``` Report: Solar Guard, LT. Dayspear [Off Duty], Location: Local Bar “The Drunken Gryphon”, Crystal Empire Capital Local time: 21:30 hours Status report: Getting suitably drunk while listening to Bullet’s rambling about everything and nothing. He‘s lucky he’s entertaining to listen to. That’s why I like him. Thinking of doing some roving too; it’s my last night and that mouth of his makes him an excellent wingman.

```

“So, this medic is surrounded by students while the dude is gasping for air, going into shock. None of the students know what to do. They look like prisoners in the spotlight!” Silver Bullet yammered, telling an amusing story from one time he had been in a field infirmary and witnessed an older combat medic who in Silver’s words, “looked like he had seen some shit.” I took another swig of my cider as Bullet continued. “The guy on the slab starts flailing, because he can’t breathe.”

“So, you’d just use epi’ for that, right?” I asked. Bullet shook his head.

“They had already loaded him up in the field. The doc said it’d overdose him and stop his heart. So, he calmly looks toward his students as if he was in a museum and just asked them the name of some ancient equine ancestor species.” Bullet put on a calm, and well-spoken, but gruff and elderly voice. “’So, students, how do we save this stallion?’” Bullet shifted back to his normal voice for a single word before shifting to the elderly voice again. “Silence. ‘Better think quick, Students; the patient is dying.’ I swear I’ve never seen recruits so scared! The harshest PT Sarge had nothing on this guy! They all start stammering as they realize they have to save this stallion and they have no idea how! Suddenly one student dove in the drawer and pulled out one of those tube things they stick down your throat.” I looked at him, eyebrow raised.

“Incubation Tube?” I asked. He nodded.

“She goes to stick it in the guy’s muzzle but the medic’s horn lights up, and he stops her. ‘Nice try, Filly. But his throat his clamped shut! How are you going to get that down there? He’ll die before you do.’ He looks to the others who have turned as white as Celestia herself! None of them have a clue what to say and by now, the guy is starting to turn as blue as Luna! So, the medic pulls out a few things from the drawer himself. Then he wipes some orange shit or whatever on the soldier’s throat.” Bullet then looked down at the table as if he was the medic examining the wounded soldier while he returned to his imitation. “‘To allow him to breathe we must perform an emergency tracheostomy. To do this we must make a small incision in the patient‘s neck, approximately 2 inches below the laryngeal prominence, 4th tracheal space, right... about…’”

[SLAM!!!]

Suddenly, Bullet slammed his table knife down into the wood with a loud bang that made the empty glasses on our table shake violently. “‘…there!’ He straight-up stabbed the guy’s neck! No warning or anything! Just stabbed him! But I swear, I’ve never heard someone gasp so hard for breath! Best part was one of the students looked like she was about to faint.” Bullet exclaimed. I looked flabbergasted.

“So, what happened then?”

“One of the students put his hoof up and said,” Bullet put on a cracking, underaged and very nervous teenage colt. “‘S-sir? Isn’t it standard procedure to try incubation first?’ Everyone just looks at him and I think deep down he knew he’d fucked up. ‘In the ideal world of textbooks, sure. But those books are written by civi-doctors. They may complain they have a tough job, but everything is relative, Colt. They have clean wards to work in, and all the help, tech and medicine they need. When your squad-mate is dying in front of you, your best friend is lying in the dirt, bleeding out, and it’s up to you to save their life, it’s an entirely different story. You do not have time to think. You must act on instinct, without, question or hesitation, with direction and purpose, using whatever is on hand to save their life. If you don’t, they die, and their blood will be on your hands, understand, Students?’ Everyone nods rapidly. ‘You may use your textbooks to get you through your exams, but after that, they are as good as fire-kindling.‘ Then, he walks to the colt who asked the question, and towers over him like a fucking tree! ‘As for you, you insufferable little shit, if you want to be the know-it-all, at least be correct. I suggest you read the next paragraph, where it’ll state even civilian doctors will go straight to tracheostomy sometimes, depending on the state of the patient.‘”

I stopped sipping at my cider as I noticed Bullet had finally stopped for a breath.

“It always amazes me that you can come up with this shit.” I said with a grin. Bullet looked almost insulted.

“Whaaat? It’s the truth! I swear!” He protested. He then went on to describe yet more details of the tale. My fuzzy mind was starting to blur out his yammering, though. His uncanny ability to tell a good story, regardless of the situation, made him fun to be around but sometimes it was difficult to get a word in edgeways. My eyes gloss over the bar, mostly ponies, with a few griffins and the odd changeling drinking and engrossed in conversation, and I happen to glance over at one table and a light green filly who was eyeing me up like I’m her prey. Our eyes locked, not for the first time that night and she quickly turned away, knowing I’d caught her staring.

“So what do you think his deal is?” Bullet’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts and I looked back at him.

“What? Who?” Bullet just rolled his eyes.

“That roommate of yours, dummy! Who did you think I meant by ‘monkey-colt’?” I just shrug, realizing I’d tuned out some of his ramblings. “I’m just sayin‘, have you ever actually seen him go home with a mare? Or ask one out?” I just shrug again.

“He’s not gay, if that’s what you are asking.” I said. Bullet shook his head doubtfully.

“I dunno, dude. Think about it, he hardly ever goes out, he spends all his energy and effort on his work, and apart from us, practically his only friend is that bat-filly he’s been hanging around with lately – what’s her name again?”

“Uhhh… Azure… I think?” Bullet nodded.

“Whatever, ‘Spear. As weird as it is him hanging around Bats, I’m actually glad he found something that gets him out of the barracks besides work. And hey, better with her than us, am I right?” I shot him a look.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I’m just sayin’ he’s a good dude, but when was the last time you saw him smile? It’s depressing. Besides, have you seen that guy drink? Holy Celestia, he can put it away! I don’t fancy buying rounds when he’s involved. He is not a cheap date! Assuming you’re right and he really is into mares, I don’t envy her if she insists on being all chivalrous and traditional and pays for everything.”

“He doesn’t strike me as the traditional type.” I countered. His eyes lit up for a moment as an idea hit him.

“Hey! That’s an idea, maybe that’s his problem! We should get him laid! He looks like he has a serious case of blue-balls.” I just shrugged.

“Yeah, speaking of, you planning on needing the room tonight?” I asked casually. He looked at me with a mischievous grin.

“Oh? You looking to catch a little local action tonight, before we go home? Well alright then! Who’s tonight’s lucky contestant?” My eyes glanced to the side briefly.

“Well, those fillies at the corner table have been eyeing us all night. What do you say we save them the embarrassment and go over there?” Bullet laughed in response.

“HAHA! I guess you aren’t traditional either, right?” I smirked at him.

“I guess not.”

``` Report: Lance Corporal [NAME REDACTED] of 14th Solar Battalion Location: Canterlot Palace Grounds Local time: 01:30 hours Status report: Can’t sleep again. That’s nearly a full week now since I slept through the night. Thank Goddess for Amethyst Powder.

```

The base of my spine cracked pleasantly as I lay back on the bench. It was a dry and clear night; pleasantly cool too. The crisp, cold night air soothed my protesting body and although they still remained, the voices of the demons in the back of my head grew quieter. The beautiful night sky, the still, cool air, the quietness of the peaceful grounds of Canterlot castle, they all soothed my malfunctioning mind and sleep-deprived body, dampening the pain, both physical and psychological. What really helped however, was what was in my hand. Between my fingers lay a lit roll of paper, with traces of purple and silver speckles around the outside. Amethyst Powder, or “Dream Dust”, as I had learned it was more commonly known as, had and effect similar to some strains of cannabis; producing a feeling of weightlessness, relaxation and mild euphoria, as well as producing particularly vivid dreams if ponies were to believed, hence its nickname.

I took another puff on my cigarette, letting my head fall back and my eyes close as my muscles unbound, a began to let my mind wander, just listening to the gentle sound of trickling water from the nearby fountain.

Suddenly, the peace was interrupted by an ear-piercing screech.

“SCREEEEE!” I shot awake. On instinct, my fist hurled itself forward toward the source of the sound while my other hand reached for my sword. In an instant, I was up in a combat stance, weapon drawn and ready. The first thing I saw, however, was a familiar bat-pony mare, clutching her breastplate and on the ground 10 feet behind the bench.

“Azure!” I yelled out. “I’m-sorry-I’m-sorry-are-you-ok?!!” I ran over to help her. She batted away my hand however as she picked herself.

“Nice reflexes, Monkey-Man. You have a good swing on you.” She chuckled, rubbing her breastplate.

“You ok?” I asked again. She nodded.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I deserved that. Instant karma for making you jump, ah?” There it was; that cheeky, mischievous grin. Like she could con the whole world into giving up their bits and then thank her for it. Gods, I found that confidence alluring.

“Maybe next time, don’t sneak up on peop-ponies when they are trying to relax and screech in their ear.” I half-joked as I sat back down on the bench and she perched on the back. Then I noticed how she was sitting. She seemed more uptight than normal. Her muscles seemed tense. I thought I knew why. “Are you sure you’re ok, Azure?” She nodded.

“Sure, fine. Why do you ask?” I looked at her skeptically; I wasn’t buying that load of horse apples. I tapped the space next to me, picking up the cigarette that had fallen out of my hands onto the bench when I jumped up, onto the armrest.

“Sit here a sec.”

“W-why?” She asked nervously.

“Just trust me.” I said. Reluctantly, she flittered down onto the bench proper, and sat, awaiting my next move. I pushed on her chest plate a little, causing her to wince slightly. I chuckled. “Here, let me have a look.” My hands moved to the back of her armor, finding the clasp holding her breastplate to her body. She tensed up.

“Wh-what are you-” She squeaked. “I told you, I’m fine.” I raised my eyebrow at her skeptically.

“Azure.” I said firmly. “Please?” She relaxed a little and her ears folded back in submission. She nodded silently. My nimble fingers undid the clasp easily with a single hand and a carefully removed the plate, revealing her soft, fluffy bat-pony chest. Her blood-red eyes watched me intensely as my fingers started to trail down her shoulders and across her chest; feeling for any abnormalities. Under my touch, I felt her suppress a shiver. Lower still, I started walking my fingers across her ribs. 1... 2… 3… Wait, why was I counting? How many ribs was a bat-pony supposed to have? In any case, none of them felt out of place or broken. I checked again on the other side and again, felt nothing out of the ordinary, although I was able to detect a slight sigh as she began to relax into my touch. Another pass over her chest however and I noticed something. It felt warm. Inflamed? Swollen maybe? It was difficult to tell under her thick, fluffy fur. I glanced up and saw she had closed her eyes, and I could feel her heart rate increasing with her breathing. I could almost see a blush hidden under her dark fur. She looked so cute. If I were to just…

I mentally slapped myself back to reality and cleared my throat.

“You… You’ll probably be fine. Just a little sore. Maybe some slight bruising.” I concluded. She chuckled.

“Yeah, well, if you want to make it up to me, how about you share that?” She pointed toward the armrest, and the spliff currently still smoking idly. I looked at her skeptically.

“You sure? This is pretty strong stuff. Has to be ‘cos of how much bigger I am than you ponies.” She scoffed.

“Oh, please. I can handle a little Dream Dust.” I shrugged and offered her the spliff.

“Ok, just go easy on it.” Her wing clamped around it with surprising dexterity; enough to make me blink to make sure I was indeed seeing what I was seeing. She took a sharp inhale from the cigarette. Almost immediately, a slight, dopy grin began to appear on her cute face. As she exhaled, her wings unfurled and she shivered.

“Oh, wow. You weren’t kidding. T-That i-is strong.” She opened her eyes to reveal her normally narrow bat-pony slits were now much wider than normal. She giggled. “Getting high with my buddy; tonight is turning out pretty good.” She handed (‘winged’? ‘hoofed’?) the spliff back to me and she giggled again. She was clearly high as fuck. “I didn’t know you ‘partied’, Monkey-Man.” I nodded.

“Not the best habit to have, I know. But it helps me sleep. It’s either this or fall asleep while on guard duty.” She shrugged.

“Hey, I’m not judging. Kinda nice to meet a pony who isn’t uptight for a change.” She commented.

“Tell you what, I wouldn’t have liked to have been your parents. I’m guessing you were a rebellious teenager, weren’t you?”

“Teenager. Foal. Toddler. According to mom, I kicked the shit out of her even in the womb!” This earned a laugh from both of us.

“And I take it that still hasn’t changed?” I asked as I took another puff.

“Haha, nope. I don’t think so.” She started to laugh, almost hysterically, showing off her sharp fangs.

“What’s so funny?” I asked. Either this mare was way higher than I thought, or she’d just snapped and was about to murder me brutally before devouring my flesh, and hiding whatever was left of my mangled body somewhere where no pony would ever find it.

“Oh, Goddess! I just remembered! Nova has her presentation tonight!” I looked at her, confused.

“So?” It took a minute for Azure to compose herself enough to talk.

“Haha. Oh Goddess. I’m sorry. It’s this stupid presentation thing she’s been working on. She’s looking to move up the ranks so for some extra credit, she worked it so she had to put together this essay thing, something about the viability of aftercare for vets after they leave the military or whatever, and have it judged by her CO. She’s been working on it for months! Graphs, diagrams, slides, tapes, the whole nine. But a couple nights ago, I snuck into her secret stash where she keeps all her “important” stuff, and…” Azure burst out laughing again. “Replaced… hahaha... All her slides... W-with the filthiest… most hardcore porn I could find!” I tried my best but I couldn’t help but begin to laugh with her. I wasn’t this immature, was I? It had to be the Dust.

“So, she’ll be talking about PTSD in wounded vets or something really serious, she’ll go to put a slide up and…”

“A hardcore picture of a pegasus getting her brains fucked out by a zebra stallion! Or a unicorn stallion bound and gagged getting dominated by a bat-pony mare!” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I couldn’t imagine girls on earth pranking each other like this, much less speaking about it in such direct, dirty terms. And I loved that!

We continued laughing but as quiet as the little voice in the back of my head was at the moment, muffled by drugs, it was still present. It pointed out something uncomfortable.

“So, you did this just to prank her? Won’t she be pissed at you for wrecking her chances at promotion?” Azure shook her head.

“Neh. I’d never do that to her for real. She‘s my filly, you know? My friend. We got each other’s backs. It’ll be embarrassing sure, but I know the examiner pretty well, and he owes me a favor or two. Won’t be hard to convince him to give her a retake.”

“Jesus, Azure.” I exclaimed. “If this is what you do to your friends, I don’t even want to know what you do to your enemies. Remind me never to get on your bad side.”

“My enemies? Oh, that’s easy! Same thing I do to my lovers; fuck them into submission!” She exclaimed. I let out another burst of laughter. It was definitely the Dust. Right?

“You’re a firecracker, Azure!” I offered her the spliff again and she took another hit.

“Hehe… this stuff is making me hungry.” She giggled. “I know this cool place downtown that does night-time service. Wanna join me?” I shrugged.

“Ok, Sure. Lead the way. Just don’t go too fast; remember I can’t fly, yeah?” She cackled mockingly in response.

“You want me to slow down? You keep up, Monkey!” She teased.

Author's Note

Sorry this one took so long. I won’t explain why because let’s be honest, it’s depressing to hear about my problems. Next one should be a lot quicker, though.

So in this chapter, we get some context as to what other ponies /actually/ think of him, regardless of what the voices in our protagonist’s head tell him. Anyone hearing Afroman while reading this?

As you can guess, Chapter 5 will obviously be a meal/“date” scene between our human and Azure. I wonder how that will go? -grins evilly-

Please let me know if you spot any mistakes. :)