Author's Note

I don’t know, I got bored

Here comes a new challenger

Anon sighed in relief as each of the princess lay unconscious, bald patches on their cheeks from where the sheer force of multiple fully charged pimp slaps had burned their fur to a crisp.

“The deed is done.” He spoke to himself. “The hoe-ism has been purged from this land, and now I shall rest, until I am needed once more.” Turning to leave, the human halted as he felt a great power appear from seemingly nowhere. “This power... where have I felt this before?”

The sound of slow clapping echoed through the throne room of the castle. Anon turned to find a tall, skinny figure with messy hair and a green shirt clapping his boney hands together with a small smile on his face.

“Like, nicely done dude. Not just anyone could purge the thottiness from literal gods man.” The figure spoke in a lazy, cracking voice.

“Your power, it is familiar to me. Who are you? Are you friend or foe?” Anon asked cautiously, his years of battling hoe-ism preventing him from judging this fragile looking man by his appearance, as thots come in all shapes, sizes and ages.

“I’m just a bored guy lookin’ for a worthy opponent man.” Without warning, the man fired a beam of white energy from his palm.

Anon pimp slapped the beam away effortlessly, redirecting it into the throne room wall, leaving it and much of the mountain behind it reduced to dust.

“Woah dude, that beam was like 2% of my power, you may actually be worth missing that Scooby Snack sale.” The man grinned and charged forward at blinding speed and threw a punch. Anon crossed his arms in front of him to shield himself, the strangers fist colliding with his muscular forearms as the two struggled against each other, neither moving an inch. “Like, impressive dude, you’ve survived two of my attacks. What’s your name man?”

Anon jumped back and pimp slapped the strangers hand away, the force redirected into the other wall of the throne room, causing the roof of the building to come down onto both the fighters. The stranger grinned and blasted the falling roof into oblivion, the sky above splitting in two.

“I am Anonymous, Master of the Pimp Hand, and you are?” Anon stated as he and the stranger began walking towards each other.

“I’m Shaggy man, the most powerful being in the multiverse.” The two stopped mere inches from each other, neither breaking eye contact.

“Well Shaggy, If it is a fight you’re looking for...” Before Anon finished, he pimp slapped Shaggy with the speed of light, launching the skinny being to a nearby mountain, the top half of the mountain exploding in the process. “...you’ve picked the wrong opponent.”

Within an instant, Shaggy reappeared in front of Anon, rubbing his cheek with an eager grin. “Like, I actually felt that man.” Without giving Anon time to react, Shaggy teleported behind him. “Like, nothin’ personal bud.” Anon was struck in the back with a powerful punch, rocketing him upwards.

Anon shook off the pain and grabbed onto a cloud before he could be sent through the atmosphere. As he stopped himself, Shaggy appeared before him and knocked him off balance with a powerful uppercut straight to the jaw. Anon staggered back and glared at the unholy being, focusing his power into the back of his right hand and charging forward. Shaggy raised a hand to defend his right side from the oncoming strike, but didn’t notice Anon immediately move the power from his right hand to his left, allowing him to strike Shaggy’s unprotected side.

Shaggy recoiled from the shock of the pimp slap. “You’re like, pissing me off dude, you’re making me use 20% of my power.”

“Then start taking this seriously, or we’ll just keep launching each other into mountains for eternity.” Anon stated in annoyance, growing tired of his opponents overconfidence. “Come at me with everything you have, or don’t come at all.”

Shaggy became enveloped in a clear aura as his hair became a whiter shade of its usual brown. “Your in for it now dude, you’ll face the wrath of my Mastered Ultra Instinct!” He announced as he flew into the atmosphere and stretched out his palm to Anon, and the planet below. A ball of destructive purple energy appeared in his palm and began to grow to the size of the moon. ”Hakai...” The ball of destructive energy blasted towards the human.

As Anon looked up at the approaching beam of destruction, he closed his eyes and breathed slowly. Raising his right pimping hand, he channeled all of his being and power into the back of his hand. “Come to me, Holy Pimp Rings.”

Time slowed as Anon became enveloped in a wave of golden light, attracting the attention of every pair of eyes in Equestria below. As the light dimmed, Anon stood with a golden aura, 5 perfect golden rings having appeared on his right fingers and thumb, embedded with green gems, the rings on his fingers spelling PIMP with their gemstones. With the power of the Holy Pimp Rings and every ounce of his pimping soul, Anon readied his pimping hand.

Just as the beam of destruction was about to hit, Anon threw his hand forward, the back of his hand connecting with the energy, pimp slapping it back towards Shaggy. The beam perfectly being reflected back at him, with the full power of the Pimp Gods added on contact, was too much for Shaggy to take.

“Zoinks! Like no dude! This isn’t supposed to happen man! I’m supposed... to be... LIKE, THE STRONGEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTtttttt....”

When the beam dissipated, there was no trace of Shaggy.

With the battle won, Anon collapsed as the Holy Pimp Rings disappeared from his hand. Completely spent from the epic battle, Anon’s eyes became heavy and he fell into a deep slumber to regain his strength.

Anon had defeated the greatest thotty threat in any universe. He could finally live a life of peace.