Don’t punch Twilight’s hero in the face.
Don’t do it…
Even if he is a jerk with a superiority complex. Even if he keeps talking down to Twilight and making her feel guilty for SAVING HIS SORRY FLANK FROM LIMBO AND BELITTLING HER AND—
No, don’t punch him.
Don’t punch him.
DON’T PUNCH HIM!
Flash knew his eyes would be sore tomorrow from all the glaring he was doing, but he REALLY didn’t care.
Not when this JERK was still here in the castle.
Seriously, you would think that at least ONE of the legends about Star Swirl the Bearded he and Twilight had read together over the last four years would have at least mentioned that Star Swirl the Bearded, while certainly a talented and respected wizard in his time, was also a bit of an ASS!
No offense to donkeys.
“If the Pony of Shadows has his way, your land will not exist. So unless you have a better idea…” Star Swirl said, looking disapprovingly at Twilight.
Don't punch him, it’ll only make things worse. Just try and think of how you got here to distract yourself, but don’t forget to continue comforting and supporting Twilight while you do so.
It had all started when Starlight’s childhood friend Sunburst, who happened to be the court wizard of the Crystal Empire, had found Star Swirl’s lost journal. In it, Star Swirl the Bearded detailed how he and the other Pillars of Equestria were, at the time, fighting a magical evil know as the Pony of Shadows!
Cool name, at least.
One road trip to the location of the final battle later (in this case, a large set of six large stone pillars), the book was, somehow, able to trigger a strange set of magical holograms to show the gang how the Pillars had managed to defeat the Pony of Shadows a thousand years ago. Although ‘defeat’ might be a relative term, since it seemed like the only thing the Pillars could do was to actually pause the fight, banishing themselves and the Pony of Shadows between dimensions into a place known as Limbo.
Why is it always one thousand years? Couldn’t this have happened one thousand and seven years ago? Or maybe nine hundred eighty six years ago? Why is it ALWAYS one thousand EXACTLY!? I get it sounds better for storytelling, but it also kinda messes with historical accuracy if you ask me.
Still, the fact that the Pony of Shadows hadn't been around for the last thousand years or so was great, so it WAS a win, even with the heavy cost of leaving the Pillars trapped in Limbo as well. Though from what they had told Twilight and the others upon being freed, it was basically as if they had been asleep the entire time and wasn’t quite the horror movie Twilight and Sunburst had been picturing.
Regardless of that, Twilight and Sunburst had immediately leapt into action, working to prepare a spell that would allow the Pillars to return from Limbo. To do so, the girls would need to find the five other objects the Pillars had used to banish Mister I’m-a-Spooky-Shadow-Pony in the first place. The sixth object was the book Sunburst had found in a random barrel of books in a random antique shop in Ponyville.
Flash WOULD question WHY the book was THERE of ALL PLACES, but it WAS Ponyville. AND, it had been a TUESDAY when Sunburst had first bought the barrel of books, so it really wasn't as surprising. Way too many strange things happened on Tuesdays.
Maybe that would explain why things went so badly, given how they had tried to rescue the pillars on a Tuesday as well. Even if it was two weeks after Sunburst had originally bought the barrel.
Flash hated the universe sometimes.
“We shall see. It is an easy thing to say you have saved the world. It is quite another to do it.” Star Swirl had said no so long ago, as if casting doubt on all of Twilight’s achievements.
Don’t punch him. Don’t punch him. He's not as bad as the—no, screw it, he is WORSE than the nobles since Twilight actually CARES about all the horrible things he’s saying, but punching him would just make her even MORE upset and we need to FOCUS ON THE PONY OF SHADOWS!
DON’T PUNCH HIM!
To be fair though, Flash HAD tried to help prevent this, and it HAD almost worked.
In her haste to meet her BIGGEST idol of ALL TIME, Twilight had, predictably, rushed ahead with nearly reckless abandon. Sure, a spell to bring the Pillars back was fine. Incredible, in fact! And something only someone as talented as her could likely figure out how to pull off!
But what if it brought the Pony of Shadows back too?
Starlight had spent time trying to warn Twilight about this, but she had been so focused on the solution that anything else just fell on deaf ears. As predicted. It also didn’t help that Sunburst was just as excitable as Twilight when it came to magic, so he likely only made things worse in that regard.
Given how Flash had spent several hours being the size of a house the LAST time Twilight had been so obsessed with a spell, he decided that the only way to intervene was to sweep Twilight off her hooves and give her a romantic kiss of epic proportion in midair.
It worked, and her epic work trance had been broken long enough for her to listen to him and Starlight, as well as blush and stammer helplessly once she realized Starlight and Sunburst had watched them make out for almost three minutes straight.
While Twilight didn’t think that the Pony of Shadows would come back (though Flash wasn’t sure WHY she would think that in the first place), he convinced her and Sunburst to come up with a safety net, which in this case was a set of spells and runes inscribed on the stone pillars that would serve as a safety shield, designed to keep the Pony of Shadows in Limbo even without the Pillars.
UNFORTUNATELY, while the spells DID work, they wasn’t strong enough and had overloaded, exploded, damaged the stone pillars, and allowed the actually-pretty-terrifying Pony of Shadows to break loose. Maybe that was why the Pillars hadn’t tried that particular method, because with the stones damaged, there was now no way to send the Pony of Shadows back to Limbo!
FORTUNATELY, the spells HAD weakened the Pony of Shadows enough so even Flash had been able to get a good strike in before he had fled, which was both exhilarating and incredibly nerve-wracking!
Flash NEVER got to fight ancient evils! Normally it was all ‘FRIENDSHIP LASER OF RAINBOWS AND FRIENDSHIP’ and POOF, no more villain. But this time Flash got to help and actually punch the bad guy in the face!
It was AWESOME!
EEEEEEEE, excited inner squealing!
But despite Twilight’s well-planned-if-only-slightly-underpowered backup spells, the talent both those spells and the come-out-of-Limbo spell required to cast, and the fact that she had, in fact, saved his sorry gray flank FROM Limbo, Star Swirl the Single-Minded could only seem to obsess over one fact.
Twilight had let the Pony of Shadows out of Limbo, and thus needed to help Star Swirl defeat the villain once again. Which, ok fine, fair enough.
But he was so OBNOXIOUS about it.
He kept casting these unimpressed glares at Twilight, frowned at her, and took every possible opportunity to remind her that this was all her fault. All of which was NOT helped by the fact that he would literally raise his nose in the air whenever he talked to her, making him look even MORE obnoxious.
Sure, he wasn't insulting her heritage, or saying that she shouldn’t have ever become an alicorn, but Flash was CERTAIN that any criticism from her biggest hero would be far more painful than the random nonsense the bad nobles would spout off at her.
The way she would look away in shame. The way her head and ears would droop every time Star Swirl talked at her. All of it made Flash’s own anger grow, to the point that he had to constantly try and keep his temperament.
Heck, if it weren’t for his guard training and years of experience of standing like a statue no matter how how annoying the visitors to the castle were, he would have likely given Star Swirl the High-and-Mighty a piece of his mind.
“Then my spell worked – before it was meddled with…”
We GET IT! Twilight MADE A MISTAKE! She only did so because she was trying to SAVE YOUR SORRY FLANK! It’s not HER fault your spell book was so vague she could only figure out how to reverse the banishment spell. OR that her backup spell exploded from too much energy being fed into it.
Given how you couldn’t even finish your final spell, the one that switched all of the girls’ CUTIE MARKS until Twilight fixed it and ASCENDED, you have no right to claim you are perfect either.
And YES, we DO still have an ancient evil to go fight. But MAYBE we could do that sooner if you stopped berating Twilight and just WORKED ON A NEW BANISHMENT SPELL ALREADY! Or, MAYBE you could work with Starlight’s idea of NOT banishing the Pony of Shadows again if there is another way to do this! Twilight is the Princess of Friendship after all. If there is another solution, she can find it!
Don’t punch him, Flash. Don’t punch him…
“While I appreciate your enthusiasm, Twilight, this is hardly the time to take risks on half-baked spells.” Star Swirl said, casting Twilight newly created spell of to the side as if it were filthy in some way.
GrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRR!!!
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I’m trying not to punch you in the face.”
A loud series of gasps from around the room almost made Flash blink, then nearly face-hoof. He had been so caught up in remembering every thing that Star-Jerk had done to piss him off that when said jerk had asked him a question, he had responded automatically without thinking. Many of the ponies around him gasped in shock and Star Swirl himself to looked incredibly taken aback.
“Aaannndd I just said that out loud, didn’t I?” Flash groaned.
So much for holding my temperament.
“Yep!” Pinkie called out from across the map, nodding vigorously with a worried look on her face.
Flash could barely see her right foreleg twitching, which made the pink mare look at it in confusion, but he would worry about Pinkie Sense shenanigans later.
“Flash!” Twilight cried, sounding horrified and confused all at once. After all, your colt-friend telling you he was trying not to punch your idol in the face was prooooooooobaly pretty brain-breaking.
Focus. You’re on this path now, and you can’t back down.
Also, DON’T punch him.
“What? He’s been asking for it all day!” Flash exclaimed, causing Twilight to go fully slack-jawed. Maybe picking a fight with Twilight’s hero wasn’t the best idea, especially given his magical prowess, but Flash was so annoyed at Star Swirl that he really didn’t care.
“I beg your pardon!?” Star Swirl yelled, his glare returning as he looked Flash up and down. “I have been trying to come up with a plan to help save Equestria from the Pony of Shadows!”
“While taking every possible opportunity to berate my marefriend!” Flash countered, matching the glare with the same intensity. “I get that you are trying to help, but how does INSULTING Twilight and reminding her at every possible opportunity of her mistake help you stop the bad guy, hmmm?” He thrust his face right in Star Swirl’s for emphasis.
To his immense satisfaction, Star Swirl actually took a small step back.
“Flash…” Twilight began weakly, but Flash cut her off with a wing.
“No, Twilight. This is NOT ok, so no agreeing with him. You were trying to save his sorry flank, and you tried to do so without letting the Pony of Shadows out. You made a mistake, but that is no excuse for him to constantly make you feel guilty about it!”
“She has put all of Equestria at risk!” Star Swirl exclaimed, thrusting a hoof at Twilight, causing her to cringe away.
Don’t. Punch. Him.
DON’T PUNCH HIM!
“And YOUR time spell almost let Starlight destroy Equestria in at least TEN DIFFERENT WAYS! No offense, Starlight. You had NO idea what changing one event would do to the timeline, and you stopped once she realized your mistake and has since earned your forgiveness by helping save the Crystal Empire and defeat the queen of the Changelings.”
“None taken?” Starlight said, tilting her head to the side in confusion.
“That does not excuse Twilight for recklessly undoing my spell!” Star Swirl exclaimed, unaffected by Flash’s divergent rant.
Don’t punch him…
“Um, Star Swirl? She WAS only trying to help.” Meadowbrook said unsteadily, but Flash ignored her.
“Well, MAYBE if you had bothered to write down how your banishment spell worked IN MORE DETAIL so we didn’t need to create it FROM SCRATCH, Twilight could have known how to prevent the Pony of Shadows FROM BREAKING OUT WITH YOU! It was a miracle and a testament to her and Sunburst’s intelligence that they were able to decipher your work at all!”
“That’s because it was never MEANT to be recreated for fear of letting the Pony of Shadows out! Something neither of them clearly cared about in their mad attempt to free us despite the fact that we KNEW the sacrifice we would be making!”
DON’T punch him…
“Star Swirl, I don’t—” Rockhoof tried to interject, but Flash was having none of it.
“Well, too bad! You’re here now, so maybe you should try asking for her help instead of just sticking your nose in the air and acting like you are better and smarter than everypony because, NEWS FLASH, she is smarter than you, GUARANTEED!
“Book smarts do not equate to COMMON SENSE, nor do they prepare one for the REAL challenges that a pony must face when facing evils that seek to plunge this world into DARKNESS!”
DON’T PUNCH HIM.
“Star Swirl! That is not fair!” Mistmare cried in what sounded like shock, but Flash was too busy trying not growl at Star Swirl the Flank-Hole to really care.
“Oh, really!? Well then, let’s go over her achievements and REAL challenges that she had faced and overcome, shall we? She fought Nightmare Moon, found and figured out how to unlock the potential of the Element’s of Harmony in ONE NIGHT, AND saved Princess Luna! She overcame Discord’s mind magic after he had turned her and her friends into opposites of themselves and then turned him back TO STONE! She unveiled the Changeling Queen and reunited her brother and Princess Cadence so they could expel the Changelings from Canterlot!”
With every achievement he listed, Flash felt his anger continue to grow as Star Swirl the Mean just continued to glare at him, not looking even a little impressed.
“She found the Crystal Heart, allowing Spike to return it and BANISH King Sombra from the Crystal Empire, all without ever even trying to take credit for her role in helping save it! She SAVED the Tree of Harmony AND Princess Celestia AND Princess Luna all while being willing to GIVE UP the Elements of Harmony, the very things that made her and her friends HEROES in the FIRST PLACE! She solved the mystery of a stupid lock box given to her by the Tree of Harmony itself and earned this BUCKING CASTLE AS A REWARD! She helped an entire village regain their cutie marks, and then fought the village’s leader across TIME and ended up reforming her and turning her into a hero that helped reform almost the entire Changeling race!
“Oh, and before I forget, she SOLVED a spell EVEN YOU COULDN’T FINISH because YOU didn’t understand friendship LIKE SHE DOES, allowing her to ASCEND and BECOME A FREAKING PRINCESS! If all of that DOESN’T make her a HERO AND one of the MOST AMAZING MARES IN ALL OF EQUESTRIA, YOU’RE JUST INSANE!”
“You must admit that IS an impressive streak,” Somnambula agreed. Star Swirl didn’t even look at her.
“And yet she still lacked the sense to not stick her nose where it didn’t belong! My spell was hidden for a REASON!”
“You mean in a BARREL OF BOOKS that ANYPONY COULD HAVE BOUGHT FOR A FEW BITS!? Gee, what a GREAT HIDING PLACE! Where are all your OTHER lost spells? In the fiction section of Canterlot library? Or maybe UNDER YOUR BED!?”
“I didn’t put my book in that barrel! And regardless of how it ended up there it should have been OBVIOUS that my spell WASN’T MEANT TO BE RECREATED! Twilight never bothered to think of the consequences of her actions or what might happen if her back-up spell FAILED! So SHE is responsible for the evil that has been unleashed! Regardless of superficial title or…”
Flash would have continued the argument, and would have likely built up more anger as Star Swirl continued his OH SO WRONG rant, but then he saw something out of the corner of his eye. Something that made his anger finally break some unseen barrier and grow to the point beyond his control.
Twilight was crying.
WHAM!
Flash didn’t even remember what happened. All he knew was that suddenly his hoof was extended, Star Swirl was flat on his back, and EVERYTHING was RED. Did he smell smoke? Or was it ozone left over from lightning like when—
I don’t care.
It doesn’t matter.
Star Swirl made Twilight cry.
Flash stomped his way over to the still-dizzy-looking Star Swirl, taking some twisted satisfaction upon seeing the bruise already forming on his face.
“You listen to me,” Flash literally growled, thrusting a hoof right into Star Swirls face, a small spark of lightning flying off it and zapping his nose. “I don’t give a BUCK about your reputation, your accomplishments, or whatever else you think puts you above the rest of us. In here, you’re just another pony, and given how you’re acting like seventy percent of the nobles in Canterlot, your opinion shouldn’t mean squat. But since it DOES, I am only going to say this ONCE!
“Twilight is NOT a FAILURE! She has accomplished more already than most ponies could ever hope to accomplish in their ENTIRE LIVES! She is loved across ALL of Equestria AND beyond! She might not be perfect, but NO. ONE. IS.” Flash growled, jabbing a sparking hoof into Star Swirls chest with each word.
“Not her. Not the Pillars. Not the Tree of Harmony. And most CERTAINLY not you, Mister ‘I’m-going-to-create-a-spell-that-could-easily-swap-ponies’-cutie-marks-and-ruin-their-lives-but-not-leave-any-instructions-on-how-to-undo-the-damage.’ You didn’t finish the cutiemark spell, your ‘solution’ to the Pony of Shadows had no back-up plan, UNLIKE TWILIGHT’S, and now you can’t even be humble enough to ask for help from the only ponies that have saved Equestria FIVE TIMES!
“If you weren’t someone whose opinion actually matters to Twilight, I would have no issue just chucking your sorry flank out the nearest door, never to be allowed back into HER castle. But since she DOES care about it, you are going to apologize like you mean it, shut up, and let her BUCKING HELP YOU!
AND IF YOU SO MUCHAS LOOK AT HER THE WRONG WAY AGAIN, I’M GO—
SPLOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!
The world became very, very blue as a mass of cold water erupted from directly above both Flash and Star Swirl.
Then as soon as it started, it stopped.
Flash blinked.
Then blinked again. Then looked up.
There was a storm cloud directly above the two of them. Or it was, but it had become a nice fluffy white cloud now that the rain had been released. And peering down over the edge was none other than Rainbow Dash and Flash Magnus.
“…I think I needed that,” Flash Sentry admitted, sitting down heavily and shaking his head to try and get his brain back in gear. Why did his body feel like it was made of lead?
“I’ll say,” Magnus agreed. “I didn’t even know pegesi COULD rage shift! It was pretty awesome, and I think Star Swirl needed to hear that, but maybe choose a less extreme method to get your point across next time, ok?”
Huh…?
“Rage…Shift?” Flash muttered, blinking slowly. His mind felt like Discord had filled his head with maple syrup.
“It was CRAZY!!!” Rainbow cried. “Your WINGS were sparking with so much electricity we were afraid they might catch on fire! And your mane actually DID CATCH FIRE, at least a little bit!”
It did? Wouldn't he have…no.
No, he wouldn’t have noticed. Too enveloped in rage. Waayyyyyyyyyy too enveloped.
Wait, why were the two of them moving out of view?
And why was the floor getting clos—
THUMP!
Three days later…
So it turns out, pegesi CAN rage shift.
Only rather than catching on fire like alicorns or unicorns, pegesi instead call upon their natural weather magic to summon a BUTT TON of lightning. And it WAS a BUTT TON, given that at least eighty-seven percent of Flash’s feathers were at least slightly burned after his little…episode.
Not that he REMEMBERED that, as he had immediately proceeded to pass out spectacularly and had to be rushed to the hospital. He only knew that percentage because it was what the doctor had told him upon waking up with his wings wrapped in bandages.
It turns out that while pegesi CAN rage shift, it is HIGHLY ADVISED for them NOT to. Pegesi bodies weren’t used to using their magic in such high concentrations OR in such an aggressive manner, to the point that Flash had nearly entered magic-induced shock. Good thing he had four very powerful wizards there in the castle to immediately help his body correct the damage he had done to it as he was moved to the hospital.
Even if one of them now had a black eye.
But hey, Flash’s rant had apparently worked!
Star Swirl had apologized, took Twilight’s and Starlight’s advice, and together using Twilight’s spell they had managed to free Star Swirl’s old student Stygian from within the Pony of Shadows while still managing to banish the corrupting influence back into Limbo! All without even losing the Elements of Harmony!
YAY FOR FRIENDSHIP!
Too bad Flash was still UNCONSCIOUS at the time. He had wanted to punch the shadow-corrupting-evil-thing in the face again…
Oh well. Next time.
At least he was recovered enough to travel to Canterlot Castle with the group so they could tell Celestia and Luna the good news. And the fact that Star Swirl and the others had been rescued, because apparently everypony had forgotten to do that in the few days he had been passed out.
It also turned out that Pinkie’s leg twitch from early in the argument was her Pinkie Sense saying that he was about to rage shift. Which, while oddly specific, even for Pinkie, made Flash feel a bit special that he was apparently unique enough to be picked up by Pinkie’s Pinkie Sense.
Pinkie had also apologized for not being able to interpret the twitch in time to calm things down, but given how this was the first time she had ever had that particular twitch, Flash told her it wasn’t her fault. Because it really wasn’t.
Focus on the conversation, genius. Star Swirl is praising Twilight now.
“But if it is wisdom you seek, look no further than your own pupil. She showed me that the power of friendship is a magical force indeed. And that in turning away from others, you hurt yourself as well,” Star Swirl said, smiling up at Princess Celestia and Princess Luna and earning an incredibly happy and slightly teary-eyes smile from Twilight.
Being praised by your idol can do that to you, and this was the only instance where Twilight crying wasn’t such a bad thing.
“By the way, Star Swirl,” Luna asked. “How did you get that black eye? I don’t seem to recall you mentioning getting hurt during the battle to free Stygian.”
Oh boy…
Despite being recovered, Flash was still a bit weak and as such was currently leaning on his marefriend for support, so he could immediately feel her body tense up when Luna asked her question.
Star Swirl shook his head and chuckled. “It was my own fault, I’m afraid. With the Pony of Shadows freed from Limbo, I became too focused on trying to solve the problem that I was unable to see the help and the lesson young Twilight was trying to offer me. Thankfully, her ever-loyal bodyguard was able to get the message through to me, even if his methods were…a bit drastic.”
“I did apologize afterwards,” Flash said, chuckling nervously. “Once I woke up, at least. I’m just glad I didn’t do more than punch him while rage shifting.”
“Pegesi can rage shift!?” Celestia gasped in shock. Then she blinked. “Wait, YOU rage shifted!? At STAR SWIRL!? And you PUNCHED HIM!? Why!? Why did no pony tell us?”
“They got distracted by evil shadow monsters and me being in the hospital,” Flash said with a casual shrug. “As for why, I…ok, I’ll admit I over reacted. I thought Star Swirl was being too hard on Twilight for letting the Pony of Shadows out of Limbo, and we got in an argument that probably didn’t need to happen. It escalated, we both screamed things that were likely a bit out of line, and all the stress made Twilight cry.
“When I saw that, I kind of…lost my cool. Spectacularly.”
“And I am eternally sorry for letting my anger hurt her in such a way,” Star Swirl agreed. “I should not have been so focused on her mistake, especially given how long myself and the other Pillars had been gone. And given what I said about Twilight during our argument, your reaction was justified. So I forgive you.”
“And I forgive you,” Twilight said, nodding to Star Swirl. “Though YOU, Flash, are still in trouble.”
“WHAT!? But I apologized!” Flash cried in shock, nearly losing his balance only to be stabilized by Twilight’s hoof.
Oh buck, what did I do now!?
“You’re not in trouble for THAT…anymore. You’re in trouble for scaring me half to DEATH! Do you know how terrified I was when I had to teleport you to the Ponyville Emergency Room!?”
“B-But it was an accident!” Flash cried.
“And it’s also the SECOND TIME I’ve had to carry your unconscious body into the ER! First you had a concussion due to a kidnapping, and this time you nearly sent yourself into SHOCK!”
“But neither of those were my fault!”
He knew there was no way in Tartarus that he was going to win this fight, but maybe he could mitigate his unavoidable punishment?
“This one was COMPLETELY PREVENTABLE! You could have just pulled Star Swirl aside and talked to him normally! And without PUNCHING HIM!”
“Butbutbutbut…”
She was right.
As always.
He was so dead and he knew it.
“Ahh, young love,” Somnambula giggled. “Truly there is nothing like it.”
“I’d personally rather face down the dragons again rather than my angry marefriend,” Flash Magnus joked, earning a laugh from the rest of the ponies present as Twilight continued to scold Flash for being such a reckless idiot.
But given how she was still helping him stand, Flash knew she was just scared about him getting hurt again. If it was to protect her, even from her own hero criticizing her, Flash would gladly take his lumps.
Or in this case, his unconsciousness, near shock, concussions, and an angry marefriend yelling at him.
And at least he didn’t need to worry about not punching Star Swirl anymore…
Author's Note
Dang it Flash. You had ONE. JOB.
Also, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! Because what could POSSIBLY be more romantic than Flash punching Star Swirl the bearded in the face? The answer is simultaneously 'Nothing!' and 'Literally everything else I have ever written on this site!' and I love it. So much...
In other news, I hope you got to spend today with your own special some-pony, and I hope you take advantage of 'Discount Chocolate Day' tomorrow! Let me know how this short silly story did and leave a comment if you so desire.
BYE BYE 
