped towards them and gave them an enormous hug.

“Oh my gosh, thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“Heheh,” Scootaloo chuckled, “It was nothing.”

“It was everything,” she said with the most grateful look they had ever seen. Then, she frowned. “But… but why did you stand up for me? I’m just a blank flank.”

“Well, ain't this yer lucky day?” Apple Bloom said, showing the filly her own blank flank, Scootaloo following suit.

The unicorn gasped. “You too…?” She seemed at a loss for words, her eyes slowly lightening up in ill-contained happiness.

“Yep!” both said in unison.

“I’m Sweetie Belle!” she exclaimed immediately, her happiness as contagious as the Black Death.

“Ah’m Apple Bloom, and she’s Scootaloo!” the orange pegasus saluted. “We’re on a crusade to get our cutie marks! Wanna join us?”

“Yeah!” she nodded fervently, before adorably bouncing in place out of sheer joy.

Her happiness was so great, so absolute, so adorable…

So adorable…

So...

Woah, that’s… that’s really adorable, Apple Bloom thought, growing more uncomfortable by the second. Something about it just felt… wrong. Like it had no place in this realm of reality.

Apple Bloom’s insides squirmed at the sight. She glanced at Scootaloo, and she realised the pegasus looked as unsettled as she did.

Forget Ponyville; Equestria won’t stand a chance against us. Apple Bloom smirked evilly.

“So… now that we’re a group, we need a name. That’s how it works, right?” Scootaloo asked, breaking Apple Bloom’s daydreams of world domination.

“Oh, uhm… Well, Ah did say we were on a crusade to get our cutie marks…” Suddenly, she gasped, the answer laid bare in front of her. “We could be the Cutie Mark Crusaders!”

“I like that!”

“Me too!” Sweetie Belle nodded.

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS, YAY!” All three screamed in unison at the top of their lungs, a giddy feeling of happiness inside each of them.

And that’s how Equestria’s end came to be.

Not with a bang.

But with the three most eldritchly adorable fillies joining forces.

The next afternoon, all three fillies were happily playing catch in the park, laughing and screaming, while two unicorns and one earth pony looked at them from the bench they were sitting on.

“Would ya look at that, huh, Elusive? Seems like our lil’ sisters are friends,” Applejack said with satisfaction.

“I couldn’t be happier for her,” the white unicorn said earnestly, a proud expression in his face. “She’s always been too shy for her own good. It’s great to see her so happy.”

"I'm glad you've already got out of the hospital, too," Twilight told the farmpony with a smile.

Applejack chuckled softly as he rubbed the back of his head.

The cheering of the fillies wasn’t enough for them to not notice when Roseluck stomped by them, a scowl on her face.

“What’s with her now?” Twilight asked.

Elusive sighed. “She broke up with her coltfriend. Said he’d turned into a complete stranger from one day to the other.”

Applejack frowned. “Ah don’t know. Ponies ain’t usually like that, we don’t change overnight. What kinda weirdo was he?”

“Applejack, haven’t you realised?” Twilight sighed with contentment. “This town really is a magnet for weirdos.”

Chapter 4: I See Fire

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 5: Dawn of the Final Day

“Are you sure I can’t come with you guys?”

“C’mon Spike! We’ll have fun!” Scootaloo called from a few yards away.

“Oh! D’ya think dragons can get cutie marks?” Apple Bloom asked her two friends. Scootaloo seemed to think about it, scratching her head. Sweetie Belle just grinned widely.

“Only one way to find out!”

The three of them suddenly threw their forehooves up and yelled, at the top of their shrill lungs, “CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS DRAGON TRAINERS, YAY!!”

Spike gulped. Hard.

Twilight smiled at him. “Trust me, it won’t be that bad.”

“How are you so sure?!”

The unicorn opened her mouth to answer, but no words came out. She closed her mouth and scrunched her face as she thought, a hoof in her chin.

“... Actually, I’m not. Good luck!” she said cheerfully as she turned around, leaving him to face his certain doom. “Safety first, guys! We’ll have to stop by the armory to get some equipment!”

Et tu, Crepuscula? Spike thought ruefully as Twilight and the rest of the gang cantered down the road towards their quest.

The three little ~~demons~~ fillies surrounded him.

“So, Spike!” asked Scootaloo, grinning widely like a crazed madmare. “What do you want to do to earn your cutie mark?”

Spike faceclawed.

“I’m going to stop you right there. No. Dragons can not get cutie marks.”

The Crusaders looked at each other as if he’d just said something completely incomprehensible for their young minds. And to be fair, it probably was. Apple Bloom asked, “are ya sure about that?”

“Yes,” he deadpanned. “Pretty sure.”

“What if you can get a cutie mark, but you just don’t know it and that’s why you think you can’t get one?” offered Scootaloo with a smirk. Her friends nodded, smirking as well.

Spike sighed deeply. Well, shit. Can’t argue against that.

“Great!” Scootaloo exclaimed, her little wings fluttering quickly enough to get her off the ground for a couple of seconds.

Sweetie Belle’s smile was the first to disappear. “Wait, how do we even begin to get him his cutie mark?”

After a moment of thinking with her hoof on her chin, Apple Bloom said, “well, Ah think we just gotta do our own thang and have him tag alon’.” She looked to Spike. “Any ideas?”

The baby dragon rolled his eyes. “Surprise me,” he snarked.

“Scootaloo?”

“I’ve got nothing,” Scootaloo shrugged.

“Sweetie Belle?”

Only silence answered.

Apple Bloom turned to Sweetie Belle. “Sweetie Belle?” she asked again, concern in her voice.

“Uhh… who’s that?” the unicorn asked in a trembling voice, pointing with her hoof towards something down the road. The group turned to gaze at whatever she was pointing at.

A single, cowled stranger stood in the middle of town, digging at the ground.

Spike frowned. He was unnerved by the stranger’s sudden, shady and creepy appearance, but he’d be damned before he looked scared in front of girls. “I don’t know. I’ve never seen anypony like him. And I grew up in Canterlot.”

“What does Canterlot have to do with anything?” Scootaloo asked confused, turning her gaze to Spike.

“You wouldn’t believe the sheer amount of weirdness that goes on over there.”

She raised her eyebrow again, utterly unimpressed, and then gestured with her head towards the rest of Ponyville.

“Touché,” Spike shrugged.

“What is she doing?” Sweetie Belle asked fearfully.

“Ah dunno’. Maybe we should ask him?” Apple Bloom proposed.

Sweetie Belle wheeled on her. “Ask her? Are you CRAZY?! What if he’s an evil entity that wakes up every twenty seven years, and exploits the fears and phobias of the colts and fillies, the only ponies that can see her, to hunt them and eat them like prey?!”

Spike blinked, then crossed his arms. “That’s awfully specific.”

“Yeah,” Apple Bloom tilted her head. “Where did ya get that idea?”

“I... read it in one of Elusive’s books...” Sweetie Belle answered sheepishly. Then she perked up, eyes wide and fearful. “But still! She might be dangerous! We should stay away from him!”

“Can we please settle on a Celestia-forsaken gender?” Spike intervened with annoyance.

He might as well have been talking to a wall of bricks for all the acknowledgement he got.

“Don’t be silly, Sweetie Belle,” Apple Bloom said, rolling her eyes. “It’ll be alright!”

“You don't know that!”

“But Ah do!”

“How?!”

“B’cause it’s obviously not what ya’re sayin’!” Apple Bloom grunted in frustration. “Come on, Scoots, back me up! Ya ain’t afraid of nothin’!”

But Scootaloo was very much afraid. “I don’t know…” she muttered, looking anxiously at the cowled stranger, who did not seem to notice them. “Sweetie Belle’s right. He could be dangerous…”

“Come on! Don’t be a chicken!”

“I am not a chicken!” Scootaloo replied angrily, fluttering her little, flightless wings. Only two seconds later, her anger evaporated. “I’m just… not in the mood right now. Maybe... later?” she finished pathetically, her head low like she was trying to hide behind her too-short-mane.

“But it’ll be fun!” the farmfilly insisted, pouting. “Right, Spike?”

It’s not that he didn’t expect it to be fun (he definitely didn’t, though), but quite frankly, Spike would have prefered to just go back home, maybe read some comic books, and let this whole thing just blow over. But Apple Bloom looked far too cute for him to admit to her face just how much of a dork he was.

“Uh… wouldn’t it be better if we tried to stay out of trouble? I mean, imagine if something bad happened to us,” he said instead. Best thing about living with Twilight: you learn how to find flaws in every single plan.

It helps when the plan is as bad as this one...

“But we’ll be okay!” she claimed.

“How do you know that?” Spike raised his eyebrow.

“Ah just know, okay?” Apple Bloom snapped.

To say he wasn’t convinced would have been an understatement.

“Yeeaah, no,” he said flatly. “I’m going home.”

“Come on!”

“Spike’s right,” Sweetie Belle said nervously. “Elusive and Applejack are out of town…”

“So what if they’re outta town? Ah’m a big pony! Ah can take care of mahself!” Apple Bloom replied stubbornly.

“And you call ‘racing headfirst into danger’ taking care of yourself?” Spike asked sarcastically.

“That’s what Applejack does!”

“Yes, well, Applejack is not the smartest pony in town.”

Apple Bloom death-glared at him for a few moments. It was a testament to Spike’s courage, conviction, or perhaps just sheer suicidal stupidity that he managed to keep her glare rather than simply wither down and die like any other pony would have done. Then, she huffed, closed her eyes and raised her head in an angle, indignated.

“Fine. Be like that. Ah’m goin’ after him. Ah’ll show ya.”

And without any further ado, she turned around and cantered towards the hooded figure, which, during their argument, had begun to leave town, following the path that led down towards the Everfree Forest.

“B-but... Apple Bloom!” Sweetie Belle called after her, but the earth pony pointedly ignored her, head held up high as she marched towards the woods.

The two remaining ponies (and one dragon) stood in silence for a while.

“So… should we go after her?” Scootaloo suggested.

Spike shrugged, then crossed his arms, closed his eyes, and smirked. “Nah, she’ll come back soon. She might be stubborn, but she isn’t dumb.” The two fillies looked at each other with an eyebrow raised skeptically. “She’s not going to enter the Everfree Forest alone.”

She did.

Because of course she did.

Apple Bloom walked under the dense foliage of the Everfree Forest.

Any other pony would've been utterly terrified of the forest. Even adult ponies would think twice before even going near the eerie, unnatural place where the weather was merciless and had an agenda of its own, Celestia's sun didn't shine, and jaywalkers were annihilated by terrible ponycidal creatures—and since there were no roads to speak of in there, everypony was a jaywalker.

But Apple Bloom was unable to spare a thought to the creepy wilderness she had set hoof on. Instead, she looked downcast, a frown in her face.

To say she was upset would be an understatement. The past week, the so-called Cutie Mark Crusaders had barely done anything to try and get their cutie marks; school had kicked back into full gear, and homework took away what little free time they had outside the classroom. And the one day they get a prospective adventure, her friends had completely chickened out!

And then there was Spike, who had actively questioned her idea. That was bad enough… but he had then insulted Applejack.

She had been so upset, she had forgotten all about her powers! She could bend Spike’s will as easily as she could step on an ant! Apple Bloom wanted to buck herself in the face.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. All she had needed to do was to look cute, not death-glare him! She'd had her chance to make him submit to her will, and she had blown it.

Then again, he insulted Applejack. Nopony insults mah brother and lives to tell the tale.

But he had lived.

Fer now, Apple Bloom brooded. Nopony insults mah brother.

But Ah don’t want to kill Spike, her inner goodness objected.

Apple Bloom fought the urge to roll her eyes. She thought she had buried that part of herself long ago, when she had sworn she would rule all of Equestria as Dark Lord of All (yes, “Lord”, because “Lady” sounded too girly for her taste... nevermind the fact that she was a girl and wore a bright pink ribbon on her mane).

However, the pesky voice of her conscience had a point. She didn’t really want to kill Spike. He was a pretty neat guy, fun and likeable, if a bit snarky. Plus, if she wanted to be a true Dark Lord, she needed a ferocious dragon, and Spike was a dragon! Well, okay, a baby, definitely not ferocious dragon, but baby, definitely not ferocious dragons eventually grew up to become ferocious dragons!

It just had to be meant to be.

And then again, sure, he was a baby dragon, but she too was a kid. They had a long road ahead of them, and time was not something they lacked. They could even plan world conquest together, them and the Crusaders!

Well, Spike is a dragon, not a pony… So Ah guess ‘nopony insults mah big brother’ doesn’t include dragons! Problem solved! Apple Bloom reasoned, content with her logic’s loophole.

We’ll need a good motto, now that Ah think of it. No matter how hard she tried, however, she was unable to recall the motto of their namesakes. It was in this funny old language that no real pony understood. And to add insult to the injury, she hadn’t been paying much attention in class that day, so it was hopeless. Nah, Ah’ll come up with somethin’ else.

Something moved in the corner of Apple Bloom’s eyes. Annoyed, she turned towards her stalker.

The instant that eye contact was established, the blood-thirsty manticore was frozen in place.

Apple Bloom growled dangerously.

The manticore gulped, turned tail and fled in pure, unadulterated panic.

Good. Know yer place, peon.

The small filly turned, and continued walking down the roadless forest.

All things considered, Derpy Hooves was having a pretty good day.

She had been given the day off at the mail service, what with the End of Days looming over them, her coworkers panicking, and her supervisor killing the unpaid interns in ritual sacrifices to appease The Elder Ones.

Perhaps the only thing that bothered her, aside from the weirdly pitch-black sky (it wasn’t even noon!), was that her roommate Carrot Top was currently doing a delivery down in Fillydelphia. At least she had been kind enough to buy enough pre-made food for Derpy to survive while she wasn’t there to cook for both of them; after that one time she had tried her hoof at cooking and both had ended up in Ponyville General, Derpy knew better than to try it again. She still woke sweating and shivering in the middle of the night from time to time.

Still, it was a pretty good day.

And, as the streets were almost completely deserted due to… Celestia only knew what was going on with the sky… at least nopony stared at her crossed eyes.

Not that she had it too bad; after years living in Ponyville, most ponies in the hamlet had come to know (and mostly like) her already, but the newcomers always proved to be tiresome. Derpy was especially frustrated by those who, with condescending compassion, advised her to see (as if it was the first time she’d heard that Celestia-forsaken pun...) a doctor.

As if she hadn’t already! Ever since her eye had started deviating when she was a teenager, Derpy had visited countless doctors, desperately searching for a solution, any solution that might stop the insidious condition that had thrown her budding flying career down the drain. However, her strabismus stubbornly refused to be treated. Not even experimental intrusive surgery had managed to solve it; all she got was an enormous bill that she was still struggling to pay off, and her other eye affected as well.

In the end, though, she learned to just, well, roll with it. If they laugh at you, just laugh with them. She had even appropriated the nasty nickname her classmates had once come up with to aggravate her, now wearing it like a badge of honour.

It wasn’t that bad, either; sure, she couldn’t be a professional flyer, but it didn’t really interfere that much with the rest of her life beyond the superficial. And, when it came to being a klutz and slow on the uptake… Well, that preceded her strabismus anyway.

And so, Derpy Hooves walked through the End of Days without a care in the world. Besides the dark sky, everything felt like normal.

As she passed through the market square, however, a strange feeling made itself present. A eerie gust of wind started to pick up.

And then she heard it.

*Vwoorp! Vwoorp!*

It was unlike any magic she had ever seen, no aura in sight. Just a blue barn thunderously fading into existence.

And with a strong thud, it stopped. The strange blue barn stood in the middle of the square like it had always been there.

What the…? Derpy marvelled at the magic blue barn. Or... at least, she thought it was a barn of some sort. What else could it be? Though, this “barn” was small enough for only one pony, or perhaps two, if squashed together and standing on their hind hooves.

Suddenly, the barn’s doors opened violently, and a chestnut stallion with a messy dark brown mane wearing an ill-fitting black worn leather jacket stumbled out of the blue box, collapsing in the patch of poppies in front of it.

“Woah!” Derpy yelped, startled.

Almost immediately, the barn started rumbling and wheezing again, slowly fading from existence right where it stood, leaving the leather-clad stallion alone lying on the poppies.

… What the hay.

Derpy slowly walked forward, an eerie pull emanating from the fallen stallion.

“Uhh… Mister? Are you okay?” she asked tentatively. She could have been talking to a brick wall, for all the good it did. The unresponsive stallion was completely knocked out cold.

And then he wasn’t.

“Yes, sorry, hello!” he (literally) jumped up, almost giving Derpy a heart attack. “Dreadfully sorry about that. I just died. Terrible business, that. You see, when they tell you something, or someone, is ‘so cute it can kill’, you think it’s a joke…” he trailed off, his eyes turning into a thousand-yard stare, his entire body trembling in profound, uncontrolled dread.

Derpy blinked.

“What?”

But the stallion was no longer paying attention to her, his eye instead catching sight of his own reflection in a nearby window. He walked towards the glass, checking himself out. As he turned around, Derpy got a glance of the stallion’s hourglass cutie mark, until then obscured by the oversized jacket.

“Oh, not bad, not bad at all. Let’s see... Still an earth pony... The coat is a lighter shade of brown... The ears are actually proportionally sized this time! I’m thinner, too! Oh, and I’ve got hair now! That’s…” he trailed off, frowning, “... not ginger. Celestia’s flank, I wanted to be ginger! That’s a bummer.” He began working his mouth as if with distaste. She just realised he talked with a mild Scoltish accent. “‘Celestia’s flank’. Nope, not saying that again.”

“You’re weird,” Derpy blurted out, painfully aware of how hypocritical it was for her to pass such judgment. He was kinda cute, though.

“No, I’m the Doctor,” he smiled toothily at his awful dad joke.

A great disturbance was felt throughout the Universe, as if millions of voices had unconsciously and suddenly grunted and groaned in annoyance at the same time.

Derpy’s voice was one more note in this collective universal choir, as she facehoofed out of instinct. Hard.

It hurt.

The stallion, this weird ‘doctor’, pouted sadly. “What, that wasn’t fun? Oh, don’t tell me I lost my sense of humour during the regeneration.” He rolled his eyes. “Again,” he added, this time with a bit of disdain.

“‘Regeneration’? What are you even talking about?” Derpy was utterly lost.

The stallion did not answer with hyperactivity for once. Instead, his eyes widened as he seemingly realised her presence for the first time.

“Oh! I’m sorry, I’ve been here just blabbering on and on about nothing. Look at you! You’re the mailmare, right?”

“I… Yes?”

“Right, right…” he nodded, then paused.

Nopony said anything for a few, extremely long seconds.

“So… How you doing?” he said in the most awkward tone she had ever heard, a transparently blatant attempt to steer the conversation towards a territory that might even tangentially resemble ‘normal’.

Fat chance of that ever happening.

“The End of the World is here, my supervisor is too busy sacrificing the interns, and here I am, talking to a madpony in a blue box that literally appeared out of thin air about utterly nothing. Best day of my life,” Derpy snarked acidly.

“Really? What a boring life you must have,” he stated plainly and earnestly, completely blind and deaf to the mare’s sarcasm.

Derpy winced. He had touched a nerve.

To say Derpy’s life was mundane would be an understatement. She worked a dead end job in the Ponyville Mail Service. She shared a flat with her best friend. She was deep in debt, and at night she dreamed and wished of running away and starting anew.

That was it.

There was nothing else going on in her life.

As a matter of fact, this day was so far the most interesting one of her week. And it was already Friday.

Then the stallion seemed to realise something.

“Wait, ‘madpony in a blue box’?” he said, an offended tone in his voice.

Derpy gulped, resisting the urge to either facehoof, blush or run away.

Well, crap. Real smooth, Derpy.

“You’re absolutely right!” he smiled before she could even try to formulate an answer, puffing his chest in pride. “I am a madpony, and this is my blue box!” he gestured grandly with his hoof to the space behind him.

There was literally nothing but air there.

“... Huh,” he blinked, lowering his hooves to the ground and adopting a pensive frown. “That might be a problem.”

Derpy was utterly flummoxed by the strange stallion.

“So… you said you’re a doctor?” she asked tentatively.

“Not a doctor; The Doctor,” he stated.

“And… you’re not going to say anything about my eyes?” Derpy asked before she could realise the words that were coming out of her mouth. She kicked herself internally when she did. ‘Derpy’ indeed, her inner voice sneered at her clumsiness.

The stallion answered without missing a beat.

“Oh, that’s gotta be the most extreme case of strabismus I’ve ever seen; both eyes are affected, and with all three types at the same time, too! Esotropia, Exotropia and Hypertropia. Never seen anything quite like that. Hmm…” then, like a madman, he began making weird faces in front of Derpy. She frowned, every passing second more and more unsure of this weird so-called ‘doctor’. “Yet, both of your eyes react correctly to external stimuli. Somehow, your sight is not all that impaired, despite your condition being so extreme you should actually be near-blind… I’m not sure if that’s even physically possible...” he mused, scrunching his brow as he thought hard. Derpy thought she could hear his brain working, a low, whirring beat not unlike clockwork.

“So… You are a doctor,” Derpy said pausedly.

“Well, naturally. It would be horribly pretentious to call myself the Doctor if I didn’t at least have one doctorate in something,” the, ehem, ‘Doctor’ huffed.

“What’s your specialty? Ophthalmology?” No other pony she had ever met had the slightest idea of the specifics of her eye condition. Not even the ophthalmologists. It must be ophthalmology, right?

What’s with the hourglass, though?

And what do bubbles have to do with mail delivery? Not all of us end up doing what our cutie marks tell us, her conscience added glumly.

“Err… sure, let’s go with that,” he grinned awkwardly.

Awkward silence returned with a vengeance for the next ten seconds. Or perhaps the next ten thousand years. Derpy couldn’t really tell.

In the end, though, she decided she’d just go home. Grab a snack. Maybe read something, or sleep the entire afternoon until the world ended or the whole thing blew over; it was all the same to her, really. Celestia knew not even the apocalypse would free her from her shifts at the post service. Still, at the very least she could say goodbye to this weird doctor. Derpy Hooves might be clumsy, but let it not be said that she was impolite.

“... Anyway, nice to meet you, Doctor Weirdo,” she said.

The stallion looked at her with a confused expression. “Doctor Who?”

Suddenly, a golden burst of light exploded out of his chest. The stallion keeled over with a groan of agony, panting heavily.

“Oh my gosh! Are you okay?!” Derpy screamed, suddenly forgetting all about her plans for the day as she ran to the side of the now-agonising stallion.

“I would love to tell you that I am, but then I would be lying,” he said through gritted teeth. Derpy was concerned, until he opened his mouth again. “I don’t want to be a liar this time. Last time I was a liar, they shot me dead in San Franciscolt!”

What the everlasting hay? Derpy stopped for a beat, then shrugged, concentrating in the matter at hoof. “How do you feel? Are you having a heart attack?”

“A ‘hearts’ attack would be more like it, but I don’t think so, no,” he wheezed. “I’m still brand new, my body shouldn’t start to fall apart for a few centuries at least… or perhaps… perhaps that Abomination of the Abyss’ gaze was too strong and even my regeneration is struggling to keep up!”

The stallion’s ability to endure unexplained terrible agony and still keep rambling utter nonsense was somewhat inspiring… and horribly infuriating.

Mostly infuriating.

Especially infuriating.

“Where is my TARDIS?” he said suddenly, his eyes darting all over the place.

“Alright, what are you on about?” Derpy felt what little patience remained looking down the window it was about to jump from. “Are you talking about the blue box?”

“I need to get back to the TARDIS!” the stallion shouted urgently, ignoring her

“WHAT THE HELL IS A TAHBIS?!” Derpy finally snapped, raising her voice in exasperation.

“IT’S TARDIS!” he matched her volume. “AND IT’S A VERY SOPHISTICATED SHIP THAT ONLY LOOKS LIKE A BLUE BOX AND I HAVE TO GET BACK TO IT BECAUSE THE WORLD IS IN DANGER!”

“THE ONLY ONE IN DANGER HERE IS YOU IF YOU DON’T LET ME HELP YOU!”

“THE ONLY HELP I NEED IS FINDING MY TARDIS!”

“I’M TAKING YOU TO A DOCTOR!”

“I AM A DOCTOR!”

“AND A TERRIBLE ONE!”

“WHAT?!”

“YOU MIGHT BE HAVING A HEART ATTACK AND YOU’RE BLABBERING ON ENDLESSLY ABOUT NOTHING!”

“I’M NOT HAVING A HEART ATTACK!”

“THEN WHAT WAS THAT?!”

“NOTHING!”

“THAT SURE DIDN’T LOOK LIKE NOTHING!”

“I’M PERFECTLY FINE!”

Then he promptly keeled over with nary a groan, smashing against the floor heavily.

“Do you…” Sweetie Belle began, then stopped.

“Have any sevens? Nope,” Spike replied, looking over the cards in his claw.

Once Apple Bloom had left them, Spike had proposed just going home – that is, the Library – and playing cards until this whole thing blew over.

Two hours in, they seemed to be doing alright. Playing with Twilight’s deck of cards was somewhat boring and unexciting, but what else could three children with no television, internet or video games actually do to entertain themselves in a library? Read?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Sweetie Belle, despite her ditzy manner, proved to be devastating when playing cards, and had already taken everything Spike and Scootaloo loved away from them with the over-the-top betting they had indulged in. He also had to do Sweetie’s homework for the next six months, but Spike didn’t really mind: when you grow up with Twilight as your big sorta-sister, anything below a seminar on the political relations between the composing estates of the Visicoltic kingdom during the pre–Unicornian era was child’s play. If anything, Sweetie Belle’s homework would be more of a well needed break for him!

However, now the card game seemed to be the least important thing in the unicorn’s mind.

“No, do you guys think Apple Bloom is okay?”

“Probably?” Scootaloo frowned. “Hopefully?”

Spike didn’t answer. He just scowled.

To be honest, he had been trying to keep his mind away from the thought that they had essentially abandoned Apple Bloom to her fate. And due to lack of evidence to the contrary, he was starting to think that perhaps she was dumb enough to actually go into the Everfree. Otherwise, she’d have already walked in through the door.

They continued playing, but the seed of doubt had already been planted in Spike’s mind, and he started tapping his claws nervously on the floor, constantly glancing towards the still closed door.

The tide of the game remained unchanged: Sweetie Belle won every round.

Every.

Single.

Round.

They even tried playing different games, but the result was still the same.

Poker? Sweetie Belle won.

Rummy? Sweetie Belle annihilated them.

Blackjack? Sweetie Belle crushed their souls.

Uno? All the pretty things are broken.

After smashing them again in their upteempth round of Go Fish, Scootaloo threw her cards against the floor with a wrathful scream.

“YOU’RE CHEATING!”

“No I’m not,” Sweetie said simply.

“BULLSHIT, YES YOU ARE!”

“I’m not!” A few seconds later, Sweetie Belle smirked slyly. “Maybe you just need to git gud.”

Scootaloo roared a mighty screech of wrath, and jumped on top of the poor unicorn to strangle the life out of her. They were in the middle of their silly fight when Spike couldn’t keep his anxiety under control anymore.

“I think we should go search for Apple Bloom,” he stated bluntly.

Both girls were stunned. Spike expected Scootaloo to relax her chokehold on Sweetie Belle. She didn’t. Instead she just looked at him with her eyes as wide as Celestia’s couch sitter.

“But… It could be dangerous! You said it yourself!”

“Scoots… I… I can’t breathe…”

“Yeah, and Apple Bloom went into the forest alone.”

“We don’t know if Apple Bloom is even in the forest,” Scootaloo added unconvincingly.

“Well, more the reason to find out where she is, right?”

“Let me go…”

“But she could be anywhere else! At home, maybe?”

“Maybe,” Spike conceded, “but I wouldn’t count on it.”

“Why not?”

“She tried to convince us to accompany her for a while before giving up. And she told us word-for-word that she was going after the cowled stranger. Let’s be honest, I think it’s a safe bet to say she’s stubborn enough to follow up on her plan.”

“But…”

“Let me put it this way,” Spike tried to change tactics. “Do you want Applejack to come home and find out you ditched his little sister to fend off by herself in the middle of the Everfree Forest?”

“But we didn’t do that!” the pegasus objected.

“Guys…”

“Doesn’t matter, that’s what he’s going to think. Is that what you want?”

“Of course not! But I also don’t want to go into the forest!” Scootaloo snapped.

The dragon blinked, caught off guard.

“But… she’s your friend.”

“Yeah, of course she is!” Scootaloo replied hurriedly. “But we’re talking about going blindly into the Everfree Forest and just hope for the best! We can’t do that! It’s dangerous! It’s filled with manticores and cockatrices and overgrown lizards and bandits and jaywalkers and everything!”

“Yeah, and Apple Bloom went in there all alone,” Spike repeated, annoyed at how their argument was going in circles. This time, however, instead of trying to argue with him, the pegasus filly shuddered at the thought, and Spike couldn’t help but feel slightly satisfied that he was getting her to come around.

Scootaloo sighed, admitting defeat.

“Yeah, you’re right. Any ideas?”

“Besides going blindly into the Everfree Forest and just hope for the best?” Spike asked dryly. “Nope.”

“Don’t you think maybe we could assemble a rescue team?” Scootaloo proposed.

“With whom?” Spike asked with concern, “Twilight and the guys are on dragon duty, and the rest of Ponyville is probably sacrificing their offspring to appease the Elder Ones. It’s just us.” Then Spike’s eyes lightened. “Wait, how could I forget? Big Mac! He could help us, right?”

“Nope, he’s out of town,” the pegasus sighed. “Doing a delivery, I think.”

“Oh,” Spike frowned. “Anypony else?”

“None that I know of.”

“That’s awfully convenient.”

Scootaloo shrugged. “That’s Ponyville for you, I guess.”

“Help…” Sweetie Belle croaked weakly, oxygen levels really low, eyes defocused, face blue.

“You should probably let her go,” Spike noted, pointing with a claw at Sweetie's agonising face.

“Huh? Oh, yeah,” Scootaloo chuckled awkwardly, letting go of Sweetie Belle, who collapsed on the floor gasping for air. “Sorry.”

The white unicorn, however, was more preoccupied with staying alive to pay her any mind, wheezing and coughing like a dying giraffe.

After a beat, Spike looked back at Scootaloo.

“So… there’s nopony to help us.”

“Nope.”

“You know what that means?”

“We find something else to do and hope Apple Bloom gets here soon?” Scootaloo asked with a slightly-too-wide smile.

“We have to go after her,” Spike sentenced seriously.

“Yeah, I thought as much,” Scootaloo sighed in resignation.

“I don’t want to go,” Sweetie meekly piped up. The pegasus nodded, pursing her lips. Neither did Spike, but he knew they had to.

And so, he was struck with the worst idea in Equestrian history.

“... What if…” he sighed deeply, so deeply that the ground would have rumbled if a sigh could cause that. This is going to suck. “What if you girls get your cutie marks with this?”

The two fillies’ countenance changed immediately, as they both considered the idea.

Spike knew it wasn’t a good idea. It was actually a pretty bad one. If they’d stopped to think about it, they would have surely realised the improbability, or at least, the sheer contrived coincidence that it would be for their definitive special talent, the one that set them apart from everypony else and represented their deepest and truest beings, being meeting and befriending a certain mysterious newcomer to town. All of this, and far more, would have been crystal clear to them if only they had stopped to think about it for so much as a second.

Of course, they didn’t.

“Yeah! Let’s go, then!” Scootaloo shouted less than an instant after Spike finished talking, excitedly flapping her minuscule wings at the idea.

“You really think so?” Sweetie Belle asked the baby dragon, not as outwardly excited as her friend, but with a hopeful gleam in her eyes. She was still rubbing her bruised neck.

Spike wanted to hit himself. In the face. With the moon. Unfortunately for him, he couldn’t. And he knew what he had to do.

“Yeah, why not?” he said with the fakest beam he’d ever beamed.

Celestia have mercy on my soul.

“I don’t like this place…” Sweetie Belle muttered.

Spike had to nod warily at that. The dark and dense foliage of the Everfree Forest gave everything underneath it an unnatural, otherworldly vibe that gave him the creeps.

“How come the stranger just happens to live in the middle of the forest?” The unicorn added, “Why couldn’t he just live in a nice cottage outside of town?”

“Because that’s where Butterscotch lives?”

“Well, yeah, but you know what I mean.”

Spike sighed. “Yeah, I do,” then chuckled. “How are you holding up, Scootaloo?”

“Shut up,” the shivering orange blob barked back.

“I thought you weren’t scared of anything,” Sweetie Belle pointed.

“Shut up!” she repeated, more forcefully.

“What would Rainbow Blitz think?” Spike asked rhetorically, trying to get a reaction out of Scootaloo.

“He would think you guys are mean,” she said, utterly unaware of what was going on at the exact same time somewhere else.

“Oh, look at those flowers!” Sweetie Belle suddenly exclaimed, pointing towards a patch of bright sky blue flowers at one side of the path. “They’re so pretty! I’ve gotta pick up some for Elusive on the way back. He’s going to love them.”

“If there’s a way back,” Scootaloo muttered.

And so they walked through the dark forest, wary of their treacherous surroundings. Indeed, in one certain moment, they came across a terrified, crying manticore, which they wisely avoided as quietly as they could.

Spike was unsure whether to feel blessed or disappointed that a very wimpy manticore was the only creature they had found yet.

Well, we’re not that far into the depths of the Forest, Spike reasoned. We’re a far cry away from wherever Twi and the guys got into to fight the Night King.

As a matter of fact, the only part where the forest lived up to its reputation of dread was in its oppressive atmosphere and eldritch aesthetics. Besides that, however, Spike felt almost bored.

Twilight and the guys are in the midst of an epic quest, and here I am, boring my scales off in the middle of the most dangerous forest in Equestria. Life is strange.

He also found himself wondering exactly what was the problem with Ponyville, what with this being the third consecutive week filled with adventures or hijinks. When Twilight and he lived in Canterlot, years passed without anything remotely interesting happening. Here in Ponyville, however, it seemed like they couldn’t catch a break.

“What’s that?” Sweetie Belle’s voice broke through his reverie.

“What’s wha—” Spike turned around to see where Sweetie was pointing.

Towering in the middle of a small clearing, an enormous and twisted tree stood. What set it apart from its brethren, however, was the fact that this tree was clearly a house. Probably the creepiest, most sinister-looking house Spike had ever laid eyes on, but a house nonetheless.

“Do… do you guys think…?” Scootaloo began, then faltered.

A large wooden mask was hanging on top of the main door. Now, Spike was not the modern magic prodigy that Twilight was, but he knew enough to recognise what it was.

“It’s a ritual zebrican mask,” Spike said immediately, a small shiver running down his spine.

“What’s that?” Sweetie Belle turned towards him, her head tilted to the side.

“Doesn’t Miss Cheerilee teach you anything at school?”

“I mean, she tries,” Scootaloo conceded. “It’s not like we pay attention to her or anything.” Sweetie Belle nodded solemnly.

Spike face-clawed. “You girls are impossible.”

The unicorn coughed. “Ahem. The mask?”

“Right. The mask. Well, Zebricans are kind of a troublesome folk,” he began. “A few decades past, a Trottish expeditionary force that landed on Zebrica’s beach was wiped out by a Zebrican ambush, and their heads were placed on pikes all across the shore. A warning for any would be invaders.” Scootaloo gulped, eyes wide in fear.

“And… what does the mask mean…?” Sweetie asked, fearful.

“That’s the thing. I don’t know. Nobody knows anything but the bare essentials about Zebrican culture, because no one who has come across them has survived,” Spike finished with a shiver. This was a terrible idea.

“Whoa nelly, that’s hardcore,” Apple Bloom quipped from behind them.

All three jumped on the spot, screeching for their dear lives. Spike jumped and grabbed hold of a low hanging tree branch. Scootaloo tried to fly away in her tiny wings, but only managed to stumble and crash into a very nasty looking and smelling puddle. Sweetie Belle just collapsed to the floor, faking her own death.

“... Huh,” Apple Bloom frowned. “Did Ah scare ya guys?”

“Holy shit, Apple Bloom! Never do that again!” Spike hissed.

The farmfilly smirked evilly.

“Ya’re not the boss of me. If anythin’, Ah’m the boss of you!” Her smirk turned into a genuine smile. “Because Ah made ya come anyway!”

“Yeah, because we were worried about you, doofus!” Scootaloo added, before retching. “Oh sweet Celestia I think I need a bath.”

Sweetie Belle said nothing. She was still in the ground, quiet and silent as a rock. She was good.

“What are ya doin’ here?” Apple Bloom asked cheerfully, without giving a mind to their eerie, creepy surroundings.

“Didn’t you hear Scootaloo?” Spike asked her, still trying to calm his breathing. Or do you just crave validation and want to hear us say we care about you again?

“Well, Ah do crave validation an’ wan’ ta hear ya say ya care about me,” she said nonchalantly, reading his mind.

That was surely the only logical explanation here.

Sweetie Belle was still very much still in the ground. Spike started to wonder if perhaps she wasn’t exactly faking her death.

Apple Bloom, seemingly unconcerned by one of her best friend’s apparent death, brightly added, “what Ah actually meant was, what are ya doin’ outside? Come on in!”

“How about no?!” Scootaloo shouted in renewed panic.

“How about yes?” Apple Bloom cheerily replied without missing a beat. “Come on, ya’re goin’ to love her!”

And without waiting for an answer, she opened the door to the creepy hut. Spike and Scootaloo only shared a glance – Spike pinched his nose. Dear Celestia, she smells like sh—– before following Apple Bloom inside.

“Zecora! Ah’m back! Ah got the herbs ya asked me to pick up, an’ Ah foun’ my frien’s alon’ the way, too! Ah tol’ ya they would come aroun’,” she announced proudly, Spike pushing the still form of Sweetie Belle across the threshold. Turns out that, while she didn’t die, she did faint and had yet to come back to it.

The inside of the tree hut was unlike its exterior. Where the outside had been twisted, jagged and foreboding, the inside was welcoming and cozy. Exotic plants and pieces of furniture littered the walls, and a warm hearth cackled in the middle of it all.

“Oh, Apple Bloom, you came back so soon?” a soft, motherly voice rang, dripping a thick exotic accent. As her owner came to view, though, it wasn’t a pony but a zebra what they saw. “I thought my errand would keep you busy until noon!”

Apple Bloom blushed. “Aww, shucks, it was nothin’, Zecora.”

“You are a good and smart filly, I can see,” the zebra happily praised Apple Bloom. “Equestria will one day surely bow to thee.”

Wait what, Spike’s brain paused. Before it could be rebooted, though, the zebra, Zecora, turned towards him, eyes wide in surprise.

“Oh my, is that a baby dragon I see? Or just an overgrown lizard come to feed?”

It was at that moment that Spike finally made a decision:

I fucking hate everything, he mentally declared with finality.

Lyra Heartstrings was definitely not amused.

Born in Canterlot and a former student of Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, she had moved to Ponyville a few days after the whole Summer Sun Celebration thing two weeks ago, amongst other things, in search of some peace and quiet.

And instead of peace and quiet, she got The End of the World as We Know It.

Or so her roommate, earth pony Bon Bon, hysterically screeched as she ran in circles around the kitchen.

For the fifth straight hour.

And I thought I was the weird one, she thought bemusedly.

Eventually, though, she got tired of her friend’s ridiculous display, and with a deep, annoyed sigh, she finally spoke up.

“You do know the world’s not actually ending, right? It’s just smoke.”

Bon Bon, coming to a halt, fixed her with a very nasty look. The what-the-fuck-did-you-just-fucking-say-about-me kind of look.

“I mean, it smells like smoke,” Lyra said with a shrug.

“Ooooh, that’s brilliant, isn’t it?” Bon Bon said, her voice not exactly dripping as much as oozing acid. “‘Oh, it’s smoke because it smells like smoke’,” the tan earth pony said in the most sarcastic voice Lyra had ever heard as she rolled her eyes in exasperation. Then, she got all up in her roommate’s face and screamed at the top of her lungs: “OF COURSE I KNOW IT’S SMOKE, LYRA!!! THE BETTER QUESTION IS, HOW AND WHY DID A CLOUD OF SMOKE COVER ALL OF PONYVILLE OVERNIGHT!!!”

Lyra blinked, deafened by Bon Bon’s scream, utterly stunned, and with a slightly queer feeling in her gut.

“Okay, okay, I get it,” she said, shaking her head. “Calm down, Bon Bon! Jeez, it’s just a cloud of smoke.”

“Are you really calling the Dark Eternal Night ‘just a cloud of smoke’?!” Bon Bon asked incredulously, before pinching her nose. “I swear, Lyra, you need to learn to take things more seriously.”

“I know how to take things seriously!” she protested. “You’re the one who’s exaggerating!”

“Just think, Lyra. Think. Come on, I know that maybe it’s a bit too hard for you, but. Just. Think. We’ve got an enormous cloud of smoke covering all of Ponyville.”

“I noticed,” Lyra snarked, a bit annoyed by Bon Bon’s condescending tone and rubbing her still-ringing ears.

Her friend ignored her. “What could possibly cause such a cloud of smoke?”

“Uhm, fire?”

“Fire, of course! Now, just how big would a fire need to be to create such a big and enduring cloud of smoke?”

“Probably the best barbecue in Equestria.”

“For Celestia’s sake, Lyra!” Bon Bon exclaimed. “For a smoke cloud of this magnitude, we’d need an area at least as big as Canterlot to be on fire!”

“So definitely the best barbecue in Equestrian history,” she amended with a smirk.

Bon Bon facehoofed once more, but before she could tear Lyra apart in her rage, the bit finally dropped. Lyra’s eyes went wide, her pupils turned into pinpricks, and her ears dropped.

“... Oh.”

“Yeah,” Bon Bon said with a tired sigh. “Now you get it?”

“So you’re telling me Canterlot is on fire?” Lyra asked numbly. My whole family lives there! And Minuette, and Lemon Hearts, and Moondancer, and—

Bon Bon must have surely noticed Lyra’s change of countenance, because her gaze and voice softened. “No, Lyra,” she said as she walked closer to her friend. “Canterlot is fine and most definitely not on fire. If it did, the smoke cloud wouldn’t be so close to Ponyville.” Lyra let out a breath she didn’t know she had held. Bon Bon continued: “The Everfree Forest, though? I don’t know.”

“And we live on the edge of the Everfree Forest,” Lyra said weakly, comprehension dawning in her eyes.

“Now you get it?” Bon Bon raised an eyebrow.

“Y-yeah,” Lyra said before gulping. Now she was the one who was panicking. “W-what should we do? What should we do?! We should probably run away!”

“Don’t worry!” a new voice came out of nowhere, scaring the everything out of the two ponies.

“AAAHHH!!!” both mares jumped on the spot in surprise, turning towards the window in panic. Leaning in was Twilight Sparkle’s sorta little-brother, baby dragon Spike.

“Oh, Spike! You nearly scared the life outta me!” Lyra scolded him, desperately trying to control her breathing. And her heart. And her, well, pretty much everything. Thank goodness she’d gone to the bathroom just before starting the whole conversation with Bon Bon, otherwise…

“Heheh. Sorry, Lyra,” the baby dragon looked a bit ashamed. “What are you doing here anyway?”

“‘Here’ as in ‘Bon Bon’s house’, or as in ‘Ponyville in general’?”

“‘Here’ as in ‘Ponyville in general’.”

“Oh, I got here a few days after the whole Summer Sun Celebration debacle! I asked the Princess for advice regarding my investigation into the Humans, and she recommended I moved to Ponyville! Seeing how well it turned out for Twilight, I decided to give it a shot, too! And so far it’s been going swimmingly! Y’know, barring the—”

“What was that about us worrying?” Bon Bon interrupted, her eyes darting from dragon to unicorn repeatedly. Both jumped on their spots, but not nearly as much as the two ponies had just a few moments ago.

“Oh!” Spike exclaimed. “That you don’t need to. Twilight and the guys have it all under control!”

“Oh, that’s great to know,” the tan mare sighed in relief. “And what is the cause of the fire?”

“Oh, there’s no fire. Just a full-grown dragon that nested nearby. No biggie.”

What.

“Please explain to me how a huge, gigantic, terrifying, enormous, teeth-gnashing, sharp-scale-having, horn-wearing, smoke-snoring, fire-breathing, blood-lusting, viscerae-eating, could-swallow-a-pony-in-a-single-bite, could-raze-a-city-with-little-more-than-a-thought, totally all-grown up real dragon resting nearby is ‘no biggie’,” Bon Bon snarked without missing a beat. Lyra nodded in stunned agreement. “Er, no offense.”

Spike blinked. “Huh. Just got the weirdest sense of Déjà Vu.” He shook his head. “But you don’t have to worry, because they’ve got it all under control!”

“Yeeeeaaaah… no offense; they’re cool and all that, but they’re just six ponies up against a giant dragon,” the unicorn objected.

“Six ponies who defeated the Night King,” Spike pointed out.

Both mares exchanged glances.

“Touché,” Lyra said.

“Oh, and there’s no need to freak out about the weird cowled stranger that comes to town every month!” the dragon added. “We met her, she’s a zebra, her name’s Zecora and she’s actually super nice!”

Both ponies looked at each other like Spike was insane.

“What?!” Bon Bon exclaimed. “How can that be true?! If that were true, then why does she live deep in the Everfree Forest? It’s not really the most friendly of neighbourhoods.”

“Because she’s an herbalist, and over there she has closer access to most of the herbs he needs,” Spike explained cheerily.

“Then why is it that, whenever she comes, she always goes and lurks around the stores?”

“Because she’s going to them to do some shopping,” Spike answered, a bit more warily than before. “Not all herbs grow in the Everfree Forest, there are some she has to buy here.”

Lyra and Bon Bon exchanged a new glance, this one more nervous than the previous ones. “And… why does she dig at the ground?”

“Probably looking for some herb that only grows in Ponyville, or something like that? I don’t know, I didn’t ask her,” answered Spike.

Both ponies seemed uncomfortable. “And…” Bon Bon tentatively began, “why does she come to town once every month, wearing a creepy cloak and everything?”

Spike seemed even more uncomfortable than them all of a sudden. “Well… no offense, girls, but you guys here in Ponyville are kinda xenophobic.”

“What?! No, we’re not!” the earth pony replied, indignant.

“Literally only Butterscotch can tell apart a baby dragon from an overgrown lizard,” Spike blinked, unamused.

“... That proves nothing!” Bon Bon insisted.

“You thought Zecora was an evil enchantress simply because she’s a zebra,” the dragon snapped.

“Well, I mean,” Lyra said, walking up to Bon Bon, “he’s got you there, you know.”

“Don’t blame this on me, you thought she was evil too!”

Lyra just coughed and muttered something under her breath, too low for any of the others to hear.

Spike shrugged. “Well, it doesn’t really matter, anyway. The point is, she’s super nice, so you don’t have to worry the next time she comes to visit. Just wanted to give you girls the update after I heard your yapping from the street.”

“Ask them if they want a blue rose!” came the voice of an excitable filly from the streets.

“Oh. Right,” Spike said, pulling a beautiful sky-blue flower and held it up. “Sweetie Belle found them in the Everfree. Do you girls want one?”

“Oh, sure!” Lyra grabbed two with her magic, passing one to Bon Bon. “They’re pretty!” Bon Bon just nodded, looking at the admittedly-quite-pretty flower in her hoof. “Do I owe you anything for them?”

“Nah, keep them! It’s on the house. Bye bye, Lyra! Nice seeing you here in Ponyville!”

“Bye, Spike!” Lyra waved at the retreating form of the dragon. She then walked away from the window, turned around, and looked at Bon Bon with a sly grin. “See? Told you it wasn’t the end of the world.”

And she was right: it wasn’t.

It was way, way worse than that.

Author's Note

It's been 84 years... but lo and behold: the day has arrived. Here it is. As I've mentioned in a comment, my attention has shifted away to other projects, chief amongst them University. However, after Season 8 of Game of Thrones aired, I also started writing a major ASOIAF Alternate Universe fic called When The Wolves Cry Out (shameless self-advertisement, yay!), which has consumed most of my free time. However, I will NOT abandon this fic. Just going to take me a fuckload of time to write it.

I'm sorry for the rushed ending, but in the months-long hiatus we came to the conclusion that this chapter, or, more exactly, the Incident (as in, what exactly happened while the Mane 6 were away), is best left implied. It allows us more freedom to add stupid fun details as they come to mind, rather than constrain us trying to actually write them.

What matters, though, is that they met Zecora, and as they came back to town, Sweetie Belle found both Poison Joke and a parasprite, and, not knowing what any of them actually were, started handing the flowers and the parasprites' Poison-Joke-infected offspring over to everypony they came across. Shortly afterwards, everything went to Tartarus in a handbasket.

Also, I’m an old school brony. You say Golden Harvest, I say Carrot Top. Deal with it. To me, “Secondary/Background Six” is still a totally legitimate character group.

EDIT PATCH 1.2: "Crepuscula" would be the latin counterpart of "Twilight" as a female noun.

Chapter 6: Take Me Out

“Ya sure ya ain’t bored, missy?”

*Buck!*

“Why would I be bored?”

*Buck!*

“Ya’re just sittin’ there, under the trees, watchin’ me buck my orchard. Sounds mighty borin’ to me.”

“Tell me about it,” Spike yawned, then took a bite out of an apple.

“Shush, you,” Twilight rolled her eyes at the baby dragon. “You see, Applejack, I was born and raised in Canterlot.”

*Buck!*

“So?” he asked, not unkindly, as he checked the apples felled by his most recent kick.

“Well, this is the first time I’ve ever been on a farm! Aside from the whole Summer Sun Celebration thing, I mean. I’ve never seen a farmpony work in person! I’ve read books about agriculture, but they don’t compare to seeing it first-hoof!”

“Oh. Oh!” Applejack realised. “So, ya’re just here doin’ some kinda research?” he asked awkwardly.

“Not really, no. Though, what would exactly be my hypothesis if I were? ‘Is kicking your trees really the best way to go about it’?” she chuckled.

No one else laughed with her.

“Also, we’re still homeless,” Spike quipped uninterestedly, “so…” He shrugged.

“And whose fault is that, Spike?” Twilight barked at him venomously. Thank Celestia she had the foresight to at least fireproof the books. And that the guys had been kind enough to allow her to crash at their places by turns.

“Apple Bloom did it,” he replied immediately.

“Sweetie Belle did it!” a voice rang across the farm.

“WHO’S SCREAMIN’ IN THE DARN TOOTIN’ HOUSE?!” a cranky elderly voice boomed with the force of a hundred suns.

Applejack chuckled at the hell his little sister had just stirred, then, after a beat, re-railed their conversation with a casual “So, no research?”

“Yup. I mean, what would exactly be my hypothesis if I were? ‘Is kicking your trees really the best way to go about it’?” she repeated, insistence creeping in her voice.

“We heard you the first time, Twi. It’s still not funny,” Spike snarked at Twilight.

Flustered, the unicorn turned sharply to glower at the baby dragon, who grinned toothily at her and continued eating Applejack’s produce.

“Well, Ah ain’t got the faintest. To me, farmin’ is the easiest thing in the world. Ain’t no science about it,” Applejack shrugged good-naturedly.

Twilight was about to reply, when Applejack added.

“Don’t let Big Mac catch ya sayin’ that, though.”

“Why not?”

“He hates it when Ah say things like that.”

Twilight blinked.

“Why?”

“He’s a big geek, and farmin’s his whole life. Why, he’s twenty six and he ain’t ever had a fillyfriend!”

“He might like colts,” Twilight shrugged.

“Mah brother ain’t no colt-cuddler,” Applejack said a bit too forcefully.

Twilight frowned, but decided against pressing the issue. Instead, another, exquisitely devious thought came to her mind, and she grinned evilly as she put her plan into practice.

Y’know.

For science.

“And you, Applejack?”

“And Ah ain’t no colt-cuddler either!” he answered swiftly with inordinate vehemence.

“Didn’t even cross my mind,” Twilight lied smoothly, a rainbow coloured mane coming to her mind. “What I meant was, do you have a fillyfriend?”

“Oh– uh– err…” Applejack fumbled, blushing softly. “Well… No, not anymore, no.” He winced as soon as the words left his mouth.

“‘Not anymore’, huh?” Twilight teased him with the innocence of a little kid bent on manipulating everypony into world domination. The stallion gulped hard. “Ooh, who was the lucky filly?”

“Well… Err… Ya see… T-there was this girl…”

“Oh~?”

“And… Well…” He was growing redder by the word, looking more and more like his brother. Twilight was savouring every single second of his embarrassment. "I..."

*BURP!*

“A letter from Princess Celestia!” Twilight exclaimed excitedly out of instinct as a scroll materialised out of Spike’s burst of flame, before pausing. “That’s… unexpected.”

“Unexpected? Why, somethin’ the matter?”

“Not that I know of,” Twilight said as she unrolled the letter with her magic. Her brow furrowing as she read, she missed Applejack’s brief look of regret while he let out a giant breath. “Oh.”

“What is it, Twi?” Spike asked.

“My dearest and most faithful student:

My brother, Prince Artemis, has been hard at work slowly but surely readjusting to his life in Equestria during the past month. Unfortunately, he still holds close to his heart the same values and manners that he held a thousand years ago, so it’s been quite a challenge to get him to stop referring to our little ponies as ‘peasants’, or to the maids as ‘wenches’, or to the nobleponies as ‘worthless scum’.

It has been the most fun I’ve had in recent memory, and it’s all thanks to you.

But this is more than just a social call. As you might know, the triannual Grand Galloping Gala is coming around next Spring. You, my faithful student, are invited as always. However, given recent events, your presence has turned into something of a main attraction. Indeed, many nobles from all across Equestria have written to me asking about you, up to and including King Philippe of Prance and Basileus Konstantíppos IX of Hayzantium!

So I regret to inform you that, this time, your presence is not requested, but required. However, you can also bring your friends to keep you company. Indeed, it would be preferable, given as how you six have swiftly become the stuff of leg—

Oh dear. Artemis may or may not have just sent a chef to the executioner after mistaking the maple syrup in his morning waffles for poison. I’ll send the tickets as soon as this is sorted out.

With love,

Princess Celestia.

“It’s about the Grand Galloping Gala.”

Spike grimaced.

“The Grand Gallo-what now?” Applejack asked. “Ya mean that fancy schmancy dinner at Canterlot?”

“Applejack!" Twilight gasped. "The Grand Galloping Gala is far more than a ‘fancy schmancy dinner’. It is the biggest event of the Equestrian nobility and high society! It’s an opportunity to gather the rulers of all of Equestria’s constituent kingdoms in one place! A chance to foster goodwill among rulers, to coordinate joint policies, maybe even arrange political marriages! Many significant events in pony history can trace their origin to a reunion, a conversation, an arrangement or even a slight that took place in the Grand Galloping Gala! It is not just any old gala, it’s History in the making!” Twilight lectured him with a stern voice.

“Right,” said Applejack, nodding in understanding.

A beat.

“So, fancy schmancy dinner at Canterlot?”

“And a very boring one, too,” Twilight added dryly.

“Sounds about right,” Applejack nodded, “but what does any of that have to do with ya?”

“With us,” Twilight said matter-of-factly. Applejack went very stiff and gulped nervously, but fortunately for him, she didn’t notice. “They want the Bearers to attend.”

“A-all six of us?” He winced at his stutter.

“And Spike, if he wants to.”

“Hard pass,” the baby dragon said nonchalantly as he finished eating an apple. He then walked towards one of the buckets filled to the brim with recently bucked apples and began looking for a new one. Applejack narrowed his eyes at him. “I’ve got far better things to do than to attend that snoozefest.”

He suddenly pulled out a PERFECT-looking APPLE; an APPLE so utterly perfect that there were simply no words to describe ITS perfection and do IT justice. Theologians old and new had long debated the concept of ‘perfection’, from where and from whom had ponykind first learned such an abstract concept. Had it been a god? Celestia Herself? At the moment, it mattered not, for had they been blessed with the presence of this APPLE, all arguments would have been rendered moot. Only The APPLE would remain. It was so perfect, even the most zealous supporters of Princess Celestia would have been hard-pressed to continue claiming the Princess was the epitome of perfection when gazing at this miracle of sight. Literal angelical voices came from out of nowhere, as sunlight grazed the glittering surface of The APPLE.

Twilight’s eyes widened at the sight. Suddenly, every worry she had was gone. Every weight, lifted off her shoulders. Her mind was clearer than ever before in her life. The APPLE filled her soul.

“Oh, this one looks good!” Spike said in what was easily the greatest understatement in the history of the universe.

And then he immediately proceeded to messily chomp on IT.

Just like that, the trance was broken. Twilight felt all her worries, all her anxiety and concerns crashing back down on her. She knew, right then, that never would Equestria witness such perfection again. It just wasn’t meant to be. Without The APPLE to guide her way, Twilight felt lost and miserable.

“... So when are we goin’?” Applejack re-railed the conversation a bit too forcefully, glaring at Spike with outright hatred, like he had just killed his God and gorged on His intestines without any care in the world. I mean, in a way, he just did...

“Uh, well… Ehhh… the Gala should be by next spring’s time,” answered Twilight awkwardly, trying to shake away the thought of The APPLE, “so there’s plenty of time to train you to endure the high-society ponies. You should ask Elusive for...”

“Missy, Ah’m gonna stop ya right there. There’s no way in hell Ah’m doin’ that.” Applejack chuckled. “B’sides, Ah wasn’t thinkin’ too much on schmoozin’ the stuffy highborns.”

“Oh?”

“Well, ya see… Thing is, the farm is in sore need of some extra bits. Some of our better-off cousins send us a helpin’ hoof from time to time, but this harvest ain’t been the best and FOR FUCK’S SAKE SPIKE WILL YA STOP EATIN’ THE FUCKIN’ APPLES?!” The dragon stopped in his tracks, at least having the decency to look abashed. The stallion sighed, and after rubbing his head with a hoof, he continued. “And expenses are only goin’ up, what with Granny’s hip actin’ up and the need to replace a bunch of our equipment.” By his frown, he clearly was reluctant to share the farm’s difficulties to anypony else.

“Oh,” Twilight said, her ears flattening against her head. “I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m sure the Princess would be glad to help you out.”

“Mighty appreciated, missy, but it ain’t necessary,“ said Applejack, raising his hoof with a reassuring smile. “Ah only need an opportunity to make some honest work, and Ah reckon the Gala might actually be such an opportunity.”

Twilight tilted her head. “What do you have in mind?”

The Grand Galloping Gala is a momentous occasion. Hundreds and hundreds of ponies from all over Equestria would gather in the most important event in Equestrian Society. Kings, queens, dukes, princes, minor nobles, billionaires, businessponies, bourgeois ponies… in short: important, rich, wealthy ponies. Oh, and the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony, too, though they’d stuck out like a sore hoof.

And, as was a common practice in such fancy schmancy events, there would be very little food available. Fancy ponies would be starving, desperate for something, anything, that might save them from a terrible evening of foodlessness.

But look no further, fellow hungry fancy ponies, for there is a solution to their suffering: Applejack MacBrightMacintosh Apple of Ponyville!

Why, out in the gardens, he would set up a cart filled to the brim with copious amounts of delicious, homemade Apple family products! Tired of the scarce, bland, plain fancy food of the fancy cooks of the Royal Palace, the fancy ponies will be delighted to see such delicacies!

The Crown Prince of Prance, Sabre Flamboyant, would be amongst the first in the line. Once he reached the stand, Applejack would receive him with a grin.

“Howdy, partner,” he’d say, “ya see somethin’ ya like? Caramel apple? Apple pie? Homebrewed apple cider?”

Jumping on his hooves from the excitement, the Crown Prince would rear up his legs.

“Yee-haw!” the dauphin would yee-haw, before excitedly setting his hooves back in the ground. “Do Ah? Ah’m hungry as all get out! Gimme yer best, partner!”

Applejack, grinning, would give him one of his best, most delicious apple pies, knowing that it was sure to satisfy the poor pony’s hunger.

And he’d take one bit, and his eyes would light up so brightly that they would rival the moon in the sky. He would yee-haw even stronger than before, and loudly proclaim Applejack’s apple delicacies to be the best food he’d ever tasted. At such a royal recommendation, every single fancy pony in the Gala would line up at Applejack’s stand to buy his products. But that’s not all, nu-huh. Prince Sabre Flamboyant would be so delighted, that he would convince his father, King Philippe, to sign a trading contract with the Apples of Ponyville! Perhaps he might even sign it himself when he ascended to the throne!

By the end of the night, Applejack would have earned a gargantuan amount of money! Money they could use to replace the saggy old roof in the barn! Money they could use to replace Big Macintosh’s saggy old plow! Money they could use to replace Granny Smith’s saggy old hip! And not only would they still have some money left, but the trade contract with Prance would be so profitable, that they wouldn’t need to depend on the help of some of their better-off cousins ever again! They might even be the ones doing the helping instead!

“... and that’s what Ah was thinkin’,” Applejack finished confidently.

Twilight blinked.

“I don’t think you’ve fully grasped how nobleponies think,” she said, not unkindly. “Or talk, for that matter,” she added.

“Nonsense, missy. Hungry ponies are all the same, no matter whether born in a barn or a palace. And with what little food is served at these fancy schmancy events, they’ll be starvin’!” Applejack explained good-naturedly. “B’sides, what kind of pony doesn’t love apples?”

“Ponies who like pears?”

“Missy, please. No real pony likes pears. It is known.”

"It is known," echoed Spike.

“I like pears. Are… are you saying I’m not real?” she pouted in a sad, hurt tone, her eyes wide, and her ears flat against the sides of her head.

Applejack’s heart skipped a beat in horror as he realised he had just insulted the pretty filly in front of him. Oh, crap!

His brain went into overload as he tried to find the magic sentence that would fix everything, but all that he came up with just dug himself further into an early grave.

Think, Applejack, think!

‘Er.. Uh… Ah meant—’ No stutterin’, no explainin’, AJ! Ya’ gotta be confident!

‘That’s just what they want ya to think, pears are evil Ah tell ya!’ Nnope, she’ll think ya’re just a crackpot hick.

‘GET OUTTA MAH FARM!’ Well, now ya’re just bein’ rude.

Twilight giggled, taking the panicking stallion out of his daze.

“Well, real or not, this pony right here” – she said, pointing to herself – “doesn’t quite have the tickets, so don’t get too excited yet.”

“W-why not?” Applejack stuttered, still bucking himself internally for his faux pas.

“Well, Artemis miiight have sentenced a pony to death at Canterlot” – Say what now?! Applejack blinked – “while the Princess was writing her letter. She was going to send them as soon as—”

*BURP!*

“—possible. Thanks, Spike!” She unrolled the scroll as the dragon returned to laze around with his back against a tree trunk. “Let’s see here… Oh.” She frowned.

“What is it?” asked the farmpony.

Twilight showed him the letter.

“He’s dead.

Here are the tickets.

I don’t want to talk right now.

Celestia.”

“... Well, that sucks,” Applejack sighed. “Told ya guys it was mighty suspicious that the Elements would just go and change a pony completely.” B’sides, corrupted or not, he was being a total creep to Missy ‘ere, and that ain’t somethin’ Ah’ll forgive easily.

“He thought they were trying to poison him, but… perhaps you’re right,” Twilight mumbled, pursing her lips. She stored the letter in her saddlebags, and proceeded to open the adjunct envelope in Applejack’s sight.

Inside the envelope, however, were just two golden tickets. The letter accompanying them only said 'Twilight Sparkle plus date'.

“Huh,” Twilight said.

DATE?! Applejack’s eyes widened. He glanced at Twilight swiftly, trying to gauge her reaction, but she had none. He was about to say something, anything, to break the uncomfortable silence that had set in, but the unicorn beat him to it.

“Guess it’s just the two of us, then.”

Applejack felt his heart somersault, spin on its axis, turn itself upside down, explode into a gazillion pieces and collapse in on itself, all at the same time. It was a Celestia-darn miracle it didn’t tear itself into pieces or burst into flames or something, but it did come to a full stop.

“Just make sure you don’t leave me alone all night at the Grand Galloping Gala,” she winked at him.

Eeyup.

He was dead.

He had died engulfed in the dragon’s firebreath.

He had died and gone to heaven.

“Seriously though, you take the ticket, and I’ll—” Twilight continued speaking, but Applejack heard none of it, entranced by what was happening. Lightheadedness setting in, a goofy smile began to form in his lips as he had that wonderful, giddy feeling in his stomach and chest that he hadn’t felt since those sweet first days with Car—

*CRASH!*

“Did you say ‘Grand Galloping Gala’?”

“Rainbow Blitz!” Twilight screamed. “You killed Applejack!”

“Huh?” The cyan pegasus shot up, his eyes wide, noticing the stallion for the first time. He was knocked out cold. Unmoving. Unbreathing.

Blitz’s posture relaxed immediately. “Nah, he’s fine.”

“He’s not even breathing!” Twilight yelled. “How can you be so sure?!”

Spike crouched over Applejack.

“Yo, Applejack!”

Twilight glared angrily at Blitz, who held himself aloft with his wings, forehooves crossed.

“You alright?”

The orange stallion croaked weakly.

“Yeah, you’re gonna be fine.”

“See?” Blitz said, “he’s a tough old goat. He used to wrestle with Big Mac.”

Twilight scowled at him. “That’s completely different, they’re almost the same si—”

“When he was still a scrawny colt and Big Mac was already Big Mac.”

“... Oh.”

“... Wait, that came out wrong.”

“Yes. Yes, it did.” Twilight rolled her eyes. “What do you want, Blitz?”

“Well, I was practicing some awesome tricks nearby and overheard you talking about the Grand Galloping Gala with Applejack.”

“And you had to land on him?” she chastised Blitz.

“I’m still working on the whole ‘landing’ part…” he admitted begrudgingly. “Anyway, what’s up with that?”

“The Princess sent me two tickets for the Gala—”

“And you were going to go with Applejack?!” Blitz interrupted, sounding offended.

“Actually, I was going to—wait a second,” Twilight frowned. “Why do you care? I thought you hated all that stuff.”

“Well, usually, yeah, but this is the Grand Galloping Gala!” Rainbow Blitz explained. “The Wonderbolts are going to be in attendance!”

“... So?”

“‘So’? This could be my chance to meet them! My chance to impress them with my awesome moves and tricks! My big break!”

“I thought you rejected the Night King’s offer because you were still ‘not good enough’ for the professional scene.” Twilight was starting to think her frown was slowly becoming a permanent feature on her face.

“I rejected his offer because it was obviously a fake,” Blitz rolled his eyes.

“And what happened to the whole ‘Element of Loyalty’ thing?”

“Well yeah that too I guess. Aaanywaaay,” he drawled forcefully, “I’ll take whatever chances I can get. I never said I was going to perform with them now, but y’know, get to know them, make some contacts. Hell, maybe even impress them enough to get a slot in the Academy!”

“Hey, guys, Applejack’s awake!” Spike interjected. The orange stallion was rubbing his aching head and breathing heavily, but still managed to give Rainbow a nasty glare.

“Now hol’ on just one second, partner…” Applejack coughed as he picked up his fallen stetson. “There’s just two tickets, and the missy invited me, so scram!”

“And what are you going to do at the Gala, huh? Sell some apples?” Blitz raised an eyebrow in amusement.

“... Nnnnnoooo? Maybe. Shut up!” Applejack barked back.

“Guys, I was thinking—”

“Of inviting Rainbow Blitz so he can begin his sure ascent into stardom, yeah!” the colourful pegasus interrupted her.

“Ya wish!” Applejack scowled. “She’s gonna invite me!”

“Nuh-huh!”

“Yah-huh!”

“Guys—”

“Oh, you wanna go, pal? Alright, let’s settle this like stallions!” the pegasus provoked.

“Ya’re on, partner! Winner goes to the Gala with the missy!”

And with no further ado, they jumped on each other, trying to wrestle the other into submission.

Twilight stared at them, unblinking, for a whole minute.

Then she facehoofed. Hard.

Stallions. Truly, the dumbest creatures to ever walk this land.

She knew, however, that some of the fault lied in her. Perhaps she had teased Applejack a bit too much, gone too far, and now he had forgotten that all six of them were supposed to go together.

Sure, she found that she rather liked him, just not enough to actually go on a date with him, let alone a dateat the freaking Gala. They had only known each other for three weeks, after all, and she wasn’t going to rush her first foray into romance.

Heck, she was only just discovering friendship as it is!

Rainbow Blitz, however, never actually allowed her to properly explain the situation, interrupting her at every turn, and in the end, his temper had gotten the best of him. At least he had his own valid reasons for wanting to attend the Gala, Twilight supposed... But if she had to pick only one, it probably wouldn’t be him.

… Okay, it definitely wouldn’t be him.

She sighed.

“Let’s go, Spike.”

“Aww, do we have to?” he whined, amused by the wrestling happening in front of him.

“I guess. Seems like we’re done here,” she grumbled, glancing at the fighting stallions. Applejack had Rainbow Blitz on a chokehold, but the pegasus was making it increasingly hard for the farmpony to keep him in his grasp. “Lunch time’s coming up. We could go to the Hay Burger; I think it survived the Incident...”

Spike jumped to his feet.

“Great! I’m starving!”

Twilight death-glared the baby dragon, her mind and soul still mourning The APPLE.

“... What?”

“Hmm, you’re in quite a pickle,” Spike mused, the two of them walking down the streets of Ponyville. While the town had, generally speaking, survived the Incident (as they’d come to refer to it), it hadn’t done so unscathed. Like, at all. Almost everypony on the streets was, in one way or another, helping with the reconstruction efforts, financed by the Royal Treasury. Still, most of them paused to wave at the pair when they passed by, even if some did glance rather sourly at Spike.

The baby dragon returned the waves. The unicorn didn’t. “If they would only listen to me, they would have realised that I intended to ask the Princess for the four missing tickets when she’s feeling better,” she said crankily. “But nooooooo, they have to go and make a big fight for it. As if I’m some kind of prize to be won! I’ll buck Rainbow Blitz in his big dumb face…”

“But not Applejack?” The dragon raised his eyebrow.

“He just got… distracted, but he knows we’re all going, that’s all.”

“‘He just got distracted’? You were flirting with him!”

“I was not!” Spike looked at her, unamused, with his arms crossed. “... Was I?” Spike raised an eyebrow. “Gah! This whole Friendship thing is so new and alien to me! I just wanted to tease him, like the Friendship Manual recommended! I didn’t mean to flirt with him!”

“Wait, you have a Friendship Manual?”

“Well, of course I do," she stated matter-of-factly. "This is, after all, an academic assignment given by the Princess herself.” Her eyes narrowed aggressively. “And I intend to pass it with honours!” she said, finishing with a hoof stomp.

“You’re really not getting this whole ‘friendship’ thing, do you,” Spike snarked.

“If I did, the Princess wouldn’t have sent me to study it, now would she?”

“... Touché.”

Twilight sighed, then frowned. “It’s weird, though.”

“What is?”

“Well, it just doesn’t add up,” she said as she pulled out the invitation from her saddlebags with her magic. “First, she says that the six of us are pretty much required to attend, but then she sends me only two tickets.”

“She might be upset, what with Artemis executing somepony,” Spike pointed out. “She probably didn’t even realise.”

“I thought so at first, but look here” – she passed the invitation to Spike so he could read it –: “‘Twilight Sparkle plus date’. It’s the same invitation she’s sent me the last three times. No changes whatsoever.” She knew it all too well; she had memorised the whole invitation the first time she got hers!

“Got lost in the mail?” Spike shrugged unhelpfully.

"What mail? The police closed down the post office until the forensic investigation is over," Twilight frowned.

"Okay, that one wasn't our fault."

Twilight couldn't help but chuckle. "I know, Spike. You only destroyed half of Ponyville, and caused millionary damages to the other half. Then said half destroyed itself on its own."

"What do they need to investigate for, though?" the baby dragon swiftly steered the conversation away from his own crimes. "The police found Crafty Crate in the basement of the post office with a butcher's knife on his hooves, a pentagram drawn with blood on the floor, the corpses of at least seven interns with their hearts ripped out, and chanting invocations to the Elder Ones in eldritch tongues," he summarised. "I mean, it's kind of obvious he's guilty."

"Well, it's more of a formality, really. Due process and all that. Besides, Celestia knows Derpy could use the vacation, the poor mare. In any case, why would the Princess send me a letter through the mail? We always use Dragon FaxTM!"

"She wants to mix things up?" Spike snarked.

Any response Twilight might have had was cut short when she collided head-on with the pink force of nature Ponyville called “Phil Pie”, who was currently dashing across town without a care in the world.

Both ponies fell to the ground with a yelp, a tangle of technicoloured legs and manes crashing into the dirt below.

And as Fate would have it for their own sadistic amusement, the Gala tickets had fell from Twilight’s magical grip straight on top of Phil’s eyes, blocking his sight.

“AAAGGGHHH! MACGUFFINS! OH DEAR GOD THEY GOT IN MY EYES! AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” Panicked, Phil ran in circles seven full times before the tickets finally fell off. Relieved, he said, “ahhhhh, that’s better. Oh? What are these?” He picked up the tickets.

“They’re—”

“Tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala!” Phil exclaimed excitedly, interrupting Twilight. “Oh! Oh! Pick me! Pick me!”

“I… What?”

“Oh, it’s just that there are only two tickets, and you look very upset and confused and I thought it’s because you don’t know whom to give the ticket to without giving him the wrong impression because it’s the Grand Galloping Gala and there’s no way in hell anypony is going to think an invitation to such a rare and fancy event is not romantic in the slightest,” he said without once pausing for breath.

“That’s… almost exactly what is going on, but the problem is that nopony is bothering to listen to my explana—”

“I’ve got just the thing!” Phil interrupted, not bothering to listen to Twilight’s explanation. “Just take me with you, and problem solved!”

“How does that solve anything?!”

Phil scrunched up his face, thinking hard.

And long.

Very long.

“... Huh. I guess it doesn’t really solve anything, does it? Just like my therapist.” Phil eventually shrugged, before perking up again. “Still, take me with you!”

Twilight rolled her eyes.

“Alright, Phil, amuse me. What’s your reason for wanting to go?”

“‘Amuse’ you? Why, that’s exactly my reason! You see...”

Canterlot. The Grand Galloping Gala was in full swing… Or… something. It was actually as much “in full swing” as a dead, rotting corpse could be said to be “climbing the walls in excitement”.

It was absolutely Boring. Capital B and everything.

Ponies were crying out of boredom, dismaying, falling asleep. The Bearers were completely out of their elements (pun unintended… or was it?). Even Princess Celestia looked more interested in the cake than in the absolute snoozefest the Gala had turned out to be. Desolation was absolute.

But then, out of nowhere, coming down the mountainside… Music. Non-party related, copyrighted, lyrically-improvised music. And, at the front, a pink stallion, with black sunglasses, mane shaved bald except from a short stripe down the middle, a black goatee, some weird patterns of ink running down his right forehoof, a black leather vest covered in metal plates and an uncharacteristically deep and rumbling voice, was singing...

In time of need, they call for me
A party as dull is travesty
It makes my heart ache, it gives me the creep!
Stare in dismay at the sky
Bored attendees left to cry
Will they stay awake, or will they fall asleep?

Desolation, desolation,
Everypony’s having no fun
And the snoozefest’s begun

THEN THE PARTY STEED™ ARRIVED!
WITH PARTY CANNONS AND THE LIKE!
THEN THE PARTY STEED™ ARRIVED!
CRASHING IN, HE MADE YOU SMILE!

As the hours are passing by
And as Blitz wants to kill himself
No escape and no salvation!
Highborns tire Elusive out
And Applejack’s luck’s running out
Butterscotch’s fears are getting all too real!

Desperation, desperation
Everypony wants to slip away
It’s a race against time

THEN THE PARTY STEED™ ARRIVED!
WITH PARTY CANNONS AND THE LIKE!
THEN THE PARTY STEED™ ARRIVED!
CRASHING IN, HE MADE YOU SMILE!

Confetti is coming down from the sky
Nobleponies, are you ready to dance?
We will have some fun, trade yawns for a laugh

You’ll be rescued from the clutches of sleep
On this night you’re only dancing in cheer
By her throne, the Princess’s wielding a grin

An awesome guitar solo blows everyponies’ minds away, stuffy highborns squealing like angsty teenagers on a concert by a colt band. His forehooves busy with the guitar, Phil dips his sunglasses with his tail and winks in the crowd’s direction, causing King Rocinante V of Espuela to faint in excitement. Or probably die of cardiac arrest. The poor horse is so old it might be any of both, really.

We remember
In December
That’s the night the Gala was fixed
We made everypony cheer!

THEN THE PARTY STEED™ ARRIVED! (Streamers, games and songs,
Fun from above drove the boredom away)
WITH PARTY CANNONS AND THE LIKE! (Dancing, laughter and punch,
Fun from above, it’s an army of cheers)
THEN THE PARTY STEED™ ARRIVED! (Streamers, games and songs,
Fun from above drove the boredom away)
CRASHING IN, HE MADE YOU SMILE! (Dancing, laughter and punch,
Fun from above, it’s an army of cheers)

“You guys really have no idea how high society works…” Twilight realised as Phil continued singing, reprising the chorus. Her stomach sank deeper and deeper.

“Tell me about it,” Elusive huffed, startling both unicorn and dragon. “Oh, very sorry, my dears. I just happened to listen Phil’s, err, ‘song’. A most peculiar tune. Catchy, if a bit repetitive towards the end, though I can’t help but wonder how is he doing the second voices simultaneously with the first one. Or where is the music even coming from.”

“We remember! In December! When the Party Steed™ arrived!” Phil finally finished, before bowing to an imaginary audience. What little audience he had in truth only stared at him as if he was a madpony.

Which he was.

"My dear, the Gala's in May, not in December," Elusive deadpanned.

Phil simply waved his hoof. "Details, details."

Elusive rolled his eyes with a sigh. “If I may ask, what is the reason for all this commotion regarding the Grand Galloping Gala?”

Twilight and Spike shared a glance. Just how much worse it can get? they thought.

Much, much worse, as they would soon find out.

“Princess Celestia sent Twilight two tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala,” Spike began reticently.

“Yes, but—”

“Tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala?” Elusive’s eyes widened. Twilight flinched. “Twilight, that’s wonderful! Oh, I feel such envy! Why, I’ve always dreamed of attending the Grand Galloping Gala!”

“Okay, we walked right into this one…” Spike muttered. Twilight nodded wearily.

“You remember what I told you when we met, Twilight? About how fascinating I found the Royal Court?”

“Yes…?” Twilight drawled out warily.

“The Grand Galloping Gala is all that and more! Oh, can you imagine it?”

How could one even possibly begin the describe the Grand Galloping Gala? What words could receive the honour of being deemed worthy to try and paint the scene that Canterlot Palace is host to every three years?

You could go through many, many words, and none would be sufficient.

Elegance? There’s plenty of that.

Beauty? An unending supply.

Romance? Not even Heart & Hooves Day can even begin to pretend to convey such a strong, undiluted sense of love and passion as the Gala can.

Inbreeding? My dear, now that’s just rude (not entirely wrong, though).

But in the end, while all of them can ring true, they are all hollow appearances.

For the only word that can be applied to the Gala without any imprecision whatsoever is “Power”.

Kings and Queens, Princes and Princesses, Dukes and Duchesses. Merchants and Politicians. Heads of businesses and influent characters. Even those with nothing more to their name than massive sums of gold. What do they all share in common?

They are all the power-brokers of Equestria. In their hooves, they hold the future of the land. The passions of the Gala can result in the birth of Emperors and Warlords, of Mages, heroes and villains. Kingdoms have been conceived or buried at the Gala.

And in the middle of it all...

Me.

A lowborn most nobles would usually ignore, brought by my own merit rather than my ancestry.

A whispered word here, a confession given in confidence over there, and suddenly, I would become a knowledge broker, a necessary staple among the Royal Court to guarantee the stability our realm so sorely needs.

For Equestria, these days, lies in the brink of chaos.

And chaos, my dear?

Chaos is a ladder that only the brave and the cunning can climb.

A new Lord Chancellor, to help the Princess navigate these dangerous times.

For the Realm’s peace, of course.

Well… At least he knows what he’s on about, Twilight had to concede. Far more than he has any right to. Why couldn’t he just be a harmless social climber? she mentally despaired, before returning to the rather urgent matter at hoof.

“Well, yes, but—!”

“She already invited me~!” Phil piped in out of nowhere, interrupting Twilight for the umpteenth time of the day.

“Twilight!” Elusive gasped, “We all like Phil well enough, but we’re talking about the Grand Galloping Gala! You can’t possibly think to invite him!”

“I didn’t!”

“Yeah, because she invited me first!” Rainbow Blitz interjected, suddenly appearing with a flash of colours.

“No!”

“Ya wish!” Applejack shouted from afar, his running figure appearing in the distance. “She invited me!”

… Why do I even try? Twilight’s mind checked out of the building, went to the nearest spaceport, got on board the first rocket it could find and got the fuck out of there.

“Every man for themselves!” Spike shouted, running away from the incoming chaos.

He didn’t get too far, however, barely taking a few steps before crashing against a butter yellow stallion.

“Oh! Spike, you scared me,” Butterscotch yelped in reaction. “Are you okay?”

The baby dragon, instead of answering like any civilised creature would do, rashly picked himself up from the floor and darted in the opposite direction at full speed, arms waving frantically in the air and shrieking in panic like a maniac. A few ponies nearby started glancing nervously around themselves, the Incident still all too fresh in their minds for comfort. Bon Bon collapsed to the ground, her hooves clutching her head, and started cradling herself, shell-shock setting in.

“... Was it something I said?” the butter pegasus blinked, far too stunned to properly react.

“Butterscotch! Oh, thank Celestia you’re here!” Twilight wheeled on him, a window of opportunity appearing as the four other stallions bickered among themselves. “I really need a reasonable pony right now! You’re a reasonable pony, right?!”

The pegasus instinctively cowered at being given any sort of attention.

“... yes...?” he asked in the lowest voice imaginable.

“Great! I need your help, urgent!”

“Oh… Uhm… W-what for?”

“I’m in trouble,” Twilight sighed. “Big, big trouble.”

“Oh,” Butterscotch muttered, slowly regaining his poise. “What is it?”

“You see, Princess Celestia wants me to attend the Grand Galloping Gala, and she wants you guys too, but she only sent me two tickets, and now everypony is fighting over it and—”

“I-I could go with you.”

“NO SWEET CELESTIA NOT YOU TOO!”

Butterscotch flinched.

“No no no no no, you see…”

I’ve been reading the books you lend me about Nordic history – thank you so much –, and I’ve been discovering so many new and exciting things I never knew. For example, did you know that the Nordics were the first pony culture to develop runic magic? Or that they were the first to ever sail the seas, allowing them faster movement for earthbound ponies and to get to places previously only pegasi could reach?

Oh. So-sorry. I’m getting sidetracked.

Well, you see, after the dragon incident, I couldn’t help but wonder how exactly my family got hold of such a strange, wonderful armour. I asked my dad, but all he knew was that the armour has been in our family for centuries. And, while insightful, fascinating and full of information I didn’t know, none of the books have been much help... Sorry.

S-s-so, I was thinking... I was thinking that maybe... w-would you mind if I-I were to g-go with you to the G-Grand Galloping Gala? I-I would slip away as soon as possible, m-maybe ask Princess Celestia’s permission to investigate in the Royal Library. Maybe there I will find the answers I’ve been looking for.

“I-I don’t want to impose on you, of course,” Butterscotch tried to reassure her, “but I would be really grateful if you could do this for me.”

Twilight didn’t reply, her gaze staring blankly ahead, eyes unfocused.

Twilight had never truly grasped how shell shock felt.

Of course she knew what it was, what caused it, its consequences and how best to treat it. But she couldn’t ever fathom how it felt; to be trapped inside yourself, reality slipping away from beneath your hooves, senses numb and completely desensitized to your surroundings.

The truth of the fact was that to her shell shock was more of an abstract concept, a psychiatric oddity instead of a real mental condition ponies suffered.

She had once asked Shining Armor how it felt, but he, as big brothers are given to do when asked awkward things by their younger siblings, had hoof-waved her question away and quickly changed subject.

She surmised it felt something like this.

At least he’s got a valid reason, a little voice in her mind shrugged. He doesn’t want to Littlehoof his way through court, like Elusive, or is outright misinterpreting everything, like literally everypony else.

Through great difficulty, Twilight brought herself to close her eyes in an agonised grimace.

Okay, Twilight, just calm down. Breathe. In and out. In and out. You can do this. You can calm them down and make them listen to you.

Yes, you can deal with this.

Yes, you can—

“Fuck off, Butterscotch! That ticket is mine!” Blitz shouted.

“Nu-huh!” Applejack exclaimed, but his voice was swiftly drowned in the loud bickering of the group. Passerby ponies looked at them with concern.

Butterscotch flinched. “Err. Uhm. Sorry?” he cluelessly said, apprehension in his eyes.

“Oh, you’ll be sorry, alright! You’re stealing my thunder!”

“I don’t give a fuck about your lightning show, Blitz! Equestria’s golden age hinges on this!” Elusive shouted.

“DO YOU WANT ME TO SING MY SONG AGAIN?”

—nnnnot deal with this shit.

So she did the first thing that came to her mind.

She fired up her horn, and with a flash of purple light, vanished without a trace.

Author's Note

And with this, the fic truly begins.
Wheeeeeeeen I get around to writing the chapters. Once again, I've been very busy, and currently priority one is Wolves (the aforementioned fic).
We both know, and hope, that next update does not take nearly as long as these last two did, so we've decided to adopt a different approach: as you most likely have noticed, all chapters so far (except the third one) have a correlation with one specific episode from the first season of the show: Chapter 1 is Episode 1, Chapter 2 is Episode 2, and Chapter 4 is Episode 7. They're also stand-alone and self-contained chapters, in which their respective problems are solved within the same chapter.

So, from this chapter onwards, we've decided to publish shorter chapters, as soon as we have enough content, without them being necessarily self-contained. So, just to put an example, it's highly likely that future episodes of the show (including The Ticket Master here) will be divided into more than one chapter; that way, instead of getting stuck for ages, we can simply publish what we have so far and continue later on. On the other hand, a new problem might present itself even if the characters haven't yet solved the previous one (for example, Trixie's visit might occur while they're all still trying to care for Philomena).

Now, regarding this chapter, Blitz has no imagine spot because ultimately it's the same as in canon, unlike Elusive and Butterscotch's, which is completely different, and Applejack's in which the devil is in the details. Phil's imagine spot was just because we could make both a joke and a shout-out out of it without delving too deep into his character, because plot.
I'll say this, though: Party of One is going to be a doozy.

The chapter's name comes from the song Take Me Out by Franz Ferdinand. Thought it was fitting, given the lyrics.

Trivia:
- Applejack MacBrightMacintosh Apple is a made-up patronymic name using the Celtic prefix "mac", instead of the Germanic suffix "-son", for one single reason: If that's Applejack's full name, then Big Mac's is Big Macintosh MacBrightMacintosh Apple (Try saying that three times fast!), and Rule of Funny applies.

Chapter 7: Under Pressure

Author's Note

Long Author Note incoming, so please bear with me here.

We told you we would update whenever we had new content. And we do, enough for the next three chapters. I'd also love to know exactly where did this chapter's length went out of control. And from what we have outlined, next one won't be exactly short, either.

However, the writing has been going at a somewhat slow pace, as we've also been revisiting many of the concepts we had for this fic (not to mention real life, redacting my seminar's thesis and other writing projects I've begun because I'm as scatterbrained as they come), as it has since grown into something much larger than just exploring and deconstructing the dynamics between Twilight and a R63!Mane Six. And I've made no secret of it, literally referring to the romantic plot as the B-Plot of the story in one of the comments.

Very minor details were revised in previous chapters, mainly changing some names here and there for the Equestrian Royalty, because we've grown bold and started making horse puns in their native languages.

The major changes in concept and plot, fortunately, do not require any retcons to work, for they build upon the same base that has already been introduced, just in different, more ambitious and hopefully more exciting directions.

For the record: Equestria is a supranational feudal state, like the Holy Roman Empire; it has many constituent, autonomous kingdoms of varying sizes (Trottingham, Prance, Herdmany, the Nordic Herd etc.; and their related city puns in their respective languages), all swearing fealty to Princess Celestia, who (nominally, at least) rules over all of Equestria.
The lands under Celestia's direct governance are the Royal Demesne and receive the name of "Equestria Proper". Among them are included Canterlot (obviously), Ponyville, and the canon American puns like Manehattan, Fillydelphia, Baltimare, et al.

And last but not least, I consider the word "colt-cuddler" to be an homophobic slur, and one that also implies paedophilia ("colt-cuddler" can be pretty much converted into "child fondler"). Which should give you an idea of Applejack's stance on the matter, explaining his vehemence last chapter denying either him or Big Mac were interested in stallions. Because flawed, prejudiced characters are more entertaining to write about than moral goody two-shoes.

Chapter 7: Under Pressure

Friday, 12 of July, 1613, 15:36.

Dear makeshift scientific journal,

I SCREWED UP.
I SCREWED UP.
I SCREWED UP.
I SCREWED UP.
I SCREWED UP.
I SCREWED UP.
I SCREWED UP.

Signed,

Twilight Sparkle, MPhil.
Bearer of the Element of Magic.
Personal Protégé of Princess Sovereign Celestia of Equestria.

“So…” the Doctor drawled, pausing. “Is this normal?”

Derpy stopped for a moment to take the situation in.

A small distance from them, in the middle of a street in Ponyville, five colourful stallions fought over… something. She couldn’t really make out a word they were saying, but, whatever it was, it seemed to be a matter of life or death, as even the timid, gentle, total pushover Butterscotch sported a frown and spoke with frustration.

While arguments weren’t anything alien in Ponyville, what was unusual was the effect it had on the nearby ponies.

Bon Bon was crumbled on the floor, eyes wide and vacant, her breathing shallow and rapid as her friend Lyra Heartstrings usefully prodded her with a stick. Every passerby pony gazed with anxiety at the argument developing in front of Sugarcube Corner’s front gate, aside from one white unicorn mare who was too busy bobbing her head at her gigantic headphones’ beat. Even those ponies busy doing repair work hurriedly stepped away from their scaffolding, afraid that the wooden platforms would suddenly combust into flames, just like the buildings they were set up to repair.

Oh, and she was being accompanied by a two-hearted, time travelling alien with the shape of a handsome earth pony who had been ditched by his time machine after being literally killed by Apple Bloom’s cuteness two weeks ago.

Or so he claimed.

“Doc? There is nothing in this scene that is remotely normal.” Derpy sighed. “Which means it’s just another average day in Ponyville.”

The Doctor frowned. “That’s an oxymoron,” he said in a confused tone.

Derpy looked at the Doctor with an unamused expression, raising an eyebrow. Then she smirked mischievously.

“Exactly.” She turned her gaze towards the bickering stallions. “You’ll get used to it.”

Then the pink one took out a cannon out of absolutely nowhere.

And everypony in the area scattered in sheer panic.

“Get used to what, running? Why, I’m in my element!” the Doctor quipped as they ran away like hell.

Friday, 12 of July, 1613, 17:12.

Dear makeshift scientific journal,

I apologise for my earlier outburst. I have since calmed down, and can now further explain myself and the events transpiring here.

Earlier this morning, I was interacting with the earth pony stallion named Applejack MacBrightMacintosh Apple (henceforth referred to as Subject A) in order to further my current studies in the field of the magic of friendship. Following the instructions in Motor Mouth’s ‘Friendship Manual for Antisocial Loners Like You’, I decided to experiment with the interaction known as ‘friendly teasing’ or ‘ribbing’ regarding the topic of Subject A’s previous romantic relationships, which I believed would strengthen our friendship and make us more at ease with each other, as showcased by the friendly banter Subject A shares with the pegasus stallion Rainbow Blitz (henceforth referred to as Subject B).

However, I was interrupted by a written message sent by Princess Sovereign Celestia via Dragon FaxTM, requesting that the six of us, the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony (henceforth referred to as “the Bearers”), attend next year’s Grand Galloping Gala (henceforth referred to as “the Gala”). However, in an unforeseen turn of events, she sent only two tickets instead of the six required for all of us Bearers.

I have a series of hypotheses on the reason as to why this occurred.

Hypothesis 1: Prince Sovereign Artemis, Celestia’s twin brother and co-ruler, was misled into executing a pony by his unfamiliarity with modern cuisine. Such an incident seems to have affected Celestia on a deep emotional level, leaving her temporarily incapable of realising the error of her ways. So far it seems like the most reasonable explanation, as it stands upon empirical evidence such as the Princess’ second letter. However, it implies the possibility of Princess Celestia being capable of being mistaken, and that’s a preposterous, if not outright heretical, suggestion.

Hypothesis 2: She sent the six invitations through the mail. Since the post office is closed, however (I’ll get to that in a while), they haven’t been re-sent to either of us. However, this hypothesis does not explain why I was directly sent two tickets with the inscription “Twilight Sparkle plus date”, or, indeed, that every other communication with the Princess in the lead up to this event was done exclusively via Dragon FaxTM.

Hypothesis 3: This is all Spike’s fault. I don’t know how, this time, but perhaps he interfered in some way with the Dragon FaxTM in order to play a prank on me. Harsh, perhaps, but given his role in the Incident that ravaged Ponyville a week ago, I would be foolish to discard such a possibility.

Whatever the case, Subject A and me were soon joined by Subject B, performing an unorthodox landing atop Subject A, and so began a series of misunderstandings that spiralled out of control as swiftly as the air-speed velocity of Subject B. The aforementioned, unaware of the Princess’ request, thought that I intended to go on a romantic date with Subject A to The Gala. In a very unfortunate turn of events, so did Subject A, as it seemed that my friendly teasing went too far and strayed into the uncharted waters which are usually referred to as “flirting”, eliciting a rare and unwarranted reaction in him that might require further study. Regardless, both Subjects then proceeded to fight over the ticket, without trying to clarify the misunderstanding.

Sidenote: Shouldn’t they try to persuade me to invite them, rather than fight it out amongst themselves, winner takes all? While the idea of finding myself in the crosshairs of several stallions trying to win my favour is my own personal hell, I can’t help but find immensely frustrating and insulting that they act as if I have no agency whatsoever in this matter. Stallions can be so condescending. End sidenote.

Not long after, I crashed into the eldritch violation of the fundamental laws of physics earth pony stallion named Philippos Demian Pie (henceforth referred to as Subject P), who also expressed his interest in the tickets, without bothering to listen to the Princess’ request.

Unfortunately, the same situation would repeat itself with the unicorn stallion named Elusive (henceforth referred to as Subject E) and the pegasus stallion known as Butterscotch (henceforth referred to as Subject B2). And before I could clarify things, all of the aforementioned Subjects, who, it must be added, are my personal friends as well as my Co-Bearers, congregated around me and began to fight amongst themselves for their right to claim the ticket to the Gala.

As things started to get out of hoof, in a moment of panic and self-preservation I magicked myself into a place which I know my friends won’t look into.

Namely, the basement of the closed-off post office, currently undergoing forensic investigation due to pegasus stallion Crafty Crate’s sacrifice of seven unpaid interns to appease The Elder Ones.

Only Celestia knows the consequences of my mistake, and I dread to dwell upon them... yet the thoughts come to me unbidden.

What if they undergo a fallout and their friendship is shattered?

What if they decide I’m not worth the trouble and that they no longer want to be my friends?

What would happen should the Elements of Harmony be required once again, and the Bearers are no longer in speaking terms?!

…

… Wait.

Are those…

Explosions?!

Are they…?

Oh sweet Celestia, they’re killing each other in a Battle Royale for the ticket!

I… I’ve failed!

Equestria is doomed!

All because I pushed Applejack over the line with my teasing!

It’s all my fault!

The Princess will be so disappointed in me!

She probably hates me already!

I screwed everything up!

Most importantly, where will I live now that I can’t crash at my former friends’ places?!

I’M HOMELESS!

SPIKE BURNED THE LIBRARY DOWN!

AND I CAN’T GO BACK TO CANTERLOT SINCE THE PRINCESS HATES ME NOW!

I’LL HAVE TO GO ON EXILE TO GRIFFONIA OR ABYSSINIA!

OR MAYBE LIVE IN AN ABANDONED HUT SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE OF RUSSARIAN NEIGHBERIA OR MAYBE EVEN THE FROZEN NORTH!

I’LL FREEZE TO DEATH OUT THERE!

I’M NOT A WINTER CREATURE!

I NEED MY FLUFFY PLUSH SLIPPERS IN SUMMER OR I GET A COLD, FOR CELESTIA’S SAKE!

AND I DON’T WANT TO LIVE UNTIL THE END OF MY DAYS IN A DAMP BASEMENT FILLED WITH CORPSES AND BLOOD EVERYWHERE!

WHAT’S UP WITH THAT, BY THE WAY?!

IT’S BEEN OVER A WEEK, THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS TAKE THE BODIES TO A MORGUE!

THEY’RE ALREADY DECOMPOSING!

IT SMELLS SO BAD!

WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

Signed,

Twilight Sparkle, MPhil.
Former Bearer of the Element of Magic.
Soon-to-be-Former Personal Protégé of Princess Sovereign Celestia of Equestria cusshetotallyhatesmenow

The outskirts of Sugarcube Corner had turned into a veritable warzone.

Artillery shells made out of sheer sugary goodness made the ground rumble upon impact, spattering pudding and frosting all across the vacant streets. A newly rebuilt house had been brought down by a direct hit, crumbling in upon itself obstreperously.

Holes had been dug into the ground by the force of the shells, giving Applejack some semblance of a chance against two winged ponies, one mage and whatever eldritch abomination Phil was that took upon the guise of an earth pony.

In times of war, every hole is a trench, Applejack grumbled as he covered his ears with his front hooves, trying to drown out the beating in his brain.

A shadow suddenly covered him. Before Applejack could roll out of the way, Butterscotch had him pinned to the ground, a shovel in his forehooves and an apologetic look in his face.

“Get off me!” Applejack shouted.

“I’m so sorry Applejack, but I really need that ticket! But I don’t want to bash your head in… Can we just pretend I bested you? Please?” Butterscotch rambled.

Applejack promptly bucked Butterscotch straight in the face, throwing him off him into the distance.

“Heck no! That ticket is mine!”

A thunderbolt struck the ground right beside Applejack, making him jump in alert.

“You’d wish!” Rainbow Blitz shouted from his vantage point on a cloud.

Applejack turned to death glare at Blitz. Then, slowly and deliberately, started walking towards him.

“Oh?” Rainbow exclaimed in amused surprise. “You’re approaching me? Instead of running away, you’re coming right to me?”

“Ah can’t beat the shit out of ya without gettin’ closer,” Applejack replied grimly. Nevermind the fact that Blitz was high in the sky, and Applejack had no way to reach him beyond his trusty lasso and maximum effort.

Blitz laughed mockingly. “Oh ho! Then come as close as you’d like.”

A magic bolt struck Blitz on the temple, promptly bringing him down his cloud without nary a groan.

Applejack blinked, confused, then another bolt hit him square in the chest, throwing him back into the hole he had just stepped out from.

Dazed, Applejack tried to stand up, but a pegasus landed on top of him, a shovel held lovingly in his grasp.

“Welp, don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Butterscotch said sadly, then raised the shovel high into the air. Applejack hurriedly tried to cover his face, bracing himself for the pain.

A chocolate pudding cake smashed itself against Butterscotch’s side, promptly taking him with it into the side of a building, breaking down the wall upon impact.

“No one’s killing Applejack here but me!” Phil exclaimed with utmost cheer from his artillery position. “We are the two earth ponies, and there can only be one! It’s only natu—oof!” A swift cerulean blurr took advantage of Phil’s momentary distraction to shove him away from the cannon, giving everypony a moment’s reprieve.

Just a moment’s, for the artillery’s controls were soon engulfed in a light blue hue.

Applejack’s eyes widened in dread as the cannon turned straight at him. As scenes of his life flashed before his eyes, he could make out the shape of the delicious apple pie that would spell his end the moment it made contact with his face.

“I take no pleasure from doing this,” Elusive stated, “but if it’s any consolation, my dear, I’m doing it for the good of Equestria.”

Mommy, Applejack near whimpered.

Oblivion came to meet him straight in the face.

It tasted like apples.

The sun had already come down by the moment all five stallions slumped into a pile by Sugarcube Corner’s front door, bruised and wounded and tired beyond words.

Blitz could feel his right eye start to swell, his body aching all over from the damage endured. Besides him, Butterscotch breathed heavily, blood spattered across his face.

“That…” Elusive took a dry gulp, his mane disheveled and stained with frosting, “... was actually pretty fun, but let’s not do it again.”

Blitz had to agree. Hours and hours of all-out warfare between the five of them, and there were no winners. Only five exhausted stallions lying flat on their backs and gazing into the beautiful night sky as they spoke.

“Or at least, let’s do it outside of town,” Applejack noted wearily, looking over the devastated street, and cradling his soiled stetson between his forehooves like a wounded comrade. “Ah don’t wanna give Mayor Mare any more reasons to throw us outta Ponyville…”

Blitz frowned. “Come on, if they didn’t exile the girls and Spike for the Incident, why would they exile us for destroying a street or two?”

“Because unlike them, we are all responsible adults,” Elusive answered.

Absolute and oppressive silence.

Elusive coughed. “... Legally responsible adults, that is.”

The rest of the stallions muttered their agreements with Elusive’s amended statement.

“The girls and Spike are all under fourteen years old, and therefore cannot be held legally accountable for their actions,” the unicorn cut through his friends’ mutters.

“Yeah, why do ya think Apple Bloom never got into no trouble with the law fer killin’ Caramel?”

“I thought that was because nopony really cared,” Phil pointed out.

Applejack shrugged. “Well, yeah, Ah mean, that sure helped a lot, but still.”

“Did they ever get around to burying him?” Butterscotch asked.

“Nah. Some guys at the Weather Crew just took his corpse and dumped it somewhere over the Everfree Forest.”

After a few seconds of silence, Phil simply muttered, “Huh.”

Then silence descended anew upon them.

"Oh, I know what we could do!" Phil piped suddenly and cheerfully as he jumped to his hooves, apparently unaware of the possible head trauma Butterscotch’s shovel may have caused when he brained him with it, sticky, warm blood running down his temple.

"I'm scared," Butterscotch mumbled meekly, and Blitz had to agree with him.

Phil?

Having an idea?

That’s a recipe for disaster.

"How about we compete in a number of tasks and winner overall takes the ticket? That way we can solve this like gentlecolts, and we don't burn what's left of Ponyville to the ground!"

As if to emphasise his argument, a lamppost promptly broke down through the middle, smashing against the ground with a metallic bang.

Complete silence as the stallions stared at Phil, at each other, and at the lamppost.

Elusive was the first to break it.

"Phil, that's… actually a sensible idea. Colour me impressed."

"Well, duh. I always have great ideas, you meanies just don’t appreciate them. Like this even better idea, in which we can just ask Twi—"

"Dude, you've already made the sale," Blitz cut him off. "Stop talking."

"But—"

"Seriously, shut up Phil."

"But I ju—"

Applejack sighed in annoyance. "Hate to say it, but Ah agree with Blitz. That's enough outta ya', Phil. Shut yer yapper."

Even Butterscotch took their side.

"If that's okay with you, of course."

Sorta.

“You meanies,” Phil sighed heavily, then perked up. "Okay, but I go first!"

Elusive shrugged. "Fair enough, it was your idea after all," he conceded.

"I challenge you all… to… A BAKE OFF!"

Nopony said a word for a while. Blitz couldn’t really tell how much time they all spent in shocked silence, all of them keenly aware of how unfairly outmatched they were against Phil.

Eventually, he blinked numbly. "Can't we just go back to murdering each other?" Butterscotch nodded eagerly, eliciting a terrified look from Elusive.

"Nope!" Phil smiled widely. "Onwards, my good fellows! To the bakery!"

Thank Celestia that they were literally standing in front of it. Blitz’s aching body couldn’t have taken a long trip.

Friday, 12 of July, 1613, 23:45.

Dear makeshift scientific journal,

I have resolved the interrogation regarding why the bodies haven’t been taken to a morgue.

The morgue also burned down.

“Oh, but Twilight,” I can hear you asking, my dear makeshift scientific journal, in a rich yet mellow voice, “can they not take them to another settlement then? If you were to take the train, it would take you merely four to five hours to reach Canterlot, depending on the railroad’s conditions.”

Good question, my dear makeshift scientific journal! Albeit one with a very simple answer:

The train station also burned down.

Celestia-DAMN-it, Spike, this is all your fault.

Signed,

Twilight Sparkle, MPhil.
Former Bearer of the Element of Magic.
Former Personal Protégé of Princess Sovereign Celestia of Equestria.

As it turns out, Sunday baking with Granny Smith a master did not make.

Applejack grumbled under his breath as he struggled to turn the greenish paste in his bowl into something vaguely resembling the image in the cookbook Mr. Cake had apprehensively lent him.

“Mr. Cake, the one who poisoned Caramel was mah lil’ sister, not me,” he had tried to reassure the thin stallion.

“Oh, Applejack, nopony cares about that,” Mr. Cake had chuckled nervously. “It’s just that… well…” He had lowered his voice. “Just please make sure they don’t also burn my house down, will you? I don’t want to end up homeless like the other half of Ponyville.”

“Will do, partner!”

And so far, so good! Applejack had already interrupted three potential fires breaking out thanks to Rainbow Blitz’s non-existent attention span, although at the price of his own apple pie.

Or whatever the heck that greenish paste was supposed to be.

Applejack could swear it was moving out of its own volition.

Two apple seeds twisted and twirled until they came to stare at him.

The paste gurgled a loving squeak.

It recognised Applejack as its father.

“... Nnope.”

He tossed the paste down the drain.

“How’s it going, Applejack?” Phil bounced towards him.

Applejack glanced at the drain. Phil followed his gaze.

“No ticket for you, then!” he said, and then he bounced away.

What even is my life anymore, Applejack rued. It was all Twilight’s fault. She arrives one day, and then the Night King takes over the world, he turns out to be the wielder of a magical necklace, gets poisoned by his little sister, bucks a dragon in the face in order to save his hometown, said little sister demolished half of the town he wanted to protect at the exact same time of the dragon showdown, he falls in love with a wonderful mare who is likely out of his league, and now fathered a literal apple paste blob monster... all within, what, four weeks? Seriously, what the hay.

Of course, Phil won this round of the competition.

Then again, Applejack had created a blob monster and threw it down the drain, Rainbow Blitz had only a burnt husk of what was meant to be a butter cake, Butterscotch had made a maggot cake for birds, and Elusive’s pie looked wonderful but sorely lacked in taste.

Meanwhile, Phil’s cake was a model of Canterlot made out of pure frosting, with currents of vanilla, chocolate and strawberry ice-cream running underneath the surface.

“Show-off,” Blitz grumbled, but Applejack noted he was deep in his fourth serving of cake.

“Well, that’s a wrap, I believe,” Elusive said, between bites. “Phil one, the rest of us zero. Do we have any proposals for the next round?”

Phil piped up. “How about we ask Twi—”

“Phil, please, you already had your turn,” Butterscotch cut him off politely. “It’s only fair another pony has his, now.”

“Bu—”

“Seriously, dude,” Blitz rolled his eyes, “show-stealing much?”

Phil grumbled something unintelligible, but didn’t protest any further.

“Well, if there are no proposals, then I shall be in charge of our next competition,” Elusive claimed. “It is my pleasure to challenge all of you to a fashion make-over.”

Silence.

“Elusive, I know fashion is your passion and all, but that’s really fucking gay,” Blitz stated flatly.

“Yeah, ain’t no way Ah’m doin’ any of that queer stuff,” Applejack pinched his nose in disgust. The rainbow pegasus agreed.

Elusive frowned. “I see. My, what a pity. I would have greatly enjoyed for my friends to see fashion as I do rather than through a ill-informed, bigoted and offensively sexist perception, but it seems it was not meant to be,” he stated melodramatically, shooting them an annoyed look. Then a smirk started tugging at the unicorn’s lips. “Yet I believe that such a retraction from our agreed competition means you guys are abdicating your claim to the ticket.”

Rainbow’s wings flared in indignation. “In your dreams! That ticket is mine!”

“Oh?” Elusive seemed unimpressed. “And you aren’t afraid of doing ‘queer’ stuff for it?”

Rainbow Blitz got flustered. “What?! Me? Afraid? Pfff, please! I’m not afraid! In fact...” and without any further ado, he turned and smacked a big, deep kiss straight into Applejack’s mouth. Elusive raised his eyebrows mildly impressed, Butterscotch made a small squeak of surprise and Phil started cheering happily at the sight.

Applejack, however, didn’t share any of his friends’ enthusiasm. In fact, the complete opposite. Eyes wide and heart beating fast and furious, he started thrashing wildly to get himself free from Blitz. It was futile, though, for the other stallion’s hold was too strong for his panicked state.

After a full five seconds passed, the pegasus released him, and boasted, “There! Would I do that if I was afraid?”

Applejack started gasping desperately for air, running towards the sink to try and drown himself with copious amounts of water, desperately trying to cleanse his mouth from Blitz’s own.

Whatever else was said afterwards between the stallions, however, was white noise to Applejack’s ears, still reeling from… whatever that was.

He was still wheezing and coughing as Elusive started guiding them towards the Boutique under the cover of night, shooting furtive, hateful glares in Rainbow Blitz’s direction.

He sorely wished to buck him straight into next week.

He hated the stallion’s gall to just straight up kiss him in the mouth, in blatant disregard of everything.

Applejack hated the fact that he had, by no choice of his own, exchanged a kiss with another stallion, when just that very morning he had vehemently denied being a colt-cuddler.

And first and foremost, he hated the fact that he hadn’t hated the kiss.

Hemsday, 13 of July, 1613, 4:24.

Dear makeshift scientific journal,

I can’t sleep.

Y’know.

‘Cause it smells like dead ponies in here.

Because there are dead ponies in here.

Like, seven of them.

And no, I’m not cleaning this! It’s a crime scene! I would interfere with the forensic investigation and could be charged with obstruction of justice!

As if I needed another crime to be charged with!

…

I miss my books.

I’m getting bored.

Maybe… Maybe I could skim through the stored parcels? That’s some reading material...

No! Bad Twilight!

That would be immoral! Unethical! Maybe even illegal!

No, I will not invade the privacy of the ponies that use the post office to get in contact with their loved ones!

I’m better than that!

Signed,

Twilight Sparkle, MPhil.
Former Bearer of the Element of Magic.
Fugitive of the Law and Former Personal Protégé of Princess Sovereign Celestia of Equestria.

Butterscotch had never thought that, behind the main saloon in the Boutique, prim, pristine and proper, laid the utter mess of fabrics, stitches and cat hairs that was Elusive’s workshop. Nothing was at its proper place. Needles stuck out the middle of the fabrics, jobs left half-done as the tailor had begun a new project in the midst of his current one. Gems, to be used for finishings, were thrown into a pile by a corner. And seriously, there were cat hairs everywhere.

It made Butterscotch’s inner OCD’s skin crawl. True, he was the last pony alive to be unfamiliar with animal hairs being everywhere, but he lived in a cottage at the edge of the forest, a home to all the animals that needed or wanted it. Animal hairs were part and parcel of the deal.

But Elusive was supposed to be Ponyville’s preeminent (and only, really) tailor! Animal hairs did not belong here!

“Uhhmm…” he hesitated to say it, aware of how hypocritical and mean it would come across as, but Elusive beat him to it.

“Yes, Opal loves to sleep on top of the fabrics,” he said with a sheepish smile. “But magic takes care of it in no time!” and with a flash of blue, the hairs were banished into the unknown dimension the vanished by arcane means go to rest. “Ta-dah!”

“Amazing.” Rainbow Blitz’s deadpan tone said otherwise.

“Shush, you,” the unicorn didn’t turn to look at him. “We have no time to waste, so let’s get on with this!”

“‘This’ bein’...?” Applejack asked tentatively.

“You pick out a particular style of dressing, and then try your hoof into replicating it for yourselves! I have some notebooks and magazines over there” – he pointed towards another messy part of the workshop. Butterscotch cringed at the absolute chaos of it all – “if you need some inspiration.” The stallions shared a glance between themselves. “Well? What are you waiting for? Get on to it!”

All in all, it was a rather fun experience, at least from Butterscotch’s point of view. Of course, that was because he had a fairly good idea of what he wished to make, so picking out the right fabrics was an easy task, and he had always had some talent for delicate hoofwork. It was hard to tell how was Phil faring, for everything he did he did it with a smile.

On the other hoof, Applejack had the same skill for sewing as he did for baking, and was getting hopelessly tangled in his fabrics, while Rainbow Blitz was trying to wrest his clothes away from Elusive’s cat, Opal, who guarded them with the zeal and violence of a dragon. A monstruous murderous dragon, an unworthy, miserable worm that he would relish in destr—

Butterscotch blinked, confusion washing away the sudden red that had taken over his sight. Where did that come from?

“What are you doing?” the groggy voice of a barely awake filly interrupted his thoughts.

“Ahh, Sweetie Belle…” Elusive flinched. He clearly had forgotten about his little sister. “We, uh…”

“We’re duking it out amongst ourselves for Twilight’s spare ticket for the Grand Galloping Gala! We’re now having a fashion make-over!” Phil jumped from his spot. Applejack grimaced behind him, still uncomfortable with the nature of their current activity.

Sweetie Belle’s eyes lit up, her drowsiness vanishing in an instant.

“Oh! Can I help? Please? Please? Please?” she begged her elder brother.

Elusive looked at her as if he was constipated. After a long silence, he let out a sigh. “Alright.”

“YAY!” she cheered loudly, jumping on the spot with excitement.

She’s so cute, Butterscotch smiled internally.

Until he found his insides squirming at the sight, a small shiver running down his spine. Butterscotch frowned, but his head was dizzy and oh Celestia the air was so thick...

“How about you go help Phil?” Elusive proposed, an awkward smile in his face.

“OKAY!” The filly shot towards the pink stallion’s workstation, and suddenly Butterscotch could breathe again, and the world came to be once again. What the hay…? Ignoring the sinking feeling in his gut, he shook his head and turned back to his work.

Meanwhile, Sweetie Belle was doing everything she could to be of use to Phil, cheerfully obeying his every command, up to including bringing him snacks.

“When I grow up, I want to be a fashion designer like Elusive!” Sweetie Belle happily told Phil. "I want to have a cutie mark like his!"

“You know,” Phil chuckled, “when I was a little filly I wanted to be a velociraptor.” Sweetie Belle frowned in confusion, but her cheer was undiminished. “Then I learned that velociraptors aren’t, y’know, a talent, but rather another whole species of extinct beings! Crazy, right?”

“Uhh… Sure, if you say so,” the filly said. “What does that have to do with my cutie mark, though?”

“I’m getting there! Well, I didn’t realise it back then. ‘It’ being why I wanted to be a dinosaur. Then I realised that I just wanted to be something else than who I’m destined to be. I love parties, and I’m good at parties. They’re my passion. But we’re more than that. So much more. And yet life and society reduces all your being into a single drawing that signals your special talent.” Sweetie Belle blinked. “For example, imagine that a pony’s cutie mark is a trashcan. Is that all the good he is to this world? Is his whole identity negated by it? When you’re a little filly all you wish is to have your cutie mark, to be considered a grown-up, to be accepted by society. But you rarely stop to think... Is that the pony you want to be? The profession upon which your whole worth is decided?” Sweetie Belle blinked again. “Because they won’t let you be anything else than that. And one morning you might wake up and realise that this wasn’t the life you wanted for yourself, and that all your youth has been wasted following mirages projected by your worship for this or that hobby, instead of finding something that truly speaks to you as a pony, that fulfills you to the most basic part of your being, beyond what your cutie mark is telling you.” Sweetie Belle stopped blinking. “And is that a life worth living? You would live a lie. You’d be ashamed to look at yourself in the mirror, because the pony that looks back at you is not who you really are, and you’re helpless to change it. And all that would ensue after that is a sense of deep self-loathing, because you’re not who you truly are, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Don’t follow the path they will set you upon, for only sadness and misery awaits at the other end. Know what I mean?” he finished cheerily.

Sweetie Belle stared blankly at Phil for a full minute.

“... okayithinki’mgoingtobednow…” she eventually muttered, turning around and leaving the workshop. She didn’t blink once.

Elusive shot Phil a sour glance. “Phil, you just melted my sister’s brain.”

“Did I? Sorry!”

The unicorn sighed. “If she ends up needing therapy, you’re paying the bills.”

“Okey dokey lokey!” Phil saluted, and got back to work with a wide smile.

The end result was surprisingly more even that anypony would have thought.

All things considered, Butterscotch was rather satisfied with the look he had come up with, draped in fine furs and linen like an old Selerish chieftain. All he was lacking to look the part was the bushy beard, but he had styled his mane backwards and added some braids here and there for style. It was a bit crude and brutish, but quite impressive for an amateur.

Applejack and Blitz, on the contrary, had fared poorly. Very poorly. Butterscotch couldn’t even begin to fathom what they’d had in mind when they designed their new look, because it frankly didn’t really look like anything at all. They just looked as if they had threw some stray fabrics here and there and changed their mane styling in the shoddiest way possible.

Phil had dressed himself like a jester, puffy platinum white clothes and a lace ruff around his neck, bright red buttons in his chest. It was a very classy look… Until you got to the face. Powdered white, hair styled into three distinct points that stuck out of his head in an unnatural angle, and red lines that streaked from his lips and crossed his eyes perpendicularly.

It looked like something straight out of one of Elusive’s numerous horror novels that lined the shelves.

Finally, Elusive obviously looked like a true gentlecolt straight out of Trottingham or Prance, a fake moustache reinforcing a sense of maturity and dignity that had always been mostly understated. His refined look was something that wouldn’t only mesh wonderfully in Canterlot’s high society, but set the standard of fashion that would be followed for the following years.

Three guesses on who won, Butterscotch thought with a frown.

“Well, I’ll say that the competition was far steeper than I had anticipated!” Elusive laughed politely. “Settling for a winner will be certainly more difficult than expected. Anypony could win!”

There was a three-seconds-long pause.

“Not you two, you guys lost.”

Applejack grumbled under his breath, and Blitz rolled his eyes, shaking away the fabrics from his body and returning his mane to its usual messy style.

Elusive coughed to get the others’ attention back. “So! Let’s start with you, Phil. Any particular reason for that, ah, choice of style?”

“Weeeeeeell, you said I broke Sweetie Belle’s brain, and that was pretty fun, so I decided to dress up like another creature that terrifies children so I can keep on traumatising her! I’m Pennywise, the Dancing Clown!” And without further ado, he started bouncing up in the spot, grinning widely.

It was a sight that would give Butterscotch nightmares for weeks to come.

“Oh, the monster clown from Prolific Quill’s It?” Elusive gave a slight smile at the recognition, but frowned immediately after. “Isn’t he named Penneighwise though, my dear?”

Phil paused for a moment, looking at Elusive with a condescendent expression. “Sure, let’s go with that,” he said eventually with a shrug.

“Also, I’d really appreciate if you didn’t traumatise my sister any further,” The unicorn added hastily.

“Can’t make any promises!” Phil cheerfully replied.

“Eh, at least I tried,” Elusive shrugged, then turned to Butterscotch. “And you, Butters? What was the thought process behind your look?”

“Oh! We-well, it’s just that… Uhm… It’s nothing, really…” The credit should really go to Twilight, not to me. She was the one who gave me the books about Norhest.

Ever since he had moved to Cloudsdale, Butterscotch had been shamed for his northern precedence. Called a brute, a barbarian, an unwashed vandal. It didn’t help that most of his school lessons only cared to teach those exact same traits of the Nordics, so the shame never truly went away. Instead, it was reinforced, and this time coming from the oblivious teachers themselves.

Until Twilight lent him those wonderful books about Nordic customs and culture. They opened his eyes to a whole new world that he had never known even existed: the emphasis the Nordics put on generosity, kindness, and poetry offered quite a contrast with their brutish and barbaric reputation, and their lives were based upon a harmony between pony and nature that was unparalleled across Equestria. They were great warriors, that much was true, but they were also amazing poets, had a rich literary tradition, and were by far the most egalitarian of all of Equestria’s constituent kingdoms. There was so much more to them than just braided warriors raiding coasts and pillaging defenseless villages. So much more upon which to take pride.

“It’s a reference to your Norhestian ancestry, right?” Elusive prodded politely.

“Y-yes. Exactly. Well, really, it’s more of a Selerish style than a Norhestian one, because as Norhest is an earth pony nation they don’t really have much in the way of wing clothes, unlike Selerige. I could have always just left my wings uncovered, but then I would been changing tradition for commodity and...” He trailed off. Everypony was staring straight at him. Oh Celestia everypony was staring. Straight. At. Him. Butterscotch immediately clammed up with a small squeak, his heartbeat accelerating rapidly as he hyperventilated.

Elusive laughed softly, shaking his head. “I’m glad you’ve found a nation to which you belong” –he said as he walked towards Butterscotch and put a hoof on his shoulder– “and that you take pride in it and its history.” The unicorn’s voice was wistful. “Not to mention that you pull it off masterfully! Have you ever considered a career in modelling?” Elusive asked appreciatively.

The close presence of a supporting friend did wonders to help Butterscotch relax. “Th-thanks,” he said as his heart-rate slowed down and his breathing became less laboured. However, the idea of being a model was just as nerve-wrecking, so it wasn’t as effective as he had hoped.

Fortunately, Elusive didn’t continue on with that proposal. Instead, he smirked. “But the fact that I appreciate the thought and insight or even the execution itself that went into your style doesn’t mean you win the competition.”

“... Oh.”

Well, that’s some bullshit, Butterscotch felt his blood boil.

“Now hol’ up one secon’, partner,” Applejack interrupted before Elusive could begin to gloat, Butterscotch’s anger vanishing as suddenly as it appeared. “We should have a impartial judge decide this!”

Elusive pursed his lips. “Well, I was going to ask Sweetie Belle to be our judge, but Phil melted her brain, so that’s out of the question.”

“And she would have given you the win, too!” Rainbow Blitz pointed out. “You rigged this whole competition!”

“She would not!” Elusive replied, offended.

“Yeah, she totally would,” Phil stated bluntly.

Butterscotch nodded his agreement.

Elusive let out a deep sigh.

“Fine. As it seems some ponies are too sore of a loser to appreciate true fashion, we’ll just call it a draw” the unicorn lamented, caressing his fake moustache. “I’m totally keeping this, by the way,” he muttered, all the while shooting a pointed glare at Applejack. “You’re the one who took my rightful victory away from me, so what do you propose?”

“Well,” Applejack began with a harrumph. “Now that we’re done with this sissy crap, we work like real stallions! We divide mah family’s orchard into five parts, and the first pony to clear their part gets a win!”

“You just want us to do your job for you, don’t you, Applejack?” Rainbow raised his eyebrows in skepticism.

Applejack had the decency to blush. “Well, that’s just a bonus.”

“Honest pay for honest work,” Elusive nodded slowly. “Yes, I believe it’s only fair.”

Butterscotch felt the obligation to speak up. “Can’t we do this tomorrow? It’s awfully late…”

“Obviously. If we’re buckin’ trees at this hour, I bet Big Mac would shoot us on sight with dad’s ol’ crossbow,” Applejack chuckled.

“I can put together some couches for you to crash on.” Immediately, Elusive’s horn lit up, cleaning up the workstations they had set up and bringing couches, pillows and cushions for all five stallions to sleep on. The instant they were set up, Blitz wordlessly collapsed on top of one of the cushions.

“Good call,” Phil nodded appreciatively. “We could also just ask Twilight for—”

Blitz didn’t even look up.“Shut up, Phil.”

“What? I’m serious!”

“So am I. Shut up.”

“Meanie.”

“Anyhow, so tomorrow we eat breakfast and then we’re off to the farm?”

“Eeyup,” Applejack confirmed as he took his place on the cushions as far away from Rainbow Blitz as possible. Butterscotch frowned in confusion.

“It is agreed, then. I’m looking forward to it. I really believe I have a shot at—”

“No magic allowed,” the farm stallion glared at Elusive with a grin. “It’s only fair,” he added, mimicking Elusive’s posh Trottish accent.

“Oh.” A pause. “Well, fuck you too, Applejack.”

Hemsday, 13 of July, 1613, 10:44.

Dear makeshift scientific journal,

I’m not better than that.

I went over every single letter and notice in the post office’s basement overnight just to avoid a reading withdrawal.

Regardless of how unhealthy my physical dependency of reading might be, I must say that, besides the usual “how-you-do” letters, there was some very interesting things to be learnt!

For example, do you remember that King Eóward II of Trottingham died a week ago? Well, of course you don’t, you’re an inanimate object. Plus, I haven’t told you yet. Anyhow, he left behind a teenage daughter, Oathkeeper, as his only heir. She’s about, what, fifteen? Believe it or not, she was still a blank flank.

Well, she was crowned Queen of Trottingham just a hoofful of days ago, and – get this – the moment the crown was laid on her head, she got her cutie mark! According to the Royal Notice, it’s a perfect rendition of her own crown as Queen! I mean, if that’s not being destined to rule, I don’t know what it is. Let’s just hope she helps steer Equestria through safe waters, if Elusive’s assessment of our current politics is correct.

… Elusive…

Is he still alive?

Is any of them still alive? Those were an awful lot of explosions…

...

Oh, yeah, by the way:

No tickets here.

Hypothesis 2 proven wrong.

Buck me sideways.

Signed,

Twilight Sparkle, MPhil.
Former Bearer of the Element of Magic.
Undesirable Number 1, Former Personal Protégé of Princess Sovereign Celestia of Equestria.

P.S.: How does “a hoofful” even work, anyway? I feel like this warrants some deeper consideration.

Though it had barely just started and he had overslept by a few hours, Big Mac was having a great day so far.

His bed was warm and comfy, Apple Bloom hadn’t gotten to any hijinks or shenanigans during the night (perhaps because Granny Smith had grounded her for shouting in the house, and she knew better than to go against her), and Granny had even baked a delicious apple pie for breakfast. The sun kissed his coat with gentle warmth, and a wonderful, refreshing breeze came from the north.

What a lovely day, Big Mac thought with satisfaction as he donned his work collar and opened the door towards the apple tree fields.

His heart sank immediately.

The farm was a complete disaster.

A small batch was positively harvested, true, but here, apple trees were scattered and brought down as if hit by a tornado that shot lightning. There, they were rearranged in a fashionable if thoroughly impractical manner, and the apples were covered in non-edible, glittering paint. Another patch was overrun with critters and pests that were eating their and contaminating their produce. And only Celestia knew what that thing over there was even supposed to be. He refused to even acknowledge it.

Looking down the orchard, Big Mac sighed in deep despair as he got on with fixing it.

Being the eldest son sucked.

Hemsday, 13 of July, 1613, 16:28.

Dear makeshift scientific journal,

I admit I am growing fond of you. Once (and if) I get out of here, I will transcribe all the entries written in these scattered parchments into my professional scientific journal.

The scientific journal that was a gift by Shiny.

For earning my MPhil…

Great.

Now I’m sad.

Because there’s no way I’m not getting stripped of that.

My family will probably disinherit me as well.

I will have to change my name, too.

Signed,

The pony formerly known as “Twilight Sparkle”, Former MPhil.
Former Bearer of the Element of Magic.
Undesirable Number 1, Former Personal Protégé of Princess Sovereign Celestia of Equestria.

… OH, WHAT EVEN AM I NOW?!

AM I EVEN SOMETHING AT ALL?!

P.S.: I still don’t know how “a hoofful” works. Goes to show how worthless I am.

“Let us never speak of this again,” Butterscotch decided, to the agreement of his friends.

Phil shrugged. “Hey, at least we didn’t burn your house down.”

“That’s not something to be proud of, Phil,” the butter pegasus replied, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. “Angel is going to need therapy after that! And Harry! And Mr. Theofylaktos! And even Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All!”

“Well, I guess we’re all losers here…” Elusive muttered. “We’ve all had our turns, which leaves us with—”

“My turn!” Blitz proclaimed, puffing his chest.

“Five bits say it’s a race,” Applejack muttered to Elusive.

“Deal.”

HemsdaySundaMond

Dear makeshift scientific journal,

I’ve lost track of time.

Has it been days? Weeks? Months? Years? Or just mere minutes?

It’s hard to tell down here, in this basement.

What has happened outside?

Is there even a Ponyville to come out to?

Has it been destroyed for good?

It’s been awfully quiet since those explosions.

I’m starting to get hungry, too.

I haven’t eaten at all since breakfast yesterday.

Or was it the day before yesterday?

I… I can’t tell.

And I don’t know what to do.

I’m surrounded by death and blood, yet I feel far safer here than facing the real world outside.

I’m scared.

Signed,

No One.

I’ve lost everything.

Of course it was a race.

It’s Rainbow Blitz, after all.

“Come on, try to catch up! Even Butters is doing better than you!”

“I CAN’T FLY, YOU ASSHOLE!” Elusive roared, out of breath. And neither could Applejack, but he was certainly more athletic than him. And Phil seemed to have missed the part where the laws of physics claimed dominion over him.

The cerulean pegasus snickered. “Not my problem~!” he said in a sing-song voice.

“I WILL STEP ON YOUR NECK, RAINBOW BLITZ!”

“What?” Blitz mocked him, zooming away in the distance. “I can’t hear you~! You’re too slow~!”

The snowy peaks of the Canterhorn shook under the roar of pure rage that echoed across Equestria.

Hey.

There’s only a limited amount of times you can read all the same letters and notices before you feel like you’re starting to lose your mind.

Like, I just heard something like a roar just now, the roar of a lion combined with a dragon with a pinch of tiger.

But that’s just silly. There are no lions, nor tigers, near Ponyville. And I’m pretty sure we took care of the dragon, too. So I think I’m starting to hear things and stuff. That can’t be healthy.

I need food.

I need water.

I need BOOKS.

Sweet, sweet books.

Lovely books.

New books.

Informative books.

Books…

I need books…

In the end, they were in the same place where they began, both literally and metaphorically.

Bickering in front of the now-ravaged street in front of Sugarcube Corner, with no solution at hoof nor any advance at all in settling their dispute.

“You know what?!” Phil screamed at the top of his lungs, fed up with the endless argument. “Let’s settle this the old-fashioned way!” Wordlessly, Butterscotch pulled out his shovel, Phil’s since-rusted blood still staining the steel. “With a good ol’ –” he pulled out a small cardboard box from his puffy mane “– game of cards!”

Elusive visibly deflated, sighing deeply in defeat.

“What, do you have any better ideas?” Phil challenged.

Nopony said anything.

“This competition is rigged, I tell you...”

Okay, Elusive muttered something; but apart from that, silence. Butterscotch, as quietly as he could, put his shovel away with a sheepish expression and a bright blush.

“Nothing, then?” The pink pony closed his eyes and smirked with satisfaction. “Thought as much.”

“Alright. Let’s do this,” Applejack decided, if only just to get over with it. “To how many points are we playin’?”

“Whoever reaches 700 points first gets the ticket!” Phil declared.

“Seven hundred?” Butterscotch’s frowned apprehensively. “Isn’t that a bit too high?”

“Butters, trust me. With the house rules with which we’re playing this game, all you need is to get lucky once and you’re already halfway there.”

And so they began.

It was rather relaxing, actually.

Just the five of them, chilling at Phil’s bedroom on top of Sugarcube Corner, playing cards and having a drink on hoof while they chatted lively. Phil had even put some sweet sax music on the background, and its harmonious tune made the atmosphere something quite special.

It mattered none to them the fact they were down one purple unicorn, or even the quarrel that brought them all together for that sorely-needed Guys Night. All of that had been forgotten: the five stallions were living in the moment, enjoying each other’s companionship and friendship.

It was, indeed, truly magical.

“What a chill game,” Applejack noted, still ill at ease by sitting next to Rainbow Blitz.

The other stallions chorused their agreement.

“It’s a wonderful way to end the day,” Butterscotch added.

“Yeah,” Blitz said, “No fuckery or anything. Just friends having fu—”

Elusive dashed Blitz’s hopes for an early lead by throwing him a 7 and switching the pegasus’ sole remaining card for his full hoof of over twenty-five.

Blitz short-circuited and started blinking repeatedly as if having a stroke, opening and closing his mouth like a fish. “Dude, what the hay?!” he eventually managed to croak, eyes wide and heart broken.

Elusive fixated him a blank stare. “There are no friendships in Uno.”

Everything went off the rails after that.

Books books books books,

Books.

Books. Books books books books. Books books.

Books books books books books books books.

Books books books… books books books books books.

BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS!

Books books books books books books.

Books books books books books books books books books books.

Books… Books books books books books?

…

… Books books books books.

Books.

Books.

BOOKS.

Five hours in, all the pretty things were broken.

They never quite got lucky.

The music had long since faded away, as had all of their hopes and dreams, eyes bloodshot and unfocused, voices hoarse and strained, and a laughter that was more of a cry of help than an expression of joy, their souls sucked away by the endurance game that was Uno.

Applejack was certain he was starting to lose his mind.

He had yet to draw a card to continue from Phil’s blue 4, and he had already more than doubled his hoof. Until his salvation came in the form of a 7, which he used to take Butterscotch’s hoof of two cards.

The pegasus giggled in an unhinged manner as Elusive’s magic exchanged his two cards for Applejack’s sixteen.

Applejack was certain, too, that Butterscotch’s mind had been lost in the way around two hours ago when he began to repeat ‘there is no happiness, there is no joy’ over and over like a survival mantra.

The butter pegasus’s eyes were bloodshot, tiny pinpricks, his still braided mane stuck up in unnatural ways, he kept petting his tail, and spoke conspiratorially with what seemed to be either a hallucination of his pet bunny or a second identity with the same name.

“Oh, Angel, look! The Betrayer has struck again, don’t you see? Hehehehe! Just like I said he would! We have been too merciful on him, so merciful. But not anymore! Hehehehe! Not anymore! This time we’ll cut his throat while he sleeps so he won’t wake up to betray us again, won’t we, Angel? Oh yes we will, yes we will, yes we will! Hehehehehe!”

“... So is anypony else listenin’ to this?” Applejack turned to look at the other stallions.

Plainly put, they were all dead inside.

Elusive looked haggard, a small unkempt stubble somehow already large enough to be noticeable, his curly, silky mane turned into a mop of hay-like hairs. He seemed to trudge on by sheer force of caffeine, several disposable cups scattered around him.

Rainbow Blitz’s bluster and bravado had vanished, his cerise eyes vacant and staring deep into the distance, seeing without seeing. Even his mane had lost some of its colour, and he held his head upon his forehooves, all hope lost.

Phil… was Phil, really, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes. Indeed, it was strained and awkward, as if he just kept smiling because he simply had no idea what he’d do if he stopped. His blue eyes were shifty, shooting from one side to the other anxiously.

“A few hours ago I would have been concerned, but now…” Blitz sighed heavily, then turned his gaze towards Butterscotch. “Can’t you slit my throat first?”

The butter pegasus jumped on the spot, then gave Blitz a slasher smile. “Oh-hohoho! I’m sorry sorry sorry, but I have better plans for you! Oh, I do, oh I do, oh I do~! Hehehehehehe!”

“Cool, just fucking kill me already.”

“Butters has sure been more violent than usual,” Phil noted, leaning against Applejack and lowering his voice so only the farm stallion could listen to him. Considering the pegasus’ state, it was probably for the best. “It’s starting to get reeeeeaaaally weird.”

“Do ya reckon it has somethin’ to do with the dragon?” Applejack questioned back, reminiscing of how just last week Butterscotch, meek and feeble Butterscotch, had utterly curb-stomped a full grown dragon in a fit of rage and wrath.

“... Maybe?” Phil answered after a pause. “I mean, he clearly has some unresolved repressed trauma about the whole thing, and that isn’t easy to deal with. And if it finds a crack on the walls you’ve set up to constrain it, then it will just continue to slip through in ever-increasing doses. It’s never a one-off thing, it’s something you have to deal with constantly,” he reflected.

Applejack looked warily at Butterscotch, who was in the process of laughing insanely to Elusive’s bemusement. While his violence had yet to even come anywhere near to the one displayed that fateful day, the pegasus had begun to develop some kind of brief, fleeting wrath whenever things didn’t go his way. Phil has a point, there.

… Wait.

Phil has a point?!

“Hol’ yer horses,” Applejack’s brain demanded an explanation. “How d’ya know about that?”

The pink pony didn’t answer for five full seconds.

“... Reasons...?” Phil shrugged with indifference, but there was something shifty in his eyes that, to Applejack, seemed to tell another tale.

But before the farm pony could dig any further, blue magic engulfed all of their cards, and their hoofs all shifted clockwise. Blitz had played a 0.

Elusive sighed deeply, interrupting the flow of their torture.

“Guys? Don’t you believe that, instead of competing…” he sucked in his breath, shoving his pride down his throat, “maybe we should just ask Twilight to request the Princess four more tickets, so all six of us can go, and be freed from this martyrdom?”

“Fuck yes,” Blitz spat, throwing his cards high in the air. “I can’t take this shit anymore.”

“Oh? Is he surrendering, Angel? Is he, is he, is he? Oh! Oh-hohohohoho!” Butterscotch cackled like a maniac.

The others decided to take that as a yes from his part.

“Eeyup.” Ah’m sorry, me, but at this point Ah’ll do anythin’ an’ everythin’ to stop this trainwreck. Even abdicate mah date with the Mis—

Applejack’s brain came to a sudden halt with a deafening screech.

“They want the Bearers to attend.”

“A-all six of us?” He winced at his stutter.

“And Spike, if he wants to.”

Oh.

Oooooohhhhhh Celestia Ah’m fuckin’ braindead.

Phil protested. “But that’s what I’ve been trying to sa—!”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, PHIL!” they all roared in unison, although Applejack’s holler was more of a squeak of shame and self-loathing than anything.

“For Celestia’s sake, you’re impossible…” Blitz grumbled facehoofing as Butterscotch devolved in another maniacal laughter and Elusive cleaned everything up with his magic.

“You guys are dicks…”

My precioussss bookssss…

We wantssss them.

We needssss them.

We requiressss them.

We.

Musssst.

Hasss.

THEEEEEE PRECIOUSSSSSSSSS!

We leeeeeeeaaaaaaaaveeeeeeeeeee.

FOR BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooookssssssssssssssssssssssssss…

The pony that used to be Twilight Sparkle slithered across the back alleys and dimly lit pathways of Ponyville, in search of her Precious.

Precioussssssssss boooooooooookssssssssssssss…

Yet, where would she find them? The library had been burnt down.

We’ll findssssss them… The precioussssss...

And then, just at the other side of the road, she saw it.

A big, gleaming book.

Of what, she didn’t care. Good or bad, it mattered none to her.

It was a book, and that was all she cared about.

And so, like a beast of prey, she pounced upon the book.

Bringing the pony that held it in his magic down with her.

“GAH! Not the face! Everywhere but the fa—! Twilight?!”

Like a rabid beast, however, the purple unicorn ignored him, furiously getting hold of the book that had fallen to the ground, and reading it through in less than five seconds.

Absorbing it.

Relishing in the words.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhh, that’s the good stuff…” she moaned in pleasure, then frowned because the book was over. She wheeled around the poor stallion, a ravenous hunger in her eyes. “YOU! BOOOOOOKSSS! MORE BOOOOOKSSSS!”

The unicorn stallion blinked. “... What the hay.”

Wait, we knows him, don’t we?

And in a flash, everything came back to her.

Her life. Her name. Her friends.

Her friends.

Among which was the utterly discombobulated white unicorn stallion in front of her, indigo mane disheveled by the mugging he had just endured, and full moustache shivering.

Twilight blinked.

“Nice moustache,” she let out without thinking.

“... Thanks,” Elusive replied dryly.

A pause.

“What was that all about, anyway?” he asked her.

“... Nothing,” she said just as dryly.

“Sure didn’t seem like nothing, my dear. You’ve got dry blood on your hooves.”

So she did. “Hmmh.”

“... You… wanna talk about it?”

“Nope,” Twilight decided. “And you? How are you still alive?”

“Wow, harsh,” Elusive quipped.

“I mean, there were an awful lot of explosions.”

“Ah. Yes,” Elusive rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “On hindsight it sounds stupid, but we were fighting a battle royale for the Gala ticket. Y’know, your spare one.”

Knew it, Twilight internally hoof-pumped.

“The fact that any of us survived is nothing short of a miracle.”

“Aren’t you exaggerating?”

“We had to tie Butterscotch up a few nights ago to stop him from slitting our throats in our sleep.”

What.

Elusive noted Twilight’s perplexity, and gave her a wry, traumatised smile. “It was a long week. We all did things we regret. And for that I want to ask for your forgiveness, Twilight. We were truly out of place, and we acted in ways unbefitting of ourselves. We pushed you, we mistreated each other, and we didn’t care for anypony but ourselves in pursuit of our selfish interests. Please pardon my Prench, but we were real assholes.”

Well, no arguments here, Twilight grumpily thought, then sighed. “Yeah, I guess you guys got a bit hectic about the ticket…” But at least you didn’t go insane in a bloodbath of a basement. Maybe. I think. She frowned. What exactly were you guys up to if you had to tie Butterscotch up so he wouldn’t murder you? “So?” she asked, feigning disinterest. “Who won the ticket, in the end?”

“Yes, well, about that… In the end, we came to the conclusion that there is no sense in fighting for our petty differences, when we can come and work together for the greater good. It’s a pity that it took us three days and five hours playing a Celestia-forsaken game of Uno to realise...” he trailed off. Twilight raised an eyebrow. Elusive’s gaze had become glassy, eyes fixated on a point in the middle distance. Note to self, inquire about that game.

Elusive didn’t resume talking, getting lost in his memories. Reliving them. Unable to escape.

Twilight coughed.

“Oh!” Elusive snapped out of it. “Well, we wanted to ask you if you could ask for the Princess for four extra tickets. We all very much wish to attend the Gala, but it’s not worth fighting or losing valuable friendships over, nor do we wish to impose a choice upon you.”

Twilight shot him a withering glare. “Oh! So you mean you eventually decided to do the exact same thing I said I WAS GOING TO DO?!” She was suddenly shouting.

“Wait, really?” Elusive frowned, befuddled. “But Twilight, then why didn’t you say so?”

“I DID!!” she exclaimed desperately. “REPEATEDLY!!”

Elusive blinked blankly, then a blush crept upon his face as he realised his folly. He chuckled awkwardly in shame. “Oh, my. I’m terribly sorry, Twilight! Please, let me make it up to you.”

Twilight wanted to strangle the unicorn in front of her, him and his stupid new-grown moustache. She wanted nothing more but to repay the psychological suffering he, in his short-sightedness, imposed upon her. And then she would hunt the rest of the guys to reap her vengeance.

Until he said the magic words and all her wrath melted like a puddle in the desert.

“I’ll buy you lunch! My treat.”

On cue, Twilight’s stomach roared like a buffalo stampede.

She took a deep sigh as she made her decision. “Okay. Alright. BUT! You guys are so writing my friendship report to the Princess this week.” Besides, they are the ones who learnt something about friendship, I was too busy losing my mind.

Elusive grinned sheepishly. “It’s the least we could do, my dear”

And so they left, course set upon Hayburger.

Only halfway there Twilight realised something. Something of unparalleled importance, should they continue down this road.

“Wait, where’s Spike?”

Elusive blanked.

“I haven’t the slightest idea.”

“... So how are we supposed to write to the Princess, then?”

Her answer came to meet her just a few steps away with a grin.

“Twilight! This one here’s for you!” Derpy cheerfully greeted her, handing her a thick package with a pink six-pointed star on a purple shield, three smaller stars on top.

“Oh! Thank you so much!” Finally Shining had gotten around to sending her the military history books she had asked him for weeks ago. Then she frowned. “Wait, I thought the post office was still shut down…”

“Ah, we opened a new temporary office a few buildings down the road. The show must go on, eh?” the mare chuckled half-heartedly.

Well, that explains the cap. Derpy was wearing her wearing her mailmare duffel bag and blue cap and accompanied by a good-looking stallion. Probably one of the Post Office’s new crew members.

Elusive addressed the stallion. “Say, I haven’t seen you before around here. Are you new to town?”

“Why, yes. Only got here last week. Strange little town,” he smiled pleasantly. “Seems just like my kind of place.”

Elusive smiled wearily. “I’d like to see you say that in a few weeks’ time.”

The stallion chuckled, then nodded his farewell, following Derpy as she left, heading towards her next target.

Twilight turned towards Elusive. “Well, post office it is, I guess. Seriously, where did Spike go to?”

Dear Princess Celestia:

This week, my friends learned a very valuable lesson on friendship.

I know, I know, I’m the one who’s studying the magic of friendship, but there was very little I could learn while bunkered down in a basement for five days waiting out the apocalypse.

Long story.

Attached to this letter is their report.

With love, your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle, MPhil.
Bearer of the Element of Magic.

My dearest and most faithful student:

You passed the test I had envisioned, just as I knew you would.

You see, I decided to test the strength of your bond with your friends, and the bonds between them, by putting you all under pressure, so I deliberately sent you the wrong tickets, and only two of them. It might have taken some time, but in the end, you all decided that your friendship was valuable, that fighting over a ticket wasn’t worth it, that one of the joys of friendship is sharing, and last but not least, that when you win at the expense of your friends, you’ve lost what truly matters. You succeed together, or not at all.

Indeed, as I wrote previously, you six are all invited to the Grand Galloping Gala! Attached to this letter are all six of the tickets, each with their respective names. Please do not misplace them.

And in case you were wondering; the chef is okay. Artemis never sent anypony to the executioner. It was all part of the ruse.

Also, please try not to destroy Ponyville anymore. Rebuilding isn’t free, you know.

With love,

Princess Celestia.

P.S: Off the record, and between you and me, I think that maybe they are the ones who need to learn a bit more about friendship. They are good ponies, and clearly care for each other, but based on what they wrote, they seriously have no idea how to show it without being jerks about it!

“And thus the most great Princess Sovereign Celestia of Equestria maketh amends for her mistakes. Lo and behold.”

“Oh, and what do you want me to do? Tell the truth? Admit I totally messed everything up because I wasn’t paying attention?”

“... Yes.”

“Artemis, I was being sarcastic. You know I can’t do that. Their faith on me would come crashing down if they realised I’m just as fallible as anypony else!”

“Oh, woe is me!” Artemis said with a theatrical flourish. The sarcasm was so thick, you could cut it with a knife. “What of poor Equestria, should such a fate befall upon us all?”

“Shut up, you. And speaking of mistakes, if I recall correctly, you’re the one who sent a pony to be beheaded for no reason whatsoever!”

“Mista—?!” he stammered. “What dost thou mean? ‘Mistake’ it was not! He attempted to poison me! Methinks that is a reasonable reason!”

“But you didn’t have to kill him! You could have just sent him to the dungeons! Do you know what a headache covering this thing up is going to be?!”

“Sending an attempted regicide to the dungeons? Preposterous! He ought to be grateful I merely cut off his head! Back in the days, we would have had him hanged, drawn, emasculated, eviscerated, quartered and his head stuck on a pike for such acts of treason!”

“By The Allfather’s sake, it was just maple syrup! It’s called modern cuisine, Artemis! Are you seriously expecting the culinary arts to remain the same for over a thousand years?!”

“Art thou telling me that accursed ooze was intended to be edible?! It tasted like shite!”

“Oh, and you know what shit tastes like?”

“In truth, I do.”

“... How.”

“Thine faith put in me, sister, thou desirest not to know.”

“... No, I do. I really do.”

“Wash not thy teeth for a thousand years.”

“Yuck.”

“Yes, indeed. Praised be The Allfather that the Elements of Harmony cleansed not only The Abyss, but my mouth as well. Tasted like fresh mint, if the truth thou desirest.”

“For what it’s worth, brother, I’m terribly sorry I had to banish you to the moon.”

“And I am terribly sorry, sister dearest, that I forced thy hoof into doing so.”

“I’m glad you’re back.”

“So am I. So am I.”

“How was it? Living in the moon for a thousand years in isolation, I mean.”

“There is no pizza on the moon.” Artemis’ voice was as dry as a desert. His sister winced.

“Perhaps I should have just killed you instead…”

“A more merciful fate indeed. I can not think of more tedious a thing. I had nary a pass-time but counting rocks.”

“Just counting rocks? Not even making a bonfire and singing at night while your guitar gently wept?”

“How pretendest thou I produced a bonfire? There is no oxygen on the moon, ‘Tia.”

“Oh.” A beat of silence. “I knew that.”

“Also I had not a guitar on my person when thou banished me, thus thy proposition would have not been possible. And rocks and dust make not for an appropriate replacement for wood and string. The sound reminded me of Discord and his idea of ‘music’.”

“How are you still sane?”

“I was fortunate to be already insane. The tediousness affected me little.”

“But surely you must have found a hobby…”

“Shooting down xenomorph ships was most entertaining, but they appeared not thrice a decade. The latest one managed to evade me some seven years ago. Alas, I was having a most miserable day.”

“... Wait, what did you just say?” Celestia squeaked.

“‘Tis nothing thou shouldst mind, sister dearest. Returning to the matter of pizza, can we get some for supper? I really miss pizza… and I desire to know whether they survived this ‘modern cuisine’ thou spake of.”

“Artemis, we’re the sovereign God-Emperors of Equestria. Our mere whims dictate the course of pony history. You bet your cutie mark we can get some pizza.”

“So please thou, with some pineapple; I have wished for nary a thing but a taste of those ever since I came back and learnt of their existence.”

“... Seriously? Seriously?! And you’re calling maple syrup poison?! Our father did not bequeath his throne for us to eat pineapple pizza!”

“But sister!”

“No ‘buts’! Trust your big sister on this, it’s for your own good.”

“‘Big sister’? Thou art aware our birthing was an arcane anomaly, art not thou? We were quite literally brought into existence at the exact same time.”

“Well, yes, but I’m the most mature.”

The eye-roll was audible. “So thou claimest, yet of this I have seen no evidence.”

“I have ruled Equestria for over a millennia. I’m the senior ruler for a reason, you know.”

“... Because thou banished me to the moon for most of said millennia, mayhaps?”

Celestia tsked. “And I won’t hesitate to do it again if you keep annoying me during my free hours.”

“Ah, but then what would I do during thine ‘free hours’?”

“Gee, I don’t know, the royal duties you’re supposed to be doing right now, perhaps?!”

“Do I get to behead the worthless scum?”

“We’ve been over this, Artemis. They’re called nobleponies. You can’t keep calling them ‘worthless scum’.”

“But they are worthless scum!”

“Yes they are, but we do not say that to their faces!”

“What is the point, then, in being God-Emperors of Equestria if we cannot dispose freely of their lives whenever we so desire?”

“I wonder the same thing every night.” Her voice was wistful. “Still, the answer is no, you can’t behead them.”

“How tedious. It would be more entertaining.”

She sighed heavily. “... I missed you, brother,” she said fondly.

He smiled warmly. “I missed thee too, sister.”

Chapter 8: Odd One Out

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 9: Leap of Faith

“This is what got everypony excited?” Sweetie Belle looked up to Twilight in confusion. “Shaykespeare in the Park?”

“Dunno,” Twilight said. She doubted Ponyville was sufficiently well versed in theatre for it to attract such a multitude. Then again, Sunday afternoon, the cinema still pending reconstruction... perhaps they were with a heavy withdrawal, or just a complete lack of anything better to do.

The crowd was so large, barely a few seconds had gone by before they had lost all track of Lyra and Bon Bon. It was not a loss Twilight would rue too keenly, given how Lyra had made some problematic implications about her friendship with her fellow co-Bearers… And what’s worse, made her imagine them. Extremely graphically.

It was the stuff of nightmares.

Or that’s what she was trying to convince herself of.

“What is up with this crowd?” Twilight frowned, trying to take her mind out of the gutter. “It’s almost like all of Ponyville is here.”

“Whoa, Missy, what happened to yer leg?” Applejack’s farm drawl rang out. The unicorns turned to see the three Apple siblings making their way towards them. Applejack eyed her splinted leg with concern.

“Fell from a scaffold,” she replied laconically, avoiding his eyes in embarrassment, unholy images that would plague her dreams for ages to come coming back into her mind.

“What were ya doin’ up there in the first place?” Apple Bloom questioned.

What were you doing burning down the Celestia-damned town, Apple Bloom? You have no right to judge me, Twilight snarked internally.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you!” Phil popped out of nowhere, as he was wont to do.

Twilight wheeled on him, fire in her eyes. “I fell because of you!”

Applejack raised an eyebrow, turning to glare at Phil.

“Ah, but I tried warning you!” the pink stallion defended himself. “It’s not my fault you were surprised, jumped and brought the scaffolding down!”

Applejack turned to look at Twilight in befuddlement.

“... I’ll explain later,” she promised tiredly, with no intention whatsoever to do as much. “You guys know what is everypony doing here?”

“No idea,” Applejack shrugged. “Folks were comin’, so we came to see. Didn’t expect the crowd to be this big.”

“Yeah!” Phil added. “I had this weird shudder I’ve never had before, so I just knew I had to come over and check out for myself! Whatever it is, it’s sure to be a doozy!” Twilight had the sudden urge to jump on the pink stallion and strangle him, but she just knew this Pinkie Sense crap of his would alert him. Somehow.

“You think Scootaloo is here, too?” Sweetie Belle asked Apple Bloom.

“One way ta find out,” the farmfilly replied. “See y’all later!”

“Don’t burn down the town!” Applejack called out as both Cutie Mark Crusaders disappeared into the crowd, looking for their missing member. The stallion sighed, then face-hoofed. “Ah can’t believe Ah’m not jokin’ when Ah say that.”

“You and me both, Applejack, you and me both,” Twilight agreed, shooting a glance around the crowd.

Ponies just kept arriving, too. This was comparable to the crowd for the Summer Sun Celebration! Twilight narrowed her eyes sourly. Who was this performer who dared to attract a larger crowd than Princess Celestia herself?

“Hey, there they are!” Spike’s voice called, and sure enough, he and Elusive were moving through the crowds to get to them. Much to her surprise, Spike was mounted on the mustachioed unicorn’s back.

Twilight felt a small pang of jealousy. That was their thing.

She could also make out Butterscotch coming towards them, too. And no surprises, a rainbow streak appeared on the sky.

It was starting to get a bit ridiculous how literally everypony was in that crowd.

“What did you guys get up to?” Twilight asked them when they joined them.

“We listened to El Clásico on Elusive’s radio,” Spike replied excitedly.

Twilight turned to look at the white unicorn, tilting her head in curiosity.

“I didn’t know you were into Hoofball.”

“I dabble,” Elusive shrugged simply, moustache quivering. “Especially if Real Mabrida is involved.”

“Paletona all the way!” Rainbow Blitz shouted from the sky. “The referee totally robbed the game!”

“Eeyup!” Big Mac nodded angrily, stomping with his fore hooves for good measure.

“What are you talking about? That was the dirtiest foul I’ve ever heard about in my entire life!” Spike shot back.

“Said the ten-year-old,” the pegasus retorted.

“Eleven!”

The Crusaders rejoined them in their spot in the crowd, now with a very bemused Scootaloo in tow. Elusive bowed his head to his little sister in greeting.

“That penalty was legitimate!” Spike insisted.

Elusive nodded his agreement. “We won fair and square.”

Spike snickered. “Yeah, we did,” and bro-hoofed with the white unicorn, to the pegasus’ frustration and Twilight’s utter puzzlement. What the hay happened between those two?

“It was bullshit, plain and simple!” Blitz reiterated, smacking his front hooves together for emphasis, comfortably held aloft by the flapping of his wings. “Nobita has to appeal to the EHA!”

Applejack rolled his eyes at the argument.

“Hooligans,” he shared a look with Twilight, making her giggle.

“United,” was all his brother said. Angel, on top of Butterscotch’s head, took that name as a mortal offense and started jumping up and down, chirping in a raging frenzy. Butterscotch flinched at his pet bunny’s movement, but said nothing, although Twilight could have sworn a shadow passed over his eyes for an instant.

Applejack wheeled on Big Mac. “That’s different, shut up!” His face was as red as his applesWAIT NO MENTAL IMAGES AAAAAAA

“Is it, though?” Phil challenged him, while Big Mac snorted.

Before Applejack could enlighten them on the specifics that made his support for Manuceastre United entirely different to the other guys’ enthusiasm, however, a magically enhanced voice rang through the crowd, silencing it.

“Fillies and Gentlecolts! Prepare yourselves to watch in awe as you behold the most spectacular feats of magic ever witnessed by mortal eyes! Prepare yourselves for the GRRREAT AND POWERRRFUL TRRRRRRRIXIE!!!”

The curtains rolled back to reveal…

Nothing.

“Uhm…” Sweetie Belle frowned. “Shouldn’t a pony be there?”

“She’s probably about to do a dramatic entrance,” Apple Bloom wagered.

Just as the words left her mouth, wisps of brightly coloured smoke began to twirl on stage, stars shining and twinkling as the wisps twisted and turned. Then, with a brilliant flash, materialised a brilliant azure unicorn mare with a pale cornflower blue mane neatly combed to her left side, wearing a star-studded lavender cape and a stereotypical wizard pointy hat.

Amazed gasps and impressed applauses filled the crowd, and Twilight had to admit, that had been a pretty neat entrance.

“Welcome, welcome, welcome!” She graciously bowed in front of her impressed audience. “Ponyville, o Ponyville! It is truly an honour for you to witness the Great and Powerful Trixie!”

And just like that, Twilight took an immediate dislike for the unicorn.

“An honour fer us to see her? Now who does this missy thinks she is?” Applejack grumbled, scowling, as Trixie continued with admittedly-spectacular displays of magic interscaled with tall tales.

Something else caught Twilight’s attention. ‘Missy’? she frowned. She thought that nickname was reserved only for her. Apparently not, it seemed. For some reason, that bothered her more than it should.

“Yeah. If anything, she should be honoured to see me!” Rainbow Blitz added, and Scootaloo nodded in agreement.

Elusive stared at him flatly.

“I mean, I’m the Bearer of an Element of Harmony!”

“We all are,” Butterscotch pointed out.

“Fine, fine, she should be honoured to see us,” Blitz amended his statement. “Better now?”

“Oh, are those naysayers that I hear on the audience?” Trixie called out, a peeved look on her face. “Who is so ignorant as to challenge the arcane ability of the Great and Powerful Trixie? Who has the gall to belittle her claims? Do they not know that they’re in the presence of the preeminent mage in all of Equestria?”

Rainbow Blitz was unable to resist the temptation.

“I do!” he challenged her.

Elusive facehoofed. Butterscotch shook his head in disapproval. Applejack and Twilight shared a weary glance.

“Such arrogance!” the showmare declared hypocritically. “And who are you, who would smear the bright reputation of the Great and Powerful Trixie?”

“I’m Rainbow Blitz!” the pegasus proclaimed confidently, crossing his arms and smirking down at the unicorn.

There was silence for three full seconds.

“Who?” asked Trixie, tilting her head.

The pegasus deflated. “Rainbow Blitz, man. The fastest, swiftest and most awesomest stallion in all of Equestria. The legendary speedster?”

Trixie shook her head, all her bravado replaced by genuine confusion.

“Come on… You guys?” Blitz turned to the rest of the audience. Some muttered words here and there, but no one came to his aid. Scootaloo, however, was nodding furiously, wings fluttering in excitement.

“I defeated the Night King, for Celestia’s sake!” he exclaimed in frustration.

A few ponies nodded, a small chorus of recognition rippling through the audience. For some reason, they didn’t sound all too happy.

Applejack coughed loudly.

“... Alongside my fellow Bearers of the Elements of Harmony!” Rainbow Blitz hastily added, but wisely didn’t attract attention to said co-Bearers, standing underneath him. “If it wasn’t for us, Equestria would be suffering an endless night!”

“Ahhh,” Trixie nodded in recognition, before resuming her bravado. “And we’re eternally grateful, you’re heroes,” she conceded with a rather acid tone. “But you were six against one, and had the aid of magical artifacts unlike any other Ponykind has ever seen. The Great and Powerful Trixie had no such aid when she used her unparalleled magical power to vanquish the dreaded Ursa Major!”

A ripple of awed whispers broke through the crowd. An Ursa Major? Those were monsters unlike any other. Even fearsome dragons threaded carefully through the lands inhabited the Ursa Majors, lest they invoked their wrath.

“It is true, my enthusiastic Ponyvillians,” Trixie said. “When the Ursa Major attacked, the ponies in Sattelfurt, Austrot, had no one to turn to.” As she spoke, she used her magic and fireworks to recreate the events in the darkening sky, a big, dark bear closing in on a small town filled with tiny, scared ponies fleeing for their lives, as soldiers wearing the Austrotian surcoats, a blue drop of blood in a white field, held the line, guiding the populace out of town. “Knowing they were defeated, the local garrison tried their best to evacuate the population, but all hope seemed lost!”

The beast roared savagely, the entire crowd flinching slightly in fear.

“But then, the Great and Powerful Trixie arrived!”

With fanfares and fireworks, a diminutive version of the mare in the stage appeared in between the town and the ursa. Some ponies in the crowd applauded and cheered. Twilight rolled her eyes.

“Using her awesome magic, the Great and Powerful Trixie fought a long and epic struggle against the dreaded Ursa…” The fight was a spectacular affair, a first class show of lights and fireworks simulating Trixie’s epic fight against the large Ursa. Ponies gasped and cheered as the tiny Trixie valiantly stood her ground, and outwitted the bear into its eventual defeat. “... but in the end, the Great and Powerful Trixie prevailed! The Ursa Major was vanquished, sent back to its dark cave deep into the forest, and Sattelfurt was saved!”

Sattelfurt’s tiny population began cheering Trixie. And as life imitates art, so did Ponyville’s audience. Except...

“Bullshhhhh—” Applejack trailed off the moment he realised his impressionable little sister was by his side. “Ah mean, liar!”

“Oh?” Trixie chuckled, turning towards Applejack. “And who are you to claim that the Great and Powerful Trixie is lying? Why, Trixie doubts you even know what an Ursa Major is!” She chuckled again. “But then again, Trixie doubts your parents ever taught you much about anything, you uneducated hick.”

Twilight felt her blood boil. But if she was furious, Applejack was almost foaming at the mouth in rage.

“That’s it! Ah don’t know who taught ya manners, missy, but Ah ain’t gonna just sit and take this if Ah have anythin’ to do about it! The moment ya brin’ mah parents into this is the moment Ah buck ya sideways!”

“Eeyup!” Big Mac barked, eyes seeing red.

“Being bucked by siblings at the same time? Oh, that’s the dream of any mare! Please, be my guests,” she smirked, earning a laugh from the audience with her double entendre. Apple Bloom only glared daggers at the showmare. “Come up, come up to the stage and challenge the Great and Powerful Trixie!”

She needn’t repeat herself. Both brothers immediately made their way through the crowds and jumped on stage.

There was a moment of silence on which not a single soul did anything. Trixie seized upon her opening.

“Well?” she goaded them, unimpressed at the sheer size of both stallions and their enraged demeanour. “The Great and Powerful Trixie was under the impression you were about to, ehem, ‘buck her sideways’?” she asked acidly, eliciting snickers from the crowd. “Or are you getting second thoughts upon basking in her magnificence from up close?”

Applejack glanced at his elder brother. “Let’s shut up this missy once and fer all.”

His brother merely snorted in agreement, raring to go. Not another word was exchanged as both stallions charged against the lone mare.

Until she wasn’t alone anymore.

In the blink of an eye, both Apples were surrounded by numerous identical Trixies, each wearing the same buckable cocky smirk.

Applejack stopped in his tracks, an unsure look in his face. Big Mac, however, continued onwards, smashing himself against the Trixie in front of him, only to pass through her as if she was made of fog, and tumble to the ground.

“Oh? Didn’t expect that?” Trixie taunted. “Come on, this shouldn’t be anything new to you! With such muscles, surely you can handle yourselves with multiple mares throwing themselves at you?” Big Mac stood up, snorted, then charged another Trixie, who dissipated just like the prior one did. Applejack remained rooted in place, eyes shifting through the Trixies. “Unless your barn door swings the other way, of course!”

As if jolted, Applejack snarled, then charged against the nearest Trixie. Refusing to give up, he bucked the one to his right, but neither was the real deal.

“Oh my! Touched a nerve?” she mocked Applejack. That only served to anger Applejack further, who began chasing futilely the multiple Trixies through the stage, much to the laughter of the audience. His raw ire confused Twilight. “My, my, my! Nopony’s judging, darling! There’s no need to be so uncivilised!”

Slowly but surely, both brothers whittled down the Trixies until the lone one remained in the centre. She raised a defiant eyebrow.

“Come at me.”

She might as well have said nothing, because both brothers were already charging against her. Twilight realised what was going to happen.

“Applejack, it’s a trap!” she shouted, but it was too late.

The last Trixie was another illusion, and both brothers crashed head-first into the other, tumbling to the ground in a mess of limbs. The audience exploded in laughter at the brothers’ misfortune.

Out of the corner of the stage, a rope started slithering in. Neither Apple was in shape to offer resistance as the rope began twisting around them, tying them tightly against each other… before lifting them high in the air, as if they weighed nothing.

Twilight could hear Applejack’s long suffering sigh, having anticipated what was about to happen. “Ah, horseapples,” he mumbled in resignation.

The rope proceeded to repeatedly slam both siblings against the stage. Each hit was punctuated by a gasp from the audience. Then, for good measure, the rope slung back, and started spinning the brothers around like a sling. After five seconds, the rope let go, sending Applejack and Big Mac flailing through the air. The amazed audience cheered and clapped, as Trixie reappeared on stage, took off her hat and bowed theatrically.

Twilight swiftly casted her own telekinesis, and got hold of the airborne siblings. She softly lowered them.

“Are you okay, Applejack?” she jumped to the stallion in concern as soon as they touched the ground.

“Ah’m fine, Ah’m fine,” the stallion fumbled hastily, never meeting her eyes. To Twilight’s surprise, despite what seemed to be a painful beatdown, he was completely unharmed. However, his elder brother was out of it: Big Mac’s eyes were unfocused, and his hind leg twitched comically. Apple Bloom shook him to no avail, the massive stallion far too dizzy to even react.

Unfortunately, her magical aura did not go unnoticed by the showmare. Fortunately, she didn’t know whose magical aura it was, so at least she could remain under the radar. The last thing she wanted was to attract attention to herself.

“Oh? Does the Great and Powerful Trixie see a unicorn attempting to upstage her unparalleled magical prowess? And with the most basic of spells, to add insult to injury? Why, every foal can do as much! Come up, whoever you are, and show us your true strength!”

Elusive huffed, irked by how the unicorn’s remarks had made Sweetie Belle look down to the ground in shame.

“Well, who am I to refuse such a kind invitation?” he announced, joining Trixie on the stage.

“Ah, a true gentlecolt!” The unicorn appraised him with approval. “Please do try to be more clever in your challenge; running circles on applebuckers can only be so much fun.”

“I don’t need to dirty my hooves to show you a lesson,” Elusive rebuked her sharply, moustache quivering as he spoke. “While it would certainly give me much pleasure, brute force would accomplish nothing, as you have shown. Yet, it proves nothing of your so-called superiority, as anypony with half a wit and a penchant for smoke and mirrors could come up with such a simple plan. No, I shall prove you’re nothing more than a rude, impolite mare who revels in mocking and taunting ponies who have done you no harm whatsoever in the most impresentable ways. Why, I cannot believe that—”

Sure, Elusive was her friend, but even Twilight had to tune out of the scolding he was giving the showmare. Whatever he had in mind, he had a long windup.

Trixie blinked, her face set in stone. Then, out of the blue, she zapped Elusive with a single beam of magic.

The audience gasped in horror.

Elusive stopped talking in his tracks.

“... What is it? What did she do?!”

“Nothing!” Twilight said hurriedly.

“Oh, fucking gross!” Rainbow Blitz yelped.

Sweetie Belle threw up.

Trixie had turned Elusive’s magnificent gentlecoltly moustache into a revolting heap of filthy maggots, twisting in on themselves.

Elusive gingerly raised his front hoof to his face, touching the disgusting larvae that now filled his upper lip.

Twilight could see him die a little bit on the inside.

Without a single word, the unicorn shot away, running as fast as he could, face growing greener and greener by the second.

Trixie shrugged simply. “Couldn’t resist,” she said almost innocently. After a beat, the audience started clapping and cheering. Only then Twilight realised why the audience was putting up with such a grotesque excuse for a show.

Simply put, their stock wasn’t all that high with Ponyvillians. As much as they had saved the day, so had they wrought destruction to the town and their homes and gotten away with it scot-free, and nothing pleased your average pony as much as what they perceived as karmic justice.

“The fuck you laughing at?!” Rainbow Blitz snapped, silencing the crowd.

“Ah, the Element of Harmony! The Great and Powerful Trixie was starting to wonder when you would step forth!”

“Will you just stop with the third person thing?!” Blitz rolled his eyes. “It’s so annoying! Sweet Celestia, we get it, you have an over-inflated ego, fucking stop already!”

Trixie raised an unamused eyebrow. She clearly didn’t deign to reply, so Blitz continued.

“You put on a pretty light show, but it’s so obvious that’s all you can do! Illusions and basic transfiguration! But can your magic do this?!” And he shot away.

Twilight paid no mind to Blitz’s mind-meltingly awesome tricks and moves, instead noting in pleasant surprise that he had actually paid some degree of attention the one time she had tried to explain to him the different schools of magic.

The audience was clearly enjoying it, too, gasping in amazement with every new pirouette and maneuver the stallion came up with on the fly. Scootaloo’s eyes, in particular, were as wide as they could get, like she was seeing stars.

“At least he knows how to fly, Ah’ll give him that,” Applejack grumbled. Before Twilight could ask why he had been so antagonistic for the past two weeks towards the stallion she presumed was his best friend, a pale magenta bolt shot through the air, clipping the pegasus on the wing.

Literal smoke began flaring from where he had been hit, and Rainbow Blitz started falling to the ground, rolling while making the sound of a damaged engine, smashing himself against Butterscotch and Big Mac.

“Ooh, strike!” Phil unhelpfully cheered the showmare.

“Dammit, Phil, whose side are ya on?!” Applejack snapped at the pink stallion.

As the audience once again cheered on Trixie, Sweetie Belle suddenly said, “You could do it.”

It took Twilight a few seconds to realise that she was talking to her.

“Me?”

“Yeah! Ya’re Princess Celestia’s personal student!” Apple Bloom picked up her friend’s train of thought and nodded emphatically. “Ya could show her who’s boss without even breakin’ no sweat!”

“Uhm… But…”

“Yeah, Twilight!” Scootaloo joined in, eyeing her crashed, discombobulated idol with apprehension, Phil joyfully soaking him with a fire extinguisher. “You can do this!”

“But I don’t want to upstage her!”

“Who cares?” Spike growled. “She’s been nothing but an insufferable ass! She has it coming!”

“But ponies are enjoying her show…”

“At our friends’ expense!” Spike pointed out. “What kind of friends would we be if we just stayed idle?”

“I… I don’t know…”

“Is that all that Ponyville can offer?” Trixie asked the audience, raising an eyebrow. “Is no other pony foolish enough to be willing to try their luck against the Great and Powerful Trixie?”

“Come on!” Spike insisted, repeatedly poking Twilight’s barrel.

“No?”

For a beat, Twilight could swear Trixie was looking at her, almost as if with recognition, but the instant passed immediately as the unicorn continued her sweeping glance at the audience.

“... No,” she finally croaked, making her decision.

“No takers, then?” Trixie declared with self-satisfaction, before smirking. “Once again, the Great and Powerful Trixie has proven herself to be the greatest, the most powerful and the most amazing unicorn in all of Equestria!” After shooting a final batch of fireworks into the air, she turned around and walked away, muttering, “Huh, was there ever any doubt?”

The show over, the crowd began scattering, chattering amongst themselves.

Spike turned around towards his big sorta sister, fire in his eyes. “What the hell, Twilight?!” he blew up at her.

“It’s just a show,” Twilight replied, but even she didn’t really buy her own excuses.

“She humiliated our friends! And you did nothing?! You could have wiped the floor with her sorry flank without even trying!”

“I could have not!”

“You literally lifted me, Sweetie Belle and Elusive’s whole garden into the air without even making an effort yesterday! Yes you could have!” Spike crossed his arms and turned his back on her. “If you’re going to be a crappy friend, at least don’t try to make sorry excuses.”

“Spike,” Twilight cried, “wait!”

But the dragon ignored her, angrily walking away.

Apple Bloom looked up at Twilight in angry disappointment. Without saying a word, she turned away and left. The other two Crusaders followed her after shooting a similar glance at Twilight.

The unicorn let out a sigh of sadness. Even if she stood by her actions (or lack thereof), Spike’s words stung.

He was right.

Even if she didn’t think the situation was worth the fuss, she should have stood up for her friends. She owed them as much. They were always sticking their necks out for her, and she couldn’t even shut up a braggart for them? What kind of friend did that make her?

Applejack shot her an unsure smile, most likely trying to reassure her.

“I’m sorry,” Twilight said in a low, guilty voice.

“Fer what? Ain’t yer responsibility. Nopony’s askin’ ya to defend our honour, Missy,” Applejack rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Woulda been nice, though, fer ya to have our backs.”

“Are you okay?” Twilight asked again. He had been very angry onstage, and he had gotten his flank handed to him.

“The humiliation is the worst part. Still, Ah think it makes me feel better that if us guys couldn’t do nothin’ against her, ya wouldn’t have made much of a difference…”

… ‘it makes me feel better that…’? What?!

“... And just what is that supposed to mean?” Twilight frowned, offended.

To his credit, Applejack at least had the sense to blanch immediately, realising he had screwed up.

“Erhh… Ah mean…”

Twilight wasn’t in the mood for listening to him splutter explanations. She’d had a very long day, and quite frankly, all she wanted to do was go home, fix her damned leg, and go to bed.

“Whatever,” she cut Applejack off sharply, making him flinch. “I’m going home. Goodbye, Applejack.”

“Ah— But Ah— Missy!” He called after her, but she ignored him, even his nickname to her only irritating her further.

She knew the stallion was old-fashioned, as many farmers were, but this was just pushing it beyond the pale. Not only was he assuming she couldn’t have gotten the job done because the guys could not, but he was actually feeling better about himself because of it?

Give me a break!

Sweet Apple Acres was run by his elderly grandmother, for Celestia’s sake! Equestria had been ruled for over a thousand years by a mare! And if he hadn’t noticed, the pony who had wiped the floor with him had been, surprise, a mare, too!

To just offhandedly discard Twilight like that…

It hurt.

Did he even recognise any of her abilities at all?

Or did he just see her as ‘the missy’, which, apparently, to Applejack meant nothing more than ‘mare’?

Not as Twilight Sparkle, but as whatever first impression he had formed of her on sight, and nothing that had happened in the last month had changed anything?

Guess at least I’m not the only crappy friend around, she moped as she made her way to the Boutique.

Almost an hour later, three fillies sat by a tree not far away from the stage. After watching the unbearable braggart publicly humiliate their elder brothers (idol, in Scootaloo’s case), the three had gone to the park to try and distract themselves, but to no avail.

“That sucked,” Sweetie Belle eventually broke the silence.

“Eeyup,” Apple Bloom echoed her elder brothers.

“We know,” Scootaloo said with a sigh.

Nopony said anything else for a while, just watching the sun set in the horizon.

“Twilight shoulda’ done somethin’,” Apple Bloom moped.

“Yeah,” the white unicorn agreed, downcast.

Scootaloo frowned. “What’s with you two and Twilight?”

Sweetie Belle turned to look at the pegasus, puzzled. “You wanted her to intervene too!”

“Well, yeah, I mean, I wanted somepony to do something, so I just went with her, because the alternatives were Phil Pie and Butterscotch, and oh hell no,” Scootaloo said. “But you two seemed pretty sure that Twilight could beat that show-off. Why?”

“Because she could,” Sweetie Belle replied matter-of-factly. “She’s really good at magic.”

“I know she’s a unicorn, but I didn’t know she was that good at magic.”

“What world d’ya live in?” Apple Bloom tilted her head at her friend. “She’s Princess Celestia’s personal protege.”

“Protégé,” Sweetie Belle corrected her.

“That’s what Ah said,” the farmfilly nodded. “Ah mean, she’s gotta be darned good at magic if the Princess herself picked her.”

“Yeah. She’s pretty neat,” Sweetie Belle agreed. She suddenly lighted up. “Oh, she’s going to teach me magic, too!” After a beat, and before any of her friends could say anything else, she added: “Real magic, that is. Not... whatever the Dumb and Mean Trixie does.”

“Smokes an’ mirrors, nothin’ more,” Apple Bloom said bitterly. She then turned to look at the stage, still up, long abandoned. “At least she coulda’ taken down the stag—” she exclaimed, pausing suddenly while taking a long look at it. She narrowed her eyes. Perplexed, the other two Crusaders turned to look at whatever had distracted Apple Bloom.

Walking by the wooden frame, two small unicorn colts were carrying a box full of smoothies.

“Are those two seriously…?” Scootaloo began, then trailed off as soon as she noticed that her two friends, far ahead of her, had already gone and left her alone. With a small flutter of her wings, the pegasus stood up and ran to join them.

“Now what are ya two doin’?” Apple Bloom barked, making the two unicorn colts jump in surprise.

“Bringin’ the Great and Powerful Trixie smoothies!” Snips proudly replied, after taking a second to recompose himself.

“... Right.” Sweetie Belle raised an unimpressed eyebrow as a flustered Scootaloo arrived to their sides. “So you’re just her errand colts.”

“Wha—?! Errand colts?! I’ll have you know that it’s an honour to be at the beck and call of the Great and Powerful Trixie!”

“Oh, give me a break,” Apple Bloom muttered, facehoofing in exasperation. “She’s just a show-off an’ a liar!”

“She’s no liar! She vanquished an Ursa Major!”

“Yeah!” Snails slowly nodded his agreement, moving his entire neck limply instead of just his head. He looked like a particularly dumb giraffe.

“Just how thick you two are?!” Scootaloo exclaimed in amazement.

Snips looked down at his chubby barrel, then frowned at the pegasus.

“Well, now that was just uncalled for.”

“Ya know what she meant!” Apple Bloom snapped. “Do ya seriously believe that!?”

“Well, why wouldn’t we? She proved she’s the best mage in all of Equestria!” Snips claimed. “She owned your brothers’ flanks!”

“She jus—”

“I want Trixie to own my flank,” Snails said out of nowhere, goofy smile on his face.

Everypony paused to look at him.

“... Okaaaaaaay…” Apple Bloom drawled, watching Snails warily. “What’s his problem?”

“Question of my life,” Snips dryly replied. “You were saying?”

“Oh? Ah, right. Trixie didn’t do anythin’, she jus’ disappeared over an’ over again!

“Is ‘she just disappeared over and over again’ another way to say ‘flankhurt’?” Snips smugly taunted her.

“She’s so lame!” Scootaloo shot back. “With those crappy tricks there’s just no way she defeated an Ursa Major!”

“What, were you girls there?”

“Were you?” Sweetie Belle pointed out.

For all his talk about being the smartest of the pair (which, then again, wasn’t saying much), Snips had failed to prepare for the most basic parry-and-riposte combo in debating history: ‘no u’. The colt blinked, taken aback. “Well… Eh… No…” he admitted. “But—”

“No ‘buts’! She’s just lyin’ to turn a quick bit outta dumb impressionable foals like ya two!”

“Hey!”

“Yeah!” Snails joined in, indignant. “We’re not dumb impressionable foals, we’re dumb impressionable colts!”

“Yea—! Wait, what? No!” Snips turned on his friend, befuddled.

Sweetie Belle snickered. “Look, unless we have empirical, hard evidence that Trixie can vanquish an Ursa Major, there’s no way we’re falling for her dumb lies, and neither should you!” She shot them a disappointed look. “I expected better from you two.”

Apple Bloom shook her head.

“It’s hopeless, girls. Let’s go.”

Without saying anything else, or sparing the colts a second glance, the fillies turned and left.

“Didya’ really expect better from those two?” Apple Bloom asked once the two unicorns were out of earshot, genuinely curious.

“No, but I thought it might offend them. Well, Snips, at least.” Sweetie Belle frowned. “Seriously, what’s up with Snails?”

Apple Bloom shrugged. “He’s always been a weirdo.”

“How come we burned down the town before those two morons did?” Scootaloo wondered aloud as they walked away.

Behind them, by the stage, Snips brooded.

“‘Hard evidence that Trixie can vanquish an Ursa Major’, huh?” Snips gasped, then turned to his buddy with a wicked grin. “Snails! You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?”

“Why do we say ‘handle’ if we don’t have hands?” Snails wondered lethargically.

Snips blinked.

“... Wow. I… I never thought of that… How… How come I never realised… N-No. No!” The chubby unicorn shook his head before he could plunge hornfirst into an existential crisis, getting back on track. “No! We should bring an Ursa Major to town so Trixie can vanquish it and show those pesky fillies who’s the most magical and awesome pony in Equestria!”

“Twilight?”

“Twi— what? No, Trixie, you idiot!” Snips sighed heavily. “Just follow me.”

“Aaaaand… done!” Twilight proclaimed with satisfaction, flexing her leg with no problems. “Ah, healing spells, is there anything you can’t fix?” she mused.

“Ask Elusive,” Spike noted dourly, pointing with his claw towards the bathroom’s locked door.

With apprehension, Twilight stood up from her spot on the couch, and gingerly knocked on the door.

“Elusive? Are you…” Alive? The stallion had been there for the last two hours, giving no signs of life. “... Okay?”

Dry heaving answered her.

Oh, good, Twilight deflated in relief. He hasn’t killed himself.

“You know I can turn your moustache back to normal, right?”

Silence.

“I know, my dear, I know…” Elusive’s coarse and tired voice came from the other side. “I already got rid of... them. It’s just that… tha—” He retched again.

Twilight cringed.

After a moment, Elusive spoke again. “Say, is Sweetie Belle back in the house?”

“... Not that I know of,” the purple unicorn realised, making sweeping glances through the Boutique. “She was with her friends last time I saw her, so maybe they’re just staying out late.”

“Bring her home, please,” Elusive croaked. “It’s getting pretty late… I think.” After a pause, he added in a low voice. “I should put a clock up in the bathroom…”

“Sure thing, Elusive,” Twilight nodded, and walked back to the Boutique’s main room, then said to her dragon sorta brother: “Spike, can you go look for Sweetie Belle?”

“Why me?” Spike crossed his arms stubbornly.

“I need to do some research,” she replied honestly. “There’s something about Trixie that just keeps bugging me.”

“Oh, really? Which part?” Spike asked sarcastically. “Is it her winning personality? Her humble manners? Or perhaps the fact that you totally chickened out against her when you should have stood up for your friends?”

“Spike, please, drop it,” Twilight replied with a tired sigh, her mind replaying Applejack’s upsetting words, each one feeling like a dagger in her gut. He didn’t think she could have done any good had she intervened. He didn’t believe in her. “Just go and get Sweetie Belle home. I don’t trust the Crusaders being out there at night.”

“You think something might happen to them?” Spike asked in a more serious tone.

“Oh, Spike, of course not!” Twilight almost laughed. Almost. “I’m worried that they will do something to us.”

“Fair enough,” the dragon said with a shrug, jumping to his feet and heading towards the door. “See ya in a while.”

“Bye,” Twilight replied absent-mindedly, as she pulled out her old Academic Journal, the one Shining’s Professional Scientific one had replaced as her go-to notepad, from the easily-recognisable spot on the shelf where she had placed it.

She had yet to decide whether it was amusing or unnerving to see that Elusive had each and every single novel her mother, Twilight Velvet, had authored. She was an extremely prolific and successful writer, to be sure, but for Twilight Sparkle, she was just mom. And seeing one of her friends own her entire collection was weird.

Twilight turned to lie down on her couch, just to find it occupied by a furry intruder, looking up at her with hostility.

“Shoo!” Twilight waved a hoof at the cat.

Opal hissed, and melted further into the couch.

You ain’t moving me, the cat seemed to tell her in defiance.

The purple unicorn sighed, then just sat down on the floor, opening her Academic Journal.

Old and battered, her Academic Journal had been her most loyal companion during the daze that had been her first years as Princess Celestia’s personal protégé. Indeed, ‘Academic Journal’ was just a fancy name for ‘diary’, because that was absolutely what it was.

Pages upon pages of the scribbles of a younger Twilight writing down what cheerful fact she had learnt that day, gushing about how awesome Princess Celestia was (is), what amusing adventures Shining had had at training in the Royal Guard, or what shenanigans she and Cadence had gotten up to when the pegasus visited her in the Palace on the weekends. Twilight passed the pages lazily, her eyes scanning her writings.

And just as she suspected, not a single mention of her former classmates, beyond her ‘friends’. Lemon Heart’s name was mentioned once. Minuette, twice. Twinkleshine, not at all.

Lyra had made more appearances, driving the younger Twilight nuts with her crackpot theories about the Humans, and Moondancer had popped up here and there. But nothing else.

So not only had Twilight confirmed what a crappy friend she had been back then; she had also confirmed that she had no way to know if there had ever been a mention by her classmates during her days at school about either an Ursa Major loose near the frontier between southern Austrot and northern Equestria, or a mage by the name of Trixie defeating it.

Of course, there had been some information on her journal regarding Ursas, written down as she learnt about them as part of her studies; they usually lived in northern Russaria, in the tall mountains and deep valleys that heralded the Frozen North beyond, and they were creatures that roamed during the night, their eyes wholly unsuitable for the bright light of the day. They were also known to inhabit different forests throughout the Empire, including the Everfree. But there was absolutely not a single mention of a pony besting an Ursa Major.

And besting an Ursa Major was no minor feat. If anything, saving a major town such as Sattelfurt from a rampaging Ursa was reason enough to be granted not even Beatification, but outright Sainthood by Princess Celestia herself. Surely, had it happened, Twilight would have written it down.

Unless it happened at some point during the last two months, but she had been paying close attention to the newspapers since arriving at Ponyville – not a single mention of any ‘Ursa Major vanquishing’.

“So you’re just a fraud, aren’t you…” she muttered disinterestedly. She felt slightly vindicated by her non-intervention, then. Busting boasts was quite frankly the lowest of her priorities. In the end, it all had, indeed, been much ado about nothing.

Trixie was a liar, but a master illusionist. Her apparent brutal beatdowns of both Apple brothers and Rainbow Blitz were nothing more than (literal, in the case of the latter) smoke and mirrors. She didn’t hurt them, not really, but only made it seem like she did. They ended up disoriented and humiliated, but undamaged.

In any case, Twilight couldn’t wait for Trixie to leave during the following days, so they could just leave this unpleasantness behind. She doubted anypony would miss her.

Certainly not her, since thanks to Trixie, she now had a bone to pick with Applejack.

Deep inside herself, she knew that day would eventually come, but still, Twilight wasn’t looking forward to it.

“Ugh,” Twilight couldn’t help but groan out loud. “Why do I even care what Applejack thinks?” What had happened to good old Twilight, who didn’t care what anypony said behind her back, or hay, to her face? The Twilight who lived and breathed magic and academic research, and was as happy as she could ever be when she was horn-deep into a book?

Oh, right.

She had made friends.

And perhaps just because Twilight was so poorly versed in friendship, she was more emotionally invested that she ought to be.

So this is what friendship is, huh? Twilight moped. Suddenly, you cared about what other ponies thought about you. They mattered. Their opinions mattered. Their words had an effect on you. Those dearest to you are also the ones who can hurt you the most without even trying.

She really liked Applejack, a lot; he was her closest friend, in fact (besides Spike, but the baby dragon, being her little sorta-brother, didn’t count). She knew he wasn’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination, and was as fallible as anypony else. But still, she thought the world of him! He was brave, honest, hard-working, loyal to a fault and ever kind to her.

But apparently, he didn’t think the same of her. When humiliated, he had felt the need to put her down, just because it made him feel better with himself.

In all honesty, it wasn’t the first time Applejack had been condescending or patronising to her, either, always calling her ‘missy’ instead of by her name, and often times refusing to listen to her or heed her words, but this was the first time she wasn’t willing to look the other way.

Once is an anomaly. Twice, a coincidence. Thrice, a pattern.

And the fourth time? Ridiculous, that’s what it is.

An urgent tapping noise coming from the window brought her back to reality. There, with alarm in his face, stood Phil, knocking repeatedly.

With a heavy, heavy sigh, Twilight stood up and walked to the window. She opened it with a tug of her magic.

“What is it now, Phil?” she asked, not in the mood for any of his shenanigans.

“It’s my Pinkie Sense!”

Twilight blinked slowly, exhaling deeply, absolutely done.

“My everything is twitching! I’ve been getting this weird shudder for a while now, and it’s only going crazier and crazier! Something really big is going to happen!”

“Okay,” Twilight closed her eyes, nodding coldly. “Okay. So your everything is twitching. Okay. Okay. Okay. I see. Okay. Okay.”

Phil looked at her askance.

“Uhm, Twilight? That’s a whole lotta okays and a whole notta action.”

“Because I’m not moving anywhere.”

“But my Pinkie Sense—!”

Twilight had had it. She snapped. “Oh, you can shove your Pinkie Sen—!”

Suddenly, a mighty roar in the distance caused the Boutique to tremble. With a gulp, she swallowed the rant she was about to let rip at Phil.

“What is that?” she asked instead, her voice shaky.

“Twilight?” Elusive asked from the bathroom, where he was still locked up. “What was that…?” he echoed her question.

The ground started trembling rhythmically every two seconds, each time growing stronger. Something big was coming.

“I think you should come out,” Twilight said apprehensively, as she used her magic to open the bathroom and hand Elusive a paper bag, just in case his nausea hadn’t yet let go.

“What’s… What’s happening…?” the stallion had certainly seen better days, haggard and gaunt, his upper lip shaven all the way into his severely irritated skin, eyes unfocused and face sickly pale, but he managed to grab hold of the bag with his own magical aura.

“Trouble,” Phil said, fear in his eyes. “Really big trouble.”

In cue, panicked screams started filling the night. The shuffle and galloping of frenzied crowds could be heard.

This is why I don’t trust the Crusaders alone at night! Twilight cursed as she ran out of the Boutique, Phil and a blanching Elusive in tow.

Just as they stepped outside, two small unicorn colts zoomed by, conspicuously unterrified.

Right behind them were the demonic trio of fillies plus Spike, conspicuously terrified, running for their dear lives.

“Girls! What—?”

“Okay, Ah know what ya thinkin’,” Apple Bloom hastily shouted, without stopping. “But Ah swear this time it wasn’t us!”

“Ruuuuuuun!” Spike cried.

Before Twilight could call after them for explanations, a terrible roar answered her.

It sounded awfully close.

She gulped as she turned her head towards the direction the foals were running from.

A massive bright blue bear, translucent and star-studded, moved down the streets of Ponyville. The Ursa was taller than most of Ponyville’s buildings, and it was pissed.

And further down the road, stood no other than…

“Great and Powerful Trixie, you’ve got to vanquish the Ursa!” Snips exclaimed excitedly, Snails and him forcibly dragging Trixie in front of them. The mare looked like she’d rather be literally anywhere else but there.

“Yeah! Vanquish so we can watch,” Snails added.

“It took a lot of trouble to get that thing here!”

Her eyes turning into pinpricks, the mare wheeled on the two of them, suddenly able to stand on her own four hooves.

“Wait wait wait, you brought this here?!” she gasped in utter incomprehension. “Are you out of your fu—?!”

The Ursa roared, and Trixie gulped down her words.

“You can do this, eh!”

“Yeah, remember? You defeated an Ursa Major!”

Trixie turned to look at the gigantic astral bear, clearly terrified.

“Uhm, o-okay,” she gulped. “St-stand back!”

She gave a tentative step forward, as if trying to look defiant. To Twilight, though, it was evident that she was closer to soil herself than to anything else. Ponies stopped running, turning to witness whatever epic showdown was about to ensue.

Then, the Great and Powerful Trixie used her magic. A long stretch of rope slithered towards the Ursa at a quick pace, twisting itself around it, and tying it tightly. The creature was immobilised.

Or, rather, it would have been, had Trixie not tied only two of its fingers together. The Ursa snapped the rope with ridiculous ease, an almost bored look on its face.

Snips and Snails looked at each other.

“Come on, Trixie!”

“Just vanquish it, eh?”

Trixie gulped again, sweat running down her face. And so again she went and used her magic, creating multiple copies of herself, quickly surrounding the Ursa. It roared once more, confusedly trying to figure out which of the many copies of the blue unicorn was the real one.

Then, one of the copies behind the creature charged a powerful spell and released it, a brilliant beam of light magenta magic flying through the air and impacting the bear’s side at full force.

The bear started laughing, trying to scratch itself with his back paw.

All the flashy spell had done was tickle it.

Elusive threw up into his bag.

“That sucked,” Snails said, bored.

“Come on, Trixie! You can do better!”

“Yeah! Do the awesome magic you did in…” Snails blanked. “… that other town!”

Trixie gulped.

“I-ah…”

“Come on!”

“I... I can’t.”

“What?!” both colts exclaimed.

“I can’t do it!” Trixie snapped, dropping her bravado entirely, terrified beyond reason. “Not everything you hear is true! What, do you also think the Avengers are real?!”

Snips and Snails looked like two foals who had just heard the Easter Bunny had died of AIDS after frequenting San Franciscolt’s homosexual BDSM scene.

“So… you never actually faced an Ursa Major?” Snips asked meekly.

“Of course not! Nopony ever has! Nopony can!” Trixie flinched as the Ursa, who looked almost amused by the spectacle going in front of it, closed in on them. “I just made the story up to make myself look better, to build myself up, as part of my show! And you stupid colts went and brought one to Ponyville! We’re doomed!” she shrieked.

Seeing their would-be saviour flake out on them, ponies began panicking once more, running away as fast as they could. The Ursa stood on its hind legs and roared again, riled up by the noise made by the crowds.

Nopony dared face it.

Guess it’s time to be a hero, Twilight realised, steeling herself for what was about to come, but she could already feel a plan coming to mind.

It’s just an Ursa Minor cranky from being awaken. So I just need some music to lull it back to sleep, and maybe I could use the water tower and Applejack’s cows to come up with a makeshift baby bottle…

“Alright!” Twilight intervened, sounding far more confident than she actually felt. She noted with irritation that Applejack was trying to cut his way through the panicked crowds towards her, most likely to pull her back into safety in a condescendingly misguided attempt to protect her. “Everypony stand back. I’m going to— Apple Bloom, what are you doing?!”

Apple Bloom had beaten her brother, standing in front of Twilight, alone against the enormous Ursa.

The filly stared directly into the Ursa’s eyes, who had stopped its charge right on its tracks, despite being more than able to swallow her whole with no problems.

Absolute silence.

Nopony moved.

Twilight dared not even breathe.

“Get. Out,” Apple Bloom snarled.

With a whimper unbefitting of its size, the Ursa turned tail and fled as fast as it could, utterly terrified.

Nothing happened for a grand total of seven full seconds.

“What the hay?!” Twilight croaked. Maybe I ought to study Apple Bloom instead of Phil!

But Apple Bloom wasn’t finished, as she then turned to glare at the cowering Trixie.

“So much for the Great and Powerful Trixie,” the filly sneered in acid contempt. The unicorn flinched, but said nothing, completely humiliated.

That seemed to bring the audience back to life. Ponies began muttering between themselves. Most left towards their homes. Some began applauding a very smug-looking Apple Bloom. Others angrily rounded on Trixie. Applejack was among the last group, and one by one, each of the Elements (including a slightly less pale Elusive) began cornering her. Even Butterscotch looked upset.

“Well, missy?” Applejack barked. Twilight officially hated that nickname now, tainted as it was by Trixie. “What d’ya have to say fer yerself?”

“I’m a showmare! It’s part of my routine! I’m a heel!” Trixie cried out. “I antagonise and call ponies from the audience to challenge me so I can wow the rest with cheap magic tricks, tall tales, fireworks and witticisms! It’s all part of a show! Do you think I actually speak in third person every other sentence?” The unicorn sniffed, tears of frustration welling in her eyes. “You can’t blame me for this! This isn’t my fault! Do you think I wanted this to happen? That I actually expected for those two foals to go and bring an Ursa Major here?!”

“Minor,” Twilight couldn’t help herself. As the others turned to her askance, she elaborated. “That wasn’t an Ursa Major. That was just a baby, an Ursa Minor.”

Trixie stood there with her mouth open for three seconds, blinking in incomprehension.

“That was just a baby?!” she finally spluttered.

“Yes, it was. And it wasn’t rampaging, it was just cranky because some ponies” – Twilight turned to stare at Snips and Snails – “decided it was a fantastic idea to wake it up.”

Snips started whistling an innocent tune, while Snails happily waved at Twilight.

“Well, if that was an Ursa Minor, then what’s an Ursa Major like?” Rainbow Blitz wondered.

Phil suddenly dropped to the ground without making a sound, his whole body violently convulsing.

“Whoa, Phil!” Applejack cried, running towards the fallen stallion. “What is it, buddy?”

The pink stallion couldn’t answer, overwhelmed by his own spasms. The remaining Bearers all turned towards him, trying to elicit a response from him. Even Trixie seemed worried.

Then, just as suddenly as they had begun, the convulsions ended.

Phil raised his head to look Twilight in the eye.

There was nothing but pure, unconcealed, unadulterated horror in his eyes.

“Get everypony out of town.”

There was something in his voice that chilled Twilight to the bone.

“What do you mean?” Butterscotch asked.

“We need to get everypony out of town before it’s too late!” Phil repeated, jumping up to his hooves. “Something REALLY bad is going to happen!”

“But— Are you okay? We should get you to the hospital!” Twilight intervened, worried sick about her friend.

“That was the Pinkie Sense! I’ve be—”

“That was a full-blown seizure!” Twilight paced. “Do you have any epileptic background?” That would go a long way explaining things.

“No, it was my Pinkie Sense! I’ve been having these shudders all afternoo—!”

“The missy’s right,” Applejack frowned, and Twilight internally scowled. “We should get ya a doctor. Whatever just happened ain’t normal!”

“I know it isn’t normal, that’s the point! I’ve never had these before! I thou—!”

“Shouldn’t we give him the benefit of the doubt and get everypony out of town just in case he’s onto something?” Elusive asked, finally beating his nausea.

“Yes! That’s what we should do! Now!”

“But what if he’s not? We aren’t Ponyville’s favourite ponies, if you haven’t noticed!” Blitz interjected. “If this turns out to be a dud, they’ll never trust us again!”

“What?! No, no no no! Go, now, befo—!”

“But if he’s right…” Butterscotch began, reluctantly.

“But he can’t be right, though!” Twilight intervened. “It’s just not scientifically possible for Phil to have a superpower that allows him to predict the future!”

“It is real!” Phil shouted, desperate. “What must I do to prov—?!”

“Why are we even discussing this? We need to get him to an hospital, now! Every second we waste here is ano—!”

“LISTEN TO ME!!!” Phil roared, shutting them all up. With uncharacteristic seriousness, he continued. “I am NOT having a seizure. It WAS my Pinkie Sense. Is that understood?!” The other five just nodded, too stunned to say anything. “Good. Now, I need you guys to get everypony out of town before it’s too late!!” He turned to Twilight. “Something big is coming. If we don’t do something now, it’ll be too late.”

Twilight wanted to rebuke, to refute the existence of any sort of “Pinkie Sense”, and to get Phil to accept that a convulsion like his could be something dangerous... but there was such a look of terror, of urgency, in the stallion’s eyes, that she couldn’t bring herself to say anything.

“I…”

“Twilight, I know completely well you don’t trust my Pinkie Sense. But I need you to trust me. Can you do that, at least?”

Did she trust her friend? In the end, that was what it all boiled down to. The Pinkie Sense was superfluous. An oddity. Until yesterday, it had never even appeared into frame. And had this happened without the Pinkie Sense driving Twilight insane, would she still trust him?

Twilight knew the answer in her heart, even though her mind agonised over the ramifications and implications it had for the space-time continuum.

“Yes,” she said honestly. “I trust you, Phil.”

The stallion let out a breathe in relief, a light hint of a smile crossing his face, before his urgency took over once again.

“But…” Twilight began reluctantly. “I have no idea what we can do to help if we don’t even know what is comi—”

Suddenly, she froze, her words dying on her lips.

It was so terribly obvious.

How come she had ever doubted Phil, when even without a Pinkie Sense she ought to have known what was about to happen?

The Ursa that Apple Bloom had scared off had been an Ursa Minor.

A baby.

A baby never strayed too far from its mother.

And Celestia forbid if the baby had been scared, for there’s no hell like the wrath of a mother bear.

Twilight felt her heart skip a beat as she realised just what Phil was sensing.

“It’s an Ursa Major,” Twilight squeaked a soft voice, feeling oddly detached from her surroundings.

“Missy?” Applejack asked.

“It’s an Ursa Major,” she repeated, shaking her head in disbelief.

Rainbow Blitz closed his eyes, picking up her train of thought.

“Aw, man…”

“Are ya sure?” Applejack croaked. “Completely sure?”

“Somepony hurt her baby,” Butterscotch realised, eyes growing wide.

Elusive sighed heavily. “This is going to suck.”

“By any chance, your other grandfather didn’t get mauled by an Ursa Major, did he?” Rainbow Blitz asked Butterscotch, who only stared at him flatly, thoroughly unamused.

Twilight’s brain started moving a thousand thoughts per second. The Ursa Minor had come from and gone to the Everfree Forest, which meant their cave was over there. Once the mother started moving towards Ponyville, the density of the forest would buy them about a minute or two.

“We need to move, quick!” She turned to Rainbow Blitz and Butterscotch. “You guys are the fastest!”

“Pfff, was there ever any doubt?” Blitz interjected with a confident salute.

Twilight ignored his quip. “I need you two to round everypony up and get them out of town! Take them as far away from the Everfree Forest as you can!” She turned to Butterscotch. “Butterscotch, I need you to get Spike to write to the Princess for backup, ASAP!”

Butterscotch nodded, but he shot an unsure glance to Rainbow Blitz. “What do we do if they don’t believe us?” Butterscotch asked.

A deafening roar cut through the night. Flocks of birds flew away from the treetops of the Everfree Forest, terrified.

Twilight felt her stomach sink to the center of the earth.

“Well, they will now,” Elusive muttered soberly, eyes wide.

“Move!” Applejack shouted at the pegasi, who shot up to the air and started flying. Fortunately, most ponies had yet to return to their homes after the Ursa Minor appeared, so rounding them up was rather simple. Terrified as they were by the Ursa Major’s roar, they put up no resistance when Blitz and Butterscotch began to swiftly guide them out of town.

Twilight couldn’t say she was surprised when she saw Trixie bolt out to join the crowds in their exodus.

“Can’t say Ah expected any different…” Applejack voiced her thoughts out loud.

“We need to hold the Ursa until reinforcements arrive,” Twilight said. She trusted her mentor would come to her aid the instant Spike’s letter got to her. Twilight turned to Elusive. The unicorn, while no longer about to throw up what at this point was pure bile, was still pale and wobbly. He was in no condition to face off against anything. “Elusive, you go with the rest of the ponies.”

“Nonsense, Twilight, I can still pull my weight!” the stallion huffed stubbornly.

Arguing with him would be useless, so Twilight tried another tactic.

“I know, but they need protection, too! Think of Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, how terrified they must be now. They need their elder brothers with them.”

Elusive paused for a second, mulling it, then nodded. “Alright. Good luck, Twilight.”

Knowing he hadn’t a moment to spare, Elusive turned and started galloping unsteadily towards the exodus of ponies. Applejack, however, didn’t follow the other stallion

Twilight did a double take when she noticed he was still there. “Didn’t you listen to me? Apple Bloom needs you!”

“She has Big Mac,” Applejack replied simply. “Ah’ll fight.”

“Applejack, we don’t have time for this. You need to leave!” You’re an earth pony! The Ursa could end you without even trying! And even if she was still angry with him, she didn’t want him to die.

“Ah’m not runnin’ away. This is mah home.” Applejack sighed, then looked straight into her eyes. Twilight could tell just how much Applejack wanted to go and be with his siblings, but a higher power demanded he remained here: his pride. The folly of stallions… “Ya get movin’. Ponies need ya out there.”

Is he seriously trying to…?

“I’ll hold the Ursa off until the Princess arrives,” Twilight stated, matter-of-factly. “That’s the plan.”

“Uhm, guys?” Phil said, his everything vibrating once again, although to a controllable degree. The stallion and mare didn’t pay him any attention, staring each other down.

“Ya ain’t facin’ the Ursa,” Applejack frowned. “Ya can’t die!”

“Oh, and you can?”

“Better me than you,” Applejack said simply, as if that settled anything.

Twilight knew what he was trying to do, and while she appreciated his willingness to take her place in the frontlines to the bitter end, she also was going to buck him in the face to the Moon and back if he didn’t shut up and do as he was told.

“Applejack,” Twilight hated to use the same tactic Phil had used against her. Both because it felt like she was cheapening the moment of trust she had shared with the pink stallion… And because, she realised, she dreaded Applejack’s answer. “Do you trust me?”

“With all mah bein’,” Applejack nodded immediately. She didn’t feel any relief.

“Then please, I’m begging you, do what I’m telling you to do!” Twilight exclaimed, never breaking eye contact. “I need you to trust me to know what I’m doing!”

Applejack made a grimace. Clearly, the last thing he wanted to do was back down… But he also knew they didn’t have much, if any, time to spare discussing the matter any further.

Applejack let out an agonised sigh. “Just… don’t die, okay? Ah… Ah don’t know what… How… Ah...” He shook his head. “Bah, y’know what Ah mean.”

“Promise,” Twilight smiled weakly. Now you know how it felt letting you face that dragon on your own, eh? a voice in her head mused. How tiresome it was to be both irritated and touched by Applejack’s stubbornly protective streak at the same time.

The stallion lingered for another second, as if he wanted to say something else, but in the end, he just nodded gingerly, and galloped away.

That left…

“I’m not going anywhere,” Phil said simply.

Twilight was too tired to argue. Stupid Applejack.

“Good, because I wasn’t going to ask you to,” she said. Perhaps his over-glorified intuition might come in handy when it came down to it. Twilight glanced around them. Ponyville was still covered in scaffolding. “We have to protect what’s left of town. We’ll face the Ursa on the outskirts of Ponyville. We can use the first line of buildings as high ground…”

“Uhm, high ground against that?” Phil pointed out towards the distance.

Twilight’s insides froze.

Even from miles away, they could see the Ursa Major’s bright translucent purple upper body, as it cut through the crowns of the Everfree Forest’s tallest trees.

“Oh...” she squeaked, suddenly realising the monumental task she was about to face. And this time, she didn’t have a plan, nor all of her friends, as they did against the dragon. It was only Phil, her, and maximum effort, against a beast perhaps even more vicious.

There was no way they stood a chance against it facing it head-on. They needed to play smart.

“Think you can set up a force field to stun it?” Phil suggested.

Twilight wracked her brain for whatever information she had ever read on Ursas… Ursas, Ursas… They didn’t have a resistance to thunder or electricity, but unlike dragons, they weren’t particularly weak to it, either. Still, giving it a shock could buy them some time…. but at the cost of enraging her further.

Twilight told Phil as much.

Phil looked into the distance, as the Ursa closed in. Slowly, a small tremor started to be felt on the ground.

“Ah, dammit, what other option do we have?” the pink stallion said at last.

“None, I’m afraid,” Twilight sighed. The Ursa would just shake off smaller bolts of magic, so blasting it with a barrage of offensive spells wasn’t an option. “Phil, grab my tail.”

The stallion did as much, and, focusing, Twilight teleported both of them towards the guard tower that marked the eastern entrance to Ponyville, beyond the river and overlooking the Everfree Forest.

The Ursa only moved closer and closer, cleaving a route through the treetops of the forest. The ground shook and shook violently with every step the beast took.

Twilight gulped.

“Here goes nothing…” she muttered, then focused all her energies into her horn. A purple bolt of light shoot high into the night sky, then exploded like a firework. Traces of purple lights fell, fading slowly like flickering stars. She could already see glimpses of the Ursa’s face through the dense foliage of the Everfree. They had five seconds, at most. “I hope this works…”

Right as she finished speaking, the Ursa came out of the Everfree Forest. Twilight felt her insides go way below freezing temperature.

The Ursa was colossal; its head alone almost as large as its baby. Twilight’s brain was unable to comprehend just how enormous the beast was. It just didn’t belong to this world. Many of the hills near Ponyville were smaller. And that was when the Ursa was standing on all fours.

Its fur was long, purple, translucent and filled with uncountable stars of all sizes. Its legs were muscular, with claws bigger than five ponies on a row, and sharp enough to cleave through a boulder; with the strength it had, even being merely swatted away effortlessly by it could easily kill you. Its sunken eyes were burning with hatred, and its lips were drawn back, showing a mouthful of terrible, massive fangs, each half as large as the guard tower they were standing on top of.

And it was running straight towards them.

Twilight clenched her teeth, bracing herself and readying a teleport spell if her electric wall failed to have an effect on it.

As soon as the Ursa crossed Twilight’s invisible barrier, electricity ran through its whole body. Taken by surprise, it tumbled and fell to the ground, discombobulated and with small spasms running down its back. The ground shook on impact as if struck by a mighty earthquake, and both ponies had to do a great effort to not lose their footing. Even while flat on the ground, the Ursa’s face reached higher heights than Ponyville’s skyline.

“Oh! Oh! Big red button! Big red button!” Phil exclaimed, pointing towards the Ursa’s face as it started reincorporating herself, growling in anger. Needless to say, it wasn’t really a big red button, but Twilight understood Phil’s idea: directly in the centre of the Ursa’s forehead was a large, light blue star-like pattern, radiating a soft light.

Twilight was willing to bet it was its weak point.

And if it wasn’t…

Phil’s left ear alone flopped before she could conclude her thoughts. “Out!” He jumped through the window of the guard tower. Twilight, despite every instinct telling her to absolutely not, followed suit without hesitation, both ponies landing in a large cart of hay before bolting into the twisting streets of Ponyville.

The Ursa, enraged, rose high, standing on its hind legs, then came down with fury, thrashing in a wild, blind rage against everything on its path. Buildings were torn apart without any effort, among them the very tower they had been in just seconds ago.

Twilight gulped as they reached a distance far away on the other side of the river from the Ursa’s berserk thrashing to buy a few seconds of respite. She didn’t even know how, but she couldn’t help but notice this ‘Pinkie Sense’ of Phil’s had actually saved their lives.

“Think you can do that again?” Phil asked Twilight.

The electric field had been far more effective than Twilight had expected. Perhaps, if she could pull off a solid version, they could corral the Ursa and trap it in a force field where it wouldn’t be capable of hurting anypony… as long as the spell held.

“Maybe,” she replied honestly, then told Phil her would-be plan, barebones as it was. He considered it for an instant.

“It’s more than what we have right now, so let’s do it!” he said, then grabbed Twilight’s tail.

Twilight shook her head. “I’m going to need my magic to cast and sustain the force fields! I can’t spare any in teleporting. We’re going to have to run!”

“No time to lose, then!” Phil proclaimed.

Twilight nodded, then shot another electric field. Before they could corral it, they needed to lure it deeper into town, where they could maneuver around it with ease while not affording the Ursa the same luxury of free, unimpeded movement.

Her spell flared high into the sky, attracting the Ursa’s attention as it looked upwards, its frenzied attack just about finished. The Ursa growled, then began charging towards them.

“Run!” Twilight barked, but instead of following her, Phil started galloping towards the Ursa. For a moment, the mare thought of calling him back urgently, but she had to trust he knew what he was doing. Closing her eyes and entrusting herself to the heavens, Twilight ran after Phil, straight into the Ursa’s path.

The Ursa, however, didn’t seem to notice the diminute ponies running towards it, its eyes closed as it charged violently against the source of the flare. Twilight couldn’t help but tremble as she ran underneath the Ursa’s belly, feeling smaller than she ever had before.

“It doesn't like shiny!” Phil quipped, without slowing down. Twilight nodded, even though she internally wanted to slap herself for not realizing earlier.

An Ursa’s eyes are wholly unsuitable to light. She had read that just an hour ago.

All they needed to do to keep the Ursa distracted was to goad it and blind it with bright flares of light. Twilight almost smiled in relief. They had a fighting chance.

As long as it didn’t flank them before they could surround it.

Or splattered them effortlessly.

The Ursa was truly rampaging, destroying everything on its path. Oblivious to its diminutive opponents, yet to identify them, it grabbed and thrashed buildings left and right, as it moved towards the flare of magic it had seen earlier.

If anything of Ponyville remained after this, Twilight would consider it a complete success. But at the rate of havoc the Ursa wreaked, the chances of it were close to none. Debris flew through the sky, the homes and livelihoods of ponies being torn apart without a single thought. She flinched as she saw Sugarcube Corner nearly razed to the ground, only a mountain of rubble where the wonderful pastry shop once stood.

Twilight’s ears ringed as the Ursa bellowed a deafening roar in pain, electricity coursing through its muscles as it passed through her second barrier. This time, however, the Ursa did not drop to the ground. If anything, it was even angrier than before, and only intensified its rampage, tearing entire buildings from their foundations with barely a swipe of its enormous claws.

Twilight glanced at Phil with apprehension. “If we don’t hurry, there won’t be a Ponyville to protect!”

Phil shot a look around. They were by the southern outskirts of Ponyville. “This place works! Do your thing!”

Twilight complied, shooting a flare of magic high into the sky. This time, the spell dissipated like electric waves on an invisible wall, running down towards the ground. The first solid magic field had been set, their anvil placed. Now they just needed to hammer the Ursa against it… and not allow it to escape.

“East or west?” Twilight asked Phil hurriedly, knowing they were short on time.

“We—” Tail twitch. “East, and now!” the stallion ordered, dodging towards their left. Without losing any time, Twilight did the same. Barely a second later, a chunk of Ponyville’s Town Hall smashed itself against the spot both ponies had been standing on, sending debris flying and splattering anything to the west, the current path of the Ursa taking the destruction there.

Twilight nodded gratefully to Phil, and both ponies started bolting towards the ruined eastern part of town, razed to the ground by the Ursa’s opening barrage. Now that the Ursa was by the centre-west of town, they could close the way it had come from.

Tail twitch. “Stop!” Phil shouted, and both ponies stopped right on their tracks.

A large chunk of debris fell straight into their path.

It was far too much of a direct hit to be a coincidence.

Twilight gulped as she looked to her left. There, the Ursa was looking down on both ponies with bloodlust on its eyes.

I found you, it seemed to glower.

“Floor it!” Phil shrieked, but Twilight couldn’t follow him.

She found herself rooted to the spot. Her legs felt like jelly, close to giving way from beneath her in any second.

Twilight felt like she was staring her death in the face, and it stared back to her, a taunting smirk on its face. She had already fooled it once, against the dragon. But now, Death would have its due.

She couldn’t move.

She couldn’t breathe.

She couldn’t think.

Twilight was utterly terrified.

Suddenly, a flare of pale magenta magic sailed through the air, catching the Ursa’s attention. The monstrous bear turned to its left, distracted. Taking advantage of the Ursa’s distraction, Phil zoomed in and grabbed the frozen Twilight, pulling her to cover.

Standing there, in the middle of Ponyville’s ruined avenues, was Trixie, sporting her trademark smug smirk.

“My, aren’t you a big one?” she asked the Ursa with an acid tone. The Ursa stared down at the single, little pony. “It is no matter,” the mare disdainfully spat. “The Great and Powerful Trixie shall not be cowed by the likes of you!”

The Ursa growled, and without even making an effort, it ran and stomped Trixie underneath its enormous paw.

It had been so fast that Twilight couldn’t even process it. Before she could even begin to lament Trixie’s demise, another flare of magic appeared on the sky, dazzling the Ursa. Then another. And another.

Several bright azure mares appeared throughout town, each with the same purple outfit and cocky smile.

“Well, now, that was just rude!” the Trixies echoed, threatening to give Twilight a headache with her multiplied presence. However, as much as she disliked the mare, Twilight realised what Trixie was doing. Using her admittedly-spectacular illusion magic, she was buying them time. Keeping the Ursa distracted.

A dozen more flares filled the night’s sky, exploding like fireworks, and dazzling the Ursa, stunning it. Blinded, the Ursa roared in pain and wrath, then went absolutely berserk, charging against the illusions, wildly and desperately attempting to put a stop to the brilliant lights that burnt its eyes. It stomped and pawed, leapt and smashed relentlessly, but the flares just kept coming.

Realising their window of opportunity, Twilight nodded towards Phil, and both ponies raced towards Ponyville’s eastern entrance. The watchtower upon which they had welcomed the Ursa was nothing more than destroyed cobblestone and gravel. It was hard to believe they had stood upon it barely a couple minutes ago. At least Butterscotch’s cottage was intact, far away from the Ursa’s path of destruction.

Without any time to lose, she shot her flare out of her horn, exploding high in the sky like a purple firework.

Twilight winced, the strain of her spells starting to cause her a migraine. And to think they still had two more to go.

For a moment, she wished she had Elusive with her. True, he was leagues behind Twilight when it came to magical ability, but at least he could restore her own stamina to help her through.

“Now to the north!” Phil exclaimed, already flooring it in that direction. With a grunt of pain, Twilight forced herself to follow suit.

Twilight allowed herself a little grin of satisfaction as she saw how every time the Ursa managed to land a hit, the Trixie vanished as if blew by a gust of wind, then another appeared behind it, horn already lit up.

Oh, she had grown to despise Trixie in just a couple hours like she had never despised anypony else, and Twilight was willing to bet the showmare was helping for no other reason than an attempt to steal the credit.

But Trixie was doing the heavy lifting of keeping the rampaging Ursa off their backs, and that was good enough for Twilight.

Wonder if she can cast a stamina spell on me? The unicorn mused, before snorting. Yeah, right. As if I would stoop so low as to ask the ‘Great and Powerful Trixie’ to help me with my magic. She had been hoofpicked by Princess Celestia herself as her personal student! The showmare had nothing to offer her, except a light show.

A light show that’s being really useful right now, her brain pointed out, and Twilight had to begrudgingly concede that point.

Twilight was thankful Ponyville was small enough to allow them to cross such distances in so little time, if carefully avoiding the wreckage the Ursa had left behind, and kept throwing haphazardly in their general direction. Fortunately for them, Phil’s Pinkie Sense allowed both ponies to evade the falling debris ahead of time.

Phil and her closed in on the northern entrance to Ponyville. They had already passed a caved-in Boutique. Twilight hoped Opal had gotten away safely.

All the more reason, then, to do this as fast as possible. Quickly focusing, Twilight casted their northern barrier. She couldn’t stifle a gasp, as her migraine intensified under the exertion she was putting herself through. Oh, how she wanted to just let go and rest a little.

But she couldn’t stop now. The Ursa was now boxed in; now they just needed to close the lid on the west, and they could begin closing the field on it.

“Great job, Twilight!” Phil cheered her on, already glancing westwards to map out the best path. “Three down, only one more to…” the stallion trailed off as his left knee twitched.

Just before Twilight’s spell could be completed and her solid barrier reach down to the ground, an orange blur managed to slip through.

Twilight couldn’t believe it.

She was going to kill him.

If the Ursa didn’t get to him first, of course.

“Was that…?” Phil asked, disbelief and fear in his voice.

Twilight nodded, her head pulsing violently with exertion and profound irritation.

“Oh no,” the pink stallion muttered.

There was literally nothing Applejack could do against the Ursa. He was completely and hopelessly outmatched. It was like an ant trying to take on a dragon, with all that entailed.

What is his damn problem?! Twilight was completely at a loss.

“Should we…?” Phil vacillated.

Despite her instincts telling her to go after the stallion, pull him to safety and give him a piece of her mind, Twilight knew they hadn’t any time to spare. She just had to trust he’d be able to keep himself alive.

Just as he trusts you to get the job done without his intervention, huh? her brain remarked acidly.

She shook her thoughts away. She needed her head on the game, not on Applejack.

“No. There’s only one more field to place, we cannot let the Ursa slip through!” Twilight sentenced, and sparing a small, lingering glance towards the orange stallion, galloped as fast as she could towards the last, western side of Ponyville.

She might be livid at Applejack, but there was just no way she was going to lose any single second when his very life might be on the line… Even if it was his fault he was in this situation to begin with.

So she ran. Even as her legs burnt with exhaustion, her head light, and the nauseous taste of bile on the back of her throat, Twilight ran. Any second she wasted was another second her stupid friend was risking his life unnecessarily.

The instant she arrived to the western outskirt, Sweet Apple Acres still intact in the distance, Twilight clenched her teeth and shot her last magic field.

The mare groaned in agony, her head aching as if splitting in two, begging her to stop, to just let go. Flashbacks of a small filly straining beyond her limits passed through her mind, and steeled her resolve. She could do this.

“Oh no,” Phil muttered, the telltale full-body spasms of a ‘doozy’ audible. But he didn’t run in any direction. Instead, he just stared towards the Ursa.

With a sinking feeling, Twilight forced herself to open her eyes and follow his gaze.

Just in time to see the Ursa land a direct hit on Applejack with a back-swipe.

Time slowed down.

The stallion went sailing through the air. Twilight could hear his yell of agony as the force of the impact broke, at the very least, a couple of his ribs.

Twilight tried to catch Applejack in her magic, just as she had done a few hours before when Trixie had sent him flying.

But the moment she tried to cast her telekinesis, a head-shattering migraine struck her, bringing her down to her knees and threatening to short-circuit all of her magic. Exerting herself like never before, making a titanic effort to keep going, she barely just managed to maintain the force fields she had fought so hard to set up.

But nothing else.

Twilight could only helplessly watch as Applejack crashed against a ruined wall with a sickening crunch. The stallion fell to the floor like a ragdoll, as the weakened, battered structure collapsed on top of him, half-burying him in rubble.

He didn’t get up.

The explosions of the flares, the snarls of the Ursa, Phil’s own scream of desperation.

It all faded into white noise.

Her migraine, her dizziness, the burning pain in her legs. Twilight could no longer feel them.

Without prompting, she began to move. It was like she had turned into a passenger of her own body.

One second, she was standing by Phil, by the western entrance of town.

The next, she was by Applejack’s side, digging with her bare hooves through the rubble desperately. She didn’t even feel the weight of the debris as she pulled it away frantically until she found the stallion lying underneath.

The lively, sturdy stallion who always had a kind smile on his face and the willingness to go out of his way to help others now looked small, weak and broken.

His face was pale, blood oozing down his forehead and out of his mouth. His breathing was shallow and erratic, his right shoulder completely dislocated and at least one of his hind legs twisted in an unnatural way. His hat was nowhere to be seen.

A mare was screaming something, but her words blurred together, and Twilight could make no sense of them. She didn’t care to try to, either.

Twilight shook him to no avail. His head flailed around limply. Applejack didn’t react. He didn’t even groan.

The mare continued her screaming. Twilight wished she could just shut up.

Applejack was alive. He was still breathing, and she could feel his heartbeat, weak though it was.

But he was in a critical state. Severely injured. Without immediate medical attention, he would not pull through.

And it was no one’s fault but his own.

Why couldn’t he have stayed behind with his family?

Why did he have to insist on being the hero?

Why couldn’t he have just believed in her?

White-hot rage coursed through her veins, a tingling feeling reaching every part of her body, before focusing on her horn.

With a growl, Twilight turned away from Applejack to look at the Ursa. The enormous beast was still on Trixie’s vanishing trail, futilely trying to smash and stomp the unicorn before she could blind it further.

And it was completely boxed in.

With a sneer of pure, undiluted hatred, Twilight brought the force field down on the Ursa without any mercy.

The magic field crashed upon the beast, felling it as its knees buckled down underneath it. Taken by surprise, unable to move, the Ursa roared and went berserk like the cornered animal it was. It was to no avail. Despite its best efforts, it was just barely capable of pushing futilely against the shrinking, oppressive barrier.

Now its head was within range.

With a scream of rage, Twilight shot a concentrated beam of magic directly into the Ursa’s forehead. A blinding white flash filled the night sky as her attack made contact, sparkles dancing and flashing around the area of impact.

That was all it took.

The Ursa’s head collapsed to the ground as the beast went limp, barely a whimper on its wake. Only a small tremor followed it.

Aside from Twilight’s spell, there was absolute silence.

After a couple seconds passed without the Ursa giving any sign of consciousness, Twilight stopped shooting her magic beam.

Yet, Twilight wasn’t tired. She would not allow herself to be exhausted.

There was still something she had to do before she could entertain the notion of resting.

“Applejack!” she cried as she ran towards the fallen stallion behind her.

He was unnaturally pale, barely breathing.

So, focusing her magic one last time, Twilight casted a healing spell on his still form. She could feel as broken bones snapped together again, internal hemorrhages undone, his shoulder putting itself back into place.

Applejack stirred with a gasp of agony, but he remained unconscious.

Phil sat down next to her, staring at their downed friend.

He would still require immediate medical attention and treatment for at least a month.

But he was alive.

And that was all Twilight cared about right now.

“Seems like we missed the party,” Captain Shining Armor whistled in admiration.

“Lucky you,” Phil Pie only nodded tiredly, far too exhausted to even be chipper about it. “Worst party ever.”

The Royal Guard had arrived barely a minute after Twilight had knocked the Ursa down. Appearing all at once in brilliant flashes of white light, spears and spells at the ready, the soldiers had found their would-be foe unconscious and held down by a brilliant, pulsating field of magic.

They’d found its caster further down the road, sitting by a pink stallion and a fallen orange one, staring blankly into nothing and holding the latter’s hoof with steely determination. She didn’t even budge as the medics swarmed him.

Shining frowned at the state of his sister. He had never seen her like that.

“What’s the story there…?” he asked the pink stallion with a suspicious voice.

Phil sighed. “That’s Applejack, he’s the Bearer of the Element of Honesty. He’s one of us guys. And he’s also an idiot who almost got himself killed because he didn’t follow Twilight’s orders.”

The captain looked at him askance. “Element of what now?”

Phil closed his eyes. “I’m not even going to bother telling you, you’ll find out eventually.”

“Does it have to do with the Night King incident?”

After all, Twily had mentioned friends for the first time after that. Not something that’s easy to forget when literally everypony your sister had talked to for years were your little dragon sorta-brother, Princess Celestia, yourself and your fillyfriend.

“See? Now you’re piecing it together all by yourself. I’m so proud of you,” Phil quipped, but his heart wasn’t in it.

Shining Armor was no stranger to backhoofed compliments or insults by faint praise. He was, after all, in the Royal Guard. Pure vitriol, that was how they rolled. So he just rolled his eyes, then thought for a second.

“So… They’re just friends, right?” he asked, an edge to his voice. He subconsciously started to feel an itch in his back legs.

“Is this really the time for this?” Phil raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you, uh, have anything better to do?” He pointed at the destroyed wasteland that had once called itself Ponyville, and the unconscious monster in the midst of it.

To be fair, most of the job was already done. Pegasi scouts were patrolling the Everfree in search of the Ursa's hideout and cub, as their mages went over the plans to take the beast out of town and resettle it deep into the north, with the rest of its kind, far away from civilisation.

Shining appraised the pink stallion from light pink hooves to puffy darker pink mane. “You’re Phil Pie, right?” ‘Pink enough to make your eyes bleed’, indeed. “Twily told me you’re usually quite the cheerful fellow.”

“Yeah, well, usually one of my best friends is not seriously injured, so there’s that,” Phil scratched the back of his head. Suddenly, and much to Shining’s surprise, the stallion’s ears flopped, followed by a small twitch of his knee, and he cringed. “Oh, here they come.” And plastering a fake smile to his face, the stallion turned around. “Hey guys!” he awkwardly exclaimed.

Coming down the road were the Ponyvillians that evacuated town before the Ursa arrived. Their eyes were wide, and mutters close to none, as they took the sight of their homes destroyed, razed to the ground. A few fillies and colts sniffed, and even older ponies stared blankly at their surroundings, many a lip quivering.

Shining winced. PR with the civilians was never his forte. Put him in charge of a castle’s garrison, or coordinating a campaign, and he was in his element. But empathising with civilians who had lost all they held dear? He had no idea how to deal with it.

He suppressed the urge to massage his temple. Cadence would know what to do. She always knows the right things to say.

Before he could open his mouth and, most likely, stuff his hoof in it, a cyan pegasus stallion with a garishly rainbow-coloured mane dropped his jaw to the ground.

“Holy crap, Twilight brought that down?!” He pointed to the fallen Ursa. “All by herself?!”

“I helped!” Phil huffed, mock-offended. After a second, he conceded. “But yeah, she did most of the job.” Ponies began talking among themselves at that, amazed.

Out of nowhere, the pink stallion’s left knee twitched again, then his right ear flopped, then his eyes fluttered. Phil turned around to look at the distance. Now very confused, and slightly on edge by his weird body spasms, Shining Armor turned to follow his line of sight.

Far away, almost out of sight, a light blue mare with a cape and a pointy hat was pulling a cart, heading away from Ponyville.

“Almost every single thing, actually,” Phil added, though there was a new edge to his voice. To Shining, it sounded like he was surprised, maybe even touched, but why, he could not fathom.

Nopony else seemed to notice, though, still enraptured, admirating Twilight’s heroic deed. A couple of unicorn colts gushed in excitement, and more than a pony called Shining’s little sister a hero. However, others had other concerns.

“But… our homes!” a pale yellow mare with raspberry mane cried. “Where are we supposed to go?”

The Captain of the Royal Guard sprung to action.

“There is nothing to worry, the Royal Guard is taking care of the situation. As we speak, we’re setting up a camp that will house you until your homes are restored to their proper state.”

“A camp?” another mare asked incredulously. “Are you telling us to move to a camp?”

“Yes, ma’am. A camp. Or the forest, because ‘under the bridge’ isn’t even an option right now,” Shining replied curtly. “Your call. Ma’am.”

Shining Armor! Cadence’s scolding voice resounded through his brain, making him wince internally. Rather than curt, as he had intended, he had come across as unnecessarily standoffish. And while he had shut the mare up, she had raised a valid concern.

Softening his voice, Shining Armor added: “Relax. It’s only a temporary arrangement. The Crown will personally take care of the reconstruction efforts, and has already begun the mobilisation of our engineer corps to do the job as swiftly and effectively as possible. Worst case scenario, we estimate you shall be returning home within the following two to three weeks.”

“Two to three weeks?” several ponies asked at once, looking and muttering between themselves.

“Is that even possible?” a white stallion with a curly purple mane and a severely injured upper lip asked. Shining frowned. Dude, what happened to your face?

“Correct, sir. Given the extents of the destruction, however, most buildings will have to be rebuilt from scratch. The earliest estimate I can give you is a week, if your house still has its foundations standing.” He wasn’t lying. The Engineer Corps of the Royal Guard had more ponies in a single division that Ponyville had buildings. And they were the best at their jobs.

“Excuse me, Captain?” a bespectacled tan mare with a grey mane approached him politely. “Did you say that the Crown will take personal care of the situation?”

“Correct, ma’am.”

“Good, good,” the mare nodded, closing her eyes. “Good. Good. Good! Because I’m out.”

For some reason, that elicited a major gasp from the crowd. By his side, Phil Pie’s eyes had grown impossibly large.

“Bu-but Mayor Mare!” a pony cried out. “You can’t leave! We need you!”

“And what I need,” she opened her eyes, and Shining instinctively flinched in terror, “is for brain-dead ponies to stop bringing doom to our CELESTIA-FORSAKEN TOWN!” she suddenly screamed at the top of her lungs. “TWO WEEKS! TWO WEEKS WAS ALL IT TOOK FOR SOMEPONY TO GO AND FUCK EVERYTHING UP AGAIN! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT YOU DON’T DESTROY OUR TOWN?! CHEERILEE!”she called out to a pony in the crowd. Said mare flinched. “DO YOU TEACH OUR FOALS TO JUST BE AS STUPID AS POSSIBLE? DO YOU GIVE THEM A GOLDEN STAR EVERY TIME THEY BREAK SOMETHING? BECAUSE THIS IS THE SECOND TIME YOUR STUDENTS FUCK EVERYTHING STRAIGHT IN THE FUCK-FORSAKEN TOWN’S FACE IN LESS THAN A SINGLE MONTH!”

The mare took a deep breath, then continued railing. “FIRST WE GET LITERAL FLYING BALLS OF FIRE BURNING TOWN. NOW AN URSA MAJOR DESTROYS WHAT LITTLE WE HAD LEFT. HOLY FUCK, WHAT’S NEXT? A LITERAL GOD OF CHAOS TURNING EQUESTRIA UPSIDE DOWN?! THIS IS TOO MUCH! I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS SHIT!”

“Mayor Mare!” a grey stallion, clearly a bureaucrat by how utterly boring and plain he was, cried out. “Wh- What are you saying?!”

“I FUCKING QUIT! THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING! I’M OUT! FUCK THIS SHIT! FUCK THIS TOWN! AND FUCK YOU ALL!”

Then Mayor Mare leaped towards Phil Pie, shoving her hooves deep into his puffy mane, and pulled out a literal piece of artillery out of it. Without missing a beat, the now-former mayor took out a match, lit the cannon’s fuse, and jumped straight into the barrel.

*BOOM!*

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…!”

Absolute, oppressive silence hung in the air.

“Well… That just happened,” the rainbow-maned pegasus said, completely shocked.

Even Shining Armor, with all his years at the service, had never seen anything quite like it.

A local mayor, just… flipping everypony off and abandoning their post.

But there was something else in his mind at that moment.

The law stated that, at the absence of any local authorities, all administrative and executive power devolved to the Crown.

Which meant that, as the Captain of the Royal Guard, now he was in charge of Ponyville.

He sighed deeply.

This is going to suck.

Author's Note

These are some big boy Author's Notes. Most of them are minor production notes and writing insights you can skip, but there are two big things that I believe are important to read:

First:
We played up Trixie's illusionist abilities compared to what she has in canon. This is because we wished both to level her up in this instance to make her more formidable and less of a joke, and because in canon she was in Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns (in this AU, the commonplace, non-pedantic way to refer to the Imperial Academy of Arcane Arts).
One would suppose she was gifted in magic if she did, I mean.

Second:
The destruction we have wroke on Ponyville through this fic has not been minor. In fact, at times William Grey has wondered if I intend to just do away with what it is in canon and rebuild it in a different way, and given his vehement opposition to it, I thought it would be good to adress that concern head-on.
Thing is, Ponyville can't just get away scot-free when it gets attacked by monsters so ridiculously often that by season 5 they don't even bat an eye when a bugbear attacks town. As I've stated rather often, in this fic, Reality Ensues. But if there's a lesson history can gives us, is that buildings can be rebuilt, and amazingly quick if they receive the appropiate funding and resources fast enough and are spent in an effective manner.
If anything, the building that cannot be rebuilt would be the Golden Oak Library, because it's a hollowed tree. I mean, come on, that's as flammable as it gets, and it was a tree. It's part of the reason why it's destruction by Tirek was final (plus, shiny new castle). Indeed, the only reason it was handled so lightly here is because Twilight hadn't yet had the wonderful memories that made it so hard to adapt to her new castle.
But the caved in Boutique? Razed Sugarcube Corner? They'll get better, and now that the Royal Guard and Celestia herself are taking care of the reconstruction, rather than just Ponyville's residents, perhaps they'll be back up in business by next chapter.
I mean, how many times on the series has Applejack's barn been destroyed and rebuilt exactly the same? They even got a song about it and everything, for God's sake!
So don't sweat it, chaps.
Worry about the human (equine?) cost of the damage, though. That one is not so easily shaken, and the consequences can last for years, if not entire lifetimes.

Other production notes:
- "Nobita" is a fan nickname to Barcelona FC's president, Josep Maria Bartomeu, because with his round face, short hair and glasses, he looks just like Nobita Nobi from Doraemon. So we just threw that in.
- Hala Madrid.
- Yes, Manuceastre instead of Manechester, because Trottingham is Anglo-Saxon/Old English. The pun (Manu/Mane) is exactly the same, though, just in that language.
- Speaking of puns, Sattelfurt's real life equivalent is the Austrian city of Klagenfurt. The pun (Sattel/Saddle) is in German.

“Why do we say ‘handle’ if we don’t have hands?” Snails wondered lethargically.

Fun fact, I asked William the exact same thing IRL when I wrote down that sentence for Trixie's taunting of the Super Apple Bros.

The mention of Twilight Velvet being an accomplished writer is a nod to Aragon's spectacular characterisations of Twilight's parents in the 'X DONE!' saga, which he capped off in what I think is legitimately one of the best stories I've ever read in my entire life, both funny and touching.
That being said, Daring Do remains a real pony, she does novelise her own adventures under her penname of A.K. Yearling, and for some reason she doesn't even bother changing the names of the people she meets and fights.
I mean, what's up with that?
Caballerón could just get stinkin' rich suing her for defamation.

Apple Bloom scaring the Ursa was foreshadowed in previous chapters (best exemplified when she scares off the manticore in Dawn of the Final Day). Then, it was played off for laughs. Now, it comes back to bite Ponyville in the ass. Now, why is she capable of doing something like that? We'll get there eventually.

To use videogames metaphors, while the fight against the dragon was an epic showdown, the Ursa is more of a puzzle boss, as it's far too large to fight head on, so Twilight needed to bring it down through other means. I hope that it still made for a good read, because holy hell, writing an exciting 3v1 puzzle boss is way harder than just a no-holds-barred 6v1 brawl.

What is [Applejack's] damn problem?!

Oh, Twilight, Twilight, Twilight, didn't you know? Love makes idiots out of all of us. He just wants to be her hero, but unfortunately, when it comes down to taking on a titanic monster empty-handed, that's not how real life works.

[NSFW] The Easter Bunny dying of AIDS after frequenting San Franciscolt's homosexual BDSM bath-houses is a reference to Michel Foucault, who died of exactly just that. As William Grey pointed out, how curious is it that the preeminent philosopher about structures of power and domination ended up with a fixation in BDSM?

Chapter 10: Wake Me When This Is Over

Shining Armor was no stranger to working through the night.

After almost ten years in the corps, many times had he spent far over thirty consecutive hours awake with no rest whatsoever, so quite frankly, this was nothing out of the ordinary. His body was used to it.

Still, he couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty as the military council reconvened at daybreak and he saw the tired, exhausted faces of his fellow officers. He had seen them all barely five hours ago, but it looked like years had passed on their ends. After all, they were the ones who had been hooves on the ground doing all the hard work.

Meanwhile, due to Major Mare’s untimely resignation, he had been spending all the night in his tent, running over the plans for the reconstruction, and deciding their next course of action, all by himself.

I look like I just woke up from a thousand year nap in comparison… And I feel like it, too, Shining thought.

Chief Royal Engineer, Lieutenant General Eóburgh, a tan earth pony mare with dark brown mane and tail, held a hot cup of coffee in her hooves, and grim determination in her narrowed, wary eyes.

However, the Lieutenant General’s obvious exhaustion had nothing on First Lieutenant Morning Star of the Royal Mage Corps: the light green unicorn mare with pale cornflower blue mane and tail had slammed her head straight into the table with nary a groan and a splitting headache due to magical overuse.

To be fair with both mares, they, alongside their respective corps, were doing the lion’s share of the job, cleaning up the piles of debris and ruins that once called themselves Ponyville, as well as bringing in resources, supplies and materials from Canterlot… And, last but certainly not least, keeping the Ursa unconscious until they could relocate it far from civilization.

On the other hoof, Second Lieutenant Silver Wind of the Royal Scouts, and Surgeon-Major Ippokrátis of the Royal Medical Corps looked none the worse to wear, despite not having even a minute to rest during the night. In fact, Silver Wind looked almost amused at Morning Star’s misery, while Ippokrátis, brow deeply furrowed, was surely coming up with the appropriate potion to treat a severe migraine due to magical exertion.

Shining Armor called all four to attention with a small cough. Eóburgh put her coffee down immediately (though she couldn’t stifle an unprofessional groan of irritation), while Morning Star weakly lifted her head, eyes glazed in pure agony.

“I know it’s been a long night, but longer days await us yet, so let’s just get right down to it. Lieutenant Silver Wind, report.”

The light blue pegasus mare with violet mane saluted. “Sir, we found the Ursa’s cave about an hour after arrival. The cub was there, and was quickly non-lethally neutralised, as per your orders. As soon as the mages are up to it, we can begin their relocation.”

The officers glanced towards Morning Star. Her head had fallen once again straight into the table. Shining couldn’t tell if she was conscious or not, but what he could tell was that if their CO’s state was any indication after the arduous night they left behind, the mages were most definitely not up to such a gargantuan task.

Shining promptly turned to the Surgeon-Major.

“Surgeon-Major, make sure the mages are back in form as soon as possible. Should the beast wake up and our mages were too tired to keep it down, we could have a major disaster on our hooves. A disaster that we can ill afford.” True, the Royal Guard was more than capable of bringing down an Ursa Major… But more than one good pony would lose their lives.

It was not a risk Shining was willing to take.

Ippokrátis, a balding, thick bearded orange-coated pegasus stallion with gray beard, tail and mane, nodded curtly. “Málista. At your order, Captain,” he replied, his voice thick with his native Hayzantine accent and coarse with age.

“Captain,” Eóburgh spoke up, “did you go over the suggestions I submitted after the previous council?”

“Yes, and we’re agreed,” Shining replied plainly. “Repairing the train station first is a no-brainer, as it restores our supply lines with Canterlot and allows us to receive far more resources than what we can bring here just with magic… And certainly, without taking our mages out of commission while we’re at it.”

Morning Star croaked weakly.

Shining nodded towards her. “My point exactly. What’s the state of the train station, Lieutenant General?”

“Burnt down and caved in, but the damage precedes the rampage. Most of the building itself is beyond repair, but the basic infrastructure such as the rails are salvageable, if not in need of only basic maintenance,” Eóburgh took a chug of her coffee. “Give me until nightfall and we’ll have a train station that would put Lenden’s Waterlǣs to shame.”

“Understood,” Shining nodded curtly. “There are several artisans and builders among Ponyville’s populace. Feel free to draft them to help the corps in whatever way they can to speed things up, because as soon as you can spare the ponies, we need to begin rebuilding Ponyville General.”

Ippokrátis seemed pleased at this. “Naí, indeed, Captain. Sickness doesn’t care if your town got destroyed, so our medics are dealing with all the sick ponies that would otherwise be taken care of at the hospital. The sooner we can separate the sick from the healthy the better. The last thing we need right now is for any sickness to spread through the camps.”

Holy shit, yes, Shining inwardly cringed, as he recalled the bout of dysentery that had broken out at camp during the latest Neightalian campaign in coastal Griffonia, three years ago, where he had served as an Imperial liaison officer. As if the unrelenting sun and blistering heat of the desert hadn’t been enough, their camp had been overrun by the pungent smell of faeces as ponies quite literally shat themselves to death. If he could avoid the same fate befalling any of the already bereaved denizens of Ponyville, he’d do whatever it took.

“Hmm,” he thought. “Change of plans. Lieutenant General, can you spare the ponies right now?”

Eóburgh frowned. “Depends on how many do you need.”

“We need to make sure the sewer system is operational. The Ursa attack might have compromised it. As the Surgeon-Major pointed out, we can’t allow disease to spread through camp. We need to rely on latrines as little as possible, so bringing the sewers into an operational state is a priority.”

Eóburgh pursed her lips. “You’ll have to choose which one you’d rather have first then, Captain, because that’s a solid no. We don’t have enough ponypower to clean up debris, restore the train station and do an extensive maintenance work on the sewers at the same time. Especially if you want it all done within the day. My ponies are the best at their jobs, but they’re not miracle workers.”

“Noted. Lieutenant,” Shining turned to Silver Wind. “I’m transferring you and the Royal Scouts under the Lieutenant General’s command for the duration of this operation to be used however she deems it fit. We need every hoof we can get, and your job is mostly done already.”

Silver Wind’s expression soured, but if she had an objection, she held her tongue. “Aye, Captain,” the mare saluted.

“Is this arrangement suitable to you, Lieutenant General?” Shining asked Eóburgh.

The mare seemed to be mulling it for a moment, then she nodded. “Aye, Captain. I can work with that.”

“Remember, repairing the train station remains the first priority, but whatever ponies you can spare should look into the sewers,” Shining Armor stressed.

Eóburgh waved him off. “Don’t worry Captain. I didn’t get to Chief Royal Engineer on my good looks alone. We’ll get it done.” Then she lowered her voice, but not enough to be inaudible. “I’ll need a bloody tonne of coffee, though.”

You and all of us, Lieutenant General, you and all of us, Shining agreed internally, but for formality’s sake, maintained his poker face. He glanced around the round table.

“Anything else?” Silence. “Get to it, then, ponies. Dismissed.” With a salute (plus a very thorough face-rub on Morning Star’s part), everypony stood up and turned to leave. “Surgeon-Major, a word, please,” Shining called to Ippokrátis before he could cross the tent’s threshold.

The pegasus stopped, then turned around at attention.

“At ease,” the Captain quickly added. “I just wanted to ask…” Shining paused, then took a sigh. In all honesty, he didn’t want to ask, because he was terrified of what the answer could be. “How are they? The stallion and my...” Shining choked on the word. It felt unreal to have her here, rather than by the Princess’ side, and definitely not in a good sense. “... my sister.”

Ippokrátis eyes softened. “Captain, you don’t need to worry about her. Miss Sparkle is exhausted, but nothing a good night’s rest and a couple of healing potions won’t take care of.”

“Healing potions?” She needs healing potions? Shining Armor’s brain was going a thousand miles per second. Was Twily wounded? Why didn’t you tell me?! Before he could start to panic, though, Ippokrátis coarse voice cut through.

“We’re just being overly cautious, to be frank. Taking care of any leg cramps and exertion-induced migraines. She did run all throughout town to flank the Ursa, and she doesn’t seem like the athletical kind, if you don’t mind me saying.”

Shining chuckled. “Yeah. She’s most definitely not.” The most exercise Twilight had done when she was a filly was standing up from her reading spot to switch her book after she had finished it. She was as sedentary as they got.

Ippokrátis sighed, his brow furrowing. “Now, the other fellow, on the other hoof…”

Shining nodded, encouraging the elderly Surgeon-Major on.

“There’s no way around it; if it wasn’t for Ms. Sparkle’s timely intervention, he would be dead.”

“He’ll recover, though?”

“Yes, but given time,” Ippokrátis nodded gravely. “The healing spell your sister employed on him, while a literal life-saver, was rather basic. We had to drain blood from his right lung, as it had been punctured by his broken ribs; his back left leg was completely twisted, and while his cannon was realigned and repaired, it remains in an extremely brittle state. Same goes for his dislocated shoulder; they need to be splinted so they can heal properly.”

Shining winced. “Is it really that bad?”

“Captain, he was punched across the air by an Ursa Major, crashed spine-first into a wall of cobblestone, which then collapsed on top of him,” Ippokrátis said, emphasising every single syllable. “The fact he survived at all is nothing short of a miracle. Mighty warriors far more resilient than he could ever be have been killed by lesser wounds.” The Surgeon-Major shook his head in mild disbelief. “Indeed, by all accounts, he should be dead. I honestly do not know how he survived long enough for Ms. Sparkle's intervention.”

“But he did.”

The pegasus nodded with determination. “But he did, and he’ll remain that way, Captain, you can be sure of it.”

Shining smiled at the elderly stallion. “I know, Surgeon-Major. On behalf of my sister and her friends, I thank you wholeheartedly.”

“Just doing my job, Captain. Just as you’re doing yours.” Ippokrátis bowed. “With your leave.”

“Yes, don’t let me keep you any longer,” Shining saluted. “Dismissed.”

As the orange pegasus left his tent, Shining Armor turned back to his work desk. Maps and layouts of Ponyville were scattered, as well as copies of any charters and edicts that were related to the small hamlet, all of them references required for the job that laid in front of them.

Shining rubbed his nose tiredly.

Looking at the maps and pictures of Ponyville’s infrastructure, he couldn’t help but be puzzled at just how outdated most of it was. Of course, as a small rural town, the technological innovations that were taking place on the constituent kingdoms just weren’t needed this deep into Equestria Proper. The smoking chimneys and steaming engines that plagued the cities on Equestria’s shores had no place here, all of them fruits of an adversity and necessity the Princess’ personal domains had never faced.

That was not to say all of Equestria Proper was rural and ‘backwards’; the Free Cities, like Manehattan or Hoofston, were among the cities at the forefront of this new age of industry and commerce, growing richer and richer still by becoming staple ports in the intercontinental trade with the colonies. But Ponyville, when compared to the other cities across Equestria Shining Armor had seen, looked like the last vestiges of a rapidly fading age.

There was nothing Shining could do to stop the winds of change.

But he could save Ponyville from the fate so many rural towns in Trottingham and Prance had suffered, deserted of its inhabitants or absorbed by the ever-growing metropolises. In fact… Shining pondered.

He might be able to turn Ponyville into a centre of modernisation, deep into the heart of Equestria, all the while consciously avoiding the growing inequality, poverty and squalor Lenden or the Rheuhr were suffering.

Or at least, to begin the slow trudge to get there. To place the foundations upon which the future mayor could build.

Several ideas in mind, Shining dove hornfist into his maps. He needed to work quickly if he wanted to submit his ideas to the Chief Royal Engineer before it was too late… or she was more caffeine than mare and bucked him in the face for messing with her part of the job.

He had barely sent a messenger to the Chief Royal Engineer with his proposals when another guard came in.

For a beat, Shining Armor thought his messenger had had cold hooves and wanted off of the unenviable job of informing the fearsome Lieutenant General that the Captain had changed plans, until he realised this was one of Ippokrátis’ medics.

“Captain, sir!” the medic saluted.

“At ease. What can I help you with?”

“Miss Twilight Sparkle is awake. The Surgeon-Major asked me to inform you at once.”

Shining’s eyes widened, his stomach doing some sick backflips in anticipation.

“Lead the way,” he ordered, his voice tense, trying to keep his emotions in check.

As they left the tent, medic in front and captain behind, Shining decided to take in the sights of the camp in an attempt to think about something other than Twilight.

Standing on the outskirts of Ponyville, the refugee camp was a veritable maze of tents and pavilions, each serving as temporary housing for every household in town, which, fortunately, weren’t all that many. While it was modeled after a warcamp, the mood couldn’t be more different, even if the patrols gave it a semblance of discipline.

Fillies and colts ran freely, playing hide-and-seek and tag and literally every other game that involved running in between the endless sea of tents. Guards drafted willing ponies into service. A few tents down the road, a soup-kitchen was preparing to feed lines of hungry ponies. Fruit stands had been set up by the farmers whose property had survived the rampage, freely giving away their produce to those ponies in need.

It was a tale of two extremes: on one end, the innocent joy of foals playing. On the other, the anxiety and uncertainty of the adults, who had found their lives (and in most cases all their property) uprooted overnight. The mood was weird, both tense and light at the same time.

Soon, Shining and the medic arrived in front of one of the tents that composed the medical wing. The medic wordlessly nodded into the tent.

“You’ve done a good job, son. Here,” Shining grabbed a bit out of his purse, and tossed it to the medic. “Have one on me.”

“Sir, thank you sir!” the medic saluted and left. Shining did manage to hear him muttering something about having nowhere to spend it.

Taking a deep breath, he crossed the tent’s threshold.

Laying on her cot, Twilight was reading a book, because of course she was, but Shining Armor couldn’t tell what it was about.

Beyond the tired bags on her eyes and slight paleness, you couldn’t tell she had fought and won against an Ursa Major just ten hours ago. In fact, she looked like a normal pony who had spent all day and all night reading heavily.

Emphasis on ‘normal pony’, because Twilight did that on a nearly daily basis and looked none the worse to wear.

Ah, Twily, Shining thought fondly, taking the sight of his little sister, absorbed in her reading. Never change.

… A bit too absorbed in her reading, as she had yet to notice her elder brother standing like a doofus by the flaps of the tent.

It was starting to get awkward, so Shining coughed.

His little sister perked up her head and turned to look at him. A wide smile broke through her face.

“Shiny!” Twilight beamed.

“Hey, Twily,” Shining smiled tiredly. “How’s it going?”

“Oh, you know. Reading, studying, doing research, losing my home for the second time in less than a month.... The usual.”

Shining blinked. That was news to him. “Wait, second?”

“Spike,” Twilight snarked laconically.

“Ah.” Yeah, that makes sense. “Well, at least you’ve got a tent now. Sorry, I know it sucks, but it’s the be—”

“Are you kidding?” Twilight interrupted him. “This is the first time in over a month I have a roof all for myself! And my BBBFF is here, too!” she exclaimed happily, but soon enough her smile became stilted, and her eyes took a sad glaze. “If only it were under better circumstances…”

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m going to be staying for a while.” At Twilight’s inquisitive look, Shining added: “I’m Ponyville’s current acting mayor.”

“Wait, really?” The purple mare frowned. “But Mayor Mare… What happened to her? Is she okay? She didn’t...” Twilight trailed off, an alarmed look on her face.

Shining shook his head with a reassuring smile. “Oh, Celestia no, she’s fine. I think. Last time anypony saw her, at least, she was fine.” But gravity’s a bitch, so that may no longer be the case.

“Then what happened?”

“She quit.”

“She did what?!”

“Yep. She resigned right there on the spot, because she couldn’t deal with this anymore. She jumped at your pink friend, Phil I think he was called, pulled a cannon out of his mane, and shot herself into the distance.”

Twilight blinked.

“You know, all things considered, I can’t really say I wouldn’t have done the same,” Shining joked. “But now I have to go through all the paperwork to set up local elections, and let me tell you, Twily, I’m not looking forward to it.”

His little sister closed her eyes in disbelief, shaking her head softly.

“What’s up with him, by the way?” Shining added with a creeping sense of awkwardness. He was the only one talking.

“Phil?” Twilight asked.

“Yeah. Physics don’t really work that way.”

His sister frowned. “Shiny, the least time you spend wondering about it, the better. I’ve suffered a lot trying to make sense of him, and in the end, it isn’t worth it, because it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that he’s one of the best friends you could have. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him.”

Nopony said anything for a while. Twilight’s eyes took a sad gaze. She sighed. It was obvious to him that she was bracing herself for the answer she had been wanting to ask from the moment she regained consciousness.

“... How’s Applejack?” she asked softly.

“Unconscious,” even though by rights he should be dead. Shining sighed and closed in on Twilight, placing a reassuring hoof on her shoulder. “I won’t lie to you. It’s not pretty. But he’s out of the woods thanks to you. You saved his life, Twily.”

“I just wish I hadn’t needed to,” Twilight muttered bitterly. “If only he had stayed behind, like I told him to…”

Love makes stallions do stupid things, Twily. I would know.

“So, uh…” Shining began awkwardly, clumsily trying to address the elephant in the room, while at the same time knowing full well this was not the time for The Talk. But he just couldn’t stop himself. He had to know. “What’s, uh, going on there? Between you and Applejack, I mean.”

“We’re just friends,” Twilight waved the question off, staring at nothing with a sad frown.

“Are you? Cos ponies don’t rush headfirst against an Ursa Major for just a friend,” he arched an eyebrow.

“You’d do it for Cadence, wouldn’t you?” his little sister pointed out.

Shining blinked. That’s… kinda my point? “Yeah, I would,” he nodded. “It’s just that… Be careful. I don’t want you to get hurt, Twily.”

Twilight snorted a bitter and mirthless laugh. “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but at this rate, the one most likely to get hurt is Applejack, not me. In fact, he already did. Relax. I’ve got everything under control, big brother.”

The Captain tilted his head lightly in confusion. I get the feeling we’re having two different conversations here… Wouldn’t be the first time, either.

Just as he was opening his mouth to ask for clarification, he was interrupted by a guard popping her head through the tent.

“Captain? The Chief Royal Engineer is asking for you.”

Shining stifled a groan. “Tell her I’ll be with her in five.”

“Aye, Captain,” the mare saluted, then left. Shining turned to look at his little sister, and shrugged.

“Well, I gotta go. If you see him before I do –and given how busy I am, you absolutely will–, tell Spike I say hi, and that I got him the Real Mabrida shirt he wanted.”

“Can’t you stay for a little longer?” Twilight pouted.

“You heard the mare, duty calls.” Shining paused for a beat. “Well, the Chief Royal Engineer does, actually, and I think she’s going to buck the crap out of me, so I better go and get it over with.” Twilight giggled at her brother’s misfortune. “Just stay out of trouble, okay?”

“You’re not the boss of me,” the purple unicorn replied cheekily, crossing her forehooves. Despite her cocky smirk, the sadness remained on her eyes.

Shining was not having it, though. “Do it, or I’ll tell mom on you.”

Twilight’s lower lip trembled in fear.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Try me,” Shining smirked smugly, then left her tent.

Twilight knew Applejack was in a bad state. Shining had told her as much. She had seen him, crumbled on a heap, broken bones and bleeding gashes.

And still it wasn’t enough to prepare her to the sight of him lying pitifully on a cot, IV tubes keeping him sedated and hydrated, two of his four legs splinted, and covered in bandages, some of them mildly stained with his blood. His hat was nowhere to be seen.

It was hard to believe that the broken stallion before her was the same pony that had welcomed her to Ponyville, that had saved her life when she was hanging down a cliff, that had offered to face a dragon just so she didn’t have to, that was always kind and gentle to her (annoyingly so, at times), even if his pride and temper blinded him and made him screw up.

Was this truly the same pony? The Applejack she knew was lively, always active, with a light smile on his face. The stallion laying in the cot was a pitiful sight, almost lifeless, his face devoid of expression.

But she knew he was. She had seen him suffer the life-threatening injuries that had left him like this. And it made her heart ache like nothing she had ever experienced before.

Twilight gingerly picked up the stallion’s left hoof with her own. He was so cold.

The hardest part was getting her head around the fact that this was nopony’s fault but his own. It was his own pride and stubbornness what took him out of shelter and back into the fray. Pride cometh before the fall, and he had barely survived the impact out of sheer dumb luck.

Twilight wasn’t dumb. Nopony had told her as much, but she knew Applejack should be dead, considering the blow he had received. Under normal circumstances, his spine would have snapped, and his organs turned to mush, killing him instantly upon impact. If he was lucky enough.

But it didn’t.

Perhaps Applejack was just too stubborn to die.

Or perhaps…

Perhaps there was something else protecting him. Something magical.

To be honest, Twilight had had her suspicions for a while now. Her friends endured far too much abuse to be normal. Case in point: Rainbow Blitz could crash into the ground at terminal speed, yet he was barely bumped up, instead of breaking several of his bones and earning a night or two in the hospital, something his reputation held as an almost weekly occurrence.

Or the fact that Rainbow Blitz and Applejack had survived Apple Bloom's lethal cooking, while some other pony had died of severe intoxication.

Something was keeping them alive, even when by rights they should have kicked the bucket a long time ago.

But what? What did they have in common, that other ponies didn't? Why could they suffer so much damage without any lasting injuries, while other ponies like that one guy suffered their logical consequences?

Truly, all there was to it was the fact that Applejack and Rainbow Blitz were her friends. Nothing else. Yet friendship never stopped other ponies from meeting untimely demises.

… Unless that was just it.

Twilight knew it sounded terribly arrogant, but she knew her friendship with the boys wasn't a normal friendship. It was something magical, for it was inextricably linked to the Elements of Harmony.

Perhaps it was a leap, but what if it was that same magic what kept them safe? That protected them from certain death, making them far more resilient than normal ponies?

What if the Elements of Harmony themselves were actively protecting their bearers, keeping them alive?

Part of Twilight’s mind wanted to dismiss that notion as ridiculous. Magic doesn’t work that way, it said. Magic worked under specific sets of rules, both natural and artificial, and the closest there was to what she had in mind was armour enchantments… but those fortified armour, not ponies.

However, the rest of her mind rapidly shushed that part. She’d spent the larger part of the previous day trying to investigate Phil’s “Pinkie Sense”, and just last night he had been instrumental in keeping both of them alive throughout the confrontation with the Ursa Major.

It pained that first part of her mind to think about it, but Twilight had no other choice but to accept that some kinds of magic just could not be explained scientifically.

Like the Pinkie Sense.

And the Elements of Harmony… They played by their own rules. The properties of artifacts as old as those were completely unknown to ponykind. Hay, the artifacts themselves had been nothing but an old, nearly-forgotten legend until a few months ago, and the specifics of their workings or the effects they had on their bearers were a complete mystery.

Who knew? They might as well be protecting the Bearers from harm.

It was an interesting hypothesis that she’d take great relish in researching. But that would have to wait.

At the moment, nothing was more important than Applejack.

She would look over him. It was the least she could do for her best friend.

Making herself comfortable, Twilight took out the book she had been reading back at her own tent, and continued reading without reading, killing time and trying to keep her mind busy without much success.

By turns, different ponies came in the tent to visit Applejack. With the exception of Big Mac, who stood a silent vigil by his brother’s bedside for almost a whole hour, they never remained for long. Elusive fidgeted uncomfortably. Butterscotch had brought him gifts. Phil only stared sadly. Spike kept her company for a few minutes, then left to clear his head. Apple Bloom couldn’t even force herself to cross the tent’s flaps out of pure distress, despite the words of encouragement from her friends.

Through it all, Twilight didn’t let go of Applejack’s hoof. Not even as she fell asleep, curled up on her chair, resting her head on top of his cot.

Night had fallen on Ponyville, and Rainbow Blitz had taken wing.

He wasn’t going anywhere, really. Just aimlessly roaming.

Despite the bustle and hustle of the camp, or the tireless soldiers cleaning up the debris that the Ursa had previously covered, he felt adrift and alone.

Fighting a losing battle against the unrelenting current.

And now, Ponyville was no more. Their livelihoods had been squashed flat.

One of his closest friends had almost died.

And he was done pretending he was doing just fine. He needed some time to think. To let go of the pent-up frustration and anxiety. Going for a flight was something he sorely needed.

Except that something caught Blitz’s eye before he could bolt away. Sitting atop a small hill, overlooking what had once been Ponyville, was a single, lone, pink stallion.

Just…

Sitting there.

Rainbow Blitz frowned. Phil wasn’t really his first pick for company. He was a bit too much, too overbearing and unpredictable, even for Blitz. But he was his friend… And something seemed off.

“Hey, Phil,” Blitz called out, bracing himself for the imminent high-pitched shrieks. The pink stallion looked up to him. “What’cha doin’?”

Phil raised his left hoof. He was holding a bottle.

“Vodka,” he replied evenly. Yep, there was indeed something off with him. “Wanna join?”

On the other hoof, perhaps what a drink or two was just what he needed. “Yeah, sure,” Blitz nodded, flapping his wings to land next to him.

He almost screwed it up and slammed himself against the pink stallion, but luckily, he managed to pull it off at the last second. I really need to work on my landings, he noted as his hooves touched the ground, skipping to slow himself down.

“So, what brings you to my hill?” Phil asked the pegasus as he took a seat next to him.

“I needed some air, I guess,” Rainbow Blitz replied honestly. “Some time for myself to think.”

“Don’t we all?” Phil chuckled mirthlessly.

That was it, Blitz realised. What was off with Phil.

He wasn’t being obnoxiously cheerful. He wasn’t jumping up and down in excitement.

He was acting like a normal pony for once in his life. Just like everypony else would do after losing their homes and livelihoods overnight.

Phil chugged a drink from the bottle, then handed it to Rainbow Blitz.

The pegasus accepted it wordlessly.

“‘My’ hill?” Well, with two words.

“Yeah. I come up here when I feel like I need a moment. Or two. Or a lot of them.”

“Does that happen often?”

“From time to time,” Phil replied laconically. “At times life just gets… a bit too much. Y’know what I mean?”

Blitz sighed, then took a swing from the bottle. “Yeah.”

Silence descended upon them, as they passed the bottle back and forth and gazed at the beautiful stars above them.

“Have you gone visit Applejack?” Phil eventually asked softly.

Rainbow Blitz shook his head. At Phil’s tilted head, he shrugged. “I mean, I think he hates my guts or something? I don’t know, man. I don’t think he wants me there.”

“But you’re friends,” Phil pointed out, sporting a confused frown. “We all are.”

“Yeah, we are, but he’s still avoiding me for some reason, so if he doesn’t want to see me, I’ll respect that.” Chug. Pass. “He’s been doing it since the whole ticket fiasco.”

“Hmmm…” Chug. Pass. “We went a tiny bit crazy about that, didn’t we?”

“Heheh. Yeah, we did.” Chug. Pass. “But after that game, I thought we had all made up. I mean, Butterscotch tried to stab you and yet you guys are all chummy now!”

“Oh, Blitzie, you silly filly.” Chug. Pass. “Nopony can resist my magnetic charisma! You just can’t stay mad at me!”

“Fair enough.” Chug. Pass. “But still, Applejack is pissed at me, and I have no idea what I did to annoy him that much.”

Phil took a swing, then scrunched his face in thought. “Nap on his trees?” Pass.

Chug. “Been doing it since I came to Ponyville.” Pass.

Chug. “Destroyed his orchard?” Pass.

Chug. “Wouldn’t be the first pony to do it, and it wouldn’t be the first time, either.” Pass.

Chug. “Banged his sister?” Pass.

Blitz didn’t take the bottle. “... Dude, she’s like, nine.”

Shrug. Chug again. “Banged his brother?” Pass.

This time he did take the bottle. “Nnope.” Chug.

Phil’s eyes lit up. “Oh! I think I got it.”

“Yeah?” Pass.

“Yeah. Remember when we were off to Elusive’s boutique for the fashion makeover? You and Applejack weren’t on board for it. You said it was kinda ‘gay’.”

“It was pretty gay, though,” Blitz muttered.

Phil shrugged. “Elusive said that if you weren’t up for that ‘gay’ stuff, then you were abdicating your tickets. So to prove you were up for it, you kissed Applejack.”

“... Wait, I did?” He honestly didn’t remember.

“Yep. He, uh… didn’t like it. Like, at all.”

“Huh.” Blitz frowned. “... That’s it?”

“Well, Applejack’s a farm pony. They’re usually more conservative about that stuff. I would know.”

“That’s pretty fucking stupid.”

“You think?”

“Everypony is a bit gay from time to time,” he said. At Phil’s curious look, the pegasus added: “I mean, I’m not gay, but I’m confident enough of my own sexuality to not really care either way.”

“Your mane seems to disagree!” Phil passed him the bottle.

“Yeah, well, that’s genetics for you,” Blitz chuckled. “My dad’s got the same rainbow mane. Same thing with my uncle. Auntie Ace got lucky, though, she’s just blonde.” The pegasus looked at the pink stallion. “What about you?”

“Me? Oh, I’m totally adopted!” Phil replied happily. “All my sisters are grey, so is my mom, and my dad is brown! There’s literally nopony with any degree of pink in my family!”

“Wait, really?” Blitz blinked. “You’re adopted?”

He laughed. “Nope! I’ve got a twin sister and Grandpa Quartz always said I looked just like my mum, only, y’know, pink. God just decided to have a laugh when he created me!”

Blitz chuckled, taking a swing from the bottle, and handed it to Phil. He turned pensive. “Now that’s a thought. Do you think there’s a God out there? With a plan for us and everything?” he wondered.

Phil mulled it for a moment, taking a chug from the bottle. “Maybe? I don’t see why not. We’re the weirdos who worship their ruler as a Goddess and say her name when we swear or stuff like that, but that doesn’t mean she created the world and the stars and everything. We can have a God, and a Goddess-Empress, they’re not mutually exclusive,” he noted. “Saddle Arabians got their own religion and everything.” Chug. “Griffons too.” Pass.

“Huh.” Chug. Pass. “I knew about the Saddle Arabians with their Caliphate, but I had no idea about the griffons having their own thing.”

“Don’t you have a griffon girlfriend?”

“Okay, first things first, not a girlfriend, just a girl who’s a friend,” with benefits, “and second, Gilda never really cared much about that stuff.”

“Well, to each their own, I guess,” Phil chugged, then passed the bottle to Blitz. “Still, what I mean is, when you think about it, the Princess isn’t really a God. Well, Goddess.”

“Though she does raise the sun at will,” he pointed out. “That’s a pretty Godly thing to do.”

“Yeah, but at the end of the day, she’s still just a pony.”

Blitz whistled. “Don’t let Twilight catch you saying that. She lectured me for half an hour the last time I said the Wonderbolts were cooler than the Princess.” Chug. Pass. “She worships the very ground the Princess steps on.”

“Then again, she’s Twilight’s mentor, so can you really blame her?”

“Oh, hell no. I’d be pretty much the same if Spitfire took me under her wing. Heck, I’d let her peg me if she wanted to.”

Phil only stared at Blitz blankly for three full seconds, saying nothing.

“Right,” was all the pink stallion said before taking a chug of the bottle.

Absolute silence.

Both stallions broke down laughing.

“Just kidding, just kidding!”

“Are you, though?” The earth pony challenged him.

“Yep, just kidding.”

“Are you, though?” There was a glint to Phil’s eye. Like he was privy to Blitz’s deepest secrets.

“... Well, only if she asked me really nicely…” Blitz broke under pressure. “... And used lube. Like, all of it.”

Phil began laughing.

Loudly.

“Hey, you can’t blame me!” Blitz flapped his wings, flustered. “I’ve had a crush on her since puberty! It’s a celebrity crush, everypony gets them.”

Phil laugh subsided, then scratched his chin in thought. “I didn’t, not really.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, folks aren’t all that fond of ‘celebrities’ back at the rock farms in Hayowa.”

Blitz blinked. This was the first time he had ever heard of Phil’s childhood, beyond offhand mentions of his Granny Pie. “You grew up in a rock farm in Hayowa?”

“Yep!”

“... A rock farm.”

“Yeppers!”

“... You farmed rocks.” Blitz’s voice was flat.

Phil nodded. “Yippity Yep!”

“How, uh… how was that?” How do you even farm rocks?

“Just as boring as it sounds.”

Thought as much. “And, uh, what did you get up to? When you weren’t farming rocks, I mean.”

“Mostly think. You spend a lot of time thinking when you’re on a farm. And then a lot of time repressing those thoughts!” Phil replied happily, even if his words were anything but.

“Wait, what?” Blitz blinked. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“I’ll leave it up to your imagination!”

That’s what Blitz did.

“So… I’m guessing... gay?”

Phil looked almost offended.

“What? Of course not!” Before the pegasus could say anything, however, he added: “I’m pansexual!”

That didn’t help making things clear. It was the first time Blitz had ever heard that word.

“... Okay, I don’t want to be mean or anything, but what the hay does that mean?” Blitz tilted his head. “Do you have a sexual attraction to pans? Is that why you’re such a good cook?” He blanched in horror, as a terrible thought crossed his mind. “Oh dear Celestia, is that what you mean when you say you make it with love?! What the fuck do you use for frosting, you disgusting monster?!” he screamed, thinking back with revolt on all the cupcakes, muffins and pies Phil had made for him.

“What? Oh, I don’t have a thing for pans, you silly filly! It means I’m into everypony! Mares, stallions, and everything in between! Other species, too! As long as we’re all consenting adults, it’s all good!”

“Oh, good…” Blitz breathed heavily, trying to clear his mind. It took him a few chugs to do it. “... Wait, there’s an ‘in between’?”

“We don’t usually talk about it, but yeah,” Phil said, curiously non-cheerful, yet not serious enough to warrant a raised eyebrow. So Blitz just took a swing of vodka. “Anyway, did you notice what you said? ‘Oh dear Celestia’. Why didn’t you just say ‘oh dear God’? Geez, talk about cult of personality!”

“Good point.” Chug. “Then again, raises the sun.”

“You’re no fun! You’re hanging too much with Twilight. Hay, you’re even hoarding the vodka!”

“Oh, right. Sorry.” Pass, but not without taking another chug beforehand. Phil shot him a mean look. “Wait, Twilight hoards all the alcohol when she drinks?”

“As far as I know she doesn’t drink, but she seems like the type to be awful at sharing, doesn’t she?” Phil mused.

“I’m not, though,” Blitz pursed his lips.

“Weeeeell, you started alright, but you’re slowly getting worse at it.”

“What? No, hanging out with Twilight, I mean. I’m not doing that. I think she finds me annoying.”

“How dare she!” Chug. “You’re not annoying! You’re delightfully obnoxious!” Pass.

“... You know what? I think you mean that as a compliment, so cheers to that.” Chug. Pass.

“Why wouldn’t it be a compliment?” Phil looked genuinely confused.

“Well, it’s just that… sometimes I get the feeling I’m the guy nobody really likes.” Even though I’m like, literally divinely ordained as the Patron Saint of Loyalty, or something like that. “Like, Twilight finds me annoying. Yeah, fair enough, she’s a bit uptight like that, so I can’t blame her; she annoys me too, to be honest. Elusive is kind of a dandy, so we butt heads a lot. We used to be cool with Applejack but now he hates me because he’s an homophobe, apparently? And Butterscotch is… just there, really.”

“You’ve known each other since you were colts, though.” Chug. Pass.

“Yeah, but being old friends doesn’t necessarily equal being close friends.”

“Well, I like you very much!”

“... You know what? You aren’t half bad, either.” Perhaps it was the alcohol talking, but Blitz found he meant it. Chug. Pass. “Wanna hang out when we’re sober? Do some shit?”

There were stars in Phil’s eyes, and not just the reflection of the literal ones in the night sky.

“You mean it?”

“Yeah! Why wouldn’t I? We’re the cool misfits of the group! We gotta stick together!” Yep, that was definitely the alcohol speaking. Sober Blitz was far too cool for other ponies.

But maybe…

Maybe a companion would be nice.

Instead of jumping up and down squealing in excitement, Phil only nodded a happy smile, then took another swing of the bottle.

“Say, Phil?”

“Yeah?”

“How come we haven’t finished the vodka yet?”

“Oh, we’re starting the fourth bottle. You’re just not paying attention.”

“Wait, what?” Blitz blinked, quickly turning his head towards Phil. The world swam and swirled around him, leaving him reeling. “Woah! Heheh. Oops,” he chuckled, noticing the three empty bottles lying by Phil’s side.

“Yeah, tomorrow morning is going to be awful!” Phil cheerfully added.

“Yeah, it is,” Blitz said, snickering. A few seconds later, he added, “We’re homeless and drinking way too much alcohol. Does that makes us, like, legit hobos?”

“Woo!” Phil cheered, voice slightly slurring. “Hobo bros!”

“Hobo bros!” Blitz joined in.

“Hobo bros!”

Both stallions laughed that silly, wheezing, incoherent laugh at nothing you only get when you’re inebriated. They remained like that for a while, laughing freely, enjoying a comfortable companionhood.

“Why do you say ‘silly filly’?” Blitz eventually asked. “We’re guys.”

“It rhymes,” Phil said with a shrug, before taking a chug of the bottle. “B’sides, ‘colt’? There’s lit’rally nothing to work with with that. Other than ‘you dolt colt’, I mean, but that just sounds mean and isn’t nearly as catchy as ‘silly filly’.”

“Huh. Fair enough. Gimme,” Blitz said, and got a vodka bottle for his troubles. “Next question: how do ya’ farm rocks?”

“Are we playin’ twenty questions?” Phil asked, raising an eyebrow but with an amused smile on his face. “Cos that’s not how you play twenty questions!”

Chug. “No, we’ren’t playin’ tw’nty questions.” Pass.

Chug. “Party pooper.” Pass.

Chug. “Sue me.” Pass.

Chug. “I’ll be my own lawyer.” Pass.

“You’re boned.” Chug.

“Don’t get cocky now, Dashie. You’ll find I’m full of surprises!”

“Like the fact ya’ grew up on a rock farm.” Pass.

“Yeppers!” Chug. Pass.

“Like, seriously tho’, how do ya’ farm rocks?” Blitz couldn’t wrap his head around it.

Phil blew a raspberry. “Pffff, don’t ask me! I have a party cutie mark for a reason!”

“Because you’re a disgr’ce to your family?”

“For two reasons!” the pink stallion corrected himself with a laugh, and the pegasus couldn’t help but follow suit. Their laugh, however, was interrupted when Phil yawned profusely.

“It’s getting pr’tty late,” he muttered, and without any further ado, he dropped flat on his back. “Night night.”

Blitz did a double take, the nearly empty bottle of vodka on his hooves. “Wait, you’re just gonna sleep ‘ere?”

“Yeppers!” Phil yawned, as he made himself comfortable on his spot on the grass. “Wake me when this is o’er, will ya’?”

I don’t think you can sleep that long, Blitz noted tiredly.

“On s’cond thought, hangover,” Phil muttered, not even raising his head from where it rested. “Just don’t wake me. Like, ev’r.”

The pegasus chuckled, turning his gaze upon the million twinkling stars, the constellations on the sky.

Perhaps…

Perhaps there truly was a God out there, watching over them.

If there was a God, it would have seen how he fell asleep, side by side with his friend, with nothing but each other’s warmth to stave off the cold, and yet, without needing for anything.

If there was a God, perhaps it would have smiled.

Author's Note

Short chapter here, just the aftermath of the previous one, really, so we don't have much to say.

Regarding names:
Usually, we wouldn't dedicate a bit to our puns, but as they're not in English (or at least, not Modern English), I feel that a little clarification does no harm:

Eóburgh is an Old English name composed by the elements eoh ("horse") + burg ("fortress").

Ippokrátis is a Greek name composed by ῐ̔́ππος (híppos, “horse”) +‎ κρᾰ́τος (krátos, “power”) +‎ -ης (-ēs). Plus, it's the name of the man who's usually considered as the "Father of Medicine", Hippocrates of Kos, so the name is a twofer pun when applied to a physician.

Lenden, quite literally, means "loin" in Old English, while at the same time is the perfect pun for one of London's Anglo-Saxon names, Lunden. Therefore, London is called Lenden.

Waterlǣs is a basic one for Waterloo, using Lǣs ("Pasture"). It's a reference not to the battle, but to London's Waterloo Station.

The Rheuhr corresponds with Germany's Ruhr valley, with Heu (German for "hay") in the middle of it.

EDIT 06/08/2020: Now with music! I was doing a reread and this music came up, and I think it fits quite nicely, with the somber, sorrowful vibe to it corresponding rather well with the chapter itself, so I added it for you to listen if you so wish, as well.

Chapter 11: Scars

Dawn greeted her as she awoke, the first rays of sunshine peeking over the horizon.

As usual, the realm of dreams had been kind to her, darkness’ gentle and soothing embrace being a welcome escape to the unrelenting anxiety she had been feeling ever since she arrived here by a cruel twist of Fate, softly promising her that everything would magically fix itself when she woke up.

Yet, when she woke up, she wasn’t home.

Not that she expected any different at this point. There was no home to come back to, she knew as much. Neither in the literal nor in the figurative sense. She was adrift in uncharted waters.

It was a life she barely recognised anymore, as everything she knew and held as true turned upside down, inside out. At best, she felt like a complete stranger, somepony she barely recognised with a life that just didn’t quite make sense.

At worst, she felt like a prisoner, held hostage to the whims of Fate. Stripped of agency, left with the realm of dreams as the only refuge in an hostile world that didn’t care. The ideals that had been the pillars of her way of life no longer rang true, hollow words blown away by the wind.

And perhaps the worst part was keeping it all to herself. Bottling up her distress. Smothering her sorrows with a smile. After all, what else could she do?

Her cries for help would be dismissed with a condescending shake of the head, as always.

Interrupted.

Mocked.

Ignored.

And she was scared, so, so scared of taking matters into her own hooves.

The first days had been a torture, an endless nightmare from which she could never wake up. But as time passed, she’d grown numb to the everpresent pain. Her mind became detached, and her body just went through the motions of keeping up the masquerade with startling ease.

Why, by now she could even deceive herself into believing she actually enjoyed this.

Slowly raising her head from the comfortable pillow on which it laid, she blinked groggily, a deaf pain in between her ears. All things considered, the headache was far less severe than what she was expecting, so she’d consider that a win.

Indeed, she had awoken feeling rather… nice.

Content, even.

A bit dizzy and her head heavy, but as she gazed into the dawn, butterflies dancing in the morning sky, they were only small details in the grand scheme of things.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

For a brief instant, she was at peace.

Until a small snore came from her left, and everything came crashing down.

Slowly turning around, she saw the sleeping stallion right beside her. His right front leg was wrapped around her back, holding her comfortably. His chest had been her pillow.

He was fast asleep, his breath reeking of alcohol.

Eyes wide, she slowly and carefully untangled herself from his warm embrace. Just placing her eyes on his visage was enough to drive a dagger through her heart.

Most of the time, she was able to hide the pain underneath the facade she had been forced to adopt, a mask she put in place every morning after she woke up in the loneliness of her bedroom.

That was a luxury she wasn’t given this morning. She had nowhere to run. No time to prepare. No mirror to stare blankly at as she built up the will to plaster a smile on her face and go on with the tide.

It was not regret what she felt upon looking at his peaceful, sleeping face. It was the deep sorrow of loss. A reminder of how close yet far away she was from home.

In most ways, he was the same pony she had always known. Good. Brave. Loyal. Unflappable. Ever confident, to the point of arrogance.

Yet, there was something entirely different about him. She knew it was inevitable, but the similarities were so strong that they only made the differences so much more jarring and hurtful. Harsh words so uncharacteristic left her stunned.

He just wasn’t the same person, and he could never be, regardless of how close he came, through no fault of his own.

As she scooted a small distance away to recompose, she bucked herself internally. Such weakness was unacceptable. She needed to keep her distance, as she had been doing somewhat successfully for the last month and a half or so.

If she continued being so careless, she would crumble under the pressure. After all, she already felt the urge to return into his embrace. And nothing but pain and agony would come out of it, because what she wished for was a dream that could not be, a future snatched away for reasons unknown to her.

What had she ever done to deserve such a fate?

She took heavy breaths, getting her story straight.

In.

Nothing happened between them.

Out.

They only enjoyed a companionable sleep next to each other.

In.

They never hugged.

Out.

They never cuddled, instinctively seeking each other’s warmth.

In.

She was he.

Out.

Barely a second later, the stallion stirred, waking up.

“Elusive! Great news!” Butterscotch exclaimed, flying his way towards the white unicorn, deep into the maze of tents that was now Ponyville.

Elusive raised an inquisitive eyebrow. “Oh?”

“It’s Opal! She’s fine!" he said as he landed next to Elusive. Butterscotch took a small moment of respite before continuing. "I found her scavenging through my trash for something to eat. She’s a bit hungry, but none the worse to wear.”

“Oh, good!” Elusive exclaimed in relief. “I was terribly worried about her. Is she at your house right now?”

“Yes. Should I bring her over?”

The unicorn shook his head. “Oh, no. Opal dearest can be a bit… uhm… difficult.”

No need to tell him twice. Angel despised the cat’s guts, and the cat seemed to relish on the bunny’s fear and hate. That situation could only spell trouble.

In fact, it sort of was the reason why Butterscotch had flew as fast as possible to tell Elusive about his cat’s survival: he wanted her out of his home as soon as possible. She was most definitely not good with other animals, and only through The Stare was he capable of keeping her compliant... that is, for a couple of minutes before she relapsed into her nefarious ways.

“Oh,” the pegasus frowned, seeing his scheme foiled. “Are you sure?”

“Positive, my dear. Living in tents is stressful as it is. Having to deal with Opal on top of that would be a bit too much. Besides, surely you can keep her safe and sound in the meantime, right?”

“Uhm, yes. Yes I can,” Butterscotch nodded. Although I'd really rather not… “Is there anything else I could do for you?” he offered.

Elusive shook his head. “No, there’s no need to concern yourself. I may be homeless, but I’m no beggar.”

“But…”

“Besides, Captain Armor has been most attentive to our needs. Although he could really use a nap, the poor soul.”

“Are you sure?”

“Well, of course. The poor stallion has been working nonstop since his arrival.”

Butterscotch frowned. “Uhm, no. I meant, are you sure you don’t need anything? You could stay at my house until they repair the Boutique.”

“And sleep where? On the couch? That’s where Stormageddon sleeps. Yes, I know, I know,” Elusive added hastily before Butterscotch could protest, “he’s a very good boy, and remarkably well behaved. But that doesn’t change the fact that the couch is still occupied by a literal enormous eldritch abomination from another dimension, and I’d rather not sleep with him.”

“But he’s harmless!”

“Butterscotch, his mere existence haunts my nightmares.”

“You just need to get to know him…” Butterscotch mumbled, but decided against pressing the matter—normal ponies just wouldn’t get Stormy. He was a big soft fluffy boi on the inside, and that was all what mattered.

“Besides, I do have a roof over my head,” Elusive noted, pointing towards the drab green army tent behind him.

Butterscotch stared for a few seconds. “It’s…” He paused, thinking of the right word to say. “... nice.”

“‘Nice’? Butterscotch, you’re a dear, but please don’t insult my intelligence. Believe me, if I could, I’d have some serious words with whatever blind moron designed these tents,” Elusive huffed, staring in utter disdain at the dark green fabric. “They’re an affront against fashion! Against culture! Against civilisation itself! They make me want to gouge my eyes out with a spoon!” Butterscotch tilted his head. “At least they could emblazon the Princess’ cutie mark on it, for goodness sake!”

“... I guess?” The pegasus frowned. “But they’re just army tents, though. They’re not meant to be flashy.”

“Utilitarianism isn’t an excuse for mediocrity,” the white unicorn sentenced. “But seriously, do you know what really grinds my gears about this?” Butterscotch said nothing. He knew Elusive enough to know that once he started ranting, intervening would be pointless. “The other armies of Equestria use larger pavilions, always emblazoning the heraldry of their respective kingdom or overlord to the fabric! The Crown Army is the only armed force in the Empire that uses these… these abominations!”

“How do you know that?” Butterscotch asked curiously. He had never seen an army camp.

“Magazines, Butterscotch dearest.”

“There’s magazines about army tents?”

Elusive raised an eyebrow. “There’s magazines of just about everything in the face of the earth.”

“Right,” silly question. “But why are you reading them?”

“Oh, that’s an easy one. You see, if you want to be a successful fashion designer, you must create designs that appeal to the public, that resonates with their values, with their interests, with their own way of life! And believe me, nothing appeals to stallions quite as much as army uniforms and accessories. It would be rather irresponsible from my part to neglect a prospective market like that.” Elusive paused for a few seconds. “Also, the magazine is about military fashion, not just tents, so there’s that, too.”

With a shrug, Butterscotch conceded Elusive’s point. He had a couple books on historical battles and uniforms, the one birthday gift Zephyr Breeze had ever bothered to get him, and Butterscotch had to agree: army outfits were pretty cool.

“This, however, beggars belief,” Elusive continued, gesturing towards the tent behind him, “Why, if it were up to me, I’d burn this ghastly excuse of a shelter to the ground... but then the fire would probably spread to the next tent, and then to the next, and then I would have lost any moral authority over Sweetie Belle.”

Four full seconds of silence.

“... And you’d go to prison for arson,” the butter pegasus pointed out.

“Yes, there’s that too, isn’t it?” Elusive conceded with a small chuckle. “And I’d leave poor Sweetie Belle homeless for the second time in three days, so I guess I’ll just have to suck it up…” The stallion paused, rubbing his chin in thought. “Although she could stay at Sweet Apple Acres...”

“With Apple Bloom and Scootaloo.” Butterscotch needn’t say anything else.

“Touché.” Elusive sighed dramatically. “There’s just no way to win.” Both stallions chuckled lightly. “Say, have you gone see Applejack and Twilight today?”

“Oh. Yes. They’re…” Butterscotch pursed his lips. “Okay, I guess.”

“She hasn’t left Applejack’s bedside in over a whole day. She must be worried sick.”

“Twilight looks like she’s doing fine.”

“Looking like something and being something are two completely different things.”

That much was true. Indeed, Butterscotch had noticed how, whenever there were visits, Twilight cheerfully engaged with them like nothing was wrong, but her eyes always took on a sad glaze when she thought no pony was paying attention to her. He had also taken note of the small pile of books lying by her chair’s legs.

“Applejack should have awoken by now,” the pegasus said softly. “For him to still be unconscious… It isn’t normal.”

“It’s nothing to worry about, really. I asked the doctor earlier today, and he told me they’re deliberately keeping him sedated. They will wake him up when they deem it appropriate.”

“Oh.” That made sense. I guess.

“It’s for his own good, you see. His body is not in any condition to go beyond his own bed, and, well, you know just how self-destructively stubborn our boy can be.” Indeed, Butterscotch agreed. If he wasn’t, this would never have happened. “He needs to rest, and keeping him asleep is the best way to get him to do so. Besides, I think they want to move him into Ponyville General before they wake him up.”

He tilted his head in confusion. “Move him into the hospital? But why? If he’s okay…”

“I think it has to do with the facilities. There’s only so much you can get done in an army tent with a stallion who broke his legs.” There was a beat. “And ribs. And shoulder. And—”

“I get it.” Butterscotch sighed tiredly. “This is awful.”

“Yes, it is.”

“We should have stopped Applejack,” he muttered.

“We could have tried,” Elusive conceded. “And we would have most likely lost.”

“But we could have bought time… We could have delayed him enough…”

“Butterscotch, listen to me.” The white unicorn placed a hoof on the pegasus’ shoulder and squeezed. “Don’t do this to yourself. Don’t torture yourself with ‘what ifs’. It’s pointless,” Elusive let out a heavy sigh. If he still had his moustache, it would be quivering. “He is who he is. We can’t stop him from making mistakes. But we can help him overcome them and come out victorious. It’s the least we can do for our friend.”

Butterscotch pursed his lips in thought, then nodded.

“You’re right.”

“My dear, I know I’m right,” Elusive smirked smugly. “Say, would you want to join me for lunch? I know the soup-kitchens aren’t Clover Café, but…” Clover Café is in ruins, yep.

“That’d be great, Elusive.”

Mere moments later, both stallions were staring with undisguised disgust at the revolting, pestilent greenish paste that was being served at the soup-kitchen.

The cook was wearing an ominous looking canvas hood that covered their entire face, with round glass eyepieces and a tin can under the chin.

There was no queue.

Butterscotch blinked.

The twisted, corroded remains of a skull floated up to the paste’s surface. What poor Celestia-forsaken creature it had once belonged to, Butterscotch couldn’t tell.

The stallions shared a terrified glance.

“Your place?”

The pegasus nodded, and without missing a beat, they turned tail and left.

Apple Bloom knew just how fortunate she was to lay on her own mattress.

Sweet Apple Acres, along with the other farms, had been among the few survivors of the Ursa’s rampage through Ponyville, being so out of the way harm never came close to it.

Meanwhile, everypony was sleeping in army cots, living in tents. From the richest of the rich to the poorest of the poor, they were all in the same sinking ship now.

What good did all their money do for the Rich family when the Ursa destroyed their house, and they were forced to go without a roof like anypony else?

So much for being 'special'.

Usually, the thought of Diamond Tiara being miserable while Apple Bloom herself was perfectly fine would be enough to lull the farmfilly deep into happy, amenable dreams.

Yet, for the second consecutive night, she found herself unable to sleep.

She rolled and tossed and turned, spilling her covers on the floor, staring blankly at the roof of her bedroom. Her body was tired and exhausted, but sleep never came to meet her.

Because she was most definitely not perfectly fine.

Her hometown had been razed to the ground to an extent which she could have never imagined. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were living in tents, homeless and miserable, and there was nothing she could do to help them, to ease their suffering, as even an army tent was preferable to their shoddy, unrepaired barn, filled to the brim with scraps and garbage and rusty equipment and Celestia knew what else.

And then there was Applejack.

At nine years of life, Apple Bloom knew death and loss far more intimately than most ponies her age.

Her parents had passed away long before their time, almost three years ago. Despite Granny Smith and her elder brothers’ best efforts to step up and take care of the little filly’s upbringing, they had left behind a hole that could never be filled. An open wound that refused to scar, that still oozed fresh blood at the slightest nudge.

And now it felt like somepony was reaching into it, tearing it apart further with their bare hooves.

“Mr. Applejack is going to be fine,” a nondescript medic had told them with a cold, dispassionate voice. “We’re taking every precaution so his recovery can be as speedy as possible.”

It did nothing to assuage her nerves and fears. She had no reason to trust the robed stranger and his detached manner, with eyes that never met their own.

After all, they had told them the same thing back then, too. That her parents would be alright, that their sickness would take a turn for the better and soon enough they’d be home with her.

Yet that had turned out to be a lie. They never recovered, and were now dead and buried, deep in the orchard, alongside the paternal grandfather she had never met.

Of her mother’s family, she knew nothing. They might as well be all dead, too.

If Applejack was as fine as the medics kept repeating, then why hadn’t he woken up already? It just didn’t make any sense to her. They didn’t try explaining it, either. The medics just walked from here to there, barely giving them a minute of their time before turning tail and leaving from where they came from.

Were they actually taking care of Applejack at all? Were they even trying? Or had they just let him to die, deeming him a waste of time and effort, a necessary sacrifice for the greater good? After all, what was the good of one pony, when compared to the good of an entire town?

It was beyond stupid.

Buildings could be rebuilt anytime. But losing a brother… Those were wounds that not even time would ever heal.

Each day would feel like a dagger to her heart when Applejack’s room remained empty. When only three ponies sat at the table for dinner. The old hat hanging on the rack with nopony to wear it, a permanent reminder of what they had lost.

She didn’t want to lose him. She didn’t want him to join their parents in their resting place.

She wanted, no, needed him by her side. To cheer her every step along the way. To give her sage advice whenever she required it, to lift her up when she was feeling down. To be proud of her when she finally earned her cutie mark. Heck, even to lord her over with no other argument than ‘Ah’m yer big brother’.

She couldn’t care any less about Ponyville and about the Royal Guard’s priorities.

She needed her big brother.

He was all that mattered.

Apple Bloom sighed miserably, sinking her face into her pillow.

Yep. Just as she suspected, she wasn’t sleeping tonight, either.

She sat up in her bed, holding her head in her forehooves, a deep frown on her face. She didn’t want to dwell on Applejack. She didn’t want to think about her parents. About the maternal family she never met.

Staying in bed wouldn’t do.

Softly, careful to not make any noise, Apple Bloom sneaked out of her bedroom. She shot a glance further down the corridor. Heavy snoring came out from Granny Smith’s room, while a small, dim light came from Big Mac’s. Her eldest brother, as worried into insomnia as herself, was probably reading or drawing or something to keep his head occupied.

With tiny foal steps, Apple Bloom came down the stairs, opened the door, and stepped into the night.

A small chill creeped up on her as she closed the door behind her, but she paid no mind, her gaze attracted to the sky above.

Thousands upon millions of stars lit up the beautiful night sky. The moon shone bright, allowing the filly to see in the dark.

An’ to think this coulda’ lasted forever if Applejack hadn’t stopped the Night King, Apple Bloom thought. It wouldn’t be so bad. It’s beautiful.

Except for the whole ‘slavery’ part. That would probably suck. Even that was a bit too much for her own ambitions of world-domination. After all, what she had in mind was to protect ponykind and usher a new age of prosperity, like it whispered to her that she could. She wouldn’t build it on the back of slaves. She was better than that.

Trying to keep her mind clear, Apple Bloom just roamed aimlessly into the orchard, her eyes and thoughts fixated on the twinkling stars. She passed countless apple trees, the sounds of nature all around her.

Ah should do this more often, the filly mused. The darkness of night, the shining of faraway stars, the light of the moon bathing the orchard… It was perfect. Despite being alone, she didn’t feel like it.

Something on the corner of her eye caught her attention.

Built on top of a thick tree trunk was a small wooden house. It had certainly seen better days. The windows were cracked and broken, door barely holding on the hinge. The peach paint was peeling off the wooden tables, and in all honesty, Apple Bloom felt that if she blew on it, the house would collapse in on itself, then explode for good measure.

She could barely remember it existed, so out of the way and secluded the clubhouse was. Apple Bloom did recall Applejack and Carrot Top going deep into the orchard from time to time. Now it made sense that her father always told them to be careful when they did so; the clubhouse was a deathtrap!

Now, what did ‘Ah don’t want no grandkids’ got to do with anything, she hadn’t the faintest. But it’s not like it mattered. Applejack and Carrot Top were a thing of the past, just like her father.

The clubhouse, however…

Perhaps it could still have a future.

After all, every supervillain worth their apples has a secret lair, right? It just needed some TLC.

Thousands of ideas came to Apple Bloom’s head, and with her mind set, she ran towards the barn.

After all, if she wasn’t going to sleep that night, she might as well do something productive, right?

According to schedule, the military council reconvened early in the morning.

It was certainly a more relaxed affair than the previous councils. Each of the officers was leisurely eating breakfast and, for the first time since their arrival, well rested.

The breakneck pace at which they had worked for the last two days and nights was no longer necessary, as the Ursa had been relocated far away, and crucial infrastructure such as the train station and the sewers brought back into service.

Their most urgent tasks now settled, the situation stabilised and reconstruction was now starting to move on a steady pace. If maintained, they would achieve their goal of getting the town up and running within two weeks. After all, it was barely Wednesday, and they were already done with the basic infrastructure.

They could finally give themselves the luxury of sleeping through the night.

And as Shining Armor placed his own cup of coffee on the desk and looked at the three other officers, he couldn’t overstate just how much they all needed it.

For starters, Morning Star wasn’t keeling over the desk with a head-splitting migraine, or barely kept together by Ippokrátis mixture of painkillers and stamina shots. A well deserved day and night of rest had done miracles for the First Lieutenant, who was contently drinking a cup of tea, and stealing Ippokrátis’ biscuits when the Surgeon-Major was distracted going through his notes.

Eóburgh raised an eyebrow towards Morning Star, who smiled sheepishly as she munched on her stolen cookies. Ippokrátis glanced upwards from his notepad, only to frown as he noticed his plate lacking several biscuits.

Discipline Schmiscipline, Shining snorted internally. While he placed great value on the chain of command, he thought that formality was overrated. The Royal Guard were a band of brothers and sisters in arms. Slavish obedience and adherence to protocol would do them far more harm than good. He'd rather be trusted by his subordinates than blindly obeyed just because he outranked them. And being at ease was one of the best ways of developing said trust.

But still, they had a job to do. Perhaps on their return to Canterlot they could go down to Joe’s and grab some donuts. Now, though...

“Anything to report?” Shining Armor asked openly, leaning back on his chair.

As he expected, Ippokrátis took the word. “Yes, Captain. I'm pleased to inform you that a small but instrumental portion of Ponyville General’s installations are ready to resume operations. We've already started moving the bedridden patients" – ‘patient’, really; the plural was redundant – "into the reconstructed rooms, as well as restoring the former staff to their previous functions.”

“How’s their morale?” Shining inquired.

“Mixed, but mostly positive.”

“‘Mixed’?” Morning Star intervened with a quizzical twist. “I thought they’d be eager to get back to work.”

“Some certainly are,” Ippokrátis conceded good-naturedly. “But you must understand, they’re all in the same boat as the rest of Ponyville. Some ponies deal with it better than others. Nurse Redheart jumped at the call and is already taking charge of the situation, but the receptionist, I believe, is currently having an emotional breakdown in her tent.”

“That sucks,” the mage quipped, munching down on another of Ippokrátis’ biscuits. When the elderly stallion scowled at her, she only grinned toothily at him.

Rolling his eyes in amusement, Shining turned his glance towards Eóburgh.

“How are things on your front, Lieutenant General?”

“Smooth. With supply lines with Canterlot reestablished, we’ve been able to import materials and resources from the Free Cities to help with your, er, ‘pet project’.” Eóburgh then frowned. “Permission to speak freely, sir?”

“Always, Lieutenant.”

“Why?” The Trottish mare tilted her head. “It feels… hmmm... unnecessary? Redundant? Your ideas are something straight out of the big cities, but I don’t see what use they could have here. Ponyville has no need for military fortifications, an expansion of the bureaucratic facilities or a complex sewer system. It’s just a small hamlet.”

Shining Armor nodded. “You’re right on all accounts.” He allowed himself to wait for Eóburgh’s perplexed blink before continuing. “Ponyville is just a small hamlet. But it’s also an extremely well placed one: it has access to vast natural riches, and its position as Canterlot’s gateway from the south and the east makes it a potential centre of trade. And so it has been since the town was first established, but previous mayors lacked the ambition to take advantage of it.”

“I think I see where you’re going,” Morning Star nodded in thought. “Well exploited and administered, Ponyville could become the third richest city in all of Equestria Proper within mere decades.”

Shining Armor grinned. “Exactly. Ponyville has already seen a steady influx of trade from the south and the east, and a few freelancers are profiting from Ponyville’s unique resources, like the Zap Apples. The winds of change are already blowing in this direction. It’s inevitable. What’s not inevitable, however, is Ponyville becoming a haven of poverty, inequality and squalor like Lenden or Poulis... or worse.”

Brought forth by the advances in technology, industry and commerce, inequality was slowly but surely growing all across Equestria, like an insidious cancer that threatened to choke its development and prosperity. Lenden and the Rheur were the two examples by excellence, but even they paled in comparison to what was going up in Russaria.

The situation of poverty in St. Pyotrysburg and Moskon’ was so dire that they were facing a veritable exodus of desolate and hungry ponies from the cities into the harsh and unforgiving Russarian wilderness to set up their own towns, promoting egalitarian ideas that only further destabilised the kingdom’s fragile social pact.

It didn’t help matters that most of these new towns were rather… radical in their ideological approach.

Shining crossed his hooves, and declared: “I don’t want that. In fact, I believe this is our chance to set things straight before they ever have the chance of getting twisted. That’s my ‘pet project’, Lieutenant General: I want to set the stage for a sustainable growth that benefits everypony in town.”

"That's all well and great, Captain," Morning Star snorted. “but I bet my cutie mark that sleazy merchant is going to find a way to hijack your project for his own profit.”

“Eínai skétos malákas,” Ippokrátis muttered.

“I swear, if he tries to buy a seat at this table once more, I…” the unicorn shook her head in disbelief. “I cannot be held accountable for what I’ll do to him.”

“I do wonder...” Eóburgh mused, rubbing her chin in thought. “Can we accuse him of obstructing the Royal Guard’s duties and throw him in the dungeons until we’re done here? Is that, like, a thing?”

I could make it a thing, Shining Armor internally agreed with both mares.

In all honesty, Filthy Rich himself was a rather agreeable fellow, but his constant maneuvers and underhoofed attempts to take control of the power vacuum left behind by Mayor Mare’s resignation were starting to veer into legally questionable territory… and annoy every single one of the ponies that were currently in charge of law and order.

Which was a rather unfortunate thing for Filthy Rich.

“I’ll issue him a cease-and-desist warning,” Shining Armor eventually decided. “If he still decides to continue on his folly, it’s on his head.”

“So it is a thing,” Eóburgh smirked at him.

“An obscure, mostly-forgotten legal leftover from previous centuries, but yes.”

“Awesome,” Morning Star hoof pumped.

“Don’t get too excited,” Shining warned the mage. “It’s only if he ignores my warning.”

“Dreaming is free, Captain,” she muttered.

“And in case that little bourgeois wasn’t bad enough, his brat is a bloody nightmare,” Eóburgh shivered. “Makes me glad I never had children.”

“There’s still time,” Morning Star pointed out.

The Chief Royal Engineer snorted. “Aye, and you really think I want children after meeting that sorry excuse of a filly?”

“Touché.”

Donut Joe’s it is, Shining Armor decided, as the mares’ conversation devolved into mocking impressions of Diamond Tiara’s outlandish and ridiculous demands. Perhaps they did need some quality time to loosen up and relax.

For now, though, they had a town to rebuild.

Ugh…

Mah head...

Slowly, Applejack started opening his eyes, stinging and dry. Everything burned a deaf pain.

Everything around himself was white, the light burning his eyes and making him recoil. A purple pony was to his right, but whether sitting or standing, he couldn’t tell.

Their figure was too blurry to make out exactly who it was… But Applejack knew no other purple pony.

“Missy…?” Applejack groaned weakly. “Is that you?”

Whatever answer he expected, it most definitely was not a mighty slap across his face, followed by the purple blob hugging him fiercely.

“What the—!” he gasped, suddenly awake.

“Don’t you EVER do that again,” Twilight muttered, her mouth next to his ear. “Do you listen to me? If I tell you to do something, you damn well do what I tell you to do. Are we clear?”

“Ah’m…” Extremely confused?! What the hay is goin’ on?!

“Are. We. Clear?” Twilight’s voice was sharp as a knife. And pointed right at his yugular.

“Ye-yes, ma’am!” Applejack squeaked, unmanned in fear.

“Good.” She didn’t let go of him, though.

Applejack took the opportunity to look around, blinking furiously to stave off the stinging dryness of his eyes. White walls. White roof. Twilight sat upon piles of books.

“Where am Ah?”

“Ponyville General,” Twilight replied, finally letting go of him. He immediately missed her touch.

“It survived the Ursa attack?”

“Nothing did. It’s already rebuilt. Most of it, anyways.”

Applejack rubbed his head, processing Twilight’s words. For the hospital to be rebuilt already... “How long Ah’ve been out of it?”

“Five days, thirteen hours and seventeen minutes with forty three seconds.”

Applejack blinked, utterly caught off guard. “What?!” How could he be unconscious for so long?! He had lost the whole week! And most importantly, how the hay did Twilight know down to the exact second just how much time had passed? “Bu-but how?!”

“Induced coma. The Surgeon-Major thought it was the best way to speed up your recovery.”

Twilight wouldn’t admit it, but it had been her suggestion in the first place. A dreadful sense of guilt had gnawed at her for days, but she knew it to be necessary: Applejack was far too stubborn for his own good, and she would not take any chances with his health.

“What? But Ah’m not—” Applejack scowled, his mind set. “Actually, Y’know what, no, screw that.” Removing the covers of his bed with clumsy kicks, he leaned to his left, trying to stand up from his bed, only to realise both of his hind legs were splinted. "The hay with these damn splints?" He groaned in frustration, clumsily trying to undo the bandages.

“Applejack, stop!” Twilight exclaimed, immediately stopping him with her magic.

“Missy, let me go!” he grunted as he struggled with the purple aura keeping him in place. “Ah’m fine!”

“You’re not! You’re really not!” Twilight cried.

“Ah know mah own limits, missy, and Ah'm tellin' ya that Ah'm fine!" The orange stallion insisted stubbornly.

"You almost died, Applejack!"

"It was just a scratch! Now lemme’ go!"

"It was far worse than a scratch!"

"Oh, are ya a doctor now?"

"Applejack, I swear to Celestia, if you don't stop and lie down this instant I will shove your hat right up your—!"

The door suddenly opened. Both ponies froze on the spot, eyes wide.

"What is going on in he—? Oh," a sky blue unicorn medic stopped as soon as she caught sight of the scene unfolding inside the room. She blinked. "Miss Sparkle, if you would be so kind…?"

Twilight immediately shut her magic off. Applejack dropped like a ragdoll, wincing in pain when his limp limbs made impact with his mattress.

A small glance was shared between stallion and mare.

Why did you do that? That hurt like hell! Applejack scowled.

Of course it was going to hurt, you idiot! Twilight rolled her eyes. That's what I've been trying to tell you!

You made it hurt more on purpose, though! The green eyes increpated her.

Pray tell, how? She raised an skeptical eyebrow.

The hell do Ah know! Ah bet ya used yar fancy shmancy magic!

Magic doesn't work that way!

Neither do mattresses! They're supposed to be soft and comfy and embrace ya when ya throw yerself on 'em, not hurt like a buck to yer face!

What part of 'you're not fine' are you physically unable to comprehend?!

It was a very eloquent glance.

"Uhm…" the medic hesitated. "Am I… interrupting something?"

"No, miss," Twilight venomously declared, without backing down from the burning stare-off she was having with Applejack. Voice oozing acid, she added: "Why, you're just in time! Mr. Applejack here insists he's just fine."

"But he's not," the medic instantly blurted out, taken aback by the whole situation she had just waddled into.

"Yeah, well, try telling him that," she grumbled, crossing her hooves.

"You're not," the medic promptly turned to Applejack. "Fine, I mean.”

“But…” the orange stallion blurted. “It’s not that bad, Ah swear!”

“Applejack, let me be frank with you. That is for us to decide. Yes, you're on the mend, but I have to categorically stress that you are not fine. Your muscles are in an extremely fragile state right now. If you do any sort of physical exertion, you run the risk of tearing them apart, and worsen your condition."

The stallion’s eyes widened in horror. “Wait, wait wait wait! No exercise?!”

The medic nodded grimly. “At all.”

“Bu-bu-but it’s almost harvestin’ season!!” Applejack spluttered. “We need the money! We can’t afford bein’ down one pony! Ah need to be able to do mah job!”

Twilight’s anger vanished instantly, replaced by apprehension. Oh, she flinched, recalling how Applejack had told her the farm was on a rough spot when it came to money. Sweet Apple Acres’ financial woes had gotten to the point that their farmhoof’s death a while back had actually been a good thing, as they couldn’t keep affording his pay. Having Applejack, quite literally half their workforce, out of commission as harvesting season approached was the last thing Sweet Apple Acres needed. This isn’t good...

“I’m sorry sir, but you cannot exert yourself and that’s final. If you’re short on funds, you can always apply for a loan at the Royal Bank.”

It was true that Twilight wasn’t an expert on these matters… But even she knew that was a terrible idea. The Royal Bank knew no boundaries and had no qualms when the time came to collect what you owed to them. If you were unable to pay back, everything you owned was as good as forfeit. And with their sky-high interest rates, one would suspect that was their intention.

Applejack shook his head vehemently. “No, no no, Ah can’t do that! Please, can’t ya use yer magic to speed things up?” the stallion pleaded, throwing all dignity through the window.

“We’ve already done all that we can. Now you just have to let time take its due course.”

“Please, please, please! Ah’m beggin’ ya!”

“Applejack,” the medic’s eyes hardened. “No.”

Applejack didn’t listen to her. Instead, he jumped out of the bed so swiftly that Twilight was unable to intervene.

As soon as Applejack’s weakened and splinted back legs touched the ground, they buckled under his weight, unable to support him. With a cry of pain, the stallion fell forward, crumbling on the floor obstreperously.

“Gah!” Applejack groaned, finding himself out of breath from the force of the impact. In a flash, Twilight was by his side, helping him back to his bed. He didn’t offer resistance, refusing to meet her eyes.

“You can barely stand, sir,” the medic stated, with no sympathy in her voice. Only the coldness of professionalism. “Magic will only get you so far with injuries as serious as yours. You must remain in bed.”

“But…” Applejack began.

“But nothing,” she snapped, clearly done with Applejack’s stubbornness. “If you refuse to heed our advice, we’ll be forced to sedate you again until your body recovers. It’s your call, sir.”

Applejack didn’t answer. He didn’t meet the doctor’s eyes. He only stared blankly at his splinted legs.

The medic pursed her lips. “Good. Now, if you’ll excuse me,” she said, then turned around and left, closing the door behind her.

After a moment of silence, Applejack muttered, “Ah feel like such an idiot…”

Well, you should, Twilight internally agreed. “It wasn’t your brightest moment, no,” she said politely, unable to keep the edge out of her voice. “But why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you come back?” Twilight asked, fighting to keep control over her temper.

Oh, she was over the moon about the fact that he was alive and on the road to a full (if not immediate) recovery. That didn’t mean she wasn’t still extremely angry with him for being such a monumental moron she didn’t even know where to start.

“Ah don’t know. Ah wasn’t thinkin’ straight, Ah guess. Gettin’ yer home threatened by an Ursa can do that to ponies,” Applejack scratched the back of his neck, awkwardly, averting her gaze. “Ah just… Ah don’t know… Ah felt so powerless, just waitin’ and doin’ nothin’. Ah didn’t know what was goin’ on. Ah didn’t know if ya guys were… Well…”

There was a moment of silence in which neither said anything. A tense, uncomfortable silence that just seemed to stretch endlessly.

“In the end, Ah just… Had to do somethin’,” the stallion said lamely after what seemed like years.

Twilight shook her head softly. “You almost got yourself killed, Applejack.”

Applejack winced. “Ah know. Ah was bein’ an idiot. Ah’m sorry.”

“‘Sorry’ doesn’t cut it,” Twilight retorted. “What if you died?”

“But Ah didn’t.”

“But what if?” she insisted. “Don’t you see? You got lucky! The Ursa wasn’t actively trying to kill you! Otherwise, it would have stomped you or slashed at you or worse! And that would have been it, Applejack! There would have been nothing we could have done! Not even the best medics in Canterlot could have helped you then. You’d be dead!”

“Ah don’t care about me,” Applejack said simply. “Ah really don’t.”

“But we do.” Twilight felt a knot tightening in her throat, but she pushed on. “What about those you would leave behind? How do you think Big Mac and Apple Bloom would feel if you had died? Granny Smith, losing her own grandson? How do you think we’d take it, huh? Phil? Butterscotch? Elusive? Blitz? Me?” Twilight breathed out. “You’re my best friend, Applejack. I don’t want to lose you.”

Her words struck Applejack like a slap to the face. He looked down to his hooves pensively.

“Thing is...” he eventually sighed. “Ah’ve… Ah’ve already lost too many people. An’ heaven knows it doesn’t get any easier when ya have to live on with the loss and the pain. It rots ya. Feelin’... Knowin’ ya could have done somethin’. That ya could’ve made a difference.” He sniffed. “Ah don’t want to lose anypony else…” he croaked, with the weakest voice she had ever heard from him. “Ah don’t want to lose you… Ah— Ah can’t. Ah just can’t.” He closed his eyes in pain. “Ah know ya told me to stay out of it. Ah know why. Ah knew it was a terrible idea, an’ that Ah could’ve died.”

“Then why did you?”

“Because even then, Ah’d rather take mah chances with death than stand idle when those Ah love are in danger.”

Love.

“Is… Is that what I am to you?” Twilight’s mouth was dry. “Somepony you love?”

Applejack flinched, looking at her with wide eyes. “Wha— No, that’s not what Ah meant,” he hurriedly scattered to explain. “Ah meant like, mah family, mah friends…” Interrupting himself, Applejack sighed deeply, shaking his head. “No. No, that was not it. You’re right. Ah can’t… Ah can’t lie to ya. Ah don’t want to lie to ya.”

He took a deep breath. “Ah… Ah don’t know if ‘love’ is the right word. Maybe it is.” He chuckled mirthlessly. “Oh, what Ah’m Ah sayin’. Of course it is. How couldn’t it be? You’re amazin’. You’re kind. You’re a genius. You’re beautiful. You’re the best pony Ah’ve ever had the fortune of meetin’. Ah know Ah shouldn’t say so, but Ah’m glad the Night King tried to take over the world, because otherwise Ah’d never have met ya.” He paused for a moment. “How? How Ah’m Ah supposed to not fall in love with ya?”

Twilight flinched slightly. Applejack noticed, and shook his head softly. “And… And Ah’m under no impressions of the opposite bein’ true. After all, what do Ah have to offer to ya? Nothin’. Ah can’t do nothin’ right. Mah farm is on the rocks. And Ah’m just a stupid, hard-headed fool who almost got himself killed fer a love that’s not reciprocated.”

Twilight didn’t answer for a moment. She was too busy trying to make sense of the maelstrom within her head and her heart.

She knew she shouldn’t be surprised by his confession, and yet she was.

Weeks ago, when she had received the two tickets by accident, and teased Applejack into thinking it was a date, he had eagerly jumped on the offer. How could she been so blind? How hadn’t she realised right then and there the feelings that he nurtured in his heart?

Just how oblivious could she be? His stubborn protectiveness, that had led him to face off against a dragon on her place, or to always be the first one to jump to the call when she was in need of aid.

After all, what do Ah have to offer to ya? Nothin’. Ah can’t do nothin’ right.

Heck, even his condescension made sense now. He ached for her admiration, yet he felt himself unworthy of it. He wished for nothing else but to impress her, yet all he could manage was get his flank handed out to him.

Twilight was deeply touched by Applejack’s words, that much was undeniable. But… But she didn’t feel like she could prove him wrong.

She didn’t even know what her feelings about him were. Was it love? Was it just friendship? Where did one end and the other began?

Twilight knew many things. She knew about magic and astronomy, chemistry and mathematics, history and sociology. She had read countless books, easily understanding and learning what they had to offer.

But she knew nothing about love.

“There’s nothing to learn about love itself,” Cadence had told her once, after they had read a romantic tale before bedtime.

“Then how do you know when you’re in love?” filly Twilight had frowned, snuggling under her covers.

The pink pegasus had chuckled. “You just do. It’s a wonderful feeling, but I can’t explain it to you.”

“Why not?” she pouted.

“It’s something you have to experience for yourself, Twily,” Cadence said with a smile. “When the moment comes, you’ll know. Trust me.”

This wasn’t it.

Applejack, she held dearest to her heart.

But she didn’t love him.

Not in the way he loved her.

Her mind set, she leaned over towards him, and placed a soft kiss on his forehead.

“Applejack…” Twilight began. “Do you know you’re my very first friend?” The stallion shook his head slowly. “It’s true. I’ve never had friends. Not… Not real ones, for that matter. Just ponies I more or less got along with, but nothing else. I… I didn’t know anything about friendship. And I still have so much to learn about it. But you,” she placed her hoof squarely in his chest, “have already taught me what friendship could be. And it’s the most wonderful thing in the world.”

Twilight pursed her lips, before smiling weakly. “Maybe… Maybe one day you could teach me what love could be, too. Just… Not now. I’m not… I’m not ready for that sort of thing. Maybe one day. Who knows?” she chuckled softly. “The future isn’t set on stone.”

Applejack nodded gingerly. “Right,” he croaked, his voice thick. “Ah get it. It’s yer choice, after all. Ah’ll respect it, even if...” he trailed off, but Twilight knew very well what was left unsaid: ‘even if it breaks mah heart’.

“I know. Thank you, Applejack,” she hugged him tightly. After a moment, he gingerly hugged back. “For always being there for me… even when I tell you otherwise.”

Applejack winced. “You’re not… angry about that, right?”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong,” Twilight broke off the hug. “If you do something like that ever again, I’m absolutely going to kill you.”

“Ah’m just tryin’ to...”

“I know, and I appreciate it. Really, I do,” she smiled at him. “But you have to trust me on these sort of things. I’m Princess Celestia’s personal protégé. I think it’s fair to say I can take care of myself.”

“Ah’ll still be there fer ya if ya need me. Ya know Ah will.”

“I’m not telling you to go away.” I don’t want you to. “I’m just asking you to trust I know what I’m doing when I ask you to stand back. Can you do that, Applejack?”

He nodded firmly despite himself, eyes shining with unshed tears. “Of course, Missy.”

“‘Twilight’. You don’t have to call me ‘Missy’. Just ‘Twilight’,” she smiled softly.

“Alright,” Applejack smiled back. “Twilight.”

Author's Note

At times, even if things don’t pan out as you wished, the destination turns out to be the same you were searching for.

A further explanation of how that happened, alongside an explanation of our writing method, is written in the first comment, because it’s over a whole page in docs, and I don’t fancy an enormous author note for this particular chapter.

Chapter 12: Respite

Artemis lowered the parchment on which Twilight’s newest friendship (or rather, relationship) report was written, a quizzical eyebrow raised. “Pray tell me, sister dearest. Doth this be what thou call ‘friendzone’?”

“Oh yeah,” Celestia snickered like a filly. “Absolutely.”

“Ooof,” he said with a sympathetic flinch. “Big F.”

A moment of silence, followed by a heavy, long-suffering sigh.

“I know you need to learn Modern Equestrian, but I could really do without you saying that Me-forsaken letter over and over again in the least appropriate moments.”

There was a beat.

“... F.”

“I mean it! I can’t have you making such faux-passes!”

“Me? Faux-passes? Preposterous! My behaviour earlier today has been most impeccable and the very epitome of diplomacy!”

“The Kaiser was grieving! And you mocked him with a stupid meme!”

“I most categorically did not mock him!”

“He had just lost his beloved mother! We were there to pay respects!”

“Well aware, I am!”

“Good, good! And what do you say when paying your respects to a late pony?”

“F!”

“NO YOU DON’T! For the Allfather’s sake, Artemis! Are you aware of how much of a headache is that going to be down the line for our relationship with Herdmany for at least the next two generations? Willeschutz won’t forget this for as long as he lives, and we’ll be lucky if his daughter decides to forgive that you mocked her grandmother at her funeral! And if it wasn’t enough, we’ve got the Gala coming up in a few months…”

There was a beat.

Artemis raised his right forehoof, and put it down on Celestia’s shoulder in sympathy.

There was another beat.

“F,” he solemnly said.

“... I hate you so much, Moonbutt.”

Twilight Sparkle had never seen the Royal Engineers in action. There hadn’t ever been any need for them in either Canterlot or Ponyville, as they were only deployed to deal with natural disasters or to aid military campaigns on foreign lands. Indeed, most ponies were virtually unaware of the existence of the corps in the first place.

Still, for those that knew, their feats were almost the stuff of legends: the circumvallation and contravallation of the siege of Xlev, the bridge across the Rêne, the causeway during the siege of the island citadel of Ṣ’urf, the sea forts of Kallípony, or The Wall, among countless other structures that had shaped pony history.

Yet, Twilight couldn’t help but feel they all fell short when compared to the reconstruction of Ponyville.

A bold statement if there ever was one, but the thing is, all of the aforementioned wonders of engineering were built for and during warfare, rough structures that were either abandoned after their use or maintained and perfected during decades and centuries. They were not built overnight in their final form.

Yet, that was almost exactly what they had done with Ponyville.

Well, not truly overnight, but when you kept in mind that the Ursa’s rampage had happened barely under three weeks ago, the fact that they were already able to resettle ponies in their rebuilt homes was nothing short of astonishing.

“I told you my boys were the best at their jobs,” Shining smirked when he saw her wide eyes, walking alongside her down the street.

Twilight shook her head. “It’s not that I didn’t believe you, it’s just that…” she blinked repeatedly in disbelief, as if the rebuilt town was a mirage that would vanish from one blink to the other. It was all too surreal, for Ponyville to actually exist. “Wow.”

“Yeah, we get that a lot,” the Captain smugly replied. “You should have seen the look on the Neightalians' faces during the siege of Spárhrad. I swear, if the Royal Guard hadn’t gotten involved, the siege would still be going on.”

“That was three years ago,” Twilight pointed out, perplexed.

She remembered it all too well, because it had been the first time Shining was deployed to a theatre beyond Equestria’s own borders. And if that wasn’t bad enough, he had been dropped right into the war-torn eastern coast of Griffonia. And so she had been overcome with anxiety (to the point her grades took an unprecedented fall from A+++ to A++!), until he came back a few months later, tanned by the sun and weathered by the desert, but none the worse to wear.

“I cannot stress enough just how terrible the Neightalian army is,” her big brother facehoofed, his voice oozing contempt. “We even had instances of friendly fire because the soldiers were too drunk to tell the difference between a pony and a griffon. Can’t even make decent latrines...”

“That… actually explains a lot,” Twilight conceded, a pensive frown on her face. Neightalia’s status as one of Equestria’s main constituent kingdoms was one more given out of deference for its rich cultural heritage than anything else. It certainly wasn’t because of their military prowess or industrial capacity, which were, frankly, Equestria’s laughing stock.

“Yeah. It’s an absolute miracle that we actually got anything accomplished there,” Shining sighed, with the tiniest hint of a shudder in his voice. He didn’t like talking about that particular deployment, and Twilight got the impression she now knew why. After a small moment of silence, her brother changed the topic. “Where’s Spike? I haven’t seen him since I got here.”

“Trust me, Shiny, not even I know what he’s been up to,” Twilight replied dryly. “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I haven’t been all that up to date with what’s been going on.” If she was not mistaken, he had been hanging out with Sweetie Belle and Elusive while she was glued to Applejack’s bedside. “Nothing burnt down, though, so I’d call it a win.”

“Fair enough,” Shining chuckled. Both siblings were well aware of Spike’s propensity of burning things down. After all, he was a dragon. “Well, there’s a reason your new house is fireproof. Every house, in fact,” he added as an afterthought.

Twilight turned around so fast she pulled her neck and saw stars dance in her sight. “I have a new house?!”

She didn’t dare believe it. After over a month (forty-nine days, as a matter of fact) of being homeless, of crashing at her friends’ places, of living in a drab army tent, she would finally get a house of her own? It was just too good to be true.

“Of course you do, Twily,” her elder brother smiled. “What, you thought I actually got any free time to just walk down the street with my lil’ sister?”

After a beat, Twilight shrugged. “I mean, maybe?”

Shining shook his head, laughing, and ruffled Twilight’s mane. “Ah, Twily. For being a certified genius, you’re such a doofus.”

“Hey!” She stuck her tongue at him.

“What? It’s true! Not only am I the Captain of the Royal Guard, but I’m also acting mayor of Ponyville! I’m swimming in mountains of overdue paperwork! How am I supposed to get any free time considering all the stuff I have to do?”

Well, touché. “How are the new elections coming along?”

“Awful,” Shining sighed. “Just awful. Besides, I’m lacking candidates. So far only Filthy Rich” – he spat the name, to Twilight’s surprise. What happened there? – “has placed a formal candidacy.” He sighed again, rubbing his eyes in a tired manner. “You don’t think any of your friends fancy throwing their hats on the ring?”

Twilight paused to think about it for a moment.

Butterscotch was a solid no. Politics were far too confrontational for him, and as a politician, he’d probably end up digging his own grave in a misguided attempt to accommodate for everypony’s demands, no matter how conflicting.

Neither was Rainbow Blitz the pony for the job. He despised politics, finding them boring. And Celestia forbid Rainbow Blitz find himself bored, especially if holding office.

Applejack would probably hold his own, but Twilight knew he didn’t have the patience to deal with all the politics and bureaucracy. And while his honesty and straightforward manner would be nothing short of heaven-sent for the denizens of Ponyville, he’d be utterly miserable.

As if he wasn’t enough already, she noted sadly.

And she refused to even consider how a Phil Pie-ran Ponyville would be.

Which left Elusive.

Hmmm...

“I think Elusive wouldn’t want to miss out on the chance of ruling his very own town,” Twilight said evenly. “And I think he’d be pretty decent at it, too.”

“Elusive… which one is him?”

“White coat, purple mane, has a moustache. Well, had a moustache.”

Shining frowned in thought. “Hey, I think I know who you’re talking about. By any chance, was his moustache replaced by an utterly destroyed upper lip?”

“Yeah, that’s him.”

“What happened?”

“Somepony turned his moustache into a bunch of maggots.”

Shining almost flinched. “That’s disgusting.”

“The pony who did that was also pretty disgusting,” Twilight couldn’t help but add with distaste, earning a curious look from her big brother, but he didn’t press on.

True, she couldn’t have defeated the Ursa without Trixie’s aid, but that didn’t mean she had to like the mare. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth: Twilight hated her guts in a way she hadn’t ever hated a pony before.

Good thing she left right away, Twilight grouched. Here’s hoping she never comes back.

“You think he’d make a good candidate?”

“Well, he is certainly clever and has a good head for politics and administration. Plus, he is the Bearer of the Element of Generosity, so corruption wouldn’t be a problem.”

“‘Element’ this, ‘Bearer’ that,” Shining Armor shook his head in exasperation. “You say those words as if I’m supposed to know what they mean.”

“Well, you should,” Twilight rebutted him.

Her brother rolled his eyes. “Well, I don’t,” he rebuked pointedly.

“And that’s why I’m our parents’ favourite and you’re not.”

“Aaaaand we’re here,” Shining drawled out forcefully, forcing Twilight to drop the topic as they came to a stop by a large three-story building, with a shining bronze placard that read Ponyville’s Library.

“I’m still living at the library?” Twilight raised an eyebrow, doing her best to keep her voice as neutral as possible, even if she felt her insides bubble with delight.

Shining raised his own in defiance. “What, you’re complaining?” He narrowed his eyes. “Who are you and what did you do to my little sister?”

“Of course I’m not complaining!” Twilight beamed. “This is amazing!”

Her big brother snorted a laugh. “Yeah, that’s more like it.”

Twilight’s smile died down a bit after she spent more time looking at her new home, though. On the outside, it didn’t seem like much out of the ordinary, aside from being slightly larger and featuring a small chimney rising out of the third floor. The foundations were made of stone, she noted, unlike the neighbouring houses that were simple wood and thatch.

A part of her missed the Golden Oak Library. As she had lived there for only three weeks before it went up in flames, it hadn’t been much of a home for her, but she had gotten quickly attached to its open interiors and the design that used the hollow tree it once had been to the greatest extent. It was charming, cozy and unique, and unlike any other building in Ponyville.

And while her new house was okay...

“It’s a bit… plain, isn’t it?” Twilight eventually said.

“What, do you prefer your tent?” Shining raised a bemused eyebrow.

“Oh Celestia, no! No no no! Don’t get me wrong, it’s great! It’s just that, well…” Twilight spared a glance towards the rest of the neighbourhood. Most of the other houses were pretty much the same as her new home, if smaller. “It’s a bit, hmm, ‘cookie-cutter’, I guess? You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I do. It’s not like we can rebuild Golden Oak. But y’know, I think this is as good as it gets.”

“Is it really?” Twilight asked skeptically. Golden Oak was a hollowed out tree. Kinda hard to compete with something like that.

Shining Armor smirked, then played his trump card. “The Princess designed it herself, so you tell me.”

“The Prince—! Get the hell out of my way,” she said robotically, already pushing past him to cross the door into her new home, leaving behind a laughing Shining Armor.

It was as if she had crossed the threshold into another dimension, for her house and library was anything but plain.

It wasn’t anywhere near as large as most of the more ancient and richer Canterlot libraries, but the open space by the centre around which a balconied second floor was built was tall and airy enough to make it look bigger than it was. The wooden bookshelves, with many intricate and beautiful designs carved into the wood, adorned the walls, leaving free the passing of any would-be visitor. Sunlight entered through rows of round stained windows located at the sides, not unlike the ones that lined the halls of the Royal Palace, and a chandelier hung from the ceiling, decorated with a large image of Princess Celestia’s cutie mark.

In the ground floor, in the center, a big round table stood with an empty pedestal by the middle, just begging to be the stand of a bust or ornament of some sort. Several small desks stood near the bookshelves, allowing a pony to sit down and read at their heart’s content without having to leave the library. An open door led to what from Twilight’s position seemed to be a kitchen, and a flight of stairs led both downstairs (most likely to a basement) and upstairs (to the upper levels).

The second floor, a balconied level consisting of mainly bookshelves and comfortable cushions for a more relaxed state of reading, had a small, unassuming door that led to another flight of stairs, at the top of which lay a large bedroom, not much unlike her old one at the Golden Oak Library.

What was very much different, however, was the presence of a large window, stained glass with the design of Twilight’s own cutie mark, that allowed Twilight to oversee anything that happened inside the library from the commodity of her room, yet gave her personal life privacy from prying eyes.

There were three more doors in her bedroom: the first led to a bathroom, the second to another, smaller bedroom, and the last one led upstairs to a small turret, so small that at first she had thought it a chimney, with a very comfortable-looking cushion and a large telescope, ideal for stargazing nights.

“So?” Shining Armor smirked as he caught up to her. Twilight was just staring, wide eyed and amazed.

So?

Twilight took a dry gulp, utterly unsure of what to say.

This was her new home.

“It’s…”

While many things were new and would take some getting used to, there seemed to be some deliberate resemblance to the design of the Golden Oak Library, striking the perfect balance between the novelty of the new home and the familiarity of the old one.

“It’s beautiful,” she breathed out. Designed by the Princess, indeed.

“She thought you’d say something like that,” Shining chuckled, then gestured towards the stairs that led down to her basement. “We’ve already moved the books in, but I told them to leave sorting them out to you.”

Twilight placed a hoof in her chest, touched. “Ah, Shiny, how well do you know me.”

“I’d be a pretty shitty big brother if I didn’t,” he ruffled her mane, earning a smile from his little sister. “Well, I think I should get going.”

“Right. Swimming in overdue paperwork.” Twilight said, as she followed him out through the main door.

“Yep,” Shining sighed.

“I could help you out,” she proposed.

Her brother shook his head. “Nah, I’ll live. I have coffee.”

She shrugged simply. “Eh, can’t say I didn’t offer.” After a moment, a light bulb lit in her head. “Hey, do you want to come to my Housewarming Party?”

Shining tilted his head in puzzlement. “You’re throwing a Housewarming Party? You? Twilight Sparkle, antisocial extraordinaire?”

“I retract my invitation,” Twilight’s gaze hardened, but she couldn’t stifle the smile that grew on her face. “Go headbutt a unicorn, brother dearest.” Shining laughed, and Twilight’s eyes softened. “No, but seriously, I am not doing anything.”

“Then…?”

“Phil, however, is absolutely going to.”

“He’s going to throw you your own Housewarming Party?”

“He’s been doing that for the last three days or so nonstop to every single pony in town.” At least he has Blitz helping him out with that, I guess. They’ve really gotten closer after the Ursa attack, she mused.

Shining whistled in admiration. “That’s called dedication. I can’t promise anything, Twily, but I’ll try to stop by. When will it be?”

“I have no idea,” as was often the case when you’re dealing with Philippos Demian Pie. “I’ll have Spike send you a letter.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Shining nodded, then hugged his little sister. “Enjoy your new house.”

“Enjoy your mountains of paperwork,” she shot back cheekily. Shining only shook his head in amusement before turning and leaving.

She took a moment to look around her new neighbourhood. They were barely a couple squares from the new town hall (or town palace, more like) and the main square. Sugarcube Corner, Clover Café and Hayburger were nearby, as well, and the new marketplace was three measly squares beyond that, so Twilight’s new house was extremely well positioned.

She already had some neighbours, too! Just across the road, accompanied by a Royal Guard, were a tan, curly-maned earth pony with a green mint unicorn and awww crap they’re Lyra and Bon Bon.

“Misses Lyra Heartstrings and Bon Bon, here’s your new house,” he declared.

Bon Bon’s eyes widened.

“Wait, ‘misses’? What do you mean by the plural?” Suddenly, every bit of colour was drained from her face. “Oh no. No no nonononononono, you can’t make me share a house with her again. Please, you can’t do this to me!”

“Wooo, roomies!” Lyra cheered.

The earth pony looked on the verge of tears. “Please, I’m begging you! Don’t you know who I am?! You can’t do this to me!”

The Guard only rolled his eyes, turning tail and walking away, making deaf ears to Bon Bon’s cries of desperation.

“Awww, come on, Bon!” Lyra hugged Bon Bon, a shit-eating grin on her face. “We’re going to have such a great time!”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!”

The Housewarming party was to take place the next day’s afternoon.

Of course, it would have been great if somepony had actually notified Twilight about it, so she wouldn’t be frightened out of her skin when Phil came crashing down from the roof.

“SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKER!” Phil screeched as his face was the last thing Twilight saw before being flooded in confetti and streamers.

The rest was just a matter of telling everypony else and getting them into the library.

It was strange to think that this was the first time all six of them were at the same place ever since the aftermath of the Ursa Minor’s ‘attack’. What with the rebuilding efforts and getting their livelihoods back on track, they had been rather short on time to spend socialising.

Fortunately, most of the expenses incurred on by the reactivation of the economy had been paid by the Crown, allowing small businesses such as Elusive’s to get back up and running almost as soon as the buildings were rehabilitated.

The white unicorn had been almost crawling up his disgusting tent’s walls in restlessness, so the instant his Boutique had reopened he began pumping out dresses and coats and all sort of clothing like a one-pony factory, and Ponyvillians were all too happy to restock on all the wardrobe they had lost alongside their houses.

Much as his business had recovered from the Ursa attack, so had Elusive’s upper lip recovered from Trixie’s own. He had yet to grow another moustache, though, and, considering how fond he had been of his old one, Twilight presumed he was still somewhat shaken by the experience, even if he remained as composed and prim as always.

On the other side of the spectrum, however, was the shaggy, unshaven beard that now adorned Applejack’s tired face.

Twilight didn’t know what she was expecting, but if she thought Applejack would take all that had happened to him (and between them) in stride, she was depressingly wrong.

The Applejack sitting on a wheelchair, a knit-by-Granny blanket covering his fragile legs, was a far cry from the stout and ever-dependable Applejack she knew and loved (as a friend). He wasn’t even wearing his trusty stetson. His mane was messy and uncombed, which, combined with the deep bags under his eyes, unshaven beard and generally unkempt look, made him look quite like a depressed hobo.

“It’s not that bad, right?” Twilight tentatively asked the wheelchair-bound stallion as he pushed himself through the door’s threshold, the last of the five to arrive (for obvious reasons) to her new house.

Applejack only stared at Twilight flatly, eyes hollow.

“Kill me.”

Okay, it is that bad, she thought with a flinch. If Applejack’s dead eyes were any indication, he clearly didn’t want to think, never mind talk, about his condition.

“When should you be able to walk again?” Twilight asked before she could stop herself. Holy crap, what is wrong with you, Sparkle?! her brain admonished her.

Perhaps she would have preferred if Applejack had been ticked off by her question. But instead, he just shrugged apathetically, too far gone beyond the point of caring. “Maybe next week? Ah don’t know. Doctors ain’t tellin’ much.”

“Next week? But that’s good, right?” she tried apprehensively.

Applejack leveled her a blank stare. “Walk. Not ‘trot’. Not ‘run’. Not ‘work’. Walk. Couple hours a day at best. Still mostly wheelchair. Nothin’ else.” Applejack sighed bitterly. “If Ah’m goin’ to be a useless pitiful sight, might as well be three meters underground.”

Twilight’s breath hitched, the memory of terrible fears gnawing at her insides being reawakened. “Please don’t say that.”

“Fine. Ah won’t, if it makes ya feel better,” Applejack rolled his eyes. “Doesn’t make it any less true, though,” he muttered as he rolled his wheelchair towards the library’s central table upon which Phil had set up numerous assorted pastries, loud enough for Twilight to hear it.

Twilight stood there, rooted to the spot, feeling as if she had been slapped. For the briefest moment, she couldn’t breathe.

It was one thing to see Applejack’s body broken.

It was a completely different beast to see his soul broken, too.

And truly, she couldn’t say which one was worse.

Fortunately, the doorbell’s shrill ring took her out of it, forcing Twilight to plaster a fake smile as she walked towards the door, slightly perplexed. All of her friends had already arrived, after all.

"I've got it," Spike beat her to it, opening the door.

Twilight's smile became genuine as she saw her elder brother standing on the library’s threshold.

“Shiny! You made it!” Twilight beamed, pushing her concerns to a corner of her mind where they could not spoil the moment.

“Of course I did. Hey, everypony,” Shining entered, waving at the gathered ponies, then turned towards the baby dragon, who was closing the door behind him like the glorified butler he was. “Hey Spike. Haven’t seen you since I got here.”

“Probably because you've been busy as hell,” the baby dragon teased with a sardonic smirk.

“Understatement of the century. Which reminds me! Here you go,” Shining pulled out a small package from his saddlebag. “Cadence sent it through the mail earlier today.”

Spike’s eyes widened. “Is that…?”

“Yep.”

“Awesome!” the baby dragon pounced on the package like a predator on its prey, excitedly and impatiently tearing it apart. Spike’s jaw fell to the floor as he saw the white-and-gold shirt’s unusual design. “It’s a dragon fit!”

“Yeah, it’s custom made!” Shining smiled at his littlest sorta-brother as he excitedly put the shirt on. “I had to pull some strings here and there to get it, because, well, they don’t usually make hoofball shirts for dragons.”

“Racists,” Spike muttered under his breath, but his delight was palpable, turning around, trying to look at his new shirt from every possible angle.

He looked up at Elusive, and excitedly shot him two thumbs up. The white unicorn nodded appreciatively, while Rainbow Blitz rolled his eyes and mumbled some obscenities about a rigged match, a corrupt referee and his sex-working mother.

“I made sure to cast it a few enchantments so you can’t rip it or burn it down, too,” therefore preventing the shirt from running the same fate that had befallen most of Spike’s previous Real Mabrida memorabilia.

“Holy crap, Shining, this is amazing!” Spike looked up at Shining Armor, stars in his eyes. “Thank you so much!”

“Heh, don’t sweat it, Spike. Besides, I owed you your birthday gift, so I killed two birds with one stone.”

Nopony noticed how Butterscotch scowled at the manner of speech.

“Hey, Shiny?” Twilight frowned as she remembered something. “Weren’t you, ehm, ‘swimming in mountains of overdue paperwork’?”

“Oh, still am,” the Captain chuckled, with the barest hint of anxiety to his voice. “I swear, not even Spike would be able to sort through this mess.”

Spike stopped fawning over his new shirt to look at Shining with horror. “Shit, that bad?”

“Worse. Way worse,” Shining sighed deeply. “I actually think I might have opened a portal to an eldritch dimension or something like that with all that paperwork.”

“Surely you’re exaggerating…” Butterscotch said tentatively.

“I feel my skin crawl every time I’m in that room.”

“Hmm, that does sound like our own experiences with eldritch abominations,” Elusive mused.

“Stormy is—” Butterscotch began airedly, then paused and shook his head.

Shining Armor looked from one stallion to the other, confused. “Uhhh, what?”

“Then how come you’re here?” Twilight asked a little forcefully in an attempt to rerail the conversation and spare her brother’s brain from being obliterated, a truly terrible fate that she had no desire in trying to explain to her mother. “If you’re so busy, I mean…”

“Oh, I got the Chief Royal Engineer covering for me,” Shining Armor grimaced. “As if I needed to give her any more reasons to strangle me in my sleep. She despises doing paperwork.”

“How did you get her to do your job?” Rainbow Blitz tilted his head, hooves crossed and an unholy amount of interest in his voice.

Shining smirked. “The chains of command are a bitch, especially when you’re not on top.” Blitz nodded, and shared a mischievous look with Phil that made Twilight’s stomach sink in dread. Shining nodded towards them as he took a seat by the table. “I believe we aren’t acquainted. My name’s Shining Armor, Captain of the Royal Guard, and I’m Twily’s and Spike’s big brother.”

“Who was the dragon? Your mum or your dad?” Phil questioned, brow furrowed deep in thought.

Shining blinked.

“What?”

“Don’t min’ him,” Applejack shook his head. “He’s on his own wavelength; half the things he says make no sense.”

“Yep!” Phil nodded, suddenly filled with enthusiasm. The way he seemed to jump between moods rather reminded Shining of a mental illness. “And the other half makes way too much sense for your feeble mortal brains to understand!”

“... Right,” Shining replied flatly. “If I recall correctly, you’re Phil Pie, right?”

“At least that’s who I’m pretending to be right now!”

The unicorn pursed his lips, clearly unhappy (and perplexed) with the answer, but for his sanity’s sake, he moved on. He had always been a quick learner.

“I do know you, so there's no need for introductions,” Shining skipped Applejack, turning towards the butter pegasus.

Applejack’s countenance darkened. “Of course ya do…” he muttered glumly.

Butterscotch took an instant in realising Shining Armor was looking at him expectantly. Taken by surprise, he jumped slightly on his seat. “Oh! Uhm. I’m Butterscotch. I take care of Ponyville’s animals and wildlife, and, uhmm... My favourite colour is green, and... Err...”

“Dude, chill, you don’t have to tell him your entire life,” Blitz chuckled. “This isn’t a new-to-school introduction type of thing.”

“Indeed.” Shining nodded, then tilted his head, eyes narrowed. Finding himself in the Captain’s crosshairs, Butterscotch gulped. “You’re from the Nordic Herd, aren’t you?”

“Uhm. Yes?”

“Right. I thought I recognised the accent. Selerish?”

“Norhestian, actually,” Butterscotch corrected. “Hovslo.”

“Butterscotch isn’t a Nordic name,” Shining pointed out with kind curiosity, to which the pegasus nodded faintly.

“Oh, no. My mum used to call me that, so I adopted that name when we moved south.”

“Wait, what?” Applejack asked curiously. “Yer name ain’t Butterscotch?”

“Oh, of course!” Twilight’s eyes lightened in understanding.

“‘Of course’ what?” The orange stallion shot her a brief glance before forcefully looking elsewhere.

“The Nordic Herd still holds onto the Old Ways!”

“Right,” Applejack nodded in understanding.

Five seconds later, he frowned. “Yeah, okay, no, Ah don’t know what that’s supposed to mean and Ah don’t rightly see why the hay should Ah.”

“Oh, right,” Twilight smiled abashedly. “You see, the Equestrian norm – that is, the one our names follow – is only used in the central regions,” she explained, assuming what Spike had dubbed her ‘Professor Sparkle’ persona, insides giddy as always at being able to explain something to the uncultured swines that she called ‘friends’. “The more peripheral regions, such as the north, Trottingham or the southern peninsulas, have their own naming conventions. That’s why it was such a scandal when the late King Eóward II named his daughter Oathkeeper.”

“There was a scandal about that?" Applejack seemed annoyed by the idea.

“Yes,” Elusive nodded knowingly. Of course he would know about royal scandals. “The name ‘Oathkeeper’ was too ‘foreign’ for the Trottish nobility’s taste."

Blitz blinked. “That’s dumb.”

“No one’s discussing that,” Elusive agreed. “But that’s high politics for you.”

“An enlightening discussion, for sure,” Spike’s acid snark cut through. For a moment, Twilight had forgotten he was there, still wearing his Real Mabrida shirt with pride and leaning on the table. “But what does this have to do with Butterscotch?”

“Oh,” the aforementioned pegasus fidgeted nervously. “Well… You see, uhmm… My name isn’t really Butterscotch.”

Everypony saw it coming, so there weren’t any over-the-top reactions at the ‘sudden’ revelation.

“Turns out it’s actually Fluttershy!” Phil declared dramatically, bringing down his hooves to the table to emphasise his statement.

Well, there was one, but really, it’s Phil, so it doesn’t count. The next best thing was Blitz shooting a weird look at Butterscotch, but everypony else took it in stride.

“Then what is it?” Spike asked, ignoring Phil like any reasonable person would do.

“Seiervakt,” Butterscotch – Seiervakt? – replied. “I don’t really like it, though. It has a martial meaning, and, uh… well…”

“Wait, you’re telling me that clusterfuck you just said – Sayerbark or something – hasa meaning?” Blitz was befuddled, carelessly butchering the pronunciation and earning a deep cringe from the Norhestian.

Twilight nodded, a lit up lightbulb figuratively appearing over her head. “Yeah! It’s derived from Sigrvarðr, right?”

The pegasus tremulously nodded in mild confusion.“I… have no idea?”

But Twilight didn’t pay him any mind, entranced as she was with her own beautifully blinding brilliance. She hadn’t become Princess Celestia’s personal protégé based on her good looks alone! “Well, after all, the name ‘Sigrvarðr’ is composed by the Old Nordic etymological elements ‘sigr’, which means ‘victory’, and ‘varð’, which means ‘guard’.”

Applejack and Blitz shared a confused glance.

Twilight kept speaking. “The current form of these words in modern Norhestian are ‘seier’ and ‘vakt’, which joined together form the name Seiervakt, meaning ‘victory’s guardian’!”

Elusive and Butterscotch looked at Phil, who was noisily devastating the assorted pastries while nopony was paying any attention.

Twilight wasn’t done. “Of course, this follows the naming conventions of the Nordic Herd, and indeed of the Old Pegasi, by giving your offspring not a name that describes them as they are, but instead set a goal for them to achieve over the course of their life!”

Shining Armor blinked tiredly.

Twilight kept talking. “So, if you name your child Æthelstōd – that’s Trottish for ‘noble steed’, by the way – it’s not because he is a noble steed like, say, Rainbow Blitz is a literal rainbow blitz when he’s flying at high speed, but because you wish for him to become a noble steed! Their name is as much of a promise as it is a name!”

Spike yawned.

Seriously, is she going to shut up or what? “In that sense, their customs are rather removed from the Equestrian norm, which has mostly descriptive and/or thematic names. Of course it makes sense for Butterscotch to dislike the name if it has a martial meaning, because it sets him on the road to violence, something which greatly clashes with his own pacifistic, non-violent ideals!” Twilight finally concluded, beaming. I’m so smart I could kiss myself!

Everypony at the table blinked blankly.

“Holy shit you’re a nerd,” Phil stated flatly after a couple of seconds worth of stunned silence.

“Yes. Even I kind of want to give you a wedgie, Twilight,” Butterscotch pursed his lips.

“Wasn’t there, like, a non-egghead way to say that exact same thing?” Blitz snarked

“And miss out on showing off how smart she is?” Spike snorted a laugh. “Do you even know Twilight?”

Twilight’s expression immediately soured, eliciting a laugh from everyone around the table but Applejack, who instead shuffled uncomfortably on his wheelchair.

“So, my dear,” Elusive said after a pause, “should we call you Seiervakt, then?” He, too, mispronounced the Nordic name, though not for lack of trying.

“Oh, no. Please don’t,” Butterscotch shook his head. “Butterscotch is just fine.”

“Then what was the point of this entire conversation?” Spike wondered under his breath, but nopony paid any attention to him.

“Butterscotch, then. Pleased to meet you,” Shining nodded before turning towards Blitz and Elusive. “Anyways, we got sliiiightly distracted here,” he said, gesturing towards Twilight with a fond smirk. “I believe you were about to introduce yourselves?”

“Oh, yeah!” Blitz waved simply. “Rainbow Blitz’s my name, and speed is my game.” It was an introduction as rehearsed as it was cheesy.

Elusive facehoofed. “You mannerless hooligan…” he muttered, before straightening and looking Shining Armor straight into the eye. “My name’s Elusive. It’s a pleasure to meet you personally, Captain Armor.”

“Likewise. Twilight has told me much about you, Elusive.”

Elusive seemed put out by that. “Ah, she did?” he chuckled nervously. Applejack shot him an unreadable glance. “Good things, I hope?”

“Well, she didn’t say bad things, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Shining replied with a teasing edge to his voice. “By any chance, would you happen to be interested in presenting your candidacy for Ponyville’s mayoral office?”

The white unicorn paused for a moment. “I mean, it’s a possibility,” he eventually responded with an even voice. “But I’ve also got my tailor shop, so I’m not sure I’d be able to juggle both responsibilities, or to avoid a conflict of interests; and certainly leaving somepony else in charge isn’t an option, given that this is a one pony busine—”

“I beg you.”

“B-beg your pardon?”

“Look, literally anything is preferable to Mayor Filthy Rich,” Shining Armor pointed out sharply, desperation creeping into his voice. “Hell, I’d even have a rock as mayor instead, but that would be just asking for a power vacuum and rampant corruption.”

His eyes were wide and pleading.

Twilight raised an eyebrow. Damn, what did Filthy Rich do for Shiny to hate him so much?

“Plus, you’re the Element of Generosity,” Applejack interjected curtly, as if that settled the discussion.

Obviously, it didn’t. Elusive looked at the farmstallion askance. “Well, yes, I am, but I don’t see what does that have to do with being a mayor.”

“Ah mean, corruption ain’t yer thing, so conflict of interests mah broken flank, that’s no excuse. Ah like Filthy Rich and all but Ah wouldn’t trust him anywhere near the town’s money. Ya could do a good job as a mayor, Ah know as much.” Despite his sincerely supportive words, there was something about Applejack’s general demeanour that didn’t seem all that enthused at praising Elusive.

“Thank you for the vote of confidence, my dear, but I don’t think it’s as easy as that,” Elusive frowned. “Just because I’m the Bearer of Generosity doesn’t mean I also don’t struggle with temptation from time to time. I’m just as fallible as anypony else. Surely you understand what I’m talking about?”

Applejack blinked. “No,” he said after a beat.

“You’re losing me here,” Shining Armor interrupted, brow furrowed in confusion. “What are you two talking about?”

“Elements of Harmony,” Blitz replied simply.

That didn’t seem to help Shining. “You keep saying that like I’m supposed to know what that means,” he sighed, rubbing his face in exasperation. “Would it kill you guys to just explain it to me?”

Phil shook his head in disappointment.

“In all honesty, Shiny, we’re not exactly experts on the matter,” Twilight intervened with a reluctant admission. She really needed to get her would-be investigation on the road. “All we know is that they’re unique magical artifacts that bind themselves to their wearers.”

“And said wearers happen to be us,” Butterscotch added.

“And we used them to defeat the Night King!” Phil piped in, mouth stuffed in muffins. Rainbow Blitz snickered at the sight, and the pink stallion followed suit, somehow managing to laugh, swallow, and not choke to death at the same time.

“I have no idea why us and not other ponies,” Twilight cut in before Shining could ask that exact same question. “I’ve been wondering about that for a while now, but I’m not sure. Perhaps it was destiny? Or we were just in the right place at the right time?” she shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“It doesn’t really change anythin’, does it?” Applejack leaned back on his chair with a small grimace of pain. “Fate or chance, fact is that we’re the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony.”

“For good or for ill,” Elusive muttered.

“I’d say more good than ill,” Rainbow Blitz gave them a half-smile. “We’re like, halfway through to becoming superheroes!”

Shining Armor stared flatly at him. “Right.”

“We totally are! In fact,” Blitz turned towards Elusive with a wicked grin on his face. The unicorn preemptively grimaced. “Say, Elusive, old boy, how do you feel about making the six of us our very own superhero costumes to wear the next time we save the world?”

Elusive closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Listen, Rainbow Blitz, I hate your idea and everything it stands for, but I can’t deny that as a fashion designer it has a certain... allure that is hard to resist.”

“How so?” Butterscotch asked.

“Well, for me, it’s a brand new concept, leagues away from my comfort zone. I’ve never tried anything like it.”

“Why not?” Blitz asked, feigning innocence.

“Because I hate it with a burning passion.” Elusive tilted his head. “Didn’t you hear me when I said that literally fifteen seconds ago?”

The pegasus ignored Elusive’s jab, instead pouting and making puppy eyes at the white unicorn. “But it’s so cool!”

“And it’s also the fashion equivalent of jumping the shark,” Elusive rubbed his nose in frustration. “We’re talking about spandex and coloured tights! Stuff like that just doesn’t sell.”

Blitz tsked, shaking his head in disapproval. “Tsk, tsk. Always thinking with your purse, you greedy-hooves. So much for generosity.”

The unicorn was indignant. “It’s literally my job! If I don’t sell my designs, then I starve! It’s as simple as that! Generosity and greed have nothing to do with it!” Elusive scoffed.

“But you’re not selling those designs, are you? You’re just making them for us!”

The unicorn rolled his eyes. “I never said I was making them at all, Blitz.”

“It was inferred.”

“Where?!”

“I dunno, somewhere?” Blitz shrugged. “You say a lot of words, so I usually just tune you out.”

“You are an utter ass, Rainbow Blitz.”

“Yes. Yes, I am,” Blitz smirked cockily. “But you know what else I am?”

“Dumb as a brick?”

“A bully? Kind of?”

“The pony with the worst mane in all of Ponyville?”

“Not as fast as you fancy yourself to be?”

“A non-ironical fan of Paletona?”

“Afraid of failure?”

“A weak-ass bitch?”

“A potential alcoholic?”

Phil shook his head. “Oh, no, he already totally is!”

“An actual alcoholic?” Elusive amended his suggestion.

“A small-name big-ego?”

“A griffon-fucker?”

“Completely unable to stay on the air?”

“A smelly buttface?”

“A prick that had the mi—Twilight” – Applejack forcefully corrected himself with a grimace not borne out of his physical pain – “sleep in a dog house underneath his massive mansion?”

“Oh, uh, in his defense, only pegasi can live in cloud houses,” Butterscotch allowed. “It’s not like Twilight had much of an alternative.”

“Fair, but it’s still a dick move.”

“Oh, yes,” the pegasus agreed mildly. “It wasn’t very nice.”

“Bad at sharing the alcohol?”

“A total slacker?”

“An ass?”

“Elusive already said that, Applejack,” Butterscotch pointed out.

“Yeah, but Ah think it’s worth repeatin’.”

“Hey, Twily?” Shining leaned towards his little sister as the guys kept dogpiling on Rainbow Blitz, voice barely over a whisper and with a slight edge to it.

“Hmmm?”

“Is it just me, or your friends are kind of… uhm… jerks?” he asked, and Twilight giggled as she recognised his Overprotective Big Brother voice take over his usual one.

“Yeah, they absolutely are. But you know what?” she smiled broadly. “They’re my jerks.”

Blitz blinked tiredly at the other guys (Spike included), who had finally stopped making snarky suggestions in response to his rhetorical question. Even Butterscotch had piled in on him, although far milder in his jabs than the others.

“Are you guys done?”

“Maybe!” Phil replied in a sing-song voice.

“I think so.”

“Yeah, Ah’ve got nothin’.”

“Yes, I think that’s about it.”

“Seriously dude, Paletona fucking sucks,” Spike muttered.

“Cool. Assholes.” Blitz sighed. “What I wanted to say was, I’m also as close as it gets to a superhero, so I need a kickass outfit.”

Elusive scoffed. “You just won’t let it go, won’t you?”

“Come on! Just think about it, man! Next time danger comes knocking, we come out all six of us looking like total pimps in our matching, easily recognisable outfits! We kick ass while we look good doing it, and then we’re on every newspaper and magazine from Lisbaio to Moskon’! Everypony will be gushing about how awesome we look, our appearance becoming instantly iconic! Kids all across Equestria will be dressing up as us for Nightmare Night! And even if it’s not what you had in mind, you would overnight have left an indelible mark in fashion history! Future girly sissies like you—” “Hey!” “— will study your life and work! Draw inspiration, strive to emulate you!”

Elusive took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. “I can’t believe I’m letting you talk me into this,” he said, shaking his head slightly.

“So it is working, huh?” Blitz smirked mischievously.

“Only because you’re appealing to Elusive’s latent megalomania and vanity!” Phil piped in, cheerful as always.

“Phil, please be a dear and shut up,” Elusive didn’t even spare a glance towards the pink stallion.

“Okey dokey lokey!”

“So?” The rainbow pegasus leaned deep into the unicorn’s personal space. “Superhero outfits!”

Elusive closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Eventually,” he allowed.

“Eventually?”

“After the Gala, that is,” the unicorn sighed. “If I’m going to be jumping the shark and become the laughing stock of the fashion community, I’d rather have built a reputation beforehoof.”

Butterscotch blinked in confusion.

“A fall-from-grace sells better than a backwater no-pony doing weird stuff,” Elusive explained. “I will not go kindly into the howling dark.”

“That’s mighty dramatic,” Applejack raised an unimpressed eyebrow.

“Life is mighty dramatic, Applejack dearest.”

“Ah, well, can’t argue with that,” the stallion muttered, shooting a bitter glance towards his legs.

Twilight felt the all-too familiar pang of pain at seeing Applejack so weak and despondent. She sorely missed his easy-going, upbeat, can-do attitude. Only now it was gone did she realise how essential it was for the group’s dynamic, a steadfast rock on which they could all depend. While the guys’ friendly banter managed to cheer him up when he got caught up on it, it was always short-lived, the tiniest flicker of normality dying the moment he remembered his current condition. She tried catching his eye to shoot him a sympathetic smile, but he refused to look anywhere near her.

He’d been doing that for a week.

“Say, Captain Armor…” Elusive began, barely a beat after his previous exchange.

“Just ‘Shining’ would be okay,” Twilight’s brother interjected kindly.

“Right. Err, Shining. Are you attending next year’s Grand Galloping Gala?”

Shining snorted a laugh. “As if I had a choice on the matter. At least Cadence is going to be there, so at least I won’t be bored to death.”

Twilight perked up at that. “Wait, really?” She managed to keep a somewhat neutral yet curious face on the outside, but on the inside she was already cheering and prancing like a little filly. Just knowing her old foalsitter would be there at the Gala made the whole incoming disaster far more bearable.

“Uhh, yeah?” Shining looked at his little sister as if she had grown a second head. “She’s always there?”

“I honestly had no idea,” Twilight pursed her lips abashedly.

“Because you never attend?” Spike snarked with his eyebrow raised. Twilight stared at him unamusedly, but had to concede his point. She had attended the very first Gala she was invited to, but she had done everything in her power to miss out on the next two. She’d had far better things to do, like reading or studying or watching paint dry up.

“I imagine you will be attending in your service uniform?” Elusive asked Shining.

“Perhaps,” the stallion replied laconically, but with an interested look to his face.

“Smelling business, Elusive?” Blitz chuckled.

“Not business, just exposure, my dear.”

“The difference bein’?”

“I wouldn’t dream of selling Shining Armor a suit! What I’m thinking is making him one, free of charge, as a gift for taking such good care of our little town.”

“To attract business,” Applejack replied flatly.

“Says the pony who wanted to sell apples at the Gala,” Rainbow Blitz stage-whispered to Phil. Applejack shot him a nasty look, but decided to ignore his jab.

“You know I’m still here, right?” Shining asked good-naturedly, also deciding that ignoring the stallions’ jabs was the best course of action. “And, uh, money isn’t a problem. I can pay.”

“No, no, I insist!” Elusive’s countenance suddenly brightened, an idea coming to his mind. “In fact, you know what? I’ll be making everypony here their Gala’s outfits! It’s on the house.”

“Wow, Elusive, that’s so suspiciously generous that if you weren’t the Bearer of the Element of Generosity I’d even question your true motives!” Phil noted. “It almost feels as if you’re disingenuously making this offer to bury every accusation we’ve made that you’re actually a greedy greedy pants and win the goodwill of the Captain of the Royal Guard while you’re at it by offering the same work you yourself pointed out you needed to charge for so you could eat!”

Elusive didn’t even blink.

“No suit for you.”

Phil dropped to the floor. “No please, I really want a fancy suit!” he begged desperately, tears and snot and everything.

“But wait,” Butterscotch frowned in confusion, turning to Shining Armor, “do they allow you to wear a custom suit? You’re in the Royal Guard, after all...”

“They do, as long as they don’t deviate too much from our code of dress. So yeah, I can wear a custom outfit for the Gala. In fact, most of the high-ranking officers have some sort of customisation to theirs; I just never quite saw the point,” Shining shrugged good-naturedly. “Now, of course, if you think you’re up for the task...” he told Elusive, a teasing edge to his voice.

Elusive’s eyes narrowed, a smug smirk in his face. “Is that a challenge, Captain?”

“Would that motivate you to do a better job?” Shining shot back, smirking as well.

“My dear, you can challenge me all you want, but the only difference will be in how vindicated I find myself, for I already intend to produce the best service uniform you have ever seen.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Shining nodded, satisfied, and with a sigh, he made to stand up. “Alright, everypony, this has been fun, but I really think I need to get going. I told the Chief Royal Engineer that I was only going to be away for an hour.”

“And you’ve yet to complete the hour,” Elusive noted, glancing at the clock mounted on the wall. “You’ve been here only for forty-something minutes.”

“I’m accounting for the trip back to the command tent.”

“Why?” Butterscotch blinked in confusion.

“You see, every fraction of a second I’m late to relieve the Chief Royal Engineer of the accursed paperwork is another buck she’s going to drive straight into my face, and Cadence won’t be happy if I come back to her completely disfigured.”

“Fair enough,” Spike said, jumping out of his seat. “I’ll get the door.”

“Thanks, buddy,” Shining nodded. He turned and waved. “Bye guys, it was a pleasure!”

“The pleasure was ours, Shining Armor.”

“Take care,” Butterscotch nodded.

“See ya aroun’.”

“Bye bye!”

Blitz wordlessly saluted.

“Oh, yeah, I almost forgot,” Shining said, before turning towards the table once again. His friendly demeanour had all but vanished, eyes cold as ice and voice as sharp as a blade.

The temperature in the room plunged.

“Don’t you dare get any funny ideas,” he warned them, promises of hurt and pain in his words. He didn’t need to say any more, understanding in all the stallions’ eyes.

Elusive frowned. Butterscotch squeaked. Blitz and Phil shared an uncomfortable glance. Applejack, ashen-faced, stared down at his hooves.

Then nary a beat later, he reverted back to his easy-going, friendly smile, as if nothing had happened.

“Bye!”

And he turned around, walked out of the library, and closed the door behind him.

Elusive was the first to speak after a few seconds of silence. “Say, just out of curiosity... This miss ‘Cadence’ is his fillyfriend, right?”

Twilight and Spike replied at the exact same time.

“No, she’s just a friend.”

“Yeah, she totally is.”

They instantly turned to glare at the other. For a brief moment, the air was still in anticipation.

Then they jumped at each other’s throats in the ruthless, no holds-barred way only siblings do.

“Spike, seriously, it stopped being fun seven years ago!”

“For fuck’s sake, come on!”

“They’re just friends!”

“Are you kidding me right now?!”

“Why do you insist on seeing things where there are none?!”

“They’ve been banging since before I was born!”

“Spike!”

“I’m serious! I once walked in on them and I can tell you they were absolutely not wrestling!”

“Get your mind out of the gutter!”

“How can you be a certified genius yet so amazingly dumb at the exact same time?!”

“Grow up!”

“You’re blind!”

“You’re delusional!”

“If only we had popcorn,” Blitz muttered.

Right on cue, Phil pulled out a bucket full of popcorn straight out of his mane.

“Oh, lovely,” Elusive smiled, hoof already grabbing a share.

“Spike, stallions and mares can be friends without being romantically or sexually involved! I mean, just look at the guys and me! There’s nothing going on between us and nothing will be!”

She didn’t notice how Applejack flinched as if bucked in the gut, but Blitz did. His eyes widened, his eyebrows rising high into his hairline, and then took a deep, awkward chug out of his soda, processing the implications of what he had just seen.

“Twilight, I’m not saying guys and girls can’t be just friends,” Spike shot back. “I’m telling you that Shining and Cadence in specific are totally fucking and you’re blind as shit!”

“You know what?” Twilight snapped. “I’m not going to keep having this argument with you. They’re just friends, and that’s final.”

“My ass is final…” Spike grumbled, but knowing it was a futile effort, dropped the subject.

A beat of silence.

“So… superheroes.”

“Rainbow Blitz, so help me Celestia…”

Author's Note

I guess you know the drill by now; real life, yadayada, university, yadayada, Star Wars fanfic that you should totally read by the way, yadayada.

This is absolutely a breather episode. After the last two, I think it was sorely needed. It’s not, however a filler episode, though, because stuff is happening: Twilight finally has a new house, Shining meets the bois, Applejack is dealing with the consequences of the previous chapters, and we’ve set up the start of Elusive’s very own plotline (like No More I’ll Be Silent was for Butterscotch, Take Me Out/Under Pressure for Applejack, and the Ursa arc for Phil. The time isn’t right for Blitz yet.)

“Spárhrad” is Czech for “Claw Castle”. Griffons are the Slavs of Equus, and they conquered vast territories to the north during the early centuries of Equestrian history, leaving behind a rich cultural heritage that has been inherited by the pony kingdoms (Russaria, Poneland) that took their place after the Griffons were expelled from the continent of Equestria through centuries of warfare. Since then, with the collapse of Griffonian central authority, some pony kingdoms, mainly Neightalia, have taken advantage of the anarchy that has taken over the former empire’s provinces to conquer, colonise and exploit the south-western shores of the eastern continent of Griffonia with impunity.

All the feats done by the Royal Engineers are references to real-life structures and/or sieges. The only exception would be the sea forts of Kallípony, which references the infamous Gallipoli Campaign and the ease with which the Ottomans held the line against Australian and New Zealander troops. And for The Wall's inspiration, well, choose your favourite: Hadrian's, Offa's, Danevirke, Great Wall of China, Victoria Lines, et al.

Etymologies:

Xlev: "хлев" (xlev) is Russian for a stable (as in, a building for animals with hooves). It serves as a pun for Kiev. We went for Russian, instead of the Ukrainian "хлів" ("xliv", which works as a pun for "Kyiv", the Ukrainian name of the city), simply because our Russaria is based on the Russian Empire of the XVIIIth and XIXth centuries, rather than on modern Russia. Therefore, there is no independent Ukraine.

Rêne: "rêne" is French for "rein". It serves as a pun for the Rhine river.

Ṣ’urf: Finally, a proper pun: "صور", Ṣūr (the Arabic name of the city of Tyre, in Lebanon) + "عُرْف" ('urf), which is Arabic for "Mane".

Kallípony: Gallipoli, in modern Turkey, plus "pony"... funnily enough, "pony" in Greek (πόνυ).

Even Equestria uses the metric system. Fuck you, America!

Chapter 13: The Art of the Stress

“So you’re really going through with this, huh?”

“Rainbow Blitz, I’m a stallion of my word. When I make a promise, I keep the promise.”

The pegasus glanced around Elusive’s workshop. “Really, now? ‘Cause I’m not seeing any spandex…”

Elusive tsked, stretching the measuring tape around Blitz’s neck with a bit too much force. “Believe me, my dear, if I could, I would,” he muttered, voice cold as ice, and the pegasus tensed. “But disposing of your corpse would be quite a chore, and unfortunately, I don’t have time to spare.”

Rainbow Blitz wasn’t afraid of anything. That wasn’t even bravado, that was a scientific fact (even if Twilight refused to acknowledge it). But even he had to admit that Elusive looked pretty damn soulless with those slim glasses, whose lenses hid his eyes underneath the light’s reflection.

“How unfortunate indeed,” Elusive added, voice barely above a whisper, the measuring tape tight.

“Yeah… Unfortunate,” Blitz muttered nervously. “So, uhm, what are you making?”

“A suit,” the unicorn replied flatly, finally taking the tape off his throat and going to measure his barrel’s width.

“Yeah, no shit, what kind of suit?”

“A custom one.”

Blitz rolled his eyes heavily.

“Are we seriously going to do this, man?”

“Going to do what, my dear?” Elusive asked evenly.

“THAT!” Blitz snapped. “That thing you just did! The stupid cat-and-mouse game in which I ask you a question and you answer in the most annoyingly cryptic and laconic way you can!”

“Well, excuse me for being focused while I’m working. I know that’s a truly novel concept for you, Rainbow, but please do try to understand. It’s not that I don’t want to answer your inane questions – I don’t, by the way –, but rather that I want to do a good job and I need to be focused for it.”

“Jeez, what got into you? You’re being far more stuck up than usual.”

“I’m in the Zone, my dear. And you’re taking me out of it. Constantly.”

“The Zone? The fuck is that?”

Elusive paused, closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh.

“You know what? Whatever. If you’re going to be this difficult, at least amuse me. What do you think The Zone is?”

“The hell do I know, I’m asking you for a reason.”

“Yes,” Elusive rolled his eyes, “perhaps I was asking too much from you.”

“I’m guessing it’s something like when you’re flying at top speed and you get tunnel vision and you feel like you’re the king of the world and nothing can stop you and you get thousands upon thousands of ideas for new tricks to try and feel like you could go on forever until you pull a muscle or run out of juice and come crashing down?”

Elusive stared flatly at him. He even stopped measuring him just to glare more effectively. “... Was it too hard for you to just say ‘when you’re inspired’?”

“Is it too hard for you to just say ‘yeah, that’s it’?” Blitz snarked back.

“Is it too hard for you to stop moving?” The unicorn smacked his notepad on Blitz’s forehead in chastisement.

“My name is literally Rainbow Blitz, my cutie mark is a lightning bolt and my whole shtick is flying really really fast. You tell me.”

“Sometimes, I wonder why we’re even friends in the first place.”

“Yeah, well, feeling’s mutual, jackass.”

All things considered, Elusive found extremely comforting that the interior of his rebuilt Boutique was a near exact replica of its previous incarnation. It helped him pretend that the dreadful Ursa attack last month had, finally, been left behind, and that life was once again normal. Allowed him to pretend, just for a few hours, that one of his closest friends hadn’t been near-fatally injured or that his little sister wasn’t plagued by nightmares.

However, even then he just couldn’t quite ignore the sparsely filled bookshelves that had once been bursting at the seams, or the lack of wear on the cushioned purple sofas.

It was also hard to ignore the large orange stallion pacing a hole into his shiny new floor, a faraway look of bliss on his face. Especially when he was supposed to be taking his measurements.

“Ah had forgotten just how good it felt to walk…” Applejack breathed out in a sheer feverish delight, mere instants away from bolting away and probably doing something incredibly reckless that would injure him and set back his recovery.

Again.

“Only for a couple of hours, though,” Twilight interjected disapprovingly, barely sparing him a glance over her book.

Applejack gave Twilight a mock long-suffering sigh, rubbing his yet-to-be-shaved scruffy beard. “Twilight, lemme just have this, ‘kay? Ah’m sick to death of that darn wheelchair.”

“Well, if you actually stayed on the wheelchair,” Twilight rolled her eyes deeply, “maybe your recovery would go a lot faster.”

“And if ya casted yer magic on mah legs like Ah’ve been askin’ ya fer weeks, Ah wouldn’t need the wheelchair in the first place!” Applejack shot back.

“We’ve been over this,” Twilight sighed. “The medic said that magic would only go so far; your body has to mend itself on its own.” The annoyance on her tone made it perfectly clear for Elusive that this wasn’t the first time they argued about this, and, most likely, it wouldn’t be the last.

“And when has somethin’ like that stopped ya?” He pointed out. “Yer Twilight Freakin’ Sparkle! Yer a magical prodigy! Yer entire reason fer bein’ is pushing the boundaries of what’s possible just fer the sake of it! Imagine, ya could revolutionise magical medicine if ya just tried! Can’t ya do that fer me?”

Twilight closed her eyes, struggling to decide whether to be irked or flattered. Elusive reckoned that that was a constant struggle for her when dealing with Applejack, especially since the Ursa Attack.

He wasn’t privy to any details, and he wouldn’t dare ask, for those topics were between the two of them alone and nopony else (not that it would stop him from sleuthing out the truth and commenting on it with Butterscotch over tea), but he had noted that things had been awkward between them since the attack.

To nopony’s surprise, he mused. Ponies don’t rush headfirst against an Ursa Major for just a friend. If anypony had had any doubts about how Applejack felt about Twilight (not that he did, in any case—he had put two and two together a long time ago), that had cleared them utterly.

Except, perhaps, for Twilight herself.

Bless her heart, but the poor girl was blind.

As a matter of fact, Elusive was willing to bet that she had yet to realise the nature of her own feelings; most likely, she didn’t even know they existed at all. Twilight was an absolute genius, that much was true, but books cannot teach you emotional maturity or self-awareness.

Elusive took advantage of the pause in his friends’ banter to interject politely but firmly. “Yes, my dear, I imagine you must be overjoyed to be up and about again, but I could certainly do with you staying still for long enough for me to take your measures.”

“Oh,” Applejack looked startled, then abashed as he remembered the reason he was there in the first place. “Err. Sure,” he said, as he stepped up to the small elevated platform in front of one of the mirrors. After a couple of seconds, he added, “Oh, yeah, Ah’ve lost some weight, so Ah would keep that in mind if Ah were ya.” His gaze narrowed in determination. “Ah’ll get ‘em muscles back as soon as I can.”

Elusive pretended not to notice how Twilight shook her head lightly. “Noted,” he replied lightly, as he added a couple of centimeters to the barrel’s width. Applejack didn't look too different to how he did before the attack, but the slight difference in musculature was still noticeable enough. And with the Gala more than half a year away, Elusive had to account for what muscle Applejack could recover from here until May.

Here’s hoping nopony gets fat. Otherwise all of his hard work would be for naught and he’d have to start over. You could always adjust clothing for a tighter fit, but the opposite wasn’t true.

“Just don’t do anything stupid…” Twilight warned Applejack sternly, but Elusive could pick up the undercurrent of undue concern in her voice.

“What? Stupid? Me? Come on, Twi, don’t ya trust me?” Applejack replied, smiling innocently.

Silence.

“Okay, fair enough,” the stallion muttered. Twilight rolled her eyes, turning her gaze back to her trusty book. As usual, it was a different one from the last time Elusive had seen her. This time, it seemed, it was…

Elusive frowned.

'The Big Black Book of Evil.'

“What a cheerful book,” the unicorn mused sarcastically. Then again, considering just what the last months of their lives had been like, perhaps it was better to be safe than sorry.

Twilight didn’t look up. “Catching up with my research,” she stated simply, in a tone that left no room for further questions. The two stallions shared a glance, then shrugged and went on with their business.

Applejack, unlike Rainbow Blitz, was a far more compliant (and pleasant) model, so they were done swiftly. It helped, too, that Applejack had such a distinct style from everypony else that Elusive already knew exactly what to do, which sped up the process by a fair bit.

“All right, Applejack. You’re free,” Elusive said after a few minutes.

As soon as the words left his mouth, the stallion bolted away, opened the door, and took his fidgeting hooves to the garden without any shred of self-preservation.

Twilight sighed heavily, quite literally burying her face in the pages of her book.

“Why do I even bother?” She muttered, exhausted, pulling back her head and resuming her reading, a deep, upset frown in her face.

Elusive nodded softly in sympathy, then motioned towards the platform facing the mirror. “My dear, it’s your turn. Put down your book. You can continue with your research later.”

“But I’ve put it off for far too long!” Twilight whined, not unlike Sweetie Belle when Elusive forbade her from doing whatever insane logic-defying scheme she and her friends had come up with to earn their Cutie Marks.

“Well, how much harm would putting it off for another hour or two do, then?” He countered.

“... Yeah, I guess,” Twilight sighed. “Just give me a sec.” To her credit, as soon as she finished the paragraph she was on, she marked the page, closed the book, stood up and took her place in front of the large mirror.

“You know, you’d be surprised at how often I find myself saying those exact same words,” Elusive chuckled light-heartedly.

“Which ones, ‘just give me a sec’?” Twilight raised an amused eyebrow.

The alabaster unicorn shook his head. “No, no no no!” There was a beat. He blinked once. “Well, I mean, yes, I do say those a lot. But no, I was talking about the ‘why do I even bother’ bit.”

Twilight cocked her head. “Oh, really?”

“Oh, really. Being the only sane stallion in the room is a rather tiring chore.”

Twilight just stared at him, deeply unimpressed. “Seriously? You are trying to one-up me on the ‘only sane pony’ department? Should I remind you of that one time when you and the other guys went on a rampage trying to win a ticket instead of just listening to me?”

Elusive looked down to his hooves in shame. It wasn’t his proudest moment. “Well, yes, but that was the one time!”

“Or the time you borrowed over forty books from the library and never returned them only for the Ursa to destroy them, forcing me to buy new copies out of my own pocket money? Do you even know how much you owe me in overdue fees?”

“I said I was sorry…” Elusive pouted.

“Or the time you dragged me along to create an Equestrian–Eldritch Abomination dictionary?”

“Well, now that was Butterscotch’s fault! I was just as opposed to it as you were!” Although, to be fair with the pegasus, the dictionary was extremely useful. And knowing just how much Fate seemed to hate their guts, they might as well need it one day.

“Or the time you scared me off a tower and broke my leg?”

“That was Phil, not me. And to be fair with him, that was mostly your fault. You were stalking him, after all.”

Twilight continued, undeterred by such bothersome things as ‘her fault’. “Or what about the time you burned down the town?”

At that, Elusive interrupted her rather forcefully. “Now, now, NOW! That was my sister’s fault! My sister’s, not mine! Perhaps you’ve met her? Clumsy, adorable little filly who somehow manages to destroy everything in her way?”

Twilight stared at him flatly.

“The second time.”

Elusive looked away and grumbled. “Not my fault that Phil decided to bring along a bloody field cannon…”

Twilight facehoofed, but she was unable to hide her amused smile. “Maybe, but nopony forced you to use it as well.”

“Desperate times require desperate measures,” Elusive sniffed. “Anything else?”

“Why, now that you ask, yes, a lot of things!” Twilight smirked acidly. “Just off the top of my head, what about the time I had to crash at your house for a month because I was homeless and I had to endure all the annoying shenanigans you guys kept dragging me into?”

“Yes, well, let me tell you, it wasn’t a walk in the park for me either,” Elusive rolled his eyes, amused.

The scholar paused for a moment, taken aback. “What do you mean?”

“Well, let’s just say that I understand now why Spike says you’re the worst roommate in all of Equestria,” the stallion snarked dryly.

Twilight gasped, thoroughly scandalised. “You take that back right this instant!”

“Why? Celestia forbid Spike be right about something?” Elusive snorted a laugh.

“He can’t be right about that, because he’s lying! I’m not that bad!”

Elusive raised an unimpressed eyebrow.

“...Okay maybe I’m pretty bad, but Lyra is way worse!” Twilight said lamely.

“Oh, really." Considering Twilight’s track record, that was hard to believe, and, indeed, he wasn’t inclined to do so.

Besides, why would he, in any case? So far, Lyra had been nothing but unfailingly polite to him, actually wore the clothes she bought, and perhaps more importantly, she had not tried to perform awake brain transplants between his extremely unwilling cat and his disturbingly willing little sister just because ‘she was getting rusty and needed the practice’, which to be honest only raised an entire host of other questions.

Elusive really needed to sit down with Sweetie Belle and have a Talk. The filly was getting out of control.

“Yeah, really,” Twilight said, as if it was obvious.

“And however would you know that about Ms. Heartstrings, I wonder?” Admittedly, he didn’t know much about Twilight’s life before coming to Ponyville, but he did know that they were ‘friends’ (for a given value of friends) from the Academy. Perhaps they had once shared a room or something.

“She’s my new neighbour. She and Bon Bon get into screaming matches every three hours about pretty much everything and anything,” Twilight explained. “Every. Three. Hours. Like, down to the second. At this point I don’t even bother looking up at my clock anymore; clocks can – and do – malfunction and desynchronize, but Lyra and Bon Bon have got their timing down to the atomic second. Trust me, I’ve run the tests.”

Elusive didn’t have the faintest idea of what an atomic second was or how it differed from a normal second, but it sounded like something extremely precise. “That actually sounds like a rather convenient way of keeping track of time, so if you’re trying to mope about your misery, my dear, it doesn’t count.”

“Only ‘cause you haven’t heard them…” Twilight grumbled, mostly to herself, before replying, “Well, running a library in a town where nopony reads certainly does.”

“Running a fashion store despite the fact that we rarely, if ever, wear any clothes,” Elusive shot back without missing a beat. Saying that felt like scratching an itch.

“Dealing with Phil Pie,” Twilight countered immediately.

“Yes, he is quite maddening,” Elusive agreed, nodding solemnly. “But I have to deal with him, too, so we’re even on that front.”

“Well..." she made a show of pretending to think about it for a couple of seconds, "how about the time when we were supposed to diplomatically convince a dragon to leave in peace, yet you guys managed to enrage him into a murderous frenzy?”

“That was entirely Applejack’s fault. I distinctly recall calling him a moron for it.”

“Or when you guys interrupted my fight against an Ursa Major against my orders and almost got killed?”

“Also Applejack’s fault.” He was starting to see a pattern.

“Or the time you kept disobeying medical advice and worsening your condition unnecessarily out of sheer impatience and stubbornness?”

“Applejack. Like, right now as we speak.”

They could see him through the window. He was doing some admittedly skillful (if wobbly) backflips. Elusive was actually rather impressed at such a marvelous display of physical prowess; despite everything that had happened to him, the stallion was still leagues away from him when it came down to fitness.

As a matter of fact, seeing such a spectacle made Elusive start to suspect that Applejack wasn’t in as bad a shape as Twilight insisted, but rather that she was overreacting in her attempts to keep him safe and sound, like the overly concerned fillyfriend she insisted on telling herself she wasn’t. At this rate, next thing he knew she would plaster foam all over every sharp corner in town.

“Or th—?”

He cut her off before she could get another word out. “Applejack.”

The purple unicorn frowned. “You don’t even know what I’m about to say!”

“Am I wrong, though?” Elusive asked pointedly.

Twilight opened her mouth to answer, but right on cue, a crashing, strepitous sound came through the window. It was as if somepony had just stumbled and face planted straight into a shed of tools and wroke major havoc on it.

An “Ah’m okay!” followed soon after. “Ah’m just stuck under a shelf, that’s all!”

A beat.

“Uhm, Elusive? Yer cat is starin’ at me. She, uh, doesn’t seem pretty happy.”

A low, rumbling growl.

“Are a cat’s claws supposed to be that big? Or sharp?”

“HISSSSSSSSSSS!”

“Y’know what, on secon’ thought, maybe no, Ah’m not okay!”

Twilight grimaced, sighing in defeat.

“I rest my case,” Elusive rolled his eyes, entirely unbothered by the all-powerful evil Applejack had awoken. That’s what he gets for disturbing Opal’s beauty sleep. He paused. “Why are you taking care of him anyways? Couldn’t Big Mac do it? He’s his brother after all.”

It was left unsaid that Granny Smith, old as she was, had her hooves full taking care of the weapon of mass destruction everypony knew as ‘Apple Bloom’. And Celestia forbid Apple Bloom herself was left in charge of Applejack. It was a sure recipe for disaster, and to be perfectly honest, they weren’t exactly jumping in excitement at the prospect of Ponyville being obliterated again.

Again.

He also kept quiet about why he suspected Twilight was taking care of Applejack. As much as he’d like to, he couldn’t help her when it came to such matters of the heart. She had to work them out on her own.

“He’s too busy working in the orchard,” Twilight explained. “It’s harvesting season, after all… And somepony has to buck Applejack out of the orchard when he tries to sneak in and help,” she finished with a mirthless laugh.

“Does that happen often?”

“HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!”

“Guys?” Applejack’s voice was scared. “Please?! Ah’ll pay ya, Ah swear, just help me out of here!

They ignored him.

“Quoth Applejack: ‘eeyup’.”

He couldn’t help his curiosity. “... How often?”

“About thrice a day,” Twilight sighed, rubbing her forehead in frustration.

“MREOW!”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

“Celestia,” Elusive shook his head. “He just doesn’t learn, does he?”

“Oh, he learns, alright. It’s just that he forgets what he’s learned five minutes later.”

“That’s almost the exact same thing as ‘not learning’.”

“OH FUCK OH CELESTIA OH SHIT IT HURTS SO MUCH WHAT THE FUCK AH THOUGHT CATS WERE SOFT AND FLUFFY NOT EVIL MURDER MACHINES ON DRUGS OH FUCK AH REGRET EVERYTHIN’ PLEASE HELP GUYS AH’M BEGGIN’ YA!”

“I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt,” Twilight shrugged. “He has his heart in the right place, and he’s trying to learn and change, I know he is, but he’s just too damn stubborn for his own good.”

And there it was, for about the fourth time in the day: the slight edge to her voice that hinted at the maelstrom of conflicting emotions Elusive knew all too well a smitten heart harboured.

I’m calling dibs on Best Stallion, he snarked internally. He had earned as much, he believed. After all, he would be the one designing both of their wedding outfits, free of charge.

Unless they picked Rainbow Blitz as their Best Stallion, in which case he’d just charge them sevenfold if he was feeling particularly generous that day.

Now, of course, that was still far away into the future. Just hopefully not too far into the future, because otherwise Butterscotch would win their bet, and there was no way in Tartarus he was doing that.

“Well, we can only hope,” Elusive stated evenly. “Now, forget about Applejack” – But not too much. Celestia, what was I even thinking when I agreed to that? Underneath his timid demeanour, Butterscotch hid a truly devious, twisted mind – “and tell me what you want for your dress.”

“WHAT?! NO, NONONONONO, DON’T FORGE— GET OFF ME YA STUPID CAT — DON’T FORGET ABOUT APPLEJACK, APPLEJACK NEEDS YER — OH FUCK THAT’S MY YUGULAR — HELP!”

Twilight looked lost. “Uhhhhh…”

“You have no idea, don’t you?”

“Not… really, no,” she replied sheepishly. To be fair with her, fashion and looks were most definitely not her area of expertise.

Fortunately for her, it was his.

“Ah, it matters not. I’ll come up with something that is sure to delight you.”

“I don’t doubt it. Care to share?”

“Patience is a virtue, my dear. You’ll just have to wait and see.” Elusive looked Twilight up and down with a critical eye, an idea forming. “Hmmm, I think I’m onto something. If I may?”

“Go for it,” the mare allowed simply.

With his magic, Elusive picked up Twilight’s long mane and pulled it up into a bun, then proceeded to measure her neckline.

She frowned, uncomfortable at the way the measuring tape slithered across all her neck. “Is this really necessary?”

“I’d rather not make any blind guesses, my dear.” Besides, if he got it wrong, it could end up being either too baggy to keep its form or too tight to be comfortable, and that just wouldn’t do.

“No, I get that. It’s just… the neck? Really?”

“Well, I was thinking of a high collar, like the Princess usually wears…”

“Oh,” Twilight instantly calmed down, mollified. “Okay then.”

Elusive stifled a snort. She could be so predictable sometimes.

Within a minute he was done, and was about to let her hair fall down when he glanced towards the mirror and paused. He frowned in thought.

Twilight noticed his pause.

“What is it?” she asked.

Elusive gave it a second’s thought before answering. “Say, Twilight, have you ever considered doing your hair in a bun? It looks good on you.”

“AH’M DYIN’ OVER HERE COME ON!”

The mare blinked, looking at her reflection thoughtfully.

“Well, no, not really,” she admitted. “I just never thought it was worth the extra effort. I mean, I’m always so busy with research and stuff, so… eh. You know what I mean?”

Elusive stared at her, then stared at his reflection’s carefully groomed mane (he had yet to grow back his moustache; despite how much he loved it, he was so far unable to have grown hair on his upper lip without being overcome with nausea), then back at her.

“No,” he said bluntly.

Twilight giggled. “Yeah, I was barking at the wrong tree, there.” She took another second to look at her reflection, tilting her head. “It does look good, though.”

“And it’s hardly any effort at all, mind you,” Elusive pointed out. “Look”, he said, as he grabbed a lavender ribbon and tied her hair up in a bun, leaving both her bangs and two large locks of hair free to frame her face, all in less than a second.

“Huh.”

“Amazing, isn’t it?” Elusive snarked, earning an amused smack to the head by Twilight.

“Shut up, you,” she laughed. “So? What are you going to do for my dress? Besides the high collar, I mean. Will you draw inspiration from the Princess’s?”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, patience, patience, my dear,” Elusive chuckled. Indeed, he would draw inspiration from a certain selection of the Princess’s previous Gala outfits, but it was endearing and vindicating to hear her so excited about it. “I will tell you one thing, though.”

So he did. Twilight frowned, doubtful.

“And exactly how are you going to pull that off?”

Elusive laughed. “Oh, you make it sound as if it’s going to be hard!”

“... Motherfucker.”

Perhaps doing six different outfits that strike the perfect balance between original, unique twists to the formula, and an unifying motif behind them all, was easier said than done. Especially considering five of them were suits.

Dressmaking is easy. In fact, earlier that very day, in a rush of inspiration, Elusive had come up with an entire song and dance number about what he liked to call ‘the Art of the Dress’. But suits?

“What am I even supposed to do with suits?” Elusive muttered, resting his head on his front hooves and staring intently at the blank sheet of paper in front of him. “There’s nothing to work with in here!”

As a matter of fact, he was half tempted to do a dark reprise of the aforementioned song, renamed ‘The Art of the Stress’, but he needed to concentrate his creative energy elsewhere. Otherwise, he’d be here forever.

Now, Twilight’s gown was the easiest of them all: a high-collared, sleeveless blue and cerulean dress, with interlocking royal celestial patterns made of golden thread on the laced barrel and silver stars on the hem of the skirt, and stylish cerulean sandals of Unicornian design. Simple and understated, yet mesmerising and memorable, just like Twilight herself, all the while echoing the Princess’s own favoured minimalist style, highlighting the connection between the two of them.

Fortunately, given that Applejack had survived his encounter with Opal (a feat nopony else could claim to have done. Probably because no other pony had gotten into a deathmatch with his cantankerous cat, but well, that’s Applejack for you, Elusive supposed), he hadn’t had to scrap the idea he had immediately had for his suit; especially because it was a challenging design Elusive was eager to try out.

Keeping in line with Applejack’s own unique fashion style, the three piece suit Elusive had sketched was sober, grounded and humble, yet exquisitely fashionable: a silken shirt, a denim waistcoat, a light brown corduroy low-cut blazer, and a darker long coat with Applejack’s cutie mark made up with rubies and emeralds on the lapel, all of it sewn together by a golden thread. And, last but not least, two pairs of finely finished cowboy boots.

In many ways, Applejack’s suit looked rather similar to the dusters the colonists wore on the dry, harsh deserts of Griffonia, or on the wild, unpredictable frontier of the New World—simple, comfortable and grounded. Yet, at the same time, it was fashionable and rich, close enough to Equestria’s high society’s rather prickly standards for the suit to be considered a refreshing new take on the norm than an unacceptable deviation… as long as it was executed masterfully.

Much of it hinged on the choice of denim as the fabric of the waistcoat; due to how cheap it was to produce, myriad of textile factories were popping up all across Equestria and her colonies, and it was being sold at such low prices that it was quickly becoming associated with lower, working class ponies.

However, hoofcrafted denim could, under the hooves of a skilled artisan (such as himself), be used to enormous success and even surpass velvet.

Sure, he was taking considerable risks with the design he had made for Applejack’s suit, but Elusive was sure he was up to the task. Besides, this was as elegant as he could go when it came to the farm stallion; knowing him, even an average, plain black suit would be unbearably fancy for him, so Elusive had to try something new.

The other four suits, though? He had absolutely nothing beyond the bare essentials: a three piece suit.

Suits are just the same old boring thing, over and over again. It was mind-numbing. And trying to make something unique out of them without going overboard or crossing straight into ‘garish’ territory was tortuously difficult.

Applejack’s had been the exception, if only because his style was extremely distinctive and expressive. But how could he convey the others’ personalities through their suits? He only had scattered ideas here and there; for Blitz, a black waistcoat with a pinstripe style made up with his rainbow pattern, warm colours towards the centre and colder towards the sides; light, lively colours for Phil; patterns of Nordic knots in Butterscotch’s stitching. And probably some small details in indigo and light blue for his own, but what else, he couldn’t even begin to fathom.

At least Shining Armor had shared with him the guidelines for the Royal Guard’s code of dress, so Elusive had a basis to work with for the Captain’s uniform; in fact, he was already done with it, and now he just had to fold it, put it in a package, and hand it over to him.

Unfortunately, those very same guidelines stated that civilians wearing military-inspired dress uniforms was very frowned upon, so that had put an end to half the ideas he'd had… And all the good ones, to boot.

Now he had to look elsewhere for a distinct, unifying theme. Ideally one that wouldn’t irk the volatile sensibilities of the aristocrats and high-society ponies he wished to impress.

Why couldn’t we all just be mares? Elusive mused miserably. Everything would be just insanely easier: a rainbow skirt for Blitz and gilded Pegasi elements; floral and natural motifs for Butterscotch’s. Puffy, saloon-esque blue-and-white for Phil. And of course, his (“hers”?) would be nothing short of Princess-worthy.

There’s a reason I prefer working with dresses, after all. They’re just so much easier. There’s so much creative freedom to be had…

But alas, they were not mares, and the designs he had drawn up when overtaken by inspiration (the same inspiration that had resulted in the aforementioned song and dance number) now languished in the bottom of his drawer, never to become real dresses, for there was nopony to wear them.

Well, Phil would probably wear it anyways so it wouldn’t be a total loss, Elusive supposed, idly playing with his pencil. Maybe Butterscotch too if I asked nicely. Or threatened him with a knife.

With a sigh, the unicorn threw himself backwards against his chair, and stared into the ceiling.

“What am I even doing with my life?” he muttered, not for the first time since he had opened his Boutique.

He hadn’t lied to Twilight about how miserable it was to be the only tailor in a small town in which rarely any pony wore clothing.

True, it was his passion, and more often than not, working on what he was meant to do was payment enough to make it all worth it… But the fact remained that if it weren’t for his father’s monthly stipendium, Elusive would be hardly making ends meet.

True, he had enjoyed a rather profitable couple of weeks as he reopened the Boutique, but he knew from experience it was not meant to last. After all, Ponyvillians were just looking to restock on all the wardrobe they had lost, nothing else. They didn’t care much for clothes before the Ursa’s attack, and nothing had truly changed since then. Once they had what they needed, they would stop coming to his Boutique. As always, being a small town tailor was not a sustainable business, especially when he was so adverse to setting up high prices.

Now, the situation would be entirely different were he established in the larger cities, where industrialisation had brought along a veritable boom in the fashion industry, with clothing becoming not only more and more commonplace, but a social statement as well.

Canterlot had a more conservative and aristocratic take on fashion, but that was not the case in the cities of Manehattan, Poulis, Brigliano, Lenden, or Wiehern; all of them were just waiting for young, innovative and bold artists to take the fashion scene by storm. It was the perfect place for somepony like him to establish himself. And even if he didn’t exactly become a sensation, it was still a profitable enough career with a booming demand that Elusive would prosper comfortably.

But in the meantime, while he was still stuck in Ponyville?

No recognition.

No respect.

Nothing.

Just snide remarks and acid jokes about being a well-meaning slacker and sissy who was only good for playing dress up.

Oh, but the second they have to attend a wedding, they’re all smiles, he growled softly, rubbing his face in frustration.

And because it wasn’t enough, now Rainbow Blitz wanted him to burn down the career he had fought tooth and hoof to establish just to wank off to how great he was.

It made his blood boil.

But he was powerless to do anything about it.

This was it.

There was no path forward.

Oh, but there is, a small voice whispered in his mind. You’re just looking at it all wrong.

Oh, really, he raised a skeptical eyebrow, sight still fixated on the roof.

Yes, really.

Well then, Elusive sighed. Humour me, Me. And if you’re going to say ‘well, the Gala outfits are your ticket out, obviously!’, may I remind you that we’re in this situation because that’s not working out?

So narrow minded, the voice scoffed. See, that’s your problem. You need to think outside the box!

Think outside the box, he repeated flatly.

Yes. You’re needlessly limiting yourself just to fashion designing.

Probably because that’s my job?

Only because you’ve chosen it. Or have you forgotten what Captain Armour said? About running for Mayor?

Elusive paused.

Now that was a thought.

But… My cutie mark… he began to protest.

The voice was having none of it. Have you forgotten how you got it?

"A ROCK?!" Elusive’s eleven-year-old self had raged against the heavens. "THAT’S my destiny?! Are you kidding me?! What is your problem, horn?! You dragged me all the way out here for a stupid ROCK?!"

Yet a sudden, massive explosion had caused the rock to split apart and reveal that, underneath its unremarkable stone carcass, it was filled to the brim with rare, wonderful gems, the missing pieces for the costumes he had been trying to make for weeks.

It wasn’t about tailoring, the voice explained; otherwise you’d have a thread and needle, or something like that. It was about finding and applying hidden potential. About perseverance and dedication. That is what your cutie mark symbolises. You’re the one who decided to apply those talents to fashion.

Because I like it, Elusive pointed out, but there was no force behind it.

Well, obviously. But no one’s forcing you to stay in this path if you feel it will get you nowhere, at least in the short-term. No one but yourself.

And what are you proposing? That I close shop? Abandon this career? Forsake my dreams? Elusive wasn’t even angry. He just felt exhausted and frustrated.

My dear, don’t be silly, of course not. If it’s truly your dream, if it’s what makes your heart pump and drives you to be the best you can be, then you have to pursue it until the bitter end. But until new opportunities arise, perhaps branching out and prioritising other endeavours might be the wiser course of action.

Elusive sighed. He was right.

He thought back to his ambitions for the Gala. It wasn’t so much about making a name and gaining fame and exposure (although that was a very nice plus) for his fashion business. As a matter of fact, that had only occurred to him the other day, when he decided to make everypony’s suits, as it was an opportunity unlike any other.

Alas, what good is all that if a war breaks out? the words he had uttered to Twilight when he first met her floated in his mind. Well, at least we’ll all look fabulous while we bleed out in the mud…

Because even when Equestria Proper was as stable as always, the entire Empire stood on the threshold of a major disaster, like a wobbling house of cards; all it took was a simple breeze, and it would all go down.

While in a few days it would be the fourth anniversary of the Treaty of Eóforwic, which recognised Scoltish and Hayrish independence from Trottingham, the issue was far from being settled. Lenden bayed for the ‘rebels’ to face fire and blood, and the new queen, young and inexperienced as she was, was an unknown, unpredictable factor.

To the northeast was an ever-growing four-way militaristic brinkmanship between Herdmany, Russaria, Austrot and the Nordic Herd, all eager to take control of the fertile, rich plains of Eastern Pegasia, with poor Poneland, the owner of said lands, being caught in the crossfire.

Never mind the numerous internal factors that threatened the stability of each kingdom, making an aggressive foreign policy practically inevitable if their governments were to quell them: Herdmany’s zealous, sabre-rattling military high command that held a massive influence over the entire kingdom; Russaria’s crippling inequalities rapidly unraveling their social pact; the Nordic Herd’s desire to be a self-sufficient Great Power by no longer relying on food shipments from the south; Poneland’s perceived vulnerability and growing subordination against its neighbours; and Austrot being, essentially, a rotten, near-mutilated corpse that only managed to keep on walking thanks to its cultural influence.

To the west, Prance was living through a gilded, splendid decadence, with its bloated, oversized aristocracy proving not only unable, but also unwilling to adapt to the changing tides, holding zealously to their privileges and wealths, and its strong centralised monarchy being plagued by weak-willed and hedonistic kings and heirs.

During the previous century, the court of King Rocinante V of Espuela had been one of the foremost hubs of innovation and culture, but those days were long gone: the soon-to-be-113-year-old king himself was now nothing more than a withered old crone, and Espuela was facing an acute power vacuum that threatened to tear the kingdom apart.

Hayzantium was, as always, a wildcard, with its extremely unstable and militarised political structure in which might made right, plus the shadow of major escalation that loomed ever-present over their ongoing conflict with the Saddle Arabians. While this wasn’t exactly new, it was severely worsened by the fact that the Basileus’s very capable and battle-hardened firstborn, beloved by the army and most of the landed nobility, had been bypassed in the succession in favour of his equally-capable yet inexperienced younger sister, who had the support of the Senate, making a succession crisis all but inevitable when their father died.

Neightalia, too, was unpredictable: with its under-developed and backwards institutions, inept military command, and their unrealistically high ambitions of a renewed Unicornian Empire, they had so far only managed to take control of the war-torn western coast of Griffonia, embarrass themselves, and turn into the laughing stock of Equestria in the process. To what extents they would go in order to mend their bruised pride and achieve their lofty ambitions, not even Celestia knew.

And all of that wasn’t even taking into consideration the growing social unrest going around the big cities or the countless proxy conflicts in the New World, all of which threatened to escalate and turn into a catastrophe of major proportions in Equestria itself!

The state of affairs had been growing graver and graver by the day, despite the Princess’ best attempts to keep the kingdoms in line by playing peacemaker and brokering deals.

Yet, the sad truth was that, legally speaking, there just wasn’t much else she could do about it. Beyond Equestria Proper, she was just a mere figurehead, and with the Imperial Army conformed by volunteers from all across the realm, she couldn’t take punitive action against the constituent kingdoms without facing major mutinies and having her reputation suffer a severe blow from which it might never recover.

So diplomacy it was. And while no single pony could fix such a maelstrom of issues, Elusive just couldn’t sit easy knowing he could do something about it; indeed, he needed to do something, anything about it.

And that was what he truly wanted out of the Gala: power and influence. Or, more exactly, the power and the influence to help Equestria. Because Equestria needed every help she could get.

This wasn’t about himself. This was about changing Equestria for the better, about defusing tensions before they could reach the breaking point, and about fixing once and for all the uneven, patchwork-like system that allowed the constituent kingdoms to do whatever they damn well pleased at the expense of the rest of Equestria.

The feudal system had long outstayed its welcome. The winds of change were blowing.

And somepony had to steer the ship through these trying times, reaching where even the Princess couldn’t or wouldn’t. Somepony had to make those sacrifices. Somepony had to put their neck and their reputation on the line, so she wouldn’t have to.

But he had to be realistic. Even if everything went even better than he could imagine, he could hardly ever become a Lord Chancellor within at least ten years. He was barely twenty-two.

And entirely lacking in political experience aside from reading a boatload of novels, news, and political treatises.

Not for long, Elusive decided, reincorporating himself with a start. He could continue with the suits tomorrow; now, though, he had other things in mind.

“Here you go, Captain Armor.”

“I told you to just call me Shining, Elusive,” the captain chuckled good-naturedly, receiving the parcel with his own magic.

“So you have,” the alabaster unicorn conceded, “but I’m afraid I can be rather stubborn when it comes to certain formalities.”

Instead of replying, Shining Armor shook his head in amusement as he started opening the package to have a look, so Elusive stood there, fidgeting awkwardly and feeling uncomfortably tiny. He had half a mind to place the blame on the high-ceilings of the new town hall.

While the new town hall was a pleasure to the eyes, having more than a passing resemblance to Russaria’s Winter Palace (minus the sprawling gardens, and, naturally, with only a minuscule fraction of the size), Elusive found the white, high-vaulted and sophisticated interiors to be rather intimidating. Even if the town hall was still a work in progress, with most of its facade still covered in scaffolding and artisans giving the finishing touches to the interiors, he had never expected to see such splendour arrive to his quaint little town, and now that he was standing there, he didn’t quite know what to do with himself.

He felt like he was in a daze, star-struck by it all. It was like a scene out of his novels, come to life, with him as the protagonist. As if a piece of the Royal Palace had been transplanted and placed squarely in the heart of Ponyville.

And to think that, in May, he would attend the Grand Galloping Gala in Canterlot itself.

If this was intimidating, that was outright terrifying. He would consider himself lucky if he survived through the night without having a panic attack.

By the time the suit was out of the package, Elusive, in his desperate need to do something to break the oppressive silence, broke one of his most sacred rules of business.

“I’ll be honest with you, I’m not entirely convinced with the end result,” he talked down his work, voice trembling with anxiety. “The code of dress didn’t give me as much leeway as I would have liked.”

Shining turned to look at him incredulously.

“What are you talking about? This is amazing! Cadence is gonna love it.” He smiled widely, eyeing his new dress uniform up and down like a colt with his new favourite toy. “Makes my old one look like a bunch of unwashed rags.” Shining Armor paused. “Which, come to think of it, they kind of were.”

As always, flattery made himself feel more at ease… but it didn’t make Shining Armor’s statement any less disgusting to Elusive’s hypersensitive fashion sense. Elusive pinched his nose. “Ew.”

“Yeah…” Shining looked away, sheepishly. With that look on his face, he had a striking resemblance to his little sister. “In my defense, I’m always wearing it for just about everything, so it’s really worn out.”

The tailor tilted his head. “Aren’t you supposed to only wear your dress uniform on formal occasions, though?” At least, that was what the code of dress said.

“When you’re the Captain of the Royal Guard, every occasion is a formal occasion,” Shining replied wearily. “At this point, I think I’ve spent more time of my life inside that damned suit than outside.”

“But surely you have other suits, don’t you?” he tentatively asked, trying to stop himself from doing the math of the Captain’s hopefully hyperbolic statement.

“Nope. Just the one.” Somehow, he seemed fine with the idea.

Ah, so being a slob runs in the family, Elusive was tempted to remark, but held his tongue. It wouldn’t do to insult the Captain of the Royal Guard and his family right to his face, nevermind how self-deprecating he was himself.

“But now, thanks to you,” Shining Armor continued, oblivious to Elusive’s thinly hidden disgust at his clothing habits, “I have a new and far better one! Good thing, too, because I’m sure that if I showed up to the Gala with the old one, Cadence would dump my ass right on the streets,” he laughed. “And wouldn’t that suck? I’ve already bought the ring and everything…”

How about that, Twilight? Spike was right, he noted with amusement.

“I’m sure she’ll find no reason to be displeased with your new suit,” Elusive said politely, already thinking of ways to profit off this new tidbit he had learnt. Probably by doing a bet with Twilight, but the poor girl wasn’t big on betting money; meanwhile, the rest of the guys were in agreement that Cadence was, indeed, the Captain’s fillyfriend, so he couldn’t bet against them. What to do, what to do...

“Spoken like a true politician,” Shining chuckled. He did that a lot. “Speaking of, have you thought about running for mayor?”

“As a matter of fact, I have,” Elusive said simply.

“Great!” Shining smiled widely, but as Elusive allowed the conversation to fall into a tactical silence, his smile grew stilted. “... It’s great… right?” he asked pausedly, before his eyes widened in panic. “Oh Celestia please tell me you’ve got good news for me,” he spluttered.

Elusive nodded, satisfied at how the Captain had broken before he had. “Yes, they’re good news.”

“OH THANK CELESTIA,” Shining Armor breathed out, his body sagging in relief.

“You really don’t like Filthy Rich, do you?”

“I’d rather ask the Princess to declare Martial Law,” he stated bluntly.

“Why? Have you grown fond of ruling your very own town? Perhaps you’ve decided you rather like this new palace and want it all for yourself?” Elusive teased the Captain, but he couldn’t keep the edge off his voice. Reality was slowly sinking in.

Shining Armor stared flatly at him, entirely unamused.

“Elusive, let me make myself perfectly clear. The sooner I get out of here and deployed somewhere else, the better.” He raised a hoof to silence Elusive, though it wasn’t necessary; the alabaster unicorn knew his manners. “Now, don’t get me wrong. I like Ponyville. I like the ponies around here. Getting to see my little siblings again is great! Getting to meet you guys was great, too. And, yeah, sure, the new town hall is nice and all. But I fucking hate being the acting mayor.”

Elusive blinked. He was pretty sure that was the first time he had heard Shining Armor curse.

“And…” Elusive was taken aback. “You’d rather be the acting mayor indefinitely than give the post to Filt—?”

“Yes.”

“Sweet Celestia, what did Filthy Rich do to you?”

The Captain snorted in contempt. “He’s a vapid crowd-pleaser. He thinks he can run the town like he runs his business. Nevermind the part in which his business is running at a loss and he refuses to release his tax returns.” Shining shook his head. “You can’t solve all your problems by throwing money at them.”

“And you think that’s what he’d do as mayor?” Elusive questioned. “Spend money senselessly instead of actually addressing the issues?”

“Two things,” the Captain began. “First: no, I don’t think he’ll do that. I think he’ll make all kinds of harebrained promises to get elected, then syphon money off the treasury and turn a profit out of what should be a service to the community.”

Now, that was a real concern… And unfortunately, knowing Filthy Rich’s tendency to resort to legally questionable tactics, not an implausible one. That’s what happened when you were taught from birth to always push the boundaries of what’s right and allowed, and ‘be a killer’ in your pursuit of profit, Elusive presumed.

Shining raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “Second, have you seen his kid?”

Elusive grimaced. No need to ask him about Diamond Tiara; he knew all too well just how rotten the little brat was. “Point taken.”

“Exactly. You can see why I was so eager to have…” Shining paused for an instant, thinking it over. “Literally anypony else have a go at it.”

“Can’t say I blame you,” he allowed, then gulped.

This was it.

The moment of truth.

He had imagined it would go over something like this and had planned for it. He had even spent a couple of hours practicing his speech in front of the mirror, much to Sweetie Belle’s bemusement.

It wasn’t his first pitch, either; the pit on his stomach was an old friend of his, and he knew how to overcome his nerves.

Yet, when he opened his mouth, he found himself saying something entirely different.

“But I’m not sure I’m an ideal candidate, I’m afraid. I’m only twenty-two years old, and I haven’t got the faintest idea of how to run a town.”

“Well, you can’t go worse than Filthy Rich,” Shining Armor said as if it was meant to console him, yet, given just how low his opinion of the bussinesspony was, Elusive felt damned by faint praise.

“Are you sure about that?” Elusive’s eyes widened in horror as he torpedoed his own candidacy, yet he couldn’t stop himself. “Filthy Rich, at the very least, has vast experience in administration; and good or bad, experience is still experience. I’m just a nopony with a tailor shop. Why do you want me so much for this?”

Shining sighed, then placed a comforting hoof on Elusive’s shoulder.

“Look. You’re getting cold-hooves. I get it. Oh, do I get it. But trust me when I tell you that you’re the right pony for the job. You’re smart. You’re compassionate. You’re generous, and you never quit. You fight the good fight until the bitter end. And most importantly, you’re a good stallion. And that’s exactly what Ponyville needs right now.”

“With all due respect, how are you so sure about that?” Elusive asked, frowning. “You don’t know me that much. We’re merely acquaintances.”

“Maybe, but Twily vouches for you.”

“You place a lot of faith on her word.”

“When has she ever been wrong?” Shining replied with a light smile. “And I’ve got it on good authority that I’m an excellent judge of character. I’m the Captain of the Royal Guard for a reason, after all. I’ve noticed how you carry yourself. How you read the room and everypony on it before speaking. How you’ve been reading me and playing off my words to reply properly during this entire conversation, don’t you think I didn’t notice,” Elusive looked away, slightly embarrassed. “Hey. It’s a good thing. You’re a natural politician. And sure, you’re young. But I wasn’t much older than you when I was promoted to Captain.”

“You were twenty-four,” Elusive recalled reading it in the papers. It caused quite the commotion.

Normally, Elusive would suspect that some truly rotten nepotism had taken place if somepony achieved the rank of Commander-in-Chief of the Royal Guard (and, by proxy, the highest ranking army officer in all of Equestria) by the age of twenty-four. Yet, Shining Armor was a fascinating exception to the rule.

Namely, he was born to minor nobility; a family so minor their founder and most illustrious forebear had been an errant knight centuries ago that had been ennobled by the Princess for her bravery during the war against the Kalmärr Coalition. Yet, the family currently held no titles, nor lands, nor wealth, and most certainly had no influence whatsoever. For all intents and purposes, they were just average commoners with a fancy coat of arms hanging by the fireplace.

He hadn’t any uncles or cousins in high places. Shining Armor had risen through the ranks by his own merit, entirely unrelated (as Elusive had thought at first) to his sister’s own stellar career as the Princess’ hoof-picked personal student and protégé.

They were the trailblazers of their family. Theirs were the names their descendants would bear with pride and use to get ahead in life. It was amazing to think the heights the two siblings had achieved... and then realise just how young they were. Twilight was a few months shy of eighteen. Shining Armor was twenty-six. They had their entire lives and careers ahead of them, and anypony who knew them knew that they were just getting started.

Move aside, Celestia and Artemis, Elusive mused blasphemously, idly hoping that Twilight had yet to master mind-reading, there’s a new sibling power-duo in town.

“Yep. Twenty-four, and promoted to Captain of the Celestia-damned Royal Guard. Think you’re scared now?” Shining Armor chuckled. “I had to wear my brown pants to work for a full year before I finally felt at ease with myself.”

“But… you were the right pony for the job,” Elusive frowned deeply, confused. “You are the right pony for the job. You’re a force of nature. Why would you even be afraid in the first place?”

“Well, so are you,” Shining Armor effortlessly sidestepped the question. “There’s a job to be done. One only you can do. So pull yourself together, soldier. You’ve got a town to rule.”

Flattery always made himself feel more at ease. Yet, the sheer conviction in the Captain’s voice showed he really meant it. He had genuine faith in him, even when Elusive doubted himself. Shining Armour truly believed he was the pony for the job. Perhaps, if he told himself so every morning, he might even come to believe it one day. But for the meantime, the Captain’s vote of faith would do just nicely.

There was only one tiny problem, though.

“I’m not a soldier,” he pointed out. “And I’ve yet to win any elections.”

Shining Armor blanked. “... Right. Sorry, got a bit carried away with the pep talk,” he said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Oh, no, it was a marvelous effort. I feel better already,” he snarked. “Truly, I take my hat off to you.”

“See, you sound sarcastic, but I don’t think you actually mean it,” the Captain replied, cheekily.

Elusive thought he should feel bothered at how easily the Captain had seen through him, but, well… Perhaps he wasn’t lying when he said he was an excellent judge of character.

“Perhaps,” the alabaster unicorn allowed, then closed his eyes, taking a moment, letting everything sink in. “Where do I sign up?”

And with those five words, the die was cast. There was no turning back now.

The campaigning season would begin shortly after Nightmare Night, with the elections taking place in early January. Which meant that Elusive had more than enough time to pull together his own campaign team and work his policy out.

Fortunately, ponies loved to air their grievances and desires while their measurements were being taken, so he already had a good idea of where the popular opinion stood. All it took was some pointed questions here and there, and they all spilled the beans.

And if he threw a couple of thoughtful, insightful suggestions of his own, suddenly ponies turned to look at him with new eyes as they realised that Elusive was more than just a pretty face with a gift for fashion. It should annoy him, really, but the large amount of newfound respect he had garnered just by saying the right words at the right time was very promising for his electoral prospects.

So he had more than a few ideas flying around, just waiting for him to sit down and make policy pledges out of them.

But they would have to wait a couple more days.

Because right now he had a bunch of suits to finish.

To his great satisfaction, he had them finished before the week was done. It wasn’t easy, per se; the complications he had faced before had not disappeared overnight, but starting over with the designs and having a clearer mind had done wonders. Once he had managed to make a break-through, the rest was a walk in the park.

Yard by yard, never stressed, he sang internally as he put the final details on Butterscotch’s tie. And that’s the art of the dress~!

It was a very catchy tune, if he said so himself. In fact, he should totally write it down and pitch it to Warnherd Records. Tailor, politician, superhero and singer. My, aren’t you a talented one? He thought, a bit extremely pleased with himself.

And why wouldn’t he be pleased with himself? Elusive didn’t believe in false modesty. And he knew for a fact that no other tailor in Equestria would have managed to make suits just as impressive as the ones he had on display in front of him.

He glanced at the clock.

A quarter past four.

And with time to spare, too! The rest of the gang should arrive by five o’clock, which gave him just enough time to indulge himself with a glass of fine wine, and prepare some sort of extra presentation, just for the sake of it.

At first, he thought of asking them to close their eyes shut and follow him, then realised that, most likely, they would end up walking into a wall or into each other. Then he thought of making them all hold the next pony’s tail so they wouldn’t wander off, before realising he was being silly and deciding to just put up a curtain.

Unfortunately, he didn’t have any kind of catwalk installed (because why would he?), so he decided to set up a small stand by the centre of the main saloon upon which he would place the suits and dress, covered by a rich purple fabric as a curtain. And, as the cherry on top, he would make the stand light up in a soft hue shifting smoothly and seamlessly through each of their coat colours every second. It wasn’t the fanciest presentation, for it wasn’t a presentation at all, but it would do just nicely.

Surprisingly, all five of them (plus Spike) had gathered outside of his door by the time the clock struck five.

“Hello, hello, friends,” Elusive greeted them, as he motioned for them to enter the Boutique. “You have no idea how pleased I am to see that you have all made it on time!” And he definitely didn’t glare daggers at Rainbow Blitz as he said so. The cyan pegasus frowned, then shook his head.

“You told us to be here by five, so here we are,” Twilight spoke for the rest of them as she made her way through the door. The mare was still wearing her bun hairdo (if one more haphazardly thrown together thanks to her own inexperience grooming herself), and indeed, looked properly marvellous with it.

“Yeah, who do ya think we are? Rainbow Blitz?” Applejack smiled sardonically.

“Hey, I take offense to that,” the pegasus complained, crossing his forehooves. “I can be punctual. I just don’t want to.”

“Yeah, that kind of makes it worse,” Spike snarked dryly.

“A legendary speedster is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to,” Phil recited, nodding his head sagely.

Butterscotch looked at Phil strangely.

“Trotkien?”

“Yep!”

“Well, not really Trotkien, no,” Twilight intervened. “That line was added by the movie adaptation. In the original books there is no such scene at all, actually.”

“Nerd,” Blitz fake-coughed, then started whistling inconspicuously once the mare turned to glare at him.

“So!” Phil intervened a bit too energetically, “Where are them dresses?”

There was a beat.

“Don’t you mean ‘su—’?”

“I don’t know what you mean I totally said suits shut up Butterscotch.”

The butter pegasus simply blinked in confusion.

“... Right.” Elusive suddenly remembered why he had come to the conclusion that having all six of them (plus Spike) at the same place at the same time drastically shortened his life expectancy.

And it was not because of all the monsters they fought.

He cleared his throat. “Well,” he said as he closed the door, “I trust you can see the rather large curtain I put up in the middle of the room?”

Everypony but Phil nodded. The pink stallion, on the contrary, gasped, his eyes widening comically, as if he had only just noticed the curtain. Knowing him, that was very likely the case.

Elusive took a deep breath to prepare himself. “Well, my dears,” and he smirked, “allow me to introduce you to your Gala outfits!” he said theatrically, and with a magical pull, set the curtain aside.

To his satisfaction, they were all struck silent the moment they set their eyes upon the outfits on the stand.

Twilight’s and Applejack’s outfits weren’t all that different from his original sketches; he had added small embedded pearls on different parts of Twilight’s skirt, making up various constellations, as well as magical runes of protection and guidance onto her belt.

Applejack’s, meanwhile, was all but identical to the sketch, though Elusive had added a small gilded pocket watch to the waistcoat, if only because he thought it made the stitching of the waistcoat pop out more.

When it came to the other suits, his breakthrough had come by repurposing some of his dress ideas.

Butterscotch’s long coat, of Selerish design, was a bright emerald, lined with golden nordic knots and floral patterns all the way down into the tailcoats. The double breasted waistcoat was a dull black, but it was lit up by golden floral motifs that danced under the light, just as the runes on his soft cerulean tie. Capping all that was an asymmetrical capet draped over his left wing, with a raven stitched in gold. All in all, he looked like a proper Nordic gentlecolt.

To differentiate Blitz’s pegasi elements from Butterscotch’s, Elusive chose to go with a Hayzantine style instead of a Nordic one. And so, he turned the buttons of his rainbow pinstripe waistcoat into tiny, gilded lighting bolts, and his blazer’s collar had a laurel wreath stitched into it, both of them a homage to Ancient Pegasopolis’ Heavenly Games, and therefore, reflecting Rainbow Blitz’s athletic nature. His blazer had a slim, dashing cut, and the cuffs were golden, as well, with the tie made of diagonal rainbow stripes; Elusive thought it was a bit garish, but if somepony could pull a rainbow tie off, it was Rainbow Blitz.

From the saloon-esque design for Phil, he had salvaged the blue and white stripes for his shirt’s sleeves, combining it with a yellow-and-pink pinstripe waistcoat. Phil’s pinstripe pattern, however, was unique, in the sense that it was carefully designed to look fashionably uneven, with the stripes becoming thicker or thinner depending on their position and the width of the next stripes. His morning coat, in the meantime, was a dark pink, with puffy white cuffs and light blue details. Instead of a tie, he had a light blue cravat.

And, last but not least, for himself, he had decided to go with a black shirt and pinstripe white double breasted waistcoat, with diamond buttons and a grey long coat with golden finishing. All in all, a sober yet refined look, not unlike the one he had hurriedly thrown together during the fashion make-over of over a month past.

In the end, the unifying motif was not only the golden thread, but the fact that all six of their cutie marks were stitched by the golden threads onto each of their collars (or, in Twilight’s case, a small, slim dark headband). The outfits stood on their own, but when placed next to each other, it was perfectly clear they were part of a set.

Smirking, the alabaster unicorn concluded. “As you can see, I designed each outfit’s theme to perfectly reflect each pony’s unique personality. It wasn’t easy, my dears, but I believe that, in the end, and for lack of a better word, I nailed it. What do you think?”

All of them were silent, surely star-struck. Elusive allowed himself to savour their amazement.

Yet the silence only drew longer.

And longer.

And longer.

Elusive swallowed.

And longer still.

Just like that, this was officially the most awkward situation he had ever found himself in. And he had had his fair share of embarrasing one night stands, so that was really saying something.

“Wow,” Twilight eventually broke the silence with perhaps too much hesitation for Elusive’s good. “They’re…” she paused, blinking and pursing her lips, as if, for the first time in her life, she was at a lack for words.

“They sure are… somethin’,” Applejack quipped, rubbing his beard in thought. For some reason, he didn’t look precisely pleased. For that, Elusive was prepared, because he knew how much the stallion hated formal attire, but he had hoped that the unconventional, comfortable fabrics he had used were enough to endear this particular one to him.

For what he was most definitely not prepared was for the frown that appeared on Butterscotch’s face. “It’s… nice,” Butterscotch said.

Ah, fuck, Elusive muttered to himself in dismay as reality sunk in. They didn’t like them.

“What’s the matter? Don’t you like them?” he gently prodded, even if he already knew the answer.

“I mean, they’re very nice,” Twilight began.

Applejack picked up her train of thought. “And we’re mighty grateful ‘cause ya busted yer flank on them,” he continued, Phil nodding furiously.

“Even if it’s not even half as cool as I expected,” Blitz concluded bluntly. Everypony turned to glare at him. The stallion shrugged. “What? He asked.”

Elusive rolled his eyes sharply. Give it to Rainbow Blitz to say what nopony wants to hear. “I see.” Still, he sighed, better to know that you failed than to be blissfully oblivious.

“Personally I think they’re pretty neat, but I’m not going to that snoozefest, so…” Spike shrugged as Phil wacked Blitz on the head. Elusive closed his eyes, grateful that at least he could count on the lil’ bro. Not that it made much (if any) of a difference, anyways. A tiny moral victory out of the decisive rout he had just endured, in a manner of speaking.

“It’s not that they’re bad, no, not at all! It’s just… Well… I guess what we want to say is that, uhm, they’re just not exactly what we had in mind,” Twilight concluded diplomatically. The other Bearers all nodded their various assents.

All his hard work for naught. Elusive took one last moment to shake off his deep disappointment, before letting out a sigh and opening his eyes.

“That’s okay. Perhaps I should have asked you what you wanted instead of flying blind. I thought I knew better about what you wanted than you yourselves did. It was quite arrogant of me, and for that I’m terribly sorry,” he conceded humbly. “Never fret, my dears. After all, there’s plenty more where that came from, and the Gala is still several months away. They were only a first draft. Not to worry, I’ll redo them, but this time, you will be the ones calling the shots. How does that sound?”

“Oh, uh, you don’t have to do that,” Butterscotch protested meekly. “They’re fine.”

“My dear, I don’t do ‘fine’. The Gala is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for us all. It’s a dream come true, and I want you to look and feel the part. I want you to think your outfits are absolutely perfect.”

“Are ya sure about that? Ya would have to start all over again and that looks like a lotta work,” Applejack said dubiously, eyeing the outfits appraisingly. “I mean, we wouldn’t wanna impose.”

“Applejack,” Elusive shook his head. “If I can’t make outfits that satisfy my closest friends and Rainbow Blitz, then what good of a tailor am I? No, my dear. This is now a matter of honour.”

“... and the stars on my dress need to be scientifically accurate. Orion has three stars on his belt, not four.”

Elusive frowned.

“Hmmm… What you’re asking is certainly…”

“Certainly…?” Twilight inquired, eyes wide and far too adorable to not be deliberate on her part.

Ugly as all hells.

“... unorthodox,” he said instead, but a couple of ideas were already coming to his mind. “But if somepony can make it work, it’s me.”

Butterscotch tilted his head to the side when Elusive cringed at his suggestion.

“Is something wrong?”

“Ah, it’s, ahm… a tad old fashioned, you see.”

“Oh. What’s wrong with old fashioned?”

“Wrong? Oh, my dear, no, there’s nothing wrong with it! Indeed, the Gala loves old fashioned!” They were aristocrats, after all. “It’s just that… Hmmm… You see, and I say this in the kindest way possible, if you show up dressed like this, you’re going to look like you belong in a costume party rather than a high culture event like the Grand Galloping Gala.” Elusive flinched as Butterscotch’s expression fell. “I see where you’re coming from, and trust me, I get it, but worst case scenario, you might even give the impression that you’re mocking the Nordics and their traditions.”

Elusive would swear until his last dying breath that the persuasive look on Butterscotch’s stare was as eldritch as the interdimensional tennant that dwelled in his cottage.

Blitz was unphased by Elusive’s caffeine-powered, sleep-deprived, soulless stare.

“What?” he eventually asked after seven full minutes of silence and staring.

“Aren’t you going to tell me what you want me to do to your suit?”

“Nah, the suit’s fine. It just needs to be cooler.”

“... Cooler.”

“Yep.”

“Define ‘cooler’.”

“Cooler.”

“Use it in a sentence.”

“Make it cooler.”

“What do you even mean by ‘cooler’?”

“I mean ‘cooler’.”

“Well, what kind of ‘cooler’?”

“Just ‘cooler’.”

“You’re really not being very helpful here.”

“Infuriating, isn’t it?” Blitz remarked acidly. He then rolled his eyes, and levelled a long, hard look at his suit on the mannequin. After almost an entire minute of silence, he opened his mouth and sentenced, face perfectly squared and emotionless:

“It needs to be about twenty percent cooler.”

Elusive blinked, then smacked his forehead with his hoof in amazement.

“Oh, wow. What a concept. How come I never thought of that before? It has to be twenty percent cooler! That really clears everything up! It’s so obvious! Gee, thank you so much, Rainbow Blitz! If it weren’t for you, I’d be completely lost!”

“Hey, that’s what friends are for, right?”

“You know, I’m not sure if ‘friend’ is the word I’d use to describe you. I’m thinking more of something along the lines of ‘potential murder victim’.”

“Eh, I mean, for the six of us, they’re really the same thing when you think about it.”

“... Touché.”

“Well, any ideas?” Elusive asked Applejack, unable to keep the bemusement from his voice.

The farm stallion was pressed flat against the Boutique’s wall, utterly emasculated by the soft, fluffy ball of murder that was blissfully napping on the couch at the other end of the building.

“Can we, uh, take this stuff outside?” Applejack asked meekly.

Elusive rolled his eyes. “Applejack, relax. Opal isn’t going to attack you.”

“How are ya so sure?!” the stallion screamed in horror. Awoken by the noise, Opal raised her head, and hissed towards the orange stallion with utter contempt. Applejack yelped. “That monster wants me dead!”

“Applejack,” Elusive sighed tiredly, “if Opal wanted to kill you, you’d already be dead.”

“And what the hay is that supposed to mean?!”

“That I’d have to worry about one less suit.”

Elusive paused.

“Actually, no, I’d have to make your mortuary one, considering you have been such a good friend you’ve earned a proper burial instead of throwing you into a shallow ditch on the outskirts of town like I intend to do with Rainbow Blitz’s corpse when I’m done with him. Sucks to be me, I guess.”

“YEAH, AH BET!”

“Don’t you think my gown would be more me with some lollipops?”

“... ‘Gown’?”

“Balloons?”

“Well…”

“Lollipops and balloons?”

“I don’t think…”

“DO IT!”

“In summary, the armscye seems tight, the middy collar doesn't go with the shawl lapel, the hems are clearly machine-stitched, the pleats are uneven, the fabric looks like toile, you used a backstitch here when it clearly called for a topstitch or maybe a traditional blanket stitch, the pearls you used as highlights are all over the place, and the overdesign is reminiscent of prêt-à-porter and not true Prench haute couture. Not to mention it looks like it was made for a mare, not a stallion. It’s almost like you’re just phoning it in, for Celestia’s sake.”

“That’s because it’s Twilight’s dress, Spike, not a suit. Those are over there.” Elusive sighed in exhaustion, so tired he couldn’t even be offended by the suggestion that he, Elusive of Ponyville, was phoning it in.

“Oh, and don’t even get me started on those!” And he proceeded to get started on those.

For his decaying sanity’s sake, the unicorn, with a heavy groan of agony, decided to cut the chase and turned to face the baby dragon, interrupting his tirade with a sharp, “What are you even doing here?”

“I came to ensure all your new attires for the Gala are just right,” Spike replied, with an obnoxious emphasis on the last two words and an accompanying claw gesture.

“... Why?” Elusive’s voice was drained of any life. “You’re not even going to the Gala.”

“I know! But I came to make sure you live up to your own high standards!”

“... So basically you’re just here to nitpick for the sake of it.”

“Yep!”

“Kindly get the hell out of my Boutique.”

Something exploded.

A cat screeched.

Silence.

“Uhm…” Sweetie Belle’s uncertain voice began. “Elusive…?”

“And take Sweetie Belle with you.”

“It’s… okay, Ah guess.”

“You guess.”

“Well, Ah mean, what do ya want me to say? Ah don’t know nothin’ about fancy schmancy suits!”

“Well, do you like it?”

“Uhm… Sorry, but no, not really, no. It’s just too fancy for mah taste.”

“It’s for the Gala.”

“And? Ah’m not wearin’ that ridiculous thing! Make it more, uhh, normal or somethin’!”

“Why do I even bother.”

“More balloons! Oh no, that’s too many balloons, I’m going to fly away on that, and that would spoil the party for everypony else if I’m the only pony flying! They would get so jealous! Except for the pegasi, duh, ‘cause they can fly too. Oooh, what if we just started our own Gala up in the air with blackjack and hookers? I would need an entirely different outfit then! And what would we even eat up there? Oh, oh oh! I’ve got it! More candy! No, no, less candy. That’s too little, a bit more! No, no no no no! You’re doing it all wrong! Like, more candy but not more candy!… Oh, wait, I know!”

“You… You do?” Elusive’s voice was brittle with soul-crushing desperation.

“Streamers!”

“... Streamers,” he deadpanned.

“Yippers!”

“... In your suit.”

“Well, where else would they be, silly?”

“Literally anywhere but your suit.”

“Pffffff, that’s no fun! I said back then that I was going to bring my very own party to this snoozefest, and where else to bring it but my suit? There’ll be a party in my jacket, a party in my tie, and you can bet your flank there’ll be a party in my pants, and you’re all invited!”

Elusive smashed his head against his desk.

“Maybe I should run away, change my name and start a new life in Bockhemia…” he muttered, feeling as his soul was slowly strangled to death.

“Just make sure to have my suit finished before you do~!”

“What? No no no no no! Alpha Corvi is not the brightest star of the constellation, it’s Gamma Corvi!”

“Does it really matter?”

“Of course it matters! Not only Corvus will be entirely unrecognisable if it’s not right, but with the Princess herself there I will look ridiculous! She will be so disappointed in me if I’m not even capable of having my dress be scientifically accurate! Do you want me to disappoint the Princess? After all she’s done for me and for us and—!”

“Yes, okay, fine, I get it, I get it!” Elusive cried, wishing for oblivion. “Just please shut up!”

“Butterscotch, I swear to Celestia, if you’re going to ask me to make a companion suit for one of your animals, I cannot be held responsible for what I’m going to do to you.”

The pegasus lowered his head in despondence and left without saying a word.

“Why are the balloons every colour but fulvous? Fulvous is the absolute bestest colour for balloons, everypony knows that!”

“Phil, do you see that string over there?”

“Yep!”

“Do me a favour and strangle me with it.”

“Oh, Elusive, you silly filly. If I have to endure the existential dread and emotional sorrow of the Absurd, so do you! You’re not getting away that easily!” Phil winked happily.

“Elusive, yer mah buddy and everythin’, but Ah think ya gotta be thicker than Rainbow Blitz if ya think ‘more normal’ means… whatever the hay ya just made.”

“I’ll go get Opal.”

“Nice try, but Ah brought Winona with me this time,” the stallion smirked. Winona barked happily as Opal, knowing herself outmatched, shrunk away into the darkness.

Elusive shot Applejack a withering glare.

“I fucking hate you.”

“Not cool enough.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck me yourself, you coward.”

“Get out of my Boutique before I make a suit out of your skin.”

“Heh, can you imagine? That would look so fucking metWAIT WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT KNIFE NONONONONO I’M LEAVING I’M LEAVING I’M LEAVING OKAY GEEZ DUDE TAKE A CHILL PILL!”

“Hey, Elusive!”

“OH, JUST SLICE MY FUCKING THROAT AND BE DONE WITH IT!” Elusive shrieked, handing the newcomer his scissors and baring his neck.

Sweetie Belle blinked.

“... I was going to ask what we were going to eat for dinner,” she eventually said with a meek, scared voice.

“... Oh.”

There was a very awkward beat.

Elusive sighed. “Let’s go get some take-away.”

“Yay!”

“Okay.”

A beat.

“Okay.”

Another beat.

“Okay!”

The gathered Bearers on the Boutique glanced among themselves uneasily.

“Uhm… Elusive? You… you okay there, buddy?” Phil prodded carefully.

“Why, yes!” Elusive snapped, eyes wide and bloodshot, and a manic grin on his face. His mane was matted, limp and sticking at odd, unnatural angles, and his white coat had a sickly hue. The pink stallion flinched. “I’m okay! I’m fine! I’m perfectly okay!” Nothing he said did anything to calm his friends, who looked at him like he had gone utterly, batshit insane.

And you know what? Maybe he had!

“And you know WHY I’m fine?!” he bellowed, the twisted grin never leaving his face. His right eye twitched. Twilight and Applejack shared a worried glance. Butterscotch took a step back. Phil and Blitz looked away. “Because I’m done! I’m finally done!” he giggled. “Behold! Your outfits! Just as you wanted them!”

On cue, the curtains split, and everypony present but Elusive gasped.

Silence held for a second.

Then for another.

And another still.

Until finally, like a burst dam, they began talking all over each other in enthusiastic, giddy voices.

“Wow, this is amazing!”

“This is the best thing ever!”

“It’s just like I imagined it!”

“LOOK AT ME! I’M EDIBLE!”

“Ha! How about that? Superhero!”

Elusive couldn’t help himself, and began clapping to gather everypony’s attention.

“My dears, my dears! I’m delighted that you love your outfits!” Elusive positively purred. “It’s all I ever wanted! To make you happy! To see you smile!” His own smile, however, died on his lips, as a pensive frown appeared on his face. “Although, I do wonder…”

“What is it?”

“Well…” Elusive took a deep breath... and then his fragile mental state snapped with an audible crack. “You guys are aware this is for the Grand Galloping Gala and not FOR FUCKING NIGHTMARE NIGHT, RIGHT?!”

They all froze instantly in shock, sharing an awkward glance as a tense, uncomfortable silence began to take hold.

As always, Applejack took the lead when it came to facing the danger. “Well, yeah…”

“Okay. Okay! Okayokayokayokayokay,” Elusive conceded, but he had a crazed, dangerous look in his eyes. “Then please please please explain to me why the fuck did you ask me to include galoshes in your suit?!”

“Hey, they’re a legitimate piece of clothing!” Applejack huffed.

“FOR WHAT, APPLEJACK, FOR WHAT?!”

“So your hooves don’t get wet in the rain!”

“WHY THE FLYING FUCK WOULD IT BE RAINING AT THE GALA?! IT’S INDOORS, FOR FUCK’S SAKE!” Elusive took a deep breath. “But you know what?! Galoshes are fine! They’re amazing! They're fucking fabulous! They’re certainly the most elegant piece of the absolute clusterfuck you asked me to make! I’d call it a potato sack, but holy shit, a potato sack looks like a fucking justaucorp in comparison!”

Elusive closed in on Applejack like a rabid dog. The farmstallion instinctively took a couple of steps back.

“What part of ‘Grand Galloping Gala’ you don’t understand, you thick motherfucker?! Princess Celestia is going to be there! Prince Artemis is going to be there! Kings and Emperors all across Equestria and beyond are in attendance! AND YOU WANT TO GO LIKE FUCKING DIOKÉNTRON?!”

Applejack blinked, utter incomprehension in his face.

“... Who?”

“IT DOESN’T MATTER!” Elusive snapped. “I’d call you a hobo, but a hobo at least has some decorum!”

“Dude, chill down!” The farm stallion raised his front hooves in appeasement. “It’s not that bad! It’s not like Ah’m plannin’ on rollin’ on a pigpen before the Gala or anything…”

“OH, THAT’S A FUCKING RELIEF, GEE, THANK YOU SO MUCH APPLEJACK! THAT CERTAINLY MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER! NOW THE GUARDS DEFINITELY AREN’T GOING TO THROW YOU OUT ON YOUR ASS THE MOMENT THEY SPOT A HOBO HARASSING THE KING OF PRANCE TO BUY SOME OF HIS CELESTIA FORSAKEN APPLES!”

Rainbow Blitz couldn’t help to snort a laugh at that.

“AND YOU!” Elusive wheeled on the rainbow pegasus, who bit off a yelp. “What’s up with that space pirate cowboy shit?! It looks like something straight out of a crappy B-movie! And don’t even get me started on the Spitfire patch! You should count yourself lucky if you make it through the night without her filing a sexual harassment suit against you! And you’re telling me you want to impress her?! Oh, she’ll be impressed alright!”

“... But, like, in the good way, right?”

“WE’RE TALKING ABOUT LEATHER WING COVERS WITH NEON LIGHTS, YOU DIPSHIT! A WALKING BUFFET WITH BALLOONS AND STREAMERS! A VIKING COSPLAY WITH A WOOLLEN BEARD! A HAG OF THE SWAMPS! OF COURSE NOT IN THE GOOD WAY, YOU SHIT FOR BRAINS! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN THINK THE GRAND GALLOPING GALA IS ABOUT?!”

“Geez, Elusive,” Phil frowned. “You make it sound like it’s a violation to the laws of fashion or something!”

“BECAUSE IT IS!” The tailor wailed in heart-wrenching agony. “DON’T YOU GET IT?! ARE YOU ALL STUPID OR SOMETHING?! The Gala has the most strict code of dress in all of Equestria! I’ve spent the entire week trying to juggle both your outlandish desires and keeping it within the bare MINIMUM for us to be allowed into the Gala! That’s why I’ve made so many outfits, yet you’ve kept making me go worse and worse!”

He took a deep breath, then continued ranting, unabated. “I get that you didn’t like the original outfits, seriously, I do, and that’s entirely my fault, but HOLY SHIT if I didn’t know any better I’d think you’re just fucking with me at this point! I can’t remember when was the last time I actually slept! You want your outfits now, but you don't even know what you want! AND YOU KNOW WHAT?! None of those outfits will get you through the FUCKING GATES! You’ll be thrown out on your asses! And all your high dreams for the Gala will go straight to nothing because you couldn’t bother to dress up for one fuck’s forsaken night!”

“Elusive, stop!” Twilight cried. “You’ve made your point!”

“Stop?! STOP?! OH, I’M JUST GETTING STARTED, MY DEAR! I’ve heard all of you yap on and on and on about what you want for the whole past week! But have you heard me say ANYTHING about what I WANT?! NO, OF COURSE YOU HAVEN’T! WHY WOULD YOU?! ‘Oh, it’s just Elusive, he’s a sissy bitch, who gives a shit about what he wants?’ You have NO IDEA, NO IDEA, how hard my job is! You think all of your stupid ideas come free of cost?! You think all the fabric and gems just pop out into existence?! Don’t you see that if I were charging you, you would be up your fucking eyes in debt?! Don’t you see that I’m up to my eyes in debt thanks to your bullshit?! Do you even care?! I give you my hoof in generosity and you take me by the fucking neck! Being taken advantage of by everypony in town is one thing! But being taken advantage of by my friends?! It’s out of the fucking pale! HAVE SOME FUCKING EMPATHY, FOR FUCK’S SAKE! But that’s too much to ask, ISN'T IT?!” He roared, panting heavily, his eyes moist. He opened his mouth once again...

Then, he closed it as he deflated with a heavy sigh.

He couldn’t do this anymore. He just couldn’t.

“All I wanted... was to make something nice for you…” he finished with a trembling voice. “I see now. It’s my fault,” he shook his head.

“Elusive, no…” Twilight began weakly, but he didn’t allow her to go any further.

“It’s my fault that I thought you would appreciate my efforts. I should have known better,” he sniffed. “Yes. I should have known better.”

Applejack, horror written all over his face, gingerly walked up towards him. “Elusive…” he began, making to place his hoof on the unicorn’s shoulder.

“Leave me alone,” he snapped sharply, making Applejack flinch and pull back his arm as if he had been burnt. Elusive sighed, adding in a soft, sorrowful voice: “Please. I… I need to be alone for a while. Just… Just leave.”

Before anypony could make a move, though, the Boutique’s door was slammed open.

As one, they all turned to look at the newcomer.

Claw still on the doorknob, Spike was beaming. “Hey, you guys done?” he asked, obnoxiously cheerful.

Everypony looked down to their hooves in shame. Phil sniffed.

Elusive took one last, long suffering look at the abominations he had crafted.

“Yes,” he sighed, the sound of utter and complete soul-crushing defeat leaving him alongside every dream and hope he'd ever held, slowly closing his eyes. He sniffed. “Yes, I guess we are.”

“That’s great, ‘cause I managed to set up a personal meeting for you with Hoity Toity in like right now!”

Elusive’s eyes burst out of their sockets. “YOU DID WHAAAAAAAT?!” he screeched.

Before anyone could react, a bluish grey earth pony with a high-collared, burgundy cravat and large shades sauntered into the Boutique as if he owned the place and walked right towards Elusive.

“Ah, so you must be Herr Elusive von Ponyville,” the Austrotian fashion legend said appraisingly. “I’m very pleased to meet you. I’ve heard the most marvelous things about you.”

Elusive blinked blankly at him, the cogs in his brain failing to turn at all.

“Oh, but where are my manners,” Hoity Toity shook his head. “My name’s Hoity Toity. I’m a fashion designer myself. I presume you’ve heard of me?”

“YES!” Elusive blurted out in panic, brain suddenly rebooting. Hoity Toity tilted his head curiously. “You’re the most famous fashion designer in all of Equestria!”

The earth pony chuckled with false modesty. “Now, you’re flattering me, Herr von Ponyville.”

“W-What are you doing here in Ponyville?” Elusive’s heart rate was not going haywire. He was not feeling dizzy, nor nauseous. And if you claimed otherwise, he would sue you for defamation.

“Your representative here, Herr de Draco,” Hoity Toity gestured towards Spike, who was still beaming, immensely proud of himself and entirely unable to read the room, “wrote to me and told me all about you. And oh, did his words certainly pique my interest! Yet, when I asked around my numerous acquaintances, nopony seemed to have ever heard about you. Nopony but one. Care to guess who?”

Elusive only stared at Hoity Toity, face frozen in a rictus of pain and fear.

“Why, Princess Celestia herself!” Hoity Toity said, apparently oblivious to Elusive’s paralysed state, not to mention haggard and disheveled looks. “She told me you were just as good as Herr de Draco said and more! So naturally, I just had to come down to Ponyville and see for myself! If I may?” And, taking Elusive’s horrified silence as compliance, Hoity Toity walked towards the clothed mannequins deeper into the shop.

The ones clothed with…

The rest of the Elements shared a look of sheer horror and guilt among themselves.

Spike walked towards Elusive and gave him a friendly jab in the barrel. “Heh. Am I awesome or what?”

“Spike,” Elusive whispered in an eerie monotone.

“Yeah, bro?”

“You’re dead to me,” he sentenced. “And if I manage to make it through this without killing myself in shame, you will be dead to the rest of the world as well.”

“Oh,” Hoity Toity frowned.

The earth pony wandered between the mannequins, taking it all in. If the haughty way his nose was turned upwards was any indication, he wasn’t impressed.

The other Bearers quietly slipped away through the open door.

“Oh my,” he said again, as he walked towards Phil’s… something.

Elusive stood rooted to the spot, waiting for Hoity Toity’s damning verdict with all the hope and optimism of an innocent convict waiting their turn on the gallows. By his side, Spike fidgeted awkwardly, regretting all of his life choices.

This was Hoity Toity.

This was the most important stallion on Wiehern's fashion scene; nay, he was Wiehern's fashion scene. This was the stallion whose influence in the fashion scene reached far beyond the borders of Equestria, whose influence was beginning to be felt in the far reaches of the known world. This was the stallion whose boutique in Canterlot was one of the most profitable private ventures in the entire world. The stallion whose fashion shows attracted millions of ponies every year. This was the stallion whose mere whims dictated the fate of many aspiring artists' careers.

And this stallion was, currently, attently observing Elusive's latest attempt at something that might resemble body coverings, hums and ohs his only companions.

And he did not seem exactly pleased.

At long last, Hoity Toity turned back to Elusive and walked up to him, a neutral look in his face.

“Herr von Ponyville,” Hoity Toity began, voice inscrutable, “after seeing the... outfits,” he said with an honest-to-Celestia shudder, “you have placed on display, I must say…”

“This is our fault,” Twilight breathed out, guilty tears welling in her eyes. Phil was already crying, as Applejack rubbed his back, while Butterscotch only stared into the ground. “This is all our fault.”

“We’ve just destroyed Elusive’s entire career,” Rainbow Blitz shook his head in disbelief. “What the hell kind of friends are we?”

“What do we do now?” Applejack wondered aloud, rubbing circles on the back of the crying wreck that Phil had turned into.

Butterscotch fidgeted. “Should we… should we panic?”

“What good is panickin’ going to do?” Applejack shook his head in denial. “We need to make it up to him. But how?”

“Can we even make it up to him at all?” Twilight countered, weakly, running her hooves through her hair frantically as she racked her brains for a solution. Yet, for the first time in her life, none was forthcoming. “We screwed up. Oh, Celestia, we screwed up…”

“He’s never going to want to see us again,” Blitz stated flatly. Phil moaned. “And I can’t say I blame him. I know I wouldn’t if you did something like that to me.”

The others shot him a bemused glare. Even Phil stopped crying his eyes out to shoot him a dirty look.

“Ya couldn’t not make it about yerself for just five darn minutes, could ya?”

“It’s not like that,” Blitz protested weakly. “What I mean is that... I get it.” He laughed mirthlessly upon gazing on their skeptical expressions. “Yeah, I know how weird it sounds. Rainbow Blitz? Having empathy? Pull the other one.”

“You do make your fame out of being a jerk,” Butterscotch pointed out softly, without any malice. Rainbow Blitz nodded heavily, conceding the pegasus’ point.

“I know. It’s just… Well, the thing is, out of the six of us, Elusive and I have the weakest careers. I mean, one small fuck up can kill it, and kill it dead, just like that. And all the stuff he said…” Phil let out a sob. “I get where he’s coming from. I get it because it’s like if you guys kept asking me to do wilder and wilder tricks until I crashed down, broke my wings for good and couldn’t fly anymore. You just asked for what you thought was cool, I tried to please you even if I knew better, and now my career is dead before it even started. And we just did that to him. I did that to him. I thought he was exaggerating, but..." He sighed. “I get it now. And man, does it feel like absolute fucking shit,” he spat.

And so they stood by the Boutique’s courtyard, wracked by guilt and horror as their friend’s hopes and dreams came to an abrupt end. One they had a major hoof in bringing about.

After what it seemed like hours, Hoity Toity finally walked out through the Boutique’s door, looking supremely pleased with himself. Shortly afterwards, Elusive followed, unstable on his hooves, and his eyes wide and unblinking, mouth slightly agape.

The rest of the Bearers swarmed Elusive as soon as Hoity Toity was out of sight, talking over each other frantically.

“Elusive! We’re so, so sorry!”

“Are you okay, man? You want me to kick Spike’s ass?”

“Do you want me to throw you a cheer-up party?”

“We didn’t think it would come to this!”

“Hoity Toity’s?”

"We never should have taken you for granted, Elusive. It will never happen again, we promise."

“I could also throw you a ‘wallowing in self-pity’ party! Just say the word! I’m all yours! Just don't hate us, please!”

“We had no idea this could happen!”

“Our own?”

“Ah’m sorry. So, so, so sorry, man…”

“All of them?”

“Please, let us make it up to you! We can call him back! Show him your good stuff!”

“None of them? Just speak to us, man.”

Butterscotch was the first to notice Elusive had yet to so much as blink. “Elusive? Are you… are you okay?”

Slowly, Elusive turned to look at them without seeing, his eyes unfocused and vacant. He didn’t seem to process their words at all.

“... I’m going to Wiehern.”

Author's Note

These are some big boy author notes, so grab some popcorn and get comfortable for all kinds of insights into the chapter and our creative decisions... Or just skip them. Your call. We're not the bosses of you.

This chapter, despite being a "straight adaptation" (rather than a "spiritual adaptation", which would be the case with Ticket Master for Take Me Out/Under Pressure, or Feeling Pinkie Keen with Odd One Out, etc), deviates heavily in its execution because of how Elusive is inherently different to Rarity.
Keep in mind that, after all, Elusive is an incarnation of Rarity, but he isn't Rarity.
So naturally, he processes things in a different manner; whereas upon suffering indignity upon indignity Rarity wallows in self-pity behind closed doors, Elusive flips the fuck out.
Therefore, the admittedly excessive use of profanities is very much deliberate, as they're indicative of how Elusive is losing his marbles.
After all, the only character who curses and drops f-bombs with carefree abandon is Rainbow Blitz and maybe Spike from time to time. Scootaloo does too to a minor degree, but only because she worships Blitz and thinks cursing is AwesomeTM.

Interestingly, this chapter's whole premise was built upon a single video I happened to come across my instagram feed.
This is Elusive during this chapter.
The song is called Los Caminos de la Vida, by Argentinian musician Vicentico. It's an absolute classic in Latin America, and commonly used in memes to represent hopelessness, depression and despair, not unlike The Sound of Silence in the anglosphere. We actually tried to translate something out of the lyrics to use as a title, but in the end the pun 'The Art of the Stress' was just too good to pass.

It might appear otherwise, but this chapter's ending was not rushed. On the contrary, there's an additional ~1k words detailing exactly what happened inside the Boutique, but we decided to move them to the beginning of next chapter because it made up for a better narrative flow.

Where the hell did this chapter got so long? This didn't even have a pivotal plot boss fight like all of our other behemoths of a chapter!
Not to say that stuff doesn't happen; at the absolute minimum, this chapter is the start of several plot threads. Any appearance to the contrary perhaps stems from the fact that we've spoiled you with a lot of monster attacks and way too little friendship problems UNRELATED TO SAID ATTACKS. (Case in point, the three chapters detailing the aftermath of the Ursa attack)

Please tell me I'm not the only one who got major Foe Yay vibes from Elusive and Rainbow Blitz's scenes...

Ponyville’s new town hall is mainly based off the Palacio de la Moneda of Santiago, Chile. While the Moneda is the seat of the Chilean government, it’s a surprisingly small building; it takes up a whole square, which, compared to other seats of government, is tiny.
That being said, while the layout is more or less the same, to keep in line with Equestria’s baroque-esque’s architecture, it has the facade of St. Petersburg’s Winter Palace, which, by the way, is HUGE.

Dictionary of Foreign Etymologies:

Brigliano: “briglia” is Italian for “bridle”, “rein”. It represents the Italian city of Milan (or “Milano” in Italian).

Wiehern: “Wiehern” is German for “neigh”. It stands for the Austrian city of Vienna (or “Wien” in the native German).

Eóforwic: “Eoh” (also spelled “eó-”) is a poetic way of saying “horse” in Old English. It represents the city of Eoforwic, currently named York.

Espuela: In Spanish, an “espuela” is a spur. It represents Spain (or “España” in Spanish), or more precisely, the entire Iberian Peninsula (Portugal, or "Portogalope", is a duchy inside Espuela).

Kalmärr Coalition: “märr” is Swedish for “mare”. The name is a reference to the Kalmar Union, a personal union between the kingdoms of Denmark, Norway and Sweden in the 14th to 16th centuries, but in this universe refers to a coalition of independent Nordic rulers that banded together to resist subjugation by Celestia in the year 1066, with the Nordic Herd itself being the personal union between the three kingdoms of Danmanke, Norhest and Selerige, which was established in 1397. Though in real life the union was dominated by Denmark, Kalmar (the city where the union was ratified) is located in Sweden, and therefore, it has a Swedish pun.

Diokéntron: “κέντρον” (kéntron) is Ancient Greek for, among other things, a spur. It serves as the most forced pun we could think of for the philosopher Diogenes (Διογένης, “Diogénēs”), the one that’s famous for living in poverty and being an all-around ill-behaved dirty hobo. Also the guy who gave the Diogenes syndrome its name.

Not really a pun, but "Pegasia", which geographically represents something similar to what our world's Romans knew as "Germania" (basically anything beyond their European frontiers, but not going as far as Russia), is the ancient homeland of the pegasi. The ones in Hayzantium are a splinter group.

And one that is a pun, but not a foreign one: we decided to change Germany's name from the fanon "Germaney" to "Herdmany", since we've never been truly satisfied with the "maney" part of the name. Also, "Herdmany" is accentuated in the same syllable as "Germany" is, so it just rolls better off the tongue.

And, finally, Twilight's new hairdo has an unexpectedly long story; I've drawn humanised versions of the characters (I suck at colouring, though, so they're WIP. Hopefully, I'll share them once I get them coloured), drawing some inspiration from their EQG counterparts. For Twilight, that was Sci-Twi's ponytail and glasses. And from then on, I've grown rather fond of them, so this is my way of canonising the hairdo (the glasses would require a heavier rewrite, and it just ain't worth it). Not unlike EQG, she begins with a full bun before eventually opting for a simpler ponytail.
I imagine Twilight would look pretty much like Aragon's portrayal of pony Sci-Twi in his comic Because Twilight Sparkle Asked.
If you're too lazy to read the comic (shame on you, 'cause his comics are hilarious), here she is:

"Mein Führer... Steiner..."
"Steiner and his unit loved the outfits. They're going to wear them for the Grand Galloping Gala."
"..." *takes off his glasses, hands trembling.* "Everyone leave the room but Applejack, Twilight Sparkle, Butterscotch, Philippos Pie and Rainbow Blitz."
*freakout ensues*

Chapter 14: Departure

Spike walked towards Elusive and gave him a friendly jab in the barrel. “Heh. Am I awesome or what?”

“Spike,” Elusive whispered in an eerie monotone.

“Yeah, bro?”

“You’re dead to me,” he sentenced. “And if I manage to make it through this without killing myself in shame, you will be dead to the rest of the world as well.”

“Oh,” Hoity Toity frowned.

The earth pony wandered between the mannequins, taking it all in. If the haughty way his nose was turned upwards was any indication, he wasn’t impressed.

The other Bearers quietly slipped away through the open door.

“Oh my,” he said again, as he walked towards Phil’s… something.

Elusive stood rooted to the spot, waiting for Hoity Toity’s damning verdict with all the hope and optimism of an innocent convict waiting their turn on the gallows. By his side, Spike fidgeted awkwardly, regretting all of his life choices.

This was Hoity Toity.

This was the most important stallion on Wiehern's fashion scene; nay, he was Wiehern's fashion scene. This was the stallion whose influence in the fashion scene reached far beyond the borders of Equestria, whose influence was beginning to be felt in the far reaches of the known world. This was the stallion whose boutique in Canterlot was one of the most profitable private ventures in the entire world. The stallion whose fashion shows attracted millions of ponies every year. This was the stallion whose mere whims dictated the fate of many aspiring artists' careers.

And this stallion was, currently, attently observing Elusive's latest attempt at something that might resemble body coverings, hums and ohs his only companions.

And he did not seem exactly pleased.

At long last, Hoity Toity turned back to Elusive and walked up to him, a neutral look on his face.

“Herr von Ponyville,” Hoity Toity began, voice inscrutable, “after seeing the... outfits,” he said with an honest-to-Celestia shudder, “you have placed on display, I must say…”

Elusive closed his eyes, numb. He found himself caring surprisingly little for Hoity Toity’s words. After all, he was already dead. This was only double-tapping his corpse.

“You’re just as amazing as the Princess told me you would be!” the fashion legend proclaimed.

Elusive opened his eyes and stared.

And stared.

And stared some more.

“... W-what?” He finally said, feeble, fearful, and disbelieving of his ears.

Hoity Toity, however, didn’t seem to notice Elusive’s (lack of) reaction. “Exactly what I’ve said! You’re incredibly talented! Why, in all my years, I have never seen something quite like this!”

“You… You like the designs?” Elusive was unable to keep the utter bewilderment from his voice.

“Oh, sweet Celestia, no, the designs themselves are hideous! It’s as if you tried to aim as low as equinely possible! They’re monstrous! Garish and terrifying! And for the sake of everything that is sacred, that one has streamers and balloons and lollipops and Celestia knows what else! They never should have existed! I'd rather be torn apart and eaten by savages than be forced to stare at these spawns of the Abyss for just one more second! There are just not enough words in all the languages of the entire planet to say just how much I despise these designs!”

That’s more like it, Elusive thought grimly, his soul being crushed more and more with every single word that Hoity Toity uttered. It wasn’t that he disagreed, to be fair. It was the fact that the fashion legend had seen fit to raise his hopes up before dashing them in a thoroughly brutal manner.

“Yet, they’re true art!”

Wait.

WHAT?!

“They’re so bold! So disruptive! So provocative!” Hoity Toity gushed in admiration.

“P-provocative?”

“Oh, ja! They make me want to gouge my eyes out! They’re the Absurd itself given form! I just cannot ignore them! I cannot just stand by! They give me pause! They cause me anxiety and fear! The mere sight of them makes me feel hopeless and alone, adrift in a cruel, uncaring universe, for no God would allow something like this to exist!” For some reason Elusive couldn’t quite fathom, all that seemed to be meant as a compliment. “And isn’t that, in the end, what art is all about? Evoking visceral feelings and emotions?”

“I… I guess?” Elusive wasn’t sure if he had gone mad… Or if Hoity Toity had.

“But the designs themselves are nothing compared to your craftsmanship!”

“T-they’re not?”

“Please. The costuring? The choice and texture of the fabrics used? The quality of the making? The execution itself of such an Abyssal concept? Herr von Ponyville, you’re a prodigy!”

Elusive blinked.

“I… I am?” At this point, he felt like something of a broken record.

“Oh, yes!” Hoity Toity nodded enthusiastically. “Say, do you happen to have other designs in store? I’d very much like to see more of your craft.”

“... Yes. Yes I do,” Elusive drawled pausedly, suddenly remembering all of the other outfits he had made for his friends, with designs that were all over the spectrum of good taste, as well as some of his other orders that he had yet to finish or deliver. “... Follow me, please,” he said, walking into his workshop and gesturing Hoity Toity inside.

The earth pony roamed across Elusive’s workshop, inspecting a mannequin for a couple of seconds before moving to the next.

Hoity Toity was touring his workshop.

The mere thought was surreal. Elusive wondered if he had stroked out when he snapped at his friends and all of this was his imagination.

“Is this actually happening?” he muttered under his breath, without taking his eyes away from the fashion legend, who was closely inspecting the stitching on Butterscotch’s original outfit with an unreadable look on his face.

Spike, who had been by his side during this entire debacle, heard him. “Are you still going to kill me?” he asked, just as softly.

“I don’t even know anymore,” Elusive replied sincerely. On the one hoof, Spike had absolutely screwed him over by contacting THE Hoity Toity himself without either asking him for permission, or heck, even telling him about it ahead of time. Yet, on the other hoof, Hoity Toity, who was currently inspecting his "good" creations with accompanying hums and ohs, seemed to already be enthralled with Elusive’s awful ones… and only Celestia knew what that could possibly entail.

The only reason why Elusive’s mind wasn’t racing was because he was still far too flummoxed to quite process what was happening. Neither could he shake the awful, sinking feeling of anticipation in his gut. Things were just going unfathomably well.

Which, in his experience, only meant something truly awful was about to happen.

“Well, Herr von Ponyville,” Hoity Toity turned back to him a couple of minutes later, a neutral look in his face, “I must say that I stand corrected.”

Despite all the encouraging signs, Elusive couldn’t help but wince, dreading Hoity Toity’s next words. He knew that, whatever he was going to say, was going to be bad. It just had to.

Here it comes.

“You can absolutely become a commercial success, as well!”

“Beg your pardon?” He definitely didn’t splutter.

“You see, when I saw those aberrations I couldn’t see a commercial future for you.” Elusive must have grimaced, for the earth pony chuckled. “Oh, don’t make that face! Surely you know what I mean! They might be art in its purest form, but no pony in their right minds would be caught dead wearing that!”

And yet, for some Celestia-forsaken reason, his friends deemed them ‘perfect’. Maybe they were the insane ones, not Elusive or Hoity Toity. At this point, Elusive couldn’t tell anymore.

“The sad truth is that nopony makes a living out of artistic integrity, mein Lieber,” Hoity Toity shook his head. “You need to sell your designs, or you will starve. Speaking from experience, the best thing you can do is diversify your portfolio in order to participate in as many fashion shows as you can. And well, now I see these designs and I can assure you, mein Lieber, Ponies will be flocking to wear them!”

“You… You really think so?”

“I know so! Elusive, you have a very bright future ahead of you!” He thoughtfully rubbed his chin with his hoof for a few seconds. “In fact… Yes, indeed, I think you’re just the pony I need!”

Elusive was afraid to even ask. Fortunately for him, Spike wasn’t.

“For what?”

“You see, I’ve been looking for a new apprentice—”

Hoity Toity kept talking, but Elusive couldn’t hear him anymore. His brain had shut down entirely.

Later, Spike would inform him that he had, on his behalf, agreed to a junior partnership with Hoity Toity. Elusive would provide Hoity Toity with his own designs and products, while the latter would give him exposure, connections, advice and a generous salary.

And, as part of the deal, Elusive would accompany Hoity Toity back to Wiehern to not only get to know his Boutique and his staff in person, but to make his own debut in a fashion show in two weeks. Of course, he would only be one among many other up-and-coming designers on said show, but still!

All things considered, either Hoity Toity was supremely impressed and confident of Elusive’s talent, or Spike was the best damn haggler the universe had ever seen.

That being said, the deal they had struck was not lacking in risks. After all, he had to provide a constant stream of high quality designs and products that met Hoity Toity’s supremely high standards… And he always ran the risk of displeasing his patron.

Or even worse: upstage him.

But those were the dangers of being apprenticed to the number one: either you become their cherished heir, or you become their worst enemy. And one couldn’t afford to make an enemy out of Hoity Toity, especially this early into their career.

Naturally, Shining Armor had been less than pleased when he had been informed the next day.

In fact, the Captain had stared at him like Elusive had just crushed a small puppy in front of him.

“Why have you forsaken me, Elusive?” he asked in a weak and heartbroken voice, the papers on his desk entirely forgotten.

By his side, First Lieutenant Morning Star of the Royal Mage Corps, the only officer of the military council that had yet to be redeployed elsewhere for she was in charge of the Ponyville Garrison, had shot him a very nasty glare.

It had taken all of Elusive’s diplomatic skills to appease the hurt and angry military officers, but given that Hoity Toity had promised to revise their deal in case Elusive won the elections to better accommodate his new duties, he had managed to convince them that both paths weren’t mutually exclusive, and that he was very much still on board to take on Filthy Rich.

Besides, there was the fact that Elusive wasn’t still entirely convinced that this was actually happening.

Hoity Toity had picked him for an apprenticeship.

He had just designed the worst aberrations in fashion history, and Hoity Toity had been so impressed that he had picked him for an apprenticeship.

They would leave Ponyville on Wednesday at five o’clock for Canterlot, where they’d attend a minor fashion show a friend of Hoity Toity would take part in, stay for a day, then take a train to Wiehern, where he’d stay for two weeks. All in all, he’d be away from home for the rest of the month, only coming back to town in early October.

All of that time, he’d be spending it attending fashion shows, meeting high-society ponies and working with Hoity Toity himself.

It was madness. Utter insanity.

Yet, the train ticket on his hooves was all too real.

So he’d better get used to it.

Wednesday, 18 of September, 1613, 14:42.

Dear Professional Scientific Journal,

Today’s the day.

In less than three hours, Elusive and Spike leave for Canterlot, and from there, onto Wiehern.

I must say, I’m still a bit on the fence about letting Spike go with him.

It’s not that I don’t trust Elusive. In fact, if I trust anypony (that is not a family member, so mum, dad, Shiny and Cadence [1] don’t count) entirely and utterly to look after Spike, it’s Elusive. He’s mature, sensitive and responsible. True, Sweetie Belle may run amok from time to time, but to be fair, there’s only so much that can be done to curb the danger of a Cutie Mark Crusader, and Elusive is but one stallion.

[1]: Given that Cadence is Shiny’s best friend, and that she did a very good job taking care of me when I was a little filly, I believe that she rightfully counts as honorary family.

Besides, Spike looks up to him, and he’s a good influence on Spike. Unlike, I don’t know, Rainbow Blitz, who, most likely, would let him drink and smoke and Celestia knows what else.

Neither is it that I don’t trust Spike. He’s very mature for his age, and I trust his judgement whole-heartedly (although that might have something to do with the fact that I had a major hoof in raising him into who he is now, so I may be biased). He also managed to survive in the wilderness for two weeks in a cave after the ticket fiasco, so there’s no reason to worry on that front.

No, the real reason is one of a more practical nature.

And that problem is that the Post Office is far more expensive than it has any right to be. I dread to think of a world in which I had to pay the tariff every time I write to the Princess… yet that is the world I’ll find myself in for the rest of September.

Never mind the fact that I’d probably have to pay extra if I want my letter to reach the Princess in a timely manner, instead of getting stuck with the rest of the thousands of letters she surely receives on a daily basis.

“Oh, Twilight Sparkle!” I can hear you exclaiming, with a knowing smirk, in the deep, enriching voice of one of my most esteemed lecturers at Princess Sovereign Celestia’s Academy of Arcane Arts, Professor Freemane. “But why can’t you just keep using the enchanted scrolls you already use, replacing Spike as your fire source?” The reason, my Dear Professional Scientific Journal, is that said scrolls are enchanted to react exclusively to Spike’s fire signature; if I were to light them up with any other type of fire, they’d just burn down to nothing.

That was a safeguard the Princess herself added when she created the spell for privacy’s sake; that way, nopony could ever pass themselves as me in order to get a direct line to the Princess.

I do wonder if I can

There was a knock on the library’s door.

Befuddled, Twilight raised her gaze from her Professional Scientific Journal to gaze at the closed door. No pony in their right mind would go to the library on a wednesday by lunch break.

Silence.

She shook her head. “Must have been my imagination.”

Yet, the instant her eyes turned back to her Professional Scientific Journal, there was another knock.

Frowning, Twilight stood up from the table and walked towards the door.

She didn’t know what she expected to see, but it certainly wasn’t her neighbour Lyra grinning widely at her, for she was taken off-balance by the sight of her.

“Hey, are you open?” the mint-green unicorn asked.

“Uhhh… Not… really, no,” Twilight rubbed the back of her head, before grimacing as her careless hoof undid her bun into a ponytail. Eh, whatever, she shrugged internally, as she decided to leave it like that. A ponytail is more comfortable, anyway. “Spike is leaving in a couple of hours.”

“Yeah, I heard about that!” Lyra nodded. “He’s going to Austrot with Elusive, right?”

“Yeah,” Twilight confirmed, then frowned. “How did you…?”

“Living with Bon Bon has its benefits,” Lyra was a step ahead, a light grin on her face. “She knows all the gossip around town; she’s like, Ponyville’s own Lord Hayrys.”

Twilight couldn’t help the small giggle that left her lips. While she herself was very fond of Groom Q. Q. Martingale’s novels, she got nothing on Lyra; after all, the mint-green unicorn had been the one to introduce her to the series. However, her smile didn’t last, falling off her face as she remembered what they were originally talking about.

“Sorry, but the library is closed right now. We’ve got to be at the train station by four. You know how it is.”

“It’s a few minutes short of three, though. There’s still time,” Lyra pointed out. “I won’t take long, I promise.”

She has a fair point, Twilight conceded.

Then, wordlessly, she stepped to a side.

“Yay!” Lyra cheered, happily cantering inside the building.

As Lyra walked towards the bookshelves, Twilight returned to her Professional Scientific Journal.

All right, where was I? she thought, eyes skimming the opened pages. Right, can’t contact the Princess with my scrolls without Spike’s fire signatu—

She paused, staring blankly at the page.

Oh, what am I even talking about? She groaned internally. Spike isn’t leaving for another two hours. I’ll just write to the Princess before he leaves to come up with a replacement for the meantime.

Her mind set, she grabbed her quill with her magical aura and crossed out the unfinished sentence, writing instead the realisation she’d just had.

With that done, quill at the ready, Twilight stared at the journal’s pages for a second.

Then for another.

And, for good measure, for yet another.

Huh. Guess that was it, wasn’t it? she thought. She skimmed through the entire entry.

Spike was leaving town with Elusive. She trusted both to keep out of trouble. The Post Office’s rates were an aberration against ponykind and probably a violation to the Canterlot Conventions. She would ask the Princess for a way to circumvent them now that her enchanted scrolls would be useless without Spike’s fire to activate the spell…

That’s about it, yeah.

And so, she signed:

Signed,

Twilight Sparkle, MPhil.

Bearer of the Element of Magic

Personal Protégé of Princess Sovereign Celestia of Equestria.

And, with a self-satisfied smirk, she closed her Professional Scientific Journal.

And did nothing.

A couple of seconds passed.

She frowned.

She was wasting time.

For what she could use it, she didn’t know. But she did know she was wasting it.

Twilight Sparkle was a prodigy. She spent her days reading, honing the edge of her mind to become the very best, like no one ever was. She strove to surpass all of the scholars that had come before her. To have her name worthy of being listed alongside the great Starswirl the Bearded and Clover the Clever as the preeminent thinkers of Equestrian history.

Twilight Sparkle did not waste time.

Yet, what could she do? She only had an hour, after all.

Twilight leaned back on her chair, crossing her forehooves, brow furrowed in thought.

Her theoretical research into known anomalies to the laws of physics had hit a dead end, just as she expected (and had confirmed on her own during her field observations of Phil last month). She had placed orders on the required laboratory equipment to run further, more specialised tests, so for now all she could do was wait until they arrived… Or, rather, until they were approved by the Ethical Commission in the first place.

Not that she worried much about that. No one would dare to say no to the Princess’s own personal student, after all.

Her research into recent history and politics, too, hadn’t much going for it. While she understood its importance, for the life of her she couldn’t formulate an hypothesis that piqued her interest. It was just late-night reading, nothing more.

She had researched The Bleeding Years after the Summer Sun Celebration in an attempt to prove the Night King wrong, but she hadn’t found conclusive evidence either way. While the early centuries of Princess Celestia’s splendid reign had been marked by strife and instability (they were called The Bleeding Years, after all), she had found no evidence of it ever being incited by the Princess herself.

In the end, with what little information there was about the time period, Twilight had concluded that The Bleeding Years were simply a period of major instability across the entire continent. Griffon states warred to the northeast and raided Pegasia and Unicornia for slave labour, the Peršeyhean Empire controlled vast swathes of southern Equestria, the constituent kingdoms were in their early infancy with tribal forms of government being the norm, major migrations took place, uprooting the established institutions, and Equestria itself was only as strong as her quarrelsome vassals allowed her to be. Whatever agency the Princess could have had was virtually negligible against such a state of affairs.

Maybe another day, she could make a larger, more in-depth research on the matter. But in what little time she had before leaving for the train station, she couldn’t even begin to compile her prospective bibliography. Especially if she wanted to make a good, exhaustive research worth her while.

Twilight frowned, then perked up as the answer to her dilemma made itself clear.

Wait, of course!

Why would she begin yet another research project when she had yet to finish the current one? After all, she had just finished Tales of Tartarus (which suggested that, at least in common parlance, Tartarus and The Abyss referred to the same infernal concept), and she was still far away from exhausting all of her bibliography. Now was as good a time as any to pick up the next title of her queue.

If she remembered correctly, she could find it on Starswirl the Bearded: Complete Works.

So, with a spring to her canter, Twilight walked up to the bookshelf where she knew the book was. After all, she often read it when she needed a pick-me-up.

Twilight had thought of keeping the book to herself, but she wouldn’t just deprive prospective readers from access to the GOAT’s collection. Sure, given her past experience as Ponyville’s librarian, she thought that the odds of that ever happening were slim, but she wouldn’t take any chances. She had sworn to herself she was going to be the damn best librarian Ponyville had ever had in its (admittedly short) history, and Twilight Sparkle was nothing if not an overachiever.

Not that she had to worry about her popularity; she had come to learn that, after the Ursa attack, ponies adored her. Colts and fillies had, for a couple of weeks, flocked in droves to the newly reopened library, but to her disappointment, they were more interested in her than in the books she had to offer.

And, unfortunately, she just didn’t have much to say to them to keep their attention.

Defeated the Night King? That had been a fluke, and she had the nagging thought that Fate had had a hoof on it.

Defeated a dragon? Team work, and even then, most of the credit went to Butterscotch; they would have all been toast if it were not for the pegasus’s sudden rage… and she didn’t want to divulge that to a bunch of impressionable young colts and fillies. Nor was it her place to do so in the first place.

Defeated an Ursa Major? Yeah, fair enough, that had been Phil and her, but there’s only so many times she could retell the epic, if vastly embellished, fight before they got bored and left.

At least she had managed to get more than a couple of them hooked into the wonderful habit of reading. A.K. Yearling had the perfect prose to appeal to both novice and experienced readers, and Daring Do could satisfy the itch for thrilling adventure that her own experiences couldn’t.

Now, she hadn’t expected that Scootaloo would be among them, but perhaps she had misjudged the little pegasus. Who knew, maybe she could get her idol on board, too.

Yeah, Twilight snorted, as if that’s ever going to happen. She had the mild suspicion that Rainbow Blitz was illiterate.

She didn’t really need to walk over the bookshelf to pick the book up, but she took great pride in her sorting capabilities, and just conjuring the book to her seat would deprive her of the self-indulgent exercise.

There it was; clad in a beautiful, soft lavender leather hardcover was the full collection of the extant essays, papers and memoirs of Starswirl the Bearded. Oh, how she yearned to read them all in one sitting.

But she was a mare on a mission. For now, all she needed was the paper he had written about the horrific Pony of Shadows, one of his last known writings.

She was taking a leap of faith here, but if she remembered correctly what was said on that fateful night all those months ago, this ‘Abyss’ could corrupt and twist ponies’ minds, turning them into little more than monsters. It wasn’t that much of a stretch to think it was plausible that the Pony of Shadows was only another, better recorded instance of the same evil.

She was about to go back to her trusty cushion by the table, but she found her attention drifting towards the green-mint mare that stared intently into her pristinely organised bookshelves.

“Lyra…” Twilight began cautiously, going against her better sense.

“Yes, Twilight?” The mint-green mare didn’t look away from the bookshelves she was furiously searching in.

“We’re…” Twilight choked on the word, as if it refused to be spoken. Fortunately, Lyra was too absorbed searching for something that she didn’t notice Twilight’s pause.

It was a very loaded word, Twilight had learned. Not one she would ever use lightly.

Yet, Lyra and her went back a full decade. Although the mint-green unicorn was more than a hoofful – Oh, yeah, I still need to figure that one out – of years older, she had taken her under her metaphorical wing. She had shown her the wonder of G.Q.Q.M’s dark fantasy world. They used to hang out when she still lived in Canterlot.

Well, for a given value of ‘hanging out’, because as Spike had eloquently put it, she was ‘a shut-in nerd that constantly ignored her friends in favour of being said shut-in nerd’.

Yes, she surmised that would count as being friends. Maybe not close friends, but friends nonetheless.

“We’re… friends, right?” she eventually managed to croak out. After all, that something was so didn’t make it any easier to say it.

At that, Lyra did turn to look at her, and gave her a smile. “Of course we are, Twilight! Maybe not as close as you and Moondancer were, but we’re friends!”

“Right. Of course,” Twilight nodded, cringing internally at Moondancer's name, a reminder of just how shitty of a friend she had been, but she already had something in mind to say, so she just tabbed that thought for later. “Well, if you don’t mind me asking… what are you doing, exactly?”

Lyra shrugged good-naturedly. “What does it look like I’m doing?”

“If I’m being honest? Having a stare contest with my bookshelves.” My beautiful, beautiful bookshelves. “And somehow, you’re winning.”

Lyra giggled. “Well, you don’t share a house with Bon Bon without learning a few things.”

“Like how to beat inanimate objects in stare contests?” Twilight deadpanned. Oh, she’d heard them argue about that one, alright.

“Yup!”

Twilight shook her head. “You don’t have to stare at the bookshelves, though. I’m the librarian. I can help you,” she offered amiably. “What are you looking for?”

“Heh, do you even know me at all? I’m looking for books about Humans!”

Of course, Twilight just barely managed to stop herself from facehoofing right there. How naïve of me, thinking Lyra might be looking for literally anything else.

She pinched the bridge of her nose in exasperation. “Lyra, you’ve been to each and every library in Canterlot and found nothing. What makes you think the only library of a small country town is going to be any different?”

“Because the Princess suggested it!”

At that, Twilight did a double take. “Huh?”

“The Princess told me to come to Ponyville to further my studies!” the mint-green unicorn explained, a grin in her face. “She even arranged for me to stay with Bon Bon for the time being! She’s neat, but kinda grumpy.” Yeah, you could tell Twilight that again. “Anyways, the Princess told me that the library here might have what I needed, so you can imagine my surprise when, barely a week after I arrive, it goes up in flames!”

“Yeah, you can blame Spike for that,” Twilight groaned. For all the jokes, she hadn’t enjoyed her time as a hobo.

“And Elusive’s sister, too. She’s the one who gave me the weird cursed flowers that restructured my spine into a bipedal form.”

Twilight winced. “Yikes.”

“Nah, it was actually pretty cool! Once I got the hang of it, of course. I felt like a human!” Lyra beamed.

“Of course you did,” Twilight rolled her eyes. She sighed. “Why are you doing this, Lyra?”

“Doing… what?”

“I mean, you do know your investigation into Humans is hopeless, right?”

She immediately felt bad, but before she could ask for forgiveness, Lyra rolled her eyes nonchalantly. “Why does everypony keep saying the same thing?” she wondered, sounding almost amused, as if she was used to being doubted.

“Because they’re not real,” Twilight replied flatly, her scientific zeal overriding her months-long efforts into learning about friendship and empathy.

“But they are, though.”

“No, they’re not! They’re just a silly filly tale to spook the fillies and foals!” Talking, bipedal, oversized hairless apes? The mere concept is risible!

“Oh, are they?” Lyra challenged. “Then how do you explain the Sighting of ‘86?”

“An invention made up by a struggling, alcoholic journalist with no integrity nor imagination trying to make his big break,” Twilight shot back without missing a beat.

However, Lyra grinned mischievously. “Exactly!”

That was not what she expected. Twilight blinked. “I… I don’t follow.”

“Hot Take was, indeed, an alcoholic with no imagination. I’ve read his articles, and holy hell, you can see why he never found success! His penmanship was awful, he had the creativity of a particularly dim-witted rock, and he could make the most exciting thing in Equestria sound boring. On the plus side, he did invent the most successful cure for insomnia in history, so there’s that.” Lyra paused. “I think that was by accident, though.”

“... And how is that good news for you?” Besides not ever having to worry about insomnia, I mean.

“Because, my dearest Twilight, there had been no mention whatsoever of Humans previous to his sighting,” Lyra replied with a smug smile. “Not in filly tales, nor in Bestiaries, scientific or fantastical. Furthermore, there’s no mention of Humans or their like in any of the Pre-Equestrian mythologies and pantheons. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zero. I could go on, but you get my point. How come an alcoholic with no creativity came up with that?”

“Maybe he saw a minotaur when he was blackout drunk and misremembered everything?”

“Yeah, maybe,” Lyra conceded. “And I would consider your hypothesis if Hot Take’s testimony was the only one.”

“Wait, there’s more?” The purple unicorn frowned. She didn’t know that.

“Yup. Hot Take’s is only famous because it was publicly debunked and he later committed suicide. But in fact, in the Secret Archives, there’s—”

“YOU GOT INTO THE SECRET ARCHIVES?!” Twilight shrieked, eyes wide. Every library worth their salt had a forbidden section (perhaps the basement would do for hers? She still had to figure that one out), and the Secret Archives were Canterlot Royal Library’s. Unless you were Celestia herself, you could only access them with the Princess’ express authorisation, and under strict supervision. “I’m Princess Celestia’s personal student and not even I have been granted access to them! How did you get in?!”

“Through the cupola on top of the East Wing’s dome. The whole thing is surprisingly unguarded, so all you need to take care of is not falling off the rafters to your doom,” Lyra replied matter-of-factly. At Twilight’s scandalised look, the unicorn shrugged. “I mean, if YOU, Twilight freaking Sparkle, the personal protégé of Princess Celestia herself, haven’t ever been allowed in, then I was totally boned. So I found an alternative.”

Twilight was both horrified at how nonchalant Lyra was being about her illegal trespassing into a top secret area… and, at the same time, she made sure to tab her indications.

Y’know.

For science.

“Anyhow,” Lyra got back on track, “the thing is that there’s a whole folder about other sightings on the same time span. And you know the interesting part? They’re all from towns along the border with Neightalia and Austrot, like Haymilton, Appleton or Hoofensburg, and they include ponies from all places of society. Beggars, commoners, nobles and whatnot, they all testified to seeing these ‘humans’. Even ponies who usually disagreed on just about everything put forward the same story!”

“A mass hallucination event caused by water contamination, maybe?” Twilight proposed, but she was unconvinced herself. “A mediocre illusionist pulling some magical shenanigans?”

That was a lot of ponies, across a rather vast geographical area. While there had been instances of water contamination affecting large areas, most incidents had occurred many centuries ago, before the Ponish mage Czysta Woda invented the Water Purification Spell in 1021. Still, there had been a few incidents since then. She hadn’t read anything about mass water contamination in the Equestrian–Neightalian–Austrotian border, but then again, she’d had no reason to look into it.

And considering this “sighting” had occurred almost ten years before Twilight was born, she seriously doubted Trixie had already been born, let alone pulling her usual shenanigans.

“Then how do you explain the comet that fell down from the sky right before the sightings? And that one is very well documented, as it was even seen from Canterlot, too!” Lyra smirked. “Now, tell me, Twilight. Was it a comet… Or something else entirely?”

Twilight harrumphed. “You’ve certainly given this a lot of thought,” she conceded reluctantly.

Lyra smiled proudly. “I may look like – and, as a matter of fact, actually enjoy my reputation as – a crackpot insane theorist, but I’m first and foremost an Academic!”

Before Twilight could make her own biting remark, Spike walked down the stairs.

“All right, I’m done!” he proclaimed.

Twilight turned to look at him. “You’ve got everything packed up?”

“Yep!”

“You checked the checklist I made for you?”

“Multiple times.”

“And the checklist I made to make sure the checklist was complete?”

“Yep.”

“And the checklist of the checklist of the checklist?”

Spike blanked.

“Aw, man, I forgot about that one,” the baby dragon groaned, turning on his heel and dragging his feet up the stairs.

Lyra giggled, and Twilight had to smile in amusement, too.

“That’s another thing, too,” Lyra said after a beat. “‘Man’. Haven’t you ever wondered exactly where did that word come from?”

“If I recall correctly, it’s the name of the ancient ‘M’ rune,” Twilight furrowed her brow in thought. “How did that become slang for ‘dude’ or ‘guy’, though, I have no idea.”

Lyra trudged forward, unabated. “Or what about all the words that include hands? ‘Handle’, ‘handful’, ‘handy’. How do you explain those, if not by human influence?”

“Well, sorry to rain on your parade, Lyra, but I can explain those,” Twilight interjected forcefully. “Hands aren’t exactly a foreign concept for us, given that minotaurs and centaurs have hands, and one could argue that the same goes for griffons and dragons, as their claws are functionally the same. And there’s written attestations of those exact same words going back centuries prior to your ‘sighting’. And for that, there’s a handful of evidence,” she said smugly.

Lyra frowned; she clearly hadn’t considered that. So Twilight went for the kill, too focused on being right to be a good friend.

“And that’s why you should hit the books more often. Proper books.”

“Your face is a proper book,” Lyra grumbled in a low voice, before addressing Twilight directly. “Well, genius, how about you recommend me some of your proper books yourself?”

“Sure,” Twilight agreed, pleased with herself. “I’ll have your bibliography by tomorrow morning.” That’ll show her.

Lyra read her mind, shooting a warning look at her. “And don’t pick just books that debunk the whole thing! Remember I have access to top secret files that you don’t, so for once I actually know more than you do on the subject!”

“Illegal access, that is,” Twilight dryly replied, slightly annoyed at the fact that Lyra knew more about something than herself. She was Twilight Sparkle! Knowing stuff was her whole shtick!

“Access nonetheless. And if you don’t give me some good, unbiased books, I won’t show you how to get into the Secret Archives.”

“You already told me. Cupola on top of the East Wing’s dome, be careful not to fall to your death.”

“Sure. And how do you intend to bypass the magical wards? Climb up the walls? Know exactly where to step to avoid falling down?” Lyra smirked.

“You drive a hard bargain, don’t you?” Twilight snorted. “Deal.”

“Cool. Pleasure doing business with you, Sparkle.”

“Can’t quite say the same, Heartstrings,” she shot back good-naturedly. Then frowned as she remembered her tabbed thought. “Say, about Moondancer… She isn’t mad that I didn’t go to her birthday party, is she?”

“Well, considering the End of Days came that very night, the Princess was deposed and Equestria plunged into eternal night, I don’t think she cared much about that.”

Phew.

“Buuuuuuut maybe she was a little bit peeved at the fact you didn’t tell her beforehoof… or later… or at all, really.”

“Oh.”

Dammit.

“Ah, I wouldn’t worry about it. She’s a grown mare, she’ll get over it,” Lyra shrugged. “Besides, you sent her a birthday card, right?”

Twilight blinked.

Oh shit.

“... Yes...?”

“Well, there ya go!” Lyra beamed, oblivious to Twilight’s rather blatant lie. “You did the bare minimum, then!”

Twilight was saved by Spike’s timely intervention as the baby dragon returned, carrying a suitcase with him.

“Alright! Checked the checklist, the checklist of the checklist, the checklist of the checklist of the checklist and the checklist of the checklist of the checklist of the checklist!” He proclaimed proudly.

“And the checklist of the checklist of the checklist of the checklist of the checklist?”

“Trick question, there’s no such thing,” Spike replied without missing a beat.

Twilight smiled. She had raised him well.

“All right, then. We should get going to meet the guys,” Twilight remarked, then turned towards Lyra with an apologetic look to her face.

Lyra raised her hooves in appeasement. “Don’t sweat it. If you’re the one compiling the bibliography for my research, then I would be just wasting time here. I’ll leave you guys to it.”

Twilight shot a grateful look at Lyra. The mint-green unicorn turned to leave, waving at Spike.

“Have a good trip. Don’t burn down Wiehern.”

“Don’t burn down Ponyville,” Spike shot back.

“Hah!” Lyra laughed, as she opened the door. “What would be the point if you overgrown lizard aren’t here?” And, before Spike could say anything else, she walked out the library. “Bye!”

“Seriously, what’s up with the overgrown lizard shit?!” Spike groaned as soon as the door closed behind the unicorn. “Haven’t you assholes ever seen a baby dragon?!”

“You know she’s just joking, right?”

“Well, that makes one of them,” Spike replied in deep annoyance. “We’ve been here since June and ponies still think I’m an overgrown lizard. Does the fact that I spit fire mean jackshit to them or what?”

“Oh, Spike. You know Ponyvillians can be a bit…” dumb. “... simple, when it comes to these kinds of nuances. Cut them some slack. Now come on, the guys will be at Clover Café.”

“So… you’re not angry at us anymore, right?” Phil asked in a far-too-meek voice for him.

Elusive frowned. It was the umpteenth time Phil had made the exact same question, and yet, no matter his answer, he never seemed properly reassured. “Of course not, my dear.”

“Even if we almost destroyed yer career?”

The unicorn couldn’t help but laugh sincerely. “If that was your intention, then it certainly backfired!”

“Yes,” Butterscotch winced. “But we were so mean to you, too…”

“Ah, my dears, don’t worry about it. In the end, we were all at fault there. Nopony’s perfect. Let’s just leave all that unpleasantness behind us,” Elusive smiled, “and instead look forward to a brighter future!”

Rainbow Blitz raised an eyebrow. “Somepony’s in a good mood.”

Elusive’s smile was wiped out of his face. “What part of ‘I’m going to Wiehern for three weeks’ you didn’t understand?” He deadpanned. “We’re literally standing on the platform right now. The train leaves in fifteen minutes.”

“The part in which you created cursed, unholy, abominable offenses to Ponykind itself and got chosen by Hoity Toity to be his apprentice?” Blitz snarked.

Elusive instantly mellowed. “Yes, I am rather flabbergasted by that sequence of events as well.” He shrugged. “But I’ve come to learn that life is strange like that.”

“Ya can say that again,” Applejack muttered, turning his gaze to the rest of the train station. “Hey, question for y’all: am Ah the only one who thinks the new train station is a bit too big?”

While the station, for Ponyville’s standards, was positively bustling with ponies, the building itself was huge; the vaulted ceilings rose high into the sky, supported by wide stone pillars, and more than six platforms were connected by large overpasses. Twilight wagered that if you were to put all of Ponyville’s population inside the building, you would still have half of it to spare. In fact, only one of the platforms was currently operational; they didn’t have enough trains to actually use the others yet.

“The entire town is a bit too big these days,” she noted. “I mean, just look at the new town hall or at the main square. They’re massive.”

“All the more places to throw a kickass party!” Phil piped in, looking with a critical eye at the rafters and pillars, thinking how to best decorate the entire train station. However, there wasn’t much of his usual energy to his voice. In fact, to Twilight, it almost sounded as if he said that because they expected him to. She frowned, tabbing the thought for later.

“It’s the same old Ponyville, yet it’s entirely different at the same time,” Elusive nodded. “I’m not sure exactly how to feel about it.”

“Really? Ah thought this would be right up yer alley.”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong. I like the new infrastructure that Captain Armor has installed, and I see what he’s aiming for. It’s just that… Well. It’s Ponyville. I was born and raised here. Seeing it change almost overnight from a small hamlet into a full-fledged city is… off-putting, to say the least. Particularly when there are no real newcomers to speak of.”

“To be fair, the small hamlet was wiped out from existence,” Twilight pointed out.

“Yeah. If you have to start off from scratch, then why not go big?” Blitz shrugged.

“I despise to say it, but I agree with you, Rainbow,” Elusive shook his head in distaste.

The pegasus scowled. “Why do you hate me so much, man?”

“Do you want the short answer or the long answer?”

“Short.”

“Because you’re annoying.”

“Right. And the long answer is…?”

“Because you’re really annoying.”

Everypony laughed at that, and even Blitz let out a chuckle. “Yeah, fair enough.”

“Mah granny can barely believe her eyes when she comes down to town now,” Applejack mused. “She was here when Ponyville was first founded.”

“Really?” Butterscotch asked curiously.

“Eeyup. She was as youn’ as Apple Bloom back then, she was. She even helped build the old town hall with her own two hooves.”

“She must have been really sad to see it go down,” Phil frowned.

“Nah, she always hated the damn thing,” the farm stallion chuckled. “She actually tried to burn it down back in ‘53.”

“... Why?”

“No idea. We don’t really talk about her life before meeting my gramps an’ settlin’ down. All we know is that she has a criminal record.”

Twilight stared blankly at Applejack.

“... Your granny.”

“Eeyup,” Applejack nodded.

“Granny Smith,” she repeated.

“The one and only.”

“A criminal record.”

“And a very large one, too.”

“Are you serious?”

“She was a wild one, mah granny,” Applejack shrugged far too nonchalantly for Twilight’s peace of mind. In fact, she was fairly certain he had more than just a hint of pride to his voice. “Still is, really. Only difference bein's she's old now.”

“Well, now we know where Apple Bloom got her arsonist tendencies from!” Phil quipped. After a moment’s thought, he tapped his chin in thought. “Don’t ya’ think that maybe that’s her special talent?”

Butterscotch’s eyes widened. “Burning things down?”

“Yeah! She’s really good at it, too!”

“Celestia save Equestria if it is,” Applejack sounded horrified at the prospect. “Because that lil’ filly can make water burn.”

“That’s not scientifically possible,” Twilight frowned.

“Yeah, well, tell her that.”

A voice rang out of the station’s intercom.

“Passengers for the train to Canterlot, please proceed to board the train,” a prim, polite female voice informed them, before repeating herself.

“That’s us, it seems,” Elusive stood up from their bench.

Twilight nudged Spike, who was taking a nap on top of the suitcases. “Hey, sleepyhead, get up.”

Spike groaned. “Five more minutes, mum…”

Twilight rolled her eyes before prodding him with her hoof. “Come on, you’re going to miss the train.”

The baby dragon sighed. “Fiiiiiiine…” he whined, as he reluctantly stood up, rubbing his eyes in an attempt to wake himself up.

“Are you sure you don’t hate us?” Phil asked yet again.

Elusive bit back a sigh and shook his head. “For the thousandth time, Phil. No. I most categorically do not hate you. What can I say or do to persuade you otherwise?”

“Bring some cool souvenirs?” Blitz interrupted before Phil could answer.

The alabaster unicorn mulled it over for about half a second before agreeing. He was, after all, the Bearer of the Element of Generosity. “Sure thing. Would that help convince you, Phil?”

“That wasn’t what I had in mind,” the pink stallion said, “but I guess it works.”

“And what did you have in mind?” Butterscotch asked kindly.

“... I don’t know,” Phil looked away. “We were just so mean, I guess. And you were so upset. It’s a bit hard to believe you would just forgive us like that.”

“Phil,” Elusive sighed. “It doesn’t matter. Truly. Looking back on it, I was overreacting. True,” he conceded, “the outfits you asked me to make were hideous, and I should have put my hoof down before it got so far. But the fact of the matter is that you’re my friends, and I would do anything for you.”

There was a brief, heartwarming silence as Elusive’s words sank in.

“Except for you, Rainbow Blitz, you’re the worst.”

“Fuck you.”

“How was it? ‘Fuck me yourself, you coward’?” Elusive laughed.

“Last call: Passengers for the train to Canterlot, please proceed to board the train,” The voice rang once again through the intercom.

Elusive sighed, then smiled at them. “Very well, my dears, I guess this is goodbye for now. We’ll see each other again in October.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep you guys updated,” Spike promised, blinking sleepily. “I’ve got some scrolls with me.”

And so, they bade their farewells; Twilight hugged Spike tightly as the rest of the guys gave Elusive a half-hug.

“I’ll look after Sweetie Belle and Opal for you,” Butterscotch promised as his turn came.

“My dear, I have the utmost confidence in you. You’ve got this in the bag.”

Butterscotch smiled weakly, not entirely reassured. After all, this was Sweetie Belle they were talking about.

And, without losing any more time, both unicorn and dragon boarded the train. Barely a couple of minutes later, the chimney puffed out a large cloud of steam, and with a loud whistle, the train began moving away from the platform.

The remaining five ponies stood in silence, gazing at the train as it vanished into the distance.

And so, they turned and walked outside the train station without saying a word, for there was nothing to be said. Even though they were downcast and saddened by their friends’ departure, they knew it to be not only a temporary affair, but one that would be of great benefit for Elusive. Still, it didn’t make it any easier.

Butterscotch was the first to split from the group, as his cottage was nearby. Not long afterwards, Phil did the same as they passed by Sugarcube Corner.

And so, Twilight, Rainbow Blitz and Applejack walked down the renovated streets of Ponyville.

"You know, it’s funny,” Blitz suddenly muttered.

“What is?”

“I can’t shake the feeling that I’m forgetting something. Something kind of important.”

It was at the exact instant he finished talking that it started pouring cats and dogs.

“... Oh, right,” Blitz facehoofed. “There’s a massive storm scheduled for this evening.”

“Yer a moron,” Applejack stated flatly, his wet stetson bending under its weight. A thunder echoed in the distance.

“Come, the library is not far from here!” Twilight yelled to be heard over the mighty rain. “We can wait out the storm there!”

Author's Note

First and foremost, please read our most recent blogpost, as we want to know your thoughts on the matter.

What is this? An update four days apart?!
More likely than you'd think! We have the roadmap for all the chapters until 22/23, so we have pretty clear ideas as to what we have to write.
Don't expect the next chapter to come out as soon as this one did, though, cause I'm going to start playing Assassin's Creed Valhalla now.

As for the assorted trivia:

Groom Q. Q. Martingale is not Dr. Caballeron.

Starswirl’s paper about the Pony of Shadows is NOT the diary entry we saw in the Season 7 finale. This was a different, more academic entry, focusing on the “darkness” aspect of the Pony of Shadows rather than on Stygian himself. In fact, many of Starswirl’s writings are lost; the diary is one of them, as well as just about everything related to the Pillars of Equestria’s true nature and deeds.

Dictionary of Foreign Etymologies:

Peršeyhean Empire: شیهه (šeyhe) is Persian for "neigh". It stands for "Persian Empire". The Peršeyhean Empire is the predecessor of modern day Saddle Arabia.

Czysta Woda: From what our uncultured asses could gather, Polish “Czysta Woda” would translate into English as “Clean Water”. We figured, looking at some usual pony names in canon, why couldn’t they have similar names in the kingdoms that speak different languages? I mean, if “Time Turner” is a legitimate name for a pony, there can DEFINITELY be a pony called “Clean Water” but in Polish.

Those would be the only puns we would have to explain, as Appleton, Haymilton and Hoofensburg are not only rather obvious puns, but they do not correspond themselves with any real city, as they're minor settlements in Equestria Proper.

Spoonlol raised a very interesting point in a comment for the previous chapter, and I thought I’d address it ‘publicly’, mostly because there’s no way of explaining it in the main story without disrupting the narrative flow, just as I’d like to explain the rationale that went behind these decisions.

Quoth Spoonlol:

I’m more surprises at Twilight’s only 18 in this, where many would view her as in her 20s

So, for clarity’s sake, the birthdates of the main ten characters are as follows, from eldest to youngest.

Applejack: 21 of November, 1590. 22 years old.
The question is not if Applejack is the eldest, but rather by how much. His birthday is the date on which The Mane Attraction was released, therefore making him not that old, as he has yet to turn 23.

Butterscotch: 24 of March, 1591. 22 years old.
It’s widely known that Fluttershy is one year older than Pinkie. Adding to that, Filly Fluttershy was tall and lanky, which led us to believe she was meant to be one of the oldest of the main 6. His birthday is the date on which Hurricane Fluttershy was released.

Elusive: 21 of May, 1591. 22 years old.
Middle of the pack for him. His birthday is the date on which The Saddle Row Review was released.

Phil Pie: 3 of May, 1592. 21 years old.
While Pinkie Pie is usually portrayed as one of the youngest of the gang, she’s only one year younger than Fluttershy, who’s one of the eldest. As the age range for the Elements has been increased, this places the Element of Laughter in the middle of the pack, agewise. For some reason, the 3 of May is Pinkie’s canon birthday, so we just rolled with it.

Rainbow Blitz: 1 of February, 1593. 20 years old.
Filly Rainbow Dash was tiny, which led us to believe she was meant to be one of the youngest of the main 6. With this date, he would have been 9 by the time he got his cutie mark, which is the sacred number of Norse mythology. His birthday is the date on which Pinkie Pride, which features Rainbow Dash’s birthday, was released.

Twilight Sparkle: 3 of December, 1595. 17 years old.
From the start, she was supposed to be the youngest of the main gang as she was to be 7 years old when they all got their cutie marks; that is because the number 7 is the sacred number, so Twilight being 7 at that pivotal point in Equestrian history is fitting. At the same time, her birthday is the date on which Sweet and Elite, which features Twilight’s birthday, was released.

We'd also like to remind you that, in this Equestria, while most pony ages work pretty much the same as human ages, majority works a bit differently: you're an adult at 16 years of age, and of legal age at 18. Therefore, while she's pretty young, Twilight has been an adult the whole time, not unlike being 19 or 20 in the US.

Spike: 15 of April, 1602. 11 years old.
His birthday is the date on which The Cutie Mark Chronicles, which features Spike’s birth/hatching (via flashbacks), was released.

Apple Bloom: 28 of June, 1604. Turns 9 years old in chapter 3.
Her birthdate was placed squarely one week after the Summer Solstice (AKA Summer Sun Celebration) for the purposes of the chapter after said event being set a full week afterwards.

Scootaloo: 21 of September, 1604. 8 years old, turning 9 in chapter 16.
She was originally meant to be on the 9 of September, but we realised that, by pushing her birthday into late September, we could make a CMC chapter out of it, as the first two weeks of September were skimmed over in chapter 13. I’m not entirely sure as to what was the rationale for choosing the 9 of September, as the only chapter to have ever been released on that date was Daring Done?, but oh well.

Sweetie Belle: 22 of March, 1605. 8 years old.
She always struck me as the youngest of the CMC, and as the school year encompasses students born from June to May, she’s allowed to be in the same grade as the other two. Her birthday is the date on which For Whom the Sweetie Belle Tolls was released.

And, finally, I would like to mention that Celestia and Artemis are twins in this story, with no one being actually older than the other due to their anomalous, magical birth. They are the same size; actually, they’re basically mirror images, to be honest. Just so there’s no confusion there.

Prelude

What has been will be again, and what will be has been before.

An endless cycle of Creation and Destruction.

This is your place in it.

The weight of forbidden knowledge.

The pain and the suffering.

The sorrow of loss.

These are your burdens to bear.

There’s no use in seeking a way out.

There’s no bargain to be struck.

There’s no other way.

There never was.

Fate is inexorable.

Author's Note

If this isn't your first time reading this story, please refer to our Patch 1.2 blogpost for further information.