The Final Finale of Finality

by Songbird Serenade Thanos

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Sad, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Sex, Profanity, Random, Violence, Pinkie Pie, Death
Length: 1062

The Mane Six make interesting discoveries about themselves and try to stop the end of the world. They fail.

It's all kicking off. The world of Equestria is going to end and it's going to stick this time, I promise. Lots of strange stuff happens and everyone dies. Everything will be rendered pointless.

Published 2019-02-07 11:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-02-07 11:10:02 UTC

FINAL RHAPSODY: 1 in the moonlight

The Mane Six were all having a CS:GO LAN party in Applejack's barn when Twilight Sparkle piped up.

"I just realised something about myself yesterday," she said "I'm not actually a pony. I'm a KAWAII AS FUCK ANIME GIRL!"

Everypony was in shock which allowed Pinkie to knife Rainbow in the back in CS:GO. This made Rainbow sad.

"I realised something too," said Applejack "I'm a National Socialist"

Everypony fell quiet.

"Tell me you're joking." said Rarity.

"I'm not." said Applejack.

Suddenly, aliens harnessed God's lightning and blasted the Mane Six into the future. In this terrible future, the world had been taken over by sentient robots and everypony were slave batteries. Twilight ran and hid behind a rock but a robot nazi ate her.

"I have mixed feelings about this situation." said Applejack.

Then Twilight zapped in from even further in the future.

"I died and to avenge my death I must kill you!" she said to Fluttershy.

"No!" screamed Fluttershy.

"I'm sorry, my love!" cried Twilight, tears streaking down her face. She then killed Fluttershy which caused the nazi robot to vomit out past future Twilight.

Then, out of nowhere, the nazi robots gathered all of the blood from their slave ponies and used it to paint a picture.

"We must save ponykind!" said future Twilight.

"What happened to Fluttershy?" said past future Twilight.

Everyone fell silent as they didn't know what to say. Future future Twilight swept some debris over Fluttershy's corpse and lied that she had found a way back to the present. Then Rainbow killed the nazi robots which were actually the DNA Diktators from Superman: At Earth's End. All of ponykind were still dead because they were harvested for blood and we didn't even get a cool painting out of it. Then past future Twilight hugged future future Twilight because the former thought the latter was sad. They then fused into one being which ended up looking like if Fluttershy was a kawaii as fuck anime girl. Then nanomachines attacked.

"Wait!" said Kawaii Fluttershy "That shit ain't nanotechnology! It's alchemy!"

"Ah, yes! It is I, Discord!" said Discord "I am king of the alchemists!"

Then he revealed his army of alchemists that had built the nazi robots via alchemy. Then Discord kissed Kawaii Fluttershy, sending everyone back to the present. Unfortunately, Discord's alchemist army was left behind. Rainbow then zoomed into future Discord so fast that his head exploded. Then present Discord came down from the sky and announced he was going to Manehattan to become a movie star. Then Rainbow killed present Discord to prevent the bad future.

Then, Twilight said "Oh, man, I wish I had killed Discord twice because I love causing pain!".

The mayor rocked up to Twilight's treehouse and said "Wassup! I'm afraid that there is evidence that Ponyville is actually purgatory."

"Shut up, bitch!" said Twilight before drugging her and selling her to Pinkie so she'd have someone to have parties with in the basement.

Then Pinkie pondered whether everyone is hallucinating. Then she realises that it doesn't really matter. Then Twilight's horn malfunctioned and everyone gets transported back into Kawaii Fluttershy's body.

"Oh fuck, I am now everyone" said Kawaii Fluttershy.

Kawaii Fluttershy was perfect because she was an amalgamation of all of the Mane Six's positive attributes. Then Chancellor Neighsay came out of nowhere and blasted her to smithereens, separating KF back into the Mane Six (apart from Fluttershy because she was dead). Then the Chancellor cast a spell that told the future to the main cast. Essentially, everypony in purgatory would die because of him. Then Twilight decapitated him.

"Gosh!" she said "I didn't know I was so good at decapitating things!"

Then a septic tank fell on Rarity.

The Mane Five then decided to mourn their friend by staging a fake funeral. It was an open casket funeral as Pinkie had made a replica of Fluttershy's body out of papier mache. Then they all went to the carnival to go on the big rollercoaster. Applejack ate all the candy and became morbidly obese. She then waddled back home so she could rest and then maybe troll some cartoon messageboard.

Then Rob Liefeld came out of nowhere and kidnapped morbidly obese Applejack. Then he phoned the Mane Three and explained that he had kidnapped their friend and put her in the trunk of his Lamborghini. The Mane Three gave chase in their Porsche. Rob then sped over a gorge but the Mane Three didn't have enough speed to clear the gorge so they had to pull over.

"What do we do?" cried Pinkie Pie.

Twilight then pulled out a handgun and shot Rob Liefeld with EXTREME PRECISION.

Then God shot down a beam of light and created a train. Morbidly obese Applejack then went to live with Bhaljeet in the sewers.

The Mane Three then went bowling. After that, Pinkie Pie set about writing a romance novel. Fluttershy was sick of being dead so she possessed Pinkie's body. Pinkie's soul was erased by this act. Then Pinkie Pie went up to Fluttershy's house and killed all of the animals for no real reason. Rainbow committed suicide because all her friends were becoming more asshole-ish by the second and there was no point living in a world with such reprehensible people. Twilight then realised Celestia had been dead for seventeen years and that the Celestia she had been talking to for all these years was actually an advanced automaton. Pinkie Pie then discovered Rainbow's corpse and hid it in the Everfree Forest. Then Twilight and Pinkie Pie met in the EverFree Forest and had consensual anal sex. Then Pinkie noticed that her strap-on had shit on it.

"Oh, fuck!" she cried "My strap-on!"

Twilight said not to worry and rubbed the strap-on all over with Imperial Leather brand soap. This caused the strap-on to become Pinkie's real dick. Pinkie then pissed in order to get all that shit out of her dick because piss is sterile.

Chancellor Neighsay's head exploded, killing everyone in the new Purgatory Ponyville created from the rejection of the Communist Fanta. Everyone died. The "real world" was completely destroyed and so was the beautiful Heaven created from the dreams of Ponykind. Everything that was good, right and beautiful was destroyed. The only thing that remained was rubble.