Luna Eats an Oreo

by Ezio

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1385

Luna consumes an Oreo sandwich cookie.

What is this strange confection of black and white?... Oh... We like this...

So, yeah. Luna eats an Oreo. Just a short one-shot that I had the idea for while eating Oreos.

Here's an epic poem written by one of the fans of the story- thanks to The Equestrian Gentlecolt for writing this up!

"What is this thing of black and white,
Which taunts the Princess of the Night?
Is it friend or is it foe?
Sister says the answer's "no."
It's not a monster, you can't beat it.
Silly girl, you're meant to eat it!"

Published 2012-08-21 20:34:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-22 20:17:29 UTC

Om Nom Nom Nom...

The culinary confection of black and white sat in front of Luna. It stared at her, and she stared right back. Next to it sat a roll of parchment, upon which was written in her sister's neat hornwriting:

Dear Sister -
I had one of these brought to you upon my request. It is called an Oreo Sandwich Cookie. Please enjoy.

Luna didn't know what an Oreo was, nor what a sandwich was, or even a cookie. All she knew was that this strange monochromatic thing was trying to intimidate her. She leaned in closer to it, never blinking, never averting her gaze. She would win this contest of will, even if it took her all eternity.

Several hours passed. Luna did not feel even the slightest urge to blink. She considered this new foe a worthy opponent, with a mind as steady and calm as her own.

Suddenly, a soft pop shattered her calm and steady mind. She jumped abruptly, knocking the table and Oreo flying. A scroll floated in front of her. She used her magical mystical mysterious Alicorn powers to unroll it, revealing another note from Celestia:

Sister -
You're supposed to eat it.

This... This changed everything. The strange object lying across the room was not a foe, but a food! What joyous news!

Luna searched the floor for the morsel. She now regretted her previous decision to have the floor redone in an overlapping circular black and white pattern. After half an hour and several failed attempts to consume the camouflaged snack, she finally accidentally skewered the cookie with tip of her horn, and- in a one-in-a-million chance- left it intact.

Using her magic, she levitated the bit of food off of her horn and gently, oh so gently, placed it in her mouth and began to chew.

To this day, she cannot completely recall what happened next. One minute, she was sitting in her room, eyes as wide as saucers as she experienced for the first time the sweet, creamy, hint-of-chocolate deliciousness that is an Oreo Sandwich Cookie; the next, she was in another world, a world where rivers of Oreo Cream ran white against a roughly-textured black cookie landscape. The lakes were filled with milk, and the birds flying overhead were not birds at all, but large Oreos with wings. There was no sun, nor moon. The sky was pure white.

She had entered a deliciously monochromatic landscape... And she loved it. Suddenly, a voice from behind her caused Luna to turn around, only to find her sister standing there.

"So," Celestia said, smiling. "You've discovered the Land of Milk and Cookies. A splendid place, is it not?"

Luna could not speak all she could muster was, "I... What... Where... Omnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnom..." She could no longer resist. She began to dig at the ground beneath her, devouring everything she uncovered. She eventually dug so deep, the ground gave way beneath her, and she found herself falling, falling into a seemingly endless abyss. Finally, she landed in what she'd originally assumed was milk, only to find after falling in that it was, in fact, more cream. This time, it was warm, almost hot. She began inhaling the stuff, letting the cream flow down her esophagus, relishing the sweet taste and creamy texture, she dove under, farther, farther... Something was wrong... Her lungs were burning... She needed air!... Luna could no longer tell which was up... The whiteness turned to blackness, and she knew no more.

***

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Darkness...

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep...

"Her heart rate is escalating. She's coming out of the sugar coma."

She opened her eyes and surveyed the room around her. It was her room, turned into a makeshift hospital room. An I.V. was hooked up to her right foreleg, while a heartbeat monitor showed her heart rate. Two ponies, male and female, dressed in identical white doctor's clothing and masks, stood to either side of her.

"We found you in here on the floor, twitching," said the male doctor. "We knew the symptoms immediately: Firsttimeeatinganoreo syndrome. Your eyes were glazed and your pupils were dilated to almost impossible size. You were making motions with your legs, like that of a swimmer."

"Does- blech!" she realized she also had a tube down her throat. After the uncomfortable sensation of the tube being removed by the doctors, she asked, "Does my sister know?"

"Yes," the female nurse said. "But no one else does. We managed to keep it a secret. We wanted to keep this quiet as possible. When the moon didn't rise on time, the princess knew something was wrong. She went to investigate and found you like you were, and summoned us. She'd assumed you'd choked. Even in her infinite wisdom, Princess Celestia's knowledge of the medical field is somewhat limited," she glanced nervously at the door, as if worried that Celestia had heard. "We still haven't told her what the real problem was."

"Don't," Luna said. "She doesn't like to find out she was wrong about anything." She remembered the horrible experience of Luna telling Celestia that not every game console was called a "Nintendo". Every piece of gaming technology in the vicinity had been immediately disintegrated. Celestia had smiled, and said, "Thank you for informing me of this," and then had walked away.

***

Several weeks passed without incident. Luna stayed away from Oreos as much as she could, pitching the few that Celestia occasionally sent her into the garbage.

Finally, one day while drinking her daily tea, she heard a soft "pop" behind her. A scroll had appeared, along with a small platter of Oreos- abnormally thick Oreos, she noted.

Unrolling the scroll, she read,

Sister -
I've made a remarkable new discovery. These are called "Double Stuff" Oreos.
Please enjoy.

"'Double Stuff'?..." she thought for a moment. "The cream has been doubled!"

Luna couldn't resist. Grabbing one of the cookies with her magic, she slowly floated it towards her, placed it in her mouth, and began to chew.

Epilogue

Epilogue - Discord

Being trapped in a stone prison could be so boring. Sure, there were the obvious benefits of having ponies come by and stare at you and try to climb on you, and the pigeons who thought it was their moral duty to drop every bit of dung they could on your head, but other than that... It wasn't very fun.

Discord stood, still as as statue (which was easy, since he was one), counting the leaves on the trees, watching them rustle in the wind, thinking how much more entertaining it would be if they- and the rest of Equestria- were all on fire.

The worst part of being stoned all the time was the tiny rays of hope that would occasionally break through the darkness of his prison, hope that came in the form of tiny signals consisting of pure chaos, signals that came from fights, or small angry mobs, or cow stampedes, or Twilight Sparkle losing one of her books... He was experiencing one of these now, actually...

He strained his ears- or, as he liked to call them, his chaos receptors- to try to pinpoint the source of this ripple in the chaos-harmony balance. It seemed to be coming from... No, it couldn't be...

Princess Luna?

Suddenly, a surge of raw chaos surged through him and his stone entrapment, a surge so powerful that the rock cracked; a small fissure appeared along the top of his snout; it spread, quickly covering his immobile body. Finally, with a great booming noise and a laugh so evil that Celestia herself got shivers down her spine, miles and miles away, Discord emerged. Breathing in the fresh air, he felt more alive than he'd been in years. Not wanting to waste any time, he vanished in a small Pop!, appearing moments later outside the Royal Palace in Canterlot.

In the time between his appearance and reappearance, he had some time to ponder over what the hay Luna possibly could've done that created a chaotic ripple strong enough to shattered his prison... But despite his vast knowledge of all things good and chaotic, he was truly stumped.

His answer came moments later, in the form of a small black and white cookie.