Delivery!

by Chemtest

Rating: teen
Tags: Science Fiction, Fallout, Suicide / Self Harm, Profanity, Discord, Gore, Violence, Crossover, Death, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Adventure, Pinkie Pie
Length: 4291

The mailman has returned.

Everybody knows the Explosive Rockers, you must be living in a Vault if you haven’t. A Spirit of Chaos, an Element of Harmony, a man in a strange blue suit, a man in a duster, and a decapitated head. One has not lived if they haven’t heard them play.

But, this merry band of misfits seems to be in store for more than just music.

Published 2019-01-31 04:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-02-02 03:37:08 UTC

Package incoming!

I stare at the brown hat in my hands.

”Be just like Ralphy traveling so far!”

I let my eyes gaze over the holes and patches in the old, battered stetson.

”Dinner on the table, and the our child has stories to tell.”

I sigh as I stare at the name engraved upon the golden badge, my home.

“Don’t look sad, I can talk with you tomorrow before work.”

I reach over to my revolver on the table.

“NCR ATTACKING!”

I take the gun out of it’s leather holster.

”We gonna make you suffer!”

I cock the gun’s hammer back, and raise it.

“NO! PLEASE! TAKE ME INSTEAD!”

I stare down the familiar barrel of the gun.

“SCARLET!”

“Cousin, you alright in there?”

“NOOOOOOO! RUN! PLATNUM, RUN!”

“Courier?”

“YOU FUCKING MOSTERS WILL PAY!”

The bullet in the chamber looks awfully good right now.

I failed them.. I failed...

It just takes one twitch, and you can join them in heaven. You can be with them again.

“Courier!?”

You know that’s not how it works, Courier. God does not smile upon those who take their own lives. You must live your life, punished with the memories.

I put the revolver back into its holster, as Wanderer breaks in. He sighs happily when he sees me sitting there, “Did you not here me there?”

I look over at him, “Sorry, I was deep in thought.”

He smiles, “Well, time to put your mind on different matters. Show’s starting soon and you haven’t even got your guitar out!”

I smile on back, and start to get my guitar out from its case, “You ain’t got your saxophone.”

He turns a strap around showing he does, in fact, have his saxophone, “Pinkie’s for her drums, Discord’s got his trumpet, Free’s got her mic, your mic is also out there. We’re just waiting for you.”

I strap the guitar around my body, and affix my hat to my head. I nod, “Well, I’m ready.”

Wanderer nods, and starts to walk to the stage. I turn around to look at the mirror once again, seeing new stubble gracing my chin. I smile, and walk after Lone to the stage.

We take our places on the stage. Pinkie smiles brightly as she holds her drum sticks tightly in her hooves. Discord smiles eagerly past an Afro on his head, with his trumpet ready to go. Wanderer smiles, always loving to play our songs. Free smiles as she sits in front of a mic in front of her, the most obvious place for a decapitated head. I confidently smile at the other members of the band, readying my fingers on the guitar, and preparing to sing.

“Welcome one and all to the main show! Please put your hooves together, for here in Canterlot are the one, the only, the Explosive Rockers!”

The curtains open and the lights turn on to shine upon us as the crowd, made of many different species, applauds.

We all immediately start as soon as the lights turn on. Pinkie starts off with a fast drum beat, Discord and Lone both start playing very fast notes. A fast beat is the result, backed up by the strings of a guitar. The fast and upbeat swing intro instantly lets the ponies know what song we’re playing.

———

I fire a fast laser beam at the Veteran Ranger that fired at me. I instantly whip out a grenade to toss down another hallway, and draw my revolver from it’s holster. I walk around the corner, and fire at two Troopers standing guard. With my two well placed shots, their heads explode.

I casually walk through the hall, changing my revolver out for my shotgun. I load in explosive shells, and advance towards my target. A Heavy Trooper comes crashing after me, intent on putting me down with his flamer. I nonchalantly turn my shotgun to face him, and pull the trigger when he gets closer. The explosive rounds not only destroy the power armor the soldier wore, but the man underneath as well.

“You bastard!” A Ranger fires at me from down a hallway. His round strikes the gold on my hat, and is reflected away. I turn the shotgun to him with one hand, and fire two shots down the hallway, demolishing everything unlucky enough to be in the way.

I get to the door I’m searching for, and raise my boot. I kick down the nice wooden door, and walk in. My target sits at his desk, and I stare at him in contempt, “General Oliver.”

The General meets me with similar contempt, “So, you finally came after me. After House and Vulpes, I knew it was only a matter of time. You’ve carved a path through my best men and women, and you are here. But what’s behind you? All I can see is a pile of bodies, all of whom curse your name, Courier.”

———

I hop up on my guitars speed as we enter our chorus.

”So step to the right, step to the left!
Step before you get charged with copyright theft!
So get up and dance, dance away all your pains!
No need to pull in the reins!”

———

I pump my shotgun, “What have I left behind? I have left behind a better world. All that lies behind me are the bodies of the rich or powerful, and those who got in my way. Mister House sat in an ivory tower surrounded by those too privileged to ever know the feeling of poverty. New Vegas now has been cleaned by my hands, to be taken by the people of Freeside. Ceaser and Vulpes were to die because his Legion took slaves. Now, it’s time for the most imperialist of all. The New California Republic, a group of corrupt politicians forcing their ideology on the Mojave. There is only one leader of the Mojave, General, that is the people, and me as their champion. I need to secure my position, and that means you have to die. Just another authoritarian to the grave, nothing to cry over.”

He doesn’t even flinch to my speech, an impressive show, “And what about your friends? Is there anyone that would want to work with you?”

I grimace, “Majority thought what I am doing was wrong. Boone, Gannon, Raul, Cass, Veronica. Hell, even the God and Dog thought I was evil. Lily wouldn’t give up her privileged position in society, so she had to die. Dean Domino is a millionaire who was lucky enough to live past the apocalypse. All now lay dead. Only Ed-E now helps me.” Said eye-bot beeping behind me, “But that’s off topic, I’m here to cripple the NCR.”

Oliver nods, “Haven’t you already done that, though? I mean, you did nuke the Long 15, thus cutting us off from even reaching the Mojave without taking a very long time. You’ve already killed thousands with those few nukes, not to count the thousands of soldiers you killed.”

I simply raise my shotgun to his head, “Prepare to die, Oliver. Say your final words.”

Oliver calmly smiles as he stares down the barrel of my shotgun, “Override code 2236.”

Ed-E starts to make strange noises from behind me, and I look to see him opening himself. I turn to Oliver, “What the hell is this?”

Oliver smiles, “You will not be killing anyone else on this world. Ed-E has an internal teleporter, which he will now use to teleport you in the middle of space. The chances of you surviving are less that one percent. And you will not kill anyone else in the Mojave.”

I sneer, “I can kill you still.”

He leans back in his chair, and faces down my shotgun with utter calm, “Go ahead. I’ll die happy knowing I saved many lives.”

I pull the trigger, “You bastard!”

His head is blown off, and it’s the last thing I see before I’m teleported away.

———

We all finish off the song with one last strong note, and take a bow before the audience. Their applause is almost as loud as the music we played, showing how much they loved it.

I smile as I face the crowd, reminding myself that this is why I don’t pull the trigger.

———

I come down hard on what seems to be a mountain. I roll in the snow for a little bit, before picking myself up from it. I look over the frozen mountains, with a cold that cuts right through my light duster. No civilization can be seen, but there is smoke in the distance. I holster my shotgun, and start to trudge to the smoke.

—(???)—

I walk over to Scarlet, who holds a crying Platinum close to her. I sigh as I stop near them, “I take it that he ain’t here?”

Scarlet shakes her head, holding Platinum even closer, “He just isn’t here.”

I lean down and take a knee in front of them, “Hey, Platinum.”

The crying kid manages to look in my direction, his eyes red from his tears.

I smile my best calming smile at him, “Your father was a hero, and we will not forget him. He might not’ve gotten revived as we seemingly have, but he will live with us in spirit. I’m sorry, Platinum, but that’s how the Wasteland works. Your father was a good man, and I’m sure he is smiling down upon us from his spot in Heaven. He might not come back... but he is a true hero, and we will remember him forever. But we’ve just got to accept that he ain’t coming back.”

Platinum stops his sobs after I’ve finished.

I stand back up, and point to a mountain in the distance. A single mountain, covered in green, “We’ve got to look at the horizon, for it seems we have an entirely new one to explore.”

Those Bangs

I sit on a train, riding away from Canterlot with my fellow band members. Pinkie is positively bouncing... well, she always is. But, even more now, “Oh, I’m going to have to show you guys around the town! I mean, Braeburn does a fine job, but now I can do a tour of a town other than Ponyville!”

Free scoffs from her position on a bench, “Oh yes, because a lifeless desert sounds like a wonderful place.”

I pour her a bit of scotch, which she levitates with some magic, “Oh come on, Free, it’s not as if you are still tied to those damned plants. Lifeless deserts are wonderful places, even for a tree hugger like you.”

Free pulls the glass away from her head, “Tree hugger? I was a plant! Like, I was an actual plant! I can’t imagine living in a place with no plants around you.”

I smile, “You would’nt’ve liked the Mojave then.”

Lone smiles and leans over with a beer in his hand, “You being up a good point. Gonna be a blast to the past, Applelossa is. Town surrounded by nothing but wasteland, with people inside just trying to work hard and be happy. Sounds a lot like D.C. or even Kansas.”

I smile from behind a cigarette, “Kansas had it easy compared to the Mojave. Legion might’ve been cracking down on them, but at least they could walk the roads without worrying about death.”

Discord smiles as he sips the glass from his chocolate milk, “You should’ve seen the north back when ponies still lived there. I tell you, it was even worse than the wasteland, cause the very wind itself could kill you.”

I smile, and prepare to banter back.

—(???)—

I raise my welding mask as I look at what I’ve managed to do so far. Teleportation matrix is in place, calibrations all set to follow after the Courier. All that’s left is the safety matrixes and I should be able to go and find him.

I turn as I hear knocking on my door. I quickly go to answer it, “Hello?”

A ghoul stands on the other side, dressed in a fancy suit with some black sunglasses, and a cigarette lit in his fingers, “Ah, yes, hello. I am looking for someone named Arcade Gannon?”

I slowly nod, “That would be me, yes. Who would you be?”

The ghoul seems to brighten up at my answer, “Dean Domino, we have a mutual friend.”

I nod, “Courier?”

He nods back, “Courier.”

I open the door the rest of the way open, “Well then, come on in. It sounds like you have something important to say, so say it.”

Dean gladly comes in as I shut the door behind him, “See, I heard you were searching for him. I want in.”

I look at him suspiciously, “How did you know?”

He takes in a drag of the cigarette, and speaks the smoke out, “There is one of you in the Enclave that looked up to me as a child. All I did was ask him a simple question about the Courier, and I learned you were searching for him.”

I don’t lose my suspicions, “And why do you want to go with me?”

He sighs as he looks out to the side, “I can’t exactly do my singing anymore with my voice all ‘ghoulified’. So I figured I would search for my old partner, only to find he’s gone and blown himself up.”

I interject, “But he didn’t blow himself up.”

He nods, “Yeah, I know, they didn’t find a body. Either way, if he had been hit by that explosion, that’d mean the explosives he has strapped all to him would go off. If that’d happened, then we’d have a much bigger crater. Hell, might not even have a Mojave anymore if all of his explosives went off.”

I nod along, “So we can obviously assume that he survived.”

Dean drags from the cigarette with a smile, “We both know he survived. He doesn’t die. I once saw him get shot by a shotgun, and he just shrugged it off like it was nothing. Hell, only thing I’ve seen hurt him was a laser from a hologram. He didn’t die, he couldn’t die from something as simple as a nuke. We both know that’s how the Courier works.”

I smile, “Exactly! Quite clever, might I add. I was the only one out of the group of people that traveled with him that believed him still alive. Veronica hasn’t come out of the Bunker, Rex barely eats or drinks, Cassidy is somehow drinking more than she did before. Boone hasn’t spoken in weeks, he just sits in the Suite, even Ed-E isn’t beeping as much as he normally does. Lily is unaware, thank god, and Raul hasn’t left his shed. I also remember seeing this strange woman at his so called funeral. But you and I, we know him better. This is the Courier! And my machine has already locked onto him!”

Dean grins, “So then, how soon until we can go to him?”

I lose my smile a little, “About a week or two. But with your help on the machine, I might be able to fix it quicker.”

Dean throws his cigarette into a nearby bin, “Well, I can try my best. Just don’t tell me to hold stuff up, it’s hell on my knees.”

I quickly nod, and we get to work. I eventually bring something up, “So, what situation were you two out in?”

Dean grins as he screws something in, “Sierra Madre, the worst and best city I’ve had the pleasure to visit. All our lives were connected by bomb collars, and we had to break into the casino. We ended up getting out, the majority of us still alive. I waited for the Courier at the fountain, but the Ghost People were getting dangerously close. So, me and the Mute decide that he could live without a proper thank you. I booked it out of there, and found this lovely place called The Tops. Tried to sing one of my old songs, discovered my voice has been ruined. Now, I seek out the only person I know that will keep my busy and alive at the same time.”

I nod, “Alright then. You see that screw there? Can you screw all of those in?”

—(???)—

I smile as the children take shots at targets, “Keep on trying, everyone! We need to make sure we are safe now. Act like these targets are the raiders that killed you a few days ago. Aim for the head!”

Platinum quickly raises his revolver, the one his father used. It’s easily the biggest weapon there, being a .44 among .308s. He manages to place three shots on his target, just barely missing the bullseye.

I smile and kneel down next to him, “Come on, keep on firing. With enough practice, I’m sure you’ll become as good a shot as your father was.”

The kid nods and smiles, as he aims his fathers revolver down the range. The sound of gunshots fills the town, training the kids to defend themselves.

—(Courier)—

We’re pulled along the town by a hyperactive Pinkie. Well, me and Lone are pulled. Discord follows after, and Free floats after us. Pinkie is in the middle of pointing at something, “And here we have the horse drawn horse drawn carriages!”

She is about to continue, but she is interrupted by a echoing bang, quiet from distance. I listen to the shot clearly, “.44 revolver. Why does that sound so familiar? .44... my revolver!”

I look in the distance, where the sound came from. Lone walks up to me, “What was that, Courier?”

I hear it once again, and it just confirms my theory, “That sound! That’s my old revolver!”

I instantly start to sprint across the empty desert to where I can hear the shots ring out. I can hear Lone behind me, “God damnit!”

I run like my life depends on it, my legs a blur over the shifting sands. I hear the shots even more, and only speed up.

I see something come out of the sand, and stop in my tracks. A gate stands in between a wall, and a gun pokes itself out. I quickly draw my revolver and point it back at the thing on the other side of the gate. Lone runs up next to me, and draws his own 9mm when he sees the hunting rifle. We stand like that for a while, before a smooth, female voice speaks from behind the gate, “Identify yourself!”

It’s a voice that instantly sends memories shooting through me.

“Glad your back.”

I stare at the gate in shock, allowing my cigarette to fall out of my mouth. My hand trembles around my revolver, “Scarlet?”

The voice instantly responds, “John?”

The gate opens up, and it reveals her. Standing there, just like she was before... she died. My hands tremble even more, and I just stare at her in shock, “But you died...”

Lucky Springs

My hands let the revolver loose, and it clatters to the ground. My eyes start to water in disbelief and happiness as I stare at Scarlet, who is running towards me. She wraps me up in an affectionate hug, but I can’t summon the mental power to return it. She whispers, “We thought you were gone.”

My mind catches up with my body, “I saw you die... I saw the bullet go through your skull, I saw your and everyone else’s body be burned to ash.”

She lightly cries into my shoulder, “It’s alright, we’re back. It doesn’t matter how, we’re just back. It’s a miracle of God.”

I quickly start to hug her back, my tears dropping quickly, “Oh my God, Scarlet! It’s been two years. Two whole damn years since I saw you die.” I break the hug, and back up, “I’m not the same man you knew. I’ve done so much... so much wrong since I lost you.”

She looks confused, “Two years? It’s been only a few days.”

I shake my head, “It’s been two years for me. I’ve done so much I’ve learned to regret since I lost you.”

Scarlet shakes her head, “It’s the Wasteland, we’ve all done things we regret.”

Lone interjects from the side, walking up to me and slipping my revolver back into place, “She’s got a good point. Besides, it seems Vault-Tec believes your good, if your Pip is anything to go by. And we all know that the Pip’s are never wrong.”

Scarlet smiles at Lone, “Oh, and who would you be?”

He smiles on back, “Lone Wanderer, pleasure. I assume your my cousin’s wife?”

She looks between the two of us, “Cousin? John, you never told me you had a cousin.”

I shrug, “Didn’t know he existed until we found ourselves tied up near in Kansas City. God, I have so much to tell you about.”

Lone smiles back at me, “John? You have an actual name?”

I look down, “I ain’t John anymore. I’m the Courier. John died when he got shot in the head, I just happen to exist within the same body with the same memories.”

Scarlet frowns slightly, “You’re the Courier? You joined the Couriers at the Hub?”

I nod, “Yeah, long story.”

I hear another voice shout out, “Hey, Scarlet, everything alright out there?”

A man walks through the gate, wearing a much less battered hat than mine. I smile at him as he approaches, “Well, I’ll be damned, Noah still walking around in the flesh.”

Noah smiles at me, and tilts his hat, “Howdy, John. You survived?”

I nod, “Lived two years since the town got destroyed.”

He nods, “Well, I bet Platinum probably wants to know if his father has returned. I’ll go get him, you two can go ahead inside.”

Noah walks on back into town, and I prepare to walk forward. That is, until Scarlet draws a revolver from her side, and points it at something, “The hell kind of mutants are those?”

I turn around to see Pinkie, Discord, and the floating head of Free. I push her revolver down, “Woah there, Scarlet, they’re friends!”

Pinkie bounces up to her, “Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie!”

She looks at the pink pony for a bit longer, “Looks a bit like a Giddyup Buttercup I wanted back when I was a child. Strange look for a mutant.”

I shake my head, “They ain’t mutants.”

Discord snaps his way over, and leans over my shoulder, “You assume we are mutants? How rude. You know what they say. Assumptions make donkeys.”

I push Discord off my shoulder, and turn to the others, “You all should probably head back to town. Explain to the audience I am disposed as of now, reschedule the whole thing.”

Pinkie frowns, and motions to the town, “But, new ponies!”

Lone walks on over, and drags her back by her tail, “You can meet them later, Pinkie.”

Free simply nods her head, and Discord snaps off a sombrero he had on, “So no teaching of Crystal culture? Fine. Either way, ponies react so much better to Chaos than humans.”

He snaps away, and the others make their way back to town. I turn back around, and walk through the gates.

I hear the sound of running, and a young voice shouting, “Daddy!”

I immediately recognize the voice, and turn to see my son running toward me. I kneel down, and scoop Platinum up in a hug, “Platinum... it’s been so long.”

We hug each other deeply, only interrupted by Scarlet, “So then, Joh- Courier, why don’t we get inside? You said you had a lot to explain.”

I scoop up Platinum, and easily carry him in my arms. I nod, and follow Scarlet to what used to be our home. I carry Platinum in, and we all take a seat around the table.

Platinum notices the amount of weapons strapped onto me, “Daddy, since when’d you carry so many weapons?”

I smile as I put a cigarette in my mouth, and quickly lit it, “Well, it’s a very long story, but one I got time to tell. It all started back when the town got destroyed...”

—(Gannon)—

I type all sorts of code into my terminal as Dean fits in the final component. With a single press of enter, I hear the buzzing sound of the teleporter behind me. I quickly turn to see the blue glow from the teleporter. Dean stands there, throwing his cigarette into a nearby ashtray, “Well then, Gannon, I’d say we made a good team.”

I smile at the finished product, “Well, nothing left to do. Off we go, Domino, off to save the Courier.”

He laughs, “Novel concept, that. Someone having to save him. Usually he ends up saving us from certain death. I remember almost calling it curtains on my chances, until he peeked his head in.” He motions forth with his hand, “Well, Arcade, after you.”

—(Courier)—

“The Casino was the worst place imaginable. Even the Divide wasn’t as bad as that Casino. But, I had someone who helped me along the way. Two someone’s.”

I’m interrupted by a bright flash of light in the room. The flash strikes next to the table, showing a man with a white lab coat, blond hair, and thick rimmed glasses. He spots me immediately, “Courier, finally!”

I merely stare back in shock, “Arcade?”

Yet another flash comes from just behind him. There stands a ghoul in a fancy suit, and some black sunglasses. He takes a deep drag of his cigarette, and grins right at the Courier, “Strike up the band, Domino’s back in town!”