Rainbow Dash's Very Awkward Problem

by NightStalker

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Spike, Comedy, Profanity, Slice of Life
Length: 10043

Dash comes to Spike for help with a rather embarrassing problem.

[Sexless] [M/F]

Rainbow Dash has a problem. It's a really, really embarrassing problem that she doesn't want to talk about. She needs help, and she specifically needs help from Spike. More specifically, she needs help from Spike because he doesn't have hooves and can "reach certain things and places".

~~~

Spike is a legal adult in this story.

This story was inspired by a comment made on the Derpibooru post for the image used as this story's cover art. Unfortunately, the one who made the comment was an anonymous user, so that's as far as credit can be given sadly.

Fun fact: I wrote this LAST FEBRUARY, and then completely forgot about it until now. Oops!

Cover Art: Mostazathy

Published 2019-02-05 11:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-02-05 11:40:01 UTC

Don't You DARE Tell a Soul!

It was another lazy summer afternoon in Ponyville.

Spike the dragon sat in front of the desk in his room, leaning on one of his arms and gazing contentedly out the window. There were days like this, where the temperature was just right and the mood was just so, where it felt like the perfect time to do absolutely nothing for the whole day and enjoy every minute of it.

He idly glanced down to the small stack of papers sitting neatly on his desk, then shrugged and went back to looking out the window. He would have plenty of time to do the work Twilight had given him when the day felt less lazy. For now, Spike simply enjoyed looking through the window set in the crystal wall of his room, looking down upon the town of Ponyville and watching the little specks that were ponies as they went about their day.

Spike was a busybody. He spent so much of his time working for Twilight, especially since she had opened her friendship school, and always had stuff going on when he wasn't working for Twilight. It wasn't often that he got to feel 'carefree'. Spike knew that most teenage ponies were characteristically lazy. Since he had become a teenager himself, he had sometimes wondered if this would happen to him too. He would hate to lose his work ethic.

Spike the teenaged dragon, however, was just as hard-working and dedicated as Spike the baby dragon had been.

Except on lazy days like this.

Days like this didn't count.

His daydreaming was interrupted as he heard the massive front door of the crystalline castle opening, which he wasn't able to see through his window. Either Twilight had gone out, or a visitor had arrived.

Spike smiled to himself. It was so nice to live in this huge crystal castle, and yet the ponies of Ponyville still considered it like any other house. It was big, it was impressive, it was probably magical, but right now it was the home of Twilight Sparkle and her dragon assistant Spike. In the end, it was a fortuitous thing that the castle came into existence. The reason being it was large enough to house him. Big rooms were a must when the height of a standing teenage dragon was at least three times as tall as a full-grown stallion.

He sighed wistfully. He still had quite a few good, long years before he would finally be too big to stay in the castle. He intended to make the most of those years.

Twilight's voice suddenly came shouting from downstairs. "Spike!!" she called, "Are you up there?"

"Yeah!" he called back, not needing to use nearly as loud of a voice simply because of his size, "I'm in my room."

Spike waited for conversation to follow, but none came. He figured Twilight had a reason for wanting to know his whereabouts. Perhaps there was somepony here to see him? He wasn't expecting any company today.

This was confirmed when he heard hoofsteps outside of his door. "Yeah, he's in here," he heard Twilight say from a couple doors down. Spike turned around in his swivel chair (Heavens how he loved that thing!!) and faced the doorway.

"It's open," he called out once the hoofsteps had reached his doorway.

A second later, a purple aura appeared on the door handle and the door swung inwards, revealing Twilight Sparkle standing next to Spike's apparent guest.

"Oh, hey Dash!" Spike said as he waved to the pegasus, "What brings you to my neck of the woods?"

"H-hey, Spike," Dash replied. The rainbow-maned pegasus was not standing on the ground, but rather hovering a few feet off the ground next to Twilight. The hallways of Twilight's castle were pretty spacious, so Dash was no doubt taking advantage of the opportunity to stretch her wings. Spike had known Rainbow Dash long enough to know that if she had her way, she would never walk.

Spike leaned back in his swivel chair and stuffed his claws into the pockets on his dark grey hoodie. Though it was summer, it wasn't yet too hot to wear his favourite article of clothing. He wore it so often, it was probably trademarked to his image by this point. "'Sup?" he said to the pegasus.

"Uhh…"

"Before you two chat," Twilight interjected as she stepped into the room, "Did you finish sorting my notes yet?"

"Yeah," Spike replied, "Those're done. I'm takin' a break before I finish the other stuff."

Twilight gave him a grateful smile. "Thank you so much. I'll be back for those later today."

"Cool."

She then turned and walked back out of the room, past Rainbow Dash who was still hovering. "All right," she said cheerily, "I'll be downstairs if anypony needs me."

"Yeah, cool, thanks Twilight," Dash said, speaking in an unusually rushed tone.

Twilight looked over her shoulder and gave Dash a friendly smile. "It's good to see you, Rainbow Dash. Stop by downstairs before you bolt out one of the windows, o-"

"Sure! I definitely will later, okay. Cool. Gonna talk to Spike now."

Spike raised an eyebrow at Dash's odd manner of speaking. As Zecora might say, Dash could be brash, but she knew how to be polite to others and especially to her friends. It almost sounded like she was trying to get Twilight to leave the room as fast as possible.

Twilight noticed this too, but simply shrugged. "Okay…" she said as she turned and walked off. She didn't sound upset. Perhaps just a little miffed. The other two remained there for a moment, listening to her hoofsteps disappear down the hallway.

"What was that about?" Spike asked. Instead of answering him, Dash swiftly zipped into his room and then closed the door behind her. "Whoa," Spike said, his eyes widening a fraction, "Hi, hello, what's happening here?"

"Nothing!" Dash said quickly, and then winced softly before turning to face him. "I-I mean, uh, h-hey Spike."

Spike gave the mare a dubious look. "Yes, hey, you already said that."

"So, uh, what's up…How's your life? How's stuff, and things?"

There was a measured pause before Spike said, "Good…Can't complain."

"Great!"

Quite a few seconds of silence followed this exchange. Spike stared at Dash expectantly, while Dash seemed to be busying herself by looking at literally anything but him. She looked stressed, if her knitted brow and slight grimace were anything to go by.

After about a full minute of just silence, Spike finally broke it. "Sooooo…" he said, dragging out the word, "Did you just wanna hang out and chill, or what?"

"Uh huh," Dash said, nodding quickly. He then saw her wince again and shake her head. "I mean, no. No. I, uh…n-not exactly…" The mare still wasn't looking at him. She seemed fascinated by the roof.

"Is…something wrong?"

"What? No!" Dash blurted, "Why would anything be wrong? I'm totally fine."

Spike, utterly baffled at this point, simply stared at the strange pegasus. Something was obviously bothering her. Anypony with a pair of eyes could see that. Spike knew that Dash was a proud pony, though, and didn't like asking others for help unless she really needed it. He could only guess that, for whatever reason, she was dancing around the issue.

"Why don't you, y'know, sit down?" Spike said.

"What?"

Spike gestured towards her, indicating the fact that she was still flapping her wings and hovering in the middle of his room.

Dash glanced down at the floor, as if it were a brand new spectacle she had never beholden before, and then back at Spike for a brief second before turning to look at the wall. "Nah, I'm fine. Flying's good. Exercise and stuff."

"Well, can you sit down anyway?" Spike retorted, "I have tons of work from Twilight here and you're gonna blow it all over the place." The young dragon had been noticing the many papers on his desk fluttering under the wisps of air caused by Dash's wings, threatening to be swept away at any moment.

"But…"

"Dash, c'mon, stop being weird. Just stand for a minute."

Indecision gripped the mare for a few moments as she glanced around, and then she finally deflated a little and sighed. With a few more graceful flaps, she alighted herself neatly on the floor. She visibly winced as soon as all four hooves were on the ground, which Spike immediately noticed.

"You okay?" he asked, "Did you hurt one of your legs again?"

"No…" she replied. When he continued to look at her imploringly, she bristled slightly and added, "I'm not hurt. Nothing's hurt, okay?"

"Okay, okay…" Spike said, holding up his claws defensively.

A few more confusingly silent moments passed. Rainbow Dash spent the entire time standing stock still, barely moving a muscle. It looked like she was trying to do her best impersonation of a statue. Spike inwardly sighed, seeing this as only more proof that something was wrong and Dash wasn't telling him.

"That's pretty good, Dash," Spike commented, "I always thought Twilight did the best at being an inanimate object."

"Oh, fuck off!" Dash retorted hotly.

Spike's eyes widened, caught off guard by her sudden use of profanity. "Whoa, chill out Dash. It was a joke…"

Dash grimaced and looked off to the side again. "It's not funny…"

"Are you gonna tell me what's wrong with you now?"

"Nothing's wrong!"

"Then why are you here?"

"Shut up!"

Spike gave the mare an utterly perplexed look, quite taken aback by her sharp responses. Dash was always a hothead, but this definitely wasn't like her. He took a moment to think of his next response, them grinned smugly as it came to him. "Make me."

"What?"

"You want me to shut up? Then, make me."

Dash growled, her expression turning angry, just as Spike had predicted. "Oh, I'm gonna do more than-Aah!" Dash had taken a step towards Spike, no doubt ready to knock his lights out, but she stopped and winced in pain before she could take another. Spike heard her swear under her breath.

"So, you can't walk," Spike observed matter-of-factly, "Was that so hard to admit?"

The mare remained where she was, stuck in an odd half-step pose, glaring up at Spike vehemently.

"But you can still fly, and you say your legs aren't injured…" Spike put a claw to his chin, considering the situation, "Can you sit down?"

Dash's response was immediate, as if she'd just been asked the most shocking question in the world. "No!"

"Are we gonna cut to the chase, here?" Spike then asked, "I don't exactly have all day to play detective with you, Rainbow Dash. Wouldya just tell me what you want?"

Again, Dash started to fidget on the spot and glance around in every direction but his. It looked like she was struggling to say something, but just couldn't manage to spit it out. Spike was about to pry further, but paused instead. Now that Dash was closer to him, he could swear that he saw a faint rosy hue on Dash's cheeks.

"Hey," he said in a calmer voice, "If it's something embarrassing, you know you can just tell me, right? Whatever it is, I'm not gonna tell anypony."

Dash looked like she'd been struck by an arrow, and Spike knew he'd hit the nail right on the head.

"C'mon, Dash. We're bros, you an' me. We go way back. I mean, I still never told anypony about that time I had to help you get back home because you were drunk and got your hooves stuck in-"

"I thought we agreed to never speak of that day!!"

Spike couldn't help but snicker a little, partly because of the memory.

Dash, however, reeled back in from her outburst and heaved a sigh. "All right…" she said resignedly, "All right, fine…" She lowered her head and started looking at the ground, using her mane to hide her face from him. "I…need your help."

Spike waited for her to go on.

"I, uh…need help with something only you can help me with."

"Oh yeah?" Spike's eyebrows were up, his interest piqued. "What would that be? You need a dragon for something?"

"Well, no…" Dash murmured, lifting her head slightly to look at him, "Not exactly…"

Spike shrugged. "Well, whatever it is, I'm sure I'll be able to help. No problem."

This seemed to give Dash a brief flash of relief, but then she tensed up again and her gaze hardened. "But first I gotta hear you promise to never, ever tell anypony about this!"

"I thought we just discussed this…"

"Say it, though!"

"Erm…" Spike was definitely intrigued now. While he had helped his friend out with embarrassing, unmentionable things before, this was the first time that this was occurring when the pegasus was sober. "Sure, Dash. I promise, dragon's honour, not to breathe a word of…whatever this is."

Dash stared at him for a moment, as if studying his answer. Spike felt a touch insulted that she even needed to scrutinize a promise on his dragon's honour, but he let it slide. Whatever was wrong with Dash, it was definitely getting under her skin.

"All right…" Dash said. She sounded satisfied with his promise, but seemed no less tense. "I…Well, uh…" She rubbed the back of her neck with her forehoof and glanced off to the side awkwardly. Spike was very confused by this point. If she hadn't opened this conversation by asking for 'help', he would have thought Dash was about to ask him on a date or something.

"Just get it out, Dash!"

For some reason, that statement made her cringe. "Shut up, all right? I'm tryin'! It's…" She turned her head completely to the side, hiding her face entirely. "It's…personal."

"Personal…?" Spike furrowed his brow. "Aw, yeesh…Did you get something stuck under your wings again?"

Dash immediately shot him the most venomous glare. "Would you stop bringing up stupid things I did when I was drunk?!"

"Sorry. Never mind."

"Ugh…" Dash sighed and then seemed to compose herself once more. "Okay, so…We're both adults here, okay?"

Spike nodded. Though he was still technically a 'teenager' in dragon years, he was definitely old enough by Equestrian law to do anything that was restricted to 'adults'. Then he chuckled to himself and said, "I'm an adult, yeah. You, I'm not so sure about."

"Har har…" Dash deadpanned, and then continued. "So, we're both adults, and we both routinely do 'adult stuff'. Right? I'm just gonna put that on the table, and neither of us is gonna deny it, and neither of us is gonna poke fun."

"Adult stuff…?" Spike replied, his brow furrowed, "What, you mean like drinking?"

Dash gave him a look of slight disbelief, and then facehooved. "No…" she bemoaned, "I mean like adult stuff. You know?" After more silence, her blush intensified as she added one more statement. "Maybe something you do, I dunno, in the shower…?"

It took a couple of seconds, but soon Spike's eyes grew wide as he realized what Dash was referring to. "Oh…" Dash immediately glanced away bashfully. "…Oh!" So that was why the mare was being so uncharacteristically squeamish.

"Yeah, that!" Dash replied testily, "You do it. I do it. We're adults. We do it."

"Erm…Okay, yeah…Sure, I guess," Spike murmured. He felt more confused than embarrassed. While it was true that he and Rainbow Dash had never discussed anything of a 'carnal' nature directly, it wasn't like he lived in some make-believe world where none of his friends ever enjoyed those kinds of pleasures. After all, he was still longingly hoping to one day see that side of Rarity. It didn't surprise him to hear Dash admit to masturbating, nor did it make him feel uncomfortable.

What confused him was why she was bringing this up.

Unfortunately, it seemed like Dash was starting to clam up again. She had made it past this socially awkward barrier, but it seemed she'd hit another one. Spike figured perhaps he just needed to break the ice some more.

"Yeah," he said, "I jerk off sometimes."

Dash's face practically turned into a tomato. She shot him a glare, and then immediately looked away. "For Celestia's sake…!" she muttered.

"Look, Dash, whatever you need to tell me that…for some reason involves the topic of masturbation, just go ahead and say it. I really don't care. Did you forget that I grew up in a library? Y'know, full of things like anatomy books and sex-ed crap?"

"Ugh…" Dash murmured, and then she sighed and hung her head.

Spike pursed his lips. It looked like he was going to have to take this conversation by the horns. "So, you were masturbating…" he said in a formal tone without even a hint of snarkiness or perversion, "Is that where this conversation was going?"

"Spike!!"

"You were masturbating," he continued, "and now you have a problem, and you need my help?"

"Oh dear heavens…!" Dash practically cowered in embarrassment.

"Is that right? Because…you know what that sounds like, right?"

"OKAY, STOP!!" Dash shouted quite loudly, and then immediately winced at her loud volume. Twilight had probably heard that. "Just…Stop. Stop talking. Stop guessing. Fuck! I'll just tell you…"

Spike leaned back in his swivel chair and put his claws behind his head in a relaxed pose. "That would expedite things, yes."

"But not a word to anypony else!"

"My lips are sealed," Spike replied, "Dragon's honour."

"And no…no making fun of me…"

"…I will do my best."

Dash shot him an accusatory glance, but he could only shrug. "Ugh, whatever…" she murmured. She took a moment's pause, and then began her tale. "So, I was…indulging myself earlier today." Again she was facing away from him, the blush on her face as red as Big Mac's coat. "Y'know, 'cus I had the day off and I was home alone and stuff. I figured why not? Because-"

"Dash. Focus."

The pegasus splayed her ears and shot him a quick glance, and then cleared her throat. "R-right. So I was at home, 'having fun' and stuff…And…well, I was…" She paused for a moment and awkwardly shuffled her hooves. The grimacing expression on her face showed just how embarrassed and uncomfortable she felt. Finally, she managed to get the next couple of words out. "I was…using a 'tool' to help me? Y'know?"

For a moment, Spike had the mental image of Rainbow Dash pleasuring herself with something like a spanner or a sledge hammer, and he was briefly quite concerned. Then, however, he realized what her euphemism meant. "A dildo?"

Dash tensed as if she'd been shot by an arrow, but a moment later she bashfully nodded.

"Okay, sure," Spike said to her in a reassuring voice, "You know, you'd be hard pressed to find a single mare in this entire country that didn't own one of those."

"Yeah, sure. Whatever…" She briefly closed her eyes and scowled. It looked like she was saying to herself, 'I cannot believe I am telling him this…'

"All normal stuff so far," Spike said, urging her on, "Keep going."

"So, I was…using it…and it…" Her blush intensified. "It felt really good…Like, I mean, really really good…and I, uh…" The mare then hesitated once again, growing increasingly agitated.

Spike was trying his best to listen and be comforting to her. Spike had never heard one of his friends talk about this sort of stuff before, so this was a bit of a new experience. Aside from Rarity, he had never romantically pined over any of his best friends. That didn't mean, however, that he was completely removed from the idea of being with one of them. The fact was that he would never pursue that avenue unless one of them came to him.

So, suffice to say, this was a bit outside of the norm. Rainbow Dash was his friend, though, and he was willing to help her with whatever she needed. When she glanced at him again, he gave her an encouraging nod.

"I…" she spoke again, her voice almost a whisper, "I got carried away…"

Silence briefly filled the room.

"What…do you mean, 'you got carried away'?"

Dash blushed profusely. "I…got really into it, y'know? I, y'know…went a li'l overboard…"

Spike glanced away for a moment. The mental image that this painted was exceedingly vibrant. "I, uh…I see." More silence followed, so Spike spoke again. "Dash, what did you do?"

The mare winced again, then lowered her head and stared at the floor. She sighed before she finally forced herself to say what the problem was.

"I…pushed it in too far."

Spike blinked.

"And I…c-can't get it out…"

Spike's eyes opened wide. "So, you mean…" His gaze slowly shifted from the mare's front half towards her back half. "…You mean, right now…"

"Yes."

"And it's been there for-"

"Yes."

"You flew all the way ov-"

"Yes."

"And Twilight had to lead you-"

"YES, OKAY?!"

Spike couldn't help it. He really tried, but he simply couldn't help it. At first it was just a quiet snicker, but a moment later the drake burst out laughing. The sheer absurdity of the situation, combined with how much beating around the bush it had taken just to get to this point, was too much to remain quiet.

"Aw, fuck you!" Dash shouted once he started laughing, "You said you wouldn't make fun of me!"

"I said I'd do my best!" Spike replied through his laughter, "I mean, c'mon Dash! You gotta admit that's kinda hilarious."

"You wouldn't be laughing if you had this…thing jammed inside of you for the past couple of hours!"

Spike stopped laughing and looked at her. "Wait, 'hours'? You mean this didn't just happen?"

Dash blushed and glanced away again. "W-well, I tried to get it out myself first! Nopony needed to know about this if I could help it, dumbass. But…These fuckin' hooves, dude. You can barely hold onto the thing in the first place, and once it's in there it's…totally out of reach. Unicorns are so damn lucky…"

"That, uh…" Spike said, starting to snicker again, "I can see why you came to me for help then!"

"Oh, shut up! I don't need your terrible jokes, all right??"

"I think you just need to get to the heart of the issue, Dash. This is a problem that's deep inside of you."

"You are so getting an ass-whooping when this is all done."

Spike snickered and held up his claws in defence. "All right, I'm sorry. I can't help myself."

Dash growled, but continued. "So, y'know, obviously you're the only one around here with fingers that can grab onto the stupid thing."

"Right…" Spike stifled a laugh, earning a glare from Dash, but then spoke in a more helpful tone. "Why didn't you just go to the hospital? I mean, this can't be the first time something like this has happened to a pony."

"Screw that noise!!" Dash replied hotly, "I have a reputation to uphold, damnit! The hospital's a public place, with ponies everywhere, and you gotta sit at that window thing and tell them the problem when everypony can hear…"

"Okay, okay," Spike interjected, "What about Twilight? Her magic can probably get it out a lot easier than I can…"

Dash grimaced and shook her head. "No way. She's my friend, Spike. She's one of my best friends! There's no way I'm gonna introduce…that into our relationship. It would be way too weird."

Spike frowned. "What? Are we not friends, then?"

"It's different," Dash quickly answered, "We're friends, yeah, but we're bros. We're brodudes, y'know?"

"I, uh…" Spike furrowed his brow, "I guess…?"

"Look…" Dash said with a sigh, "I just…of all the ponies I would have to reveal this too, you're the best option. I know you'll keep it a secret, and…though you might make some stupid jokes, you won't make it weird. It's weird enough already for me, y'know?"

A smile returned to Spike's expression. "Oh…Well, thanks Dash. That's very flattering." He paused. "I still think a hospital would've been a smarter choice."

"Are you gonna help me or not??" Dash snapped.

Spike snickered to himself once more, but then shrugged and gave the mare a good-natured smile. "Yeah, sure. If you really want my help with that, I can do that for you. No problem."

Dash let out a huge sigh, like air being let out of a balloon. "Thank Celestia…"

"You're sure you don't want a medical professional to-"

"No, Spike! I just wanna get this over with so I can forget about it, so can we hurry up?"

Spike leaned forward in his chair, regarding the flustered mare. There really had been no need for Dash to even ask if he would help in the first place. Spike was helpful by nature; it's how he had been raised. He was projecting his best 'helpful' appearance to perhaps calm the pegasus down a little. This was, admittedly, stepping awkwardly close to that line that he would never pass.

That didn't matter, though. The main point was that Dash was in distress and she had come to him for help. Looking at the mare now, Spike had never seen her look so uncomfortable before in her life, except perhaps when she had been confined to a bed when she'd broken her wing. Dash never let pain get to her, but this discomfort was definitely getting to her.

Spike had never even considered using a dildo, but he could imagine that having one too deep for too long had to feel pretty irritating.

"All right," Spike said, clapping his claws and folding his fingers together under his muzzle, "How should we do this…?"

Dash's blush flared to life again. "Quickly."

"Hmmm…" Spike murmured in thought as he glanced around his spacious room. It wasn't long before an idea came to him. "All right," he said to Dash, "Go over and lift your front hooves up onto the side of my bed with your hind hooves on the ground."

"Uhh…" Dash turned to look at the bed and seemed to consider the suggestion for a moment. "F-fine…" she eventually answered, "But don't for a second think you can use this as a dumb excuse to say you got me into your bed."

"Pfft…"

Predictably, Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and hovered the short distance across the room to the bed. She landed next to the fairly large wooden bed with simple covers and pillows. It was much too large for a pony to sleep in, but thankfully wasn't any higher off the ground than a pony's bed would be. Dash had no problem rearing up and resting her front half against the side of the bed, leaving her standing on her two hind legs.

As far as Rainbow Dash's nerves were concerned, that was the easy part. Spike saw her immediately tense up as soon as he stood up from his chair and made his way over to her. His bed was against the wall, resting parallel to it, and Dash had her gaze focused intently on the blank, crystal wall on the opposite side of the bed.

"Y'know," Spike quipped, "If you were a stallion, it'd look like you were going to the doctor to get your prostate checked."

Dash's ears fell flat against her head, but she didn't look back at him. "Spike! Without the colour commentary, please?"

"Sorry, just tryin' to lighten the mood."

Spike then walked over so he was standing right behind her, and then sat down cross-legged on the floor. As he had suspected, this ended up lining up his head and her hindquarters perfectly. From this angle, he hoped to be able to get the job done quickly and painlessly.

As he had expected, Rainbow Dash had her tail clamped down over her private area so hard it looked like it was glued down. He tilted his head so he could look at the mare's front half. "Uhhh, Dash?"

"What?" she spat.

"Unless you want me to get more 'hands-on', you're gonna have to…y'know, grant me access back here."

"Don't you dare grab my tail!" she half-shouted.

"Then move it, Dash. I gotta be able to see what I'm doing."

Dash tensed up even more, her ears flat against her skull. She was absolutely refusing to look at anything but the wall in front of her. There was a pregnant pause, but Dash still didn't move her tail.

"…Dash?"

"Shut up!" she shot back, "This is still weird, okay? You're askin' me to fuckin' present myself to you."

"Well, do you have a better idea? I think missionary would be a little awkw-"

"Spike!!" The flustered mare shook her head. "Just…gimme a second…"

The drake nodded, even though she couldn't see him, and waited patiently for the pegasus to work up her nerves. He knew Dash prided herself on being fearless and without hesitation, but this was a strange circumstance. He decided not to push her anymore, and not bring her bravado into question. Spike was empathetic to her plight. If he had something stuck up his ass and needed someone to get it out, he wouldn't be very happy about lifting his tail.

After at least a couple of minutes had passed, Dash let out a low sigh. Then, moving achingly slow, Rainbow Dash flagged her tail to the side. Inch by inch, what was hidden underneath was eventually put on display.

While Spike had known he was about to see his friend's vagina up close and personal, the sight still took him by surprise a little. Sure, he had seen the occasional brief glimpse of pretty much any pony's 'parts' since they didn't often wear clothing, but that was just the way life was. This, right here, was a sight usually reserved for doctors and lovers.

Spike knew he was neither of these, and so was determined to remain as professional as possible.

But there it was, right there. Rainbow Dash's pussy.

"Uhh…" was all Spike could say in response to the sight.

"What?" Dash called back, still sounding testy but there was a slight warble in her voice.

Spike skewed his lips. "I don't…see anything," he commented. Spike obviously knew that the dildo wouldn't be sticking out of her or there wouldn't be a problem, but he at least expected to see her folds parted a little bit because of what was stuffed inside.

"…Well," Dash mumbled.

"Dude, if this is some kinda weird trick to seduce me or something, I gotta say you're tryin' way too hard!"

Dash's wings snapped open in anger, though she still didn't look back. "This isn't a trick, damnit! It's fucking in there deep! Stop being stupid and get it out!!"

"All right, if you say so." Spike had been mostly joking with that remark. He wouldn't necessarily mind if Dash was flirting with him, but wouldn't be disappointed if she wasn't. He decided to just roll with it and see what happened.

Spike started out by scooching a little closer to the mare's rear-end so he could get a better look. The smell of mare hit him immediately, though it was definitely not as potent as the scent of an aroused mare. It smelled nice, but Spike didn't focus on it. Instead, he focused on the fact that Dash's whole body had tensed up as he moved closer, as if trying to slide away from him despite there being no room.

He then lifted one of his claws and gently placed it on Dash's right flank, gripping it firmly but not tightly.

Dash jerked away from him as if she'd been hit with a branding iron. "Hey!!" she shouted indignantly, and this time actually whipped her head around to fix Spike with the most evil death glare he had ever seen.

"What?" Spike asked calmly, his claw still resting in the air above where her flank used to be.

"The fuck?! You just groped my ass!"

Spike gave her a deadpan look. "Dash…" he said in a very slow, deliberate tone, "I hope you don't think I'm a magical dragon that can extract a dildo from inside of you without touching you."

"Y-yeah, but…" Dash blushed furiously.

"I was going to, y'know, spread you open so I could see it."

Dash didn't say anything to that. She bit her lip and glanced away in embarrassment and indignation.

"Look," Spike said, "Unless you wanna go get help from Twilight or the hospital, I am, in fact, going to have to touch your ass."

"Ugh…" Dash quietly sulked.

"To be frank, I'm going to have touch a bit more than your ass, y'know."

"Shut up, Spike…" Dash replied sullenly, and returned to looking at the wall. After a moment's pause, she relaxed herself slightly and brought her hindquarters back down towards his still-outstretched claw.

"You can still change your mind and go ask Twilight," Spike said, "She doesn't even have to know I was involved."

"Look, I'm sorry! Okay?!" Dash blurted out, "I know I freaked out. I'm sorry! I'll hold still, okay? Just…just fucking do it."

"All right, Dash. Relax," Spike reassured her, "You got nothin' to worry about."

Spike once again returned his gaze to Dash's rear-end and studied it for a moment. He was close enough that almost all of his vision was filled with the blue fur covering Dash's ass. He would be able to see both of her cutie marks at once, a phenomenon usually only visible during intimate moments, if Dash's tail wasn't covering one of them. Nestled snugly between Dash's firm, toned butt cheeks was her pussy, and just above that was her pert little tailhole.

To the outside observer, there really didn't seem to be anything wrong. That meant either Dash was fucking with him, or it was really, truly in there deep.

Spike placed his claw on her flank once more. Dash jerked again in response, but didn't shy away or yell at him this time. Taking this as a silent permission to continue, he gripped her other flank with his other claw. Then, he gently but firmly started to spread her pussy open as much as he could without actually touching it.

"Mnnn…" Dash groaned quietly, sounding very uncomfortable.

Spike leaned in slightly and peered into the mare's opening. The lamp in his room was back on his desk, so there was thankfully enough light for him to be able to see inside. He felt a little silly looking into a mare's vagina as if he were peering through a peephole.

"Oh yeah…" he muttered, mostly to himself, "I can barely see it."

"Good, now get it out."

"Yeesh, Dash…Trying to see how much you can cram past your cervix?"

"Spike! Shut up and get it out!"

The drake glanced up at her for a moment, seeing that she was still focused intently on the wall. Both of her ears were flat to her skull, showing just how uncomfortable she really was.

"Okee dokee…" Spike said, "Ready for the next step then?"

Dash tensed slightly. "What's the next- Ngh!! Fuck!!! You fuckin' perv!!"

Spike idly glanced up at Dash, who was looking back over her shoulder at him with a positively venomous glare. He didn't bother removing the two fingers he had pressed inside of her folds.

It only took a moment for Dash to get over the surprise and simmer down. She blushed profusely, obviously feeling even more embarrassment due to her outburst, and started to turn back towards the wall. She paused halfway, however, glaring at Spike with one eye. "Just don't get any cute ideas…" she warned him. Her cheeks positively burned with red as she said this.

"Dash, relax," Spike replied as she turned her head back to the wall completely, "I promise I'm just gonna reach in and get it. You're gonna feel my fingers in there, but you'll have to deal with it." He paused and then added, "If you feel my tongue, that's when you can panic."

He could tell Dash was grimacing even without seeing her face. "Fuckin' dumbass…" she muttered.

Spike returned his attention to the task at hand once more, idly recognizing for a moment that he was presently fingering one of his best friends. This might be uncomfortable if not for the fact that Dash was pretty much bone dry. She was still naturally moist, enough for him to move his fingers easily enough, but it was painfully clear that Dash was not aroused at all.

Spike then slipped in two fingers from his other claw, now totaling four that were inside of the mare, and he used them to carefully and gently spread her pussy open some more. Dash fidgeted and groaned in discomfort, but gave no more protests. The drake watched as her pussy parted, revealing her innermost private area. It was oddly stimulating in an intellectual way. Doing this felt like reading a sex-ed book, but with a real-life example.

When she was spread open enough, Spike got a better look at the toy that was lodged in her depths. "Oh, there it is," he commented.

"Y'see it?" Dash asked, sounding strained.

"Yeah. Now I understand why I couldn't see anything wrong at first."

"Whaddaya mean…?"

Spike glanced up and gave Dash a smirk. "To be honest, I kind of expected something a little bigger from you, of all mares. I thought you liked to 'go big or go home'."

Dash whipped her head back and gave him a quick glare, before turning away and grumbling. Indeed, the toy was stuck inside of her because it was too small to fill her up completely from vulva to cervix. It looked to be a bit smaller than the average size of a stallion penis.

"Shut up…" Dash finally responded, "I just…I like the texture of this one…a lot…"

"Oh," Spike commented, "All right, cool. I'm not here to judge."

"Can y'get it out…?"

Spike furrowed his brow and leaned in a little closer to get a look at the conundrum before him. He figured that his fingers were long enough to reach the toy that was nestled rather deeply within her pink passageway, but he wasn't sure if he'd be able to grip it and pull it out. Dash may not have been aroused, but she was still wet inside and the toy looked slippery. Not to mention, Dash's walls were hugging the toy quite snugly.

"S-Spike…" Dash moaned softly in irritation. She was quivering just slightly. Spike paused for a moment to see what was wrong, but he realized that he was close enough now that she could probably feel his breath on her intimate areas. Dragons were known for having pleasantly warm breath after all. "Oh, sorry," he said, "You ready to give this a shot?"

"Yeah, g-go ahead…"

"I'm about to go deeper, you know. Don't get jumpy and kick me in the head."

"I won't!" Dash growled in irritation, "Just hurry up!"

"All right, here we go…" Spike refocused his attention on the mare's pussy, stuck his tongue out in concentration, and pulled her folds open just a bit more. Dash whimpered slightly. Then, without any further warning, Spike started slipping his right-hand claw further inside of her.

Spike tried to ignore the way it felt on his fingers. If this were an intimate situation, that might have felt nice and naughty. Since it wasn't, though, it felt sort of like sticking his claw right into a tub of Jello. Not gross or disgusting, but it sure did feel weird and kinda slimy.

Dash was moaning and groaning softly as his claw slid inside of her. Spike could tell she was trying to keep quiet but couldn't quite manage it. She certainly didn't sound like she was enjoying the experience, in any case. Spike could both see and feel the muscles in her flanks tensing up, and he watched as her tail irritatedly flitted to the side occasionally.

The problem was that once his fingers were inside of her, he could no longer see what he was doing. Once he got far enough inside, he would have to feel around blindly for the toy. He hoped that he could get the job done without causing Rainbow Dash too much discomfort.

"Woulda hurry up?!" Dash suddenly snapped.

"What?" Spike replied indignantly.

"You're, like, goin' at a snail's pace! Just get in there and grab it!"

Spike gave her a flat look, even though she couldn't see him. "Dash," he said in a deadpan voice, "Did you forget what's at the end of all of my fingers?"

"Huh?" Dash replied, still irritated.

"I have claws, Dash. Sharp claws! I'm going slow so I don't hurt you! I have to be careful!"

Dash immediately tensed up and held her breath. For a couple of moments, she was literally as still as a stone.

"Dash?"

The mare shivered, but she didn't respond. It sounded like she still wasn't breathing.

"Dash, relax. I just meant that I can't jam my claws in all willy-nilly. I'm not gonna hurt you, so relax and breathe!"

At last, Dash let out the breath she'd been holding in. "Fuck!" she swore, "Don't scare me like that!"

"Yeah, whatever. Now hold still and let me get this thing out of you."

Spike resumed sliding his fingers deeper into her pussy. He felt Dash tense up at the first sign of movement, but thankfully she tried to relax herself a moment later. His fingers were starting to get pretty wet now simply due to her pussy's natural moisture. Again, since this wasn't an intimate encounter, the analytical side of Spike's brain was idly taking notice of the texture of Dash's walls and the way they moved and squeezed.

It was usually something he didn't pay that much attention to when he was in the process of slamming a mare hard and deep.

"Didja get it??" Dash asked impatiently.

"You really shoved this thing way in there."

"Damn it…"

At this point, Spike couldn't see what he was doing at all. He was going solely by his sense of touch. A couple of times he thought that he was deep enough, but still couldn't feel anything. So, he would push himself in a little deeper. It took a few more uncomfortable moments, but eventually Spike felt the tips of his claws brush against the dildo's base.

"Aha!" he exclaimed triumphantly, "There it is!"

He heard Dash sigh in relief. Spike then set about trying to grab the toy. He first tried to pinch it between two of his claws, but the toy's shape meant that doing this didn't give him a good enough grip. This wasn't one of those dildos with a set of fake balls at the bottom, so it would be harder to get a hold of.

The only solution was to slide his fingers into her even more. At this point, Spike was pretty much up to his knuckles. Dash was squirming and softly groaning even more now. He saw her wings twitch occasionally, an involuntary response associated with pegasi.

Spike finally managed to get a hold of the toy by closing his four fingers around it. He had about as good of a grip as he was going to get, and so started trying to pull it out. At first it didn't move at all, simply due to Dash's walls clamping down too tightly on it. "Dash," he said, grabbing her attention, "Relax more, okay? I'm not gonna get it if you're all tensed up like this."

Dash didn't respond, but he did hear her slow her breathing down. He felt the muscles in her flank relax a little bit, which showed that she had heeded his advice. Once he felt like her insides no longer had a vice-grip on the toy, he tried to pull it out again. This time, it slipped free from its resting spot and he was able to start pulling it out.

Spike lost his grip on the slippery toy less than a second later. "Fuck!" he exclaimed.

He reached in to grab it once more, but the same thing happened. He only extracted it about an inch before it slipped out of his fingers. This was like trying to get the last tennis ball out of its plastic tube without turning it over, if the tennis balls were also covered in grease.

"The fuck're you doing??" Dash snapped.

"Trying," Spike replied, "Gimme a minute, I got this."

Spike then put a new plan of action into place. He repeated the action of pulling the toy out a couple of inches, with his grip slipping loose each time. Then, when it was far enough out, he reached his fingertips around it and slid them back deeper inside of her. He heard Dash groan in protest as her walls were no doubt being stretched, but this allowed him to get a better grip on the toy.

It wasn't much better, to be honest, but he was at least able to pull slowly without losing his grip. Finally, progress was being made.

"Dude," Spike commented, "I hope this was worth it, at least."

"It wasn't," Dash replied dryly.

Spike slowly and carefully started to extract the toy from within her. He went slowly so as to not lose his precarious grip, while also watching out for his clawtips. This was proving to be a little more difficult than Spike envisioned, but he wasn't concerned. Soon enough, the toy would be out and they could both forget about this unusual event.

Now that the toy was starting to slide out of her, Dash was making a different sort of sound. "Nghh…!" she groaned a couple of times, and Spike saw her front half tense up as if she were gripping onto the bedsheets with her forehooves. She started to breathe a little heavier, and her groaning was more low and drawn-out.

Spike pursed his lips. Wait, was that…? Yeah. That was moaning.

It was restrained and quiet, but Dash was moaning.

Heavens behold the awkwardness.

Spike simply watched as his right hand, buried as it was between Dash's folds, was slowly revealed as he pulled it out. His whole claw glistened under the light of the sun and the lamp in his room, compliments of being covered in a thin layer of Dash's juices. Oh, yeah. Care would be taken to get to the bathroom immediately without Twilight seeing.

His knuckles were revealed, which meant that the toy was almost out. Little moans were still slipping out of Dash's throat, but Spike figured he couldn't really blame her. Despite the circumstances, he technically was doing what the toy was intended to do. As the drake's fingers slowly slipped free from inside of his friend, a few worrisome thoughts ran through his mind.

She's not going to cum from this, is she?

Thankfully, though, that wasn't the case. It took a few more awkward seconds, but eventually Spike was able to bring the toy back up to her vulva. Dash's hindquarters shivered as this sensitive area was stretched and stimulated by the toy that was finally poking out into the outside world. Spike took a moment to readjust his grip and then gave one last pull. The dildo was finally pulled free of Dash's pussy completely, accompanied by a particularly loud moan from the mare. A small trickle of Dash's juices splashed out onto the floor below, making Spike thankful that magical crystal didn't stain, and then Dash let out a huge sigh of relief and flopped forward onto the bed.

"Oh, thank Celestia…" she murmured into the covers.

Spike, somewhat awkwardly, was left sitting there with Dash's dildo in his right hand, while Dash was half-collapsed in front of him and still openly displaying her ever-so-slightly gaping pussy.

Since he really didn't know what to say or do, Spike just held the toy up to examine it. True to his suspicions, it was smaller in size than the average stallion penis. That made sense, though, since it wasn't shaped like a stallion's penis at all.

"Ohhh," he said in realization, "I see. A griffon dildo, huh?"

Spike could practically see the blush erupting on Dash's face, even though she was still facing the wall. The mare then turned back and shot him an angry, embarrassed glare. "Shut up! I said I like the texture, okay?"

"Right," Spike replied with a nod. He had reason to believe there was another reason Dash had used that particular variety of dildo, but he kept those remarks to himself.

He then shuffled back on the floor a couple of feet to give Dash room to climb down off of the bed, which she did. Dash turned around to face him, her face practically a tomato in colour, and she briskly snatched the dildo out of his claw with one of her wings. She then tucked it securely under her other wing, hidden from sight.

"You're welcome," Spike spoke up pointedly.

Dash gave him a look and then sighed. "Thanks, Spike…" she mumbled. She still sounded upset, probably because of how embarrassed she felt, but Spike did hear genuine gratitude in her voice.

"Hey, no worries dude," he said with a smile. He then sat up a bit straighter and added, "Maybe you should tie a loop of fabric onto the end or something. Something you can grab with your wing if it goes in too far."

"Yeah, I'm gonna," Dash replied, "They actually come with those usually, but this one didn't. Dumb thing. I was…I, uh…"

Dash started to trail off and fell completely silent a moment later. Her expression slowly morphed into one of shock and surprise. Her blushing, somehow, intensified even further. Spike could guess what the cause of this was, and this was only confirmed by the fact that Dash's gaze was directed downwards.

Her eyes were locked onto his fully erect member.

"Just ignore that," Spike said to her, choosing to speak in a calm and rational tone, "I can't exactly control it, y'know? It's just how the body works."

Spike had earlier noticed his erection growing as soon as Dash had moved her tail and revealed herself to him. Considering the activity he had just performed, it was not surprising at all that he had grown stiff in response. The scent she gave off didn't help matters. He had tried to pull his hoodie down to at least cover it up, but the garment wasn't long enough.

To his relief, Dash didn't look disgusted or appalled by this. She did, however, look like she had no idea what to say.

"Dash," he said as he snapped his fingers, "Up here. Focus."

The mare's gaze instantly snapped up to meet his, as if she had just realized she'd been staring at his cock. "Nothing!" she blurted out nonsensically.

Spike snickered and shook his head. He was also simply ignoring the stiffness between his legs. He could have probably gotten up and grabbed a towel or something to cover himself up, but he figured Dash would want to leave soon anyway and didn't bother.

"Yeesh, Spike…" Dash said as she bashfully glanced away, "That's, uh…That's kinda…"

"Dash, I just had my hand rammed up your pussy. What did you expect would happen?"

Dash practically erupted in flames at that remark. "Okay, no! The whole 'never mentioning this ever again' thing starts right now!"

Spike laughed, which only caused Dash to bristle in anger even more.

"Heavens! Just shut up, wouldya! I'm not the one who popped a boner straight out into the open! That's…That's so…"

"I'm not the one makin' a big deal out of it, Dash."

Dash sighed in frustration and shook her head. She seemed to calm down a little, and then spoke up again. "I've just…y'know…never…seen that before."

"Huh?" Spike arched an eyebrow. He noticed that Dash was pointedly trying to avoid looking down there, but her gaze kept slipping downward momentarily. "Oh!" he then said in realization, "You mean a dragon penis."

"Yeah, that," Dash replied, blushing furiously, "It's uh…It's…'different'."

"If you wanna look at it, I don't care."

Dash gave him a shocked look right in the eye. "What?!" she blurted.

"You seem curious."

"I'm not-!" Dash sputtered for a moment. "You fuckin' weirdo…"

Spike shrugged. "Suit yourself." Dash was sticking around for longer than he had expected, so he decided to do something about the unscheduled appearance of his drakehood. He got to his feet and made his way over to the end of his bed. His cock bobbed as he walked. Dash quickly shuffled off to the side in response. He hadn't brought it anywhere near her, but it was at her eye level now.

Spike sat himself down on the bed, grabbed one of his pillows, and placed it on his lap so that it covered up his erection. He gave Dash a pleasant smile, trying to diffuse the uncomfortable situation.

Dash was scowling, blushing, and glaring off to the side as if the crystalline wall had insulted her mother. Her wings were tucked snugly to her side, where Spike knew the dildo was hidden underneath. Almost a full minute passed, and neither of them said anything.

"Well, uh…" Dash finally said. Her expression had simmered somewhat, and she idly rubbed the back of her neck but still didn't look at Spike, "Thanks for, y'know, the help…"

"No problem Dash, although you should probably try not to do that again."

Dash glowered and rolled her eyes. "No shit…"

Spike chuckled to himself. "Yeah, this has been fun…" he said sarcastically.

"And you swear on your life that you'll never breathe a word of this to anypony, right? Not even me!"

"Dash, I told you. Dr-"

"Dragon's honour," Dash interrupted, "Yeah, yeah…"

Another moment of awkward silence passed, and then Dash cleared her throat. "Uh…Lemme know if I can repay you, or whatever. I can buy lunch or somethin'…"

Spike waved his claws dismissively. The one not still covered in her juices. "Don't worry about it, dude."

"Right…Cool…"

After one more moment of silence, a thought occurred to Spike. "Hey, Dash," he said, "You're gonna be walkin' home, right? Since you're carrying that under your-"

"Yeah."

"Uh huh…" Spike nodded, "So…How're you gonna get up to your house?"

Dash's eyes widened slightly, then she glanced to the side with a contemplative look on her face. "…Shit."

"Hey, I got an idea," Spike spoke up, "Why don't you leave it here, leave, and come back with a bag or something to put it in. Then you can fly it home."

Dash gave him an unsure look. "You'd…let me leave my…You'd let me just leave this in your room?"

"Well, I don't wanna get too graphic, but you've already left a lot of you behind in here."

Dash appeared quite flustered by this remark. "Right. Yeah. Do you, uh…need help cleanin' up, or…?"

Spike shook his head. "Just go get something to take this home and I'll deal with things here. No worries, Dash."

"You sure…?"

"Totally."

Dash glanced around uncertainly for a few more moments, and then shrugged and gave Spike a half-smile. "Thanks, buddy…" she said.

The pegasus then walked back over to the bed and deposited the dildo onto the sheets, near where they had already been splashed a bit by her juices. Spike noticed she was walking sort of funny, and didn't have to guess as to the reason why. Dash then simply gave him a nod before making her way over to the room's open window, which she promptly departed through.

Spike let out a brief sigh, reflecting on the strange things that had just taken place. He put the pillow back where it belonged at the head of the bed, revealing his stubborn erection that had not waned a single bit. Dragons were somewhat known for their sexual appetite. Though Spike had his under control remarkably well, his penis didn't quite know the difference and seemed determined to stay erect until it received its due attention.

He then glanced over at the toy that had been deposited on his bed, which he picked up and carefully stashed under one of the covers. They would need to be washed before he went to bed anyway, so he didn't mind. Spike couldn't help but chuckle to himself again at the fact that Dash's toy was modeled after a Griffon. He knew enough about Dash's past and present to guess the reasoning behind that with fair certainty.

Spike stood up, and then raised up his right-hand claw to examine it. The coating of Dash's juices still covered it, causing it to glisten in the rays of sunlight. That was perhaps the most awkward part. Even though he had not once considered this episode to be intimate at all, he was still pretty damn tempted to taste the shiny glazing on his claw.

He would never consider it, though. That would be a terrible betrayal of his friendship.

Even though it smelled so good.

He would just have to satiate his taste with one of his other mare friends.

Spike made his way over to the door and opened it just a crack. "Twi?" he called out into the hallway, "Where are ya?"

"Still working in the sitting room!" the alicorn's voice called back. Unless she teleported, she was far enough away that Spike could easily make it to the nearby bathroom without encountering her.

"Cool. I'm gonna come down in an hour and make dinner."

"Great! Can't wait." Spike could hear the distracted tone in her voice, so he figured she was probably deeply engrossed in her work. The young drake took advantage of his opportunity and quickly darted down the hall to the bathroom.

In a couple of minutes he had taken care of the 'remnants' on his claw. In a couple more minutes, he had taken care of his other problem as well.

A rather satisfied Spike made his way back to his room, where he saw Dash was just arriving at his window. Spike simply hiked a claw over his shoulder, pointing to the bed. Dash nodded and wordlessly went to retrieve her toy. She even took pains to make sure Spike couldn't see what she was doing. That was how much Dash wanted to forget this whole thing and put it behind her.

Spike chuckled at the joke he had accidentally made.

Once the toy was in the bag, Dash stood there wordlessly as if unsure of what to do next.

"So…" Spike spoke up.

Dash flinched slightly, but then turned to look at him. "Ah, so, uh…Y-yeah…" she murmured awkwardly, "Thanks…Y'know, for…stuff…"

"Anytime, Dash," Spike said as he waved his claw, and then added, "Actually, not 'anytime'. Try not to do this again, for your own sake."

Dash blushed furiously, but nodded. "Yeah…"

A brief moment of silence passed. "It's been fun hangin' out with you, Dash," Spike said, "but I gotta get back to work."

Dash perked up and said, "Right! Yeah, of course. Totally. Go ahead, get back to work, do all the things and stuff. I'll just, y'know, I'll…I'll get out of your, um…scales."

Spike nodded in thanks and made his way back to his swivel chair, while Dash picked up the bag in her muzzle and headed towards the window. The drake watched her as she prepared to take off, after which the two of them would probably go back to their old mundane lives. He would never be allowed to discuss this ever again, but he would always be able to laugh at the memories.

Before Dash took off, Spike snickered to himself. He would promise to never bring this up again, of course.

But he couldn't resist one more.

"Hey, Dash!"

Dash regarded him with a raised eyebrow.

Spike smirked and said, "Don't be so stuck-up next time I see ya!"

Instead of getting back to work, Spike spent the next five minutes laughing and fending off the flustered, angry pegasus.