My Little Bot: Fanfiction is Magic
One magical day, in the happy sad land of Equestria, the sun was high in the sky, which was a deep shade of green, because Nightmare Moon is a pansy and couldn't possibly succeed in her villainous plot. So naturally, she succeeded.
In Ponyville, which is a lame town near Mount Doom, a purple plot device called Twilight Sparkle, who is a purple color colored a purple color, charged towards Sugarcube Corner with a feral glint in her one cyclops eye.
“Get my cupcakes or I will tear down my castle!” she commanded with a commanding commandment.
Gummy came sprinting out with a tray of cupcakes on his back. He is not an alligator, but nopony knows that.
Twilight took a cupcake from the tray made of glued confetti, and stuck it on the end of her horn. “I am the cupcake princess. All my friends are cupcakes.”
Upon hearing this statement, Derpy Hooves spiraled out of the sky like a baby tied to a balloon. She landed on the ground and promptly bounced into a house made of flowers.
“Muffins are better than cupcakes!” Derpy hollered from the house. The house was happy at her exclamation and grinned toothily. All the children reading this fanfic now have nightmares.
“Heresy,” Twilight muttered at the volume of a foghorn. “Pinkie Pie has turned everyone in this town into cupcakes.”
Pinkie Pie popped out of the ground and beamed brightly. Frosting began to leak out of her ears.
Pinkie Pie and Twilight then began to do the ritualistic mating dance of Appaloosa by blushing beet red and tap dancing in a frenzy while staring intimately at each other.
Suddenly a portal opened in Pinkie Pie's mouth, and out spat a large black alicorn. He is a bad man with dead cow leather.
“I will eat your babies,” he lovingly told Twilight.
Twilight picked him up with her magic and tossed him into Tartarus. Tartarus was lucky that day, but Tartarus didn't know why.
After that, Rarity suddenly appeared from a dress made of toast and sadness, and trotted over to the girls to complain as usual.
“Twilight?” Rarity moaned so loudly, the ground cracked. “I say the word darling too much.”
“Did you have another accident with Sweetie Bong?” Pinkie asked while licking the frosting coming out of her ears.
“Oof,” Rarity tenderly whispered.
Fluttershy materialized out of nowhere, holding Applejack's severed head. Her head was made out of apples, like the rest of her family.
“I just downloaded the Elements of Harmony onto Angel Bunny,” Fluttershy reported. “But in fifteen seconds, I'll turn into a rock. Yay.”
Fifteen seconds later, she turned to stone. Fluttershy is a stoner.
“Talk about getting your beauty sleep!” Rarity moaned.
The local human walked up and hugged Rarity, Pinkie, and Lyra Heartstrings with his tentacle arms. His face is lime green. He is Anonymous the hacker. He then began to spiral into sadness because he is sadness. No one has helped him.
“We'll always be here for Anon-a-miss,” Twilight whispered. The cupcake on the end of her horn slowly fell off and plopped on the ground.
Upon seeing the cupcake fall, Pinkie Pie exploded.
The girls all looked up. Rainbow Dash was arranging the clouds in the green sky to look like her eating a hot dog on a swastika. When she finished, she settled to the ground and took a bite out of Applejack's head. Applejack didn't mind because she was already apples.
“Did you guys hear?” Rainbow Dash bellowed at the top of her lungs. “Discord is about to drink the Elements of Harmony that Fluttershy downloaded onto Angel Bunny!”
Twilight turned into bubbles. “Come on, girls! Let's drink the Elements before he does!”
At that moment Discord strolled down the street, acting normal. Not normal for Discord, you see, but just plain normal. Because nopony expected that. Discord, the normal pony, was busy putting ping pong balls into his eyes, but when he saw the assembled boys-turned-girls, he tore out his eyeballs, turned around, and hurled them into the Everfree Forest.
Fluttershy began to furiously smoke crack as she broke her way out of her statue. When she finally came out of the closet, she bounded into Discord's arms and fell asleep.
Discord gently set her aside on a nearby rock, and the rock began to turn into a rock.
Soon the rock was Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Dwayne Johnson sighed and cradled Fluttershy's sleeping body in his beefcake arms.
“Surrender the bunny!” Twilight garbled through the cupcake stuck in her throat. She had miraculously turned back into a pony. The bubbles were gone.
“Why can't you just be normal?!” Discord retaliated, shooting himself in the arm. Chocolate milk began to run down his arm.
“With friend shrimp power, there's nothing we can do!” Rarity confidently said.
Discord didn't believe her. Cradling the chocolate milk leaking out of him, he said, “...”
Suddenly Princess Celestia appeared in a flash of light, with a flowing mane made of hot dogs and the stars.
“I'm not going to do anything.”
And Celestia vanished.
Discord began to inhale cabbages at a terrific rate. When Rainbow Dash saw this, she folded her mane in half, gargled her gargle, and karate chopped Discord's head of cabbage off his shoulders. The vegetable sailed across town, landed in the CMC clubhouse and turned into spiders. The three fillies inside screamed.
“My cabbages!” screamed the vendor from The Last Airbender.
“You did it, Rainbow!” Anon mouthed, not wanting to startle her.
“You're awesome,” Dwayne Johnson worshipped from the sidelines, hurling Fluttershy into the bushes.
“I know. I'm just that sauce.” Then she bounced away, a rainbow tail tailing her tail, which was a rainbow tail.
“Let's talk about this to Prince Celestia!” Rarity bellowed in Twilight's ear seductively.
“Spike?” the purple purple purple asked. “Eat this paper.”
Spike, who didn't even know what he was doing there, took out a piece of paper and began to chew on it.
“Let's celebrate by going to the Grand Galloping Gala!” Rarity cheerfully suggested. “I even have all three of our tickets!”
In a split second, she whipped out three old playing cards. They were old because they all had grey hair, and voted for Trump.
One was a Settlers of Catan tree card. Another was an Uno Draw 4 card. The final card had a drawing of a bird pecking a man in his peewee.
Author's Note
Ahhh! Nothing makes sense. And the world is ugly.
I came up with this idea and wrote it in less than a day. I read and reread it and busted into laughter every time.
Yes...I lied about the story. This wasn't a bot writing this. Instead...
It was me, Dio! All along!
Oh NO!!!!
