20,000 Legumes Under The Sea

“This is insane, you know that, right?” Sunset muttered, her jaw open in awe.

Birdsong echoed throughout the tremendous dome, along with a warm breeze bringing with it the scent of a myriad of mingling vegetations. The arbeantorium could only rightly be described as a jungle, full of giant, twisting trees, scrubby underbush, ferns, flowers, and all sorts of twisting vines shaped vaguely like dicks. And to top it all off, the ceiling was a glass dome, offering a full view of the ocean outside, and yet another garden of bean coral surrounding it on all sides.

“Ta’da!” Skystar proclaimed from a monitor behind them.”Welcome to the Arbeantorium! I’m really proud of this one, you know. It takes like, sooo much work to maintain!”

Rainbow Dash ran her fingers through her hair. “I knew Applejack was involved with this, but holy shit.”

Sunset drew her machete, then started forward. “Looks like I made the right choice.”

“Hold on a second!” Skystar called out. “There aren’t any monitors in there, so I won’t be able to guide you! Make sure you stick to the path, and when you reach the sign, take a left!”

“Thanks.”

As they walked down the path, vines would occasionally make limp, grasping motions in their direction. Anything that came too close to Sunset was swiftly taught of the existence of sharp edges, and she left a trail of sad circumcisions dribbling bean jizz onto the forest floor in her way.

Five minutes later, and Sunset was sure they were being watched.

“Do you hear that?”

Rainbow Dash shrugged. “It’s probably just a bird or something, right?”

“Ssh.”

A rustling in the bushes, at two o'clock. Sunset turned, machete raised defensively. Whatever was out there was coming towards them, and fast.

A small creature burst out of the underbrush in front of them, then promptly tripped and fell on its face.

Sunset stared, not sure what to make of it. It was short, and stumpy. It had four, bean shaped legs. A lumpy, bean shaped body. A misshapen, beany head. All in all, it kind of looked like something a child would glue together in art class. It righted itself, looked over at them, and started wagging its little bean tail, and let out a series of squishy sounding barks.

Rainbow Dash blinked. “Is that a dog?”

“An abomination in the shape of a dog.” Sunset knelt down, and held out her hand. “Hey there little guy. It’s alright.”

The bean dog waddled over, sniffed several times, then licked her fingers. It was gross, but still cute.

Sunset scratched its bean-ears, then stood up. “Well, that’s adorable and horrifying. Come on, let’s get—”

With a squishy huffing sound, the bean dog ambled forward, and started humping Sunset’s leg.

Nope. Sunset reared back, then punted the little bastard as hard as she could. With an ear splitting yelp, the bean dog soared high into the sky, and well over the trees, learning an important lesson about Sunset Shimmer and personal space in the process.

“Goddamn, Sunset, you’re kicking puppies now? Just what the hell was the Blood Dome anyway?”

“A place where I worked out my anger issues in an unhealthy way.” She gave Rainbow Dash a sickly smile. “I’m much better now. Shall we?”

Rainbow Dash didn’t push the issue farther, and the bean dog didn’t return, so they kept going. They found the sign, then turned, and the jungle opened to a wide meadow filled with flowers.

It only took a few moments for Sunset to realize that the usual ‘flowers as vaginas’ metaphor was far more literal. Even the smell. She tried not to gag.

A few steps later, she turned to see Rainbow Dash standing still, staring at the flowers. What a day this was turning out to be. “No, Rainbow Dash, you can’t stop to fuck the flowers.”

Rainbow Dash shook her head, looking dazed. “What I?... Come on, it’ll be real quick. You can go ahead, I’ll catch up.”

“That sounds like a way for this to end in disaster, like most things do when you stick your dick in them.” Sunset closed the gap, then grabbed Rainbow Dash by the ear and started dragging her. “Come on, you can hold it in a little longer.”

“Ow, fuck!” Rainbow Dash wrenched her way free, then held a hand up to her ear, teeth clenched. “It’s been like a month!”

Sunset blinked. “That seems… uncharacteristic of you and literally everyone else I know.”

“Yeah, well, you don’t know us that well anymore.” Rainbow Dash spat. “Fluttershy is never in the mood, and Little T is always there, twenty four seven, always with her mother, we never get any time alone. She looks at the damn baby like she used to look at my dick, which doesn’t even do anything for her anymore, by the way!”

Bile rose up in back of Sunset’s throat. “She… looks at the baby like she wants to fuck it?”

“What? No!” Rainbow Dash shook her head. “I mean the other kind of look. With like, her heart and stuff.”

What an abysmally stupid way to refer to love. Sunset couldn’t help but smile. “Right. Look, have you tried talking to Fluttershy about how you feel?”

Rainbow Dash fidgeted back and forth. “How can I, when she’s either dealing with the baby or sleeping?”

Sunset placed a hand on Rainbow Dash’s shoulder. “And now it’s time for me to remind you of the obvious answer: The magic of friendship. It sounds like the two of you need a night off. Desperately. I’m sure any of the girls would be willing to help, but when we get out of this, I’ll be happy to watch the kid for a whole goddamned weekend, and let you two talk things out and enjoy yourselves as a couple again.”

“Really? You think that’d work?”

Sunset grinned. “I’m sure it’s a start. Now tell me. Do you want really want to fuck some stupid bean plant? Or do you want to take a month's worth of agony and use it to give Fluttershy the orgasm of the century?”

Realization slowly dawned on Rainbow Dash, and she grinned stupidly. “Yeah, okay. That one.”

“Right.” Sunset clapped Rainbow Dash on the shoulder. “I’m going to walk in silence now and try and scrub my brain of that image.”

“Sunset?” Rainbow Dash called, hurrying to catch up.

“Hmm?”

“You’re a good friend.”