20,000 Legumes Under The Sea

For the third time that morning, Sunset was surrounded on all sides by dicks.

On the way through, they’d passed into another glass corridor, with a fully lit ocean outside and another bloom of deep ocean beanis coral. It was still disgustingly beautiful, in its own way.

And now she stood in the gift shop.

She’d expected the gift shop for Beantopia to sell the Beanis, sure. It was the company's flagship product. Ostensibly, this place was supposed to be kid friendly, so she’d assumed you’d have to ask a cashier, or go into a back room, or at worst, they’d be in plain boxes and labeled as ‘personal massagers’.

But no, that wouldn’t do for the design of Twilight Sparkle. An entire wing of the giftshop was dedicated to dicks, beanises hanging from the wall, and built up on displays in every size, shape, color and configuration.

“I don’t remember there being so many models,” Sunset murmured. She peered down at a green one labeled ‘Treenis.’ It had a picture of a pot leaf next to it, and advertised the ability to deliver a pleasurable buzz during sex.

Twilight had certainly been busy. Sunset stood back up and stretched. “Hey, Rainbow Dash, is Twilight still doing all the product development on her own, or did she finally hire some people?”

No response came. “Rainbow Dash?”

Sunset turned, and didn’t see Rainbow Dash anywhere in sight, but the gift store was pretty big. She left the beanis section, making her way through far more standard rows of t-shirts and coffee mugs and novelty foam hats shaped like dicks.

She rounded the corner and found Rainbow Dash crouched in front of clothes rack. “Oh, there you are. You had me a little worried for a second. What do you got there?”

“Huh?” Rainbow Dash looked over at her, her eyes distant and dazed. “Oh, right.” She blinked several more times, and shook her head. In her hand she clutched a baby onesie with a cartoon bean mascot on it that said ‘Bean missing you!’. “Just looking at stuff, I guess.”

Sunset’s expression softened, and she rested a hand on Rainbow Dash’s shoulder. “Hey, you doing alright?”

“I’m fine, it’s just… you think Little T would like this? I don’t really know what babies like, man.”

“I’d hardly say I’m an expert on babies, but I’m pretty sure all they really care about is food, sleep, and screaming. Gifts like that are more for the benefit of the parents than the kid.”

“Oh.” Rainbow Dash’s face fell, and she put it back on the rack. “Nevermind.”

Sunset rolled her eyes, and grabbed the onesie herself. “You can still get it, it’s no big deal.” The price tag dangled underneath, and she glanced at it. “Fucking hell, $30 bucks for this glorified washcloth?” Sunset sighed, then stuffed it into her pocket. “Put it on Twilight’s tab.”

“Aye aye!” Skystar called out from a nearby monitor. “Next up, you’ll have to pass through the arbeantorium, and the control room isn’t far off at that point.”

“Arbean…” Sunset smacked her face with her palm. “Come on, let’s get this over with.”

“Sure,” Rainbow Dash muttered, still looking glum.

As they made their way out of the gift shop, something caught Sunset’s eye. For whatever reason, one corner of the store was devoted to sporting goods. It was stuffed full of tents, sleeping bags, and, hanging on the wall alone, almost like it was meant for her, a long machete.

Sunset approached, unable to keep the smile from her face as she pulled it down from the hook. She drew the machete from its sheath with an audible hiss, and watched the light reflect off the edge of the blade.

“It’s no bat,” she murmured. “But this might come in handy.”

“What do you want done with that?” Skystar asked.

“Put it on Twilight’s tab.”