20,000 Legumes Under The Sea

by Oroboro

Rating: mature
Tags: Sunset Shimmer, Profanity, Twilight Sparkle (EqG), Drama, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Princess Skystar, Equestria Girls, Sex
Length: 13970

Instead of returning home after her conquests in the Blood Dome, Sunset accepts Twilight's invitation to tour her new state of the art amusement park. Dying in a watery, dick filled tomb wasn't a part of the bargain.

Instead of returning home after her conquests in the Blood Dome, Sunset accepts Twilight's invitation to tour her new state of the art amusement park.

Dying in a watery, dick filled tomb wasn't a part of the bargain.

Another dive into the Beanis Cinematic Universe.

Coverart by Chris the Blue

Published 2019-02-08 18:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-02-08 18:30:01 UTC

Prologue

Trust in Twilight to make everything complicated.

The first part of her flight had been in first class. A triumphant return heralded by the most extravagant luxuries was just what she needed to soothe away her aches and pains, and meditate on the new direction her life was going.

Thirty two hours and four layovers later, not only had she been downgraded to coach, but the final stretch of her journey involved a shuttle out into the backcountry, where she was dropped off at a dirt runway. It proudly featured a rickety old hangar that could more adequately be described as a shack, a rickety old puddle jumper, and a rickety old salt of a man who insisted on being referred to as ‘The Captain.’

Sunset’s legs wobbled as she climbed out of the old seaplane, grateful for the relative stability of the dock beneath her. Her vision swam in all of its one sided glory, and the contents of her stomach threatened to become fish food, but she held it together.

For now, anyway.

“You sure this is the right place?” Sunset asked, looking up, They’d disembarked alongside what appeared to be a giant oil platform in the middle of the ocean, though large portions of it were still under construction. Maybe she’d heard wrong, and this was supposed to be an industrial park, and not an amusement park.

“Yarr, little missy,” The Captain growled, his voice the timbre of an ocean storm. He brought fingers gnarled like genetically inferior root vegetables up to scratch a beard that was probably more salt then hair, and then spat into the sea. “I best be on my way now. The sea bears ill tidings on this day. Beware what comes from the deep.”

With a cloud of exhaust, the little plane turned and ambled off into the waves, barely managing to clear a rock outcropping and heading shakily back towards land.

Sunset hoisted her duffel bag up over her shoulder. “Right.”

it didn’t take long to climb the stairs up to the top of the platform proper. People in yellow vests and hard hats milled about under the din of construction equipment. And ahead, in the center of the platform, casting its shadow upon her, rose a long, cylindrical and rounded tower that looked exactly like Sunset expected it to.

With a sigh, Sunset shook her head and ran her fingers through her hair. “You know, Twilight,” she said out loud to nobody in particular. “Normally when guys make giant, dick shaped buildings it’s because they have something to prove. What’s your excuse?”

She thought about asking one of the construction workers for directions, but knew that at the end of the day, there was only one place to go. Her instinct was proven correct after a minute of walking, when she caught a familiar blue face running towards her, arms waving in the air.

“Sunset!” Rainbow Dash called out, face lit up like a kid at Christmas. “Holy crap, you actually made it!” She skidded to a stop in front of Sunset, and before any more time could be wasted on words, wrapped her arms around Sunset in a bone crushing hug.

It hurt, sending twinges of pain through Sunset’s still recovering injuries, but honestly she barely even minded. She returned the hug with as much force as she could muster, euphoria spreading through her at the sight of a long missed friend. “Hey. Good to see you, Rainbow Dash. It’s been too long.”

Rainbow Dash pulled out of the hug, though not before slapping Sunset on the arm several times for good measure. “Man, you have no idea how much things have—” Rainbow Dash’s gaze fell upon Sunset’s face, and she did a double take. “Oh, no freaking way! I was right! The girls are gonna flip when I tell them about this.”

Sunset winked, and tilted her head to the side. “Tell them about what?”

“Everyone’s been wondering about what you were doing, wherever you were, and my thought was always that you were off sailing the seven seas plundering ships and stealing mad booty. But no, everyone was all like ‘that’s the stupidest thing i’ve ever heard Rainbow Dash,' and ‘pirates aren’t even real’. But look at you!”

It took several moments for Rainbow Dash’s words to sink in, until it finally clicked and Sunset snorted with laughter. She reached up to touch her still injured eye. She’d replaced the tacky bandage with an eyepatch from a children’s pirate costume that she’d found in an airport gift shop. Well, Captain Sunset certainly fit the atmosphere. “I suspect my affinity for nautical adventures might be a bit lesser than you imagine, though I did end up keel-hauling my fair share of scallywags, if you catch my drift.”

“Really? Thought you weren’t into that. But hey. Niiice.” Rainbow Dash raised her fist.

Of course Rainbow Dash thought it had something to do with sex. Correcting the misconception wouldn’t be worth it, in the long run. She grinned, and returned the fistbump. “Speaking of things that kick ass, I hear you’re a dad now. That’s pretty kickass.”

Rainbow Dash’s swagger dimmed, and she rubbed at the back of her head. “Oh, you know. It’s pretty cool, I guess.”

“Fizzlepop Berrytwist, right? How’s Tempest taking all of it?”

“Eh. When Tempest first saw Little T—I call Fizzlepop ‘Little T’— her eyes got all wide and she vanished in a puff of logic.”

“Oh.” Sunset felt her heart sink. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know her all that well, but I suppose—”

“Of course, she re-appeared in another puff of logic like thirty minutes later, only with a burrito in hand.”

“Um…”

Rainbow Dash furrowed her brow. “I think she might have just left to get a burrito.”

“Of course.” Sunset laughed, and rubbed at her forehead. All of this would have given her an aneurysm just a few short weeks ago, but after the Blood Dome… it just felt normal. Nostalgic, even. “So, what’s this park like anyway?”

“Beats me.” Rainbow Dash shrugged, and gestured vaguely over her shoulder at the looming dicktower. “I’ve never been inside yet. Twilight just asked me to come here and take the preliminary tour with you.”

Sunset pursed her lips. “Really? I would’ve assumed she’d have gotten everyone else's opinion before trying to track me down. Is she here?”

“Maybe? Either she went down already and is gonna meet us there after the tour, or she had to run and get something and will catch up. Can’t remember. Either way, she didn’t want to color our first impressions or anything.”

“Huh.” Sunset stared up at the dick tower, then adjusted her duffel bag on her shoulder. “Well, no time like the present. I’ll admit, I’m actually kind of curious.”

Rainbow Dash gave her an odd look as they started walking towards the tower. “I don’t remember you being so chill about Beanis. Usually you’re like, way grumpier and swearing about it, or talking about how you could really use a drink.” She paused for a second, then a pained look crossed her face. “Man, I could really use a drink.”

“Yeah, well.” Sunset rolled her shoulders. “I had a big epiphany in the Blood Dome, you know? Life’s too short, and in my own way, I’m just as crazy as the rest of you. No sense fighting it.” They passed into the shadow of the beantower, which probably made for an excellently dick shaped sundial, and a shiver ran up Sunset’s spine. “If you want a drink, though, I have a six pack I snagged from a bartender in Fiji. Local delicacy, rare treat. It’ll be lukewarm, but hey. Beer is beer.”

Rainbow Dash’s eyes lit up. “Dude, hook me up! Fluttershy doesn’t want me drinking around the baby. Which is pretty much all day every day. This is the first time I’ve really been out and about for a while, you know?”

Sunset winced, then stopped and unzipped her duffel bag. “Everything I’ve ever heard suggests newborns are rough. My condolences, but I’m sure the hard parts will pass by soon enough.” She found what she was looking for, then tossed a can to Rainbow Dash and grabbed a can of her own. “Drink up.”

“Uh, I thought you said this was fancy beer from Fiji.”

“I got it in Fiji, yeah. Why?”

“This is PBR.”

Sunset grinned. “It’s a local delicacy, because they think it’s some kind of American delicacy. I didn’t have the heart to tell them the truth.”

“Huh.” Rainbow Dash shrugged, popped the top, clinked her can against Sunset’s, then they both took a long swig.

“Eugh.”

“God that’s disgusting.”

They looked at each other, and laughed.

When they got closer, the tower itself seemed to be covered in a sheathe of a fleshy, bean-like material, because of course it was. A slit in the side opened up as they approached, and an unfamiliar female voice boomed out over unseen speakers.

“Welcome to Beantopia, Sunset Shimmer and Rainbow Dash! Please enter the lobby, and your journey to an underwater wonderland of magic and enchantment awaits!”

The door opened into a massive antechamber, dominated entirely by queueing lines strung up to cover the entire floor. LCD monitors lined the walls, likely to play continuous advertisements for sex toys to a hypothetical waiting crowd.

Sunset stepped over one of the velvet ropes, disregarding proper etiquette. “Looks like Twilight’s expecting a big crowd. How exactly are people supposed to get here, anyway? The Captain isn’t exactly set up for mass transit.”

Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “The who? I assume they’d just take the ferry, like I did.”

“The what now?”

“You know, the ferry. Arrives on the hour every hour? It’s super nice actually, I think it’s like luxury or something. You get free shrimp.”

That old spark of anger flared up in Sunset. “Son of a bitch!” she roared, and kicked over a queue stand. It toppled lamely in defiance of her dignity.

Rainbow Dash scratched at her head. “Isn’t that how you got here too?”

“Freaking useless GPS,” Sunset muttered. “Nevermind. It’s fine. Let’s just keep going.”

Even hopping over every rope, it took them a good two minutes just to reach the door on the end, wherein they found another circular amphitheater, a long glass cylinder rising up from the center.

Before Sunset could properly take in the interior of what she now realized must be the urethra, a gigantic face appeared on a massive television floating over the far wall. “Helloooo!” the bubbly voice from earlier sung.

“Gah!” Sunset jumped backwards, covering her ears. “A little loud!”

“Oh, is it? I’m so sorry! Let me turn it down.” A click of a volume control echoed throughout the antechamber a few times, and the extreme close up pulled back to reveal the freckled face of a young girl with blue hair. “Is that better?”

Sunset gave a weak thumbs up.

“Perfect! Hiya! My name is Skystar, and you must be Sunset Shimmer! I’m really excited to meet you. I’ll be giving you your tour today!”

“Huh. Alright, sure. Nice to meet you.” Sunset frowned, staring up at the giant monitor. Not exactly what she had been expecting, but what ever was?

Rainbow Dash folded her arms over her chest. “What, I’m not worth getting excited over?’

“Hi Rainbow Dash!” Skystar waved. “We met once already, remember?”

“Uh…”

“Yeppers! My Mom and I came to visit Beanis Inc once with when we were hashing out the deal for this park. You were introduced to me as one of the core founders, you asked if I wanted to see something, and before I could say yes some purple lady with a mohawk dragged you away, muttering something about me being sixteen.” Skystar shrugged. “Dunno what my age had to do with anything, but whatever.”

Sunset snorted, and punched Rainbow Dash in the arm. “Do I need to call the FBI?”

Rainbow Dash looked away. “Haha, yep. Now I remember. Silly me, can’t believe I forgot.”

The amusement warmed her, but something felt off. She felt like she’d heard the name Skystar somewhere before. “Who exactly is your mom, that she’s making high profile business meetings with Beanis Inc?”

And what was the world coming to, that anyone high profile would even bother?

“Well…” Skystar blushed, and fidgeted back and forth. “It’s kind of embarrassing, because it makes it seem like bragging. I don’t want you to treat me as special or something, okay? My mom is Queen Novo, ruler of Seaquestria.”

Woah. Now that was a royal pedigree. She didn’t know much about Seaquestria, only that they were a reclusive nation with advanced technology that had only recently decided to enter the world stage. If Twilight had somehow convinced them to partner with Beanis, of all things, then it at least made sense where the bankroll was coming from.

“So you’re a Princess?” Sunset said with a grin. “My apologies for my earlier impertinence, your highness,” she said, executing a perfect curtsy.

“Oh no, see!” Skystar gesticulated wildly, her face twisted up with all the raw emotion of a teenager. “See, this is exactly what I was talking about. You don’t have to act like that! We don’t even do the whole ‘your highness’ thing, that’s all Hollywood!”

Sunset threw back her head and laughed. “Relax, kid, I’m just teasing. I know way more princesses than you’d probably think. And not all of them are even ponies.” The memories finally clicked together, and she snapped her fingers. “Also, I think I know your cousin. Terramar?”

Skystar gasped. “You know Terry? How’s he doing?”

“He’s getting by.” She stretched, then glanced over at Rainbow Dash. “Anyway, pleasantries aside, where does this tour start?”

“Oh, right.” Skystar pursed her lips for several moments, as if thinking about something, then nodded and cleared her throat. “While the marvel you see before you is already mind blowing, it is merely the literal tip of a metaphorical iceberg! The shaft of Beantopia extends deep, into the ocean, where the adventure of a lifetime awaits beneath.”

Sunset rolled her eyes. “Alright, decent ad-copy, I suppose, though you could probably stand to workshop it a bit more. But what do I actually do?” She gestured at the tube in the center. “Is this thing an elevator?”

“Hey, it is! You must be super smart.” Skystar beamed, then shook her head. “But there’s a few things you have to do first.” A door slid open next to what would have presumably been a ticket booth or something on the outer wall. “First, we need to take a quick medical scan of you. Please set your bag to the side and remove all electronic items from your person, then step inside.”

“Alright…” Sunset did as told, and stepped through the open door. The door slid shut behind her, and she found herself in a tight cylinder. It was a good thing she wasn’t claustrophobic. Orange light shone out of the walls in a ring, and slowly moved up and down her body. A screen on the wall showed a model of herself, complete several variations, including skeleton and organs. Fancy stuff.

The door slid open behind her, and Sunset stepped back out.

“Excellent! You should have no problem descending.” A small slot opened up on the wall next to her, and a black and white pill popped out. “Please take this. It will protect you from the effects of the ocean’s pressure.”

Sunset picked up the pill and stared at it. “Knowing Twilight, I’m kind of surprised this isn’t a suppository.”

“Oh, I remember this!” Rainbow Dash pointed at the pill, grinning. “It actually did go up your butt, and worked like, super well. But Twilight said you’d never accept it, so she spent like, a bajillion dollars to make the pill version instead.” Rainbow Dash scowled, and rubbed at her stomach. “The pill makes me gassy.”

“She did, huh?” It was oddly touching, in a way. Sunset popped the pill in her mouth, then swallowed a gulp of water from a nearby water fountain.

Then she realized she’d just put a mysterious pill of unknown origins, developed by Twilight Sparkle, into her own body. All to go to a dick themed amusement park.

The urge to vomit it all up hit hard, and she had to hold onto the wall to contain herself. God, what if the capsule was filled with tiny little beanises? Wriggling around in her stomach and shooting magical jizz everywhere in order to inoculate her from the ocean depths.

“Are you okay, Sunset?” Skystar asked, her voice full of concern. “You’re looking a little green around the gills.”

Deep breaths. She could hold it together. It was probably just a normal drug. She’d come back here because she wanted to trust and believe in her friends again. To accept the madness of it all.

Rainbow Dash sauntered out of the scanning chamber, then grabbed a pill of her own and swallowed it. She made a disgusted face, then slapped Sunset on the back. “See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. The suppository was way better.”

Bile in the back of her throat. Sunset grit her teeth, and forced a smile. “Guess I’ll have to take your word for it on this one.” One last shudder ran through her body, and she stood up straight. “Let’s get this over with, shall we?”

“Yay!” Skystar clapped her hands together and jumped up and down. “I’m really looking forward to showing this off to you guys. Twilight and my mom have all worked soooo hard on everything, and I just know you’re going to love it!”

Sunset hefted her duffel bag once more, and made her way into the central elevator alongside Rainbow Dash. It was large and wide enough to accommodate vast crowds of people, or even heavy construction equipment.

Another monitor inside blinked on with Skystar’s face. “Alright, folks! Before we begin, I do want to remind you that the ocean is a dangerous place. Please obey all warning signs, and follow any instructions given to you by staff. In the event of an emergency, there are escape pods located at several locations in the facility, including one on the elevator itself!”

“Well, as disconcerting as that might be, I’m glad you’re at least taking the necessary precautions.”

Skystar nodded emphatically. “We at Beantopia pride ourselves on customer safety!”

The doors closed behind them, with the hiss of pressurized air. Then with a brief jolt, they began to descend.

The walls of the elevator seemed to be made of glass, but the only thing on the other side was cold steel. “So, what is the princess of an entire nation doing working at an amusement park anyway? This some kind of summer internship thing?”

Skystar rolled her eyes. “I told you, it’s not like that? I’m not really… a princess in the same way you seem to think I am. Besides, this is so much more than an amusement park. We’re doing great work here!”

Sunset raised an eyebrow. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

The expression on Skystar’s face could only be accurately described as ‘a shit-eating grin’.

The cold steel walls around them faded away, and they were submerged in earnest, revealing dim, murky water, with faint sunlight filtering through from above.

Lights clicked on, and the ocean exploded into color.

Metal latticework spread everywhere, the support for the platform above, crisscrossing this way and that, along with numerous thick columns leading down into the ocean floor.

That was entirely expected, for a structure like this.

More surprising were the multicolored dicks sprouting from the latticework, drooping languidly through the water like wet spaghetti. Some of the bigger dicks even had smaller dicks growing from them, and the water was filled to the brim with fish, of every size, shape, and color imaginable. Swimming about, nibbling on dicks, and dodging the predators that came looking for snacks.

“Holy shit,” Sunset breathed, and she heard similar wonder expressed by Rainbow Dash. “This almost looks like a—”

“Welcome to the Great Beanis Reef!” Skystar threw her arms wide, beaming. “It turns out with a little bit of modification, your standard Beanis can function very similarly to coral! It creates a fast growing reef capable of pumping nutrients into the sea, and allowing thriving ecosystems to flourish!”

As she spoke, Sunset watched one of the bigger beanis growths shudder, then ejaculate into the ocean. Fish everywhere swarmed in to nibble at the semen. Sunset took a deep breath. “This is… really cool, actually. Wow. I’ve seen some of the reefs out there, and I know how much they’re being threatened. Something like this could be huge.”

Skystar leaned forward towards the camera. “See! Stuff like this is why my Mom is so into this project! We’re not just providing unparalleled entertainment to millions, we’re doing important research, that will help secure the planet’s future!”

Sunset nodded, suddenly feeling a whole lot better about this whole thing. She turned to Rainbow Dash. “Did you know about any of this stuff in—oh, goddamnit, Rainbow!”

Rainbow Dash shuffled uncomfortably, then put her hands over the massive tent in her shorts. “What?” she said, her tone defensive. “Look, seeing all those Beanises out there made me think of Fluttershy. She hasn’t really been… in the mood, since giving birth, you know?” She fidgeted back and forth, a few times. “Look, you’re chill about all this now, right? Would it be cool if I rubbed one out real quick?”

Sunset scowled, and crossed her arms over her chest. “There are still lines, Dash, and that definitely crosses one.” She glanced over at the monitor where Skystar stood, head tilted, then stepped in between the monitor and Dash. Not that she knew where the camera was. “Besides, Skystar here is sixteen, remember? Whip it out carelessly and you’ll be put on a registry for life.”

“Rub one out of what?” Skystar asked.

“But…” Rainbow Dash whined. She looked around for a few more moments before sighing in defeat. “You’re right. Sorry. I’ll just go do it in the bathroom when this thing lands. Do laws like that really apply here though?”

“Uh…”

Skystar piped up. “Oh, I don’t know what law you’re talking about, but this park is considered a sovereign part of Seaquestria, so all our laws apply.”

Sunset rolled her eyes. “Do you still have laws against kiddy diddling?”

“I don’t know what that is, but I can go look it up for you!”

“Wait, really? You don’t know about—”

The lights clicked off, plunging them into complete and utter darkness.

Sunset’s heart started racing, and she held still for several moments. “Um…” She said, her voice suddenly very loud in this relatively small, pressurized chamber slowly descending under thousands of tons of water.

“Where’d you guys go?” Skystar called out. “I can’t see anything!”

“Ow, fuck!” Rainbow Dash called out. “I smacked my dick against the railing!”

Well, some priorities never changed. Sunset fumbled around in her pocket, looking for her phone. “I assume this isn’t part of the tour?”

“Nuh-uh!” Skystar sounded frantic. “There must be some kind of outage, I don’t know what’s going on! Nothing is working.”

“Hey, stay calm, kid. We can still hear you,” Sunset said with a confidence she didn’t quite feel. “We’re just missing a handful of lights. It’s not like we live in a world where literally everybody carries flashlights in their pockets nowadays. Oh wait!”

Sunset flicked her light on.

A massive eyeball the size of a bus stared back at her.

It blinked.

Something slammed into the shaft from outside, and the elevator shook, sparks falling from the ceiling. Sunset stumbled, falling backwards onto her duffel bag.

“Oh fuck, what was that?” Rainbow Dash called out. “Shit, I think it saw my dick!”

Sunset turned, and in the scattered light from her phone, saw that Rainbow Dash had, in fact, taken her dick out. “Rainbow Dash…” she growled.

“Look, Skystar can’t see us now, okay?”

“See what? What’s going on up there?”

Another boom from outside, and the elevator shook yet again. Sunset grunted, and unzipped her duffel bag, searching for something that would bring her comfort, project strength, and make her feel powerful.

She drew her baseball bat from the bag like it was a holy sword of legend, and brandished it towards the darkness outside. “I am not dying at the bottom of the goddamned ocean, you future plate of sushi.”

A series of deep clicks answered her, echoing through the tiny chamber and reverberating through her bones. A dark shape rushed towards them, and when it got close enough, she could see rows upon rows of razor sharp teeth.

Sunset screamed. Rainbow Dash screamed. Skystar screamed.

The monster slammed into the shaft.

The elevator broke free, and dropped.

The screaming stopped.

α1

“Sunset? Sunset, please, wake up!”

An all too familiar voice combined with the sizzle of burning tears on her cheeks attempted to punch their way through Sunset’s unconsciousness.

She started to stir as flickers of memory rose up inside of her.

“Sunset, I know you’re in there. Please. I need you.”

Sunset’s eyes snapped open, and she sucked in a deep breath. Something dark and purple loomed over her, lit by a strange green light. Sunset twitched, trying to pull herself full awake, but her limbs seemed all discombobulated and felt strange.

“Oh thank goodness…”

Green fire dripped from the vague blur above her, only to sizzle on her cheek like hot wax.

Sunset blinked several times, and allowed her eyes to finally focus. “Twilight?”

“Mmmhmm!” Twilight nodded, smiling.

Twilight was on top of her. Except…

Darker purple skin. Darker purple hair. Glasses and a horn made of green fire. And of course, wings.

Not Twilight. Midnight Sparkle.

“Shit, Fuck!” Sunset said, expressing herself as elegantly as she could in a situation like this. She scrambled backwards, her fingers slipping on wet steel. Her head slammed into a bench, causing red lights to flash across her vision.

“Sunset, wait!” Midnight reached out to her, her expression twisted in anguish. “This isn’t… what you think it is. I’m not going to hurt you.”

When she opened her mouth to reply, rusty water dripped onto her tongue, and Sunset spit it out, sputtering. She blinked several more times, and actually took a look at her surroundings.

Beaten up and rusty lockers lined the walls, lit by a flickering fluorescent light. Another drop of water from the ceiling smacked Sunset in the forehead. “Where am I?” She looked down, and realized that she was wearing a drab gray jumpsuit. “What am I wearing?” Of course, that still belied the real question. “And why should I trust anything you have to say?”

Midnight took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and held a hand over her heart. “This isn’t really how I expected our reunion to go, after so long,” she said, sounding almost whimsical. “But I guess I can’t hide it any longer.” Midnight looked up, meeting Sunset’s gaze. “This has been happening to me for a while now. Whenever I get stressed, or scared, or angry, or really driven, I become Midnight. I’m usually pretty good at controlling it, but well…” She gestured around her, and shrugged. “It’s not like it was the first time. I’m not crazy or hellbent on destroying the world or anything like that. I just feel… better. Stronger. Like the world isn’t such a scary place, and I don’t have to face it alone.”

With a deep, shuddering sigh, she bunched up her dress in her fingers. “I’m sorry I kept this from you.”

“That’s…” Sunset sighed, and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I guess that makes as much sense as anything. But you should have told me, Twilight. This can’t be healthy, but I’m sure between me, you, and Princess Twilight, we could fix this.”

“As if I could ask for help from someone who abandoned me!” Midnight snapped.

Sunset raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

Midnight’s eyes softened, and she raised her hands up placatingly. “Sorry! I, uh, also get a bit snippy when I’m like this.”

“Right.” Sunset pushed herself up from the bench and stood, her legs wobbly. The jumpsuit seemed designed to chafe with every movement. “So my other questions. Where are we? I remember…” She paused, frowning. Her memory was fuzzy, and there wasn’t a good connecting thread between events. “I remember being in the lobby for your stupid bean park, and…”

“Considering what you went through, I’m not surprised there’s some short term memory loss.” Midnight stood up, and flexed her wings. “The elevator down into Beantopia was attacked by a Bean—some kind of undersea monster. The elevator was damaged, but it reached the bottom intact. You were washed down the halls by flood waters, but I managed to grab you, and bring you in here before sealing off the damaged sections.” She looked Sunset up and down, and her cheeks colored slightly. “I uh, changed your clothes for you.”

Sunset tugged at the collar of the jumpsuit. Her skin felt like it was crawling underneath the damn thing. “I take it Rarity didn’t push to have a fashion boutique installed in the park.”

Midnight glanced over her shoulder. “She did, actually, but it’s all the way on the other side of the park.”

“Yeah, that sounds like something she would—” Sunset’s eyes widened as something slowly dawned on her. “Fuck! Rainbow Dash? Where is she? Is she okay? Shit!”

“It’s okay, Sunset.” Midnight closed the gap between them, and put her hands on Sunset’s shoulders. “Rainbow Dash is safe. She got washed way to a different part of the facility than you. While you were still unconscious, I was able to guide her to an escape pod.”

Tension drained from Sunset in an instant, and she collapsed onto the bench. “Thank fuck. I… damnit, Twilight, I thought this park was supposed to be safe. I assume Skystar is okay too? She seems like a nice kid.”

Midnight blinked several times. “Huh? Oh, right! Skystar, yes, she also escaped with Rainbow Dash. They’re um, both very worried about you, but now that you’re awake we can escape ourselves.”

Sunset took in a deep breath and shuddered. “Right. Your investors are going to be so pissed. I don’t suppose you saw my duffel bag anywhere, did you? No, probably not. Fuck. How do we get out of here?”

Midnight smiled faintly, then stood up. She tapped a screen on the wall, which came to life. A jagged crack ran down the LCD, bleeding colors everywhere, but a map was still partially visible underneath. “We’re in the west wing, here. The tunnels here, here, and here are all either flooded or structurally unstable. There should be some usable escape pods here. The best and safest way to get there starts by going through the series of rooms in wing E.”

“Cool.” Sunset rolled her shoulders, and peered at the map. “Let’s get going then. The less time I have to spend in this death trap the better.”

“Well, there’s one thing…”

Sunset stared flatly. “Twilight… what’s wrong with wing E?”

Midnight folded her hands behind her back, and looked away. “It’s not that it’s dangerous or anything. The rooms are just all, well. Escape rooms?”

“Goddamnit, Twilight!”

β1

“Sunset! Hey, come on man, wake up! You’re way tougher than this.”

“Fuck off,” Sunset mumbled, the noise a pounding hammer in her skull.

A stinging slap connected with her cheeks.

Sunset’s eye snapped open, and she lashed out, her fingers closing around something soft and blue.

“Grrkh! Oh, hey Sunset! Glad you’re awake!” Rainbow Dash choked out, her voice getting shriller as Sunset tightened her grip. “Wow, you sure have, uh, gotten strong!” She clawed at Sunset’s wrist ineffectually, her face turning red. “R-really strong, actually, could you um, stop? Please?”

The situation slowly started to reach her conscious brain, and Sunset looked around. Wet carpet squished against Sunset’s back, and soft lighting shone from a curved ceiling above. Everything smelled like saltwater and fish. This was the goddamned bean park.

Sunset released her grip and Rainbow Dash collapsed on top of her, wheezing. “Geez,” Rainbow Dash said, rubbing at her throat. “Guess that’s not the right way to wake you up.”

“Sorry,” Sunset mumbled. She rubbed at her forehead, then pushed herself into a sitting position. “Well, we’re alive, apparently. And I hope you’ve learned a valuable lesson about flashing your dick at Cthulhu.” The distant sound of something mechanical—pipes, or a boiler, or maybe a door somewhere—echoed down the hall, and Sunset shivered. Hopefully, that was the last they’d seen of that monster.

Rainbow Dash grimaced. “Look, that was a fluke and you know it.”

Sunset stood up, then helped Rainbow Dash to her feet as well. “Have you heard from Skystar at all?”

“Nah, nothing. Not that I’ve really looked.” Rainbow Dash jabbed a thumb behind her at a heavy looking door. “When the elevator crashed, we got washed down somewhere, and that ended up closing behind us.” She wiped her own dripping bangs out of her eyes, then wrung out the hem of her t-shirt.

“Fucking hell,” Sunset muttered. She mimicked Rainbow Dash’s motion, then spotted her duffel bag overturned in a corner. Soaking wet, but still there. A smile crept onto her face, and she picked it up, slinging it over her shoulder. The bat was gone, but it wasn’t like it was anything special. A bat was just a bat.

“I guess there’s only one way to go,” Sunset said, and started down the hall, her feet squishing with every step.

The hallway way hit an intersection after a minute, where a large map was set up on the wall, complete with a handy dandy ‘you are here.’ Before Sunset could manage to get her bearings, a monitor flickered online, revealing Skystar.

“Oh my gosh, you guys are okay! I was sooo worried about you!” Skystar bounced up and down, looking like she wanted nothing more than to reach through the screen and hug them.

“Hey, Skystar,” Sunset said. She ran her hand through her hair and sighed. “Glad to see you’re okay too. I’d be more angry, but quite frankly I don’t know how you guys could have possibly accounted for freaking Jaws, so I won’t hold it against you. Still. Tell me we have a way to get out of this mess.”

Skystar pumped her fist into the air. “We definitely have a way out of this mess!”

Several moments passed in silence. Rainbow Dash coughed. “Uh, what is it?”

“Oh, right!” Skystar’s image vanished, replaced by an electronic map. Several areas on it up in red. “We have escape submersibles here, here, here, and here. Bad news, the elevator is shot. On top of that, our communications to the outside world are down too. This area here is compromised due to the flooding, but overall, the damage isn’t too bad, and the structural integrity of everything is fine.”

“That’s good to hear.” Sunset tapped at the closest market. “Looks like this one is close. Let’s just get here and get out.”

“Um…” Skystar scratched at her chin. “About that. I’d really like it if you guys can, well, come get me first?”

Sunset frowned. “Where are you at?”

“Here, in the control room.”

Well that was a hike and a half. “Can’t you just meet us at one of the escape pods?”

“Not… exactly? It’s a bit complicated.” Skystar moved closer to the camera, her eyes wide and glistening. “Please, please please please take me with you! I don’t wanna be stuck down here!”

Sunset held her hands up. “Alright, alright, fine. Which way do we go first?”

“To the left! You should pass right by the gift shop.”

Rainbow Dash perked up. “Oooh, can we stop there?”

Sunset raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? Is now really the time?”

“What?” Rainbow Dash scowled, and shuffled uncomfortably. “Fluttershy asked me to pick up a souvenir for Little T.”

α2

“Fuck, why does it reek so much in here?” Sunset asked, holding her nose as the walked passed a bathroom that seemed to be missing a door. “I thought this place was supposed to be a state of the art technological marvel that was in perfect shape, ready to be shown off to me.”

Twilight followed behind her, casually floating a foot off the ground. “Look, it turns out building and maintaining an underwater research lab slash amusement park is a lot harder than it sounds, and is incredibly difficult to maintain. Everything we managed to get spotless for your arrival is on the other side of the park, most of which is now underwater.”

It pained Sunset to even think of asking, but the question drew her like an inescapable itch. “Twilight… how much did this place cost?”

With one hand resting on her hip, Twilight smirked. “Billions,” she said, stressing the B. “Mind you, most of the investment capital was put forth by Seaquestria. Thanks to some creative accounting on our part, we won’t even be on the hook when this thing fails. Seaquestria won’t be happy, but you know what I always say. You can’t fry up a garbonzo bean omelette without breaking a few eggs.”

Sunset frowned, then turned to face Twilight. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say that."

Twilight faltered. “Oh. I mean I have been, I guess… you were just gone when I started.”

“So what then. This whole place is just what now, a trash heap at the bottom of the ocean? Billions of dollars wasted to accomplish nothing?”

“Oh, we accomplished a lot.” Twilight’s eyes sparkled with green fire. “I managed to get a lot of really crucial data out of this place before this whole, uh…” she gestured around them. “Incident.”

“Mmm.” Something about this didn’t feel right. “Twilight, are you sure you can’t turn the whole… Midnight, thing off?’

Twilight’s features softened, and she floated back to the ground. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “I can suppress it a little if I concentrate, but as long as I’m down here… I’m kind of freaking out too much for it to go away.”

Just like the first time they’d met, underneath the terrifying avatar of destruction was a sad, scared little girl. “Hey,” Sunset said. She took a step towards Twilight, then pulled her into a tight hug. “We’re going to get out of here, alright?

Twilight let out a choked sob, and hugged back, squeezing back as hard as she could. Her demonic features flickered slightly, but didn’t disappear fully.

Sunset wondered if she could reach in, and go deeper. It was rude to do to a friend without permission, but…

Nothing happened. Sunset blinked, pulled out of the hug and felt at her neck. Only bare skin greeted her touch. “Where’s my necklace?”

Twilight winced. “I, um. I didn’t see it when I found you, so…”

“Fuck!” Sunset turned and punched a nearby wall. Her hand hurt. That was stupid. “That’s a priceless magical artifact, Twilight! What am I supposed to do, just leave it at the bottom of the ocean?”

“I mean…” Twilight shook her head. “No, you’re right. We can send down robot submersibles to comb the ocean floor for it later. We’ll be able to detect its magical signature, so it shouldn’t be too hard.”

Sunset let out a sigh of relief. “Right. Good thinking. Sorry, just freaked out down here myself.”

Twilight smiled, then floated ahead. “Come on, we’re almost there.”

β2

For the third time that morning, Sunset was surrounded on all sides by dicks.

On the way through, they’d passed into another glass corridor, with a fully lit ocean outside and another bloom of deep ocean beanis coral. It was still disgustingly beautiful, in its own way.

And now she stood in the gift shop.

She’d expected the gift shop for Beantopia to sell the Beanis, sure. It was the company's flagship product. Ostensibly, this place was supposed to be kid friendly, so she’d assumed you’d have to ask a cashier, or go into a back room, or at worst, they’d be in plain boxes and labeled as ‘personal massagers’.

But no, that wouldn’t do for the design of Twilight Sparkle. An entire wing of the giftshop was dedicated to dicks, beanises hanging from the wall, and built up on displays in every size, shape, color and configuration.

“I don’t remember there being so many models,” Sunset murmured. She peered down at a green one labeled ‘Treenis.’ It had a picture of a pot leaf next to it, and advertised the ability to deliver a pleasurable buzz during sex.

Twilight had certainly been busy. Sunset stood back up and stretched. “Hey, Rainbow Dash, is Twilight still doing all the product development on her own, or did she finally hire some people?”

No response came. “Rainbow Dash?”

Sunset turned, and didn’t see Rainbow Dash anywhere in sight, but the gift store was pretty big. She left the beanis section, making her way through far more standard rows of t-shirts and coffee mugs and novelty foam hats shaped like dicks.

She rounded the corner and found Rainbow Dash crouched in front of clothes rack. “Oh, there you are. You had me a little worried for a second. What do you got there?”

“Huh?” Rainbow Dash looked over at her, her eyes distant and dazed. “Oh, right.” She blinked several more times, and shook her head. In her hand she clutched a baby onesie with a cartoon bean mascot on it that said ‘Bean missing you!’. “Just looking at stuff, I guess.”

Sunset’s expression softened, and she rested a hand on Rainbow Dash’s shoulder. “Hey, you doing alright?”

“I’m fine, it’s just… you think Little T would like this? I don’t really know what babies like, man.”

“I’d hardly say I’m an expert on babies, but I’m pretty sure all they really care about is food, sleep, and screaming. Gifts like that are more for the benefit of the parents than the kid.”

“Oh.” Rainbow Dash’s face fell, and she put it back on the rack. “Nevermind.”

Sunset rolled her eyes, and grabbed the onesie herself. “You can still get it, it’s no big deal.” The price tag dangled underneath, and she glanced at it. “Fucking hell, $30 bucks for this glorified washcloth?” Sunset sighed, then stuffed it into her pocket. “Put it on Twilight’s tab.”

“Aye aye!” Skystar called out from a nearby monitor. “Next up, you’ll have to pass through the arbeantorium, and the control room isn’t far off at that point.”

“Arbean…” Sunset smacked her face with her palm. “Come on, let’s get this over with.”

“Sure,” Rainbow Dash muttered, still looking glum.

As they made their way out of the gift shop, something caught Sunset’s eye. For whatever reason, one corner of the store was devoted to sporting goods. It was stuffed full of tents, sleeping bags, and, hanging on the wall alone, almost like it was meant for her, a long machete.

Sunset approached, unable to keep the smile from her face as she pulled it down from the hook. She drew the machete from its sheath with an audible hiss, and watched the light reflect off the edge of the blade.

“It’s no bat,” she murmured. “But this might come in handy.”

“What do you want done with that?” Skystar asked.

“Put it on Twilight’s tab.”

α3

Sunset ran her fingers along the edge of the pool table. ‘Holy crap, Twilight, this is real mahogany. For an escape room, that nobody’s going to actually play pool on. Why go through all the extra expense?”

Twilight shrugged. “I subcontracted the escape rooms out to a separate company that specializes in making them. I suspect they were upcharging me for a lot of unnecessary luxuries, and at the time I was willing to rubber stamp pretty much anything regarding this project.”

“You should do what I did,” Sunset said. She found a poster of billiard balls on the wall, and a set of billiard balls on a nearby mini-fridge. “Travel, and try living off of the grid for awhile. You’ll learn to appreciate the value of money real fast. You could use it.”

“You don’t know how much I’ve dreamed of being able to do just that…” Twilight stared past Sunset, a distant look in her eyes. “To be able to give it all up. To erase it as if it never happened. Go back to the way things were.”

Sunset placed the billiard balls on the table, and started arranging them as seen on the poster. She glanced up at Twilight. “That’s not really a sentiment I expected to hear from you. As much as I’ve always hated it, Beanis was your passion, your drive, your ambition. A Twilight Sparkle with a goal she wants to achieve is a scary thing to behold. Has so much really changed for you in only a year?”

Twilight turned and gave her a sad smile. “It feels like a lot longer than that to me.”

Guilt stabbed at Sunset’s heart, but she pushed it away. Leaving had been the right choice. It was a journey she needed to make, and she wouldn’t apologize for it. “So, how do I solve this thing?”

“I don’t know.”

Sunset froze, eight ball in hand. “What do you mean you don’t know?”

Twilight sighed, and shook her head. “I just told you. We subcontracted the escape rooms. I don’t know any of the answers.”

“Fuck! Why is it always something!” Deep breaths. Sunset finished setting the billiard balls, but nothing obvious happened. “Well, help me solve it then.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” Twilight tapped her chin, then floated over to the mini fridge and opened it. “Hey, there’s some bottles of luminol in here.”

“Isn’t that the stuff that shows blood and semen and stuff in cop shows?”

“Yeah. Hey, let me spray some on that poster, and I’ll flip the lights.”

***

“Awesome! We got a coin. I bet this goes in the jukebox.”

***

“Come on, Sunset, you have to hit the darts in order! Red, green, then blue!”

“Well excuse me for not being very good at darts! Can’t you just levitate the darts into the right spot?”

“Oh right. I can do that, huh? Whoopsie!”

***

Sunset punched the code into the far door, and it slid open.

Twilight pumped her fist into the air. “We did it! There’s nothing that can stop us if we work together!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Sunset smiled, and rubbed at the back of her head. “I’ll admit, that was actually kind of fun. I don’t think I ever got around to trying one of these until now.”

Twilight beamed, floating down to the ground. “I missed you, Sunset. Working with you, like this, I mean. It feels… right.”

“Yeah, well, get used to it, because we apparently have more of these to go.” Sunset frowned, stopping in front of the next door. “How many, exactly?”

“Um… there’s twenty total, so…”

Sunset sucked in a deep breath. “FFFFFF—”

β3

“This is insane, you know that, right?” Sunset muttered, her jaw open in awe.

Birdsong echoed throughout the tremendous dome, along with a warm breeze bringing with it the scent of a myriad of mingling vegetations. The arbeantorium could only rightly be described as a jungle, full of giant, twisting trees, scrubby underbush, ferns, flowers, and all sorts of twisting vines shaped vaguely like dicks. And to top it all off, the ceiling was a glass dome, offering a full view of the ocean outside, and yet another garden of bean coral surrounding it on all sides.

“Ta’da!” Skystar proclaimed from a monitor behind them.”Welcome to the Arbeantorium! I’m really proud of this one, you know. It takes like, sooo much work to maintain!”

Rainbow Dash ran her fingers through her hair. “I knew Applejack was involved with this, but holy shit.”

Sunset drew her machete, then started forward. “Looks like I made the right choice.”

“Hold on a second!” Skystar called out. “There aren’t any monitors in there, so I won’t be able to guide you! Make sure you stick to the path, and when you reach the sign, take a left!”

“Thanks.”

As they walked down the path, vines would occasionally make limp, grasping motions in their direction. Anything that came too close to Sunset was swiftly taught of the existence of sharp edges, and she left a trail of sad circumcisions dribbling bean jizz onto the forest floor in her way.

Five minutes later, and Sunset was sure they were being watched.

“Do you hear that?”

Rainbow Dash shrugged. “It’s probably just a bird or something, right?”

“Ssh.”

A rustling in the bushes, at two o'clock. Sunset turned, machete raised defensively. Whatever was out there was coming towards them, and fast.

A small creature burst out of the underbrush in front of them, then promptly tripped and fell on its face.

Sunset stared, not sure what to make of it. It was short, and stumpy. It had four, bean shaped legs. A lumpy, bean shaped body. A misshapen, beany head. All in all, it kind of looked like something a child would glue together in art class. It righted itself, looked over at them, and started wagging its little bean tail, and let out a series of squishy sounding barks.

Rainbow Dash blinked. “Is that a dog?”

“An abomination in the shape of a dog.” Sunset knelt down, and held out her hand. “Hey there little guy. It’s alright.”

The bean dog waddled over, sniffed several times, then licked her fingers. It was gross, but still cute.

Sunset scratched its bean-ears, then stood up. “Well, that’s adorable and horrifying. Come on, let’s get—”

With a squishy huffing sound, the bean dog ambled forward, and started humping Sunset’s leg.

Nope. Sunset reared back, then punted the little bastard as hard as she could. With an ear splitting yelp, the bean dog soared high into the sky, and well over the trees, learning an important lesson about Sunset Shimmer and personal space in the process.

“Goddamn, Sunset, you’re kicking puppies now? Just what the hell was the Blood Dome anyway?”

“A place where I worked out my anger issues in an unhealthy way.” She gave Rainbow Dash a sickly smile. “I’m much better now. Shall we?”

Rainbow Dash didn’t push the issue farther, and the bean dog didn’t return, so they kept going. They found the sign, then turned, and the jungle opened to a wide meadow filled with flowers.

It only took a few moments for Sunset to realize that the usual ‘flowers as vaginas’ metaphor was far more literal. Even the smell. She tried not to gag.

A few steps later, she turned to see Rainbow Dash standing still, staring at the flowers. What a day this was turning out to be. “No, Rainbow Dash, you can’t stop to fuck the flowers.”

Rainbow Dash shook her head, looking dazed. “What I?... Come on, it’ll be real quick. You can go ahead, I’ll catch up.”

“That sounds like a way for this to end in disaster, like most things do when you stick your dick in them.” Sunset closed the gap, then grabbed Rainbow Dash by the ear and started dragging her. “Come on, you can hold it in a little longer.”

“Ow, fuck!” Rainbow Dash wrenched her way free, then held a hand up to her ear, teeth clenched. “It’s been like a month!”

Sunset blinked. “That seems… uncharacteristic of you and literally everyone else I know.”

“Yeah, well, you don’t know us that well anymore.” Rainbow Dash spat. “Fluttershy is never in the mood, and Little T is always there, twenty four seven, always with her mother, we never get any time alone. She looks at the damn baby like she used to look at my dick, which doesn’t even do anything for her anymore, by the way!”

Bile rose up in back of Sunset’s throat. “She… looks at the baby like she wants to fuck it?”

“What? No!” Rainbow Dash shook her head. “I mean the other kind of look. With like, her heart and stuff.”

What an abysmally stupid way to refer to love. Sunset couldn’t help but smile. “Right. Look, have you tried talking to Fluttershy about how you feel?”

Rainbow Dash fidgeted back and forth. “How can I, when she’s either dealing with the baby or sleeping?”

Sunset placed a hand on Rainbow Dash’s shoulder. “And now it’s time for me to remind you of the obvious answer: The magic of friendship. It sounds like the two of you need a night off. Desperately. I’m sure any of the girls would be willing to help, but when we get out of this, I’ll be happy to watch the kid for a whole goddamned weekend, and let you two talk things out and enjoy yourselves as a couple again.”

“Really? You think that’d work?”

Sunset grinned. “I’m sure it’s a start. Now tell me. Do you want really want to fuck some stupid bean plant? Or do you want to take a month's worth of agony and use it to give Fluttershy the orgasm of the century?”

Realization slowly dawned on Rainbow Dash, and she grinned stupidly. “Yeah, okay. That one.”

“Right.” Sunset clapped Rainbow Dash on the shoulder. “I’m going to walk in silence now and try and scrub my brain of that image.”

“Sunset?” Rainbow Dash called, hurrying to catch up.

“Hmm?”

“You’re a good friend.”

α4

“Wow,” Twilight said as she walked through the short hallway in between escape rooms. “I never expected learning about the ethics of Jean-Paul Sartre in high school would ever actually be relevant to anything. Just goes to show you, huh?”

Sunset ignored her and kept pushing forward. She threw open the door to the twentieth and final escape room. A laboratory greeted her, complete with all sorts of expensive looking lab equipment, along with beakers and test tubes everywhere.

Twilight floated behind her, her expression pained. “Come on, Sunset. This is fun, right? You and me, working together, putting our intellects together. Just like old times.”

The ropes of Sunset’s patience frayed a little farther. She whirled on Twilight, sucking in a breath through her nose. “The first room was kind of fun. Hell, the first five were alright. But this was twenty in a row. It gets old, Twilight! That’s your problem. You never know when to stop!”

Her words hung like daggers in the air, and Twilight shrunk in on herself. “Oh. Of course, right.”

Somehow it felt like kicking a puppy. Sunset rubbed at her forehead and sighed. “Let’s just get this over with. Go start looking for clues.”

Sunset moved forward, and started inspecting all of the beakers they had available. Something told her she’d have to remember her basic chemistry for this one. She turned, and found Twilight still floating in the corner, not doing anything. “Well?”

Twilight twiddled her fingers together. “The thing is… while I subcontracted all of the other rooms, I actually did design this one myself.”

“Great, so you know the answer then. What is it?”

Silence.

“Twilight,” Sunset growled, taking a step forward.

Twilight held up her hands. “Come on, Sunset. I worked really hard on this! It’s sort of the culmination of everything we’ve done so far already, putting all those skills to the test. And nobody ever—nobody will ever get a chance to actually solve it. Please? For me?”

Sunset clenched her fist, then whirled, stomping towards the exit door. She lifted the panel, and found a small keyboard, and room for a six digit password. She started punching in letters.

B-E-A-N-I-S

*ERROR*

“Come on, Sunset, do you really think the answer would be so easy? Give me at least a little credit, I—”

S-U-N-S-E-T

*ACCEPTED*

The door slid open.

Twilight’s gaze bored into Sunset’s back.

Sunset left.

β4

“So this is the control room?” Sunset asked, standing in front of a heavy looking door.

“Yeppers!” Skystar said from a nearby monitor. “Just let me get everything unlocked.”

The whirring of machinery picked up, and the door slowly slid open, revealing a large open room, with monitors showing every inch of the facility. A glass wall behind the monitors revealed a server room behind, with racks upon racks of equipment.

What she didn’t see, notably, was a teenaged girl.

“Uh....” Rainbow Dash scratched her head here. “We playing hide and seek here or something?”

Skystar’s face appeared on every monitor. “What do you mean?”

Sunset gestured around them. “You said you were in the control room. This is the control room. Where are you?”

“Um…” Skystar stared blankly at them for several moments, then her eyes went wide, and she smacked herself in the forehead. “Oh no! Did I forget to tell you that? Oh my gosh, I totally forgot to tell you!”

“Tell us what?” Sunset asked, though she had an inkling as to where this was all going.

Skystar giggled, and spread her hands wide. “I’m so sorry. My name isn’t Skystar.” Letters appeared on the screen. “It’s SkAIstar! I’m an artificial intelligence, here to run Beantopia! Well, artificial is the wrong word. They just did a scan of the real Skystar’s brain and used that to make me. I remember being a human girl and everything, but honestly being a computer is super cool!”

Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened. “Woah.” She started counting on her fingers. “Wait, how old is sixteen in robot years?”

Sunset rolled her eyes. “We just had this discussion, about you and Fluttershy, remember? And it's not like screwing a bunch of servers is going to be particularly enjoyable. Although that raises an important question. How exactly are we supposed to get you out of here? I don’t think we can really lug all of that equipment to an escape pod.”

“Oh, we already thought of that, and we have everything in place. I just didn’t have the ability to make the connection myself.” SkAIstar gestured towards the corner of the room, where panel slid open, and a rush of steam came out.

Standing there in a tiny closet, was, well, Skystar.

“Tada! Allow me to introduce the Beanis brand Beandroid! There are a lot of other uses, but this one is essentially just a robot body for me to move around. Be able to really meet and greet the guests, you know? Anyway, if you could take that cord there and plug it into the induction port in the back, I can upload my consciousness and we can get out of here!”

Just how far was beantech advancing, anyway? Sunset sighed, and ran her hand through her hair. She gently tugged the beandroid out of the closet, and was prepared to stick her hand where she didn’t want to in order to find the induction port, but was pleasantly surprised to find it on the lower back instead. “You know, you being an AI actually makes a bunch of sense.”

Rainbow Dash blinked. “It does?”

“Sure.” Sunset plugged the cord in, and SkAIstar shivered. “Yeah. I’ve been wondering for a while why anyone would ask their teenaged daughter to work at Beantopia. But if you’re an AI copy, then, well, there’s a lot less ethical issues involved, I guess.”

SkAIstar frowned. “What sorts of ethical issues? What does me being a teenager have to do with anything?”

Sunset waved her hand. “You know, age of consent and stuff. Or wait. Do they have Age of Consent laws in Seaquestria?”

“Consent to what? I mean, you’ve got to be at least thirteen before you can consent to getting a part time job, and sixteen before you can work full time.”

“No, consent to sex.”

“Consent to what now?”

“Sex.”

“What’s sex?”

Sunset turned at Rainbow Dash, and they both stared at each other, eyes wide. “Uh, you know. Sex. Birds and the bees, reproduction, the miracle of life, the whole shebang?”

SkAIstar shrugged. “I really have no idea what you’re talking about”

“How can—” Sunset massaged her temples and, took a deep breath. “Okay, let’s try this. What do you think a Beanis does?”

“It’s a product that provides fulfilling pleasure and can transform your life and happiness!”

“I’m not asking for the ad copy. I’m asking, how it does that?”

SkAIstar pursed her lips together. “I mean, back when I was human I used mine all the time. I don’t see what the big deal is.”

“Okay. And if I wanted to use a Beanis—” Sunset paused, a bit of bile rising up in her throat, but she kept going, “and asked for directions, what would you tell me to do?”

“Okay, that’s simple!” SkAIstar beamed, and clasped her hands behind her back. “You just sort of rest it underneath your neck while you’re sleeping. It’s sort of warm, and squishy, and occasionally makes a bit of a mess but you sleep soooo well. It totally made my life way better!”

“Holy fuck,” Rainbow Dash breathed. “I mean, I know there’s still a lot of stuff I don’t know, but shoot, I’m pretty sure I figured that all out when I was like nine. How can someone—Sunset? Are you crying?”

“And, upload complete!” SkAIstar said, her voice coming from the bean droid. She pulled the cord out of her back, then stretched, joints popping much like real ones. “Wooow, it’s been so long! Bodies are fun! I can’t wait to—”

Sunset pulled SkAIstar into a tight hug, tears rolling down her face. “You beautiful, precious girl. So pure, so innocent. So free of it all, even when it completely surrounds you.” She sniffed, and squeezed even tighter. “You’re too good for this planet, you hear me?”

α5

Sunset’s steps echoed through wide corridors, matched by the rhythmic dripping of water. An odd smell filled the air, like overripe vegetation.

Twilight followed behind, still floating along dutifully in silence. “Sunset, I’m sorry, I just—”

“Sssh!” Sunset hissed. She held up a hand, and strained her ears. The soft scuff on metal, a faint shifting in shadows. Something was out there.

“Sunset? What’s going on?” Twilight asked, her voice barely a whisper.

Sunset pointed down an adjacent hallway. A low growl rumbled from the darkness, and something stepped forward, revealing a large, lumpy body, glinting yellow eyes, and a mouth full of razor sharp teeth.

“Run!” Sunset screamed. She grabbed Twilight’s hand, and took off down the corridor.

“We’re almost to the submersible, take the next left!” Twilight directed. She swung wide as Sunset pivoted their directions, the growling, wet barks of their pursuer following them.

A heavy looking door loomed in front of them, and Sunset skidded to a stop, and Sunset wrenched the bar to the side to open it.

It snapped off.

Sunset stared at the rusty club she now held in her hand, then shook off her momentary confusion. “Twilight, get the door open with your magic. I’ll hold this thing off.”

“But, I—”

“Do it!” Sunset snapped. She turned around, brandishing her makeshift bat in front of her.

The bean creature, whatever sort of horrible abomination it was advanced, drool slobbering from its fangs. It was the size of either a large dog or a small horse, and it did not seem particularly happy to see her, judging by all of the growling.

“Easy does it,” Sunset called out, trying to be soothing. She shifted her stance and took a deep breath. Couldn’t be any harder than the Blood Dome. “Come on now, boy, you don’t actually want to fight, do you?”

It growled, then lunged, fangs ready to sink into her tender flesh.

Sunset pivoted to the side and lashed out, scoring a solid hit against the thing’s back. It yelped in pain, then landed and spun, facing her again, a bit more wary this time.

“Guess you do!” she said, panting. “Come on, is that the best you—oh fuck!”

Sunset’s foot slipped on a wet patch of floor, and she went down.

The bean-monster was on top of her in a second, sinking its fangs into her hastedly raised left arm.

“Oww! Fuck, fuck, fuck!” She swung her weapon at it, but without much leverage, she wasn’t doing any real damage, and the monster shook hits head, its fangs rending her flesh, and—

A purple aura enveloped the monster, lifted it into the air, and slammed it against the far wall. Before it could finish its yelp of pain, green fire erupted from inside of it, and it was quickly consumed in a maelstrom of heat and light, until only ash remained.

Sunset lay there, panting heavily. She looked up to see Twilight, hand raised. “Well damn,” Sunset muttered through clenched teeth. “If you have that kind of power, you should’ve opened with that.”

Twilight closed her eyes, tears of green fire falling down her cheeks.

“Twilight? What’s wrong?” Sunset struggled to sit up, grunting through the pain. “I’m not mad or anything, I just wish you would have—”

Sunset’s vision landed on her wounded arm, and she froze.

She wasn’t bleeding.

Not regular blood, anyway. A white substance leaked out of her torn flesh. And underneath, wires running through pale muscles.

Her heart started pounding in her chest, and her breaths came in short and shallow gasps. Did she even have a real heart? Lungs? “Twilight? What is this? What’s going on!?”

Twilight turned away, head hung low. “I’m sorry, Sunset. It’s just me being selfish again. I wanted to see you again. Spend a little bit of time with you again. I wanted things to be like they were. It’s impossible, but just for a minute, I wanted to pretend.”

Sunset shook her head, her voice catching in her throat. “I don’t understand.”

“I’m sorry,” Twilight whispered. More tears streamed down her cheeks. She spread her wings wide, and floated higher into the air. “Goodbye, Sunset. Despite everything, I still love you.”

With a purple flash, Twilight disappeared.

β5

Sunset stepped into the round submersible, and took a seat on the small bench that lined the walls. “So how does this thing work, anyway?”

“It’s got both basic and automatic navigation.” SkAIstar took a seat in front of the controls, but rather than grabbing any steering wheel or something like it, she merely stuck her finger into a small hole in the console. The console made a soft moaning sound, then lights lit up all around them, followed by the whir of machinery.

Rainbow Dash took a seat across from Sunset, her expression pensive. “Guess we’re leaving then, huh?” She looked back out into the hallway from whence they came, and sighed. “This sucks, man. A lot of the stuff here sounded really cool.”

Sunset nodded. “I’ll admit, there was some neat stuff here. But it’s one thing to go to an underwater deathtrap, it’s another to want to stay there when there’s no safe and easy way out. How long until this thing reaches the surface?”

SkAIstar hummed to herself, and the door to the submersible closed, the air pressurizing around them with a hiss. “Should only be about five minutes or so. We don’t have to do any of that fancy stuff normal divers do thanks to that pill you took.”

“I am so ready to be landlocked again,” Sunset muttered.

The submersible slowly lifted into the water, lights shining in all directions. There weren’t any windows, but several monitors showed views from cameras outside the sub. Sunset watched as they rose higher and higher, and soon enough, all of Beantopia was spread out below them. The complex was massive, consisting of crisscrossing passageways and squat rooms and occasionally large glass domes. She could see the vibrant green of the arbeantorium even from here. There was so much of it they’d never even gone near.

“What are you going to do once we’re out of here?” Sunset asked, turning to SkAIstar.

SkAIstar frowned. “I’m not entirely sure. It’s not like I’m really a legal person or anything, you know? Truthfully I’d love to just keep working at Beantopia, but we’re going to have to do all sorts of stuff in order to survey the damage and reassess a lot of safety protocols and stuff. Assuming Mom and Twilight even want to continue the project after this.” She rubbed at the back of her neck, and glancing over at Sunset and offering a weak smile. “After that, I suppose they’re the ones who get to decide what to do with me. I’m just a machine, after all.”

Sunset shook her head. She couldn’t tell the difference, herself, and should it really matter? The rights AI had in society were a topic fiercely debated in science fiction, and now it seemed like their world would be charging into that head on. It probably wouldn’t be easy. But at the very least, she could vouch for SkAIstar to Twilight.

Silence reigned for several minutes, and Sunset was happy to muse in her thoughts. She heard Rainbow Dash sigh, then looked up.

Rainbow Dash had pulled out the onesie she’d gotten at the gift shop, and was staring at it forlornly.

“Everything alright? Dash?”

Silence for a few long moments, before Rainbow Dash shook her head. “Do you think I’m a good dad?”

Sunset shrugged. “I’ve been away, and haven’t had any chance to witness your parenting skills firsthand. Do you think you’re a good dad?”

“No. I mean, I dunno.” Rainbow Dash scratched at her head, her face twisted in a scowl. “I don’t really even do anything. Fluttershy just kind of takes care of everything and the two of them exist in their own little world, you know? It’s just… fucking weird, man. I thought everything was going perfectly fine. Good girl, good job, good sex, good friends, good sex with friends, good sex on the job, good sex—”

Sunset raised her hand. “You’ve made your point.”

Rainbow Dash smiled weakly. “Sorry. But now it’s all like, I dunno. Everything’s changed. Everyone’s moving forward, but I’m still just sitting back at the starting line, wondering when the race is even going to start.”

“That’s just life, isn’t it?” Sunset stared up at the ceiling, leaning back. “It wasn’t that long ago I was stuck in a similar rut. But you know, you’re Rainbow Dash, right? You’re awesome. Champion athlete in high school. And you’re a champion in everything else you do too. Look, if being a dad was a sport, would you refuse to even compete, because you weren’t sure you could do it?”

“Pfft, no.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “I’d crush that sport, make it my bitch.” A fire burned in her eyes for a few moments, but it quickly faded. “But it’s not a sport. And don’t know what to do. I don’t even know where to start.”

Sunset leaned forward, and placed a hand on Rainbow Dash’s knee. “Look, I’m not an expert. I don’t even want to get into my own family dynamics. But the fact that this is bothering you means you’re already in the right place. You just can’t use that uncomfortable feeling as an excuse not to do anything.”

Rainbow Dash grit her teeth. “But what do I actually do?”

“Care.” Sunset met her gaze. “Care about Fluttershy, and care about Fizzlepop. You’re a family now. Being involved is like, eighty percent of the work already. Show that you care, do things for them, support them however and whenever you can. For the rest, well. I told you already. Friendship. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.”

“I think there’s more to it than that,” Rainbow Dash muttered.

“Maybe, but—”

A shadow passed over the submersible.

Everyone froze.

“Skystar?” Sunset asked. “What’s going on?”

SkAIstar licked her lips. “Um, I’m picking up something very large on radar. I think your friend from earlier is back.”

Rainbow Dash went pale. “I don’t want to die in here.”

“Keep it in your pants, and we’ll be fine,” Sunset muttered through clenched teeth. “Is there anything we can do?”

“Um…” Various data flickered across the monitors, and SkAIstar shook her head. “I don’t know! This thing is just an escape pod, it doesn’t have any weapons or anything. Maybe it will leave us alone?”

A thick tentacle slapped its way over one of the outside cameras, obscuring it completely.

The submersible shook.

Everyone screamed.

“Fuck, fuck fuck!” Rainbow Dash doubled over onto her knees, clutching the onesie to her chest.

Sunset held onto a safety rail for dear life,. “This thing has to have something!”

“I don’t know, I don’t know!” SkAIstar shouted, her voice laced with panic. “There’s something here about an emergency beanis port, but I don’t know what that is?”

From the depths, the creature loomed towards them, tentacle dragging the submersible towards a giant eye.

Red warning lights and klaxons screamed in their eyes. Sunset looked around frantically, then she spotted it.

There was a hole at the back, pointed towards the monster even. Small lettering spelled out above it, ‘In case of emergency, insert Beanis*’.

*Rainbow Dash might work in a pinch.’

Sunset stared at the hole, stared at Rainbow Dash, stared at the monster about to devour them. Well, might as well give it what it wanted, right?

“Sorry, Rainbow Dash,” Sunset muttered. “Looks like Fluttershy’s going to have to wait a little bit longer on that orgasm you promised her.”

Without wasting any time, Sunset yanked Rainbow Dash up from the floor, pulled her pants down, and stuffed her into the emergency port.

“What the hell are you—”

Sunset pulled the lever next to the port.

Rainbow Dash’s mouth hung open, her eyes rolling back into her head. “Oh god, the pressure, it’s… oooooohh fuuuuuuck!”

All of Rainbow Dash’s pent up frustrations exploded into the ocean in a singular, perfect jet. It hit the creature straight in the eyes, blinding it and causing its grip to loosen.

The force from her spectacular jizz propelled them forward, up, up, and out of the water entirely until they were rocketing through the air, crashing onto the platform above.

Sunset kicked open the door to the submersible and rolled out, grunting in pain, and thankful for any semblance of land beneath her.

She watched as the Beanis Tower started to deflate, framed by the setting sun, accompanied by the moans of Rainbow Dash, still lost in the aftershocks of ecstacy.

“That,” Sunset said, pushing herself to her feet. “Was the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.”

α6

Existentialism was for pussies.

Sunset thought long and hard about the nature of the the soul, what it means to be yourself, the concept of a manufactured identity, etc.

That lasted about a whole minute.

At the end of the day, she was Sunset Shimmer. And as long as she figured it, she looked like Sunset Shimmer, thought like Sunset Shimmer, and acted like Sunset Shimmer, and anyone who dared to claim otherwise would be free to challenge her in the Blood Dome.

Though if the Blood Dome even existed anymore, she’d eat her bat.

The submersible surfaced in darkness, to stormy seas and skies full of lightning.

Sunset climbed up onto the crumbling ruins of a platform which, from her perspective, had been pristine only hours before.

Towards the shoreline, the horizon glowed an angry red, visible even through the storm clouds.

A small figure stood at the edge of the platform, staring into the sea.

“I was hoping I’d find you here,” Sunset said as she approached.

Twilight’s shoulders stiffened, but she didn’t say anything.

Sunset stepped up beside her. “So, what’s all of this, then?”

“The end of the world,” Twilight whispered.

Well, wasn’t that a bitch. “How did it all end?”

Twilight shook her head, a tear running down her cheek. “Me. It’s all my fault.”

“Why?”

Twilight turned to her, and it wasn’t the Twilight she knew. Rather, not only was she still Midnight Sparkle, but she looked about twenty years older. Lines crossed her face, and there was deep sadness in her eyes. “I don’t know. At every step of the way, I thought I was doing the right thing. Thought I could make things better for people. But like you said, I just don’t know when to stop. I kept going, and things kept getting worse. I tried to stay in control. I tried to fix things. I tried to fix the things my attempts to fix things broke. And on and on. Until I lost everything. Until everyone lost everything.”

Sunset took a deep breath, trying to imagine the world she’d woken up in. “Are there still people out there that need help?”

“Not many.” Twilight grimaced, and looked away. “But some. Little remains of civilization as you know it, though.”

“Equestria?”

“Sealed off, before things could get too bad. Haven’t heard anything from them in a long time.”

Sunset nodded. “So why me? Why bring me back in a robot body at the bottom of the ocean?”

Twilight threw her head back and laughed, the sound hollow and desperate. “Because you’re gone. Everyone is gone. Because the real you dedicated her life to stopping me. Because she failed. Because I wanted to see you again. Because I remembered that there was an archived scan of your brain data stored in Beantopia. Because I wanted to pretend that, just for a little while, things were back to the way they used to be. I’m sorry.”

“I see.” Sunset closed her eyes, holding her hand over her synthetic heart as she mulled over all the new information. For some reason, she felt remarkably calm.

Where to go from here, well. That much seemed clear.

Sunset rolled her shoulders. “I’m going to find some people that need help and help them. Are you coming with?”

Twilight took a step back, eyes wide. “I just told you that I caused the destruction of the world. And you’re… willing to forgive me?”

“I didn’t say anything about forgiveness. I’m in no position to forgive you. But there are people out there that need help. Do you want to help?”

Pain flickered across Twilight’s face. “I can’t help them. I’ve hurt them enough already.”

Sunset shook her head. “I didn’t say anything about whether you can help, or what you did. Do you want to help.”

“I…”

“I’m going to help them. Help them with me. Or just help me for my sake. Or fuck off and do whatever you want. The choice is yours, Twilight. You always have a choice.” Sunset turned around, and started walking back towards where she’d left the submersible.

“Wait!” Twilight called, reaching out her hand.

Sunset looked over her shoulder, expectant.

Twilight took a deep breath. “It’d be a lot easier if I fly you there.”

β6

“Sunset!” Twilight screamed, her voice loud enough to carry over the roar of the helicopter.

Sunset looked up from where she sat with Rainbow Dash, finishing off the last of the PBR. It was still disgusting.

Twilight hopped down from the helicopter, then sprinted across the platform, tears in her eyes. Without even stopping to say hello, she threw herself at Sunset, wrapping her arms around and holding like she never wanted to let go. “I’m, so, so sorry!”

“Hey, Twilight. It’s been a while.” Sunset smiled, and patted her on the head.

“I don’t know what I was thinking!” Twilight sniffed, and buried her face into Sunset’s jacket. “I worked so hard to make everything safe, wanted it to be perfect, something that wouldn’t go wrong for you! But I never even thought about hostile aquatic life. There was still room left in the budget, I could have come up with some beanis based defense systems, and this could have all been avoided.”

Sunset sighed, then disentangled herself from Twilight, and stood up, pulling Twilight up with her. “Hey. Everyone’s alive and well. Besides, you really did have some cool stuff down there. I would’ve loved to see more in a less life-threatening setting.”

Twilight took off her glasses and rubbed at her eyes. “Really?”

“Honest. And hey, all’s well that ends well, right?” Sunset frowned, then glanced down at the ocean. “Well, you might be a couple billion in the hole.”

“I’m not worried about the money. Just that you guys are okay.” Twilight took a deep breath, and shuddered.

“Shouldn’t you be, Miss Sparkle?”

Sunset turned to see a tall, imposing woman standing behind Twilight, her arms crossed. The setting sun perfectly caught her silhouette, lending her an aura of dominant radiance.

“Hi, Mom!” SkAIstar called out, popping up to her feet and waving.

The woman—Queen Novo, presumably—blinked, confusion crossing her face. “Skystar? I thought I told you to stay home. How did you get here?”

SkAIstar bit her lip, and fidgeted a bit. “I’m, um, her AI copy. Sorry, I wasn’t sure what to do, so I followed them up in the escape pod.”

Queen Novo stared long and hard at the electronic facsimile of her daughter, her gaze cold enough to freeze even the hottest passions. Finally, her eyebrow twitched, and she spun on her heels. “Come then. I’ll have to figure out what to do with you. Miss Sparkle? Finish up your business here quickly. We have much to discuss regarding the future of Beanis Inc.”

Twilight winced.

SkAIstar pumped her fist into the air, gave everyone a quick hug and said her goodbyes, then followed after her mother(?).

“So,” Twilight said, twirling one finger in the air. “Um, this is going to be tricky to negotiate. I don’t suppose you could give me a hand? We could catch up along the way!”

Sunset sighed, and rested her hands behind the back of her head. “Sorry, Twilight. But I gave that up a long time ago. After everything I’ve been through, I want to get back to the mainland, and take a nice, long shower. Plus, there’s still a little baby I’ve been dying to meet, so.”

“O-okay.” Twilight closed her eyes, but steeled herself, and managed a smile. “But, we can talk later, right? Maybe get dinner? You’re… really back?”

“Yeah, I’m back.” Sunset grinned, and clapped Twilight on the shoulder. “I still love traveling, mind you. But I’m not going to run away anymore.”

Twilight nodded. “Good. Thanks. I’d better get going then. I’ll send you the details!” Twilight waved, then took off running back towards Queen Novo.

Sunset turned back to Rainbow Dash. “You ready to get back home?”

Rainbow Dash stared off towards the mainland. “I thought I was going to die down there. One minute, I wasn’t sure I ever really wanted this. Now, I just really want to see Fluttershy and Fizzlepop again.” She sniffed, then stood up.

“Let’s not keep them waiting then, huh?” Sunset grinned. “I really want to meet the little bastard too, you know.”

Something told Sunset that from now on, the future was going to be bright.

Author's Note

Parts of the core premise and structure of this story ~~blatantly ripped off~~ inspired by Ever 17, a visual novel that I'm pretty sure I'm the only person who's ever actually read.

A big thanks to r5h for providing the setup in Blood Dome, and all the others in the BCU server who helped to preread and edit.

Cover art by Chris the Blue