You wake up and immediately grip your head as the mother of all headaches tries to split it in two. You don't remember getting wasted last night, but with a hangover this powerful you're not surprised. It's a small wonder you made it home safely.
This thought brings to mind a few murky observations as your brain remembers what it's supposed to do with information from your eyeballs.
This is not your home.
This is not your room.
This is not your ominous circle of mysterious glowing glyphs, ringed by lit candles.
And this is definitely not your giant, winged, pinkish horse-thing that's staring at you with a gaze that can only be described as hungry.
A shot of adrenaline courses through your body and snaps you into full alert as the beginnings of panic start to set in. Where are you? Why are you here? What is the deal with the horse-thing?
"Hey there, big boy," she purrs and tosses her head so a blue lock of mane drapes lazily over one eye. "I've been waiting for you."
She sashays a step closer, swinging her hips and tail like she's trying to hip-check her way through a crowd. "I'm soooo hot, and only you can give what I need to quench the fire within me."
Okay. What. The actual. Everloving. Son of a pinkish horse-thing is going on?
"What?"
The horse-thing knits her brow. "Come on, what are you waiting for?" She wiggles her hips in what you assume is meant to be an inviting manner. "Give it to me. Your one eyed-python. Your eleventh finger. Your schlong Perignon. Bring out Richard and the twins."
"...what?"
She blinks and her half-lidded sultry stare is replaced by a glare of frustration. "Oh you've got to be kidding me," she grumbles, "You cannot be this dense. Do I have to spell it out for you?"
You nod eagerly, thankful that she's finally stopped talking like a character in a fifty-cent porno. "Yes. That's the thing. Do exactly that."
She sighs, and begins to talk slowly, over pronouncing each word like you're a four year old. "I want you," she points to you with a hoof, "to sleep with me," the hoof rotates to point at herself, "by which I mean have sex. That's why I summoned you here," and now the room as a whole, "with my awesome magic powers."
Your mind locks up as that particular combination of words seems to jam in its gears.
"You... want to have sex... with me?"
"Oh look!" she praises sarcastically, "He can be taught!"
The shot of snark finally gets your gears revving up again. But there's still a lot to process. Summonings, magic in general, getting kidnapped, pinkish horse-thing. Pinkish horse-thing that wants to have sex with you. You finally realize the strange atmosphere that's been building in the room. How long have you been standing there in silence going over things in your head? A full minute? Longer? The horse-thing is getting impatient waiting for a response. You may not know her body language, but something in her eyes and the way her ears are starting to fold back worries you. You need to reply, so you blurt your first reaction to the situation.
"No."
The horse-thing blinks and the pressure seems to evaporate in her confusion. "No?"
"No."
"What do you mean 'no'?!"
"I mean no." You cross your arms. "I'm not going to have sex with you."
You may be willing to put up with a lot, and the offer of free sex is, of course, a rare and tantalizing treat, but still you've got to have standards! And this situation is breaking more than you're comfortable with.
"Well why not?" your kidnapper demands.
"For one thing, I'm a person and you're a... horse-thing, and-"
"Pony."
"What?"
"I'm a pony. An alicorn, if you wanna be precise."
"Whatever. Putting the species thing aside, another thing, among many, many other things; you're clearly a teenager. You're... what?" You glance around the room, taking in the postered walls, messy vanity, and bed that looks a bit small for how big she is. "Fourteen, fifteen tops?"
"Sixteen," she insists with a biting edge to her voice before she mutters not quite softly enough for you to miss "...next month.
But I'm an adult! I have my cutie mark!" She twists around to show off some kind of tattoo on her hip. Is that supposed to mean something? You don't know and don't care even less.
You sigh. Clearly this is getting you nowhere. Maybe you should take a step back and start over from the beginning. "Look, what's your name?"
"Flurry Heart." She straightens her back and puffs out her fluffy chest. "Princess Flurry Heart."
You snort. "I said your name, not your tumblr handle."
"That is my name."
"Wow, did your parents hate you or something?"
She shrugs. "Probably. Otherwise they'd let me have a coltfriend and I wouldn't have to resort to summoning surprisingly prudish sex demons in my bedroom. They even-"
Whoa, whoa, stop the tape! Rewind that and play it back. "Summoning what?"
She cocks her head. "Is that the wrong term? The book called you that several times, so I figured it was an interchangeable title."
Well now you're just confused. And maybe a little morbidly curious. Just a touch. But, seeing there's only one route for the conversation to take, you ask the obvious question. "What book?"
She gestures with a flick of her head. It's by the foot of the bed, so you pick it up.
It's a slim purple volume with a well-worn hardback cover. Some of the pages have old water damage, but otherwise it's in good, if well loved, condition. A lot of the pages look like they've been dogeared at some point, and even now it boasts no less than ten bookmarks of various colors. You flip it over to check the cover.
Handfuls of Love
"Aut inveniam foramen aut faciam"
by T.S.
Huh. Seems a bit cheesy, but par for the course for a teen romance novel. You crack it open to one of the bookmarked pages, just to see what-
Oh.
You turn a few pages.
Oh.
It's porn.
The whole chapter is nothing but hardcore sex between a pony and her human lover. You skim a few more sections.
Yep, more passionate sex. Is there even a story or is it just two hundred pages of nonstop thrusting and moaning?
You have to give the author credit though. For a porno with no pictures, even just the passages you skim paint a picture that's going to take a lot booze to erase. Never in your life have you seen the words 'engorged' and 'throbbing' used so many times in such a short space.
"Yeah, no. None of this is going to happen. Especially not- whoa! Yeah, that is literally physically impossible. Even if one of them is a horse-thing-"
"Again, pony."
"Again, don't care. And you can forget anything you read in this book because I am not doing it."
Flurry Heart pouts and fumes for a moment before it morphs into a worrying grin.
"Maybe you'll change your mind once you see what I'm offering." She hops into the air, and with a quick push from her wings she sails backwards, twists in midair, and lands facing away from you, belly-down, atop her bed. A sly smile crosses her face as she lifts her tail and thrusts her hips upward, baring absolutely everything right in your direction. "Check out the goods, loverboy."
Now, you may not be a playboy Casanova, but you're no virgin either. You've seen enough female anatomy to know that that is not what it's supposed to look like.
And it's... Oh sweet mercy it's moving! She's actually manually flexing her lips and muscles to make it move. It's almost like... like it's winking at you. But what might be kinda hot on a human woman is more than unsettling on her truly alien orifice. Immediately your mind is filled with the worst possible comparisons. Clenching shellfish. Hydraulic press videos. That one horror movie your friend convinced you to watch where the girl has a second set of teeth behind her lower lips.
You close your eyes and turn away, but it's no good. Much like staring at the sun too long, it's been burned into your memory.
She scoffs and rolls her eyes at your reaction. "Geez, I thought you were just a shy one, but you really are a prude aren't you? So much for your species' reputation as xenophiles."
"As what?"
"Willing to stick it in anything with a pulse and a big enough hole. Or either, really."
Ugh. How... just what else is in that book of hers? Humans would never... okay, most people... a good portion of people would never do that!
"Yeah well... that's not me. I don't care how you frame it, I'm not about to stick my dick in some horny, teenage, horse-thing!"
"Pony!"
"Irrelevant!"
"Fine! If you're so hung up on me being a pony-"
"Horse-thing."
"Don't you start! Then I'll remove the problem, alright?"
The horn on her forehead begins to glow. So that's what it does. But you don't see what a built-in glowstick is going to accomplish-
Suddenly, a poof of smoke hides her from your vision. When it clears, Flurry Heart is gone and there's a naked woman in her place. She's changed position, now sitting up on the bed, head resting with a coquettish smile on her tucked up knees and her arms crossed around them.
Her skin rides the line between rosy pink and lily white and is as flawless as marble. Long waves of lilac and cerulean hair cascade down her bare back. She's a bit on the flat-chested side, but other than that she's stunning.
"This more your speed?" she asks as her coy smile can't help but curl into a smirk.
You're... suddenly finding it very hard to form sentences. Your mouth opens and closes a few times, but to no effect. What... What were your arguments again?
Seeing your gobsmacked expression, Flurry Heart gets a little bolder. Leaning back onto her elbows, she spreads her legs invitingly.
Ah. Well. There are her breasts. A large perky boob on either side of her bellybutton. Oh and look, her horror hole is completely unchanged. And it's still winking at you like an aggressively flirting cyclops.
As much as it repulses you, you focus on it, letting its unsightliness become your mental armor against her otherwise enchanting features. "No! You can't trick me; I know it's still you under there!"
"Oh, come on!" she demands, throwing up her hands and meaning the phrase both literally and figuratively, "What more do you want?!"
"I don't want anything!" you insist, "No, scratch that: I want to go home!"
"But I'm horny!"
"Sounds like a personal problem, but not mine! Go buy yourself a dildo or a wine bottle or whatever teenage girls use!"
"Fine! You know what?! Screw this!" She stands suddenly, plump crotchtits jiggling aggressively. "Screw all of this! Screw your excuses, screw you, and above all screw me!"
Her horn lights up again and your pants disappear. Not 'are removed', not 'are shredded', just 'are gone'. You feel a warm tingle come over your body and a second later find yourself rising to full mast! No, it's impossible! You are not turned on by this!
"What are you doing?!" you shout.
"If you're not enough of a man to do me, then I'll do me for you!"
To your horror, your leg takes a step forward without your consent. She's controlling your body!
You try to fight, but your very muscles are working against you. It's like trying to walk waist-deep in the ocean against the current. Now in full blown panic, your brain scrambles for an out.
You have to stop her, but how? You can't threaten to hurt her; she has easily a hundred pounds on you and magic to boot. Can't bribe or try to pay her off; ignoring the fact that your wallet was in your now-vanished pants, you doubt you have enough cash to satisfy a princess.
Think man, think! She's a teenager, what do you threaten a teenager with? You were one not that long ago, what did other people used to do to punish you?
Take away your cellphone? Detention? Grounding? Tell your-
That's it!
"Stop!" you shout, "stop this right now or I'm going to tell your mother!"
Immediately you find your limbs free again, and just in time. You're almost on top of her, your body half-crawling over the footboard. You scramble back, back to the imagined safety of your summoning circle. You glance up at her. Gone is the anger with lusty overtones, replaced by something you can't quite make out.
"You... you wouldn't..." she stutters nervously.
"I would." You push the advantage. Realizing this is your one lifeline, you yank it for all it's worth before she can realize that you obviously don't know her mother and, for that matter, have no way of contacting her if you did. "And don't think I wouldn't tell her of absolutely everything you've done tonight. Magically kidnapping someone and forcing them to have sex with you; doesn't sound very princess-y to me."
Ooh, that hit a nerve. Her flinch is visible across the room. She lowers her head in shame. Time bring it home.
"Look, just turn your hocus pocus on again and send me back home and neither of us have to speak of this again."
She nods glumly and lights up her horn, making the runes of the circle around you glow as well. She looks... sad. But more than that, something deeper. You can't leave her like this, at least not without a few final words.
"Hey." She glances up at your voice. You try for an uplifting smile. "Just... give it a few years. I'm sure you'll find a boyf- somebody of your own age and species who'll make you happy."
The edge if her mouth perks up. Just a bit. "Thanks. Oh, what was your name, by the way?"
That's right, in all the sex-chaos, you never told her. "It's-" and you're gone.
Now alone, Flurry Heart waits a moment for the runes to power down before rolling her eyes and blowing a raspberry. "Well, that was a bust. And that goodbye, I mean, how corny can you get?"
With another burst of smoke she becomes a pony again.
She reaches under her bed and pulls out a book. Someone has scribbled out the word 'Diary' and written over it with 'SExperimental Logbook'. She flips open to a clean page as her magic snags a quill from the table. "Still, like Aunt Twilight says, any data is good data."
Test #31
Result: Failure, sex not achieved
Subject was turned off by concept of interspecies intercourse
Also weirdly concerned with age(?)
-address in later tests
Dirty talk test: no discernible effect
Princess title drop: no discernible effect
Transformation test: Partial success
-see additional notes
Aphrodisiac spell V4.2.1: Partial success
-Subject achieved immediate erection (so big~!) without visible pain or exsanguination
-No changes to mental state or inhibitions
Assertion of Dominance test: Failed
-Subject reacted poorly to magical coercion
-Forced testing to end through Exit Tactic #4
Additional notes:
-Subject responded positively to human female form
-Teat size was not mentioned this time, assumed sufficient
-Spell correction: Relocate teats to upper chest, use male nipple placement as reference
Final thoughts:
Although this test ended in failure, I feel that it may still prove informative. The aphrodisiac spell now works on human physiology without dangerous side effects, though their brains are still too foreign to influence successfully. Also, an important detail was gained involving human teat location, though the higher placement still puzzles me. Hopefully, with this new information, my quest is one step closer to success.
Flurry Heart slid the book back under her bed, open so the ink could dry, and pulled out another. This one was as thick as any of her magical spellbooks, with delicate yellowed pages covered in dense black writing.
"This time for sure," she muttered as she crossed out a line in her book, the latest in a growing column on the page. She changed out a few symbols in the summoning circle, checking against the next line in her book for reference. "One way or another, so help me Friendship I am getting laid tonight even if I have to summon every name in the Anthronomicon!"
Author's Note
Happy Valentine's Day!
Tangentially inspired by Lost in Translation by Uh-hmmm.
