I Just Wanna Suck Sum DDDICK!

by B_25

Rating: mature
Tags: Rainbow Dash, Random, Princess Celestia, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3258

Twilight Sparkle has repressed herself from cock for far too long. It came. The fateful day has occurred the desire of cock could be denied no more. But due to RGRE, all the cocks of the world have been claimed... whatever will Twilight do?

Twilight Sparkle has repressed herself from cock for far too long. It came. The fateful day has occurred the desire of cock could be denied no more. But due to RGRE, all the cocks of the world have been claimed... whatever will Twilight do?

This is a crack!fic to get me out of my writing funk. Don't take it seriously. There's nothing to jerk off to in here. Quite literally, this is just shits and giggles, so try to giggle more than what you shit.

Cover by heyyasfox.

Published 2019-02-06 04:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-02-06 04:00:01 UTC

Paper Pussy

"I Just Wanna Suck Sum DIIICK!”
B_25

This is the tragic story about a mare, with a very big mouth, wanting to suck even bigger schlongs.

It should be said that it is not her tragedy. In fact, she gets the cock—even if it wasn't the kind of cock she wanted all along. No no. I'm not going to fool you into thinking she sucks off a clock or a flock instead.

Eating meat is prohibited in Equestria, after all.

This is a story of a happy ending for one, a sad ending for another, and an absolute waste of time for those unfortunate to find these pages.

This is the record of the time Princess Twilight Sparkle went into town and, at the top of her lungs, proceeded to shout: “I just wanna suck sum DIIICK!”

She has since been fired as a princess.

Once upon a time, in a magical town far away (or two train rides over), there was once a unicorn turned alicorn turned dick hungry mare by the name of Twilight Sparkle. She didn't always thirst after the gooey and white magical nectar of life. Instead, she got wet from books.

How she managed to fit the dictionary up her yoo-hoo, the general populace will never know.

One hot summer day, Twilight Sparkle was extremely horny. Most could see why. Here we have a mare who, for over at least twenty years, has not only remained a virgin, but has lusted solely after papyrus and parchment.

But the desire for cock can only be repressed for so long.

“I just wanna suck sum DDDICK!” Twilight Sparkle had been in the middle of one of her “skim and rim” sessions when it happened. For too long, the paper cuts along her folds had been a warning sign, and now it was time to give the damaged pages some rest.

Twilight Sparkle stood up and came down from the couch. At once, her head whipped around, searching for cock, but finding none. It made her sad and even more repressed, but she would not allow for this to make her depressed. That would get in the way of more reading, after all.

So she ran out that door, chanting the sacred line, again and again: “I just wanna suck sum DIIICK!” She ran down the halls, her legs scampering and sliding along the polished floor, nearing slipping when she had to make a hard right run. “Dick! Dick! Dick!”

Her running took her to Starlight Glimmer's bedroom door. At once, her hoof went to knock against the frame but stopping inches away. A thought occurred. Emotions stirred. Sadness neared depression. “Mares don't got no DIIICKS!”

For the sake of politics, it wasn't wise for a princess like herself to be caught saying such things. The dickmare movement had steadily been gaining traction in Manehattan, and Celestia forbid word got out that Twilight Sparkle was an anti-dickmare spokesperson.

So she left the mare in peace, rendering Starlight Glimmer unable to testify at the trial.

Twilight Sparkle continued down the hall in search of cock. There was none on the wall and none on the floors, doors, and windows not having any. It was here that the second revelation occurred. If Twilight wanted to find some cock, first she must find the male attached to it.

And with new determination, Twilight took the next left down the hall, leading her to a dead-end with two doors, she went to the right, knowing it belonging to male with dickSpike. Her hoof went to the door only to stop right away.

Spike was a baby dragon, small and pure, and should she suck his pike off...why there wouldn't be much to suck to begin with. Of course, there was the whole thing about the act being illegal, but priorities were important in such fickle situations.

Twilight backed away from that shit. In fact, she got away from the castle, knowing that presently there were no cocks to be found. Not under the beds nor over the tables. Sitting around and wondering where the cocks were at would net her none, as her middle school Math teacher had taught her.

To suck was to require action.

And that meant leaving home—and her books.

“I just wanna suck sum DIIICK!”

“Twilight? Get the fuck off my lawn.”

“I just wanted to suck sum dick!”

“We know you just wanted to suck some dick.” It was a pink mare on a porch that was speaking. Currently, she was sitting on a rocking chair, rocking, slowly, back and forth, her face the epitome of tranquility as she brought her crotch into the waiting muzzle of her stallion.

He laid on his stomach, his head resting on her chair, his snout in her snatch.

“But you of all ponies should know the rules of the land!” The pink turned her head to the right, staring right into the flare of a stallion's erect cock. “The moment a mare claims a stallion for herself, the two are bound for forever—until she starts adding more members to her herd.”

“But... diiiick.”

“Tough shit, Twilight Sparkle!” The pink mare leaned into the cock, letting it fill into her mouth, stopping only when her lips locked around his ring. She licked and sucked, but her eyes were still trained on Twilight. Her mouth parted slightly. “You wew the nules. Nat mah fawault you dweicded to wait suh lowang!”

Twilight shook her head. “Twilight wait too long for dick, now all dicks are taken by other mares.”

The mare shrugged. “Ywu can trwy goin' down tha street and askin'.”

Twilight also shrugged, finding nothing wrong with that logic. She marched through Ponyville, screaming: “I want dick! Give me the dick! I want the dick!”

Many stallions were roused and aroused by this. They were the ones on their bellies, lying on the lawns belonging to the mares that they served. To them, the idea of having their cock by the fluffy and lavender likes of Twilight Sparkle... well... a dick sucked was a dick sucked, after all.

But their mares also came out at the sound of Twilight's call. Like mothers, they dragged their colts into the house. Those willing were not allowed. Their cocks would not be touched, fucked, or sucked except by their rightful owners under the law of dibs.

So when morning passed and afternoon came, not one cock had entered Twilight's mouth. This saddened her, depression blooming, but hope wasn't entirely lost. That pink mare wasn't wrong. Twilight was a princess and a sexy mare—at least, objectively that first half.

She was buddy-buddy with the other princesses. Even before she grew her wings, she was still a part of royalty—but the wings sealed the deal.

Because of wasted years, the chances of Twilight Sparkle finding a single stallion were slim. That meant she needed to find a herd that already existed, that had all the cocks she could ever desire, and more than that, one where another mare would be trusting enough to have her in it.

And what better herd for her, than the Great Royal Harem minus Blueblood.

“Dick!”

“Miss... you may not enter.”

“Dick!”

“Miss—“

“DIIICK!”

Twilight charged her horn with magic. The guard that was a mare began to not exist. With this totally deserved punishment over, Twilight smiled. She walked past the gates, through the gardens, and into the castle proper. The halls were bigger than her own and the glass was a lot fancier. This hurt Twilight on the inside, though she did her best to make no mention of it to anyone.

As she stalked through the halls, she did her best to slow her pace. She walked like a proper princess and, just to be safe, she had her wings out and made sure to stick out her horn. If someone saw only one of those two things, then they wouldn't think she was a princess, and they would be trouble to be had.

Thankfully, there was no trouble to be had.

So Twilight Sparkle made it to the throne doors with ease. There were two mares stationed before it with many moans echoing from behind it. The guards' faces were stoic, but their cheeks were beet red. Much like Twilight, they wanted to experience the feeling of big meaty schlongs filling them up.

“Me enter for dick,” Twilight Sparkle said. “I am a princess. I am a part of the royal harem. I desire cock at this moment.”

The mares glanced at each other, eyebrows raised, and nodded. They looked back to the princess. The whole thing seemed hella sketchy to them, but should something go down, at least they had a good excuse for letting Twilight in during the Royal Harem minus Blueblood Private Time.

But really, they just wanted a chance to glance at the sex. They still have four hours to go on their shift, and there was no way to could make it through that without picturing some dick on mare action. So they relented, stepping back, pushing open the door, and exposing some ass crack.

Twilight ignored that last detail. She didn't care for mares. As a princess? Sure. For her friends? More mares than males in that regard? When it came to sex? She had chosen books instead of pussy.

And now, here she was, staring at mare pussy. Princess Celestia had her enormous white rump in the hair, iridescent tail swaying left and right, her large pussy winking into the open air. All of which didn’t mean jack shit to Twilight.

Instead, she looked at how princess towered over the smaller stallion, having him pinned beneath her chest, her fluffy white chest, smothering him in fluff and fur. Her muzzle was between his legs, taking the whole of his cock into her maw with ease—Celestia was a world class cocksucker.

“I just wanna suck sum DIIICK!” Twilight Sparkle proclaimed as she walked into the room. The stallion shivered from the voice, his head lying between the princess's hind legs. He stared at her and gulped when their eyes locked.

“W-What? N-Nuh no!” He rolled back and right, unable to will anything more because of the weight of the mare pinning him down. “Celestia already has her spell on me! S-S-She makes it so that I cum every—Ooooooh!”

His eyes rolled back, a large gulp was heard, and then the screams came.

“P-Please...” the poor stallion whimpered. “...help me.”

“Dick.”

It was here that the stallion knew that he was straight fucked.

Princess Celestia finally roused from her pleasure. She lifted herself off the stallion, granting him the chance to breathe and to be free. He gasped up the open air, thankful for how it cooled his aching and inflamed dick.

That was, until the princess turned around, and brought her heavy rump to his face. His scream was cut off by a wall flesh and softness, globes of trimmed fur filling slightly into his mouth.

“Twilight Sparkle,” Princess Celestia began, “what is it you're doing here?”

“I just wanna—“

“And you will be doing no such thing.”

“W-Wha?” Twilight shook her head and then stepped forward. “But why? I want dick!”

“Tough shit! I told you those books wouldn't be enough.” Princess Celestia bowed her head, grinning at the head of the stallion caught between her buttcheeks. “And now you think, simply because you’re a princess, you can get which you initially denied. You were offered to join once and you declined, with clear warnings the invitation was once or never.”

“But... but... what about having dick?”

“You have learned of what you need long after it was suggested,” the princess replied, “and it is because of this you will have to find a solution on your own. Now, out with you! And tell those mares to bring in more stallions.”

Twilight cried as she left the throne room.

“Hey Twi—yo, what's up with the tears.”

Twilight was lying, tucked into herself, on the top of a small, grassy hill. Her head raised to the voice at once, seeing Rainbow Dash hovering inches above her. Rainbow's face seemed concerned and confused simultaneously—or perhaps those two words meant the same thing.

“N-No... d-d-dick.”

“No dick?” Rainbow's eyes squeezed tightly together. “The heck do you mean by that?”

“You don't get it.” Twilight shook her head and flung a few tears. “My whole life has spent wanting books instead of wanting sex. But today... today everything just blew apart. I used to think dicks and sex were disgusting... so horribly dirty... and now I... I... I want to be d-d-dirty!”

Rainbow touched down before the crying mare. She was still unsure of what to think or feel, so she pointed to a thing of mud a few feet away. “Did you want to roll around in that?

“Dick, not dirt, Rainbow!” Twilight's sob cut into a sniffle as her sadness slowed. “I've spent my whole life denying it. Now that I finally want some, there's no stallion or dick that doesn't belong to some other mare!” She sighed and dipped her head. “Even Princess Celestia told me that I would have to be the one to find my own cock.”

“Guess that... really sucks?” Rainbow shrugged her shoulders. “Shame you can't just make one or something.”

Twilight blinked her tears away. “R-Rainbow Dash! You're a genius!”

“I am?”

“Mmhmm!” Twilight smiled. “You're also about to have a cock as well!”

Now it was time for Rainbow to blink. “W-What?”

And there wasn't a second for her to think once Twilight Sparkle knocked her out with a rock she found. Rainbow fell limp to the ground. Seconds later, magic exploded, the duo disappeared, and the hill itself was left concerned and confused.

The dungeon was lit by torches.

When Rainbow came to, she did so with a pounding in her head. Even when her eyes opened, the world was too dark and black for anything to become apparent in her vision. She tried shaking her head only to find something cold and made of metal holding her in place.

“What in the hay?” Rainbow's pink eyes flicked down the best they good. A gleam from the burning flames reflected from her collar. Glancing left and right, more collars, held by chains, held her limps in place. “Okay. Alright. Don't freak out. Totally do not... ooooh I'm so going to die tonight.”

Hoofsteps.

“Oh.” Their clop grew louder and drew closer. “You're awake! You had me worried for a moment there.”

“And you got me worried plenty for the two of us.” Rainbow Dash laid back against the wooden slab. It was tilted at an angle—one brought forward when Twilight appeared to her right, and started to pull on some chains. “So how about you call it a prank and we both get out of here, huh?”

“This isn't a prank, Rainbow.”

“And I seriously hoped you weren't going to say that.” Rainbow sighed and closed her eyes. “So you were crazy all this time, huh? What are you going to do? Hurt me? Cut off my wings so I can never fly, and then kill me?”

“What? No!” Rainbow opened her eyes to see Twilight frowning. “You're my friend! Besides, you're of no use to me if you're dead.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Least you've got your priorities straight.”

“And that's not going to be the only thing that's straight!”

“What in the hay do you mean by that?”

Twilight smiled. “What? Isn't it obviously Rainbow Dash?” She walked toward the table with a smirk on her lips. “This whole mess started because I couldn't get any cock, yes? Well, you were right all along.” She stopped before the table and between her friend's legs. “If all the cocks in this world are taken, then all that means is that I have to make some more!”

Rainbow blinked, strangling herself against the steel collar in order to lean forward. “And how in the hay do you plan on doing that? You want cocks? You go make some cocks—but leave me out of this dude!”

“But that's exactly the reason why I need you here!” Twilight's horn charged with a lavender glow. Its tip then lowered to her friend's blue crotch, which was quickly covered by a flick of a rainbow tail. “I'm going to make you into a dude! All I needed all along was a friend and a futa-spell!”

“Ooooh you are so not—“

Futaspell.exe engage.

When the flash faded, everyone's vision came in at once. Everything was the same, except one thing—instead of the rainbow tail hiding a slit, it now had a tip of a dick growing well past the multi-colored strands.

Rainbow looked down at where her pussy was supposed to be. Letting her tail fall down, only her cock remained. It stiffened and grew all toward Twilight's open and waiting mouth.

Rainbow screamed at once.

“No! D-Don't suck my dick! Twilight I swear to fuck that if you—“

“I just wanna suck sum DDDICK!”

And then Twilight sucked that fuckin' dick.

And then the Royal Guard found out... as did the papers of the world.

But ironically enough, despite losing her crown, Twilight lives a fulfilling life her marefriend, Rainbow Dash. After the event, they both found pleasure in the spell and desire in each other. Because of this, they have since scampered to many abandoned basements and dungeons.

This has been the Ponyville Daily.

[Postscript for rejected Installment of 'Breaking Royalty']

Author's Note

If this story has taught me anything, it's that I can't write a Green-Text story worth a shit.

Dunno why that is. In a verbal telling, I'm good, if only because I can hit the beats in quick successions. But in prose? I tried to manage the B telling with the B showing/writing to a horrible, disastrous result. It goes to show that either you write it like how you tell it—even if the means barely touching the 1,000-word mark—or you write it properly but still having the absurd beats. Trying to do both results in none being done well.

And now, the backstory.

As many of you can guess, AiDs and I were fucking about in a voice chat at once. Like usual, it was 2 AM, we hadn't gotten much writing done and, giving up in that purist, shit-talked and such to waste the night away. Somehow, we got onto the subject of wanting to suck dick, where I had gone, in the loudest voice possible: "I JUST wanted to SUCK sum DICK man."

Laughter was my response; my crowd is easy to please.

A story sprawled from this. Twilight would go around RGRE land trying to find a cock to suck. She went through the usual means: buying one at the store, stealing one from a lawn, joining a royal harem. When none worked, she decided to kidnap her friend, make them into a futa, then proceeded to suck them off.

Cue happy ending.

Had I gone with that, I may have ended up with a better fic, but what constitutes 'better' in this context is very fucking slim. I think telling may have retained my voice and made the tale more concise, but having all of this properly written would have been immersive and perhaps added something I didn't originally comprehend.

Regardless, it is done, and I have MACRO and micro to jerk off to.

~ Yr. Pal, B