Princess Celestia's Mid-Life Crisis

by Tigerishbook

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Spike, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Random, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 1925

Princess Celestia doesn't even know when the middle of her life will be. She's just assuming it's happened right now. And she's freaking out.

Princess Celestia is immortal and therefore would seemingly never have a mid-life crisis. But she still ends up freaking out every sixty to seventy years, thinking that's the middle of her life. She then decides she must learn about the newest generation. This time, that mean's taking a night on the town. In Ponyville. With Twilight Sparkle, Spike, and Starlight Glimmer. You can obviously tell this will end well. And that I've spent too much time on the weird side of FiMFiction.

*Rated Teen due to drinking of alcoholic beverages.

Published 2019-02-09 18:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-02-09 18:30:01 UTC

Halfway Through an Immortal Life

It had been a long day for the solar princess as she retired to her room after supper. She calmly stood up from her lovely, silk chair and rose to head to her bedroom chambers. She began to walk the hallways, her head in far off places.

I really do think the chefs did an outstanding time with making the soup. They must have put so much effort into their delectable dish! I can only imagine I could cook that well. Here I am, as I just trot down a lonely palace hallway, whilst so many ponies are preparing dinners of heavenly proportion. If I was young, well then, I might still be able to learn, but now I’m so old that- wait.

Celestia froze and her eyes dilated as she realized that this might be time. What if this is the midpoint in my life? What if I’ve only got this much more time until I die? I only have half an alicorn’s life left and yet I still want to do and see so much!

The alicorn began to panic as she galloped, yes, galloped, as a thousand-year-old princess shouldn’t, to the nearest pair of guards. They watched in little to no emotion as she galloped over to their post with eyes widened in fear.

“My kind sirs,” Princess Celestia asked, “Do you know when the time of an immortal princess can be officially over?”

“No ma’am. We’re sorry for the inconvenience.” the first guard responded.

“Oh, that’s quite the issue, then! I do believe, my fine fellows, that this may be the very middle of my immortal existence. And I have nothing to do about it!” the princess fearfully replied.

“Ma’am, there is no proof of that. Could you possibly be having another mid-life crisis?” the other guard carefully asked.

“No! I know it this time!” she grabbed the guard with her golden magic aurora and shook him frantically about, “This could be the middle of my life! I’ve already been through half my life! I’ve already passed my childhood! I’m decades old now! Imagine what the foals are doing these days!”

“Umm… ma’am,” the first guard said, “You’re centuries old, actually.”

“Centuries?! Oh, dear old me! See, I even talk like I’ve been around since the stone age!” the princess hastily responded.

“Ma’am,” the second guard asked, “May you… please stop shaking me?”

Princess Celestia dropped her hold of the guard. “I’m sorry about that, my kind sir.”

She then came to another realization. “What if everything’s different than the ways they were when I was a foal?!”

“That’s practically guaranteed, miss.” The second guard replied.

“Oh, they probably are using new technology to learn all sorts of things I never learned! What if I was too late and never get to learn those things? I’ll be stuck forever as uneducated and old! How can I ever make an impression on the foals when I’m four times their age?!” Celestia asked in fear.

“It’s more like forty times their age.” the first guard told his fearful princess.

“Forty times?! When did I ever get that old?!” the solar princess asked in fear, “I’ve just lost all my life sitting around and doing nothing! I need to start talking to the city folk again! I only talk to the rich and the famous, but never to the public as but another middle-aged adult!”

“Miss, I think you should just sit down and think about what you’re saying.” the first guard said.

“Oh, no! I must go talk with the townsfolk! A night on the town is exactly what I need! But first, I must talk to my dear sister!” the princess said, heading off to her sister’s bedchambers.

“This will never end well.” said the first guard.

The second looked at him in agreement. “Yes. It’s all bound to go wrong.”

(-----{~~~}-----)

“Luna, wake up~!” Celesia whispered into her younger sister’s ear.

“Uhh… mommy… just five… more… minutes....... Yes... I would... love to marry you... Cadence……. But the pope needs our owl!”

“Sister!” Celestia yelled into the young one’s sleep-infested ear.

The Princess of the Night immediately woke up and began to stumbly search among the bed, eyes half closed, until she had fallen onto the floor with a mighty thump. She saw her sister waiting for her there.

“Huh? What is it? Is it already dusk?” the lunar princess asked.

“Yes, and I am going for a night on the town!” Celestia happily told her sister, not missing a beat.

“You’re WHAT?!” Princess Luna asked in shock.

“Oh, you know, going out to the pubs, getting drunk, going to see a movie or two, go to a club… possibly a second club as well…” Celestia responded.

“You’re…” Luna said in confusion, failing to understand what was going on, “Going for a night on the town? And… you plan to get drunk? Have you gone insane?!”

“I don’t know. I just thought that since I’ve spent almost half my life doing nothing, it would be a good idea to see our newest generation of ponies!”

“Tia, I think you’ve gone crazy.”

“I can’t just spend the rest of my life sitting around and talking to officials! I need to go out their and have fun! Half of my life is over and I’m old, but I’m not going to throw away my chance to have fun!”

“I think you might be having another mid-life crisis. The last one you had was about seventy-three years ago.”

“I’m still going.” Celestia finally finished the conversation by teleporting away.

“Oh, dear Galaxia, this will never end well.” Luna said once alone.

(-----{~~~}-----)

Celestia had teleported all the way to Ponyville for she thought that might be one of the best places to go. She immediately saw the giant castle sticking out of the fresh, Ponyville grass. Heading that way, she got lots of confused looks from unsuspecting ponies.

She entered the castle without knocking which made the Princess of Friendship shriek with panic. Celestia could hear the frightened alicorn from across the castle.

“There’s a burglar! There’s a burglar! Spike! Get in the closet! You’ll be safe there!”

“The closet?!” Celestia could hear a male voice repeat in shock.

“And Starlight- can you use that spell you used on Discord a couple months ago?”

“Uhh… sure?” the confused unicorn replied.

Just then, the three all heard a booming yet regal voice coming from the entrance of the castle.”Hello. It is I, and We have come with an urgent message We want You to know of.”

“A- An urgent message?” Twilight said before teleporting to the castle doors only to be met with Celestia standing there.

“Princess Celestia?! What- what are you doing here?!” Twilight said before beginning to bow.

The Sun Princess laughed. “Ah, no need for that. I am instead here for a night on the town.”

“A night?! On the town?! You?” the confused alicorn asked.

“Well, with half my life over already, I have to get with the new generation.” Celestia responded.

“You… are trying to get with the ‘new generation’?!” Twilight Sparkle asked in confusion.

Just then, Spike and Starlight had entered the main entrance area.

“What’s going on?” Starlight asked.

“There is no way I am going in that closet.” Spike added.

“Oh, hello, fellow ponies of Princess Twilight Sparkle’s castle.” Princess Celestia said.

Starlight faintly blushed at the compliment while Spike quickly responded. “I’m a dragon.”

“You’re the friends of Twilight Sparkle, nonetheless.” Celestia responded.

“Can somepony answer my question?” Starlight asked, “What is going on here?”

“Like I know the answer to that question!” Twilight responded, “Princess Celestia just shows up haphazardly at my castle saying she wants to have a night on the town because she’s getting old!”

“Umm…” Spike said, “...What?”

“It’s confusing! I’m confused! You’re confused! Starlight’s confused! Princess Celestia is… well, Princess Celestia seems mostly fine, but-”

“I am not fine,” Celestia broke in, “I am middle aged which means I only get one more time of how much time I’ve already had until I’m dead! They’ve probably changed so much! They young foals are probably cool and I’m just over here acting like an old mare!”

“I think she’s having her mid-life crisis.” Starlight whispered into Spike’s ear.

Celestia just continued. “I just spend all my time in a castle with no knowledge of how the new world works! If I am to be a good leader, I need to know the intentions of my subjects! So much has probably changed since I was a foal! I wonder if I’m old enough to get married or not…”

Twilight just stared in shock. “I think… you’re old enough.”

“That’s the thing! I only realize all of these things now! I’m much older than the rest of you and you’ll still end up living shorter lives than me!” Celestia said.

She then gasped in shock when she made another realization. “You’ll all die and I’ll still be alive! How will I cope with all this death?! You and all you’re friends will all be dead and I’ll still be here, but so lonely! You’ll all die!”

“Uhh…” Twilight said, “I’m an immortal alicorn. I’ll live forever with you.”

Spike added on, “And I’m a dragon. I’ll live thousands of years.”

“And I’ve got six immortality spells in my closet.” Starlight added.

Twilight raised an eyebrow at that. “What? You never told me about that.”

“Heh. Heh heh…” Starlight awkwardly laughed.

“We are so talking about this later.” Twilight responded.

“Alright,” Princess Celestia said, “So you won’t all die, but I’ve spent so long since my youth that everything’s changed! I can’t be a good leader anymore! What if all of Equestria crumbles and Tirek and Chrysalis take control of everything?!”

“I have never seen you freak out this much, Princess.” Twilight said.

“But I’ve seen somepony who has.” Spike added.

Twilight awkwardly laughed.

Spike walked over to the fearful ruler. “Look, if you’re freaking out, there’s no need to worry. A night on the town will no doubt end miserably, but you’ll have fun and learn a lot.”

He slowly walked back to the others and Twilight whispered into his ear. “You just talked to the ruler of Equestria like it was no big deal!”

Spike quickly responded. “It was no big deal. Anypony should be able to get advice.”

“Thank you, Spike,” the solar princess said, “But may you three all come with me? You know, to help me understand the new generation more.”

“Us three with you getting drunk?” Twilight said.

“I don’t think I’m old enough to drink.” Spike added.

“This will end horribly.” Twilight said.

“Let’s do it!” Starlight said, not missing a beat.

Twilight facehooved.

“Sure.” the alicorn said, “Can’t trust you and Starlight to get drunk without adult supervision. Otherwise you’d destroy everything together.”

“Alright!” Starlight said happily, raising her hoof in the air, “Let’s get going!”

Spike sighed. “We’re all going to end up unconscious in a garbage dump.”

Author's Note

I thought of this idea at six in the morning. Anything that you think of the story for at six in the morning may not end up being a good story. But hey- no harm in trying. Don't worry, I'm working on 'Twinkling Star in the Night Sky'. I just wanted to write something weird. And yes, this will end up being two chapters long. Have a good day. You're life isn't over yet. Don't be Celestia. Just don't.