Author's Note

Sorry if this one's a little rushed. Writer's block is killing me.

We're Getting Nowhere, and We're Getting There Fast

♫ The kirin village is alive with the sound of music... ♪

But seriously, it was.

No, seriously! It really was! When Rain Shine said that they would have a feast, she wasn't kidding.

The sound of happy chatter resounded from up and down the table, ringing madly in Joey's ears. He was sitting near the head of the table, on Rain Shine's left side, trying very hard not to sulk about the delay.

Two months. Two months - that was sixty more days that the princesses had to live through. While he honestly didn't have a single to as what exactly they had been dealing with, he knew it was nothing easy. Now, thanks to him, they had to wait even longer.

Then it finally settled on him - he could of died in that cave. He remembered the pain in his leg, the way his consciousness ebbed away gradually... the sudden reality of it all was terrifying. How could he have been so stupid? He cared more about obtaining the Horcrux than actually making sure his life was - well, still active. Jo-Ann and Naiose must have been absolutely horrified - he would have felt the same way if one of them had been dying.

It wasn't as if he had never had close calls with death before - the encounter with Lord Valkaris back in the Castle of the Two Sisters was definitely one of them. So why did this one feel different? Could it possibly be the pressure of saving the world slowly constricting these terrifying possibilities into his head?

Yes - yes, that was probably it. After all, he thought about it often in the late hours between waking and sleeping. He often thought about the horrifying prospect that he would have to face Lord Valkaris - if he managed to destroy all of the Horcruxes, anyway.

"Joey?" Jo-Ann asked, leaning forward slightly. "Are you good?"

"Wha -? Yeah," Joey said, shaking his head. He managed a small smile and threw it her way, but it did not sway her. He huffed. "Look, I'm fine."

She gave him another skeptical look, then began to chew on her corn cob. Joey shifted slightly in his seat and reached for his own. He distracted himself from his thoughts by watching Rain Shine's fruitless attempts to woo Capper. She was currently trying to spoon-feed him corn.

"Choo-choo," she giggled, moving the spoon closer to Capper's retreating mouth with her magic. "Open wide, sweetie."

"How old are you?" Capper sputtered indignantly. "Leave me alone! Leave me alone, I say!"

Joey grinned as Capper threw a disgruntled look his direction. "Need help?" he asked smoothly.

"If you don't mind," Capper said tersely, fending off another attack from Rain Shine's spoon.

Joey raised his wand and flicked it in the direction of Capper's face. Instantly, a fabulous handle mustache sprouted from the area just below his nose. He yelped, looked down, then glared at Joey. "Seriously!"

"Ooh!" Rain Shine squealed, looking at her crush with sparkling eyes. "Wook at you, you've got yourself a cewt widdle mustache! How pwecious!"

"Indeed, Capper," Joey snorted, fighting to keep a straight face. "How precious."

Capper fought off a swooning Rain Shine's attempt to kiss him on the cheek, then glared daggers at his human friend. "Joey," he growled. "If I make it through this, you are in for a world of -"

"LOVE!!" Rain Shine squealed, obviously not listening to what they were saying.

At this point Joey keeled over sideways in laughter at the perfect timing of it, and was shortly joined by Jo-Ann, Naiose, and Autumn, who was sitting nearby, as they watched the struggling feline.

"I must have you!" cooed Rain Shine, attempting to hug Capper. Capper dodged her open forelegs and quickly stood up and raised his hands to his chest.

"Um - I-I've got t-to - excuse me, please," he stammered, slowly backing away. He then turned tail and booked it into the woods.

Rain Shine gave pursuit, screaming, "Love, wait! You must return! You did not finish your corn!"

Joey thought his sides would burst with laughter as he watched the strange scene. Gasping for air, he pulled himself back to the table, clutching it for support. He fought his way into a sitting position and clutched his sides. After a couple moments, he began to calm down, breathing at slower intervals. Finally, wiping tears from his eyes, he said, "What a legend."

"You're such a dick," Naiose chortled.

"What can I say?" Joey replied. "The temptation was too much for me."

After a couple more minutes, the feast began to break. Kirin began to return to their homes, occasionally bidding one of the humans good night. After another hour or so, Capper and Rain Shine had failed to return, so the three friends played rock-paper-scissors to determine the one to find them. Jo-Ann lost, so she disappeared into the woods.

Five minutes later returned, laughing, as a disheveled looking Rain Shine followed her with an unconscious Capper draped over her barrel. Upon seeing this, Joey raised an eyebrow.

"What in the world?" he asked, eyeing Capper's motionless form. "Why is he like that?"

"Rain Shine beat him unconscious," Jo-Ann said with a large grin.

"WHAT!?" Joey cried, shooting a revolted glance at Rain Shine. "How much lower can you stoop?"

"I didn't beat him unconscious," Rain Shine scoffed. "He was already tired... I wasn't the one who booby trapped the branch."

"So he booby trapped a branch to hit himself, did he?" Naiose deadpanned. Joey let out a snort of laughter, unable to contain himself.

"No!" Rain Shine squeaked, getting red in the face. "It wasn't like that - it just backfired."

"All right, all right," Jo-Ann laughed, covering Joey's mouth with a hand, preventing him from saying something else. She looked around at them, and twice her eyes met Capper's slumped form. "We need to get him to bed."

"I can do it!" Rain Shine stated triumphantly.

"No, you won't," Joey said, his voice shaking ever so slightly with a laugh that wanted to get out. Resuming a straight face, he asked, "Can't you act like the leader you're supposed to be, like, ever?"

"She was actually pretty professional while you were in a coma," Naiose reasoned. "She kept things running really smoothly - tonight was just the perfect time to let her hair down."

"Hair?" Rain Shine asked, genuinely confused.

"But - wha -? Yes, hair!!" Naiose sputtered exasperatedly. "You know, the stuff on your head -"

"I think you mean 'mane'," Rain Shine said bluntly.

"No, I don't!" Naiose said angrily. "When I said hair, I meant -"

"Naiose, do us all a solid and shut up," Joey said, feeling slightly amused. "You're getting triggered over hair."

"Go fuck yourself," Naiose retorted.

"Gee, thanks."

"I think we all could use some rest," Rain Shine intervened with an unreadable expression. Her eyes fell on Joey. "Can you take Capper?"

Joey nodded, then waved his wand above his head. Capper's limp body rose slowly off of Rain Shine's back, then over to Joey's side. "C'mon, Naiose," he said, heading off towards their hut.

The next day during late afternoon, Joey sat on a rock skirting the forest that bordered the kirin village. As he sat there, he let his mind roam free. Unfortunately, this meant that he kept thinking about how he had spent two whole months wasted away in the kirin village's infirmary. He still had yet to find out what happened while he was out.

He leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees. He pulled out his wand and rotated it slowly in his hands, staring at it absentmindedly. Had Naiose and Jo-Ann somehow discovered something else during his coma? Maybe they had found another Horcrux, but haven't told him yet...

No, that was silly. Jo-Ann would instantly tell him if anything of importance had been discovered - not to mention that Naiose would have, too. They were his best friends, for heaven's sake!

The sound of footsteps padding over dirt sounded from behind him, but he paid it no attention until they got very near to him.

"Joey?" asked the voice of Jo-Ann tentatively. "How are you doing?"

"Fine," Joey grunted in reply. He turned to face his girlfriend, who stopped a few feet in front of him. Before she could reply, however, Joey asked, "Has it always been like this?"

Jo-Ann looked confused. "Has what always been like this?"

Joey gestured firmly towards the kirin village in the background. "This! Was it this uneventful the whole time I was asleep?"

Jo-Ann's expression seemed to fall slightly, as if she knew what he was going at. "Oh - er, yeah, it has... why?"

Joey groaned and buried his face in his hands. "So we're nowhere closer to finding another Horcrux, then?"

"No..." Jo-Ann replied quietly.

Joey felt his heart sink - he knew it was foolish to get his hopes up, but he couldn't help feeling let down a little. He turned away from his girlfriend and gazed into the tranquil forest setting beyond. He remained in this position for a long time. He could tell that Jo-Ann was still standing there behind him, and imagined a guess to as what her expression at that moment was - probably concerned.

After what felt like a lifetime of silence, he heard her soft footsteps close the distance between them. A small hand was then placed on top of his head, stroking it slowly. Joey closed his eyes and secretly enjoyed the simple display of affection. After a moment, Jo-Ann spoke in a concerned voice.

"You've been distant with me recently... why?"

Joey huffed ever so slightly. "I haven't -"

"Yes you have," she interrupted. "You have never been easy to read, but I can always tell if something's wrong. You can't hide this from me - you've been acting increasingly distant. You know that, don't you?"

Joey chose to stay silent, mostly because he could not think of a way to answer her. Was he really becoming distant? If so, the fact that Jo-Ann picked up on this behavior faster than he did was slightly alarming.

Jo-Ann took this silence as an answer, and moved her hand down to his shoulder. "Joey - talk to me."

Joey looked up at her face, and instantly regretted it. What he saw was a beautiful face, one full of confidence, courage, intelligence, and love. A face that seemed to shine like the sun itself, yet remain humble all the same.

When he returned his gaze to his own hands, however, he saw different things. The hands seemed alien; cowardly, selfish, and stupid - the way he felt about himself. It was the first time he had really noticed these specific traits. It did not help him in the slightest, though; he felt unworthy, dirty, and not worth anyone's time.

"Joey?" Jo-Ann asked in a meek voice.

"I don't deserve you," Joey replied in a hollow voice.

"You - what?" Jo-Ann said sharply. Her tone cut into Joey's frail emotional state like a dagger.

"I - I don't deserve you," he repeated lamely. "When I look at you, all I see is perfection. When I see myself... I see a selfish coward. One that doesn't take anyone else's thoughts into consideration. One who makes stupid mistakes, and is labelled for it... like he should," he added bitterly.

"Don't - don't say that," Jo-Ann said, clearly making an attempt to sound firm. "N-None of that is true."

"Oh, it's true," Joey said. This time there was a slight edge to his voice. "Who walked out on the princesses without a word and left them to worry? Me. Who wanted to visit the Castle of the Two Sisters despite the fact he knew we weren't safe there? Me. Who told you and Naiose to follow him through that horrifying cave? Me. Me. Me. It was all my fault - then I almost died, again, right after ignoring your pleas to get out of the cave to get me to safety. You were terrified for me, but did I ever listen? Did the big and famous Joey Steffen listen? No."

"Stop it," Jo-Ann said in a shaky voice.

Joey ignored her and continued, staring at the ground bitterly. "I never think about anyone else - just me. I can't do anything right, and I'm a terrible leader. Everyone on this world acts as if I'm so great, but the only reason I'm special is because of that prophecy. Then there's you; the shining star of the group, the one who saved Naiose and I, not once, but twice. What have I done except come up with vague ideas? I'm not worth your time. We should have never -"

His last words were cut across by Jo-Ann hitting him across the face. He did not recoil and get mad, like he usually would of. Instead, he closed his eyes and enjoyed it. It was what he deserved, right? A useless nobody who had pulled his friends into a dangerous mess multiple times. He even half hoped that she would hit him again.

He saw her squat down in front of him, looking into his emotionless face with a searching expression. It quickly fell into a sad and slightly regretful one as her eyes started to sparkle with tears.

"How long have you been feeling this way?" she asked softly, looking up at him with those gorgeous brown eyes. "Joey, speak to me."

Joey felt himself turn away, unable to look her in the eye. "A long time," he muttered evasively.

Jo-Ann did not reply, but rather kept staring at him with a - was it pity? Oh, no. That was the last thing he wanted right now.

"Look, don't pity me," Joey said quietly, making to turn away, but she placed a hand on his leg. He stopped, but still avoided her gaze.

He felt a warm hand place itself upon his left cheek, turning him back towards his girlfriend. Even after he was facing her once more, she did not remove her hand. She looked close to tears.

"Joey - you are special," she said quietly, "And you don't need me to tell you that. I'm sure you already know..."

"But what have I done?" Joey protested, feeling a sudden dampness in his eyes. "I've been practically useless -"

"You've come up with some of the best ideas so far," Jo-Ann explained. "You defended Naiose and I from the spiders as we opened that door. You convinced us to push the extra distance to get the Horcrux. You called yourself a selfish coward, but you are the complete opposite; you valued other things more than your own life. You weren't afraid of dying -"

"Yes, I was!" Joey cried, feeling a tear slide down his cheek. He hurriedly wiped it away, but out of the corner of his eye he saw Jo-Ann's other hand twitch in the direction of it. He ignored this and added, "I still am, Jo-Ann."

"Join the club," she replied, managing a small smile. "I'm not talking about your fear of death overall. I'm trying to tell you that when it comes down to the choice between dying or accomplishing something of dire importance, you would gladly lay down your own life to do just that. That isn't what a selfish coward would do. That's what a brave, caring person would do."

Joey simply stared at his girlfriend. Tears were rolling down his face at long intervals, but he did not try to hide them. "A-Are... you being serious?" His tone wasn't accusatory - it was the sound of someone who felt lost.

Jo-Ann's heart absolutely melted at the question. She gazed into Joey's suffering expression, and placed her remaining hand on his other cheek. She pulled him into a long kiss, ignoring the tears that began to pour from her own eyes.

When they had released each other, they looked into each other's eyes for a long, tranquil moment. A new fire had seemed to light up in Joey's eyes, as if he were taking Jo-Ann's words to heart. He wiped his face with a sleeve of his robe.

"I need a towel," he muttered in a thick voice.

They both gazed at each other for another moment, then burst out laughing. Despite the heavy physical pain on his chest that was a result of Valkaris's soul, Joey felt a different burden beginning to lift as he laughed with his girlfriend - true, genuine laughter. All their troubles seemed to float away for those brief, happy minutes.

"Alright, alright," he finally said after a couple minutes. "Let's head back to the village and continue the mission."

"I thought we were staying here?" Jo-Ann asked, taking Joey's hand as she got up.

"We are," Joey replied, starting back towards the village with Jo-Ann in tow. She noticed that he seemed to have a new spring to his step. "We just need to figure out where to go from here. I figured that the village could be our hub for as long as we are welcome here."

Jo-Ann nodded. "I guess that makes sense - but where do we start?"

Joey shook his head sadly. "I have no idea." Jo-Ann gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, and he smiled down at her.

"How about that book Capper let us have?" Jo-Ann asked.

Joey's eyes widened. "I completely forgot about that! Do you think it would tell us where any of the other Horcruxes are?"

Jo-Ann tapped her chin thoughtfully. "I don't know - it wouldn't hurt to look, though, would it?"

Joey shook his head. "Nope. Best option we have right now, actually." Jo-Ann nodded her head in agreement. As they reentered the village, Joey looked back at Jo-Ann.

"Were you being serious earlier?" he asked.

"About what?" Jo-Ann replied.

"You know... the whole thing about 'nothing getting anything related to our mission done while I was in a coma'," Joey clarified, looking at her with a slightly hopeful expression.

"Oh, that. Yeah, I was serious."

"Nuts," Joey sulked. He then jumped slightly as another thought popped into his head. He looked urgently at Jo-Ann and said, "Where's the Crown of King Ventaius?"

"In my rucksack," Jo-Ann said simply. "Nobody knows of it except you, me, and Naiose, as well as Capper and Rain Shine."

"Thank God."

Two days later

After two days of perusing The History of the World's Greatest Artifacts cover to cover, he began to realize how serious Jo-Ann was about the uneventful nature of the kirin village. Sure, the kirin were energetic and talkative, but even their shenanigans got old after a while.

Joey, Naiose, and Jo-Ann became increasingly irritated as the hours passed, not even finding a single clue about the whereabouts of any of the Horcruxes.

Whenever Joey wasn't scrutinizing the book, he sat on the large rock on the edge of the forest that bordered the village. He now called it his Thinking Rock, for here he did most of his thinking. Heh.

Now that they had found one Horcrux, he found himself wondering how he would be able to destroy it. He made it clear to his other friends, however, that they should prioritize getting all of the Horcruxes first, then dealing with their destruction later.

A bell rang in the background, signaling lunch. Joey slowly stood to his feet, hoping dearly that their lucky streak would start up again soon.

Another week went by, yielding the same results as the two previous uneventful months that he had been moping about. He found himself starting to lose his temper more quickly than usual. He'd have to watch that so as to avoid future problems.

Fifteen days later, nothing had happened. Joey was pacing the floor in his hut as Naiose and Capper watched him think out loud.

"Ugh... almost three months - what the heck!!" he burst out, giving Naiose a start.

"You need to chill out," Capper said calmly. "Shouting like that isn't going to help anything."

Joey glared at Capper. "I don't remember asking you!"

Capper opened his mouth to reply, then seemed to think the better of it. Joey began pacing again, since no one verbally opposed him.

"How much time do we even have left?" he mused angrily. "What if Lord Val - okay, sheesh, Naiose - the Dark Lord finds out what we're doing?"

"Only time can tell, Joey," Capper intervened.

"Yeah, and we're losing more as we speak!" Joey snapped.

Another three weeks had gone by, and still nothing had been accomplished. Joey was now extremely frustrated, but this time he was not alone with these feelings. Jo-Ann had been becoming increasingly frustrated as the days wore on, occasionally bursting out into rants. Naiose, on the other hand, was trying to remain neutral, but it was clear the infuriating lack of progress was eating into him as well.

The kirin noticed these changes, and immediately Rain Shine held a small meeting; she brought Autumn Blaze to the meeting along with another kirin mare called Fern Flare. During this meeting, Joey remembered Rain Shine asking them what the matter was, and after a while - with the permission of Joey and his friends - revealed their mission to the two kirin. They were utterly revolted after Joey finished explaining the whole concept to them.

"So... you're looking for the Horcrooxes?" Fern Flare asked with a small frown.

"It's Horcruxes," Joey corrected wearily. "But yes, we are. As of now we have only found one and are no closer to finding another."

"Then let us help!!" Autumn chirped. Everyone stared at her except Rain Shine, who stroked her chin with a hoof.

"Yes... yes, that would work," she said, turning to Joey. "We are willing to assist you if you would like."

"Assist... how?" Joey asked, squinting at her. "It's really dangerous - surely you don't mean that you want to collect them?"

"I do," Rain Shine replied coolly. "We are more than willing to help you look for the hidden ones - more minds makes for less work in a situation like this. Besides, if what you said is true about the 'wanted' issue, it would be safer for us kirin to make excursions rather than yourselves." She looked at the two kirin seated to her left and smiled with pride. "Not to mention that these two are the best lookers I've ever come to know."

Autumn and Fern Flare both blushed slightly at being addressed.

Joey opened his mouth to argue, but Jo-Ann kicked him under the table. His eyes watered in pain as he heard Jo-Ann reply, "We'd be more than happy to get some help - just don't make a huge deal out of it."

The rest of that meeting had been spent discussing what the next Horcrux would be. Joey managed to reason with Rain Shine that if there was a Horcrux that was under heavy protection, he would retrieve it. Finally, they settled on Queen Marina's Breastplate, the artifact of the hippogriffs. If all went well, they would attempt to steal the Dragon Lord's Staff.

When the location of the Staff was mentioned, Joey stood up.

"Are. You. Kidding me??" he cried in outrage. "The book said that the Staff was lost centuries ago!"

"That book may or may not be slightly out of date," Capper coughed sheepishly. Joey rounded on him.

"WHAT!?"

"Joey, please sit down," Jo-Ann pleaded, tugging on the sleeve of his robe. "I know you're tired and frustrated - we all are."

Joey took a deep breath and looked over at Rain Shine apologetically. "Sorry," he muttered.

"No worries," Rain Shine replied kindly. "You have the weight of the entire world on your shoulders - it's understandable."

Joey looked around the table, then back at Rain Shine. "Why don't you guys go for the Hippogriff's artifact while my friends and I go for the Dragon Lord's Staff?"

It was now Autumn who stood up, looking mutinous. "But -"

"It makes sense," Rain Shine said tersely, "But are you sure that is advisable?"

"Divide and conquer," Joey replied. "This is my mission, after all. I was under the impression that you wanted to help, not carry the load for us."

Rain Shine opened her mouth, then closed it. She nodded slowly, looking around the circle. "It's decided, then. Autumn Blaze - Fern Flare - how fast can you prepare yourself to leave?"

"As soon as possible!" Autumn chirped, and Fern nodded. "I've been to the Hippogriff's capital once, and I know a bunch of hidey holes there."

"Just be careful," Joey warned them. "There will be Mauler's there - you know, the Dark Lord's servants. There will also be reapers, and I've told you about them, so take caution. You remember what you're looking for?"

"The Breastplate," Fern repeated. "Seeing as it's the main artifact of the Hippogriffs, it shouldn't be too hard to locate."

The meeting ended shortly thereafter. Autumn and Fern made haste to pack, then teleported unceremoniously away as a unit. Joey, Naiose, and Jo-Ann huddled on top of Joey's thinking rock as the sun began to slowly sink below the horizon.

Ever since the meeting, the atmosphere changed dramatically. It was as if the balloons of stress and frustration had popped upon knowing that, finally, they were getting somewhere. The mood seemed now imperviously happy, like everything would be okay.

"Should we just wing it?" Naiose asked once they had gathered.

Joey nodded. "Seeing as we know nothing about the dragon culture, we kind of have to. Fortunately, we've been there, so that's a bonus - we know what to expect terrain-wise."

"So no plan?" Jo-Ann asked, fighting a grin.

"Nope," Joey and Naiose replied at the exact same time. They looked at one another for a moment, startled, then burst out laughing. Jo-Ann joined them, and pecked Joey on the cheek.

"So - when do we leave?" Joey asked, looking at his two friends.

"Why don't you tell us, captain?" Jo-Ann joked as Naiose began to chant O Captain, My Captain for some strange reason. "You're in charge."

Joey grinned. "Better to do it under darkness, so why not now? It's not like we have a plan, anyway."

"Heh. True," Naiose replied.