Is My Life Really Worth Anything

"Just breath. Nothing has happened." I began to internally say to myself as my own heart rate was increasing to the point of hyperventilating. "Remain calm. Easy peasy." despite the short distance we have walked I wasn't fooling anyone at this point. hell my breathing was already panicked, and now my vision starts to blur every few seconds.

"Um....are you ok?" Barb asked realizing how stressed and panicked I seemed at that exact moment.

"I'm fine." I replied rather blankly as I finally got to the point of the darker part of my mind beginning to take over. "You shouldn't be concerned with me anymore. You would be wasting your time." as my tone grew nonchalant by the end of my statement, I lower my arms to my sides and continue the rest of the journey to the castle as if all signs of life disappear from my body's reactions.

"Hey honey is it me or does something seem very very wrong with that look in his eyes.” Cadence whispered over to Shinning Armor noticing the almost immediate shift in my emotion.

Giving of a subtle shudder, “it’s almost like I’m looking into nothing. Before it seemed like he was alive but now, I’m sure they are still alive but he looks so, dead.” Shining armor whispered in reply. Once arriving at the castle my own posture, and any motion I made was that in resemblance of someone practically being led to their own execution and have accepted such a grim fate. However this greatly unnerved everyone in attendance since it really wasn’t in any of their intention to do something so grim or harsh, having come to the assumption that I was just acting out of self defense of the unknown.

"Since we have established that you are indeed intending no harm or hostility you will not be confined to the dungeons. However, considering how we don't entirely know you I shall have guards every now and then keep an eye on you." Cadence declares having led everyone into the throne room. "since the only other room that isn't occupied is next door to Barb's room here in the castle i shall let Barb keep an eye on you for the remainder of the day."

"I don't intend to do anything at all regardless, it may be better to have guards outside the room so she won't end up bored or burdened." I replied, "Once she shows me where ill be staying I'll just be wherever that location may be."

what followed afterwards was an awkward silence throughout the castle lobby area as everyone there gave a confused look toward me.

"U-uh ok, the room is over this way." Barb reluctantly called out as she led me to the room. Once arriving within said guest room she gave one last glance back towards me as I walk over and stare into the mirror on the wall of the room in utter silence. for some reason this doesn't feel right just leaving him in here. I have no idea why but why do I have a feeling he might be safer in a cell? with that though in her mind, Barb finally closes the door leaving me alone in the room.

"Now how can I see you again." I spoke out loud wandering the room. making my way over to the bed i began to remove the blanket from it and stuff it in front of the bottom opening of the door. Next I make my way over to the window and completely shut them effectively darkening the entire room. "There we are, hello again darkness, its time for me have another chat." Stumbling my way back in front of the mirror I stare into it looking at myself, "Why bother, the endless abyss is all I'm familiar with. Fuck everything else, endless pain is all life is. Everyone else around me doesn't understand this and yet I'm tired of trying to explain it to others why living is only pain."

After a moment a voice spoke to me in my head,"What is the point of talking when actions speak out so much better. Hahahaha No one is too stupid to figure that out." I then begin to focus on the mirror itself my own reflection fading away from my own perception. ”Don't say anything at all.....”

"Shut up....."

"and show them that-"

"-pain is all that life will ever be." Removing my shirt and tossing it to the side, I throw all my weight into the mirror, finally silencing the voices inside of my head.