Magical horses and the anti-magical rod

by MyElbowsTypeWords

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Random, Sex, Human, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person
Length: 26126

You have everything a stallion would kill for: fame, money, mares. However, you are not a stallion.

In the magical land of Equestria, you are the most non-magical, and therefore unusual, thing.
Well, they used to call you "a thing" until they got to know you better. Now they call you "Yes!", "Don't stop!", and, occasionally, Anonymous.
You have everything a stallion would kill for: fame, money, mares. However, you are not a stallion.

Warning: contains a story.
Kinks: crotchboobs, lactation, well-toned mares, incredibly dumb Anonymous dominating and being dominated by mares.

Published 2019-02-06 13:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-02-21 01:36:28 UTC

The orange one

As usual, you woke up in a pile of thoroughly fucked mares. Outstretched legs, rolled out tongues and ruffled manes, nothing out of ordinary. Some of them are still moaning in their sleep as you crawl out from beneath the pile and go to the bathroom with determination written across your face. Today you won't stay in the pile until afternoon, today you'll do something useful for a change.

As you go through your morning routine thinking about plans for the day, you hear a muffled knock from the general direction of your front door. Thinking for a moment whether you should answer the door as is or put on a bathrobe, you decide for the later and go to check the door. Ah, the yellow one again, Fluttershy. Putting the bathrobe on was probably a good idea then. The terrified look mares give you when they see your penis for the first time still fills you with pride, and poor Fluttershy would probably collapse on the spot, which is not nice. It's not like you are particularly huge by human standards, you saw quite a few longer schlongs in the gym back on Earth, but yours is quite thick and ponies are quite small. Larger than a house cat, but smaller than an average dog. More importantly, though, stallions are proportionally shorter in areas that matter than you would expect from something resembling a horse, which gives you a very unfair advantage over all of them.

"Ugh, h-hi anon, Anon," says Fluttershy as she seemingly tries to avoid breathing.

Well, sure, your house reeks of sex. In fact, this entire part of Ponyville reeks of sex thanks to your daily activities, but it's not like anyone is complaining since the majority of mares of this town are contributing to this situation on a regular basis. Fluttershy, however, is not one of them.

"Good morning, Fluttershy. Wanna come in?" you offer, stepping to the side. You notice how she inhales the musky smell and starts panting but quickly catches herself.

"Uhh... No, I'm just looking for my friend Applejack. Ponies saw her going towards your house yesterday, for... and... well, I assumed, you know..."

That's the reason Fluttershy never was in the pile. She seems to be quite uncomfortable about this whole idea of an extra-dimensional monster rutting ponies out of their minds in a matter of seconds. Or about anyone rutting anyone. Or about rutting in general as a concept.

"Mmm... nope, doesn't ring any bells," you answer with honesty. It's not like you know the names of even half of the mares in today's pile. You notice that Fluttershy is carrying a first aid kit under the wing.

"I... I see. Take it anyway, just in case. H-have a nice day, bye" she says as she shoves the box into your hands and hastily retreats from your house. You notice a small puddle of pussy juices where she was standing. One day, Fluttershy, one day... Wait, why would you suddenly need a first aid kit?

Ah, who cares, it's breakfast time. On the back of your mind, you still remember that you were supposed to get some groceries yesterday and totally failed the objective, but you still open the fridge door in hopes that some magical accident conveniently teleported some food in. Nope, empty. This is just unfair, why can we have a disaster involving chocolate raining from the sky, but can't have a disaster involving fridges filling up with tacos and bacon?

Well, that means it's milk again. You go back to your pile of mares, looking for the right one. Nights with you have some curious side-effects on some of them, so you lift a few hind legs looking for your prize, and bingo. A pinkish earth pony with some flower on her butt and a pair of huge crotchboobs, each slightly larger than her head, overfilled with sweet pony milk. Lifting a sleepy mare by the scruff of her neck, you bring her teat to your mouth and give it a taste. Huh, not too bad, but a bit too buttery for breakfast. The mare moans quite a lot as you slowly suck her nipple and exhales with disappointment when you stop. Still feeling hungry, you give her marehood a few licks. She shivers a few times, probably orgasming, but you are not in the mood. Tastes better, but not quite what you want.

Suddenly, a drop of liquid falls on your nose. Wait, what was that? Apparently, there is a pony on your ceiling fan, and it's not even a pegasus. She lies outstretched across one of the wide wooden fan blades, like a big lazy cat that she would be if cats had hooves. Or something like that, you are not sure where you were going with this analogy since you are not entirely comfortable with thinking about them as cats, this has too many unhealthy implications.

You think you know this one pony. Roseluck, was it? Yeah, she was orgasming quite hard last night, but this is just ridiculous. Fucking unicorns. Wait, she is an earth pony. How the hell did she end up there?

Another drop of milk falls from her oversized crotchboob. If you won't help her out and she keeps growing, your poor ceiling fan may collapse under her weight, so there is no choice then. You carefully remove the pony from her high perch, then lift her over your head just enough so your mouth is perfectly aligned with her nipples, and start sucking one. Mmm, much nicer. Actually, scratch that, this is the best pony milk you tasted so far, and by now you are probably the biggest expert in Equestria. The stream of creamy goodness keeps flowing and flowing out of her large dark nipple, but then slows down and stops. Thankfully, there is another teat nearby. Yes, much better, just enough for a good breakfast. By the time you are done, the mare pants quite a bit in her sleep. You think about putting her back where she was, but decide to have mercy and instead put her next to the pinkish one. They start cuddling absent-mindedly, which is a good sign.

Most mares will start waking up in a few hours, some of them closer to the evening. The last night you were pretty careful to not put any of them in perpetual orgasm, so probably no reasons to worry. They know the drill: wake up, take a shower, go home, and don't go upstairs where all your personal shit is stored. You should change the rules. Like, make them bring some food or something. And booze.

Which reminds you, the orange one had brought a basket of apples which you totally forgot about. By all that is holy, her legs last night were some of the most impressive things you saw in Equestria so far. You thought it was all fur and padding but turns out it's like her leg muscles have more muscles on top of them, and those muscles are also ripped. If she wasn't reduced to a helpless mess after the first few seconds, you would be seriously worried about the death by Snu-Snu.

Hmm... apples. Them legs, tho. You scan the pile for signs of the orange mare and find her sleeping on her back, under two other mares. After removing them, you discover a pair of large full crotchboobs on a sleeping mare. They are just sitting there, waiting to be sucked, surely it would be a crime to leave them unattended. You lean down and take a sip.

Three things happen at once. First, you realize that her milk is absolutely delicious and has a pleasant apple aftertaste. Second, you start making connections between how her hips had apples on them, how she brought apples, how she tastes like apples, and how Fluttershy was looking for Apple-something. Third, a pair of incredibly strong legs lock your head in place, hard.

Ouch. You try to pull your head out, then to pull her legs apart, then realize that you would have a better chance with two blocks of concrete. No matter how much strength you apply, her legs won't even budge. You also realize that she is not actually squeezing your head because if she did, your head would explode like a watermelon on the Hydraulic Press Channel. Earth ponies can be scary sometimes, and this one is a dog-sized she-hulk.

"Ok, Apple-girl, I'll show you who's the boss here," you think as you try to stand up while lifting her with you. You fail. While you know that she is light enough for you to easily lift her with one hand, she somehow unconsciously applies the Earth Pony Immovable Stance Secret Technique 9000 (or as earth ponies call it "just standing normally") while lying on her back. So here you are, completely immovable between her harder-than-steel thighs, waiting until she wakes up. Another possibility though is that she will twitch in her sleep, and tear your head off your body by accident. You need another plan.

Assessing the situation. One sleeping Snu-Snu pony. Check. Two deliciously full crotchboobs in the direct reach of your mouth. Check. A slight hope that getting her wet enough will make her to spread her legs. Check.

You take one large brown nipple in your mouth and gently move your tongue along its edges. The mare sighs happily but doesn't relax her legs even a bit. Carefully, you start sucking, while trying to massage her inner thighs, at least the part of them that is not holding your head, with both of your hands, while trying to keep the balance with your elbows. You could go directly for the marehood, but technically your fingers and your tongue have the same properties as your cock, which means some horrible things could happen, involving an uncontrollably orgasming mare and you losing your head, literally.

You gently massage her thighs. It feels absolutely amazing as you can feel every fiber of her leg muscles under your fingertips, and how impossibly strong they feel. Then you move hands slowly towards her crotchboobs, trying really hard to avoid her more private parts. Carefully, carefully, success! Now you can slowly knead her boobs, increasing the flow of the milk. The naughty smell of marejuices in your house intensifies, this time with a hint of apple. As one of the mare's boobs runs out of milk, you notice that her hind legs start to move.

"This is how I die," you think before realizing that your head is still attached to your body, and she just repositioned your mouth in front of the other, still full crotchboob. "Have mouth, will suck." Deciding to risk something different, you carefully touch her nipple with your teeth. Bad idea! Or maybe a good idea, but wrong in your situation, you think, as she pulls your head closer to herself, smothering you with her crotchboobs. While you are not entirely sure if dying by being squashed against a pair of boobs is better than by being squashed between two thighs, you know you would prefer to stay alive even just to keep fucking ponies on a regular basis. You release your teeth and start licking the nipple. The mare's legs slowly relax. You take the nipple in your mouth and carefully suck.

As her second boob shrinks, the death grip of probably two strongest legs in Equestria slowly lets you go. Being a true gentleman, you finish your job, sucking both of her teats dry, put two mares you had removed previously on top of the Apple-monster, for the warmth of course, and finally stand up.

Yep, that's how you start your day, by heroically avoiding the mortal danger, and then showing mercy to your adversary. Giving yourself an imaginary pat on the back, you put the apple basket on your table for soon-to-be-awake mares, right next to the first aid kit (good thinking, Fluttershy, but against Apple-legs you will need something stronger, like a large team of surgeons), and step outside of the house. Yet another pleasant day in Ponyville.

"Fuck me, Anon!" yells Lyra and jumps into your hands. Or tries to. You perform a swift evasive maneuver that would make any ninja proud, and she flies into a nearby trench. Good. Technically you both are under a restraining order to not get close to each other, but you are still happy to see that she has recovered, at least physically.

Thanks to her, you've discovered that your magic resistance has an interesting interaction with pony magic field. Thanks to you, she spent two months in a state of unending orgasm, before Luna herself interfered and returned Lyra to the awake and non-endlessly-orgasming state with some powerful ancient ritual.

Yeah, about this resistance thing. The magic here is dissolved in the air; it permeates all objects and all living things. Except for you. Each pony has a roughly pony-shaped blob of magic attached to their body, and when two ponies touch each other, these blobs merge a little bit, creating a pleasant feeling for both ponies involved. That's why they enjoy hugs so much. When two ponies fuck, a horsecock-shaped appendage of magic, attached to a real horsecock, merges into a mare-shaped blob, and two ponies can share their pleasant feelings on more than just physical level. That's why they enjoy fucking so much. Blobs of magic, as you were told, are quite fuzzy and mix together quite well, that's how harmony is supposed to be shared between all living things around here.

For you it's different. Magic just bounces off you, like water off a windshield in the rain, so when you fuck a pony, something unusual happens. Your cock splits the pony's magical aura. That's it, you are the only living being (or object) in the entirety of Equestria that can fuck the pony's immortal soul itself. Souls of ponies are, apparently, really cock-hungry, since no one in millennia gave them a proper fucking. So, neither you nor Lyra knew what's going to happen. As you were told later, she came several times just during your first push, and you, being a bit self-centered that day (not your proudest moment), didn't really notice that something is wrong until about ten minutes later when the pool of her marecum reached your ankle. Apparently, orgasming ponies don't care about silly laws of physics such as the mass conservation law, because she produced several times her own body weight in marecum, and each of her crotchboobs grew at least twice larger than her head in a matter of minutes.

As a responsible adult, you made yourself a promise to not harm any more members of pony society. Which means no more than half a minute per mare, less if she shows signs of going super-saiyan from orgasming too much. Which means you need a lot of mares. Which, turns out, is not a problem anymore since the rumor had spread across the Ponyville and beyond, that not only fucking you is the best thing that can happen to a mare, it also heals all sorts of magical and physical diseases, breaks hexes and even ancient family curses, fixes addictions (the only thing a pony can get addicted to after a night with you is your cock), repairs the mana flow and reportedly reverses aging. Turns out, pent-up pony soul is a root cause for all the bad shit that happens to ponies. You would probably even cure cancer if it existed here in the first place.

So, you have everything a normal stallion would kill for but your heart is still restless. You won't know peace until you get what you want. Your ultimate dream. Enormous, even by human standards, white flank with two suns on its sides. One problem, though. You are lazy, talentless, and generally worthless, not counting your anti-magical cock that Celestia doesn't seem to be interested in. But surely there must be a solution? With determination, you go to get some groceries.

A realization strikes you that you are still wearing a bathrobe, but this is probably fine and won't affect your day in any way whatsoever.

The white one

Impossibru!

Leaving your house wearing nothing but a bathrobe and slippers had an unexpected side effect! Who would have thought?

Turns out, no matter how much Equestria reeks of socialism, vendors still expect money for their goods. Feeling betrayed by the cruel reality, you stare at the cheese stand at the Ponyville market, working the problem. There is cheese. It belongs in your fridge, obviously. But there is a vendor, who won't understand it. He is a stallion, which removes the most obvious and mutually beneficial solution. His gender also adds an 83.9136% chance that he will bump the price for you out of envy (which is irrelevant, since you have no money on you anyway), and a slight possibility that something even worse will happen to you. Oh no, he looks at you "like that", here it comes.

"Look, I know you only invite mares, but I was curious if maybe..."

"NOPE," you think, but say nothing, silencing him with your stare alone. It's not like you have anything against gayness, you just personally don't swing that way, don't like unwanted advances, and by Luna's pubes, you get a lot of them lately. Worst part? Stallions making these advances are rarely even gay, they just want to solve some magic-related personal problem by riding your anti-magical cock, so they pretend to be interested while you can clearly see on their faces how disgusted they are by the idea of what they will have to do if you agree. Eww.

"Good morning, I would like to take this one, and that one, please," says a very velvety and very feminine voice next to you. A marshmallow-white hoof points at two blocks of cheese one after another, the two you were staring at this whole time, trying to decide which one you would like to buy more if you had any money. As you turn to your right, you see Rarity, your personal tailor. Well, not really, but she is the pony who made you almost all the clothes you own, including the bathrobe you are wearing right now. Rarity turns her head and looks at you with a soft smile.

"Good morning to you as well, Anon. Such a pleasure to see you listening to my advice and adjusting your schedule. I can already see how much good it does to your healthy appearance."

You know she is talking about your habit of waking up late, which tends to leave huge bags under your eyes. You also know that when she says you look healthier, she actually means it, and not trying to seduce you or make a compliment out of politeness. During your first few months here, you quickly got under each other's skin and even had a few shouting matches. However, thanks to Fluttershy, who was the mare taking care of an "unusual animal" (you) and was directly responsible for introducing you two to each other, you quickly realized that Rarity is not just a gold-digger with a fake posh accent, and Rarity, in turn, realized that you are not just a monkey ruffian, and somehow this sparked a very genuine friendship between the two of you, completely free of false pretenses and unnecessary tiptoeing. You don't see each other too often because of your very different lifestyles, but you know it's a pleasure for both of you to bump into each other. She also has your standing invitation to join the pile any evening she wants, and yet she never took it.

"Thanks, you also look beautiful, Rares. Although keep buying so much cheese and this will ruin your perfect figure."

You know this is not a proper high-quality snarky remark an asshole like you is supposed to make in this situation, but you can't really bring yourself to saying something rude to her. She is a real treasure, after all.

"Hush, you" she lightly jabs your leg with her hoof. You don't feel any pain at all since the edges of her hooves are perfectly filed. As always. You follow her as she moves to the next stand.

"I sort of have nothing to do today. Say, how long do you think Twilight is going to stay angry at me? I kinda wanted to ask her some questions about her teacher."

"Princess Celestia? I think I know what you want to get out of Twilight, but trust me, as much as I love and respect her, Twilight may not be the best source of information you are looking for. Unless you are willing to limit your questions to Princess Celestia's favorite brand of tea and such, which is by no means a secret."

"Celestia or not, I still want to make up with Twi. I know I was an asshole, but she knows I am sorry and I didn't mean it, so why can't she just let it go?" As you keep speaking, Rarity buys some bread, fresh vegetables, eggs, and... a few bottles of very unhealthy sugary drinks? You raise your brow but say nothing.

"Forgiveness takes time, be patient and let her sort her feelings out." Rarity pays for a large bag of home-made pasta, adds it to a large brown paper bag she was floating around this whole time and shoves it into your hands. "It was a pleasure to meet you, keep faith in Twilight and everything will turn out to be fine."

As you stand with a bag full of YOUR favorite equestrian food and slowly realize what just happened, Rarity trots away from the market, which she probably never planned to visit in the first place. This mare.

You feel like your boner (not really restrained by the bathrobe) becomes so painfully hard that you can put your heavy bag of groceries on it and it won't even budge. This fucking mare. You know your desire for Celestia's butt is absolute. You know that post-coital cuddling with Cloudchaser and Flitter fills you with pure divine happiness more than anything. You know that you may or may not have become addicted to Roseluck's milk, but THIS FUCKING MARE. She does unspeakable things to some part of you that shouldn't even exist. You are pretty sure it doesn't exist because for you the magical soul-o-meter (an actual machine in pony hospitals with a proper smart name which you don't remember) shows 0. You run after the mare as she disappears around the corner.

"Rares, wait!" Your raging boner poking the paper bag makes it harder to run, but you don't care. As you quickly catch up to her, you say what you must, panting "Please, just let me repay you once, just once. Anything you want."

You see as she shakes her head and smiles dismissively, but you keep talking, "Rares, this is unfair. I'm not just talking about money or sex, I'll do literally anything. Please," you feel a tear rolling down your cheek. This does it; you see how the mare's expression changes to doubt. She opens her mouth to say something but closes it quickly.

"Rares, please. I need it."

She looks down, then takes a quick glance on your huge by pony standards boner, then looks down again. Could it be?..

"Anon, look, I'm not very comfortable with asking this from you..."

"Just say it."

"Promise me you will say no if you feel like it's something you don't want to do." she insists while looking right into your eyes. The seriousness of her expression overwhelms you.

"O-ok."

"I... have a friend. Not a very close one, but a very dear nonetheless," she starts speaking reluctantly. "She works as a primary school teacher, and... she has a mana flow related problem. She doesn't like to talk about it, since it's not treatable, and she doesn't have a lot of time left, and the last thing she wants to spread among ponies is sadness. Your... unique properties gave her hope, and I talked her into joining your 'pile', but... you said no."

You feel like your heart sinks. This mare.

"Anon, I understand if it feels horrible to you that I'm even suggesting such a thing, but could you please reconsider? I'll make it up for you, I promise..." you put your bag of groceries on the ground and silence Rarity with a hug. This mare.

"Rares, forget the pile, I'll visit your friend personally and will do everything I can to fix her. I promise."

She hugs you back.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" she whispers. You hug her harder.

You know where that teacher mare lives. You know why you rejected her: because you hated your own primary school teacher. You feel like shit, but your boner was never so hard in your entire life. This fucking mare.

"I'll visit her this Friday. She will have a few days to recover if anything goes wrong" you say as you stand up. "And I'm still going to do anything you ask because this totally doesn't count."

"I'll keep that in mind, darling," says Rarity with a kind smile.

Well, that was the second weirdest shopping trip in your life, you think, as you go home. At least the bag of groceries is large enough to cover up your boner, which you still have because you can't stop thinking about the mare. You don't understand what she does to you. Even though your private parts never touched, you feel like your entire existence just got fucked by her in the most majestic way possible. Could it be that...

A gigantic magical explosion fills your vision. It looks like a nuclear mushroom made out of the purple and crimson mist and originates from somewhere near your house. Clearly, the encounter with Rarity broke something in your brain because you find yourself running TOWARDS the explosion, not AWAY from it.

You see Twilight struggling to hold her magical forcefield shield under the barrage of magic missiles fired by a red-and-green maned black-coated unicorn with a cute ass that you totally fucked last night. Shit. She looks overcharged with some evil glowing red field. Red glowing things are always evil, everyone knows that.

"This is not possible!" shouts Twilight. "You are lying, you are not Sneaky Strike! You can't be her. Her horn was sawed off! Even if she could escape and grow it back, Sneaky Strike would never be able to cast spells!"

"Do you not recognize my mana, Twilight?" The stupid missile-barrage horse slowly walks towards Twilight without slowing her attack down. "As for the horn, we both know that magic is not irreparable anymore, right?"

Mega-shit. Did you accidentally restore the power to some supervillain by fucking her senseless? Oh no, no-no-no. This is not ok. You know Twilight will win anyway, but you don't want to create MORE problems in your relationships. You start sneaking... on Sneaky Strike. You groan.

Overcharged magical horses are actually quite dangerous to sneak on. They feel the flow of magic on the battlefield around them; it's an evolutionary mechanism so that they can give long evil monologues without being interrupted. Too bad for her that you are as non-magical as it gets.

"You think you and your stupid friends could take my life from me? Foolish, foolish. I am destined to rule the world, we both know that. You will all become my slaves. MY POWER IS UNMATCHED! Eep!!!" you grab her from behind by her horn and her tail, like a hand-held battering ram, and lift her up. With a sound that can be described as "sssshwhompp" her impressive display of power collapses, leaving only some slight red glow around the body, and she dangles in your hands.

You prod her marehood with your still-hard-because-of-Rarity cock. A few pokes and the evil mare becomes wet. Swinging her forward a little bit, you impale her on your huge cock in one go. No mercy.

"My power has been matched..." she says hoarsely as her eyes roll back. Silly mare, no one uses the power of your cock to conquer the world and walks away with it! Using her horn and tail as handles, you hold her in the air and fuck her as hard and rough as you can. The air is filled with loud wet sounds that her constantly orgasming pussy is making, but in your head, you hear electric guitars and drums.

Twenty seconds. Thirty seconds. A minute. Three minutes. Five. She was reduced to a quivering mess a long time ago, but you don't stop. This mare has some serious issues. You are going to fuck them out of her, and you are not going to stop until you are done. Your chest is glistering from sweat (the bathrobe got undone at some point), your hands are bulging with muscles, you let out a battle cry (hoping that it sounds better than the last time you tried it), and you keep fucking, fucking like there is no tomorrow. In Soviet Equestria you ram a battering ram! Damn, that was really bad, and wrong too. Good thing no one can hear your thoughts.

Sneaky Strike's nipples start spraying milk everywhere around the two of you. You don't stop.

Her body starts shivering like a huge vibrator. You don't stop.

Her mouth starts to produce some other-world-ish groans. Now you definitely can't stop.

A half-transparent black shadow starts to slowly separate from her body and crawl away from you. Wait, what?

"Not today, motherfucker!" You fuck even harder than before. Now the shadow groans as its gossamer body starts to crumble into small black flakes.

"Take this!" you shout as you hilt your cock, literally lifting the mare with it, and start pumping your seed inside her. The shadow screams and bursts into black flames, that quickly consume it. Holding Sneaky Strike in the air mostly by your cock alone for a few moments, you finally bend forward and let her slid from it into a pile of a very, very severely fucked pony.

You sigh happily and notice Twilight, who was staring at you this whole time with a dropped jaw. You think she resembles a statue, and not even sure if she is breathing. You wave your hand at her.

"Hi, Twi!"

The purple one

The silence in your house is so thick you can almost cut it with a knife and spread it over the slice of bread in front of you. Almost, but not quite, so you decide to use cheese instead.

Slowly, trying to not make any noise, you cut a thin slice off the cheese block. You almost succeed, but the treacherous cheese throws an air bubble under your knife during the last quarter of an inch of your perfectly silent ninja cut. The knife meets no resistance, briefly accelerates downwards under your constant pressure, and hits the cutting board with a loud "THWAP".

Twilight's eye twitches. You freeze, and hold your breath, expecting to be incinerated, or worse. After a few seconds, you take a risk of breathing again. Twilight's eyes are not glowing, which is good. Occasional tongues of flame are still running through her mane, which is not so good. You wonder if you could use that flame to grill your cheese.

Crap, the slice of bread is slightly larger than the slice of cheese, so now you have to decide if you want to eat an incomplete sandwich with at least 20% of it not covered by anything, or risk your life again by cutting one more slice. Of course, you know there is only one right answer to this dilemma. This time, however, you know about the air bubble near the bottom, so you cut at least twice slower than before. So slow, in fact, that your knife becomes stuck in the cheese block. Shit.

You try to pull the knife out, accidentally lifting the cheese and the cutting board that stuck to it. You realize what's going to happen, but fail to react in time. As if in slow motion, the heavy wooden cutting board gets unstuck from the cheese block and falls on the table with a thunderous "THUMP". Your heart stops. The block of cheese follows shortly after, falling back on the board and adding its own "SHMAK" to your death sentence. For a moment, you think about diving under the table, but instead of exploding, Twilight exhales and speaks in a very quiet and tired voice

"Just make your stupid sandwich already."

You are waiting for the royal guards. The remaining sleeping ponies from your pile are teleported upstairs (where they should not be because that's where all your personal shit is stored), and placed on your actual bed that you haven't touched in weeks. The awake ones are helping with the damage control outside, not daring to even take a peep into your house, which currently contains a very pissed off princess, you, and two incapacitated ponies. On one of the mattresses previously occupied by the pile lies one slightly convulsing black mare with the silliest happy smile on her face. She is probably producing a lot of happy noises, but you can't really tell since Twilight put a sound-proof bubble around her. On another mattress lies a bright purple-ish unicorn you never saw before, who apparently was hit by an 'anti elder dragon' grade paralyze spell at the beginning of the fight (that mushroom cloud), but saw the entire thing, and now she follows your every move with her eyes. You are not sure if her face is also paralyzed, or you should start getting worried about the expression that she is giving you. Of course, you could un-paralyze the mare in a second, but something tells you that you should let Twilight's counterspells slowly do the job instead.

After Twilight broke the silence (technically you did that too, but it totally doesn't count) you feel more confident about talking to her, so very carefully you ask "How much trouble I'm in?"

In response, Twilight looks at you with... disgust?

"Anon, you sexually assaulted a mare. Doing this to somepony without their consent is beyond wrong. You are a rapist, Anon. This time you are going to jail."

Ah, wait, so that's what this all is about? Finally, you have been waiting for years for the right opportunity to point your finger at your opponent during a legal dispute and shout

"OBJECTION!" You stand up and walk towards the kitchen drawers. From there, you recover a fat stack of papers, take the top one, and pass it to Twilight.

"This is where you are wrong. Here I have written consents from every single mare from yesterday's pile," you say, "I am allowed to perform sexual activities on them for the next 24 hours including, but not limited to, vaginal penetration, oral penetration, anal penetration, simultaneous penetration ..." you start reciting the list from the memory. Noticing the look Twilight is giving you, you cut the list short

"..., etc. They are also agreeing that if they are to enter a state in which they represent a danger to those around them, I'm allowed to subdue them in a non-life-threatening manner." Sure, you look like a complete idiot, but proper and explicit consent before the wild orgy is important, every true gentleman knows that! Twilight looks at you with a lot of doubt.

"I also read the terms and conditions out loud every evening before we start, just so that every mare knows exactly what she is signing for."

"That's true, he totally does, and it is as boring as it sounds," says a chirpy voice from the ceiling. Both you and Twilight look up. Roseluck is watching both of you from the ceiling fan and looks amused. Twilight's eye twitches once again, and she just continues to read the paper with a long list of signatures below the text, pretending that nothing had happened. You sort of hope that the missile-barrage mare was dumb enough to use her real name and her real signature there. Not like you don't have enough witnesses, but you always wanted to win at least one legal argument in your life in a spectacular manner. Your grandfather was a lawyer.

"Look, accidents happen. After one mare almost broke another mare's muzzle for licking her pussy without asking, we are all agreeing on some ground rules here before we start. I wasn't raping anyone, I was finishing my job. Anonymous — one, another ancient curse — zero. This mare will wake up being a happy member of society, and everything will be sunshine and rainbows."

You are trying to look confident, but notice how the mentioned mare arches her back in another wave of orgasms, "I mean after Luna wakes her up. I might have gone a little bit too far this time around."

Now Twilight looks just sad but not openly hostile anymore.

"Anon, you don't understand what you are dealing with. There was no curse on Sneaky Strike, there were no demons, and she is not another Nightmare Moon," you notice how Twilight's intonation changes. You wouldn't expect this one from a dorky ex-librarian princess, but you heard it from one of your friends back on Earth. That friend spent several years in Afghanistan.

"There are monsters in this world who are just evil, Anon. They enslave, rape, and even kill just because that's who they are. You can't blast them with the Elements and make the corruption go away. You can't befriend them or reform them. But even they deserve a second chance, so we send them to Tartarus, hoping that one day something will allow them to change."

Twilight leans a bit closer, and the temperature in the room drops by a few degrees.

"We never cut their horns off, though. You don't have even the slightest idea what a mare must do to deserve this sentence nowadays. Sneaky Strike is much worse than any monster, Anon."

You shiver and look over your shoulder at the blissful mare. Was she a psycho? Did she torture anyone? No matter how much you try, you just can't imagine how this tiny fluffy pony can possibly be worse than something like that Tirek guy you heard about.

"To confirm that the soul is beyond redemption, a circle of mages performs a deep soul scrying ritual on a suspect. If even one of them finds a possible timeline in which the soul can be reformed, the sentence is replaced with a softer one. Princess Celestia insisted that as a young princess I must participate in a ritual once."

Twilight's voice drops even lower.

"I saw her soul, Anon, there is nothing to save, it's rotten to the core."

You let the information to sink in. You process it. You come to a conclusion that reflects all your combined experience with Equestria, ponies, and the unhealthy amount of anime that you have watched over your lifetime.

"Bullshit. No pony is beyond redemption. We both saw what we saw, there was a monster, I fucked it out of her, and I bet you 20 that if you perform your dumb ritual again, you'll see that the problem is gone, and this mare is no more evil than an average kitten. You owe me one, Twi, and I'm collecting the debt now. Can you perform the ritual alone?"

Twilight looks at you like you've lost your mind. The heroic pose that you are currently maintaining may have something to do with that.

"No, but I can perform the basic version with Starlight's help."

At your questioning face, she points a hoof at the paralyzed mare, who looks at you with... admiration? You walk towards her, pick her up and give her a strong hug, confident that it will break whatever spell was cast on her. Then you shake her a few times and place her on her hooves. She looks very surprised to be able to stand.

"Come on, do it before the guards are here," you say as you sit down and finally take a bite on your sandwich. Damn, this cheese is really good.

Two mares are talking to each other in some egghead language for a few minutes, and then the laser show starts. Glowing symbols are flying around, Twilight's eyes are completely white again, but this Starlight girl looks even more eldritch than Twilight as glowing runes start to pop up all over her body, and her mane etherealizes. Shit, is she some sort of a secret mega-wizard or something? You know other unicorns can't make their manes be like that, you asked them to roleplay Celestia on multiple occasions.

Finally, the air around the black unicorn's body starts to glow. You sort of understand what you are looking at: that's a pony's soul made visible to a naked eye. Except for this one sort of looks like cheese, with a lot of large empty bubbles. You also remember that one time when you bought some raw potatoes, and then they started to sprout, so you spent half an hour carefully cutting out all the bad parts out of them, which made them look sort of like asteroids full of craters. Yeah, something in-between that and cheese. You hold your half-eaten sandwich in front of you for the comparison and make a conclusion that "cheesy soul" should be a perfectly valid scientific description for the condition you are observing.

Twilight and the witch mare can see much more in their trance, of course. They are probably seeing futures where this mare chases butterflies, rolls in the grass, or sings happy songs. At least that's what you think a good soul should look like under this "deep soul scrying" thing. Hoping that they don't see futures where the black mare burns houses down, steals candies from foals or puts the toilet paper the wrong way, you make another sandwich for Roseluck who is still perched on your ceiling fan (how?!), she seems to be enjoying the light show quite a lot.

The ritual comes to an end, and two mares continue their egghead chit-chat. When it stops, Twilight lifts the black mare with her telekinesis and walks towards you with a very lost expression on her face. You meet her with the widest shit-eating grin in your arsenal.

"Let me guess, all the rotten parts are gone?"

Silently, Twilight opens her saddlebag, counts 20 bits, places them on the table, and leaves your house with still orgasming Sneaky Strike floating behind her. The other witch mare stops before the door and turns towards you

"You should stay at home until further notice. Thank you for your assistance. And for what you said earlier." Huh?

After that, she leaves too.

Wait, how long should you wait for this further notice? Oh well, not like you have anything better to do anyway.

The sandwich was good, but now you are thirsty. You take one of the totally unhealthy soda bottles Rarity bought for you, open it and bring it close to your mouth to take a sip. You feel like someone is watching you with disapproval but see nopony around. You take a sip. The look of disapproval intensifies. You look up and see Roseluck, one of her crotchboobs is dangling again, and it looks full.

"Want me to help you with these?" you ask pointing a finger at her boobs.

"Yes, please," she says, outstretching her forelegs towards you so you can lift her from the fan more easily. You take her from there, and after petting her for a while to let her relax in your hands, you start sucking her nipple carefully. This time she is not unconscious, so she just snuggles against your chest with a happy smile. The magnificent taste of her milk is million times better than the soda crap you almost drank instead.

"Say, Roseluck. Am I a rapist monster?" you ask her out of a sudden. Roseluck looks surprised by the question.

"I don't know, you tell me. What were you thinking about when you were humping that mare?" You are not entirely sure how to answer.

"About how I screwed up again. About protecting Twilight. About Rarity and how a mare like her can even exist. About how wrong it is for a little fuzzy creature with a cute butt to make monologues about enslaving the nation. About fucking her senseless too. Say, are you not afraid of me?"

Roseluck chuckles.

"Lilly practically dragged me here yesterday. I guess she got tired of my panic attacks, and it was either this, or she forces me to find another house. I was terrified of you, of course. But then, I was always afraid of everything. Darkness. Strangers."

You are confused.

"I woke up in the middle of the night, on top of your pile, and... for the first time in as long as I remember, the world felt different. It was dark, but I wasn't afraid of any monsters lurking out there. It's like the whole world suddenly became, I don't know, friendlier? I always wanted to stay at home and hide from everypony, but tonight I wanted to explore, to go places and meet ponies. Maybe climb a high tree or something. But then I noticed these," she gestures towards her crotchboobs, which are now a lot more manageable, since you are almost done with sucking them dry, "and decided to start with something simpler until they are back to normal."

She looks at your ceiling fan.

"For example, I was always terrified of high places. And I just wanted to do something I was never able to do before." Huh, this sort of makes sense, sometimes mares fucked by your get these moments of clarity in the night, but you are still very confused.

"It feels so nice to be in control of the situation. To know that you are not going to fall. And even if you will, it's going to be fine. The world is not trying to kill you; it just sits there, waiting to be explored. The view from up there is also nice." Roseluck smirks. "For example, I know that Applejack woke up at dawn like she always does. She was just chilling under the pile with her eyes half-open, enjoying herself, until you woke up too."

Shit, so she held your head like that on purpose, and could release you at any moment? Why is your cock getting hard again? Is being dominated by mares your new kink? Hmm...

Roseluck purrs as you absent-mindedly ruffle her chest and belly fluff with your fingers. You let them wander a bit lower, stroking the space between her boobs. Such an innocent, fluffy creature, completely melted under your fingertips. But technically an earth pony, which means she can probably punch a hole through your ribs with her tiny fluffy hoof. But you know she never will, nopony will because that's not who ponies are. Except for a few of them, the ones with rotten souls.

You think about stuff. The important stuff. The actual questions that matter.

"But if you were full of milk and half-asleep, how did you climb on top of my ceiling fan?"

A loud knock on the door breaks your conversation.

"Who's there?" you ask.

"WE ARE ASKING QUESTIONS HERE!"

Oh shit, it's the royal guard. In the end, Twilight decided to fuck you too.

The pink one

As you run through the endless halls of the Friendship castle, you are trying really hard to understand how the hell everything had gone so wrong so quickly. You were there, you saw everything, and yet it doesn't make any sense to you. Where exactly did you screw up? Let's see.

So, you were left alone for a few hours with two guards watching the door. Anything wrong with that? Probably not, so far so good.

Then the guards had changed, the new ones just came back from lunch. Anything wrong with that? Well, you would certainly appreciate if they also brought something for you, a man can't live on milk and cheese alone. Other than that, nothing is wrong here either. Moving on.

Then these new guards went into the room and started to strip their armor off. Anything wrong with that? M-m-maybe, but you can't be held accountable for their actions. They are two grown-up mares, maybe they just were too hot in their armor. Wait, that's not how you wanted to word this. Anyway, the only thing you can be blamed for is that at first, with their armor and helmets on, you mistook them for stallions. Big and muscular stallions, with atypically large rumps and unusually broad hips. Like seriously, what the hell does Celestia feed her guards with to make these mares look like professional bodybuilders?

As a proper and law-obedient citizen, you just sat on the chair and didn't resist when they started licking you like a big salty candy. One part of your body that moved can totally be blamed on that Applejack girl. You certainly didn't have this kink for dominant girls before this morning, you should probably sue her or something.

Wearing the bathrobe backfired on you one more time when they easily undid the belt with their hooves (although not like even wearing a space marine's power armor could stop them at this point). Then they put you on the floor and started to explore your whole body with their tongues and other wet parts. Then one hovered her large muscular rump over your cock, another did the same over your face, and after nodding to each other, they pushed their rumps down, simultaneously.

What a nice, law-obedient citizen is supposed to do in a situation like this? Assist the guards, of course. With his mouth, his hands, his legs, his cock, and any other body part this law-obedient citizen has.

You have to give Celestia's guards a credit, both of them were conscious and even moving for over a minute, that's what thousands of hours of body-breaking exercises and a strict mental discipline can do. The blonde one, who was a bit larger and was riding your cock, flexed her marehood one last time and collapsed onto your abs and chest with a surprisingly high-pitched and girlish "Thank you!"

Holy shit she is heavy! As her falling body squeezed the air out of your lungs, you pinched both nipples of the other mare with your fingers and pressed your tongue to the magical spot inside her pussy that you found some time ago. Showering your face with marecum, the other mare collapsed on top of the first one, which unfortunately also means "on top of you."

Now, what a good, law-obedient citizen should have done next? If he didn't have to breathe, he could just stay under the mares, definitely not resisting the guard, and definitely not making this clusterfuck of a situation worse than it already was. Unfortunately, you had three things to do. First, you had to get some air. Second, you had to pull your still hard cock out of the first mare, before something horrible happens to her. Third, you had to finish your job with the second mare, because you have standards to maintain, and she was still conscious, if barely.

Lifting them both was out of the question, so you just rolled them until you were on the top, stood up, went to the second mare (who was panting, laying on her back, with her muscular hind legs widespread) and positioned yourself. Wow, this is the first time you see a pony with her abdominal muscles clearly visible through the fur. As herbivores, they normally have these cute soft tummies that you like to scratch with your fingers so much. "Yep, definitely a new kink," you think as you slam your cock into her. Unfortunately, that was precisely the moment a group of other guards (males), decided to come in.

Hmm... Yep, that's it. That's where you did the wrong thing. Because a nice, law-obedient citizen would just stop and wait for further instructions. But you kept holding the mare by her hind legs so that her butt is on the right height (normally you would put her on a stack of mattresses in a position like this, but you had to work with what you have), and kept slamming your cock into her until she screamed her final "Yes!" and went limp. Which took another minute. Damn, those guards are like insanely tough, at least the mares. The stallions stood in shock for a few more seconds, with their own boners on full display. You've chuckled at the size difference, and this shook them out of their trance. Shit.

"GET HIM" shouted one of them, and all the hell broke loose.

Now, this brings you to the present moment. The unfair advantage you had when they tried to stop you with their spells before realizing it's not going to work is gone. The initial element of surprise is also gone since you previously managed to run past several guards by shouting "Emergency royal business!" but now the entire palace is probably looking for you. Your last advantage still holds: they can't detect you with their magic. Also, neither you nor they have the slightest idea about the layout of the castle, since they have just arrived from Canterlot just to seize a dangerous criminal, help with the damage control and then go back.

As you are running out of stamina, you see an unassuming open door to your right, and after making sure that no one can see you, you sneak inside, close the door and hide behind a large trolley full of dirty laundry. You blame the lack of stamina on guards who didn't bring you any food. Like seriously, if you want to fuck a guy like that, at least bring him to his peak condition!

The sound of running hooves passes by the door and disappears around the corner. You knew this place was much bigger on the inside, but this is just ridiculous. Without any dimension-bending shenanigans, the Friendship castle would probably have covered the entire Ponyville, like a huge blue aliens spaceship hovering over a cow pasture.

"I think they are gone," whispers a voice to your left.

"Yeah, I hope so," you answer. Also, your self-preservation instinct tries to tell you something, but you ignore it.

"Should we wait for a few more minutes to be sure?" whispers the voice again.

"Dunno, there may be another group behind," you say. Your self-preservation instinct is shouting obscenities at you, but you still ignore it.

"Mmm... you smell nice," whispers the voice. You freeze. Ah, so that's what that all was about? Your self-preservation instinct facepalms. You slowly rotate your head to the left. Your vision becomes filled with pink.

"Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie," says a very, very pink pony. Your eyes hurt a little bit. "So, you actually exist, huh?" she says as she looks at you with suspicion.

"W-what."

"Here I was thinking, why every mare in Ponyville keeps telling me that there is a new person in the town, and my Pinkie sense tells me nothing. I thought it was a conspiracy! Or that the entire population is mind-controlled by some space alien, but then they told me that you are a space alien, which means you can't be a space alien because a space alien wouldn't just say that he was a space alien if he wanted to secretly mind-control everypony, that's not how secrets work, so I had to go deeper. If a space alien, who doesn't exist because my Pinkie-sense never lies, tells everyone he is a space alien, and no one bats an eye on that, does that mean that the government is under his control too?"

Now your brain also hurts. Is she still speaking? Oh yes, she is.

"Too bad I haven't seen you earlier, that way I wouldn't have to go with my plan to try and expose this whole government conspiracy thing, and wouldn't have to add aphrodisiacs to guard's rations."

"W-what," you repeat. She leans closer to your ear and whispers in a surprisingly deep voice.

"Triple dose."

She leans back and continues with a chirpy tone, "that's why I'm hiding, by the way. What about you?"

"M-mare guards," you manage to say before she sniffs the air and interrupts you again.

"Ah, I see, such a shame that Daisy is as straight as your boner, I would like to have some fun with her too. Wait, stay quiet!"

With this, she takes one pillow from the laundry bin and throws it into the wall next to the door. While you are trying to process what's going on, she easily lifts you and slams you into the same wall before the pillow had a chance to fall down, so your head hits the pillow instead of the wall. Her fluffy fetlock shuts your mouth (at least it's not her hoof), her other foreleg somehow pins both of your arms and suspends your whole body in the air, while she leans very close to you and holds her breath.

The door opens and a guard walks in. He looks to his left, then to his right. Then he slowly walks around the trolley with laundry you were hiding behind just a moment ago. He scans every inch of the room except for the one wall next to the door frame that you are currently occupying. Then he starts to slowly turn towards you.

"Motion on the third floor!" shouts another voice, and the guard just jumps out of the room without turning his body, with the agility that terrifies you. You would never be able to run away from this one, nope. Not a chance. That's some ninja shit going on here.

Pinkie lets your body to collapse on the floor.

"Sorry! Got distracted by thinking about Daisy's butt. By the way, I need your help!"

You know the drill. You've practiced. You say "W-what."

"There is a new mare in the town, and I have to set up a 'Welcome to Ponyville, thank you for not murdering all of us' party, but I don't know her name! And you know why? Because she doesn't have one yet! She was another mare before, but then something happened, and now that other mare is gone! My Pinkie sense is telling me that she'll receive her new name from beyond, and since you are the only alien around here, I figured out it must be you! So tell me, what is Sneaky's new name?"

You have a very strong suspicion that if you say "W-what" again, there will be a banner "Welcome to Ponyville, W-what!" in a few hours, so you actually think about the question you were asked. It's surprisingly hard because the flow of your thoughts has to avoid obvious obstacles like "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?", "IS SHE FUCKING INSANE?" and "W-what", which is not really a question anymore at this point, but an accurate description of your current state.

"Cheesy Soul."

Wait, did you just name a pony? It felt so natural, like if the answer was right there all along. Damn, where was this skill of yours when you spent four hours on your character's name in World of Warcraft?

"I knew it! Oh, and by the way, hurry up to the first floor, room 17-B, she is dying and needs your help."

"W-what."

"If you leave in four seconds, you won't encounter any guards! See ya!" with this she happily bounces out of the room.

"W-w... oh for fuck's sake," you groan and stand up. You don't care about the guards, you care about the mare. Dying? Why? How? Did these stupid guards beat her up or something? No, this can't be, they are ponies, not humans.

You sneak out of the room and go towards the stairs. You hear and even see guards running around, but every single time they just happen to look in the other direction, or fail to hear your footsteps, or miss you because of some other stupid distraction. You are trying really hard to not think about the pink mare. Even if she is bending the entire world around her will right now, you don't care, you have places to be.

First floor, 17-B. The room is dark inside. You see Fluttershy sitting next to the bed with Sneaky..., you mean, Cheesy Soul in it. The sleeping mare doesn't look happy, at all. Her black coat is covered with large grizzled round spots. The size of spots reminds you of what you saw during the Twilight's light show. You don't like it.

"How is she?" you ask. Fluttershy doesn't even move as you enter and keeps staring at the mare.

"I'm sorry, I'm doing everything I can, but... there is just too much damage."

"Fluttershy?" you ask her. She finally turns her head towards you.

"A-Anon, I... I can't help her."

Shit, is she crying? Did you make Fluttershy cry? You monster, now you know you are going to hell. You come closer and hug her. She keeps talking.

"I tried to mend the holes in her soul with my Stare, but they are just too big."

Right, the Stare. A talent to see and push other souls just a little bit. With the softest touch, no stronger than a breeze. A talent she never used on you, and you know exactly why.

"Guide me," you say as you lean closer to the sleeping mare. It's pretty obvious that Luna had rebooted her at some point since Cheesy Soul lies still. You trace one of the grizzled spots on her coat with your fingers and gently move them across it. Nothing changes. You do it again, this time pressing your fingers a bit harder as if trying to close a large wound on her body. Fluttershy inhales.

"Do it again!"

You repeat the motion, this time on two separate gray spots on her body, with both of your hands.

"Don't stop, it's working!"

You know it does. The painful expression on Cheesy's face slowly relaxes, but you know you have a lot of work to do. Carefully, you massage her whole body, while Fluttershy guides you. You massage this mare's well-toned shoulders, that are supposed to carry this mare around, her cute butt, that she's supposed to sit on while talking to her friends, her soft tummy, that is supposed to be full of pancakes and ice cream. She has a happy life to live.

"HERE HE IS!" someone shouts behind you, but you don't stop.

"Let him finish," says another, deep and powerful voice, but you don't care.

"Just like that, now that spot on her neck," says Fluttershy, but you know that already. It's so simple, really. You feel under your fingertips which parts of this mare feel like some animal's coat, and which parts feel like... a pony. You've touched enough of them by this point to know the difference by heart.

You work for something that feels like an hour, and when the sleeping mare smiles, you know you are done for today. Fluttershy had explained to you that the wounds in the mare's soul may open again, but you know you'll be there when that happens, and you'll pet her as many times as it takes to fix the damage you have done. Finally, you put a blanket on her and say.

"Get well soon, Cheesy Soul."

You finally turn your head and see Princess Luna, observing you with an unreadable expression. You see two familiar guard mares, who are hugging each other with tearful eyes. One of them sniffles. You see several other guards standing outside of the room, which means you definitely won't escape this time around. Time to fix everything. You raise your hands and say:

"Look, I can explain! This is not what it looks like!"

The blue one

With great cock comes great responsibility. You realize this as you go home with a smiling black mare in your hands.

Food supply? Check. A place to sleep? Check. Litter box? Wait, no. You have to remind yourself that she is not, in fact, an adopted stray cat.

Certain similarities are hard to deny, though. Cheesy Soul acts as a sensible grown-up mare, right until she ends up in a situation that would previously trigger some evil part of her soul. Then she becomes a foal. A silly, happy foal who is just exploring the world and figuring out how it actually works when you are not trying to enslave it or destroy it. She laughs, squeaks, and does things not exactly expected from a sensible grown-up mare, such as sticking her head in a cookie jar. You don't want to know what unspeakable cruelties she used to do to cookies before her reformation.

Even Cheesy herself had to admit that she needs a temporal guardian. The number of reasons why it better be you is a bit absurd, starting with how she simply refuses to be more than twenty steps away from you and ending with pure medical reasons (that's how she prefers to call her mandatory daily petting sessions). Luna gave you a long, wise and inspiring speech that can be summarized as "you picked her up, you named her, she is your headache now", so here you are, carrying a wise, proud and independent mare, fully capable of walking by herself, just because she likes being cradled in your arms.

"Cheesy, I'm tired," you whine like a proper guardian, definitely cut for the job of looking after a former villain. In your excuse, you didn't get too much sleep in the castle during the night, and then spent half of the day doing the paperwork.

"Silence, mortal, I'm admiring your chin. You should grow a beard, it will make you look more intimidating," she says in a deep velvety voice. The sinister intonations you heard from her during your first "encounter" (let's put it this way) are all gone, but the commanding tone is here, and you are worried about how much effect it has on you. Life is unfair.

You sigh and look up. Yep, here it is again, a rainbow tail hanging from a tiny cloud above you. You saw a similar cloud with a similar tail five minutes ago, so unless ponies are decorating their clouds for an upcoming pride parade, you are probably being followed. You think that's one of Fluttershy's friends and/or clients, but that's about as much as you know about the mare who is currently, let's see, trying to hide behind a water barrel. If she was a ninja, she would be one of those who shout out the names of their secret techniques before executing them. You are too tired for any of this nonsense, you just want to get home.

But this is Ponyville we are talking about, so certain precautions are in order. Market? Let's pick another street. Central area? Let's give it a wide berth. That place, where a stage magician performs her shows? Let's avoid it by two whole town blocks, just to be safe. You don't want any more adventures or distractions. You almost made it. Your home is so close, you can see it ahead of you.

A mint green unicorn crosses your path. Oh for heaven's sake...

"And so, we met again, my only love," says your crazy ex in an unnecessarily dramatic voice. At least today she is not jumping on you. You are mildly concerned that she is wearing a top hat and a monocle.

"You ran away from me for long enough. The time has come to finally admit our feelings to each other..."

Is this a cheat sheet in her hoof? Oh no, this is unfair, how can she be doing this to you when both of your hands are full of pony and you can't possibly facepalm? You scow. Cheesy in your hands looks at your expression and scowls too. Oh, poop.

You don't see her horn lighting up, you don't hear even the slightest sound. One moment Cheesy is lying on her back in your hands and the next moment you a hugging a cloud of quickly disappearing black smoke. She silently appears in a similar cloud of smoke behind Lyra; a hoof raised high in the air, ready for a strike... and then she holds the pose with a very confused expression on her face, unsure what to do next. After blinking a few times, she decides to just follow her instincts.

She hugs Lyra from behind and nuzzles her neck.

"I like Anon too," says Cheesy Soul and squeaks. Lyra rolls her eyes and collapses. Good.

"B-but why?" asks Cheesy Soul no one in particular with teary eyes, looking at Lyra's unconscious body. Oh dear, we have a lot of work in front of us.

"RAINBOW TACKLE," shouts a voice from the sky and a rainbow blur slams into the ground where Cheesy was just standing, hitting nothing but another cloud of black smoke (the shock wave also covers Lyra in dust, but no one cares). You feel like somepony is piggybacking on your neck. A rainbow mare who just missed with her secret ninja technique points her hoof at you and shouts.

"She is right behind you, RUN!"

You need to stop this nonsense before it went too far. Trying to look confident and authoritative (not an easy feat when you are wearing a bathrobe and slippers), you raise both of your hands and try to calm the rainbow mare down.

"Don't worry, we are on the same side!"

The rainbow mare tenses up immediately. Shit, wording. Ok, how about you keep trying until it works.

"Hold your horses! Everything is under control! We are not evil! Both of us! Nothing to be afraid of! No monsters here! Cheesy, please be friendly and say hi to her." You slowly walk towards the rainbow mare with your hands wide open, as if inviting her for a friendly hug.

Cheesy, who was hugging your neck and trying to find any kind of support for her dangling hind legs for the last few moments, finally finds your bathrobe's belt with her hoof and tries to put her weight on it. The belt easily slides under her weight, the front knot becomes undone, the bathrobe treacherously exposes your flaccid dong. Pupils of rainbow mare's eyes shrink into two dots. You slowly realize that now there are multiple ways to interpret your pose.

Losing her balance, Cheesy instinctively teleports, behind the mare. This time she hugs with determination, rubs her cheek on the mare and says with a very friendly and squeaky voice, "I like your mane!"

Have you made a horrible mistake? Should you have named her Sneaky Hug, Squeaky Strike, or something along these lines?

To rainbow mare's credit, she doesn't collapse or soil herself. She just freezes like an ice sculpture, with two unmoving eyes staring at your cock. As Cheesy Soul sniffs the mare's colorful mane with a genuinely happy expression on her face, the rainbow mare doesn't appear to be breathing. Just to confirm that she is still alive, you take a step to your left. Two dot-sized pupils immediately follow your cock, like an automated targeting system of a laser turret form the post-apocalyptic future you are currently trying to prevent.

You quickly fix the wardrobe malfunction, the rainbow mare blinks a few times and shakes herself out of the trance.

"Wait, so she is not dangerous now?"

Huh, that was a quick recovery if you saw one. A brave mare for a change, praise the Sunbutt!

"Nope, not dangerous at all, she is just learning how to be friendly," quick, you need a good analogy here, "err... like Nightmare Moon after she was hit by some space laser or something." Wait, what have you done? The Rainbow mare, however, nods with understanding on her face.

"Cool. Sorry for jumping on you guys. Hey!" She desperately tries to push away the black mare who is now trying to lick the colorful mane with her cute little red tongue. You start to question your life choices.

You take Cheesy Soul under her armpits, place her on your shoulder, and stroke her back with another hand. She seems to be content with this.

"Look, we are both very sorry for the confusion caused," you say.

"We are?" asks Cheesy turning her head to you.

"Of course we are, now if you'll excuse us, we have to get home. Have a nice day!"

Just a few more steps. A few more steps and you are home, where things make sense. Your cheese awaits you there.

"Wait, I need to talk to you," says the rainbow mare. You groan.

"Can we do it inside?"

"Emm... Yes?"

"Sold!"

You make the last few steps. You grab the handle. You open the door.

"SURPRISE!" shout several voices from the inside. You see multiple mares, mostly the regulars of your pile. You see confetti flying in your general direction. You see a huge banner that says "Welcome to Ponyville, Cheesy Soul! Don't worry, we know you are not a monster anymore! Oh, and hi, Anon." You close the door.

"On the other hand, let's talk outside," you say as you sit on your doorstep.

"Oh come on, don't be like that! But seriously, we need to talk. After the party maybe."

Fine. You tell to yourself that you are doing it for Cheesy's good.

The party goes surprisingly well, even for Cheesy (apparently having Pinkie Pie nearby automatically makes any foalish action socially acceptable), but it's getting dark outside already, and you feel tired. Too many things had happened in the last two days.

"Sorry, girls, no pile today!" you announce. You hear a lot of disappointed voices, so you improvise, "but I'm sure Pinkie will be happy to organize a nice lesbian orgy instead."

"You got it!" says Pinkie and takes it from here. Damn, she's good, she even has a list of rules prepared! Can you hire her as your manager?

As you leave the party, you notice that the rainbow mare is walking behind.

"Hey! We still need to talk!"

Great, now she follows you upstairs, where she definitely should not be because that's where all your personal shit is stored. Eh, whatever, how bad can it possibly be? You invite her into your room, close the door (it's getting too noisy otherwise) plop your butt onto your bed and say "So, what's up?"

"Look, this is about the mares from my team."

"Your team?" you ask.

"My weather team. You know who I am, right?" she asks like it's not even a question. Shit, this is awkward, considering that she is literally in your bedroom. Ok, time to take a guess.

"Er-r-r-r-r-rainbow-w-w-w-w?.." As you slowly say the word, you are trying to tell by her expression if you are guessing in the right direction. Success! Wait, she is still waiting, does she have a compound name? Crap.

"M-m-m-m-m-mane?.." Wait, no? Oh well, was worth a shot.

"It's DASH! Rainbow Dash! Jeez, have you been living under a rock or something? Rainbow Dash the wonderbolt? The weather team leader? The Element of Loyalty? The fastest flier in Equestria? Anything?"

"S-s-su-u-u-u-ure..." you say. Wait, no. "I mean, sure! Of course I know about you, Rainbow ... ... ... Dash." Whew, that was a close one. But you are pretty tired, that's your excuse for not paying attention.

"Whatever. Anyway, It's about Cici and Flits."

"Cloudchaser and Flitter? What about them? Wait, their birthdays are in two weeks! How could I forget? Gosh, I hope they are enjoying their Manehattan vacation. I heard last Saturday Cici won a card tournament there, she is like a big celebrity now!"

The mare's eye twitches. Wait, what did you do wrong? You are pretty sure the date is correct, you know them both well enough. They are, like, two best pegasi in the world, if we can all agree that Fluttershy doesn't count as one.

"Dude, are you for real? Anyway, it's about them and your 'pile'," wow, air quotes with hooves, you like them, you think they look cute. The mare continues, "after they signed up for it, they are... dunno, different. Cici is not nervous anymore, Flits is more focused too. They both fly better too now."

"Glad to help," you say with a bit of pride.

"So, I was thinking... Look, I'm a wonderbolt, the fastest mare alive and..." she stops for a moment, "I'm lagging behind my team. Not the weather team, the wonderbolt team, I mean... I'm still the fastest, I'm still the coolest, but they are just... Look, just fuck me." Huh. That was straightforward.

"I'm tired, Rainbow. Feel free to join my pile tomorrow. We have a nice and friendly community here; I'm sure everyone will be happy to see you."

"But I can't! Look, you made their boobs huge! And I said it's stupid and will slow them down. And it didn't. And then their boobs shrunk back. And I said I don't need it anyway, even if they shrink back. And they are still faster now, even without huge boobs! And I feel like an idiot! I can't join the pile, everypony will think I was wrong!"

You were about to tell this mare who she is, but you remembered your encounter with Rarity, and what a horrible mistake you've almost made with her friend, who you are still going to visit this Friday because a promise is a promise. There are no bad ponies. There are only ponies who need help. You can help some of them, maybe even this one.

"Ok, come here and relax."

"No, no, I got this! And don't touch my wings!" she says and jumps onto the bed. You are not particularly hard right now, but eh, why not. You take off your bathrobe (finally!), she comes closer and immediately tries to put herself on your semi-erect cock. What's wrong with this mare? Under her clumsy touches, you become hard enough and eventually notice an issue. Now that she is basically on your laps, it's quite obvious that she is quite... petite, to put it softly. Like, really petite. An impressive wingspan makes her look a lot larger than she actually is, especially when she is in the air, but unfortunately for her, she is small. Everywhere.

"Come on, come on, come on, come on! Almost!"

"Rainbow, please stop," you say.

"So close! Just a bit more."

"Rainbow, it won't fit."

"B-but!" before she hurts either you or herself, you lift her up with both hands and squeeze her hard.

The second best thing about pegasi, after the obvious one? They are built to withstand head-on collisions with trees, mountains, and occasionally your house. No matter how light and fragile pegasus bones look, and how roughly you are handing them, you won't break anything by accident. Their skeletons are also sort of springy. So, rule number one with handling your pegasus: squish that pegasus. They unanimously like it.

"Look, let's skip the very long and very boring part where you try harder in the most unsexy way possible, then fail, then you start crying, then I'm calming you down, then you tell me a sob story about your life, then I realize that you never slept with anyone, then you admit that my guess is correct, then we start talking while I slowly massage your body, exploring every inch of it with my fingers and my lips, you feel completely helpless in my arms and become conflicted, then you tell me you are a lesbian, then, as I bring you closer to the orgasm, you realize that you actually swing both ways, then..."

"Whoa-whoa-whoa, hold on. How do you know? I mean, who did? W-what?"

Ha-ha! Take this, Equestria! How does it feel to be on the receiving end? Huh? HUH? Let's call it a draw.

You maintain a very wise and all-knowing expression on your face for about five more seconds and then admit.

"Look, you just look gay. And inexperienced. And you stared at my cock a bit too hard for a pure lesbian. Sorry," you try to not look condescending, but it's probably too late at this point. She grumps.

"I... I sort of liked the part about you exploring my body with your fingers and your lips," she admits with a cute expression on her face. Wait, where the hell did this change of the attitude came from? Did... did you finally snag a genuine tsundere for yourself? The gods had heard your prayers!

You finally notice a pleasant musky smell and a thin line of marejuices along one of her legs. You squeeze her a bit harder, the musky smell intensifies. Silly little mare, trying to play a dom when she is secretly a sub. Not on your watch! With a satisfying "Pomf!" you drop her on your bed, belly up, and lean closer to her ear.

"The safe word is defenestration," you whisper.

"D-de-w-what?" And now her voice squeaks? By Celestia's beard, you can get used to this! But you have a mission in front of you. A mare who wastes the best years of her life without knowing what true, passionate intimacy is? In your room? Unacceptable!

"B-but you said it won't fit."

Before she embarrasses herself again by saying something dumb, you silence her with a deep, passionate kiss. Pressing her hard against yourself, you molest every inch of her back, her rump, and her legs, not stopping for a second. Avoiding her wings, though. A no is a no.

It doesn't take too long before she is passionately kissing you back, and tries as hard as she can to grab you with all four of her legs (good luck with that, shorty). Lesson one: no, it's not just about sticking a dick into a hole, you silly mare.

She clearly has a lot more energy in her than you do, time to move to the next step. Easily overpowering her, you pin her hind legs under your bent knees and hold her forelegs with your arms in an outstretched position. She pants heavily and looks a bit confused. You lean forward and kiss her neck, about an inch lower than her ear.

"A-ah!"

First try. Ok, you feel a little cheap since you are not really doing anything special. Pegasi tend to have the same set of special spots, unlike earth ponies who require a lot of exploration, or unicorns who are full of surprises due to their intricate and unique mana flow patterns. It's just she has no one to compare you with. Not like this is going to stop you anyway.

You plant your kisses along her long neck muscle. Sternocleidomastoid muscle, if you remember correctly. Now that's a safe word you have to try one day! Now, collar bones. Is she a left pegasus or a right pegasus? You plant your kiss on her right collar bone. She is still catching her breath. Damn. You kiss the left one.

"A-a-ah-h!"

Lesson two: it's not a contest of power.

The next part is trickier, because this pony is too fluffy. In fact, you've noticed that almost all her pleasant curves are basically just some very dense fluff, with relatively small but very lean muscles underneath and no fat whatsoever. You heard about washboard abs before, but now you have a whole washboard pony that you could probably use in anatomy classes to show each individual muscle in a pony's body if only her fluff could be tuned down somehow. Like, in a convenient settings menu, with foliage density slider or something. Still, where lips don't work, fingers do. While your left hand massages her shoulder and strokes her collar bone with a thumb, your right hand slowly combs her fluff as you slide it downwards. You don't have to worry about releasing Rainbow's forelegs now, she is not going to move, not counting her arching back and her wings that don't really know where to put themselves. As your nails reach her abs, her spine almost makes a half-circle. You move further, counting individual segments of her abdominal muscles with your fingers. You wonder how much time does she put into training to forge her body into this shape. Do her friends know what hides under this pleasantly round and soft fluffy cover?

The mare breathes faster and faster. You reduce the pressure of your fingers as your hand gets closer to its destination. One finger leaves Rainbow's body, then another, then only one remains. It keeps sliding the last half of an inch, switching from the fingernail to a soft pad as you rotate your hand around the contact point. With one finger, you carefully touch her clit. The mare explodes.

"A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ah-h!" As the orgasm overwhelms her, you increase your pressure on her clit, slowly massaging it like a nub controller of your laptop that you miss sometimes, letting her ride her orgasm out for as long as possible.

Lesson three: sometimes all it takes is a delicate touch.

Ok, she was on a hair-trigger, but it still counts. Eventually, she catches her breath.

"That was AWESOME! Wasn't I... ahhh... supposed to lose my consciousness?" she asks, trying to focus her vision on your face. Silly mare.

"I didn't do anything a caring stallion wouldn't be able to do to you. Or a mare. Or, you know, you can do the same to another mare yourself," you mention with a casual tone.

"REALLY?!"

Such a silly, silly mare. She has the stamina, and you have time. In the next few hours, you teach this pony every trick you know, which is, to be honest, not a lot, since you always cheated with your anti-magical cock in the end. Still, for her, it's an ocean of experience. After a couple of orgasms, she relaxes on her chest as you slowly massage her back. The corded muscles under her fur are finally fully relaxed, and she resembles a happy fluffy puddle of a pony. The lesson about returning a favor will have to wait. After everything that had happened, you feel intimate enough to ask.

"May I massage your wings?"

Pegasus wings are not a joking matter. Ruffle her feathers too hard, and she won't be able to fly for a week. You are not a pegasus, you must ask for her permission, that's just how the pony society works.

"Sure," she says as she opens them wide. You realize that you need a larger bed. You slide your hands towards her wings and stop. What the hell is this? As your fingers explore, your eyes become round. Is that her wing muscles? Sweet Celestia on a bicycle, they are thicker than Cloudchaser's and Flitter's combined, you think as you are trying to massage them with your palms.

"Wow, Rainbow, your wings are really... athletic."

"Wrong A-word," she mutters under her breath and flexes her wings. Her wing muscles contract and open your palms further, a lot further. Ok, scratch that thing about Cloudchaser and Flitter above, you would have to add a few more pegasi to that 'combined' list to make it even comparable. Is this where her entire body mass is concentrated? She giggles.

"Sorry, always liked the look on colts' faces when I did that in the flight school. They would always pop a boner and run away. Never called me a midget after that. Too bad I can't see your face like this, I bet it was worth it."

Now you understand that all this time she wasn't helpless at all. She could just swat you with her wing and you would fly through a wall. You may or may not have a boner. Stupid Applejack, life was so much easier without this fetish.

"So, who is she?" you ask.

"Who?"

"The mare who stole your heart. There must be a reason why you haven't joined the lesbian orgy below."

"Applejack." Wait, her again? Is she some sort of an evil mastermind of Ponyville, taking innocent citizens and planting dirty thoughts in their heads?

"Them legs, tho," you say.

"Them legs," she agrees and sighs. "How was it, to be with her?"

You shake your head.

"You think I'm going to torture you by telling you, while you are trying to pretend that you are strong enough to not care? I'm not trying to steal your mare or hurt you." Your intentions are actually quite the opposite.

"She is not my mare," Rainbow sighs again, "I wish she was."

"Is she not interested?"

"Of course she isn't! I think. I never asked."

"Then how can you be so sure?" you ask.

"Because she treats me like a child! Like when she lets me win like half of our hoofwrestling matches."

"Why do you think that she lets you win?"

Rainbow lifts herself up with her forelegs, twists her back and her neck to face you and looks at you like you are a complete idiot.

"Dude, are you for real? She is, like, the best earth pony! She can hoofwrestle with an oak and win by breaking it in half!" The mare plops back onto the mattress and tries to relax again, "everypony knows that she loses on purpose, everypony thinks I'm too dumb to notice, everypony keeps telling me how great I am for winning half of the time. I'm pathetic."

"Do you think she would let you win if she didn't care about you? Look, I don't know what's in that mare's head, but I know that there is no harm in asking. If she is open-minded enough to try it with me, surely she is open-minded enough to try it with you."

"I'm scared," she mutters into the mattress.

"This can be fixed," you say as you move your hand towards her marehood. You cradle her pubis with your fingers while sliding your thumb along her entrance, "if you still want it."

You can almost hear how the gears in this silly mare's head are finally starting to turn. You get it, it's hard for ponies to keep in mind that you have fingers and that they are, in fact, thin and agile. Still, you are surprised that she hasn't figured it out after you explored every single spot of her body with them. She finally realizes what you were trying to achieve this whole time and chuckles.

"I'm such an idiot. Please do it."

You slide your thumb into her soul, and she rolls her eyes. As you massage her clitoris and her G spot with the same hand, and she keeps trying to break your thumb with her vaginal muscles, you are trying to think about positive things. You are still unsure about how it works. Somehow you managed to fuck the evil half of the soul out of Cheesy, perhaps you'll be able to fuck the deep fears out of a mare who pretends to be the bravest mare in Equestria? Half a minute later, your thumb is very sore. You crawl under the blanket, put the unconscious mare next to yourself, and relax.

You hear hoofsteps outside of your room. The door slowly opens, revealing Cheesy's happy face.

"How was it?" you ask. Her first lesbian orgy, at least after the reformation. An important milestone in every mare's life.

"I won!" she says with a squeaky version of her voice. Good. Wait, but that wasn't...

"I magicked up a huge black cock on myself and fucked all of them until they came at least once. Don't know how you make it look so easy, it takes forever!"

A drop of liquid pride rolls out of your eye. Is this how proud parents feel like?

"My little fuzzy Mary Sue, making her own little pile already. I'm so proud of you! Come here," you pat the empty place on the other side from sleeping Rainbow. Cheesy climbs onto the bed and snuggles against you. You squeeze her cute little butt a little bit, she licks your armpit once in response, and you feel absolutely content.

You would like to say that you quickly fell asleep after that, but in reality, you spent the next hour contemplating whether or not her magicked up cock was larger than yours.

The yellow one

KABOOM!

Your uncle once told you that if a house seems unreasonably cheap, you should look for another one, because there is always a reason. Always.

Unlike you, your uncle was a wise man. You, however, were dumb enough to buy a piece of property in Ponyville. Hoping that Twilight will fix the problem eventually, whatever that problem is, you turn to the other side and try to doze off again.

KABOOM!

Sometimes Ponyville throws such a massive clusterfuck of a problem at Twilight that she has to use the Elements, which is some sort of an orbital laser thing and requires about half of a day to charge. To be honest, you are not entirely sure how it works, but your self-preservation instinct suggests you to stay as far away as possible from any tactical monster-destroying weapons, just in case they'll have difficulties with recognizing you as a non-monster.

KABOOM!

There are several things you don't like about the Elements.

First, they never solve the problem immediately. Can't Twilight keep them pre-charged? Is she too concerned about her electricity bill? Sometimes the problem manages to destroy like half of the town before Twi blasts it away.

Second, you see them even when they go off hundreds of miles away. An indiscriminate orbital bombardment visible from the other end of the country doesn't sound nearly as fun when you are staying on the same planet as the target.

And third, while you were living with Fluttershy, every time the elements went off, she was nowhere to be found at least until the next day. You don't like things that scare your first friend in Equestria so much that she runs off and doesn't want to talk about it later.

KABOOM!

And now your windows rattle too as if it's getting closer. You should probably at least check what it is before deciding if you have to run away in panic or something. Scratching your butt, you go to the window and open the blinds. Apparently, it's almost noon already, and the weather looks nice. You see a rainbow blur accelerating across the sky, and you are happy to see that your new friend is doing fine. You knew she wouldn't be one of those mares who stay unconscious until the evening. Such a silly fluffy mare.

Suddenly, the mare explodes with an enormous rainbow-colored shockwave.

KABOOM!

You could pick literally any other town in this country, except for Stalliongrad which you are banned from. Surely there should be towns where mares don't explode.

An orange mare runs past your house towards the rainbow blur, which is trying to accelerate again. You think you hear some muffled profanities through the window. The blur stops for a moment and moves closer to the ground. The orange mare throws a lasso, catches the nuclear pegasus with it on the first try and drags her away. You wish both of them luck.

Yet another pleasant day in Ponyville.

You do your morning routine, skipping the shaving part. Definitely not because Cheesy wants to see your beard and you can't say no to her. There are other objective reasons. Literally dozens of them. Like, for example, the fact that you don't have an extra shaving set in your bathroom upstairs. And you can't get it from the bathroom downstairs because... because reasons, that's why.

Since you have a two-day old stubble now, you absolutely have to dress properly to avoid looking like a hobo. The selection of your clothes is not too impressive, but you are moderately sure you had a nice long-sleeved shirt somewhere around here that shouldn't be smelling too bad. You look on your floor. You look under the bed. You even look inside your wardrobe, just in case you put it there by mistake. You sigh.

And this, this is why mares should not be upstairs, where all your shit is stored. The shirt is gone, and the kidnapper didn't even leave a ransom note. With dread, you look at your bathrobe, which is currently crumpled on the floor near the bedside table. Why couldn't mares take your damn bathrobe instead? Ok, focus, time to be rational. This is just a bathrobe. It's neither cursed nor possessed. The events of the last two days have absolutely nothing to do with it, and nothing can possibly go wrong if you wear it one more time.

Some random black cat walks across your window sill.

Hmm...

You hear flapping wings and ominous crow noises.

Hmm...

The calendar shows it's Friday 13th.

Hmm...

Oh crap, you were sure it's still Thursday, but apparently, you have to visit that teacher mare today. How do these weekdays keep sneaking on you every time? You temporary (temporary!) put your bathrobe on and go downstairs.

The furniture in your house is a bit too large for ponies, so Cheesy Soul is standing on her hind hooves while she chops vegetables with a large, human-scale knife in her hoof, almost like an earth pony would, humming some happy tune. She is also wearing your shirt like a lab coat, with sleeves rolled up all the way to her elbows. This little thief! No matter how sexy she looks in it, and how hard your penis gets, you need that shirt. You have to look presentable today!

"Cheesy?"

"Nani?" she asks while twisting her back and her neck to look into your eyes in a perfect Shaft Head Tilt if you saw one. Did she say what you think she did? Nah, surely you've misheard.

While waiting for your answer, Cheesy absent-mindedly spins a large knife on her hoof a few times. You gulp. You know what, who needs that stupid shirt anyway? You spoke with royalty wearing your bathrobe, surely a school teacher wouldn't mind it too. In fact, it's quite cozy and feels pleasant on the skin.

"J-just wanted to say that the shirt looks great on you."

"Your appreciation has been noted," she replies in her deep, velvety voice. Good, that probably means she knows what she is doing with the vegetables and won't accidentally destroy your kitchen while cooking in her foal-mode. Foals always destroy kitchens, Rarity had told you as much. After maintaining her strong and independent image for about 3.7 more seconds she adds, "it smells like you and makes me feel less anxious about being alone. I hope you could forgive me that I took it."

"S-sure, feel free to keep it," and just like this, you've lost another battle. Your army has to retreat again as the enemy pillages your strategic shirt reserves.

"Why are you holding the knife like this?" you ask out of curiosity.

The chopping sound stops for a second, and then resumes as the mare replies, "You know, at some point, I almost forgot I was a unicorn once. Living without a horn for a few years would do that to a mare."

A big salad bowl slowly lifts up from your shelf and flows towards Cheesy, surrounded in a red glow. Pinkish-red glow, a lot less menacing than you remember it. So, that also had changed, huh? The mare continues with warmth in her voice, "who knew that a handsome alien will give me my magic back by slamming his huge, throbbing, insatiable cock into my small, delicate flower?"

She switches her weight from one hind leg to another and swishes her tail, lifting her shirt (your shirt!) just enough to make you horny. This little devil, she knows exactly what she is doing to you, and you would bet ten bits that she is smirking right now.

Noon or not, it's too early for this shit. You pour yourself some coffee, probably made by the mares after the orgy, and start looking around for any natural sources of milk. Damn, you overslept, and it wasn't your pile, so there are no mares around except for Cheesy, whose boobs didn't expand at all. With faint hope, you look at your ceiling fan. Roseluck is half-napping there. She lazily looks at you, stretches, and allows you to pick her up. What would you do without her? Should you just offer her to move in permanently, rent free? She can move her flower business here as well, you wouldn't mind at all.

Today her crotchboobs are quite a bit smaller, as they are slowly returning to their normal state, but you still get enough milk for your coffee, and then there is some more left. As you lift Roseluck in your arms to suck her teats, you notice that the chopping sound has stopped some time ago. You lift your eyes and see Cheesy observing you with curiosity. No sharp objects in hooves? Check. Wiggling tail? Check. Ok, it's safe to breathe now, she is a foal again.

"May I have some?" she asks, squeaking just a little bit.

You look at Roseluck. She shrugs, but then smiles deviously and exposes herself towards Cheesy.

What happens next will be forever burned into your retinas and saved for possible lonely evenings when you'll have to entertain yourself without the luxury of internet access. You are pretty sure that Roseluck in your hands tries to look as sexy as possible, putting her forelegs behind her head and twisting her hips, while Cheesy demonstrates that pony tongues are far, far superior to human ones. Actually, why are you even bothering with holding Roseluck in your hands? If you let her go, she probably won't even fall on your laps thanks to your boner alone. Roseluck's brown nipples are being sucked, licked and kissed in every way possible before the black mare gives one last kiss between the boobs, says "Kthxbye!" and proceeds to chop the salad like nothing happened.

Breathing in. Breathing out. No, bad Anon. Stop thinking about these two mares, you have an important mission today. You put Roseluck onto the chair and leave to check the donation box, a.k.a. your primary source of income.

You never asked your mares for any payment and were actually doing some proper jobs around the town when all this craziness had started. Turns out, even if not every pony is as generous as Rarity, some of them feel really grateful for your "medical services" and insist on paying you back. You were resisting, arguing, and even kicking ponies out of your house until one day you discovered that somepony had built some sort of a mix between a large chest and a small shrine outside of your house overnight (with a concrete foundation and shit), labeled it as "donation box" and left an equivalent of your monthly salary inside. You have no idea who exactly pays you and how much, and more importantly, how can a society exist where no one is looting a literal unguarded treasure chest that just sits in the open outside of your house, but the fact is, you are actually quite rich by now. Too bad that there is absolutely nothing you would like to do with all this money, so you just stockpile it on your account. Crap, more jewelry today. It's such a pain in the ass to go and appraise it to pay the correct amount of income tax. Why is your life so hard?

Cheesy generously shares her salad bowl with you while you generously share your plans for the day in exchange, and both of you are brainstorming the problem. There is a mare, and she needs your help (in form of your dick). However, you were a total dick to her before, so in the worst-case scenario, she may refuse your help out of pride. Or not. You know almost nothing about the mare except that she is lonely, works as a teacher and lives next to her school. Will she be happy to see you? Will she slap your cheek (or, considering the height difference, punch your balls) instead? She is an earth pony, so you would prefer to not be punched in the balls. Cheesy is happy to assist you but doesn't really know how.

"Cheerilee likes wildflowers, Lunar poetry, and rock climbing," says a voice from the ceiling. Damn, you missed the moment Roseluck had climbed on your ceiling fan again. You know that if this continues, you will lose your sleep over thinking about how does she do that.

Roseluck helps you with the plan. It's absolutely brilliant, and by now you are sure Roseuck is your personal ceiling-dwelling guardian angel. With Cheesy Soul in hands, you go towards the schoolhouse to scout the area.

Ok, looks good. In about an hour the lessons will be over, you will get some flowers by then, and...

Cheesy Soul jumps off your hands and runs after a butterfly. Crap, that wasn't in the plan. Cheesy jumps around several times until the butterfly lands on a flower a few steps away from her. Then Cheesy leans close to the ground, raises her butt, and starts wiggling like a big cat getting ready for a jump. Cheesy lifts one foreleg. The wiggling intensifies. Cheesy lifts another foreleg, and darts forward, but the damage is already done, as your cock got so hard that you could hang and hold a kettle dumbbell on it.

"Hurry up, little ones, you don't want to make the princess wait! You know she is never late to her appointments," says a cheerful warm voice as a school door opens.

Oh no, not the innocent children! You quickly turn around and get ready to run in the opposite direction, but see Twilight and her witch friend blocking your path as they approach the school from your emergency retreat route. You quickly turn back, but the school door already pours dozens of tiny, innocent foals on the playground in front of it. You are surrounded, and the stupid bathrobe is absolutely useless when it comes to covering your raging boner.

MUST PROTECT THE CHILDREN! You quickly sit on the ground and hide the boner with your legs. Crap, now you look super weird.

"Psst, Cheesy! Help!"

She is confused, so she moves closer to you. You grab her, cross your legs in a nice and totally not suspicious lotus pose, and plop Cheesy on top of them. Her ears perk up immediately.

"Please hide my dick, I don't want to die in prison," you whisper into her ear. As she raises her brow at you, you quickly clarify, "not like that, just lie down on it or something!"

Cheesy grunts, trying not to laugh, but relaxes on your legs, hiding your boner with her belly. You adjust her lab coat (also known as your shirt in its previous life) to properly cover as much as possible, and pretend to enjoy the weather.

"Miss Cheerilee, why is Anon sitting in the middle of the playground?"

"Why indeed," asks a mare who is slowly walking towards you. Shit, she is a freaking school teacher with a boring mane style, her body has absolutely no right to be sexy, but it clearly is, stupidly so. How? Ah, right, rock climbing. Ok, plan B, time to close your eyes and stop thinking about sexy mares with gorgeous bodies.

Now all you can see in your head is Cheesy sucking Roseluck's nipples. Your boner gets even harder as you poke Cheesy's belly fluff with it. Ok, plan C, time to open your eyes again. As you do so, you see Cheerilee literally in front of your face, staring at you with her large and surprisingly beautiful eyes. No teacher is allowed to be that hot.

"I... was waiting for Twilight and Starbucks. I mean Starlight and Twibucks. I..."

"Here you are!" says Twilight from behind, "sorry to make you wait, Anon. Cheerilee, do you mind if he joins for today's lecture? Anonymous with Cheesy Soul here had so many questions about the Magic of Friendship that I took the liberty of inviting them. I hope you don't mind?"

"Not at all, princess. Let's start after the recess is over," says the hot teacher mare and leaves to calm down the class. Were you just saved by Twi? Does it mean she is not mad at you anymore? Let's see, time to face her and smile.

"What in Equestria are you doing here?" whispers Twi at you, "and stop petting a mare in public!" Petting? What petting? Ah, yes, this petting. As Cheesy gets surrounded by Twi's telekinetic field, you quickly hug the black mare with your whole body, breaking the spell.

"Shoo! Go find yourself your own pet ex-villain, this one is already taken!" You made it in time; your boner is still hidden under the mare. The innocence of children is still safe! You wonder why that Starlight girl is looking at you funny.

The foals had calmed down, and now sitting in a half-circle around their teacher, who introduces Princess Twilight Sparkle and her assistant Starlight Glimmer. Apparently, it's some sort of an open-air lecture about some sappy pony stuff, but at least Starlight creates some pretty dope large holograms in the air. You wonder if you could make a controller of some sort and make her project some simple video games with her horn.

For some reason, as the lecture moves forward, you find yourself looking not at holograms, but at the warm smile of Cheerilee, who is trying to bridge the gap between Twi and the students by collecting and summarizing their questions and making the experience enjoyable for everypony. You wonder what person you would grow up into if your own primary school teacher was like this. You feel warm inside for some reason.

As the lecture comes to an end, a royal chariot lands nearby to take Twilight and the witch girl to their next royal business somewhere in Canterlot. The horde of children slowly dissipates, and you feel proud of yourself. These cute innocent foals won't grow into perverts because of you. Mission accomplished with zero dick slips, good job, everyone.

You see three little fillies walking towards you and Cheesy. They seem to be excited. The yellow earth pony starts talking first.

"Hello, miss! We just wanted to tell you that you are really cool!"

"Yeah, I even want your autograph!" says the white unicorn.

"Me too! I can't believe those mares could even stand up today!" says the third one... Wait, what?!

"I hope you don't mind that we were watching through the window," the white one interjects with a guilty face.

"And how did you even make it so huge?" continues the pegasus.

"Yeah, how! I mean, your cock was at least twice bigger than my brother's!" interrupts the yellow one.

"I bet my sister would like to meet you one day. She is such a size queen."

"Sweetie! It's not nice to talk about your sister like this!"

"But it's true, you saw her collection of dildos."

You are not sure who is talking at this point, you are not really following the conversation as it continues. Some fuses are blowing in your brain. It all sort of makes sense now. They all live in a pants-optional society, and because of how much taller other ponies are, and how high in the air they usually keep their tails, there is probably no dick, pussy or a pair of balls in Ponyville these children haven't seen yet. Of course, they are casual about discussing dongs and don't see it as a taboo topic. You made an idiot out of yourself over nothing. Good job, you.

Looks like Cheesy is about to tell them where did she find that spell.

"Be Sneaky Strike."

Oh no.

"A mare in her late teens, lonely and horny."

Oh no-no-no.

"Heat season is rough, no dicks nearby..."

She is speaking in greentext now! What is this unholy corruption?! You sit stunned as the story unrolls and comes to an end, the fillies are leaving you and Cheesy alone, but you are still so lost in your thoughts that you fail to notice Cheerilee approaching you with a questioning expression on her face. Sneaky rubs her belly on your cock, revitalizing your erection, and speaks in a childish but clearly fake voice (the velvety tone is still here).

"Oh, miss Cheerilee, Anon here was so sorry for skipping his previous class! This time he brought all his homework with him," with this, she jumps off your laps. Treason! Your cock is now exposed to the hot teacher who is looking at it with her mouth agape. Cheesy continues, walking around Cheerilee, "he is so nervous about his past mistakes, I think he needs a private lesson. Could you check his homework please?" with this she lightly pushes the earth pony towards you. What are you doing, you treacherous horse, this was not in the plan!

Cheerilee presses her muzzle to your balls, inhales your musky smell, and her demeanor changes. She stands up, looking at least an inch taller than before. Oh crap...

"Well-well-well, what do we have here, young gentlecolt? Your homework clearly needs more work. Don't worry, we shall start with some basics to make it easier for you."

She presses her hoof on your chest and effortlessly topples your torso on the ground. Starting from your abs, she plants kisses on you moving up, towards your lips. You notice that you are still in front of the school. Can you be sure that you are alone? Won't somepony please think of the children?

You hear some rustling in the nearby bushes. Yeah, right, whatever. Twilight is in Canterlot now, so you probably won't be immediately murdered for what you are about to do. As Cheerilee's muzzle approaches, you hug her entire body and kiss her as hard and deep as you can. She is overjoyed to return the kiss. Wait, who is licking your cock now? Cheesy, stop!

If this continues, you will just blow your load into the air. You are trying to say something, but you can't, since your mouth is constantly being assaulted by a hot teacher. She effortlessly overpowers all your attempts to free yourself, but as you are starting to get extremely close, Cheesy suddenly lets your dick go.

"Miss Cheerilee, I helped him with his homework as much as I could, but I think it still needs a bit of a teacher's touch."

"Well done, student. Let me check if you made any mistakes," Cheeriliee leans to your ear and quickly whispers out of character, "Thank you for giving me another chance. Rarity was right, you are a true sweetheart, I'll make it fun for you, I promise," with this she steps back a little bit to align herself with your cock and sits on it.

Of course, a Rarity's friend will be like this. As orgasms from her soul being penetrated overwhelm her, she keeps riding your cock, milking it as hard as she can and trying to make you cum. Twenty seconds. Thirty seconds. Forty seconds. Fifty. You see how she desperately tries to stay conscious for your sake, and her vaginal muscles are not stopping their work for a second. Cheesy had already brought you very close with her tongue, so eventually, your body just gives up, and you blow all your load into the hottest teacher you've ever seen in your entire life (quite an achievement considering how much porn you have been watching back on Earth).

Cheerilee is absolutely overwhelmed with joy. You can feel pure happiness radiating from her as she drops on your chest, absolutely done for the day, with a broad smile on her muzzle. You hear some high-pitched discussion in the bushes. You don't care at this point. If you had a soul, it would end up in pony hell anyway.

You carry Cheerilee to her home and place her on her bed. Even if being completely powerless in her hooves led you to one of the most intense sexual experiences in your life, and you would prefer to just sleep for the rest of the day, you have a job to do. You don't really know if Cheerilee's mana flow issue was successfully cured, so just in case you give her a full body massage. Yep, waiting for the Friday was a good idea, her crotchboobs were quite large even without your influence, so by tomorrow morning, she will have difficulties with walking around with them. Just in case, you spend some extra time massaging them too.

When you are done, you notice that Cheesy is looking at Cheerilee's collection of photos. Some of them are with her friends (you even see one with Rarity), but most of them are with her students. Cheesy, however, stares at the odd one. The shot is clearly unprofessional, the sun is blasting right into the camera, and some mare in a dress is illuminated in a weird way.

Oh no. Oh Luna's nipples, please no. Not this. Anything but this. You are losing your last hope when you see Cheesy's smiling trollface as she asks you with her charming, soft voice.

"Hey, Anon. Would you say the dress on this photo is blue or yellow?"

This can't be happening. You grab Cheesy and run. Twilight is in Canterlot, but there is one pony who can still help you and possibly even save Cheesy from the corruption.

"What are you doing? Where are we going?"

"No time to explain!" you shout as you ran towards Fluttershy's cottage and knock the door. Please be home! The door slowly opens.

"H-hello, Anon."

"Fluttershy, quick! Something is wrong with Cheesy!"

"This is entirely untrue," replies Cheesy who is dangling in your hands.

"She speaks in memes!"

Fluttershy looks confused. You walk inside and place the black mare onto the couch. This is not a joking matter!

"I'm serious! She is just like me, but worse! Had some demon possessed her? Is her soul rotting again? Please save my filly!" you say as you shake Fluttershy like an overly protective parent from a Brazilian TV show who demands from a surgeon to do something completely impossible for his daughter.

Fluttershy looks at Cheesy with a serious face, but then her face relaxes, and she starts smiling.

"Nothing to worry about. It's just the parts of your soul that you have used to patch hers are blending in. Everything looks nice and smooth, even if a bit spotty," Fluttershy gently strokes the mane of her fuzzy patient, "keep petting her daily and she'll be fine."

"But..." what this mare is even talking about? "But..." she can't be serious. "But I have no soul."

Fluttershy looks at you with terrified eyes.

"W-who told you such a thing? Oh you poor little human," Fluttershy tries to pet your too now, the size difference is clearly not going to stop her, "of course you absolutely do have a soul. And it was so generous of you to share some of it with Cheesy."

"B-but I saw the soul-o-meter in the hospital, it was at zero."

"The Thau-resonance chamber probably didn't work because of your resistance. I can see your soul just fine, and it is beautiful," says Fluttershy as she tries to hug you, "and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise."

"B-but souls are magical, and I destroy magic..." you don't know why you are trying to prove Fluttershy wrong at this point. You sort of suspect that she might be right. It's just hard for you to admit that you were an idiot this whole time.

"Your soul is just very... shy. It clings to your body, barely leaking at all as if it's afraid of Equestria... Maybe it's just too afraid to let any other magic in too? But I can see it's getting friendlier with Cheesy's already."

You sit, being hugged by Fluttershy, and think about everything. So, you are the corruption? Your soul, that you apparently have, is the poison that makes Cheesy speak in greentext, do stupid anime things and resurrect memes that should stay dead? Fluttershy's ears perk up, as she is struck by an idea. Without releasing you, she turns to Cheesy.

"Could you please try lifting Anon's hand with your magic? If that's ok with you."

Your hand gets slowly enveloped in a pinkish-red glow. It tingles a little bit. Then something pushes your palm up. It feels a bit like using a hand dryer, if only it was completely silent, blew upwards, and didn't actually dry anything, but still moved your hand a little bit.

The red glow slowly envelopes your whole body. It feels weird on your skin. It feels even weirder between your legs. You remember that one time when your plane got into an air pressure pocket, and it dipped down a bit, and you got this sense of zero gravity climbing up your anus. In short, it feels fantastic.

The boundaries of Cheesy's face can barely contain her enormous grin as your body slowly leaves the ground in her telekinetic hold. In a warm, velvety voice she says,

"Welcome to Equestria, Anon. You've missed so much of it, time to fix this."

The only one

"No."

"But A-a-ano-o-on!"

"No."

This is it. This is the moment you say "no" to Cheesy. No matter how much she pouts, jumps around your room or rolls on your bed. She is currently mastering the skill of pretending to be a foal when it's beneficial for her, but your Kung Fu of saying "no" is stronger.

"I'll make it sma-a-aller!"

"No."

"But I know a great lube spell!"

"No."

The last few days of your life were... magical. There is no other way to describe them. You experienced things no human had experienced before, you saw and felt stuff not meant for your puny human brain. And the two of you fucked like rabbits, of course, which also involved a metric shit ton of magic. Turns out, a powerful unicorn who is not collapsing while being fucked by you (because apparently your souls are perfectly compatible now) is a gift from pony heaven. Together, you did every thing imaginable, tried more setups than you can count, but this is where you draw the line. Cheesy just doesn't understand how serious this is, so she keeps whining,

"But my lube spell is like stupidly good! Here, let me demonstrate. Here we have a creaky door. With a little bit of magic..."

"No."

"PFFRT."

Unicorn horns are not meant to make sounds like this. Door hinges are not supposed to be covered in gallons of semi-transparent slime that is now slowly traveling down the door frame. And the door itself. And the wall around it. And the ceiling. Even without testing it, you are pretty convinced that the door is not going to be creaky anymore. In fact, let's declare it a wall from now on, and start using the window to get out of the room instead. You don't want to touch this door, or be anywhere near it, for the rest of your life.

"Whoops. Don't worry, it will evaporate eventually. But look how perfectly lubed the hinges are! Wanna try it on your butt?"

"No."

You are not sure what's wrong with Cheesy today. You were giving her her daily massage (which, according to Fluttershy, still manages to mend Cheesy's soul just fine, even if your magic is not allergic to her magic anymore), and completely by accident poked the base of her tail with your dick. To do so you had to accidentally reposition yourself, unintentionally lean forward and, by a fluke, aim your dick with your free hand, but it was definitely unplanned. You would never concoct a plan that would result in Cheesy spending the last ten minutes on convincing you to try the butt stuff. The other kind of butt stuff. The kind where your butt is violated by a magicked up horsecock of unknown proportions.

You are not gay. And she is not a dude. So technically it still counts as sex with a girl (well, a mare, but let's not touch this subject), and therefore it has absolutely nothing to do with any prejudices that you don't have anyway since the first day your internet connection became fast enough. You are actually quite open-minded. Just not open-butted.

A mailmare knocks on your window. Normally that would mean it's something urgent, something that can't be left in the mailbox, and this time it's a letter from... "Princess Cellestia"? You were pretty sure her name was spelled with one 'l', but what do you know.

"Meet me in the town hall... yadda-yadda... don't bring anyone but Cheesy... blah-blah-blah... Always yours, Princess Cellestia. Huh..."

Sometimes you almost manage to forget that ponies, while being as smart, or even smarter than average humans, are not very cunning. And very, very naive. This letter? It's stupidly obvious. Just look at it, even the name is misspelled. And the writing is all messy. And the paper is a bit crumbled. Even a five years old would figure it out. Holding an imaginary smoking pipe in your hand, you exclaim in your best detective voice,

"Ha! What an uninspiringly pathetic attempt of deception!"

"So we are not going?" double-checks Cheesy. Silly mare...

"Of course we are! Going! Right now!"

"But why?"

"Based on the evidence I've gathered and analyzed with my superior intelligence, I came to a conclusion that Celestia had finally realized how hot I am and can't hold her feelings back anymore. This is an emergency!"

Cheesy looks unsure.

"Don't you think the letter was a bit... fishy?"

"But of course, I was expecting this question! All clues are pointing that she was clopping herself with one hoof while writing the letter. This means it's urgent! What if some sort of a magical problem that bothers her for a millennia can't wait anymore and must be solved immediately? Even a genius investigator like myself is an honorable citizen first and foremost, and therefore I must perform my civic duty to this country! Would you like to assist me, inspector Soul?"

You were expecting Cheesy to say "Yes!" without thinking, considering how butt-obsessed she was behaving this morning. If rumors about that orgy that happened downstairs a few days ago are true, Celestia's butt may be the only butt in Equestria large enough to fully accommodate Cheesy's... transmutation spell. You are surprised to see that Cheesy is avoiding your eyes and not saying anything. Does she dislike Celestia even after the reformation for some reason?

"Y-you can go if you want, I don't want to interfere..."

"Nonsense! The letter mentions you, which means Celestia is aware of your exceptional skills!"

"If you want it so much, fine..."

Huh, what's wrong with her? Anyway, no time to waste! Proper clothing? No time, your bathrobe should be good enough!

You touch the door handle and your hand slips so hard that you tumble on the spot and end up falling on the floor face down. Your jaw hurts, and your shoulder feels mildly dislocated.

"Pony, I request your assistance," you groan.

"Don't know any healing magic, sorry."

Crap. Why can't there be a super-villain who heals ponies to death or something?

After a minute spent on standing up and a few more minutes spent on desperate and futile attempts to clean yourself from the lube (which is, true to Cheesy's word, is indeed stupidly good), you walk towards the town hall with grumpy Cheesy Soul behind you. She doesn't want to be in your hands for some reason. Weird, must be the lube.

But you still can't believe your own luck. Princess Celestia's butt has been your holy grail since the first time you saw it. There is something indescribably majestic about it. How it floats around like a large celestial body. How it creates it's own gravity well around it, attracting your eyes and your mind.

As you step inside the town hall, it looks... weird. All blinds on the windows except for one are closed, and the remaining one barely illuminates a chair with a large gift box on top of it, with ribbons and shit. You've played your share of creepy video games, so you immediately notice that something is off. Could it be that Celestia decided to prank you? Or maybe, just maybe, there is something wrong with the letter? Actually, now that you think about it...

Cheesy happily runs towards the chair with the box.

"Cheesy, no!" you shout.

"Cheesy, yes!" she exclaims as she pulls the ribbons apart. The floor around her lights up, revealing an intricate circular diagram of some sort, and Cheesy flops on the floor as if being crushed by a huge weight. You see her rapidly disappearing and reappearing in clouds of black smoke, trying to teleport away. You see her horn lighting up and fading, but nothing seems to work.

"Cheesy!"

As you dash to help her, your body slams into an invisible barrier that seems to be originating from the diagram on the ground. You've played enough video games to know what this means. Nothing good. A large shape emerges from the mayor's office.

"That was easier than I thought it would be," says... Celestia? No, wait, the voice is off. And now that she comes into the light, you notice that her mane, while being ethereal and shit, is not radiating any light. And the coat is mint-green. Oh, poop...

"Lyra."

"Oh, come on, don't break the character like this! You are supposed to call me Celestia, and I'm supposed to make all your dreams come true!"

As she moves closer, you are starting to get a bit intimidated by her stature. Celestia, while being a lot taller than all her subjects, is still a pony. This unicorn here is a fucking horse. And by no means a small one. Actually, scratch that part about a unicorn, those fake wings on her just moved a little bit. You are starting to suspect that they may be not entirely fake.

"Do you like my new look?" she asks spinning around. You have to admit that somehow she managed to get the accurate impression of Celestia's perfect butt, and somehow made it even larger than it was. For some reason, you don't find it sexy.

"Speechless? Come here, touch it!" she lifts you with her golden magic and floats you towards her butt. Wait, how? Now that you think about it, that magical barrier earlier should not have been able to stop you.

While you are too busy flailing your limbs around and trying to understand what is going on, Lyra strengthens the hold around your wrist and makes your hand slap her butt. You don't see any spells being shattered by that. This makes you even more uncomfortable.

"Ouch, you are so nasty, Anon. I bet you can't wait anymore. And look, I'm all ready!"

She lifts her tail, revealing her incredibly wet marehood.

"I was clopping myself while I was waiting for you, now all you have to do is to finish what I started!"

The fact that you were partially right doesn't make you feel happy at all. How the hell did she transform herself into a huge winged horse with an enormous butt? Huh, maybe the weird glass jar she is wearing on her neck has something to do with it? Hmm... now that you look at it, some gray faces with large fangs are swirling inside. It's highly unlikely she could buy this jewelry from a souvenir shop. She follows your gaze.

"Like it? Tee-hee. Who needs Alicorn amulets when you can use this instead and become an actual alicorn! And you know the best part?" she leans closer to your ear, "I'm going to make it permanent."

As she leans back, you make a quick jab with your hand towards the jar. She reacts immediately and dodges. Shit. Being an alicorn implies being part-pegasus, which means she can see all your actions in slow motion. But you have one more trick in your sleeve. The sleeve of your metaphorical pants, which you are not wearing.

Holding you with her magic, Lyra turns to face away from you and lowers her enormous butt onto your penis, which is completely misreading the situation and standing hard and ready. You will need to have a talk with it after all this is over. But who cares, your crazy ex doesn't know what's going to happen. And we enter... a-and...

"Ahh, I was waiting for it for so long, you have no idea," says Lyra casually.

What's going on? Uncontrollable orgasms? Rolled eyes? Collapsing mares? Anything?

Lyra is sliding up and down your cock and seems to be enjoying herself, but this is so... non-freaky. Like... like sex with Cheesy.

Took you long enough to figure it out, didn't it? You chuckle. Yep, Cheesy was actually the second mare who became a bit crazy after being fucked by you. All the other mares? Healed. This loco? Corrupted. And you think you know why.

You remember how it all started. You were unsuccessfully trying to get drunk in the pony bar. Your usual drinking buddy, a big red stallion aptly named Big Mac, was not there that evening. Not like it changes a lot, really. Normally he would just be sitting there, inserting an occasional "Yep" or "Nope" into your monologue, and you would feel a proper friendly connection with the dude, like if he understands exactly what you feel, and you understand exactly what he feels. Sort of. He barely speaks at all, so you have to use your imagination to figure out what shit he is dealing with this time around.

So, the bar. Slightly tired bartender in front of you. A half-empty glass of something too strong by pony standards, but too weak by yours.

A small mint green unicorn sits on a bar stool and orders the strongest shit this place had to offer, which happens to be the same shit you were drinking this whole evening. She looks like she spent several hours crying. Broken ponies is not something you see often around here, so after she inhales her first shot, you just sit next to her and... well, mostly listen. She is quite open about what happened, apparently, her marefriend kicked her out and told her to never come back. And then the mint green mare proceeds to tell you how it came to this, and after about half an hour, you are genuinely concerned about her. These are ponies. They are not supposed to deal with hard shit like this, they are supposed to be happy. So you just talk to her, trying to lift her mood, and maybe to convince her that this is not the end of the world, and things will get better eventually. The mare doesn't really believe you, telling you that she feels like her soul is torn apart by what had happened, and she doesn't know how to live with this. You didn't really pay any attention to the wording. You were such an idiot back then.

So then you spent an hour just talking about random stuff. You have realized that you actually like this mare a lot. She is smart, curious, fun to talk to and has quite a bit of depth in her character. It's also sort of obvious that the drinks are starting to dim her mind, as she starts showing some affection towards you. Now you would judge yourself for taking advantage of the mare in this situation, but back then you genuinely thought that if this helps her to forget her worries, it's worth doing. So you invite her to your home. Not like she has any other place to stay, really. One thing leads to another, and eventually, you find yourself kissing a mare who is lying on her back on your sofa and definitely wants to move further. Not a complete lesbian, then.

You thought that the best thing you can do in this situation is to make her happy, even though you were not entirely sure how it's going to work between you and a pony. Her reaction when she saw your cock made you more confident (you were not sure how you compare to stallions back then), and she almost jumped on you right after that, and... well... Being alone for so many months, and then suddenly feeling a pony on your cock completely blew your mind. You never slept with a non-human before, so you didn't know what was normal and what was not. A pussy constantly massaging your cock, milking it for your cum, and not letting it go? A mare crying out your name and demanding for you to fill her with your seed? How could you know that this is not normal, and Lyra is somewhere at her tenth orgasm already?

You wanted her more than you wanted anyone in your life before. You wanted to fuck her for as long as possible, prolonging this moment until you can't keep moving anymore. To be with her. To stay in her. Who can blame you for sharing a bit of your soul with this mare to mend her wounds?

She had months to absorb your soul, to get familiar with it, to understand it. And your soul had months to corrupt her, to screw her brains and transform this intelligent mare into a crazy stalker. Now it finally came to bite you in the ass.

Oh well, you deserved it.

You can feel that a huge alicorn on your cock is getting close, but then she suddenly breaks the rhythm, keeping herself close to the edge. She inhales. You expect her to say many things, but not what you hear,

"Ynop Elttil Ym!"

Huh? The fuck was that? You don't like how the symbols on the floor are glowing brighter. With even more sinister intonation, she shouts again,

"Ynop Elttil Ym!"

Oh shit biscuits, now some of the symbols of the diagram are floating up into the air. Nope, not good.

"Eb Dluoc Pihsdneirf Tahw Rednow Ot Desu I!"

You have a feeling that this is the wrong kind of "desu". The floating glowing symbols become crimson and start... bleeding? Double nope, any glowing symbol that drops blood is not ok in your books.

"Ynop Elttil Ym!"

Whatever this unholy ritual is, it must be stopped. You go through your options. How about slapping Lyra's butt as hard as you can? Crap, it made her even more excited.

"Em Ttiw Cigam Sti Derahs Lla Uoy Litnu!"

The creepy jar of bullshit is powering your stalker horse. The stalker horse is powering the ritual. If you don't want the ritual to be powering your nightmares in the future, you need to stop it before it's too late. The ritual is too far away. The horse is invincible because she is also a part earth pony now. The jar is on the other end of the horse. What do?

"Serutnevda gib!"

"Gib" your ass. You have a plan now, and its stupidity won't stop you from trying. You grab two enormous buttcheeks with your hands, lift your body, and slam your cock harder and deeper than Lyra could on her own.

"Nuf fo Snot!"

"I'll show you snot, you stupid horse." Time to fuck. Harder. HARDER. HARDER.

"Gnorts Dna Lufhtiaf Traeh Lufituaeb A-a-a-a!"

You hope that the last part is not a part of the ritual, but the result of her orgasm that finally overwhelms her. Without her soul being penetrated, you know you won't make her collapse. But you don't care about her orgasms, you care about yours. You were very close for a long time already. But you resist. You clench your butt, and you grind your teeth, but you resist. Not yet. Not enough. You will give her everything your body is capable of, and then some more.

"Taef Ysae Na Ssendnik Gnirahs!"

You think about your pile. You think about mares. You think about Fluttershy, who you secretly wanted to fuck since your first day in Equestria. You think about Applejack and her stupidly sexy legs. You think about Rarity and how you will probably never meet another mare like this in your entire life. About Twilight who should just stop being such a prude and fuck Starlight like they both want to. About Pinkie who is now officially your favorite lesbian horse. About Rainbow who is a living proof that tsundere exist, and they are not just an imaginary unobtainable dream of a nerd like you. Then you think about Cheesy.

Your pelvis starts vibrating like a volcanic island before the eruption. Your cock, already at its max size, swells even more. Your hands grab the largest ass in Equestria and your slam your cock deeper than any living soul did before. Not enough. One more time. And another one. Deeper. DEEPER.

"Etelpmoc Lla Ti Sekam Cigam Dna-a-a-a-a-a!"

You slam one last time.

"Unleash the orgasm!"

You can see the shockwave traveling through her body. Two perfect halves of one perfect butt vibrate as you erupt into Lyra with the pressure that would make a fire hydrant envious. Your seed hits her womb, but you don't want your soul to stop there. Like an unstoppable wave of the tsunami, your lust travels through Lyra's body. You see how Lyra's body shivers more and more. First her butt, then her waist, then her chest, all the way through the soul of this abnormally large horse. But the wave doesn't stop here. The shockwave of your soul travels further, beyond Lyra's enormous body, and shatters the jar on her chest.

Lyra screams, as her body shrinks back to her normal size while she is still impaled on your cock. A cock that was never so large in your entire life. The bleeding runes in the air are fading, the shimmering barrier is collapsing, and the content of the jar flies in all directions. Stupid lesser demons. They just fly through the walls, probably to cause havoc across the Ponyville. You don't care, it's Twilight's problem now.

You rush towards Cheesy. She is coughing. Coughing means alive. Wait, what's in the way? Ah, right, some unicorn stuck on your dick. Discard the nuisance, keep moving.

"Cheesy!" you hug your silly pony. You hold her close. You cry into her mane a bit, but this is fine, the moment is appropriate enough. She seems to be fine, but you are not going to stop crying anyway. You hug her for something that seems like an eternity, even if it was a couple of minutes tops. You wish it was an eternity. That's exactly for how long you want to hold this silly pony in your hands, not letting her go.

"Sdneirf Tseb Yrev Ym Lla Er'uoy Wonk Uoy Od," whispers the voice behind you. Shit, what now? Lyra is incapacitated, you see her in the corner of your eye, so you turn around to check. You think it's the mayor mare (you asked several ponies about her name, but apparently nopony knows). She looks... odd.

Crazy eyes? Check. Jerky movements? Check. Eldritch chants? Check. We have a possessed horse here. Ok, what do you do? The flying runes are slowly lighting up again.

"Sdneirf Tseb Yrev Ym Lla Er'uoy Wonk Uoy Od," whispers the mayor again, this time a bit louder.

Nope, not today. Ok, time to temporary let your favorite black unicorn go and deal with the government. Hmm... but how? Should you punch her or something? You hope she won't ban you from the town for that later, one Stalliongrad was enough for you.

You give her your best right hook. That was a very bad idea. As you scream from the pain and hope that you didn't break your wrist, the mare whispers again,

"Sdneirf Tseb Yrev Ym Lla Er'uoy Wonk Uoy Od."

Stupid earth ponies and their stupid Earth Pony Immovable Stance Secret Technique 9000. Ok, whatever demon is inside, it's fully aware of the powers of its host, and kicking or punching won't break anything besides your limbs. And your dong seems to be done for today. Hold on! You quickly thank Rainbow Something for reminding you that your fingers are as good for fixing magical horses as your cock.

"Anonymous Secret Technique, Thousand Years of Orgasms!" you shout as you plug your fingers into the mare's soft parts. The mare screams in pleasure. The demon screams in pain. Both of them are using the same pony mouth to communicate, so the mayor sort of screams in stereo. As you double your efforts, the demon slowly separates from the mare and burns down. Good.

"Sdneirf Tseb Yrev Ym Lla Er'uoy Wonk Uoy Od."

"Sdneirf Tseb Yrev Ym Lla Er'uoy Wonk Uoy Od."

Two whispering voices now? Crap, here enters Carrot Top, the regular of your pile. You know all her buttons, it's going to be easy...

"Cheesy, we are doomed. We are all going to die, run!" you suddenly say.

"What, why?" she is standing right behind you, and she is confused.

"He is a stallion," you say as you look at your second opponent. This is your drinking buddy Big Mac. Not that you would do it to any other stallion, but you would especially not do it to him. Because he is a bro. A bro is not supposed to finger another bro, that's not how being a bro works. Cheesy chuckles.

"I think I understand it now. Don't worry," you hear some ominous magical sounds behind yourself, "I think I have just enough of your soul in me."

Possessed Big Mac looks... scared. You are by no means a demonologist, even though you've completed Doom on the maximum difficulty at some point in your life, but you think demons are supposed to be sort of... fearless? You turn around and look at Cheesy. Now you are scared too.

You know how every gym has that one midget guy who can bench press twice as much as you can, but you don't feel very envious because you know that he is such a midget that probably no girl would like to be with him despite how ripped he is? And then you accidentally see him in the shower and realize that he carries a fucking elephant trunk between his legs? And he can see that you just saw it, and so he chuckles condescendingly and proceeds to wash his head, like if he is feeling pity for you?

Cheesy knows what you are seeing right now and chuckles too. How can she even walk like this? What? Why? H...

"Deal with the mare, this one is mine. I had a craving this whole morning only a nice stallion's butt can satisfy."

The demon in Big Mac's body takes a step back. Cheesy smiles.

"Omae wa mou shindeiru," she says and teleports behind him. The only warning Big Mac gets is a loud "PFFRT" of a stupidly good lube spell. A tear rolls down your cheek,

"I will remember you, brother."

Why is your penis getting hard again? Didn't you just come like a nuclear explosion? Focus! You have a possessed mare to deal with. Plus this possessed mare is distracted, looking with a dropped jaw at, let's see, your marefriend using the biggest stallion in Ponyville as a fleshlight. Yep, nothing to look at.

It's not a good time to be distracted. Step one: lift Carrot Top's tail. Step two: slam your cock. Sigh... ok, let's take one more short look... Wait, Cheesy, what are you doing? Don't lift him into the air like this with your... ouch, Cheesy, stahp! You have enough weird kinks already, and you don't need another one!

Cheesy finishes Big Mac off (you can't find a better description for what she just did to him), and he slides from her unreasonably huge horsecock into a puddle of lube. Another drop of lube falls from Cheesy's still hard cock on stallion's head.

"I learned from the best," she says and smirks at you. You gulp.

"Sdneirf Tseb Yrev Ym Lla Er'uoy Wonk Uoy Od."

"Sdneirf Tseb Yrev Ym Lla Er'uoy Wonk Uoy Od."

"Sdneirf Tseb Yrev Ym Lla Er'uoy Wonk Uoy Od."

Shit, more possessed citizens are coming! And the runes are glowing even brighter! Stupid demons, stop trying to finish the ritual! You fuck faster. Cheesy teleports behind the next stallion.

"PFFRT"

Ok, maybe she has more cock, but you have more anti-magical soul in you. And there are more mares than stallions in Ponyville, which means that unless demons are sexist, you will have more work to do. You fuck faster. Holly Dash? Fucked, into the pile you go. Berry Punch? Done, into the pile. With pride, you notice that your pile is growing faster than Cheesy's. Wait, is that the cheese vendor from the market? Huh, apparently he got what he wanted in the end. You hope that whatever his problem was, it is worth not being able to stand up for the next few weeks.

Cheesy teleports behind the next stallion. Oh no, that demon is aggressive! He is going to hurt your marefriend! Nevermind, Cheesy lifts him with her cock and slams him into a wall a few times. You make a mental note to never piss Cheesy off.

Shit, as you fuck more and more incoming ponies, you notice an important detail. Mares are... smaller. Which means that even if Cheesy is not as efficient as you are, her pile is... bigger. Unacceptable! Two mares chanting the spell enter at the same time? You have two hands! Ha-ha!

"Hey, no fair!" shouts Cheesy. Of course, she knows what game you are playing now. She is part you.

And she runs out of stallions. Did you win? She goes after Minuette who had just entered the town hall.

"Hey, the mares are mine! No cheating!"

"Finders keepers!"

Demons are burning, ponies are being fucked, and together you finally run out of demons. It feels like a significant portion of Ponyville is distributed between the two piles. You are trying to catch your breath. Cheesy is trying to catch her breath. You are walking to her to hug her (after she dispells her horsecock and not a moment sooner). She is smiling, probably thinking that she won. But you know that you did, right?

"Sdneirf Tseb Yrev Ym Lla Er'uoy Wonk Uoy Od," says Lyra in her sleep, finishing the spell.

The diagram on the floor flashes brightly and suddenly, like a popup banner on a porn site. The floor... slides down, you guess? Or to the side? You are not sure how dimension-bending magic works, and you don't like what you see on the other side. Shit, that's a big one. Why is he larger than your house? How is he going to fit into the town hall? Why does he have claws instead of hooves? How are you supposed to fuck something like this? Eh, who cares.

"You came to the wrong neighborhood, motherfucker!" you say bravely.

The demon just lazily stabs you with his claw, piercing you all the way through.

Crap.

Yeah, about that...

You see, there is a difference between ponies and demons. And a good reason why ponies keep demons away from themselves. Twilight tried to explain it to you, didn't she? And who was too dumb to listen? You, that's who. So, that's probably it. As you fall on the floor, in a puddle of your own blood, you think it was a good run. You made more friends here than you did during your entire stay on Earth. You were actually quite happy all this time. You saved Cheesy, who is currently, let's see, shouts,

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" and blasts the demon with an endless volley of huge magic missiles that are constantly spawning around her. Once a missile barrage mare, always a missile barrage mare. You don't like that her eyes look angry, and bleeding for some reason. And there is more of her own blood rolling down her chin too.

The house-sized demon is surviving, even trying to counter-attack, but you feel pity for him. As far as villain origin stories go, the Cheesy's one is going to be a pretty good one. And what future villains do when they see their beloved being murdered in front of their eyes? They commence the massacre, that's what. Silly demon, you did come to the wrong neighborhood, didn't you? Yep, that's your eye being exploded by a crimson red tentacle originating from Cheesy's horn. Yep, that's your arm being ripped off. Enjoy your short stay in Equestria, motherfucker.

"Girls, now!"

Was that Twilight's voice? Yep, here we go, the orbital friendship cannon obliterates everything around you. Everything is so white that even closing your eyes doesn't really do anything. And then it's over, and you are still breathing, if barely. No house-sized demons or interdimensional portals around. Good.

"Why is he still bleeding? Did we miss?" asks a raspy voice. Rainbow, what the hell are you doing here?

"His soul is rejecting the Elements," and now Fluttershy? What's going on?

Your favorite black mare hugs you.

"Don't you dare! Don't even think about dying and leaving me alone, bastard!"

You would like to promise, but you can't.

"Hey," you say instead, "everything is going to be fine."

You see Twilight desperately trying to cast some spells on you. Good luck with that. Fluttershy comes closer to you.

"Anon, this is very serious. You have to allow us to save you."

"Feel free, you have my written permission." No one is laughing, damn.

"You have to tell your soul to accept Equestria. Just accept it, please."

You know you had accepted it already. But your soul?

Singing along when someone else starts to sing for no reason? Nope.

Being constantly bothered by some chaos spirit who is currently hiding from you so hard that you never actually saw him? Nope.

Allowing a certain pink mare's supersense to know exactly when you are fapping? Double nope.

"Anon, don't leave me, please," whispers Cheesy, "I love you."

Being loved by a crazy ex-villain unicorn? Ma-a-aybe?..

But you know there is no going back after that, right? Sigh...

Still worth it.

You close your eyes.

You open your eyes.

It's sort of bright inside the town hall now, thanks to the half of the roof missing, but the sunlight looks kind of... pastel. The mare hugging you looks like she went through hell, but she is... fluffy. The hole in your body hurts, but you know it's going to be fine. You are in Equestria, after all.

"Do it again," you say, "just be sure that Lyra is somewhere in the blast radius. The corruption has to end."

The world around you becomes white again.

This is your silly magical horse. There are many like it, but this one is yours. She is your best friend. She is your life. She is also your beloved and trusted sex partner. You wouldn't trade her for anything.

You ruffle your fingers through Cheesy's mane as you both look at the sun rising over the horizon. Your first Summer Sun Celebration together is something you are going to remember forever. It's funny how equestrians can just look directly at the rising sun without going blind, and now you can too, apparently. You feel a little bit sad that this is about as far as your superpowers go now, but you are not complaining. After all, you've got something a lot more important out of the deal.

Her.