Terms of Service

You stroll down the sidewalk of Manehatten, it was bustling as much as a negative two kardashev civilization can. God sometimes you missed the smell of petroleum products. Ponies were going about their daily routines as you rounded a corner and strolled into the paint store. A soft ding resounded through the space as you wandered over to the grey blues, a recent party had left a hole in your wall and you needed some touch up paint. Fishing a shard of your apartment out of your pocket you started to compare the shades. The selection was massive and by the end of your twenty minute hunt you were sure the three samples in your hand were exactly the same, either ponies could see more colors than you or someone was having a laugh at the paint factory.

While you were deep in thought you didn’t notice a mare who was browsing further down the wall had approached you. You straightened up a little with a start as she stretched her neck up a little to see the samples in your hand. “Oh hello, these all look the same to me.”

She had a small giggle at that and pointed to the one on the right, “This one is what you’re looking for, this one is too dark and that one is too blue.”

You smiled at her put the other two back. “Why thank you, I was just about to give up and pick one at random.”

She smiled back at you while cocking her head to the side a little to look up at you, she had a cream coat and a blue bob cut mane with a flower in it. Exchanging a few more pleasantries while you each bought what you needed you offered to carry her paint for her. She was courteous and worried about putting you out but you insisted as you hoisted the paint cans off of the counter. Talking as you walked she explained that she had recently bought a storefront nearby and needed to paint before she started to bring in furniture and clothes. The small talk was pleasant and spanned a variety of topics, eventually coming to what you were and where you came from. You glossed over the details while hopefully sating her curiosity.

Her store wasn’t too far out of the way, it was a quaint little hole in the wall with a bay window to the left of a dark green door, all done up in grey rocky bricks. Following her inside you set the paint on a tarp in the floor. Smiling up at you again she thanks you, “It was very kind of you to carry the paint for me..” She scrunches her nose up cutely. “You haven't told me your name yet, mines Coco.”

“Anon,” you extend your hand to her and she places a hoof in it. It might have been the inner neckbeard in you but you lean down and kiss it. She blushes slightly and smiles a little more bashfully this time. Score.

“Well you know where I’ll be if you’d like to stop by,” She replied as she trotted over to the paint, “but I need to get to work on these walls. Have a nice afternoon Anon.”

With that you leave, mentally patting yourself on the back as you head on home. The streets have picked up a little more now that lunch time has rolled around and while you’re walking you notice a small food cart off the sidewalk. You do like falafel..

Getting home you climb the cramped stairs up to your door and unlock it. Kicking the door closed behind you and tossing the wrapper of your lunch in your small trash can next to the kitchen and head down the hall to recently patched hole. Setting the can down you pry the lid off and stir the paint a little. Grabbing a brush you slather a coat over the white patch, careful not to leave any drips or heavy spots. With that done you put the lid back on and head to the kitchen to clean the brush. You turn the faucet on and work your fingers through the brush meticulously getting all the paint out. A few slaps back and forth over the faucet to knock off the water and you set the brush down to dry. With nothing else to really do you grab a pack of cider out of the fridge and head to the living room.

Setting the drinks down on the coffee table you pull one off and grab one of your new comics, these were your favorite afternoons and the new issue of power ponies was taking a darker turn than the series was historically known for. You were really getting into it, talking to yourself and making weird noises as the drama and action developed further and further. “How could he!” You couldn’t believe what you were reading, they killed off a character so abruptly that it sent you into a frenzy of fuzzy feelings that can only be brought about with the glorious use of wanton violence. You were fidgeting in your seat as the characters put daytime mexican soap operas to shame and then they really did it to you, they ended on a cliffhanger. You hurl the comic across the room and groan, “Why is it always a cliffhanger damn it!” A knock came at the door.

You walk over and pick up the comic, setting it on the coffee table. Placing your hands on your lower back you stretch and are rewarded with a few pops. Grabbing the now empty twelve pack of cider you stumble to the kitchen to throw them away and call out to the door, “I’ll be right there.”

Rubbing your face you go to open the door and are greeted by a dark lavender horse size extrasmol wearing big saddle bags filled with papers with a pure white mane, “Sup?”

She beamed up at you and pulled a newspaper out of her bag. “Would you like to sign up for the Daily Bugle?”

“Nope, Sorry.”

Her expression changed to devastation instantly and her toned turned into a more pleading one. “I could give you a free month to see if you’d like it?”

“Sorry but I don’t really read the newspaper..” You scratched the back of your neck feeling bad but you were already kind of tight for money.

“Please I really really need to meet my quota and this is the last place in my area!”

Normally you probably would have caved by now but you were way too drunk for this shit or for common decency. “Nope.” you closed the door on her as she started to walk forward and turned around to go make a sandwich and then you heard it, the four words that would start all of you problems. The words that would pull you down from a fine upstanding monkey citizen to a depraved criminal. “I’ll suck your dick!”