Sweet Escape

by Bob From Bottles

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Princess Luna, Comedy
Length: 8699

Luna wants every pony to lose weight, starting with her sister.

Luna is on a mission to save Equestria. With so many ponies gaining weight, she feels it is time to put down the cake and pick up a salad. The dieting and exercise begins today. Now, if only she could find a way to let her sister know.

Published 2012-08-07 09:54:05 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-07 09:54:05 UTC

Sweet Escape

Luna trotted through the hallways of the royal palace, trying to keep her breathing steady. It was almost time for her to put the first step of her plan into action: confronting her sister. As the sight of the writing room’s double doors came into view, she found her pace slowing until it was nearly a crawl. With a hard swallow, she glanced over her shoulder, looking back the way she had come.

“Good afternoon, Princess Luna,” a voice called out.

Luna stumbled to a halt and whipped her head forward to see a unicorn guard emerging from one of the many doors along the hallway. His golden armor rattled as he stood up straight and saluted.

“It’s rare to see you awake so early,” he said. “I hope everything is alright in Equestria?”

Luna released the breath she was holding, then smiled and nodded. “No need for concern, O Champion of the Day Guards. I am merely on my way to tell my sister that she is fat.” She continued towards the set of double doors at the hallway’s end and tried to return to her thoughts, but the sound of clattering armor proved a distraction. She looked sideways at the guard.

“Forgive me, Princess,” the guard said, giving Luna an amused grin as he walked beside her, “I must have misheard. Did you say that Princess Celestia is fat?”

“Yes,” Luna said, then stopped and raised an eyebrow. “You have noticed it as well, have you not?”

The guard’s grin slowly faded. “Well, I... to be perfectly honest, no, I haven’t.” When Luna gave a slight frown, he continued quickly, “I mean, it’s hardly like I pay attention to these things, and being her sister, I’m sure you’d be much better at noticing, so if you think so, then... I guess she could stand to lose some weight? But really, the same could be said about anypony.”

“Precisely.” Luna nodded as she let out a small sigh. “Everypony does need to lose weight. It is good to know I am not alone in my thinking.”

“I...” The guard glanced to his side, then back at Luna. “I’m not sure I follow?”

Luna held her head high and looked down the hallway. “I have seen the warning signs,” she said softly. “Ponies are growing fatter by the minute. If something is not done soon, then the ponies of the future will be as large as—” She shuddered. “Well, I do not wish to think of it. Everypony needs to learn the benefits of a healthy lifestyle, and to do that, it must start with us, the princesses.” She smiled and turned back to the guard. “With my guidance, Equestria will be saved!”

The guard’s mouth opened and closed a few times, but no words came out.

Luna shuffled her hooves slightly and looked away, her ears drooping. “Tis a good plan, is it not? I admit it has been made in haste, but my sister must be made aware of her problem before it is too late.” She slowly turned back to the guard. “I have tried both subtle and not-so-subtle hints, but they have either been ignored or misunderstood. The time has come for drastic action: presenting the truth." She sighed. "However, it has proven difficult coming up with the proper words. You do not think my sister will react badly to being called fat, do you?”

The guard squeaked something, then cleared his throat and tried again. “Maybe try ‘overweight’ instead?” he said with a shrug. “Anyway, Princess Luna, your sister has always been very reasonable. I mean, what’s the worst that could possibly happen?”

Luna’s face lit up. “Ah! That part I have already thought of. It would be something like this.”

The air shimmered with magic as a force field formed around them, trapping the guard with Luna. She locked him in a stare, and let her eyes glow white with magic. His ears drooped and he took a step backwards, bumping into the magic wall behind him, which didn’t stop him from trying to back up further.

Luna took to the air, her wings beating a slow rhythm as she hovered in place. She let loose her magic to create thick coils of shadow that crept along the walls until all light in the hallway was choked out. She growled, her voice reverberating from every direction at once. “You dare insinuate that the Princess of the Sun is fat? I will burn you to ashes where you stand! This entire country shall be reduced to cinders so that nopony may ever learn of this blasphemy!”

The illusion vanished, and Luna gently lowered herself. “Granted, that is an extreme worst-case scenario, and I highly doubt anything like that would happen, but it never hurts to be prepared.”

“P-Princess?”

“Hmm?” Luna looked as the much paler guard.

“I-If it’s all r-right with you,” he forced out. “I’d like to go b-back on my p-p-patrol now.”

Luna waved a hoof in dismissal. “Of course. Do not let me tarry you further. I thank you taking the time to listen to me, but worry not, for your princess has the matter well in hoof.”

The guard raised a hoof across his forehead and then marched down the hallway, his speed rapidly increasing to a gallop.

With no further distractions, Luna completed the journey to her destination and stopped outside the doors. She gripped the handles in her magic, ready to throw the doors open, but paused. Her sister was inside. She respected her sister, and with what she had come here to accomplish, that respect demanded a knock before entering. So she did.

“The door’s open,” Celestia’s voice called out from the other side.

Luna sighed, and shut her eyes. This would be so much easier if my sister actually was disgustingly obese instead of only slightly chubby. She’s hardly larger than I am. Still, better to do this now before she ends up as big as— Luna quickly opened her eyes and shook her head to remove the memory. She took a deep breath, straightened her posture, brushed a hoof along her coat, and checked her royal adornments to make sure they were on correctly. Satisfied with her appearance, she used her magic to swing open the doors and stepped through.

Shelves full of papers, scrolls, and inks lined the walls while desks and tables dotted the carpet. Many of the chairs had been moved closer to the windows, likely to give their last host an enjoyable view of the gardens. In the center of the room, on top of a plush, red cushion, lay Celestia, a scroll and quill suspended before her in the golden glow of her magic. Luna glanced around the room, thankful to find that nopony else was with them. The scribbling stopped, and Celestia set the quill down. She moved the scroll closer, her head gliding back and forth as she looked it over.

Luna stood silently, not wanting to interrupt in case this letter was important. She soon took notice of something pink on the other side of her sister and leaned to her side. It was a slice of cake. Luna frowned. No bites had been taken yet, and she intended for it to stay that way.

Giving a single nod, Celestia rolled up the scroll and let it vanish in a flash of light. She stood up and spread her wings to flap them a few times. With a roll of her head from side to side, she let out a satisfied puff of air and stepped off the cushion. The plate holding the cake rose from the ground and floated before her as she turned towards the doorway.

“Luna!” Celestia broke into a grin and approached her sister, setting the cake down on a table. She gave Luna a quick embrace, which was returned. “Are you sleeping well? It’s barely an hour past noon.”

“Yes, dear sister, my sleeping is well, but I chose to wake at this hour for a reason. I have something I must tell you, and I required more daylight so that we may act upon it.” Luna flicked her eyes towards the cake. “I... notice you have some cake. Is there a reason for it?”

“Hmm? Oh.” Celestia looked back to the plate and levitated it to her. “Today was Sergeant Brickwing’s retirement party. Forty-seven years as a royal guard. Can you believe it? I remember when he first entered training. He was so unruly. I honestly thought he would quit or be dismissed within a week.” She chuckled to herself, then took a bite of cake. “Mmm. This is the best strawberry cake I have ever eaten. There’s still plenty left in the kitchen. You should try some.”

Luna could only wince, but recomposed herself quickly. “So, this is your second slice?”

“Third actually.” A slight blush briefly rose to Celestia’s cheeks. Easy to miss, but Luna knew what to look for. “But enough about the cake. There was something you wished to talk about?”

“Yes, and I feel it is good news as well.” Luna held her head up high. This is it. Time to address the elephant in the room before she grows any larger. “Today, Celestia, you and I begin our diet.”

Luna waited. The next words out of her sister's lips would decide which of her sub plans she would need to put into action. She prayed it would not be one that required rope; she still had not found nearly enough of it.

“We’re... what?” Celestia said, blinking.

Luna smiled. Confusion was one of the preferable responses. “Dieting: the act of watching one's calorie intake by eating healthy foods, such as vegetables, and avoiding unhealthy foods, such as cake.”

“I know what dieting is. What I mean to ask is, why are we dieting?”

“Is it not obvious, sister?” Luna crossed the room to look out one of the windows. She watched the gardens for a while, letting her sister mull over her question. “Have you noticed the large number of festivities we have that include cake, pie, or other such baked goods?”

“We always have a cake at retirement parties. You know that.”

“I do,” Luna replied as she turned away from the window. “However, that is but one of the events I was referring to. Only recently, we have attended staff birthdays, the National Dessert Competition, numerous high-society gatherings, Princess Cadance and Shining Armor’s reception—including the ‘Hurray, we fought back the changelings’ after party—and even that bizarre convention held last week. What was it even called again?”

“Cake-a-palooza, the Cake-Eaters Celebration of All Things Cake,” Celestia said quietly.

Luna rolled her eyes. “Honestly, that whole event was so ridiculous. Who even creates those things?”

“Um...” Celestia’s mouth remained open for several seconds before it snapped closed.

Luna watched her sister, whose lips remained tightly shut. “Anyway, the point I am getting to is that, at each of these festivities, there is a great number of sweets. While I admit I am guilty of eating them too, you, sister, partake of more than your fair share and, as a result, have become overweight.”

Celestia stepped backwards and bumped into a table. The plate wobbled in air as the magic surrounding it failed, sending the cake to the floor. Wide-eyed, she looked down at herself and shook her head. “N-no I haven’t!”

“Really? Have you seen yourself in the mirror lately?” Luna motioned to a window, which glowed with her magic. Within moments, the glass rippled and shimmered until it showed the reflection of the room. Celestia approached the mirror with raised eyebrows.

“This... I—What? This isn’t possible.” Celestia raised a hoof to her face to push on her cheek. She turned to her side, eyeing herself up and down. “There’s no way.”

“Do you not see the pudginess, sister? I have noticed it on myself as well. This is why we need to diet and exercise.”

“Perhaps...” Celestia squinted at the mirror and moved in closer. “Are you sure you cast this spell correctly?”

Luna quickly dispelled the magic and placed a hoof on her sister’s shoulder. “Please, sister, just try it for today? I promise you will feel better about yourself afterwards. Think about how inspirational we could be. We may even start an exercising trend all across Equestria.”

“You’re dead set on this, aren’t you? Couldn’t we try going to the magic archives to search for a weight-loss spell?” Celestia gave a small smile, with a slight lip quiver.

Luna held a hoof to her forehead and took in a long breath, followed by a drawn-out sigh. She stared flatly at her sister. “The only pony to ever create a semi-reliable weight-loss spell was Joyluck the Jolly, and you know what ended up happening to her.”

“That story’s only a legend.”

“Sister... you and I lived through that legend. I am surprised you could forget,” Luna said, gaping. “Or is it that you finally found a way to repress the memories of an animated ball of fat rampaging through the streets of Canterlot?”

Celestia blinked, then her eyes grew wide as she seemed to stare off into another time and place. Her body suddenly shook. “Right, so, exercise.” She swallowed hard and took a deep breath to recomposed herself. “I suppose a canter around the palace gardens couldn’t hurt.”

“A canter?” Luna raised a hoof to her lips and chuckled softly. “You know as well as I that exercise has advanced far beyond just physically moving your body from point A to point B. There are calisthenics, weight training, even machines that can practically do all the work for you. Though, I suppose I could work some cantering into your routine, if you would like.” She walked out into the hallway, smiling smugly as her sister followed.

“I have a routine?”

“Of course. A proper routine is required for maximum weight loss,” Luna said with a nod, then concentrated on a spell. A moment later, a thin book appeared in a flash of light. She passed it back to her sister. “The details are all here in this trainer’s guide. I have the important bits memorized, so I shall act as your personal trainer until you get the hang of the routine. I am quite happy I purchased this particular guide, as it is very thorough on the subject. It even came with a trainer’s cap for me to wear. A whistle too! I have been meaning to get a new one ever since I misplaced the last.” When her sister’s hoofsteps stopped, Luna looked back. “Sister? Are you feeling well? You appear to have gone a bit pale. Though, truthfully, it is a little hard to tell on you. Anyway, come along. The outside air will do you good.”

A sharp cry pierced the air of the palace gardens. All around the princesses, the squawks and cries of fleeing birds added to the symphony of noise. Luna listened for a moment, then dropped the whistle from her lips, letting it hang from its chain. “Is that not such a shrill sound?” she asked her sister, who was walking nearby. “I do love the music of a whistle.”

Celestia slowly opened her eyes one at a time, then let her ears unfold. “Yes, Luna. I know.”

Luna beamed and continued leading the way through the grass, feeling good about her plan. The putting-on-their-outfits step had gone as expected. For herself, a simple black wool cap and, of course, her whistle. She did not know why trainers were supposed to wear this style of hat, but the guide had been very specific. For her sister, a pink sweatsuit and a hairband to keep her mane pulled back out of her eyes.

Rounding one last hedge, they came upon a clearing filled with the fruits of Luna’s labors. Cushioned benches, high-tension bars, cables, straps, weights, springs, plastic thingies: the exercise equipment had it all and more. Everything anypony who was serious about losing weight could ever need had been assembled here.

Luna turned to her sister, whose eyes were slowly moving from one device to the next. “Well?” Luna asked, her smile growing wider. “What do you think? With this equipment, we will be at peak physical condition in no time. Is it not wonderful?”

“How much did this cost?”

“An extravagant sum of bits, but it will be well worth it. The salespony assured me it would give us ‘bagels of steel.’”

Celestia blinked. “I think you mean buns, not bagels.”

“Buns?” Luna scrunched up her face and ran the phrase through her mind several times. “Why would I want some rounded bread to be made from steel?”

“Uh…” Celestia pawed the ground. “I don’t think you are quite understanding the meaning of that expression.”

“Perhaps, but it matters not what shape our steely bread comes in. Let us begin!”

“This is a rowing machine, not a canoeing machine,” Luna yelled. “That means both forelegs moving!”

Celestia rowed, pulling the handlebars towards her only for them to spring back into place when she relaxed. Already, beads of sweat had formed along her forehead. “Luna?” She looked up wide-eyed, her breath coming in heavy gasps. “What are... you doing?”

“Motivating! I must yell and make you feel bad so that you try harder. Only then can I give you praise. The guide says so.”

Celestia raised an eyebrow for a few seconds, then shook her head, faced forward, and kept to her rowing.

“Good. Now that is the proper speed. You are doing great!”

Luna paced back and forth, watching her sister tug on a bar with her mouth. Attached to the bar was a cable that ran through a series of pulleys to a set of weights.

“You call that lifting?” Luna yelled. “I have seen grandmothers lift more weight than that, and they are missing teeth.”

Celestia spat out the bar and glared at Luna. “They’re probably missing teeth because this thing pulled them out. Besides, isn’t the purpose of this machine to build neck and jaw muscles? It’s not really going to help me lose much weight.”

“R-right, of course. To the next piece of equipment!” Luna blew her whistle.

“You are slowing down. Keep going!”

Celestia strained as she tried to pull her chin above the bar using only her forelegs. With a few inches remaining, she cried out and dropped back down. “That’s it,” she said, hanging limply. “That’s all I can do.”

“Nonsense. You should be able to do at least ten more. Now, come on. Pull!” The cry of the whistle cut short as the instrument shattered with a bang, sending fragments scattering along the ground. Luna removed the chain and eyed the bit of remaining metal. “It appears I was sold a defective whistle. Never mind. You can do this, sister. Burn those calories!”

Celestia sighed and slowly struggled to pull herself towards the bar.

Celestia tried moving a foreleg, only to have it remain stuck in place. She looked around at the mess of wires and cables that held her suspended in the air. “Luna? I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing here.”

Luna held a hoof to her chin as she inspected the monstrosity of a machine. “I do not think I set this one up correctly. Let us move on.”

“Come on, sister, keep up the pace! Move, move, move!” Luna said as she flew alongside her sister, who was running up the palace stairs.

Whether it was through a misstep or tiredness creeping in, Celestia stumbled and fell to the steps. She moaned quietly and shut her eyes, pulling her legs in close to her body.

Luna landed beside her sister and crouched down. “Do not give up! Not when you are so close. Look!” She pointed up the stairs.

Celestia opened one eye and looked. Less than a dozen steps remained until she would reach the doorway leading back inside the palace. She unfolded her legs and wearily rose. She took a step, and then another.

“Yes! You are doing it!”

It was slow going, but Celestia managed to drag herself up the rest of the way. Finally on flat ground again, she fell to her haunches and collapsed forward, her sweatsuit now a much darker shade of pink.

“Well done, sister. You did it!”

“I...” Celestia slowly lifted her head. “I did?”

“Yes! You successfully ran up all these stairs. Now, hurry along. Next is swimming. Let us see...” A map appeared in a flash of silvery light. Luna unfurled it and poked a hoof to it. “We are here... so the closest swimming pool would be... at the School for Gifted Unicorns.” She tapped her lips. “Hmm, but the swim team may still be meeting at this time. I know! The pond in the garden should be deep enough for you to do the backstroke.”

“Luna...” Celestia breathed deeply several times. “Luna, wait.”

“Hmm?” Luna looked up over the map at her sister, who was shakily rising back to her hooves. “Something the matter? Don’t tell me you are tired already. We have not even spent a half hour on this.”

Celestia rolled her eyes and moved in closer. “That’s just it! Why are we running from exercise to exercise instead of sticking to one?” She sighed and shook her head. “I understand the concept of weight-loss through muscle confusion, but I don’t think this is how it’s done.”

“Truly?” The map vanished, and Luna blinked. “How strange. I have asked many ponies, and they all agreed that this guide for the Training Montage Method was highly effective.”

Celestia turned away and trudged through the palace doors, using a shoulder instead of magic to push them open.

“Sister?” Luna quickly followed. “Where are you going? We are not yet finished.”

“I’m getting a drink,” Celestia said.

“Oh, well, if you are thirsty, I have this.” Luna lifted a sports bottle with her magic and sloshed the contents around. Celestia stopped to stare at it. “It is full of vitamins, minerals, and... electro-somethings. Hmm... well, I am not entirely sure what it is, but it is purple!”

Celestia resumed her walking. “Thank you, but water will be fine.” Her horn glowed, covering her body in magic.

Luna frowned, her eyebrows slowly coming together. Breaking into a quick gallop, she caught up to her sister and fell into pace beside her. “I realize you are tired, but you should try not to rely on a revitalizing spell. It can only take you so far.”

“True, but it will take me as far as the kitchens,” Celestia said.

“The kitchens?” Luna narrowed her eyes. “I hope you are not planning on a snack.”

Celestia stopped and wheeled around, her mouth agape and eyes darting over Luna. “What has gotten into you? Do you honestly think I’m going to start gorging myself on sweets the moment I’m out of your sight?” She raised a hoof, then shook her head a slowly set it back down. “I went along with this because you seemed sincere, but the more I think about it, the more this feels like some sort of elaborate prank.”

“Wha—I... tis not a prank!”

“Really?” Celestia stared flatly. “You spend all that time trying to convince me I’m fat, dressed me up in this too-pink sweatsuit to parade me around the gardens, and had me work out on your crazy equipment until I was covered in sweat. I’m half expecting, at any moment, for a guard with a camera to jump out and yell ‘surprise!’”

Celestia scanned the hallway, paying extra attention to each potted plant or doorway. After a few surprise-free seconds, she sighed, and continued onward. Luna stood with her mouth hanging open. She tried several times to say something but could only produce a sputter. Growling irritably, she ran to catch back up to her sister’s side.

“I admit this seems bad,” Luna said, “but know that my intentions are pure. Both of us need to lose weight so that we can help everypony else.”

“Why would—” Celestia’s head shot up, her eyes widening. “I think I understand now. The way you have been acting lately, your sudden interest in losing weight, and having me exercise on today of all days. Luna... this was all a ploy to get me so exhausted that you could sneak away the leftover cake and eat it all yourself, wasn’t it?”

Luna’s eyes bulged. She felt like she was choking. “What?”

Celestia shook her head sadly. “I don’t blame you. It does taste amazing.” She gave a smirk and unfurled her wings. “Which is why I will just have to eat it all first.” She took off in a sudden burst of speed, the leaves of the potted plants shaking in the wind.

Luna blinked, then took to the air, beating her wings furiously. Slowly, the distance between her and her sister closed. “Sister!” Luna called. “You have mistaken my plan. I do not wish for either of us to eat cake. Slow down so we can talk this over.”

Celestia rounded a corner and looked over her shoulder with one eye, a playful smile on her lips. “Slow down? But I thought you wanted me to exercise? Isn’t flying good for me? I’m sorry, Luna, but if you want me to stop, then you are going to have to catch me!”

Luna’s eyes widened. “Celestia. No. We are not playing this game.”

Celestia laughed deeply and smiled back. “Aren’t we? I believe it was you who started this.”

“I admit I may have gotten a little carried away, but it was only because I love you.”

“I know, Luna,” Celestia said with a sigh, “and that’s why you will never see the sneak attack!”

In a sudden flash of light, Luna found herself in damp, smelly darkness. She flared her wings, slowing down enough that she only stumbled a bit while landing. She sat down and used her forelegs to wrestle against the object wrapped around her head. Eventually, she got a hoof into a proper angle to tear herself free. She threw the sweatsuit to the floor and glared at her sister, who was hovering at an intersection in the hallway. Celestia smiled again, then flew down the side hall, laughing and declaring the cake all hers.

Luna swiped off her hat. “So, it has come to this: the fate of every mare, stallion, and foal is to be decided by a game of keep-away. You want to play, sister? Very well. But know that the horseshoes are coming off!” She blinked, looking down at her bare hooves. “Ridiculous modern idioms. I already took my horseshoes off when I changed outfits. Well, I am not putting them back on.”

Celestia’s magic slammed open the doors ahead. She ran through them, glancing back over her shoulder at Luna, then looked forward, gasped, and came to a quick halt. Luna’s eyes went wide as she tried to stop too, but she was too close. She crashed into her sister, sending them both over the balcony’s railing and falling towards the floor several stories below. They twisted in midair, attempting to get untangled from each other until Luna broke free and flapped her wings to slow her descent.

Rather than flying away, Celestia angled herself into a dive. Right before impact, she flared her wings and pulled up, slowing herself enough to turn her crash into a roll. She then struck a hoof against the floor, sending herself spinning into the air before landing back on all fours, now facing towards Luna, who landed gently a few feet away.

“Showoff,” Luna muttered, only earning a grin from her sister.

Luna breathed in and out slowly. She contemplated her next move while her sister stared back, looking equally winded. They had been at this game for some time now. Room after room, hallway after hallway, indoors and out. Luna had been able to slow her sister but could not snare her long enough to catch her. Even with the many diversions, they were now in the grand foyer, closer than ever to the kitchens. This entranceway was too open for Luna’s likes. Giant doors leading outside, stairs leading to the second floor, pillars, armor displays, paintings. With so many options, Celestia could have been planning anything.

All around the foyer, guards and servants came to a halt, watching the pair of princesses. Luna exhaled sharply. She had wanted the palace staff to see them exercising eventually, but not like this.

Celestia took a deep breath, moved her legs closer together, and held her head up straight. “It was very clever of you to booby-trap the library like that.”

“Only returning the favor from the buttered floor in the ballroom.” Luna gave her wings a tentative flap.

“You have done well so far, but you will not be winning,” Celestia said.

Luna narrowed her eyes. “We shall see.”

Celestia smirked and, rounding about, took off into a gallop. Immediately, Luna saw her sister’s escape plan: out the front doors, around the side, and into the kitchens. Luna gave chase, channeling her magic to envelop the doors that covered most of the front wall, willing them to close quickly. Ancient things that they were, the doors groaned under the strain of how fast she was moving them. Celestia increased her speed and Luna realized with a growing sense of dread that her sister would be able to pass through the narrowing crack before it closed. Celestia then skidded to a halt, the doors slamming shut in front of her.

Luna knew her sister could have escaped. She approached warily, one hoof at a time, trying to sense anything out of the ordinary. Then she felt it: a summoning spell, and a very powerful one at that. Her sister was pulling something, from somewhere, to aid her. Celestia turned around, her eyes glowing like the sun.

Luna briefly stopped her cautious approach, then shook her head and continued forward. Her sister wouldn’t go overboard, not with so many other ponies around.

The air exploded, light and wind ripping at Luna. She held her ground and raised a wing as a shield. Gritting her teeth, she silently cursed. When the energy had died down, she risked lowering a few feathers. Her eyes went wide as she saw the metal tip pointed at her head.

“En garde,” Celestia said calmly.

Luna looked past the tip, down to the white, folded cloth—emblazoned with miniature versions of her sister’s cutie mark—and then further on to the expertly carved, wooden handle.

“Your umbrella,” Luna stated flatly. “Seriously?”

Celestia shuffled in place and blushed. “Oh, come on. We used to pretend-sword fight all the time when we were little.”

“Very well.” Luna rolled her eyes and began her summoning, using only the minimal amount of magic so as not to make an overly flashy show of it. Her own umbrella appeared before her: black fabric with a black-stained handle. She raised it with her magic to hold it next to her sister’s ‘weapon.’

Whether it had been the blinking of an eye or the shifting of a feather, both princesses sensed the signal that the duel had begun. The umbrellas clashed against each other, their swishes and clacks echoing throughout the foyer. The princesses alternated between offensive and defensive stances, each trying to gain the upper hoof as they circled and weaved around one another.

Out of the corner of her eye, Luna noticed the guards moving obstructions and gawking servants clear of the makeshift arena. She redoubled her efforts. A victory here, in front of an audience, would almost guarantee success for the rest of her plan. She hoped the spectating ponies enjoyed the show; they would be the ones sweating next time.

Celestia opened her umbrella, blocking Luna’s view, and lunged forward. Luna easily batted the attack aside, but found her sister had used the cover to move unseen. Quickly turning her head back and forth, Luna moved in a slow circle, searching for where her sister would strike next. Then she saw the tip of her sister’s tail peeking out from behind a pillar. Luna tensed her muscles to rush forward, only to have the ignored umbrella bop her on the head. With a cry of surprise, she backed off. Celestia strode around the pillar while the umbrella continued swinging.

The successful hit had broken Luna’s concentration, allowing the duel to turn in her sister’s favor and forcing Luna into a constant defense. The blows rained down, leaving no openings to counter. Luna grimaced and took another step back. Further and further she retreated, the wall getting uncomfortably close. It was then that she noticed the blue-maned, gray-coated form of Silver Watch—Celestia’s head butler—approaching with a wheeled cart containing a teakettle. He stopped a safe distance away, seeming to puff up proudly in his black tuxedo jacket.

“There you are, Princess Celestia,” he said, using his magic to pull out various cups and jars from under the cart. “I was surprised when I didn’t find you in the study. Is everything alright?”

“Just fine,” Celestia said. She stepped backwards towards Silver Watch, still managing to keep up her assault, though with less intensity. “Luna and I are having a little disagreement. Nothing to worry about. I suspect we’ll have it worked out before long.”

“Splendid,” he replied. “Would you care to take your afternoon tea here?”

“Yes, some tea would be wonderful at the moment.” Celestia dodged under Luna’s slash and arrived next to the cart. “Would you care for some, Luna?”

Luna parried the thrust and launched into a counter-attack. “No, thank you.”

Silver Watch poured a single cup, placed it on a saucer, and then looked up from his work. “And how would you like it, your majesty?”

Seeing Celestia’s plan, Luna rolled forward and came up between her and Silver Watch. “No sugar!” she shouted, striking hard and driving her sister back. “No honey either.”

“Not even some cream?” Celestia stopped her attack and gently quivered her lower lip.

Luna huffed and stepped to the side. “A little cream,” she said as she passed by Silver Watch and raised her umbrella into a defensive stance.

Celestia nodded her thanks as Silver Watch finished his preparations and passed her the cup. Even while sipping tea with her eyes closed, she still easily evaded or parried Luna’s strikes. With the cup emptied, Celestia sighed warmly and placed it back on the cart. “Thank you. I needed that. Silver, may I ask you a question?”

“Of course, your majesty,” he said while putting away his tea set.

“Luna has this ridiculous notion that I’ve put on weight. You don’t think I’m fat, do you?”

To his credit, Silver Watch did not even flinch. “A true gentlestallion never answers that question when a lady asks it.”

“And if I ask for your honest opinion as a friend instead of as a gentlestallion?”

“Then I would say that you would probably feel happier with yourself if you watched what you ate and tried to drop a few pounds.”

Celestia stood stunned, giving Luna her opening. The umbrella only sliced through air as Celestia leapt upwards and flapped her wings. Her hooves glowed with magic as they stuck to a pillar’s side, letting her stand upon it and face towards the floor. She adjusted her stance on the curved terrain and gave a small frown to Silver Watch.

“I’m sorry, Princess,” he said with a shrug, “but you did ask for my honest opinion as a friend.”

“Yes, I did.” Celestia nodded her head and sighed. “See you in the morning?”

“Of course. I hope you two enjoy the rest of the day and can resolve your little tiff soon. Good afternoon, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna.”

With a nod to the departing butler, Luna stepped forward, placing a hoof against the pillar. She concentrated on her spell and continued pulling herself forward until she too was standing on the pillar’s side. Celestia backed up and then turned around to run towards the ceiling with Luna not far behind.

“See?” Luna said as she carefully followed her sister off the pillar and onto the ceiling. Her hooves held her body in place, but her mane and tail still hung upwards to the floor. “I told you it was not a prank. I am not the only pony that can tell you have gained weight.”

Celestia sighed. “Maybe I have been a little careless lately, but that doesn’t mean I’m some roly-poly pony that constantly inhales food.”

“And we still have time to prevent that from happening,” Luna said, then continued softly. “Please, sister, I do not wish to see you let yourself go.”

Celestia looked away and seemed to deflate. She raised a hoof to tapped her chin slowly. For a moment, Luna thought she might have finally reached her sister; then the smirk returned. “Sorry, Luna, but that cake is too good to give up.”

Luna growled and rushed forward as quickly as her sticky hooves allowed. Her sister’s attacks were limited, with her being unable to do any fancy maneuvers without becoming unstuck from the ceiling. Luna, who focused more on technique, soon found the openings she needed to turn the tide of battle. Now, it was Celestia’s turn to be forced back, her retreat taking them towards the chandelier.

Luna saw her sister’s plan to use the hanging chain attached to the chandelier as added defense. She would not give her the chance. Lunging forward with a flap of her wings, Luna swung upwards, catching her sister off guard. Celestia brought her weapon down, but it was at an awkward angle. Their umbrellas struck together and held, each of them trying to push the others back through sheer magical force.

“This ends now, sister,” Luna said, straining, feeling the sweat rolling up her face towards the floor. “Say goodbye to your sweets.”

Celestia smiled. “I have a better idea. Why don’t you join me in the kitchens? I really should share with my sister, and a nice slice of cake might help you relax.”

“Never!” Luna shouted the word using the full force of her Royal Canterlot Voice, then pushed with all her magical might. Their clash finally broke, sending Celestia’s umbrella spinning upwards towards the ground. A maid above shrieked as the umbrella embedded itself in the floor next to her.

“Sorry!” Luna and Celestia yelled together.

Luna raised her umbrella straight up and tilted her head in a salute. “It appears the advantage is mine.”

Celestia gave a short laugh as her horn shined with golden light. “Appearances can be deceiving.”

Something hot landed on the tip of Luna’s nose. She winced and looked upwards, suddenly realizing why her sister had chosen to retreat towards the chandelier. Hundreds of candles glowed with magic, the wax dribbling up their sides until it fell towards the ceiling.

“Good thing you brought your umbrella.” Celestia smiled sweetly.

Luna quickly opened her umbrella and raised it above her, crouching into a ball to better fit under it. The few drips quickly became a downpour. She scrambled to keep her hooves and tail away from the hot wax that was building up around her. In less than a minute, the wax had piled up into a wall that steadily rose past her umbrella. She held still, breathing heavily. A few seconds later, the muffled pattering finally ended.

Luna pushed upward. There was some resistance, but she soon got the cap of her waxy cocoon to break off and fall to the floor, taking her umbrella with it. She leapt out and righted herself, flapping her wings to remain hovering in place. A quick scan of the foyer showed that her sister had already fled. She tsked and flew down to the floor to land next to the maid who was tugging on her sister’s stuck umbrella.

“Which way did my sister travel?” Luna asked.

The maid yelped, losing her grip, and dropped to the floor, where she buried her yellow mane under her forelegs. She cracked open an eye at Luna, then moved a shaky hoof to point out a hallway.

Luna nodded. “Of course. The most direct route towards the kitchens. I should have known. Now I will have to teleport to get ahead.”

As Luna built up her magic, her eyes surveyed the foyer, taking note of the ruffled and slightly torn carpet, the floor decorations being moved back into place, the pillar that was already being washed by pegasi, the hoofprints along the ceiling, and the remains of the wax cocoon. She then looked down to the maid, who was staring back with wide eyes.

Luna cleared her throat and said, “I am sorry for the mess we made. I will return later to help with what remains. I am also sorry I nearly impaled you with an umbrella. That was not my intent. If you are feeling shaken, you may take the rest of today and tomorrow off.”

With a burst of silvery-blue light and crackle of energy, Luna finished her spell, teleporting her further into the palace. When the magic faded, she quickly took in her surroundings. She was at the end of a hallway. Ahead lay the palace staff’s dining area, and behind were the swinging doors that led into the palace kitchens. Many noises came from within: metal utensils clinking, sizzling foods, even laughter. Nothing unpleasant like lips smacking or cries of disgust. Luna smiled. She had gotten here first.

As if on cue, she heard the sound of hoofsteps. Quiet at first, but slowly growing louder. Luna readied herself for her final stand. Legs limber, wings flared, head held high. She glared at her approaching sister, expecting wide-eyed disbelief or possibly even seething rage. Instead, Celestia only frowned and appeared disappointed.

“Luna. It’s not any fun if you just use magic to get ahead of me. Don’t tell me you’re giving up already. I even slowed down so you could catch back up.”

“I repeat once again, Celestia: this is not a game. Now, end this foolishness.”

Celestia kept walking, her knowing smirk returning to her lips. She stopped with her chest pressed against Luna’s. “I can’t. Not with the object of my desire on the other side of this door. I can sense it, and I will have it. Nopony can stand against me. Not even you, sister. And do you know why?”

Luna gulped and looked into her sister’s eyes, searching for a way to break through before the inevitable happened. She then felt something bump into her backside, followed by the creaking of a door hinge. That was when she realized that her sister hadn’t stopped walking, and that she herself was sliding backwards.

Celestia lowered her mouth to Luna’s ear and whispered, “It’s because I still had some butter left over.”

With her slippery hooves unable to get any traction, Luna was helpless to stop her sister from pushing her into the kitchens. She could only think of one thing left to do. Lifting onto her hind-legs, she wrapped her forelegs around her sister’s neck and declared, “I have caught you. The game ends!”

“Oh, Luna... this isn’t a game. You said so yourself.”

Luna cringed. No! I should have played along, then the game would have been won. It is too late now. My plans have failed. Luna shut her eyes. I... have failed. I only hope the ponies of the future remember how hard I fought for them. Though, they will probably be too busy eating and being immobile to care.

“Your majesties!” an excited voice said from behind Luna. “I’m so glad you’re here. Er... am I interrupting something?”

Luna turned her head and noticed many of the chefs looking up from their stations. Mortified, she let go and shakily turned herself around to get into position beside her sister. In front of Luna was Peach Sorbet—the head chef of the kitchens during the day—who was avoiding eye contact while needlessly adjusting the toque atop her light-orange mane. Luna blushed and tried not to wobble.

“Hello, Peach,” Celestia said with a smile. “Is everything alright?”

Peach Sorbet shook her head, but smiled back. “Could be better. We ran into a bit of a snag with preparing dinner. We think, well... we think somepony may have stolen all the butter. Caught us a little off guard, and we had to get creative, but we’ve been making do.”

Luna caught her sister looking at her out of the corner of her eye. “I hid it in the ballroom’s ice chest,” she admitted quietly.

Celestia looked up, appearing to stare at nothing. “So that’s why it was there.”

“Is there anything I could get for either of you?” Peach Sorbet asked.

“Yes, there has been something I have been craving for a while now,” Celestia said.

Luna shut her eyes and hung her head. It was too late. They were already here. She did not want to make a scene.

“I would really like some of our iced, spring water.”

Luna’s eyes shot open. “Water?” She turned to her sister.

Celestia’s expression softened as she smiled. “Yes, water. After all, we have been running around like a pair of energetic fillies for most of the afternoon. That tea helped quench my thirst, but having something cold would be much more refreshing. Would you like a glass too?”

“I—er... yes. I would enjoy a glass as well.”

Peach Sorbet nodded and walked off to fill the request, leaving Luna alone with her sister.

“You were toying with me,” Luna said in a huff, “making me think you were after the cake.” She sighed. “As long as we are being honest, you are not fat. Or at least not as fat as I made you out to be. That mirror I made was not exactly to scale.”

“That’s some relief, but I think I know what this is all about,” Celestia said, then looked Luna in the eyes, “and I’m being serious with you this time. You’re still shook up over that charity dinner we went to last weekend, aren’t you? The one where we met with the Duke of Withers?”

“And his wife,” Luna finished. “I did not know it was possible for a pony to be so round. I actually thought she was some species of pig until I got a better look. Since then I...” Luna took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. “I notice it everywhere. The fatness. And I know it is not all in my mind. When I realized you too were getting bigger, I feared the worst.”

Celestia moved to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Luna and wrapped a wing over her. “Things have gotten easier for ponies in the past thousand years. Gaining weight, unfortunately, is one of them.” She removed her wing and looked upward in thought. “I take it you wanted us to lead by example? Lose weight to inspire the rest of Equestria?”

Luna nodded, then noticed Peach Sorbet returning with the water. She took hers, grateful to have something for her thirst and also something to help wash down the lump in her throat. Once she and her sister had finished, and Luna had found a cloth to wipe down her hooves, they both said their thanks and returned to the hallway.

“Perhaps you are right,” Celestia said as they walked together. “Not about practically forcing me to exercise—though, I admit, I should try to lose a little weight—but about a need for a weight loss program. Something voluntary. Maybe some sort of festival? We could talk about it over dinner, if you would like.”

“I would like that very much,” Luna said and sighed in relief. “I had hoped from the beginning we could discuss this rationally, but I could not find a way to tactfully breach the subject.”

Celestia giggled softly. “I think I now know why my alphabet soup yesterday spelled out, ‘you should eat more salads.’ Speaking of which, a salad does sound like a good choice for tonight, wouldn’t you agree?”

“I do.”

“And maybe for dessert,” Celestia said, shooting Luna a sideways glance, “a thin slice of cake?”

Luna stopped walking. “Well, the guide does say it is okay to reward oneself now and again.” She looked at her sister’s smiling face and found herself smiling back. “A thin slice... would be acceptable. But then, tomorrow we really must start watching what we eat.”

“Luna?” Celestia’s not-so-distant voice called out.

Her heart rate quickening, Luna raised her head to look towards the dining room’s closed door, then the grandfather clock along the back wall. It was still hours before sunrise and her sister shouldn't have been awake yet. With hoofsteps sounding in the hallway outside, Luna scrambled to rise from the table, only to get tangled with her chair and send it toppling to the floor. She cringed at the noise and used her magic on the hanging lanterns to snuff them out, plunging the room into darkness. She levitated her plate and gripped it with her teeth, then ceased her magic so that the glow would not give her away. Carefully, she took a step away from the table and promptly stumbled over the chair. She cried out as she fell and landed face-down on her plate.

“Luna?” The door creaked open and the silhouette of Celestia stepped in front of the light. “Are you in here?”

“No!” Luna shouted, then winced. “I mean, I will be right out. No need to come in and certainly no reason to wonder why I am in the dark.”

Celestia laughed as her horn glowed. One by one, the lanterns relit. “Don’t be silly, Luna. I’m glad I found you. I wanted to ask if you’d…”

Doing her best to ignore her sister’s widening eyes, Luna stood up and took to a posture she hoped looked suitably regal. The effect was ruined by a large chunk of cake breaking loose from her face and splattering on the floor.

“Luna…” Celestia smiled as she walked forward. She laughed softly and shook her head. “After all the grief you gave me yesterday.”

“Tis not what it seems! This mess is not from eating. I merely slipped. I only take refined bites, and besides, this is only my second slice… this morning.” Her breathing grew faster as her sister stopped in front of her. “I-it is the chefs’ fault! They made the cake too delicious. Such expertise in the arts of baking should be outlawed. They—these are not very good excuses, are they?”

“Oh, Luna,” Celestia said and pulled Luna into a hug, though she did her best to avoid Luna’s cake-laden face. “I can’t say I blame you. It is a fantastic cake. A completely amazing, high-calorie, go-straight-to-your-bagels cake.” She stepped back and kept on her smile.

Luna gulped and levitated a napkin to her face. “I think I understand that expression now.”

“Yes, well, don’t worry. A little exercise will fix you up, and it just so happens that’s why I wanted to find you.” A slight blush came to Celestia’s cheeks. “I was hoping we could continue our game, since I’m still technically ‘it.’”

Luna tried her best to keep on a straight face despite her lips threatening to curve into a smile. “Seriously?” she asked as she returned her napkin and plate to the table.

“Yes. It was more fun and a better workout than that exercise equipment, after all. Although, we should probably try to remain outside this time so that the palace staff doesn’t end up washing the ceiling again. So, what do you say?”

“I say...” Luna rapidly beat her wings and was out of the room in an instant. She raced down the hallway, heading towards the closest exit outside. All the while, her laughter joined with her sister’s.