20,000 Legumes Under The Sea

“So this is the control room?” Sunset asked, standing in front of a heavy looking door.

“Yeppers!” Skystar said from a nearby monitor. “Just let me get everything unlocked.”

The whirring of machinery picked up, and the door slowly slid open, revealing a large open room, with monitors showing every inch of the facility. A glass wall behind the monitors revealed a server room behind, with racks upon racks of equipment.

What she didn’t see, notably, was a teenaged girl.

“Uh....” Rainbow Dash scratched her head here. “We playing hide and seek here or something?”

Skystar’s face appeared on every monitor. “What do you mean?”

Sunset gestured around them. “You said you were in the control room. This is the control room. Where are you?”

“Um…” Skystar stared blankly at them for several moments, then her eyes went wide, and she smacked herself in the forehead. “Oh no! Did I forget to tell you that? Oh my gosh, I totally forgot to tell you!”

“Tell us what?” Sunset asked, though she had an inkling as to where this was all going.

Skystar giggled, and spread her hands wide. “I’m so sorry. My name isn’t Skystar.” Letters appeared on the screen. “It’s SkAIstar! I’m an artificial intelligence, here to run Beantopia! Well, artificial is the wrong word. They just did a scan of the real Skystar’s brain and used that to make me. I remember being a human girl and everything, but honestly being a computer is super cool!”

Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened. “Woah.” She started counting on her fingers. “Wait, how old is sixteen in robot years?”

Sunset rolled her eyes. “We just had this discussion, about you and Fluttershy, remember? And it's not like screwing a bunch of servers is going to be particularly enjoyable. Although that raises an important question. How exactly are we supposed to get you out of here? I don’t think we can really lug all of that equipment to an escape pod.”

“Oh, we already thought of that, and we have everything in place. I just didn’t have the ability to make the connection myself.” SkAIstar gestured towards the corner of the room, where panel slid open, and a rush of steam came out.

Standing there in a tiny closet, was, well, Skystar.

“Tada! Allow me to introduce the Beanis brand Beandroid! There are a lot of other uses, but this one is essentially just a robot body for me to move around. Be able to really meet and greet the guests, you know? Anyway, if you could take that cord there and plug it into the induction port in the back, I can upload my consciousness and we can get out of here!”

Just how far was beantech advancing, anyway? Sunset sighed, and ran her hand through her hair. She gently tugged the beandroid out of the closet, and was prepared to stick her hand where she didn’t want to in order to find the induction port, but was pleasantly surprised to find it on the lower back instead. “You know, you being an AI actually makes a bunch of sense.”

Rainbow Dash blinked. “It does?”

“Sure.” Sunset plugged the cord in, and SkAIstar shivered. “Yeah. I’ve been wondering for a while why anyone would ask their teenaged daughter to work at Beantopia. But if you’re an AI copy, then, well, there’s a lot less ethical issues involved, I guess.”

SkAIstar frowned. “What sorts of ethical issues? What does me being a teenager have to do with anything?”

Sunset waved her hand. “You know, age of consent and stuff. Or wait. Do they have Age of Consent laws in Seaquestria?”

“Consent to what? I mean, you’ve got to be at least thirteen before you can consent to getting a part time job, and sixteen before you can work full time.”

“No, consent to sex.”

“Consent to what now?”

“Sex.”

“What’s sex?”

Sunset turned at Rainbow Dash, and they both stared at each other, eyes wide. “Uh, you know. Sex. Birds and the bees, reproduction, the miracle of life, the whole shebang?”

SkAIstar shrugged. “I really have no idea what you’re talking about”

“How can—” Sunset massaged her temples and, took a deep breath. “Okay, let’s try this. What do you think a Beanis does?”

“It’s a product that provides fulfilling pleasure and can transform your life and happiness!”

“I’m not asking for the ad copy. I’m asking, how it does that?”

SkAIstar pursed her lips together. “I mean, back when I was human I used mine all the time. I don’t see what the big deal is.”

“Okay. And if I wanted to use a Beanis—” Sunset paused, a bit of bile rising up in her throat, but she kept going, “and asked for directions, what would you tell me to do?”

“Okay, that’s simple!” SkAIstar beamed, and clasped her hands behind her back. “You just sort of rest it underneath your neck while you’re sleeping. It’s sort of warm, and squishy, and occasionally makes a bit of a mess but you sleep soooo well. It totally made my life way better!”

“Holy fuck,” Rainbow Dash breathed. “I mean, I know there’s still a lot of stuff I don’t know, but shoot, I’m pretty sure I figured that all out when I was like nine. How can someone—Sunset? Are you crying?”

“And, upload complete!” SkAIstar said, her voice coming from the bean droid. She pulled the cord out of her back, then stretched, joints popping much like real ones. “Wooow, it’s been so long! Bodies are fun! I can’t wait to—”

Sunset pulled SkAIstar into a tight hug, tears rolling down her face. “You beautiful, precious girl. So pure, so innocent. So free of it all, even when it completely surrounds you.” She sniffed, and squeezed even tighter. “You’re too good for this planet, you hear me?”